Craig Groeschel (0:00)

As a leader, people expect you to have the answers. You start the meetings, you lead the discussion, you give the assignments, and you end up doing most of the talking, which is a problem because the one who talks the most learns the least. We're talking about asking better questions. And if you want to ask better questions, first you have to be a better listener. So today we're going to dive deeper into how to listen beyond the obvious and how and uncover the insights most leaders miss. Hey, welcome to another episode of the Craig Groeschel Leadership Podcast, where I am indescribably passionate about helping you become a leader that people love to follow. If you're new to our community, I'll kind of tell you our content flow. We drop a new episode on the first Thursday of every month, and I want you to get it and not miss it. So hit subscribe wherever you consume the content. And I promise you, you want the Leader Guide. If you're not getting the Leader Guide, go to Life Church LeaderShipPodcast and we'll send it to you. And you're definitely gonna want it today because we're actually offering an exclusive episode that's only available to those of you that Go to Life Church fivequestions. I'll tell you more about that in a minute, but go to Life Church fivequestions and. And we'll share the link with you in the Leader Guide for some exclusive content that's in addition to what we're talking about on this subject. So for those of you that post on social media, thank you for inviting others to be a part of our community. My commitment is to work hard to help you grow. And it means a lot to me when you invite others. If you're watching or listening where you can comment, tell me where you're leading. Not just like where you're from, but where. What are you leading? Are you a principal? Are you leading at a bank? Are you leading at a church? Tell me where you're leading and what you're leading. That would mean a lot to me just to kind of get to know you and let's get into new content. Are you ready? What do we know? We're talking about questions. Better questions lead to better thinking. Better thinking leads to better leadership, and better leadership leads to better impact. So let's talk about how do we get better answers from the questions that we're asking to get better answers? Ask better questions. Now, this is relatively obvious, and this is the easiest part, just to ask the questions, but I wanna tell you about the harder part. And this is super important. Your goal isn't just asking great questions, but your goal. Are you ready for this? Cause I made up a phrase. Your goal is to practice what I call full contact immersive listening. Full contact immersive listening. What is that? I'll define it this way. It's next level engagement, where you don't just hear, you absorb and you connect mentally, emotionally and physically. You're not just listening to what's being said, but you are fully immersed in the conversation, listening at the deepest level, connecting with your speaker to hear what's being said, not being said. And you're literally like feeling the vibe of the conversation. I like the phrase full contact because like I like sports. And you're not observing, but you're in the game, you're fully present, you're actively involved, listening in the moment. And what are you listening for? This is important, I'm going to say a bunch. You're listening for tone, you're listening for pauses, you're observing body language. You're listening for unspoken emotions, you're noticing what's being said, you're noticing what's being implied, you're even noticing what's being avoided. And you don't hear just facts, but you sense the heart behind the words that they're saying. And you're asking direct questions, you're asking clear questions, you're asking lots of follow up questions and then you're reflecting back. You'll say things like, well, what I hear you saying is this, or it seems like you're saying this. And then you're going to use body language, you're going to lean in, you're going to mirror what they're doing. Not to be manipulative, but to genuinely connect with people on the deepest level. And, and you're going to listen with empathy and you're going to acknowledge and validate their feelings. Like that must have been difficult or that must have been very meaningful to you. And then you're listening patiently and you're not rushing the conversation. You're not trying to fix something that's wrong, you're not trying to correct them, you're not trying to give them advice, but you're digesting fully everything in the moment, absorbing the depth and the heart of what's being communicated. And you're not just listening for information, but you're listening for understanding. I know I just said a lot, but that is full contact, immersive listening. And if you learn to do that, it's going to completely change the impact of your leadership. Because the best wisdom doesn't just come from the questions you ask, but how well you listen and how deeply you process what you hear. The challenge is this, that the longer you lead, the less natural this becomes. And you'll know this intuitively that you're the leader. And so people want to know what you think, and because you're the leader, you feel pressure, right? They want to know what you know, so you're less likely to ask, and you feel pressure to be good at leading. So you start the meeting, and you lead the meeting, and you conclude the meeting. And most of the time, you end up doing a lot of the talking. And that's a problem, because the one who talks the most learns the least. And so you have to, like, intentionally work against what I call the natural rush of leadership. We tend to work faster, process faster, move faster. And in conversations, I have to work to slow it down and to listen with intentionality. And you'll probably have to do the same because you lead with an intensity, and because your time is valuable, it's. And because you're leading with urgency and because your mind is racing, you're often processing faster than other people. And so it's not uncommon for really good leaders to actually interrupt the person that's speaking. It's not a good quality, but it tends to be common. You have to watch out for that. I do this all the time, and I do it less today because I watch for it. And when I catch myself, I always apologize and always say, I'm so sorry I interrupted you. Please continue. Because I respect the person, and I genuinely want to hear from them, and I don't want to do that. Whenever you catch yourself doing it, stop, tell them to go on, be quiet and listen. And then when you do, this is important. Don't listen to respond, listen to understand. Someone's going to be talking. You're like, going, what am I going to say next? Don't listen to respond. Listen to understand them. And you've experienced this. You're sitting in a meeting and someone starts talking, and so you got something to say, right? So instead of truly listening to what they're going to say, you're working on your response already. Don't do that. You're not listening, listening to respond. You're listening to understand. And what I found is, please listen carefully. You don't find the gold until the third question. You don't find the gold until the third question. Like, what are you talking about, Craig? Okay. Many leaders, we ask one question, sometimes 2, rarely 3. And let me tell you a story to illustrate this. And then I'm going somewhere. Years ago I asked one of our leaders question number one, why do you think the presentation wasn't a big win? It was obvious to all of us and so why? Give me the why. And she said she was a world class leader. She said, well, we weren't really prepared and we weren't really clear in the meeting. I said, okay, question number two is what do you think we could have done differently? And she said, well, we could have created better graphics. And the setup of the room was bad. And like if you're doing meetings, how you set up a room really matters in how you get people to interact. And so she was right. We said we could have done been clearer, better graphics and better interaction. So third question I asked her is if you'd been solely in charge, what would you have done? And here's what she said. She said, I wouldn't have done a presentation because I didn't really love the plan. I was like, oh, okay. She had my attention. I didn't hear the heart of the problem until the third question. And so I just, you know, then said what I would. I've kind of talked about, go on, tell me more. Why didn't you love the plan? And she listed several things that when I heard her say I'm like, made a lot of sense to me. And so I'm like, why didn't you tell us? And what do you think she said, well, she said, you know, I tried to tell you but you know, you all already had your minds made up. So what she was doing is she was too respectful to say it, but essentially what she was saying is you aren't listening. Okay, that's a horrible problem. And it's actually a common problem in a lot of organizations. I made a very, very important discovery, but you're not likely to discover that level of truth when you're just asking one or two questions. And so let's just kind of analyze this story and talk about what we learned in the different levels of lesson. Level one lesson, we learned this. We weren't really prepared and we didn't have a great presentation. We learned that with one question. Level two learning was the presentation wasn't a problem, the plan was a problem. That's a big learning. Level three learning was that those of us at the top were not listening to the people on the front lines. That's a level three learning that's so important to the future of the organization. And I want to say this And I hope you'll listen to it. I hope you'll memorize it. I hope that this will become a part of your leadership. You won't get level three learnings with level one questions. Let me say it again. You won't get Level 3 learnings with Level 1 questions. Most of us, we ask a question, we hear an answer, we move on. Ask the second question, ask the third question. Keep digging deeper. I've learned to do this in social conversations and, like, interpersonally with people. And in the early years of our church, I personally recruited a lot of the staff members. We had seven people on the staff, and I'd recruit the eighth, and I'd recruit the 11th or whatever. And I didn't go out and recruit seminary students, because a lot of times in seminary you're just taught to think. I actually recruited what I call spiritually grounded business leaders that were getting it done and had a real heart for God in the church. And so where did I find them? Well, every weekend, I'd be out in the lobby talking to church members that are business leaders, that love the church because they understand the culture. And if you can, raise people up from within, and that's a great thing. So here's how I would dig for potential staff members, and I would do it real intentionally. Yes, I'm trying to love the person, but I'm actually in every conversation. I've got a couple priorities. Minister the person. Find out more. Help them get involved. Could they be a staff member? And so instead of asking the obvious question, which most people do like, so tell me what you do for a living. I would always ask something like this. I'd say, like, hey, what are you working on right now that has you fired up? I like that better. That gives them permission to talk about their job or their parenting, but you're getting it the heart. And so they tell you something they're excited about. And then question two, I'd say, like, man, tell me the story behind why that matters to you. And the words are important story and matters to you. And what happens is now we're moving beyond facts, and they're telling a story. And it's not just any story, but it's their story. And I mean, they are their own favorite subjects. They're talking about something that they love, and they're talking about something that is very meaningful to them. And so I'm listening to the story, trying to get totally immersed in it. And. And I'm gonna ask a deeper question, and it's usually about some Emotion. So, you know, I might say, like, man, like, growing up like that must have been really painful. Cause they're telling about something they went through as a child. Or like, gosh, overcoming that challenge must have made you so proud. So I'm gonna validate an emotion and then ask some version of this. And I've asked, you know, 50 versions of this question over and over again. Like, how did that shape you to become the person that you are today? And that type of question that communicates deep care, and here's what I promise you, they've probably never been asked that before, is you're going deeper into people to find. It's what I call the story before the story. Meaning, like, you're going to see in people greatness. What's the story that created the greatness and what I'm looking for. And you do not see it in everybody, but I'm looking for, like, this special combination of qualities that when you see them, they start to shout at you. I like call them pre success qualities. Like, in every success story, you're gonna see some version of these qualities before you see the success you're gonna see. Like, for me, I'm looking for this, like, unshakable spiritual strength, this deep resolve, this resounding resilience, this relentless drive. They're gonna get things done. This like, obsessive work ethic, this unwavering heart for God with or the unbreakable will to win. And then when I see a few of those things, like, I kind of get excited, like, going, there's something special here. And a lot of times no one's seen it yet because it hasn't been developed. And so at that point, if I see these qualities, I'll ask some version of this question, like, hey, have you ever thought about giving your life to an even higher calling? And I pause and I just watch God work. And getting to that place, and I've done it many, many times, is it takes time, it takes intentionality, it takes a pure heart, it takes a love for. It takes curiosity. And here's what I gotta promise you is like, you're never gonna find the best what God put in people on the surface. And that's why you have to dig deeper and you have to ask questions. Level one, level two, level three, you're driving deeper. Because questions are the keys that unlock untapped potential. There's so much more in the people around you that sometimes they don't even know that's in them. And you wanna try to bring that out and I'll give you a little bit behind the scenes, the way I think about doing podcast interviews when I have a guest on. I started doing this, what, eight years ago, and I'd interview people, and I didn't know how to do it. So I start with, like, 15 questions. I'd write out Ruby scripted, and I'd ask question one, and then I'd ask question two, and I'd ask question three. That was so dumb. The guests were polite, but the conversations weren't as engaging. Because the reality is I was asking them questions they'd been asked before, and they were saying things they said before. And I just got to thinking, like, I know there's more in these people. Like, they're totally brilliant. How can I pull out of them something that is different, something is new, something that's unique? And it dawned on me to have them say what they've never said. I need to ask them questions they've never been asked. You say that again. To have them say something new, something different, something they'd never said before. I need to ask them questions that they've never been asked. And so one of my kind of. Actually, a real goal is at the end of an interview, anytime one of my guests says, like, oh, my gosh, do you ask me a question I've never been asked before? I consider that a real win. And that happens more often than not, because it's actually a goal. And here's the thing. I can't plan those questions. I can't just sit there and I'm going to ask them some random, dumb. Some question they've never been asked. What I have to do is I have to listen with full contact aversion. And so when I go into an interview now, I have about five questions down, and they're fallback questions. Like, if I hit a wall, and sometimes you do, it's like, okay, and then I've got something to go to, but I want to be totally engaged in the conversation. And again, I'm going to tell you a little bit of strategy I usually ask. The first question is like, tell me when you first saw yourself as a leader. What I'm doing is I'm getting them to tell a story because even the best are nervous. And so that kind of helps them feel more comfortable. And they like to tell a story, and stories are engaging. And then anytime I get to something that's interesting, like, a lot of times they'll talk for 2 minutes, 3 minutes, 4 minutes, and there'll be, like, a sentence that's Pure gold. And I'll hear it. And they don't even know how brilliant it is because it's just intuitive to them. I write that thing down, and then I'll say, when they're through, I'll say, I'll repeat it back. Hey, you said this thing. I want to. And I'll draw attention to it. I may actually even summarize it. And I help the listener to know how brilliant it is, what they said. And then I'll just say, like, hey, tell me more about that. And that's how I can bring people, bring the best out of them. And you can do this with a team member. You're talking to somebody and you're listening at a deeper level. And you have to remember when you're asking them questions, like, literally a team member, they might feel defensive. And so I said it before, but I want to talk more about it. You want to create a climate of, like, safety and trust and intimacy. And so sometimes you're going to have a developmental conversation with someone. They're not doing a great job. There's room for improvement. And you're going to have a difficult developmental conversation. And so what I'll do in that is I'm going to come in, I'm going to ask them questions. I'm not going to try to tell them, here's what you're doing wrong, but I'm trying to ask them questions to help them discover their own growth areas. And so here's what's going to happen. You have a conversation like that, and they're going to feel some heat. And so in the meeting, you want to lower the temperature. So I'll start sometimes and say, hey, what I want you to know right now is, like, you're not in trouble. No one's losing their job today. We're here because I value you. I believe in you. I believe there's more in you. So I'm going to ask you some questions to help you get better. What we're doing is we're just. We're creating, like, oh, okay, then they can kind of breathe and they can hear it. Or if you're not having a hard conversation, you're just having a conversation. You still need to work to help them feel at ease. If. And because, like, think about this. Maybe you have a boss now, or you're thinking about your last boss. Do you remember how nervous you often felt around a boss? They feel the same way around you. I mean, you think you're nice and likable, but they see they're nervous around you. And so you might set up the conversation and say something like this, like, hey, I mean, you have such valuable insight. You know, could you help me today by teaching me what you see and how you think? And what you're doing is like, you're creating trust and you're giving them permission to speak freely. So before you ask the questions, you're kind of setting up an environment that helps them speak more truthfully. If you're new in a leadership role, and some of you are, you're going to get promoted or you're going to start something, you're going to go to a new company, I want to encourage you to go on what's been called a listening tour. It's not my language. Someone else said it. Cynthia Brilliant. She's the CEO of the Dallas Mavericks. She talked about this in episode 136. If you want to listen to it. And we'll link to that in the leader guide. But what you want to do is you want to meet everyone on your team in a kind of a relaxed time, and you are not talking about yourself. Do not do that. Most leaders come in there. Let me tell you about me, and here's my goal, and here's what we're going to do. Do not do that. Your goal is solely to get to know the people on your team, and not just professionally, but also personally. Like, you know and sent would say, like, I don't want to just know about your job. Tell me about your life. Do you have dreams? Do you have hopes? What's your childhood like? And when you do that, it does two things. It helps the people around you. It helps you get to know the people around you. And then secondly, it helps them to know that you care. And this matters so much. You genuinely need to know them, and they need to know that you care. Why? Because before people trust your words, they need to trust your heart. And so go on a listening tour and ask questions. And the reason this matters is because you can't lead someone well if you don't care about them. And you can't care about them unless you know them. And you can't know them unless you listen to them. Now, I'm going to pause and tell you again my thoughts behind the podcast. What I try to do is I try to give you episodes in 20 to 30 minutes because I value your time. That means we're going to start in. We're going to get to the point. There's no fluff. One of my secret goals is to give you the highest content value per minute of any podcast you listen to. I know that's a big goal. I know I may not do it, but I'm gonna work to keep focused. I want the words to count so I've got more to say about this subject. So what I've done is I've actually created an exclusive episode. It is free and the title is the five Questions Every Leader Should Ask. If I included this content in this episode, it'd be way too long and I go beyond my goal. So there are categories of questions that a lot of leaders don't even know exist. And so we're gonna talk about the types of questions and then we're going to get very specific in those questions. So if you're wanting to take an extra step in your leadership, sign up for this exclusive content. It's the five types of questions every leader should ask. Go to Life Church five questions. Now you're wondering, do I type in F, I, V, E or the number five? And guess what? They both work. How cool is that? It's amazing. Life Church five questions. And we'll give you the list. And in a whole additional episode on the questions, you're going to want to ask for self reflection, for personal development to cover with your team. And I literally think that you can change the trajectory of your organization with the right questions. One of the most strategic things we do over and over and over again here is lead with questions. So let's wrap up today's content to ask better questions. What do better questions? Do better questions lead to better thinking? Better thinking leads to better leadership. Better leadership leads to greater impact. But asking better questions isn't enough. What you have to do is you have to become a better listener. And so what do you want to do? You want to listen to what's being said and what's not being said. You want to listen to what's being implied. You want to listen to what's being avoided. You want to listen beyond the words. And you're not just hearing, but you're absorbing. And you're not just reacting, you're processing. And you're not just listening to respond, you're listening to understand. Because the best leaders don't just ask questions, but you create space for life changing truth to surface. And you don't just collect answers and information, but you're digging for wisdom and insight. And you're looking for untapped potential in the people around you. What I promise you is that you've got greatness right around you. If you'll take time to see what other people overlook. And remember, you won't get level three learning with level one questions. So ask the first question, ask the second question, ask the third question. Dig deeper. Stay hungry. Stay humble. Keep asking questions. Because the right question at the right time with full contact immersive listing. You're totally engaged. You care about the person. You're bringing out the vest. You're reading between the lines. You're having faith for wisdom from God. The right question at the right time can change everything. It is with true and deep sincerity. I would tell you thank you for being a part of our community and I want you to know I work really, really hard to bring content that's going to help you grow in your leadership. Because I believe there is so much more in you. Don't let any lie stop you from believing that God put greatness in you to make a difference in the lives of people. You're not an accident. You have more in you than you realize. And you can make a difference when you lead with integrity, when you lead with sincerity, when you lead with passion, when you ask wise questions, when you seek the heart of God to give you wisdom from heaven, to make a difference in this world. You can glorify him. You can change lives. And you can make a big difference. I believe in you into getting better. We know everyone wins when the leader gets.