Putting The Fun Back In Funeral with Special Guest Paul Scheer

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

Episode: "Putting The Fun Back In Funeral" with Special Guest Paul Scheer

Date: November 20, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend is a playful and oddly heartwarming conversation about the funeral industry, mortality, and putting humor in unexpected places. Conan, Matt Gourley, Sona Movsesian, and guest Paul Scheer welcome fan-guest Josh, a direct-to-consumer casket & urn entrepreneur, and dive into the logistics, realities, customs, and absurdities of funerals. They riff on casket shopping, quirks of the American death industry, and the ways humor—sometimes dark, sometimes light—helps people navigate grief.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Meet Josh: The Lighthearted Funeral Director (02:03–03:47)

• Josh introduces himself: husband, father of three, and founder of a funeral products company in Bellevue, WA, attending a funeral industry conference in Chicago.
• Paul Scheer jokes about the necessity of a “funeral convention,” to which Josh quips, “Attend one in your life—no more!” (03:31)
• The group immediately finds humor in Josh’s line of work; Matt and Conan tease about “buying caskets in bulk.”

2. Funeral Industry Truths & Consumer Rights (03:47–04:41)

• Josh explains the “funeral rule,” an FTC law allowing consumers to buy funeral products independently, not just through funeral homes. “Most families just don’t know they can shop around—they end up spending too much.” (03:50)
• His company offers caskets and urns at half the typical price, even selling through Costco, Sam’s Club, and Amazon.

3. Bulk Caskets, Sizing, and Funeral Logistics (04:41–06:12)

• Conan and Matt riff on the idea of buying multiple caskets at Costco; Josh confirms “no one's ever filled up their trunk with more than one” at a time. (04:54)
• Paul and Conan probe the logistics: “What if the casket doesn’t fit?”—Josh assures: “He'll fit. We'll make sure he fits.” (05:35)
  • Paul (joking): “Please change the name of your funeral company to ‘We’ll Make Sure They Fit.’” (05:59)

4. Why Spend So Much on a Casket? (06:12–07:52)

• Matt and Paul debate the high cost and pointlessness of casket upselling, given that they “just immediately go in the ground.” (06:40)
• Paul admits loving the idea of a KISS coffin; Conan recounts when Gene Simmons promoted KISS coffins on his show.
• Josh: “You should not overspend. It’s all aesthetics and markups. They do the same thing.” (07:35)

5. Death Fears: The Bell in the Coffin (08:01–08:39)

• Paul jokes about wanting a string and bell just in case he wakes up.
• Matt: “George Washington wanted that. His big fear was being buried alive...” (08:10)
• Sonam interrupts, skeptical: “Did they really poke him with sticks?”
• Matt admits: “Maybe I made that up—now you’ve ruined it.” (08:36, laughter)

6. Helping Families—With Empathy and Humor (08:43–09:09)

• Conan and Matt commend Josh’s genuine desire to help families avoid unnecessary expenses: “It sounds like you’re really helping people.” (08:43)
• Josh: “It’s incredibly rewarding to guide people through a really tough period.” (08:57)

7. Alternate Afterlife Plans (Crime Shows, Tableaux & More) (09:09–11:30)

• Matt asks if his body could be donated to appear as a corpse on a procedural TV show (09:09), and the group riffs on “final performances”—including references to Weekend at Bernie’s.
• Discussion turns to “tableaux” funerals, where the deceased is staged in lifelike scenes. Paul has a photo of such a scene: “It’s like an exhibit in the Smithsonian.” (11:24)

8. “Putting the Fun in Funeral”: Industry Stereotypes & Humor (12:00–13:20)

• Conan and Matt tease Josh on whether funeral directors party at conventions; Josh laughs: “I wouldn’t say it’s the most lively crew.” (12:36)
• Matt: “Being around death should make you want to feel more alive!” Josh agrees: “It makes me appreciate things more—but not necessarily party more.” (12:53)
• Paul coins, “You’re not putting the fun back in funeral.” Josh: “We ARE putting the fun in funeral. Not on the streets of Chicago, but yeah.” (13:09)

9. The Mascot “Mort”: Plush Coffin as Morale Booster (19:06–21:20)

• Josh introduces “Mort,” a coffin plushie encouraging families to plan ahead. He shares Mort’s mascot antics at a Worcester Red Sox game: “He lost the mascot race pretty badly, but he put in a good effort... and died out there.” (19:43, laughter)
• Conan and Matt compare Mort with food mascots that gleefully accept their fates.
• Paul (joking as Mort): “I want you inside of me.” (21:08)
• Josh: “He just wants you to plan your funeral—not to die, but to plan.” (21:10)

10. Urns: Options, Customization & Humor (21:44–22:50)

• Josh confirms many buy urns; Matt notes “everyone’s got jars at home.” (21:48)
• Josh: “It’s all about aesthetics. Envision what you want for your loved one—we’ll have it.” (22:13)
• Discussion of burying urns as a way to create a physical memorial, even if, as Matt says, “people visit for a year or two and then... the grave goes untended.” (22:58)

11. Societal Avoidance of Death (25:14–25:27)

• Matt: “We are a society that’s largely removed all thinking about death. Advertising scrubs away the elderly. It’s not discussed…”
• Josh: “Right.” (25:27)

12. “Funeral Procedurals”: TV Pitch Riffing (25:51–27:20)

• Matt floats, “Have you ever suspected someone of murder because they asked about caskets early?” Josh jokingly claims the Costco bulk guy is a suspect. (25:51)
• Paul pitches a procedural TV show: “The funeral director who solves murders!” (26:09) The group riffs on this, envisioning a Columbo-style, non-scientist sleuth.

13. Conan’s Ultimate Casket & Ghanaan Coffin Traditions (27:31–29:09)

• Josh asks what Conan’s ideal casket would be. Conan describes filming in Ghana, where people commission ornate, custom caskets (e.g., shaped like beer bottles).
• Conan: “I want to be able to watch myself for all eternity. They built me a casket with a TV that faces in, and I can watch my shows on a loop.” (28:22–28:41)
• Conan laughs that his funeral plans are set—no sale today for Josh.

14. Touching Closing Reflections on Generational Humor (29:46–31:08)

• Josh thanks Conan for years of laughter, recalling childhood memories watching The Simpsons with his father, and now sharing Conan’s work with his own kids: “No one’s made me laugh more in my life than you.” (30:03)
• Matt reflects on losing both parents and how TV comedy connects generations: “I would clock what my dad laughed at. That was imprinted on my DNA.” (30:28)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Paul Scheer (on casket sizing):
  “Please change the name of your funeral company to ‘We’ll Make Sure They Fit.’” (05:59)

• Matt Gourley (on casket shopping):
  “There’s part of you thinking—it’s going immediately in the ground...” (06:40)

• Josh (on helping families):
  “At the end of the day, we have a team here who’s here to guide somebody through a really difficult period. It’s incredibly rewarding to run this business.” (08:57)

• On Mort, the casket plushie:
  Paul: “I want you inside of me.” (21:08)

• Matt Gourley (on confronting mortality):
  “We are a society that’s largely removed all thinking about death. It’s not discussed.” (25:14)

• Paul Scheer (pitching TV): “The funeral director who solves murders!” (26:09)

• Conan (about custom caskets):
  “I want to be able to watch myself for all eternity. They built me a casket with a TV that faces in, and I can watch on a loop...” (28:22)

• Josh (heartfelt moment):
  “No one’s made me laugh more in my life than you... The generational impact you’ve had...” (30:03)

• Matt Gourley (on generational laughter): “I would clock what my dad laughed at... That was imprinted on my DNA.” (30:28)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-------------|------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:03 | Josh (fan guest) introduced, funeral business explained | | 03:47 | FTC funeral rule, buying caskets/urns direct | | 05:01 | Sizing caskets, logistics, humor about fit | | 06:12 | Why people overspend on funerals, personal stories | | 08:01 | Bell in the coffin; fear of being buried alive | | 09:09 | Using bodies for TV procedurals, alternative send-offs | | 11:30 | Funerals as tableau/scenes, American & anecdotal customs | | 12:00 | “Partying” in the funeral industry, fun in funerals | | 19:06 | Mort the plush casket mascot, marketing, generational humor | | 22:28 | Urn selection, urn humor, social traditions | | 25:14 | Societal avoidance of death, changing funeral discourse | | 25:51 | Murder mystery/funeral director procedural TV show riff | | 27:31 | Conan’s casket dreams, Ghana casket story | | 29:46 | Heartfelt closing, generational impact of comedy |

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Final Thoughts

This episode blends dark comedy and real talk about death, funerals, and grieving. Conan, Paul, and the team gently lampoon the business of dying, all while reminding listeners that humor and honest conversation can comfort even in life’s most serious moments. Guest Josh provides real insight into an often-overlooked side of life, and the episode ends with moving reflections on the generational power of laughter, both giving and receiving.

For listeners or those pondering the realities of “the final purchase”—this episode proves you can talk about death and still spark a lot of joy.

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Transcript

[Conan O'Brien]

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[Matt Gourley]

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[Conan O'Brien]

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[Matt Gourley]

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[Conan O'Brien]

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[Matt Gourley]

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[Conan O'Brien]

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[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Everything.

[Conan O'Brien]

The fact that you can just order.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Concert tickets through her? That's crazy.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah, exactly. You didn't know that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Even I knew that.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Wow.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

And I fought in World War I.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I know that. Ready? Whatever.

[Matt Gourley]

And yeah, and you were born in the second Obama administration.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is incredible. Ready? Whenever inspiration strikes. Amazon.com NewAlexa. Macy's has a new parade this year. A parade of deals. Standing on the street waiting for that parade to go by. Because you took this literally, you're going to be wasting your time. Wake up, kids. It's a parade. Where is it? A parade of deals. What? Kid crying? Every day from now through November 27th, Macy's is featuring a new must have deal that will last only one day. We're talking about daily deals on things you'll love. Like a super cozy Ugg Fluff Throw. Hey, try and say that even if you say it slowly, you'll probably mess it up. Ugg Fluff Throw. An upgraded Dyson vacuum.

[Matt Gourley]

That's nice.

[Conan O'Brien]

And some of your favorite fragrances, hair products, jewelry too. Oh, and don't forget, Black Friday deals start November 10th. So remember, this isn't a real parade. It's a parade of deals. I was fooled. Don't bring a balloon and get all excited. Your daily thrill starts now. Shop now@macy's.com or in store.

[Sonam Obsessian]

Conan O' Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com call Conan. Okay, let' hello. Hi, Josh. Welcome to Conan Needs a Fan with Conan and special guest Paul Scheer.

[Paul Scheer]

Hey, Josh.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Hey, everyone.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, Josh.

[Matt Gourley]

And I understand, Josh, you and I have not met, but you and Paul have chatted on the podcast. Is that right?

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, I guess so. Right?

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

We met, you chatted with David, but I was in the room. So I shook your hand, but you likely won't remember me from all the.

[Conan O'Brien]

Activity that I was playing. Quick question, Josh.

[Matt Gourley]

Was he cold and dismissive when you shook his hand?

[Conan O'Brien]

Was he. Did he try and big time you?

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

He looked deep into my eyes. I panicked and I left and I handed it to David.

[Paul Scheer]

This is the effect I have on people.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know, he did it with me today. So yes. We have special guest, the very funny.

[Matt Gourley]

Paul Scheer sitting in with us and he's going to help us help you because what I like to do is meet fans and find out about them and then help them with their issues if they have any. And so, Josh, tell us a little bit about yourself.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Yeah. So I live in Bellevue, Washington. My wife of 17 years, I have three kids. Today I'm in Chicago because I'm here for a national funeral convention because I run a direct to consumer casket and urn, company.

[Conan O'Brien]

I was gonna say, I thought, I was just gonna say I'm glad he's in the funeral business because if you were just fan. Fanboying out at the convention, I'd be pretty cool.

[Paul Scheer]

I was going to say what happens if someone dies? Are you all in Chicago right now? I mean, what's, what's going to happen?

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

The best possible place. But you should attend one funeral convention in your life. I would say not two, but one.

[Matt Gourley]

I disagree.

[Conan O'Brien]

But you know, we can talk and let's talk about it and you can tell me a little bit about the business.

[Matt Gourley]

What do you do in the funeral business, Josh?

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

So most families, when they have a loss, they go to their local funeral home. They don't know what things would cost reasonably, so they don't shop around and they end up spending often too much money. They don't have the goodbye they necessarily want. But what these families don't know is there's a federal law called the funeral rule. It's an FTC law that gives you the right to buy your caskets, urns, other products outside the funeral home. And so that's what we do. We sell caskets and urns at roughly half the price that they're sold elsewhere through our own site, through Costco, Sam's Club, Amazon. And so we try to help.

[Matt Gourley]

Wait a minute, I could buy caskets in bulk.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, is it, do you know when you go to a, if you go to a Costco or something, you can get, not just you get like 35 rolls of toilet paper. Could I go and buy for a family? Yeah, for a family.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Don't stop at 35 family size. We will sell you hundreds of houses.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's like the Fruit Loops. It's like the Froot loops that feed 35 kids for a week. Yeah, just. Does anyone ever buy more? Does, does anyone ever buy more than.

[Matt Gourley]

One casket at once, do you think?

[Conan O'Brien]

Just by a couple?

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Not a, not a once. But we have families that, that have needs in their community and so, but usually they don't fill up their trunk with more than one.

[Paul Scheer]

I have a question about this, because, you know, normally when someone dies, it's. It's, you know, it's a surprise or. Or we didn't know it was gonna happen. And it seems like you can't take this time to, like, go shopping around. It's not like, oh, hold on, let me order one on Amazon. And, like, when will that come in, like, a week? Like, I don't know. You know?

[Conan O'Brien]

Also a big problem. I've had this with shoes. Oh, this pair of shoes looks really amazing. You order it from Amazon, they come.

[Matt Gourley]

And they don't fit.

[Conan O'Brien]

If the casket shows up after you've waited for three days and you try.

[Matt Gourley]

And put Uncle Mory in there and it.

[Conan O'Brien]

He doesn't fit, what do you do?

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Yeah, well, he'll fit. We'll make sure he fits.

[Paul Scheer]

I don't like the way he says that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, Josh. Josh has another product he could sell you called the D. Legger.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

I told you, you have to come to a funeral convention.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's Munson's D Legger. Keep the bottom part closed. And no one knows where those legs went.

[Paul Scheer]

Please change the name of your funeral company. Like, we'll make sure they fit.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Yeah, that's right. Most people fit in a standard size. And then we do have wider ones for. For those who need them.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah, okay. This is a very obvious area. But when one is in this position, they often start selling you a casket. This is the normal way. You're at a funeral home, they start ordering you a casket or trying to sell you a casket, and they want to sell you this really beautiful casket. And even if this is someone who is really near and dear to you, there is part of you that's thinking, like, it's going immediately in the ground.

[Paul Scheer]

No one's getting to look at this.

[Matt Gourley]

No one's getting to look at this thing. So the fact that it has flames painted on the side and it gets AM FM radio.

[Paul Scheer]

Now, stop attacking my Kiss coffin, because that is something I hold and I treasure dearly.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know, I've seen the Kiss coffin.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, my God.

[Matt Gourley]

We had Gene Simmons on the old late night show, and he came on with all Kiss. He just tried to use my show as an infomercial.

[Conan O'Brien]

And he came on with all this Kiss stuff.

[Paul Scheer]

I was actually on that show.

[Conan O'Brien]

Were you on that show?

[Paul Scheer]

Because I remember the Kiss coffin in the hallway.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was in the hallway, yeah. And I was looking at it, and I kept trying to talk to him about cool Backstage stories and being in a rock band. And he was just like, let's just stick to the merchandise.

[Matt Gourley]

So the coffins you're selling for half price, how can you find that savings? Is it. Is it because there's so much upselling that goes on in a normal funeral home?

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

That's right. Just the dynamics of somebody making a distressed purchase they're only not shopping around has led to huge markups on these products. But to your point, they all do the same thing. You should not. It's all aesthetics. It's a rectangle. They have the same functionality. You should not overspend on these products.

[Matt Gourley]

And there's not a lot of functionality either. I mean, it's a box that is out of sight, out of mind. Yeah, I hate to be too graphic about this.

[Paul Scheer]

I don't mind putting a little string in a bell there just in case, you know, I feel like old school style. Just in case you get, you know, wake up. You gotta hit that little.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you know who wanted that?

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Who?

[Matt Gourley]

George Washington wanted that. His big fear, which was a very common late 18th century fear and early 19th century fear, was being buried alive. Because before they were embalming, it was a real possibility. And so he was very worried that he would be buried prematurely. They didn't do the bell, but he did ask that people keep an eye on him for a couple days and poke him with sticks.

[Sonam Obsessian]

Wait, is that true?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. No.

[Sonam Obsessian]

Poke him with sticks.

[Matt Gourley]

No. I maybe made that part up just for fun, and now you've ruined it.

[Sonam Obsessian]

I'm sorry.

[Matt Gourley]

So, Josh, you have this business, and.

[Conan O'Brien]

This actually, all kidding aside, it does.

[Matt Gourley]

Sound like you're really helping people, because many people spend a fortune and sometimes spend money they don't even really have, paying all these expenses. And they don't realize that there's another way to go.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Yeah, we try to be a service business. We sell products. But at the end of the day, we have a team here who's here to guide somebody through a really difficult period. It's incredibly rewarding to run this business.

[Matt Gourley]

Can I ask you about something I've considered and tell me if this would even be possible. But I've discussed this with a couple of people. It may even have come up here. But it's the idea that if I pass away, maybe I'm not put in a casket or maybe I'm not cremated. Maybe I could be a body on a crime procedural show. You know what I mean? Like found by a jogger.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

Like a jogger's running by and then you cut to the cops and they have their coffee, and it's me. I'm there, and whatever. Put some jogging clothes on me. I'll clean up.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right. But it would be a way that.

[Matt Gourley]

I'd continue to work in the business.

[Paul Scheer]

Final performance or more. Oh, okay. You're saying keep it going.

[Matt Gourley]

Wow.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, there are probably chemicals that would keep me going. And Weekend at Bernie's, I think, is a documentary that's like.

[Paul Scheer]

I know two is.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

But anyway, it's just. Or being left in a field.

[Matt Gourley]

Something.

[Paul Scheer]

A scarecrow.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. I'm kind of scarecrow y now.

[Matt Gourley]

Crows do not settle on me.

[Paul Scheer]

You see that. That would be amazing. I want to ask Josh about.

[Matt Gourley]

I think Josh left.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, sorry, Josh.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

No, let's make all this happen. I'm taking notes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Josh realized that these guys are not. Are not reput.

[Producer/Assistant]

I should not be talking to them.

[Paul Scheer]

Is there. I. I've seen this a few times where they set up a scene. So it's like somebody.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

The.

[Paul Scheer]

The image that I'm thinking of is like, a woman sitting at a table with a drink and cards and a pack of cigarettes. I've seen that as like a way to do a wake.

[Conan O'Brien]

A tableau.

[Matt Gourley]

Is that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Does anyone really do that?

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

I think we've reached the edge of my expert. I've seen a lot of strange things.

[Paul Scheer]

That is not. I. I have a picture of it on my phone because I was. I. I.

[Sonam Obsessian]

What?

[Paul Scheer]

Just for fun and.

[Sonam Obsessian]

Well, okay, then that explains it.

[Paul Scheer]

But I. I didn't. New thing. Like, they're creating a tableau.

[Matt Gourley]

I'm gonna back you up here, Paul. And this is.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I don't want to. I want to go after you, but.

[Matt Gourley]

I have to because I have also heard of. Oh, they've been set up in their bark lounger, and they used to watch, you know, love watching their, you know, Seahawks game. And so that's what we set up, and that's how you can go see them.

[Paul Scheer]

It's like an exhibit in the Smithsonian instead of like a. It's like a wake. But you're watching them in their. Their nice moment.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

Well, I think Josh made it clear he's. He's not going anywhere near this.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, he's checked out.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

There's. There's no limit to what we'll do, so. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Part of why I reached out.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

You are a visionary. Or we haven't found the limit.

[Paul Scheer]

And we'll get him in there.

[Conan O'Brien]

He's jamming NBA stars into a tiny casket.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Let's create Options.

[Paul Scheer]

I want the Wemby coffin, please.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

That's right.

[Matt Gourley]

Are you at this convention?

[Conan O'Brien]

Is there a lot of partying?

[Matt Gourley]

Is there a lot of partying?

[Conan O'Brien]

Because, you know, I'm gonna say this.

[Matt Gourley]

Because Josh is clearly a very funny, fun guy. He's met you before, Paul. And you only meet with people who are fun and funny.

[Paul Scheer]

I do. And that's how you do.

[Matt Gourley]

And you're listening to our podcast and you're contacting us. So people always have this feeling that the person at the funeral home is, you know, just very like Lurch on the Addams Family. And you're not. I'm guessing you guys really like to party when you get together.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

It. It's hit and miss, I would say. I've been in other industries.

[Matt Gourley]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

You shook your head.

[Matt Gourley]

No.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Yeah, I don't. I don't. Look, there are a lot of fantastic people in this business. I wouldn't say it's the most lively crew of any industry out there.

[Conan O'Brien]

So funny, because I would think being.

[Matt Gourley]

Around death all the time would make you want to be more alive. Does that make sense?

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Oh, I. I agree with that. Very much so. I think spending every day answering the call from people are in these moments, it really makes you reflect. I don't know if it makes you go out and party, but it certainly makes me appreciate.

[Paul Scheer]

You're not putting the fun back in funeral.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

We are putting the fun in funeral. Yeah, that's not on the streets of Chicago, but yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

He calls them funerals.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

That's right. That's again, taking notes.

[Matt Gourley]

Just try it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just try one saying, this is why I came on.

[Matt Gourley]

I hope you welcome to this funnel. Just try it.

[Paul Scheer]

Funnel. Funnel sounds nice. Yeah, it doesn't seem as dour.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, then we could call carnival.

[Matt Gourley]

We could call funnel cakes, Funeral cakes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just to try and switch it back the other way. Introducing the latest innovative bidet from Luxe.

[Matt Gourley]

Bidet Whiffed Bidet, the first bidet that thinks ahead. Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

The bidets are thinking, wow, we knew this would happen. This is a sci fi movie. The bidet comes to you. I think it's time. Not just now. Oh, no. I saw what you ate. Whiff Bidet from Luxe Bidet is the only bidet with a built in deodorizer that sprays a fresh fragrant mist directly into your toilet bowl, stopping foul odors before they happen.

[Matt Gourley]

I went to college.

[Conan O'Brien]

With one press of a button, Whiff Bidet mists the bowl with a scent shield. That buys you both time and dignity. Yeah, dignity. I've lost reading this ad. It says, talk about your experience with luxe bidets. Well, my experience is being forced to talk about luxe bidets. You're a big fan of the bidet.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

And you too.

[Matt Gourley]

You have one.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's great you have one. It's. Well, now it's thinking I don't. Does it ever text does it ever text you at work? Don't use a toilet without me. Don't betray me. Does your bidet know when you've used a regular toilet at work and you come home? Who is she? Grab yours. Yeah, grab yours. Or you know what? It'll come to you. Buy me. How did you get my number? We know where you live. Grab [e-mail] and get 20% off with code CONAN.

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, my Lord.

[Conan O'Brien]

Lux bidet. The better way to go. Hey, Sona. I heard you got a new car.

[Sonam Obsessian]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know, David usually gives me a.

[Matt Gourley]

Ride to work, but I'd love it if you.

[Sonam Obsessian]

No, no, no. You're not. I'm sorry, you're not allowed in my new car. My Palisade is my oasis. It's my happy place. So you're not allowed in.

[Matt Gourley]

Wait a minute.

[Conan O'Brien]

What are you talking about?

[Matt Gourley]

I made you.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

You.

[Conan O'Brien]

When I found you, you were wandering.

[Matt Gourley]

The streets with a bucket on your head.

[Sonam Obsessian]

What?

[Conan O'Brien]

And now you're Sodom obsession and you're driving around the Palisade. You won't give me a ride.

[Sonam Obsessian]

This is why I don't let you in my happy place. Because you talk about me walking around with a bucket on my head. Why would I let you into my personal oasis. If this is the way you're going to talk, you have to earn your spot.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, earn it now in my Hyundai. The all new Hyundai Palisade hybrid is more than just another suv. It's still the Palisade, but with so much more. Like up to 600 plus miles of range. That's incredible.

[Sonam Obsessian]

Yeah, it is.

[Conan O'Brien]

And class leading interior space. So much space. Now have you enjoyed that extra space?

[Sonam Obsessian]

I'm being very serious right now. If you recline the seat all the way back, a little ottoman pops up so you can sleep comfortably in the front seat.

[Matt Gourley]

That's insane.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

There are seating configurations for seven to eight passengers with available third row power seats that recline, plus available front and second row relaxation seats. Learn more about the Hyundai palisade@hyundai USA.com Call 562-314-4603 for complete details. I'm sure a lot of you out there are plain Coca Cola people and that's respectable. Trust me, I'm one.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Yeah, same.

[Conan O'Brien]

You've many times seen me just I like to order just a regular Coca Cola, I really do. But if you haven't tried a Coca Cola from Sonic, now is your chance. Because right now is completely free with any purchase. Now if you're a regular Joe, you're thinking to yourself, I can get a Coca Cola from anywhere.

[Matt Gourley]

Conan, why would I go to Sonic?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I'm going to tell you. Sonic has all the flavors and add ins to make the perfect Coca Cola for you. I'm talking strawberry, cherries, coconut, sweet cream, jalapenos. Oh, second of all, let me say this again. It's free but I like an add in. I like to have a little flavor. And you know what? Coconut in your Coca Cola is delicious. It really is. So create a Coke your way. Any size, any flavor, free with any purchase in the Sonic app for a limited time. Live free. Eat Sonic.

[Matt Gourley]

I was up half the night last night watching a World Series game. Yeah, it was very exciting.

[Conan O'Brien]

I have to tell you, I don't care what your sport is. Tailgates or watching parties or you know, whatever. If you're watching high lie, it doesn't matter.

[Matt Gourley]

It is Miller time.

[Conan O'Brien]

Miller Lite is brewed with simple ingredients like malted barley for rich flavor and golden color. A taste you can depend on because Miller time is always a good time.

[Matt Gourley]

I'm out there throwing the pig skin around.

[Conan O'Brien]

I used to just throw pig skin. Chunks of pig skin.

[Paul Scheer]

Wow.

[Conan O'Brien]

I never had a football. Where would you find the pig? Oh, I went to a farmer.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Oh good.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah, and the farm.

[Conan O'Brien]

The pig had fallen into a shredder. Anyway, back to Miller Light. Just hawking pigskin around. I like to raise a Millerite in.

[Matt Gourley]

The air and celebrate.

[Conan O'Brien]

A great pass.

[Matt Gourley]

Throwing chunks of pigskin around.

[Conan O'Brien]

One of those nail biters last night's game. Incredible.

[Matt Gourley]

Nail biter with the Dodgers.

[Conan O'Brien]

Incredible. So anyway, Miller Lite great taste. 96 calories. Go to mirrorlite.comconan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Mirror Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. And if they don't sell Mirror Lite, turn to them and say, sir, you.

[Matt Gourley]

Do not sell beer.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

[Producer/Assistant]

Josh is he is trying to put the fun back in funeral and he actually sent us all gifts. Josh, do you want to explain what these gifts are?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, please yeah.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

So about a year ago, we had a visitor at Titan. His name is Mort, and he is. We're still getting to know him. He's a little coffin plushie. And he. We think in his prior life he was a funeral director and has now come back to encourage families to plan. Very cuddly. He was the mascot of the Worcester Red Sox. This year. He ran around the bases.

[Matt Gourley]

My family's all from Worcester. Yes.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Oh, you. The farm team.

[Matt Gourley]

The far team is. Is in Worcester.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Yeah. He. He lost the mascot race pretty, pretty badly. But he put in a good effort.

[Paul Scheer]

And died out there.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Yeah, exactly.

[Conan O'Brien]

Exactly.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

And so. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just a quick question. Well, here's the thing.

[Matt Gourley]

No, I'm not going to hug a casket.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Coffee.

[Matt Gourley]

I'm sorry. Coffin. You know, it's always been strange to me when, you know, if you're watching a commercial and it's for a kind of food. Do you know what I mean? Like a hamburger. And the hamburger comes out and says, you'll love me. And whenever the animal is saying, please eat me. And Robert Smigel and I once worked on a sketch that we couldn't get onto Saturday Night Live for obvious reasons, but it was a cartoon hot dog. And he was saying, convert me into shit. And it was all him.

[Conan O'Brien]

And it's him begging to be eaten, ingested, and then excreted into a toilet and. Cause it's the nonsense. It's insane that food would be begging you to enjoy consuming it. This. I'm getting the same vibe here with.

[Matt Gourley]

Casketty, which is Mort.

[Paul Scheer]

Mort.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think Casketty really rolls off his tongue.

[Paul Scheer]

Mort. Casket.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, exactly. But he's so happy. He's someone who you think was a funeral director died and is enjoying the experience of being dead so much that.

[Matt Gourley]

He'S come back to convince other people to.

[Paul Scheer]

I want you inside of me.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

To plan the funerals. Not to die. To plan their funeral.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, to plan their funeral.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Yes. Not to. Not to pass.

[Conan O'Brien]

Does he profit?

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

He wants you to live.

[Conan O'Brien]

He wants you to live, but he's.

[Matt Gourley]

Here to remind you that you've only got so much time left.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Yes.

[Matt Gourley]

Mort.

[Conan O'Brien]

Mort. Now let me ask you.

[Matt Gourley]

This is an question I have to ask.

[Conan O'Brien]

Who's selling Mort? Who.

[Matt Gourley]

Who benefits through sales of Mort?

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

I mean, we sell. We sell Mort. I would say we. We've given more Morts away than we. We sell him. But he is for sale on our site.

[Matt Gourley]

Okay.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

He is here to help, though.

[Matt Gourley]

Do you sell urns as well as caskets?

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Oh, definitely, yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

And what are people looking for in an urn. Because an urn is a much. I mean, first of all, technically, you don't need an urn. Everyone's got jars at home.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

That's right. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Again, you just gotta label it. It's like yogurt in the fridge. You gotta label it.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Exactly.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, I made the mistake. I put it in my spice drawer.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, no. This ham tastes fantastic.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Everything is aesthetics. It's what we tell families is to close your eyes and envision the look that you love for this, for your loved one. And we'll have an option for you in that color, that style, and it'll be affordable.

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, wow.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

And so it's really just. Are you going to place it in your home? Are you going to scatter in a place that's meaningful to you? You can bury and urn and have a place to visit.

[Paul Scheer]

Why would you bury an urn, though?

[Conan O'Brien]

Like, it feels like people do it. I know that people often bury an urn. First of all, you don't have to.

[Matt Gourley]

Get a big plot.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay.

[Matt Gourley]

And it gives you.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you'll probably know the term for.

[Matt Gourley]

This, Josh, but people want a destination. They want to go visit this person. First of all, we all know they.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do that for about a year or.

[Matt Gourley]

Two, and then they drift away and the grave goes untended.

[Paul Scheer]

But that bell just ringing, ding, ding.

[Conan O'Brien]

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[Matt Gourley]

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[Conan O'Brien]

I just shout down into the earth, you in the ringing, lay off the bell. We'll get to you. I'm busy.

[Matt Gourley]

Wow.

[Sonam Obsessian]

Messed up.

[Matt Gourley]

Josh, I blame you for this whole segment.

[Conan O'Brien]

You did this.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

I've taken us to a dark place. Bring us back.

[Conan O'Brien]

But you know what you have. I have to say this, Josh, you.

[Matt Gourley]

Have a very kind face, and you seem very serene, and I think you have the kind of mean. The kind of, you know, aura that someone should have who's in this business, which is he, you know, doesn't he.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. You do want. You seem like you're very sympathetic.

[Matt Gourley]

You have a lot of empathy. Yeah.

[Sonam Obsessian]

You've got really kind eyes. And when Conan dies, I'll call Josh. Well, but also a really short casket.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Really short.

[Sonam Obsessian]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I want my legs. I want holes in my legs coming out the.

[Paul Scheer]

To the sides.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then I want them to curl up like the wicked witch. I want them to go out and in, out and in and pulse. Like, with the pulsing music. Have pulsing music playing. And my legs are going. It's diplo.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

This is your official funeral plan?

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

At this road, unless you have it written down elsewhere. This. This podcast will.

[Conan O'Brien]

This will serve that.

[Matt Gourley]

I. I want Josh to handle it all. He'll get me in there. He'll cram me in.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Perfect.

[Conan O'Brien]

One way or another, you'll find.

[Matt Gourley]

I want.

[Conan O'Brien]

I want nothing to do with Mort.

[Matt Gourley]

Mort's. Why is Mort wearing a bow tie?

[Conan O'Brien]

Who made.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

He's a funeral director. He's very. He's a. This is a profession that people wear suits.

[Paul Scheer]

He stole it off a deadline.

[Matt Gourley]

Please, let's not bring up grave robbing. I think that's taboo subject. I don't know, Josh. You've got me thinking about a lot of stuff right now. There's a lot to consider here.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Yes.

[Matt Gourley]

I do think we are a society that has largely removed all thinking about death. It's been removed from advertising, has scrubbed away elderly. It's not discussed.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Right.

[Matt Gourley]

So this is important. This podcast is a way for people to really think about the dead death and what preparations they want to make. And that leads me to my next question. Have you ever suspected someone of murder because they came in and started asking about caskets before the person died?

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

I remember one person asked me about buying caskets in bulk in Costco, and that's my prime suspect.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, well, I sympathize with this fellow. He must have many people he's angry with. I love a guy who's really worried about. I want to kill them all, but I've got to take care of their arrangements.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, I like, this is like an hour long procedural. The funeral director who solves murders. Like, he's like, I know it was foul play.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, that's right. Yeah. People.

[Matt Gourley]

That's a good procedural.

[Paul Scheer]

That would be great.

[Conan O'Brien]

If this becomes a show, Josh, you.

[Matt Gourley]

Participate in the profits. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

A funeral director who just. Something's off. He's really good at being a funeral director.

[Matt Gourley]

But bodies come in.

[Paul Scheer]

They say it's natural causes, but this is very suspicious.

[Matt Gourley]

But he's not a forensic scientist. He's not.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, he's just a funeral director.

[Paul Scheer]

He's like Murder, She Wrote. It's like that. It's just like a small town. People are dying unexpectedly.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. And I think what happens is when.

[Matt Gourley]

The body comes in and it's got a large harpoon through it and other people are saying it's a heart attack. This person's like, I just don't know.

[Conan O'Brien]

And they have that Colombo thing of. They are.

[Matt Gourley]

They're very nice and they're just asking questions, but clearly that's their. Their way of getting the truth.

[Paul Scheer]

And then at the End. They go, well, yeah, we knew it was murder. We just didn't tell you. You're just doing the funeral directing, so. Yeah, you didn't need to know that. Yeah, okay, sure.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. The police. No, the police said.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

Did you hear that?

[Conan O'Brien]

It was in the paper three weeks ago and they caught the guy. Yeah, it was a murder.

[Paul Scheer]

He had a harpoon through his chest. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

So why are you acting like this is a show? It's not a show. You. All right, Josh, we.

[Sonam Obsessian]

Josh, do you have a question for Conan before we go?

[Matt Gourley]

We may have answered it with all my funeral babble.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Absolutely. As a. As a funeral visionary, Conan, if we designed the perfect casket for you, what would that. What would that look like? Because we would love to do that.

[Matt Gourley]

My casket. You know, I went to Ghana, where the people. And the people of Ghana are brilliant at making custom caskets. It's a tradition they've had for a long time. And I mean, beautiful woodworking where they'll make. If the person was really into a certain kind of beer, the casket will be a giant, you know, six foot beer bottle that's beautifully rendered. And so they asked me. It's an episode of Conan o' Brien. Must go. Or no, I think Conan without Borders. Also available in the same streaming service, hbo Max.

[Conan O'Brien]

But anyway, I go, you can see me go to Ghana.

[Matt Gourley]

And they ask me about my casket and I say that I wanna be able to watch myself for all eternity. And they built me a casket with a TV that faces in, and I get in it and they close it and I can watch on a loop.

[Paul Scheer]

Wow.

[Matt Gourley]

My shows from, you know, the 90s and 2000s and stuff on a steady stream.

[Producer/Assistant]

And the shape is U.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, the shape. It's a giant U. And it's. Oh, I forgot, I buried the lead. Hello, home run. But I get inside me and we can post this photo along with Blay. What's the lingo here?

[Producer/Assistant]

Just Team Coco podcasts on Instagram.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah. And then we'll post the photo of my casket. And I brought it back. We have it here somewhere.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, we really do. We have it in storage, so. Sir, no sale. I'm all taken care of. I tied up all your time and I already own my casket.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

It's okay. I was stealing all the ideas we talked about. We're gonna get in touch with you about this.

[Conan O'Brien]

We're getting in touch with you about.

[Matt Gourley]

This TV show because I think Paul's got a winner here. And I love the idea that the police already had it solved.

[Conan O'Brien]

Every Week, every week.

[Matt Gourley]

What are you talking about? Just. Just do your job and shut up.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, Josh, thank you so much. Really nice talking to you.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

You too, Conan. Can I say one nice thing before we go?

[Conan O'Brien]

If it's nice, of course.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

I thought, I feel like this was a little. But when I was. Humor was really important in my family growing up, and there was nothing more thrilling to me than when my. I saw my dad laughing at something that I like. And that was often the Simpsons when you were there.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

And now.

[Producer/Assistant]

Thank you.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

I have kids and we listen to your podcast and watch Must Go and Without Borders. And I see my kids watching me laugh at your show and I just think that you've. No one's made me laugh more in my life than you. And the generational impact you've had as a.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, Josh, that means.

[Matt Gourley]

That means the world to me. Thank you. I'm ecstatic that that's true.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I will tell you, I lost.

[Matt Gourley]

Both my parents last December. One of the things I think about a lot is that I would watch TV with my dad and I would clock what he laughed at. And he really loved Johnny Carson when he would do Carnac. So I had this very strong memory of watching my dad watching this very silly man in a giant hat doing really funny jokes on a late night show. And that was imprinted on my DNA. I know it was. And so I get what you're saying, and I'm thrilled that that's true. And we're gonna just keep trying to make more idiocy for you and your children.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you know what?

[Matt Gourley]

Screw it. I'm selling the Ghana casket.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

No.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I'm going with Josh now. Okay, Josh, I'll be up there. I'll come up there and we'll pick up something amazing. And I'm gonna spend, spend, spend. I wanna be buried in a Bugatti that's running and you have to keep refueling it at the cemetery.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Hold.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm coming, Josh. Thank you, Josh. Take care.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Thank you so much. Great to meet you.

[Podcast Narrator/Announcer]

Conan o' Brien needs a fan with Conan o', Brien, Sonam Obsessian and Matt Gourley Produced by me, Matt Gourley Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leow Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising Producer Aaron Blair Associate Talent Producer Jennifer Samples Associate Producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm Engineering by Eduardo Perez get three free months of Sirius XM when you sign [e-mail] Conan please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O' Brien needs a fan wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[Alaina (Morbid Podcast Host)]

Hey weirdos, I'm Alaina.

[Ash (Morbid Podcast Host)]

And I'm Ash and we are the hosts of Morbid Podcast.

[Alaina (Morbid Podcast Host)]

Each week we dive into the dark and fascinating world of true crime, spooky history, and the unexplained.

[Ash (Morbid Podcast Host)]

From infamous killers and unsolved mysteries to haunted places and strange legends, we cover it all with research, empathy, humor, and a few creative expletives.

[Alaina (Morbid Podcast Host)]

It's smart, it's spooky, and it's just the right amount of weird.

[Ash (Morbid Podcast Host)]

Two new episodes drop every week, and there's even a bonus once a month.

[Alaina (Morbid Podcast Host)]

Find us wherever you listen to podcasts.

[Sonam Obsessian]

Yay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Woo.

[Josh (Funeral Director Guest)]

Ay.

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