I SURVIVED: I Only Realized It Was A Knife When I Felt It Going In and Out

Summary

Cold Case Files: “I SURVIVED: I Only Realized It Was A Knife When I Felt It Going In and Out”

Release Date: July 5, 2025
Host: Paula Barros
Episode Overview:
In this harrowing episode of Cold Case Files, Paula Barros delves into the chilling true story of Tenille, a young woman from Columbia, Maryland, who survived a brutal stabbing and assault in January 1996. Despite the passage of decades, the perpetrator remains at large, leaving Tenille’s case among the haunting unsolved mysteries that Cold Case Files seeks to illuminate.

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1. Introduction to Tenille’s Story

Timestamp: [02:43]
The episode opens with Tenille Pinson, a 20-year-old bank employee, recounting the unsettling events that unfolded on a seemingly ordinary Friday evening in January 1996.

Quote:
"This is I survived. It's January 1996 in Columbia, Maryland. Tenille is 20 years old and works at a bank."
— Tenille Pinson [02:43]

2. The Encounter at the Bank

Timestamp: [02:58]
Tenille describes a disturbing interaction with a man wearing a Kango hat and sunglasses—distinctive attire that made him stand out among the bank’s patrons. His inappropriate questions and unsolicited advances created an uncomfortable atmosphere.

Quote:
"He said, can I take you out? Or, you know, you're very pretty. What's your nationality? Just asking me a bunch of questions that weren't really, you know, bank related."
— Tenille Pinson [02:58]

Despite her polite refusal, the man reacted violently, verbally lashing out and drawing unwanted attention from coworkers and customers.

3. The Traumatic Assault

Timestamp: [02:30 - 10:08]
After leaving work, Tenille's ordeal took a terrifying turn when, in the parking lot, a masked attacker with a Kango hat brandished a knife near her jugular vein. The ensuing minutes were a nightmare of fear, violence, and a desperate fight for survival.

Key Moments:

• Initial Threat:
  "I just turned, there was a man holding a knife. He had one of those bandana masks on."
  — Tenille Pinson [03:56]

• Demanding Compliance:
  "He said, make a left. Make a right... turn into the lake."
  — Tenille Pinson [05:36]

• Realization and Rape:
  "And that's when the raping started. I don't know really how long it took."
  — Tenille Pinson [05:36]

• Turning the Tide:
  "I pushed him off of me and I hit him. And the first hit felt good. And so I just kept hitting him over and over again."
  — Tenille Pinson [05:36]

• The Stabbings:
  "I didn't realize I had been stabbed. It's felt like he had punched me. And I only realized that it was a knife because I felt it go in and out. It was really fast. It was just, you know, stabbings. Just, you know, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Stabbings."
  — Tenille Pinson [05:36]

4. Aftermath and Survival

Timestamp: [10:08 - 13:17]
After the assault, Tenille managed to escape her vehicle, fleeing to her boyfriend’s mother’s home for help. She was rushed to the hospital in critical condition, having endured multiple stab wounds that required extensive medical intervention.

Quote:
"When I woke up, my face was sutured and my head was shaved. And they had to suture up all the stabbings."
— Tenille Pinson [12:20]

Despite the severe injuries and trauma, Tenille's resilience shone through as she recounted her determination to survive and her ongoing struggle with the psychological aftermath.

5. The Unresolved Case

Timestamp: [13:17]
One of the most unsettling aspects of Tenille's story is that her attacker was never apprehended, leaving her with lingering fears and unanswered questions.

Quote:
"The man who raped Tenille has never been caught."
— Tenille Pinson [13:17]

6. Tenille's Path to Healing

Timestamp: [13:21 - 40:16]
The episode transitions to discussing Tenille’s journey post-assault, highlighting her battle with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and her efforts to reclaim her life. Tenille turned to writing as a therapeutic outlet, eventually publishing three novels inspired by her experiences and establishing an alter ego to navigate her trauma.

Quote:
"I survived because I wanted to live and I had the determination to get out of that situation. I survived because I fought back."
— Tenille Pinson [13:21]

7. Insights and Reflections

Timestamp: [28:07 - 29:24]
Through her story, Tenille emphasizes the power of choice in survival situations—choosing to fight back and seek help as pivotal moments that enabled her survival. The episode underscores the importance of resilience and the human spirit in overcoming unimaginable adversity.

Quote:
"I survived because I have a lot to do. I had a lot to do and I'm still doing."
— Tenille Pinson [39:30]

8. Conclusion

Despite the passage of time, Tenille’s case remains unresolved, emblematic of the daunting statistics where one-third of all murders in America remain unsolved. Cold Case Files brings attention to such cases, honoring survivors like Tenille and advocating for renewed investigative efforts aided by advancements in forensic technology.

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Key Takeaways:

• Resilience in the Face of Trauma: Tenille's unwavering determination to survive showcases the incredible strength of the human spirit.

• The Importance of Cold Case Investigations: Unsolved cases like Tenille's highlight the need for persistent investigative efforts and advancements in forensic science.

• Long-Term Impacts of Violence: The episode poignantly illustrates the enduring psychological and physical scars left by violent crimes, emphasizing the necessity for comprehensive support systems for survivors.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• "I pushed him off of me and I hit him. And the first hit felt good."
  — Tenille Pinson [05:36]

• "I survived because I fought back."
  — Tenille Pinson [13:21]

• "Dead people can't answer phones."
  — Tenille Pinson [35:36]

---

Cold Case Files continues to shed light on the darkest corners of unsolved crimes, providing a platform for survivors' voices and advocating for justice that transcends time.

Transcript

[Trevor]

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[Marissa Pinson]

Too fast.

[Chris]

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[Tenille]

I know what I'm doing, mom.

[Chris]

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[Marissa Pinson]

Go, team.

[Chris]

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[Trevor]

Shh. They're here.

[Tenille]

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[Chris]

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[Tenille]

Sorry, do we legally have to say that?

[Chris]

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[Tenille]

They do feel that good. And they do good, too.

[Marissa Pinson]

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[Tenille]

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[Marissa Pinson]

Code audio at checkout. Foreign.

[Tenille]

Survived listeners, I'm Marissa Pinson, and if you're enjoying this show, I just want to remind you that episodes of I Survived, as well as the A and E classic podcast, Cold Case Files, City Confidential, and American justice, are all available ad free on the new A and E crime and investigation channel on Apple Podcasts and Apple plus for just $4.99 a month or 39.99 a year. And now onto the show. This episode contains subject matter that may be disturbing to some listeners. Listener discretion is advised.

[Marissa Pinson]

It was really fast. It was just, you know, stabbings. Just, you know, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Stabbings. Real people.

[Chris]

Every internal sense of anger that I'd ever had over my entire life just came out of my mouth because this thing, this big, black, angry thing, was.

[Trevor]

Killing us who faced death from behind me. I hear a voice that says, you better get the hell out of the way or you're gonna be shot, too.

[Tenille]

And Live to tell how I pushed.

[Marissa Pinson]

Him off of me and I hit him. And the first hit felt good. And so I just kept hitting him over and over again.

[Tenille]

This is I survived. It's January 1996 in Columbia, Maryland. Tenille is 20 years old and works at a bank.

[Marissa Pinson]

It was a Friday, and so a gentleman came into my line and he had like a sort of like a weird, like, Kango hat on. And I remember the hat because they didn't. They wanted us to pay particular attention to people wearing hats and sunglasses and things like that. And he said, can I take you out? Or, you know, you're very pretty. What's your nationality? Just asking me a bunch of questions that weren't really, you know, bank related. And when he asked if he can take me out, I said, no, I have a boyfriend, you know, that's not going to be possible. And that's when he. In the bank, you know, it's busy, it's Friday. People are there cashing their checks. And he said, well, f you. Then I finished the transaction and he left. But he was very angry. It was embarrassing because he was loud and what he said had drawn attention to me. And even my other co workers were looking at me. And I was like, yeah, he's crazy.

[Tenille]

Tenille left work and drove home.

[Marissa Pinson]

I pulled into my normal spot, the same spot I park in every day. I could see my boyfriend's mom in the kitchen. She's right at the kitchen window. I turned the car off, I opened the door, I put my foot out. I turned for a quick second to get my purse. And when I turned over, there was a man holding a knife. He had one of those kind of like those bandana masks on. The only thing I saw was his eyes. And he had that, like, weird kind of Kango hat. So this was really all that I could see. He was like in that small space of just having my foot out the door. And he was able to get in and put the knife right near my jugular vein. My heart was pounding so fast that I could hear it in my ears. And I was just scared. I just didn't know what was going to happen. It was the uncertainty that was very frightening. I thought about honking the horn to get someone's attention to scream or to just quick turn the car on and jump it in reverse. But no matter what I did or what I thought I could do, he already had the knife on my jugular vein. And I was very. I was scared. He said, don't move and pull the seat up. He got in to the back seat through the driver's seat, like, he didn't go in through the back door. I had to move all the way up on the steering wheel so that he could fit in the back. And the whole time, he had still had the knife on my jugular. Vane. I offered him my car. I offered him my purse. I told him I could get him more money if it's money that he wanted, but he didn't want any of those things.

[Tenille]

The man ordered Tennille to start driving.

[Marissa Pinson]

He said, make a left. Make a right. Make another left. And then he said, turn into the lake. And that's when I knew that we were going to Lake Elkhorn, because that was right across the street. And then when we. When I turned into the Lake Elkhorn, that's when he said, now back in, which means I had to back into. There was a wooded area in the back, and I had to back into the wooded area in reverse, you know, where I couldn't see.

[Tenille]

Tennille's attacker told her to get in the backseat with him.

[Marissa Pinson]

I didn't want to get into the backseat. And I was screaming and begging, pleading, you know, please let me go. I won't say anything. Just let me go. And he said he got really, really angry. And he says, I'm not going to tell you again. Get into the back seat. He grabbed me from my hair all the way back and pulled me into the backseat from my hair. And that's when, you know, I really realized that I was in big trouble, that this guy was going to do some serious damage. He told me that he was going to f me and throw me in the lake. Anything that he said, it was so hostile. Like, I don't think I've ever met a more angrier person in my life. It was dark. No one knew where I was. I was in the middle of a wooded area. And this is how I thought that I was gonna die. He was drunk. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. And so he was. He was crazy. I mean, at this point, when I was in the backseat, he was saying all kind of crazy things, things he wanted to do to me. You know, how he was gonna just mutilate me. I mean, he was really crazy. And I was the. This is when I began to cry. I was pleading. I was begging for my life. I wanted to get out of there. I was in the backseat, so my back was towards the back window, and he was on this side. And he told me to take my clothes off. And I didn't want to take my clothes off. And that's when he really pressed the knife up against my throat and said to take your clothes off. And so I went ahead and I started to undress and take my clothes off. He took the knife and, like, kind of sort of scraped it, kind of rubbed it underneath my nipples to say, you know, you're going to do what I say, and, you know, to let me know if I didn't, then he was going to cut me there. And then that's when the raping started. I don't know really how long it took. I just knew that he, you know, one way wasn't good enough for him. It seemed like every time I Every which way, he wanted to do another way, you know, and he just. Nothing would satisfy him the entire time. I could still smell the alcohol on his breath, and it was making me nauseous. And just the action of the rape, it just. I just got so sick. It just made me vomit. And that made him very angry. And he hit me for that. He hit me, kind of hit me really hard, like, kind of punched me, like, in my back, punched me in my face. He just went crazy. And then when he turned me over and began to sodomize me, that is when I felt like, this is just, you know, what else is going to go on. And I believe that. That's when I said, okay, we can just go ahead and start the fight. Because that had been the final straw. I pushed him off of me and I hit him. And the first hit felt good. And so I just kept hitting him over and over again. I just remember I just started kicking and hitting and screaming. And that is what really made him angry. That's when he started to stab me. The first stabbing. I didn't even realize I had been stabbed. It's felt like he had punched me. And I only realized that it was a knife because I felt it go in and out. It was really fast. It was just, you know, stabbings. Just, you know, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Stabbings.

[Tenille]

Tenille lost count. When the man stabbed her in the.

[Marissa Pinson]

Head, I heard it crunch. I heard it go in like that turn, and then it was like a crunch. When he brought it out, I saw this white light. And I saw my life flash before my eyes. I saw everyone I had ever met. My parents, children that I had played with when I was little. Just all sorts of images were going through my mind. And I knew I was in trouble because I could feel blood just pouring down my face, pouring down My neck and my back. And I kind of laid there for a while. I was motionless. And I felt him just pick my hand up and just toss it to the side like it was a piece of garbage or like it was. Like it was nothing. And that's when I heard the door slam shut.

[Tenille]

Tennille had been stabbed 27 times in the chest, head, and neck.

[Marissa Pinson]

I didn't want to get up because I thought that he was playing a trick on me. I thought he was going to come back, that he was just seeing if I was really dead or if he was there and gonna finish me off. So I laid there and I thought, I'm dying. It just didn't seem real. It seemed like a horrible nightmare or some just bad movie that I was watching. It did not seem that it was actually really happening to me. I couldn't hear him. I couldn't smell him anymore. I really thought he was coming back. I was like a crazy person. I just kept hitting the locks on the door over and over again, thinking that he was coming back. And all you could see was just, like, blood marks on the windows. Once I realized that he had left and wasn't coming back and I had locked all the doors, I jumped in the front seat and I took off. I was driving on the wrong side of the road. It was pitch black. I didn't have the lights on, and I could just see cars just coming towards me, swerving. I didn't have any clothes on. I had blood pouring down my neck, down my face. I was crying. I still had the vomit on me from when I had vomited, So I don't know how I drove that car.

[Tenille]

Tennille made it to her boyfriend's mother's home.

[Marissa Pinson]

I ran from the car back to the house screaming bloody murder that someone was trying to kill me. And that's when my boyfriend's mom found me. She said when she opened the door, all she saw was these great big eyes. That my hair was bloody and kind of masked to my face. And she said, I just collapsed in her arms.

[Tenille]

Tenille was rushed to the hospital in critical condition. She had lost so much blood, she needed four transfusions.

[Marissa Pinson]

When I woke up, my face was sutured and my head was shaved. And they. They had to suture up all the stabbings. And I was just in shock. They had detectives come to see me, and they interviewed me, and they did a rape kit on me. I tried to give them as much help as I could, but I didn't know anyone that would want to do anything like this to me.

[Tenille]

The man who raped Tenille has never been caught.

[Marissa Pinson]

I didn't know if I had ever met this man, if I had, you know, insult him in some way. Did I do someone wrong and this was their way of getting back to me. Like, I had no idea why this person would be so angry towards me because I didn't know who this guy was. I survived because I wanted to live and I had the determination to get out of that situation. I survived because I fought back.

[Tenille]

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[Marissa Pinson]

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[Tenille]

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[Marissa Pinson]

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[Chris]

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[Tenille]

It's 2003 in the Channel Islands, California. Chris has been around boats and the sea since he was a child.

[Chris]

I started driving boats since the age of 12 and then I went to captain school and I got my 100 ton captain's license at the age of 19, which is the youngest allowable age. And then I went to work as a captain.

[Tenille]

After that Chris decided to go on a diving trip with four friends.

[Chris]

The plan was, was to go spearfishing for two days at San Clemente island which is about 50 miles to the west southwest of San Diego. So it's a long crossing to get there. The plan was, was to go on the trip with my long term dive mentor, Mike, his dive buddy named Tony, his younger daughter, 15 year old daughter Jessica, and then another young guy by the name of Chris who didn't have any experience on the water as far as I knew. But Tony and Mike had plenty of experience between the two of them.

[Tenille]

The group planned to make the crossing on Tony's 36 foot pleasure boat Brenda.

[Chris]

I had some internal misgivings about going on the trip. It started, the feeling started on the drive down there and I thought maybe I was just being paranoid. And I told the guys we need to do the channel crossing during the day, we need to leave now. And they said, oh shut up, we'll leave it two o' clock in the morning as planned, you know, and I said okay and that the feeling wouldn't go away.

[Tenille]

The group left at 2am and motored out towards the open ocean.

[Chris]

We got past the point and it was dead calm and I thought, oh, I'm just being paranoid, this is going to be cool, we're going to have a good trip.

[Tenille]

Chris went to sleep in the boat's cabin along with Jessica and the younger Chris. Tony and Mike were driving the boat.

[Chris]

The next thing I know I heard this slamming sound. My first thought was they had run the boat up on the beach. To have a boat go from 20 miles an hour to a dead stop instantly and the propellers, you know, going from 3,000 RPMs to seizing up instantly and the boat jerking, it was the most unnatural sound and feeling you could ever possibly imagine. It didn't feel like rocks, it didn't feel like sand. I could tell that something was really wrong. I flew out of my bunk, absolutely, just flew out of my bunk. The boat was buckled and it was twisting and it was popping and I landed on the deck, on the rough non skid deck with my knees and it just tore all the flesh off of both of my Knees. So now I'm down on the deck on my knees and I'm just looking up. I'm looking up and up and up. All I see is this big jack black hull just absolutely engulfing us and pushing us sideways.

[Tenille]

Unknown to Chris, they had run into a petroleum barge being towed by a large tugboat. Their 36 foot boat was pinned to the heavy tow chain and was being dragged sideways.

[Chris]

There was huge whitewater going side to side and the hull was about 10ft from our boat. I screamed at the top of my lungs for Jessica and Chris to get out of the bunk. Mike thought Mike was out on the deck and he had this absolute look of bewilderment.

[Tenille]

The boat was about to be dragged underneath the barge.

[Chris]

I ran up along the side up to the bow to try and gain a vantage point. And now I could kind of see what was going on. We were being pushed sideways and in my mind we had about 10 or 15 seconds until the entire boat was gonna go under. I made the decision to just jump. It was the only thing I had under my control that I could do. I yelled to everybody, sort of out of captainly instinct, abandon ship. But it felt like a whisper. I jumped into this ink black, freezing cold November night. There was so much adrenaline pumping through my body, I couldn't even feel the water. All the rage that I'd ever felt in my entire life just mustered all at one moment. And I just. I yelled. Every, every cuss word, every internal sense of anger that I'd ever had over my entire life just came out of my mouth because this thing, this big black, angry thing, was killing us. I'm in the water just waving my fist, you goddamn mother son of a bitch. As loud as I possibly could. And hopefully I'm getting somebody's attention on board the ship.

[Tenille]

The barge was being towed by a tugboat and was unmanned.

[Chris]

And then watching the thing just sail away, and that's when it sets in and you look around and you know we were somewhere between 8 and 10 miles offshore when it happened. And it's black and you're alone. The first person I heard was Chris. He has kind of a high pitched sound. And I was really happy to see that there was another human in the ocean with me. And then a few minutes later, I heard Mike's deep voice over in the corner.

[Tenille]

The men still had no idea what they had struck.

[Chris]

We didn't know that the boat had impacted the barge. We didn't know anything. All I did know is that I heard Chris say, hey, Look, I think I see something over there. And probably 40 or 50ft away was the crippled bow section of the Brenda.

[Tenille]

The boat, the Brenda, had been dragged under the barge. With Chris's crewmates, Tony and Jessica still on it, Chris knew their only chance at survival lay with the boat's inflatable escape pod.

[Chris]

I had swam in high school and college, and I let those instincts kick in and I swam so fast, I almost came up out of the water like a hydroplane. And I just made a frothy bean line over this thing. I grabbed a hold of the bow railing and I could see the escape pod kind of loosely floating in there, but it was tangled in all kinds of flotsam and ropes and it was a mess. I just started pulling every rope that was on the thing. And the boat's going down and I'm holding onto it and I'm trying to get it to release, but I can't. It's stuck. It won't release. So finally, one of the last ropes I pull on, the thing just goes. It just explodes. And it kept over inflating. So you kept hearing this very loud sound, and it was just tight as a drum.

[Tenille]

Chris climbed onto the raft along with Mike, Jessica, and the younger Chris.

[Chris]

You could hear this little faint voice off in the distance. Hey, I'm over here. And it was Toni. And despite great personal danger to Jessica, she dove back into the water with nothing to guide her. And she just swam over to her dad and she helped him back to the escape pod. So we're in there, this bleeding, half naked mass of humanity. The escape pod was attached to the bow of the boat. The boat's sinking and the skate pod's starting to go like this. No way to release it. I was like, okay, guys, we're getting pulled down. We're going to have to go back into the water. There was a knife that came with the, with the escape pod. It was a little knife about this big that was in a Ziploc bag above the arched doorway. It looked like something you would take the skin off a pair with. And I grabbed that rope and I cut it. And you could just see the bow of the Brenda in the purple phosphorescence. You could just see it sink into the abyss. Now we're drifting around in the tanker lanes, and the tanker lanes are like freeways. There's one along every 20 minutes, you know, like a bus. So now we have this danger and this fear, and there's no food or water on the raft. Chris was freaking out. I mean, he was a kid from the valley who'd never been on the water and he was cold and he was freaking out and we had to shake him a little bit to get him to calm down because you can't have that. Everybody else was remarkably calm and collected. The question is, what do you do now? And it was November, so we had offshore Santa Ana. So the wind is blowing offshore basically towards Mexico. There were three flares that came with the boat and they were kind of the cruddy ones that you hit on the back of your hand, you know. And they were the bare minimum to get, to get the job done. So I was kind of elected as the guy to stand kind of outside the arch doorway and signal the flares off and look for help and do whatever I could.

[Tenille]

It was 3:15am when Chris activated the first flare.

[Chris]

You could see tankers kind of coming up the line and I was hoping that they could see the flare at least enough not to run us over, but nothing, Nothing. So, and I'm standing outside and I'm freezing and the wind's on me. And after about half an hour of that, I'm starting to get pretty shaky. The adrenaline and the endorphins were so overwhelming. You're kind of riding that buzz. What happens is that kind of bell shaped curve kind of goes down the other side. Once the reality starts to set in, once you realize there's no food, there's no water. Now the wind's blowing now you're about 12 miles offshore and the first flare is a dud and you're still in the tanker lanes. That's when you start to get a little bit worried. Another hour passed and it was time to light off the second flare. And by now we're getting really thirsty and I'm really cold at this point. And the second flare was a dud. I mean, it was brand new and the flare was a dud. And so the boat that I tried to flag down, that just kept going. So now that's really where, that's really where desperation started to take over. What happens next is real. Hypothermia starts to set in, at least for me, you know, that's to where your thoughts start to. You become unsure of your thoughts. You can't work your digits or your feet properly. It becomes hard to form sentences. I was saving the last flare until I was sure that we could be rescued. You could see the sun creep up over Tijuana. It was the most beautiful sunrise you could ever possibly imagine. I saw another boat way off in the distance. But I just thought, what the hell, I'll go for it. So I lit the flare off and I held it as. Held it up high and as long as I could until it was absolutely out. And the boat kept going. It just kept going. So I just threw the flare in the water and stayed out there. And I just. Just didn't say anything. This smoke plume from the flares, like a train that fanned out, oh, probably for a full mile. And I'm looking down the smoke train, and right up the middle of the smoke train is this little black dot that gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger until it approached us. And it was the U.S. border Patrol. And they were out on a night mission. They were all. They had their machine guns and some of them had face paint on. We had just entered the war in Afghanistan and they were watching the border pretty heavy. And when they got up to us, the first question out of their mouth was not, are you okay? The first question out of their mouth is, what's your nationality? If I could do it over again, I would have made a joke, but I just said, you know, we're all Americans. Can you take us in, please? You definitely have your Gilligan's island moment, right? We're saved. We're saved.

[Tenille]

Chris and his four friends were picked up by the US Border Patrol and taken to safety.

[Chris]

For about six weeks after the accident, a very strange thing happened. I wasn't sure if I was alive or dead. I thought maybe I'd gotten hit so hard that maybe it had just. My soul was just walking around and I was dead. Every time I'd close my eyes, I would see this barge running me over, and I'd hear the screaming, and I'd see the barge. And I'd see the barge. Forget about sleeping. I couldn't walk across the street. I couldn't make a living. I couldn't think.

[Tenille]

Chris turned to writing as a means of dealing with his post traumatic stress disorder.

[Chris]

At first it was just the story of the barge, you know, and then it was too personal. So I came up with a character by the name of Luke Dodge that became kind of my alter ego.

[Tenille]

Chris has now published three novels based on his experiences at sea.

[Chris]

Anybody will tell you survives something like this is that it's a matter of making a decision. Doesn't even necessarily matter what it is. When it comes to a survival situation, it's time to take action. I believe that all five of us did that, not just me, but it wasn't a matter of that. I survived getting run over by the barge. That was stage one. Then the real manner of survival comes with the aftermath, with the post traumatic stress disorder and with making living with reconnecting with the ocean. That's also a way to win or lose the battle too. And that survival also starts with a choice. A choice to get beyond it and to cope with it and to be eventually become the master of it. Cults are everywhere. They don't just live in the walls of NXIVM and Scientology.

[Tenille]

There are sex cults, self help cults, workout cults, political cults, even legging cults.

[Chris]

And on the podcast Was I in a Cult? We focus on the brave individuals who have lived through them.

[Marissa Pinson]

I'm Liz Iacuzzi.

[Chris]

And I'm Tyler Meesam. Your hosts of Was I in a Cult? Join us each week as well.

[Trevor]

We take you through a heroic roller.

[Chris]

Coaster of someone's journey in and out of a cult with a little levity thrown in.

[Marissa Pinson]

Because humor is healing and cults are funny.

[Chris]

Listen to and follow Was I in a Cult? At Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts, which for Tyler is.

[Trevor]

At Rite Aid on tape.

[Tenille]

Mochi Health is here to help you start your weight loss journey with caring, personalized support. Meet one on one with board certified obesity doctors and registered dietitians who truly listen and understand your unique, unique needs. Eligible patients can access affordable GLP1 medications delivered right to their door each month. No insurance, no problem. Mochi Health accepts FSA and HSA making care accessible and affordable. And with 24. 7 customer service, you'll never feel alone on your path to better health. Get started with Mochi Health today. Take the free [e-mail] and use code AUDIO40 at checkout for $40 off your first month of membership. That's join M-H-I.com with promo code AUDIO40. It's November 2001 in Grantsville, Utah. Joyce is the manager of a family owned restaurant.

[Trevor]

I had always worked there because it was a family owned business and it was a small community and it was just a very, very safe place to work. Everybody knew everybody. That was just the way you grew up that way. 6,000 people. Everybody was on a first name basis, customers, everybody, you know, and it was, it was a pleasant place to be.

[Tenille]

Joyce was about to close up for the night.

[Trevor]

I had a really strong feeling that it was, it was uncomfortable. It was just not a normal feeling day. It got to the point where, I mean, I was getting so uncomfortable with this one That I kept. I told the young lady that I was working with. I said, I think you need to go home for a while. She said, oh, no, no, no, I'll stay. I'll help you finish. About 7:30, that feeling just came over me, so strong. And I said, no. I said, you have got to go, and you've got to go now. So I pretty much forced her out the door.

[Tenille]

The restaurant's owner was still in the kitchen.

[Trevor]

I proceed to go lock the doors. And I look up and there's this lady standing out. Out in front of the buildings. I recognized her from the lady that lived in the house to the east of the drive in. She looked very gaunt, very sad. It was a cold night, you know, it was a cool night. And I was a little nervous for why she was standing there. So that's when I proceeded to go outside and talk to her to find out if everything was all right. I could tell something wasn't right by her actions, her demeanor. She was very distant, very, very distressed. I ask her if she's all right. There's no response from her. None. From behind me, which is off to the east, I hear a voice that says, you better get the hell out of the way or you're going to be shot, too. I turned and looked behind me towards the voice where it was coming from.

[Tenille]

Joyce recognized the man who spoke as the woman's husband.

[Trevor]

I knew that I had to get to a phone to get some help for her. That was my only. Only thought that would ever cross my mind was to get to a phone. At that moment, she makes. She runs in front of me, and she runs to the front of the store where she goes inside. He then runs past me as well. He runs inside, following her, and he knocks her to the floor. He shoved her so hard onto the floor. He shoved her halfway through. There is no yelling. There is no. No comment, nothing. It is just silent.

[Tenille]

Joyce followed the gunman and his wife into the store and phoned for help.

[Trevor]

As I'm dialing 911, I hear the first shot. I turn around, I can see that she had been shot. I've got the phone, but there's a delay now, and I'm trying to get 911 on the phone, and I. I don't hear anything. When 911 did not go through, I dialed immediately to get my husband or my youngest son down there. The phone was busy. I can do nothing. The next thing I do here is the second gunshot, and that is towards me. I seen the flash. Big Yellow flash. And the next thing I see is the bullet penetrating my leg by separating every. I seen every fiber of the material just separate, and the bullet go clear through my leg. It felt like a piercing, like somebody had taken a hot poker stick and just shoved it into my leg. You actually see beads of blood come with that as well. And I'm thinking, oh, no, this is it. I could tell that the bullet had gone right through my leg. That's all I knew. And I watched my foot just drop to the ground. At that moment, I hear the owner's voice. What the heck is going on? He doesn't come into the building, so he doesn't see what's going on. But the gunman now is. His attention is now turned from me, and he goes in the back, around the counter to the back of the kitchen where the owner is. I'm trying to remain calm, trying to decide what to do. I can't run. I can do nothing anymore. I can't run. I can't do anything. And I hear a shot.

[Tenille]

The gunman had shot the restaurant owner dead.

[Trevor]

I just dropped to the floor in the fetal position, as tight as I could possibly get up against the counter. I did not want to be seen. I wanted to be the smallest possible person I could be. Want to be a big target.

[Tenille]

Unknown to Joyce, the bullet had also pierced her abdomen.

[Trevor]

Everything's in slow motion. So, you know, time is standing still, but you don't know that. And I'm thinking, okay, my kids, my grandkids, did I tell them I loved him? I realized that I had. And so at that moment, peace comes over you. And you probably. You accept the fact that you're probably not going to get out of here. And out of the clear came a voice that said, knock it off. You're not done yet. Calm down. You're going to think this thing through, and you're going to get out of here. You've got grandkids, and you've got a granddaughter that's due in a few weeks. You're going to be there. Knock it off. So my eyes are closed. I'm trying not to do anything. In the meantime, though, the phone is ringing, and I'm scared to death to answer that phone, but I can see who it is. It's the Twilight dispatch calling back from the 911. But you know what? Dead people can't answer phones. If I answer that phone and there's a voice or there's anything, guess where this guy's going to be? Right over me again.

[Tenille]

Joyce let the phone ring.

[Trevor]

The phone is ringing and ringing and ringing and ringing and ringing. I think it's never going to stop. When it did, what a peaceful thing. I was trying the best of my ability to keep. Keep a clean, clear head because I figured he's not going to leave anybody standing. He knows I've called 911. He knows something's going to be happening. I hear another shot in the kitchen, and I don't hear anything for what seemed like a long time.

[Tenille]

Joyce was bleeding from her abdominal wound.

[Trevor]

It gets deathly quiet. I hear nothing. I'm laying there in a position to where if I move, I might be able to raise up my head enough and not be seen to look under my shoulder to see if I can see anything. I didn't want my hair to move. I didn't want my head to move. I didn't want anything to move. But I tried. I could still see nothing. I didn't know how long. How much longer I would have. How much longer anyone would have. That's when I made the decision to move.

[Tenille]

Joyce picked up the cordless phone and crawled to the back door.

[Trevor]

I've got to get up high enough to reach the bar, to push it because it's a pressure bar, it's a fire door. So I've got to get up, get enough pressure on it to get out. I'm trying to think how I'm going to do that and still be small, not be visible. I get up, I hit the door with my arm. Luckily it opened. Now I crawl out the back door and I'm trying really hard to. I've got to call 911. Now it's time. Because I'm still alive. I haven't been shot again. So this is the only chance I have. And I'm trying to find a place where it's dark and I can hide so nobody can see me. I don't want to take any more chances with anything. So I looked around. There's no place to go. So I snuggled, Forced myself up against the wall as tight as I could get. I wanted to become part of that wall if I could, to where I couldn't be seen. 911 emergency. I've been shot. Hurry. What have you been shot with? I don't know. A gun. Hurry. Hey, do you have any information? Hurry. We've got an officer headed down there. Okay. Hurry. Do you know, were they in a vehicle? No. Hurry. Hurry. I got. No, I can't see. I don't know. Joyce, where on your body? Where you shot. Hurry. In my thigh. Hurry.

[Tenille]

Police arrived five minutes later to discover gunman Thomas shoots dead from a self inflicted gunshot. They also discovered the bodies of the restaurant's owner and shoots his wife.

[Trevor]

She had made the decision to leave him and that's the night she was leaving. She had called for help to come get her from her house and they were late. That's why she walked over to the drive in where I was to wait there. She thought she would be safe coming there to wait for her ride.

[Tenille]

Joyce was rushed to the hospital with a serious bullet wound.

[Trevor]

It entered my abdomen, came out above my belly button, went through my leg. It has severed the sciatic nerve. So the injuries I have to my leg are pretty severe. They still are. I'm in pain 24 7. I walk with a very severe limp. I survive because of the fast acting people all the way from the police officers, from the people in the dispatch, from people everywhere. Everybody came together. I survived because I have a lot to do. I had a lot to do and I'm still doing.

[Chris]

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[Trevor]

The time it takes you to actually board that flight.

[Chris]

From Group 8.

[Marissa Pinson]

Now boarding Premier Altitude Elite club members.

[Chris]

You could have bought a Hyundai on Amazon.

[Trevor]

Yes, that Amazon where you buy everything else.

[Marissa Pinson]

Mid tier Altitude Elite. Feel free to board now.

[Trevor]

So while you're waiting for them to.

[Chris]

Make up new boarding groups, you can.

[Trevor]

Order your dream car and the dealer will have it ready in no time.

[Marissa Pinson]

Now boarding groups one through seven.

[Chris]

So close.

[Trevor]

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