A Coy Boy and a Soy Boy (Tatiana Maslany, Tawny Newsome, Carl Tart)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: “A Coy Boy and a Soy Boy”

Podcast: Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast
Host: Scott Aukerman (Earwolf)
Guests: Tatiana Maslany, Tawny Newsome, Carl Tart (as Barry White, Hollywood Sign, and others)
Air Date: January 12, 2026

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Episode Overview

On this episode, Scott welcomes two highly notable actors, Tatiana Maslany (“Orphan Black,” “She-Hulk”) and Tawny Newsome (comedian, “Star Trek: Lower Decks”), both involved with the new series “Star Trek: Starfleet Academy.” The episode starts with classic Bang Bang banter—filled with wordplay, playful antagonism, and absurd riffing on pop culture and themselves—then veers into an extended and hilarious character segment as Carl Tart appears as ‘Barry White’ and ‘The Hollywood Sign.’ The show features in-depthly silly, referential discussions about Star Trek, the entertainment business, writing, and Los Angeles iconography.

The episode is a quintessential “Comedy Bang Bang” blend of satire, callbacks, and improvisational character craziness, making it a must-listen for comedy and pop culture fans.

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Main Discussion Topics & Key Segments

1. Star Trek: Starfleet Academy (03:07–24:17)

• Tawny Newsome & Tatiana Maslany’s Roles:
  • Tawny discusses her move from acting (voice and screen) on Star Trek shows to writing for the “Starfleet Academy” series.
    • “You have catapulted from being in front of the camera to being behind the camera.” — Scott (09:44)
  • Tatiana joins “Starfleet Academy” in a mysterious ‘mom’ role, with recurring jokes about NDA restrictions and TV parenthood.
• Setting and Canon:
  • Tawny explains the show is set post-“The Burn,” 120 years after the San Francisco Academy last operated (07:15), in the 32nd century, and how it handles established Trek lore.
  • Tawny on Trek canon: “Every show's a spinoff from the original series, you know what I mean?” (06:14)
• Inside Jokes & Spoof Pitches:
  • Banter about possible absurd opening scenes, how Mariner (Tawny’s previous character) might reappear, and Scott’s failed audition as a nude janitor (09:10).
    • “You thought your body was like a green screen.” — Tawny (09:23)
• Improvisation to Writing Transition:
  • Tawny says her improv-laden performance on a previous Trek crossover wowed the producers enough to bring her into the writers’ room (11:59).
  • “They said, hey, all those gems you’re dropping for funsies, what if you sat in a room and did it?” — Tawny (11:59)
• Trek Deep Dives:
  • Discussion of DS9, Voyager, and TNG viewing orders; Tatiana's recent “Deep Space Nine” binge with Tawny as her “doula” (12:51).
    • “I went deep on Space Nine. Yeah, I binged it. And Tawny was my doula throughout.” — Tatiana (12:51)
• Writer’s Strike, Production:
  • Tawny covers writing during and after the strike, jokes about AI costumes and casting older actors as young ones (15:22).
• Production Details:
  • Cast includes Holly Hunter and Paul Giamatti (“Paul Giamatti is the villain in season one. I’m reading.” — Scott, 15:45), plus a tease of Robert Picardo returning as The Doctor from Voyager (31:31).

2. Hollywood, Fame, and Silly Industry Commentary (24:06–25:29)

• Fashionable Casts & Set Stories:
  • The hosts riff on the style and “coolness” of young cast members, compare to their own experiences.
    • “They all dress better than anyone I’ve ever seen.” — Tatiana (24:12)
• Meeting Famous Co-Stars:
  • Tawny confesses she never really got to hang out with Holly Hunter, jokingly demotes their interactions to “workplace” acquaintanceship (24:17).
• Aging & Industry (and the eternal YA trend):
  • Tawny and Tatiana reflect on age, on-screen roles, and Sigourney Weaver as a precedent for older actors playing younger (“Sigourney Weaver… plays a little 12 year old in Avatar.” — Scott, 10:48).

3. Tatiana Maslany’s Marvel Crossover Drama (16:44–19:13, 73:35–73:54)

• Wet, Wild Marvel Satire:
  • Ongoing, surreal riffing that Tatiana was fired by Ryan Reynolds from “Deadpool,” took Disney to court “in character” as She-Hulk, and turned down offers to return.
    • “Never fire someone who plays a lawyer.” — Scott (17:26)
    • Later, a fake “cover story” reveals she’s actually playing Deadpool in the next Marvel movie (73:54).
• Woke Agenda & Feminism Riffs:
  • Jokes skewering “woke agenda” talking points and the media.
    • “I was mad. … I was like, how dare you cast a woman in this role?” — Tatiana (18:26)

4. Surreal Character Improv: Barry White & the Hollywood Sign (32:51–61:02)

Barry White Reads Ad Copy (32:59+)

• Carl Tart as Barry White:
  • A star turn as Barry White, who claims he’s not dead (“Am I dead? Yeah, I’m sitting right in front of you!” — 33:34) and demands to read podcast ad copy.
  • A symphony of ad misreads, malapropisms, and on-the-spot copywriting for CBB’s sister shows, often mixing up show names (“Comedy Man,” “Comedy Girl,” etc.).
    • “Hi, I’m Barry White. You listening to Comedy Man. You ready to laugh at a Comedy man and a comedy girl?” (35:45)
  • Increasingly bawdy, devolving into catchphrases like “get your ass ate with Scott Au” (37:34).
  • Struggles to read producers’ and guests’ names, building recurring bits (Tony Hinchcliffe, “Tatiana Maslani,” “Tony Clifton,” etc.).
  • In-show ads for Simpsons, “Heated Rivalry,” and plugs for random podcasts.
    • “Hi, I’m Barry White. You like gay stuff? Watch Heated Rivalry. They be doing a whole lot of gay.” (44:08)
• Meta Commentary:
  • Scott’s exasperation at Barry’s improvised copy (“I don’t know that I can use…” — 36:58), and running bits about illegible handwriting.
  • “Do you want to do an ad for this episode specifically?” — Scott (45:08); Barry improvises meta-advertisements.

The Hollywood Sign Cries for Help (50:45–62:53)

• Hollywood Sign as a Personified Guest:
  • Carl Tart, now as the personified Hollywood Sign, speaks about the burden of standing upright for over a century, tired and lamenting about having to “stand up” when all other letters lay down.
    • “You got letters all out of this table… What are they doing?” — Hollywood Sign (53:02)
• Begging to Lay Down:
  • Repeated pleas to “let me lay down,” asking the mayor for two weeks off a year, frustrated by lack of sympathy, and questioning its status as a landmark.
    • “I want to plug me laying down. Just let it happen at some point.” — Hollywood Sign (69:16)
• Mayor Karen Bass Phone Call:
  • Scott “calls” Mayor Karen Bass (also played by Carl Tart), who refuses to let the sign lay down, using the “we need you standing strong and tall” civic trope (58:03).
  • Geeky riff: “When’s the last time you looked at me? Any of you? Was the last time you looked at me?” — Hollywood Sign (62:53)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Did any of them actually complete that task and actually do sex [on Facts of Life]?... It was a goon cave, that whole show.” — Tatiana (04:29–04:44)
• “You thought your body was like a green screen.” — Tawny to Scott, on his failed audition (09:23)
• “Instead of Hollywood…what if you just put the word ‘phones’?” — The Hollywood Sign (54:25)
• “Never fire someone who plays a lawyer.” — Scott, teasing Maslany’s ‘She-Hulk’ (17:26)
• Barry White (on The Simpsons): “You see how Marge got that big blue hair?” (41:40)
• “I want to plug me laying down.” — Hollywood Sign (69:16)
• “2026 is an exciting time to be a Tatiana Maslany fan. It sounds like three projects…” — Scott (68:54)
• “I almost had Karen Bass convinced to sit on the shoulders of the Kobe statue for two weeks.” — Scott (65:39)
• Running gags: confusion about character names, NDA restrictions, jokes about old age makeup, and Barry White’s repeated improvisational ad disasters.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Star Trek: Starfleet Academy in-depth & Tawny’s writing (03:07–24:17)
• Marvel Spoof Segment (“She-Hulk”/Deadpool lawsuit) (16:44–19:13)
• Meta-Commentary on Hollywood, Fame, and Industry (24:06–25:29)
• Tatiana on Star Trek fandom binge (12:45–13:12)
• Barry White Ad Insanity (32:51–48:09)
• Hollywood Sign’s Plight & Mayor Bass Call (50:45–62:53)
• Plugs and wrap-up (66:01–73:55)

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Language, Tone & Style

The episode features classic Comedy Bang Bang meta-comedy:

• Absurd wordplay, quick reversals, collaborative bit-building
• Self-deprecation and gentle mocking (“I feel like I was back in high school… watching Star Trek and getting made fun of again.” — Scott)
• Tongue-in-cheek jabs at industry trends, LA culture, and media “woke” coverage
• Surreal improv; hosts/guests fully commit to characters and running bits

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Concluding Highlights

• “Star Trek: Starfleet Academy” premieres with two episodes this Thursday on Paramount+; Tatiana Maslany and Holly Hunter star, Tawny Newsome writes.
• Satirical Marvel drama: Tatiana is totally not in “Doomsday” (or is she?).
• Carl Tart steals the show with wild performances as Barry White and the Hollywood Sign, roasting ad reads, LA politics, and podcasting itself.
• The Hollywood Sign just wants to lay down for a little bit.
• End-of-show plugs highlight Tatiana’s upcoming Sundance films, Tawny’s podcast “Starter Trek,” and shout-outs to CBBWorld.

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For listeners and newcomers alike, this episode delivers the layered, breakneck, and completely unhinged fun for which “Comedy Bang Bang” is beloved.

Transcript

[Barry White]

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[Tatiana Maslany]

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[Scott Aukerman]

I was thinking, well, yes, this is a crazy salad, but apparently it's pronounced caprese. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Mr. Pratfall. Submitted January 1, 2026. This year we're only doing new catchphrase submissions. I think recently I was, I was taking them all the way back to from four years ago or three years or so ago. We're only doing new ones this time. I'm erasing all of the older ones. So get them in early and often this year. And thank you to Mr. Pratfall for that one. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Aukerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. We have an exceptional show. We have two actors of note. We also have an incredible multi grammy award winning I'm guessing now but multi platinum I'm also guessing at that. Singer songwriter will be coming up a little later. We also have a Hollywood icon will be here. So this is incredible. I mean we're sort of backloading the show with those incredible guests and then we're going to have two actors of note here up at the top in a block. So let's talk to them. They are two of the forces behind the new television series streaming series Star Trek, Starfleet Academy. You know her as the voice and also Persona in that one live action crossover episode they did of the character Mariner from Star Trek Upper Decker.

[Tawny Newsome]

You've got the street names and no house numbers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Grand Mariner.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, Grandma.

[Scott Aukerman]

Grandmarnier. She then parlayed that incredible role into a roll in the writer's room of this new show. She said, why do I want to be the center of attention? Let me write for other people. We'll talk to her about that. And then she is the Emmy award winning actor who appeared in the television show Orphan Black. And then she went on to appear in she Hulk. She'll be starring in the upcoming Avengers Doom Day where she kills Deadpool. Please welcome Tawny Newsom and Tatiana Maslany. The two D's, the tooties.

[Tawny Newsome]

Here we are.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is just like when Facts of Life went to France. Tutti was there.

[Tatiana Maslany]

They went to France?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. On a vacation.

[Tatiana Maslany]

How much did that one cost?

[Tawny Newsome]

Why wouldn't they?

[Scott Aukerman]

Why? That's the thing. You watch Facts of Life and you're like, why are you sticking around this dumb old school?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Right? You got to go to Paris, the city Damul, for the fact of life. Because it's about sex, right?

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

That whole show was about.

[Tawny Newsome]

The whole show was to show you how to do sex.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did any of them ever actually complete that task and actually do sec? I feel like there must have been one special episode where one of them.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Natalie, they all held off coming. So no one.

[Scott Aukerman]

They just goons the entire time.

[Tatiana Maslany]

It was a goon cave, that whole show.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, watching run to that puts it in a whole new perspective. Wow. Welcome back to the show, guys. You both have been on the show several times. T, you've been on for the Star Trek Upper Decker show and then Star Cartoon. T, you start tune cartoon. And you've been here for. For many, many years. You're an old friend of the show since even when you were doing. I believe even when you were doing the Orphan Black show, you.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. We were fans and then we were frowns.

[Scott Aukerman]

Frowns. And you guys are working together finally on this Star Trek.

[Tawny Newsome]

So many long hours together.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah, we just had a lot of days on set just staring into each other's faces, working it out. I'd be like, tawny, Tawny, we gotta cut.

[Tawny Newsome]

We gotta be like, let's rap.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I need a punch up on this.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're calling rap. You're just a writer.

[Tawny Newsome]

No, no, I mean like, let's rap together.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Let's series, rap the whole thing.

[Tawny Newsome]

Start fresh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, tell me about this show because it is in the Star Trek universe, I'm assuming. Although I guess you could call something Star Trek and have it not be part of Star Trek. Right?

[Tawny Newsome]

I mean, that's what they claim we're doing all the time. That's what the Internet says we do. No, but this is. It's Star Trek in name and in words.

[Scott Aukerman]

Name, words and personage. Yeah, it really is. This is a. Is it wrong to call it a spinoff? I mean, it's in the universe that at Discovery.

[Tawny Newsome]

I mean, Scott, every show's a spinoff from the original series. You know what I mean?

[Scott Aukerman]

That is true.

[Tawny Newsome]

They're all just spin offs.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is Captain Kirk in this one?

[Tawny Newsome]

He is not in this one.

[Scott Aukerman]

God damn it.

[Tawny Newsome]

He's busy. He's in the other one. He's in Strange New Worlds.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, he is in that one, isn't he? Yeah, that's right. And this one is set in the far flung future.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, yeah. The 32nd century.

[Scott Aukerman]

32Nd century. Try not to sound so bored when you're talking about.

[Tawny Newsome]

No, I'm trying to sound sultry and, like, allure, Boring.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think sultry and bored are so close together.

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, man, it's so. It's just.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yes, I'm enticed. I'm in.

[Tawny Newsome]

30 seconds.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Make it sound sexy.

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sexy to you.

[Barry White]

Ooh, baby, let's have sex.

[Tawny Newsome]

Baby, let's goon. No, no. This is a YA show. Yes.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

YA stands for Young Adult. This is. This concerns a bunch of students at a new Starfleet Academy.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yes.

[Tatiana Maslany]

120 from the original San Francisco Academy. This is what I read on the website today. Is that correct?

[Tawny Newsome]

It's after the Burn. So in canon there was an event called the Burn, where every ship in the quadrant, in the galaxy, maybe that had a dilithium core, basically exploded. So a bunch of people died, A bunch of shit burnt out. Federation decimated.

[Scott Aukerman]

And everyone said, no more Federation. Because they're the ones who got us into this burn mess in the first place.

[Tawny Newsome]

Not quite. But they did.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's what I would have said.

[Tawny Newsome]

They were just like, there's not a lot of us around.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Tawny Newsome]

And then the campus closed down. So now this is the first time the San Francisco campus is reopening in 120 years.

[Scott Aukerman]

So I would imagine episode one starts with a shot of the campus gates and it says, closed for good. There's a big sign on it. And then they take a crowbar and they pry it off.

[Tatiana Maslany]

The janitor comes up. Yeah, he's between sweeps.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yep, he's. Well, he's there to make sure even though it's closed, it's gotta be clean.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

And no one notified him? He's like, get out of here. This place is closed. Don't you know that? There ain't been a federation here for. For millions of years.

[Tawny Newsome]

Right? And then that's when your character shows up and goes, not anymore, bucko. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Shoots him in the head.

[Tatiana Maslany]

That's the cold open. Shoots him in the head.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not on stunt. Phaser's on kill.

[Tawny Newsome]

She leaves. We never see her again in the show.

[Tatiana Maslany]

So she turns into a liquid and sleeps in a bucket for 16 hours.

[Tawny Newsome]

That's true. She's new. Odo.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah.

[Tawny Newsome]

Wow. We're really not supposed to drop all these spoilers.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's okay. This show. I mean, look, no one listens to this show, so you can do spoilers.

[Tawny Newsome]

No.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Nothing we've ever said on this show has ever become an article in the real world. And no one has ever asked me about it consistently.

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait for everything we say on here to become a screen rant or.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, when I auditioned for this janitor role.

[Tawny Newsome]

You did audition. We. We all saw the tape.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you all saw the tape.

[Tawny Newsome]

They passed it around.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah, well, I just.

[Tawny Newsome]

You saw the tape, right?

[Tatiana Maslany]

I saw the tape.

[Scott Aukerman]

I decided to do it in the nude because I was like, I don't know what space people wear. So you can just put whatever you want on me.

[Tatiana Maslany]

It's good because then they can. Yeah. They could just AI Your outfit on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly. So I'm glad you guys saw it.

[Tawny Newsome]

You thought your body was like a green scre.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Not to quote John Mayer is a green screen.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I knew that for a YA show, your body was gonna get you that job.

[Tawny Newsome]

Absolutely.

[Tatiana Maslany]

You said sweeping with your peen was wild.

[Tawny Newsome]

That was wild.

[Tatiana Maslany]

That was a crazy choice with your penis.

[Scott Aukerman]

I can understand why I didn't get it, but I understand. But now, Tawny.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is the show. I've been talking to you for a number of years about this show. You.

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have catapulted from being in front of the camera to being behind the camera.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you ever. Were you ever on set and you're like, why don't we just turn that camera around and you just turn it around pointing towards you?

[Tawny Newsome]

I mean, unironically. Yes. Every time I've been there, I've been like, why am I. Why might not just go over there? What am I doing back here? What am I doing?

[Tatiana Maslany]

But you're the setting costume every day.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Just in case.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you ever, like. Were you ever pitching in the writer's Room saying like, but what if Mariner, like happened to just drop by?

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah. Just catapult, you know, a thousand years into the future. Let her show up. Let her show up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Come up with some dumb science fiction reason to do it.

[Tawny Newsome]

You know, my favorite were the fans that were speculating like, oh, maybe Mariner can go to Starfleet Academy. And I was like, I am a middle aged woman. I don't need to be.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can play 12.

[Tatiana Maslany]

She's going for her masters.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, right.

[Scott Aukerman]

They get Sigourney Weaver and Avatar.

[Tatiana Maslany]

You the what to what? Say that name again.

[Tawny Newsome]

Sigourney. Like a gurney.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sigourney Weaver of alien fame.

[Tawny Newsome]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

She plays a little 12 year old in Avatar. They could do that to you.

[Tawny Newsome]

She does. I guess they ha to break it to you.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Annoying because there's so many 12 year olds who are like trying to break into town and they give it to an older job.

[Tawny Newsome]

Speak on it. Gosh, I know so many 12 year olds just trying to get their breakfast.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, it's, it's a terrible situation. But anyway, you, you were on the, the other show where you were the lead along with Hollywood's good boy.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, Hollywood's good boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jack Quaid, who by the way, just reviewed Shin Godzilla on Scott, hasn't seen available at CBB World now. But you, you were on that show and then you did a crossover episode with Strange New Worlds, if I'm correct. And they were so. This is what I read. They were so impressed with your improvisation, the art, that they said, let's get you in the writers room. And I would have thought that you would have been like, oh, we're so impressed with her improvisation. Let's build another show around her. But no, they said, let's get you behind the camera.

[Tawny Newsome]

They said, hey, all those gems you're dropping for funsies, what if you sat in a room and did it?

[Tatiana Maslany]

What if you pitched them and people.

[Tawny Newsome]

Said, no, we don't get it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Too broad, I would imagine, because you're a huge Star Trek fan. We've discussed this many times. You've given me your. We have a text chain. Yes. All your screeners. And you're always like, don't you have Paramount? Plus you could just. I was like, no, I need these on videotape. But you've given me on the text chain, your picks for best episodes, all this kind of stuff. You have a deep, deep knowledge of Star Trek. And so I would imagine the improv that you were doing had a lot of references to old episodes. I mean, we Just mentioned. What's his name who sleeps in the bucket? Odoo or whatever.

[Tawny Newsome]

Come on.

[Tatiana Maslany]

He's my favorite.

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, my God. You know, she just finished a Deep Space Nine watch through.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? You got all the.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I went deep on Space Nine. Yeah. I binged it. And Tani was my doula throughout.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think I tapped out in season five. I need to get back to that. No, no.

[Tawny Newsome]

Even listen to this. That's insane.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know this is your favorite show.

[Tawny Newsome]

You were in, and no one taps out and see, it doesn't get worse. It gets tapping out in season one, I get.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, I enjoyed it, too. But I was watching. I was watching it chronologically concurrently with Voyager as well. So I was doing. I was. I was even like, you know, the air date. I basically, like, go back and forth. So I'd watch a couple in a row of DS9. If there was reruns going on in Voyager and stuff like that. And it just became too overwhelming to me, and cool up would make fun of me anytime I would turn it on. So. So I felt like I was back in high school.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah. I mean, watching D6, Nine and Voyager back to back in chronological order as though it's 1993 is not going to, like, impress press wives.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I like that it was, like, chronological for the year, not for the show. Like, not necessarily.

[Scott Aukerman]

They were going on at the same time. They were just different dimensions.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah, but it wasn't like you were, like, watching, like. And then this story loops into that one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sometimes stuff would. Because. Because I was doing it with. With TNG as well, along with. And those would cross over occasionally.

[Tawny Newsome]

Well, the end of tng, Deep Space Nine, who cares? Started airing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who cares?

[Tawny Newsome]

Fine. Fine.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anyway, so you're.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, so they said, write down all that shit. Put it in a final draft document. We'll pay you for it, and some of it will show up on the screen.

[Scott Aukerman]

And this is your first foray into the writer's room, is it not?

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah. I've written sketch, but no narrative. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Incredible. And is maybe a certain golden woman with wings holding a globe in your future?

[Tawny Newsome]

Who is that?

[Scott Aukerman]

The Emmys, of course. Do you think that you'll win an Emmy? Yes.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Spelled differently.

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, you're right. Sorry, I forgot. You did name your kid after the.

[Tatiana Maslany]

No, I was thinking this today.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, she spelled different.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Named it after.

[Scott Aukerman]

I didn't even name, by the way. I was told what her name was going to be.

[Tawny Newsome]

By whom?

[Tatiana Maslany]

You'll never believe this angel Gabriel, but.

[Scott Aukerman]

The same woman who bullied me for watching Star Trek.

[Tawny Newsome]

Okay. I was just making sure, like, you know, it wasn't the Angel Gabriel or something.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no. Just one day she told me what her full name was going to be, and I, I. And I. I said, oh, okay.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Emerald.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right.

[Tawny Newsome]

I love it.

[Scott Aukerman]

So. So you. You had a good time or you.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, why not? Yeah, sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's great.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah. There was a writer's strike. We stopped for a while, then we came back. We kept writing it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love it when a job stops and you have to wait several months to go back to it and not get paid.

[Tawny Newsome]

Well, it was nice to know we had a job to go back to. But, yeah, we wrote the first season, we wrote the second season. They're film. They film in the second season. Now everything's.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love it. And this. And this stars Holly Hunter.

[Tawny Newsome]

Sure does. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Paul Giamatti.

[Scott Aukerman]

Paul Giamatti is the villain in season one. I'm reading.

[Tawny Newsome]

You have read that.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then we have Tatiana, who plays a mom.

[Tawny Newsome]

She's so much cooler than that. She's so much.

[Scott Aukerman]

So wait, so your character has had.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Sex at least once?

[Scott Aukerman]

Immaculately.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah. She had one at one time and then popped out a baby. Never again, she said.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just tore it off, she said.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I'm not doing that again.

[Tawny Newsome]

No. Yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

She has a. She has a child.

[Tawny Newsome]

We see her face.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Space child.

[Scott Aukerman]

Space child.

[Tatiana Maslany]

You gotta watch the first episode.

[Tawny Newsome]

You gotta watch.

[Scott Aukerman]

A lot happens. How many episodes are you in?

[Tawny Newsome]

She can't say that. Sorry, I just.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many episodes? How many episodes?

[Tawny Newsome]

Shut up.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Tanya's holding my NDA and pointing at it right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many episodes are there? 10.

[Tawny Newsome]

10.

[Scott Aukerman]

And what percentage of episodes are you in?

[Tawny Newsome]

We can't.

[Tatiana Maslany]

We can't. 10.

[Tawny Newsome]

Let's change the line of questioning. Let's change.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, let's bring it back to Avengers. Doomsday Day.

[Tatiana Maslany]

From Streck to Shrek.

[Tawny Newsome]

We did start calling it Shrek.

[Tatiana Maslany]

We call Shrek and we call she Hulk Shrek in the House. And we call Star Trek str.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so we. You. You've been on several episodes before where we've talked about how you were fired. What was it? You were fired from Deadpool.

[Tawny Newsome]

I feel an article coming.

[Tatiana Maslany]

It came and it went.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it's already. It's already out there. I already got Tatiana accidentally dragged. Spilled the beans on it. On an episode before. You were. You were in the Deadpool movie. You got fired by Ryan Reynolds.

[Tatiana Maslany]

He didn't like the two scenes that I was doing.

[Tawny Newsome]

Got it.

[Tatiana Maslany]

That I did. So he Fired me. And then I got litigious because that's.

[Scott Aukerman]

What Jen Walters does.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I was still in character.

[Scott Aukerman]

Never fire someone who plays a lawyer.

[Tatiana Maslany]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because they know what to do next. So you took him to court.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I took Disney to court. And Ryan Reynolds.

[Tawny Newsome]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

You. By the way, your alias was Justin Baldoni, Right? Isn't his name in court?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Oh, I was thinking. Never mind. I was thinking someone totally different. Yes, it was.

[Scott Aukerman]

But anyway, all that's behind you. You guys. You guys settled. You're. You're back in Avengers. Doomsday.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Nope.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now what's going on?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Disney has approached me to play she Hulk again. Guys, I said no, okay? Because I just did. This is. This is what? This is the facts, they're out there. You can read the articles about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tell us what happened.

[Tawny Newsome]

I just.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I was really mad at them for. For letting me sue them for kicking me out of the movie. I was just mad. I was just general. I'm just.

[Scott Aukerman]

They. They took Ryan Reynolds side on the movie.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Feminist stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And you were upset at them trying to shove the woke agenda down our throats.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I was mad.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Honestly, with your casting.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah, exactly. I was like, how dare you cast a woman in this role? That's disgusting. I'm embarrassed to even be here.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you. They came to you.

[Barry White]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

They wanted you to be the star.

[Tatiana Maslany]

They really wanted me to be a Doomsday Avengers style.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you just had you. You flat turned bin.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I turned them down.

[Scott Aukerman]

You said no. I'm in Star Trek now.

[Tatiana Maslany]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is crazy. And does it. And this is the first. First time this is coming out. This is the first time you're.

[Tatiana Maslany]

No, this came out.

[Scott Aukerman]

This came out already. But you're confirming it.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I'm confirming it here. Yeah.

[Tawny Newsome]

I didn't know you turned it down. We maybe should have put you in more episodes.

[Tatiana Maslany]

You put me in a lot of episodes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or 75%.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Maybe not many.

[Tawny Newsome]

Maybe we should have put you in none.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Maybe Tawny worked really hard to not have me in the show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have they ever done a show where they. They say and starring and then they put a person in who just never appears in the show?

[Tatiana Maslany]

I mean, Julianne Moore died really quick in Children of Men.

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, actually that's true. She did die real quick in that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Remember that Children of men.

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, sorry. 15 year old movie. I just did try to write your character a lot of like not jokes but just like because like her character, you know, she's going through something. But I wanted like the Wit and the weirdness that I know about you. And so I would try and stick stuff in all the time. And every now and then I would just get back from the showrunner, like, what are you doing?

[Tatiana Maslany]

I think we, in fact, ADR'd me to be even more under duress.

[Barry White]

Yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I think even if I was, like, slightly light on the day, they were like, can you be crying? We know that you're not crying in this scene, but can you just, like, make it sound like yours are?

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a crying role.

[Tatiana Maslany]

And then when I saw I'm a mother. What do you think?

[Tawny Newsome]

Mothers cry. I saw the pilot and I was like, oh, yeah, my joke about mustaches wouldn't have really. That wasn't really the tone. That wasn't the vibe.

[Tatiana Maslany]

What was the joke about mustaches?

[Tawny Newsome]

It's like, spoiler, but I'll tell you later. But I just can't wait. I really just wanted you to, like, just take the piss, you know, whenever you could. And I was like, it would have ruined some moments.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, this sounds incredible. Star Trek. Starfleet Academy will be out this Thursday.

[Tawny Newsome]

And I'll be publishing all my unused jokes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, Good.

[Tawny Newsome]

On a WordPress site for everybody to look at.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's only on Paramount Plus. Is that correct?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Only, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, this Thursday, two episodes drop and then one a week after that. Is that right?

[Tawny Newsome]

That sounds right.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then, Tawny, are you. Do you ever make a little cameo in it? Like, they find a video tape of you from a thousand years ago where you're like, hey, what's up?

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, I can drop a scloozy here. They find an old videotape of me, not Mariner, just of Tawny.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, whoa.

[Tawny Newsome]

And it's of me in the writer's room pitching mustache related humor. And they watch it as an example of what not to do if one wants to become a writer. It's really educational.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm trying to think of what a mustache joke would be. Would it be like, hey, instead of getting on that spaceship, why don't you take a mustache ride?

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, that's a good mustache. Oh, wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know.

[Tawny Newsome]

I'm adding that to the WordPress.

[Tatiana Maslany]

She shows up somewhere with a mustache. Nobody knows who she is, but she pulls it off. And they're like, oh, a mother. A mother.

[Tawny Newsome]

Can you cry more?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, Tat, I wanted to give you something because this has been in my office here for.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I can see a stain in the corner, literally.

[Scott Aukerman]

When did the monkey come out? It came out in February of 2024. This has been in my house for 11 months and I have not seen you in person in that whole time. And I've been saving it on that table over there. I finally, when this was scheduled, I brought it out and I put it right over there on that table in anticipation of giving it to you and Jason Mantzoukas. We were doing a different show. He spilled coffee all over it. And you can hear that on the Wamp It Up Christmas Spectacular. But I signed it as you wanted me to do with she Hulk Shame. And then Jason signed it saying, sorry I spilled coffee on this. This is a poster for the monkey.

[Tatiana Maslany]

That's gorgeous.

[Scott Aukerman]

Enjoy those two things. Get it out of my house.

[Tatiana Maslany]

The coffee stain kind of makes it look old timey.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it does.

[Tatiana Maslany]

It makes it look really weathery.

[Scott Aukerman]

I got that for free for seeing the movie.

[Tatiana Maslany]

All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

They paid me in post. You didn't buy to see the movie.

[Tatiana Maslany]

You didn't buy for.

[Tawny Newsome]

I get it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I did it. But I did tell you that I got this expecting you to go, haha, no, thank you. And you said, oh, I want that. And I've had it in my house for now.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I want it. You need keep it now.

[Tawny Newsome]

It's been a burden in your home.

[Scott Aukerman]

At one point I was like, can I get rid of this? And you said, no, I want it.

[Tatiana Maslany]

So did you spill the coffee? Do you think Jason spilled the coffee because he knew that you were mad at me?

[Scott Aukerman]

I think so.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Wait, was that despite me?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. Am I mad at you for some reason I can't recall for making you.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Hold this piece of paper in your house?

[Scott Aukerman]

I have.

[Tatiana Maslany]

And for a lot of other things.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, I mean, let's get into it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm mad because I'm a. I mean, you know, I'm a deadpool. Stan. I know, stands for Stan Lee.

[Tawny Newsome]

And famously, during the strike, you started working in business affairs for Disney, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

I did, yeah. Just to pick up some extra cash. So I'm a little upset with you, but no, we're old friends.

[Tatiana Maslany]

And you hate action. You hate women action heroes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. It just doesn't make sense because they don't have the upper body strength.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Now how do their boobs fit in those clothes?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, that's a shame that you're no longer part of the Marvel universe.

[Tatiana Maslany]

But I understand Hulk shame.

[Scott Aukerman]

She Hulk shame. That's right. But I will say that Star Trek Starfleet Academy is out this Thursday, two episodes. And these are just like powerful episodes, right?

[Tawny Newsome]

They are. They're very exciting. They're funny. Our cast is so cool and sexy and funny and cool.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah.

[Tawny Newsome]

I love all the kids so much. They're not kids. They're like 24 year old adults. But, you know, they're playing college and they're very cool.

[Tatiana Maslany]

They all dress better than anyone I've ever seen.

[Tawny Newsome]

Better than all of us. They all look better than all of us at all times. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And did you get to hang out with Holly Hunter? Either of you?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah.

[Tawny Newsome]

No.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Whoa, really?

[Tawny Newsome]

No, I. I don't think I hung out with Holly Hunter. No.

[Scott Aukerman]

But did you? I mean, I don't. Okay. Did you get to meet her?

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, sure. Yeah, Yeah, I work there.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you never. It was a workplace.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, I worked there. I wrote two episodes. I worked there. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you have scenes with her. You were saying, are you her mother?

[Tawny Newsome]

Maybe I'm her mommy. Maybe she's her own mother.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Hello, Holly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you have old age makeup in this?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Like.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yep.

[Tatiana Maslany]

She looked to the old age makeup right now.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, she just comes like that, naturally.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I just turned 40 and I'm still not taken seriously.

[Scott Aukerman]

Congratulations. You're flirty and forty and flirty and. Well, this is incredible. I can't wait to see this show. Tani, I've been a fan of your improv and I've always thought that you should write the stuff you're saying down.

[Tawny Newsome]

Should write it down. So it's better. So I have a second chance at it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do a second pass.

[Tawny Newsome]

Give it another look.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott and Tad, of course, you, you know, anytime you grace our screens, it's an incredible experience.

[Tatiana Maslany]

It always goes well for me, that's for sure. Always well received.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, we're gonna take a break. Star Trek Starfleet Academy is out this Thursday on Paramount. Plus we're gonna take a break. When we come back, we have an incredible singer, songwriter. Oh, wow. This is. I'm thrilled. I've been a huge fan of this guy for many years and we're going to talk to him. We're going to be right back with more of Tawny, more of Tatiana. We're going to be right back with more comedy Bang Bang after this. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Whether you're just beginning or ready to grow your business, Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help your business stand out and succeed online. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences. Showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website, Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, premium workshops. So much stuff. Get paid on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments. Plus streamline your workflow with built in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. Head to squarespace.com Bang Bang for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Bang bang to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. How Happy New Year. That's right, a new year is just about to be here. We have colder days. Well, this is the moment that your winter wardrobe really has to deliver, right? So if you're craving a winter reset, start with pieces truly made to last season after season. And Quince brings together premium materials, thoughtful design and enduring quality so you can stay warm, look sharp and feel your best all season long. Their outerwear is especially impressive. Each piece is made from premium materials by trusted factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production. I got a bunch of stuff from Quince right now. I have a really good jacket that I've been trotting out during the holiday season. I love the outerwear. Everything is so good and so comfy and looks good. Every time I wear something my wife says who's that from? From? And I say Quince, my dear lady. And then I bow and she curtsies. It's a whole thing that we have. Anyway, refresh your winter wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.com Bang Bang for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N c e.com BangBang free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Bang Bang Whew. Boy, now that the holidays are over, you might be feeling like you got a big hangover. A big spending hangover that is. Oh boy, everything you had to pay the gifts, the drinks, the holiday food. Well, luckily Mint Mobile is here to help you cut back on overspending on wireless this January with 50% off unlimited premium wireless. All plans come with a high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. You can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all of your existing contacts. This January, quit overspending on Wireless with 50% off unlimited premium wireless plans start at $15 a month at mintmobile.com Bang Bang. That's Mint mobile.com Bang Bang. Limited time offer upfront payment of $45 for three month, $90 for six month or $180 for 12 month plan required. $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only. Over 50 gigabytes. May slow when network is busy. Capable device required. Availability, speed and coverage varies. See mintmobile.com comedy bang bang. We're back. We have Tawny Newsom and Tatiana Maslini. I'm say it different every time I say it. You've never told me the correct pronunciation.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Because I don't really know.

[Tawny Newsome]

You're like Rihanna.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah.

[Tawny Newsome]

Rihanna never corrects anybody.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Actually, people sometimes say Tatiana, which is.

[Tawny Newsome]

A bit t. Tatiana.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Tatiana.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tatiana. Tatiana.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Tatiana.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tatiana.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Tatiana.

[Tawny Newsome]

Tatiana. I'm a slam.

[Tatiana Maslany]

You know that. Ukrainian. British.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anything going on with Orson Black these days? You doing a reboot or anything like that?

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, man.

[Tatiana Maslany]

That's why I'm wearing the old age makeup.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about Orphan Black? The. The Next Generation?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Did it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did it already?

[Tatiana Maslany]

They already did it. They did a. They did a squeakle and it got canceled.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm so sorry.

[Tawny Newsome]

I saw part of that on Netflix and I was like, oh, is. Is that my friend? No, I don't see her.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Twasn't.

[Tawny Newsome]

I don't see her.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I weren't in it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You said. You said no to that, too. You're just turning down work here everywhere. You're just. Yeah, but. But that was because you originally thought you were going to be in Deadpool.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah, so I was like, putting all my cards in that bucket or whatever.

[Scott Aukerman]

Eggs in basket.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I was putting all my cards in.

[Tawny Newsome]

That shed next to Odo.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Oh, man. Just to be a liquid with that man at some point in my life.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is he.

[Tawny Newsome]

You and Luxon?

[Tatiana Maslany]

He died in 2019.

[Scott Aukerman]

But in. But I was reading in this. In this new Starfleet Academy, which is out this Thursday, you have the. The Doctor.

[Tawny Newsome]

The Doctor. The incredible Robert Picardo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Tawny Newsome]

He's incredible.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I love that. All right, back. Is he. He's a hologram still or. Because I never saw the end of Voyager. Did he ever become a real person or.

[Tawny Newsome]

Well, now become a real person. I mean, he has wants and desires.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know. He got like an armband that let him go off the street ship.

[Tawny Newsome]

He. Yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which. Which felt like a. An actor saying, you got to get me off of this ship.

[Tawny Newsome]

I think it might have more been like the studio being like, you got to get him off this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can you create an armband for me. I am tired of being on this set.

[Tawny Newsome]

Two things the studio did, they. They built a ship for Deep Space Nine. They're like, get everybody off the station. And they gave Picardo an armband. They're like, get. Get him out there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get him out there. Get him out there in these streets.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yes. He is still the emergency. The EMH Emergency Medical Hologram.

[Scott Aukerman]

Such a great concept for a character.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah. And he's 900 years old and he's here to shape these badass kids.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love it. All right, well, Starfleet Academy, this Thursday. We have to get to our next guest. He is an incredible singer, songwriter, multi platinum artist, Grammy Award winner, probably R and B soul. What can't he do? And his voice is unmistakable. Please welcome to the show for the first time. Time. Barry White is here, everyone. Wow.

[Barry White]

Oh, yeah. Scott, you done up now.

[Scott Aukerman]

I up.

[Barry White]

Let me tell you, you done up royally. Putting a microphone in front of me. Oh, yeah. Ladies, get your towels. Get your towels.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get your ring.

[Tawny Newsome]

Main coach.

[Barry White]

Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Barry.

[Barry White]

Happy New Year.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, Happy New Year. Great to see you, Barry White. So, so incredible to see you.

[Barry White]

Happy New Year, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Happy New Year to you. One thing I wanted to ask right off the bat. Are you dead? I can't remember.

[Barry White]

Am I dead? Yeah, I'm sitting right in front of you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's right. Okay.

[Barry White]

Am I dead? What type of question is that?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm just confused because every once in a while someone will come on this show who might be de. And I don't. I don't quite know if they are or not, but it's.

[Barry White]

You got dead people on your show, Scott. What type of show you running? What type of clown show you running here?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry. There's a guy, he thinks he's a good friend of mine, O.J. simpson, who.

[Barry White]

Ah, yeah, he told me to come here. He said he loves you. He said you love him right back.

[Tawny Newsome]

So you can talk to dead people?

[Barry White]

Who, me?

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah.

[Barry White]

I can talk to everybody. God damn it.

[Tawny Newsome]

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the thing. Haley Joel Osman, our good friend, the hand job man who've been on the show several times, he could. He could see dead people, but he doesn't get credit for. He could see alive people, too.

[Barry White]

Yeah, exactly. They only care about when you can see the dead folks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Barry White]

It's more impressive to him.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. Whoops. Sorry.

[Barry White]

Scott, how long you been doing. How long you been doing this? How long have you been having this operation? Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

This will be the 17th anniversary, I believe, coming up in May. Yeah.

[Barry White]

And you finally called me in to do some ads for your network work.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that why you're here? I. I don't have any.

[Barry White]

Oh, don't act coy now, Scott. Don't act like a little koi boy. You know, I'm a toy boy, but you know why I'm here. Don't act like a soy boy. Don't act like a cord boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, look, I don't know. I don't know if I need to come here to be insulted. You want to do some ads?

[Barry White]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that right?

[Barry White]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, what do you need from me? You need.

[Barry White]

I need you to list. Give me a list of all the shows that you got.

[Scott Aukerman]

All the shows.

[Barry White]

Okay. On your television network.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. It's. It's podcasting, but we have. First of all, this is the flagship show, Comedy Bang Bang.

[Barry White]

And what is this called?

[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy Bang Bang.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you. Do you need your music for this or.

[Barry White]

Yeah, play my. Play my music.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, here we go.

[Barry White]

Is this the paper right here that you need me to read off of?

[Scott Aukerman]

This is it.

[Barry White]

Okay. All right. Hi, I'm Barry White, and you're listening to Comedy Man. You ready to laugh with the Comedy Man? Wait a minute. Hold on. Let me start up. Start the music over.

[Scott Aukerman]

God damn it, start over. Okay, here we go.

[Barry White]

Who wrote this?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, you're not even saying it correctly.

[Tawny Newsome]

And why'd you write it wrong on there?

[Barry White]

Why'd you write it wrong on this goddamn paper? Scott, hold on. Hi, I'm Barry White. You listening to Comedy Man? Comedy Man. Girl. Huh? You. You ready to laugh at a Comedy man and a comedy girl?

[Tawny Newsome]

Shit.

[Barry White]

God damn, Scott. What is this? You got to write this clear. This is your penmanship.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, no, I'm sorry.

[Barry White]

How in the hell did you graduate from primary school with penmanship like this?

[Scott Aukerman]

I, I, I don't know, but it's Comedy Bang Bang. I don't know if you can get.

[Barry White]

It right, but Comedy Bang Bang. That's what I said.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. I think you said comedy man, girl, which, I mean, look, I am a man, and there are two girls here.

[Barry White]

But you got to write. You got to write it clear, Scott. You got to write it down for me. Clearer.

[Scott Aukerman]

I apologize.

[Tawny Newsome]

Do you want to rewrite it or.

[Barry White]

Yeah, yeah, rewrite it. Give me something else. Give me. Give me another piece of paper.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Do you want to do maybe our other show? Do you.

[Barry White]

Which one?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that okay, Yeah, I mentioned it before. Hollywood's good boy Jack. Quaid was just on. Scott hasn't seen.

[Barry White]

Scott hasn't seen.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's where Sprague, the Whisperer and I watch movies together.

[Barry White]

All right, let me. This is the paper right here.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is the paper right there.

[Barry White]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, you ready?

[Barry White]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, here we go.

[Barry White]

Hi, I'm Barry White. You seen a movie? Scott ain't. He ain't done it yet, so don't spoil it for him. You got that?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know that I, I don't.

[Barry White]

Know that I can use Randy Quaid, right? Randy Quaid.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's definitely not Randy Quaid.

[Tawny Newsome]

It's not Randy.

[Barry White]

Who is it? Who is it? God damn it.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's Jack Quaid of Star Trek, her show.

[Barry White]

Okay, start it over.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, here we go.

[Barry White]

You like Jack Black? He got a new anaconda coming out.

[Tawny Newsome]

This is different.

[Barry White]

It's a snake movie. A big ass snake will eat your ass whole.

[Scott Aukerman]

Eat my asshole either.

[Barry White]

Eat your asshole and eat your ass.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hope I don't know which I want.

[Barry White]

So come and listen to comedy, man. Snake. And get your ass ate with Scott Au.

[Tawny Newsome]

Okay, that's actually not the first time I've heard get your ass ate with Scott Au.

[Barry White]

Is that the name of another show?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I mean, that's just the name of what goes on around this okay household.

[Barry White]

This is going to be a big year for you, Scott. I'm proud, I'm proud of you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you so much.

[Barry White]

Proud of you for bringing me in here to do these ads.

[Scott Aukerman]

I, I, you know, I'm not quite sure that I, I, this is part of the. I, I mean, I booked you here on the show because I'm a big fan.

[Barry White]

Oh, I thought you just wanted me to do the ads.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that what you do these days.

[Barry White]

You being a koi boy and a soy boy right now?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I apologize. I don't want to be those, but, but I, I appreciate this. I mean, it's great. I mean, to have someone as legendary and, and probably still alive is. Thank you, thank you, thank you here on the show.

[Barry White]

Thank you. You, thank you so much.

[Tawny Newsome]

Do ads for other shows.

[Barry White]

Absolutely. You shoot, Shoot me a show. I got.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you want to do Star Trek?

[Tawny Newsome]

Starfleet Academy?

[Barry White]

Starfleet Academy, Is that what it's called? Starfleet Academy?

[Tawny Newsome]

That's it. I wrote it down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Make sure you.

[Barry White]

This a piece of paper right here. Yeah, this piece of paper. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. All right, here we go.

[Barry White]

Ready? Yeah. Hi, I'm Barry White. Shoot for the stars, aim for the moon.

[Tawny Newsome]

Okay.

[Barry White]

God damn. You wrote this down.

[Tawny Newsome]

I'm so sorry.

[Barry White]

This your penmanship?

[Tawny Newsome]

It is.

[Barry White]

How did you graduate secondary school with this penmanship?

[Tawny Newsome]

By that point, we used a lot. We typed a lot.

[Barry White]

Type. You use a typewriter?

[Tawny Newsome]

A computer. I'm not that old.

[Barry White]

Ah, computer. A computer. Girl on Comedy World. And she gonna. She gonna. She got a show called Star. Star Maker. Star Search. Star search. Matt McMahon, if you want to watch that. Tune in to this latest show. What's your name?

[Tawny Newsome]

My name is Tawny Newsom.

[Barry White]

This is Tony. Tony. Tony and Dawn. Tony Clifton. Tony Clifton.

[Tawny Newsome]

She's actually on it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I just wrote on it.

[Barry White]

What's your name, young lady?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Oh, Tatiana Maslani.

[Barry White]

Tatiana. Tatiana Maslany.

[Scott Aukerman]

I got the hardest one right.

[Tawny Newsome]

You know, not every name is native.

[Barry White]

What's your name again?

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, who are you talking nowhere?

[Tawny Newsome]

My name is Tawny Newsome.

[Barry White]

Tony Hench. Cliff. Watch the show. Watch these. Shoot for the stars and watch the stars. Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. God damn.

[Tawny Newsome]

It actually wasn't that bad. No, that was crazy.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, you could. It's usable.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I definitely watched that show.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, we'd clip that out and use it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Barry White]

How many shows you got on your television network, Scott?

[Scott Aukerman]

Podcasting. I. I also have threedom and three. Three. Do you want to try that one?

[Barry White]

Yeah, might as well.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah, Here we go.

[Barry White]

Is this the paper right here?

[Scott Aukerman]

This is the paper. Yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Ruffle.

[Barry White]

This is the paper.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't have to ruffle it into the mic, by the way.

[Barry White]

I'm very white. You want to have a threesome with Scott. Scott. And get your last hole. Eight John and Kate plus eight. John and Kate plus Scott. Eight your ass. Threesome.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Barry White]

Starring Tony Hitchcliff.

[Tawny Newsome]

And I'm not in it.

[Barry White]

Tasha got a best line.

[Tawny Newsome]

I'm not. All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, look, I'll use it. I don't care. Like, I think it'll pick up some listeners, probably.

[Barry White]

It's gonna pick up all the listeners. I've been getting listened to for years.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. You're an expert at being listened to.

[Barry White]

I'm an expert at being listened to. You heard me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Uhhuh. I mean, music is an auditory art form, is it not?

[Barry White]

Absolutely. It's an auditorium. We did it. We recorded most of it in the auditorium.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's right. I mean, tell me about your incredible career. You. You, You. You started in. In the seven or even in the 60s, I believe. 60s.

[Barry White]

I started in the 60s in the.

[Scott Aukerman]

60S, and then all through the 70s and then some of the 80s and.

[Barry White]

Then, you know, I went. I had music in the 90s.

[Tatiana Maslany]

You were on the Simpsons that one time.

[Barry White]

I was on the Simpsons.

[Tawny Newsome]

Simpsons.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Simpsons, Yeah. Can you do anything for the Simpsons, Please do an ad for the Simpsons. Here we go.

[Barry White]

Hi, I'm Barry White. You see how Marge got that big blue hair?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Yeah. You want an answer? Yes.

[Barry White]

The Simpsons, Fox 7. 6 Central.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. You got a lot of that information. Information, actually. Right. Which.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, it's weird, the things that are correct. Yeah, that's because he knew that. That wasn't written down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Are you a big fan of the Simpsons or are you a fan?

[Barry White]

I never seen it. I'm a huge Family Guy fan.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What's your favorite character?

[Barry White]

My favorite guy? Stewie. I like that, baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Stewie's everyone's favorite character, right? I mean, got to be. I've never seen it.

[Barry White]

What's another show you got, Scott? What shows have you been on?

[Scott Aukerman]

I do something called CBB fm, which is a show about music. Music.

[Barry White]

Is this the. Is this it right here?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's the. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I don't.

[Barry White]

With the paper, I guess.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Please stop shaking it into the mic.

[Barry White]

I'm just making sure I got high. I'm very white.

[Scott Aukerman]

More cbb. Start with people saying, hi.

[Barry White]

Hi. Como estas? Me amo Berry White. Scott Alkerman. Got a shot. Show where people listen to the radio, their favorite song, starring Tony Roberts and Tatiana Maslani.

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, yours is always right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you're. You're on a lot of my shows, I guess.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I guess so.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Third build, but that's fine.

[Tawny Newsome]

I have been getting a lot of podcast ads in Spanish lately, so. Is that why you're doing yours in Spanish?

[Barry White]

Did I do that in Spanish?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Did you not know some of it?

[Barry White]

I just speak language.

[Scott Aukerman]

You just speak whatever. Whatever comes.

[Barry White]

Whatever comes into my head.

[Scott Aukerman]

Usually with you, it's the language of love, and it's all the language of.

[Barry White]

Love and sexual desire.

[Tawny Newsome]

Scott, what is the least sexy language, in your opinion, as a polyglot?

[Barry White]

Russian.

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, yeah, sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is it about? A lot of hard consonants.

[Barry White]

A lot of hard consonants. They got. They got all tables and chairs in the Alphabet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Although, what's that show that just came out with the Russian hockey players?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Heated rivalry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Heated rivalry. Oh, boy. You were very quick to say that.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I watched it all in one day.

[Barry White]

Oh, yeah. I can do an ad for that.

[Scott Aukerman]

One of them's Russian in that. Oh, yeah. You want to do a heated rivalry ad? Okay. You got the copy?

[Barry White]

Yeah. It's just it right here. And you wrote this, right? You wrote this copy?

[Tatiana Maslany]

I wrote this.

[Barry White]

Hi, I'm Barry White. You like gay stuff? Watch Heated Rivalry. They be doing a whole lot of gay.

[Tawny Newsome]

Okay, that's.

[Tatiana Maslany]

That's verbatim what I wrote, correct?

[Scott Aukerman]

Honestly, they could use that, too.

[Tawny Newsome]

Like, he's not lying.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, no, exactly. You can say it a little more delicately, perhaps.

[Barry White]

Oh, delicately. All right. Is this the delicate version?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, you want to do the delicate version? Here we go.

[Barry White]

Hi, I'm Barry White. You like Heated Rivalry? They be making love in a gay way.

[Tawny Newsome]

Soft.

[Scott Aukerman]

A little.

[Barry White]

Oh, it's just the even softer version.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do we got here?

[Tawny Newsome]

Tissue paper.

[Scott Aukerman]

This.

[Barry White]

Hi, I'm Barry White. Don't look at this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't look at what, Cass?

[Tawny Newsome]

Do not watch it.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Wow, that's going to get a lot of people watching it.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah.

[Barry White]

Get eyes on it. Reverse psychology. Learn in primary school.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't look at this.

[Tawny Newsome]

That's fascinating. You could teach a marketing course.

[Barry White]

Should I do a commercial for this episode specifically?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah. You want to. I mean, I wouldn't mind it. Yeah. Here we go.

[Tawny Newsome]

Right.

[Barry White]

Hi, this is Barry White. I'm gonna be appearing on Comedy Man World with Gavin Hinchcliffe and Tatiana Maslany. They're starring Scott Aukerman. He's a cold piece of work. You ever watch the Simpsons and see Marge with that big old blue hair? Homer don't know what to do with all that. Marge got ass. Homer don't know what to do with all that ass. Is this paper right here?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you had. You've been working off the paper.

[Barry White]

I was doing improv, like Gavin Hinchcliffe. Now listen to this shit. Put it in your ears. Let's do it once, let's do it twice. Download, like, subscribe. Share, Comment on the page. Is this your penmanship, Scott? How you graduate college with this penmanship?

[Scott Aukerman]

You just picked up a piece of paper and shook it into the microphone. That's the only thing.

[Barry White]

It's got your penmanship written all over it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, Barry, this is. I mean, this is very helpful, and I appreciate you. How did you get into this kind of work? I mean, ad reading? Yeah, ad reading. You know, by all accounts, you. You passed away, you know, 20 years or so ago.

[Barry White]

How did you get into 2003, to be exact?

[Scott Aukerman]

I knew.

[Barry White]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

I fucking knew it. Oh, my gosh, look, Barry White. I'm a huge fan of yours. I appreciate you being here. Can you stick around?

[Barry White]

Absolutely. I just got to leave.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have to leave?

[Tawny Newsome]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think so. We'll be right back with more tawny, more tatiana and more Barry White. We'll be right back after this. Adam Pally here, and I'm John Gabris. We're a couple of actors and best friends who you may know as the host of the TV show 101 Places to Party before you die. Now we're bringing you a comedic look.

[Barry White]

At health and wellness with our new show, Staying Alive.

[Scott Aukerman]

We'll have guests like our friend, actor Jerry O', Connell, ketamine therapist Dr. Steven Radowitz, Paul Scheer, Ego Wodo, Gillian Bell, Dr. Doolittle. Staying alive with John Gabris.

[Barry White]

And Adam Pally is out right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get them a week early and ad free with SiriusXM podcast plus on Apple Podcasts.

[Barry White]

Revitalize your bathroom with big savings at low get up to 40% off select vanities and free delivery during our bath savings event. Plus, get up to 40% off select showerheads. No matter what style you're looking for, we've got you covered. Shop for your bathroom refresh at lowes. We help you save while supplies last. Selection varies by location.

[Scott Aukerman]

Confronting high credit card debt can feel scary.

[Barry White]

But the good news is if you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Owe $10,000 or more in credit card debt, financial relief options are now available. National Debt relief is currently offering debt relief designed to reduce what you owe.

[Barry White]

Fast tracking your way to being debt free. If you qualify for debt relief, you.

[Scott Aukerman]

May be able to pay back significantly less than what you owe and save thousands of dollars. Imagine only paying one low monthly program payment you can afford and saving money as you become debt free. National debt relief has already helped bring debt relief to over 550,000 US consumers, earning thousands of five star reviews and an A plus rating with the Better Business Bureau. You're stronger than your credit card debt. Take the first step and visit nationaldebtrelief.com to see what debt relief you qualify for. That's nationaldebtrelief.com comedy bang, bang. We're back. Tani Newsom here and Tatiana Maslany from Star Trek Heated rivalry.

[Tawny Newsome]

I mean, I mean, get.

[Tatiana Maslany]

You're in the writer's room.

[Tawny Newsome]

There's some heated. There's some heated moments.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? Is there? There's some, some sexy scenes.

[Tawny Newsome]

It's a little, it can get a little steamy.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Not for the mama.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not for the mama. She's crying. Not the mama.

[Tatiana Maslany]

She did all her steaming off camera.

[Tawny Newsome]

I did try to get you saying not the mama whenever possible. I just thought it could Be your catchphrase.

[Tatiana Maslany]

What's the harm?

[Scott Aukerman]

We also have. Barry White is here. Hey, formerly alive singer. Who?

[Barry White]

I'm sitting right in front of you, Scott. What are you talking about?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. You are corporeal. You were. You granted some sort of access to our world from God or whomever rules up there.

[Barry White]

Everybody lets me come down. I said I was doing comedy man world. Everybody let me come down.

[Scott Aukerman]

So nice. Is he a fan? He or she?

[Barry White]

Who?

[Scott Aukerman]

God.

[Barry White]

God.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah.

[Barry White]

You can't tell what gender they are.

[Tawny Newsome]

Wow.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Why?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it because of the road?

[Barry White]

Yeah. Let me peek inside of that. Open it up a little bit.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, we have to get to our next guest, Tanya. I know you have to go. All right. See you later. Anyway, we have a great guest coming up right now. I mentioned a Hollywood icon is here and there is not. When you think of Hollywood, Tatiana, you were just a young wee lass doing little school plays and stuff out there in Saskatoon or wherever the fuck you're from. Oh, that's right. Regina. Rhymes with vagina.

[Tawny Newsome]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

And up there in Canada. And you were dreaming about Hollywood. What's the first thing you would think of when you. When I say Hollywood, what do you.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Think of Dolly Parton?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's Dollywood. But okay. Well, I mean, for me, when I was dreaming about it, I thought of our next guest. Oh, wow. Please welcome to Comedy Vangping for the first time, the Hollywood sign.

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, my God.

[Tatiana Maslany]

God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hi. Hollywood song. Are you all right?

[Tawny Newsome]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's going on?

[Tawny Newsome]

Let me lay down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Tawny Newsome]

Let me lay down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah. I know you've been standing up for hundreds of years. Or not hundreds. A few decades.

[Barry White]

This iteration since 1978.

[Tawny Newsome]

I've been standing up for 103 years. Guys, just let me let down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, Go ahead.

[Tawny Newsome]

I'm so tired.

[Scott Aukerman]

Take. Take a load off at the very least.

[Tawny Newsome]

I can't. You don't have the authority to let me lay down.

[Barry White]

Put.

[Scott Aukerman]

Put your O's on that chair if you want.

[Tawny Newsome]

You don't have the authority that. No. Ho. The screwdriver. The height to limit it down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Who has this authority?

[Tawny Newsome]

I don't know. The mayor of America. I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Karen Bass, maybe.

[Tawny Newsome]

Who she? Get him on the phone. Because I haven't been standing. I've been standing in the air for 103 years.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott, it's. Well, it's so nice to meet you. You do a great job. I'm sorry that you're so tired.

[Tawny Newsome]

They used to have lights on me. I used to have Lights.

[Scott Aukerman]

What.

[Tawny Newsome]

What do they have? Remember, they had lights. There's no lights.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's no. You're just dark at night.

[Tawny Newsome]

It's dark at night. They don't see me no more.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Tawny Newsome]

I don't know. I don't know. I don't see me. I'm not standing outside of me. And they don't put a mirror up. I asked for one. They don't put a mirror up.

[Scott Aukerman]

That'd be odd to have a giant mirror in front of the Hollywood sign so no one could see it.

[Tawny Newsome]

So I guess I'm just here for your amusement. Nobody cares about what I need.

[Scott Aukerman]

Quite honestly, I don't know why you're here. I don't know why any guest comes on this show.

[Tawny Newsome]

I need to plead with you and America and California. I need to plead to. Just let me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let.

[Tawny Newsome]

Scott, let me ask you a question.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay?

[Tawny Newsome]

Let me ask you a question.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you got? Hit me.

[Tawny Newsome]

How many letters you not stand up on the air?

[Scott Aukerman]

How many letters do I know standing straight up in the air?

[Tawny Newsome]

How many?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, okay, if. I guess. If I counted the letters in Hollywood, it would be eight.

[Tawny Newsome]

So only me. Only me. You know any other letters in the history of the water? Stand up on air.

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess they're like.

[Tawny Newsome]

Think of letters you got.

[Scott Aukerman]

You got over at lax. The. There was that LAX that's standing straight.

[Tawny Newsome]

Up in the air.

[Scott Aukerman]

Drive in.

[Tawny Newsome]

She's a. We don't talk about her. We talk about. I'm sorry, but think of any letters. You got letters all out of this table. You got letters on. The monkey tattoo thing. You got letters on. You got letters on his shirt. All these letters.

[Scott Aukerman]

All the copy that I gave to Barry White. All the letters on that.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah.

[Barry White]

Think about here. You talking about this copyright.

[Scott Aukerman]

Talking about that right there.

[Tawny Newsome]

That piece of paper. Those letters. What are they doing?

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess they're. You're right. They're just flat on.

[Tawny Newsome]

They're laying down.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're laying. Laying down.

[Tawny Newsome]

They're laying down.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you've had to stand up.

[Tawny Newsome]

And I've been standing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Tawny Newsome]

Well, I. I used to be made of wood. And then in 1978, somebody made me a steel so I can't even fall down. Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

It used to be longer, too. They. They cut off the land.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, that was my last name.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm so sorry. Your last name was Land?

[Tawny Newsome]

First name Holly. Last name Land. I don't know what a word came from, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Somebody used to be made out of it.

[Tawny Newsome]

I think so. So they. You see how they do me, Scott? They won't let me lay down every other letter in the history of the world. Lay down?

[Scott Aukerman]

You should ask for like two weeks off a year.

[Tawny Newsome]

I have. They said no. I even had an idea. I said you could put somebody else up here instead.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who else? Like Wayne Gretzky or someone.

[Tawny Newsome]

I don't know who she is.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know who she is. Hockey player, played for the la. Barry, help me out here.

[Tatiana Maslany]

A Canadian icon.

[Barry White]

Canadian.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wayne Gretzky played for the Kings. Is that right?

[Barry White]

Absolutely. And the Edmonton Islers.

[Tatiana Maslany]

That's right.

[Tawny Newsome]

I don't know who that is, but she can stand up here all she wants. I thought. I thought since Hollywood is kind of dead, you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

In what way? What do you mean?

[Tawny Newsome]

They don't. They don't make no good stuff no more.

[Tatiana Maslany]

And so many 12 year olds are out of work.

[Tawny Newsome]

It's true. They got old ass women taking the roles of 20 years. It's a disgrace.

[Barry White]

Oh, nasty women.

[Tawny Newsome]

So instead of. Instead of me, instead of Hollywood, instead of starting out, what if you just put the word phones.

[Scott Aukerman]

Phones. Because that's what people look at or like at.

[Tawny Newsome]

And t y' all like them better anyways. Just let them stand straight up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or like Netflix ville since they're gonna buy up everything. What? You know what I mean.

[Tawny Newsome]

Now you got the.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then let our girl retire.

[Tawny Newsome]

Let me lay down. Just let me lay flat.

[Tatiana Maslany]

You just want to be flat on the same hill.

[Tawny Newsome]

I would love it. Do you have that power? Do you have a ladder could push you over probably.

[Tatiana Maslany]

But.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, take a lot. Be arrested.

[Tawny Newsome]

You remind me of.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Not the first time.

[Tawny Newsome]

You remind me of Peg Antwis Whistle.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who's Peggy Ann Whistle?

[Tawny Newsome]

She jumped off the Hollywood side and died.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Oh my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

She died?

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah. She climbed up the H. She climbed the H. Can be high. She climbed up the H. She jumped off.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Did you try to dissuade her?

[Tawny Newsome]

I tried everything I could, but she was an actress and she said, you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Know, why does Tatiana Maslany remind you of Peg Aunt Whistle?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Don't we. We were talking off Mike and.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. I'm sorry.

[Barry White]

I got a suicide note right here.

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, no.

[Barry White]

You want to hear it?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Can you read it? Yeah, absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. We want to hear this. Really? Yeah.

[Barry White]

Hi, this is Peg and Twistle. I'm about to do it and can't nobody stop me. I'm sick of all these Hollywood telling me I can't be in the goddamn movie when I know I could be in the movie. I had dinner at the Brown Derby. I had A ice cream sundae at the. At the Rexall drugstore stand. I'm sick of y'.

[Tawny Newsome]

All.

[Barry White]

Bye.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow.

[Tawny Newsome]

That's how it went.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my gosh. That must be terrible to. I mean, to relive.

[Tatiana Maslany]

To relive it.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah. It's awful. Now I want to lay down twice. Oh, I'm so exhausted. So I need you to get somebody on the phone that can just dismantle me.

[Scott Aukerman]

I could try to call Karen Bass. I mean, I have her private number if you want.

[Tawny Newsome]

Why do you have Karen Bass's private number?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you know, when the fires were happening, I was just trying to figure out my best.

[Tawny Newsome]

You're trying to save her house. You said, let me come over, save your house.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let me come over, save your house. And you give me some. Give me your private number.

[Tawny Newsome]

A little payola happening.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. I can. I can call her if you want.

[Tawny Newsome]

Get her on the phone.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah, okay.

[Tawny Newsome]

Call Karen Bass.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, I'm done. Oh, God.

[Tawny Newsome]

I tried everything.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, here we go. Just come here.

[Barry White]

Hello? This is Mayor Bass.

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, my gosh. She answered.

[Scott Aukerman]

Karen? Karen.

[Barry White]

Who is this?

[Scott Aukerman]

She picked up Scott Aukerman at Comedy Bang Bang.

[Barry White]

Scott Aukerman. How are you?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm. I'm doing great. It's so great to talk to you. I mean, was the home. Home's good. It's the anniversary of the fires here.

[Tawny Newsome]

So ask her how many letters she know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, do you know those LAX letters that are standing up? We don't talk about her, so we. We don't talk about LAX letters.

[Barry White]

LAX letters are a.

[Tawny Newsome]

She know. Oh, see? Karen Bass, a real one.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many letters, you know, standing straight up in the air?

[Barry White]

Well, let's see. There's the LAX letters. Those are the. Yeah, absolutely. And then after that. That. It's the Hollywood sign.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Tawny Newsome]

She get it?

[Scott Aukerman]

Hollywood sign. Yeah. Yeah.

[Barry White]

And then there's the. Well, that one's laying down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which one? What were you doing?

[Barry White]

The H. To represent Hoover High School in Glendale. But it's on the side of a mountain, and it's. It's laying down.

[Tawny Newsome]

See, most letters get to lay down. Most letters get to lay down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I. I have a proposition.

[Barry White]

Culver City.

[Scott Aukerman]

Culver. Oh. Oh, yeah. Where.

[Barry White]

Where are those sepulved in C.

[Tawny Newsome]

It's limited. Few of us who have to stand up in the air.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. I have a pitch for you because I have the Hollywood sign here. Year.

[Barry White]

Well, I'm a little busy.

[Tawny Newsome]

It's the first of the year I voted for you.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not who is that?

[Tawny Newsome]

I'm your constituent.

[Barry White]

Who is that?

[Tawny Newsome]

I'm the Hollywood sign.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God. Hollywood. Hi.

[Tawny Newsome]

Hi.

[Barry White]

I'm Mayor Bass.

[Scott Aukerman]

I have a pitch for you. We are the Hollywood sign. And I have a pitch for you.

[Barry White]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if the Hollywood sign got two weeks off a year? Like, what are the two weeks that no one comes to Hollywood?

[Barry White]

The two weeks that no one comes to. Well, people love Hollywood. I would say the two weeks that people don't come to Hollywood are maybe Christmas and New Year's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, Christmas and New Year's of. Of this upcoming year. What if instead of the Hollywood sign, people looked up on the mountain, there was that, like, Kobe statue that's out in front of. What do they call it? Crypto.com arena now?

[Barry White]

Yes. Crypto.com arena.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What if it just. That was up there instead and the Hollywood sign got to lay down for a couple of weeks?

[Barry White]

I'm sorry. That's going to be an. Know.

[Scott Aukerman]

I tried to save your house.

[Barry White]

We need you standing strong and tall.

[Tawny Newsome]

But I don't. Those are lyrics from the Whiz.

[Barry White]

Well, just like another lyric from the Wiz, you can't win K Bass.

[Tawny Newsome]

Why are you my nemesis? K Bass. I voted for you.

[Barry White]

Thank you so much.

[Tawny Newsome]

Why won't you let me just lay down for two weeks?

[Barry White]

I'm going to need you to stand.

[Tawny Newsome]

I thought you were a union woman.

[Barry White]

I am. I love the unions.

[Tawny Newsome]

But I need you to stand. I don't. But I've been standing for 103 years.

[Barry White]

Well, not you exactly. But I have you exactly in the same iteration.

[Tawny Newsome]

Well, no, I was. I was made out of a different material, but it was still me.

[Barry White]

And then the 1970s, you began to deteriorate.

[Scott Aukerman]

Drugs.

[Tawny Newsome]

No, I. I never touched drug in the day of my life.

[Barry White]

No, Marv, you're looking the way you were in the 70s.

[Tawny Newsome]

Because of the elements. Because of weather. Wear and tear. A woman gets old, you automatically think it's drugs.

[Barry White]

Weather. This is Los Angeles, California. It never rains here.

[Tawny Newsome]

Used to, before there was a drought. Because of climate change.

[Barry White]

Interesting.

[Tawny Newsome]

You're not the progressive we all thought you were, are you, Karen Bass?

[Barry White]

Don't say that. I'm loud.

[Tawny Newsome]

You deny climate change, you are anti union, you are anti union and you deny the climate change on the Hollywood sign.

[Barry White]

Listen, you can't lay down because we need you. We need you as a. As a. As a landmark. Right now. We're losing. I'm going to be honest. We're losing as a city.

[Tawny Newsome]

Who we lose into Karen, Everybody else.

[Scott Aukerman]

Chicago, St. Lawrence, Vancouver.

[Barry White]

Vancouver, Canada.

[Tawny Newsome]

Vancouver's not.

[Barry White]

They're even shooting shows in Ireland, if you can believe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, some of those shiny Four game shows, they shoot them in Ireland.

[Barry White]

Who else is there?

[Scott Aukerman]

The. The what? Is it the floor?

[Barry White]

Yes, the floor. They shoot in Ireland. Who else is. Who else is there with you right now?

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you know she's from Canada? Yeah, I said she's from Canada. And you knew who I was talking about.

[Barry White]

There's only one Tatiana from Canada.

[Tawny Newsome]

Name?

[Scott Aukerman]

Regina.

[Barry White]

Excuse me. Excuse me. Scott, you forget yourself.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you. Are you a fan of.

[Barry White]

You're talking to the mayor.

[Scott Aukerman]

You a fan of Deadpool?

[Barry White]

Absolutely. I love it.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Karen, I'm sorry. I did not vote for you because I cannot vote here.

[Barry White]

Yeah, well, make it happen.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I'm trying.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, so get in there.

[Tawny Newsome]

She's doing a job. She's doing a good job.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can you grant her, like, dual citizenship here or something, or do you have the power to do that?

[Barry White]

The best I could do is have.

[Scott Aukerman]

Her play she Hulk. Oh, maybe you should go back to she Hulk. Quite honestly, if it gives you your.

[Tawny Newsome]

Voting rights, all right, it might be worth it for, like, suffrage, you know? Sure. Yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

You know what this phone call is about? It's really about my voting rights.

[Barry White]

Okay, well, who are you gonna vote for if you get them?

[Tatiana Maslany]

I don't know. I'm still.

[Scott Aukerman]

You better figure out.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I'm undecided.

[Tawny Newsome]

Wait, Karen. I said I did vote for you, and you still wouldn't hold me.

[Barry White]

I'm helping you.

[Tawny Newsome]

How are you helping me?

[Barry White]

I'll put.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'll.

[Barry White]

I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you want?

[Tawny Newsome]

I'm tired. I want to lay down. My shoulder hurts.

[Tatiana Maslany]

My back hurts.

[Tawny Newsome]

This bag is under my O's.

[Barry White]

I'm sorry. Put the hose on the chair.

[Tawny Newsome]

Wait, I can put them down right.

[Barry White]

Now while you're doing. While you're doing Scott show.

[Tawny Newsome]

So I can lay down right now?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, while you're here right now. By the way, you're off the hill, right?

[Tawny Newsome]

There's a facsimile of me up on the hill.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe you just put the facsimile of you up there all the time. Maybe just like in one of these heist movies where they put the fake painting up, and that would be dishonest.

[Tawny Newsome]

If there's one thing about the Hollywood side is I am an honest person.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, you're doing it right now while you're on the show.

[Tawny Newsome]

That's because I'm trying to go the honest route. This is my path. Okay.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Isn't there some kind of like, wristband or armband or something that you could bequeath her from the city that would allow her to leave the planet and.

[Tawny Newsome]

Just pour, pour all my letters into a little bucket that somebody carries around the city.

[Barry White]

A little bucket. You're 50ft tall.

[Tawny Newsome]

I am actually. 40. 48, I think.

[Barry White]

Oh, excuse me. That, just that just now. You have to stay up there longer since you corrected me.

[Tawny Newsome]

Well, I'm not allowed to correct our leaders.

[Barry White]

No, I'm the mayor. I'm the mayor. Mayor Van. Else.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look, Mayor Bass, I. You know, we tried to come to an agreement, but if it. I'm sorry, Hollywood. Sign it. Looks like Mayor Bass needs you to be up there. And I understand because we need that shining beacon on the hill.

[Tawny Newsome]

When's the last time you looked at me? Any of you? Was the last of many looked at me.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I, I, I live on Mount Wilson.

[Tawny Newsome]

When you live on Mount Wilson, I'm.

[Scott Aukerman]

In Calabasas, so I, I don't get to see all that much, but.

[Tawny Newsome]

And you? What, do you still live in Canada?

[Tatiana Maslany]

I live in Canada, Yeah.

[Tawny Newsome]

So. Not that you even look at. You wouldn't even know if I was gone. What if I just jumped off of myself like Peg and twistle of 2025? I'll just jump. I'll jump.

[Tatiana Maslany]

You have to write a note before you do that.

[Tawny Newsome]

I don't know how to write on a sign.

[Barry White]

Write a note. I'll read it.

[Tawny Newsome]

You know, what if I wrote a note, you know what those letters would get to do? Lay the fuck down.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a good point. But look, we need you out there. We need something to aspire to. We, we love Hollywood. We all want to come here to make it and be, you know, and maybe.

[Tawny Newsome]

And how's that going?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, not great. I'm offer only, but you can see me in the Goldmember. Austin Powers movie. But, but, you know, I mean, people come here all the time. They want to be actors. Or maybe lately they just more want to be influencers and YouTubers.

[Tawny Newsome]

And the business is shrinking. It's worse than ever. They should go back. They should go. They should learn a trade.

[Scott Aukerman]

Should we all just pack it up?

[Tawny Newsome]

Yes. The dream is dead.

[Barry White]

I'm not going anywhere. And you can write that down right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I can. I think I have some.

[Tawny Newsome]

I would love to write it down because I would love to no longer be standing up. Starting to end. Yeah.

[Barry White]

I'm sorry. I cannot help you. We need you. You're the most important Person in the city besides me. Mayor B.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why don't you take her place, Mayor Bass? Just for two weeks.

[Barry White]

Sitting on the shoulders of the Kobe statue.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, like you're playing pool. Chicken. I think people would love that. They come to. They come to Hollywood.

[Tawny Newsome]

Who's she playing against? Who's she playing against?

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe Duke. Duke of it.

[Tawny Newsome]

What's his name?

[Barry White]

Duke of it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who's the really tall basketball player?

[Barry White]

All of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are you talking about?

[Barry White]

Not Mugy. Not Mugy, Bones. You have to get a new player in your repertoire, Scott. Duke of it.

[Tawny Newsome]

You could have named one basketball player.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know. Look, I, I, I just think that people would love that. They come to Hollywood and they, they look up at that big hill and they see the Kobe statue with you just on his shoulders, like, pumping your fist.

[Barry White]

There's no way you're talking about Sasha Vage, are you? That would be insane if that's the only player you can remember.

[Tawny Newsome]

Are you talking about V Diva?

[Scott Aukerman]

I feel like I'm being bullied by Kulap for watching Star Trek again.

[Barry White]

Which one?

[Tawny Newsome]

Do you watch it with K?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Barry White]

Do you watch it? Do you watch it by Air Day?

[Tawny Newsome]

What a nerd. What a weird nerd.

[Scott Aukerman]

Fuck all you. I was trying to help you and you failed.

[Tawny Newsome]

You fucking failed. Okay, so you're no longer.

[Scott Aukerman]

I almost had Karen Bass convinced to sit on the shoulders of the Kobe statue for two weeks. Almost.

[Tawny Newsome]

Don't pay the motherfucking rent, Scott. All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Fuck you.

[Tawny Newsome]

All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Goodbye, Karen. I'll see you Saturday.

[Tawny Newsome]

Bye.

[Barry White]

I'll see you at Giada.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, Hollywood Sign, it's wonderful to talk to you and hopefully we've eased your burden a bit. We are running out of time. However, we only have time for one final feature on the show. That is, of course, a little something something called Plugs.

[Barry White]

We see you opening up your plug bag.

[Tatiana Maslany]

We see you opening up your plug.

[Scott Aukerman]

And it's gross. Gross. Wow. That was your Gross by Sock Otterman. Thank you so much to Sock Otterman. If you have a Plugs theme, head over to cbbworld.com plugs and you can upload it there. There. All right, guys, what do we plug in? Tatiana, obviously. We have Starfleet Academy. You play a mom.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yep. And January 15th. January 15th is all about this Thursday.

[Scott Aukerman]

And anything else in the hopper. Anything else going on?

[Tatiana Maslany]

I have a movie coming out at Sundance. Two little one. One short and one long.

[Scott Aukerman]

One short. And how short is the short? How long is the long?

[Tatiana Maslany]

The short is maybe 12 minutes. It's called How Brief?

[Tawny Newsome]

Because it's short.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Written by my very best friend on the planet, Tess Dagenstein.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Starring Tess Dagenstein and me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. I've met her before up in Vancouver.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And here maybe. Who knows?

[Tatiana Maslany]

She came to your house once.

[Scott Aukerman]

She did.

[Tawny Newsome]

Wow.

[Tatiana Maslany]

We were at a party.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's still a lot of people there though, to be fair.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

And you were fucked up. And then a movie I did called Now I'm gonna mess this up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Tatiana Maslany]

The only living pickpocket in. In New York City. Or the last living pickpocket. I think it's the only living pickpocket in New York.

[Scott Aukerman]

A parody of the Only Living Boy in New York. Paul Simon song.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Oh, okay. I should look that up. Starring John Turturro.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. From Severance himself.

[Tawny Newsome]

Right?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right.

[Tatiana Maslany]

That was his big breakout. And I'm so excited for this young man to be making movies.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's incredible. Do you. Do you know what you're playing yet or did you shoot it already?

[Tatiana Maslany]

I can't say.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can't say anything about it?

[Tatiana Maslany]

I can't say how much I was in. And I can say that Tawny was in the writer's room, but we didn't use any of her stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

How much did you get paid to do it?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Can't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, can't talk about that either.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Is a scale I ended up having to pay Barry White for.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, so right there.

[Barry White]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, Well, I understand that you took a loss on it.

[Barry White]

You got your pockets getting picked.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yeah.

[Barry White]

What you got to do is you got to stand around.

[Tawny Newsome]

Around.

[Barry White]

The music didn't start.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, sorry. I didn't know what you were doing it at.

[Barry White]

This is very white. You like having your pockets picked? Of course not. If a pickpocket come around your house, you shoot it. You ever see Homer with all that bald head? Marge don't know what to do with that heated rivalry starring Barry White and Homer Simpson.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that I would watch.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Yes.

[Tawny Newsome]

Let's check it out.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I also like that we finally heard from Homer's perspective.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Or from Marge's perspective of what she.

[Scott Aukerman]

Doesn'T know what she doesn't know.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Finally, a mother's perspective.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you. Well, this is exciting time. 2026 is an exciting time to be a Tatiana Maslany fan. It sounds like three projects, full 10 episodes of Starfleet Academy plus one 12 minute movie and then one one that is an indeterminate length that you don't even know the title of. Fantastic and Hollywood Sign anything you want to plug.

[Tawny Newsome]

Yeah, I want to plug me laying down. Just let it happen at some point. Starfleet Academy sounds great. I love Star Trek. So there's a podcast that I listen to. It's called Starter Trek. So if you don't know much about Star Trek, you can just jump in.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. And who are the hosts of this?

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, it's Tawny Newsome.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, she was just, you know, she was just here right before you came in.

[Tawny Newsome]

Oh, yeah, I heard. She's Gavin Newsome's niece.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's a Nepo baby.

[Tawny Newsome]

She's proud of it. Yes, she's proud of it too. For villainy, politics, and then. Yeah, you can [e-mail] okay. And you can listen to Starter Trek. Do you like Star Trek?

[Scott Aukerman]

I. I mean, I gave up in the middle of season five of DS9.

[Tawny Newsome]

Who gives up in the middle of See it?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know. And then I think it was season three of Voyager. Is the math correct on that? I have no idea.

[Tawny Newsome]

I don't know because I would never.

[Barry White]

What, you. What month, day, and year did those come out?

[Scott Aukerman]

Barry White, what do you want to plug? And do you need music for your plugs? Yeah. All right, here we go.

[Barry White]

Hi, this is Barry White. If you like podcasts, you should listen to patreon.com hollywoodhandbook where there's a bunch of shows on there like Hollywood Handbook. Like the flagrant ones like XOXO Bada Beans, the Sopranos Watch podcast.

[Scott Aukerman]

How's that going?

[Barry White]

Going great. The audience did not like when Scott came on the original version.

[Scott Aukerman]

I haven't been invited on this.

[Barry White]

On the.

[Scott Aukerman]

They used to gossip.

[Barry White]

Why?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because. Because I wasn't a fan of it.

[Barry White]

This is how he finds out we host those shows.

[Scott Aukerman]

I like Sopranos. I'll come on that show.

[Barry White]

Come on, Hayes D. By the way.

[Scott Aukerman]

They were the ones who wanted me to come on.

[Barry White]

I did. We did. They did.

[Scott Aukerman]

Then I found out I had to watch a episode of Shitty Gossip Girl.

[Barry White]

They did.

[Scott Aukerman]

We.

[Barry White]

They did want you to come on. Hayes Davenport. Sean Clements. Carl Talk.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I have one question. Did they ever drop the act?

[Barry White]

I still don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, wonderful.

[Barry White]

Also watch Saturday Night Live.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. Who's the musical guest? This. This coming Saturday back. What do I want to plug? I want to plug. Hey, head over to cbb world.com there you can get all of our previous episodes we've ever done. We've done almost 950. Episode 950 is coming up in a couple of weeks from today. You can get all of those episodes, all of our past episodes, all ad free. You can get every live episode we've ever done. You can get all the shows that Barry White has done the ads for, you know, neighborhood Love. Listen, Scott hasn't seen Collegetown Threedom ad free. So much stuff going on over there. And this is gonna be a good year for comedy Bang bang. So I think you're gonna want to subscribe. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. I wanna close the bag, baby, step on in. I wanna close it tight. You know the the way to win. I want to close that bag. I want to make it right. So just close that bag, hold those lanyards tight and then loosen the bag and let it open wide. I'm just opening the bag. You got no place to hide. Put things in it. Cuz it's so open fast. And if you don't want that, kiss Sweet Chat's ass. That's how we open the bag. And everybody sings. Open the bag with a ring a ling. And now you know. All right, that was Open the Bag with the ring a ling by Mike Hartigan. Our very first plug bag remix. Our old friend, Mike Hartigan. Thank you so much. I love the changing of the keys. If you have a remix remix, head over to cbbworld.com plugs and you'll find all the stems you need to make remixes of our new theme song. And we thank Ben Schwartz for and of course Dr. Sweet chat for doing that song for us. Guys, I want to thank you so much. Tatiana, always a pleasure to see you.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Thanks for having me back.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please come back on opening night of Doomsday. I still think this is all a faint and you're actually in it.

[Tatiana Maslany]

I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a cover story, isn't it? Dr. Doom's going to take off his mask and it's going to be she Hulk, isn't it?

[Tatiana Maslany]

Scott, just come off my for a second.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, yeah, well, yeah, yeah, I'm totally in it. You're totally in it?

[Tawny Newsome]

Totally.

[Tatiana Maslany]

And I actually. I play Deadpool in this one.

[Scott Aukerman]

You play Deadpool?

[Tawny Newsome]

Yes.

[Tatiana Maslany]

And he's a woman.

[Scott Aukerman]

That rules, dude. Okay. I cannot wait. And Hollywood sign. Yeah, Good luck to you.

[Tawny Newsome]

You don't care about me.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't?

[Barry White]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, you were so rude to me.

[Tawny Newsome]

You do you. Cuz you failed me. I'm rude to anyone who tries to help me and fails me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Our relationship shouldn't be transactional.

[Tawny Newsome]

No, it is.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've looked up to you for so long. I'm a fan.

[Tawny Newsome]

That's cuz I'm above you. You can't help it.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a good point. I can't see you from my house. I'm all the way out in Calabasas.

[Tawny Newsome]

You should have worked harder.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's true. And hey, Barry White.

[Barry White]

Yes?

[Scott Aukerman]

Even though you're dead and you tricked me into thinking you were alive.

[Barry White]

Who said that?

[Scott Aukerman]

You said it earlier in the show.

[Barry White]

In front of you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott, I. Look, I'm a fan and just do one for me, all right? Do it for next week's episode.

[Barry White]

Who is it?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't. I have no idea.

[Barry White]

Okay, I'll make it up.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, here we go.

[Barry White]

Hi, this is Barry White. If you enjoyed this episode of Comedy Man World, you're gonna enjoy the next episode of Comedy Man World. Starring Scott Alkerman, starring Helen Mirren, starring Kurt Cobain. Star. Starring Venmo, starring Tatiana Maslany, and starring Tony Baloney Hinchcliffe.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, we'll see you then. Thanks. Bye.

[Tawny Newsome]

Bye.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's Kenny Maine, the funny guy from espn. Formerly. He's cooperating Manning, the more intelligent and handsome of the Manning brothers. And he's Brian Baumgartner. But to me, he'll always be Kevin from the office. Yeah, you and everybody else together. We're the hosts of the new comedy golf podcast, we need a fourth from Smartless Media and SiriusXM. It's like a cold beer after a round. You hear the strangest and most bizarre golf stories from our friends, athletes, celebrities and comedians. It's all about how much we love golf and how much we hate golf. New episodes are out every week. Listen now and subscribe wherever you get your podcast could just be anywhere. Just on a couch. Doesn't matter.

[Tawny Newsome]

Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co founder of.

[Tatiana Maslany]

Angie, and one thing I've learned is.

[Tawny Newsome]

That you buy a house, but you make it a home. Because with every fix, update and renovation, it becomes a little more your own. So you need all your jobs done well. For nearly 30 years, Angie has helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter, from plumbing to electrical roof repair to deck upgrades.

[Tatiana Maslany]

So leave it to the pros who.

[Tawny Newsome]

Will get your jobs done well. Hire high quality [e-mail] Bubba Wallace here with Tyler Reddick.

[Scott Aukerman]

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