Carol Leifer

Summary

Podcast Summary: Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend – Episode with Carol Leifer

Release Date: April 21, 2025

In this engaging episode of "Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend," host Conan O’Brien sits down with the esteemed comedian and writer Carol Leifer. The conversation spans Carol’s prolific career in stand-up and television writing, her experiences on iconic shows like "Seinfeld" and "Curb Your Enthusiasm," and her latest venture into authoring a book on crafting humorous speeches. This detailed, long-form summary captures the essence of their discussion, enriched with notable quotes and insightful anecdotes.

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Introduction

Conan O’Brien opens the episode amidst a humorous personal anecdote about struggling with cooking while alone at home. This sets a lighthearted tone and establishes a relatable connection with the audience. As Conan navigates through his introductory mishaps, he warmly welcomes Carol Leifer, highlighting their mutual professional paths and his long-standing desire to deepen his friendship with her.

Carol Leifer’s Journey in Stand-Up Comedy

Carol Leifer reminisces about her beginnings in the stand-up comedy scene of the 1970s. Contrary to the challenges faced by many women in the field, Carol found substantial support and opportunity. At [12:12], she shares:

Carol Leifer [12:12]: "There were like four or five women comics. You know, Rita Rudner was of my generation, and they wanted women comics."

This early support from male counterparts provided Carol with a unique advantage, allowing her to thrive in a predominantly male industry.

Transition to Comedy Writing

The conversation shifts to Carol’s transition from stand-up to writing for television. She details her initial foray into the writing world, starting with "Saturday Night Live" during the 1985-86 season, a period fondly referred to as the "weird year" due to its eclectic cast, including Al Franken and Anthony Michael Hall. At [21:23], Carol recounts:

Carol Leifer [21:23]: "I got my break to write on SNL."

She describes the rigorous pace and collaborative environment, highlighting the intense dedication required to succeed in comedic writing.

Contributions to "Seinfeld" and "Curb Your Enthusiasm"

A significant portion of the episode delves into Carol’s impactful work on "Seinfeld," particularly her memorable "Marble Rye" episode. She elaborates on the inspiration behind the episode, stemming from a real-life incident involving a misunderstood gesture over bread. At [30:37], Carol explains:

Carol Leifer [30:37]: "It was crazy because, you know, a lot of times people come up to you when you write on a hit show like that..."

Her collaboration with Larry David on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" is equally illuminating. Carol provides insights into the improvisational nature of the show and Larry’s distinctive writing approach. She shares an anecdote about the creation of the "Beefaroni" subplot, emphasizing the spontaneous and evolving process of comedic storytelling. At [32:23], she remarks:

Carol Leifer [32:23]: "The genius of Larry David is he creates that. He's in a fight with the owner of the Japanese restaurant so that not only can he not get the umbrella back, but then it becomes also about, well, it's really the Omni, Dallas's umbrella."

Insights into Comedy Writing Process

Carol offers valuable perspectives on the intricacies of comedy writing, stressing the importance of authenticity and collaboration. She discusses the immersive experience of writing for shows like "Seinfeld" and "Curb Your Enthusiasm," where writers are deeply involved in every aspect of production. At [35:19], she shares:

Carol Leifer [35:19]: "She'd rehearse it. And, you know, he really rehearsed as a ball man the entire week."

This dedication ensures that the humor remains genuine and relatable, contributing to the shows' enduring popularity.

Carol Leifer’s New Book: "How to Write a Funny Speech"

Turning to her latest project, Carol introduces her new book aimed at helping individuals craft humorous speeches for various occasions. The book, featuring a foreword by legendary comedian Carol Burnett, offers practical advice on structuring jokes, connecting with the audience, and maintaining appropriate length. At [49:58], Carol emphasizes the core principles:

Carol Leifer [49:58]: "You don't have to memorize it. Just if you have a card, have some bullet points."

Conan lauds the book’s practicality, relating it to his own experiences of witnessing overly lengthy speeches.

Notable Quotes

Throughout the episode, several memorable quotes highlight the depth and humor of the conversation:

• Carol Leifer [12:13]:

  "I feel fresh about being Conan O'Brien's friend. It's new, it's fresh, it's new, it's fresh."

• Conan O’Brien [21:41]:

  "That's insanity."

• Carol Leifer [32:28]:

  "She gets into everything. She will eat vegetables. She'll eat anything."

Personal Anecdotes and Banter

As the episode progresses, Conan, Carol, and co-host Sona Movsesian engage in lighthearted banter about their pets, particularly Sona’s cat Margo. They exchange humorous stories about Margo’s antics and health issues, adding a relatable and entertaining layer to the episode. This segment showcases the chemistry between the hosts and their ability to blend professional insights with personal humor seamlessly.

Conclusion

Conan concludes the episode by congratulating Carol on her book and expressing his appreciation for her contributions to the comedy world. He reflects on the importance of having fun in the entertainment industry, a sentiment Carol echoes. The episode wraps up on a warm note, reinforcing the theme of building genuine friendships through shared experiences and mutual respect.

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Key Takeaways:

• Support in Early Stand-Up: Carol benefited from being among the few women in 1970s stand-up, receiving significant support from male comedians, which facilitated her success.

• Comedy Writing Evolution: Transitioning from stand-up to writing for major television shows required adaptability, perseverance, and collaboration.

• Impactful Storytelling: Carol’s work on "Seinfeld" and "Curb Your Enthusiasm" exemplifies the power of authentic and spontaneous comedic writing.

• Practical Humor Advice: Her book offers actionable strategies for crafting engaging and humorous speeches, emphasizing connection and brevity.

• Personal Connections: The episode highlights the importance of personal relationships in the entertainment industry, showcasing how shared experiences can foster genuine friendships.

This episode is a treasure trove for comedy enthusiasts and aspiring writers, offering a blend of professional insights, personal stories, and heartfelt camaraderie. Carol Leifer's contributions to comedy are celebrated, and her advice serves as a valuable resource for anyone looking to infuse humor into their speeches and performances.

Transcript

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm gonna go out on a ledge here and say, in the olden days, people used to go on Amazon to get very specific things. You know, I wanna get a cuckoo clock. It's made of caramel, hardened caramel. And they'd go on Amazon and they'd look it up and they'd order it. But you know what they're forgetting? Amazon is the go to destination for both everyday essentials and those last minute must haves. From detergents to diapers, cookies to pain relievers. Find it all on Amazon and save time. Remember the old days. I gotta get to the store and buy my aspirin. No. Hello, Amazon? Yeah, check out Amazon Basics and Amazon Essentials for quality products you'll love Next time you run out of coffee, need a new lipstick, or realize you're out of light bulbs, guess what? Amazon has you covered. Save the everyday with deals from Amazon. Back when my wife and I were shopping for a home, I remembered, that's exciting. It's fun.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

But also, there's so much you got to worry about and think about. Homes.com is home shopping the way it should be? Yeah. It's more than a website. It's your partner in finding the perfect home. Get to know potential neighborhoods with Homes.com's comprehensive neighborhood details. That's good to know. You don't want to buy a house and everyone sucks. No, it's the worst when you buy a house and everyone sucks. Homes.com features the listing agent on each listing so you can easily connect. Plus agent directory and profiles offer a detailed look at each agent's experience so you can find your perfect match. Sometimes someone's like, yeah, sure, I'm a housing agent. And you're like, really? You don't look like one. You know what I mean? You're just. You're wearing like a towel. What's going on? You're soaking wet. He'd live there. Yeah. Go to homes.com to learn more. You want the facts? That's not their slogan. I just made it up. Homes.com. we've done your homework.

[Carol Leifer]

Hi, my name is Carol Leifer, and I feel fresh about being Conan O'Brien's friend. It's new, it's fresh, it's new, it's fresh.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes.

[Sona Movsesian]

Fall is here Hear the yell Back to school Ring the bell Brand.

[Conan O'Brien]

New shoes Walking with looms Climb the fence Books and pens I can tell.

[Sona Movsesian]

That we are gonna be friends.

[Conan O'Brien]

I can tell that we are gonna be friends hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend. And joined by two of my friends, my good friends, contractually sonam of session and Matt Gorley, contractually. No, it's in the contract. It's true. And I'm going through a little bit of a. Unusual moment right now, which is my wife is out of town and my kids are away, they're in school. I am living alone in the house with my two dogs and my daughter's cat, or our two dogs and my daughter's cat. And it's just becoming clear to me that I don't know very basic things like how to feed myself and I don't cook and you know, lies.

[Sona Movsesian]

And you can't use like a delivery app, can you? Probably.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, you know what? In the past I used to like call my son and say, can you get me a hamburger? And he would do it. I am using a delivery app, but I won't mention which one it is unless they give us some money. Yeah. But anyway, I know which one. Cause I get the email confirmation. You get the email confirmation too.

[Sona Movsesian]

You know what he's eating.

[Carol Leifer]

So I try not to check.

[Conan O'Brien]

I want to give you some privacy. But then I do anyway and I. What do you mean? Like, that's so weird that you know. Know what I'm eating. I know, but have you noticed that lately? So I'm at home alone. Robbers. I'm at home alone. Was Liza protecting you? She was. Liza's a badass ninja. But I'm realizing like Liza is so, I mean, amazing in a lot of ways, but when you. I don't even notice it. But I come in the door and she just. She's cooking. She's. There's food, there's. Or if we are ordering, she's ordered it. It's all. You know what I mean? It's just. And I've become. I've reverted back to when I was a comedy writer in the 1980s and I was just on my own and I would be coming. I just ate fast food. This is before delivery. Sometimes I wouldn't eat for a long time. Cause I mean, I'm stupid. I'm a 19 year old boy in a lot of ways and. Oh no. Yeah, I am. And so my wife is away for the time being and I'm stunned that I'll. And I'm not joking. I. Last night I was just hanging around the house. I had fed the. I can feed the dogs. Cause they have dogs. So I fed the dogs. Took care of the cat. No, the cat can fend for itself. The cat has its own App? No, I took care of the cat. The cat. Everything's fine with them. I can take care of them. And then I open the refrigerator, and because of the fires, we're starting fresh with all our food. Like, you know, we weren't in our house for a long time and a lot of the food had to be thrown out. So there's very little in the refrigerator. And I open the refrigerator and there's like two of like chocolate milk energy drinks. And I just had one of those and then tried to pretend that was dinner. Oh, and that was at like 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Oh, no. And I was like, well, that should do it. And then a couple hours later, I'm like, huh, I don't think that does it. And then I took some almond butter and I put it on a piece of bread. And then I thought, I think jelly goes with this, doesn't it? This is stuff 5 year olds know. And then I had that, but it wasn't even a sandwich. I just rolled one piece of bread into a taco and ate that standing up. I mean, it's just I'm over 60 years old. I've had some accomplishments in my life. And then I went back and then I'm going through the app. Like, I do know. I'm looking at the app and there's just so many, so many choices, I don't know what to do. And then I start to think, well, there's one more of those energy drinks. The one I had at four.

[Sona Movsesian]

I get it.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I had that again. So I had two energy drinks. Can you cook anything? No. Really?

[Carol Leifer]

There's nothing you can do? No.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what I can do? I can do breakfast. Okay, so when you wake up, you don't. You don't do breakfast? No, I can make breakfast. Yeah, I can make breakfast. We can. Breakfast for two days. Three times I can make. Your honor, I wish to state that I can feed myself at breakfast. Lunch is a little easier. Oh boy, did I do something. Okay, so yesterday I stayed home yesterday. So I was at home the whole day myself, and I didn't have any breakfast. I don't know why. And again, I'm rattling around the house. I'm playing with the dogs, I'm walking them. And then I drove around in my pickup truck and I went. And I parked on the street and I'm walking down the street and I see an erewhon and I go in and I wait in the line. And then I look at the smoothies and I panic and get the only smoothie I know, which is the Hailey.

[Sona Movsesian]

Bieber smoothie, made an appearance on this podcast before.

[Conan O'Brien]

And so I said I didn't want to say, I'll have the Hailey Bieber smoothie. So I went, I'll have that raspberry one. And the guy was like, the Hailey Bieber smoothie? And I went, the raspberry one. And he went, you want the Hailey Bieber skin exfoliating?

[Sona Movsesian]

This is like when you have to buy tampons for your wife at the grocery store.

[Conan O'Brien]

Is that what you want? The one that makes your skin glow so that Justin Bieber loves you even more? And I went, I'll just have the raspberry one. Oh, my God. And then he said, what name? And I was about to use a different name. And I went, nope, don't do that. That's stupid. I just said Conan. So then I wait near the thing. And then they went, kohan, Kohan. I'm like, I just hosted the Oscars. It's Conan and I want the Hailey Bieber smoothie.

[Sona Movsesian]

They didn't get her name wrong.

[Conan O'Brien]

No. And it said Kohan C o h a n on it. And then I went. And I sat alone at this little table and it's the most embarrassing looking smoothie you've ever seen because it's got little swirls of red and then there's like a creamy swirl. And I sat there and I'm like, schlurp, schlerp, schlerp, Schlerp.

[Sona Movsesian]

Why did you sniff it there?

[Conan O'Brien]

Because I panicked. And I sat and there's a big picture window and bang, bang, bang against the window. And I look out and there's a guy, like a fan goes, gives me the big thumbs up and I have the straw on my lips and I'm going, shlerp Schlerp. And I gave a thumbs up back and then another fan. Bang, bang, bang, bang. Shlerp Schlerp. And I gave the okay sign. They're all running home. I saw Conan eating the Hailey Bieber skin exfoliating. Oh, wow. Nature giving ovulation smoothie. Life will come home soon. I know. I mean, I swear to God, it's not gonna last. It's not gonna last. No. Please, can someone, someone find out where I live and come into the house and cook for me? Yeah. And if you're just gonna bring you.

[Sona Movsesian]

Hailey Bieber's.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm gonna go get like a blood test and they're gonna say your body is just made. They're gonna look up and go from the Microscope and go. Have you been just living off of Hailey Bieber smoothies?

[Sona Movsesian]

Because I'm her doctor, and you have the exact same DNA makeup and your.

[Conan O'Brien]

Skin looks amazing, sir. You have breasts now you're leaving? I leave with a training bra. My lips are all plump. Suddenly people are saying, you should model. All right, My guest today is a hilarious comedian and writer. I hope she can cook for me. Now I'm just gonna start booking people who I hope will cook for me who has worked on such shows as Seinfeld, Hacks and Curb youb Enthusiasm. Good God. She's worked on so many great shows. Now she has a new book, how to Write a Funny Speech for a Wedding, Bar Mitzvah graduation, and every other event you didn't wanna go to in the first place. Thrilled she's here today. Carol Leifer, welcome. We have crossed paths many times but never had a chance to sit down. And this is a treat for me because I've wanted to talk to you and this is our opportunity right now.

[Carol Leifer]

It is.

[Conan O'Brien]

Because we've worked side by side. We just did the Oscars together.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're a writer on the Oscars. I was hosting the Oscars. And yet there's all this running around and we keep passing each other in the hallway. So it's nice to sit down because you have, in my opinion, one of the best careers of any comedy writer I can imagine.

[Carol Leifer]

Wow. Hyped.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, think about it. Think about this. I'm explaining it to you as if you've lost your memory in an accident. I'm a doctor that's come in, and I'm telling you, your name is Carol Leifer. You've written on Seinfeld, Hacks, Curb youb Enthusiasm, Modern Family, Saturday Night Live, the Larry Sanders show, and. And ten Academy Award shows.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's insanity.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah. Oh, and you're leaving out the Colgate Comedy Hour.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. You killed it in 1952. Thank you. Thank you very much. You were a fetus when you wrote for that show. There's so much to talk about because there's the world of comedy writing. But what I want to start with is you come from the world of standup. 1970s. And I've talked to people like Susie Essman about what it was like in those early days to be a woman who's trying to do standup comedy in the 1970s.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was, I would guess, not easy. Not an easy thing to crack.

[Carol Leifer]

You know what? It was actually quite the opposite because there were not many women. And I always Thought that was a tremendous advantage because, you know, I always talk about the 70s, stand up. They were looking for comedians, but it's really true. So when I started, there were like four or five women comics. You know, Rita Rudner was of my generation, and they wanted women comics. And I always felt I got so much support from the guy comics. I mean.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, good.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, a lot of people thought it was a little rough and tumble and all that, but I got so much support, so I found it to be advantage. I mean, what was obnoxious was way back then, they wouldn't put on two women following each other. It was like it had to be separated. Like, we'll have the singer, then the ventriloquist, then a woman, then the monkey act, then maybe another woman.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're a novelty. It's like someone who can separate both shoulders, you know.

[Carol Leifer]

Right. The contortionist, then a woman.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah. Another odd that represents 50% of the population and is responsible for the continuation of our species. One of those things.

[Carol Leifer]

It's so weird I could follow a bearded woman.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. I've been mistaken for a bearded woman at times. It's so interesting to me because you get started in this time, and the thing that always fascinates me is, what's the impetus? What makes Carol Leifer, as a young woman, decide, I'm going to go swim upstream against the current and get into this profession? I mean, it's strange enough in those days when a man decides to do it, but where did you come from? What made you want to do this?

[Carol Leifer]

Well, I think, you know, as always, wanting to be a performer, you know, like, most people's greatest fear is speaking in front of large groups of people. Most performers, fear is not speaking in front of people.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right.

[Carol Leifer]

You know what I mean?

[Conan O'Brien]

You had it in you. You wanted to be in front of those people.

[Carol Leifer]

I did. I did. And what I liked about standup was anybody can do it. You know, I was going to school at Binghamton. Paul Reiser was in my theater group, and he told me, like, one day, you know, during the summers, I go to these comedy clubs on audition night and I perform. And comedy clubs were so new then, you know. So when he was talking about clubs, I was like, this guy goes to clubs. What is he, like, Vic de Monde?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carol Leifer]

Performing at these places, he was like, anybody can go on. So I always loved that about it, and I still love that about stand up. It's like, you want to go on. It's not like an actor where you have to Audition and you know.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right. Or a musician where you need to have your tuba with you.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

You can just walk in, you can be somewhere, you can go up and you can do a set.

[Carol Leifer]

Exactly. And the first time I went on, on my first audition, you know, it's also something about being young and having a lot of balls that you don't have later on in life.

[Conan O'Brien]

You have more to lose later in life. I've noticed that. I completely agree with what you're saying. There's a period in my life where I had a $380 a month apartment. I had a beat up 1973 Plymouth Valiant, and I'd do anything. I'd do anything. I sold my body for sex and enjoyed it and often would. Yeah, win, win. Yeah, win, win. Okay. I wouldn't even take the money afterwards. But yes, I know exactly what you're talking about.

[Carol Leifer]

So I went on audition night. My first audition night, I like killed. It was amazing. And I thought, like, oh my God, this is not only so great, it's so easy. Like I'll be on Johnny Carson next week. It's amazing. It wasn't until the second time that I went on that I completely bombed like so bad that I invited friends from college to come see me. Cause I was like, oh, you know, I'm doing great. And I had a tape recorder on the table and you can actually hear my friend in the middle of my set going, oh.

[Sona Movsesian]

Man.

[Carol Leifer]

Muttering how horrible it was going over. So then I saw, like, to be a standup comedian, it takes some work. You have good nights, you have bad nights. There are a lot of factors that go into it. Who you follow, what time of the night you go on, how inebriated the crowd is. So you have to learn to negotiate.

[Conan O'Brien]

All that you talked about Carson. I know your real break came with Letterman. Yeah, Letterman's show, which was such an influence on me. I think I'm 17 or 18 when he does the morning show and then he switches over to the late night show. So I'm maybe 19 years old when he starts the late night show. And comedy is my religion as a 19 year old. And so I become a total acolyte. And I'm looking at David Letterman saying, oh, this person's showing me the way he would. You knew Dave?

[Carol Leifer]

I didn't.

[Conan O'Brien]

You didn't know Dave?

[Carol Leifer]

No, no. In 1980, kids, I was in a contest called the Big the New York Laugh Off. And it was a contest, you know, of comedians. You know, that's so funny to me today. It's like back then, that's how you got exposure. You were in contests, you know, and it aired on Showtime and Letterman saw that and recommended me to the Tonight show for that. And then the Tonight show saw my big laugh off set and they passed. So then when Dave got his show, they just reached out and said, would you like to be on?

[Conan O'Brien]

And he put you on a bunch of times.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, I was on 25 times. Yeah. And they gave me an open door. It was like, whenever you have a new set, come on. Which was amazing.

[Conan O'Brien]

It is such an interesting thing. There's such a, almost like a lemmings or sheep kind of mentality where people don't think you're the real McCoy, but once you've been on a show and there's tape of you and there's a famous toast saying, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Carol Leifer. Suddenly they're like, oh, right, yeah, you're one of them. Well, you were one of them before. You just. It's a magical thing and.

[Carol Leifer]

But not really until you go on tv. I mean, to this day, my first appearance on Letterman is like one of my. The best days of my life. Because, like, suddenly you're not just, you know, kind of in it, you're really in it. Yeah, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Also, it was a different era than today. I mean, I talk about this a lot, and when I talk about it to my kids, I sound like an old wizard telling people about the beginning of how Earth formed.

[Carol Leifer]

But it was so different that my dad bought a VCR to tape me. You know, at the time, it was like $1,000. Wow.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right, right. Well, they were made of gold. VCRs were all gold. They were made by Rolex. Then they got into the watch business. But one of the things that was interesting, too is I've talked to people from that era, you know, ahead of you, but they were like, you know, Steve Martin or comedians of that generation, they would say they would go on Johnny Carson show, and the next day they would walk down the street and car. People were shouting out of cars. Because half the country watched. Do you know, it was the equivalent of being on the super bowl, except it happened every night because there was literally one late night show. And I remember when there was, you know, there's Carson and then Letterman after Carson, and occasionally there'd be another show that they would put up, but it wouldn't last that long.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, where's Merv Griffin during the day?

[Conan O'Brien]

Merv Griffin? Yeah. Yeah. During the daytime. Who was watching TV during the daytime? I wasn't so to me, it was if something happened. I mean, I remembered when David Byrne for the Talking Heads, Dave Letterman interviewed David Byrne and everybody I talked to the next day because we were all in college, we had all seen it.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was a time when we were all gathered around the same campfire. There was a magic to that which gave you this legitimacy and power.

[Carol Leifer]

The Freddie Prince story. He did, I think, like one appearance and then he got like Chico and the man the next day. Got his own series. Right, right, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And he was very young. He was like 20 or 19 or 20.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, yeah. But it was definitely like a star maker.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. I know that you have a successful standup career, but then you have this pedigree as a writer which is just off the charts. When do you start to realize, okay, I love standup, I love doing standup, but I want to be in that room. I want to be in the writers room.

[Carol Leifer]

Well, I got my break to write on SNL.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is what year, what year would that be?

[Carol Leifer]

85 to 86. What is affectionately or disaffectionately called the weird year, you know, with the strange cast. Robert Downey Jr. Randy Quaid, but Al.

[Conan O'Brien]

Franken, Anthony Michael Hall.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, yeah, Al Franken and Jim Downey came to the Comic Strip to audition and they saw me and they said, would you like to, you know, we'd like you and we'd like to see if you want to write on the show. I was like, absolutely. They said, oh, you just have to meet Lauren. So I was like, all set for this meeting and had all my answers prepared, you know, for like a serious sit down business meeting. It was literally. He was auditioning people, Lauren, at this rehearsal space, he came out for two seconds and he said to me, I don't do a good Lauren, you know, Jim, and I'll say, you're very good. And, you know, sometimes you have to stay up late at the show. I was like, yeah. He went, okay, thanks. That was my big interview.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wow. But you passed.

[Carol Leifer]

I guess so, yeah. Like, if I had said, I really don't like staying up, I have to.

[Conan O'Brien]

Be in bed by 8:00.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, that's gonna interfere with my routine. And so I wrote that year and I really. But I really wanted to go back to stand up. So I did. But then, strangely, out of the blue, in 93, Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld called me together. So I knew at that time there was something odd about that because I would talk to each of them separately on a landline. But Calling me together seemed weird. They were in one spot.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's like a prank.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah. And they were like, do you want to ride for Seinfeld? And I was like, yeah. You know, it was great because my inexperience is the thing that got me the job. Because they didn't want people who'd written on sitcoms before because, as Larry referred to it, they were poisoned by the system.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, Sona. Pretty recently, I got together with a bunch of my chums. Yeah. Guys I went to college with. We all played football together. And don't laugh at that. That's real. Sorry. Yeah, it was one of those little table games of football. It's actually a video game, simulated football. And it was the 80s, so it wasn't a very good game. Anyway, it was a good time. We got together, we had a good time. It's really nice to get together with people. And I gotta say, from game nights to parties with friends or special anniversaries, celebrating important occasions means more moments with the coolest people in your life. I want to say cheers to 50 years of Miller. The greatest tasting light beer for people who Love beer since 1975.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And now the perfect time to celebrate legendary stories with friends, family, and a great tasting light beer. You know what I call this? What? I call it Miller Time. Oh, I came up with that. It's the 50th anniversary of Miller Light. Can you believe it? I can't. It's the perfect beer for beer lovers. Doesn't fill you up. You always know what you're getting when you crack open a Miller Lite. Yeah, it's crisp. It's crisp. Mm. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. You can have it with anything. You can have it with ice cream. You can have it with corn cob soup. Doesn't matter. Miller Lite. Great taste. 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com conan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. You know what time it is? Ding dong. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs for 12 ounces. The best B2B marketing gets wasted on the wrong people. This makes me nuts. Blay. Yes. You know, me too. Have you ever been served an ad that wasn't intended for you? All the time. You know, for a while I kept getting ads for expensive pots. And guess what? I don't cook. I have never cooked anything. I once tried to Just boil some ramen and guess what happened? There was an explosion and three buildings were destroyed. Oh, my God. So when you want to reach this. That was. That ad. Should never have gone to me for a special pot. It's a lot of buildings. Yeah, a lot of buildings went and I had to flee the country for a while. When you want to reach the right professionals, use LinkedIn ads. LinkedIn is grown to a network of over 1 billion professionals. And that's where it stands. Apart from other ad buyers. Have they got a billion? I don't think so, buddy boy. You can target your buyers by job title, industry, company role, seniority, skills, company revenue, all the professionals you need to reach in one place. So do me a favor, stop wasting budget on the wrong audience. Come on, get your head in the game. Start targeting the right professionals only on LinkedIn ads. LinkedIn will even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. So you can try it yourself. Just go to LinkedIn.com teamcoco that's LinkedIn.com teamcoco Terms and conditions apply only on LinkedIn ads. This message is brought to you by BetterHelp. You know, a lot of people say therapy costs a lot of money. But think about it. You're investing in your own mental health, in your state of mind. So let's talk numbers. Traditional in person therapy can cost anywhere from 100 to $250 per session. That adds up fast. But with BetterHelp online therapy, you can save on average up to 50% per session. So it's really not that expensive. With BetterHelp, you pay a flat fee for weekly sessions. That's saving you big on cost and on time. Now, therapy should be accessible. It should feel accessible. It shouldn't feel like a luxury. With online therapy, you get quality care at a price that makes sense. Your mental health is worth it. Now it's within reach. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people. Thanks, Sonia. Sorry. That was my contribution to this. Wow. I wasn't sure 5 million people globally was a lot of people until you chimed in. It is. I think you need some online therapy. It's convenient too. You can join a session with the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life. Plus switch therapists at any time. That's a great convenience. Your well being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com konan to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com Conan.

[Carol Leifer]

What was your first writing job?

[Conan O'Brien]

It was not necessarily the new.

[Carol Leifer]

Oh, wow.

[Conan O'Brien]

And a woman named Pat Lee gave me.

[Carol Leifer]

I know of her. Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, she hired Greg and I, we got us into the Guild. It was our first show and we work like maniacs. And I have such clear memories and I'm always passing Sunset Gower Studios. And I always have the same flashback to Greg and I. We took a overnight flight. It was cheap. It was, I think, called People Express, where you could like fly. Do you remember People Express names?

[Carol Leifer]

The airline of China?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, People Express was a. Literally, you could, for like $40, you could fly across the. I mean, something insane. And obviously it was a whole other world before 9 11. I mean, you just would buy your ticket at the counter, you'd get on the plane, no frills. We flew overnight. I remember my writing partner, Greg Daniels, put a blanket over his head to try and go to sleep. Cause the seats didn't go back. So he was sitting upright. He looked like a bad kid's ghost sitting next to me. And we landed, we got this really cheap rental car and we drove to Sunset Gower Studios and walked in and said, we're here to work for television. I have acne. And that's where it started. But it was a show that at least had. It was pre tapes. And it wasn't. We weren't writing four characters. And it wasn't all these shows that I really despised. It was sketch comedy that I thought, okay, this is respectable. We can do this with an eye towards hoping to get a job with Letterman, which didn't work out, but it was. So you get this call to work for Seinfeld and you write an episode that coincidentally, I've been. We were displaced by the fire. Our house is okay, but it has to be desmoked, detoxed. And so my wife and I have been living in this little apartment, kind of rental apartment with a kitchenette at the hotel.

[Carol Leifer]

And you're at the Oakwood, aren't you?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah. A great place to meet a single pregnant woman who's going through a bad divorce. But every night we don't have our regular television. We just, you know, we don't have Apple TV or Max or anything. So we're just filming through. And we always land on Seinfeld.

[Carol Leifer]

Oh, nice.

[Conan O'Brien]

And we watched Seinfeld. And I watched your Rye episode.

[Carol Leifer]

Ah, yes, Marble Rye.

[Conan O'Brien]

Three nights ago I watched the Marble Rye episode, Remembered that you had written that episode, which is one of my favorites.

[Carol Leifer]

Oh, thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

If you don't recall, I think it's George's fiance. George Costanza's going over to eat with the fiance and he brings his parents, who of course humiliate him. You know, the great Jerry Stiller and the actress. I can't remember the actress's name, who plays Estelle Harris. Estelle Harris. And they come over and they're just. They bring a marble rye. And then they notice that these WASPy parents of their future in law don't eat the marble rye. So Jerry Stiller takes it back and then that couple realizes. The WASPy couple realizes that the marble rye has been taken back and they're enraged. And then the whole episode is about, how do we get the rye back into the apartment? Which is a great, great idea for an episode. Where did you get that idea?

[Carol Leifer]

It was crazy because, you know, a lot of times people come up to you when you write on a hit show like that, and they're like, something really funny happened to me. And you're like, oh, boy, here we go. You know, and it's like, Betty's egg salad was in the fridge at work and somebody took, you know, and it's like, oh, boy, here we go. But a friend of mine from high school was like, I had the funniest thing happen. This couple came over and brought a bread. We didn't put it out, and they wanted to take it back. And I knew when I went into Larry's office. Larry and Jerry, you would pitch to them one on one. If Larry liked an idea, he would get so ecstatic. You know what I mean? When I pitched that, he was like, I love it. I love it. We're doing that. Yeah, we're doing that. And he would be like that about certain ideas. You know, like Elaine thinks the Korean manicurists are talking about her behind her back in Korean. Like, yes, yes. You know, he could just.

[Conan O'Brien]

He knew. It's like he had a divining rod. Like, yes, there's water there. I know there's water there.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, exactly. You know, conversely, if you pitched. And this is a lot of times, ideas that he. They didn't like, he would kind of do this thing with his arm and go, yeah, I don't know.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's called angina.

[Carol Leifer]

He was having a heart attack. Yeah. You know, or he would. You know, the biggest put down was, I could see that on another show and it'd be like, ugh. And then when you have an Idea like you like. Like that. In thinking about it, I was also thinking about Kramer and loving Costco because I loved Costco. Still do.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. You can get so much of something.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes, yes. And that he bought so much beefaroni that he started feeding it to his handsome cab horse.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes.

[Carol Leifer]

Which eventually gave him a lot of flatulence.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Ruining the night out for this WASPy couple. By the way, there's a lot of genius behind the show Seinfeld, but I always thought the casting was impeccable, not just of the main characters, but of the smaller characters. And I went out of my way because every time George's fiance's parents are on the show, they're spectacular. So I looked them up. It's Grace Zabrizkich and Warren Frost.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I just wanted to give a shout out to the universe. They're two of the character acting they do on that episode and other episodes as well. The one where the cabin burns down is. They're impeccable. They're fantastic.

[Carol Leifer]

Really, really great.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just unbelievable.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah. The guest casting was amazing. And what was great about then, them as bosses for the writers was you could be involved in every step of the process. You know, you were involved in casting. And, you know, now that I work on shows, people send in tapes, which is horrible. You know, it was so great when people would walk in the room and they go, hey, where's the hot seat? You know, and they'd sit down and you get a vibe off of them. And you could also see how nervous they were in front of people instead of self taping at home. But you'd be part of the casting. You'd be part of everything, so editing and all that. And a lot of times writers don't have that opportunity on shows. So that was really great. And to cast these smaller roles and people that just took off, you know, and even like the regulars, like the tennis episode I did with Marlee Matlin, the lip reader, you know, it was like, what are the four stories gonna be? You know, and, you know, for Kramer, for that you have a tennis episode. Well, he's gotta be a ball boy.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Carol Leifer]

And then, you know, that's gonna be funny. You know, we called him the ball man. And then, you know, he was rehearsing. You know, Michael would rehearse these physical things over and over. People just thought he just did it automatically. He would really rehearse it. And, you know, he just rehearsed as a ball man the entire week.

[Conan O'Brien]

You work on a show like that, I think it's an immersive experience, I thought. I've said the same thing about Saturday Night Live, where you're not just a writer. There's the old idea of the writers are off in a separate building.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And there's no light. The shades are drawn. They're just in there coming up with this. And they're treated sort of with contempt. And then the scripts come out, and then the director, the producers, the actors make it, and no one ever goes near the writers building. And I always thought a great gift that Lauren gave all of us was, even if you had only been working there for a week, and it sounds like the same thing that Larry and Jerry would do, which is. No, you're in charge of everything. If it's your sketch or if it's your episode, you're in on the whole thing, which opens you to the world of casting props. When should we see things? How should we see things? Maybe go talk to the director. Make sure you don't cross any lines, do it tactfully. But you're in charge of the whole thing because it's your baby. And that invests you with great sense of responsibility. You try so much harder.

[Carol Leifer]

Exactly. Cause also, you know, your ass is on the line if something goes off. So you do have that sense of responsibility with an episode, which is great. You know, the saddest thing to me is that I'm a big collector, so I took the. We couldn't use Beefaroni for some reason.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's Beefarino.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes. Yeah, yeah. They made us change the name. So I had the can that the prop guy came up with for Beefarino, and I had it in my apartment on Flores in West Hollywood. And then when I moved, I forgot to take it, you know, move it away. And the guys thought it was just an empty can, and they tossed it. Oh, I know.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. It's. I mean, it's.

[Carol Leifer]

It's the fact that I'm here today.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, it's not the snow globe from Citizen Kane, but it's close. The Pizarino can, you know, someone's gonna find it, and it's gonna go. It's long after you and I are gone. Someone's gonna find it's gonna be auctioned off for, like, $600,000. Oh, come on.

[Carol Leifer]

More than that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. All right. I mean, it's the future. You're right. Before we move on to other shows you've worked on, I have to ask you. I know that you. You were the comedian who opened for Frank Sinatra. I Have to ask you about that. I mean, and this is 1989.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

So I must know.

[Carol Leifer]

Crazy, crazy story. All right, so in 1989, I'm getting some gigs, things are good. I run into this agent who's supposed to be, you know, big time at the time. He's like, you know, Carol, I think you could be doing even better. Why don't you come to my office, write down the gigs you have have had and how much you got and we'll go over it. All right. So I wrote them down. I came to his office, and right away, looking at the list, he was like, you got this at Sir Laugh A Lot's. Oh, that's a joke. You know, you made this much at the Chuckle Hut. No, that's pathetic. So he said, great names though. So he said, why don't you sign with me? I was like, okay, great. So we start working together and things are, you know, time is passing by. I'm literally working at ground round restaurants, doing comedy nights there where you can't even be heard because people are the sound of peanut shells crunching on the floor. You could not even get over it. So I would call him and go, what's going on? Where are these big kids? He was like, I'm working on Frank. Yeah. And at this point I'm like opening for like Frank Stallone. Who are you talking about? What?

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, you could only dream of opening for Frank Stallone.

[Carol Leifer]

So then I work on a cruise ship and I get a phone call. Now, you know, if you got a phone call on a cruise ship in 1989, somebody died or your place is on fire. And it was the agent and he said, I. You're gonna open for Frank Sinatra at Bally's in Las Vegas. Four shows. And he apparently knew Jilly Rizzo.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Who was Frank's guy.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah. And so I got the gig and I called my friend Larry Miller because he had opened for Frank. Just.

[Conan O'Brien]

I worked with Larry years ago.

[Carol Leifer]

He's amazing to get some tips. Cause I was a little nervous and he said, oh, they're gonna love you. It's a great gig. His audience is great. And it was an amazing. It's still today the top of my career, showbiz.

[Conan O'Brien]

But walk me through. You go out. Is there any. What's the inner. Is there interaction with Frank?

[Carol Leifer]

Yes, there was.

[Conan O'Brien]

You do your set.

[Carol Leifer]

I do my set. But I learned something very important as a comedian with that gig. Because I was a little nervous about going out there. I went out and I said, oh, I'm so happy that Mr. Sinatra asked me to join him here at Bally's. And then the audience was like, oh, okay, she's Frank's girl. All right. Yeah. So that helped my set a lot.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes.

[Carol Leifer]

So I do my time. 15 minutes. You know, they had the clocks in Vegas on the stage floor. You gotta keep it at 15. And then Sinatra would come out and he'd bring me back for a bow.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh.

[Carol Leifer]

But he said some cryptic things sometimes. Like, one time he said, that was Carol Leifer. I wish my mother had been that funny. Wouldn't have had to work so hard. The summer breeze came rushing in from across the city. Yeah. And then another time he brought me out. He says, that was Carolifer. She's big. She'll knock you over for the phone. What?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, to be honest, I talk like that now, and the podcast just seems to still be doing well, so people just think I'm. Oh, that's Conan with another one of his funny gags. I'm going downhill fast. It's. I mean, that's real show business.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's old time, classic show business. Opening for Frank, getting called out for a bow.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes. But what a gentleman. I mean, I have friends from that time who opened for people in Vegas who would not even bring them back out. You know, I would tell you the names of the acts, but I really shouldn't. But some of them are very supreme.

[Conan O'Brien]

Nice. The clothing Brand Supreme. Wow. The pizza.

[Sona Movsesian]

The burrito Supreme.

[Conan O'Brien]

Burrito Supreme. I was gonna pay you a compliment. And I've said this to the producers of Hacks, and I've said this to the stars of Hacks. That I have found it to be one of the more accurate representations of the comedy process. We all know that there have been many times where people have tried to capture what it's like to be sitting around thinking of funny ideas, and it's never right. No, it's never right. Hax is the closest I've seen when they're riffing off of each other. When Hannah and Jean Smart are riffing off of each other or going at each other, it feels to me like, oh, people that write comedy are accurately portraying what it's like to try and come up with stuff.

[Carol Leifer]

I mean, do you remember that movie Punchline?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, I was gonna. Where standups all have their own locker?

[Carol Leifer]

Yes, right. Exactly. Yeah. No, it's when I saw the show for the first time. Also, Jean is the first actor I've seen who is convincing as a standup.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Carol Leifer]

I mean, completely. Because there are so Many actors who've tried it and you can just sense something is off. But she. When she does her standup on the show and you totally buy that. She's Deborah Vance, the comedian. Yeah, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

The episode where she fills in for the late night host at the last minute and really scores. And at the end of the night, everyone's leaving and she's running her hands over the desk. I don't tear up at anything. Anything.

[Carol Leifer]

Wow.

[Conan O'Brien]

I start to tear up. I'm on a flight and my wife is looking at me and she thinks I'm watching a dog get put down or something. And I show her what I'm watching. And I just said, I know. That completely caught me by surprise. Right. It really got me the feeling of, I love being behind this desk. And this I think I finally found. I'm like a snail that finally found its little shell.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is my home. That killed me. Absolutely killed me. And. But I salute you. I mean, the writing. I mean, I got to the privilege of doing an episode of Curb, one of the last episodes, and it was really fun. I know I was saying in between takes, I'd go and we would chat in between takes. And it was so funny because my experience was Larry's the same. It's not like Ann, cut. And Larry drops it. If you go get a bite to eat with Larry, or Larry's been over to my house at a Christmas party and he's like, you ever notice? And he's doing the same stuff and he's being the same guy, and you think, I'm just waiting for the. He is the same person.

[Carol Leifer]

He is the same.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. So he actually just built a show around who he is.

[Carol Leifer]

Exactly. And he's always. He's always Larry David. Like, I asked him when I got married if he would do a speech and of course he was like, yeah, ca. You know, ruined my golf game that day. Yeah. No, I can't do it. You know, so Larry David.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I've noticed. One thing I've noticed about him is if he's really laughing, his teeth move, but his jaw doesn't in a weird way. So he'll be like. And he's not doing a bit.

[Carol Leifer]

No, it's like a little Jerry Mahoney.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, it's like a little. It's like a little ventriloquist. And the first time I saw him do it, I thought, is he making fun of me? No, that's how he laughs.

[Carol Leifer]

It is.

[Conan O'Brien]

And he was making fun of me. Yeah.

[Carol Leifer]

But he does have a great Laugh. Doesn't he great laugh. Yeah. When you make him laugh, there is no better feeling in the world.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, it's a very nice thing. I'll experience it one day.

[Carol Leifer]

And you were great on the show.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, thank you.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I had a lot of fun. I like whenever there's an opportunity for me to be doing the episode of Curb. I looked over the script and I realized, oh, I see what this is. The assignment is. Cause there's a lot of improvising too. Whatever Larry wants, make sure he doesn't get it is really the. And that is the essence of Curb, which is a lot of times he wants something. Is it okay if I just. And someone will say like, well, no, actually it's two per customer. And that would be a third. Just deny him the thing that he wants. Don't give him what he wants. So with me, it was just, is it okay if I can we hang out? And I'm like, you don't have clearance. Don't give it to him. And anything. He would. Then they were just riffing and he's asking me about my dog and shut down everything he wants. Just be a dick.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, exactly.

[Conan O'Brien]

And who knew I could be a dick, huh? Right?

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's called acting. You were being method all these years.

[Carol Leifer]

Right?

[Conan O'Brien]

You were preparing for this. I was preparing for this role of Conan O'Brien, which I think I did really well. I want to bring up.

[Carol Leifer]

Oh, sorry.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, go ahead, go ahead.

[Carol Leifer]

This genius that he would take things like he and Larry from Seinfeld, they always loved real life ideas and Larry loved it on Curb. So when I pitched to him this true story that I had this great fold up umbrella that I loved, like it just opened perfectly and closed and I just. And then I lost it. And I thought I lost was from the Omni Dallas hotel. And I thought I left it at a Japanese restaurant. So of course I went back and the owner was like, you know, I was like, have you seen a black fold up umbrella? It's like, Yeah, I have 3,000 of them back here. Yeah, but mine says Omnidallis. And it was like, no, we don't have that. But the genius of Larry David is he creates that. He's in a fight with the owner of the Japanese restaurant so that not only can he not get the umbrella back, but then it becomes also about, well, it's really the Omni, Dallas's umbrella. So why should I give it back to you? So he takes it like six steps forward, which is brilliant.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's so Oppositional. Everyone's opposed to him, and he's opposed to everyone in the universe. And it's, I think, one of the things that's magic about the show. And also you can see how much of it is the George Costanza character in Seinfeld is constantly creating his own misery in this particular way, separate from the other characters. He's creating his own misery constantly, which is very. Larry.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, exactly. And he really latches onto small things. Like, the first time I went to pitch for Kerr, I went in and my first idea was, when you're a funny person, a comedian, and a regular person, you tell something funny, say something funny, and someone goes badum to it. How much you hate that. You know, it's so insulting. And Larry Meade, it was like, yes, yes, I like that. You know, so we use that.

[Conan O'Brien]

To me, it's like if you came up with a comedy idea and someone would go, like, yeah, that's cute. That was like being shot in the groin and not in a good way. I want to make sure that I talk about this. Because you've written a book which could be of help to people, which is how to write a funny Speech. You say, for a wedding, bar mitzvah graduation, and every other event you didn't want to go to in the first place.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

And your foreword is by none other than Carol Burnett. How did you pull that off?

[Carol Leifer]

Carol Burnett? Well, you know, I've written for Carol. I wrote for her 50th anniversary show, her 90th birthday special. And so I've got to know her casually. And she's amazing.

[Conan O'Brien]

She's a magical person.

[Carol Leifer]

Oh, my God. Isn't she? So I reached out to her and I said, you know, I have this book, and if you'd be kind enough to write the forward. And of course, approaching somebody like that, I'm always with. But if he can't do it, I totally understand. No problem. No harm, no foul. And she was like, yeah, send me the book. So this is on a Friday. Okay. Sunday, she calls me. She goes, I read the book. I loved it. I'm happy to write the forward. I mean, who does that?

[Conan O'Brien]

Would not be me. What is this about again? Conan? We've talked seven times. No, it's really lovely that you got her to do it. And the advice in here is very smart. Good advice for people, I think, about how to be funny. If you're gonna give a speech, the most important is length.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I can't tell you how many times I have witnessed someone, they get their Laugh. And you're like, good, good. And then they keep going and you're like, no, no, no.

[Carol Leifer]

I knew Adrien Brody.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just witnessed that on the. I was backstage at the Oscars, and I so wanted to. I thought, it's late in the day. Don't be a dick. So wanted to go out there and say you thought the brutalist was long. It would have been such a. It was just such a softball hanging there. And I thought, ah, yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

How close were you to.

[Conan O'Brien]

Very close. I could see where you. I was for a second. I almost said that speech needed an intermission, but then I thought, oh, I'm gonna see him in a minute and don't. He'll get his payback's coming from the world. People telling him for the rest of his life. Why? Why?

[Carol Leifer]

But what you said. You know how many people get up and tell a speech, Do a speech, and they don't say who they are, they just start talking about the person. And you're sitting there three minutes in going, is this his? Is this a teacher? Who is this to this person? I mean, it's just important to get up there and go, hi, I'm Aunt Betty. And I've known so and so since they were born. You know, just something is so special.

[Conan O'Brien]

It gives you a connection.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I always get up if I'm giving a speech and say I was this person's lover. It's often not true, but it just gets you right away.

[Carol Leifer]

That is a great opening line.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. We were lovers. It was a very sexual and sensual relationship. But I mean, I've noticed something that a lot of people, it's a whole generational thing, they read off their phone, which I find a little off putting.

[Carol Leifer]

I don't like it either.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't like it either. And I've seen people do it at. I mean, serious big. Like there's a casket there. And someone's like, well, my father. And they're, wait a minute, I'm getting a text. Yeah, it's weird.

[Carol Leifer]

It is weird. You know, part of the advice we give in the book, you don't have to memorize it. You know, just if you have a card, have some bullet points.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes.

[Carol Leifer]

But also, you know, practice it in front of someone who's gonna be at the event that knows the person. That's a good idea, too. But reading is. Yeah, that's a big turnoff.

[Conan O'Brien]

Also, leave room space. Like, have ideas of what you wanna say, but leave space for what's happened in the last 10 minutes so that I'm looking around for. Okay, I think I know what I'm gonna do. But if a coffee urn exploded two minutes ago. Don't just lock into. Nope. This is what I wrote last night. Make room for the coffee urn.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah. Be in the moment.

[Conan O'Brien]

Be in the moment. And people react to that so beautifully. Humans know when something real is happening. I don't know how they. I like humans. Beast humans I've encountered in my time here on Earth, but they do. They know when something organic is happening and they can also sense when it's not.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah, absolutely. We have a lot of jokes in there. Jokes to steal for the events, but the beginning, middle, and end, it's really not all that difficult. Yeah, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

People can make it harder than it actually is.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah. And look at it. It's handy. Right? Small. It's not a giant tome.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's not a tome.

[Carol Leifer]

No.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is not a. This is not a Torah. What's the stick read with?

[Carol Leifer]

Hey, thank you for the Jewish reference.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I said the stick, so I don't think I get a lot of. What, Adam. The what?

[Carol Leifer]

The Yod.

[Conan O'Brien]

The Yod.

[Carol Leifer]

Mm. Yep. Fellow Jew in the group.

[Conan O'Brien]

How to write a funny speech for a wedding, bar mitzvah graduation, and every other event you didn't wanna go to in the first place. With a Forward by Carol Burnett. And it actually is a very helpful book. And this was nice to get a chance to sit down with you and talk to you because you're such a fixture in the comedy business that in all the best ways that I'm constantly seeing you and we're crossing each other in busy hallways and there are showgirls and people dressed as horses and, you know. Yeah. People dressed as German soldiers. And you're on in five minutes. Send it. Dun dun, dun. Hey, Carol, how's it going? Hi, Conan. And we pass each other. So this is really lovely that we.

[Carol Leifer]

Get to do this. And you know what I wanted to say, because I would be remiss if I didn't. I mean, to host the Oscars is really a tough gig. It's really, really tough. But I will tell your audience that beforehand, when I went to Wish youh Luck, you were. So you said, you know what? I just wanna have fun out there.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Carol Leifer]

And you did. And that's the thing that was the.

[Conan O'Brien]

Mission was obviously do a lot of work beforehand and prepare.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

But I was determined to. I mean, actually is the thing that's helped me a lot on the podcast and the late night shows over the years is I Learned a long time ago. If I'm having fun, it's gonna work. So I can't contrive that. I just have to figure out situations and things to say that I'm gonna have fun doing and put enough of those together where I will have fun. And if I'm having fun, people will start to have fun.

[Carol Leifer]

Absolutely. Yeah. So you really weren't all that nervous going out?

[Conan O'Brien]

I would say I had. It's yours. Oh, really? Oh, I'm getting a text right now. No, it's a spam call. I don't know why I. And it's all turned off, by the way. I don't know why it made a noise. It was vibrating. I put it on vibrate, so I have a sensual experience. It's on you, though. Well, it doesn't have to be. At this age, just hearing something vibrate gets me all hot and bothered. But no, I'd be lying if I said I did a lot of preparation. But when the time comes and they tap you to go out, let's just say you're focused.

[Carol Leifer]

Yes. Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm not a nervous wreck, but I am very aware that you go into that tunnel vision, which I'm sure, I mean, you've had a million times when it's time to go. I don't think nervous is the right word for it.

[Carol Leifer]

Right.

[Conan O'Brien]

Cause I'm nervous when I go to the dentist. It's a different feeling. It's a real intense. Everything narrows. Everything narrows to, like, a pinpoint of light.

[Carol Leifer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Anyway, congratulations on the book.

[Carol Leifer]

Thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

And thank you so much for coming. Oh, and we'll come on back. We have a lot to talk about. We sort of have a lot to talk about.

[Sona Movsesian]

How come I'm the only one not talking like this?

[Conan O'Brien]

Because you haven't had a small stroke. So now, where else can you go surfing and skiing the same day, huh? I don't know. Or check out a world class art museum and then camp at a dark sky sanctuary that night, huh? Yeah, yeah. Where else can you hike through redwoods and then get a luxury spa treatment? Where? Well, you live there. California. California. Sona. No matter where you go across the state, you'll find a way to play. I'm a California resident. Sona, you are a lifelong California resident. I'm a lifer.

[Carol Leifer]

I love this place.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is a beautiful state. Gorgeous. So many different wonderful ecosystems in one state. You can hang out by a Palm Springs pool. You know, you can go whale watching. You can go hiking in Yosemite and then talk about the great cities in California. You get all this amazing food, sushi, whatever you want. They got it in California. Hey, if you can't find it in California, man, you got a problem. Yeah, I shouldn't have done that. I made that up on my own. Anyway, I love California. Discover why California is the ultimate playground. Head to visitcalifornia.com to start planning your trip today. Oh, those Sweet James billboards are everywhere. You know, everywhere I drive, I see. I see them all over. They're everywhere. I've crashed into a few. They're hard to avoid. And then I call Sweet James. Yeah, that works out. No, it sounds like I'm joking around, and I probably am. But the work they do is pretty serious. When you're hurt in an accident, insurance companies that promise to protect you will try to deny your claim or pay you the least amount possible. We all know that Sweet James Accident Attorney is a world class law firm with over 25 years of experience taking on billion dollar insurance companies on behalf of their injured clients and winning. They've recovered over $1.5 billion for injured accident victims with a 98% winning record. That's crazy. 95%. I wish my name was Sweet James. My life would have been different.

[Sona Movsesian]

Sweet Conan.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Having the right attorney by your side after you've been hurt in a car, a truck, or a motorcycle accident can mean the difference between $2,000 and $2,000,000. Sweet James have some of the best attorneys in the country. They've been awarded best attorneys in America. I mean, I've never won that award. Well, you're not an attorney. I know. That's probably the reason. Yeah. If you're hurt in an accident, call Sweet James at 809 million. 809 million or visit sweetjames.com we pride ourselves on professionalism here at the podcast. And you think I'm being, you know, foolish? Some of us are less professional than others. The acme of professionalism, the height of professionalism here, I would have to say, is Matt Gourley. He's a pro. He's a real pro.

[Sona Movsesian]

I didn't think that was coming that way.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, you are. You are. You are. You. You know what? Jeez, I'm not even gonna go there. But anyway, Matt puts the whole thing together. You come in, you're always on time, you know what's going on. You hold this whole thing together. And I say that I'm not kidding. You really do. You are the maestro. So when you showed up late today, I got worried because whenever you watch a. You didn't. Whenever you. What's just for the pretend. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, sorry.

[Sona Movsesian]

I think you mean you got excited.

[Conan O'Brien]

There are similar emotions, okay? They're both a form of excitement, okay? There are subsets. But I. Wait, Matt's late. That never happens. And in any crime documentary when the punctual person is late, it means they've been murdered. Yeah, so mine went to a dark place, which is. Look, if Sona's late, it's like, oh, well, another crazy night for Sona.

[Carol Leifer]

Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, whatever, you know, she'll be here. She'll stumble in at some point. But I was concerned. I was concerned. And you, sir, say you have a tale to tell.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, yes, but speaking of tale, we had a cat emergency.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, what happened?

[Sona Movsesian]

Well, this is not the first time this has happened, but our cat Margo, the fat guy, has some digestive issues as she gets into her later years.

[Conan O'Brien]

And so how old is this cat?

[Sona Movsesian]

She's 13.

[Conan O'Brien]

Thirteen.

[Sona Movsesian]

And it's gorgeous, though. She's a gorgeous. Here's a grumpy photo of her with a hemorrhoid donut on her head because she couldn't chew her.

[Conan O'Brien]

One of. It's a very good looking cat. Yeah, and she's grumpy. Time. Age is just a number. I'm sorry, what? Might be time. Wow, 13.

[Sona Movsesian]

How dare you.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no. Some cats can get way up there.

[Sona Movsesian]

They can go to 20.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Okay.

[Carol Leifer]

Well, let's hear. How's she doing?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, man. Well, this is the third time, unfortunately, we've had to give her an enema. Not personally.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, God.

[Sona Movsesian]

So she has to go to the vet because she's. First of all, she's psychotic and she's obsessed with food. So if we don't feed her in the morning, she meows incessantly until we wake up and do it. So then we got an automated feeder that would dispense dry food, but that constipated her. And that's when we had to give her these enemas. Now, we finally found this wet food automatic feeder where you could load it the night before and it has ice packs. And so she'll sit there and stare at it all night, night long until it goes up, but she doesn't bother us. But she still got constipated. And when we get.

[Conan O'Brien]

Can you get con. Wait, can you. Oh, go ahead. It doesn't matter. Well, she.

[Sona Movsesian]

She gets constipated and so we're on like 24 hour poop watch, hoping she'll poop and it goes. You know, sometimes it'll go a few days, and we start to get really worried. So we take her to the vet, and they want to give her an enema. But what that means is she comes home and she's just like. Like if a toothpaste tube was missing the top.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, Okay.

[Sona Movsesian]

I told you this was disgusting. And you still wanted to do.

[Carol Leifer]

There's leakage.

[Sona Movsesian]

Unbelievable leakage. And she also does this thing that we call tooty scooching, where she sits on her butt and pops her hind legs up in the air and pulls herself with her front legs and just scoots along the floor, whether it be hardwood or rug or whatever. Do you remember those old toys that you used to draw with a wax crayon on a, like, mat? And then you'd put a car, and the car would follow the wax crayon?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I don't. No, me neither. I don't remember that toy.

[Carol Leifer]

That you grew up.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, my God. You grew up in the 1910s. I'm just remembering. I'm remembering that. And then you were trapped in ice for a while, and then we melted you and you came out the way the same.

[Sona Movsesian]

The same way that people knew what I was talking about with Inca Binka Bottle ink. The cork fell out. And you stink. They'll know what this is.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay.

[Sona Movsesian]

Okay. So some days we'll come home and there's just this, like, no trail around the house. Didn't you have an Okie Shits story?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, like, once. This isn't a regular.

[Carol Leifer]

Excuse me.

[Sona Movsesian]

I'm keeping a cat alive. One that you tried to kill, by the way.

[Carol Leifer]

But maybe.

[Conan O'Brien]

Maybe it's time.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, my God. You need to stop that right now. So this cat is my life.

[Carol Leifer]

This is the only.

[Sona Movsesian]

The only being in my household that acknowledges that, gives me any attention. Okay? The other two are off on their own all the time. This cat loves me, sits on my lap. We're bonded. And you want to take this from me?

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, I have a question. Because you guys are busy on your lap.

[Sona Movsesian]

No.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're making jokes. I'm trying to come up with a solution.

[Sona Movsesian]

Thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

There's leakage.

[Sona Movsesian]

Not when she's on my lap.

[Conan O'Brien]

There are pets. Diapers. Are there such a thing for cats?

[Sona Movsesian]

Margo would just never tolerate it. She won't. She would rip it off.

[Conan O'Brien]

She.

[Sona Movsesian]

She's insane. Yeah, our vet tried to put her on Prozac.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, boy. And what. What happened there?

[Sona Movsesian]

We didn't do it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why not?

[Sona Movsesian]

I don't know.

[Conan O'Brien]

Dope that cat up. That cat should be on. That should be on Larazepam.

[Sona Movsesian]

I know.

[Conan O'Brien]

We figured out that cat should be like. That cat should be on the White Lotus, chunked up on Laraz as a. Like Parker Posy. You know, that cat should be stumbling around in a really expensive Bangkok hotel, going.

[Sona Movsesian]

One time she ate chocolate and.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, great. Well, this didn't go well once. I don't know what happened. We gave her a large eclair.

[Carol Leifer]

Did I?

[Sona Movsesian]

She got it. She gets into everything. She will eat vegetables. She'll eat anything. And she went to the bathroom in a closet. That was so disgusting.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, Jesus.

[Sona Movsesian]

And by then I hadn't remodeled it. So where the floorboards met the wall, there was like a half inch crack. And I remember just. It was so disgusting that I just put. I disinfected it, but I put baseboards on there and cocked it all up.

[Conan O'Brien]

You sealed it into that?

[Sona Movsesian]

Just like the bodies in the pool in Poltergeist. Someone's going to open these.

[Conan O'Brien]

You left that for a future homeowner. Sweetie, it's our new. Hey, sweetie. Happy 2055. We're both young and we're. I'm expecting. And we're moving into our own house since the Goerley murders. I can't believe a woman beat her husband to death with his own tuba. Hey, let's start prying up the base for it so we can begin the rain remodeling. It's come to life by that point. What the.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, it's a demon.

[Conan O'Brien]

Is this just part of your life now? This leakage is just what it is.

[Sona Movsesian]

Maybe every. Maybe once a year, this seems.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, that's not so bad.

[Sona Movsesian]

No, but it's harrowing when it does happen. She's just this oddity. One time we were living in a second story apartment and she was. She would. She was so big that she would sit on the ledge that it started bulging out the screen on the window. And then she fell out the window, but rode the screen down like, remember in Temple of Doom when they ride the raft out of the airplane? She rode the screen down and I looked down there and she was just fine. She was just fine.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Carol Leifer]

Oh, my God.

[Sona Movsesian]

She's insane.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wow. Maybe it's time. No, no, no, no. It's easy to do. All right, well, listen. And the cat's name is. So we can all be Margot the fat guy.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. That's gender confusion. Margot the fat guy is. Is a lady cat.

[Carol Leifer]

Is she. Is she fat?

[Sona Movsesian]

Yes, she comes and goes right now.

[Conan O'Brien]

She's.

[Sona Movsesian]

Because she's a little constipated. Although after today, she's lost some.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, man. Well, please, if you're out there, pray, pray, pray.

[Sona Movsesian]

We'll take them.

[Conan O'Brien]

There's a lot going on in the world, but this should be the priority. Is Margot the fat guy?

[Sona Movsesian]

She's fine now.

[Conan O'Brien]

She's fine.

[Sona Movsesian]

I should mention she's love when she's. When she's in her sweet spot, you know, on my lap, she's. There's nothing better.

[Conan O'Brien]

I wouldn't put that thing on my lap for a million dollars. Start scooching around, using my knee as toilet paper. Then I come to work and people think I shit my knee. Hey, you. Your knee, Conan.

[Sona Movsesian]

Why did I agree to talk about this? Why did I agree to talk about this?

[Conan O'Brien]

All right. Well, we wish you all the best.

[Sona Movsesian]

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien Sonam of Session and Matt Gourley produced by me, Matt Gourley executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leow. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer. Samples, engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Bautista and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign [e-mail] Conan and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[Conan O'Brien]

Welcome back to listen to your heart. I'm Jerry. And I'm Jerry's heart. Today's topic, Repatha Evolokimab heart. Why'd you pick this one? Well, Jerry, for people who have had a heart attack like us, diet and exercise might not be enough to lower the risk of another one. Okay. To help know if we're at risk, we should be getting our ldlc, our bad cholesterol checked, and talking to our doctor. I'm listening. And if it's still too high, Repatha can be added to a statin to lower our LDL C and our heart attack risk. Hmm. Guess it's time to ask about Repatha. Do not take Repatha if you are.

[Carol Leifer]

Allergic to it, serious allergic reactions can occur. Get medical help right away if you have trouble breathing or swallowing Swelling of the face, lips, tongue, throat or arms. Common side effects include runny nose, sore throat, common cold symptoms flu or flu like symptoms back pain, high blood sugar and redness Pain or bruising at the injection site.

[Sona Movsesian]

Listen to your heart.

[Conan O'Brien]

Ask your doctor about Repatha. Learn [e-mail] or call 1-844-repatha this is comedy Bang Bang the Podcast the promo, and in 30 seconds I'm going to tell you why you should check out the show. I the host Scott Aukerman, have a lighthearted conversation with famous celebrities like John Hamm, Alice Williams, Phoebe Bridgers, Jason Alexander, Natasha Leone, Bob Odenkirk, just to name a few things. Go a little off the rails when different eccentric characters and oddballs drop by to be interviewed as well. Each week is a blend of conversations and character work from your favorite comedians as well as some new hilarious voices. Comedy Bang Bang the Podcast Listen every Monday wherever you get your podcast.