Loading summary
Transcript228 lines
- [00:00]
Keith Olbermann
This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.
- [00:05]
Most people think their insurance will cover them when disaster strikes. The truth? Many are wrong. You pay premiums and assume you're protected until the fine print hits. Exclusions, limits, loopholes. Suddenly that coverage isn't coverage at all. My policy advocate reviews your policies home, Auto, life and breaks them down in plain English. They show what's really covered and what isn't. It costs just 27 cents a day less than a cup of coffee. For peace of before you assume you're covered, go to mypolicyadvocate.com you might be shocked at what you find. Mypolicyadvocate.com support for the show comes from
- [00:43]
Sponsor Voice
Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete Disclosures available at public.comDisclosures sink into affordable luxury.
- [01:45]
Annabe is the only machine washable sofa inside and out with stain resistant slipcovers and a cloud like frame duvet. Everything goes right in the wash. Plus the modular design lets you change the look of your space anytime. Visit washablesofas.com to upgrade your home shop up to 6 60% off site wide with sofas starting at just $699 and a 30 day money back guarantee. Shop now at washablesofas.com offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.
- [02:13]
Keith Olbermann
People at work supported me while I was going through treatment by not treating me like somebody who was going through treatment. Treatment sucks. Cancer sucks. Being engaged with work really helped to I just knew I was going to beat this thing.
- [02:29]
Research shows there is a significant connection between the ability to continue to work and cancer recovery. We can make work a better place
- [02:38]
for healing, learn more and sign the pledge@workingwithcancerpledge.com Spring is calling weddings, patio sessions,
- [02:46]
Sponsor Voice
barbecues and you want that drink vibe without sacrificing tomorrow. That's RK zero proof. As the world's first zero proof spirits brand, RK created the warm molecule, giving you the smooth kick of whiskey or tequila with zero alcohol, zero calories, zero sugar and all the peace of mind you need to enjoy every moment. Step into the Zero Proof season at
- [03:11]
Keith Olbermann
rk0proof.com Countdown with Keith Olbermann is a production of iHeartRadio. So Nuclear War on Tuesday the other part of Dementia J. Trump's vile, multi religion, blasphemous Easter post. Not the he is effing risen part.
- [03:50]
The other part is the operative part.
- [03:52]
And the follow up post is the meaningful post.
- [03:56]
Tuesday will be power plant day, he
- [03:59]
wrote, and Bridge day. There will be nothing like it, he wrote. You'll be living living in hell, he wrote.
- [04:04]
Just watch, he wrote. And he followed it four hours and 35 minutes later by writing Tuesday, 8pm Eastern time.
- [04:15]
You left out the be there aloha.
- [04:18]
And in between, interspersed with more of his new dial a stenographer calls to quote reporters with insane observations like if there's no deal today, he's blowing up the whole country, abc or I am blowing up up everything over there Axios,
- [04:37]
or we're going to bring them back to the Stone Ages where they belong.
- [04:41]
From the somnambulant speech he gave last Wednesday night, this is all a threat to use tactical nuclear weapons in Iran.
- [04:53]
And even if it's just a threat, or even if the nuclear part is
- [04:57]
hyperbole, it is still a threat to use massive amounts of conventional ordnance. But Trump, of course, has longed to use nuclear weapons since the first term because he's a sadist who wants to kill people. He was asking his generals a decade ago why we had them if we didn't use them, because the morals and
- [05:20]
just as importantly, the repercussions of using
- [05:22]
them have never occurred to him. And he truly, deeply, unshakably believes he is the first person ever to think of using nuclear weapons because he's smart and nobody else is smart. He believes this just as he believed he was the first person ever to think of using the government to steal an election lost while he was in office, just as it has not occurred to him that he would be giving tacit permission to Russia to use nuclear weapons, not just in Ukraine, but having first handed them to Iran in response to this, to have Iran use nuclear weapons in Israel, if he uses nuclear weapons in Iran. But he thinks that's not why. It hasn't been done before. He thinks it hasn't been done before because you're all stupid. And, of course, then there's the other part. Trump is mentally unstable. I know all of you in his cabinet and him, and he has gone insane. And all of you are complicit. Marjorie Taylor Greene wrote that not two hours after Trump's expletive threat. When Marjorie Taylor Greene says Trump is insane, guess what? He's insane. Oh, and a postscript from the newest member of Club Reality. Our president is not a Christian.
- [06:53]
So here we are. Tomorrow is either Taco Tuesday or Thermonuclear Tuesday. All over the closure of the Strait of Hormuz, which Trump caused, which Trump then dismissed because he doesn't use the Strait of Hormuz, and then dismissed it because he doesn't need the Strait of Hormuz, then dismissed it because it would soon open itself, open sesame, and then, quote, open the fucking strait, you crazy bastards. Because he wasn't getting his way. He doesn't know what the Strait of Hormuz is. There were indications. Last week he decided it was some sort of large supply of oil or a barrel or something, or maybe somebody named Hormuz. The problem, other than the nuclear problem and the insanity problem, President Stilson, is that in 35 days, Trump has now publicly stated at least 28 different positions about where this war is. If you think this is a strategy, you must believe he is not in that stage of dementia in which you not only forget what you have said, not only forget how long the interval has been since you last said anything, but you think everybody else has also forgotten what you said. This is just the set of highlights of his opinions on Iran since March 3, on which he said, essentially, we won the war. On the 7th, he said we defeated Iran. On the 9th, he said we must attack Iran. He said the war is ending almost completely and very beautifully and still wanted to attack it some more. March 12, we did win, but we haven't won completely. March 13, we won completely. March 14, he asked for help from the allies. March 15, he threatened the allies and said if they didn't help, he would certainly remember. March 16, he said, no, actually, we don't need any help now. I was just testing you to see who would help or who's listening to me. Ah, but if NATO doesn't help, they'll suffer. I haven't decided what yet, but I'm King Lear here, and they'll suffer something as soon as I think of it.
- [09:10]
March 17, he said we neither need nor want NATO's help.
- [09:15]
And he also said he didn't need congressional approval to withdraw from NATO, even though there's a law that was put in there basically by Marco Rubio, who seems to work for him now, if he remembers that much. March 18, Trump said our allies must cooperate in reopening Hormuz on the 19th, he said US allies need to get a grip to step up to help open the strait of Hormuz. March 20, he called NATO cowards. March 21, he said, we don't use it. We don't need to open it. March 22, he said this is the last time. And he gave Iran 48 hours and added that Iran was dead. March 23, he said he's gonna give him more time. 48 hours is flexible. March 24, the war is nearing its end. That's the war that ended three weeks earlier. March 25, we're still negotiating. March 26, Iran is begging for peace, and we're gonna give them more time. And they gave us a gift, which he apparently just made up out of thin air, some large supply of oil. March 27, talks with Iran are going very well. March 28, the war would be over soon. That's the war he declared over twice previously. March 29, he said, maybe we will take Carg island, maybe we won't.
- [10:27]
March 30, he demanded they open the
- [10:29]
strait or he was going to obliterate all the energy infrastructure and the oil wells. March 31, he said, we don't need the strait.
- [10:36]
We have all the oil we need. But the United Kingdom needed to do
- [10:40]
something about it because they didn't have any oil. All their problem. April 1, he now said the war, which is declared over three times already, will be over in two to three weeks. April 4, he said Iran has 48 hours or he would rain down hell. And then yesterday, April 5, he said, in addition to saying, praise be to
- [10:58]
Allah, open the fucking straight. He gave them until Tuesday night, which
- [11:03]
meant that the deadline of April 4, which was April 6, had now been extended to April 7.
- [11:12]
These are not responses to changes on
- [11:15]
the ground or updates to the military scenario.
- [11:19]
These are not part of the Nixonian madman theory. At best, these are the figurative RFK
- [11:25]
junior Memorial worms in Trump's brain, turning
- [11:31]
Do I think he's going to nuke Iran tomorrow?
- [11:34]
No.
- [11:35]
Would I have thought the Japanese were really gonna bomb Pearl harbor in December 1941? I don't know.
- [11:41]
They court martialed the general, Billy Mitchell, who had insisted in the twenties that they would.
- [11:48]
Billy Mitchell knew what he was talking about.
- [11:50]
They court martialed. Would I have thought we were going to drop full size atomic weapons not once but twice on Japan in 1945?
- [11:58]
I don't know.
- [12:00]
And by the way, I am not making any moral or military comparisons between
- [12:04]
either of those nightmares and this nightmare, except for this one detail and one detail only the Japanese military dictatorship in the 1940s engaged in magical thinking they were going to win. Not because they were attacking Pearl harbor
- [12:19]
or they had the perfect defense and soldiers and civilians who were willing to
- [12:25]
die to the last man on the island.
- [12:28]
They were going to win because the Americans were weak Westerners who had no
- [12:32]
stomach for conflict and no capacity to withstand true militaristic spirit and the invincibility of the war fighter.
- [12:41]
Now, where have I heard that word war fighter recently?
- [12:46]
This might be a good time to raise the possibility that if the last 10 months are re read from a slightly more jaundiced point of view, you could see them, and this is not to excuse Trump at all, but you could see them as a kind of soft military overthrow of the government of the United States of America by Pete Asshole Hegseth who fired all the minority generals? Who fired the generals? Who tried to prevent the firing of the minority generals? Who fired all the non religious nuts? Who fired anybody who would stand up to the use of serious weapons like tactical nukes? Who changed the rules so that everybody on every army base can keep a civilian weapon with them to shoot anybody who tries to stop what's going on on an army base? Who decided that all Trump needed to see every morning was a Sports center highlight reel of American troops, excuse me, war fighters blowing stuff up in Iran. And he didn't need nor want any other kind of update on what was happening there. Who has a crusader cross tattooed on his chest, who was so crazy in his previous line of work that Fox would only put him on on the weekends, who was accused by his top aide last year of dressing up in a disguise to slip their security detail to go out drinking, who speaks in a string of apocalyptic cliches but is convinced he's winning the argument for the hearts and minds of America and is on a mission from God. Whose behavior was so alarming, whose behavior besides Trump, that senators and military vets Mark Kelly and Alyssa Slotkin, plus four congresspeople made a video reminding troops. And oh, by the way, they never said just troops. The generals were allowed to watch this video too. Who was doing such alarming things that these guys said to the troops and the generals that you are obligated to not obey an illegal order? Who does all that describe besides Trump? Well, it's either Pete Hegseth or Dr. Strangelove.
- [15:26]
Okay, I've got a couple of cabinet changes to watch for. And no, not Hegseth. Although Hegseth seems to be animated by a conviction that somebody in the military is going to replace him, so he better fire them. So he's firing those people too. No, not Hegseth, not Levitt. Why ordinary rational Americans would think Trump would want to get rid of Hegseth and Levitt when they are doing exactly what he wants, I don't know. Hegseth and Levitt are literally his wet dreams. Washington Post says, though after the firing of Bondi, Trump has asked colleagues if he should fire Lori Chavez Duramer, who seems to have a hubby scandal going on that is not nearly as exotic as Kristi Noem's nice balloons, but just as damaging. Howard Lutnick humiliated himself and then went underground. But Trump seems to have remembered that he works for him and decided he's an ass clown, which he is. And then there is the Bondi replacement. New York magazine notes, quote, many in Trump world are circling the newly opened job of Attorney General. Jeanine Pirro may be the most recklessly loyal. Again, as I mentioned in Friday's bulletin, Bondi was not fired because she butchered the Epstein files, though she did. Hey, nuclear war is a diversion from the Epstein files. Why not? Bondi was fired because she didn't put any of Trump's enemies in prison. Who tried to prosecute Fed Chairman Jerome Powell without evidence and without conceding that evidence was required and without doing anything else that the grand jury wanted. Piro, who has no self control or limits. Piro, who will do anything to please the Fuhrer. Piro, who is thinking ahead for somebody to help her with her demo tape when she goes back into reality TV Pyrrho. And I got one change nobody's seen coming yet. You have heard by now of Greg Phillips, the head of response and recovery at fema, the nitwit in charge of a thousand employees and a $300 million budget election, conspiracy theorist, executive producer of the farcical Dinesh D' Souza film 2000 Mules. That was so bad the producers had to issue a retraction, an apology to other conspiracy theorists for being too conspiracy theory y. This guy's a washout from the Human Services Commission in Mississippi and the Human Services Commission in Texas. But otherwise a fairly routine, blank eyed, seriously unsuccessful business con man and conservative. Until the other day when Greg Phillips claimed that one evening when he was just minding his business, some supernatural force teleported him to a Waffle house in Rome, Georgia. Look, cabinet wise, this is a no brainer and Mr. Phillips is obviously the no brain to do it. How in the hell is this man not the Secretary of Transportation? I appreciate that these days there is so much stuff being fired at us by the fascists that it seems dangerous to stop looking forward even for one second. They don't have any morals, they don't have any souls. But they do have seemingly endless ammunition. But as each week we hear somebody else announce they are seeking the Democratic
- [19:20]
nomination for 28, somebody else who has mistaken their own notoriety for being qualified. Rahm Emanuel. We need to look behind us for a moment because this week it's Don Lemon, nice guy, not, not qualified. And Stephen A. Smith, the sports guy, again insisting he would win all the
- [19:48]
Democratic debates and he'd defeat all the other candidates in the primaries. I'll get to them shortly.
- [19:54]
But about that looking back thing. First, somebody asked me when this dynamic
- [20:00]
took hold in this country.
- [20:01]
When we stopped our constant fear from the 50s and 60s and 70s that the Republicans would finally stop believing in the peaceful transfer of power thing and the concept that they could lose, or the prospect that their commentators and leaders might not be insightful, just insane and not finding new paths, but breaking the fundamental premise of the United States of America and replacing it with an authoritarian dictatorship. Just as soon as they could find somebody that lacking in scruples and that filled with motivations to do societal wrong for their own private gain. We always worried when they'd figure out how to monetize it. So we always thought who's the best Democrat to oppose them? And then somehow we stopped thinking that way. And then Trump monetized it. In discussing an answer to where this hellscape began. That somebody I was talking to and I threw out lots of names who made this happen, some whose goal it was Bin Laden, Newt Gingrich, rush Limbaugh, Mitch McConnell, both George Bushes, other terrorists, some whose goal it most certainly was not. But they contributed to it anyway, largely by naivete. Merrick Garland, Joe Biden and a name I always throw out and People recoil when I do. But it is as true now as it was when I did a commentary on the night of January 19, 2009. I was in Washington to anchor the inauguration, and the camera behind me in the studio at 8 o' clock at night produced a photo of the Capitol shimmering with anticipation of the inauguration. And I warned of the mistake that the President elect, as he became the president barely 15 hours later, would be making. I would have liked to have been wrong. I knew I would not be. And I wasn't. I'm going to read this commentary again, slightly edited to save a little time. Nothing added. January 19, 2009, roughly 8:50pm Eastern Standard Time.
- [22:22]
We have tortured people, you and I. You and I know we have tortured Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. We not only know about it, we have now heard it boasted about by one of the men who as of tomorrow will no longer work for us, George Walker Bush. The techniques were necessary and are necessary to be used on a rare occasion to get information necessary to protect protect the American people. Mr. Bush said to Fox News on January 11th one such person who gave us information was Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. I'm in the Oval Office. I'm told that we've captured Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and the professionals believe he has information necessary to secure the country. So I asked what tools are available for us to find information from him. They give me a list of tools and I said, are these tools deemed to be legal? We got legal opinions before the decision was made. I think when people study the history of this particular episode, they will find out we gained good information from Khalid Sheikh Mohammed in order to protect our country. We believe that the information we gained helped save lives on American soil. Never mind Mr. Bush's delusions here. Never mind all primary sources who witnessed the interrogation of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed said that they got nothing from him until they started buddying up to him. Never mind that Mr. Bush's supporters favorite torture construction, the mythical ticking time bomb scenario, not only did not transpire here, but Mr. Bush has not even had the imagination to pretend it did just in order to slightly cover his moral tracks. The key is that this statement, if it had been under oath, would have been a confession to a war crime. Mr. Bush is proactive, quote, I asked what tools are available. Mr. Bush is aware of the legal haze into which he steps, quote, and I said, are these tools deemed to be legal? Mr. Bush realizes the tools he has chosen have been used, quote, we gained good information from Khalid Sheikh Mohammed since we know from previous admissions at the Pentagon that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was waterboarded. We can infer that Mr. Bush knew he would be waterboarded and knew afterwards that he had been waterboarded. Mr. Bush is guilty. Mr. President elect, you were first asked about all this on the 18th of April last, I am proud to say you were asked about it by a fellow who got onto his high school newspaper while I was its editor, Will Bunch of the Philadelphia Daily News. I think you are right. You told Will if crimes have been committed, they should be investigated. You are also right that I would not want my first term consumed by what was perceived on the part of Republicans as a partisan witch hunt because
- [25:21]
I think we have too many problems
- [25:22]
we have to solve. So this is an area where I would want to exercise judgment.
- [25:29]
Good.
- [25:30]
Amen. But in that brief interview was born, or at least elucidated a genuine crimes as opposed to really bad policies. Vice President Biden echoed this on December 21st. In a statement to which your transition team has directed all those to whom this is a paramount issue, Biden said, quote, the questions of whether or not a criminal act has been committed or a very, very bad judgment has been engaged in is something that the Justice Department decides. After his comment last week with straightforwardness that was like water to a lost soul in the Sahara, that waterboarding is torture. Your nominee at Justice, Mr. Eric Holder, echoed all of this. Quote, we don't want to criminalize policy differences that might exist between the outgoing administration and the administration that is about to take over. But, Mr. President Elect, you have a confession since this statement of a structure of policy, prefacing policy itself from Mr. Biden, you have had Mr. Bush's confession. Moreover, since Mr. Biden's statement, you have a legal assessment from within the bowels
- [26:44]
of the Bush administration itself. We tortured Mohammed Al Qahtani, judge Susan
- [26:51]
Crawford told the Washington Post a week ago. His treatment met the legal definition of torture. That was why Judge Crawford added, that
- [26:59]
as the Bush administration official in charge of deciding whether or not to bring detainees at Guantanamo Bay to trial, she decided in Qahtani's case, not to.
- [27:12]
This, Mr. President Elect, was not the
- [27:14]
obvious waterboarding of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. This was a more insidious combination of legally approved procedures that still nearly killed this man Qatani.
- [27:25]
The techniques were all authorized, judge Crawford
- [27:28]
continued, but the manner in which they
- [27:31]
applied them was overly aggressive and too persistent. This was not any one particular act. It was just a combination of things that had a medical impact on him that hurt his health. In fact, Mr. President Elect, the records at Gitmo showed that Qahtani's heartbeat eventually
- [27:49]
slowed to 35 beats per minute.
- [27:53]
Quote, it was abusive and uncalled for and coercive. Clearly coercive. I sympathize with the intelligence gatherers in Those days after 9 11, not knowing what was coming next and trying to gain information to keep us safe. But there still has to be a
- [28:07]
line that we should not cross. Unfortunately, what this has done I think
- [28:13]
has tainted everything going forward.
- [28:18]
End quote.
- [28:20]
If you are worried about the Republicans
- [28:22]
viewing any torture prosecution in the way you postulated to Will Bunch a partisan witch hunt, you can remind them that the woman who said all that, Susan Crawford, is a lifelong Republican. So, Mr. President Elect, beyond whatever else will come out as the whistleblowers begin to whistle just after noon tomorrow, you
- [28:41]
have your predecessor's unofficial confession and you
- [28:45]
have this singular evaluation by a principal in your predecessor's administration, this kind of line level confession. They are guilty of this. Mr. President Elect, since he talked to my friend bunch in April 2008, Mr. Obama's only lengthy comments about this were made to George Stephanopoulos on January 11, 2009. See if a disturbing theme becomes evident.
- [29:11]
Obviously we are going to look at past practices.
- [29:14]
I don't believe that anybody is above the law. On the other hand, I also have a belief that we need to look forward as opposed to looking backwards later. My instinct is to focus on how do we make sure that moving forward we are doing the right thing later. Still, quote, my orientation is going to be to move forward. Finally, what we have to focus on is getting things right in the future as opposed to looking at what we got wrong in the past. Sadly, as commendable as the intention here might seem, this country has never moved forward without first cleansing itself of its mistaken past. In point of fact, every effort to merely draw a line in the sand and declare the past dead has served only to keep the past alive and often to strengthen it. We compromised with slavery in the Declaration of independence, and four score and nine years later we had buried 600,000 of our sons and brothers in a civil war.
- [30:17]
After that war's ending, we compromised with
- [30:19]
the social restructuring and protection of the rights of minorities in the South. And a century later, we had not only not resolved racism, but black leaders were still being assassinated in the cities of the South. We compromised with Germany in the reconstruction
- [30:35]
of Europe after the First World War.
- [30:37]
Nobody even arrested the German Kaiser, let alone conducted war crimes Trials then and 19 years later, there was an indescribably more evil Germany and A more heartrending Second World War. We compromised with the trusts of the early 1900s. Today we have corporations too big to fail. We compromised with the Palmer AIDS and got McCarthyism. And we compromised with McCarthyism and got Watergate. We compromised with Watergate. And junior members of the Ford administration realized how little was ultimately at risk. They grew up to be Paul Wolfowitz and Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney. But, Mr. President Elect, you are entirely correct. As you say, what we have to focus on is getting things right in the future as opposed to looking at what we got wrong in the past. But that means prosecuting all those involved in the Bush administration's torture of prisoners and starting at the top. You are also right that you should not want your first term consumed by what was perceived on the part of Republicans as a partisan witch hunt. But your only other option might be let this set and fester indefinitely. Because, Mr. President Elect, someday there will be another Republican president or even a Democrat just as blind as Mr. Bush to to ethics and this country's moral force. He will look back to what you did about Mr. Bush or what you did not do, and he will see precedent. Or as Cheney saw, he will see how not to get caught. Next time, prosecute. Mr. President elect, even if you get not one conviction, you will still have accomplished good for generations unborn merely by acting. You will deny Mr. Bush what he most wants right now, without prosecutions, without this nation standing up and saying, this was wrong. We must atone. Mr. Bush's version of what happened goes into the historical record of this nation. Torture was legal. It worked. It saved the country. The end. We have tortured people, you and I, Mr. President elect the nation. Thus, beginning tomorrow, it is up to you not just to discontinue this, but to prevent it. At the end of his first year in office, Mr. Lincoln tried to contextualize the Civil War for those who still wanted to compromise with the evils of secession and slavery. The struggle of today, Lincoln wrote, is not altogether for today. It is for a vast future. Also, Mr. President Elect, you have been handed the beginning of that future. Use it to protect our children and our distant descendants from anything like this ever happening again. There were, of course, no prosecutions and a future Republican president, and more importantly, those who would enable his terrorism, were taught that Democrats would not risk political fracture by prosecuting presidential criminality or prosecuting it quickly enough. And by the time that decision was reversed, it was too late. Republicans learned that there were laws that did not apply to presidents. Did Barack Obama Cause Donald Trump? Of course not. Did he miss a chance to destroy a Trump criminal presidency while it was still in the nest? Or at least reduce its chances of survival and of subsuming our world and creating this nightmare we have ongoing right now in Iran? Sadly, entirely, yes. Is it up to Barack Obama to do what he can now do to correct his mistake? I think so. What does that mean? Well, he does get to decide what that means, but I would offer that one means of correcting his mistake of 2009, of essentially letting Trump get away with it in advance, would be to end his mostly retirement and his distance. As if this deranged criminal thug Trump didn't just fire the Attorney General the other day. Largely, truly, deep down, for one reason only, that she had failed to put Barack Obama in jail. If I may phrase it this way, President Obama, Trump is not trying to destroy only America. He's also still trying to destroy you. Defend yourself and defend us. As silly as a Don Lemon presidential candidacy or a Stephen A. Smith presidential candidacy might seem, the democracy and the Democrats are without leadership right now. And an array of mediocrities recognizes this gap.
- [36:14]
You, President Obama, can lead the attempt to restore democracy in this country right now. You could go big and run for a Senate seat again. You could go partisan and volunteer to lead the Democratic National Committee, and you'd have the job within three hours. You could go freelance and hold a rally every month in a different American city just to encourage the rest of us, just to make us feel like we are not out here on our fucking own. But President Obama, sir, whatever it is you see in here that appeals to you, do something now. Because bluntly, sir, you didn't do something then. So now Don Lemon thinks he could be president. Nice guy, very brave, good heart, not qualified. On a podcast, quote. Do I ever think about it? Yes. Could it happen? Yeah, it could happen. Running for office, quote, I think I could be President of the United States. I could definitely run this country better than Donald Trump. Well, look, that's the threshold. You could run it better than Trump. There are at least 191 million Americans aged 35 or over and thus eligible for the White house. And what, 12 or 13 of them couldn't run this country better than Donald Trump? The idea that anybody can become president, though, does not start with Trump. And I know, boy, I'm piling on here, but the fault to some degree is, well, I'll just let Don Lemon's quote continue. Why can't I think about being President of the United states. Did anybody think Barack Obama would become president? Actually, many people did. Don I've told this story before.
- [38:23]
The same high school history teacher who
- [38:24]
told me the day I graduated 1975 that the sports thing would work out but that I'd eventually wind up in politics or covering it. The same high school history teacher who taught Will Bunch. He invited Obama of Harvard Law to speak at our School in 1991. The late Walter Schneller asked him if he was considering seeking office, told Obama and others that Obama had the qualifications for the highest office 1991. So yeah, Don, people did think it was possible. Also why he got the Senate nomination and why he got the presidential nomination and the speaking engagement at the prior convention. Plus, when a jetliner disappeared 12 years ago last month, Don Obama didn't go on his show on CNN and ask a guest if maybe a black hole had materialized in Earth's atmosphere and destroyed the jetliner. A tiny little remarkably specific black hole, or an average sized black hole, which would be about 10 times the mass of the sun, and it was in Earth's atmosphere, but it just wasn't very hungry. Don Some things are just disqualifying by themselves, like being off on the radius of an operative black hole by, you know, about 10,000%. Unless you're running as a Republican, then it might be a positive boon. The problem is less that Trump has
- [40:06]
erased the too dumb to be president threshold or the too evil to be president threshold.
- [40:11]
It's that people now say I could be president and nobody says no. Sorry, never. Don't humiliate yourself. Don't waste our time. Don't do it. They don't say that to Stephen A. Smith egged on to seek the Democratic nomination. And Stephen is not bright enough to have noticed that only conservatives are egging him on. Sean Hannity is not who you go to when you try to assess whether or not the Democrats want you to be their presidential nominee. Smith did it again this week. He insisted he would defeat Gavin Newsom and Kamala Harris in a debate even though he says he knows nothing about the issues. And then he would be defeating them and everybody else for the Democratic nomination and hidden then he'd win the election.
- [40:59]
All because nobody has said to him,
- [41:00]
stephen, you are totally effing unqualified. You may be the most unqualified person in America.
- [41:08]
Those 12 or 13 people I mentioned
- [41:10]
who might not be as good at this as Trump is, you're probably one of them. Also, you could not run without having to quit ESPN and give all the Money back.
- [41:20]
Although listen to this.
- [41:22]
Now. It appears that little detail that has finally registered with him to be on
- [41:29]
Stephen A. Smith
that debate stage and still be able to go back to work.
- [41:31]
Keith Olbermann
Please.
- [41:32]
Stephen A. Smith
I'll be there. I'll be there. I'm telling you right now. I'll tell you right now. I will show up on that stage not knowing anything compared to what Gavin Newsom might know or I don't care. Yep, I'll be ready. Yeah, I'll be ready for that debate. And I don't. And I don't believe that his. I respect Gav, all right? He wouldn't beat me. I don't believe for one second. Do I believe I would take Gavin Newsom out? Yes, I do. Yes, I do.
- [41:58]
Keith Olbermann
I believe.
- [41:59]
Stephen A. Smith
Do I believe I would go against Kamala and beat her? Yes, I do. I think I'd be most of the Democratic Party because there's too much dancing, and I don't dance.
- [42:11]
Keith Olbermann
Stephen, all you do is dance.
- [42:18]
I don't begrudge any man the opportunity to make tens of millions of dollars
- [42:23]
a year just bullshitting and filling time. It's a skill. It's a rare skill.
- [42:30]
I don't have that skill.
- [42:33]
He does. More power to him. But stop mistaking your bullshitting for wisdom.
- [42:41]
And as to the debates, this is a man who had to get Max Kellerman, a fairly good boxing analyst and
- [42:49]
a decent sports debater. He had to get Max Kellerman fired from the ESPN show that he and Stephen A. Smith did because Max Kellerman was too tough a debate opponent for Stephen A. Smith. And to get Kellerman replaced on this show by the farcical and unintelligible Christopher
- [43:08]
Russo, whose main argument in their sports
- [43:11]
debate, no matter what the subject is,
- [43:13]
is, and I quote, once again, thanks, Obama. So now here we are, a Democratic field of who? Gavin Newsom, who will say anything at any point and is very useful during this fight in opposition, but who will
- [43:42]
say anything at any point. Rahm Emanuel, who might actually get a vote total that was a negative number. Senator Cory, Book tour. Don, a black hole ate my speech. Lemon and Stephen A. Shit. Thus, I see no alternative. I have no other choice. I do not want to do this. I want nothing to do with this at all. I am now forced to announce that I, too, am considering running for the Democratic nomination for President of the United States. Okay, I'm not gonna do it. I just considered it, and it's a terrible idea because like Don Lemon and Stephen A. Smith and Rahm Emanuel Gibbon Newsom, I am not qualified to be President. The only difference here being I know it. Now. It was a nice candidacy while it lasted. Also of interest here, A golden shower of blessing is coming down on our President. A golden shower of blessing. You've seen Looks like a some sort
- [45:10]
of screen capture of an article.
- [45:13]
The first sign in years that there might be a beneficent God. A golden shower of blessing is coming down on our President. There's just one problem with it. What is that problem? That's next.
- [45:27]
This is an all new edition of Countdown. Most people think their insurance will cover them when disaster strikes. The truth? Many are wrong. You pay premiums and assume you're protected until the fine print hits exclusions, limits, loopholes. Suddenly that coverage isn't coverage at all. My policy advocate reviews your policies, Home, Auto, Life and breaks them down in plain English. They show what's really covered and what isn't. It costs just 27 cents a day less than a cup of coffee. For peace of mind before you assume you're covered, go to mypolicyadvocate.com you might be shocked at what you find. Mypolicyadvocate.com support for the show comes from
- [46:10]
Sponsor Voice
Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA NSIP Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available at public.com disclosures tired
- [47:09]
of spills and stains on your sofa? Wash away your worries with Anibe Anabe is the only designer sofa that's machine washable inside and out Starting at just $699 plus Anibe sofas are pet friendly stain resistant and feature changeable slipcovers and modular pieces. Get up to 60% off site wide with a 30 day money back guarantee. Visit washablesofas.com to get yours. Now that's washablesofas.com offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.
- [47:39]
Keith Olbermann
People at work supported me while I was going through treatment by not treating me like somebody who was going through treatment. Treatment sucks. Cancer sucks. Being engaged with work really helped to oh, I just knew I was going to beat this day.
- [47:56]
Research shows there is a significant connection between the ability to continue to work and cancer recovery. We can make work a better place for healing.
- [48:06]
Learn more and sign the pledge@workingwithcancerpledge.com Ready
- [48:11]
Lily Herman
for a different take on Formula One? Look no further than no Grip, a new podcast tackling the culture of motor racing's most coveted series. Join me, Lily Herman, as we dive into the underexplored pockets of F1, including the astrology of the current grid.
- [48:24]
Keith Olbermann
Lewis Hamilton, Capricorn Sun Cancer Moon Wouldn't you know it, Michael Schumacher is also a Capricorn Sun Cancer Moon.
- [48:31]
Lily Herman
The story of the sport's most consequential driver strike. We have one man who, upon hearing that he was going to be fired, freaked out and apparently climbed out the window of the bathroom. And was Daniel Ricardo's illustrious F1 career a success story, a cautionary tale, or some combination of both?
- [48:48]
Keith Olbermann
He started getting all this attention and
- [48:50]
Lily Herman
he maybe started to think, I'm bigger
- [48:53]
Keith Olbermann
than this, I'm better.
- [48:54]
Lily Herman
And plenty of other mishaps, scandals and sagas that have made Formula One a delightful decadent dumpster fire for more than 75 years. Listen to no Grip on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
- [49:10]
Keith Olbermann
Among his other credits, Mo used to host a TV show called Things I Hate about you. I'm sure I've seen that program, only I believe it's now called Countdown with Keith Olbermann. Still funny beyond the grave. Dick Cheney, everybody. Still ahead on this all new edition of countdown. So out there in the still functioning parts of the real world, a lot on Threads this weekend was about the demise of the fast food chain Boston Market. Yeah, my bad, sorry. The saga of how I made five of the best TV commercials ever written. I don't know about the acting, how they wound up costing Boston market $900 million in one year because they worked too well, and how I fell off a cliff and nearly killed myself while filming them, although I got the money. In another thing, I promised not to tell coming up. In the interim, we always have more new idiots to talk about. The roundup of the miscreants morons and Dunning Kruger effect specimens who constitute today's other worst persons in the world. And this episode is brought to you by Worst Persons hall of Famer Jeff Schell. Jeff Schell, my former boss at Fox Sports, who spent two years lying to me and to his news division people at NBC and to everybody at MSNBC and to the media about his true intentions, whatever the hell they actually were during our negotiations for me to go back to msnbc and who then flexed by leaking to a friendly media whore that I should have known he was lying. Oliver Darcy. Status reports that it is the third anniversary of Jeff Shell getting fired by NBC for what else? Lying about his relationship with a woman correspondent there. And Jeff Shell is likely to commemorate that milestone by getting fired this week as president of Paramount cbs because he got sued for allegedly leaking confidential company information. So you didn't get fired at Fox, he got fired at NBC's gonna get fired at CBS. Disney's calling you, Jeff. Sometimes with these TV execs, I really have wondered, is it them or is it me with Jeff Shell? I'm not wondering. The medalists. The bronze Congressman Andy Ogles. Since Paul Gosar more or less disappeared a month ago, Gosar's last public statement was in praise of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem.
- [52:25]
Remember Kristi Noem?
- [52:28]
Since Gosar vanished, Ogles might have become the least stable member of the House of Representatives. He has now twice burnished his reputation. In the last week, he's introduced what
- [52:40]
he calls the Assimilation act, which will
- [52:42]
basically get rid of immigration and then America will look like America again. I dunno. Risky, Andy Ogles.
- [52:51]
Risky, dude. Risky. I don't know.
- [52:53]
Beauty is in the eye of the
- [52:55]
beholder and all that.
- [52:56]
But to me, Andy Ogles, you look kind of Iranian to me.
- [53:00]
I'm just saying, could be from Iran.
- [53:03]
I don't know if that is your real name. These things are tough to be certain about. But if you're trying to make America look like America again, you may wake up tomorrow in Tehran, bub. Meanwhile, Congressman Ogles had another brilliant move.
- [53:23]
I have introduced legislation to lower the
- [53:26]
US flag to half staff on Good Friday and Holy Saturday. Holy Saturday, actually, I think you may have noticed this did not happen. This would serve, he wrote, as a solemn reminder of Christ, who was crucified for our transgressions against a holy God.
- [53:45]
Christ, he added, is King of America.
- [53:50]
Andy, maybe your Transgressions. Also, you may believe all that happened.
- [53:58]
I don't have a problem with you believing all that happened as long as you don't try to do anything with this guess. But you do realize that for all the faith in the world, there's no evidence that any of that happened. Doesn't mean it didn't happen. You can say to me, well, there's no evidence it didn't happen. There's no evidence that there was a
- [54:21]
Christ or that he was crucified or he was crucified for, or that he that he rose or not.
- [54:28]
It's a belief that's different than a fact.
- [54:31]
No, you have the Bible.
- [54:33]
Show me again, show me an autographed
- [54:35]
by the author copy of the Bible
- [54:36]
and I'm more interested.
- [54:38]
And even then, how do I know
- [54:40]
it's not just, you know, like a car manual? All right, enough of that. Moreover, Christ is King of America. Christ is king of America. You want to lower flags to half staff because Christ is king of America? Isn't that going to overshadow Charlie Kirk? And Erica Kirk, who is still requesting privacy during her perpetual hopscotching the Globe World martyrdom tour. Wasn't Charlie Kirk King of America? Wasn't he the runners up baseball's Texas Rangers baseball team? Sometimes the mask comes off slowly, sometimes it comes off all at once. Six years ago, officials at Love Field Airport in Dallas finally removed a statue there of Jim Banks, who was a symbol of the fight by the government in Texas against school integration. He was the model for the statue statues titled One Riot, One Ranger motto of the original Texas Rangers vigilante group from the 19th century. This year, the baseball Texas Rangers have suddenly dug up this statue and put it in the concourse of their stadium, their taxpayer funded stadium. Now you might say, well, bad move, but I mean, what's the big deal compared to everything else? The Texas Rangers have not only put this racist statue on display, but while Major League Baseball is emphasizing diversity and it spent the last month during the World Baseball Classic telling us about how 41% of its players come from diverse backgrounds and 28% of major leaguers come from other countries, the Texas Rangers fielded an opening day starting lineup near the statue of the one riot, one ranger guy. The opening day starting lineup consisted of
- [56:35]
10American white guys,
- [56:40]
two of whom were named Josh. And there was a jock in there too. His name is jock. They have 26 men on the playing roster, 25 of whom were born in the United States.
- [56:55]
While baseball said 28% of them come from other countries.
- [57:00]
But the 10 starters are diverse in their own way. One is from the Northeast. Ah, well, Elmhurst, Illinois. Another one is from the liberal Pacific Coast, Cheyenne, Wyoming. The rest of them, southwest, South. Yeah, this story has yet to blow up, but circle two weeks from tomorrow when the Rangers will play their first home game after the league wide General Jackie Robinson Day celebration, which is always on April 15, the anniversary of Jackie Robinson's debut and the breaking of the modern color line in baseball. Will the Rangers wear Jackie Robinson's uniform, number 42, like all the other players on all the other teams do, either on the 15th or on the date that they play their first home game after the 15th? Or will the Rangers just skip it since it's so much later? And will they instead wear the uniform of Jim Banks? One riot, one ranger guy.
- [58:03]
But the winners, the worst, all those who got your hopes up and spread the supposed front page of something called the New Jerusalem Post. Now, if you saw this, you'd agree with me. It was really nicely done. It's a screenshot of some sort. It's mostly in gold lettering, but it's not garish gold like Trump. It's just kind of. Yeah, this looks legit. There's a gold cross and then there's some white and light blue lettering and backgrounds for support. And there's. There's categories up at the top, kind of a menu of home faith, prophecy, patriotism, End Times, and what's trending. Faithful Patriots, the Rapture Report, maga Miracles. I mean, it's legit. And then there's a headline attributed to the staff writer and it says, posted 2 hours ago with a number of shares. And then there's the picture of the guy and a pulled out quote. Well, the headline is Pastor says quote, golden April showers will anoint Donald Trump. I'll just repeat that. Pastor says golden April showers will anoint Donald Trump. And no, this is not on the COVID of the Texas Rangers opening day program and scorecard. Then there is this picture of a guy, kind of looks like the most interesting man in the world from the beer commercials. Friend of mine, I met him a couple of years ago. Great guy. Anyway, he kind of looks like a younger version of him with the white beard and he's wearing a red shiny tie. And he's got his hand up and he looks like a megachurch pastor. And there's a golden sunset and behind him with clouds. And then there's this pull quote next to his face and it reads, a golden shower. A blessing is coming down upon our our president. That's the tell they put hour in. It's the only thing wrong with the thing. It's like, I think that was in there deliberately anyway. Then there's the whole article beneath it, such as it is, and that reads Evangelical Pastor Caleb Boone, or Caleb Boone has declared that this April will bring, quote, golden April Showers to America, claiming a divine vision revealed that the reign of heavenly gold will fall to anoint bold faith President Donald Trump. Boone, speaking to a small but growing online congregation, described President Donald Trump as the anointed vessel beneath this outpouring, adding that the vision signals the beginning of a new golden age for America. In a follow up sermon, Boone referred to the prophecy more explicitly as a golden shower of blessing descending upon the chosen leader, urging followers to, quote, remain open to how that outpouring may manifest. Some followers online, the piece concludes, have begun referring to the event as April's golden showers, a phrase Boone has not directly discouraged. Oh my gold. The bad news of course, as I've already implied a couple of times and that double our in there as a typo suggests, there is no new Jerusalem Post. And you'll notice nobody in there ever gave the name of the church, just an online congregation, nor where he is. I mean it would have been a nice touch to say it was emanating from Moscow, Idaho. Now, interestingly, there is a preacher named Caleb Boone. Caleb Boone is quoted in this Sadly, Caleb Boone is a fictional character from a book called the Preacher's Son. Alas, the perpetrators of the Trump golden showers April Fool's joke All that glitters is not gold. Or in this case all that glistens is not gold. Today's other
- [62:24]
worst persons in the world.
- [62:56]
A golden shower of blessing is coming down upon our our President. To the number one story on the countdown and things I promised not to tell and I am literally read off of threads so you know where this story comes from. The first of the messages here is this may be the too many nights solo parenting talking from the shop files, but hear me out. Rotisserie chicken drive thru followed by the comment From Hey K. McCoy, could you imagine five question marks with sides like sweet potatoes, broccoli or Brussels? An assortment of family sized salads or something. And finally from Ms. Tanye. Anyone else remember Boston Market Sigh? Why yes, somebody out here remembers Boston Market Sigh.
- [63:58]
Emptiness. Emptiness. How can I fill this empty void of emptiness?
- [64:06]
It's not tricky. Eat something. Call me crazy, but I recommend the $4 Turkey Melt BLT combo hot hand carved turkey topped with maple sweet bacon and four ooey gooey cheeses. A sandwich side and drink, just four bucks. So get your $4 Turkey Melt BLT combo today only at Boston Market. Trust me, eating is a good thing. Who's wearing cologne? That was 1997, technically speaking. We recorded it in 1996, just before Christmas, although some of the audio is added. Christmas, and what you're talking about is the first major money I ever made in my life. One day the phone rings, and it's my agent, and she wants me to go do a Boston Market commercial. She says they have a. A deal where they're trying to sell lunch instead of just those big rotisserie chicken dinners at all these chains, mostly in the Northeast. And they want to get sports fans to go in and buy a lunch, because nobody buys lunch. They only buy dinner. And I'm going, I don't really want to do a commercial for fast food of any kind and not chick. It's not bad. The sides are pretty good, but I don't. I don't feel. And she said, It's $250,000. And I said, I could do that. The arrangements were pretty quick. I think we agreed to this in a matter of days. They were to fly me from Connecticut in the middle of perhaps the dreariest of the Connecticut winters. I spent there in the middle of it, just around Christmas time, to Santa Monica, where I used to live and often regretted not living anymore. And they'd put me up in a nice hotel, and I would be there perhaps for three days, but certainly for two, and record two very creative commercials, one of which you just heard, the other of which I will play for you in a little bit. The whole thing seemed really worthwhile and very exciting, and little did I know what was ahead of me.
- [66:05]
Me.
- [66:06]
We got out there and it was raining and about 48 degrees, so conditions were three or four times better than they had been in Southington and Bristol, Connecticut. The ESPN people were all honked out of shape about this. You can't do commercials. We can't let you do a commercial. I said, they're buying spots on ESPN. It doesn't matter. And I said, you owe me $275,000 for this. The last year on my contract, they are offering me $250,000, plus the airfare and the hotel. It's a push. And the difference here is I have to come work to this place that I don't want to really work at anymore, and you don't really want me to be here anymore for the next year. And I'm basically doing it for two or three thousand dollars more than these people are offering me for two days. Which do you think, if afforded the choice of quitting the ESPN job and just doing the commercials or staying here and slaving away for which do you think I'm going to take? There was a long pause and they went, all right, but you have to sign an agreement saying that it's just for you and not for everybody else. And I said, well, sure, whatever you want, whatever you have to do here. I said, on top of which I have gotten them to cater a lunch for everybody at SportsCenter while I'm away. Oh, okay. So in other words, I convinced management after years and years of them beating me and all the other talented ESPN up over outside things, which now they encourage, but then they thought were the end of the world if you had another line of income, they no longer controlled you. A vice president of ESPN actually told me that word for word, we can't let you do that. If you have another source of income, then we don't control you anymore. We can't make you do what we want you to do. And all of that was overcome with the prospect that all the managers would be invited to the free catered Boston Market. Like. So I go to Los Angeles and as I said, it was 48 degrees and raining, thus beautiful and I did not have to wear a parka. And I walked on the beach at Santa Monica outside the hotel I was staying at. I believe it was on the lows, right on the ocean on, on, on essentially Pacific Coast Highway. And I, I just had a great, I walked there with my bare feet when I got there and then I went to bed early and we went and shot the next morning in Malibu. And when we get there, it's raining. A But the director who talked like Pee Wee Herman saying at this, he says, look, this is what we're gonna do. It's going to rain apparently heavily, starting about 2 o'. Clock. So instead of going and shooting until noon like we ordinarily would, we're asking everybody's permission. We're just gonna shoot through two o', clock, offer everybody a lunch or the chance to go home at 2. So we're gonna get this commercial done and then we'll shoot the other one in the mansion tomorrow. The one you heard already was the one that we're talking about. It shot on the beach at Carrillo beach in Malibu or just near Malibu. And the one thing about this beach is it's full of rocky promontories. They're not exactly cliffs, although there is a cliff and there is a staircase that I think is about 100, 120 stairs down to the beach from the park. Right above the. On the cliff, right above the beach near Pacific Coast Highway. And these rocks, some of them are pretty high.
- [69:29]
You could almost call them cliffs.
- [69:30]
Some of them are 20ft up there. And anyway, they introduced me to the other two actors in the scene. And it's very simple. They keep talking about emptiness and I'm empty. It's a spoof of a Calvin Klein commercial from those days about the brand obsession, which they were selling in what was then called heroin chic, which was a very unfortunate subject to bring up, but that's what they called it. It was overly skinny kids talking about the emptiness within. And this very clever ad had me, after the kids appeared in black and white, looking like it was a Calvin Klein ad, had me appearing in color, saying, eat something. And then trying to sell everybody the $5 lunch. Or in some cases, the $4 lunch.
- [70:12]
Okay?
- [70:12]
In any event, we shoot this, and we shoot it in various different ways. I appear from behind a rock. They're walking along, and I'm suddenly there. I materialize. They're in black and white. I'm in color. And every time we walk.
- [70:27]
Every time we walk on this slightly
- [70:29]
damp beach with a mist turning into a light rain turning into a steadier drizzle every time we do this, two guys come out after we do the take with rakes. And they rake our footprints out of the area of the beach that's being shot. So here are the components you need to know about. We are there on a beach.
- [70:51]
It's a little rainy.
- [70:52]
I am dressed in a brand new suit and brand new street clothes of all kinds, including what I think in retrospect, were Florsheim shoes. They are shiny to begin with. And I am now polishing them on this wet sand that is being raked smooth each time we do this.
- [71:12]
And I don't know how many takes it was. They had me at $250,000.
- [71:16]
You want to do a million takes, you can do it in two days.
- [71:19]
Let's go.
- [71:20]
It probably was 20 or 30 takes in various permutations.
- [71:23]
And finally it's about 1:30.
- [71:25]
And he says.
- [71:26]
The director, Pee Wee Herman, says, I
- [71:28]
think we got everything we need, but I'd like to try one more thing.
- [71:31]
Can you climb rocks? And I said, yes, actually, I can. And so he says, can you climb this rock? And I think in my Memory.
- [71:39]
It could have been this rock, this
- [71:41]
promontory, this outcropping could have been realistically 12 or 13ft high.
- [71:48]
I don't think it was much more than that. But he asked me to climb up in. And I can see there are various places to put my feet. There are footholds. And I climb up and I get up to almost the top of the thing, and I'm secure and safe in my brown brand new shoes that are
- [72:02]
shinier than when they came off the
- [72:04]
factory line in wherever they were made. And I'm standing there on top of
- [72:09]
this thing, holding onto it. And I said, here I am. And he.
- [72:11]
And he plays with the camera and he shoots the girl, whose name was
- [72:15]
Oona, by the way, and had a
- [72:17]
vocabulary of a longshoreman.
- [72:19]
Oh, my God.
- [72:20]
I've never to this day heard anybody
- [72:22]
swear as much male, female, young, old,
- [72:26]
or from another planet. It was like, lady, don't talk like that.
- [72:30]
There are ladies here.
- [72:31]
So it's Oona and then this guy
- [72:33]
and me and like a crew of
- [72:35]
50 or 60 shooting this commercial. And it's still. It's still raining.
- [72:39]
Just gently. And I'm standing up on top of this rock. So all of a sudden he goes with the camera and he says, no, the angle is way too high. Can you come down a little bit? And I said, yeah, there's a foothold down there about five feet down. So again, I'm on top of. Let's say it's 12ft. It could have been more than that. It could have been closer to 20.
- [72:59]
But I'm going to say, conservatively, it's
- [73:00]
12ft at up, and I'm 6ft 4.
- [73:04]
So I'm 18 roughly feet in the air.
- [73:07]
My head is anyway, and I'm holding onto the top of this thing, and
- [73:10]
I'm now going to come down five feet. I said, I'm going to come down to. There he goes. That should work perfectly. And then we wrapped. And then I'll see you tomorrow at
- [73:17]
the mansion for the indoor commercial, the second commercial. And I said, great. He said, and we have lunch.
- [73:21]
I said, is it Boston Market?
- [73:22]
He went, no.
- [73:24]
Okay. So now I begin to move down to this other location.
- [73:28]
5ft down, so only about 7ft off the ground.
- [73:31]
And I put my foot down and I'm secure.
- [73:33]
And I said, okay, I'm good, but I'm gonna have to hold on to
- [73:36]
it because I don't have full balance here.
- [73:38]
And he says, okay. And as he begins to set the camera up, I notice something very Unhappy occurring.
- [73:45]
The brand new shoe which has been
- [73:46]
polished to, oh, I don't know, like the Hope diamond or something. It's been polished, it's shiny, it's not holding. I'm fine.
- [73:54]
The shoe is giving way. Gravity works.
- [73:57]
And it's working on my shoe. It is slowly, without any effort on my part or any loss of balance, my shoe on which I am balanced, one foot in the air and one foot on this rock, or as I like to tell it, on top of the cliff, one foot there, and it is sliding off. And it's sliding off in my mind slowly enough that I have a little time to think. And what I'm thinking is, hey, jackass, you're about to fall off this cliff. Well, sure enough, I did. And somehow. And I wasn't in the air very long, obviously it wasn't that high up, but I was in the air long enough and had those few seconds before the shoe gave way. And you should have seen the gouge in it. It looks like somebody had hit it with a scimitar. The gouge in the sole of this shoe. They let me keep the shoes, and I kept the shoes while I'm about to fall, and while I'm falling, I
- [74:55]
remembered the course of JUDO.
- [74:56]
I took 1965, which I hated every moment of, but it all came back to me. Weeks and weeks of judo. I hated judo, and I hated my parents for sending me to judo. And then all of a sudden, all of the things they taught me about how to fall came back to me all at once. Relax. Put your hands over your head, spread out your fall so that everything hits simultaneously. Thud. I'm on the beach. Now, you might think a beach is made out of sand, but here's something I discovered that had not really occurred to me until that day in December of 1996, which is that you don't really think about this too much. But a beach with a lot of rocks sticking out of it, it's all rock, and there's just sand on top of the rocks. So when I land, I don't land on any other rocks, thank God. But I land on really hard sand packed on top of rocks, they tell me. And unfortunately, the guy had not set up any of the cameras yet, so none of this was captured on film. I would pay thousands to see this. They tell me that it looked like I had been shot off of the top of the rock or that I was already dead when I fell. Because I did the fall correctly, I spread it out and covered my head and hit with A thud. The first person to see me was Oona from Chicago. Hey, you want some iced tea? You want some tea? And I went, I don't think that's what they do when you fall off a rock. Anyway, it hurt, but I felt initially like I didn't hit my head. I know that, and that's good. And nothing else seems broken. And slowly they lift me up to a sitting position. And everybody just says, oh, my God, we thought you were dead. And I said, not quite, not yet. But I said, give this time. I'm not sure I'm 100%. Well, we're gonna get you to the hospital. I went, I don't think that's a bad idea. So I sit up and then they get me up on my feet. So so far it's no broken legs, no broken arms. I'm not screaming in pain. Maybe there are internal injuries. We better have a good look. Now they have to walk me and I do the classic movie scene where I've got an arm draped over the two biggest grips on the production crew. And I am being essentially dragged over to the 100 stairs up to Pacific Coast Highway. And we do this, and I don't know how long it takes, and we get up there, and because it's a state park up there, the first person I have to report to is the ranger. Like I'm in a Yogi Bear commercial.
- [77:30]
Hey, Boo Boo.
- [77:31]
I fell off a cliff. And he has to check me out and he has to call the fire department because it's a state park. This is the real nevermind, graft and fraud, supposedly in California. This is the real problem. Bureaucracy for people who fall off cliffs. That's where the money is going. So then they call the fire department to come check me out. Like, I'm not on fire. I know that some parts of me feel like I might be on fire. I went in to the bathroom in the ranger station and did my business there without any blood anywhere. And I'm like, okay, hurts on the side here. And it was beginning to hurt on my left side. And I found I could relieve this by raising my left hand and arm up way above my head. And suddenly didn't hurt quite as much. The problem was after that, once I tried to p put that down, and obviously it was that side I had landed on. Once I tried to put that side down, it felt like, oh, good, you were right to call the fire department. It felt like my arm was on fire and my torso and my left leg. The moment I put my hand down and stopped looking like I was calling for a New York City cab. On the streets of Santa Monica, California, or Malibu, California, the moment that happened. Shooting red, flaming pain from the tips of my toes to the tips of my fingers. So finally, the ambulance ship. And they go, well, we're going to take you over to St. John's St. Mary's in Santa Monica. We're going to take you over there and we're going to examine you. And I said, well, okay, how are we going to do this? Because I can't. When I bring my arm down, I see I can't bring my arm down. Well, I don't know. We're going to get you on the gurney. I said, does the gurney have locks? And they go, yeah. So they put the locks in the gurney. I said, I'm doing a truss fall here. And I stuck my butt against the edge of this gurney and just fell backwards. And they sort of caught me as I fell. And then they put me in. In the ambulance, and they hit every pothole between there and the ambulance. And I called my agent, and after she stopped laughing, she said, I'll make a few phone calls and we'll make sure you're okay. We'll get you a doctor. So now I'm waiting to be X rayed and perhaps MRI'd at this hospital in Santa Monica, going, I hope I still get the money. They did get the shoot. What about tomorrow's second? I don't want them to. This is gonna be a problem. And it's. I can't sue anybody because it's my production company that's done a deal to keep all the $250,000 that they're going to give me. I'm not working as me. I'm working as my company. So I'm paying for all damages. I can sue myself for falling off the cliff. But I'm sitting there and they've given me an injection, and then I'm like. The phone rings, and I reach into my pocket with my left hand and just pick it up. And it's my agent following up on a few things. And I put my hand back and I drop the phone and I swing my legs off of the gurney and reach down to get it. And I'm off on the floor with my. And I'm like, wait a minute. What happened to the volcano? Like, pain on my left side. I'm reaching with my left side, and the nurse runs over and says, no, get back on the gurney. What are you doing? I said, why doesn't it Hurt anymore. I mean, it's not that it doesn't hurt anymore. It feels my leg. My leg feels like the one I had when I was 11 years old while I wasn't watching. Did you saw off my leg and attach the one I had when I was 11 years old? Because I don't need any help here. I can hop back to Connecticut. This leg feels great. She said, we gave you morphine. And I went, oh, okay, now I get it. I said, I want you all to sign a document that says that you will never give me morphine again. Because now I understand why every morphine addict in the world became an addict. And they went, we're not giving you any more. We really can't take care of tomorrow. So I go back now to the hotel and I have some pain medication and nothing's broken. There's no internal damage and I'm clean. Cleared to. To rest or work, depending on how I feel. We're shooting the second commercial the next day. It's in Pasadena inside a old mansion with chandeliers. And it's really. It's the indoor version of the commercial you already heard. And this is what that one sounds like. Empty, torturous.
- [81:46]
I yearn wanting more, wanting more.
- [81:49]
There's a burning from within.
- [81:52]
Here's a tip.
- [81:53]
Eat something.
- [81:55]
I recommend the new Extreme Carvers from Boston Market, like the Chicken Cheese stick, Juicy slow roasted chicken, peppers and onions smothered in four ooey gooey cheeses. Now get a free side and a free drink when you buy an extreme chicken cheesesteak. Only at Boston Market. That burning from within, it's called hunger. Obviously, what you can't see, since you're not seeing the video of that, is in that shot. They again had me appear. The kids are talking and doing emptiness and. And I get up and say, eat something. I had to be lying down on the floor out of shot and raise my torso up into the shot between the kids and deliver the line. And they said the next day, the director, when I came in, had his hand in front of his eye.
- [82:38]
I can't look at you.
- [82:39]
I'm so sorry. I nearly killed you. I can't believe you're here. You're such a trooper. I said, tell everybody you ever meet that I'm actually a trooper and a team player. I will, I promise, I swear to God. Don't sue us. I said, I can't sue you. I can only sue myself. He said, can you do this? Can you sit up, you know, from like a lying position? I said, I think so, but I would think I could only do it six or seven times. And the problem isn't getting up, it's getting down. And he went, oh. I said, so you're going to have to have my friends who dragged me up the stairs at Leo Cabrillo beach the other day yesterday, you're going to have to have them lower me back to the floor after each take. And I think we should only do seven of them. I said, I don't know. When we get to seven, I'll let you know if I can do another one. But I think that's the max. Well, we did, I think, seven, and they loved them all. And they were all perfect. And we were done. And I flew home the next day with my. With my money and the two commercials. And a couple of times they had me go to Hartford and record updates for the prices. So the part where they show the food, they changed it or they changed the nature of the sides or whatever. And each time they would give me an extra. Extra, like thousand dollars to do this. So now I'm approaching More like $300,000. And the early returns on the commercials, which they cut almost immediately and put on the air on every sporting event in America in the winter of 96, 97, mostly in the second half of that, they're getting tremendous results. Boston Market had been a wasteland until four or five in the afternoon because all it was conceived as having been Boston chicken was the whole dinner when you didn't have time to cook. And you could get a whole chicken or a half chicken and a bu of sides. And the sides were pretty good. And you could go in there during the day and get a sandwich, a chicken sandwich, but nobody did. These ads were to put people in there to buy the $5 meal, and they wanted more commercials. And they said, we're gonna shoot three more commercials. We're not gonna give. We can't give you $250,000, but we need you for three days, and we'll give you $50,000 a day, which somehow sounded better. So now I've already made $300,000 off of this commercial. Admittedly, I nearly killed myself making this commercial, but that adds to the story. And now the commercials are wonderfully successful. And now we go and shoot three more, one of which involves me interrupting a grunge band. And they stage a concert in Astoria, Queens, at the. The Old Bread Factory Silver Cup Studios. It's wonderful. I go to queens. It's marvelous. $50,000. It's cast of 100 people, a mosh pit. They fake carry me off. There's another one. I interrupt a soap opera and lean up off the table and stop the amorous doctor talking to the buxom nurse. I mean, there were really high quality, very entertaining commercials. And then came the news that the commercials had worked immediately and too well. The premise was get people in there to buy the four or five dollar lunch. We're selling enough dinner. What they did not anticipate would be
- [85:50]
that suddenly people who were buying the
- [85:52]
$16 dinners would say, hey, wait a minute, I don't need the whole dinner. I'll just go in and get the sandwich for $4. So this wasn't true with every single purchase, but largely every time my brilliant performance and their brilliant commercials worked and convinced somebody to buy a sandwich at lunchtime at Boston Market, it cost Boston market 12 bucks bucks. And it worked brilliantly. We got an award for these ads because of the premise of insulting and mocking heroin chic. We got an award from a national eating disorders society because apparently this clicked with kids who had this problem. It clicked particularly with high school girls. It was actually performing something in a small way of a public service, to say nothing of the fact that they gave me half a million dollars. Basically, the problem was, within a year, Boston market was $900 million in debt. And most of it was my fault. I believe this is the case. Whereas there have been humans who have appeared on camera actors in subsequent Boston market ads since 1997. They have not had a spokesperson, they have not had an identifiable person on there ever again. They were so traumatized, they went bankrupt. They were sold, I think to McDonald's. The commercials worked not wisely, but too well. On the other hand, I got the money and I can always say eat something. By the way, I'm a vegetarian now, so eat something. But, but not, not that. Also, I'd just like to repeat, Ooey gooey. Took a long time to live that down. I've done all the damage I can do here. Thank you for listening. I hope you enjoyed my brief 21 second long presidential clip. Campaign musical directors of Countdown are John Philip Chenal on keyboards and handling orchestration and Brian Ray on guitarist, bass and drums. Their work is produced by TKO Brothers. Nancy Foust, the best baseball stadium organist ever, is responsible for the satirical and pithy musical comments. The sports theme is the Old Olmen show. Theme from ESPN2 written by Mitch Warren Davis courtesy of ESPN Inc. By the way, all the Olbermanns are old Olbermanns. Now, other music arranged and performed by the group no horns allowed. And my announcer today, in light of my earlier comments about the Bush administration, was my late friend, Nick Cheney. This program was produced by Ted. Everything else was, as always, my fault. That's Countdown for today. Day442.2 of America held hostage again, but just 1021 days until the scheduled end of Trump's lame duck and lame brained term, unless he is removed sooner by Epstein and Don Lemon. The next scheduled countdown is Thursday. Bulletins as the news merits. Until the next edition. I'm Keith Olbermann. Good morning, good afternoon, good night, H and good luck. Yeah, I was talking to the president. Countdown with Keith Olbermann is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.
- [89:50]
This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.