Coparent Academy Podcast

Episode #183 - How NOT to Waste Money Deposing Your Coparent

Hosts: Ron Gore, Linda VanValkenburg
Release Date: October 27, 2025

Episode Overview

In this practical and insightful episode, family law attorney and Co-Parent Academy co-founder Ron Gore tackles one of the most expensive and stressful phases in a family law dispute—deposing your co-parent. He offers actionable strategies to help clients prepare for a deposition, maximize their legal budget, and work effectively with their attorney. The focus: how to ensure every dollar spent on the process actually advances your case, supports your child's best interests, and avoids common pitfalls.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Preparing Your Attorney Effectively (00:00–02:44)

• Full Disclosure Is Critical:
  Ron emphasizes that clients must provide their attorney with all relevant information, even details they might deem unimportant. Attorneys are trained to identify pertinent legal details, while clients, understandably, may not be.

  "Giving your attorney all of the information allows them to do the issue spotting that connects the facts with the law and connect with your judge's personality, how they interpret and apply the law."
  — Ron Gore (00:32)

• Set Realistic Goals:
  Don’t aim for unattainable outcomes. Work with your attorney to set achievable objectives for each issue to be litigated rather than “pie in the sky” wants like sole custody unless truly warranted.

2. Organizing Information to Save Money (02:45–06:30)

• The Day-in-the-Life Approach:
  Ron suggests mapping out your child’s daily routine, varying by weekdays, weekends, and special occasions. This thorough approach ensures key details are not missed and assists attorneys in understanding the child's experience with each parent.

• Documentation:
  Collect and provide relevant documents—IEPs, medical records, and information about your child’s needs—so your attorney is fully prepared for every issue that may arise.

• Digital Organization:
  Use tools like Dropbox to create structured folders and include "readme" documents to clarify contents.

  "If you've identified Issues to be litigated, you can organize it in relation to those issues... I think it's a best practice to have a readme sheet in each of the folders that says this is what's in this folder."
  — Ron Gore (05:41)

3. Communication & Proactive Client Role (06:31–07:55)

• Be Patient, Be Proactive:
  Attorneys juggle many cases—don’t hesitate to gently remind or re-provide important info. It’s your responsibility to ensure your lawyer has what they require for optimal representation.

• No Surprises—Including the Negative:
  Ron cautions against hiding potentially unfavorable information:

  "If you've got text messages where you're just being a complete asshole, you need to make sure you highlight those for your attorney so that they're prepared to deal with them..."
  — Ron Gore (07:14)

4. Relevancy and Professionalism (07:56–09:30)

• Stick to Child-Related Issues:
  Allegations or complaints not directly affecting the children are not impactful in family law depositions.

• In-Deposition Tools for Success:
  Ron describes using shared Google documents—color-coded for attorney, paralegal, and client input—to keep everyone engaged and on track, especially in complex, document-heavy cases.

5. Conduct During the Deposition (09:31–10:49)

• Professional Behavior is Essential:
  Emotional responses—glares, laughter, hostile looks—can appear unprofessional and may be noted in transcripts, potentially harming your case.

  "This is a time for you to be stone faced, participating in good faith, being extremely professional, assisting your attorney assist you.... If you start to cause a ruckus in the deposition, then that's going to get in the transcript."
  — Ron Gore (10:06)

6. Maximizing the Value of a Deposition (10:50–11:56)

• Help Your Attorney Help Your Children:
  The more organized and forthcoming you are, the more effectively your attorney can present the truth to the court—crucial for outcomes that serve your children's best interests.

• Final Thoughts:
  Ron reiterates the importance of preparation, professionalism, and cooperation throughout the deposition process.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Your job as the client is to get the best outcome for your child and yourself."
  — Ron Gore (06:47)

• "It's really difficult to overstate the value of a deposition in a family law case when there are serious issues to be litigated."
  — Ron Gore (10:50)

Key Takeaways

• Meticulous, organized prep for depositions saves both time and money.
• Honesty about both strengths and weaknesses enables your attorney to represent you best.
• Focusing on issues relevant to your children is crucial.
• Professionalism at all stages protects your case—and your children.
• Open, repeat, and structured communication with your attorney is essential, even if it takes extra effort.

Practical Tips Recap

• Organize documents and facts by ‘day-in-the-life’ scenarios.
• Use digital folders with readme summaries for clarity.
• Consider color-coded collaborative documents during depositions.
• Stay professional and neutral, especially in emotionally charged settings.
• Highlight all facts, even those that make you look bad—so your attorney is not blindsided.

For more resources or to share your own deposition experiences (anonymized!), find Coparent Academy on your podcast app or engage in the episode’s comments.