Podcast Summary: Coaching Real Leaders

Episode: How Do I More Effectively Build Stakeholder Alignment?
Host: Muriel Wilkins (Harvard Business Review)
Date: October 16, 2023
Guest (Pseudonym): Diego

Episode Overview

In this episode, executive coach Muriel Wilkins works with Diego, a leader in manufacturing and logistics, to address the challenge of building stronger stakeholder alignment. Diego, having transitioned from individual contributor to people manager, finds that influencing and aligning stakeholders—especially those outside his direct reporting lines—has become a critical skill as he aims to grow into director and VP-level roles. The coaching conversation focuses on moving from a “bulldozing” approach to a more collaborative, proactive, and engaging stakeholder style, while exploring how Diego’s personal intensity impacts his leadership journey.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Diego’s Core Challenge

• Transition from Individual Contributor to Leader:
  Diego describes the struggle of shifting from achieving results independently to achieving results through others—both within his team and across stakeholders he does not directly manage.
• Stakeholder Management vs. Direct Results:
  “As an IC, you're measured a lot on your own results…as I've gone into this role and I look forward to the next level, it seems very much like…my performance now leans a lot on my ability to work with stakeholders and bring results, whereas before it was my own doing.” (Diego, 02:38)
• Impact of Approach on Trust:
  Diego admits that sometimes his instinct to “course-correct” leads him to bulldoze, which produces results but loses trust and creates pushback over time.

Evolutions in Stakeholder Engagement

• From Bulldozing to Listening:
  Diego experimented with less forceful methods—asking questions, focusing on 1:1 conversations with stakeholders, and seeking to build relationships.
  “That's…something that I've definitely noticed is by changing instead of directing, asking questions and probing, that in itself forces more listening as opposed to more talking.” (Diego, 08:01)
• Time vs. Urgency Dilemma:
  Diego finds these softer approaches build more alignment but take longer, which conflicts with his—and his organization’s—sense of urgency.
  “It just takes too long.” (Coach, 09:29)
  “What is the hurry? Everything should be fixed yesterday.” (Diego, 09:39)

Alignment on Urgency and Impact

• Misalignment of Urgency:
  Muriel introduces the idea that urgency is often self-imposed and not always shared:
  “There's misalignment around timing. And so the level of urgency that you have is not a shared level of urgency.” (Coach, 11:47)
• Defining Impact in Stakeholders’ Terms:
  The importance of framing impact so that it resonates with stakeholders, not just by metrics but in terms meaningful to them:
  “A big part of being able to influence is how you frame your message. And the framing has to be in a way that is relevant to the person…trying to influence.” (Coach, 16:15)
• Proactive vs. Reactive Stakeholder Work:
  “Leading it is before anything goes wrong, you're taking the time to sit down with your stakeholders and figuring out like, how do you define success? …Where are the intersections? …You are creating or making explicit the interdependencies between you and your stakeholders.” (Coach, 18:58)

Evolving Leadership Mindset

• Moving from Management to Engagement:
  Muriel suggests that Diego’s most effective recent changes have been focused on engagement rather than “managing” stakeholders:

  "There's a difference between managing your stakeholders and engaging your stakeholders. …There’s a stakeholder engagement approach, which is…a collaborative figuring out of what the impact is, how you define success, what do we think is urgent versus not urgent? What are the interdependencies?” (Coach, 33:20)

• Building “Trust Bucks” for Proactive Engagement:
  By building trust through proactive, engaged, and empathetic stakeholder relationships, Diego can “spend” that trust for urgency when truly necessary:
  “If you can do it enough times, it creates its own momentum. So that when you do need to come in with the like, hey, we need to move on this…you've built enough equity that people based on your track record may…go along with it.” (Coach, 34:25)

Memorable Quotes & Key Moments

• On Intensity and Risk of Misalignment:
  “I’m the kind of individual that every time I go run, I always run at the best pace I just ran last time…maybe my urgency and intensity are just in me, but I need to assess that life threatening piece more adamantly so my intensity doesn’t become a problem.” (Diego, 27:32)
• On Owning vs. Sharing Ownership:
  “The more you lead, and the more you lead at scale, the less you own.” (Coach, 44:23)
• On Scaling Intensity Like Music:
  “There are different scales to your intensity. It doesn’t always have to be at a hundred. …You’re still playing music. The excitement is still there.” (Coach, 46:09)
• On Proactivity:
  “If I do engage more and do it more proactively, I think my propensity to have to do your first two of self driven or stakeholder management should reduce. …Which means that that is only the true firefighting as opposed to everything being firefighting.” (Diego, 33:55)
• On Growth:
  “I think the point of the conversation that stuck out most to me was this: you can’t always sprint or always be at the highest intensity no matter how much you want to grow and achieve. Sometimes it’s about taking that step back or slowing down.” (Wilkins, 49:44)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Diego’s Background and Core Challenge: 00:53 – 03:36
• Difference Between Managing and Engaging Stakeholders: 04:49 – 06:47 & 32:04 – 34:25
• Impact of Past Approaches (“Bulldozing”): 06:47 – 08:59
• Urgency & Self-Imposed Pressure: 09:26 – 12:19
• Aligning on Impact With Stakeholders: 14:39 – 17:00
• Proactive Alignment vs. Reactive Fixing: 18:40 – 22:19
• Framework for Picking Battles and Engagement: 25:43 – 32:04
• Intensity, Passion, and Leadership at Scale: 37:04 – 48:52
• Action Planning and Personal Takeaways: 48:52 – 49:44

Actionable Takeaways

For Leaders Facing Similar Challenges

• Engage stakeholders by building relationships early and proactively, not just when problems arise.
• Frame your asks and messages in stakeholders' own terms of impact—what matters to them, not just what matters to you.
• Recognize your own urgency and intensity—distinguish when it is truly required and align it with stakeholder perception.
• Adopt a “scales of intensity” mindset—vary your approach and energy based on context, risk, and ownership.
• Shift from self-driven or directive management to collaborative, stakeholder engagement to build longer-term trust and alignment.
• Be intentional about when to “spend your trust bucks” for urgent interventions.

Overall Tone & Closing Reflection

The conversation is candid, self-reflective, and oriented toward growth. Muriel provides an empathetic yet challenging space for Diego to unearth the root causes of his misalignment and urgency, encouraging experimentation and adjustment rather than a rigid, tactical playbook. The energy is collaborative and growth-minded, inviting listeners to consider their own leadership blind spots and the transition from self-reliance to influence through others.

Final Reflection from Muriel:
“You can’t just push everyone else into being on your timeline or having the same goals as you…only by slowing down is Diego going to be able to understand what stakeholders really want and to better position his needs as aligned with their needs.” (49:44)

This summary provides a holistic, timestamped walkthrough of the episode and distills actionable insights for leaders facing stakeholder alignment challenges.