Kumail Nanjiani Returns Again

Summary

Podcast Summary: Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend – “Kumail Nanjiani Returns Again”

Release Date: December 15, 2025
Host: Conan O’Brien (with Sona Movsesian & Matt Gourley)
Guest: Kumail Nanjiani

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Episode Overview

In this lively and heartfelt episode, comedian, actor, and writer Kumail Nanjiani returns to the podcast to catch up with Conan and friends. They delve into the evolution of their friendship, Kumail’s new standup special "Night Thoughts," experiences in the comedy world, the nature of acting, cultural identity, and even the mysteries of cricket. The conversation is a blend of deep reflection, comedic bits, and affectionate roasts, with plenty of behind-the-scenes stories from both their lives and careers.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Mustaches & Movember: The Episode Warm-Up (01:22–07:00)

• The episode opens with a playful debate about mustaches, their 70s coolness, and which celebrities could pull them off.
• Sonam teases Conan and Matt for not growing mustaches despite loving the 70s aesthetic.
• Conan, skeptical about his own mustache look:

  "I think my true evil and pervy would come out … I look like a creep." (03:01)

Friendship, Gratitude, and The Mark Twain Prize (07:00–12:00)

• Kumail thanks Conan for inviting him to the Mark Twain Award ceremony, expressing how meaningful it was to participate in a milestone event.
• He recounts being nervous but honored to share the stage with comedic legends, and how much Conan's work influenced his own path in comedy.
  • Kumail (09:28):

    “I do comedy because of you.”

• The group gently pokes fun at Conan’s aversion to accepting compliments.
  • Kumail (09:29):

    “You cannot change the subject quickly. You totally crumble.”

Silly vs. Smart Comedy: The Power of Play (12:00–14:55)

• Kumail describes transitioning from “intellectual” comedy to appreciating silly, high-concept humor through Conan’s work, realizing “stupid and smart” can overlap.
  • Conan (13:14):

    “There’s this intersection between really smart and really stupid. … That is my religion.”

• Kumail credits both Conan and Beavis & Butthead for helping him re-embrace the joy and craft of silly comedy.

Kumail’s Standup Roots & The Trials of Stage Fright (14:55–18:00)

• Kumail discusses his origins as a very shy kid, drawn to standup despite his fear:
  • Kumail (14:58):

    “The only thing scarier than doing standup was not doing it.”

• Shares a poignant story about a fellow Chicago comic, Pat Brice, reflecting on the unpredictability and sometimes sadness in comedy careers.

The Comedy Career Lottery (18:00–21:00)

• They discuss how great comedy talents can sometimes decide not to pursue show business, or simply not "make it," for reasons beyond ability or drive.
• Kumail underscores gratitude for their own “luck” in having successful careers.
  • Kumail (18:58):

    “We’re very lucky that we get to be here right now.”

The Pills-in-Spaghetti Bit & The Death of Mystery in Modern Life (19:26–22:00)

• Conan praises Kumail’s vivid standup imagery, particularly the “pills in the spaghetti” analogy for giving medicine to pets.
  • Conan (20:24):

    “If you put a big plate of spaghetti in front of a human, and it has four Tylenol on top, they know.”

• After a digressive, hilarious riff on cat buttholes, the crew collectively laments how over-regulation and over-explanation sap mystery and joy from life (with modern weed as their prime example).
  • Conan (25:54):

    “If you start to really break down what the song is … some of the magic starts to rub off and erode.”

Pop Culture Promotion & The Absurdity of the Modern Media Gauntlet (28:00–29:36)

• Conan riffs on the extremes to which celebrities must go for promotion, joking about Rose Byrne surviving Hot Ones and imagining Katharine Hepburn forced to do “web talk shows where she sits on a toilet and eats a chili dog.”

The Joy of Surprise in Stand-Up & Comedic Innovation (29:36–32:00)

• Kumail and Conan express their appreciation for “newness” and being pleasantly surprised by creative comedy bits, noting how rare and valuable that feeling is.

Identity, Roots, & The Cricket Challenge (39:44–45:00)

• Kumail discusses the emotional connection cricket provides to Pakistan, and the complex feelings of being seen as a native son by his home country.
  • Kumail (42:33):

    “It makes me feel like I’m back home.”

• Conan likens his own connection to Ireland, noting how inherited climate preferences are written into his DNA.

Chicago: The Comedy Proving Ground (44:00–46:00)

• Both share horror stories about Chicago’s extreme weather. Kumail likens Chicago winter to “tiny monkeys with knives” attacking you every time you step outside.

Physical Transformation & Audience Perceptions (32:39–34:00; 53:47–55:24)

• Kumail discusses how his physical transformation (getting “jacked”) changed audience perceptions and how he had to adapt his standup persona accordingly.
  • Kumail (33:10):

    “Now people perceive me differently and they think I’m a different person. And I know I’m not. I just really like working out a lot now.”

The Realities of Acting & Stand-Up: Stupid, Brave, and Raw (55:24–61:52)

• Conan and Kumail bond over the vulnerability required by both acting and stand-up—audiences judge not just the performance, but often the person behind it.
  • Conan (55:24):

    “When people don’t like what I’m doing, they don’t like me.”

• Both poke fun at the inherently silly nature of acting, especially actor “warm-ups” and the seriousness sometimes ascribed to basic craft.
  • Kumail (60:34):

    “The most challenging thing for me with acting is that there’s always part of you that’s so self-aware … acting at its core is very stupid.”

Conan’s & Kumail’s Mutual Admiration (63:45–65:38)

• The episode winds down with genuine mutual appreciation. Kumail reaffirms Conan’s impact on his comedic path, while Conan expresses how much he treasures their friendship.
  • Kumail (64:04):

    “It means so much to me that I get to text you and have you respond, like, truly, genuinely. I do comedy because of you.”

• Sona jokes about being Conan’s “Selena Gomez,” and Kumail calls Conan a “lighthouse” for comedians trying to remain grounded as they age.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On being unable to take a compliment:
  • Kumail (09:29): “You cannot change the subject quickly. You totally crumble.”
• On the “golden intersection” of smart and silly comedy:
  • Conan (13:14): “There’s this intersection between really smart and really stupid. … That is my religion.”
• On the vulnerability of standup:
  • Conan (55:24): “When people don’t like what I’m doing, they don’t like me.”
• On being a comedy hero:
  • Kumail (64:04): “It means so much to me that I get to text you and have you respond, like, truly, genuinely. I do comedy because of you.”
• On aging in comedy:
  • Kumail (65:21): “You really are like, the person we look to. To be, like, all right, it’s possible to not turn into a giant asshole as you age. We shall see.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:22–07:00 — Mustache banter and playful introductions
• 07:00–12:00 — Friendship, Mark Twain Prize, and Conan’s influence on Kumail
• 14:55–18:00 — Standup origins, overcoming shyness, and bittersweet comedy memories
• 19:26–22:00 — Standup craft: vivid images (“pills in spaghetti”) and the absurdities of cat ownership
• 29:36–32:00 — The creative vitality of surprise in comedy
• 39:44–45:00 — Identity, Pakistan, cricket, and the immigrant experience
• 53:47–55:24 — Returning to standup, adapting to fame and change
• 55:24–61:52 — Honestly tackling the joys and insecurities of standup, acting, and the need for presence
• 63:45–65:38 — Heartfelt expressions of mutual admiration and the “Conan as lighthouse” metaphor

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Tone & Atmosphere

The conversation is warm, uninhibited, and marked by quick-witted humor, vulnerable sharing, and affectionate teasing. There’s a rhythm of sincere personal insight followed by joke-laden digressions, characteristic of Conan’s comedic sensibility and Kumail’s thoughtful-yet-dry approach.

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Wrap-Up

“Kumail Nanjiani Returns Again” is a classic Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend episode—rich with industry gossip, creative insight, and the kind of heartfelt, hilarious banter that can only happen among genuine friends. The episode’s central theme is the evolution (and endurance) of friendship, the honesty required by both standup and acting, and the value of staying open, silly, and curious in an often overwhelming world.

Kumail’s Special “Night Thoughts” is now on Hulu.
Kumail also briefly plugs a role in Amazon’s “Fallout” Season 2.

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For Listeners

If you love standup, comedy history, or just want to hear two sharp comedic minds volley silly and serious in equal measure, this episode is a must-listen. You’ll laugh, you might get a little misty, and, like the hosts, you’ll feel just a little more grateful for the weird, winding path that friendship (and comedy) can take.

Transcript

[Kumail Nanjiani]

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[Conan O'Brien]

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[Kumail Nanjiani]

Hi, my name is Kumail Nanjiani, and I feel Twitter pain about being Conan o' Brien's friend.

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, that's cute.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Fall is here Here they are Back to school Ring the bell Brand new shoes Walking loose Climb the fence Books.

[Sonam Nair]

And pens I can tell that we.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Are gonna be friends Yes, I can.

[Sonam Nair]

Tell that we are gonna be friends.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hello and welcome to Conan o' Brien Needs a Friend. I am sitting here with Sonam Obsessian. Matt Gourley.

[Sonam Nair]

Hello.

[Conan O'Brien]

What's that?

[Sonam Nair]

I said hello.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah. You brought up an issue.

[Sonam Nair]

You doodled this cool looking guy.

[Conan O'Brien]

I doodled this guy. He's wearing. I don't know why I doodled him, but he's awesome. He's wearing farmer's overalls. I don't know that he has a shirt on. He's got a big mustache, but that's. I don't know why I drew this guy. I don't know who this guy is.

[Sonam Nair]

You guys both love the 70s so much, which I think is very, like, mustache heavy. And I'm just curious why you guys have, like. You've never grown a mustache.

[Matt Gourley]

I've had a mustache before.

[Sonam Nair]

Just a mustache.

[Matt Gourley]

Just a mustache.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Not for long.

[Matt Gourley]

In theory. I really want to do it in my mind. Sam Elliot in the mirror. Ned Flanders.

[Conan O'Brien]

So you come out as Ned Flanders?

[Matt Gourley]

I think so.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think that my mustache doesn't. Well, first of all, I've had a beard and accompanying mustache, but a mustache alone, I would look sort of like Michael Caine in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. You know, like, it's.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's not a horrible look.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, no. What I'm saying is it's. It's. It's Michael Caine. So he can do anything because he's Michael Caine. I just. It's. It would be kind of thin, and I think I would come across as evil. I think my true evil would. And pervy would come out. And I just did something. I did a shoot where they put a small mustache on me and so I can show it to you. And you know what? I look like a creep. Okay. I think it's just perv. But if you can indulge me for a second, which I know you can.

[Matt Gourley]

Let me see if I have.

[Sonam Nair]

Well, I'm just gonna say my dad has always had a mustache, and he's the coolest guy I know. So I just. I'm. If I was a guy, I feel like I'd have a mustache.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, if I had your dad's mustache, then fine.

[Sonam Nair]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I've tried to imitate your dad's mustache many times.

[Sonam Nair]

You don't. Taking a dinner napkin and putting it above your mouth is not. Is not.

[Conan O'Brien]

How many times have I sent you pictures I've taken of me on a plane? Or just me out in the world where I put a very large white dinner napkin under my nose and say, look, it's your dad.

[Sonam Nair]

Too many times. Actually, too many. I think there's a decent amount of times, and then there's too many times. But I think you're just obsessed with his mustache because you guys are. Oh, wait, we're both. We're all on our phones.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I. Well, I'm trying to find something here, though. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Look. That's not bad.

[Sonam Nair]

I don't know. That looks cool to me.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's cool to you?

[Sonam Nair]

I want to be friends with that guy.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hello?

[Sonam Nair]

I want to be friends with that. You have to do it that way.

[Conan O'Brien]

Look at this.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Look at this. Like a line.

[Conan O'Brien]

What an awful guy.

[Matt Gourley]

I'm not kidding. I searched my photos for me with a mustache. Because you can do, like, AI search of your photos now.

[Sonam Nair]

What was his name again?

[Conan O'Brien]

Gene Shallot. That's Gene Shallot.

[Sonam Nair]

That's right.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm sorry. This guy is constantly being arrested.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This guy is being.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't know. Look at that. He's being arrested.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He's being.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right. That's a terrible guy. I don't want to be that guy. I don't know.

[Sonam Nair]

I. Well, Movember's coming up. Maybe you guys should grow mustaches.

[Conan O'Brien]

What do you think? He's right. We do like that guy.

[Matt Gourley]

Have a mustache.

[Conan O'Brien]

What do you say? Give me your. Tell me what you think of this guy. He's a bad man. He's a bad look. And his eyes are dead. The mustache takes the life out of my eyes.

[Sonam Nair]

But you guys need bushy, big Sam Elliott style mustaches. Can't you make that happen? Like, figure it out? I don't know. Is there like a merkin for faces?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, it's called a fake mustache. Yeah, I've got seven of those in my wallet. For other reasons you don't need to know.

[Matt Gourley]

I have a picture of me with a mustache.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just. Oh, I got plenty of those in my car. I'm responsible for a series of unsolved crimes.

[Sonam Nair]

I don't know. Yeah, be cool if you guys just.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're.

[Sonam Nair]

You're so into the 70s and Tom Selleck. Cool guys.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm into Tom Selleck, dad.

[Matt Gourley]

If I had a mustache. Because in the 70s he had.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, wow, look at that guy.

[Sonam Nair]

See? Yeah. Oh, not. Who was the. Who's the guy who.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, the guy that died. Yes, the mustache that died. No, I know what you're talking about. What do you mean?

[Sonam Nair]

The guy who. The mustache.

[Conan O'Brien]

What are you talking about?

[Matt Gourley]

There's a mustache. Guys.

[Sonam Nair]

Really cool guy with the mustache.

[Matt Gourley]

Sam Elliott's still alive.

[Sonam Nair]

Sam Elliott.

[Conan O'Brien]

Theodore Roosevelt had a mustache. Theodore Roosevelt had a mustache. And he's dead. He.

[Sonam Nair]

He died. He's a cool guy. Burt Reynolds.

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, well, he did. Yeah, like years ago.

[Sonam Nair]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

You act like the mustache. He had mustache cancer. Sir, there's nothing we can do. Well, you could shave it. I don't wanna shave it. Oh, well, then you're gonna die. Well, I guess my time is up. If there was only a way.

[Sonam Nair]

Mustache.

[Conan O'Brien]

You have mustache cancer. We don't think we can operate. But what if I just shaved? Well, that would save your life. But we don't recommend it. Why not? Because it looks cool. What a weird thing to say.

[Sonam Nair]

Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right, my guest. My guest today is an actor, writer and comedian who starred in the hit HBO series Silicon Valley. He now has a new standup special on Hulu. Called Kumail Nanjiani. Night thoughts. I am. I'm delighted with this fellow. He'd be cool with a mustache. Oh, God. He's cool with anything, in my opinion. Kumail Nanjiani. Sunny, welcome. Twitter. What?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Twitter paid it. You know that word?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I don't.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It means, like, obsession, but not dark obsession. Oh, but it could turn dark.

[Conan O'Brien]

It could turn very dark.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Twitter paid it as, like, when you're like, you've done three dates and you're like, I think this is something, you know, I see. This is that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, you and I have done more than a few dates.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, that's true.

[Conan O'Brien]

I've been a fan of yours for a very long time. You were so kind to me. I'm gonna thank you on mic. When I got this wonderful Mark Twain Award in Washington and these amazing comedians came out, which is a big deal to get to. No one goes to Washington, D.C. by accident. You have to go there with great intention. You guys all showed up and you came and it was. I didn't. I was not in charge. It's kind of like a surprise party. They don't tell you who's coming. They don't tell you. All I know is I'm gonna speak at the end. So I thought about that, but I didn't think about, I mean, who's gonna come to this? And I very, I think correctly thought I wouldn't go to this if I didn't have to. And you were hilarious. You did a TED Talk about me, and it was fan fucking tastic.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

And it meant so much to me. Thank you for being there. And you put so much thought into it, and you're such a smart comic. I loved it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I loved it. Thank you. It means so much to me. I was gonna thank you for having me, but I guess I should thank your team for having me there. Yeah, it really get. Yeah, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what? I had a list of people I don't want to see. They got a hold of that list and misunderstood.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They didn't read like, I don't want Letterman. I don't want Adam Sandler, no Will Ferrell. It really meant so much to me to be there. Yeah, it really, really did. Because I've told you, I do comedy because of you. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. It's so funny to me. By the way, I was noting this because I was working and I just got done, and I've been catching up on episodes of this show. Your whole thing, you're so, like, with them to calling yourself A comedy legend and stuff. And then when someone pays you a compliment, you cannot fucking handle it.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I can't.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You totally crumble.

[Sonam Nair]

You can't.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You cannot change the subject quickly. No.

[Matt Gourley]

He can only brag downward.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, exactly.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Exactly.

[Sonam Nair]

You've called yourself Beethoven. You called yourself Michelangelo.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And then I'm like, hey, Conan, you're like a true legend in comedy. Why is he turning red? You are. I mean, it truly meant so much to me because I genuinely do comedy because of you. And, you know, the fact that all these people were there, you know, Colbert, all the people who turned out. Letterman, Sarah Silverman. Yeah. Will Forte, Will Ferrell. Everybody's there. It's a testament to how people see you. And also all the. Like, I went up to. I'd never met Brian McCann, and I didn't really meet him that night. I just went up to him and said, I've had. I've got bulletproof legs stuck in my head for 30 years. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And he said, Brian McCann, one of our great writers, who was also a performer and did so many. He was the always disappointing FedEx Pope, which was his title.

[Sonam Nair]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And Bulletproof Legs, which is one of my favorites.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Bulletproof Legs is so funny. I've had it stuck in my head for 30 years. I said that to him and he was like, thanks, that's really helpful. But all those people being there, and it was such a magical night. And I truly, for me, like, that day came at, like, this really weird time where I had, like, other stuff. And I flew in for that day. I flew out the next day. I wanted to hang out longer, but I was like, I have to be there for Conan because it's so important to me. And I kind of, to be honest, psyched myself out a little bit being there. Yeah. I, like, overthought it and got, like, way too nervous. And I wanted to be able to, like, I enjoyed watching everyone. I wanted to really, like. It meant too much to me for me to not be, like, super nervous.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, that's interesting. It didn't show at all. I mean, it was such a funny idea you had, which was a TED Talk about that. Such a great idea.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What a non compliment. You had a great idea.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, no, you know what? For me, the execution. Execution. We all know you're not an execution guy. No, no. But that's my highest compliment.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, thank you. It's really fun when you come up with something where you're like, oh, this is a thing. This is something. I can't believe nobody.

[Conan O'Brien]

You got to Wear the little headset. Yeah, I wanted to wear the little clicker. Yeah, you had the clicker and the graphics. Yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And it was really nice to get a very sweet message from Sona and nobody el else right afterwards. No, you sent me a very nice text.

[Conan O'Brien]

Persona is a message from me.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, you. You sent me a very nice text. Well, as well. But it meant so much to me to be there, because you know what was interesting? So I've been catching up. I don't know how old this episode is. As you know, I'm a big fan of this podcast. I was listening to your interview with Andy Samberg, and you guys were both talking about your love of, like, silly comedy and how you've always loved it. When I was a kid, when I was a little, little kid, I liked it. I liked Jerry Lewis and Lauren Hardy and Three Stooges. But as I, like 8, 9, 10. The last thing I wanted to do was be stupid. It was very important to me to feel smart. And so I didn't like anything that was silly. I really rejected it. My favorite things were, like, you know, like something like Groundhog Day, which was. It's an amazing movie, but it's sort of like this intellectual thing to it, you know? And those were the things I really like, loved. And the thing that made me fall back in love with silly comedy and realize that it can be very smart was your show.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And now I look up to it. You know, like, silly comedy, it's so hard to pull off, but really, you made me fall in love with it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I. Well, thank you. I think one of the things that I've always thought, and I talk about this on the last TBS show, there is this intersection between stupid and smart. And it's this weird, like Ghostbusters when they all cross their beams, like whenever there's this magical thing that happens. I do think there's an intersection between really smart and really stupid. And I've talked about that. It's been my obsession in my life. There's this little golden spot, and you can't hit it all the time. It's hard to get it. And when you do get it, it's like holding onto a moonbeam. It's gone the minute you get it, and you just have to content yourself with the hunt. That is my religion. My religion is, every now and then, there's something where there's. This is very silly. Oh, it's so stupid. Wait a minute. I know something smart's happening here. There's a flicker of Something smart happening here, but it. It doesn't last. It's just for a second.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. And you can't explain it. You can't explain it. Doesn't get it. And I didn't. You know, so it was your. It was your comedy and Beavis and Butthead around the same time that I was like, oh, really? Stupid stuff can be made by obviously very smart people.

[Conan O'Brien]

I want to talk about your work, and I'm going to edit this out and just make it all about my work.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Just you talking about what it meant for you to get the Mark Twain Prize.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. And how. I think you're correct.

[Matt Gourley]

And Conan does all his own.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He's really good at it.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm really good at editing. But I just watched your standup special Night Thoughts, and I really loved it. And one of the things that you talk about in the beginning was you started as a standup. And it's fascinating because it's very important to you up front to say, look, guys, I know you think I'm an actor who's now dabbling in stand up, but I started as a standup. And what's fascinating to me is I know you enough to know that you were petrified of getting in front of people, absolutely terrified of getting in front of people, and yet, I don't know if it was you took a loofah to your soul or something. You decided, I'm gonna do the thing that scares me the most and get in front of people.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

That was a huge hurdle for you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. I mean, I was a very, very shy kid, so people who know me as a kid, knew me as a kid, are very surprised I do this. There's really no way to describe it other than I loved stand up too much to not do it. Like, the only thing scarier than was not doing it. And I remember, I have the sense memory of what it felt like to go to an open mic and sign up and go up in front of these people that I didn't know. And doing it in Chicago was a very intimidating comedy scene, too. Like, it was kind of like rough and tumble, you know, and. And a lot of great standups were from. From, like, my class there. But the only thing that hurt more than doing it was not doing it. So that's. I really. If there was any other way I could do standup, like, without people in front of me, which I did do, actually, quite a bit.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, I just thought of a very dark story about that. Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

Let's hear it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You really want to hear it?

[Conan O'Brien]

Sure.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. It's a little funny, but it's also sad. Are we ready for this?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. You just described my life.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, I know.

[Sonam Nair]

Jesus.

[Conan O'Brien]

My autobiography. A little bit funny and very sad.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay, well, let me try and find a palatable way through this inherently very sad story. So my scene in Chicago, you know, was. It was me, Pete Holmes, Hannibal Buress, Kyle Kinane, Matt Bronk. Like, all these bets telling, like, all these really, really, really funny people. And the funniest one of us was this guy. His name was Pat Price. And he was, like, better looking than us. He was cooler than us. He was funnier than us. The girls liked him more. He had, like, a great job. He was just. And he was like a great guy. And he was just, like, naturally very, very funny. And he told this one story once, a very funny story about. He did, like, this bar show outside Chicago, and there were just like, four people, and two of them were facing away. And his friend was like, his friend was like. He was telling his friend this, and his friend was like, yeah, isn't gonna be a great story when you make it. Like, I did a show for four people and two people were turning away, and Pat was like, yeah, but what if I don't make it? Then that's just what I did in my 20s. And then Pat Brice passed away in his early 30s. We were all in Chicago when that happened. He was like, 31 or 32. And it's weird to think that is what happened. And I only say that because he would think that was really funny.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Of course he would.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. I told you. Not the part where he gave.

[Conan O'Brien]

Not even where he passes away. He wouldn't find that fun.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, no, no. He, I, I, I, I, I assume he hated that part.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, but he was, he was.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I see you trying to get out of this. He was a really funny guy. And we talk, and it's just one of the, you know, you probably. I don't know if you have this where it happens a lot, where you're like, I'm sure you know this too. Where you're like, well, the funniest, the most talented person was that person. And now they're like a school teacher somewhere. You know, that happens all the time. They just didn't want to do it.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, in my case, there wasn't someone who was funnier than me.

[Sonam Nair]

Oh, geez.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, I just have to get the record straight. Well, there wasn't. I mean, there really wasn't.

[Sonam Nair]

I mean, I think what's funny is usually.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'll invent a guy. Bill Gagaba.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You know what?

[Conan O'Brien]

He was great, and he was so.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Much funnier than me.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then one day he ate a big sandwich made of me, and he's gone. Are you happy now?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'll bring him. I'll bring you back. You really are a comedy legend. That is an inspiration to everyone who's doing comedy my age.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, of course. And that's.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Why are you moving away?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, but it's like. No, but it's so funny how. I mean, and it's all the things. It's funny. It's sad, but of course, you come up. Through life, and I have learned to embrace the fact that I met so many people who are just absolutely incredible, and some don't seem to move up the ladder, and you can. Some aren't alive, and some are. And it just never quite happened. And there isn't a reason. There just isn't.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, it is. I mean, we're very lucky that we get to be here right now. You know, there's a guy. There was one guy, I won't say his name, who was, like, truly, like, just so brilliant. Would kill every time. New ideas every time. He was also an artist. He was a painter, and he was like, I kind of like doing that more than this. And it was. We were just like, this is the most important thing in the world to me. And the fact that you can have that talent and just not really want to do it. I couldn't ever relate to that.

[Conan O'Brien]

No. Well, you hit the nail on the head when you said, we're lucky. And you have. I was talking earlier about how ideas having a great. Like a weight. One of the things I noticed in your special is you have. Imagery is really important to me. When someone has an image that really resonates with me. And in one part of your special, you're talking about your cat, Bagel, and how it's impossible. A veterinarian says, just give the cat these pills, like, these. These pills. And you're saying, how. Cause I've had this experience recently. We have three cats, and trying to get a cat to eat a pill is impossible. And you had this great image, which is. You're saying to the vet, like, how is that gonna happen? I mean, if you put a big plate of spaghetti in front of a human and it has four Tylenol sitting on top of it, they know. And I was like, that is such someone. And I could, in that moment, see you. I Mean, I could see the image. I could see the image of a big plate of spaghetti being put in front of some marinara sauce. And there are these big Tylenol or relief pill. Be like, what the fuck? Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What are you doing?

[Conan O'Brien]

This.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's what Bagel did. She would, like, eat around the pillow. She's like, this is obviously not.

[Conan O'Brien]

They're like us. They're absolutely like us.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes. Yes. Yeah. I had a long bet about my. You have a cat, too?

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah. And that's funny. We're just giving her pills, but she will eat anything, so she will not eat around anything. She eats the pills.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Really? Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

She's crazy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Our cat. Well, since then. Can't get away from this. Our cat. Cat did die last month. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

A couple of downers.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Sorry, sorry. No, no, no. She was. And to be fair, let me try and find.

[Conan O'Brien]

That cat was much more talented than either one.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

She did open mics in front of four people and was like, someday this will be funny. She just didn't care. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

She wanted to lick her own ass.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's all she wanted. Yeah, exactly. That was her.

[Conan O'Brien]

Licked my ass.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That was her true passion. Yeah. I mean, I had a beautiful, beautiful cat. Her butthole was the ugliest thing I've ever seen. And it was. Was always. It's all. It's like, all she wanted us to see. She's like, yeah, you like my face, but what about my butthole?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What about, like, the entirety of it? Like, put your tail down, ma'. Am.

[Conan O'Brien]

They have no. They have no respect.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They don't.

[Conan O'Brien]

They don't.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

She'd somehow prop up a magnifying glass and just walk behind it.

[Sonam Nair]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's like.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

She has, like, a periscope to it somehow. Wherever I'm looking, it's like whenever I looked in my house, her. Her butthole was the thing I saw first. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

On ebay, every find has a story. Like, if you're looking for a vintage band tee, the one you wore everywhere until you lost it or your brother Neil burned it.

[Sonam Nair]

Aw.

[Conan O'Brien]

Now you're on ebay. And there it is. The things you love have a way of finding their way back to you, especially on ebay. From rare collectibles and vintage cars to designer fashion, it's all there. You can find it if it's out there. And it can be back in your loving arms.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Shop.

[Conan O'Brien]

EBay for millions of finds, each with a story. EBay. Things people love. I've been traveling a lot recently. Yeah. Very important that you have your Whole phone situation figured out before you travel. Yeah, it's the worst when you look down at your phone and it's just. It's just shrugging at you like, I don't know where I am, what's happening, you know, your phone just looks exasperated and out of it. T Mobile's been a big sponsor and we talk about them a lot. And I have T Mobile and we were just in the Philippines and uninterrupted, fantastic service, which not only was great for me personally, but also helped me do my job. I mean, it did. For the first time, I noticed you really clicking in on your job. Finally. No. And I was like, oh, he must have team T Mobile service. That's what I thought. Travel is just better. With T Mobile, you won't believe what members get on their best plans. They get amazing travel benefits, like a free year of AAA data and texting in over 215 countries and destinations. So many more I don't have time to mention. You know, they have this magenta status benefits and perks. It is really great. And again, louder please.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't have a lot of things.

[Conan O'Brien]

In my life I can be proud of. A Being a magenta status member is one of the things you can belong. Exactly, exactly. And it's just what are the perks and benefits? Like I said before, uninterrupted service, the.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Philippines or wherever we are in the world, which is fantastic.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's a great deal. Magenta status, T Mobile. Check it all out@t mobile.com travel hey, holidays are upon us. They really are.

[Sonam Nair]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't know about you, but holidays make me think of Miller time.

[Sonam Nair]

Yeah, me too.

[Conan O'Brien]

Really? Same with you.

[Sonam Nair]

My favorite light beer.

[Conan O'Brien]

I look around, I see my friends, my buddies, my pals.

[Sonam Nair]

Yeah, your entourage.

[Conan O'Brien]

My entourage. And I just. All the guys I used to play football with in my mind, yeah. And in your mind, Yeah, I couldn't. Didn't really play football. But anyway. And I know, hey, man, it's Miller time.

[Sonam Nair]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know why?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Why?

[Conan O'Brien]

Because it's a taste you can depend on. You know what you're getting.

[Sonam Nair]

It's true.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's the holiday season. It's the 50th anniversary of Miller Lite. So it's Miller time. Come on, what are we talking about here? Still iconic 50 years later. Best holiday beers are the ones you don't expect. Millite. Great taste. 96 calories. Go to mirrorlite.com conan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some mill light pretty much anywhere they Sell beer. Tis Miller time. Just as Dickens wrote it. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. The observation I had just watching you do standup was, it's that combination of, you have great ideas and images. You have great images you talked about. I mean, I'm not gonna give away your whole special, but there was one specific thing where you're talking about in the old days when you would have a weed dealer, and you were talking about the experience of, you know, when you went to buy it, you need to hang out with them. It was just a thing where you hang out with. And you said, like. And, you know, they'd want to. You'd have to watch a little bit of the Matrix with them. And again, that's true. But that image, like, you picked. You picked the perfect movie.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I can see you sitting on a shitty couch in Chicago watching some of the Matrix.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, my God. And I remember going to this guy's house and it was always, like, too many guys there or not enough guys there. So it's like 17 guys with backwards baseball hats hanging out watching the Matrix or just you and this guy watching the Matrix. I don't know which is worse. And it's also this thing where you're, like, pretending to be friends with them and then they bring out the weighing scale and all pretense that this is a friendship is gone right now. It's suddenly very much a business transaction.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right, right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The other thing I talk about, there was this old lady, used to, like, sell, like, weed muffins in Chicago at, like, certain bars on the weekend. And you'd go and you'd hope she would. And it was always a magical mystery. You don't know how much weed she'd put in. So you wouldn't know if it was gonna be like, I don't feel anything, or, like, I'm gonna be in bed for five days. I say this in the special, thinking about every email I've sent in the last five years. You know, I don't wanna, like, do things from the special. But now it's all very.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is exactly how much you're going to feel.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, exactly.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, that's a little bit of what you're talking about, is this concept that. But if you. You can have a favorite song and it's just magical to you. If you start to really break down what the song is and you listen to it a thousand times and you understand what the changes are and how they work. Some of the magic starts to rub off and erode. And I think you're talking about this thing in our culture where once things are legalized and then labels are put on them and everything's explained to you very thoroughly. This is exactly how high you're going to get. And this is. These are probably the images and fantasies you're going to have.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Exactly.

[Conan O'Brien]

And this has all been signed off by RFK junior. You know, he's approved him at all.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

How did he sign? How did he sound when he signed it off?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I wouldn't be able to. No, he's. He's voiced by Katharine Hepburn.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We all know that today. You're an old poop.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, exactly. I was telling someone, I think I was telling Rose Byrne this. Rose Byrne who?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I, by the way, I'm so excited for that movie. One of the all time great titles, by the way.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, thank you for promoting my movie on.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm so excited for it.

[Conan O'Brien]

But I say my movie, it really is. The superstars of this project are Mary Bronstein, who's their writer, director, and Rose Byrne, who just is a phenomenon.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

She can do anything.

[Conan O'Brien]

She can do anything. And I love her to death. But she texted me, I think, yesterday and said, you know, yeah, I'm doing hot, you know, hot ones. And I thought, what is it about our culture where in order to promote her movie, she needs to ingest 40 pounds of toxins?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's self flagellation.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. And so I said. I texted her back and I said, if Katharine Hepburn were alive today, she'd have to do a web. A web talk show where she sits on a toilet and eats a chili dog. Like, you know. Well, I think with Spencer in the scene. Shut up, Catherine. We'll get to that in a minute. You haven't pooped yet. You gotta poop, Catherine.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, all right, I'll try.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm not feeling it just yet.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Don't you want a big opening weekend, Catherine?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, you're not gonna go viral. All right, I'll eat the chili dog. And so it's.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's.

[Conan O'Brien]

But that's what would happen today. It'd be like, well, Marlon Brando, what do you win? Well, I'm in this, you know, thing called, you know, on the Waterfront. Now, hold on, Marlon, you know, you've got to drink 10 bottles of this diuretic.

[Matt Gourley]

Whatever you're about to say, he's done.

[Conan O'Brien]

On his own anyway.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So he's doing it in his private life better than any of us. You know what you Were saying about how the imagery and bits and stuff. What I love about doing what we get to do is, you're right, we're in a world where there isn't that much mystery anymore. You know, I know exactly. If I eat this gummy, I know exactly the level of high I'm gonna be. But I think when you watch movies, TVs, watch great standup jokes, whatever it is, there is, like, new stuff in there. And it's so hard to get any new stuff, like walking through the world. But then I watch, you know, I just did a show this week with Largo and at Largo with Mulaney and Nick Kroll, and watching their bits, I'm like, that's new. I've never heard that. I don't know how you thought of that. And if you explain it to me, it wouldn't make any sense. But it's like magical new things that you get to experience.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, that's why I love seeing younger talent. I love hearing what they have to say because I get surprised. It's just so nice to be surprised. At my age, when I can be surprised. It just tickles me pink, you know, I know this phrase is, I'm tickled pink, but I wasn't.

[Sonam Nair]

It tickles you pink.

[Conan O'Brien]

It tickles me to the point where I become pink.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay, buddy, you start off pink.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah, I was gonna say it tickles you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You.

[Conan O'Brien]

It tickles you. You tickles me, Me. I'm tickled.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm tickled.

[Conan O'Brien]

To me.

[Sonam Nair]

Nothing changes. You're just tickled.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Tickled to me.

[Matt Gourley]

I say I'm tickled Conan when it happens.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, this is just reminding me that whenever I just got back from shooting an episode of my travel show in the Philippines, but whenever I've been any. You know, if I've been in. When I was in Ghana, when I go to these places, Cuba, people come up to me and they are concerned for my health because they. I'm not just white, I'm translucent.

[Sonam Nair]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And there is a caring like, are you okay? I'm like, this is just what my people look like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Should we be able to see the bones through.

[Sonam Nair]

It conveys a weakness.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think. No, no, they're concerned.

[Sonam Nair]

I know.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think it's very sweet.

[Sonam Nair]

You're concerned every time you travel. I am legitimately concerned when you come back. Especially if it's like a hot climate. I'm worried about it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I feel like for you, it's always like, you know, when people get the bends when they come up out of Water. I feel like for you traveling every time on a plane is that. Well, you have to, like.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what they should probably do? They should probably. Anytime I do a travel show, the plane before it takes me back to Los Angeles, it should. Should first take me to a field in Ireland.

[Sonam Nair]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I have to be there for a week. Deep pressure.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You're like Superman. You have to, like, get power from your. From your land.

[Sonam Nair]

It's definitely not like Superman.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Sorry.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's the only way of an inverse. I think he meant an inverse Superman.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The only way you like Superman is that it's like everything is kryptonite to you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. I have to get back to my.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Super weakness, including sun, which gives him power, but.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Hurts you.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's clouds and rain.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, exactly.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know, I have to ask you, because you brought it up at the very beginning of your special, where you walk out and you say, don't let these muscles freak you out. These are just decoration. They're decorative. They're for show. I have to say, Very impressive. Very impressive guns.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm glad someone else in comedy is not afraid to get jacked. Oh, what do you mean by that? What do you mean, what do I mean by that?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Are you talking about.

[Conan O'Brien]

You fucking jacked, man? Yeah, I'm jacked. No one talks about is weird because.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Now people perceive me differently and they think I'm a different person. And I know I'm not. I'm exactly the same person I've always been. I just really like working out a lot now, and. But so all this other stuff that goes with it, and it was interesting when I was, you know, so I hadn't done stand up in, like six to eight years, Right. And during the actors writers strike a couple years ago, I was like, freak. I was like, what am I? I was, like, feeling very creatively frustrated, so I was like, I'll try stand up and I'll see if I still like it. So I did a bunch of shows at Largo, the place we love, and Emily was like, people experience looking at you very differently than they used to, so the way you are on stage has to change. Like, she was the one who really was like, you can't be the same comedian. You have to do something different because you look very different. Right? And so that's something I had to be very aware of when I was doing stuff. The last thing I want to do is talk about how I look. But she was like, you kind of have to address it.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, it's good. You Come out. You mention it right away and you're very self deprecating about it. It like, these are decorative. I've never been in a fight. No. It is funny. There's this misconception that people, if you work out a lot, that then you would be good in a fight. Nothing is further from the truth. The best person in it, the best person in a fight is just someone who, you know, has that mentality and they probably don't. They don't need to have lifted a single weight in their life. Yeah, they just have that, that. I'm going to punch your face in, Matt Goerley.

[Matt Gourley]

You don't have to.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, no. This is just. I don't know, I'm just going with this. I'm in a flow state right now and I just want to describe beating you to death.

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, gosh.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, that's.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Boy, that escalated quickly.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just pounding and pounding away at that.

[Matt Gourley]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

At that. In soussissance. Excuse me. Just that face that looks at me like, I dare you to.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I feel very confident saying that's not a word.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's not. It's in sweat. It's in Washington. I'll smash you.

[Sonam Nair]

But your punches would hurt more, right, if you had to fight, if you had muscles.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't know. Eduardo's with me on this. Yeah, I agree with Conan.

[Matt Gourley]

I think so too.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think you've got nothing to lose.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's people that are just, they, they fight because they've probably been punching people since they were eight years old and.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They'Ve got nothing to lose and it's.

[Conan O'Brien]

Their whole life and they.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I mean, can you imagine bringing yourself to punch someone like full force? I assume none of us did.

[Matt Gourley]

No, just a couple minutes ago.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I see Goerli regularly running through that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That.

[Sonam Nair]

Yeah, Eduardo's shaking or somebody full force.

[Conan O'Brien]

Before, when I was a kid, this was a middle school, but.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And did you punch a grownup?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I've never, never punched the grown up before.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So how old were you?

[Conan O'Brien]

He punched a kid when he was an adult.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Who and why exactly? Yeah, yeah, yeah, go. Who, who and Why? I was 13.

[Conan O'Brien]

I was wearing glasses. This was a classic bully story where somebody pinned me up against the wall, took my glasses off, just tried to play keep away, basically. And my first instinct, when I tried to ask for them back, my first instinct was just pop them straight into the face. And you did. And I did. And how did that go down? Did you get your glasses back?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I got my glasses back and I.

[Conan O'Brien]

Was never bothered again. By this guy and his friend. Ooh, that's a good lesson.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Punch the people you don't like. Yes. Yeah. Full force.

[Conan O'Brien]

Thank you.

[Sonam Nair]

At once.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, but. I mean, Eduardo comes in with some sage advice worthy of Gandhi, but. No, but be great if that happened to Gandhi when he was in high school and he just beat the shit out of somebody and then. Not proud of it fully.

[Sonam Nair]

You should be.

[Conan O'Brien]

But first of all, yes, you should be, because that guy had it coming, and you probably did him a favor. I don't think he did that to anybody else. Actually, we were friends after that, not. Not too long after.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, it did.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It did change.

[Matt Gourley]

I noticed you're not wearing glasses anymore.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, I learned my lesson.

[Sonam Nair]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I don't want to bring it back, because there's no. But that guy now is dead. He was funny, though.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what? He was the funniest of all of us. He was the. He was just trying to do a funny routine about glasses and he needed your prop to. That's all. He was just borrowing them. Yeah. I don't know. I've not done that, and I don't imagine I could do it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't think I could do it. I mean, I am. I look strong. I can barely move. Like, I'm genuinely useless in any practical situation. Right, Right.

[Conan O'Brien]

I noticed that you had to be carried in here. You came with five. They carried you in. They made, like, a chair, a basket chair with their hands.

[Sonam Nair]

Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's crazy. It's weird. Then they rubbed all these oils into you. It's strange.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They were chanting.

[Conan O'Brien]

They were chanting. They had huge ostrich feathers they were cooling you with.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

My writer has gone insane.

[Conan O'Brien]

We had to meet all these crazy demands.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I did find out, you know, I was like. I always get, like. Whenever I do a show or I'm somewhere very specific, snacks and stuff. And then at one point, someone was like. I don't remember exactly what it was, but someone was like, by the way, that thing was very hard to find. I'm like, well, yeah, why did you do that? They're like. It says in your writer, you have to have this thing. And clearly my writer got messed up with someone else's because it's a thing that I don't have any connection to.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't enjoy one thing I've experienced, which is if you have a slight preference, without you doing anything, that becomes a demand. And so what happens is, I'll say, well, I like a Coke Zero before I go on. Cause it's the caffeine and it's, you know, and so you'll just say that and then you'll show up someplace. This sounds like a, like a humble brag or it's not. It's just very strange to show up. And there's a refrigerator filled with that thing. And you're thinking, this could. Yeah, this is a restaurant. Should have this on hand. And it would last them a month, you know, and then it becomes like, oh, my God, if Conan shows up and there's not a Coke Zero there, we're all dead.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And it just feels odd. It just became, well, if there's one, I'll take one. If there's one around. But that can. It's a game of telephone.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I just saw Jay Kelly, which is an amazing movie with George Clooney and your buddy Adam Sandler. Phenomenal movie. And Jay Kelly is basically a version of George Clooney, a guy who's been a movie star his whole life. And at one point he, he's in a dressing room under the cheesecake and he's like, why is there always a cheesecake? And Adam Sandler says, it's a new writer. Cause you like cheesecake. He's like, I've never liked cheesecakes. And the entire movie, every other scene, there's a close up of a cheesecake. In almost every frame, there's like a slice of cheesecake somewhere.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess I'm Clooney esque. That's what I take away from that story.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. You mean a lot to all of us comedians who've.

[Conan O'Brien]

We started out as actors and then were on ER and became. I want to ask you something about. Because I know this about you, that you're a cricket fan.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I am.

[Conan O'Brien]

And it's a. It's. I've. I don't think I'm a dumb person, but I've watched cricket many times when I've seen it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Have you?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I've just not live. But when I see it, I'm kind of fascinated by it. And I watch it. I cannot decipher cricket. I just can't decipher it. And I don't understand it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I could watch a game with you. Like, it's about the length. The shortest one's about the length of a basketball game.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And you would know cricket very well by the end of it.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I just talked to these rest is history podcasters who are amazing and they're from the UK and from Britain and they love cricket and they might as well say I love watching Glip Glop. I don't know what it is. I don't like Quidditch. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Here's the big problem with cricket. When people, American people try to understand it, they're trying to equated to baseball.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. I superimpose baseball over it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You have to forget baseball. The only. It's a ball and a bat. And then people make fun of me for, like. It's almost similar. It's really not. You have to let go of baseball and that's when you'll, like, understand what's going on.

[Conan O'Brien]

So I think I have to unknow baseball, which I've been watching my whole life.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Are you a big.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I've been.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I mean, just for like a little bit. You don't have to like, eternal sunshine baseball out of your mind.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, it has to completely go. That would be like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We have amazing technology. What do you to forget? I want to forget the rules of baseball.

[Conan O'Brien]

I want to forget every association or memory I have.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

$300,000. You sure that's what you want to spend it on?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. It's either this or that G Wagon Mercedes. And this is what I want. And then I'm explaining it to my accountant. Wait, what is this? This is a lot. I need to forget baseball. Every association I have watching the Red Sox from when I was a little boy in Boston, it has to be removed completely from my cortex.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Are you a big baseball fan?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I am. I grew up. Baseball was the biggest sport. Was it right when I was growing up. Because the Patriots weren't a thing yet. They existed, but they weren't a thing. The Bruins were huge, and we all knew Bobby Orr and the Bruins. But I didn't sit and watch hockey a lot. It never. But it's a religion. Baseball is a religion in Boston. The Red Sox. Specifically the Red Sox.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Conan O'Brien]

So that was the thing that entered my bloodstream.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right. So that's good because that's kind of why cricket. I really love it because it makes me feel connected to Pakistan, you know, Like, I haven't been back in a long time. You know, I've been here more longer than I was there. But it's really where I'm from. I am Pakistani, but sometimes I can feel disconnected from it when I watch cricket. It makes me feel like I'm back home.

[Conan O'Brien]

How are you? Do they claim you as a native son?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think it's complicated. I don't really have a good sense of it, to be honest. I think there are certain things about Me that they're proud of. And then there are certain things about me that they have complicated feelings about, like the fact that I'm married to a white American woman. I think that that's seen in a complicated way. I think they like that I'm successful. But, you know, I think it's. I think it's complicated.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Yeah. I think it. I think that makes sense. And I think it's usually complicated for, you know, for. Because I'm 100% Irish genetically. But if I go back to. Shit. Yeah. But if I go back to Ireland, I can't claim that I'm one of them, because I'm not. I've been gone. We've been gone for, you know, 120 years. And so do you feel connected to it culturally? Well, I feel connected to that air. We were joking earlier, but every cell in my body when I'm in that climate is saying, oh, thank God. What were you doing living near the Mexican border, you idiot?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's right.

[Conan O'Brien]

I want it to be about 40 degrees or 45 degrees. I want it to be raining. And these are not things I actively want. This is my body telling me, you're supposed to live in a bog.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you're supposed to have died about 30 years ago.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's how I feel about. Like, when I lived in Chicago, my body in the winter was like, you are not made for this.

[Conan O'Brien]

No one's made for that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Go to the equator.

[Conan O'Brien]

No one's made for that. This is not about anything.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No one is made for that. I don't. I mean, I don't know the history of anything you do. When people first settled there, weren't they. Like, when it hit October, like, we gotta go somewhere else.

[Conan O'Brien]

They should have been, why did this.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Stick it out?

[Conan O'Brien]

I think they're those big lakes, and they thought, this is good. Someone started grilling sausage, and they're like, this is amazing. We could block off whole streets and just.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And arteries.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, and arteries simultaneously. I don't know. I think that all the time. Because Chicago is not. I was there for a summer in 1988 with Robert Smigel and Bob Odenkirk.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You guys did that show?

[Conan O'Brien]

We did Happy, happy, good show there. And what I remember is, oh, I know Chicago is brutally cold in the winter, but it's gonna be really nice in the summer. It's the most uncomfortable I've been in my life was the summer of 88. I was living in a tiny apartment with no. My room had no window, and I would practically weep at night I was just sleeping on a futon and I would rush down to my car, down like three flights of stairs and sit in the car and run the air conditioning in my 1973 Plymouth Valiant and then turn it off and run upstairs to try and go to sleep. But by the time I got up there, I was just as hot as I had been before. Cause I ran up three flights of steps.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So you've never felt the Chicago winter? It's not like a New York winter?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, no. It's that wind coming. I have. I've been there in the winter and I've felt that wind coming off those lakes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. It's like the world is trying to kill you every single moment. It feels genuinely like tiny monkeys with knives are attack every time you're outside.

[Conan O'Brien]

I've been attacked by monkeys with knives. And I now I completely get what you're saying.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

As it was happening, you were like, I feel cold.

[Conan O'Brien]

I said, this feels like Chicago. And they're like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What?

[Conan O'Brien]

That's stupid. It's not stupid. It's combination of stupid and really smart. Is it the golden part? Wait a minute. No, I'm looking, I'm checking. That was just stupid.

[Sonam Nair]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. Yeah. Say hello to the all new Alexa and see how Alexa can do so much more for you need last minute concert tickets, Craving your favorite restaurant? Just sit back, relax and talk naturally. Alexa's on it. It remembers what you love, anticipates what you need, and makes it all happen. Whether you're using Echo Fire TV or any compatible device, Alexa brings thousands of possibilities. Tell life everything. The fact that you can just order concert tickets through her, that's crazy. Yeah, exactly. You didn't know that. Even I knew that. Wow. Yeah. And I fought in World War I and I know that. Ready whenever. And. Yeah. And you were born in the second Obama administration. This is incredible. Ready whenever inspiration strikes. Amazon.com newalexa Uncrustables are the best part part of the sandwich. I mean, we've been thinking that. Why does he say it right? Sona?

[Sonam Nair]

Yeah, like, who needs a crust?

[Conan O'Brien]

You've been saying that since the day I met you 15 years ago. Sona. You said, who needs the crust? And I said, first of all, my name's Conan. You know? Anyway, it's the perfect grab and go for all of life's moments with unbeatable soft bread and a variety of flavors like, well, peanut butter and grape jelly, peanut butter and strawberry jam. Hello. Peanut butter and raspberry spread and so much more. No Mess. No prep. Just thaw and eat.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yep.

[Conan O'Brien]

Get them in the freezer aisle. Today. You've really had an incredible career. You started out in standup and then you do this work as an actor. You didn't just have success, you had terrific success. You know, and I've told you this before, and I was.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

If it's nice, you could say it again.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, I'm good. I absolutely loved Silicon Valley. And I just. There were scenes in that that I think about to this day. And I just had lunch recently with Alec Berg and I was reciting things to him. I was reciting.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I didn't know. How do you know Alec Berg?

[Conan O'Brien]

He and Jeff Schaeffer worked on my late night show for a very short time. I did not know that before they wised up and got themselves to Seinfeld. Yeah, we know each other. But he finally said, hey, let's have lunch. Cause we never really got to sit down and talk about everything. Yeah. And he's such a smart, funny writer. And we were talking and all I kept doing was fanboying out about Silicon Valley. I loved your character on that show.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Would you say he was your favorite? No. Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I wouldn't.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I hate that honesty.

[Conan O'Brien]

I love the show.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't even respect it.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no. I love the show. I love the show. And I'm gonna say you were my least favorite. But because the show was so good.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Still pretty good.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was. No, it wasn't even pretty good.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, I'm kidding.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, thanks again for doing Twain. Well, no, you got to play such great. And you did it really well. But you played so well. The insecurity of that character.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

He'. He's a wise ass who's also very insecure.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Insecure, right.

[Conan O'Brien]

And when. When someone makes fun of the little necklace you're wearing, the next scene it's covered up.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then they call you on that and you're denying that you're covering it up.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's the. I love. So that happened. So there's a. There's a scene, there's a. There's a story in the show where we get a little bit of money, we're a little bit successful. So I go and buy a gold chain and I put it on and I'm all peacocking it. And then Martin Starr's character, Guilfoyle, who are always going at each other, starts making fun of me for it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And there's like a really funny where everybody's just going around making fun of me. And T.J. miller's character, Erlich says he calls me Belbiv Dinesh.

[Conan O'Brien]

And sings.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Sings. That chain is poison.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And then there's a part where, like, the whole episode builds up to, we're gonna go in. It's called Skunk Works. And we're gonna go in and we're gonna sabotage this. There's, like, a whole scheme we have, and we're gonna. We have, like, stuff that we're sneaking into our own workspace, and we're like, okay. So to really feel like. Like, where nothing is amiss, we have to keep making fun of Dinesh's gold chain. Otherwise people will know. So as we're walking in, Zach Woods's character goes really loud for everyone to hear. He goes, nice change, Dinesh. Do you choke your mother with it when you her in the butthole?

[Conan O'Brien]

He goes too far.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He goes way too far. And then it's like he's trying this.

[Conan O'Brien]

Comedy thing he's watched other people play with, but he doesn't know what it is.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Exactly. That's exactly what it is. And Thomas Middledge's character, Richard, is so thrown by that, he falls down. And all the papers that were trying to sneak in come out, and the whole scheme falls out. And you think we're setting up the whole season and it's completely, like, destroyed by that one line. That storyline happened. Cause over the summers, they would meet with us, the writers would. Alec would have a meeting with us and be like, do you have any stories that might be good for you being a loser? And so that story is from my real life. I was, like, at one point in high school, I bought a silver chain and I thought it would be cool. And people started making fun of me mercilessly. And then I couldn't take it off until I was off their radar, because then they'd know that's why I was taking it off. So I took every morning, put on this fucking gold chain that would get heavier every day and burn my skin.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's great that that's from your life.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So that's from my life. And it's funny because they, like, changed it from silver to gold. Like, my real life was too lame to be the lamest character on a show with just lame characters. They had to make it slightly cooler. Otherwise it was too sad. My real life was too sad. So great. It's so great.

[Conan O'Brien]

There's also a line where. The Thomas Middleditch reveals his. The logo that he wants to use. This is very early on, and it's one of my favorite lines. Which is delivered by you is he reveals the character. And it's like a Peter Pan that's wearing a Pied Piper. It's got like kind of a Peter Pan sort of.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He's got like a feather in it.

[Conan O'Brien]

With a feather in it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And he's got a flute.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you. I stress, you talk about how it looks like he's holding a dick.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, something like it looks like he's sucking a dick. And he's got another one tucked behind his ear for later.

[Conan O'Brien]

For later.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Like a snack dick.

[Conan O'Brien]

He says a snack dick. He says he has it tucked in for later. And I'm like, for later. I just loved. I mean, I loved the whole thing. But you just said it looks like he has an extra dick tucked in his hat for later. And I just like, I'm just gonna keep this dick for later. And I'm still laughing about that. I'm reciting it to Alec Berg. We're having lunch. And I'm just very. I'm very pleased for you that you've been able to have this kind of. It's unusual for people to. You can do it and stand up, and then you can explore this world. And I think really nail it. And then decide.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm going to go back and do.

[Conan O'Brien]

A standup special again after all this. Spend, what, 10 years since you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, it's been close to 10 years. It was right when you started making the Big sick, which was 2016, that I stopped doing standup. And it was really exciting to go back, but it was also scary. Cause I had to learn to do it again. I'd sort of forgotten. And the performance. I don't know how interesting this is. Maybe it's not interesting at all. But the first I was like, I'm gonna go see if I still like it. And I'm gonna try and recreate the conditions of when I was really doing it. So I set up seven shows over the course of two weeks. And I was like, I'm gonna do all seven of these and see if I could still enjoy it. And then the seventh one felt a little bit like old times. And I was like, oh, fuck, I think this is back. So the first two weeks went really well. Cause, you know, I hadn't done stand up. People were excited to see me. I felt nervous. I felt really present. And then after that, the next few weeks were not as good. I wasn't as I got more comfortable on stage. I was getting. I wasn't doing as well on stage. And I was like, why is this Happening. And I realized it's cause as I was getting comfortable, I was defaulting to how I was on stage 10 years ago, and I wasn't the same person now. And it felt disingenuous to the audience. The audience could feel that I was doing something that was different from who I am as a person now. And so I had to sort of go out and be like, okay, I'm gonna go out on stage and not be beholden to any. Like, not even try and do well. Just really try and see how I wanna be on stage and just like really lean back and see what comes out. So I had to like, relearn how to do it, and then I had to relearn how to write it. It's very different from writing anything else.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's interesting because the one thing I've noticed about my own experience recently is I'm always been myself. I've been. I'm just myself. And when people don't like what I'm doing, they don't like me. Do you know what I mean? So, yeah, it's true. It's just like, I don't like Conan. They're not talking about that Conan guy. That's me. I'm so this is who I am. The comedy comes out of my sense of, of who I am. If you don't like it, that's me you don't like, which can be very painful. And I found doing this movie role recently, that's not me, that's a different person. Oh, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Was that the first time in your career?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, really? Yeah. Most times when people want me to be in something, it's as Conan o' Brien saying, this character is our next guest, whatever. Which, you know, it was not that fulfilling. But I had this weird detachment from it. Like, well, if they don't like that guy, that's not my business. And by the way, my thing is so immediate. I do it and then it comes out hours later. Some, you know, sometimes with the podcast, a week later. But most of my career has been do it, say it, and then two hours later, people are seeing it at home.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. And there's not like a tremendous amount of prep going into it. Like, I assume you were doing your late night show. Yeah, it's that day, you prep for that night, and then next day it starts off.

[Conan O'Brien]

And so it's all immediate. Or if you're doing live shows, I gotta go out there right now and I'm very like, oh my God, here we go. And then there's this experience where you know that thing you made where you had to be somebody else and you made it two and a half years ago? Yeah, it's coming out now and I'm very. Oh, I hope people like that fellow in that thing. It's this feeling of that's not really me. So you've had it the other way where you're very much. I think one of the hardest things about standup is that they don't like you. They don't like you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

But then you've, you've worked this other field where.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, I figured out a way that even if they're rejecting a character of me I'm playing in a movie, it still feels like they don't like me. Yeah, it still feels very personal.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And it's also. So how did it feel to have your performance in someone else's hands? You've never had that. You have to trust the director.

[Conan O'Brien]

I would maybe not have liked it if I didn't. Mary Bronstein, the director, is one of the most confident, clear eyed people I've worked with and she just, she wrote this, this is a story she knows backwards and forwards. She's very much in control. And I just thought I completely gave myself over to her and I was completely trusting of her.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I mean that's the best thing you can have as an actor is the feeling of safety with the director. Like I trust them to make me that I'm in their hands.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's why I'm very interested in never doing this again because I thought that was an incredible experience. I'm with Rose Byrne in scenes. People seem to really like this. I'm out. I don't want to have the other experience.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's a really, truly horrible feeling to be making something that you're going to be doing for four months with a director and you're like, I don't think this person knows what they're doing. That's truly one of the, that's the worst feeling I've ever had. And my wife was in a coma for, uh, week. I can't get away from this. Sorry. Take, take, take that out.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, that's days two.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What was your, what was your prep going into it?

[Conan O'Brien]

A lot of prep. What did you do? I worked with Mary Bronstein really hard.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Did you like come up with like this guy's back?

[Conan O'Brien]

She was suggesting that we do that and when she first suggested, I thought, come on, you don't need to do this. And then she was right. It really helps. It really helps.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think a lot of the prep that actors have to do is so stupid. And it feels so, like, pathetic. But it really is very helpful.

[Conan O'Brien]

But one thing I will maintain is stupid are the warmups that people do before an improv show. I always thought those were stupid. And whenever I've been asked to come back and do some improv and they want to bring me out to an alley behind, you know, it's a benefit. If we're all going to do improv to raise money for an important cause, can I just give the money? No, buddy, everyone's going to love seeing you out there again. And when you're back there and they go, let's play Liberty Lobby loo. Habita, habita hoobida. He. I'm like, nope. This is.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Does it not help you? No, I've never done that.

[Conan O'Brien]

No. No, it doesn't help me. It just irritates me.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I think it's a hidden prank show.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think that's the thing that comedians have that is hardest for me to. That was the most challenging thing for me with acting is that there's always part of you that's so self aware and knows. And it's a great thing to have. Cause you hear so many actors talk and they are not self aware at all. And it's like, I'm sure that's what you did, but I wouldn't tell anybody. But comedians have. So there's like a part of you that's always like, this is a little bit stupid. And acting at its core is like very stupid. Oh, it's really stupid. Like, I'm gonna. Oh, you say this now? I say this. Oh, yeah, I'm an architect today. It's so stupid.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm glad you said that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I did not like my father because he did not, you know, whatever it is. My career in baseball did not work. And now I'm sad. Say something. I'll say the same thing back to you 40 times. It's so stupid. And you have to, like, forget how absolutely fucking stupid it is.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what I love? That's why I love doing a late night show all those years or doing this is that I can always be present with and honest about. This is stupid. But I love. You're absolutely right. That you never gave me what I wanted is at its core, very silly.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's so silly. But you can't.

[Conan O'Brien]

You can't see it as though.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Cut. Hey, are there donuts here yet? That thing is so weird. And then you're talking, you're hanging out with the actor. That it's action and now you're a different person and I'm a different. It's so. But I do love it so much.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, good.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I love it because so much. And I'm sure you have this too, too. It's one of the challenges is to be like, really present in the moment. Really like listening to someone and reacting in life. I was thinking about, oh, what I said, that was stupid. Or I think this thing I did a week ago. I hope they don't think it was. I should email them right now or I have to do this thing later. So much of my life is thinking about what I did or what I'm gonna do that when I'm acting, I truly feel very, very present in my life.

[Conan O'Brien]

Cause you have to be.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You have to be. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I'm gonna wrap this up because you've been talking and talking and talking and I mean, it's just awful. It's just awful.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's just gonna be you the whole time. Take me out. Well, you know, we do a lot.

[Conan O'Brien]

We do this a lot. When I'm not happy with the way something went. And this is, of course, today we take you out and then it's just. We have lots of extra tape of me just talking about me. And we fill that in with your, you know.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But you already have stuff ready to go. You've already recorded stuff.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That they, they take. Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. And so it's just going to be. People will be confused because they'll hear, oh, this is great. Conan's talking to Kamel. This is going to be really funny. And then there'll be some confusion that it's me talking. And then when the parts where you were talking, it's just more me talking about me. But I love those episodes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

God, stop listening.

[Conan O'Brien]

Is that it?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We're the end of it? Yeah.

[Sonam Nair]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wow, this was great.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Did we talk about anything we talked about?

[Conan O'Brien]

I think we've kind of talked about every.

[Sonam Nair]

But also, it really did fly by. I had fun.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

My special.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Are you saying it?

[Conan O'Brien]

I am gonna say that it's on Hulu and it's called Kumail Nanjiani Night Thoughts. And it is really funny. Cause you're really funny. You're one of those people I just always enjoy. I'm crazy jet lagged with. I'll tell you this behind the scenes story. Crazy jet lag from this trip I took for my travel show and I was on the other side of the world. I just got back and I'm completely out of it. And my staff was saying, you know, you're so tired and out of it. You know, we should probably move this podcast. And I said, who is it? And he said, it's Kumail. And I was like, no.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Aw, that is someone.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's like, a treat for me. That's like saying, we canceled your birthday cake, so that is not happening.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, so sweet. Thank you. Thank you. That's right.

[Conan O'Brien]

But thank you so much. Continue to thrive. And I. I just. I really love being your friend. Means a lot to me.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, God, that's so. I wanna also mention really quickly, before I go back to saying what I wanna say about you is I'm also in the new series of Fallout, which is a show I love. Oh, my God, Amazon. Isn't it a great show?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, love it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I have a little part in that season two that's also out on Amazon prime. Probably.

[Conan O'Brien]

But you said acting is stupid.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, but I'm really good at it. Yes, yes. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Take that out. It means so much to me that I get to be text you and have you respond, like, truly, genuinely. I do comedy because of you. And I've talked to other friends of mine who say the same thing where they're like, we do comedy because of Conan. Like, what you mean to us is, I mean, and the fact that you're still, like, around and you engage with us and you keep, like, reinventing yourself and changing who you are while still staying true to what we love about you. It's very rare for comedians to grow up and still be like. Like, you know, you lose a lot of heroes as they grow up, and I feel very, very grateful that we don't lose.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's so nice. I have to say, my big fear always was, oh, my God, you get older. And please, someone tell me, like, stop, stop. Gorly says it all. Gorly says it all the time. But I try. And then I have my people that I look to, and one of them is Martin Short.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm just like, oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I'm like, okay, that guy's the generation ahead of me. And he's still as funny as a person can be. And Steve Martin. And I just say, okay, you know, they can do it. You can if you.

[Sonam Nair]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't know.

[Sonam Nair]

We're your Selena Gomez.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're welcome.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, truly. I'm definitely your Selena Gomez. You're our lighthouse. You really are. You really are like, the person we look to. To be, like, all right, it's possible to not turn into a giant asshole. As you age, we shall see. I was with my friends last.

[Conan O'Brien]

A story that's still in progress.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Make some notes here.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, please. Girly is not buying any of this.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I was hanging out with friends last night and I mentioned I was doing this podcast and people started quoting your bits and someone said this joke that was so. It was from the year 2000. I want to get it right. And it was you and Jim Carrey and you tried to make him laugh with something. With the Mask. The Mask, that. The movie that he was in with the green. I forget what, what. But he like, kept it together and when it was his turn, he said to you, I heard you're going to be in the Mask 2 the Return of Rocky Dennis. Such good writing. It's such a good show.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, my God. All too true. All right, well be well, thrive, and I'll see you soon, I hope.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Thank you. Yes.

[Matt Gourley]

Conan o' Brien needs a friend With Conan o', Brien, o', Brien, Sonam of Session and Matt Gourley Produced by me, Matt Gourley executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leow Theme song by the White Stripes Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer. Samples, engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Bautista and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O' Brien needs a Friend wherever. Fine podcasts are downloaded.

[Conan O'Brien]

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[Kumail Nanjiani]

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[Sonam Nair]

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