TRUMP'S TROOPS TOLD THE WAR IS MEANT TO 'CAUSE THE APOCALYPSE' - 3.5.26

Summary

Podcast Summary: Countdown with Keith Olbermann

Episode: TRUMP'S TROOPS TOLD THE WAR IS MEANT TO 'CAUSE THE APOCALYPSE'
Date: March 5, 2026
Host: Keith Olbermann | iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

This episode confronts the alarming revelations that multiple U.S. military commanders and officials are framing President Trump’s war in Iran in apocalyptic, religious terms—claiming the conflict is divinely ordained and intended to bring about Armageddon. Keith Olbermann investigates the extent and implications of this fundamentalist infiltration in the military chain of command, drawing on whistleblower reports, expert commentary, and the insights of watchdog groups. The show also features Olbermann’s satirical “Worst Persons in the World,” a Thurber reading, and sharp commentary on press freedoms and the White House Correspondents' Dinner.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Armageddon Rhetoric in the Military

[03:13–10:15]

• Olbermann opens with news of a U.S. combat commander telling NCOs that Trump has been "anointed by Jesus to light the signal fire in Iran to cause Armageddon and mark his return to Earth."
• Reports indicate at least 60 officers at 50+ military installations have used similar religious rhetoric since Trump’s Iran escalation, supported by over 200 urgent whistleblower contacts to the MRFF (Military Religious Freedom Foundation).
  • "You thought Trump's Iran nightmare was just a disaster of biblical proportions. Turns out it's actually a disaster of biblical biblical proportions." — Keith Olbermann [03:47]
• Many explanations for the Iran bombing are circulating, some deeply rooted in religious prophecy and the Book of Revelation.

2. Breakdown of Whistleblower Complaints

[09:39–12:00]

• The Military Religious Freedom Foundation (MRFF) received multiple complaints about commanders scheduling mandatory Bible study sessions and tying war preparations to the Rapture and end times.
• Complaints came from all three branches (Army, Navy, Air Force):
  • "The MRFF says it received 14 complaints from service members stationed at five different military installations. The complaints came from three branches." — Co-Host [09:52]
• Olbermann underscores the unprecedented seriousness, contrasting the usual ability to dismiss such figures as fringe. Now these individuals hold real command power in a live military conflict.

3. Who is the MRFF and Why Their Work Matters

[12:17–15:00]

• The MRFF is a nonprofit tracking religious fundamentalism within the military since 2005, with nearly 100,000 case records over the years, mostly from self-professed Christians.
  • "They are not atheists. They are not anti-religion. They are anti-religion being shoved down your throat and used as an excuse to, you know, blow up the world." — Keith Olbermann [13:22]
• Olbermann notes the group’s neutrality, recounts its tragic connections (e.g., Glenn Daugherty, Benghazi), and the increased reports coinciding with Trump's Iran escalation.
• Cites investigative journalist Jonathan Larson, whose deep vetting confirmed the legitimacy of these reports.

4. Trump’s Motives and Explanations for War

[15:01–18:00]

• Olbermann argues Trump’s real motive for bombing Iran is not religious zeal but self-preservation—a reactive diversion from scandals like the Epstein cover-up.
  • "Trump probably didn't personally launch his illegal...attacks on Iran...because he read it in the Bible... He bombed Iran because he had to find something to divert from the Epstein cover-up." — Keith Olbermann [15:01]
• Notes the confusion and chaos of at least 27 different explanations for the war, suggesting a smokescreen for both incompetence and escalation.

5. Evangelical Extremism at Senior Levels

[18:44–21:41]

• Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has institutionalized evangelical Christianity within the Pentagon, reportedly attending regular Bible studies and crisis prayer meetings.
  • "Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has enshrined evangelical Christianity at the uppermost levels of the US Military..." — Jonathan Larson quoted by Olbermann [19:01]
• Paula White, Trump’s spiritual advisor, and JD Vance are named as key figures whose religious fervor influences war decisions—potentially more so than Trump’s own beliefs.

6. A Firsthand Whistleblower Account

[22:21–24:45]

• Olbermann reads a direct email from an NCO describing a unit’s "Combat Readiness Status Briefing" in which the commander instructed troops this war was part of God’s plan and connected it to the return of Jesus.
  • Notable quote from the NCO's email:

  "Our commander opened up the combat readiness status briefing by urging us to not be afraid as to what is happening with our combat operations in Iran right now. He urged us to tell our troops that this was all part of God's divine plan and specifically referenced numerous citations out of the Book of Revelation..." — [23:51]

• The NCO explains most seeking help from the MRFF are also Christians, underlining concern even among religious troops about these developments.

7. Trump’s “Forever War” Rhetoric

[24:47–27:00]

• Olbermann highlights Trump promising a "forever war" after years of vowing the opposite.
  • Quote:

  "...Wars can be fought 'forever and very successfully using just these supplies.' Even if you're crazy, you can still have a good old fashioned easy to understand Freudian slip. Wars can be fought forever." — Olbermann quoting Trump [24:50]

8. Political and Press Critique

[27:01–29:51]

• Olbermann and the team examine the lack of planning, multiple deaths, and the administration’s cavalier attitude to media and congressional oversight.
• Calls for Democrats to treat the Iran scandal as an impeachable offense, echoing commentator Brian Beutler:
  • "The Democrats can resolve to treat it as a scandal rather than a misjudgment. Nobody asked for this and the administration did not build a case for it." — Olbermann quoting Beutler [29:00]

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“Worst Persons in the World” Segment

[33:00–47:47]

Highlights:

• “Gunther Eagleman” (disgraced Texas cop turned right-wing paid poster): Mocked for cashing in on MAGA messaging;
  • "You think it's fascism? He thinks it's an income." — Keith Olbermann [36:33]
• Senator Markwayne Mullen (Oklahoma): Ridiculed for pretending war can be "smelled" despite no service record, and for mixing up titles—calling Sec. Hegseth “President.”
  • "Mark Wayne Mullen calls him President Hegseth, God forbid, immediately corrects himself and then calls him President Hegseth again. You don't believe me?"—Olbermann [40:55]
• White House Correspondents' Association: Criticized for inviting Trump to their annual dinner, despite his attacks on the free press.
  • "You're honoring Trump... even if he just invented that there's some sort of award...you're letting him in." — Keith Olbermann [43:56]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Military Apocalyptic Rhetoric:

"Commander Armageddon is one of at least 60 American military leaders from at least 50 different military venues who have gone off their rockers in this way since Trump decided to bomb first and ask questions later." — Keith Olbermann [04:32]

• On Trump’s Real Driving Force:

"Trump doesn't have to believe this Armageddon shit. And of course he doesn't. He believes in money, contracts, blackmail, self gratification and the color gold. He's never had a thought that didn't pertain to one or all of them." — Keith Olbermann [21:23]

• On the WHCA’s Invitation to Trump:

"Are you having Trump because Goebbels, who imprisoned reporters in Nazi Germany, because he's dead, you can't get him? Are you doing it— is it Trump because... MBS who ordered the bone sawing of a Washington Post columnist?" — Keith Olbermann [45:15]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening and Main Theme: [03:13]
• Breakdown of Apocalyptic Commanders: [04:00 – 10:15]
• MRFF Introduction & Whistleblower Process: [12:17 – 15:00]
• Jonathan Larson’s Verification: [15:00]
• Trump’s Real Motives (Diversion/Survival): [15:01 – 16:40]
• Religious Extremism at Top Levels: [18:44 – 21:41]
• Firsthand Whistleblower Account Read in Full: [22:21 – 24:45]
• Trump’s Forever War / Gas Price / Political Aftermath: [24:47 – 27:00]
• Brian Beutler Quoted on Impeachment: [27:01 – 29:51]
• Worst Persons in the World: [33:00 – 47:47]
• White House Correspondents' Dinner Rant: [41:51 – 47:47]

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Additional Segments

James Thurber Reading: “The Years with Ross”

[52:21–86:13]

• Olbermann delivers a humorous, behind-the-scenes account of The New Yorker’s founding editor, Harold Ross, based on Thurber’s memories—offering comic relief but also reflecting on leadership foibles and the nature of creative chaos.

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Tone and Language

Olbermann’s delivery is characteristically acerbic, satirical, and occasionally playful, blending biting political analysis with pop culture references—“Kaboom everything,” “Commander Armageddon,” “Brigadier General Jesus H. Christ,” and film allusions. His co-hosts and commentators join in the lampoonery while underscoring the gravity of the underlying news.

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Summary Takeaways

• There is documented, troubling evidence of the rise of fundamentalist, end-times rhetoric among an alarming number of U.S. military commanders in relation to the Iran conflict—sparked, at least officially, by Trump’s orders but increasingly mutating into a literal war for Armageddon in the minds of some officers.
• The MRFF is playing a key role in documenting and responding to these developments, validated by a respected investigative journalist.
• Trump’s motivations appear self-serving rather than doctrinal, but he is surrounded by enablers and true believers whose zealotry may eclipse his own.
• The episode closes with a reminder, via Thurber and Olbermann’s dry wit, that institutional chaos and figurehead folly are recurring themes in American life—but that doesn’t make the present situation any less dangerous.

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Transcript

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[Keith Olbermann]

Countdown with Keith Olbermann is a production of iHeartrad. Trump has been anointed by Jesus, said the combat unit commander to a room full of non commissioned officers on Monday of this week to light the signal fire in Iran to cause Armageddon and mark his return to Earth. Tell your troops, he said, because we may be deployed to the Middle east soon. So don't be afraid because this is all part of God's divine plan and Trump is just doing what the Book of Revelation tells him to do. And conversion this and rapture that, and holy war this and kaboom. Everything. Yes, you thought Trump's Iran nightmare was just a disaster of biblical proportions. Turns out it's actually a disaster of biblical biblical proportions. So if you've been wondering why, there have been, by my count, at least 27 different explanations just from Trump, just since last Saturday, about why we are bombing Iran and triggering uncontrollable chaos and rage driven retaliation by everybody against everybody else, and why there was no evacuation structure for Americans in the Middle east and why our idiot ambassador to Israel Huckabee is making jokes about embassy staffers sheltering in place there and how maybe while they do, they should procreate and nine months from now they should name their newborns after him. Well, if you've been wondering why, there's your answer right there. You need 27 different explanations to cover up the fact not that Trump himself went to war to precipitate biblical Armageddon, but the fact that there's a military commander who thinks he did. Actually, it's worse than that. I'm sugarcoating it because sure it's bad that there is a combat unit commander in our army, not in ISIS or Al Qaeda, who reportedly invoked that whole Wacky Big Jim McBob Billy Sal Hurok blowed up good. Blowed up real good. Biblical Armageddon sure it's bad. But it gets worse. Because while we would ordinarily dismiss Commander Armageddon over here as just one of those lunatics quoting that fundamentalist evangelical rapture bullshit, the insane delusion that Jesus will return, but only after all the Jews are in Israel and they've been converted and the Middle east is cleansed and there is a rapture. While we could ordinarily dismiss him, this time we can't. Because Commander Armageddon is one of at least 60American military leaders from at least 50 different military venues who have gone off their rockers in this way since Trump decided to bomb first and ask questions later. And there have been at least 200 urgent freaked out whistleblower contacts about these lunatics from NCOs and regular troops. And while that's also bad bad, it can get even worse still. And in fact it has. Because the 200 pleas for help from active American service personnel in 50 or 60 different American military installations, quoting 60 or more different commanders and other officers, that was the total as of Yesterday morning like 24 plus hours ago. We don't know yet what the number is right now. Plus, sorry to break it to you, we also don't know where the units are that are led by not just one Commander Armageddon, but like a dozen of them and a dozen Commander End Times and two dozen Commander Apocalypses and maybe the Secretary of Defense War. I don't care if it rains or freezes, long as I got my bombs from Jesus. Again, those totals are from yesterday morning. Your mileage may vary. We don't know if these whack doodles with all the guns and all the bombs are still somewhere here in the US in support and readiness roles, or if some of them are on their way to Iran right now, or there already, or if any of them are shining out that wonderful gleam of absolute insanity in their eyes in the Middle east, the one so masterfully captured not just by my friend Marty Sheen as the insane mass murderer President in the dead zone, but also by Sterling Hayden as Brigadier General Jack D. Ripper in Dr. Strangelove. I deny them my essence, Man Drake Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room, etc. 200 warnings about 60 religious nuts on 50 installations or more, all of them in key positions as we start a war in the Middle east for no good goddamned reason, but at least 27 bad ones only. It's probably way more than that, because if you thought Trump started a war on behalf of Brigadier General Jesus H Christ. Last Saturday and the week that had

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

followed, you'd probably find a lot more

[Keith Olbermann]

of your friends agree with you and

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

they were just holding back until there

[Keith Olbermann]

were some signs, like maybe the Secretary of State saying we bombed because we knew the Iranians were going to bomb Israel and we couldn't let that happen.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

But then Trump saying no, Israel bombed

[Keith Olbermann]

because we told them the Iranians were gonna bomb us and they couldn't let that happen. And Ambassador Huckabee saying he wants his staff in Israel to make special Raptor babies because the missiles are fl. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Also, there are the emergency Bible studies. I will quote from a report on this. The mrff, that's the organization taking in all of these emergency calls. The MRFF says it got other complaints

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

too, about commanders scheduling last minute Bible study sessions announcing them Saturday to be held the following day.

[Keith Olbermann]

Commanders directed officers to spread the word.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

The MRFF says it received 14 complaints

[Keith Olbermann]

from service members stationed at five different military installations.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

The complaints came from three branches, unquote.

[Keith Olbermann]

Three branches, I presume.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Okay, I've deliberately played cute with this terrifying stuff to kind of spread the impact of the shock on your poor,

[Keith Olbermann]

already very shocked cranium.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

And having hopefully gotten you to where you learned to stop worrying and love the bomb, I will now give you the background. The background to the how we know about this. Trump has been anointed by Jesus to light the signal fire in Iran to cause Armageddon and Marquez return to earth. We know about those 60 officers who are basically saying, oh, you think Trump's explanation for this war is insane? Hold my water while I turn it into wine. I have the all time lulu right here. We know of this because of an organization called MRFF. Military Religious Freedom foundation, founded in 2005 when a former Air Force officer and JAG named Mikey Weinstein decided that the resurgence of religious extremism in the US Military had to at least be monitored and if possible countered. Because while it had been ever present in our military, it only began to surge after 9 11. And it really only took off when Barack Obama was elected president. Because Muslim, or maybe because black, or maybe because Chicago. The religious nuts really don't have to show the math of their own insanity, do they? In any event, the MRFF maintains a portal for service personnel to report anonymously when the commanders wig out like this one did. Anonymously, obviously. I mean, there are guns here and people who fervently believe killing on behalf of Jesus gets them bonus points in an Afterlife. The MRFF is almost stunningly neutral. It's a non profit foundation, a good old fashioned 501C3. It says it has dealt with nearly 100,000 members. Active duty, Reserve, National Guard, cadets, midshipmen, Defense Department, VA personnel, people at each of the 18 national security agencies, Homeland Security, even the ROTC. They are not atheists. They are not anti religion. They are anti religion being shoved down your throat and used as an excuse to, you know, blow up the world. Their records indicate that 95% of those they have dealt with over the years are self professed Christians. And the neutrality of the organization is not just intentional, not just deliberate. It has sometimes happened organically, externally, tragically. One of the members of their first advisory board, Glenn Daugherty, died in the attack on the consulate in Benghazi. An especially poignant reminder since each hour this week we have moved closer to reenacting Benghazi at any of nearly 20 U.S. consulates across the Middle east where we and our troops are not the flavor of the month. And we were totally unprepared. And we left them totally unprepared, to say nothing of all the civilians. And speaking of Jesus, ask your enlisted did you ever notice that army and Armageddon start with the same syllable? Huh? Huh? That can't be a coincidence. The MRFF put out an advisory on Tuesday that rather dryly phrased it. From Saturday morning through Monday night, similar complaints about commanders in every branch of the military had been logged in by their outfit. That fact and those quotes got to an independent reporter named Jonathan Larson. Now, here is where I confess that having read all this initially and written all this and gone back and reread what I had written, I still have this default setting of this has gotta be a gag, right? I mean, April Fool's Day is less than four weeks from now, or I would be thinking that way, except I used to work with that journalist, Jonathan Larson, who detailed this on his substack. I worked with Jonathan at CNN in 2001 and 2002, and then he rejoined me at MSNBC and Countdown a few years after that. And by the time I left, he was one of the little coterie of senior producers who actually ran the place. And then he launched Chris Hayes's show and he had worked with Anderson Cooper and others at cnn. His area of responsibility was always finding the stuff the rest of network news had not or had found and would not touch and then vet the hell out of it before we put it on the air. So if I may be forgiven for showing My math here, my mind went thusly. No way. There's gotta be clickbait. Maybe not clickbait, but conspiracy theory. Well, maybe not conspiracy theory, but exaggerations. Well, maybe not exaggerations, but. Oh, it's Larson.

[Keith Olbermann]

Oh, then it's worse than it reads because Jonathan always used to go back and edit out all the adjectives and onomatopoetica, and he'd roll his eyes when I would quote Dr. Strangelove or the Dead Zone. Jonathan Larson did not make this up. Therefore, I am safe in saying the M. RFF did not make this up. Therefore, I don't think the 110 or 200 or 2000 authors of the complaints, the M. RFF has made this up. These people are out there in our military talking about Armageddon. Trump probably didn't personally launch his illegal, unconstitutional, and incredibly stupid attacks on Iran early last Saturday morning, our time, because he read it in the Bible. Because he's never had a Bible in the nightstand next to his bed. He's only had his copy of Hitler's favorite speeches. That is literally true. Ask his first wife, the one who's buried on the golf course. He didn't bomb Iran to forcibly convert the Jews and light the lamp or put the biscuit in the basket or whatever Commander armageddon told his NCOs. He bombed Iran because he had to find something to divert from the Epstein, cover up his Epstein coverup. Something that would last longer than all the previous diversions he had tried, which have each brought him less than a day. I mean, Trump doesn't know what he's doing in Iran. And as far as what's supposed to happen next, what's far worse is he doesn't know why he's doing it. But as to why he sent the bombers, it really is as simple as it looks. Tuned to a different station.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

More Iran, less Epstein.

[Keith Olbermann]

This would be why he gave 19 separate phone interviews to reporters on Sunday alone, with 19 different explanations for this war. No, it isn't a war. We just call it a war. But legally, it's not a war. But of course it's a war. To hit my limit for film references, are they saying, is there a rational explanation for why we're bombing Iran? No, of course not.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

They're saying, how many different explanations are

[Keith Olbermann]

there for why we're bombing Iran?

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

The problem is if Trump, who at this point really is the equivalent of a pretty large, pretty intelligent cockroach with all of a cockroach's survival skills and

[Keith Olbermann]

its brilliant ability to Perceive escalating threats.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Trump really is in survival mode over Epstein. Enough to blow up the Middle east just to survive Epstein, blow up the Middle east and tank his two economic arguments. The entire chance the Republicans have in the midterms.

[Keith Olbermann]

Dow Jones over 50,000. Price of gas under $3. Oops.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

If Trump is this panicked, is that much at his end game, Those around him have to have been able to see it. Plus there are those cadaverous patches on

[Keith Olbermann]

his right hand and the new thing

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

on the neck that looks like a rope burn. And the best case scenario from his

[Keith Olbermann]

doctor Vinnie Boom bots appears to be that it's from some kind of preventive

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

care for skin cancer. And more cheese has slid off his Ritz cracker. The other day he did the thing where he conflated his father and his grandfather. He did that the other year.

[Keith Olbermann]

He told the chancellor of Germany that

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

his father was born in Germany. No, his father was born here in Fun City, New York, New York.

[Keith Olbermann]

It was his grandfather who was born in Germany before his grandfather fled Germany

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

to avoid military service.

[Keith Olbermann]

I swear.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Unless. Unless his father really is his grandfather. My grandfather. My father.

[Keith Olbermann]

My grandfather.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

My father.

[Keith Olbermann]

He's my father and my grandfather.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Okay, I'm now over my movie reference limit, so sue me. The point is, Trump's nuts, but he's not ulterior motive nuts. And he's reached Liz Truss levels of leadership incompetence, but he's not doing anything more nefarious than just trying to steal all the money in the world and stay in power forever. It's evil, but it's easy to process. But as my old colleague Mr. Larson points out, that is not true of many around Trump. Larson writes, quote, defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has enshrined evangelical Christianity at the uppermost levels of the US Military, airing monthly prayer meetings throughout the Pentagon. Last year, the Pentagon confirmed to me that Hegseth attends a weekly White House Bible study. It's led by a preacher who says God commands America to support Israel. You don't have to be a minister or a counselor or a psychological professional to see that Hegseth is in a state of crisis. Has been in a state of crisis for a long time, in fact. Is nuttier than a fruitcake or nuttier than the Fruitcake hall of Fame. Is he in a biblical, apocalyptic, end times, rapture state of crisis? Who knows? But if you had to pick one person in the Trump administration who was and you had to bet on him being that way, like some Trump administration figures apparently bet last Friday that we would bomb Iran within 24 hours. If you had to bet, you'd bet on Hegseth. There's also this Paula White, the Trump spiritual advisor from Tupelo, Mississippi, who has previously been accused of selling blessings for cash and who at some sort of Trump connected event the other day lapsed into the whole fake healing thing before realizing where she was. There's also JD Vance, who has been everything and believed everything and used every known name and sold everything and who couches everything sorry in biblical good and evil terms and who in one of the explanations for this disastrous attack on Iran where we are wasting $4 million missiles to try to take down $30,000 Iranian drones in one of these war rationales, I think it's number 6B or maybe it's 6C. It's Vance who finally con Trump that this was exactly the right moment to bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb bomb Iran. To quote St. John of McCain. So Trump doesn't have to believe this Armageddon shit. And of course he doesn't. He believes in money, contracts, blackmail, self gratification and the color gold. He's never had a thought that didn't pertain to one or all of them.

[Keith Olbermann]

He doesn't have to believe it. He just has to be in desperate escape mode and only one or two people around him have to be in Apocalypse now mode and kaboom. Looking at you, pig hag. Seth. Looking at you, Vance. Oh, where is Vance? For God's sakes, check House of Futons, will you? Perhaps you've noticed by now I really have tried to present this Apocalypse news in non apocalyptic terms because we can either mock it and laugh at a few puns about it, or we can all run screaming into the streets over it. And I've now gotten through 67 years of almost running screaming into the streets every goddamn day. But I haven't run into the streets screaming yet. And it's, it's now about my stubborn pride. I don't want to do it. I don't want to lose my streak. But I did want to wrap this up before some brief headlines and a really good edition of Worst Persons about the cretins at the White House Correspondents association actually inviting Trump to their dinner. Their dinner in the post rapture afterlife, I presume. I did want to wrap this up by just reading the operative part of the email received by Mikey Weinstein of the Military Religious Freedom foundation on Tuesday. Obviously after a preliminary phone call to Mr. Weinstein, I wanted to read the actual operative paragraph just to emphasize that this is God damn serious and emphasis on the goddamn subject. Unit Combat Readiness Briefing and Armageddon Date March 2, 2026 at 1:02pm MST I am a NCO. Rank withheld in our unit this morning our commander opened up the combat readiness status briefing by urging us to not be afraid as to what is happening with our combat operations in Iran right now. He urged us to tell our troops that this was all part of God's divine plan and specifically referenced numerous citations out of the Book of Revelation referring to Armageddon and the imminent return of Jesus Christ. He said that President Trump has been

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

anointed by Jesus to light the signal fire in Iran to cause Armageddon and

[Keith Olbermann]

mark his return to Earth. He had a big grin on his

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

face when he said all this, which

[Keith Olbermann]

made his message seem even more crazy. Our commander would probably be described as a Christian first supporter.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

He has been this way for a very long time and makes it clear that he desires all of us under him to become just like him as a Christian. But what he did this morning was

[Keith Olbermann]

so toxic and over the line that

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

it shocked many of us in attendance

[Keith Olbermann]

at the Ops Readiness Briefing.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Besides myself, I am reaching out to MRFF on behalf of 15 fellow troops.

[Keith Olbermann]

I know you asked me about the

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

religious views of our group who has requested help from the mrff. I can only tell you that I

[Keith Olbermann]

am a Christian and at least 10

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

of the others are also Christians. One of the others is Jewish and one is Muslim.

[Keith Olbermann]

I don't know the religious or non

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

religious status for the other three at this time. Un

[Keith Olbermann]

quote. Thank you Nancy Faust. Blondie's Rapture. That's right. I I felt like I should explain the joke now the promised headlines and back to Iran. And did anybody notice that Trump promised forever war? I mean they invented this phrase forever war and Trump would end all the forever wars. And now he's promised. He's promised, he's used the phrase forever about a forever war. If you missed it, quote the United States munitions stockpiles have at the medium and upper medium grade, never been higher or better. As was stated to me today, we have a virtually unlimited supply of these weapons. Wars can be fought, quote forever and very successfully using just these supplies. Even if you're crazy, you can still have a good old fashioned easy to understand Freudian slip. Wars can be fought forever. Said the man who said that we would not have forever wars and would not fight them forever. Also quoting Trump, I don't have the yips with respect to boots on the ground like everybody. President says there will be no boots on the ground. I don't say it, trump said after launching the strikes on Saturday. I say probably don't need them or if they were necessary. It terrifies me almost as much as the whole Armageddon stuff does that when we hear Trump talk about boots on the ground, there is every possibility that he literally thinks that is literally what we're talking about, that we're actually talking about boots on the ground, that we're actually talking about sending cargo jets to Iran full of footwear. If we survive this, the last week should be investigated as one of the worst scandals in American history, even for Trump. The impeccable Brian Beutler writes that the Democrats can resolve to treat it as a scandal rather than a misjudgment. Nobody asked for this and the administration did not build a case for it, he writes. Trump ordered the decapitation of the Iranian regime without a plan for the aftermath. He and his advisors were reportedly unprepared for the scale of the Iranian response. Multiple service members have already been killed. We lost three F15 fighters in one day. This, Beutler continues, is more than just an unwise use of military power that has cost American lives and will make gasoline more expensive. It's an impeachable offense that Americans have a right to understand from its genesis. How was this decision made as Americans were kept in the dark? Who presented what to whom and what argument, if any, ultimately persuaded Trump if records weren't kept as to this process, what methods are these principles using to conceal their deliberations from the public and the eyes of history? Did Trump administration officials profit from the war by placing bets on Kalshee or polymarket? Is it the fruit of bribes that Gulf states paid directly to Trump? Brian Beitler, who, if the Democrats simply put in charge of, say, the campaign of 2026 and 2028, they go up about three points in the end results. In other words, Dems learn something from the brutalities inflicted on this country and on your party in particular. Dems Benghazi the hell out of this thing. And obviously in the context of what

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

we're talking about today, I do mean hell.

[Keith Olbermann]

Also of interest here, I have a few words to say to the morons at the White House Correspondents association who invited Trump, who has been trying to get reporters killed, arrested and imprisoned for the last decade, and he has accepted. And I guess they invited him because the guy who murdered the five employees at the Capitol Gazette newspaper in Maryland eight years ago was unavailable because he's still serving five life terms in prison. They couldn't get that guy. So Trump's the next worst human being they could find to talk to A Correspondent's Dinner what are you people thinking? Well, your White House correspondents, you're not thinking at all. That's next.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

This is Countdown.

[Keith Olbermann]

Most people think their insurance will cover them when disaster strikes. The truth? Many are wrong. You pay premiums and assume you're protected until the fine print hits exclusions, limits, loopholes. Suddenly that coverage isn't coverage at all. My policy advocate reviews your policies, home, auto, life and breaks them down in plain English. They show what's really covered and what isn't. It costs just 27 cents a day less than a cup of coffee. For peace of before you assume you're covered, go to mypolicyadvocate.com you might be shocked at what you find. Mypolicyadvocate.com no one knows what the future

[Advertisement Announcer]

holds, but you deserve a weather app that can help. Weatherbug is easy to use and provides forecasts for your every need, from storm warnings to pollen levels right at your fingertips. Get the fastest local alerts and comprehensive 10 day forecasts wherever you are. It's hyperlocal real time customizable alert alerts. Make sure the weather never takes you by surprise so you can plan every day with confidence. Download the free Weather Bug app from the App Store today and start Getting accurate weather forecasts 24. 7

[Sponsor Announcer]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only. And is not an investment, recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available at public.com disclosures kids pets, life.

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[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

This is Countdown with Keith Olbermann Oberman.

[Keith Olbermann]

Good afternoon ladies, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Yankee Stadium. My impression of the late Yankee public address announcer Bob Shepard and Larry David's impression which you heard first. Still ahead on this volume of countdown, a kind of hybrid between Things I Promised not to Tell at our Thurber segments. Basically, this is James Thurber's Things he promised not to Tell, his long form story and I mean it's about half an hour of his days at the founding of the New Yorker magazine. It is not fiction, but many friends of the founder of the magazine, Harold Ross, think a lot of it was fiction. But whatever. It's funny and it's as goofy as any Thurber fable. The years with Ross next in things he promised not to tell first. However, we always have more new idiots to talk about. The roundup of the Miscreants Morons and Dunning Kruger Effect specimens who constitute today's other worst persons in the world, the Bronze Worse. Gunther Eagleman. Gunther Eagleman is the Twitter fake name

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

of a disgraced former Texas cop named

[Keith Olbermann]

David Freeman who thinks it's a patriotic fake name because it's got both gun and iggle in it. I mean, you could have gone with stun gun eagle droppings, but David's not that creative. Anyway, he was outed on Musk's site by another right winger too afraid to use his real name, Sword Truth. Or if you prefer, Sword Truth.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

And I want to read Sword Truth's

[Keith Olbermann]

bio just to underscore that this is

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

a MAGA nutjob making these charges against Gunther Eagleman, not me. Quote Investigative MAGA journalist remonetized by ex critical thinker. That's also pretty funny.

[Keith Olbermann]

Podcaster.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Okay. Author?

[Keith Olbermann]

Sure, why not?

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Jesus is king. I always like to read the Magaz who as you know hate Latino, Hispanic people and Mexican people and any brown people I always liked when they use quote Jesus.

[Keith Olbermann]

I always like to hear it in

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

my head as Jesus Jesus is king.

[Keith Olbermann]

Anyway, Sward Truth, if that is your real name Sword or SW to his

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

friends alleges that David Freeman Gunther Eagleman's often rage filled Twitter X feed is all about

[Advertisement Announcer]

money.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Quoting him Gunther Eagleman, like most of Conn Incorporated, will post anything for money, including TP USA propaganda. Here is Eagleman writes Sward providing his Cash app while refusing to post about a patriotic MAGA topic except for $300. I'm sorry brother, I charge the same for anyone. This was long ago. He's likely doubled his rates per post since then. I have no doubt goes Sward further in my mind that he makes frequent paid posts on behalf of third parties for TP USA and Jake Hoffman through multiple different paid posting and influencer companies.

[Keith Olbermann]

You think it's fascism? He thinks it's an income. And anyway, Sward then posted screenshots of an online conversation with Gungreese in which he's got Gunther saying or being asked something about I created a post just now about it with some links to more info and Gunther responding I do charge. I can send you my cash app if you still want the repost and then the answer comes from presumably whoever it is that Sword knows I understand. Yes I am interested in is there any discount because of the patriotic nature and emphasis on helping blah blah blah. God bless 17 minute video presentation password blah blah blah. The answer the only promotional posts I do are $300 reposts and by the way, it's $300 written as dollar sign. 300 just in case you thought he might be asking for 300. Yes, I would understand this would be something you do for yourself. Referral business, not minimum. When Defenders insisted that Free Eagle Gunther man was innocent, Sword Truth then posted a video scroll of that entire conversation $300 to get a retweet from Eagleman Because Mercury what I want to know is if Eagleman's feed really is as alleged, just cash driven. If this is less about America and more about American money, isn't it funny that Eagleman is always quoting Senator John Fetterman of Pennsylvania? That's odd, isn't it? Runner up Speaking of odd, there's Senator

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Marquane Mullen of Oklahoma.

[Keith Olbermann]

We have visited with Marquane Wayne a lot. Cause Mommy and Daddy couldn't decide between

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

calling him Mark and calling him Wayne,

[Keith Olbermann]

so they called him Mark Wayne.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

He is very probably the only human

[Keith Olbermann]

and certainly the only US Senator who can bring shame and Embarrassment to the name Marquane. Marquane is dumb as a post.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

In fact, Marqune is as dumb as

[Keith Olbermann]

the shadow of a post.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

In fact, he's as dumb as the

[Keith Olbermann]

spit stain where the shadow of a post used to be. War is ugly, he said on Fox the other day. It smells bad. As an aside, I should note, Mark Wayne Mullen never served in the military. So he knows nothing about this smell of war. Firsthand to resume the quote. And anybody has ever been there and been able to smell the war that's happened round it and taste it and fill it in your nostrils and hear it. Something that you'll never forget. Mark Twain used to be not in the army but in the plumbing game. When he starts talking about smelling something and it filling your nostrils, he's talking about your backed up bathroom drain. I mean, holy cow, buddy, that wasn't war, that was sewage. The thing is the smell stuff there. That was the highlight of his appearance on Fox News. Senator Marquine continued. If anybody's ever been there and been able to smell the war that's happened around you and taste it and fill it in your nostrils and hear it. Something that you'll never forget. Fortunately, he said you have President Hegseth. He quickly corrected himself. I say President Hegseth, Secretary Hegseth that has got a great relationship with President Trump and President Hegseth has been there, unquote. Mark Wayne Mullen calls him President Hegseth, God forbid, immediately corrects himself and then calls him President Hegseth again. You don't believe me?

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

War is ugly. It smells bad. And if anybody's ever been there and been able to smell the war that's happened around you and taste it and feel it in your nostrils and hear it, it's something that you'll never forget and it's ugly. And fortunately you have President Hagseth, or I say President Higseth, Secretary Hegseth that has got a great relationship with President Trump. And President Hagseth's been there, he's done that.

[Keith Olbermann]

Oh my God, a senator. I'd also like to add Senator, Senator Marquain, your dye job, the just for men coffee beans in the sink on the old Beardo. That not fooling anybody. Mark Wayne Mullen, the winds of war and plumbing. But even he's not the worst, the winner, the worst President Hegseth. I mean President Mullen, I mean President Eagleman, I mean President Trump. Actually Trump only has minority ownership of this award. It really goes to the whca, the White House correspondents Association and its new president, Weijia Jiang of cbs. Now, as correspondents go, she's fine and I'm sure this can't have just been her idea.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

And the WHCA may have proposed this, thinking there's no way he's going to say yes, but he said yes. The whca, which under her predecessor, this self absorbed goofball, Eugene Daniels. Daniels, now of msn, now did nothing. WHCA did nothing under Eugene Daniels PRESIDENT

[Keith Olbermann]

When Trump started banning individual reporters and

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

news outlets from the press room, Daniels did nothing.

[Keith Olbermann]

He was too busy trying to get on tv.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

The WHCA not only has invited Trump to attend that annual exercise in pointlessness,

[Keith Olbermann]

the Oscars for Ugly People, as it

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

has been called the White House Correspondents

[Keith Olbermann]

Dinner, an event that people who go

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

to the Rotary Club weekly luncheons in

[Keith Olbermann]

Skinny Atlas, New York would be embarrassed to attend.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

The White House Correspondents Dinner that they once at NBC had to threaten to

[Keith Olbermann]

fire me to get me to go.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Jeff Zucker said, if you do not

[Keith Olbermann]

go, I will fire you.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Not only did they invite Trump, they

[Keith Olbermann]

apparently told him him or let him

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

believe that he would be given an award or be honored or be the honoree or something.

[Keith Olbermann]

Because Trump has accepted and is going

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

to go to the White House Correspondents Dinner and he immediately boasted about it. Trump wrote in honor of our nation's 250th birthday and the fact that these correspondents now admit that I am truly one of the greatest presidents in the history of our country. The goat, according to many. Yes, you're the. You're the 46th best president ever. It will be my honor to accept their invitation and work to make it the greatest, hottest and most spectacular dinner of any kind ever. By the way, if they're still hosting it in that Hilton in Washington, it will automatically still be the hottest ever, because the AC ain't that great. And that ballroom. But back to the main point.

[Keith Olbermann]

You're honoring Trump. I mean, even if he just invented the idea that there's some sort of award or they're gonna name you the greatest president in history or something, even if he just invented that, you're letting him in. You're letting him in. Are you doing this because he had Don Lemon arrested? Or despite him having had Don Lemon arrested, are you doing this whca because he pressured Warner Bros. Discovery to sell itself and CNN to the Ellisons rather than to Netflix, the Ellisons who already bought and destroyed cbs? Are you doing that because he did that? Or despite the fact that now CNN and CBS are fascist networks. Are you doing this because we know for a fact that his old National Enquirer buddies tried to blackmail Jeff Bezos into turning the Washington Post into a Trump propaganda outlet in 2017 or so, and then, what a surprise, Bezos actually

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

did it anyway last year. Are you doing that because he did that to try to kill off freedom

[Keith Olbermann]

and the press in this country? Or despite that, I mean, Trump is going to be at your dinner because the guys who literally blew up the LA Times building in 1910, killing 21 and injuring more than 100 L A Times employees, because the guys who perpetrated that, because they're dead now and you can't have them. So you're going to take Trump instead? Are you having Trump because Goebbels, who imprisoned reporters in Nazi Germany because he's dead, you can't get him. Are you doing it? Is it Trump because MBS who ordered

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

the bone sawing of a Washington Post

[Keith Olbermann]

columnist, MBS would not pay his own way in from Saudi Arabia and the White House Correspondents association doesn't have the money for a free ticket for him.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Is that why you're having Trump, by the way, instead of a comedian?

[Keith Olbermann]

Because of course the WHCA is also not only subservient and terrified enough of

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Trump to invite this MFer, but also too scared to have a comedian there to balance it out. I mean, why not Stephen Colbert? You know, I loathe Stephen Colbert personally, but if Stephen Colbert would be the standup with Trump sitting next to him, I'd carry Stephen Colbert to DC on my back instead of a standup of any kind. Stephen Colbert or Carrot Top. Carrot Top will be fine. Carrot Top will do it.

[Keith Olbermann]

Carrot Top has the courage.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

The White House Correspondents association does not. Carrot Top will go there and insult Trump.

[Keith Olbermann]

Carrot Top will make Trump get up and leave and try to have Carrot Top arrested.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

He'll do it. What's his name? Emo Phillips. Emo will do it. The entertainer instead of a stand up, the entertainer instead of Roy Firestone is going to be a mentalist. Here we got a mental case and a mentalist, a mentalist named Oz Perlman. And I assume Trump agreed to go because he thinks oz Perlman is Dr. Oz from his own cabinet.

[Keith Olbermann]

And then it was.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Doesn't look like Oz. Oz, you ever had a facelift again? Oz Perlman's previous biggest gig was the ESPYs.

[Keith Olbermann]

Holy cow.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

A mentalist. Say WHCA, why don't you get somebody like John Edward who communicates with the dead dead. Like, like the White House Correspondents association journalistic credentials or its defense of its membership or its defense of this country? You got a mentalist.

[Keith Olbermann]

Are you kidding?

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Are you expecting having Trump there? It will pacify him. Having a thousand people in a stinky ballroom in Washington will make him not put you in a prison camp. It will appease him. It will increase attendance. It will sell more tickets. It will make up for the fact that the decor at the hotel ballroom you use looks like it was left over from the 1962 Indianapolis Indiana Emmy Awards dinner. Did you invite him on a dare? Did you invite him to show him that your association will do absolutely nothing to stand up for freedom of the press? That when the last guardrail is about to break you, the White House Correspondents association will go over there and saw it loose? President Weijia Jiang of the WHCA and of CBS News. Remember, you're now owned by fascists. Maybe Trump will get you fired. Weijia during the dinner Just for larfs Trump at the White House Dinner only if he's on the menu Today's Other Worst Persons in the World.

[Keith Olbermann]

Most people think their insurance will cover them when disaster strikes. The truth? Truth? Many are wrong. You pay premiums and assume you're protected until the fine print hits. Exclusions, limits, loopholes. Suddenly that coverage isn't coverage at all. My policy advocate reviews your policies Home, Auto, Life and breaks them down in plain English. They show what's really covered and what isn't. It costs just 27 cents a day, less than a cup of coffee. For peace of mind before you assume you're covered, go to mypolicyadvocate.com you might be shocked at what you find. Mypolicyadvocate.com no one knows what the future

[Advertisement Announcer]

holds, but you deserve a weather app that can help. Weatherbug is easy to use and provides forecasts for your every need from storm warnings to pollen levels right at your fingertips. Get the fastest local Alerts and comprehensive 10 day forecasts wherever you are. Its hyperlocal real time customizable alerts. Make sure the weather never takes you by surprise so you can plan every day with confidence. Confidence. Download the free Weather bug app from the App Store today and start Getting accurate weather forecasts 24. 7

[Sponsor Announcer]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI, it all starts with your prompt from renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor. Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available at public.com Disclosures Life

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[Keith Olbermann]

It's interesting that like many of the great writers in American and other nations histories, James Thurber never really wrote a book. Certainly not a novel, certainly not a comedic novel. His My Life and Hard Times is a series of embellished anecdotes.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

It's great.

[Keith Olbermann]

It's a great read.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

It's book length. It's not not really one narrative.

[Keith Olbermann]

And when I say he never wrote a book, I mean he never wrote

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

a real fictional book.

[Keith Olbermann]

He did write a book.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

The years with Ross.

[Keith Olbermann]

His profile, his interpretation of Harold Ross who was the founder of the New Yorker magazine, and probably even with the perspective of an additional 60 years that James Thurber did not have in his

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

life, still probably the least likely person

[Keith Olbermann]

you would have picked out of world history to have founded the New Yorker magazine. The book is called the Years with Ross. It was serialized in the Atlantic magazine, and the best part, including one of my favorite quotations in history, in human history, was in the May 1958 issue of the Atlantic, the seventh part of James Thurber's series, the Years with Ross by James Thurber. So many people have told me that Harold Ross was a simple mechanism, and so many others have assured me that he was a complex character. It is small wonder that I dreamed the other night that he was both complefied and simplicated. There are those who contend that the multiple editor of the New Yorker never stepped off the elevator on his office floor without putting on an invisible military uniform. He was accused of having a secret

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

respect for rigid military discipline.

[Keith Olbermann]

In spite of his waggish and scalawaggish experiences in the aef, his frequent and profane denunciations of all top brass were supposed to cover a sneaking admiration for general headquarters red tape.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

I can't go along with this, if only because I'm unable to dispel the

[Keith Olbermann]

image of Ross as the jittery skipper of a schooner out of Coleridge, a ship's master with more than a dash of mutineer in him when he is not that figure. In my nightmares. He is an awe shucks farm boy

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

from Colorado trying to land a 1900

[Keith Olbermann]

biplane in the middle of Fifth Avenue.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

When, as Private H.W.

[Keith Olbermann]

ross, he was editor of the Stars and Stripes, the situation was more Comric opera than American art.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

He was once put in the guardhouse

[Keith Olbermann]

for some insubordination by Captain Guy T.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Visnitsky, but he had to be released

[Keith Olbermann]

or the newspaper could not have been got out. As editor he could give orders to Captain Franklin P. Adams and to Sergeant

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Alexander Wolcott, who once called him in

[Keith Olbermann]

Paris the best editor in the world. Where and how he finally learned his obsessive reverence for order and organization nobody

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

will ever know for sure. Sure, although he was always scornful of American big business and big business men, he talked constantly of running this place

[Keith Olbermann]

like any other business office.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

He was vociferous in his contempt for the way most metropolitan newspapers were run, but I always felt that his urge to tear down walls and set up a central desk was an unconscious tendency to create a vast city room with everyone in full sight of everyone else else. I go on feeling this in the face of his continual scoffing at all things intramurally journalistic in any writer's copy. He didn't want any stories by reporters

[Keith Olbermann]

and ex reporters about their work on newspapers. It makes me self conscious, he would

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

say, and he went so far once as to insist when I used city room in a talk story that it

[Keith Olbermann]

be changed to the room where the reporters write their stories.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Whatever the origin of his driving desire

[Keith Olbermann]

for order and organization may have been,

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

it satisfied two of his deepest needs. Something to keep trying for and something to keep grousing about. When I was in Columbus, Ohio, in the summer of 1927, on vacation and on my way out of the job of running the magazine, I got a six word note from Andy White that read thurber the new passing system. White, the new passing system, typed on an enclosed piece of paper, went like White passes to Levick, who passes to Ross. I have no copy at hand and it may be that I have left out one of the passes. Perhaps it went like White passes to Barnes, who passes to Levick, who passes to Rawls. If there was a Barnes, he has long since passed and been forgotten. Sometimes I wake up at night and chant to myself. White passes to Tinker, who passes to

[Keith Olbermann]

Evers, who passes to Chance, who passes to Ross.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

This old system, indicating the official route for notes and comment from White's typewriter to Ross's desk was one of a hundred similar systems devised by distraught executive editors in a futile effort to set Ross's organization, conscience, mind at rest. These systems formed what Stanley Walker, who later got involved in them, called the rigmaroles. The man who had thought up a way to reroute comments so that Ross wouldn't worry about its getting lost Between Andy's office and his was named William Levick. He lasted about as long as I had in the untenable job of mastermind and whipping boy to Harold Ross. Levick's final frantic response to the editor's demand for a method of keeping track of everything was an enormous sheet of cardboard, 6ft by 4, divided into at least 800 squares with fine hand lettering in each of them, covering all phases of the scheduling of departments and other office rigamaroles. This complicated caricature of system, this concentration of all known procedural facts, hung on a wall of the talk meeting room until one day it fell down of its own weight. Ross had stared at it now and then without saying anything. When it crashed, he told his secretary, get rid of that thing. I suppose this was also what he said about a sign I made at the time and hung on a wall near the elevators. Alterations going on as usual during business. Bill Levick, one of the few men Ross always Called by his first name in the office, had been a friend and colleague of the editor in his San Francisco newspaper days. He had greatly impressed Ross at that time by his calm and efficient direction of a staff of reporters. One day, night, when some disaster struck the city, Levick, as I remember it, had been night, city editor of the paper. His calmness and efficiency, which had stood up under disaster, did not long stand up under Ross's continual badgering and heckling. After he gave up the hopeless task of trying to please Ross in the big job, he did not leave like most of the others, but became the art makeup man. He was unhappy in that role, too, because he didn't like artists and thought most of their drawings were silly. You're the only cartoonist that can spell, he once told me sourly. A new tottery Greybeard says he saw Levick one day in the office with tears in his eyes. Tears of fury or frustration were not infrequent in some of the men who worked for Ross, But Levick could be tough, too, and his faint, gentle smile could turn cold when Ross backed him into a corner. One day, the editor went up in flames because of the similarity and proximity of two drawings in the front of the book. But instead of bawling Levick out himself, he sent his secretary to the makeup man with a sharp reprimand. Levick took a swing at the fella, and when Ross sent the young man back with an even sharper message, knocked him down, resigned, went away, and was not seen again. Bill Levick died a few years later somewhere in New Jersey, out of work and down on his luck. And I told Ross about it. He was genuinely saddened, and the news depressed him for days. I didn't treat him right, goddammit, he told me. But he kept calling me sir and

[Keith Olbermann]

standing there, mocking me and grinning at

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

me, calling me back. That sir thing he called Wolcott. Foolish, he would say. Foolish is late with his copy this week. For shouts and murmurs, he kept saying sked for schedule and pics for drawings, all he cared about was his goddamn pianola rolls. He had millions of them.

[Keith Olbermann]

There wasn't anything else in his house.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

You don't play the pianola every night unless there's something the matter with you. He even edited the damn rolls, pasting them up with tissue paper, collaborating with guys like Beethoven.

[Keith Olbermann]

He was a good man, though.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

I was fond of him. But he didn't belong here. I thought of asking him, who does? But I just went away and left him with his memories and miseries When a system fell down, Ross was usually dejected until he or somebody else thought up a new one. But once in a while, the mutineer in him took over. He was gleeful if the falling down or pushing over of a system disturbed or tangled up the business department, those guys upstairs. Once, when a rebuilt typewriter I've been using broke down, I phoned the Underwood company at noon, ordered its most expensive machine and charged it to the New Yorker. The typewriter delivered at the office two hours later was held up by the alert business office, and a deputy was sent to Ross with the complaint that I had got the machine without authorization or the signing of any requisition slips. The typewriter had been hidden from me in the art stock room, but an office boy told me where it was and I went and got it. The whole illegal procedure delighted Ross.

[Keith Olbermann]

It's the only direct action there's been

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

around here in years. He yelled at the nervous man from the business department, I'll okay it. And he grabbed pencil and paper and okayed it.

[Keith Olbermann]

When he found out that I was in the habit of going to the supply stock room, getting in with a pass key and taking whatever I wanted paper, paper clips, typewriter ribbons, pencils and wire baskets, he sauntered into my office and asked, how do you get your supplies? I told him, and he went away grinning.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

A monthly checkup by the business office

[Keith Olbermann]

had shown a discrepancy in supplies on hand, and again someone had complained to the editor and he had suspected me. I was thwarted for a while when the guys upstairs installed new locks on all the doors. But I smuggled the master key to a locksmith and had a dozen keys made from it. I told Ross about that myself, adding that I had given a few of the extra keys to girls I knew for souvenirs. Ross didn't believe that, even though it was true. The heartiest laugh of the mutinous skipper came from the day I found out and told him that the master key to the former system of locks had been retained and hung on a hook beside the new one. I showed it to him. Attached to it was a small wooden plaque on which someone had printed in India ink, master key. And under that doesn't work. Ross told the story all over town. It represented to him not merely the bewilderment of some office boy, but the total inefficiency of the business department, which had nothing to whatsoever to do with it. After Levick came Arthur Samuels, out of an advertising agency with previous experience as a newspaper reporter and A magazine promotion man, Art Samuels, who'd been a member of the Cottage Club and the Triangle Club in his Princeton days, was a close friend and idol of another Princeton man, Raul Fleischmann. By the way, that was Ross's business partner. I. Olbermann should add, Raoul Fleischman put the money up for the New Yorker to continue. And any friend and idol of Fleischman who was the chief backer of the magazine was a target for Ross's slings and arrows and doomed from the start. Raoul once told me, art is one of the funniest men in the world on two martinis. When I mentioned this praise to Ross, he said, said, I guess I always got to parties when he was on his third or left. Before he finished his first, Samuels had taken over one of the largest New Yorker offices and furnished it with rugs, large, handsome bridge lamps and other fancy appointments that must have brought Ross's disapproving tongue out of his mouth when he first beheld this change.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

He himself liked a plain newspaper type

[Keith Olbermann]

off, I don't want to look like the editor of Vanity Fair. Samuels lasted until just after he came back from a six week leave in Europe. I learned later that Ross had intended to fire him while he was abroad, but he put it off until Art's ship was back in the harbor of New York. Then, just before Samuels disembarked, he got a telegram from Ross telling him he was through. Late that afternoon, the editor called me into his office.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Office.

[Keith Olbermann]

He was sitting with his head in his hands and he said, Samuels was just in here bawling the holy hell out of me. No man would have fired him the way I did. I guess I could tell he had taken quite a verbal lashing and he was to get others. Later, hell and high voices broke loose in his office when Jeffrey Heilman gave him a verbal going over, which no doubt Ross had coming to to him. Some weeks after that, Ross held up a Hellman piece so long that Catherine White said to him one day at a talk meeting, why haven't you put the Heilman piece through? We all think it's very good. Ross turned this over in his mind for 10 seconds and then said he called me a liar, picking one of the least provocative of Jeffrey's descriptions of him.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

He bought the Helman place that day.

[Keith Olbermann]

It was a basic fact of Ross's nature that he really respected no man who didn't at one time or another

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

fight back and yell him down. I had many a yelling bout with

[Keith Olbermann]

him in his office, but we always ended up on good, even affectionate terms. One day 10 years ago, he and William Shawn were trying to explain to

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

me what they thought was the matter with a couple of pieces I had

[Keith Olbermann]

written in a series on soap operas, and Ross snapped out of his heart? No, out of his ulcers. Yes, yes, if you could see, you would know what we mean.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

That sent me rocketing into the higher reaches of lurid damnation of all editors.

[Keith Olbermann]

He said he was sorry, and he was, but he never immediately got over

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

the effects of one of our yelling spells.

[Keith Olbermann]

That noon I was having lunch at

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

the Algonquin with my wife and daughter,

[Keith Olbermann]

then 16, when Ross came over to our table. We talked amiably for a while, and then he spurred Something happens to Jim once a month that makes him carry on like a woman.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

This indelicate allusion was remarkable in a

[Keith Olbermann]

man as self conscious as a choir boy in the presence of women and embarrassed to death if anyone then made a reference to the functional. My daughter had met him first when

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

she was only 9, and he was in one of his most blustery moods. I asked her afterward what she thought

[Keith Olbermann]

of him and she said, he's gruff, but I'm not afraid of him.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

She might have been speaking for her sex in general. Thorne Smith doesn't properly belong in any

[Keith Olbermann]

New Yorker, or for that matter, any other category, but he underwent a stretch

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

of torture, both give and take, as a member of the staff during the winter of 1929, 1930. I had brought him in and introduced him to Raw, saying that he had given up an advertising job to write a book, it must have been the Stray Lamb, and found himself unable to get work. Thorne Smith, straight out of Wonderland, looked like a cousin of the White Rabbit and completely befuddled. Harold Ross, the editor, took him on, though mainly, I am sure, because he had edited a service magazine During World War I, a Navy publication called Broadside. The two men, disparate if there were ever a disparity, talked about the Stars and Stripes and a mutual acquaintance who'd been on the wartime army gas attack. Everything went wrong, though, between Ross and Thorn, who once didn't show up for a week.

[Keith Olbermann]

You ought to know where he is, ross told me. He's your responsibility.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

I said that Smith was God's responsibility, not mine or any man. When he finally did appear, Ross said,

[Keith Olbermann]

why didn't you telephone and say you were sick?

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Thorne had a lovely answer to that. The telephone was in the hall and there was a draft. The New Yorker had in a special file at that time, a stack of profiles that needed editing before they could be used, and Smith had been given an office and told to try his hand at fixing that them up. It didn't work out.

[Keith Olbermann]

He can't use a typewriter, or if

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

he can, he won't, Ross told me. And then with dramatic voice and gestures,

[Keith Olbermann]

he sits out there writing on foolscap

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

with a quill pen by candlelight.

[Keith Olbermann]

I asked, you have me there, said Ross. Where the hell did you find him anyway?

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

I didn't find him, I said. God sent him to you. Smith departed soon after that to join the other poor little lambs who had gone astray. It was only the other day I found out that he had once written on foolscap, but with modern fountain pen an entire talk department which was never used. Ross must have put him up to that. Secretly I count it among my sorrows and literature's losses that his talk department is nowhere to be found. James M. Kane was a puzzle to Ross, too. All men puzzled him to some degree, but Thorne Smith and Jim Kane were much too much for his understanding. We called him Dizzy Jim, an old timer told me recently. You were daffy, Jim. It seems that Kane liked to work on the floor where there was a lot of room and used to put the talk department together down there. He once lifted high the hearts of Andy and Catherine White at a Thanksgiving Day dinner at his apartment by putting the turkey platter and all on the floor and carving it blandly going on with the story he was telling. And he told stories exceeding well. Jim Kane was not at the New Yorker long, only a few months, but the memory of him has not dwindled there. When he got the hell out, he didn't want to see Ross or the New Yorker ever again, and I don't blame him for leaving any mention of it out of the piece about him in who's who. He had been on the Baltimore American, the Baltimore sun, the New York World, and he was at one time a professor of journalism at St. John's College in Annapolis, where he had been born. Kane must have known Ross in France when he was editor of the 79th Division's Lorraine Cross. Jim is a big man, and Ross was always a little wary of big men. Once, when he got into a hassle with Joel Sayre over a projected profile on Ross's detective friend Raymond Schindler, the wary editor said to me, jesus, your

[Keith Olbermann]

friend Sayre is a big guy.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

My researches and reflections have turned up the interesting truth that of all the miracle men all were short of physical stature except Kane and Ralph ingersoll and maybe one or two others out of the more than 30. I am over 6ft myself, but when Ross and I tangled, I weighed only 150. I have reached 186 now, a weight, alas, I'll never be able to throw around in Ross's office during a monthly yelling spell in 1931, my daughter had about seven months to go before she was born, when her mother and I bought a house a mile outside Sandy Hook Connect, Connecticut, and Ross pretended to be frightened when he heard about my plans to live in the country. Timid as usual about taking up personal matters with a man face to face, he assigned Cain the task of trying to dissuade me from moving out of the city. Jim had approached the subject gingerly in my office, saying only a couple of sentences that I recognized at once as bearing the stamp of a Ross panic when he suddenly stood up and said, this is none of my business or Ross's either. I'm sorry I mentioned it. Live where you want to and the way you want to. One day Jim had sent on to Ross some manuscript of which the editor could make neither head nor tail. He sent it back to Cain with a memo attached that is still in existence. It reads, what is the signa for gans of it all

[Keith Olbermann]

anyway?

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

That is the misspelling of significance as I remembered it for 25 years. But as you will see, I was wrong. Just before Jim left, he had the memo framed in leather and presented to his successor, Bernard A. Bergman, who still has it. I wrote him a few weeks ago to check the spelling of the big word and got this reply. S I G N I G I F A N C E. Sick. Harold Ross's spelling was often grotesque. He was always looking up words he questioned in copy he was reading, but he never seemed to doubt his own accuracy. In all the years I knew him, he never got prodigal right. He spelled it produdal and pronounced it as if it were spelled PRAD GDG. It was in 1934, to get back to Jim Cain, that he brought out the Postman Always Rings Twice. I once asked Ross if he had read it, and he said, wouldn't be my kind of stuff. I have no doubt that if he had started reading it, he would have put it down, thus becoming the only reader in the country able to do that. He didn't even try to read A Farewell to Arms and dismissed that novel

[Keith Olbermann]

with I understand the hero keeps getting in bed with women and the war wasn't fought that way.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

I have a recent letter from Bernard Bergman about Ross that ends, he was a great man. I wish I could have been close to him, but I never was. Bergman lasted almost two years, beginning in 1931. He quit because Francis Bellamy had appeared on the scene and Bergey was wise enough to realize the newcomer was to become the new genius. The old ritual of firing and hiring was about to begin once more after Bellamy disappeared in his time and turn, he smoked cigars, was Ross's epitaph for this victim. The editor phoned Bergman, who had just left the Philadelphia Record and tried to get him to come back. He rambled on in his loud voice about the job of editorial publishing, whatever that meant, and the rebirth of his conviction that Bergman could handle certain tough problems in the office.

[Keith Olbermann]

Bergman said, that's just what I was doing. And he laughed, and Ross laughed too, and they both hung up laughing. Bergman, like me, went to Ohio State, helped edit the Daily Lantern, and was a reporter on the Columbus Dispatch. We had been friends since 1915, and I persuaded Ross to hire him to supervise the Talk of the Town. Ross had finally found out after years of hit and miss what manner of man and writer I was. But I don't think think he ever knew anything about Bergman. A man's past dropped away and his life began anew when he went to work for the New Yorker. Berge had been a regimental sergeant major in World War I, a newspaper reporter and editor, and a New York press agent. In high school in Chillicothe, Ohio. Nearly 50 years ago, Bergman organized a four piece orchestra to play for Saturday night dances at the Knights of Pythias Club Club. His clarinetist Bergman played the violin and played it well was a youngster named Theodore Friedman, whom Bergman paid $2 a half a night until he let him go because he jazzed up everything, did funny things with a plug hat and disconcerted the other boys. A decade later, Theodore Friedman, alias Ted Lewis, was earning $110,000 a week. The palace, the Ziegfeld Follies, the Ziegfeld Roof. And Bergman was his press agent. For a long time, starting about 1928, Bergey had contributed to Talk of the Town the best items and suggestions of any outsider. And when Ross asked me, after the vanishing of Ingersoll, Raymond Holden, Ogden Nash and several others if I knew a good man for talk, I brought Bergman in and he was hired. I had asked Ross to promise me that he would not elevate Bergman to the genius chair, and he said he wouldn't, but he did. I'm gonna give Bergman a crack at that job, he told me. I think he can run the magazine. Don't say anything about it, though, cause I haven't told him yet. I left the room, giving the door a good slam. I hated to lose the man who had brought to talk facts and anecdotes about a dozen New Yorkers whose careers fascinated Harold Rogers Ross, the gee whiz guy. They included Jake Volk, the building wrecker Lewis Marshall, an eccentric millionaire lawyer who rode to work on the L train and back home on the subway George and Ira Gershwin and George Gross, the German artist with whom Bergman and I once had dinner. Groz, I told Ross, wanted to meet the New Yorker artist whose work began where the other cartoonists left all off. Well, did he? Ross asked.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

He meant me, I said shyly.

[Keith Olbermann]

Hogwash, said Ross, who didn't believe a word of it. The day that Ross promoted Bergman, I sat outside his office and eavesdropped. Bergman got the works, the whole rigmarole from you gotta hold the artist's hands through. I'm by God gonna keep sex out of this office. Office to I want to run this place like any other business office. I got up in disgust, went to the men's room and put up the window because it was a hot day. I heard the door open and close behind me, but I didn't see who it was. Then I went out and met Bergman coming down the hall. Ross's secretary just came in and said you were going to kill yourself in the men's room, he told me. Ross turned to me and said, said, that's my life. Do something about it. Bergman had one great failure and at least one great triumph at the New Yorker. His failure lay in his inability to

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

build a fake partition by means of which Ross could get to the men's room unseen and ungreeted in the halls. Nobody else could have designed such a crazy partition either, and the dilemma wasn't solved until someone suggested he have a lavatory built just off his office. Well, I'll be damned, Ross must have said, when this simple way, out of embarrassment was presented to his astonished mind, the lavatory was installed, and it not only saved Ross the torture of being spoken to by employees, but it eliminated

[Keith Olbermann]

uncomfortable dialogue with writers and editors in the men's room.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

As an aside, here comes the line I mentioned, one of my favorite quotations in human history.

[Keith Olbermann]

I hope you're ready to resume.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Once standing trow to trow with John

[Keith Olbermann]

Mosher, Ross grumbled, why aren't you writing any more casuals?

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Because I have law. Just the slight fancy that sustained me, Mosher explained. It was the kind of Mosher retort that left Ross flabbergasted. And he was miserable when he had nothing to say. Bergman's great triumph was the hiring of Alva Johnston, and I'll let him retell that story himself.

[Keith Olbermann]

When I first took over the ME

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Job, managing editor Ross said he had been trying to get Alba Johnston to

[Keith Olbermann]

come full time to the New Yorker for a long while.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

While. But Alva always refused, said he was too old to change his field. He was a reporter, and he didn't want to take a chance on magazines. Ross said to me that if I

[Keith Olbermann]

could get Alva to come to the New Yorker, that's all I'd ever have to do.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

How much did you offer him? I asked.

[Keith Olbermann]

Oh, we never discussed salary.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Ross said, well, let's offer him $300 a week. I said, that's.

[Keith Olbermann]

That's double what he's getting on the New Herald Tribune.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

And I said, if we offer him a lot of money, he just won't be able to turn it down.

[Keith Olbermann]

Bergman, you're a genius.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Ross said, I never thought of offering

[Keith Olbermann]

him money,

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

so I made a date with Alba.

[Keith Olbermann]

I told him we'd guarantee him $300 a week.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

I can still see Alba turning pale, standing up and saying, gee, I'll have to think that all over. I went back to Ross and told him, we got Alva. We had to. That incident, certainly important in the history

[Keith Olbermann]

of the New Yorker, showed Ross's occasional

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

naive and charming impracticality. Although he was the world's greatest.

[Keith Olbermann]

The quoted words are Bergman's.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

Harold Ross's loss of Bergman was William Randolph Hearst's gain. For the former New Yorker editor was hired to build up the New York Americans Daily March of Events page page, known to the printers as the highbrow page. And build it up he did. A few months later, Ross ran into him somewhere and said, you're causing a

[Keith Olbermann]

lot of excitement at the New Yorker and worry, too, I guess, but keep it up. I like it.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

I don't see how he could have liked it because Bergman had signed up, among others, for one or two columns a week. Bob Benchley, Frank Sullivan, Clarence Day, Ogden Nash and Jim Cain. He also got stuff from H.L. mencken and Oliver Hereford, which Ross would have liked for the New Yorker. I did some columns for the highbrow page and quite a lot of drawings. The appearance of my drawings there caused Ross to pass the buck to someone who passed it to someone else who passed it to Catherine White, who wrote

[Keith Olbermann]

me a note asking me if I

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

had not broken my New Yorker contract by not first letting the art meeting see my drawings for the New York American American. The New Yorker, in fact, had seen them all and turned them all down.

[Keith Olbermann]

I passed this fact to Catherine, who

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

passed it to someone else who passed it to someone who passed it to Ross. My drawings ceased appearing in the American when Bergman got a note from old Hearst himself which read, stop running those

[Keith Olbermann]

dogs on your page. I wouldn't have them peeing on my cheapest Ross.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

In 1934 the old man stopped Keynes columns too, over Bergman's protests that Jim was one of the best and most popular American writers. Hearst's final note on this matter read,

[Keith Olbermann]

get rid of Cain. I thought Abel had done it. Sorry, he failed.

[Co-Host or Guest Commentator]

The years with Ross wherein I learned that someone in the same millennium in which I lived said the phrase, I have lost the slight fancy that sustains me.

[Keith Olbermann]

I've done all the damage I can do here. Thank you for listening. Our musical directors of Countdown are John Philip Chenale on keyboards and handling the orchestration, and Brian Ray on the guitars, bass, drums and of course, the whole vibe of the thing. Their work is produced by TKO Brothers. By the way, there is a documentary about Harold Ross, also a book called Genius in Disguise, which presents the other point of view that perhaps Thurber left out for comedic purposes. We'll call it that. Nancy Foust, the best baseball stadium organist ever, is responsible for the satirical and pithy musical comments. Whenever we play the sports music, it's the old Ollerman show. Theme from ESPN2 written by Mitch Warren Davis, courtesy of ESPN Inc. Other music arranged and performed by the group no Horns Allowed. And my announcer today, as I mentioned, was my friend Larry David doing his impression of the late New York Yankees stadium public address announcer from 1949 through 2008, Bob Shepherd. This program was produced by Ted and Stevie. Everything else was, as always, my fault. That's Countdown for today. Day 410 of America held hostage again, just 1,000, 2,051 days until the scheduled end of Trump's lame duck and lame brained term unless he is removed sooner by Oz Perlman, the mentalist at the White House Correspondents Association. The next scheduled countdown is Monday. Bulletins as the news merits. Until the next one. I'm Keith Olbermann. Good morning, good afternoon, good night and good good luck. Countdown with Keith Ulberman is a production of I Heart rated for more podcasts from iHeartRadio visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Most people think their insurance will cover them when disaster strikes. The truth? Many are wrong. You pay premiums and assume you're protected until the fine print hits. Exclusions, limits, loopholes. Suddenly that coverage isn't coverage at all. My policy advocate reviews your policies Home Auto, Life and breaks them down in plain English. They show what's really covered and what isn. It costs just 27 cents a day less than a cup of coffee. For peace of mind before you assume you're covered, go to mypolicyadvocate.com you might be shocked at what you find. Mypolicyadvocate.com no one knows what the future

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