Bonus Bang: Entrée PeeE Neur's Entrepreneur Tour featuring Appetizer PeeE Neur Episode One (Ego Nwodim, Paul F. Tompkins, Lily Sullivan. Drew Tarver, Vic Michaelis, Will Hines)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: Bonus Bang – Entrée PeeE Neur’s Entrepreneur Tour (Appetizer PeeE Neur Episode One)

Release Date: November 20, 2025
Host: Scott Aukerman
Featured Performers: Ego Nwodim, Carl Tart, Paul F. Tompkins, Lily Sullivan, Drew Tarver, Vic Michaelis, Will Hines

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Episode Overview

This episode, originally a Comedy Bang Bang Presents exclusive, unleashes a wild, character-driven parody of “Shark Tank,” with Ego Nwodim’s iconic “Entre P? Neur” and Carl Tart’s “Appetizer P? Neur” holding court as semi-competent, always chaotic “investors” on a fictional tour bus. A parade of eccentric inventors (played by comedy all-stars) pitch their weirdest business ideas, vying for money—or at the very least to stay out of jail.

The show flows with rapid-fire improv, absurdist invention, obliviously earnest pitches, and running jokes about rectangles, cubes, and legal liability, all capped off by hilarious character work and meta-commentary.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. The Entrepreneurs Arrive (03:35–06:28)

• Premise setup: The “Entrepreneur Tour” is introduced as a cross between "Shark Tank" and a chaotic family reunion. Entrée P? Neur (Ego Nwodim) loves rectangles and measuring value by “rectangles with pictures of old white men.” Her brother, Appetizer P? Neur (Carl Tart), is a Satanist with a storied past, “fourth lead guitar in the Eagles” and a Rutherford B. Hayes tramp stamp.
• Rules: Pitches must result in investment or the entrepreneur “goes to jail.”
• Entrée’s Philosophy:
  • “Every good invention starts with a rectangle. But that's again, just the fact. Got me giggling.” – Entrée P? Neur (08:14)
  • "The stakes are high, but the profits could be higher. The prosecution could be even higher." (09:19)

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2. Pat and Paul Schmaztans: Feeding the Shut-Ins (09:45–21:00)

Pitch: A neighbor-based food delivery service for people who refuse to leave their homes, riffing on the concept of a “shabbos goy” (minus any cultural appropriateness) and culminating in musical numbers about couscous.

• Highlights:
  • Endless confusion about spellings (Schmaztans, Shut-ins), and a revelation that the couple has complicated relationship dynamics (“We are a lesbian couple—and you’re bi!”).
  • Extended musical improv about couscous delivery and “Oatly ice cream”—with Entrée not having it:
    • “Oats are grains, oats are grains. And you’re pissing me off.” – Entrée (17:34)
  • Wild asides about “Irritable B(I) Syndrome,” throuples, and resting “bi-face.”
  • The pitch devolves with convoluted logistics (“500 people will be sent out to all neighborhoods. Because they are all neighbors, technically.”)
  • Verdict: Entrée and Appetizer eject them from the tour—with police sirens.
    • “You’re off the tour and I have to go run an errand.” – Entrée (20:29)
    • “You’re off the tour. Pack your bag. Just one more thing and go be a neighbor.” – Entrée (19:58)

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3. Parents Foster: Restaurant Kids Menu for Adults (25:48–38:51)

Pitch: A restaurant where the entire menu is comprised of kids' meals you can order at any age, from chicken fingers to quesadillas and juice.

• Character backstory: Parents Foster’s name, explaining being "in the phone book is Foster Parents," spawns lengthy name jokes.
• Parents delivers his pitch as a commercial, repeatedly using “Gone are the days…” over Entrée’s interruptions.
• Comedy emerges from Parents’ preciousness (“Love is scary for me… When someone says they love me, I usually don’t say it back.”) and the restaurant’s physical setting (“You sit on beanbags. You can draw on the wall with crayons.”)
• Food samples: The group taste-tests a weird menu (“Butter noodles with cinnamon toast,” “cheese sticks a la mode,” “beans with a giant Oreo as a spoon”).
• Michael Jackson/Macaulay Culkin references proliferate as Entrée accuses Parents of missing his childhood.
• Business Negotiations:
  • Parents offers 50% equity for $7,800; negotiations spiral to “several bags of gas, 90% ownership.”
  • “I take Bitcoin or a bag of gas.” – Parents (37:07)
• Verdict: Investment granted. Parents Foster is now “family” and allowed to stay on the bus.

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4. Alex Lilly (and the Mysterious Pear Product): Legal Drama & Redaction (42:12–53:36)

Pitch: “Pear Redacted”—the actual product’s name and details are hidden due to a court case; half the display is physically covered.

• Hilarity arises as Alex tries to explain her business while being legally constrained, leading to endless “redacted” fill-ins akin to a game of Mad Libs.
• Darker comic undertones: A “falling out” with her sister supposedly ended in murder; Alex vacillates over whether a dead body is under the display.
• Entrée pushes Alex to describe the product in five words, which Alex fails, then succeeds via spinning a “word bank” wheel:
  • “I’m not a bad person. Murder.” (51:05)
• Reveal: The revolutionary invention is… pear sauce (“It’s like applesauce, but made of pears instead of apples.” – 52:17)
• Verdict: Immediate rejection—Alex is going to jail, mostly for being a murderer but also for overselling pear sauce and legal troubles.
  • “We can't go into business with a felon.”

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5. Ralph Devoe: The Block Talker (Tech Cube) (55:29–77:04)

Pitch: The “Block Talker,” a physical cube that is supposed to act as an intermediary to improve voice commands for smartphones, but only does one thing (opens Spotify), has to be held/not touched by fabric, can’t be a cube, etc.

• Rapid-fire absurdity: Entrée’s obsession that successful inventions must be rectangles, not cubes; nitpicking about tech compatibility ("What if you have a part-machine, part-human robot?").
• Negotiations get petty—Entrée presses for device shape to be changed to a rectangle.
  • Ralph concedes: “I can make it a rectangle.” – (70:38)
• Family/Backstories: Sports team loyalty disputes (Steelers/Ravens), more Michael Jackson jokes, and Entrée’s insistence that ‘every man has two families.’
• Business Reality:
  • “I’ll give you the whole 100% of Block Talker, Inc… for $20.” (73:15)
• Verdict: Money exchanged; Ralph joins the “family,” which keeps expanding. A surreal, energy-drunk group high-energy ending follows.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Entrée on invention:
  “Let me tell you about it. They say great minds think alike. And I'm like, great minds do not think, honey.” (07:50)
• Pat Schmaztan sighs:
  “What we need on the ground tomorrow is 500 people, preferably neighbors, working in communities together...” (17:55)
• Entrée, on bi representation:
  “Resting bi face. Rustic bi face.” (18:45)
• Parents Foster, on his commercial pitch:
  “You can sit back, relax, and eat a small portion of spaghetti and meatballs with a side of fruit snacks.” (29:25)
• Michael Jackson jokes:
  “You are wearing a bright, shiny glove. A sequin glove... And a jacket with all them zippers. Jerry curl is dripping all over my couch.” (31:39)
• Block Talker struggles:
  “So you have to…hide your phone position thing if you’re driving…What if you just want to talk directly to the phone?” (59:35)
• Entrée, on shape issues:
  “A cube should be a rectangle. And that’s just on the period.” (70:05)
• The family expands:
  “Would you like to be part of our family? … You’ll be hearing pitches with us. But not today. Another day.” (77:04)
• Entrée, as show closes:
  “Well, that's the end of our show. I guess you can call me outro P? Nua. That's my little joke.” (77:51)

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• Setup and Introduction: 03:35–06:28
• Pat and Paul Schmaztans’ Shut-In Delivery: 09:45–21:00
• Parents Foster’s Kids Menu: 25:48–38:51
• Alex Lilly / Pear Redacted: 42:12–53:36
• Ralph Devoe’s Block Talker: 55:29–77:04
• Episode Close/Wrap-Up: 77:51

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Tone & Style

The episode is a spirited, unhinged blend of improvised character comedy, word play, and relentless riffing. The characters frequently deny the premise of the pitches, argue about completely unrelated minutiae, and launch into musical asides and bizarre hypothetical tangents. The show’s loose structure allows for rapid pivots and running in-jokes, all sustained by the chemistry and comic commitment of the cast.

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Summary for New Listeners

This episode delivers classic Comedy Bang Bang chaos: relentless bits, unexpected character backgrounds, and a parade of failing entrepreneurial ideas, mostly satirizing both reality pitches and the conventions of their own fictional world. If you enjoy improv, recurring catchphrases (“that’s on period”), and character comedians breaking each other up, this is a great entry (or reentry) to the CBB universe. The laughs come from both the silly invention pitches and how seriously absurd the cast commits to the family drama unfolding aboard this imaginary tour bus.

Transcript

[A]

Don't miss Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand up special It Ain't Right Premiering on Hulu November 21st. Filmed live at the sold out United center arena in Chicago, Sebastian's newest special features his larger than life presence, one of a kind physical comedy and hilarious everyday observations that will keep you laughing non stop. Sebastian goes all in on family chaos, aging, non existent manners and life's most relatable and frustratingly funny moments. Watch Sebastian Maniscalco it ain't right on November 21st streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundled subscribers terms apply.

[B]

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by Progressive where drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average. Plus auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Quote [e-mail] to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates national average 12 month savings of $744 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary discounts, states and situations hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here and welcome to another bonus bang where we are re releasing great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the paywall. And this is a great one, very special one. This week we are in the middle of a series we are calling A Buffet of Entrees which of course features that Queen of Invention and hustle entrepeneur played by Ego Wodom who you might know from Saturday Night Live. Now this episode is called Entrez P? Noor's Entrepreneur Tour featuring appetizer P? Noor Episode 1. Now this was a CBB Presents original. Now CBB Presents of course are shows featuring Comedy Bang Bang guests and characters hosting their own shows. You can find all of those at CBB World and and it was Originally released on January 19, 2022 in the CBB Presents feed. Now this is where Entre Pie Nour gets her own show and Carl Tart as her brother Appetizer Pinuar. He co hosts the show with her and they are ready to invest in any upstart project only only if they like the pitch. Now who are the guests? We have Paul F. Tompkins and Lily Sullivan as a married couple named Pat and Paul Schmaztans. Have an idea for something. More pitches come from Drew Tarver as parents Foster, Vic Michaelis as Alex Lilly and Will Hines as Ralph Devoe. And you're going to enjoy this. This was exclusive to CBB World and we're letting it out from behind the paywall now, if you enjoy this and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy bang bang or cbb presents, become a subscriber@cbb world.com we have all of the past episodes from the archives and every live show we've ever done ad free new episodes and original shows like CBB Presents Scott hasn't seen. And also, if you're a big Entre P? Noir fan, you can order the Entre P? Noir action [e-mail] as well as other great comedy Bang Bang action figures like Entre Pinur, of course, and Italiano Jones, Carissa, Randy Snuts. Even an action figure of me. You can go to action figureseller.com for international purchases by the way with lower import FE. Now, we're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. But until then, enjoy this bonus bang.

[C]

CBB Presents.

[D]

This is Entrepreneur's Entrepreneur Tour, where inventors and entrepreneurs from around the globe dream of a chance to secure an investment from entrepreneur gaining a powerful partner to start, grow or start save their businesses and inventions.

[C]

I'm asking for $100,000.

[E]

Stop the madness.

[D]

If Andre hears a great idea, she's ready to invest using her own money.

[F]

I can't accept your offer.

[G]

Whoa.

[E]

You're telling me you're going to turn down a quarter of a million rectangles with pictures of old white men on them?

[D]

And right beside her is her brother, Appetizer P? Noor, ready to back her up every step of the way.

[H]

What's going on? What are all these microphones for?

[D]

But first, the entrepreneurs must convince entrepreneur to invest the full amount they're asking for or they'll walk away with nothing.

[C]

There are companies out there that are.

[E]

Valuating the company at 1.5 million. How many of who?

[D]

And at the end of their pitch, our contestants will be invited to get on the tour bus or be kicked off the tour forever.

[F]

I'm telling you, this is one of the most interesting inventions the world has ever seen.

[E]

That's a horrible idea. It's not even rectangular. It's circular.

[H]

What is happening right now?

[D]

Who are our hosts? Entrepreneur is an inventor who comes up with many ideas for businesses and inventions that have already been created. She has a habit of describing concepts in terms of their shapes, particularly rectangles.

[E]

Well, if you don't like my terms, my offer is off. This rectangle I eat my food on.

[D]

And as for appetizer Pienur, according to the Comedy Bang Bang Wiki, he is Andre's estranged Brother who had to give up his dream to take care of their sick mother, Ma Noor. He has been a devout Satanist ever since attending the original Woodstock Festival. His many jobs over the years include being an early employee for Taco Bell and performing as the fourth lead guitar in the Eagles. He has a tramp stamp tattoo of former president Rutherford B. Hayes.

[H]

What can a guy love? Rutherford B. Hayes.

[D]

And now, get ready for our sharks to enter the T. I mean, get ready for our people to take the tour. It's Andre P. Noor's Entrepreneur Tour featuring Appetizer P. Normal.

[E]

Well, ladies and gentlemen, and everything in between, it's me, your favorite entrepreneur, really the only entrepreneur that ever is Entre P? Neua. And I am all about the money or bitcoint and my rectangular, rectangular inventions. So, anyway, we'll be talking to some people, but first I want to introduce my. My brother, Appetizer P. Noir. Hello, brother. Maine.

[H]

Things are bad.

[E]

Oh, well. Well, why. Why you say that?

[H]

Why have you left me home with my newer. She's getting worse and worse and worse.

[E]

Well, that's what happens when somebody's sick. People don't get better, they get worse.

[H]

Some people get better when they're sick.

[E]

Name one person that got better when they're sick.

[H]

I'll tell you. I'll tell you one I forgot exactly.

[E]

Point. Point in case. Point made in this case.

[H]

Case in point. Is it case and point. Okay, Case in point, Case in point.

[E]

Case in point. Well, look. Look at us. We could be lawyers.

[H]

We could be lawyers, doctors, anything we put our minds to.

[E]

But guess what we're not gonna do. Be doctors, lawyers, because we didn't put.

[H]

Our minds to it.

[E]

I'm not putting my mind to that mess.

[H]

I wouldn't put my mind to nothing that I don't want my mind to be put to.

[E]

Not me, not you.

[H]

They say a mind is a terrible thing to waste. No, it's not. No, it's not a good thing to waste. Sometimes.

[A]

It's a.

[E]

Let me tell you about it. They say great minds think alike. And I'm like, great minds do not think, honey.

[H]

No, great minds don't think. They do listen.

[E]

Doers speak on it. You know what else, though? I tell people all the time, people come to me, they say, how do I get to inventing stuff? How do I get to be like you? All my worldly success? And I say, it's one of those things you're born with. You either got it or you don't. There are some things you could do to help, you know? Of course. Everybody knows. Every good invention starts with a rectangle. But that's again, just the fact. Got me giggling.

[H]

Remember legs pantyhose?

[E]

I sure do.

[H]

They used to sell them in the grocery store.

[E]

Do you remember Dunkaroos?

[H]

No.

[E]

Okay, well, that's enough y'. All. We need. We're gonna go ahead and get. There's enough of me and my brother going back and forth. We this what we do at home. And we. We should keep it to home. Anyway. We're going to hear from some wonderful entreprene or. Well, I'm calling them wonderful. Maybe a little prematurely. We don't know how good they are. They aren't. So I'm gonna be hearing from some entrepreneurs today and we'll decide if we wanna go into business with them.

[H]

And if we do, it's gonna be a good time. And if we don't, they're going to jail.

[E]

They are going to jail.

[D]

Period.

[E]

That's. Period. Okay, I'll tell you what we not about to do. Send them home.

[H]

No, you don't get to go home. Once you come on this show. After you come on this show.

[E]

The stakes are high, but the profits could be higher. All right.

[H]

The prosecution could be even higher.

[E]

And it just depends how the crook crooky crumbles.

[H]

How the crooky crumbles. How the crooked crumbles.

[E]

How the crooky crumbles. All right, let's get to our first entrepreneur.

[D]

Stepping onto the tour bus now are our first entrepreneurs, Pat and Paul Smashtons, a married couple from Stench, Ohio.

[A]

Hi, Paneurs.

[G]

I'm Pat.

[C]

And I'm Paul.

[A]

And we are the Smashtons.

[H]

Oh, okay. How you spell that?

[A]

S, C, H, M, A Z. S, T, O, N, S, Z. Oh, the Smashins.

[H]

Okay, that's right.

[E]

Okay, what do you have for us?

[B]

Well, today.

[F]

Today.

[A]

How many times has this happened to you?

[C]

How many times have you been waltzing around the block?

[A]

You say to yourself, I want to get to know my neighbors, my neighbor.

[E]

I don't dance. Just for the record.

[H]

I dance. I do the watusi.

[E]

Well, I don't. Well, you know, listen, he does the watusi and I do just pull up my pants and lean back. Lean back. So.

[F]

But.

[E]

But that's different.

[A]

This is perfect. Because what we're saying is, what about the people who don't waltz around the block?

[C]

We're talking about the shut ins.

[E]

How do you spell it?

[A]

S, C, H, U, T E, I, N, S, Z. Oh, Shut in.

[E]

Shut inS. Yes.

[A]

These are People that, for whatever reason, won't or can't go outside of their house to waltz around the block.

[C]

Mostly we're talking about the people who.

[E]

Won'T, not the people who won't. You keep saying these, and here's what we got. But what is it? What's the.

[A]

I'm glad you asked.

[C]

How many times as a shut in person said, huh? I need to get something to eat.

[A]

But I don't like to leave my house for whatever reason.

[C]

But I also don't like those delivery services that bring the food to you.

[A]

But again, I'm hungry and need food for sustenance.

[C]

What do I do?

[A]

I know if I drink water every three days, I can survive for a longer time.

[C]

I know that if I put food into my body, I will feel better and less angry and stressed.

[A]

I know that I can sometimes tell myself that a candy bar is for energy.

[E]

Okay, I have a question. I know that I have a question. Are you two intimate? You're married? Because this looks like community theater.

[A]

That's where we met.

[C]

Yeah, we were putting on a production.

[E]

Of I Don't Care. I'm so sorry because we're on a tough question of our teeth. I can't.

[C]

We both got cast as the mammoth. I was the front, he was the back.

[A]

And people raved about our performance.

[C]

The way we move those legs around.

[E]

So what do you have for us today?

[H]

Are you a lady?

[C]

Who are you talking to?

[E]

Paul?

[C]

I am a lady.

[G]

Yes.

[A]

And I am, too.

[C]

We are a lesbian couple.

[E]

I hate to do this, but what do you have? What do you have? Well, you're bi. No, actually. Now tell us more about that.

[C]

You promised you wouldn't bring that up.

[E]

Tell us more about that. I thought I came up naturally.

[C]

I think it's better if we. If we're a united front.

[E]

What's her name again?

[A]

We're still united. I'm committed to you. I just happen to be bi.

[C]

That's true.

[E]

Okay, tell us more about it.

[A]

My name's Pat.

[E]

Pat and Paul. So this causes friction in your head? Robin.

[H]

Pat to pay Paul.

[E]

Listen, listen. Appetizer. If I had a nickel. That's what our mother always said. Always said. Rob and Pat to pay Paul. Don't do it.

[C]

The thing is, we used to have a third. Mary, Pat, Paul and Mary.

[A]

We were a throuple.

[E]

And you had to get rid of her. Cause her name ain't start with a P. Huh?

[A]

That's right. Also, she couldn't sing.

[C]

She could not sing.

[E]

Oh, y' all can sing.

[B]

Yes.

[E]

Well, now, what product do you have? Maybe you could sing to me about the product you have.

[F]

Absolutely.

[A]

Has this ever happened to you?

[E]

Listen, listen, listen. I'm tired of these questions.

[A]

Well, they're rhetorical.

[E]

Well, I don't like them because I'm not gonna tell you what's happened in my life because you wouldn't have the time to hear it.

[A]

Let us rephrase. Musically, this has happened to you.

[C]

Has this ever happened to you?

[G]

Has this ever happened to you? You're a.

[C]

You're in your home. You sitting there. Oh, no, I'm hungry. What am I to do?

[E]

I don't like those delivery services.

[A]

What am I to do?

[C]

Oh, I know now what I'll do. I'll have a neighbor friend who works for an organization called Shabazz Goy Incorporated.

[E]

Shabazgoy.

[A]

Yes. Now we come down to it.

[C]

Okay, now here's the joke. Chavez Koi Incorporated.

[E]

Koi or goy?

[A]

Goy.

[E]

Okay. Cause Paul said koi.

[C]

Oh, no, I said goy.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

We both said goy.

[E]

Maybe there was something too.

[C]

We absolutely both said goy.

[A]

Sometimes our G's sound like K's.

[E]

Okay, all right.

[C]

Or C's.

[E]

C's. I was thinking C's or C's.

[G]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, bye. Oh, bye.

[A]

I think we all ket it.

[E]

Excuse me. Oh, bye. Oh, bye. It's not okay.

[F]

Okay.

[C]

At Shabbos Gloi Incorporated, what we do is we hire fellow neighbors in the community.

[A]

You know how Jewish people are very devout.

[E]

Don't do that. It's okay.

[H]

I want to hear.

[G]

I promise.

[H]

I want to hear.

[E]

Slow down, slow down.

[C]

Oh, don't do the fire, everyone.

[E]

I wouldn't do that. Don't burn the fire.

[C]

Don't burn the house down yet.

[A]

With the messenger inside.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Very devout Jewish people, when they observe certain holidays, they need a friend who is not Jewish to come in the house and turn on their electronics for them. This is the shabbosgoy.

[C]

So using that same sentiment, we thought, what about the shut ins?

[A]

It's a beautiful sentiment.

[E]

Why not us use it too?

[C]

Why don't we steal it? So for capital gain.

[E]

So this is a service, not a product.

[A]

It is a service product that gets you products.

[C]

So in theory. Do you mind if I sing it?

[E]

I would love for you to sing it, boy.

[C]

The neighbor in the community goes to the stop and shop and buys up all the couscous.

[E]

So I would love to stop Shannon's.

[C]

House and cooks up all the couscous.

[A]

I'll take it over.

[E]

And then you have the couscous in.

[A]

Your house where you live, where you never ever leave.

[E]

You got the couscous all up in.

[A]

That house where you live and you never.

[E]

Okay, understood.

[C]

You never leave, but you're always there.

[E]

You never leave, but you eat the couscous. You put up your hands like you just don't care.

[G]

Goose, goose, Bunny, goose, goose.

[E]

Bonnie.

[G]

Couscous body is happening now. A goose. Go couscous party. Couscous party is a happening now.

[H]

I got a question. Do you believe that couscous is a viable replacement for rice?

[E]

No.

[H]

Me neither.

[C]

I would never ever try and say.

[E]

What something could replace rice. Okay, what a ridiculous question.

[C]

Something like that.

[E]

What a ridiculous, offensive question. Okay, here's the thing. All I was just served, just now is hypotheticals. Hypothetical questions. Hypothetical scenarios. Scenarios in which I have not found myself. You said this has happened to you again. You don't know my life. Keep my life out your mouth. It hasn't happened to me. I don't eat couscous. I'm allergic to grains. So what are you offering?

[C]

Okay, well, so I'm glad that you said that. If you're allergic to grains, we have a.

[E]

No. No, you won't. You're not gonna do it. I could see you gearing up. No, you're not gonna.

[C]

What about the shut ins who are allergic to grains? What if they can't eat gluten or sugar or anything that processes in their body and makes them shit?

[E]

I' what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?

[A]

We're gonna get you some oatly ice cream. Gonna get you some oatly ice cream. You can eat that all goddamn day and nobody will say boo to you.

[E]

Now, oatly ice cream. I didn't say I was lactose and Tyler.

[C]

Party.

[I]

Oatly.

[E]

Party.

[B]

Oatly.

[G]

Oatly ice cream.

[E]

Oat is a grain. Oats are grains, oats are grains. And you're pissing me off.

[A]

Is that true?

[C]

Oh, are they?

[E]

I don't know if that's.

[F]

That's true.

[C]

I've been really messing.

[A]

I told you we should have read the dictionary before we came over here.

[C]

Let's talk numbers.

[E]

So again, we're not gonna do that. Okay? We're not gonna talk. Fine. You wanna talk numbers? Talk numbers. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.

[C]

What we need on the ground tomorrow. What we need on the ground tomorrow is 500 people, preferably neighbors, working in communities together, contacting an apartment complex.

[E]

In your mind in your video, these.

[C]

Are 500 people a community of neighbors?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

We send them out, we disperse them throughout the city. In all neighborhoods.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

Every neighborhood has a neighbor.

[A]

Yes, because they are still, even if they're not neighbors of the people they're bringing the food to, they are still neighbors of someone. So they're neighbors.

[C]

Yes, they are neighbors, technically.

[E]

So everybody is a neighbor. Every human being is a neighbor.

[C]

I'm glad you said that.

[A]

Well, yes, I'm glad you said that because even somebody who lives alone on a desert island.

[E]

You don't look glad I said that. You're mean. Mugging me. You're ice grilling me.

[A]

I have rbf, but I apologize.

[E]

Rest in by face. Resting by face.

[A]

I have rustic bi face.

[H]

I have ibs. Irritable B syndrome.

[E]

What's that? Tell us more about it though. Is that what you Cuz it can mean a number of things. Irritable BI syndrome. Could you please stop? Please tell us what that means.

[A]

I'm curious myself.

[H]

Irritable. Irritable BI syndrome is.

[E]

Why do you sound like mom? Luther K. That's what it was. Original. That's what it was. What is it? What is it?

[H]

I tell you?

[E]

You never told me about your diagnosis.

[H]

When you're standing with a bisexual person and they get irritable.

[E]

Oh, good.

[A]

That's just like a symptom.

[C]

Exactly what you have.

[E]

So then you have the syndrome.

[H]

I make them get irritable when I stand next to them.

[A]

So you see, it's not my fault.

[E]

Okay, I see.

[C]

It's a proximity to me.

[H]

My IBS is acting up, therefore her rbs.

[E]

Listen, I think it's clear. I think it's clear.

[A]

Checked out for sure.

[E]

What's our verdict on these two?

[H]

I don't have any money.

[E]

Well, he's being polite. You're off the tour. He's being polite. You're off the tour. Pack your bag. Just one more thing and go be a neighbor.

[A]

Just one more thing.

[C]

Change your mind. I feel like we could change your mind.

[A]

This is gonna do it, Pat.

[C]

Every shutting gets an iPad. The iPads are all working systematically together to get the neighbors to the shut ins as fast as possible.

[A]

Like a red king the iPads have with the couscous. The shut ins have no control over the iPads. They work independently of the shut ins. If the shut in is lucky, the shut in can get in on a food delivery wave.

[E]

I'm grabbing my purse because. I'm grabbing my purse because you're off the tour and I have to go run an errand.

[C]

Oh, that seems like you were gonna give us money.

[E]

I thought so too. I'm grabbing my handbag to tell you you're off the tour. Grab your bags as well and go home. It's been a pleasure. And it's time. And that's the police coming to get you, because I've been asking you for some time. The cops are coming for you. We'll talk until they come, okay? No, you need to. You're off the tour.

[B]

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[D]

Next up, a new entrepreneur has joined the tour. Parents Foster from Godawful, Georgia.

[G]

Hello, Audrey. Pinor Appetizer Pinor.

[A]

Hello.

[G]

How are you?

[E]

I'm all right.

[G]

My name is Parents. Foster.

[E]

Parents.

[G]

Parents Foster.

[E]

How do you spell that?

[G]

P A, R, E, N, T, S. Foster.

[H]

Oh, Parents.

[E]

Parents.

[G]

Yeah, Parents. I mean, yeah. So in the. In the phone book is Foster Parents.

[E]

Oh, you.

[G]

I don't know if you saw me in the green room. Quite a few children, they call me and they looking for foster parents.

[E]

So you were bored. Wait, so you were born. I don't mean to up, but you were born.

[G]

Do you want me to write? We want to talk about my name.

[E]

Well, you know, I do want to talk a little bit about you.

[G]

Yeah, people ask. We usually talk about my name for about 30, 45 minutes before I even pitch.

[H]

Oh, you've done this before.

[G]

So, yeah.

[E]

So, yeah, you were born. You came out of your mother. She looked at you and said, this boy's name is Parents. Okay, got it. That's all I want to know. That's all.

[G]

I'm an old soul.

[E]

Too old.

[G]

Two old souls who are married and having children is what it felt like having children.

[E]

Okay. We love when families have a children.

[G]

They have a children.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

All right.

[E]

Please get into your idea.

[G]

Well, Andre, I am seeking $7,800 for a 50% share in my new business idea.

[H]

Oh, okay.

[G]

How's this feel?

[E]

Sounds troubling.

[G]

Is that too low?

[E]

That's too low.

[H]

That's a little low.

[E]

It's too low. Okay. I don't even know what the idea is, but that's too low.

[G]

So you're in before I head off.

[E]

Well, let's see. Let's see what you talk about. What you got. All right.

[G]

Like many of you, I am a picky eater, and it makes me nerv. I'm always getting invited to dinners and I'm like, I wonder what restaurant we're going to eat at. Is it going to be too fancy for me? Am I going to sweat trying to pick out a meal? Every time I'm in a restaurant, I am stumped by the menu. What's tartar? Do I like anchovy butter? Aside of sun chokes. Well, entree. Don't worry because I'm.

[E]

I was not ever worried. You were my experience.

[G]

But I'm sorry to put that worry on you.

[E]

Yeah.

[G]

Entree. Continue on how you are because I'm here to save you from all that hassle with my new Restaurant kids menu. Yep, I've gone and done it.

[E]

Done what?

[H]

Created it. I know what it is.

[G]

I done gone and done it.

[H]

You done gone and done it?

[G]

Yep, I've gone and done it.

[E]

Okay, what is it?

[G]

We are all eyeing that kid's menu. Anytime we look at a menu, it's usually on the back page. It is for people 12 and under. No longer my restaurant kids menu. The whole menu.

[E]

Is this a pitch or a commercial?

[H]

I'm enjoying it either way.

[E]

Okay, okay, okay.

[G]

I'm. I just figured I'd have a long pre roll.

[E]

Okay. All right, go ahead. All right.

[G]

My restaurant kids menu. The whole menu is a kid's menu and you can be any age to order it. Gone are the days of asking, is this menu just for kids? You can order just chicken fingers fries freely without the shame of being a 50 year old man who has a very unsophisticated palette. Gone are the days.

[E]

So it's a commercial. Gone on. The days is gonna. That's giving commercial.

[G]

Yeah, yeah. Gone are the days of you trying to figure out what prosciutto de parma is. Now you can sit back, relax and eat a small portion of spaghetti and meatballs with a side of fruit snacks and get on with your day. Gone are the days of you turning up your nose at a pancetta.

[B]

Eg.

[G]

Don'T stress because we got you covered at kids menu with a meal of graham crackers and a blue powerade and entree. Kids menu isn't just a place where you can get food.

[E]

Are you reaching for me? Because I don't look so. But my.

[G]

You're pulling back. The longer this goes, you are pulling back from me.

[E]

Because I see you have a whole other page. I see that document. It's two pages and the font looks like Ariel. 11, maybe 10. And so I'm kind of. I'm trying to do math in my brain of how much longer I can hear.

[G]

This font's actually 10. So this is going to be about 10 pages, 10 minutes a page.

[E]

Okay. So I'm going to get it to.

[H]

I'm loving it.

[E]

Okay.

[G]

You liking it?

[E]

Okay. No, he said he's loving it.

[G]

He's loving it.

[E]

He actually said he's loving it.

[H]

I'm loving it.

[E]

And as a business owner, you have to be able to listen to your customers. He's said he's loving it and you said, oh, you're liking it. No, he's loving it.

[G]

Well, I liked it. Love is scary for me when somebody says they love me. I usually don't say it back.

[E]

What do you say? Thank you.

[G]

I say thank you. Maybe in a couple months. And then I break it off early and I run.

[E]

Understood. It's. It's happened to the best of us.

[G]

Gone are the days of sitting in a hard wooden adult chair and staring at an abstract painting that looks like a bloody bird. At kids menu, you sit on beanbags and you can draw on the wall with crayons.

[H]

Okay.

[B]

Yep.

[E]

So this isn't just about food for you.

[G]

No.

[E]

You wanna be a kid again. You were made old when you were born, when your parents gave you the name. Parents. Mm. So you never had a childhood. You're like Michael Jackson.

[G]

No.

[E]

Yes, you are.

[H]

You kinda look like it.

[G]

Don't you put that on me.

[E]

Yes, you are.

[H]

You kinda look like it.

[G]

No.

[H]

You are wearing a bright, shiny glove.

[E]

Glove.

[H]

A sequin glove.

[G]

Listen.

[E]

And a jacket with all them zippers.

[H]

Jerry curl is dripping all over my couch.

[E]

You got a lot of zippers on your.

[G]

Yo, ignore my monkey.

[E]

You keep touching your penis.

[G]

Ignore my monkey.

[E]

You keep touching your penis.

[H]

So listen, your face is kind of green.

[G]

Listen, don't.

[E]

But do you have a nose job?

[G]

No, my nose just points up at the sun. Come on, now. Just because you. Just because you missed your childhood does not mean it manifests itself in leather jacket sequin gloves and pants that are hiked up with the white socks. Okay, But Andre. I am not even. Goddamn Andre. I am not even kidding when I ask you, are you in or are you in? In front of you are a tasting menu of all of our dishes.

[E]

The. A tasting menu of all of your dishes.

[G]

Yes. So feel free to try a few. We got butter noodles with cinnamon toast.

[E]

Oh, butter noodles with cinnamon toast. Appetizer. Why you eating this? You know your blood pressure's up.

[H]

All right, Appetizer. I'm going to die. I'm going to die happy.

[G]

Excuse me.

[E]

Oh, my God. God. Excuse me.

[G]

I got something in my throat.

[H]

What are your pronouns?

[G]

My pronouns are they. Hey. He.

[J]

He.

[G]

His he. How did you like that? Next up, we got cheese quesadilla with juice.

[H]

Okay.

[G]

Okay. What y' all think about?

[E]

Do you remember the time?

[G]

Yes, I do.

[E]

Well, what is.

[G]

Could you hand me that mirror?

[E]

Who are you looking at?

[C]

Me.

[E]

Who are you looking at? Well, who are you looking at? What do you need the mirror for? Who are you looking?

[G]

Dang, I'm looking good.

[E]

Get two. Oh, my.

[G]

Next up, fettuccine and a souvenir glass.

[H]

Oh, yeah, Lion King.

[G]

That's pretty good.

[H]

Ain't it?

[B]

Yep.

[G]

Cheese sticks a la mode.

[H]

No, that's nasty, but it's good, too.

[G]

Chicken noodle. Kool Aid.

[H]

This is my heaven.

[G]

Disney presents the Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Cheese ravioli.

[E]

Now, that one just. That one is just regular ravioli. With the name of a movie. With the. Of a movie. A children's movie.

[C]

Yeah.

[G]

It harkens back to December 3, 2021, when that movie came out.

[H]

I feel like I'm at a theater.

[E]

Okay.

[G]

What do you think about that dinner Cereal, Andre?

[E]

I haven't tried it. Because I'm watching my weight.

[H]

I'm watching mine, too. Watching it go up.

[E]

I'm watching. Now, do you have a criminal history?

[G]

I am a crim.

[H]

You have a rocky past, or is it.

[G]

No, it's pretty smooth.

[E]

Well, I'm gonna just ask you one question.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Why?

[G]

Why?

[F]

Why? What?

[E]

Are you gonna tell me why? This idea, when they say why?

[C]

Why?

[D]

Why?

[G]

This is obvious. You don't want to. I'm tired of having to figure out what a leak is.

[E]

No, no.

[H]

He might not know the hel.

[E]

No, not too much of a deep cut. Well. Well, I was looking for you to tell me. It was.

[G]

Oh, wait, hold on. You was doing. Do it again when I say.

[E]

Do it again when I say. Why?

[I]

Why?

[E]

What you going to tell me?

[G]

Didn't be human nature. Yeah, I knew.

[E]

I. Okay, okay. There you go.

[G]

I'm telling y', all, if you missed your childhood, this stuff just happens. These songs, they just come out of you.

[E]

What about.

[G]

Have you tried the beans with the giant Oreo?

[E]

You know what? I haven't, but I will.

[H]

You use the Oreo as a spoon instead of chips.

[E]

Instead of tortilla chips. Yeah, I will try that one. Because I do like. I like chips and dip.

[G]

That's nice.

[E]

It seems beans and chocolate don't go too nice together, but, yeah, I'm still.

[G]

I am open to you, whatever you have. You know, once again, you get 50 share, 7, $800. And I'm willing to budge on that.

[E]

What if. Okay, what, 80. What? We'd like 80. 82,000 bucks.

[G]

All right, hold on.

[E]

Who are you consulting with?

[D]

My monkey.

[F]

What you think?

[G]

He said he wants bananas. He's always. I know he does.

[E]

I mean, you're in a thousand dollars. $85,000.

[G]

85%. All right.

[E]

Okay. And do you take Bitcoin?

[G]

I take eth. What about ethereum?

[H]

Oh, okay.

[G]

Ethereum.

[H]

I said ethanol. I got some gas.

[G]

Yeah, I take a bag of gas. I take Bitcoin or A bag of gas.

[E]

And you don't want it in a big container. You want it specifically in a bag.

[G]

Yeah, I need it to flatten out.

[E]

Well, okay. You know, before we fully formally accept, what if offered you several bags of gas? 90% ownership.

[H]

I got a lot of it.

[G]

So you get 90% and I get several bags of gas.

[D]

Several.

[E]

Several.

[G]

Okay. Something about this is sounding good. As you can tell, I am staying in the same place, but I'm leaning over forward, very far forward. And I got my hat on. I mean, I'm in. What do you.

[B]

You.

[G]

You want it? Do you want it?

[H]

I'm in.

[G]

I mean, I got other ideas.

[B]

Of course.

[G]

You in? I'm in. I heard this, and I'm in. I was not sold on this. Y' all thought I was pitching to you. I was pitching to me.

[E]

Okay. All right. All right. Well, you know what? We're in. You're in.

[H]

Okay.

[E]

It sounds like a fantastic idea we've got on our hands.

[G]

Great.

[E]

Just seems like a restaurant, so come on. Would you stick around with us while we hear some other pictures? I can see once you're here, you're family.

[G]

Really?

[H]

Like Red Lobster?

[E]

Just like Red Lobster. And if he fuck me good, I'll take his ass to Olive Garden.

[G]

Really?

[E]

Yeah.

[G]

You'll take him and you'll get him this. Breadsticks.

[E]

I'll get him breadsticks and Alfredo sauce. People don't know to order a little side of Alfredo sauce.

[G]

Oh, get me some.

[F]

To dip the breadsticks.

[E]

Yep.

[B]

Mm.

[E]

To dip the breadsticks. So would you join us to hear some other pictures? We would love to have you.

[G]

Absolutely.

[E]

Okay.

[G]

Thank you. I sit right here beside you.

[E]

You can sit right here beside me.

[G]

Y' all got the chairs from the Voice in here?

[H]

Yeah, we spin them around.

[G]

That thing's there. They broke these.

[H]

We got the ones from season one.

[E]

So these ones don't. They don't need to get a little oiled. Maybe we could use some of your bags of gas.

[B]

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, reaching out to someone that you haven't talked to in a long time. It feels good. I just had lunch with a friend that I hadn't seen in a few years. It was great to reconnect, talk our lives. What's different, all that kind of stuff, you know? And as the seasons change, shorter days don't have to weigh you down. This season better help encourage use. Encourage use. Encourages use. Use guys to reach out to people, you know, check in on friends, reconnect with loved ones. Remind them you're here. It just takes a little courage to send that text or grab coffee with with someone you haven't seen in a while. But you know what? Reaching out for therapy? That can feel difficult too. But it's oh so worth it. It can leave people wondering, why didn't I do this sooner? And with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the US and BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can just focus on your therapy goals. And this will month, don't wait to reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend, reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] Bang Bang that is betterhelp.com Bang Bang.

[E]

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[G]

Whoa.

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So is Saldana.

[I]

Hey, can you wrap these please?

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[C]

I taught with T Mobile you can get four iPhone 17s on them. The new center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. It's the perfect gift for everyone.

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I'm the worst. I only got my mom a robe.

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Well, it's better than socks.

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So I have to trade in my old phone, right?

[C]

No AT T Mobile. There's no trade ins needed when you switch. Keep your old phone or give it as a gift.

[A]

Incredible.

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In fact, wrap up my old phone too for my Aunt Rosa.

[B]

Forget that.

[C]

Aunt Liz will be jealous.

[A]

Sounds like my family drama.

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Oh, I got it.

[I]

I'll give it to my abuela.

[C]

I'll take reindeer paper with hey, where are you going?

[E]

To T Mobile.

[A]

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With the Fidelity app you can choose a schedule and set up recurring investments in stocks and ETFs.

[B]

Huh, that sounds easier than I thought.

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You got this?

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Yeah, I do. Now where did I put my keys?

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You will find them where you Left them.

[A]

Investing involves risk, including risk of loss. Fidelity Brokerage Services, llc. Member NYSE SIPC.

[D]

Coming aboard the tour bus now is one half of a business team from Barf Valley, Florida, Alex Lilly.

[I]

Hi, I'm Alex Lilly.

[E]

Okay. Nice to meet you, Lily.

[I]

Thank you so much for having me. I'm such a fan and I'm so excited to be here and of course. Oh, sorry. Normally my sister is here with me, so it's. It's a little weird doing on my own.

[E]

I mean, I get it. I work with my brother. And this is our good friend and. Hello.

[G]

My name is Parents. I'm sorry, you are here alone.

[I]

Oh, a hug. Interesting.

[H]

Which one is Alex and which one is Lily?

[I]

So my name is Alex Lilly and my sister is Evangeline. Lily.

[E]

Oh, Evangeline. She's Christian.

[H]

Sweet Evangeline.

[I]

Oh. Not like that, though. So, you know, that's fun, but unfortunately religious.

[G]

But not like that.

[I]

Not like that. Yeah, we don't. We didn't do. Well, we didn't do rock music or anything like that.

[C]

Yeah.

[I]

So unfortunately, my sister does own 50% of the idea, so I am only allowed to pitch my 50%.

[E]

Now, is it sort of like. Evangeline, you look good. Won't you back that ass up? Big fun.

[I]

Okay. That's it. That is the one, actually.

[E]

Yeah.

[G]

Is it like that Evangeline song? Write it.

[E]

Let's do that.

[I]

Sir, you're going to have to start trying to hug me. You're so sweaty.

[F]

Sorry.

[G]

I am sweating in here. In this studio is cold.

[E]

You shouldn't have popped that molly before.

[G]

I am sky high.

[E]

I'm peing.

[G]

Right now. I'm gnawing on this. Pacif.

[B]

All right.

[I]

I'm kind of into the dance, actually.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay. Our apologies, please.

[I]

No, of course. So our idea is called Pair Redacted. So I'm not allowed to say the redacted part, unfortunately, because of the court case.

[G]

Okay, I see you got a little display here. And one of it is. One side of it is heavily covered. Covered.

[I]

That is correct. And due to legal reasons, I am.

[E]

Not allowed to have your sister under that. No, Sister Evangeline.

[G]

It is moving a little bit.

[I]

Legally, I'm not allowed to say.

[E]

But why did you bring it?

[I]

Listen, when a national program, when you two came knocking, I said, I gotta answer the call. This is kind of massive for me. And even though my sister, again, for legal reasons, is not allowing me to present her half of the idea, I said, I gotta take this opportunity.

[G]

You guys had a falling out yeah.

[I]

We did have a bit of a falling out, you know, and it ended in murder.

[E]

Is your sister under that?

[H]

Is your sister dead under that display?

[I]

I don't know how to answer that right now.

[E]

What do you mean you're a dead lady?

[G]

My high is getting gonna be messed up if there's a dead lady under that.

[H]

And I'm gonna get extremely high.

[G]

Oh, boy.

[H]

I get high off a murder. I watch discovery ID all day.

[E]

The other two.

[G]

Oh, yeah, you were geeked out on a murder suicide, wandering the streets.

[F]

The.

[I]

Okay then. You might like my idea, actually.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

Okay.

[G]

Hey.

[E]

Oh.

[I]

So it's called Pear Redacted. It's a very exciting and new product that's going to be.

[E]

I'm so sorry to stop you. I hate to stop people in the middle of the pigeon.

[H]

You do.

[G]

She hates it.

[E]

There's nothing I hate.

[I]

No, please, anything for you. You're such a fan.

[E]

There's nothing I hate more than. Stop it people.

[G]

I went for about 45 minutes as a prepared dialogue earlier and she's had it. She's had it. She.

[E]

Is it P, A, I, R or is it P, E A, R or is it.

[I]

That's a wonderful question and one I would love to answer but cannot for legal reasons.

[E]

For legal reasons.

[G]

Well, we gotta kind of guess what this thing is. We got her hers something.

[E]

Lily. Alex was telling us more.

[B]

Tell us more.

[E]

Lily. Al. Go ahead. I hate to stop.

[I]

Lily, comma Alex is my name. So basically this, of course, Lil Kama.

[E]

Is your middle name. I'm just lost. I'm lost. And baby, I'm listening to you. But I'm getting more lost. The more I listen. The more I listen, the more I'm sort of like Ray Charles out here.

[I]

No, of course. I'm so sorry. I'm gonna make this as clear as possible.

[E]

Please. Okay.

[I]

My sister and I had a normal sort of falling out that siblings have with each other sometimes. Right? You know, you start a business together and everything' and then maybe you walk into work one day and she says something about your shoes and she didn't mean it in a bad way, but it sort of rubs you the wrong way.

[B]

Right?

[I]

And then she sleeps with your stepson Rhombus. And it sort of changes the dynamic.

[J]

Right?

[I]

Because now she wants to be called your stepdaughter and that's a step too far. Right?

[E]

Okay, so what's the product?

[I]

Pair redacted.

[G]

Right.

[I]

We are booming within certain redacted sectors. It's really a spectacular product.

[E]

We.

[I]

We are in several Grocery stores on a redacted basis.

[E]

So on the redacted part now, is this like algebra, where redacted represents the same word every.

[G]

Every time you say, are we solving for redacted here?

[I]

We are solving for redacted. If redacted was a completely different word and idea each time it was presented.

[G]

So we're not solving varying.

[E]

We're not solving for redacted cause.

[H]

Okay, redacted coast. Redacted. Cause it could be the Ivory Coast.

[E]

Redacted coast. Okay. But it also could be redacted coast.

[H]

West coast, west coast, west coast, east coast, Ivory Coast.

[I]

For legal reasons, I can't say. But I'll give you a clue. Neither is correct.

[E]

It could be coast.

[G]

Out of those three. Neither is correct.

[E]

Okay. It could be any word in the English language. Okay. Harlequin.

[G]

Great guess.

[I]

Oh, that is a fantastic guess. For which one? All of them.

[E]

Per Harlequin.

[I]

Per Harlequin.

[H]

Harlem Knights.

[I]

Close, but no cigar.

[E]

The godfather of Harlem. Harlem.

[I]

Very, very close. It's interesting.

[E]

Forest Whitaker. No. Okay.

[I]

Actually, he and another very famous actor both agreed to be spokespeople.

[H]

Really?

[E]

Okay, great. We love this. Who is the other famous actor? You gotta say.

[I]

Okay, we're gonna see them in this.

[F]

Rock.

[I]

Close.

[G]

Hemsworth.

[E]

Close. Evans.

[G]

It's Chris Plummers.

[F]

Kingworth.

[G]

Were both close.

[E]

Craig Plummers. Kringlet.

[I]

Chris Kringle. It is Sam.

[E]

Kris Kross. It's Kris Kringle.

[H]

Kris Pringle. The Pringle man.

[G]

We're done guessing.

[E]

I think crisscross and make is an.

[I]

Actor who played Kris Kringle.

[H]

Jim Allen.

[G]

Okay.

[I]

I can't say. I can't say. It's redacted.

[B]

Oh, no.

[G]

He played bad Kringle.

[H]

Bad Kringle.

[E]

You should host a murder mystery. That should be the product. Do you think you should host a murder mystery?

[I]

That means a lot to hear you say that, actually.

[E]

Now show us where your friends and family show us what's under the covered display.

[H]

We your family.

[G]

How can you trust us?

[H]

Yeah. We your family. We want to sleep with Rhombus, too.

[G]

A man in just real big boxers doing Molly over here.

[E]

Stepchildren. Yeah. That's all. Alex, Lily, whichever you are, whoever you are, comma, what is the company? Don't say the name. Just tell me in five words or less, what's the company?

[I]

I ran it with my sister.

[J]

And.

[I]

I'm out of words, unfortunately.

[E]

Okay. Should we give her some words from the word bank?

[G]

Oh, we bringing out the word bank.

[E]

We're bringing out the word bank.

[G]

Yes. I'M gonna wheel it out.

[E]

You gotta put your dress on first. Wait, wait.

[G]

Zip me up. What's up? We got the word bank.

[F]

What's out?

[E]

I'm pulling it out.

[G]

Are you gonna spin it?

[E]

So give me.

[G]

It's not.

[I]

I thought this was gonna go like bingo and it's more like Wheel of Fortune.

[G]

Reach up real high and pull it hard down.

[E]

How many words does it say she get?

[F]

One.

[E]

One word. Wait. But let's get you out the dress before. Think about the word and get you out of the dress.

[B]

All right, give me.

[G]

All right, I'm back.

[E]

His hips are full of. Anyway.

[I]

Gonna get one more word.

[E]

Yeah, one more word.

[I]

Exciting.

[H]

Oh, my God.

[I]

Can I get one more real. Can I get one more roll? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I should have asked before you took the dress off, but you seem to like the.

[E]

No. Go high. Pull. Hot.

[H]

Six.

[G]

Six.

[E]

Six words. Six words or less.

[I]

I'm not a bad person.

[E]

I'm not a bad person. One more word.

[C]

Murder.

[E]

Murder.

[G]

That's a dead body. You killed her for Rhombus.

[I]

It's a dead body, but it's not who you're expecting.

[H]

It's Rhombus.

[G]

It's Rhombus.

[I]

It's Rhombus.

[B]

Good.

[E]

Well, I'm glad, because usually people. Women, get mad at other women for sleeping with their man, but the man gets to go Scotch free.

[I]

Can I be honest?

[E]

Yeah.

[I]

It wasn't even about that. He keeps trying to get me to do his laundry, and it is stiff as a board now.

[E]

What's stiff as a board? His body. Now, rigor mortis done. Kicked in.

[G]

Or do you mean he?

[I]

Well, I mean a little bit of both. And let's put it this way. He really could have used our product.

[E]

Okay, well, now I'm really curious.

[I]

Legally, I am not allowed to say.

[E]

I want to know what.

[H]

Does it make your cum not dry?

[G]

Does it keep your cum wet? Please say yes.

[E]

Does it keep the cum wet?

[I]

All right, you know what?

[G]

Come on. Cum additive. That keeps it wet.

[E]

Please.

[B]

Pears.

[H]

And it's made from pears.

[I]

How about this? I'll tell you what the product is, leaving all legal ramifications to myself if you promise to bail me out.

[E]

We can't make that promise. Go ahead and tell us.

[I]

Pear. Applesauce. It's like applesauce, but made of pears instead of apples.

[H]

Oh, you going to jail. You going to jail.

[E]

Oh, no.

[H]

Oh, you going to jail.

[E]

We going to jail today.

[I]

Wait.

[B]

Come on.

[I]

You said we were family. What about all of you wanting to fuck my stepson Rhombus.

[H]

Guess who's going to jail. It was minutes ago.

[E]

No, unfortunately, we're not. We're not in. We're not in. You're a murderer. We can't go into business with a felon. With a felon. We're not going into business. I think we can agree. Yes, yes, yes.

[H]

You are going to jail.

[E]

You are going to jail off the tort. Period. Period. Period.

[C]

Period.

[E]

Period. Well, comment.

[D]

Comment.

[E]

Period.

[I]

Well, when I get out, just promise me you'll let me pitch my new idea.

[H]

I'm getting out.

[I]

Just make the promise.

[C]

Come on.

[G]

No.

[E]

I don't know.

[G]

Look at my come. It is dry. We had one thing. We wanted it. Parents.

[E]

Parents.

[G]

And I love applesauce.

[E]

Parents.

[G]

I love applesauce.

[E]

Remember kids menu. Remember kids menu. That was. That was parents business. No, you're off the tour, and you're going to jail.

[I]

I didn't even know there was a tour.

[E]

Yeah, you're off the tour.

[I]

This is a tough day for me.

[E]

Most of the people were kicking off the tour are ending up in prison, so.

[H]

Yeah, cops came and got the other ones, too. You are going to jail.

[B]

Periods.

[G]

We are calling the cops on you, Comet.

[B]

Period.

[E]

What about semicolon?

[G]

Semicolon, parentheses.

[E]

Underlined.

[I]

At least give me one of those deli sandwiches to go. Come on.

[C]

All right.

[H]

Look at you. One of those. Would you get the worst one?

[E]

No.

[H]

Togo's chicken sandwich.

[J]

Come on.

[I]

I'm going to jail.

[B]

Jail.

[I]

Give me the turkey.

[H]

You don't get no turkey.

[G]

That's Jersey mics without the mics.

[B]

Way.

[E]

Take it.

[G]

Take it.

[E]

Jersey mics. Without the mics, it's just Jersey.

[H]

It's just Jersey. Just Jersey sandwich from.

[G]

You want a Jersey? Wait.

[I]

Well, okay. If I'm going to jail, at least give me one thing.

[E]

You asked for a sandwich. We gave you a sandwich.

[H]

We keep asking for.

[E]

That's okay if we got to give one little thing. Well, if you want to get something else, we got to bring out the wheel again.

[G]

All right.

[E]

Already in the draft. You never took it off.

[G]

I never took the draft. Dead.

[E]

Okay.

[H]

Dead.

[E]

Dead.

[H]

Three.

[B]

Three.

[I]

An alibi, please. Just one little alibi. Come on.

[G]

I got alibis lying around. Ain't got no alibis.

[E]

I ran out of alibis.

[H]

I don't got no lies. I most certainly don't got no alibis.

[E]

Alibis.

[B]

Mm.

[G]

Mm.

[I]

How would we say the weird, tall, sweaty one killed Rhombus? Come on.

[G]

No.

[H]

We like you.

[E]

We like parents.

[G]

They like me.

[I]

What does he have that I don't have?

[B]

Huh?

[E]

He looks like Micha Jackson.

[G]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

[E]

Those are his pronouns.

[D]

Our final entrepreneur steps onto the tour bus. Ralph Devoe from Cunt, Michigan.

[E]

Okay. Another. Another mother lover. All right, well, I don't know if you love your mother.

[F]

I do.

[E]

Okay, we love that then. So you are another mother lover. Okay, great. Uh huh. So this I'm, as you know, entre pinua. My brother appetizer. And we've got parents. Foster.

[B]

Parents.

[G]

Foster.

[B]

How you doing?

[F]

Oh, were you supposed to be here?

[G]

Nope, I'm just standing off to the side of them. They like my idea. And I'm here.

[F]

Yeah, they're sitting and you're standing. Is everything all right?

[G]

I'm just kind of standing here. I pulled a light towards my face and I. I got some light on it now. So I'm part of the show.

[F]

I'd say you have a lot of light on looking Straight up. Ghost story.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

I did not realize this light was like a dentist.

[E]

Open your eyes. Open your eyes.

[G]

Oh, God damn. The whites of my eyes are red.

[E]

That hurt to watch.

[H]

It's like one hour photo.

[E]

So what do you got for us today? We don't have too much time for you.

[F]

We got in a hurry already. I've been here about a minute.

[G]

We don't have much time at all.

[F]

I've been looking forward to this for a while and you're rushing me out right now.

[E]

We don't have any.

[G]

You've been in the waiting room for a while and we don't have much time for you.

[F]

Okay, well, I. I appreciate your honesty. My name is Ralph DeVoe.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

And I have a great product for you. I think you're going to be really interested in it.

[E]

Okay. What is it?

[F]

It's this cube I'm holding in my hand right here. This is the Block Talker.

[E]

Keep going.

[F]

Okay, well, I want them cards.

[E]

Come on, poke a face, poke a face.

[G]

All right, poke a face. Give me my sunglasses.

[E]

Okay, there you go. There you go.

[F]

Block talker. Now, I gotta warn you, it's a little complicated, okay. But just stay with me. I think you're gonna like it. Okay, so now if you are aware there are things called iPhones.

[E]

Sure.

[F]

And there are voice commands for these iPhones, but I don't know if you've had this experience, but if you try to use. You probably haven't. Okay, don't guess you might have had this experience. If you try to use the voice, I find them to Be sort of unreliable. Specifically, if I'm driving in my car, my iPhone is up on the dashboard, and I try to tell it to play music. It doesn't understand what I'm saying.

[E]

I hate to interrupt you, but while you have an interrupt.

[G]

Who does not like to do this?

[F]

This is so early.

[E]

I don't have no peace at night when I go to bed because I'm thinking about how when I interrupt people.

[F]

It bothers you that much.

[E]

It bothers me.

[F]

You have done it to me about four times already.

[E]

No, no, no.

[G]

She hates doing it.

[E]

I hate to do it.

[F]

I can see the pain in your head now.

[E]

What if you have an answer? I know you have.

[F]

This will work for an Android. This will work for an Android.

[E]

Okay. And if you have, like a. Okay.

[G]

An old Android.

[E]

An old Android.

[F]

Wait, do you mean an Android operating system phone, or do you mean like, if you have a part machine, part human, robot?

[E]

Well, maybe both. Okay.

[F]

It won't work for a part human, part machine creature.

[E]

What if you have a part human, part machine creature and you have an Android phone?

[F]

The Android phone part is going to work great.

[B]

It's going to work well.

[E]

So you can have a part creature.

[F]

It just won't be involved. Like that just won't be part of the equipment.

[E]

And I might not be involved in this either, to be honest.

[H]

What if you have an LG chocolate?

[E]

The way this pitch is going, I might not.

[F]

I don't think I'm doing so bad. Wait, an LG chocolate?

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

What is that?

[H]

That brown Razer phone that came out in 06.

[E]

That will not be a T Mobile Sidekick. Nothing.

[F]

That won't.

[E]

This will do nothing. What if you have a Nokia brick phone?

[G]

What if you got a bag phone made out of pleather?

[F]

I don't think it'll have. I haven't tested it on a bag phone.

[H]

What if you got a boost I95?

[F]

It needs to be an iPhone, the highway, or an Android that accepts voice commands.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

Okay. I'm sorry and sorry to interrupt you.

[F]

That's quite all right. I appreciate your apology. That's quite gracious.

[E]

I hate that I did it.

[F]

You look fine with it. But that's all right. The Block Talker will execute voice commands so that your iPhone or Android phone understands them. So you talk to the block talker, and the block talker talks to the phone, and then you can have the phone do what you want.

[E]

But what if you just want to talk directly to the phone?

[F]

You can't do that. You have to talk Away. Can't hear you.

[E]

So you have to. Before you use this block talker, you have to hide your phone position thing if you're driving.

[B]

I've tested this.

[E]

So I'm driving. Okay. What?

[F]

So I've. I've tested this. My car, so.

[E]

Which I don't.

[F]

You have. You don't ever drive.

[E]

I don't drive. I have a driver. I got money.

[F]

This.

[E]

I pay my driver cryptocurrency.

[F]

Really?

[E]

Yes, I do.

[F]

And the driver accepts cryptocurrency?

[E]

She sure does.

[G]

She pays so much mining fees every time she pays her driver.

[F]

I'm not crazy.

[E]

That's something. Yeah.

[F]

You can, like, mine cryptocurrency.

[H]

The car has a mining machine in the trunk. The emissions that it put out just.

[E]

It's crazy.

[F]

It sounds bad. I've never understood the crypto stuff.

[E]

So this.

[G]

Your phone kind of becomes a busy CEO and the block talker is kind.

[F]

Of like the second.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

The system. Yeah. So it's like.

[E]

So you tried it in your car?

[F]

I've tried it in my car.

[E]

So I'm sorry that I did interrupt you there. Just as well, because I do recognize that was maybe the.

[F]

It means a lot to me that you do apologize. I guess it's not worth pointing out that by apologizing, you're doubling the interruption time each time.

[D]

6.

[F]

But I do appreciate the intent.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

I'm in my car. I'll have the iPhone up on the dashboard. I'll have the block talker sitting in my passenger seat, passenger side of your.

[E]

Best friend's ride, trying to holler at me.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay. So in other words, the block talk is a scrub.

[F]

It can be a scrub.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

The block talker is a scrub. It's trying to holler.

[G]

We don't like scrubs.

[B]

Actually, it is.

[F]

It's trying holler at the iPhone.

[E]

Well, what if we don't want no scrub in this scenario?

[F]

You're going to need to want this particular scrub. So just think of a scrub that transcends its scrub. Dom.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

Into it's got some redeeming factor.

[E]

So that's eight times I done interrupted you. Maybe that's nine because I called it out. It was this. Each time I count, I'm actually one ahead. Yeah.

[F]

Because the counting adds one.

[E]

So if this was really 10 right now we're currently in 11 still.

[F]

But anyway, it doesn't matter.

[E]

At any rate, continue.

[F]

Okay, so you have the block talker in the passenger seat. It's a scrub. And you have to talk directly to the block Talker, but in a way that your voice is not heard by the phone. So you tilt your head to the right, look down at your seat, and just talk right at the block talker. Open Spotify, for example.

[E]

Sure. And where's the phone again?

[F]

That's on the dashboard.

[E]

Well, I feel like the.

[F]

No, no, it can't be on the roof. It won't work if it's on the roof.

[E]

Well, no. What's the rest of that song?

[H]

When the world starts getting you down oh, all you got to do is.

[G]

Get all on the roof.

[F]

Suicide enabler. That sounds like a terrible song.

[G]

A guy who killed himself.

[E]

Oh, my gosh.

[F]

I really did not know that. That's such an uplifting song right up until this moment.

[E]

Okay, okay, so here's the.

[F]

You can't put the phone on the roof.

[B]

It won't work.

[E]

Siri.

[G]

Siri, Gun in my mouth.

[E]

That's the second one.

[F]

I never thought about it. When you actually spell out the lyrics, it's very clear.

[G]

It's clear.

[F]

Done in my mouth.

[E]

Third verse is take a bunch of pills. Take a bunch of pills and get on the run.

[F]

It's a really toxic song. It's not good.

[G]

It's beautiful, though, the melody.

[F]

Oh, the music is to. Well, to die for, unfortunately.

[E]

Okay. Well, to die for. We like you. You've got a spunk about you. Spunk about me? You've got a spunk.

[F]

That's what my wife tells me.

[G]

Well, I want to take a little scoop out of this bag of Molly right here.

[E]

A scoop?

[G]

Yeah, just a bag.

[H]

Put a little bit on the key and snort.

[F]

How much do I get it in a scoop?

[G]

Yeah, you can just take a little.

[E]

Or you can put it in your water.

[G]

A little teaspoon.

[E]

Call it Molly Water.

[G]

Molly water.

[F]

All right, I'll take a little. Yeah, give me. Give me half a teaspoon.

[J]

All right.

[F]

Just a little dab.

[E]

All right.

[H]

And take one of my Percocet.

[E]

Okay.

[G]

That'll bring you down, down, down.

[F]

All right, here, I'll try it.

[E]

And you want a zan. You want a half a zan. You'll be out like a light.

[G]

Okay, Andre's got Zanny bars, so I'll.

[F]

Have half a scoop of Mol Powder like a light set and a half.

[G]

Like a light. Like a light.

[H]

Like a light. Slept through the Flight.

[F]

Some of these songs I don't know, but I assuming that you don't know.

[G]

Slept through the Flight.

[F]

I've never heard of Slept through the Flight light. No, it sounds Good.

[E]

How long have you guys been pitching.

[F]

Before I came in? It look, sounds like maybe for a while or.

[H]

No, it's the first one of the day.

[G]

First one, but we don't have much time. We don't have much time.

[F]

We got to go.

[E]

Okay. I just want to express my concern.

[F]

Yes, I'd love to hear it. Yes.

[E]

Thank you. The iPhone is going to pick up your voice if it is on the dashboard. Are you whispering to the Block Talk?

[I]

Yes.

[F]

You go, like, this place opens up Spotify, and the Block Talker says in a nice, clear voice, siri, open Spotify.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

Well, not excited. How do you see you have a driver?

[E]

You haven't had the.

[F]

This is the problem that I.

[E]

It just feels like there's a middleman when it. Don't need to be a middleman.

[F]

You need the middleman. And, you know, this is just version 1.0 of Block Talker. With more funding, I'll be able to have it do other things with that.

[E]

Oh, couldn't you just say one?

[F]

No.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

I need those decimal places because I like. I like small baby steps. I love decimals.

[G]

Could the Block Talker do a text for you? Kind of a text to talk?

[A]

Nope.

[G]

No, just open Spotify.

[F]

Only open Spotify.

[E]

You were able to.

[F]

It also doesn't open Apple Music. I don't really.

[E]

What did you say your name was again?

[F]

I hate Ralph Devoe. That's all right, Ralph. You just met me.

[G]

Any relation to Bell Bibb?

[F]

I wish.

[E]

I wish.

[F]

Is Bel Biv Devo a person?

[E]

It's like one guy. I need a one guy.

[H]

One guy Got my.

[G]

Yeah.

[E]

One more time.

[G]

That song's about killing yourself, too.

[E]

That one is y. I thought you.

[F]

Were going to do a Bell Biv Devo song. What song is that?

[H]

That's One Guy by Drake.

[F]

Okay.

[G]

I a need a guy Got a.

[E]

Hennessy on my thigh One more time Till I go higher power taking a toll that's them going to heaven. Yeah.

[F]

I never knew that one was about dying so much.

[E]

Okay, so here's.

[F]

Well, I can see that you're bored, but let me try to sell this.

[E]

No, I'm not bored. I had something. I had something for you because you seem talented, Ralph. I know.

[B]

I am.

[E]

You do seem talented.

[F]

And I play piano.

[E]

I'm proud. Oh, very nice. Good for you. As a child or you play now as an adult?

[F]

I know. I have to be a child.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

I can't do it as adult. I have to pretend I'm a child. I have to have A child that I can play.

[E]

This is parent. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[G]

Remember that.

[F]

Michael, you're alive.

[E]

Yes.

[G]

Dude, it's just me. I look a lot like you look.

[F]

Taste like Michael Jackson.

[G]

Yeah, I didn't have a childhood.

[H]

His pronouns, the way your pronouns, your.

[F]

Pronouns are he slash he.

[G]

Yeah, that's it.

[F]

Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't using those.

[E]

Have you ever tried calling he him cuz he gets pissed?

[G]

I don't get pissed.

[B]

Have I?

[F]

No, you've seen my entire interaction.

[E]

Do, do it, do it.

[F]

Look, I love him. Wow, that was offended. That was very offended.

[G]

That was a classic MJ yell.

[F]

Yeah, very right too. I'm sorry, I got those pronouns.

[E]

No, but I do want to say you're very talented. Thank you. Here's my idea for you. I don't usually do this because my ideas run for a very high price. Okay.

[F]

Just know that. Thank you so much in advance.

[E]

It seems you have created something that is able to, with ease, pick up the human voice in a way. Maybe the iPhone is struggling. You said it's struggling. So it sounds like you have a technology that you could just then take to Apple and they would buy the technology.

[F]

The technology is fantastic.

[E]

Great. So like, who needs another thing they need to carry around on their hip? Okay, you know, you know, where are you supposed to. Does it come with a clip? The box?

[G]

That's a great question.

[E]

Like with a pager.

[F]

No, you gotta carry it, you gotta hold it. Or in a seat. So no, not on fabric or skin. It shuts down.

[G]

Not leather. No, you gotta have clothes.

[F]

Can't be leather. You have too much money. This is a, this is a real salt of the earth types I think you should.

[E]

Who have iPhones or Androids, Android phones.

[F]

If you have an Android. That's irrelevant.

[E]

But doesn't. Okay, well, I just think you should take this technology.

[F]

Technology is great.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Theoretically you could use it for lots of things. But I refuse.

[E]

Okay, well, listen, I refuse to invest. I refuse to invest.

[F]

Please, come on. You haven't heard my, my offer.

[E]

Okay?

[F]

I'm offering 15% of my company.

[B]

You gotta start.

[F]

You want 85, so start there.

[E]

Yeah, okay.

[F]

Hypothetically, 85 of my company.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

4.

[G]

All right.

[F]

I'm looking for $10,000.

[E]

The police coming.

[G]

We go into jail.

[H]

You go to jail tonight.

[D]

Why my period?

[B]

Why my.

[E]

I go to jail.

[H]

You heard the police.

[F]

I do hear the bell.

[E]

Biv.

[B]

Bell.

[E]

Biff.

[G]

What you going to do?

[E]

What you going to do when I come?

[F]

My name is not Bell. My name is Ralph. Devo. So Bell Biv, please.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

I was in middle school. I got made fun of all the time. I was called Bill Biv.

[E]

How old are you in that case?

[B]

In.

[F]

I was in middle school. In that case, I was 14.

[E]

No.

[F]

How old? 30 years old.

[E]

30. And when you were in middle school.

[F]

So back in like 15 years before now, 2005.

[E]

And people were calling you Bell Biv. So those kids knew about Bell Biv. Devo.

[B]

Bell biv.

[F]

Devoe had a huge comeback in my middle school in 2005.

[H]

They did have a song in 2005.

[E]

Oh, really? Didn't it?

[H]

It's going hot tonight.

[E]

No, I thought Bill.

[H]

Okay, well, we're not gonna get into that one.

[F]

They really didn't pick up on that with you, babe. I've seen that while you did that Drake one before.

[E]

I bet we could though. I bet.

[H]

Wait, what are you selling?

[E]

Some block talker. You're just appetizer. I've been talking the whole appetizer. Gets bored easily. And you got. Part of the. Part of your job is to get his attention.

[F]

You know what? You're right. That is on me. My cuisine.

[E]

The police coming for your ass. And the fire.

[F]

I do hear a siren, but that's not necessary.

[E]

And the fire department, honey. Because you are burning this place down with this horrible pitch.

[F]

Oh, I thought that was going to be.

[G]

Can't it be anything other than a cube?

[E]

What else?

[B]

I love cube.

[F]

Gotta be a cube.

[H]

12 fucks wife and also got the.

[E]

Bell in the box. Here's the thing about it. A cube is problematic. Because a cube should be a rectangle. And that's just on the period.

[G]

Yes, it is problematic that it's a cube.

[E]

It should be erected.

[H]

It's giving me. Problematic.

[G]

The same problematic.

[E]

Problematic. Homogeneous. Sides. Problematic.

[F]

It's not meant to be homogeneous. I don't even quite know homogeneous.

[H]

What else is homogeneous? Milk. What color is milk?

[B]

White.

[E]

Problematic.

[G]

Problematic. You want everything the same, right?

[E]

But it is.

[F]

Yeah, everything is the same. It's a cube. Everything is the same on the ma.

[E]

I'll change the shape.

[F]

I can change the shape. I can make it a rectangle.

[E]

Great, now you're talking.

[F]

I can make it a rectangle.

[E]

Now you're finally talking.

[B]

Wow.

[E]

Okay. Cuz you see, the police are gone. You said. You said the magic word.

[G]

Caught him off.

[E]

Yeah, you caught. Caught off. We caught off.

[G]

Yeah.

[H]

When I said tell them 12 SWAT and they left.

[E]

Did. Now is that. Tell him 12 SWAT. SWAT. What is his problem?

[G]

SWAT.

[F]

I went to middle school in Harrisburg. Pennsylvania.

[B]

The big.

[F]

The Bill Devo. Bill Bib. Devoe came back in a big way in Harrisburg around 2005.

[E]

Are you a Steelers fan?

[F]

I am, yeah. Big time. That's a problem.

[E]

Why is that bad? I'm a Ravens fan.

[F]

Oh, I see.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

See a little rival.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Former. Former Cleveland Browns.

[E]

Well, thank you, because I didn't know.

[F]

That's a pretty big part of the team.

[E]

Nope. Don't know too much about sports. You should only let me comment on what I know. Don't try to add.

[G]

Don't you tell us about things about our favorite team.

[E]

You brought it up.

[F]

I had it, too, but I can see where that was.

[E]

Baltimore Colts.

[H]

They was Baltimore Colts until 1986 when they moved to Indianapolis.

[E]

You want to do trivia with me appetizer some time? I would love to. Okay.

[G]

I love the Los Angeles Dodgers. And they were in no city before that.

[H]

They were. They were in Brooklyn.

[E]

Watch San Diego. The Chargers, dude. They were in San Diego.

[F]

Wow. His offended voice is the same as his surprised voice.

[E]

How about this?

[F]

Not his.

[E]

Where were the Raiders previously?

[F]

Thank you.

[H]

Oakland.

[E]

Okay, well, how about this? The Dodgers.

[H]

Brooklyn.

[E]

Okay, but where were they previous? No. Oh, yes. Brooklyn.

[G]

Correct.

[E]

Sorry. I'm just forgetting where I physically am sometimes my mind is in New York.

[F]

Okay, well, I'm a Steelers fan through and through, so that's sick.

[E]

Is this real? Is this Ralph talking? Yeah, this is Ralph talking.

[G]

Be real with us.

[H]

Be real.

[E]

You playing a character.

[H]

Fuck 12, folks.

[F]

Watch Ralph Devoe. Not a character.

[E]

I did not know that. You, young man, said 12 SWAT. Did you? I. I did not get lazy.

[G]

Who is that?

[E]

The boss who will be hosting Saturday night.

[G]

He is hosting. He's not the musical guest. They bumped him up to host and they got that girl singing. Next week, they switch musical and host. They got that girl singing. And Roddy Rich is in all the sketches.

[E]

What's that?

[F]

You said that girl. Who's that girl?

[H]

Emily. Paris.

[G]

Emily and Paris.

[E]

Em.

[F]

Paris is the musical guest.

[G]

No west side Story.

[E]

No west side Story.

[G]

They got her singing.

[F]

Here's my final offer.

[E]

Okay, I'm sorry. Back to your pitch.

[G]

My whole company.

[E]

Your whole company.

[F]

I'll give you the whole 100 of block talker, Inc. Which is the name of the company that's making Block Talker and all subsequent products which are going to be other blocks that talk for $20.

[G]

Now we talking.

[H]

Now we talking.

[E]

You just need some cash to get home.

[F]

I don't. I need a cash cab to get back. I'm sick of My.

[E]

Call the police.

[F]

Don't call police.

[H]

I got a cab for you.

[E]

What's the charge?

[H]

Here's a paddy wagon.

[F]

For what charge? How what have I done? That's illegal.

[G]

And it's surge pricing, baby.

[F]

Paddy wagon.

[G]

The cost is five years.

[H]

Five to ten.

[F]

I've done nothing wrong this week.

[H]

You going to jail, period.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Comet.

[F]

Comet.

[E]

Comet. C O M M A comma with.

[F]

A T. My Apollo. I thought it was an extra reindeer that I had.

[E]

You ever had a kumquat?

[F]

I think I have. Yes.

[G]

Just wondering, everybody, have you ever made a quat cum? Okay.

[E]

And that's what I wanted to know.

[H]

And that's on period.

[E]

And that's on period. Have you ever made a cot cwam come Much is hard, period.

[H]

And that's what Amber said.

[E]

Have you ever made. Made a quat come?

[G]

I'll a quat in the shower. Ain't nothing to me.

[E]

Water makes the period. Just stop, everybody.

[H]

What are you selling?

[F]

I. I don't know.

[G]

No, it sound a rectangle that talks to the phone.

[F]

That's right. Thank you. I appreciate it. What was your again?

[G]

Parents. Foster. It's foster parents. In the telephone.

[E]

Telephone book, it's foster. Comment? Parents.

[F]

Oh, I. And as a parents.

[E]

So. Okay, well, that's my final.

[F]

That's your 100% of my company for $20.

[H]

All right, you got it.

[E]

You got it.

[B]

All right.

[E]

We like you.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Show me the money. Show me 20.

[E]

Well, it's going to be. It can't show crypto.

[F]

Oh, you're going to pay me $20 worth.

[G]

Yeah. Open up this app. Open up your coinbase.

[H]

Your crypto.com.

[E]

Open up your coin. Coinbase.

[F]

Coin. Okay, I'll get that worked out. I'll get that worked out.

[G]

Copy the link. Air, drop it.

[E]

Air, Drop it.

[G]

Air, Drop it.

[B]

Air.

[E]

Drop it.

[H]

Make sure you put the referral code in so we can all get $25.

[F]

Okay, yeah, I'm doing it. I think I got it. Somebody air dropped me. Okay. Yes. Okay, I got that set up.

[G]

Oh, I accidentally just sent an NFT of a pixelated old man.

[E]

Michael. Okay, now he's Michael. Now you sound like Foster Michael.

[G]

That's where the lot of money.

[F]

Now this is.

[G]

Yeah.

[E]

Oh, thank you very much. Foster Michael. Is it called me?

[F]

No, him.

[E]

No, him. Foster Michael. Oh, listen, we like you and that's why that's the biggest win. You've been great because you've been able to.

[G]

We don't like your idea anymore, but we love you.

[E]

Would you like to be Part of our family.

[F]

Okay. I mean, I'm married with children, so I'm going to have to let them know that I have a new family.

[H]

So welcome to the tour.

[E]

So.

[F]

What tour?

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Every man has two families, by the way. That's just.

[F]

Is that true?

[E]

Yes.

[F]

Well, then you'll be my number two.

[E]

Yeah. Well, could we be your number one? Because let's start.

[F]

Can we just start with you just being one of my family?

[E]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

All right.

[E]

He's part of the family.

[B]

Thank you.

[E]

You've lost. Appetizer again. So I don't know.

[F]

That's on me. You've absolutely lost my job to hold people's attention.

[E]

Appetizer. Show us what she's looking at. Is she cute?

[H]

She's gorgeous. I'm looking at his wife's wife. I'm my wife.

[G]

Swiped left.

[H]

She's on that. I just swiped right on your wife on the Damn.

[E]

A pleasure. So now that you're part of the family, you'll be hearing pictures with us. But not today. Another day.

[F]

Yeah, sure.

[E]

But now that's part of the responsibility as a family member. You have to join us for these. We'll get you two chairs that turn. We'll get the season two chairs from the Voice. Cause we currently have the season one.

[F]

Chairs that don't turn.

[E]

That don't. Yeah. They just need some oil and the engines need to get fixed.

[G]

And I'mma just be Sky Howell off to the right.

[F]

You know what? I'm starting to feel Whatever. I. I forgot before I had a scoop of molly. I might curl up like a kitten.

[G]

You up?

[C]

I did.

[F]

I blew it.

[G]

Let it ride. You gonna like it.

[F]

I'm resisting.

[E]

Don't resist.

[H]

You did half a Zan 13 hours till you land.

[G]

Like a light, like a light, like a light.

[H]

Slept through the flight.

[E]

Well, that's the end of our show. I guess you can call me outro P? Nua. That's my little joke. I want to thank my guests Paul f. Tompkins, Lily Sullivan, Drew Tarver, Vic Michaelis, Will Hines. And a big thank you to Carl Tart. Special thanks to our producers Scott Aukerman and Brett Morris at Comedy Bay Bang World. And remember, when you're taking Entre p Newa's entrepreneur tour, you can't spell entrepreneur tour without me. Entre p? Noah. Good night, everyone.

[C]

Hey, Fidelity.

[I]

What's it cost to invest with the Fidelity Fidelity app? Start with as little as $1 with no account fees or trade commissions on U. S stocks and ETFs.

[E]

That's music to my ears.

[I]

I can only talk.

[A]

Investing involves risk, including risk of loss. Zero Account fees apply to retail brokerage accounts only. Sell order assessment fee not included. A limited number of ETFs are subject to a transaction based service fee of 100. See full list of Fidelity.com commissions Fidelity Brokerage Services LLC Member NYSE SIPC.

[C]

Hi, I'm Jenny Slate and believe it or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast.

[F]

I'm Gabe Liedman.

[B]

I'm Max Silvestri and we've been friends for 20 years and we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives.

[F]

It's called I need you guys.

[B]

Should I give my baby fresh vegetables?

[C]

Can I drink the water at the hospital?

[A]

My landlord plays the trombone and I.

[E]

Can'T ask him to stop.

[C]

You should make sure that you subscribe so that you never miss an episode.

[J]

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