Cold Case Files – "I SURVIVED: I Knew He Just Wanted To Watch Me Die"
Date: October 25, 2025
Host: Paula Barros (A&E / PodcastOne)
Episode Overview
This gripping episode of Cold Case Files (in collaboration with the "I Survived" series) dives into three true survival stories, as told by those who experienced unimaginable terror and lived to share the lessons of their resilience. The episode features harrowing firsthand accounts from Christine, John, and Amanda—each faced by attackers, life-threatening circumstances, or both. Listeners learn not just what happened, but how these survivors found the strength to endure—and what it took to fight back.
Story 1: Christine’s Ordeal—Stabbed and Left for Dead (Simi Valley, CA, March 2007)
Background & Escalation
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Christine, a successful, recently-divorced mother, began dating Matt, who quickly became emotionally manipulative and abusive.
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Matt isolated Christine from loved ones and escalated to threats and physical violence.
-
Quote:
"He would try everything in his power to distance me from anybody who cared about me… I would just say that he dominated my life."
(Christine, [01:31]) -
Despite concerns from family and friends, Christine remained, influenced by shame, manipulation, and her own hope to help Matt change.
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When Matt was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, his family claimed he was medicated and improving—but Christine still feared for her safety.
The Day of the Attack
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During a day of yard work with Matt and his friend Chris, Christine noticed more signs of Matt’s disturbing behavior:
"He took a shovel and he decapitated [a lizard]. He said it was funny… that is telling me something dark inside is going on."
(Christine, [05:45]) -
After returning home—Matt now intoxicated and hostile—he violently attacked Christine in the kitchen, even as Chris fled the scene.
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The violence escalated rapidly:
- Christine was beaten, had her head struck against a toilet, and was nearly drowned.
- Matt stabbed Christine in the chest, left the knife embedded, and then stabbed her in the head with a second knife.
- Quote:
"He looked at me like a little bug he just squashed. And he stabs me in my chest. And he leaves the knife in my chest."
(Christine, [06:47]) - Christine describes the surreal moment of having the knife in her skull:
"To know that you have a knife stuck in your brain is one of the most terrifying experiences a person can go through… that's when I knew he just wanted to watch me die."
(Christine, [07:54])
Escape and Aftermath
- Bleeding profusely, Christine managed to pull the knives out and flee to the street, where she encountered police and paramedics:
- Quote:
"The only way that I made it through this is because I fought for my life."
(Christine, [10:33])
- Quote:
- She spent days in ICU and was later told by neurologists that survival was a miracle.
- Matt pleaded guilty to attempted murder and was sentenced to eight years without parole.
- Christine later learned Matt had a violent history with other women and reflected on her survival:
- Quote:
"I believe that God had a purpose for me to survive this so somebody else doesn't have to go through it."
(Christine, [12:09])
- Quote:
Story 2: John’s Ordeal—Self-Amputation to Escape (West Hartford, CT, June 2010)
The Incident
- John was doing chores in the basement when his arm became lodged inside an old cast iron boiler.
- Alone, unable to stand or sit, and without his cell phone, John spent a night calling for help as his situation worsened.
- Quote:
"My knee jerk reaction to yank my arm out caused significant cutting and swelling set in immediately… The first night was really just spent yelling non stop."
(John, [14:24])
Desperation and Decision
- By Tuesday, John’s arm was numb and necrotic; help had not arrived, and he couldn’t free himself.
- In excruciating pain and aware of his approaching death, John devised a desperate plan:
- Quote:
"I hatched a new plan, probably past midnight on Tuesday, and that was to sever my arm."
(John, [18:22])
- Quote:
- He made practice cuts, fashioned a tourniquet, and began to amputate his own arm with a hacksaw:
- Quote:
"Started cutting through the bone… and that's when I kind of looked up and looked around and… everything was covered in blood."
(John, [19:50])
- Quote:
- John attempted to write farewell notes to his loved ones in his own blood on the side of the boiler, thinking he might not survive.
The Rescue
- Weak and fading, John was ultimately discovered by police after worried friends called 911.
- Firefighters broke open the boiler; John’s arm could not be saved. He suffered profound blood loss, kidney damage, and sepsis.
- Emotional support from his fiancée and family marked his recovery:
- Quote:
"Nobody thinks that they could cut their own arm off, but I think people would be surprised what they're capable of."
(John, [26:43]) - John credits love for family, fiancée, and dog for his will to survive.
- Quote:
Story 3: Amanda’s Ordeal—Kidnapped at Gunpoint, Survives by Outsmarting Attacker (Charlotte, NC, July 2008)
The Abduction
- Amanda, a young schoolteacher, was approached in a parking lot by a seemingly non-threatening stranger asking for directions.
- The man escalated his request, eventually revealing a gun and forcing Amanda into her own car:
- Quote:
"He looked like someone's…fat, middle aged, white, kind of creepy, but not threatening…Then he got a little bit closer and…he had a gun, and it was pointed at me."
(Amanda, [27:37])
- Quote:
Hostage Ordeal
- Amanda was forced to check into a motel, all the while fearing for her life as her captor became increasingly erratic and desperate.
- She attempted to humanize herself and “befriend” her attacker to avoid being shot:
- Quote:
"I wanted him to not just see me as something expendable… I wanted him to see me as, as a person, as his friend."
(Amanda, [31:07])
- Quote:
- Over hours, she endured forced drug use and threats as the kidnapper plotted his next moves and considered killing her.
Escape
- Amanda eventually convinced him she was trustworthy enough to leave her alone at the bank to withdraw money.
- Seizing the chance, she alerted bank staff, and police arrested the kidnapper before he could harm anyone else.
- Quote:
"I survived because I convinced him that I was a person…And I believed that I could do it. I mean, once I believed that I could do it, it worked."
(Amanda, [35:52]) - Her attacker, Peter Smith, was sentenced to 59 years without parole.
Notable Quotes & Moments
- Christine’s chilling survival:
"To know that you have a knife stuck in your brain is one of the most terrifying experiences a person can go through…" ([07:54])
- John’s harrowing self-amputation:
"I started… writing notes to [my family] in this blood on the side of the boiler. 'Mom, Dad, Mel, I'm sorry.'" ([20:30])
- Amanda’s resourcefulness:
"If you smoke this crack, I'll believe that you're not going to tell on me…And he forced me to smoke crack." ([33:24])
Timestamps for Key Segments
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Christine's Story:
- Abuse and red flags: [01:31] – [02:19]
- First physical attack: [02:23] – [04:16]
- Attempted murder: [06:42] – [10:33]
- Aftermath/justice: [12:04] – [13:00]
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John’s Story:
- Trapped in the boiler: [13:00] – [14:24]
- Despair and decision to amputate: [18:22] – [24:26]
- Rescue and outcome: [25:17] – [26:43]
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Amanda’s Story:
- Approach and abduction: [27:24] – [30:18]
- Hostage negotiations and forced drugs: [31:07] – [34:31]
- Escape and arrest: [34:42] – [35:41]
Tone & Style
The episode is intensely emotional, relayed in the plain language of survivors. Fear, shame, determination, and ingenuity come across in the survivors’ words, providing listeners a raw, unfiltered perspective on what it takes to endure—no embellishment, only searingly honest recollection.
Summary
"I SURVIVED: I Knew He Just Wanted To Watch Me Die" is a testament to the endurance of the human spirit, with three different stories of survival under dire circumstances. Each account reveals how critical the will to live, resourcefulness, and the support of others can be in overcoming the unimaginable. The episode is a powerful listen for anyone interested in true crime, resilience, or the strength of ordinary people faced with extraordinary peril.