Coaching Real Leaders: How Can I Set the Right Boundaries in a New Job?
Host: Muriel Wilkins
Guest: Sarah (Confidential)
Release Date: May 20, 2024
Introduction
In this episode of Coaching Real Leaders, hosted by Muriel Wilkins of the Harvard Business Review Podcast Network, longtime executive coach Muriel delves into the critical topic of setting boundaries in a new job to prevent burnout. Through a candid conversation with Sarah—a highly mission-driven professional who has faced burnout twice—listeners gain valuable insights into recognizing burnout triggers and implementing effective strategies to maintain a healthy work-life balance.
Guest Background: Sarah’s Journey
Sarah’s career has been marked by her unwavering commitment to helping others and leading teams to success. Early in her career, she thrived on supporting her direct reports and found immense satisfaction in fostering their professional growth. However, this dedication led to her first encounter with burnout:
Sarah [01:41]: "There were plenty of days where I would be gone for meetings hours before she was awake. I'd be home hours after she went to bed. That was a big moment, career-wise, of this kind of reckoning of your job can take over your life if you let it."
Determined to balance her passion for work with her personal life, Sarah transitioned to an individual contributor role in a new industry, only to experience burnout once again. As she prepares to embark on a new position, Sarah seeks guidance to establish boundaries that will help her thrive without succumbing to the same exhausting patterns.
Understanding Burnout
Muriel initiates the coaching session by exploring Sarah’s definition and indicators of burnout:
Sarah [04:44]: "My definition of burnout is when work comes first, above everything else. And that is not only my practice of the work, but that that is the expectation of the work."
Sarah identifies several key signs of burnout:
- An overwhelming workload with no clear end in sight.
- Persistent stress and anxiety about managing tasks.
- Observing colleagues also struggling under excessive demands.
These experiences highlight that burnout for Sarah is not just about overwork but also about an environment that leaves no room for personal life.
Root Causes of Burnout
The conversation reveals both organizational and personal factors contributing to Sarah’s burnout:
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Organizational Factors:
- Overlapping Leadership Demands: Multiple bosses assigning urgent tasks without clear scope or prioritization.
- Cultural Expectations: A work culture that implicitly demands total dedication, leaving little room for personal time.
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Personal Factors:
- Intrinsic Motivation: Sarah’s deep desire to achieve and help others often leads her to take on excessive responsibilities.
- Relational Commitments: Her strong connections with colleagues make her more prone to stepping into leadership roles beyond her capacity or willingness.
Sarah [10:06]: "I've stepped into a leadership role voluntarily. When the pandemic hit, I willingly took on a leadership role that was way beyond my capacity or abilities just for the sake of trying to be helpful."
Strategies to Set Boundaries
To combat burnout, Sarah and Muriel explore practical strategies aimed at setting and maintaining healthy boundaries:
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Establish Clear Boundaries:
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Fixed Work Hours: Sarah decides to designate specific times for work and personal life.
Sarah [40:12]: "There are certain days that I do drop off and pickup and that I take the time either in the morning or in the afternoon to be done with work and that I'm going to transition and be fully mom."
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No-Meeting Blocks: Allocating Monday mornings and Thursday afternoons for focused, non-meeting time.
Sarah [40:43]: "I would love to have no meetings on Monday mornings... and then I'm not available on Thursdays from 12 to 1 while I go do whatever it is that fills my cup up."
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Prioritize Tasks:
- Focusing on top priorities and saying no to less critical tasks to manage workload effectively.
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Effective Communication:
- Managing Expectations: Clearly communicating availability and workload capacity to prevent overcommitment.
- Advocating for Support: Encouraging open dialogue with leadership about workload and priorities.
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Reframe Mindset:
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Embrace Agency: Viewing work challenges as manageable and within her control rather than overwhelming.
Sarah [21:10]: "I think it would feel less like this is happening to me and more like I have some agency in the way I work."
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Accepting Imperfection: Understanding that the to-do list is never-ending and learning to be comfortable with ongoing tasks.
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Reframing Mindset: Embracing Agency and Acceptance
A significant breakthrough in the conversation is Sarah’s realization of the importance of agency and acceptance in her work life:
Muriel Wilkins [36:10]: "Boundaries are really there to protect yourself. They are your protective gear."
Sarah acknowledges that while organizational culture plays a role, her personal strategies are crucial in managing burnout:
Sarah [03:24]: "I have more work on my plate than anyone could ever possibly dig out from underneath... The stress and anxiety that comes with, oh, Lord, there's no way. There's just no way to ever dig out from under it."
By adopting a proactive approach to boundary-setting, Sarah aims to create the necessary space to maintain her well-being without sacrificing her professional satisfaction.
Action Plan and Implementation
Muriel guides Sarah in developing a tangible action plan to implement her newly identified boundaries:
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Pilot Boundary Practices:
- Non-Negotiables: Establishing non-negotiable times for personal activities, such as dropping off and picking up her child.
- Scheduled Personal Time: Allocating specific times during the week for personal rejuvenation and reflection.
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Prioritize Self-Compassion:
- Recognizing the need to protect her energy and emotional well-being by setting firm boundaries.
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Communicate Clearly:
- Informing colleagues and leadership about her availability and prioritization to align expectations.
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Stay Accountable:
- Continuously reflecting on her workload and making adjustments as necessary to prevent burnout.
Sarah [53:02]: "Ring the doorbell."
This simple mantra encapsulates her commitment to new boundary-setting practices, emphasizing respect for her personal space while maintaining positive professional relationships.
Conclusion: Empowerment Through Self-Awareness
As the coaching session concludes, Sarah reflects on her newfound clarity and empowerment:
Sarah [52:18]: "It's just that simple. There's no morality attached to it. There's no, like, winning over anybody's approval. It's not attached to my ability to be successful. I just had forgotten to say, ring the doorbell."
Muriel reinforces the importance of balancing awareness with actionable steps, encouraging Sarah to continue experimenting with her boundary-setting strategies to sustain her well-being.
Muriel Wilkins [39:52]: "It's about sorting out exactly what is causing a problem for you and what about that is truly in your control."
Key Takeaways
- Recognize Burnout Triggers: Understanding both organizational and personal factors that contribute to burnout.
- Set Clear Boundaries: Establishing non-negotiable personal time and communicating availability.
- Prioritize and Communicate: Focusing on top priorities and managing expectations with stakeholders.
- Embrace Agency and Acceptance: Taking control of one’s work approach and accepting that some tasks are ongoing.
- Self-Compassion: Protecting one’s emotional and mental well-being through deliberate boundary-setting.
Final Thoughts
This episode of Coaching Real Leaders offers a profound exploration of the delicate balance between professional dedication and personal well-being. By sharing Sarah’s journey and the actionable strategies discussed, listeners are empowered to proactively set boundaries in their careers, fostering sustainable success and preventing burnout.
For more insightful coaching conversations, subscribe to Coaching Real Leaders on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast platform. Join Muriel Wilkins' community at coachingrealeaderscommunity.com for live discussions and additional resources.