Will Arnett Returns

Summary

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Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend: Will Arnett Returns

Release Date: December 8, 2025
Host: Conan O’Brien, with Sona Movsesian & Matt Gourley
Guest: Will Arnett

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Episode Overview

In this energetic and gleefully tangential episode, Conan is joined once again by comic actor and Smartless podcast co-host Will Arnett. The conversation weaves hilariously between industry in-jokes, meta-commentary on podcasting and celebrity, and sincere moments about vulnerability, grief, and artistic growth. With Sona and Matt as wry participants, the group recaptures their trademark improvisational spirit. Central themes include the dynamics of their friendship, the joys and pitfalls of making comedy, navigating internet culture, and Will’s leap into dramatic acting with his new film "Is This Thing On?" directed by Bradley Cooper.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Sona is (Temporarily) Back in the Assistant Chair

Timestamps: 02:10 – 07:00

• A nostalgic riff on Sona stepping in as Conan’s assistant for the day—ordering Ubers, lunch, and rapid-fire texting, all recounted in both banter and mock melodrama.
• Conan and Sona playfully re-enact a typical exchange, complete with panicked texts about workplace logistics.
• Quote:
  • Conan: “I'm more interested in, oh, my God, this is great. The Uber didn't come. Now I get to have that as, you know, as new improv fun.” (07:12)
• Conan jokes about how he prefers chaos and mistakes for their comedic potential over actual efficiency.

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2. Will Arnett “Flexes” With His Microphone

Timestamps: 08:29 – 11:18

• Will brings his prized U87 microphone—gleeful inside baseball ensues.
• Banter about gear as a status symbol and flex (“There’s nothing sad about carrying around a microphone in a box.” – Conan, 10:57), peppered with podcast rivalry jokes aimed at Will’s Smartless co-hosts.
• Conan pokes at Will about the Smartless launch, and the “manic” competitive spirit of podcasting.

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3. Smartless Stories, Podcast Comments, and the Joy of No Format

Timestamps: 11:36 – 18:41

• Conan reminisces about Will (and the Smartless trio) nervously asking him for podcasting advice; both shows are essentially “no format” besides chatting with friends.
• Will details his initial insecurities launching Smartless and relays the “free” and chaotic style that’s since become a phenomenon.
• Quote:
  • “Let me remind… it’s free. They don’t have to listen. What’s the problem?” – Will (18:25)

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4. The Sally Rooney Quote: On Celebrity and Internet Culture

Timestamps: 18:41 – 26:22

• Will reads a long, incisive quote from Sally Rooney about the derangement of celebrity culture and the blurring of parasocial lines between fans and public figures.
• Conan provides comic relief, gently roasting Will for the quote’s length, before admitting its deep relevance to the way audiences engage with “celebrities” as imagined people.
• Memorable Moment:
  • Will’s delivery is unexpectedly earnest and prompts rare, contemplative silence from the cast.
  • Quote:
    • “It makes me wonder whether celebrity culture has sort of metastasized to fill the emptiness left by religion. Like a malignant growth where the sacred used to be.” (21:38, Sally Rooney as read by Will)

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5. The Bateman Christmas Party Saga & Coping with Grief Through Comedy

Timestamps: 29:11 – 34:52

• Will narrates the now-infamous story of Jason Bateman’s repeated non-invitations to Conan’s Christmas party, culminating in a “gotcha” moment on a live Smartless show.
• The bit takes a darkly comic turn as Conan, processing the deaths of his parents, texts Will and Bateman that he blames Bateman for his father’s passing—turning loss into an ongoing riff.
• Quote:
  • Conan (after the loss of his father): “To be honest, I blame Bateman. He killed my dad.” (32:00)
• Will: “I knew that in that moment, this is what he wanted—he wants to laugh and do bits.” (34:02)
• Both agree that gallows humor can be a comfort during profound grief.

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6. Will’s New Film, The Fear of “Getting Caught Trying,” and Artistic Vulnerability

Timestamps: 36:52 – 44:39

• Conan lauds Will’s lead performance in "Is This Thing On?" and discusses the courage to leave the comfort zone of comedy.
• Will confides that a core fear for performers is “being caught trying,” which drives them to cynicism or constant comedic evasion; this film forced him into real vulnerability.
• Will recounts how he did real standup as film prep, initially under a fake name, battling the urge to default to his usual comedic persona.
• Quote:
  • Will: “You have to kind of own it… be vulnerable. And I can’t write it off as a bit and I can’t, at the end, pull my pants down and make a fart sound.” (37:42)
  • Conan: “It's why we gravitate towards comedy—because you can joke around, and if something doesn't quite work, you can make that the bit… nothing sticks to you.” (36:54)

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7. Stand-up for a Dramatic Role: Method, Chaos, and the Comedy Club

Timestamps: 44:39 – 44:58

• Will describes immersing himself in standup as “Alex Novak” (his character), refusing to explain himself onstage to stay true to the material.
• Quote:
  • “Just go out and do it. Don’t worry about it.” (Advice given to Will by Kirk Fox, 43:02)
• Bradley Cooper directed Will back from seeking “safe” laughs, pushing him to embrace the discomfort.

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8. Friendship, Arrested Development, and the Genius of Mitch Hurwitz

Timestamps: 50:00 – 56:42

• Conan expresses real admiration for "Arrested Development" and recognizes the crucial role of Mitch Hurwitz in both Will’s career and as a personal mentor.
• Will and Conan reflect on LA vs. New York creative communities, and the quirks of their own neighborly distance from Hurwitz.
• Quote:
  • “I worship at the altar of Arrested Development. At its finest, it's maybe one of the highest levels of comedy that's been achieved.” – Conan (50:54)

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9. Industry Jokes, Candy Bar Endorsements, and Closing Shenanigans

Timestamps: 61:11 – 63:13

• Conan and Will descend into a riot of inside jokes about competing for candy commercial gigs (Reese’s vs. Hershey’s Payday).
• The fake competitiveness and long-standing friendship is gently lampooned, with trademark Understatement and mock egos.

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10. Reflections & Light-Hearted Closer

Timestamps: 64:38 – End

• Playful bickering about the podcast’s lack of a formal ending; Conan pretends to grow exasperated at the need for “punch-ups” and the “nerds” from comedy writing taking over.
• Will (sincerely, then comically) encourages a future collaboration.

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Notable Quotes (with Speaker & Timestamp)

• “Make a mistake around me and I’m delighted.”
  — Conan (07:43)

• “You are the master of voiceover. You really are.”
  — Conan to Will (09:40)

• “If this guy could do a podcast…”
  — Will, faux Sebastian Maniscalco impression, poking fun at Conan’s success (13:33)

• “Let me remind… it’s free. They don’t have to listen. What’s the problem?”
  — Will (18:25)

• “They really cannot tell the difference between someone they have heard of and someone they personally know.”
  — Sally Rooney as read by Will (21:45)

• “If you didn’t laugh, you’d cry… They’re sort of in the same area, you’re still emoting, you’re still feeling, you’re kind of doing it in a different way.”
  — Will (34:52)

• “My big fear in life was being caught trying.”
  — Will (36:54)

• “You have to kind of own it… be vulnerable. And I can’t write it off as a bit and I can’t, at the end, pull my pants down and make a fart sound.”
  — Will (37:42)

• “Just go out and do it. Don’t worry about it.”
  — Kirk Fox (advice to Will) (43:02)

• “You know this about me. I worship at the altar of Arrested Development.”
  — Conan (50:54)

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Memorable Moments

• Will’s lengthy, earnest Sally Rooney quote punctuated by Conan’s comic impatience and Sona swatting a bug (24:25).
• The Christmas Party bit involving Jason Bateman, re-told with text transcripts—darkly comic, yet weirdly heartfelt (32:00).
• Will’s story of “hiding behind cynicism,” and Conan’s open admiration for Will’s risk-taking in drama.
• Riffing on Bateman’s hyper-control and self-mastery (“He wants to live to be 190” – Conan, 16:52) and the playful jealousy it triggers.

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The Tone

The episode is a seamless blend of absurd riffing and real admiration, affection, and honest insight into creative risk. Banter about podcasts, the comedy business, and old friendships is interwoven with sincere talk about grief, legacy, and the courage to try new things—always keeping one foot in meta-comedy and sarcasm.

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For New Listeners

If you’re new to “Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend” or to Will Arnett’s irreverent charms, this episode serves as a densely packed, laugh-out-loud master class in self-deprecating humor, showbiz camaraderie, and the genuine comfort comedians find in making one another laugh—even in the face of loss. The chemistry between Conan and Will is palpable, the inside jokes abound, and yet there’s a universality to their reflections about vulnerability and the messiness of life.

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Transcript

[Conan O'Brien]

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[Sona Movsesian]

All the time. Cause I always eat unhealthy stuff.

[Conan O'Brien]

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[Sona Movsesian]

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[Will Arnett]

Hi, my name is Will Arnett.

And I feel just fine about being Conan o' Brien's friend.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hear the yell back to school, ring the bell Brand new shoes Walking blues climb the fence Books and pens I can tell that we are gonna be.

[Will Arnett]

Friends.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Hey there and welcome to Conan o' Brien Needs a Friend, joined by Matt Gourley. How are you, Matt?

[Will Arnett]

Good, thanks.

[Conan O'Brien]

And Sona Movssesyan. And Sona, of course, famously my assistant for many years. And then things start to change a bit.

[Sona Movsesian]

I had babies.

[Conan O'Brien]

You had babies.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

You stepped back from that role and you've risen to great fame on this podcast and in your own right. And you're an author now. A lecturer. You're a phenomenon.

[Sona Movsesian]

I am a lecturer and an author.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're like Cher now. I think I wish another Armenian star.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

So this is unusual because David Hopping, a young lad from southern Illinois, rose up from the ranks. You anointed him, and he's my day to day assistant. Yeah, he's gone right now. He's gone to the Midwest for a wedding, I believe. And you stepped back into my role today as my assistant.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

So you texted me this morning, you know, asking me, we need to do these things today. Here's what's happening. And I thought, sona's back. We're back in the New York groove.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

You know what's funny? We just had an interview, and I had ordered you lunch before the interview, and in my head I was like, I hope Conan's lunch is here. Is it here? Should someone go and take it and, like, maybe put it in the fridge? Like, I started to just go back into assistant mode.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. It's.

[Matt Gourley]

It's weird how easily does it come back?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

Is it like riding a bike?

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, it's really. It's really not hard. Although today I had to get on my phone for something, and I was driving, so I had to. You know, I was really nervous about doing whatever I needed to do on time, and I. I had to pull off the freeway and then park and like, do whatever I needed to do. And of course I got nervous.

[Conan O'Brien]

We immediately got into the thing where you're my assistant and you have to take care of things, and I start riffing and being a fool. So this morning you knew that I have this medical appointment later on just to go to an eye doctor, get my eyes checked, and. Cause I'm just wondering, do I need a new glasses prescription or whatever? So I'm just gonna go see this doctor. He's gonna give me those drops that dilate your eyes. And I know that. And so Sona this morning said, you can't drive, so I'll drive you the appointment. So. So she told me, don't take your car to work today. Cause I'll be driving you. And then you'll get a. Whatever, you'll give me a lift home. So all of that's gonna happen. So I need a way to get to work. And Sona said, I'll call you an Uber. Let me know. And then I might even have it here.

[Sona Movsesian]

It was intense.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is what happens.

[Sona Movsesian]

It's also. I was like, I gotta. I gotta order him an Uber. I gotta do it quick. I can't let him waiting forever.

[Conan O'Brien]

So here, um, she says, let me know when you're ready and I'll order an Uber for you. And I was done with a meeting I had at the house, and I said, okay, you can order it now. And she says, okay, hold please. And I immediately respond, hurry. Exclamation point. What's happening? Exclamation point, question mark. Hello, Question mark, question mark. I'm scared. Three exclamation points. And Sona, that's like immediately, immediately. And she says, I'm doing it. I have to connect my corporate card. Don't poop yourself. And then she writes back Two minutes, double exclamation point. Let me know if you need more time, and I'll tell the driver to wait. Your name is Sona? Because she's ordering it for me. It's in her name.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I write, all caps. That's too long to wait.

She writes back, you've changed. I write, ah.

This is all happening instantly. She says, actually, no, you haven't. And I said, I just died from waiting. I'm a ghost. And then I sent an emoji of a ghost. She writes, who's going to interview Rachel Sennett, who we're recording for today? Who's going to record today's guest? Not it, she says, and then I write her, hello, I am a policeman. I just found this cell phone next to a skeleton of someone waiting for an Uber.

Sona immediately writes back, does he have any cash on him? Police officer. We can split it. I write, deal. She says, thank you for your service.

[Will Arnett]

Yes.

[Matt Gourley]

How are you even ordering an Uber and texting all this at the same time? Like, how are you even doing your job?

[Will Arnett]

When I.

[Matt Gourley]

Job is you just have to riff with Conan.

[Sona Movsesian]

Riff. It's riffing with Conan. It's doing it and then riffing with him. That's what I remember. The job is.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. And Sona knows that the riff is more important than the Uber Shine, so. So she's immediately all in on the riff. And then she immediately goes into, oh, hello, Officer.

[Sona Movsesian]

When I lay out that I'm a skeleton, I prioritize. It's prioritizing. And the riff takes priority over him coming to work.

[Conan O'Brien]

And the best thing that would happen if there was a screw up. This is where it gets tricky. If there was a screw up and the Uber didn't come, that's. I don't care if I'm late. I don't care if there's, you know, major problems in our company because I'm late. I'm more interested in, oh, my God, this is great. The Uber didn't come. Now I get to have that as, you know, as new improv fun.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then I can make that work for two days. There can be two days riffs of me wandering the streets of la.

[Will Arnett]

Two years.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay?

[Will Arnett]

There's no.

[Sona Movsesian]

And then in two years, you'd be like, hey, remember when you didn't get that Uber for me?

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, my God, Say it. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. And you know what? When I have something like that on somebody, it's a tasty. Oh, it's a It's a sweet gummy cheese.

[Matt Gourley]

Everlasting Gobstop.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's an everlasting Willy Wonka gobstopper. It never stops giving.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Make a mistake around me and I'm delighted.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, he loves. He loves the mistakes more than you actually doing your job.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, of course he's hoping.

[Sona Movsesian]

He's rooting. You're rooting against.

[Conan O'Brien]

I root against you. Yeah. Because it's the most delicious thing in the world.

[Matt Gourley]

Must be a fulfilling job to have.

[Sona Movsesian]

It sure is, girls.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, welcome back.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, I'm happy to be back here.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right, well, let's get into today's show. And I root against this guest. I want him to screw up. I hope he doesn't show because I like the riff more than I like the actual interview.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

My guest today is a hilarious actor who starred in the Emmy award winning series Arrested Development and co hosts the Smartless podcast. Now you can see him in the new movie Is this thing on? I'm thrilled he's here. He's hilarious.

Will Arnett, welcome.

This is crazy. You just opened a box. This is like Pulp Fiction. A light is coming out. What is that?

[Matt Gourley]

It's like his Tommy Gun in a case.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, this is just a U87. That's right. I don't know.

It's only the Rolls Royce microphones.

Is.

[Conan O'Brien]

It really is. What do you know?

[Will Arnett]

This is.

[Matt Gourley]

This is a reissue or. This is original.

[Will Arnett]

No, this is a real. That's a real, real deal.

[Matt Gourley]

This is like a Beatles mic.

[Sona Movsesian]

I'm so excited. Right?

[Will Arnett]

Germany. I'm sorry, You. You don't under. You wouldn't understand it. You don't have a vocal quality. I mean, it's barely.

[Conan O'Brien]

There is not a thing you can talk about in mics that.

[Will Arnett]

I don't know. It's. It's, you know, the dream right here. This is.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, this is the U87.

[Sona Movsesian]

Scared to hold it.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, God damn it. What do you. What year do you think this is?

[Will Arnett]

And it also modeled after me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, it looks like you.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, they took it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Looks like you.

[Will Arnett]

They said it's a special. You know, the Germans are.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, first of all, you know.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. I don't want to blow smoke up.

[Conan O'Brien]

Your ass, but you are the master of.

[Sona Movsesian]

It's by so many liquids.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're the master.

You are the master of voiceover. You really are.

[Will Arnett]

Thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I hear your. I mean, I can't go ahead. I try to flee your ads. Reese's Pieces.

[Will Arnett]

Good luck.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's a truck. You once Got all confused because you shoot so much of this shit.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you remember the commercial you did where you went, reese's. It's a truck.

[Will Arnett]

I do. I do. There's a low light. Yeah. But thank you. Of course I remember that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why did they even air it?

[Will Arnett]

Humiliating.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why did they air it?

[Will Arnett]

Humiliate me.

[Conan O'Brien]

But this is. I mean, I'm not going to lie. This is a U87. Thanks for telling the truth on that. This is a P48. These are gorgeous. These are amazing. It's funny. Remember, Eduardo, when you were working out the mics, you asked me about what Mike I wanted, and I said, I want a Blauhauser. Remember Blauhauser 57? 57 KK.

[Will Arnett]

Yep.

[Conan O'Brien]

There. You can't get them. You can't get a Blauhauser 57. And they're hard to get.

[Will Arnett]

Can't get one new, you know. You know anything about the Dark Web?

[Conan O'Brien]

I've heard of the Dark Web.

[Will Arnett]

Where's the show broadcast just for legal reasons.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, listen, I didn't even plug it.

[Will Arnett]

I just brought it into Flex.

[Conan O'Brien]

Incredible to have.

[Will Arnett]

I wanted you guys to know how I'm living.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, no. There's nothing sad.

[Will Arnett]

There's nothing about.

[Conan O'Brien]

Sad about carrying around a microphone in a box. There's nothing. There's nothing at all sad about that.

[Will Arnett]

By the way. Imagine that. I packed it up from my house. I had it in the passenger seat in my car, I drove across town.

[Conan O'Brien]

You put a seatbelt over it.

[Will Arnett]

Basically. Because I thought it was cool. It is cool.

[Conan O'Brien]

Listen, you're on a real podcast now.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

None of this. Hey, me and two of my friends are not gonna know anything about a guest.

[Will Arnett]

You know, men, jerk off.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, God.

[Will Arnett]

Fuck, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

You guys are killing it.

[Will Arnett]

Listen, let me just.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, that all came from envy, because I remember when you guys, before you started. This guy called me before they started their podcast, and we were like, the pod. Yeah, we were killing it. I get a call from this guy and he's like, we're trying to do.

[Will Arnett]

A fraction of what you do.

[Conan O'Brien]

And he was all scared. I was like, will, what's wrong? Just lower your voice a little. He's like, when I'm scared, it's up high. And I said, what is it? And he said, we just don't know what to do. And I said, calm down. I said, just, you know, make sure that you get. What is it? A U87. U87. He's like, I'm writing this down. And then remember, you said, what do we do. And I said, these are your friends.

[Will Arnett]

Just talk.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just talk.

[Will Arnett]

I could barely write, if you remember. I said, because. Because the tears of the paper was so wet. Remember? I couldn't write anything down. You. You're so. This is so accurate.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was tears and urine. He was peeing onto the paper.

[Will Arnett]

But that was. That was just for. That was just for gigs, you know, I did this podcast back. Back at the. The old location. Yeah. And location short on time and. And shun location.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

So I'm over there and I remember walking out. I remember walking out to my car after doing it, after absolutely destroying.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, Right.

[Will Arnett]

And I remember. I remember I was carried out by your staff on their shoulders. Right. It was an unbelievable. And I'm like, remember?

[Conan O'Brien]

They made it go.

[Will Arnett]

Who the fuck stuffed confetti in the ceiling? They knew. They knew this was gonna happen.

[Conan O'Brien]

I whispered to him, take me with you and remember. I don't know if you remember this, but I think one of the interns made a golden crown for you and put it on your. And it said, best podcaster ever.

[Will Arnett]

Ever. And they filled up. They had one of those huge tanks around the lot of Warner Brothers. And they said, could you walk across this.

One of your PAs with this look of amazement? Right.

[Conan O'Brien]

I remember that.

[Will Arnett]

So I remember getting in my car and I says to my driver, I says, just drive.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just drive.

[Will Arnett]

Just drive. I remember thinking, if this fucking guy could do a podcast, if.

This.

[Conan O'Brien]

Are you Maniscalco? Are you Sebastian Maniscalco?

[Will Arnett]

This guy.

[Conan O'Brien]

This.

[Will Arnett]

Guy. I wish. I wish I was. I wish I was selling out arenas. Me too. Every night of the week.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm saying. Again, I'm saying this out of jealousy. I wish I met people routinely in my life who so amazed me I could go.

[Will Arnett]

This guy. Right.

[Conan O'Brien]

Anyway.

[Will Arnett]

Anyway, I know I was into it. Yeah. Let's get back to me for a second and you know, let me know if it's okay to interrupt you. I'm only the guest.

And incredible. What's the expression I'm thinking of is just desserts. Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Gotta go.

[Will Arnett]

No, I did. True story. I did the podcast with you guys and it was so much fun. And I thought it would be fun to do it with people that I like and have fun with. That's actually a true story. Yeah. And I did think. I hate saying it. You guys are very good at what you do. And so I thought, if we do it, everybody's doing a podcast. We're going to look like a bunch of ding dongs.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

So we. I went into it with even less of a format than you had, if.

[Conan O'Brien]

You can imagine, if that's possible.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, I don't.

[Conan O'Brien]

And the thing is, we don't have a format.

[Will Arnett]

No, you don't.

[Sona Movsesian]

We.

[Will Arnett]

We got to.

[Conan O'Brien]

We have a title.

[Will Arnett]

Right.

[Conan O'Brien]

And we have that thing we do up front.

[Will Arnett]

The concept is this. Right? Is this.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, no, this is. That fell away very quickly now. It's just.

[Will Arnett]

Well, apparently, he's being held on to pretty tightly.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, Adam Sachs, he is Rain man when he doesn't get to watch Wapner. If we don't do that right away, he flips. That's our format. He flips. That's all we've got.

[Will Arnett]

It's our format. It's our format. When he doesn't get to. I mean, listen, you might want to update the references. What is happening?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, first of all, that movie just came out, didn't it? No. Are you sure?

[Sona Movsesian]

I think it's been 40 years. 35 years.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, you know what? I think it's funny. It's time to go back in time, remember?

[Will Arnett]

Let's do that. That should be a new segment.

[Conan O'Brien]

Didn't that come out?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, let's go back in time.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey.

[Will Arnett]

And now we're here.

[Conan O'Brien]

Now we're here. You. You guys are killing it. Obviously. We're having fun.

[Will Arnett]

We're having fun.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, don't do that.

[Will Arnett]

No, no, no. We're having a good time.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I don't know what that's like, but I want to say this. I.

[Will Arnett]

You catch the wink.

[Conan O'Brien]

I. Look at the I. I saw it. Trust me. I saw the wink. And I saw how hard it was for you to do the wink. I saw how that was palsied. You are. You can't do the wink.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, way to go. Just give him stuff to cut.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what's amazing? I get Sean Hayes. I get it.

[Will Arnett]

You do.

[Conan O'Brien]

I get the Sean Hayes. And then when you said. And Bateman's gonna be there, too, I have to admit.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I thought, oh, this guy wants to fly. And so in one arm, he's got this giant wing, and then you're holding an anvil in the other hand, I was shocked that you chose Bateman.

[Will Arnett]

Have you had Bateman in here?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, he's. We did. We did. And you know what he did the whole time? I think at one point, someone tried to get him and eat a Tic Tac. He was like, I can't.

[Will Arnett]

Ugh.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what he did say at one point, I took a sip of A soda. And he went, you don't like your body very much. Because I think he wants to live. I don't want to live as long as Bateman wants to live, he wants to live to be 190.

[Will Arnett]

I've said this a couple times, so forgive me, but I said to him recently, I said, you know what's gonna happen? You're gonna be on your deathbed from malnutrition, and I'm gonna be Gurney's side with a hot fudge sundae with 30 years to go.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're visiting him?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, I'm visiting him. Smoking and eating a hot fudge sundae. Is there anything better than a hot fudge sundae, by the way? Oh, it's so good that to me, I love a hot fudge sundae. Sorry.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wow. And so are you getting better at podcasting?

[Will Arnett]

No, we're getting. We're getting terr. I'm getting worse at it. Have you ever read the comments on your own podcast? You some every. No.

[Conan O'Brien]

They edit them heavily. They only shout.

[Sona Movsesian]

They do.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know, Adam. Adam makes sure I don't see the ones that are like, how. Why. Why is he allowed to have a podcast? He takes all those ones out and he shows me ones that goes. He Sundays, we got three comments from last week. And I'd be like, well, here it says we got over 75,000 comments. And like, nope, it was only three. Yippee. Conan. You go, Conan. They're all from Carefully curated.

[Will Arnett]

You're the same IP adamsax.net.

[Conan O'Brien]

Conan is a host was one of the comments you chose to show me, which shows.

[Will Arnett]

You still this guy.

How many kicks at the Kent? So my. I used to look at the thing and they'd be like, these guys are terrible. They interrupt people all the time. These guys are the worst. I hate this. And I keep going like, let me get. Let me remind. It's free. They don't have to listen. What's the problem?

[Conan O'Brien]

It's not an assignment.

[Will Arnett]

I read the greatest quote that we don't have to get into now, but I get about comments online. It's quite long, so I'm not going to bore you. But it's so good. It's from this book. Do you know Sally Rooney? Have you ever read it?

[Conan O'Brien]

I've no.

[Will Arnett]

Sally Rooney, did you ever read Intermetz? I was reading last year.

[Conan O'Brien]

I didn't read that. No.

[Will Arnett]

Really, really good. And she has this other one called Beautiful. Where are you? It came out like three or four years ago. There's this quote at the End that buck is about. Can I read it?

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

I mean, we can always.

[Conan O'Brien]

Because you're just listing things she's done and I'd like to hear the quote.

[Will Arnett]

Normal. She's great.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, she went to Amherst.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, she displaced about 65 liters of water. If you put her in a tank, I got him. Right.

[Will Arnett]

Honestly, your references are all like, old and or about New England. There's a whole fucking world out there. I'm so. It's so boring.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why don't you go choke Red Sox bat while you're at it?

[Will Arnett]

This is what I'm talking about.

[Conan O'Brien]

What are you, Mayor white and it's 1975 over here.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, Jesus Christ. Hey, why don't you go fill in the back bay so there's more usable land?

[Will Arnett]

Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

What? I mean, you know.

[Sona Movsesian]

I don't understand it.

[Will Arnett]

Newbury street, he's getting into.

[Matt Gourley]

Tell him to shoot the noob.

[Conan O'Brien]

Shoot the noob. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, anyway, get back to you were.

[Will Arnett]

I'm on Storo Drive and. Classic.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, we get off Route 9.

[Will Arnett]

So this woman writes this thing in this book. They're writing emails to each other. This woman, she's a. She's a writer and she's writing a note to her friend and she's just done an interview about her new book. She says, I don't know if you've been following any of this, but about a month ago, I was doing an interview over email and a journalist asked me what my partner thought of my books. Unthinkingly, I wrote back that he had never read them. So of course, this became the headline of the interview. Alice Kelleher, my boyfriend, has never read my books. And afterwards, Felix, her boyfriend, saw a popular tweet saying something like, this is tragic. She deserves better. He showed me the tweet on the screen of his phone one evening without saying anything. And when I asked what he thought about it, he shrugged. And at first I thought a perfect example of our shallow self congratulatory book culture in which non readers are shunned as morally inferior, and the more books you read, the better you are than everyone else. But then I thought, no, what we really have here is an example of a presumably normal, insane person whose thinking has been deranged by the concept of celebrity. An example of someone who genuinely believes that because she has seen my photograph and read my novels, she knows me personally and in fact knows better than I do what is best for my life. And it's normal. It's normal for her not Only to think of these bizarre thoughts privately, but to express them in public and receive positive feedback and attention. As a result, she has no idea that she is, in this small, limited respect, quite literally insane. Because everyone around her is also insane in exactly the same way. They really cannot tell the difference between someone they have heard of and someone they personally know. And they believe that the feelings they have about this person they imagine me to be intimacy, resentment, hatred, pity, are as real as the feelings they have about their own friends. And it makes me wonder whether celebrity culture has sort of metastasized to fill the emptiness left by religion. Like a malignant growth where the sacred used to be. Whoa.

[Conan O'Brien]

Jesus Christ.

[Will Arnett]

How fucking good is that? Does that sum it up?

[Conan O'Brien]

It is amazing, guys.

[Will Arnett]

Great show.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, can I just say, my only regret is that it wasn't longer.

Do you mind? I just made me think of something.

[Will Arnett]

Can I just. Hey, Will.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, Will.

[Will Arnett]

Will.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm sorry. That just made me think of something. Is it. Is it okay? There's this book called Moby Dick.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, no.

[Conan O'Brien]

By Melville.

[Will Arnett]

Can I.

[Conan O'Brien]

Is it okay if I just read the whole thing?

[Will Arnett]

You know what? Here we go.

[Conan O'Brien]

Page one.

[Will Arnett]

That was pretty great, wasn't it? It's great to speak to the adults.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, I enjoyed it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Call me Ishmael.

[Will Arnett]

Okay.

[Matt Gourley]

Don't lick your fingers that much.

[Will Arnett]

Stop licking your 40. You're a quarterback.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah. Also his voice is cooler than yours, so it's easier to like.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think my voice is pretty cool.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, God.

[Conan O'Brien]

Traveling is better with T mobile with.

[Will Arnett]

Coverage and perks you won't find just anywhere.

[Conan O'Brien]

Like free in flight.

[Will Arnett]

WI Fi and up to 40% off select hotels. And when you you land, you've got.

[Conan O'Brien]

Unlimited texting and data in over 215 countries and destinations.

[Will Arnett]

It's better over here.

[Conan O'Brien]

See how@t mobile.com travel.

Qualifying plan required WI fi were available on select US flights and Airlines Unlimited at up to 256kbps. See t mobile.com for details.

[Will Arnett]

Whether you're gifting, decorating or treating yourself, Lowe's December deal drops are here to help you save more all month long, get up to 50% off select holiday decor plus get up to 45% off select tools and accessories Shop new December deal drops every week this month. And get so much more out of your holidays. Lowes we help you save. Selection varies by location while supplies last.

[Conan O'Brien]

On ebay. Every find has a story. Like if you're looking for a vintage band tee, the one you wore everywhere until you lost it womp womp. Or your brother Neil burned it.

[Sona Movsesian]

Aw.

[Conan O'Brien]

Now you're on ebay. And there it is. The things you love have a way of finding their way back to you, especially on ebay. From rare collectibles and vintage cars to designer fashion. It's all there. You can find it if it's out there. And it can be back in your loving arms. Shop, eBay, for millions of finds, each with a story. Ebay. Things people love.

That's a long quote to read.

[Will Arnett]

Of course it is.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I know that you're new to this, but. No, that's. That was a. That's a bug.

[Sona Movsesian]

I'm so sorry. I think it's a mosquito.

[Will Arnett]

Is it?

[Sona Movsesian]

Do you guys see it?

[Matt Gourley]

I saw it.

[Sona Movsesian]

I'll fuck it up.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what? You reading that quote now seems professional because right after I gave you shit about being so long, sona started trying to kill a bug. And.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, sorry, I'm not doing like a stupid voice and you know what I mean, some bit.

Sorry, I'm not referencing Barry Levinson films from the 80s. Remember in diner?

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, my God.

[Will Arnett]

This is my show now.

[Conan O'Brien]

My worst nightmare came true.

[Will Arnett]

You were so nice.

[Matt Gourley]

It's still flying around.

[Will Arnett]

It's a fruit fly. It is. You were so nice to me in the green room. You're such a. Such a Jekyll and Hyde because you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Never know what you're going to get. Jekyll or Hyde. One of the good guy, one of the bad guy. Who knows? Which I don't know. Busy reading your quotes.

Listen, most people are on a walk.

[Will Arnett]

They're on a thing. They're exercising, they're driving, and they're listening to this quote and they're having a profound moment. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you know what I did? I. I went after you because it was very long. It's not just a quote. That was several pages. But I should have acknowledged what a profound quote it was.

[Will Arnett]

Thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

And it was cool of you to think of it and read it, but I didn't. I panicked. I went for the gag, the quip, the joke, the jape, the gaffe, the goof.

[Matt Gourley]

It's getting longer than the quote.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I. I'm trying to make it last longer than the quote. Okay. And by going for the quick, you know, laugharoo as you. I think you called it laugharoo when we worked together.

[Will Arnett]

One time when I was in Australia, I did ye. Cause I love tossing an ooh on the end of things.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, but it was profound. And you've had to deal with that. Because of celebrity culture.

[Will Arnett]

No.

Don'T drag me into deep water. Nice try. No, but it is. It is a.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, you don't know what it's like. I've been really fucking famous for, like, 32 years and at the top of my game.

[Will Arnett]

Only because you're tall and you stick out.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't think that's the only reason.

[Will Arnett]

And you're loud.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Tall and loud's the way to go. Tall and loud.

[Will Arnett]

Again, it's the only.

[Conan O'Brien]

When you ask. When you look at what women are into. If you go on these sites where women are like, who's got Riz? They all say, tall and loud. Give me time and loud. Give me Tom and loud.

[Sona Movsesian]

What are those?

[Will Arnett]

If you. If you had been. If you had been.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't even know what a site is.

[Will Arnett]

If you had been born. If you were 5. 5, you would have been taken. You would have been working tolls on the Mass Pike. I really believe that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Near Sturbridge. Near Sturbridge Village.

[Will Arnett]

Right?

[Conan O'Brien]

Get off that.

[Will Arnett]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right there, where the tolls are. That's where Sturbridge Village is.

[Will Arnett]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, you. You got a buckle on your hat?

Listen.

[Will Arnett]

Let'S be real. Enough for the insults. I love you.

[Conan O'Brien]

No. Couldn't do it.

[Will Arnett]

No, you couldn't do it? No.

I'm half a walrus.

I knew I could break you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Here's what I did.

[Will Arnett]

I think you're a great guy. I think you're really funny. I think you're really talented. You've been doing it at a high level for many years, and I respect you.

[Conan O'Brien]

This ruins everything.

Let's change the topic.

[Will Arnett]

Okay?

[Conan O'Brien]

This guy. This guy. There's so much to talk about.

[Will Arnett]

I love seeing you succeed.

[Conan O'Brien]

I can't say that about you.

It kills me. I know that smartless is a phenomenon. It just kills me.

[Will Arnett]

This is the best part.

[Conan O'Brien]

And especially, I mean, again, Bateman.

[Will Arnett]

It really rubs you.

[Conan O'Brien]

I root for you and I root for Sean. And then Bateman.

[Will Arnett]

What is it about Bateman?

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, come on.

[Will Arnett]

Come on.

[Conan O'Brien]

What is it about Bateman? He just gets my goat. He's so pleased with himself and he doesn't age, and he has such self control. And he sits there and he's.

[Will Arnett]

He.

[Conan O'Brien]

He fires off these little ice daggers. Him. Right? I mean, come on.

[Will Arnett]

Right? Am I. Am I. Am I alone? Does this sound like love? Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I love him.

[Will Arnett]

I know what I mean.

[Conan O'Brien]

I would do him.

[Will Arnett]

Hang on, man.

[Conan O'Brien]

What?

[Sona Movsesian]

We just thought you, like, loved him.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, we got a friend, but.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, you want to do him. No, that's cool.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do it, too.

[Will Arnett]

I don't know. I can't speak to that.

[Conan O'Brien]

He says he likes tall and loud. I've seen his sights.

[Will Arnett]

What's been going. What's been going on? What's going on over here? Can I tell you something about maybe you want me to read you something else? This is shorter, but this is you centric.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, okay, okay. Let's hear it.

[Will Arnett]

I got you.

[Conan O'Brien]

You got me with you. Centric.

[Will Arnett]

I know it's another.

[Conan O'Brien]

And don't feel the need for it to be short.

[Will Arnett]

By the way. I've never. I've never used my notes app so much as in this podcast you're on.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're on that thing all the time. I know. Let's see.

[Will Arnett]

So this is. This is. This happened last year. This is a true story. So this has to do with your Christmas party. Years go by. Jason never gets invited to Conan's Christmas party. Did you guys know about this?

[Conan O'Brien]

I didn't know.

[Will Arnett]

And he's. And he's brought it up before, right? Maybe when he came on the show. Did he bring it up? Yeah, I think so.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know you and Sean pretty well.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't know Jason.

[Will Arnett]

You don't know as well. So. But a couple times it. It's coincided multiple times with another mutual friend of ours. Christmas party.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

And so.

[Conan O'Brien]

And let's be fair. She's a massive star.

[Will Arnett]

She's a massive star.

[Conan O'Brien]

Massive star. I mean, there's the. The. She's. She's a couple of clicks above me, and I give that up. She should be.

[Will Arnett]

But your. Your. Your party is very well attended. It's a very ritzy affair. Yeah. A lot of glossy names. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

So people often go either to Conan's first and then this person's or vice versa. So people are coming and going from this other person. So a bunch of times I've gone to Conan's and then I've gone over there, and baby's like, did you guys just come from Conan's? Like, yeah. He's like, what the fuck? And he's so mad that he hasn't been invited. Makes a big deal about it.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then when I heard that he was mad, so I kind of didn't want to invite him to keep.

[Will Arnett]

Even worse, we did the live smartless show in Boston. Conan came out. Jason gave you in front of a live audience that you didn't. And you said, in my hometown. In your hometown. And you said, for sure, next year. And then the next year, you did not invite him. Right. It was epic. And nobody was happier than me.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was sweet. It was sweet to me.

[Will Arnett]

It was one of the best all time bit. I just. I love that he wasn't invited.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was better that he wasn't invited.

[Will Arnett]

Way better.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay.

[Will Arnett]

So he's. Now he's really pissed. Finally. Last year, you invite him.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

And he's all proud about it. And he's like, well, you know, I got invited to the thing. And then he's like, first of all, he was like, I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to make it. Cause I got another party.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

At which point I hear this, but I don't. I don't really say anything. So I get Conan to come on our show.

[Conan O'Brien]

Secretly.

[Will Arnett]

Secretly. And then get it. And it was so easy to get Bateman talking about the Christmas party, about Conan's like, I don't know if I'm.

[Conan O'Brien]

Gonna be able to go.

[Will Arnett]

Listen, I'm listening.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm listening in. It's on zoom, but I'm listening.

[Will Arnett]

You were here in this room.

[Conan O'Brien]

I was here in. And I'm listening. And you guys say, so, hey, Jason, you think you're gonna go to Conan's? He's like, I don't know. And he's very casually. And he's in his casual.

[Will Arnett]

Casually. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to. I've actually got this other party. At which point Conan reveals himself. You. And he lays into Bateman.

[Conan O'Brien]

I went after Bateman.

[Will Arnett]

He lays into him. Hilarious. So we're dying. So then not long after that. If I may bring up a touchy actual. This is real personal subject for you. Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know what it is.

[Will Arnett]

Death in the family. Yeah. Yep.

[Conan O'Brien]

My parents passed, so.

[Will Arnett]

Well, first, let me just say the timeline, because I have it here. I wrote it down last year because the timeline was so good.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

So I. I hear that. That your. Your dad passes away. And I text you that day or the next day, and I said, hey, listen, I'm sorry to hear about your dad's passing. Sending love from our family to yours. And you wrote, thank you, Will. To be honest, I blame Bateman.

For.

[Conan O'Brien]

The death of my. For the death of my father.

[Will Arnett]

The day after his father dies. Yeah. Right. So I wrote, it's not a terrible theory. And Conan texted me back, he killed my dad. Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

My dad. Can I say in fairness, my dad would have loved this.

[Will Arnett]

Okay, so, so, so. So then Bateman. Bateman. I tell Bateman this. We're Dying. We're doing a thing that day. So he. The next day, Bateman texts you and he says, arnett tells me you're on to me. Yes. And Conan. Conan text baby. And he says, bateman, do yourself a favor. Turn yourself in. Right.

Right. Yeah. Two days after your dad passes, of course, your mom passed away.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Which we didn't. I did not see coming.

[Will Arnett]

Which did not see coming. So I text you two days after I knew you were in. Boss. I said, bateman is asking for your sister's street address.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Okay to give. Yeah. And you were busy that weekend. Like a day and a half later, you texted back, just seeing this now. Fantastic. 625 Boylston street, apartment 12C. Tell Bateman to make it look like a robbery.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what's weird? I swear to God, this is how I grieve. I know everyone has their way, and.

[Will Arnett]

And I. I forget who I was with. Somebody at the time was like, it might have been Sean or something. And we. I. They were like, what do you think? I go, this. This is what he wants.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

This is what he wants right now. He wants to laugh and do bits. This is what he wants. And I know the vibe. And obviously, obviously, our heart was with you, and we love you and all that stuff, but I knew that, that, that. And it. Honestly, that was. Tell him to make it look like a robbery.

[Sona Movsesian]

You're so sick.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know I'm a sick. I'm a sick person. But I do know my parents, who I'm very sentimental about, but they. A big driving force in my life was making them laugh. And I did used to think about, am I gonna wanna do comedy after my parents are gone? Because that was the whole reason I did everything. But I remembered very much wanting to, I don't know, connect. It was so comforting to me to screw around with you guys at that moment. It just was. And so if that makes me a ma, then so.

[Will Arnett]

No, I get that, man. I. It is that old. My grandfather used to say. I mean, it's not that too profound. But he's like, you know, if you didn't. If you didn't laugh, you'd cry. So, yeah, like, they're sort of in that same area and you're still emoting, you're still feeling. You're kind of doing it in a different way. And I. I totally get that. There have been so many times people call it gallows humor or whatever it is, but. But I get that. And I can't wait till my parents die.

No, just Because I've got so many bits ready to go.

[Conan O'Brien]

So many bits. Oh, my God.

[Will Arnett]

I just. That's.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know the feeling I had. I knew that I had the Bateman bit.

[Will Arnett]

I've done everything.

[Conan O'Brien]

And my dad was like, I feel great.

I got this Bateman bit.

[Will Arnett]

I. I tried. I cut the brakes. I. I did Gas leak. I've done it all. And it's like.

[Conan O'Brien]

No one has said cut the brakes in like 50 years. You can't make a car crash by cutting a wire anymore.

Don't worry. I took care of his Tesla. What'd you do? I cut the brakes with this big scissors like they did in the 1920s. I have to mention, we have. There's so much to talk about with you, but I watched your movie last night, Is this Thing on? And I was very pleased. And I'm really, I'm really. I'm proud of you as a friend and I'm really happy for you because you're really magnificent in this film. And Bradley Cooper, who directs the movie, he has a part in it and he's really funny as like a schlub, as a character actor and a friend of yours. And it was really fun to see that. Laura Dern's great. But I was looking at it and I was thinking, I remember you once telling me that your big fear in life was being caught trying. You said that to me once. You said, I just don't wanna get caught trying. I know that feeling. And it's why we gravitate towards comedy. Because you can joke around. If something doesn't quite work, you can make that the bit. You can just be a shapeshifter all the time and nothing sticks to you. And you plant your feet in this project and you're another person, and it's a dramatic role. And I'm very proud of you for doing that.

[Will Arnett]

Well, first of all, thank you. Thanks a lot. And yeah, there's a lot of truth in that. I think that at, you know, along those lines, I spent a lot of time being very cynical about a lot of things. And because it's easy. It's kind of. It is easy to hide behind it. And I give people shit. You know, we talk about it on our own podcast. When we hear people use the term storyteller, we're like, oh, man.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I know.

[Will Arnett]

You mean, I called 911 for an eye rolling incident. Like, you know what I mean? Like, coming to die from rolling my eyes.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then I get, nobody's an actor anymore. I'm always like, well, I think of my. I love to tell stories. It's like it's acting. Acting.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, it's acting.

[Conan O'Brien]

Shut up.

[Will Arnett]

But. But I get now a little bit more. And again, I. I don't see myself differently. Differently in any way. You have to do that thing where you have to kind of own it. Yeah. And. And be it and be. And there is a vulnerability to it, and I can't write it off as a bit and I can't, at the end pull my pants down and make a fart sound, you know, So I. It is in that way for me. It was. It was scary. And. And truthfully, I feel very vulnerable, even about people watching. When I knew that you were going to watch. They said. Bradley said that they sent it for you guys, for you to watch. Even Sean and Scotty, who were in it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Knowing they just watched the full cut a couple days ago, the final. And I remember just waiting for his reaction. He's my friend, loves me, you know, my partner. We work together, do all this sort of stuff. And I'm thinking like, oh, boy, what if they, you know, they. What if they think I suck?

[Conan O'Brien]

But here's the thing. You initially were quite interested in drama. That's what you wanted to do. And if we went back to you in your 20s, this is what you were interested in.

[Will Arnett]

This is why I moved to New York from Toronto, truthfully. And I always joke, of course, again, it's a nice cover that I was young enough and dumb enough to think that that was a pursuit that I wanted to do. And I didn't know anything about comedy at all. I didn't do sketch. I was in a standup, all that stuff. And so I kind of backed my way into it. I really got into doing comedy stuff from auditioning for sitcom pilots because I needed to pay the rent in the 90s. The first couple sitcom pilot auditions from my agent, I remember being like, I'm not going to do a sitcom. Like, as if it was beneath. I wasn't working, I was making no money. I lived in the worst apartment you could imagine. And I'm thinking, like, I'm not going to do a sitcom. It's like, what a fucking idiot I am. But I did. I went wanting to be a dramatic actor. And the other joke I made, used to make Forever, again as a cover, was people thought my dramatic acting was funny.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, it's just interesting because it's a dramatic role where you play someone who is going through a breakup. You're married, you have kids, the marriage is running out of gas. You guys break up separate. You move to an apartment. You're wandering past a bar, someone says, you need to pay the COVID charge to come in. And it's a high cover charge. And you're like, well, why? And they're like, it's cause it's a comedy club. You said, well, I don't have that money. And the guy said, well, just write your name down. This is a true story.

[Will Arnett]

It's an actual true story. It's inspired by the story of this English comedian, really funny guy, John Bishop, whom I happened to meet, not a bit on a ferry, on a barge. A barge. Like a canal boat in Amsterdam, at a lunch. And I went over there with a friend, and it was a big. A bunch of people going over there for this thing. And I went. I sat next to him, and he told me the story of how he became a standup. And this story was he was separated from his wife, getting divorced, and he goes to a pub and he doesn't want to pay the COVID And he puts his name down for open mic. So he gets in for free, thinking, they're not going to call me. And they call him, and he goes up and the first thing he says is, I'm getting a divorce. I think I'm getting a divorce. He has no ambition to be a standup, knows nothing about standup. So that was the impetus.

[Conan O'Brien]

But he has the catharsis. He keeps going back.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. Because it makes him feel good.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

He tried drinking, he tried all that stuff. But this, he actually. And this is a guy, you know, who had never. Never been to therapy, never done that stuff. But going in front of a crowd of strangers and just kind of talking about his own reality made him feel better. He got relief from it. Which was. Which I totally get now. I'd never done standup before, and. And I. I can see how that works.

[Conan O'Brien]

I was curious to prepare for this role. You did standup?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you did a lot of standup?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. Yep.

[Conan O'Brien]

And were you telling the crowds this is for a movie role?

[Will Arnett]

No.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, once I know that in that situation, I probably would have said, this is for a project. I would have wanted some kind of shield.

[Will Arnett]

That was the instinct. That was the instinct. And actually, the truth is, the first time I went to do standup, Shane Gillis, who was really kind to us and invited us down to Austin and to go up at the mothership, and he said, come down here and we'll give you some time. So Bradley and I went down there. This is right After New Year's last year, when we were in pre production and I hadn't done standup yet, and we went down there and we had all this material that. That we had written for various. The various sets that happened throughout the movie. And the first time I went up there, they introduced me as Alex Novak, my character's name. And so I go out, I'm nervous as hell again. You know, I've done lots of stuff before but never done actual standup, even though I was being introduced. So people are sort of. You could see some people were. And here. Some people were confused. They're kind of laughing. And there were some people who were clearly fans and not everybody, but some people were like, oh, yeah, okay. And what's the name and what's going on? And I said. I said something like, yeah, I'm Alex. Bear with me. Hopefully in a year or so, this will make sense, is what I said. Yeah. And then I went on and I did this set came out, came off, and it went okay. It was like I was. And I was about to go out again for the second time that night, and Kirk Fox, this comedian, great dude, super funny dude, he was talking to me and he said, hey, man, don't. I don't know why. He goes, you don't need to explain it. Just go out and do it. Don't worry about it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just go do it. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

And it was such a great. It was such a great piece of advice. And I was like, yeah. So I just went and I did it. And I thought, you know what? These people are going to think I'm having a nervous breakdown. That's okay. It doesn't matter. And that gave me license. And then a couple days later or the next day, we flew back to New York. And for six weeks, virtually every night, I'd go. We'd go to the Cellar at night and do three sets a night. And then during the day, we'd rework this stuff because we're trying to track my character's progression and the story and everything. And I would go up and they'd introduce me sometimes as his second time up or his first, and I'd go up as Alex Novak. And people would laugh or have a reaction, and it didn't matter. And Bradley would say to me almost every time, you know, the instinct is as, you know, you go up there, you're a performer, you're doing this thing, and then part of you is like, well, I just want to make him laugh anyway, right? I just want to get the laugh. Because I'm there anyway. I might as well do something to get the laugh. I might as well lean on some of my old bits, my old standbys, you know, And Bradley would stop me and he'd go, we're doing something different. And I'd go, right, we're doing something.

[Conan O'Brien]

God, what a dick.

[Will Arnett]

I know. You can't throw your fastball, you know.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're talking about Bradley Cooper or. No, you're talking about General Omar Bradley from World War II.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. Terrific.

[Conan O'Brien]

General. And this is a film directed by General Omar Bradley.

[Will Arnett]

Omar Bradley, Yeah. And. And we shot it. We. We shot it in the early 50s, I guess. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Before he passed away.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, yeah, before. Right. Before he passed away. And we were in. We were in the French sector of Berlin.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, yes.

[Will Arnett]

Because the French were still controlling part.

[Conan O'Brien]

Of the end where your character defeats Hitler. I didn't see that coming at all. With comedy.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, with. I killed him with comedy.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I'll say one thing. I got pulled in, and I think one of the compliments I can pay you is that I got pulled into the movie. And then at one point, you're having an argument with your estranged wife, Laura Dern. And I got mad at her.

[Will Arnett]

Sure.

[Conan O'Brien]

I got mad at the character because you love me. And I just. Well, no, I did take your side. You have a big argument with her. Things are going. You have a big argument with her. And I. I started to get agitated because I thought, no, he's right. You're not.

[Will Arnett]

You. You've.

[Conan O'Brien]

He tried to do something nice. Why the. Why can't you? And I. I got worked up.

[Will Arnett]

I know the moment you're talking about. And it's funny. I've had a few people have. Have had reactions from other people that I know. Other men. Yeah. And women who have various, you know.

[Conan O'Brien]

So this morning, minor thing, because my wife and I watched the movie together, and then this morning I'm doing something and she's like, did you lose those keys? And I went, I didn't lose those keys. And she said, well, where are you gonna put em this time so you don't lose them? And I said, I didn't lose them. I didn't even go looking for them. They're not lost. They were here. And she went, well, you kind of did lose them. And I just said, don't Laura Dern me.

[Will Arnett]

Wow.

[Conan O'Brien]

Because we had just watched the movie.

[Will Arnett]

Wow.

[Conan O'Brien]

Last I said, don't Laura Dern me. And she's like, okay, if we're doing that, I'm out. Wow. Cause she doesn't. God bless Liza. She does not put up with my shit. She was like, if we're doing that game, I'm gone. And she went about her business, and then we talked later, and all was good. But check your phone.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, my God, the pool boy.

[Matt Gourley]

Why is Liza calling me?

[Conan O'Brien]

An old cliche. Yeah, go through my assistant. Why is she directly contacting me?

[Will Arnett]

By the way, the pool boy's 80.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

That's what makes me feel.

[Conan O'Brien]

And he still wants to be called the pool boy.

[Will Arnett]

It makes you feel worse.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah. He's 80. He has no hips. They've been both been removed, but not replaced.

They carry him around in a wheelbarrow. Take.

But.

[Will Arnett]

But Bateman has to have his hips removed for weight.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. No, he's. He's the only guy I know who has joints removed for. To keep his weight down.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. It's unbelievable.

[Conan O'Brien]

He had. Remember the time he had just a spoonful of creme brulee and then he went on a shooting sp.

I love the man. I do love the man. And it's just jealousy. It's just pure jealousy.

[Will Arnett]

So good. He looks so good. Anyway, let's not waste it. We're talking about not another second on him.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is Comedy Bang Bang, the podcast, the promo, and in 30 seconds, I'm going to tell you why. You should check out the show. I, the host, Scott Aukerman, have a lighthearted conversation with famous celebrity. Celebrities like Jon Hamm, Alison Williams, Phoebe Bridgers, Jason Alexander, Natasha Lyonne, Bob Odenkirk, just to name a few things, go a little off the rails when different eccentric characters and oddballs drop by to.

[Will Arnett]

Be interviewed as well.

[Conan O'Brien]

Each week is a blend of conversations and character work from your favorite comedians, as well as some new hilarious voices. Comedy Bang Bang, the Podcast. Listen every Monday wherever you get your.

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[Conan O'Brien]

I got some years on you, but I am liking this part of life where you've done the other thing for a long time. You got a lot of satisfaction out of it. And now you're just trying stuff and you're, you're putting yourself out there and it's very cool.

[Will Arnett]

Thank you. I, you know, it's not like I'm not making a big statement like now I'm doing this at all.

[Conan O'Brien]

But, but you did ask me to call you Actor.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Will Arnett.

[Matt Gourley]

Storyteller.

[Conan O'Brien]

Storyteller.

[Will Arnett]

Storyteller. Story weaver.

[Conan O'Brien]

Dream weaver.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. And I, but. But it is, it is been. It's been really, again, been really satisfying doing this. And also I, I do feel like I'm at a stage in my life where I'm just. I'm much more sort of bound and determined to do stuff that I want to do.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Will Arnett]

And so again, I'm not like, you know, now I'm doing this. Now I am the story. At all. At all. At all. At all. I mean, I'm still a idiot, you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Know, I'm glad you said it. I'm not supposed to say it, but I'm glad you did.

[Will Arnett]

But is that like a known.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah.

[Will Arnett]

But you've heard other.

[Conan O'Brien]

No. It is on your Wikipedia page it says moron Will Arnett.

[Will Arnett]

But do they.

[Conan O'Brien]

Born.

[Will Arnett]

But do they. They know.

[Conan O'Brien]

These guys know.

[Will Arnett]

We started it. Oh, you started it. Yeah. Oh, so you sound like somebody was talking about me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Podcast is. Title of your podcast is Smartless. You know what describes us best? I. And I do I. You know this about me. I worship at the altar of Arrested Development. I think at its finest, it is maybe one of the highest levels of comedy that's been achieved, or if not the. It's in very rare company. And so it's just a remarkable achievement. And so you're an indelible part of that thing. That's a real major way that my son and I have bonded over the years is different comedic things. And he and I to this day, when we get together, when he's back from school and he's glum or one of us is down, we start watching arrested films and he's like a, you know, he's like a car dealer in Vegas. He knows which ones to give me and he knows exactly which ones to deal out.

[Will Arnett]

Like what mood, what'll turn it around. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

He knows that anything with Franklin in it will kill me. Oh, my God, Franklin, the ventriloquist puppet. The close up shot of Franklin pushing, in which I've talked to you about, the reaction shot of a puppet. It. But there's so many things in that show that give me such delight. And I know that Mitch Hurwitz has been like a huge part of your life. Not just as the creator of a show that helped you get a toehold and gave you a real push, but as a friend and a mentor and a like, life guy, without question. And I don't. I don't know him well, I've met him a bunch of times.

[Will Arnett]

Which is funny because you guys live like 200 yards from each other.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know.

[Will Arnett]

True story.

[Conan O'Brien]

And whenever he comes, I duck behind a hedge.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you know what I am? You know, it's that stupid thing in LA where you don't walk down the.

[Will Arnett]

Street, nobody sees their neighbors.

[Conan O'Brien]

No one sees their neighbors here, which is not how I grew up, but it's very strange.

[Will Arnett]

Can I ask you just sort of sidebar? And I want to get into the Mitch thing because as you're right, and I adore Mitch and he's been incredibly impactful in my life. Not just as a sort of a comedic beacon and a guide and a mentor, but also as a friend and as a person. He's one of the all time great guys.

Do you guys dream about moving back to New York a lot these days?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, it's funny you say that. No, no, I'm kidding. No, it's funny you say, I'm kind.

[Will Arnett]

Of half moving back now and I'm like, I can't get out of here fast enough.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, okay. I still love la. I love Los Angeles, but I really love a lot of things about Los Angeles and I'm happy to be here. But it's funny you say that because I've going back more and more for work because, you know, Sirius xm, they have space there. And also both my kids are on the east coast for school. So I'll go back east and I'll be in New York. And I'm very happy, to be honest. I like both. I like the contrast. But I like spending now two weeks in the. You know, going up to Boston, seeing my, you know, my family. Yeah. But hanging in New York is great.

[Will Arnett]

And I know it's like the oldest thing, New York versus la. And for years I got so sick of people going like, well, in New York you can walk around. I'm like, I know. I did the same thing. I lived in New York for over 20 years. I get it. But I have lately, and I feel like I'm not alone. A lot of my friends and people, you know, are like, I'm ready to go back. Like, I see my later stages of life being in New York. I'm just LA has been. I don't know. Again, there are people like, good. Get the fuck out. You know, I don't know what to tell you.

[Conan O'Brien]

I just got so much many properties here in la. Oh, God. I mean, I own most of Catalina. You know that about me, right?

[Will Arnett]

I didn't know that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, I've. I mean, what I did is I took money that I made here on the podcast and I have bought up Catalina, most of the Valley, all of Catalina.

[Will Arnett]

You saw what happened Catalina today, right? Right.

[Conan O'Brien]

What happened? Oh, my God.

[Will Arnett]

You're. You're. They designated you Gavin Newsome. What? It's a toxic site. It's worthless.

[Conan O'Brien]

I built a massive.

[Will Arnett]

It's all. It's all worthless.

[Conan O'Brien]

I seriously own like 6,000 acres on the way here.

[Will Arnett]

Gavin Newsome said it's. It's toxic. And, and, and they're just going to. They're going to raise it and no one will ever. It's uninhabitable. No one will ever be able to go there.

[Conan O'Brien]

I built, you know that giant geodesic dome that just went up? That's my house.

[Will Arnett]

You're destitute. You're destitute. Now it's all gone. You lost everything. I told you not to put it all in Catalina.

And you said nothing. And you actually said to me, this place will never be toxic. Which is. How could you have.

[Conan O'Brien]

I said, my marriage may be toxic and all my friendships, but this ground in Catalina never shall be. Remember? I said, of course I remembered.

[Will Arnett]

You shattered it from a mountaintop.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I said, I'm going to build a giant geodesic dome and live there.

[Will Arnett]

And live there forever.

[Conan O'Brien]

I put everything into that.

[Will Arnett]

And you did say you were going to live forever also as part of it. I shall.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know I'll outlive Bateman. You and I are going to outlive Bateman. Oh, man, you know he's going to dance on my grave.

[Will Arnett]

Of course he will.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's not. For six years.

[Will Arnett]

Will. Mitch Herbert's one of the all time great guys. I just want to say. He created Arrest Development, as you know, as you pointed out. I don't think I've. I mean, the wittiest, funniest, most naturally, just like such a gifted, gifted, gifted dude. Yeah. Just amazing guy he is. When you. When I watch that show, I haven't actually rewatched in a while, but sometimes clips will come up and, and I'll just think like, what a fucking brilliant scene. Like, what a everything. Like, just go, what a great idea.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just keep that many balls in the air and have it all pay off.

[Will Arnett]

Dude.

[Conan O'Brien]

To have that cast, but to have that vision.

[Will Arnett]

It was almost like a live act. We used to say it's virging. Like on a live action. Simpson. Sometimes, like from back, especially from when you were there, like those days. And I meant that always as the highest compliment to him.

[Conan O'Brien]

No cutaways. It's things that you can do in animation that you really can't achieve when you're shooting on a set. And you guys had that pace. The whole thing is beautifully rendered. And, man, is it holding. Yeah, it's great. And so I always.

It's been a lovely thing for me in my life because I always go back to my favorite stuff, and that includes Arrested Development. And you are so funny in that show. But it's great now. I mean, like I say, you have all these things in your back pocket, and now you can go make a movie with Bradley Cooper. And it's good. It's really good, you know?

[Will Arnett]

Thanks.

[Conan O'Brien]

I just outed him as Bradley Cooper. Not. I know a lot of people were like, you mean General Omar Bradley? I know people were going there.

[Will Arnett]

Why is your audience so obsessed with.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what? We know one thing. When you leave the comments, they're always like, more World War II generals.

[Will Arnett]

Do they really?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

That's bizarre, man. No, I'm not gonna be.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, you'll probably get that, too. It's smart. Yeah.

[Will Arnett]

Mine are more UK said, like, Montgomery. They want more Montgomery. Mentions of Montgomery.

[Conan O'Brien]

Montgomery. Will, I'm very happy for you.

[Will Arnett]

You're funny. Neville Chamberlain once said. Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

[Conan O'Brien]

Will, you are a. You're a great friend. And joking aside, it meant the world to me that you were texting me during a dark time. And riffing with you over text was a true balm. It really did. It was a serum that helped me and just delighted that you're in my life. Say hi to the guys for me. I will, but do it more. Like, show more love to Sean from me and then let you know what I mean, you'll know how to play it.

[Will Arnett]

Of course I know how to play it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Let Bateman know. Like, oh, he's really all over Sean.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, yeah, but just pour a lot of sugar on Sean.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and then be like, no, no, he knows you're on YouTube. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Will Arnett]

He definitely mentioned you. I'm pretty sure. All right.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right. I love it, man. This is it. We don't have a way to end this.

[Will Arnett]

Really, is there? No Ending to it.

[Conan O'Brien]

There really isn't an ending. It just. And this way. This, you know, we usually wait for it to peter out, and this petered out a couple of times. So there's a couple of endpoints we can use.

[Will Arnett]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know.

[Will Arnett]

Oh. Oh, you're. Okay. Sorry.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're recreate an endpoint, and that's the way we do.

What are you going to say?

[Will Arnett]

There goes another one, by the way. Yeah, there goes another one. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I'll tell you something. That's what he said to her.

[Will Arnett]

Where are you looking? Oh, there's a camera there.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right there. Nothing ruins an audio presentation like a guy playing the camera.

[Will Arnett]

Hey, can I just say something?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. It's about time you spoke up. Hey, do you have another quote?

Oh, I got something. Hey, is it okay I read this inspirational quote quote. It's a long sermon by Euripides.

Fucking man. That thing went on and on and it was great. Oh, I get it. Yeah. But can't you say it in fewer words?

[Will Arnett]

Did you have to read the whole thing?

This guy fucking kills me.

[Conan O'Brien]

What's on your phone that's better than me?

[Will Arnett]

Fuck. I'm just giving you time, you know.

[Conan O'Brien]

I got people to talk to.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, look.

Just looking at. I was just doing some texting.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, fucking cool musicians are texting me.

Oh, what?

[Will Arnett]

Eddie better text you, too.

[Conan O'Brien]

What?

[Will Arnett]

Nothing.

What was the question I was going to ask you guys about.

God. We'll just cut the pauses out so I seem really snappy.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah, we'll cut off. We're going to double up on your pauses.

[Will Arnett]

Here it is.

[Conan O'Brien]

When you don't have a fancy mindset.

[Will Arnett]

I mean, you guys are. You guys are serious as well. Yeah, right? Yeah. Anything about a collab?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes.

[Will Arnett]

Yes. You know, should we do a collab?

[Conan O'Brien]

But, you know, I'm tell you something.

[Will Arnett]

We do in. We do like we come in here into the studio, me and Shanahan, babe. And come into the studio, and we do. And we just do. And we just do something, you know?

[Conan O'Brien]

You know, let me tell you something.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

We got a huge thing going just.

[Will Arnett]

To give you a spark.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's fair.

[Will Arnett]

Fair. That's fair.

[Conan O'Brien]

We've been dragging ass lately.

[Will Arnett]

You're like a dragon lighter. I love that.

[Conan O'Brien]

That came on the heels of you.

[Matt Gourley]

Going, you know, we got a good thing going.

[Sona Movsesian]

You immediately changed your word. Dragon ass lately.

[Conan O'Brien]

Listen to me tell you something. You guys come in, we join forces. You know.

We take the power of this show and then we add whatever you guys are doing and whatever we're doing. You're doing fine. Didn't you have a documentary or something? I don't remember.

[Will Arnett]

What? We did a docu series.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Okay. I don't know. Remember I tried to get it and it said there's been little interest.

[Will Arnett]

Do you mind if I just do this real quick? Sorry, I don't want to interrupt.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay.

[Will Arnett]

GMC continues its commitment to professional grade engineering in the GMC truck series. Like offering the world's first available six function multi pro tailgate on Sierra. I just got to get a little business done. Is that okay? Good.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know, you get. You get a lot of that candy money from Reese's. I know you do. I hate to brag, but I got a candy bar, too. Payday. Payday came to me and I do a Payday bar now.

[Will Arnett]

And they want.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, Hershey's is your.

[Will Arnett]

Hershey's is your bar.

[Conan O'Brien]

Don't. God, he can't have payday. I'm sorry. Hershey's is your bar. He can't. Payday. What's that? It's not Payday.

[Will Arnett]

It's Hershey's.

[Conan O'Brien]

God, he's. Do you have a guy in the room with you who's like, not monetizable? There's no money here.

[Will Arnett]

No, we don't have a cooler on set, but we bring to cool down the heat on the table.

[Conan O'Brien]

Sorry I mentioned arrival candy. That won't happen again. Why don't you just have a taser and just shock me?

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, my God, no.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hershey's. You know, Hershey's came to me like.

[Will Arnett]

Hersh's Peanut butter Cups. Not. Sorry, what?

[Conan O'Brien]

That's who owns Reese's, right?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, the big company that runs it all came to me. So. You have Reese's. And by the way, you don't even seem to like the candy when you talk about it. But I. Hershey came to me and they were like, please, please, please, please. And I said, all right, sure.

[Will Arnett]

Oh, good.

[Conan O'Brien]

Really?

[Will Arnett]

Yeah. I did them as sort of obsequious. They were so like, oh, my God, we're hemorrhaging cash.

[Conan O'Brien]

And so I was like, yeah, whatever. Hey, Hershey's, I like it. But they. And then they were like, you're so inarticulate.

[Will Arnett]

I forget that. Keep going.

[Conan O'Brien]

I said, hershey's.

[Will Arnett]

Good.

[Conan O'Brien]

But anyway, and then they said, hershey's candy bar. Through the roof. Through the roof. After I gave it my sign of approval.

[Will Arnett]

Through the roof. Through the fucking roof.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is true story.

Don't look it up.

[Will Arnett]

No, don't look it up. That always is alarm bells when somebody says don't look it up immediately. And you tried to grab my phone. Yeah, that's how worried you were.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just don't look it up.

[Will Arnett]

Okay? Okay. Anyway, what's the rest of you your day like, Conan? Be honest. Be really honest. Facial. Is that true?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, like one of those avocado scrubs on the face and then the back.

[Will Arnett]

What time you start drinking?

[Conan O'Brien]

Like 4, 3:30.

[Will Arnett]

No, 3 o'.

[Conan O'Brien]

Clock.

[Will Arnett]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

2:30. 2:15.

[Will Arnett]

And then you gonna watch the baseball? You gonna watch some baseball? I'm not gonna say what, but you're gonna watch some baseball.

[Conan O'Brien]

You can't say which teams. Oh. Cause this doesn't air until you know what this airs.

[Will Arnett]

Welcome to showbiz.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey.

[Will Arnett]

Hey.

[Conan O'Brien]

Merry Christmas.

[Will Arnett]

Fuck, dude.

[Conan O'Brien]

Merry.

[Will Arnett]

Dude.

[Conan O'Brien]

Merry Christmas.

[Will Arnett]

God.

[Conan O'Brien]

Merry Christmas.

[Will Arnett]

You're still just a writer up on 17.

[Conan O'Brien]

Does this need a punch up? See, Lauren liked it.

[Will Arnett]

This is what happened when you let the nerds in.

[Conan O'Brien]

It did well at read through.

[Will Arnett]

This is what happened. The nerds never got it.

You know what I mean?

[Conan O'Brien]

It works on the page. We got it.

[Will Arnett]

Don't worry.

[Conan O'Brien]

You didn't say it the right way.

[Will Arnett]

We're rolling. Scram.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's right at the same time it this way.

[Will Arnett]

Talent's here.

[Conan O'Brien]

Jesus. Coming out of my eyes.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh my God.

[Matt Gourley]

We stopped recording nerds so long ago.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know these mics blow, but you can lean against them. You know you can't do that with yours. I can lean against mine.

[Will Arnett]

Anyway, a time was had by all.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what? And that's what they did.

[Will Arnett]

Stop ruining it. I. We had.

We had a great, great. I just tied it up. It was perfect.

Oh my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

Should we continue?

You don't come back. Don't come back. You're the worst. You're a terrible guy.

[Will Arnett]

By the way, I hope all jokes aside, and I know we're done, but let me just say this and I know you wanted to get in a voiceover and you said all the people came to you, but I did think of a gig that you'd be really good for that. Aflac. Aflac.

Perfect. We got it.

[Conan O'Brien]

They also this a helium balloon company that wants me. Helium balloons?

[Will Arnett]

Wait, voices can get higher?

[Matt Gourley]

Conan o' Brien needs a friend. With Conan o' Brien sonam of Session and Matt Gourley produced by me, Matt Goerley executive executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leow Theme song by the White Stripes incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our Associate Talent Producer is Jennifer Samples, Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns Additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Brit Khan. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign [e-mail] Conan and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O' Brien needs a Friend and wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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[Conan O'Brien]

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