Strengthening Peer Relationships, with Raj Bawa

Summary

Coaching for Leaders: Episode Summary
Episode Title: Strengthening Peer Relationships, with Raj Bawa
Host: Dave Stachowiak
Guest: Raj Bawa, VP of Data at The Knot
Release Date: February 28, 2025

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Introduction

In this insightful episode of Coaching for Leaders, host Dave Stachowiak welcomes Raj Bawa, Vice President of Data at The Knot and an alumnus of the Coaching for Leaders Academy. The conversation delves into Raj's professional journey, the challenges he faced at a critical career juncture, and how the Academy facilitated his growth into a more effective leader. This summary captures the essence of their discussion, highlighting key topics, strategies, and transformative insights.

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Raj's Background and Role

Raj Bawa opens up about his extensive experience in data science and machine learning, spanning nearly a decade across various industries including healthcare, e-commerce, retail, and currently, wedding planning.

Raj Bawa [00:57]: "I currently lead the data teams for one of the business areas in my company. My background is in data science and machine learning, and I've been doing this for close to 10 years."

At The Knot, Raj spearheads data, ML, and AI initiatives that align with the company's top priorities, such as enhancing existing products and supporting new product launches.

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Career Inflection Point and Challenges

Raj recounts a pivotal moment in his career when transitioning into an executive role illuminated gaps in his leadership skills, particularly in the realm of soft skills essential for managing and influencing stakeholders.

Raj Bawa [02:21]: "I found myself struggling with some of the softer skills. I was working with a brand new set of stakeholders and peers and was having a hard time influencing those stakeholders on some of the initiatives."

This realization prompted Raj to seek structured leadership development to bridge these gaps and enhance his effectiveness as a leader.

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Discovering Coaching for Leaders Academy

Upon recognizing his need for growth in soft skills, Raj discovered the Coaching for Leaders Academy through Dave's podcast. The timing was ideal as he was stepping into a new role at The Knot, providing a fresh opportunity to implement the skills he aimed to develop.

Raj Bawa [02:39]: "I was of course listening to your podcast and I heard about Academy applications being open and that was a signal for me to join the Academy and work on those skills."

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Focus Areas in Leadership Development

During his initial assessments in the Academy, Raj identified three primary focus areas:

1. Building Relationships with Cross-Functional Stakeholders
2. Improving Influence with Peers and Decision Makers
3. Enhancing Communication Skills

Raj Bawa [05:17]: "The main ones were building relationships with my cross-functional stakeholders, getting better at influencing my peers and decision-makers, and improving my communication skills."

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Strategies for Building Relationships

Raj emphasizes the importance of intentional relationship-building, especially in a new executive role. He adopted specific strategies to foster stronger connections:

• Breaking the Silence in Meetings: Consciously initiating conversations by asking about colleagues’ days or complimenting their work.

  Raj Bawa [06:16]: "I would consciously look at my schedule and find at least one meeting where I would initiate or start the conversation."

• Shifting from Convincing to Inspiring: Changing his mindset to inspire stakeholders rather than feeling pressured to convince them.

  Raj Bawa [07:20]: "Inspiring has a much more positive connotation and less pressure compared to convincing."

These small, consistent actions were pivotal in transforming his interactions and building trust within his network.

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Mindset Shifts and Their Impact

A significant turning point for Raj was altering his internal narrative from needing to convince stakeholders to inspiring them. This shift alleviated the stress associated with persuasion and fostered a more collaborative environment.

Raj Bawa [07:20]: "Instead of thinking I have to convince someone, I think of it as inspiring them."

This mindset change allowed Raj to clearly articulate his vision and engage stakeholders more effectively, facilitating smoother collaboration and alignment on initiatives.

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Results and Outcomes

Over approximately ten months, Raj observed tangible positive outcomes from his focused efforts:

1. Enhanced Networking and Trust: Building a more transparent and supportive network where colleagues feel comfortable sharing successes and challenges.

   Raj Bawa [11:44]: "I've been able to build my network at the workplace and feel more comfortable sharing and discussing things."

2. Increased Collaboration: A rise in collaborative projects and initiatives, with peers seeking his expertise and support.

   Raj Bawa [12:30]: "People are coming and asking for more help with projects and different initiatives."

These developments not only strengthened peer relationships but also positioned Raj as a trusted leader within the organization.

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Reflections and Learnings

Raj reflects on his journey, highlighting the critical role of soft skills in leadership and the effectiveness of the Academy's approach emphasizing small, consistent actions.

Raj Bawa [15:23]: "I've become a big believer in manifesting the vision. Consistency in small actions is key to shifting mindset and making progress."

He underscores that developing people skills is as crucial as technical expertise, if not more so, especially at executive levels where leadership dynamics play a significant role in organizational success.

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Conclusion and Call to Action

Dave commends Raj for his dedication and the transformative progress he has made through the Academy. Echoing insights from thought leaders like Marshall Goldsmith, Dave reiterates that advanced leadership challenges are often behavioral rather than technical.

Dave Stachowiak [16:11]: "The higher up you go, the more your problems are behavioral."

He invites listeners who are facing similar inflection points in their careers to consider applying to the Coaching for Leaders Academy, highlighting the upcoming application window.

Dave Stachowiak [16:36]: "If you're also at an inflection point, the Coaching for Leaders Academy may be helpful for you. Applications open on Friday, March 7th."

Raj's story serves as an inspiring testament to the power of intentional leadership development and the profound impact of cultivating strong peer relationships.

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Key Takeaways

• Identify and Address Leadership Gaps: Recognizing areas for improvement is the first step towards becoming a more effective leader.
• Intentional Relationship-Building: Proactively fostering connections can enhance trust and collaboration within teams.
• Mindset Shifts: Changing how you perceive interactions (e.g., inspiring vs. convincing) can reduce pressure and improve outcomes.
• Consistency in Small Actions: Regular, intentional efforts lead to meaningful and lasting behavioral changes.
• The Value of Soft Skills: Equally important as technical expertise, especially in executive roles.

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For those seeking to enhance their leadership capabilities and build stronger peer relationships, Coaching for Leaders offers invaluable resources and structured programs to support your journey. Visit CoachingforLeaders.com to learn more about the Academy and apply when applications reopen on March 7th.

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Remember, as Raj and Dave exemplify, leaders aren’t born—they’re made through dedication, intentional growth, and the cultivation of meaningful relationships.

Transcript

[Dave Stahoviak]

Hi, Dave Stahoviak here, host of the Coaching for Leaders podcast. I'm bringing a few extra conversations your way here over the next few weeks. This one today with one of our Academy alums, Raj Bawa. Raj hit an inflection point in his career not that long ago and as a result he applied for the Coaching for Leaders Academy. I sat down with him recently to ask about his story. Here's our chat. I'm speaking today with Raj Bawa. Raj is VP of Data at the Knot. He is also an alum of our Academy. Raj, so good to talk to you today. Thanks for your time.

[Raj Bawa]

Likewise. Dave, thank you so much for having me on the podcast.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Oh, it's an honor. Let's start with a little bit more about you and your background. I mentioned you work at the Knot and of course you're at the executive level. Tell us a little bit about you, you and your role.

[Raj Bawa]

Yeah, so I currently lead the data teams for one of the business area in my company. My background is in data science and machine learning and I've been doing this for close to 10 years. But my day to day includes like leading various data ML AI initiatives for the company that help us deliver some of the top priorities that the company has. This includes like improving, let's say like some of our existing products or processes or trying to support a new product launch, for example. I worked in healthcare, e commerce and retail space before and I guess now in a wedding planning space as people.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Know who are part of that and those even who don't, who have peers involved, how essential the work you and your team does is for so many organizations these days, thinking about data, how to utilize it well, how to help the organization to move forward with that information and which is a good lead into like how you and I first got connected. How did, how did you stumble across the podcast originally? Do you recall?

[Raj Bawa]

Yeah, that's a great question. So ever since I like transitioned to being a people manager and grew in seniority in my roles, I started thinking about these leadership themes on how to become an effective leader and how do I effectively support my direct reports. And that sort of like led me to start digging into more leadership stuff and mixing it up with some of the technical topics I was looking at. And that's when I came across your podcast and thankfully so. And I've been listening to the podcast ever since.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Well, thanks for putting your trust in me to do so. And you decided at some point in hearing about the Academy to apply for it. What motivated you to apply and what did you hope to get from the Academy?

[Raj Bawa]

So let me give a little bit more context there. In my previous role, I was leading a large data org and had grown through the ranks quite fast there. And I took pride in being technically strong and I guess that was the reason why I grew so fast through the ranks. But I found myself struggling on some of the softer skills. I had recently accepted a new role within my previous company, so I was working with this brand new set of stakeholders and peers and I was having hard time influencing those stakeholders on some of the initiatives that we needed to pursue for me to actually drive the change that I was brought in for. And I tried to do that through different ways, but I wasn't able to move fast enough, at least not the way I wanted wanted to, and had to seek some help from the exact team to actually drive some of the outcomes. And that just highlighted like, some of the gaps that I had never thought about in the past. And I thought about like coaching and getting some leadership coaching help. And I was of course listening to your podcast and I heard about Academy applications being open and that was a signal for me, like, okay, I know my opportunity areas, I know this is the right time, so let's just jump into it and join the Academy and work on those skills.

[Dave Stahoviak]

I remember when you and I first talked, it was just about a year ago, and it really was an inflection point for you of having taken on this new executive role now at the knot and to step into this and also thinking about that experience in the last role, of that being a bit of a catalyst of like, okay, here's an inflection point. I'm working in a new organization, a new team. It's an opportunity to do a little bit of a reset. Right?

[Raj Bawa]

Yeah, that was like a perfect, unique setting. Like, I knew there were some gaps that I had identified in my previous role. I was about to start this new role. I knew I needed to work on those skills and had to use those skills to be more effective. So, yeah, couldn't be the better timing to join the Academy.

[Dave Stahoviak]

When we begin our academy work, we spend a whole bunch of time at the start of really doing a lot of assessment. It's thinking time, it's dialogue with the rest of the cohort. It's a little bit of writing and getting things down on paper. It's a little bit of assessment work that we do. It's bringing a whole bunch of things together. And our aim is to surface a vision. Two to three years. Where do we Want to head each one of us in our leadership skills and to zero in ultimately on three focus areas. As you went through that process, Raj, what did you decide to zero in on and that be most helpful for you?

[Raj Bawa]

Yeah, the few focus areas that I thought about, I think they're related to the example I just gave. Right. Like the main ones that I thought were the high highest priority for me to work on were building relationship with my cross functional stakeholders and get better at that and then get better at also influencing my peers and decision makers in driving the outcome. Those were the two main ones. And then we added the third one which was improving my communication skills as well. So that like sometimes when you are working on technical areas and trying to explain it to the non technical folks or to the exact team was having a little bit of a hard time. So how can I get better at explaining those things to my cross functional partners and the leadership team?

[Dave Stahoviak]

We're really big in the academy, as you know, on one thing at a time, right? Like not trying to boil the ocean, just like, let's take one thing, one of the focus areas. What did you decide to start on and then what did you do?

[Raj Bawa]

Yeah, I think the primary focus area that I started with was building relationship and getting better at building relationship with my peers and my stakeholders. And in the past I never really had at least consciously invested time in thinking about building relationships. And it was something that would happen organically as I would walk through delivering different projects and that would build enough trust and repo among different colleagues, as you are, like partnering with them on different things. But in this case, as I was like starting the new role, I think the few things that I identified during the academy were like one, being very conscious in terms of breaking the silence in the meeting. So I would consciously look at my schedule and find at least one meeting where I would initiate or start the conversation and ask them about the day, compliment them about one presentation that they had given earlier in the week or something of that order. And I think as a natural introvert or as I call myself a Zambie word, I, I think a roadblocker for me is just that initial breaking the silence. So trying to work effectively on breaking that silence. And I think few other areas that I think came across during the academy also were how I was thinking about this problem of inspiring the stakeholders and building the relationship with the stakeholders was with the mindset of like, oh, I have to convince them on something and that convincing aspect of it that can add a lot of pressure, like convincing In a term itself has a lot of perceived pressure attached to it. Right. And I was always thinking of like, oh, I need to convince someone to get their buy in and think that thinking that way was adding a lot more stress. So the, the first thing I think that you suggested during the Academy and some of the other members also suggested during the Academy was just changing that mindset, rather than thinking of it in terms of convincing, think of it from like, inspiring in terms of inspiring. And inspiration, of course, has much more positive connotation attached to it and has less pressure as compared to convincing. And that just triggered a mindset change in me. And what that led to was like, I just needed to be clear in terms of what I needed to do, what was the vision I wanted to go towards, and then just start early and work on inspiring the decision makers, the peers, the stakeholders to drive the change that I want to pursue.

[Dave Stahoviak]

When you started to make that shift, Raj, on your mindset, how did that change the kinds of things you said and what you did?

[Raj Bawa]

I think it wasn't a huge change in terms of what I did, but I think it was more sort of like how I was manifesting it in my head. And that mindset shift that happened as a result of that, I just needed to start early. I just needed to be clear on what is the vision and then make sure that I'm bringing stakeholders or my peers along the way to help them understand the importance of that and help them inspire on the goals for that initiative, for example. And as long as I was doing that, I think I was doing enough to be able to bring them along the way and get that buy in. And sometimes you get buy in and sometimes you don't, and that's totally fine because there are multiple ways to go about it. And if it's not my way, it will be someone else's way, but at least we'll be able to actually get there and be aligned on that path.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Nice. Just a bit of, like shifting that mindset. It makes it a bit easier just to start. I mean, it kind of gets to what you said a bit ago of, like, sometimes the hardest thing is just the start. Like, start the interaction, start the conversation. Over time, that's going to lead to something you need to influence on. If you, if you have a place to begin with it, it's oftentimes it just goes much better.

[Raj Bawa]

Yeah, exactly. I, I just never. It's such a simple thing, but I just never thought it in those times. And I think being in academy and you pointing it out and Shandy pointing it out. It was just like a aha moment for me. Like, okay, I. I don't have to be anxious and be stressed about driving or getting this buy in. We are all in the same journey in the company to drive certain outcome. And I just need to inspire them. And if they get inspired, great. If they don't get inspired, there are a million other ways to actually go about it.

[Dave Stahoviak]

It's so interesting to me how many of the things that really help us to shift our behaviors. All of us, we certainly saw this with our cohort. Raj is like, it comes down to things that are really pretty simple. They're not necessarily easy, but it's a small action once a day, like we do five minutes or is kind of our mantra in the academy. Let's do something once a day, five minutes or less. That just gets you started, maybe starting that conversation, having that interaction, asking that question. And the key is the consistency though, and you doing it consistently. Like all of a sudden it does start to shift the dynamic.

[Raj Bawa]

Yeah, exactly. It just changes your mindset. You start manifesting it in your head and you start becoming a different person that you want to become, right? Like, yeah, absolutely.

[Dave Stahoviak]

As you did that especially over time and did that more consistently, what did you find happen? And I'm curious with the just starting asking, as you mentioned, early, like some of those first questions of just in conversation, starting to intentionally build relationships and just asking people a little bit more of the human side of the questions. What happened?

[Raj Bawa]

Yeah, I've been in this role for close to 10 months at this point, so it hasn't been a lot of time. Of course, anything related to soft skills, it takes a time to see the impact. But there have been a few early signals where I do believe that the effort that I've been putting in in terms of improving my opportunity areas is leading to positive outcomes. And that has been just being able to build my network at the, at my workplace and where I just feel more comfortable sharing and discussing things, whether they are work related, whether they're non work related, and just having built that trust where the colleagues can be more transparent with me and can openly discuss the challenges or the success they have been having, whether it's related to my team and my direct reports or related to something that they have been encountering and they need some help with, for example, or they just need to vent, for example. I think that enough is like a good signal and that has started to happen. And then I guess the second thing is like increase in Number of collaborative products, like, started to see people coming and asking for more help with the projects, with. With different initiatives. And that's exactly what you want out of this. Where you have built that relationship, you have built that trust, you have built that network. And now it's not just that I can now leverage that network to convince them and inspire them on things, but they can leverage me for the stuff that they need help with.

[Dave Stahoviak]

One of the things that we often miss, especially as our careers go on, especially when folks get to the executive level, as you have, Raj, is oftentimes we think a lot about the relationship with the person above us, you know, the CEO, president, whoever. Right. Executive. And we think a lot about the relationships with the people we supervise, you know, frontline leaders, individual contributors, where a lot of times people don't spend as much time and thought. Thinking is the peer relationships. And I think, like, how insightful that you noticed that from your last position and focused your time and energy there. Because so much of success, especially at the executive level, is about having great relationships with peers and now opening the doors to inspiring more of that collaboration. And yes, you have the privilege to inspire, but the cool thing is, like, people now are starting to do that a little more with you and reaching out and engaging you in some of that. Like, that's huge for the whole team.

[Raj Bawa]

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I think soft skills, I mean, they're called soft skills, but they're hard skills, actually, to learn. So. And they are equally important, if not more than the technical skills. And that was like a reckoning that I had in some scenarios that I went through in my previous role. And I'm glad that I identified them and decided to join the academy to work on those, because, I mean, I knew I needed some help, I needed some direction. I couldn't just wing it. And yeah, thankfully I was able to.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Well, and it's so much easier doing with other people who are working on similar things too. Right. Like learning anything. All of us could do it alone. And we've all done things in our lives where we've, you know, individually decided to learn something and worked on it and pushed ourselves forward on it. It's just so much easier and faster to do it with others who are doing something similar and pulling you, pulling for you, and at the same time giving feedback and encouragement along the way. And so I'm sure glad we got to work with. As you. As you think about this experience over the last year and going through the Academy, I'm curious, what have you changed your mind? On.

[Raj Bawa]

Yeah, I've become a. I think you mentioned it as well. Like, I've become a big believer in manifesting the vision. I'm still far away from where I want to be with these opportunity areas that we were just discussing. But if you are clear on the vision and manifest it and you start, then you start seeing that shift in mindset and it's that consistency that's in those small actions that you have identified and you continue to work on those actions. And you know, the vision that you are clear about and you are manifesting it is the key to solving a lot of these roadblocks. Because a lot of the times it's just the mind shift and then a little bit of an effort that you have to put in to make sure that you are making progress towards those. And that's the one big thing that I've learned and my time at the Academy.

[Dave Stahoviak]

Raj, I so appreciate the privilege to support you. Thanks for putting your trust in me and Sandy and all of our colleagues in the Academy. And thanks for inspiring us as we went to. It's been so much fun.

[Raj Bawa]

The pleasure has been mine. I can't believe that I was able to be part of the Academy and it was my first time applying to the Academy. So thank you so much for all the help, all the guidance so far.

[Dave Stahoviak]

My pleasure. When I think about Raj's story, I can't help but hear the words of Marshall Goldsmith. When he was last on the show, Marshall reminded us that the higher up you go, the more your problems are behavioral. Almost all of us run into what Raj did. At some point, our roles become less about our technical expertise and more about our people expertise. Here's the good news. The people skills are absolutely learnable, just like the skills we all learned earlier in our careers. And just like those skills, intention, structure and consistency are key in order for us to lead better. If you're also at an inflection point, the coaching for Leaders Academy may be helpful for you. We're just about a week away from opening applications again on Friday, March 7th. In the meantime, if you'd like to get a few more details or to get an invitation once applications open, just go over to coaching4leaders.com academy. You will find a lot more there. And remember, leaders aren't born, they're made.