Julie (Survivor) (7:05)
He pulled into my driveway and he ordered me to get down on the floorboard of the car and to begin performing oral sex on him. And it was at this point that he called my daughter up to the front of the car and asked her to please watch and everything that her mother was doing. And what a horrible, horrible woman I was. And then he turned to my daughter and he said, what has your family done that has made God hate you so much? Look at your mom. Look what she has to do to save your Life. God must hate you. And he peeled out of the driveway of my house, and he said, now I know where you live, bitch, and I'll come back for you if you ever tell anybody what happens today. And he took off, and he started driving south. And my daughter was still up now in the second row of seats, closer to her brother, watching everything he did, which was asking me to perform oral sex on him as he drove south as far as he could go, the entire time screaming at me and beating me on the top of the head and beating me on the back and telling me that I better get ready because something really horrible was about to happen. I can't stress enough how unnerving it was for as long as he had us to be so uncomfortable and to feel so helpless. That thought that even as I'm driving down the highway or I'm driving down these residential streets and we're passing cars and I'm looking at these people in cars next to us, and the radio is blaring, and I can't scream for help, and I can't mouth for help because he's watching me and there are people around me, but there's nothing I can do because he has you in the perfect situation. You're never going to run, you're never going to try to escape or to jump out at a stoplight or to do anything because you have two children in the car, and he has a butcher knife, and he knows that he has nothing to lose. I never made direct eye contact with him. One of the very first things he said to me is, if you look at me, I will kill you. My best guess at the time was that he was in his late 30s, early 40s, and seemed to be fairly articulate, very well spoken, vile and angry and mean, but at the same time, extremely religious. Not religious in the way that he liked religion, but that he hated religion and that he hated women who believed in God. And that's why he had come to the church and he had preyed on me. He launched into a long diatribe about how he had been raised himself by a prostitute, and his father was just a john, and he had lived on the streets addicted to drugs, and nobody cared about him. And so his mission in life was to take women like me and to break them down and to destroy everything they had and to make them. Them feel what he felt. And to take the childhood that my kids had and to make it as dirty and profane as the childhood he had. And that's what he wanted from my Daughter. He wanted her to have a front row seat to the most horrific things a child could ever watch. We continued to drive for a very long time towards the Florida Everglades. It was the middle of nowhere. It was nothing but sweet swamp grass, and there are no people and dirt roads. And he parked the car next to a canal, kind of slanting the car down so that the nose of the car was almost going into the canal. And he turned to my daughter and he said, one false move, one scream, one disobedient action, and I will sink your van in the canal and no one will ever find you. And, Emily, the alligators will eat you. So you sit there and you be quiet, and you do exactly what I say. And my daughter started to sob and sob because she was so afraid. And then he turned off the ignition. He ordered my daughter to sit on the floor of the van and told me to take off all my clothes. And it was so hard for me to do that, knowing that although my son is only eight months old, he's sitting there and he is screaming, he is so wet and so hungry at this point, because he hasn't been changed and he hasn't been fed, and my daughter is sitting there. And just to take off your clothes and to humiliate yourself like that in the presence of both of your children, it was so difficult for me. And then he got on top of me. And when he got on top of me, I closed my eyes so tight because he said, if you open your eyes, I will kill you. And in my mind, I just kept thinking to myself, you have to go with this. You have to not fight back. And every fiber of my being wanted to throw up. And I felt so sick. He explained to me that he had recently gotten out of prison, that he had been having sex with men for seven months, and he had been through hell in prison. And that he was ready to get out and to torture people the same way he had been tortured while he was incarcerated. After we had talked for a while, he raped me again and again. I wanted to throw up. But something deep inside, some will. To want to survive and to want to get out of it alive allows you to do things that in a million years, you would never do. He looked at my daughter and he said to her, your mom did such a great job that this isn't going to be the last you see of me. He decided that he now wanted money. And so he ordered me to put a shirt on. And we drove out of the Everglades to a bank right on the edge. He pulled over in the parking lot. He got in the back with my daughter, and he sat with her in the very back. And he told me he was holding a knife on her. And he said to me, do not try to signal for help. Don't try to do anything stupid, because I'm sitting in the backseat with your child.