Coparent Academy Podcast – Episode #163: Is $200 Per Child Enough for Child Support?

Hosts: Linda VanValkenburg and Ron Gore
Date: June 9, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode centers on a common concern in co-parenting: Is $200 per child per month adequate child support, and what exactly is child support intended to cover? Drawing on a real-world Reddit post, hosts Linda and Ron discuss misconceptions, emotional pitfalls, statutory obligations, and practical approaches that separated or divorced parents often encounter regarding child support.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Real-World Scenario: The Reddit Post (00:00–01:02)

• The episode opens with a Reddit post from a mother questioning how child support should be used.
  • She receives $200/month per child from her ex and uses it mainly for essentials like food, rent, and clothing.
  • When her kids need snow boots (essential in their climate), she asks her ex to split the cost, but he refuses, saying child support covers everything.
  • The ex tells the kids, “I already paid for the boots because I pay child support.”
  • The mother wonders if she’s misunderstanding child support’s purpose.

2. The Harm in Involving Children in Child Support Issues (01:13–01:56)

• Linda emphasizes that parents should avoid discussing child support details with children:
  • “Quit talking to your children about child support. Exactly. No matter which side of the fence.” (Linda, 01:41)
• Comparing cases where children are told by one parent about the other’s (non)payments, which impacts children emotionally.

3. What Is Child Support For? Legal and Practical Perspective (01:56–05:15)

• Ron breaks down the legal and ethical framework:
  • Both parents are obligated to provide for children, whether time is shared equally or not.
  • When custody is close to 50/50, both parents share direct expenses, but sometimes there is still an order for support to equalize things.
  • “Child support is the obligation of both parents…both have a statutory and ethical obligation to care for their kids.” (Ron, 02:22)
• The idea of “equalizing” living environments is discussed—while ideal, it’s not always possible.
• Ron answers the mother’s question about spending priorities:
  • “You take care of your rent and your food first and then for the clothing you have options…if he can’t or won’t contribute extra and there’s no court order…then you hit the goodwill.” (Ron, 04:46)

4. Control and Transparency: Who Gets to Decide? (05:15–07:30)

• Linda describes frequent complaints (often from paying fathers) about lack of control over how child support is spent.
• Ron is explicit:
  • “Once it’s out of your account, into hers or into his, it’s none of your business anymore.” (Ron, 05:57)
  • Money is fungible: “Each dollar is not specifically allocated for a certain thing.”
• The question of demanding receipts or itemizations is addressed:
  • Only in rare cases would a court entertain such requests, usually when additional support is sought.
  • Otherwise: “It’s not a good look…to be exerting control over the finances of their ex…that gets us straight into the Duluth power and control wheel.” (Ron, 07:17)

5. Parental Narratives and Throwing Each Other “Under the Bus” (07:30–08:23)

• Linda observes children’s perspectives often reflect parental narratives:
  • “It is rather obvious if your child states to someone like myself, it’s just not fair that mom’s spending this much money…because obviously that has come from dad or the kids.” (Linda, 07:30)
• Ron and Linda note both parents sometimes use child support—or the lack thereof—to explain why children do or don’t get certain things, which isn’t healthy for the kids.
• Notable humor and empathy surface when discussing social media spying and exotic purchases, but the hosts reiterate: It’s easy but damaging for parents to blame the other for material shortfalls.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Quit talking to your children about child support. Exactly. No matter which side of the fence.”
  — Linda, 01:41

• “Child support is the obligation of both parents…both have a statutory and ethical obligation to care for their kids.”
  — Ron, 02:22

• “You take care of your rent and your food first and then for the clothing you have options…if he can’t or won’t contribute extra and there’s no court order…then you hit the goodwill.”
  — Ron, 04:46

• “Once it’s out of your account, into hers or into his, it’s none of your business anymore.”
  — Ron, 05:57

• “It’s not a good look…to be exerting control over the finances of their ex…that gets us straight into the Duluth power and control wheel.”
  — Ron, 07:17

• “It is rather obvious if your child states to someone like myself, it’s just not fair that mom’s spending this much money…”
  — Linda, 07:30

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–01:02 — Case Study: The Reddit Post
• 01:13–01:56 — The damage of involving kids in child support topics
• 01:56–05:15 — Legal and practical understanding of child support obligation
• 05:15–07:30 — Who controls/supports? Money, transparency, and boundaries
• 07:30–08:23 — Children’s perspectives & the consequences of parental narratives

Tone and Takeaways

The conversation is forthright and empathetic but occasionally humorous, reflecting real frustrations from both custodial and noncustodial parents. The episode strongly advocates for insulating children from parental conflict about finances and emphasizes that once child support is paid, the recipient decides how to use those resources. Parents are reminded that ongoing financial disputes or transparency battles are not only unproductive but can deeply affect their children’s wellbeing.

Bottom Line:
Child support is intended to help both parents meet their children’s needs—not to be tracked or weaponized in parental disputes, and children should be kept out of adult conversations about money.