Coaching Real Leaders – "How Can I Move Forward When My Company Won’t Promote Me?"

Host: Muriel Wilkins (Harvard Business Review)

Date: March 30, 2026

Guest: "Erica" (pseudonym), senior healthcare leader

Episode Overview

In this episode, Muriel Wilkins coaches “Erica,” a seasoned healthcare leader who has spent almost her entire career at one organization, steadily moving up the ranks. Despite her experience, drive, and loyalty, she’s repeatedly been passed over for C-suite promotions—most recently not even allowed to interview for an open role. Facing the reality that her organization is strategically hiring outsiders for executive positions, Erica grapples with the dilemma: should she stay in her comfort zone and settle, or leave in pursuit of her professional dreams—despite the personal and emotional trade-offs? Through this real-life coaching session, Muriel helps Erica clarify her goals, interrogate her ambivalence, and reframe her approach to decision-making and discomfort.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Erica’s Career Journey and Hitting a Ceiling

• Background: Decades-long tenure in healthcare, mostly with one organization, with steady, “logical” progression up the ranks.
• Recent Barriers:
  • Last five years: Passed over for several promotions, sometimes less experienced candidates chosen.
  • Recent clarity: Feedback after a missed C-suite opportunity made it clear that “it’s not you, it’s an organizational decision”—the company wants to hire externally.
• Erica’s Reflection:
  • “I have that drive to move forward. I know I'm in a position in my current organization where that's not going to happen... So now it’s like, now what do I do?” (05:41)

2. Weighing Loyalty, Comfort, and Personal Needs

• Mixed Emotions:
  • Loyalty after years with the organization, but unsure why when the company hasn’t reciprocated.
  • Fear of change and leaving her comfort zone.
  • Personal and family concerns related to potential relocation or long commutes.
• Powerful Moment:
  • Erica: “I find myself caught in that trap of, if only it could happen here... But I still have that internal drive... It’s the aspiration to do that kind of work.” (09:02)
• Happiness vs Tradition: Erica recognizes she’d even considered stepping down to keep her comfort intact, but that wouldn’t fulfill her.

3. Ambivalence and Decision Paralysis

• Facing Tough Choices:
  • “I think the biggest thing is the thought about having to relocate... But I still find myself stuck in not making a decision.” (11:14)
• Excitement Returns:
  • Erica is re-energized by a new interview for a C-suite role—even before knowing if she’ll get it.
    • “That's the most excited I've been in years.” (11:41)
• Naming the State:
  • Muriel: “You’re kind of in a state of ambivalence…” (12:12)

4. Identifying Decisions and What’s Underneath

• Two Core Decisions:
  • 1. Whether to stay or go.
  • 2. If she leaves, how to manage the realities (distance, living arrangements).
  • “Almost sounds like I’ve made the decision to go. I'm struggling with where do I go and how do I manage that.” (14:06)
• Muriel’s Challenge:
  • “And who says it needs to feel comfortable?” (14:28)
  • Erica: “I tell myself that... Growth is not comfortable... I don’t think there’s a way to get there comfortably.” (14:36)

5. Discomfort, Guilt, and the Story We Tell Ourselves

• Seeking Comfort: Erica describes running endless scenarios for maximum comfort but still hesitates.
  • “I think I struggle with feeling guilty for making the choice to put myself first, even though I have support... For the first time, I’d be doing something... selfish in my eyes.” (24:39)
• Reframe of Selfishness:
  • Muriel: “What would you need to be thinking about yourself... to allow you to look at this decision... without the sense of guilt?” (26:07)
  • Erica: “Pragmatically, it's a means to an end... If I don't get this job... I remain where I am... extremely unhappy and not fulfilled currently.” (26:19)

6. Choosing Happiness as an Operating Principle

• Key Pivot:
  • Erica: “I want to be happy. I want to manage the implications, to be as happy as I can... I know one thing’s for sure: I’m not happy. And I don’t want to not be happy. Regardless of guilt, selfishness, whatever, I know for sure that’s what I want.” (28:43)
• Insightful Summing-Up:
  • Muriel: “My happiness supersedes my feelings of guilt. Amazing, right?” (29:06)
  • Erica: “That already feels lighter... I like the one step at a time.” (29:58)

7. Focusing on What’s in Your Control

• Letting Go of Certainty: Accepting that timing and outcomes are not within her control.
  • Muriel: “When the opportunity will arise, ultimately, whether you will get selected... all out of your control. So in spite of that, what is still in your control?” (31:29)
  • Erica: “How I show up every day... How I manage the feeling of happiness... How do I look for happiness at work in a situation where I’m not happy?” (31:46)
• Finding Interim Fulfillment: Seeking happiness outside of work if necessary, and creating clear timelines for how long she’ll give herself to land a new role.

8. Taming the Domino Effect & Adapting Decision-Making

• Over-planning and Its Pitfalls:
  • Muriel: “What is potentially not so helpful in your situation is kind of when I knock this domino down, then what’s going to happen to the next domino... in perpetuity.” (39:15)
• Adapting to a New Type of Uncertainty:
  • Erica: “That is how you were trained so that you could save human lives. But what you’re working with right now... is an exercise of finding your next role.” (40:03)
  • Muriel: “It’s a different type of training... Expanding from the default, as you said, is where growth happens.” (40:25)
• Choice as Ongoing, Not Permanent:
  • Erica: “It is just a choice, not a domino of choices. And it is one choice at a time... You make the choice that makes you happy, whatever that is.” (42:16)

9. Creating Comfort Within Discomfort

• External Comforts: Staying close to family, having creature comforts in temporary living.
• Internal Comfort: Realigning her self-story to “It is okay to pursue what makes me happy; I can care for myself and others.” (44:10)
• Guardrails & Accountability:
  • Define non-negotiables (e.g., not being on call 24/7).
  • To stay accountable, recognize “circular stuck” patterns and return to the happiness principle.
  • Adopt a daily mantra: “This is your operating principle right now.” (49:39)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Organizational Reality:
  “It is truly an organizational strategic decision to hire from the outside. And it’s kind of leaving me with not a lot of hope… So I’ve been wrestling with next steps.” — Erica (05:18)
• On Growth and Discomfort:
  “Growth is not comfortable... I know this logically, being uncomfortable is the very definition of growth.” — Erica (14:36)
• Naming the Guilt:
  “I struggle with feeling guilty for making the choice to put myself first, even though I have support... For the first time ever, I would be doing something that was pretty selfish in my eyes of being just for me.” — Erica (24:39)
• On Choice:
  “It is just a choice, not a domino of choices. And it is one choice at a time. And... you make the choice that makes you happy, whatever that is.” — Erica (42:16)
• On New Narrative:
  “My happiness supersedes my feelings of guilt. Amazing, right?” — Muriel Wilkins (29:06)
• Practical Advice:
  “Maybe you start each day... with a mantra and put it on a post-it note... But something that says, this is your operating principle right now.” — Muriel Wilkins (49:39)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:06] – Erica’s passion for broad leadership and impact
• [05:05-06:30] – The reality of being passed over and feedback received
• [09:02-09:40] – Wrestling with comfort and the hope “if only it could happen here”
• [11:14-11:41] – Feeling stuck and new excitement about a C-suite interview
• [14:28-15:00] – Growth and discomfort; challenging the need for comfort
• [24:39-26:19] – Guilt around self-prioritization; logical vs. emotional decision-making
• [28:43-29:58] – Choosing happiness over guilt, feeling lighter with this reframe
• [31:29-32:16] – Focus on what’s in control; cultivating happiness amid uncertainty
• [39:15-40:25] – Danger of over-sequencing choices and pivoting to a new decision-making style
• [42:16-43:01] – Choice is ongoing, not a chained sequence
• [49:39] – Establishing an accountability practice with a daily mantra

Final Takeaways & Guidance

• Prioritize Your Guiding Principle: Identifying a central operating principle—“I choose happiness, even in discomfort”—unlocks agency and combats paralysis.
• Accept Uncertainty; Control What You Can: Let go of over-planning and focus on actionable steps and self-accountability.
• Embrace Discomfort as Growth: Recognize guilt and fear, but don’t let them be the narrators. Growth comes from acting outside your comfort zone.
• One Choice at a Time: Each decision is revisitable; choose for today, and you can pivot as conditions change.
• Practical Next Steps: Set parameters/guardrails, adopt daily reminders, and practice self-compassion as you grow through discomfort.

This episode delivers a powerful real-time exploration of career change, identity, and rising above fear and guilt, offering a roadmap for listeners facing similar crossroads.