Paul Scheer Returns

Summary

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

Episode: Paul Scheer Returns

Date: November 17, 2025
Guests: Paul Scheer, Sona Movsesian, Matt Gourley, Eduardo Perez

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Episode Overview

In this reunion episode, Conan welcomes back comedian, actor, and prolific podcaster Paul Scheer (How Did This Get Made?, Unspooled, Dark Web) for a loose, hilarious, and reflective look at their shared history, the strange joy of comedic failures, and how the landscape of comedy has evolved from late-night talk show bits to the strange and beautiful world of podcasts and internet culture.

Sprinkled with classic behind-the-scenes tales, reflections on bombing, and the changing tastes of audiences, the episode delivers an unfiltered snapshot of creative risk-taking in comedy—and what it’s like to chase laughs from robot improv at midnight to massive podcasts and cult YouTube kids shows.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. High School Fame Check & The Humbling March of Time

[02:00–09:31]

• The gang follows up on “audio genius” Eduardo's Career Day presentation at Alta Loma High School, humorously bemoaning their lack of fame among Gen Z. Out of 80 students, just seven recognized Conan’s name.
• Conan riffed about no longer being a “Tate McRae” or “ASAP Rocky,” quipping:

  “I'm the first one to tell you I'm no Tate McCrae… I'm also no ASAP Rocky. ASAP Rocky. You know, I like to spell it out.” (04:21)

• Heartwarming moment: One student, Kane B., sheepishly asked for Conan’s autograph. The team plots to “elevate” this by sending Kane signed swag and even jokes about sending ducting.
• A running theme emerges: the existential anxiety of being (or not being) “cool” to younger generations, and the gang’s willingness to do ridiculous things for teenage approval.

2. Appreciation for Teachers & Live Performance Anxieties

[08:53–09:31]

• Eduardo gives a shoutout to his cousin Mr. Moreno and high school teachers in general, with Conan chiming in:

  “I'm in awe of teachers… I think it's the greatest profession. And I do think we have our priorities way out of whack in this country. Insanely. Because they are essential. They're just amazing, incredible people, and they change lives.” (09:06)

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3. Paul Scheer’s Origins & Early Conan Show Hijinks

[10:14–24:34]

• Paul reminisces about his early days performing wild sketches for Conan’s show—often in full costume (apes, whales, Hare Krishna).
• They recount the infamous “Beach Apes” sketch: Paul describes the struggles of 20 people in cheap gorilla suits running up sand dunes for a bit that lasted mere seconds.
• The hierarchy of sketch costumes (robots → apes → cowboys) becomes comedic gold.

  “Whenever you're in a situation where you have, like 20 apes, the quality is going to go downhill really quickly.” (13:33)

• They recall “desk drive” bits, including a notorious segment in NYC’s meatpacking district that left Paul laying nearly naked in blood-soaked streets— a badge of honor in comedy absurdity.

Notable Quote

• Conan, on late-night era excess:

  “…We would order up not just livestock, but, you know, we'd hire actors and we'd have things built and crazy contraptions. And then sometimes we'd just cut them at rehearsal. And you'd see, like, a depressed Statue of Liberty made of sausages walking down the street... It cost the National Broadcasting Company $2,500. And I'm like, eh, it doesn't quite work. You're out, Sausage Liberty.” (19:16–19:36)

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4. The Joy (and Pain) of Bombing

[24:34–33:43]

• The hosts dive deep into the strange camaraderie and hilarity found in collective comedic failure.
• Paul recounts a Blue Man Group sketch crash-and-burn, and an ESPYs running gag (him and Lennon Parham making out as the “kissing couple” from a viral riot photo) that bombed repeatedly. Each time, his shame increased—especially when Jay Leno deadpanned:

  “Eh. Didn’t work.” (32:44)

• Conan affirms that, “bombing can be divine,” especially when shared with friends. The laughter after the fact becomes a cherished memory.
• Discussion of Will Ferrell’s notorious Harry Caray ESPYs bit is cited as a “snuff film” in terms of epic discomfort—but one that’s transcendentally funny in hindsight.

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5. Comedy Tastes: From Niche to Mainstream Weirdness

[36:23–43:32]

• Paul discusses the success of “How Did This Get Made?” and the joys of dissecting well-intentioned cinematic flops (“Jason Takes Manhattan” get an especially loving evisceration).
• The group revels in the weirdness of time slot-driven comedy (late night, Adult Swim 3am infomercials) and how “if you’re watching at 12:30, you’re complicit in this crime.”
• Insights on comedy’s evolution:

  “There’s no one baseline of funny. No one ever says, that’s not dramatic... Dramas don’t get judged the same way comedies do.” — Paul Scheer (37:53)

• Paul and Conan discuss generational shifts—today’s high school “teens” look 35 in 80s movies, and Wilford Brimley’s age myths are gleefully debunked.

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6. Parody, Execution, and Creative Gatekeeping

[43:34–57:08]

• Paul describes “Trunk or Treat” misadventures—accidentally terrifying preschoolers with elaborate, bloodied human zoo dioramas.
• Comedy’s “big horse pill” concepts (e.g., Dr. Zaius hosting a talk show) are celebrated for their audacity; the audience only has to “swallow” the premise once.

  “You come up with a premise and it's just a big horse pill and you get them to swallow it and then you're Good.” — Conan (52:38)

• They reflect on how audiences have grown to love “attenuated, really cool concept-heavy comedy,” citing the likes of South Park and Bojack Horseman.
• Gatekeeping in comedy: Paul points to Paul Thomas Anderson’s "Boogie Nights" script coverage as proof that gatekeepers can be spectacularly wrong.
• Conan’s “terrifying to be an executive” confession:

  “I don't know. It looks like a funny idea to me.” (55:28)

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7. Reflections, Compliments & Conan’s Global Experiences

[57:08–59:28]

• Paul praises Conan’s travel show as a form of “globetrotting sketch show,” marveling at Conan’s ability to improvise comedy across cultures and languages.
• Conan muses on the enduring challenge and joy of making “primal” comedy that connects across divides.

  “My happiest moments are when if I can make a little kid laugh or someone who doesn't know who I am and doesn’t speak English, laugh because we're doing something pretty primal, then I'm happy.” (58:36)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [04:26, Conan]: “I'm no Sabrina Carpenter, you know, and I'm no Dua Lipa. I'm also no ASAP Rocky…”
• [13:33, Paul Scheer]: “Whenever you have 20 apes, the quality goes downhill really fast.”
• [19:35, Conan]: “A depressed Statue of Liberty made of sausages walking down the street…$2,500. Eh, it doesn't quite work. You're out, Sausage Liberty.”
• [32:44, Jay Leno via Paul]: “Meh. Didn’t work.”
• [37:53, Paul]: “There’s no one baseline of funny. No one ever says, ‘that’s not dramatic’…”
• [52:38, Conan]: “You come up with a premise and it's just a big horse pill and you get them to swallow it and then you’re good.”
• [55:28, Conan]: “I would be terrified to be an executive…‘I don't know. It looks like a funny idea to me.’”
• [58:36, Conan]: “My happiest moments are when I can make a little kid laugh or someone who doesn’t know who I am and doesn’t speak English, laugh…”

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Key Timestamps

• [02:00] – Career Day: Just 7 of 80 students know Conan
• [06:32] – Kane B. asks for Conan’s autograph
• [10:14] – Paul Scheer’s sketch comedy origins, Conan show bits
• [13:33] – “Beach Apes” sketch and the perils of group costumes
• [15:32] – “Desk drive” piece: Paul as Hare Krishna in the Meatpacking District
• [18:18] – Kirk Douglas’ encouraging backstage moment
• [19:35] – Late-night extravagance and “Sausage Liberty”
• [21:15] – Failing with friends vs. solo: bombs as bonding
• [24:34] – The agony and afterglow of bombing
• [32:44] – Jay Leno’s “Didn’t work.”
• [41:36] – “Jason Takes Manhattan” hilariously summarized
• [43:34] – The aging paradox of 80s movies/celebs
• [46:39] – Paul’s accidental child-traumatizing Trunk or Treat
• [52:38] – “Big horse pill” comedy premises
• [57:08] – Paul lauds Conan’s travel show
• [58:36] – Conan on the universality of laughter

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Tone and Style

• Warm, highly self-deprecating, and gleefully absurd
• Heavy on nostalgia for the wild west of old-school sketch comedy
• Emphasis on the camaraderie of creative misfits and misfires
• Playful, free-associative, and willing to follow every comedic tangent

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Summary for New Listeners

This episode is a heartfelt and raucous document of what happens when two veteran comedy obsessives (and their equally sharp team) get together to reminisce and riff. It’s about the beauty of bombing, the joy of making “your kind of nonsense” even if only seven out of eighty high schoolers care, and the rare satisfaction of making people—strangers, friends, or even yourself—laugh at something truly dumb.

New listeners will gain insight into late night comedy’s “golden era” chaos, the evolution to podcasts and niche projects, and why the only real comedy rule is to surround yourself with people who love your kind of weird, whether you’re an aging ape or a robot out past midnight.

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Listen for the laughter, the wounds, and the ducting. If you’re in the audience at 12:30am, you’re part of the crime, too.

Transcript

[Conan O'Brien]

Foreign has a new parade this year. A parade of deals. So if you're standing on the street waiting for that parade to go by because you took this literally, you're going to be wasting your time. Wake up, kids. It's a parade. Where is it? A parade of deals. What? Kid crying? Every day from now through November 27th, Macy's is featuring a new must have deal that will last only one day.

[Paul Scheer]

1.

[Conan O'Brien]

We're talking about daily deals on things you'll love. Like a super cozy Ugg Fluff throw. Hey, try and say that even if you say it slowly, you'll probably mess it up. Ugg Fluff Throw. An upgraded Dyson vacuum. That's nice. And some of your favorite fragrances, hair products, jewelry too. Oh, and don't forget, Black Friday deals start November 10th. So remember, this isn't a real parade. It's a parade of deals. I was fooled. Don't bring a balloon and get all excited. Your daily thrill starts now. Shop now@macy's.com or in store. The best B2B marketing gets wasted on the wrong people. Man, this tears me up. So when you want to reach the right professionals, use LinkedIn ads. LinkedIn has grown to a network of over 1 billion professionals, including 130 million decision makers. Hmm, I wonder if I'm one of those. That's why LinkedIn has the biggest B2B ROAs of all online ad networks. Spend $250 on your first campaign on LinkedIn ads and get a free $250 credit for the next one. Pretty good deal. Just go to LinkedIn.comconan that's LinkedIn.comconan Terms and conditions apply.

[Paul Scheer]

Hi, my name is Paul Scheer and I feel optimistic about being Conan o' Brien's friend.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I hate to break it to.

[Paul Scheer]

You, buddy, I. Oh, but no. I knew it. I knew it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Crusher. Optimism. But this is all for tax purposes.

[Paul Scheer]

All right.

[Conan O'Brien]

You understand that.

[Sona Movsesian]

Fall is here Hear the yell Back to school Ring the.

[Conan O'Brien]

Bell Brand new shoes Walking loose Climb.

[Sona Movsesian]

The fence Books and pens I can.

[Conan O'Brien]

Tell that we are gonna be friends Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends hey there. Welcome to Conan o' Brien Needs a Friend. Joined as always by Sona and Matt. Hi, nice to see you both. And we have a little bit of a follow up we need to do today because our audio genius, Eduardo was invited to speak at a career day. Is this right?

[Eduardo Perez]

That's right.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why don't you tell us, Eduardo, Fill us in in case anyone missed the last episode where you set the table.

[Eduardo Perez]

No problem. So just to refresh the audience, I got invited by my cousin who's a teacher at Alta Loma High School, Mr. Moreno, to speak to their students as part of a career day.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. And to tell them what you do.

[Eduardo Perez]

To tell them what I do.

[Conan O'Brien]

And to refresh, we talked a little bit about, well, these are high school students. None of us have any confidence that they will know anything about this podcast. And so there was a concern that you would get up and say, okay, I. I work on this podcast. Conor, Brian needs a friend. And you'd just get blank faces, which would be totally appropriate and also make me feel better about the country. Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

If.

[Conan O'Brien]

If young people didn't know us. So what happened?

[Eduardo Perez]

So, as you mentioned, I was terrified going into it, but thanks to you guys, everyone here participated and gave me some pointers. So I decided that night that we had the discussion to put together, like a five minute sizzle reel.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, we thought maybe a sizzle reel would be good. Where you're showing them people. Us with people they may. May like.

[Eduardo Perez]

Exactly. So I did that and I showed up and I got to speak to three total classes, about 25 students each. A total of 80 students, I think, is what I counted. And I kept track for you because I wanted to report back as to who may be aware of your work. It was a total of seven students.

[Conan O'Brien]

Seven out of how many?

[Eduardo Perez]

80.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. You know what? I was.

[Matt Gourley]

I just do the percentage on that.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Eduardo Perez]

Less than 10%. Who am I kidding?

[Paul Scheer]

I don't know how.

[Eduardo Perez]

It's a little less than 10%.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. It's a little less than 10%. Well, listen, these are high school students, right? They probably know, you know, Tate McCray.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what I mean? And. And listen, I'm the first one to tell you I'm no Tate McCray.

[Matt Gourley]

I'm the first one to ask, who's Tate McCray?

[Conan O'Brien]

She's a big, huge star right now. You know, I'm no Sabrina Carpenter, you know, and I'm no Dua Lipa. I'm also no ASAP Rocky. ASAP Rocky. You know, I like to spell it.

[Sona Movsesian]

Out ASAP Rob, but it's weird when you do that.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know. So I get it. I get it now, my wounded. Yes.

[Eduardo Perez]

I. I'll just say that I gained a newfound appreciation and respect for a high school teachers. That's a tough gig. So shout out to all of them. They're doing good work.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Eduardo Perez]

And I also, weirdly, got an appreciation for people like you. Who get to stand in front of crowds. Because at one point I, like, ran out of all my material and I was like, should I start juggling?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eduardo Perez]

Well, what do I do here? But no, it was great. It was a pleasant experience.

[Conan O'Brien]

What stars would they know that we've talked to?

[Eduardo Perez]

So I picked, as you guys had suggested. I picked Ryan Reynolds. I picked Iowa Debris. I did Billie Eilish. And then I showed some of your hot ones footage.

[Conan O'Brien]

Was that just met with horror?

[Eduardo Perez]

It got laughs. It got laughs. And then a little brief opening of the Oscars.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay.

[Eduardo Perez]

Not the Demi Moore part.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah.

[Eduardo Perez]

You just coming out.

[Matt Gourley]

To me, it was Billy Crystal hosting.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, exactly. I love that. And this is a show called the Oscars. This is Billy Crystal. He did it the correct way. That's. It's great that you did that.

[Sona Movsesian]

I want to say six or seven kids raise their hand, but I bet more know who you are and are just. No, you are shaking your head. Oh, you were shaking your head. No, they don't.

[Matt Gourley]

That was between you and me.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, okay. I think a lot more kids know of you. They're just. I think there's this nervousness about being like, I know him.

[Eduardo Perez]

I made the mistake that when. Because my cousin was taking role. These aren't normally his students. These were people who were assigned to his class. Classroom.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right.

[Eduardo Perez]

To see whoever was speaking that day. One person had the last name o'.

[Paul Scheer]

Brien.

[Eduardo Perez]

And I confident was like, you might know who he is. And she just looked at me like, who are you talking about, bro?

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, yeah, tell them about the one guy.

[Eduardo Perez]

Okay. So, yeah, that was the part, daughter. The part that I was buried. I guess I buried the lead. The sweetest part was at the very end, One of the students that had raised their hands when asked if they knew who you were came up to me at the very end. He's like, hey, can I just say I'm actually a really huge fan of Conan o'.

[Conan O'Brien]

Brien. That's nice.

[Eduardo Perez]

He says he watched a lot of your clips from late night. And he had a piece of paper, like notebook paper in his hand. And he started to proceed to ask me, like, is there any way he could maybe. And he starts gesturing like that you would sign something for him. And I said, do me a favor. Can you write your name on the piece of paper which I brought with me? His name's Cain. I can't.

[Conan O'Brien]

Kane. Yes.

[Eduardo Perez]

I can't.

[Conan O'Brien]

What a cool name.

[Eduardo Perez]

Use his last name. But here's the piece of paper there.

[Sona Movsesian]

Kane B. From Alta Loma High School.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, so I love this kid.

[Eduardo Perez]

Yeah, he was a fan. He was very sweet, very sincere, and. Yeah. So I thought that was cool.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, Kane, listen, I love that you like our nonsense. You truly are one of a hundred. You're a one in 100 person. And. Yeah, we'll figure out something to send him.

[Matt Gourley]

I think he wants you to sign that.

[Conan O'Brien]

I want me to sign this.

[Eduardo Perez]

He literally gave me that paper thinking, like, if he could just sign this. And I was like, we'll hook you up, Kane.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, maybe we could get him more than that, you know, for sure.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, let's. Let's.

[Matt Gourley]

Let's see if we can elevate this for Kane. What are we talking about here?

[Conan O'Brien]

What?

[Matt Gourley]

Can we get him a car?

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, what, we can't get him a car? Okay, but a T shirt. Yeah. We also have. When we put in the electrical stuff here, there's a lot of ducting that's left over.

[Matt Gourley]

He's back on ducking.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, my God. We could sign some ducting.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

Okay, Kane, you heard it here.

[Conan O'Brien]

Kane. You know the metal sheaths that go around electrical cables? I'll get you a section of that. I'll sign it to you. No, we have some swag. We can sign some swag for them.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah. I think this shows that we're all really desperate to have high school students think we're cool.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right?

[Sona Movsesian]

Isn't that what it is? I think they're the scariest audience you can possibly have.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't even try with high school kids. I would not try. I would. I would. I would flee the area. But. But if someone like Kane is out there, we'll make them happy.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Eduardo Perez]

And they were great, by the way. Like, all students were engaged. I set up a little mini podcast set up where they can come speak on Mike. And as a producer and stuff like.

[Conan O'Brien]

That, I have to say I'm glad you did this, because anytime in my life, I run across a teacher, I just tell them, I'm awed. I'm in awe of teachers. I just think it's the greatest profession. And I do think we have our priorities way out of whack in this country. Insanely. Because they are essential. They're just amazing, incredible people, and they change lives. And so my shout out to your teacher friend. What's the name?

[Eduardo Perez]

My cousin, Angel Moreno. Mr. Moreno.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, it's Moreno.

[Eduardo Perez]

Moreno. Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

Wow. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Incredible point. Sorry.

[Matt Gourley]

Rap sign.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, it's a rap rap. All right. Well, cool. My guest today hosts the podcast. How did this get made and unspooled. He also has a YouTube web series titled Dark Web. He is a lovely fellow, very funny, and so glad that he could make time for us. Paul Scheer, welcome. So great that you're here. I love talking to you. And we realize, like, we haven't talked to you in a long time. There's much to discuss.

[Paul Scheer]

Absolutely.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I'm just trying to remember, you know, because you would do bits on my show back in the day. What was our first encounter?

[Paul Scheer]

Do you remember?

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm trying to remember. Cause it was a chaotic time.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, you know, so girls were tearing my clothes off.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay.

[Matt Gourley]

Tearing your clothes on.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I know.

[Paul Scheer]

I'm giving you scarves and hats.

[Conan O'Brien]

Screaming women.

[Sona Movsesian]

Scarves and hats.

[Conan O'Brien]

Screaming women used to charge me and clothe me more here. Sunglasses.

[Paul Scheer]

Sunglasses.

[Conan O'Brien]

They couldn't handle it. They're like, it's not good.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, it was really exciting to come on the show because it was my first, like, real foray into, like, real professional, like, acting. I had to join the, like, it can't be true.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was because we could not have been your first professional experience.

[Paul Scheer]

I was doing shows at midnight called Robot tv, which is like an improvised show. Buy Robots for Robots.

[Conan O'Brien]

So, yeah. Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

So this was a giant step up. This was. This is a huge leap for me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Even robots wouldn't watch it. I know it's going to be big.

[Matt Gourley]

In a couple of years.

[Paul Scheer]

We walked audiences so much. It was. We had a guy on bass guitar playing, like, music that was not. That was not pleasant to hear. Yes. Someone operating a slide projector. And we did the show at midnight. So people were leaving in droves. But getting.

[Conan O'Brien]

Where are you going?

[Paul Scheer]

And that's a.

[Conan O'Brien]

By the way, this is my living.

[Paul Scheer]

And that's how we all talked. We thought that would be great to have everyone just talking like, I am here. And we worshiped our God, Landau. Like, Landau. Landau.

[Conan O'Brien]

I just love a robot. Being upset that people. I have slots to fill, slots to feed.

[Paul Scheer]

We point at them. My port. So getting to go on your show was a giant big deal. And a lot of the times it was in these, like, these bigger pieces. So I was just talking about this the other day. There was a bit. And I don't remember the conceit, but it was like, oh, summer's over. So it's the return of the beach apes. And so we all sound.

[Conan O'Brien]

First of all, I have no memory, but it sounds exactly right, us picking something that's completely. There's a fragment there, which is Summer's over right now, most shows would have said, summer's over. So we're going to do a bit about dressing for fall. No, that means the arrival of beach apes.

[Paul Scheer]

It was like. It was like the. The apes had, like, let the beach be open to humans during the summertime. And now we are back. So we all got.

[Conan O'Brien]

Don't hang out at the beach.

[Paul Scheer]

We all got dressed up in these, you know, ape, gorilla costumes. And, you know, they had probably a couple good ones.

[Matt Gourley]

It's so clear how this got greenlit.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm the guy that said, that sounds right. Also, if anything had an ape in it, I was immediately, yes, you have.

[Paul Scheer]

To do ape bits.

[Conan O'Brien]

We had one character which was. They said, you know, of course, in Planet of the Apes, you saw apes rode horseback, behold a horse riding ape back. And a horse came out on an ape back. Anyway. But go, go ahead. I want to hear about these apes. Your costume was not primo.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, look, you know, whenever you're in a situation where you have, like 20 apes, the quality is going to go downhill really quickly.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's always three good. It's like in a zombie film, the zombies that are closest to camera got the most time in the chair. And zombies, you know, if a horde is charging the ones that are way in the back, they just put. Pete picked people with eczema. They just. They didn't even put it.

[Paul Scheer]

We have definitely. We look like sick dogs. Like, splotchy patches of fur ripped off. And. And we had to put on the feet and if, you know, like these ape costumes, they're like these big feet. And they drove us out to Jones beach and they're like, get over the sand dune.

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, this on location.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, sure. Oh, we drove out. We drove like 45. Come on, man.

[Conan O'Brien]

Sorry. We were a real show. We gotta get to the beach.

[Paul Scheer]

And so we all hid behind this sand dune, like, all 20 of us. And then someone yelled, action. And then in these costumes in the sun with these big feet, we're trying to run up sand dunes to run at camera. The beach apes are coming back. And that was it. That was the bit. The bit was just. We ran up a sand dune. People were falling all over each other. Cause he didn't know how to work the feet. And it was a bit that was just like, oh, the beach apes were back over the hill with, like, Congo music. Like, bum buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. And that was.

[Matt Gourley]

And your face wasn't even on camera.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no.

[Paul Scheer]

I mean, majority of the bits, I. My face was I was covered. I was in whale costumes. It was great, though. It was the best. The best game.

[Sona Movsesian]

This is an upgrade from the robot show.

[Eduardo Perez]

100%.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, I was getting paid. At least I was getting paid for that.

[Conan O'Brien]

The robots were watching at home and seeing Paul on late night and going, he's doing well. Everybody has come up in the world.

[Matt Gourley]

Robots, apes, cowboys. That's the hierarchy.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, it is. It is. Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

I would go home and I'd have a tape of all my, like, Conan bits and then show my parents. I'm like, look, I'm on tv. Here's I'm that ape. You see the one in the back with the patchy. The patchy ape.

[Conan O'Brien]

Are you an ape again?

[Matt Gourley]

Well, at least he's not doing the robot show anymore.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, that was so. That was like, really, like, just getting to hang out with everybody in that. That hallway. Because we'd be hanging out in the hallway. We'd wait. We either go somewhere. I mean, the. The grossest thing I ever did for your show was a desk drive piece. Right. So the desk would drive around.

[Conan O'Brien]

I would. I would say, it's time to take the desk out for a ride. It's a beautiful day.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Andy would slide over next to me using very primitive rear screen projection. I would, you know, put a steering wheel on the desk and drive it around. And they actually, because the bit was popular, they made it a ride. What, at the NBC Experience store, where you could sit behind a desk and ride with Conan. And I've met people over the years that have said to me, now they're in their 30s, but they were, like, when I was 8, and that was, you know, I was with my parents in Rockefeller center, and I took a ride with you, remember? No, I wasn't there. I mean, you shook the hand of the fake robot at Disneyland and then asked Reagan, does he remember?

[Paul Scheer]

So we did a death drive piece where you were driving through the meatpacking district. Before the meatpacking district was a fancy, cool place. It was when it was a meatpacking district. Yep. Distinct disgusting. And we were Hare Krishnas. Yep. So again, I was in, like, you know, a very small, you know, like, just practically naked. And, you know, my body is not a sight to be seen unclothed. You know, it's. It's. And especially back then, it was even worse. And. And I had a bald cap on. And you were. You said, oh, look, there's Hare Krishna's. And then you ran us over.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

So then when you ran us over.

[Conan O'Brien]

We had to, you know, having fun with a hate crime. You know what it is? These people are different than me. And cue applause.

[Paul Scheer]

As we did it, they were like, okay, now you guys have to lay down on the ground in the Meatpacking district, which, at the time, smelled like blood. And it was disgusting. And I remember just being on the ground looking at the other people. Mickey, how much. How much longer do we have to be down? Because it smelt. And then. And we're like, no, no, I think we got. We gotta keep it going. Longer, longer. So we were down on that ground for such a long time. And I remember it was one of the only times where I couldn't get that smell off. Because I was pretty much naked, laying in, like, you know, blood, meat, you know, and it was like a viscera that was just out in the street. And I just remember, like, all of us coming home again in a van, smelling disgusting.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was. Well.

[Paul Scheer]

But I wouldn't have missed it for the world because it was like. It was. You're working. And I will say that the best moment of all time was when Kirk Douglas came on the show. He walked down the hall and he.

[Conan O'Brien]

Had had a stroke. He had had a stroke, but he came out. Yeah, it was amazing.

[Paul Scheer]

And he walked down this hallway and he grabbed my face and held it. And he was like, look at this. This is amazing. This is what TV is.

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, my God.

[Paul Scheer]

And he was like, looking at. I'm in the body of a whale suit. He's next to a clown.

[Conan O'Brien]

A horse just went by on eight back. Kirk was like, a horse is on eight back.

[Paul Scheer]

It felt electric. Every night, you would spend the whole day there and you did something. Cause a show happened, and you would rehearse the bit with you earlier in the day. And everything was on camera for a second. I mean, it was staring contest, whatever it was. So it was like. You also could have, like, 15 people in, you know, just only be on camera for, like, five seconds each. It was great.

[Conan O'Brien]

I can't believe it was a definite era, because it's crazy to think about it now. But we had money to spend, right? And so we would order up not just livestock, but, you know, we'd hire actors and we'd have things built and crazy contraptions. And then sometimes we'd just cut them at rehearsal. And you'd see, like, a depressed.

[Paul Scheer]

Right there.

[Conan O'Brien]

A depressed, you know, whatever Statue of Liberty made of sausages walking down the street that, you know, Bill Tull was up all night building that. And it cost us $2,500. It cost the National Broadcasting Company $2,500. And I'm like, eh, it doesn't quite work. It gets a laugh, but not the kind of laugh we want. You're out. Sausage Liberty. I was never thinking, what does America want? How can I appeal to America? It was, yeah, it's a very self centered thing. It says, this is the shit I like. I'm going to do it. If they stop it. Well, that's too bad.

[Paul Scheer]

I always say, I always say like when people ask for advice, like how do I get into comedy or how.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do I do it?

[Paul Scheer]

It's like, it's less about how do you get in? It's more about finding a group of like minded people that will support it. Right. Because failing on stage with people who are all dressed in robot costumes is a lot easier than failing on stage as one person in a robot costume. You know, and it's like, oh, you like it? Great. And if you like it, then I am. I feel good. Right? And that's. And I feel like that.

[Conan O'Brien]

And by the way, this is how cults thrive.

[Paul Scheer]

Now. I do have, I do have seven wives now and they're very funny and we all have a great. But. Yeah, like I think, you know, and.

[Conan O'Brien]

But it is. You're exactly right. This is. If you're on stage alone in a robot costume, you are an asshole. Or insane. If you're up there.

[Matt Gourley]

Wow, bold take.

[Conan O'Brien]

If you're up there with three of your friends, right, and you're all dressed as robots, you're in the best situation you can have in this world.

[Paul Scheer]

You. By the way, you're reminding me of one of my epic failures, which was we were asked to do this show Stella. And in New York City, Stella was this like offshoot of what the state was. It was Michael Ian Black, David Wayne and Michael Showalter. And it was like the most popular comedy show in New York. You'd see the biggest standups get there.

[Matt Gourley]

It was like a modern Marx Brothers. I loved it.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes. It was this amazing show and we got asked. Our improv sketch group Respecto Montalban got asked to perform at this.

[Conan O'Brien]

You really did not want an audience.

[Matt Gourley]

High barrier of entry.

[Paul Scheer]

Respect the Montobal.

[Conan O'Brien]

You have to first acknowledge, you get why it's funny that that's our name before you can enter the theater.

[Paul Scheer]

We got asked to do a bit at the show and we were like, this is a big deal. And so of course instead of doing a bit that we were sure of, we're like, we Got to come up with a new bit that no one's ever seen. Essentially testing out a bit for the first time ever in front of the biggest people ever. And we decided we were gonna be the Blue Man Group. So we painted our faces blue. We're in these costumes. And the whole idea was that we're doing our Blue Man Group bit and one audience member isn't laughing at us. And then we're, like, upset with that audience member. And that audience member is a plant. And we take her and we bring her backstage. And you hear some yelling. And as we're backstage, it cuts to a video clip and it's us, like, killing her. Or like, she accidentally falls on a pipe. She gets it through, she dies. And then we don't know what to do. And we have blood all over our blue faces. And we come on out. The video machine did not work.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, no.

[Paul Scheer]

So we go backstage and we're like, do you hear. I don't hear anything. Do you hear anything? We don't hear anything. And we're rubbing blood all over our face, and we're getting all ready. And then we hear the projector doesn't work. And now we're blue and bloody. And we have no way to connect, like, from where the audience had seen us on stage to what the video is supposed to cover. And we can't talk because we're Blue Man Group. And we.

[Conan O'Brien]

I forgot, you can't do a meta thing where you explain those.

[Paul Scheer]

No, we were like, we are Blue Man Group. We're doing this bit. And so.

[Sona Movsesian]

And then.

[Paul Scheer]

But all of us were like, we can't again. We can't break character. So we walk out covered in blood and blue. We just walked off stage and we just said thank you. And then to complete and utter silence. Audience did not know what happened. And we were crushed. But I remember, like, once we left that place, which we did immediately, you have to leave. If you bomb in a place, you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Can never go back. And in fact, you have to have the place burned down.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, we were like, arson. We need to commit our. Yeah, we need to commit arson here to.

[Matt Gourley]

The actual Blue Man Group was shut down after that.

[Paul Scheer]

We gotta find them.

[Conan O'Brien]

They had to shutter for three years.

[Paul Scheer]

But I will never forget the feeling of sitting in a bar with mostly blue and blood. We haven't been able to clear it. All of our faces sitting and drinking beers with these other people who are also like that. Just being like. Well, at least all went down together.

[Conan O'Brien]

Conor, Brian needs a friend. Is brought to you by Air B and B. I've taken a few trips in the past where I got a place through Airbnb. I've mentioned this before. Lovely experience. I think I do it again. I love it.

[Matt Gourley]

It makes me feel so comfortable when.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm in a home that I get on Airbnb. Well, you've done this a lot, haven't you, Blay?

[Paul Scheer]

I have.

[Matt Gourley]

And actually, Eduardo and I tomorrow are going to Austin, and I'm trying to.

[Conan O'Brien]

Get him to stay with me in.

[Matt Gourley]

A house that I got on Airbnb.

[Sona Movsesian]

Aw.

[Eduardo Perez]

I don't know about sharing a spot with.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, he's very loud. He's very loud. And he always has to bring his figurines with him. They're emotional support figurines.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

But the great thing about getting a place through Airbn, I've done this in several cities. I like just feeling like, okay, this is my own space. I can do my thing.

[Matt Gourley]

You're traveling.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why not enjoy it? Yeah. Well, thank you. That's so nice of you.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Eduardo, don't go with him. The other thing, and this would be a cool little detail for both of you, is if you're not using your place, you could list that on Airbnb.

[Sona Movsesian]

It's true.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's a terrific way to make some money. It's a terrific way to travel. So your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how [e-mail] host hey, Sona. I heard you got a new car.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know, David usually gives me a ride to work, but I'd love it if you.

[Sona Movsesian]

No, no, no. You're not. I'm sorry. You're not allowed in my new car. My Palisade is my oasis. It's my happy place. So you're not allowed in.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wait a minute. What are you talking about? I made you. When I found you, you were wandering the streets with a bucket on your head.

[Sona Movsesian]

What?

[Conan O'Brien]

And now you're Sodom obsession and you're driving around the Palisade, you won't give me a ride.

[Sona Movsesian]

This is why I don't let you in my happy place. Because you talk about me walking around with a bucket on my head. Why would I let you into my personal oasis? If this is the way you're going to talk, you have to earn your spot.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, earn it in my Hyundai. Hyundai Palisade Hybrid is more than just another suv. It's still the Palisade, but with so much more. Like up to 600 plus miles of range. That's incredible.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, it is.

[Conan O'Brien]

And class. Leading interior space. So much space. Now, have you enjoyed that extra space?

[Sona Movsesian]

I'm being very serious right now. If you recline the seat all the way back, a little ottoman pops up so you can sleep comfortably in the front seat.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's insane.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

There are seating configurations for seven to eight passengers with available third row power seats that recline, plus available front and second row relaxation seats. Learn more about the Hyundai [e-mail] Call 562-314-4603 for complete details. I was up half the night last night watching a World Series game. It was very exciting. I have to tell you, I don't care what your sport is. Tailgates or watching parties or, you know, whatever. If you're watching high lie, it doesn't matter. It is Miller time. Miller Lite is brewed with simple ingredients like malted barley for rich flavor and golden color. It's a taste you can depend on because Miller time is always a good time. I'm out there throwing the pig skin around. I used to just throw pig skin, chunks of pig skin.

[Paul Scheer]

Wow.

[Conan O'Brien]

I never had a football.

[Paul Scheer]

Where would you find the pig?

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, yeah, I went to a farmer.

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, good.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. And the farm. The pig had fallen into a shredder. Anyway, back to Miller Light. Just hawking pigskin around. I like to raise a Miller Light in the air and celebrate. A great pass. Throwing chunks of pigskin around. One of those nail biters last night's game. Incredible. Nail biter with the Dodgers. Incredible. So, anyway, Miller Lite, great taste. 96 calories. Go to mirrorlite.comconan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Mirror Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. And if they don't sell Mirror Lite, turn to them and say, sir, you do not sell beer. It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. It's so funny that you bring that up, that world of bombing with an idea that you were in love with. And I have to say, there's the sting of bombing. But later, especially if you did it with other people, it can be one of the funniest things in the world. It's such a funny memory. And being on stage, on camera, doing a national show with an insane idea and it didn't land. And I know that people were welding last night to build to help make this work. There was actual, you know, unions were involved, engineers unions. People had drawn plans. And you're There and then. Well, I guess, you know, I guess whatever. Hercules Toilet was pretty mad. And people were like, gri, Creep. Greet.

[Paul Scheer]

Grit, Grit, grit.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I have to say, there was always part of me that was secretly delighted. There's a show that goes on inside your own soul that's maybe the funniest show of all.

[Paul Scheer]

But then you have to continue to stay on stage because most people bomb, and it's like, okay, next. And you have to be like, all right, we're back. And did you. So, I mean, I imagine your tolerance for, like, you have to, like, digest it and then let it go immediately.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, there's no tolerance. I have very low tolerance to this day. It's just. I might be a masochist, meaning it hurts a lot. And I didn't. I. I still don't brush things like that off easily. If something doesn't go well, or even if a small thing doesn't go well, I try to pass it off as well. Come. You know, the audience got the show they got, or that's what happened.

[Paul Scheer]

Right.

[Conan O'Brien]

But then I walk around for a week as if I've been shot, but like, a.22.

[Paul Scheer]

No, just get a little shrapnel. I had a bit that. Oh, I look back on it now, but it was the worst bit. Seth Meyers was hosting the ESPYs.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yep.

[Paul Scheer]

All right, so I have to put it in a little bit of context. During that year of the ESPYs, there was a riot that broke out after the NHL championship, and it was in Canada, and there was this very famous image of a guy cradling a woman, and it looked like he was kissing her.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, I remember that.

[Paul Scheer]

Remember that? So it was like. It was. It looked almost like that World War II photo of, like, the. You know, the. The officer in the street. Yeah. And so. And so they're kissing in the middle of a riot, and Seth was like, okay, we'll do that bit. Like, this is gonna be. We have so many famous people in the crowd. You know, there's Gronk, there's this guy. And, oh, we have the kissing couple from the riot. And so it was supposed to cut to me and Lennon Parham, Lennon's great comedian. And we. As it cuts to us, we're just kissing.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right.

[Paul Scheer]

So now, as I explained that bit to you years later, that's how familiar the audience was with this bit. So we start kissing. Cricket. Cricket.

[Conan O'Brien]

So they didn't know the reference.

[Paul Scheer]

Didn't know the reference at all. They didn't show an image. They didn't do anything. They just said it. Now I'm sitting next to Brooklyn Decker, Jonah Hill, and I feel like Dwight Howard, you know, like, we're in this grouping of people and, you know, cuts us. Dead silence. We're just making out. Making out. Dead silence. Now the bit is contracted to happen three more times throughout the show. And so I go, well, they're clearly gonna cut the bit coming back. No, they didn't cut the bit. And every single time, it died. Almost like, then the audience got mad. The second time, it was like, they're doing this again. We didn't like this.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, we voted on this.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, yeah. This was.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, he is not to return to Office Ye.

[Paul Scheer]

And so, like, then, like, the third time, we're doing again now, the audience is angry at us. And I will never forget this moment. The. We had worked our way from the seats all the way to the stage. It was the final act of the show. Seth killing it. Everything working except for this bit. And, like, I was going out there with London. I'm like, okay, we gotta do this one more time. And this is great. I'm watching Twitter just be like, this bit sucks. These guys suck. You know? I was like, oh, no. And we kiss. It gets nothing. And I walk off, and there's Jay Leno just standing off to the side of the stage, denim on top, denim on bottom. And he goes, meh.

[Sona Movsesian]

Eh.

[Paul Scheer]

Didn't work. And I was like. To have him, like, that was the end. I was like, yeah, it didn't work. It didn't work. Like, I know it didn't work, but be told, like, Jay Leno. Yeah, it was like. It was. It was a mortifying fear. Never walked with my head so low.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, my God. And a sports audience, too. I feel like they're even worse, right?

[Paul Scheer]

They're the hardest audience.

[Sona Movsesian]

Aren't they hard?

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, but, you know, not as hard as Leto.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, look, Beastie showed himself to be very supportive. That's the important thing. He does that too. He hangs outside operating rooms, and when the patient flatlines, he got the didn't work. And the woman's crying, that's my husband of 35 years. Heart stop. See you on Sunday. I can do a live show on Sunday. I'll be at the car show.

[Sona Movsesian]

He wasn't even performing at the ESPYs. He was just there.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, we couldn't save your son. Didn't work. So anyway, let's not get distracted or off on a tangent.

[Eduardo Perez]

Sorry.

[Conan O'Brien]

Humans are good. I. One of the funniest things, though, I don't know if it was the ESPYS or what, but it might have been the ESPYs. I think it was. Will Ferrell came out as Harry Carey.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Have you ever seen this footage? He comes out as the Chicago announcer Harry Carey, who's got, like, a big way of talking, kind of like this.

[Paul Scheer]

With big fake teeth.

[Conan O'Brien]

And Harry Carey is just slamming different. Doing jokes on different people, famous athletes in the audience, and they are not laughing and they're insulted, and it's the funniest thing ever. It's great. It's great because, I mean, it's just like watching snuff or something. But I'm enjoying. Excuse me.

[Paul Scheer]

How do you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Am I right about that? Which was it? Was it Jim?

[Eduardo Perez]

1998 ESPYs? It was Will Ferrell as Harry Carey.

[Conan O'Brien]

Will Ferrell as Harry Carey. And I think he's saying things like, you know. You know, John Elway saved a lot.

[Paul Scheer]

Of money because he.

[Conan O'Brien]

He still didn't get his teeth fixed. And they'll cut to John Elway just staring, and I love it. I'm sorry. I apologize that people had a bad time that night, but I think it's wonderful.

[Paul Scheer]

I mean, it is.

[Conan O'Brien]

You look at me like I'm a horrible person, but it's something about.

[Sona Movsesian]

I see you don't like bombing, but you laugh at other people bombing.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, no, I'm not. You're missing the point. I love what Will is doing.

[Paul Scheer]

I am pro Will.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's funny to you. It's really funny to me. And I think even if I was doing that and people were, I think I'd be laughing inside. I'd be. I'd be falling apart.

[Eduardo Perez]

You'll appreciate this note. Norm MacDonald hosted that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, Norm MacDonald hosted, which is perfect. Yes. I knew Norm. Yeah, that's right.

[Paul Scheer]

I knew that Norm did that bit for one of the roasts where he just did old roast jokes that were, like, 1950s, and it was like, in a. Bombed. In a room. It's one of my favorite things.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, and that's the thing, too, is there's. Bombing can be divine.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

So you. You've taken this love you have for sometimes niche ideas that could only exist if a certain kind of show was around. But now the world, I think, has grown with you, where you can do these podcasts, you can do these other projects that are phenomenally successful, and you don't have to make any kind of concession. The stuff that's in your head can be presented without any kind of filter, and it's like, how did this get made? Is you and your wife and Mentzoukas getting to do your thing.

[Paul Scheer]

It's just hanging out and just doing bits with friends. And I think you're right. Like, this idea of getting to just make your own thing and playing to a niche audience. And, you know, I think you can play to big audiences, too, but just being able to have an outlet where people, like, seeing the seams, like, you know, if that makes sense. I did this show with Rob Huebel called the Dark Web. And we are now in a world where we've pretended that our studio has burnt to the ground. We've only been eating mustard and raw hot dogs. And now we have envisioned ourselves as hosts of a kids YouTube show, and we've actually made. It'll only be on kids YouTube now. Like, we got it approved by YouTube. Like, I'm like, didn't they do any research on you?

[Matt Gourley]

We were literally, you're almost full circle back to the robot show yesterday, 100%.

[Paul Scheer]

Like, we did a full kids show. And YouTube has, like, been very supportive, but, like, you just can't associate it with the other thing. But it's like, yeah, we just get to go down this weird path. And I don't know. I mean, it's for. I. I guess the idea is, like, you're not making it for anyone, but you're making it for the. That you think it's funny. And I feel like it's so hard. Cause people will tell you a million times, like, oh, that doesn't work. I remember one person when I was doing a sketch show for Fox, they were like, oh, that. That's not funny. And that's a hard note to get because it's the only thing that you. Well, it could be funny to me. It's not funny to you. It's like, there's no one baseline of funny. No one ever says, like, that's not dramatic. It's like, well, yeah, dramas don't get judged the same way comedies do.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think, yeah, it's weird. If they just put. I don't think that's funny.

[Paul Scheer]

Right.

[Conan O'Brien]

That makes them much more human to me. And then at least we can have a conversation.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. And I don't think everybody needs to find everything funny. Like, you know, it's like, you look at certain comedians, they'll sell out an arena. And it's like, that may not be my cup of tea, but clearly it's working. I don't think that they're not funny. It's just like, it's not for me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right.

[Paul Scheer]

But then you also get to, I think when you get those bigger things through, it's insane. I did a thing for Adult Swim. Michael Azzo used to let us make 3am infomercials. And he's like, whatever, as long as you just like, it's gotta be weird. And so I was like. I said to him, I was like, I wanna make one where it's just like a hotel tv. Like, it just looks like you're in a hotel room and this is like an ad for the hotel that you're in. And he's like, all right. And we got Ray Wise to host this thing. It was a hotel that was clearly built on Native American land. And they have come back to haunt this hotel. And they're. And the transmission's getting, like, altered throughout it. And they're being told, like, to leave the hotel. And he's very, like, very much like Steve Wynne. Like, come in here and you'll get a massage and you'll die.

[Conan O'Brien]

You'll die here.

[Paul Scheer]

You know? And I was like. And we could make a 15 minute long thing for, I mean, whoever's up at 3:00am well, that was too.

[Conan O'Brien]

The magic of. When you mentioned 3am, the magic of making things. And people will find it or they won't. Right. That's kind of a magic thing. We were on at 12:30 till 1:30. And I just always think that time slot helped us a lot.

[Paul Scheer]

Right.

[Conan O'Brien]

Because there was no Internet. People were seeing it and often thinking, is this really happening? Or am I just, you know.

[Paul Scheer]

Right. It's sort of like you're getting a mentality. Like, I used to love doing like these 11pm shows because anyone who comes out for an 11pm show is up for something completely different than people coming out for 7:30 or an 8:00 clock show. Right, right. And it's like. So if you're up at 12:30, you're down to. You're down to go a little bit.

[Conan O'Brien]

I had a different way of thinking of it, which is, it's your fault. If you're up at 1230, you are complicit in this crime. And get ready for some apes on a beach, because you should be sleeping, you creep. So on the show, how did this get made? Which I did once and I think we did. How did this. Look who's talking two yes. I think it was the second one.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes, 2o o or t O O?

[Conan O'Brien]

Sorry, that was crazy what you just did. That was clearly insane. This man's having a Seizure. But that feels like it would be the gift that just keeps on giving. The podcast is massively successful. There's no shortage of movies where you would say, how did this get made? And they keep making more of them.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, I think that that's the thing that we've loved is, you know, that everything gets started with the best intentions. Any movie that I've been on, it's like, oh, this is gonna be good. This is gonna be, you know, we don't see it, but it's gonna be good. You know, it's like no one goes in being like this. This, this is a stinker.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think sometimes they do, but. But, but mostly not. Mostly not.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. So you go into it and you're like, you're. You know, and I think what's so funny is that we try to look at it from that point of view, like, well, this, this was the best of all. You know, everyone's trying to make something here and then all of a sudden your budget gets slashed and you just get ripped apart. And when we watch these shows like Jason Takes Manhattan, That's Friday the 13th, part eight.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

He is in Manhattan for five minutes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Eduardo Perez]

Okay.

[Matt Gourley]

And it's Canada.

[Paul Scheer]

And it's Canada.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right, walk me through this movie. I don't know this movie. So take me through it. And Matt, jump in. This is your terrain.

[Paul Scheer]

It's Friday the 13th Part 8, Jason takes Manhattan.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay.

[Paul Scheer]

It is taking place primarily on a senior cruise as they leave Crystal Lake, which I guess connects.

[Matt Gourley]

That's the big mystery is how Crystal Lake suddenly connects to the Hudson River.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes. And they're on a two night cruise to get to New York.

[Conan O'Brien]

So it's a cruise that goes from a lake in Canada. Maybe from New Jersey.

[Matt Gourley]

From New Jersey, technically.

[Conan O'Brien]

And everyone loves a cruise that starts in a lake in New Jersey and makes its way probably partially over land.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And get to Manhattan.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. Everyone else, we're in a Herzog movie and punch it. And it's not a attractive cruise. Under. It's a barge. It does look like a barge.

[Matt Gourley]

It's very much the ship they could get for the movie.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

And do they try and make this ship look like something that people would.

[Matt Gourley]

Want to try is a charitable word.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I see this because there's like.

[Matt Gourley]

An engine room they go into at one point.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes. And they also. They also have a disco, which is very small, but is the most unappealing disco. It's like a disco in an old age home. That's what it kind of feels like. It feels like, you know. And they also are trying not to make it too violent. So all the deaths are very like, just push you, except the one guy.

[Matt Gourley]

Gets his head punched off.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes, A boxer punched off. Punched off by Jason.

[Conan O'Brien]

So Jason takes on a boxer and the boxer's trying to box him.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, the boxers. That's actually, I would argue, the funniest part of the film.

[Matt Gourley]

I have a soft spot for this movie.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, There are some good moments in it. There's a lot of cocaine within the characters in the film. Like they're on cocaine. So their reactions to Jason are odd as well. They're a little bit more ready to fight this. This man.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right.

[Sona Movsesian]

They're old people. Did you say they're old people?

[Paul Scheer]

Well, I mean, this is a weird thing of 80s movies. Everyone who is in high school looks about 35. Yeah. Yeah. And they might actually be young. I don't know. Aging has changed in a way. Yeah, but the.

[Conan O'Brien]

It actually has. It has. You look at a movie and like a gnarled old Humphrey Bogart. I'll be. I'll tell you something, kid, and you'll really see, you look it up. And he was 34.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah. Wilford Brimley. And Cocoon was only like 49. 40.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, he's much younger than. They put a picture up of Wilford Brimley from Cocoon or the Natural, and they'll say he's like eight years younger than Paul Rudd.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

And in the picture of Paul Rudd, he looks like. Oh, he's a. He looks like a scoop of sherbet. He's delicious.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, I mean, I always think about, like, lethal Weapons. Danny Glover's character's like, I'm too old for this shit. Yeah, he was 42. You know, it's like, wow.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right.

[Paul Scheer]

Like. And he's like. He's the old.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think we live in an era where no one. We don't really grow up. We didn't go off and fight World War II. Yeah. That's. We didn't. We didn't start smoking when we were 15. We didn't have to. We didn't get shot at.

[Paul Scheer]

We didn't live a hard life.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. We then didn't, you know, drink ourselves into oblivion every night after our soul crushing job. We are on. Let's improvise.

[Paul Scheer]

Let's get on stage and be robots.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, let's be robots on stage. But first, my smoothie. Yay. How much?

[Paul Scheer]

$15 for a smoothie. What a bargain.

[Conan O'Brien]

What a bargain. That is a bargain. Well, time to get into my little.

[Sona Movsesian]

Electric car and go home.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Nine hours of sleep. Where's my apps?

[Paul Scheer]

Boom.

[Sona Movsesian]

I can't believe I can't find one. Oh, there it is. What the hell?

[Conan O'Brien]

That's the whole world now. It is.

[Paul Scheer]

It's weird.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I'm not doing the old man thing. I'm that guy.

[Paul Scheer]

No, I mean, look, I did something weird. We have a trick or trunk at my kids school where you can you decorate your trunk like a haunted house. Oh, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And anything that involves kids in the trunk of your car. I'm sorry.

[Paul Scheer]

Get in there.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's the little thing we do with kids. Trunks.

[Paul Scheer]

I was told a trick or trunk. Oh, I. I would call it a trunk or treat. Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

I call it kidnapping. We all have our. We all have our different fun names for it.

[Paul Scheer]

I. I did get in trouble one year for my trunk or treat, which was. I thought this would be a really funny idea.

[Conan O'Brien]

And. And do it. You do need to explain what trunk is because I still don't know what it is. It sounds creepy.

[Paul Scheer]

So basically what it is is on Halloween day, it's a chance for the kids at a school probably up to like sixth grade, to trick or treat with their classmates. All the parents come, they pop their trunk, they decorate their trunks in different ways. So, you know, like one person has a Star wars trunk, One person has, you know, My little Pony trunk, whatever it is. And it's cute. The kids go around from trunk to trunk and it's a little bit of a Halloween parade. I never knew about it. It didn't happen to me when I was a kid.

[Conan O'Brien]

It didn't exist. No, it didn't exist. Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

So this is like a special thing. It's kind of great to go to school and do it. I volunteer every year. I love doing it. And in the beginning I was like, well, part of it is supposed to be scary, right? And no. The answer is no. These are for young children. They should not be scary for them.

[Matt Gourley]

I learned that the hard way too.

[Paul Scheer]

And so I thought it would be funny.

[Conan O'Brien]

The theme of your life seems to be, I didn't get the memo.

[Paul Scheer]

What I didn't know that these little preschoolers didn't need to be scared. Now I thought it would be funny that I set up a San Diego zoo. And the way I set up the zoo is I got like some stanchions, I got a zoo uniform, and I also got a gorilla costume now.

[Conan O'Brien]

You mean you stole our gorilla costume.

[Paul Scheer]

I took It. I kept it. And I was like one day and I thought it would be funny to take my brother in law, strip him down to his underwear and undershirt, put him in the back of my car as if he was in a cage. And then me as the ape put on the San Diego Zoo uniform and I was like waving the kids over.

[Matt Gourley]

So you're making social commentary as well for preschoolers?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

So my brother in law's trapped in a cage, like, help, help. And I'm like, hey, check out, here he is. And kids were scared of the ape who had kidnapped a human.

[Conan O'Brien]

Did they cry?

[Paul Scheer]

There was a few kids that were very afraid to come to my trunk. And I had to be. He's okay, he's okay. But we did mess up my brother in law's face. So he looked like he had been in a fight with me as well.

[Conan O'Brien]

You still didn't let you. So you bloodied him as you did backstage with the taped piece.

[Paul Scheer]

If you can't scare kids on Halloween, then what can you do?

[Sona Movsesian]

He stripped his clothes off.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, well, you know, and then my.

[Conan O'Brien]

Terrify a 3 year old. What kind of country do we have?

[Paul Scheer]

My son now always will say to me, he's like, you can't make it scary. Don't make it scary again. I guess he had gotten some flack from other kids in the school that I went too hard on the trunk or treat.

[Matt Gourley]

So what are you doing this year?

[Paul Scheer]

This year I'm keeping it simple. It's an alien theme.

[Matt Gourley]

Like the movie Alien.

[Paul Scheer]

No. No.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay.

[Paul Scheer]

An alien is gonna be popping out of my car and I am somebody who works at Area 51, but I got one of those inflatable costumes. So the alien is grabbing me and I'm like. My hands are like, you did it again.

[Conan O'Brien]

You did it again.

[Sona Movsesian]

I don't know if that's gonna help.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's not gonna work. Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

And I'm covered in acid and my face is melting.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, my God. Okay.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, anyway, Jason Ver. Jason Part A. You should watch it. I think you would like it. We should bring it up Jason Takes Manhattan. Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

And they do. They shoot about three minutes of B roll in New York and the rest is Vancouver.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. One of my personal favorites. And we may have discussed this, but the death wish movies are fantastic.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, man.

[Conan O'Brien]

But the further you go, the later you get in the canon of death wishes.

[Matt Gourley]

Canon films.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. The more insane it gets. And there's one, I don't remember which death wish it is, but I watched it with our Writer Matt o'. Brien. And I just was. The whole time I was in heaven, we were watching it together. And a bunch of old people live in an apartment complex. Whatever. They hear a lot of yelling and shouting and noise, and they look out the window and a motorcycle gang has taken over the neighborhood, and they've surrounded the apartment building, and the old people are trapped inside, and they're terrified, and they don't want to go out. They don't know what to do. They're trapped. They're old, they're scared. And they pick up the phone, they make a phone call. And then cut to JFK airport. A plane lands. Charles Bronson gets out. No, actually, I think specifically he rides the bus.

[Paul Scheer]

It was so low budget.

[Conan O'Brien]

Also, the movie was so low budget, they didn't even want to pay for plane landing footage. So he gets off a bus at the Port Authority, and it's Manhattan. It's Manhattan. He gets in. He's in the 30s, you know, he gets into a cab. He starts driving. He starts driving north, and suddenly. And the cab's driving along. And then they cut. And suddenly the cab. It's still supposed to be in Manhattan, like, up north in Manhattan, like 150th Street. But I think they're now shooting on a soundstage or they're in Syria.

[Matt Gourley]

Austin had a contract thing where he wouldn't leave California.

[Conan O'Brien]

He wouldn't leave California because his wife was there. Okay, thank God you're here, because I swear to God, it switches to a completely different ecosystem. An arid desert that exists, and there's some fragments of a sidewalk. And then Charles Bronson shows up, and his solution, he meets with the old people and has tea, and then he decides, don't worry, I'll help you. And so he has a concealed magnum and he walks around killing them. It's insane.

[Paul Scheer]

So brutal. And he lacks the charm of Liam Neeson. When Liam Neeson's fighting off 15 people, it's like he's got something. Charles Bronson just looks like, I'm gonna shoot this guy's head off. That's it. And it's violent, by the way, speaking of insane ideas, there's a show I just saw here in Los Angeles, a comedy theater called Bronson Tonight. And it's Charles Bronson hosting a show as his Death wish character.

[Conan O'Brien]

Is the impression good?

[Paul Scheer]

It's great.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, wow.

[Paul Scheer]

And his monologue jokes are, you know, they're labored, but they're stories about, you know, running into these gangs of toughs out in the street. But he's trying, he's trying his best to host a very traditional talk show. He had a, an animal person on the show and he's interviewing karate people. But it's like, it's. No, it's, it's a great, it's. It really scratched the niche that I needed to be scratched to watch that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Dana Gould, who's absolutely hilarious, does. Oh, yeah, he does. Dr. Zayas As a talk show host.

[Paul Scheer]

So funny.

[Conan O'Brien]

And it's. And it is. Note perfect. And what I love about the kind of comedy we're talking about and the kind of comedy that, that you've dedicated your life to and wrongly, I think. Yeah, of course, very wrong is you come up with a premise and it's just a big horse pill and you get them to swallow it and then you're. You're Good.

[Paul Scheer]

Right.

[Conan O'Brien]

So Dr. Zayas has a talk show. Charles Bronson has a late night talk show.

[Paul Scheer]

Brian.

[Matt Gourley]

Conan o' Brien has a talk show.

[Conan O'Brien]

Conan o' Brien has a talk show. No, it really is the same idea, which is someone who shouldn't have a show has a show. But I think people, comedy tastes have. I don't want to say that they've evolved, but they maybe have devolved or devolved to the point where there's all this kind of attenuated, really cool concept, heavy comedy that people will turn out for and they'll watch. And then there are shows like BoJack Horseman, you know, or really South Park. I mean, to think that south park is one of the most influential shows. It's been on for 30 years. I mean, do you remember when that.

[Paul Scheer]

Like, I remember getting like a a wave file of just like the Christmas card, because it was starting off as a Christmas card.

[Matt Gourley]

I got a pass along VHS tape.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

So it was like, that was like. And it was a comedy currency. And I mean, that, that even started for me, you know, for lack of a better or I mean, the Jerky Boys. It was like the tape that everyone passed around and you'd be like, oh, have you heard it? Have you?

[Conan O'Brien]

And then it became a movie. And I remember thinking, how could this be a movie? And then I watched it and I thought, it can't be a movie.

[Paul Scheer]

No way, no way.

[Conan O'Brien]

I just answered my own question.

[Paul Scheer]

But that kind of thing is really interesting, the way that people find each other. You want to, like, share.

[Conan O'Brien]

But it's fascinating now that whatever we're doing here, we're not trying to please anyone. We're just, I think, enjoying each other's company. And Talking to people and going off on weird tangents. I'm only bringing it up because I do think things have changed drastically from the way they were 20, 30 years ago.

[Paul Scheer]

I think it's important to be able to explore anything because anything can be a good idea or a bad idea. It's all in the execution of it, right? Because it's like, you may hear something and be like, ooh, that will never, ever work. But. But I think so many people are in this business before. There's like this gatekeeping of, like, you can't.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no.

[Paul Scheer]

No one will ever like that. But if you can actually execute it your own way and show people. No, actually it works, then. I don't know. That's what I think. Performing on stage, right? I love performing on stage is like, no one can say no to that. And no one can say no to making a video. No one can say no to us making a show for YouTube kids, you know, if we wanted to do it.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I think that someone should.

[Paul Scheer]

Someone should. I mean, technically, we will be arrested for that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Someone should intervene.

[Paul Scheer]

But I think that that's like, you know, because it's hard to sometimes explain that nuance, like, why that would work, why that's interesting.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, a bunch of this you can't explain. You just have to do it. And the proof is in the pudding. You just have to. You do it. And then people go. People are laughing, right? And they immediately accept, oh, that was great. I always knew that would work, right?

[Paul Scheer]

Exactly.

[Conan O'Brien]

And that's why I would be terrified to be an executive if someone said, hey, Conan, you've been in comedy a long time, and why don't you. We'll give you this job at, you know, Paramount or Warner Brothers, and you'll look at things and tell us if they'll be successful or not. I don't know. It looks like a funny idea to me.

[Paul Scheer]

There's a great thing that gets passed around every now and then. Paul Thomas Anderson's Boogie Nights. It's script coverage of Boogie Nights. And it's like, this movie is terrible. The characters are awful. It's too long. And it's like this long thing written by a studio person about why they were passing on this script. And. And it's the script that he shot. And you have to look at it and be like, oh, yeah, not everyone's gonna see.

[Conan O'Brien]

What if they found out that the guy who wrote the coverage had a small penis? And it was all just. It was all just rage. This is terrible. No one could have a penis over 2 inches. What is this, science fiction? What is that? He has a third leg. I don't think.

[Sona Movsesian]

Think so.

[Conan O'Brien]

Penises are tiny and they don't get bigger. When you're attracted to something and you go to doctors and they can't do a thing. Awful. Boo.

[Paul Scheer]

Pass on this.

[Conan O'Brien]

What movies did he. What movies did you like? I liked the Tales of Little Wee Wee. This amiable chap with a one inch. With a one inch pee pee nail. Seven broads in one night. Cause that's the way ladies like it. Oh, my God. All right, I should wrap this up, but let's get that made.

[Paul Scheer]

I'm ready to make this dance on YouTube.

[Conan O'Brien]

Kids. Paul, thank you so much for stopping in. You're hilarious. And it was a lucky day when our paths crossed. And I'm just very happy that you are wildly successful with all these really funny projects. Oh, thanks so much. And I say, onward. Go onward.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, this is one of my favorite shows to listen to, and you're just the best. And, you know, talking about comedy, I just wanna say that your travel show is truly like. I think this, like, one of the things that makes me laugh so hard because it to me is like this. Yes, you're amazing in this. You're hilarious. But that, like, it feels like you get to do this awesome sketch show that's like globetrotting that you don't ever get to see.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what? There are times where it's really hard. And I'm in a van.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you're in a hot tropical climate. And you're thinking, I'm getting. I'm no spring chicken. I'm still in a van. And someone's telling me, okay, jump out here in this toga and tackle that guy over there who doesn't know you and somehow make it funny. But it's also, yeah, I'm constantly stepping outside my body and going, what are you doing? But I really love it. And I mostly love. It's improv with people in other lands who often don't know who I am and they don't even really speak English. But my happiest moments are when if I can make a little kid laugh or someone who doesn't know who I am and doesn't speak English, laugh because we're doing something pretty primal, then I'm happy.

[Paul Scheer]

It's. It's just cool to know that as much as I have a lot of respect for people who still get up and try to do and do it, you're doing. You don't have to be traveling all.

[Conan O'Brien]

Around the world financially. They didn't tell you on the way in. I'm a terrible gambler.

[Paul Scheer]

I made so many bets on this episode, even I don't even know.

[Conan O'Brien]

Paul is going to. I bet a Jew million dollars that Paul will come in wearing a tank top. No.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, man. Duel presents Conan needs a friend over on under. And when it ends in second. Okay, I had to give. I gave money here too.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then I'm arrested because I clearly control when it ends.

[Matt Gourley]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, Paul, tell me that's. Oh, wait, don't tell me it's over. Bye. Ashley believes that your home should be an expression of who you are. Sona.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

You've been working with Ashley recently. Care to tell us?

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, well, I'm an interior decorator now.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what? I do think you have good style.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah. Ashley makes it very easy.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay.

[Sona Movsesian]

And then, you know, recently our. Sadly, we lost our house and we were living with my parents for four and a half months and my kids trashed the place. So my parents, we got them this dining set. It's really pretty.

[Conan O'Brien]

First of all, they look pretty durable, but they are. But your kids are, you know, they're very good at destroying things.

[Sona Movsesian]

They are. And they can't even destroy things.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why do you let your children have saws and hammers? It just feels like a mistake.

[Sona Movsesian]

I know, but they would like.

[Conan O'Brien]

But that's beautiful. That's gorgeous.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, they love it. It was really easy. And because I'm an interior decorator, I also helped Blay with. He really badly needed some new furniture.

[Conan O'Brien]

Trust me, all of Blay's furniture was just old action figures duct taped together.

[Paul Scheer]

That's right.

[Conan O'Brien]

Into crude furniture shapes. That's right. Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

Not comfortable at all.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

Extremely.

[Conan O'Brien]

Poking you and everything. You'd be like, attack, attack. But thanks to Sona, she got me this fantastic sectional. Oh, look at that. Which is amazing.

[Matt Gourley]

And due to Ashley's white glove delivery.

[Conan O'Brien]

Came right to my door. And really, it is the nicest thing in my apartment.

[Matt Gourley]

It's really great.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, I mean, you don't have to convince us of that.

[Sona Movsesian]

We all believe it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Very nice looking sectional. That's what I'm telling you. You've got to believe me. All right. Shop the season with Ashley to make your home merry and bright. Before the holidays, visit your local Ashley store or head to Ashley.com to find your style. You know me, I love to travel. Travel the world. I do it, you know, professionally for my travel show. But I also just like to sometimes with my Wife go and visit a foreign land and try their different cuisines. Yeah, enjoy the world. Travel is just better. With D Mobile you will not believe what members get on their best plans. They get amazing travel benefits like free in flight wi fi. I use my wifi a lot when I'm on a plane.

[Sona Movsesian]

Me too.

[Conan O'Brien]

And that free in flight wi fi sounds good to me. A free year of AAA data and texting in over 215 countries and so many more. I don't have time to mention it. I just don't have the time.

[Sona Movsesian]

I didn't even know there were 215 countries.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, that's just. Well, it's not sad. It's not even surprising. Anyway, all this just means it doesn't cost 50 bucks to tell your producer that you're lost somewhere in, I don't know, Madagascar, the Maldives, Mesopotamia, Miami. T Mobile's benefits and perks. Take the stress out of travel. Let them save you from the boredom of long flights. Plus you can save with all the freebies and discounts. Check it out@t mobile.com travel.

[Matt Gourley]

Not long ago on in an episode we were talking about how Sona was to going. Going to be a featured speaker in Q A subject on a panel for an assistance convention. I think we want to follow up.

[Conan O'Brien]

And yeah, I want to find out how did the, how did it go, the assistance convention.

[Sona Movsesian]

Here's the thing. If you are going to go to like a summit or a convention, go to one that assistance run because anything you need is like within arm's reach. They think of everything that you might need. I was like, at one point I was like, I think I have something in my tooth. And I turned around and there was just dental floss.

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, I thought you were going to say there's an extra tooth.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, you thought, you thought I was just gonna take a tooth?

[Conan O'Brien]

That's how good these assistants are. There's a slight gap between my molar and my incisor.

[Sona Movsesian]

I mean, here's a tooth.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, well, I'm just curious. Okay, let's set the table.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

This was a convention that you were invited to speak at?

[Sona Movsesian]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

An assistance convention. And it's run by assistants.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yes. So the person who I, I mean, I don't know how much she wants me to give away, but the person who started the organization used to work for Dick Costello. Who, who started Twitter.

[Eduardo Perez]

Yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

Okay. And so it's all very tech heavy. They all work for like founders or CEOs or CTOs of like tech companies. The people they assist are like Real.

[Conan O'Brien]

People as opposed to like some late night clown. No, you can say it.

[Sona Movsesian]

It's just if I feel like the stakes for them are really high because they're like massive billion dollar corporations that their bosses.

[Matt Gourley]

So what did they ask you and what did you say?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

Think it felt like I was like a party clown they hired.

[Matt Gourley]

Isn't this cute?

[Sona Movsesian]

To give some levity to it. I really do think that's what. What I was there for. It was a really funny.

[Conan O'Brien]

Because no one wants to hear you say, well, Here are the 10 rules about being a good assistant. No one wants to hear that from you.

[Sona Movsesian]

What. What do you.

[Matt Gourley]

I would.

[Paul Scheer]

I would like to hear that.

[Matt Gourley]

What are the 10 rules of being an assistant?

[Sona Movsesian]

Give them enough material to riff off of.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. If you're. If your boss has one glass of wine, you have three on his dime.

[Paul Scheer]

Make.

[Conan O'Brien]

Make reservations in his name and then bring your dog to the restaurant.

[Sona Movsesian]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you know that they won't toss you out. Yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

Look for restaurants with at least four dollar signs next to him because you know he's going to be putting it on no horn and you're not paying for it. I just, I had. I had a lot of fun. It was beautifully organized. I got good laughs. I told like some really solid stories from our time working together. And it was. Was it. They loved. There's a lot of people who love you. They love you.

[Conan O'Brien]

I love this convention.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

How come they wouldn't let me come speak?

[Sona Movsesian]

I. Why you have to overshadow me?

[Conan O'Brien]

You're right.

[Sona Movsesian]

I mean, you're not an assistant. Why would you be there?

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what? They did invite me first. And I said, why don't you let Sona have a little.

[Matt Gourley]

Then they invited me too. Isn't that weird?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, they invited you first. You said no. Yeah, I said I want, and then I gave it to you.

[Sona Movsesian]

It was perfectly organized. Great, great people. I really had a really fun time. It was awesome.

[Conan O'Brien]

Now, while you were doing it, were you thinking, I could do more of these?

[Sona Movsesian]

Yes, I wanna do it.

[Conan O'Brien]

But I talked to you about this. This is an avenue for you. I would do. And I like you to prosper. Not too much, but I like you to get ahead in the world. And I think about my godchildren, your two kids. I want them to be able to go to college and stuff. So this is good.

[Sona Movsesian]

I mean. Yeah, I know what you mean. But. But you made it sound like I can't do that now and I need to destitute.

[Conan O'Brien]

You spend so much on gummies I spent.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, you know what you make? You're.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're making a joke. I'm not making a joke, but I spent.

[Matt Gourley]

How much I spent on gum.

[Conan O'Brien]

I love that you're whispering into a very expensive microphone.

[Sona Movsesian]

At least, like, 250 every time I order.

[Matt Gourley]

How often do you order? Daily.

[Sona Movsesian]

Like, daily. You think I buy $250 worth of gummies?

[Matt Gourley]

Daily conventions.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. Okay. So you. How much are you ingesting? Would you have one a night? Do you have two a night?

[Sona Movsesian]

I'm not. No, no, I do. Like a. Like a one, maybe five if I'm feeling crazy. A 10 milligram at night, after the.

[Conan O'Brien]

Boys sleep, just say 10 mil. Yeah. So you do.

[Sona Movsesian]

Don't say mil.

[Conan O'Brien]

250 every two weeks or maybe even longer than that.

[Sona Movsesian]

Like, you know, it's like, maybe a monthly expense is 250 to $300 on gummies.

[Conan O'Brien]

Have you had a situation where we're.

[Matt Gourley]

Talking $3,600 a year on gummies?

[Sona Movsesian]

Why'd you do that?

[Matt Gourley]

I just. Just as your accountant.

[Conan O'Brien]

Now she needs another gummy to calm down. She's feeling anxious.

[Sona Movsesian]

I should do speaking engagements just to pay for my gummies.

[Eduardo Perez]

Yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

But also, I'm saying you. You have a big life. You know, you like the good things in life, and you're gonna want more. This is an avenue for you, and you could be right up front about it when you give. Do speaking engagements. Like, this is paying for my gummies.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, that's true. I thought about it, but then I don't wanna do like. Like, you know, like Exxon. I don't want to go.

[Conan O'Brien]

They don't want me to say what they say. It's a lot of money. I bet it is. No, I've had. I started out with principals, and then. And then I was like. I was on stage, like, yeah, you guys make the landmines.

[Matt Gourley]

You don't have to tell us. You're doing a podcast.

[Conan O'Brien]

Keep America Moving, you know. Oh, no, no, I don't do that.

[Matt Gourley]

You should do gummy conventions.

[Sona Movsesian]

Do you think they have them? I bet.

[Matt Gourley]

Like, they have assistance conventions.

[Sona Movsesian]

Well, I know, but those days, you know what?

[Conan O'Brien]

No one shows up at the gummy convent. Just a bunch of empty seats. One guy staggers in. Yeah, I don't know. I'm just saying this is an avenue for you that you should pursue.

[Sona Movsesian]

I. I would love to do more of these speaking engagements. I think maybe, like, five a year would be great. You know, just to make some extra scratch it would be fun to scratch.

[Conan O'Brien]

If you're going to get those gum. Gums.

[Sona Movsesian]

But I also, I don't know who would want me other than assistance.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, you kidding? No, you. There's so many people you could talk to. I mean, the Armenian community would always like to hear from you.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, I need. I do a lot of Armenian stuff. I am.

[Conan O'Brien]

But you get paid.

[Sona Movsesian]

I don't get paid for those.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, that's right.

[Paul Scheer]

I don't.

[Sona Movsesian]

I don't get paid for any of those because a lot of them are non profit. Like, what am I gonna do? Ask my people for paying money?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, exactly. Say, cough it up, let's go.

[Sona Movsesian]

You wouldn't do it. No, you don't. You don't. You do. How many charity events you. You don't get paid for those?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I always try and hit them up later on. I go by the children's hospital and I say, where's my money, please, sir? I have no leg.

[Sona Movsesian]

But yeah, you know what, it's funny being in a room with all these really professional people. It does make me feel like I. I wasn't a real assistant. Like, I was an assistant to a very important figure in like.

[Conan O'Brien]

But you lost me on that one. No, I am.

[Sona Movsesian]

You're, you know, you are a very big important figure. And then. But they're like in a complete. It's like meeting Michelle Obama's assistant.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, exactly.

[Sona Movsesian]

She spoke there the year before I did.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's so great that they went from Michelle Obama's assistant to you.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yes, yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

She's got like important places to be, important things to do.

[Sona Movsesian]

I know, that's what I'm saying. It's cool. And I wrote a book called the World's Worst Assistant and they asked me to be there. It was really fun. It was cool. I liked it.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right, well, if you've got a gig and you're hiring Sonam of Sestian Sierra, call 555-2222. That number again is 555222.

[Matt Gourley]

Thank you.

[Paul Scheer]

That's great.

[Conan O'Brien]

No problem. Those calls are coming in to a fake phone that exists only in TV and movies.

[Matt Gourley]

Conan o' Brien needs a friend. With Conan o', Brien, Sonam of Session and Matt Gourley produced by me, Matt Gourley executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leow. Theme song by the White Stripes incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer. Samples, engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Bautista and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team coco hotline at 62847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign [e-mail] Conan and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O' Brien needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[Paul Scheer]

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[Conan O'Brien]

A minimum of six.

[Paul Scheer]

That's right, two full years to enjoy warmer rooms, lower bills and beautiful new windows without paying a dime upfront. Visit renewalbyanderson.com to schedule your free consultation today. Hurry. This offer ends December 1st.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, welcome into Walgreens.

[Sona Movsesian]

Hi there.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey.

[Sona Movsesian]

All right, hun. I'll grab the gift wrap cards and oh, those stuffed animals the girls want.

[Conan O'Brien]

Great. And I'll grab the string lights and some. How about I grab some cough drops?

[Paul Scheer]

This is not just a quick trip to Walgreens.

[Sona Movsesian]

I'm fine honey.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, just in case. You know what they say, tis the season. This is help staying healthy through the holidays. Walgreens.