Transcript
A (0:00)
I hear a lot of kids say, I hear that at this age I can decide where I live and I don't ever have to go back to the other house. They will say that or they will say, I just want to be where I want to be, when I want to be there. Which is really confusing for the parents because they never know when the kid wants to be home.
B (0:19)
And I've had several cases, I'm trying to think in my head of how many that were modifications of custody orders which were predicated upon my client telling me that the child has made a really well framed reason, a request to live primarily with them. And then by the time you get to hearing, the kid goes in and talks to the judge if they do, and the judge like, no, he wants 50, 50, or wants to keep it like it is. In fact, I would say that's more common than uncommon. So these kids, and this is the very reason why they don't have the ability to decide right where they live. So in Oklahoma, at least where we are, once the child turns 12, the rule is that it's presumptive that they possess the maturity necessary to express an opinion that the court should take into consideration as one of all of the factors in determining what custody and visitation.
A (1:25)
Should be and how that gets spun by the child when they're talking to me is the court says, At 12 I get to decide where I live. I've even had much younger, I've had as Young as a three year old tell me that at 12 he gets to decide. Now I wonder how he figured that out.
B (1:45)
Those three year olds are pretty sophisticated with their research of case law and statute, I'm sure.
A (1:52)
Wow.
B (1:53)
But that's the same view that the parents have. That's how parents hear it too. I, I don't think I've ever had a client come and say to me, oh, I understand that my child is presumed to be old enough to give an expression of a preference. That's going to be one factor among all the factors. It's always, they're 12, they get to choose. So somehow that's entered into the common wisdom and what everybody wants to believe. When I hear that people are trying to make or encourage a 12 year old or a 13 year old to make this kind of decision, they have no understanding, I think, of the potential pain it's going to cause these kids and I don't think many of these adults are emotionally sophisticated enough to take that child's statement of preference and throw it into the ocean and let it go. Away, they're going to hold on to it.
A (2:55)
I've seen so many cases where the child has told each of the parents that they want to be with them. I wonder why, because each of the parents has asked the kid, where do you want to live? And I like to tell kids, what if it wasn't an option where you lived? Because right now you're seeing both of your parents, you live with each of them, you have a bedroom at both houses, you have things that you enjoy around you at both houses. So why is it suddenly an option? And of course, they always tell me, which parent, or if both are routinely telling them it's an option now and.