CoRecursive: Coding Stories - Episode: "Leaving Stripe"

Host: Adam Gordon Bell
Guest: John De la Motte, Software Engineer
Release Date: January 2, 2025

Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of CoRecursive: Coding Stories, host Adam Gordon Bell delves deep into John De la Motte's tumultuous journey at Stripe. John, a seasoned software engineer with a decade of experience in platform work, shares his candid experiences of career aspirations, personal struggles, and the profound impact of his relationships on his professional life.

Journey to Stripe

[00:07] John De la Motte:
"I've been a software engineer for the last about 10 years, doing a lot of platform-type work, supporting other engineers and working on the tools they use."

John's ambition led him to Stripe, a company renowned for its high engineering standards and impactful financial infrastructure. Influenced by his entrepreneurial father, John envisioned a career trajectory that would eventually merge his technical expertise with his family's business endeavors.

[01:27] John:
"Stripe ticked all the boxes for me. High engineering standards, people I admire, and real financial money movement stuff."

Despite his enthusiasm, John's initial interview at Stripe was a humbling experience. Overprepared and focused on demonstrating technical craftsmanship, he struggled to showcase his problem-solving abilities, leading to a rejection.

Initial Challenges at Stripe

Undeterred, John re-applied six months later, adjusting his approach to prioritize problem-solving over perfection. This shift paid off, and he was welcomed into Stripe's newly established remote hub by joining the JavaScript (JS) Infrastructure team. However, the first year was fraught with difficulties.

[05:20] John:
"Demonstrating business value was drilled into me so much that saying the words was difficult."

At Stripe, the emphasis on articulating business value in project proposals and updates was overwhelming for John, who previously thrived in low-process environments. This pressure led to challenges in written communication and project management, culminating in a performance review that rated him as only partially meeting expectations.

Personal Struggles and Therapy

John's professional setbacks mirrored deeper personal issues. Struggling with his marriage and confronting unresolved childhood trauma related to his father, he sought therapy—a daunting step given his fundamentalist Christian upbringing that emphasized divine intervention over professional help.

[15:09] John:
"I was trying to get comfortable with writing project proposals and understanding the business value."

In therapy, John began unraveling the psychological barriers stemming from his upbringing, such as the ingrained belief that deviating from moral codes would result in ostracization. This introspection unveiled how these childhood experiences influenced his adult relationships and work performance.

Turning Point and Positive Changes

As John engaged in therapy, he started experiencing significant personal growth. He tackled long-standing issues, such as his childhood fear of math—a symbol of his deeper emotional struggles—and improved his time management and social interactions. These changes translated into better performance at Stripe, earning him an "exceeds expectations" rating in subsequent reviews.

[26:00] John:
"Our brains are actually very dependent on each other. As a kid, you rely on your primary caregiver to help handle big feelings."

This period marked a renaissance in John's professional life, fostering stronger team connections through openness and collaboration. By admitting his challenges, he not only enhanced team dynamics but also found renewed motivation and purpose in his work.

Setbacks and The Decision to Leave

Despite these advancements, John faced a relapse into depression, exacerbated by continued work pressures and personal adversities, including his wife's battle with anxiety. The culmination of these struggles led him to a pivotal decision: to leave Stripe.

[41:23] John:
"My dad was absolutely a workaholic, and it cost our family dearly. I had replayed the same patterns, even though I vowed not to."

A transformative moment occurred when John attempted to reconcile with his father, only to be disowned, mirroring the emotional neglect he endured during childhood. This painful revelation intensified his introspection and underscored the necessity of prioritizing his mental health over career success.

[48:35] John:
"I think you need to quit."

Inspired by a chance overheard conversation about leaving a high-pressure job, John decided to follow suit. This bold move was a testament to his journey towards self-awareness and healing, choosing personal well-being over professional accolades.

Reflections and Conclusion

John's story is a profound exploration of the interplay between personal trauma and professional life. Through therapy and honest self-reflection, he dismantled the psychological barriers that hindered his growth, both personally and professionally. His departure from Stripe symbolizes not just a career change but a reclamation of self-worth and emotional health.

[50:30] Adam Gordon Bell:
"If something that John shared resonated with you, maybe follow in his footsteps, become curious about your own feelings and reactions to things. Learn more about yourself."

John emphasizes the importance of individual worth and the relentless pursuit of self-understanding. His journey serves as an inspiring reminder that personal growth and mental health are paramount, even amidst professional challenges.

Key Takeaways

• Self-Awareness: Understanding and addressing deep-seated personal issues can lead to significant professional improvements.

• Open Communication: Being honest about one's struggles fosters stronger team dynamics and support systems.

• Mental Health: Prioritizing mental well-being is crucial, even when facing career pressures.

• Breaking Patterns: Confronting and breaking familial and psychological patterns is essential for personal growth.

Notable Quotes

• John De la Motte at [05:20]:
  "Demonstrating business value was drilled into me so much that saying the words was difficult."

• John De la Motte at [15:09]:
  "I was trying to get comfortable with writing project proposals and understanding the business value."

• John De la Motte at [26:00]:
  "Our brains are actually very dependent on each other. As a kid, you rely on your primary caregiver to help handle big feelings."

• John De la Motte at [41:23]:
  "My dad was absolutely a workaholic, and it cost our family dearly. I had replayed the same patterns, even though I vowed not to."

• John De la Motte at [50:30]:
  "I believe that we matter as people, as individuals, and we are each worth the time and effort to explore and understand ourselves."

Conclusion

John De la Motte's journey from Stripe to self-discovery is a compelling narrative of resilience, introspection, and the courage to prioritize personal well-being over professional success. His story underscores the profound impact of addressing one's inner struggles and the transformative power of self-awareness.

For more insights and to follow John's journey, visit his website.

Thank you for listening to this episode of CoRecursive: Coding Stories. If John's story resonated with you, consider exploring your own journey towards self-understanding and growth. For more episodes and to support the show, visit codecursive.com/supporters. Join our vibrant Slack community and connect with others on similar paths. Until next time, thank you for tuning in.