Episode Summary: "How Do I Deal with a Competitive Peer?"
Podcast Title: Coaching Real Leaders
Host: Muriel Wilkins, Harvard Business Review
Episode Title: How Do I Deal with a Competitive Peer?
Release Date: May 19, 2025
Introduction
In this compelling episode of Coaching Real Leaders, leadership coach Muriel Wilkins engages in an insightful coaching session with a guest pseudonymously named Elsie. Elsie, a director aiming for a vice president position, grapples with professional challenges stemming from tensions with a competitive peer. This episode delves deep into the dynamics of leadership, organizational culture, and personal growth, offering valuable lessons for leaders at all levels.
Background: Who is Elsie?
Elsie has been serving at the director level for several years, recently being identified as a high-potential leader poised for promotion to vice president—a role she hadn't actively sought out. Despite her dedication and effectiveness in her current position, Elsie faces obstacles that threaten her career progression.
Elsie [03:06]: "So far, I've been effective and I've gotten much feedback that what I'm doing is good. I don't know that I feel it quite yet, but that's kind of where we're at."
The Challenge: Dealing with a Competitive Peer
Elsie's primary concern revolves around her strained relationship with a colleague who was once her mentor. This peer, now her equal, employs a leadership style that clashes with Elsie's more proactive and strategic approach. The shift in their professional relationship has led to ongoing friction, hindering Elsie's aspirations for advancement.
Elsie [07:38]: "There's a boys club mentality in some of the upper leadership... this peer is also at a level where he could want to take that next step as well, into a role that I would want."
Leadership Styles and Organizational Culture
A significant portion of the discussion focuses on contrasting leadership styles and the broader organizational culture. Elsie identifies a predominantly male executive team that operates through informal channels, such as deals made outside the office, which excludes her and other female leaders from critical decision-making processes.
Elsie [09:35]: "The majority of executive leadership are all male... I don't hear any feedback and I'm never invited to the table, so to speak."
Muriel probes into how this "boys club" mentality affects Elsie's visibility and recognition within the company, emphasizing the gender dynamics at play.
Strategies for Rising Above
Muriel guides Elsie to shift her perspective from attempting to change her peer's behavior to enhancing her own visibility and advocacy within the organization. The focus shifts to actionable strategies that Elsie can implement to align her contributions with the expectations of senior leadership.
Muriel Wilkins [25:02]: "What do I need to do in order to be visible and seen as somebody who is qualified for the role in the eyes of the decision makers of this company?"
Elsie acknowledges the need to proactively engage with executives by initiating conversations and presenting her achievements without altering her authentic leadership style.
Elsie [25:39]: "I think I need to make myself more visible... I need to be much more proactive about that."
Building Self-Confidence and Self-Advocacy
A crucial aspect of the conversation revolves around Elsie's internal struggles with self-confidence and the desire for external validation. Muriel encourages Elsie to cultivate self-affirmation and recognize her own accomplishments, reducing reliance on external recognition.
Muriel Wilkins [44:40]: "What would that sound like? Oh, gosh, in this context, that's tough."
Elsie [44:49]: "Allowing myself time and space to appreciate what I've done and how far I've come and the successes I have had. That's tough."
Muriel suggests that by believing in her own value and effectively communicating it, Elsie can bridge the gap between her contributions and the recognition she seeks.
Action Steps and Conclusion
By the end of the session, Elsie gains clarity on actionable steps to enhance her visibility and advocacy within the company:
- Proactive Engagement: Initiate meetings with executives to update them on project progress and highlight her contributions.
- Direct Communication with Manager: Discuss with her manager ways to further support her visibility efforts without feeling like she's bypassing her leader.
- Self-Affirmation: Develop practices to recognize and celebrate her own achievements, building internal confidence.
Elsie [51:53]: "I think I can do that. I gotta try it first."
Muriel concludes by reinforcing the importance of self-belief and strategic self-presentation, empowering Elsie to take control of her leadership journey.
Muriel Wilkins [52:30]: "That's all we have control over, really, to a certain extent, even... ourselves."
Elsie leaves the coaching session feeling optimistic and equipped with a clear plan to navigate her professional challenges.
Elsie [52:02]: "I'm feeling much more optimistic and I have a plan, which I love planning. ... So much more optimistic."
Key Takeaways
- Self-Advocacy is Crucial: Leaders must proactively communicate their achievements and contributions to gain visibility.
- Understanding Organizational Culture: Recognizing and navigating the existing culture is essential for career advancement.
- Balancing Self-Confidence and External Recognition: Building internal confidence reduces dependency on external validation and fosters authentic leadership.
- Strategic Communication: Tailoring conversations to align with the priorities of senior leadership can enhance perceived value.
Notable Quotes
- Elsie [05:03]: "I feel like I could always do better and more,... that's a recipe for burnout."
- Muriel Wilkins [22:28]: "The question really becomes like, what do you want to do?"
- Elsie [25:02]: "I want to be the first person that comes to the mind of the executive team when, if and when a next level position opens."
- Muriel Wilkins [33:18]: "It's not dismissing what was done, but what I'm hearing in terms of what you're saying is important to these senior executives is not so much, what did you do to avert the crisis? They're not interested in the to do list."
Conclusion
This episode of Coaching Real Leaders offers a profound exploration of the interplay between personal ambition, leadership dynamics, and organizational culture. Through Elsie's journey, listeners gain practical insights into overcoming professional challenges by enhancing self-advocacy, understanding and navigating corporate cultures, and building internal confidence. Muriel Wilkins effectively demonstrates the transformative power of strategic coaching in unlocking leadership potential.