From The Passenger Seat W/ Malik B

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast: "From The Passenger Seat w/ Malik B"

Release Date: December 10, 2025
Hosts: Patrick Johnson (Pat), Michael Esiobu (Mike)
Guest: Malik B
Summary By: [Podcast Summarizer]

---

Episode Overview

In this lively episode of the Crash Dummies Podcast, hosts Pat and Mike are joined by comedian and viral content creator Malik B for a hilarious and unpredictable ride through relationship dilemmas, dating culture, social observations, and some absolutely wild listener call-ins. With their trademark banter and unfiltered commentary, the trio dives deep into why people act the way they do (especially men in relationships), the intricacies of “toxic” behavior, and what it means to find peace and happiness in both love and life.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Origins & Friendship

• How They Met:
  • Pat hails from Pontiac, Michigan, just outside Detroit.
  • Mike teases him about meeting at the gym, but Pat and guest Obi met through college football in Chicago.
  • “The gym would not be like, a good story. Like, oh, this your best friend y’all met at the gym?” (Pat, 01:21)

The “Gym Towel” Hypothetical

• The hosts joke about gym etiquette, washing up, and the awkwardness of sharing towels and laundry mishaps in a locker room.
• Pat’s coaching days: Pat recalls confronting a player about dirty underwear, leading to riffs about relationship stress manifesting in bizarre ways.
  “Like, I actually had a conversation where I’m like, bro, your underwear not supposed to be looking like that.” (Pat, 02:55)

Viral Content & Its Real-World Consequences

• Malik’s Content Creation:
  • Malik discusses drawing inspiration from real-life situations—his own and his friends'.
  • “This is what my friends tell me, what they go through. I’m like, oh, okay. That can be, like, good content. I just think of, like, what will I do in that situation?” (Mike/Malik B, 05:57)
• Backlash & Threats:
  • Some men hate Malik’s videos, especially because, as Pat points out, he writes both male and female perspectives:
  • “What I appreciate about it is that I know you’re writing for the woman’s part, too. A lot of people miss that part.” (Pat, 08:12)
  • Malik has even received threats for revealing “secrets” in relationships and for skits set in the military.

The Red Pill vs. “Troll” Content

• The group jokes about the pressures to “sell out” for content.
• "If I make money off it, I'm going that way." (Pat, 09:48)
• Discussion on gaining social media fame by pushing “red pill” or troll narratives, but acknowledging consequences.

Food, Culture, and Fast Food Rivalries

• The hosts and Malik debate whether restaurant chains like Chili’s, Golden Corral, Olive Garden, or Texas Roadhouse are racially “mixed.”
• They reminisce about White Castle and Church’s Chicken in Detroit, and talk about Long Lines at popular black-owned food spots.
• "You might not make it out, but you're going to have a sandwich!" (Pat, 14:15)

Club Culture: Safety, Sections, and the Decline of Dancing

• Women’s Safety in Clubs:
  • Pat argues club atmospheres changed because women don’t feel as safe—sections/VIP areas have segregated people.
  • Important for DJs and club promoters to foster safer, more inclusive environments.
  • “We gotta get back to, like, making it safe for women, and giving them an area where they don’t feel like they gonna be touched on inappropriately.” (Pat, 23:44)
• VIP-Industrial Complex:
  • Malik reminisces about the rise of “sections” changing club dynamics, making things about money and clout.
  • "The club is only for people with clout." (Mike, 28:24)
  • Story: Getting “rained on” by Future while in a LA club.

“Huh?”: Relationship Arguments & Defensive Tactics

• The guys dissect using “huh?” in relationship arguments to buy time and process tough questions.
• Malik talks about stalling and lying to an ex who was a lawyer and always had the facts:
  • “When a woman asks you a question, she already has an answer. She already knows.” (Malik, 19:00)
• The group jokes that the act of cheating is really “for” their partners—a satirical way to showcase the mental gymnastics of cheaters.
• Message: Malik says his skits are about holding “a mirror” up to men—cheating isn’t worth the effort.

Listener Call-ins: Relationship Dilemmas

(See timestamps for direct segments beginning ~34:56)

“Passenger Seat” Dilemma (35:01–41:13)

• A caller is “friend-zoned,” goes on a date, sees his date kiss another man at the club, and ends up driving her home.
• The trio roasts him for being a “passenger princess” and buying drinks for a girl cheating in front of him.
  • “You saw her kissing another dude, and y’all still went home together.” (Obi, 37:53)

Top Five Freakiest Job List (42:32–48:18)

• A married female caller shares her “top five freakiest male occupations”: drug dealer, massage therapist, photographer, trainer, OBGYN.
• The hosts debate, joke (“OBGYN is a real job!”), and disagree on whether these jobs make men “freaky.”
• She advises: “Relationships take two to tango.”

Other Dilemmas:

• Who Benefits in Relationships?

  • A female fan argues women give up more, and men often get the bigger benefit.
    • “Women give up their bodies, careers, mental health, friendship, sometimes family… we make men’s lives better.” (Caller 3, 67:13)

• Should Women Fat-Shame Their Partners for Motivation?

  • A truck driver describes how he wants his girlfriend to “fat shame” him so he stays motivated to lose weight. The group agrees it’s only healthy if both partners are honest—and it truly motivates.

• Does Money Matter in Preventing Infidelity?

  • A caller theorizes: “If she’s broker than you, she’ll cheat on you.” The hosts question this logic and roast his story about broke dudes and failed happy hours.

• Bathroom Attendants at Urinals? (72:30)

  • A Caribbean caller claims bathroom etiquette is so bad that club urinals need attendants to keep order—leading to a hilarious riff on men’s restroom politics.

Modern Rom-Coms & Nostalgia

• The group laments that new rom-coms lack “build up” and pay-off; everyone falls for each other too fast.
• Favorite old-school rom-coms: “You’ve Got Mail,” “What Women Want,” “Girlfriends,” “One on One,” “Smart Guy.”
• Nostalgia for sitcoms with “actual plots” and “real Black families.”

DM Slides & Fan Interactions as Content Creators

• All three talk about getting wild DMs, particularly from women who believe they can “change” the creators—or who follow with a certain “look in their eye.”
• “If they DM you and say something freaky right away, it just looks like…I want to suck your dick…she looks like she would say something like that.” (Pat, 84:52)
• Discussion on professional boundaries and the temptation/dilemma of engaging with fans—especially when touring.

“Toxic vs. Normal”

• The hosts challenge the idea of what’s “toxic.”
  • Malik: Liking a woman’s picture is normal—but “if a woman likes a guy's picture, that’s cheating.” (sarcastic) (Mike, 92:05)
• The group debates “photo dumps,” relationship rules, and social media etiquette.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Friendship and Locker Room Banter

• “No, like turquoise draws. So it was like real brown. So I went to him and I was just like, yo…I just had a bad day. Me and my girl have been going through it.” (Pat, 02:55)

Secrets & Backlash from Content

• “He giving all the secrets, shut his little buck ass up...I got, like, threats, I got, like, all kinds of threats, bro.” (Malik, 06:28)

Women vs. Men’s Happiness

• “Women want happiness, Men want peace. But women are so delusional, they won’t give you peace…Fellas, you have to find your own peace, because she’s going to take that away.” (Malik, 08:50)

Club Culture & Gender Dynamics

• “We got to get back to, like, making it safe for women—and giving them an area where they don’t feel like they gonna be touched on inappropriately.” (Pat, 23:44)

Satirical Take on Cheating

• "At the end of the day, I'm lying for you. I don't want to hurt your feelings. Cause I went behind your back and found happiness." (Malik, 20:44)

The Real Motivation for Content

• “You got a real woman at home…and that’s how you really look. So really, I’m trying to preach—we look stupid.” (Malik, 21:24)

Joking About 'Toxic' vs. Normal

• “A dude can like a picture and go about his day…But it’s toxic if women like another guy’s picture. If you like a guy's picture, that’s cheating. That’s toxic. I can’t be with you.” (Malik, 92:05, sarcastically)

---

Listener Questions & Advice Highlights

1. The “Passenger Princess” (35:01–41:13)

• Lesson: Know your worth, don’t let someone disrespect you during a date.

2. “Fat-Shaming” for Motivation (60:27–63:41)

• Open, honest communication about health and self-esteem is key; "bullying" for fitness can work only if both partners agree.

3. Club Dynamics & Female Safety (22:33–25:50)

• It’s on men, DJs, and club owners to foster safe, fun spaces for women.
• Approach only when invited—never disrupt a ladies’ night.

4. Who Benefits More in Relationships? (67:13–71:18)

• There’s often imbalance; communication is crucial to avoid a “mom dynamic” and promote reciprocity.

5. Social Media Etiquette

• Relationship boundaries on IG: Be aware of what likes communicate; don’t hit “like” on the 7th pic of a suggestive photo dump.

---

Memorable Segments & Timestamps

• [01:02-02:21] — Origins & How the hosts met
• [02:55-03:50] — Pat’s locker room coaching story
• [06:06-08:03] — Malik talks content inspiration & backlash
• [22:33-25:50] — Discussion on women’s safety in clubs, VIP culture
• [29:28-30:50] — The 'Boiler Room' dance ritual experience
• [35:01-41:13] — “Passenger princess” call-in story
• [60:27-63:41] — Call-in: Fat-shaming for motivation
• [67:13-71:18] — Call-in: Who benefits more in relationships?
• [92:05-93:58] — “Toxic” behaviors: Liking photos, social media traps
• [84:52-86:59] — Wild fan DMs and content creators’ boundaries

---

Closing & Final Thoughts

• Malik B shouts out upcoming tour dates and thanks the hosts for the fun, wild ride.
• Pat, Mike, and Malik jointly reflect on the absurdities of modern relationships, the blurred lines between satire and reality in content, and the importance of mutual respect.
• The episode concludes with a broad message: Laugh at your own flaws, keep it real, and know that happiness and peace—whether in clubs, relationships, or DMs—aren’t easy, but the journey (with lots of jokes) is half the fun.

---

For More:
Find Malik B’s tour info and social handles via the links in the episode description.
Stay tuned for future Crash Dummies Podcast episodes for more dialogue, debate, and unpredictable stories from the frontlines of dating, relationships, and comedy culture.

---

Transcript

[Pat]

Kids, they grow up so fast.

[Mike]

One day they're taking their first steps, and the next they don't fit into the tiny sneakers they took them in.

[Pat]

You blink your eyes and their princess dress is two sizes too small.

[Mike]

And their dinosaur backpack isn't cool anymore. But don't cry because they're growing up. Smile because you can profit off of it. For real, there are a bunch of parents on depop looking for the stuff.

[Pat]

Your kid just grew out of.

[Mike]

Download depop to start selling. Toast the holidays in a new way.

[Pat]

And raise a glass of Rumchata, a delicious, creamy blend of horchata with rum. Enjoy it over ice or in your coffee. Rumchata. Your holiday cocktails just got sweeter.

[Mike]

Tap or click the banner for more. Drink responsibly. Caribbean rum with real dairy cream, natural and artificial flavors.

[Pat]

Alcohol 13.75% by volume, 27.5 proof.

[Mike]

Copyright 2025. Agave Loco Brands, Pojoaquee, Wisconsin.

[Pat]

All rights reserved.

I'm from Pontiac, Michigan.

[Mike]

Oh, Michigan. Oh, okay. You close by Detroit?

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, I'm real close. I'm like five minutes from Detroit.

[Mike]

Oh, and you, you from.

[Obi]

No. Born Nigeria, and then I lived in Chicago my whole life, too.

[Mike]

So wait, how did y' all meet?

[Obi]

College in Chicago.

[Pat]

We played college football here.

[Mike]

Oh, God. I'm about to say the gym. Something had to be, y'.

[Caller 1]

All.

[Mike]

Besides, underneath my big ass sweaters.

[Pat]

No, I'm not gonna lie. The gym would not be like, a good story. Like, oh, this your best friend y' all met at the gym? Like, y' all weird as fuck. That's kind of weird.

[Obi]

Like, y started the conversation.

[Pat]

Yeah, y' all definitely. Like.

How do you be?

[Mike]

How do you become best friends? Hey, that nigga was dead, li. He get it?

He didn't get it. He was about to pass out. I caught him n. He was.

[Pat]

I saw him washing up with his hands, and I'm like, bro, you want to use my towel?

[Mike]

You should be washing.

[Obi]

What?

[Pat]

What you talking about?

[Mike]

I fight it, bro.

[Pat]

You left your dry off towel, huh?

[Mike]

Don't worry, I got you. I got you, bro.

[Pat]

Just don't put your face on it now. You just wipe his face with.

[Mike]

Yeah, man, they gave it to me.

[Pat]

Was this beige towel before you got it, brother?

No.

[Mike]

What if you give him a towel? Like, you keep it and he give it back to you the next day, all clean and like. Here you go, bro. I appreciate you.

[Pat]

Nah, that's crazy.

[Obi]

Washed it and folded it?

[Pat]

Yeah, bro, actually, you left your underwear in the locker. I Went ahead and cleaned them too.

[Mike]

I took the liberty to go ahead. Dirty ass drawers on. How hard you work out, man?

[Pat]

Hey, I air dried these. I ain't going to lie, bro. The only way that stain was coming out, my stain, Lightning stain.

[Mike]

Get rid of them state ass draws. I got you a pack right here. Bought me a pack.

[Pat]

I saw. I saw a dude dirty draws when I used to coach college football. And it literally looked like he had brown paint on his ass when he had the underwear on. Like, all brown on.

[Mike]

White draws on.

[Pat]

No, like turquoise draws. So it was like real brown. So I went to him and I was just like, yo, like, I. Like I actually had a conversation where I'm like, bro, your underwear not supposed to be looking like that. He was like, I'm not gonna lie. I just had a bad day. Me and my girl have been going through it.

[Obi]

I said, wait, this girl gotta do with it?

[Pat]

What do you mean? So every time you and your girl get in an argument, you just say.

[Mike]

Fuck it, go shower.

[Pat]

She back.

[Mike]

I'm shit on myself.

You want me. From the nigga getting angry. He's like.

I think you're so blonde.

[Pat]

You're making me. You're making me do this. You're gonna listen to this.

[Mike]

Usually I get threats like, I'm gonna kill myself. I'm a on myself.

It's so funny because you found it. He got. Hey, look, bro, you weren't supposed to see that.

[Pat]

No, she's my girl.

[Mike]

We've been fighting. That's funny, bro.

[Pat]

She. She come in the living room and see you piss your pants. You went through my phone, didn't you? You know it. Why would you do that?

[Obi]

She at the door, she just snaps.

It's like in a bad text.

[Pat]

He didn't got that iPad.

In. That iPad, you know? You know, hey, fellas, you out there. Your woman got an iPad and she don't use it around you. Come on now, man.

[Mike]

I got caught on the iPad too. That's the scariest ever.

[Obi]

You got caught cheating on the iPad, huh.

Bro?

[Mike]

Cause you know, you never, like, you log in. Like, sometimes you. You just log. Hey, man, your phone tripping or some. Or I need to le. Use the laptop logged in and we never forget to log out. She saw all the text.

[Pat]

He said we.

[Mike]

I thought we was.

Talking.

[Pat]

See how far I got away from this con? I say, yeah, go ahead, brother.

[Obi]

Speak your truth.

[Mike]

Speak your truth.

[Pat]

Your truth.

[Obi]

This is way too early in the podcast for me to speak like my girl. Listen to it.

[Mike]

Chill, bro.

[Pat]

Hey, yeah.

[Obi]

Four minutes in.

[Pat]

You know, she listening to the rest of the episode now. Got another viewer.

[Mike]

What else?

[Pat]

You know, this one, we talk the craziest. The intro is always the craziest.

[Mike]

For real. Oh, man. Yeah, y' all dope, y'.

[Obi]

All.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Obi]

Welcome to Crass Podcast. We got.

[Mike]

Wait, we were recording all that? Oh, y'. All.

[Obi]

Malik, right?

[Mike]

Malik B.

[Obi]

You know, some people say Malik, but I was like, I heard you say Malik, so thank you.

[Mike]

I appreciate you. Yeah, they always call me Malik for.

[Pat]

Yeah, welcome, welcome, bro.

[Mike]

Thank you, bro. Appreciate y' all for having me, man. Like I said, bro, I love what y' all got going on. Y' all are the funniest podcast right now.

[Obi]

Appreciate it. We obviously asked you to be on because we appreciate your content, too. I was wondering, though, a lot of your content, do they come from, like.

[Mike]

Real life, like, experiences for the sake of someone listening?

[Obi]

Yeah, yeah, I feel it.

[Caller 2]

That's.

[Obi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

This is what my friends tell me, what they go through.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And I'm like, oh, okay. That can be, like, good content. I just think of, like, what will I do in that situation? And that's how I come up with it.

[Pat]

I just want you to know, like, I really, with your content, appreciate you, bro, but my uncle hate you.

[Mike]

I understand.

[Pat]

He think. Cuz that's why I want to ask you, do you get dudes that DM you and tell you, shut up, cuz. My uncle, every time he watch this video, he send it to me. He's like, look at this.

He be mad as hell. Be like, you know, he. He making money off it. He's like, I don't give a. What he doing.

[Mike]

Like, he giving all the secrets shut his little buck ass up. I. I got, like, threats. I got, like, all kind of threats, bro. They're like, bro, bro, why every day you choose to be ignorant? That's what they're telling me. Like, bro, like, come on, bro. Like, why you doing this shit? Nah. Like, some people just send it. It's like, bro, I can't even like this shit, bro. I just gotta, like, send it to the homie. I get like, one of those. They're like, bro, bro, you making it loud in my apartment. He said, one time, a dude DM me. He was like, hey, bro, I'm gonna come to your show and I'm gonna fight you. I said, wait, why?

[Obi]

Why?

[Mike]

What was going on? He was like, hey, bro, I was watching your video with my girl on accident, and when you came back home, the text popped up with the Chick. I guess his chick popped up. He was like, bro, I feel like God put me on alignment, and I was doing so good in my relationship. Like, I had the chick happy, and I had my girl happy. And the fact that your video ruined all that. You got to catch this face.

[Pat]

No, that's crazy.

[Mike]

I was like, hey, bro, well, hold on. Can we get her back?

[Pat]

Right?

[Mike]

Yeah. Finding comedy shows.

[Pat]

Let me make a video for you.

[Obi]

Do a cameo.

[Pat]

Dudes that always get accused but really didn't do it really put that video out there.

[Mike]

Oh, you should not watch. I tell guys, don't watch my videos around your women, man. It's just. Unless you like not doing it.

[Obi]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mike]

Yeah. I'm not doing it so I can watch it with my queen.

[Pat]

But what A lot of people don't. What I. What? What I appreciate about your direction is because I was showing ovi, okay, your last military clip.

[Mike]

Yes. Got death threats and.

[Pat]

Wait, I bet you did. And what I appreciate about it is that I know you're writing for the woman's part, too.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

And a lot of people miss that part about your direction. They only see you acting like that, and they don't give you credit for writing the woman's part. And it shows you. We were talking about it. It shows you that women believe what they want to believe.

You get what I'm saying?

[Mike]

I love how you.

[Obi]

Thank you, bro.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying?

[Obi]

Thank you.

[Mike]

I didn't even think about that.

[Pat]

Everybody, like, oh, this woman's so delusional. How know her man was missing for 12 hours Thanksgiving. Because she don't want to think that her man doing that.

[Mike]

Thank you.

[Pat]

She know she could dive and look into that. She knows she can. Go find your dog, T. Go get your dog tags.

[Mike]

What you mean?

[Pat]

Let's go to the airport. Let's go get your dog tags. We going. You going to show me your. She don't want to believe that.

[Mike]

N. Women. Just women. I. I think my man Ryan Davis said it so perfectly. Women want happiness, Men want peace. But women are so delusional, they won't give you peace. Fellas, you have to find your own peace, because she's going to take that away. So, meaning women, that when I write these roles, I really write them for, like, experiences, like what a woman would do. And at the end, where you been for six hours? Like, yo, well, babe, you know, the grocery lines are long. You could have came with me. You see what I'm saying? You could have came with me. You want to spend Time together. But yet you want to see me out there in the world to come back home with a turkey. Well, of course I'm gonna have side missions. I'm gonna have side missions. Of course I got adhd.

[Pat]

You almost had me agree.

[Mike]

We were here.

[Pat]

You almost got it. You would have. They would have. They would have gotten me in the country.

[Obi]

Like.

[Pat]

Stop saying that.

[Mike]

Nah, you are, bro.

[Pat]

Patrick Tate is crazy. That don't stick, bro. And I'm telling you, if I make money off it, I'm going that way.

[Mike]

It's right there for you, bro. You just gotta.

[Pat]

My first thousand dollars from that type of content. See ya.

[Mike]

Gee, that's all it takes. I thought he was gonna go higher.

[Pat]

That's what they be selling out for, a couple GS, man.

That's all I gotta say about Obama. Fuck it.

I hate him.

Another thousand.

[Obi]

I didn't really like that tan suit anyway.

[Mike]

Hey. I hate how the guy just like, you know, he's supposed to stick to the agenda, but he go overboard. I hate on my matter of fact Mich ass.

He go in like, hey, bro, hey, chill. We only told you, stick on Obama. N. No, n. Let's talk about him.

[Obi]

If I.

[Pat]

If it was me back then, I would have been watching Martin March from my window. We didn't say. We didn't say.

[Obi]

Say that.

[Mike]

That's crazy.

[Pat]

Don't say that. You ain't got to take it that far.

[Obi]

We just.

[Pat]

We just wanted you to say you disagree with some of the Obama did.

And another thing, that Lamar Jackson running back. No, no, no, no.

[Mike]

He does look like the football.

[Obi]

He's cheating.

[Mike]

I'm like, hey, bro, wait, whoa. You start to get all these.

[Pat]

I'm telling you, Shador Sanders sucks.

[Obi]

I know it.

[Pat]

I just can't prove it yet. I tell ya.

[Caller 1]

And you again.

[Mike]

You have so many people, bro, you'll take off. I think that's what's holding you back.

[Pat]

Yeah, I think it is.

[Mike]

I think this was holding you back.

[Pat]

Because the red pill.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And I know the red pill because I'm super non red pill. So I really know what people want. I know it would piss me off if somebody said so. Yeah, yeah, I'm on it, man.

[Mike]

Bro, if you become a troll, bro, and enter your, like, your next phase, I think you really will, bro. I can see you on commercials.

[Obi]

Yeah. For real.

[Pat]

A Mountain Dew commercial.

[Mike]

Cracker Barrel commercial.

Chili's commercial. You know where they hang out?

[Obi]

Cialis commercial.

[Mike]

It's on a Frisbee.

[Pat]

Is Chili's like a More a white person thing.

[Mike]

I. I think that it's like Golden Corral and Chili's. I just wanna like.

[Pat]

Gordon Corral was black where I was from.

[Obi]

No. Yeah.

[Mike]

Oh, well, now what do. Where do. Well, Olive Garden. Olive Garden.

[Pat]

Olive Garden. A little diverse.

[Mike]

Nah. Because that's. I. Nah, nah. Especially when white people graduate. They go straight to Olive Garden.

[Obi]

Yeah.

That'S like the. That's like the fine dining. Something straight out of college, kid.

[Pat]

That's where you find out you in the white town during homecomin, there's all these kids coming in with suits and dresses on. They come in that bitch, they don't know what to do and shit. Can we get a table for two?

That's how you order a table. There you go.

[Mike]

Mad Shirley Temple. Can I have the Saga Mash? Shirley Temple's at the table.

[Pat]

Can we do it? Two cherries this time. Oh, you're gonna get crazy.

[Mike]

Just graduated.

[Pat]

I'm 18 now.

[Obi]

I'll do the Cesar. Salad.

[Caller 2]

Salad.

[Pat]

Could you dip a cigarette in my drink? I'm 18.

[Mike]

I want to make it feel authentic. Oh, yeah. Olive Garden, for sure.

[Pat]

Olive Garden. Any little steakhouse. Like. Like a Texas row house.

[Obi]

That.

[Mike]

No, that's. Hell, no.

[Obi]

That's pretty mixed.

[Pat]

Texas roll house.

[Obi]

Yes. They're letting you spit peanuts on the ground, bro.

[Mike]

Wait, wait.

[Pat]

Texas row house is mixed like black and white?

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I feel like Hell no. Why? I went to one out here.

[Obi]

Here.

[Mike]

Not in la, but like, maybe the staff.

Well, see, we don't have that. We don't have that out here, though. We don't have like too many Texas roadhouses. We don't have like the Cracker Barrel. We don't even have a White Castle. We gotta go. We gotta drive all the way to.

[Obi]

I haven't had White Castle.

[Pat]

White Castle. White Castle is good.

[Mike]

I'm be honest with you. Only had it once. I was trying to look for it again in Seattle. It closed.

White Castle.

[Obi]

Yeah, they used to sell those frozen ones too, you can make at home.

[Pat]

But that's just like.

[Obi]

That's not the same.

[Pat]

No. Hell no.

[Obi]

You don't think so?

[Pat]

No, no, not even close.

[Obi]

They kind of taste the same.

[Mike]

Nah, it's been so long since I had it. But what do you get at the White Castle?

[Obi]

I don't know. I just whatever. The regular.

[Pat]

You gotta go to one.

[Obi]

What's the order?

[Pat]

Deep in Detroit.

[Mike]

Detroit?

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You might not make it out, but you're gonna have a sandwich. Wait, you gonna have a good time? Eat in your car, man, it's over.

[Mike]

Church is chicken.

[Obi]

They get provided funeral food already.

[Pat]

That's where you get best. Church's chicken deep in Detroit. Like, those are the places that, like the full fire, the food fire. You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

Your safety. We don't know.

[Obi]

Yeah, we don't know where you're making jerk place chicken.

[Pat]

Oh, I was about to say. I'm glad you added the chicken part.

You're back.

[Mike]

What's my man tenderism. Oh, yeah, that's out here and everybody going. And that's. That's blackified.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's here.

[Mike]

That's here. Two hours away.

[Obi]

Wow.

[Mike]

Two hours away. I'm not la.

[Pat]

No, that's my conservative side coming up. Two hours to support black business.

[Obi]

Now he's supported, though. Like, I'm pretty sure the lines are long as hell.

[Mike]

Crazy line.

[Pat]

Is it?

[Mike]

But y'.

[Obi]

All.

[Mike]

Y' all famous. Y' all can go up there and just like.

[Pat]

Yeah, I was about to say the greatest Paul Sting on this camera. Thank God. I'm gonna say it anyways. I was like, damn, I want to go there and drop that meat with him.

How do you.

Like drop the meat off the bone?

[Mike]

No, he said, I want to go there. Drop that meat.

[Pat]

Where you at, Paul? You try to break in there. No, I want him.

[Mike]

No, don't give me. Don't get. Give me a younger version now. I want the real. I want the real thing.

[Pat]

Where OG At?

[Mike]

OG at the one who be dropping the meat. Pause.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Mike]

God damn.

[Pat]

You breaking the baggage.

[Mike]

He in the break room. Nah, get up, OG he got a black and mild. Wait, man.

[Pat]

Yo, let's take a quick break to thank today's sponsor of the podcast, DraftKings. It's the most exciting time of the year. Holidays on. The house is back on DraftKings Casino. Celebrate the season with a free chance at 5, 000 in credits with Daily Rewards Rocket.

[Obi]

Log in, launch your Rocket three times daily and land rewards like credits, crowns, spins and more. Use your rewards to play thousands of casino games, everything from fan favorite slots to classic table games. Join the Daily festivities on DraftKings CAS in partnership with DraftKings Casino. The crown is yours.

[Pat]

Gambling problem. Call 1-800-G GAMBLER in Connecticut. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly. 21 plus physically present in Connecticut, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only.

[Obi]

Void in Ontario eligibility restrictions apply. No purchase necessary. 3 launches per day for rewards. Launches expire every day at 11:59 p. Withdrawable rewards and amounts vary per launch and are subject to game and expiration limits. [e-mail] Promo sponsored by DK Crown Holdings.

[Pat]

Inc. Yo, let's thank today's sponsor of the podcast, Hu. Every December I promise I'm going to stay on top of my routine and then suddenly I'm traveling, I'm at three different family dinners and my nutrition plan falls apart. But this year, shockingly, HU is the reason I'm actually solving this problem. That's hul.

[Obi]

I've been using the Huel Ready to drink all year and I'm leaning on it hard right now. It's complete me in the bottle. 35 grams of protein, 7 grams of fiber and 27 vitamins and minerals. Literally ready to go. No prep, no mess and keeps me full when the alternative is grabbing whatever holiday snack is closest. They have the new chocolate peanut butter flavor that's so good and makes avoiding those chocolate peanut cups just a bit easier and cures my sweet tooth.

[Pat]

And I've been loving Hu's new canned Super Greens drink too. 42 vitamins and nutrients, 4 grams of fiber, 25 calories, no added sugar. In December when my vegetable intake is quite low, I'm solving that this year it's spark actually tastes good with three flavors to choose from. Apple, peach and blueberry. If you're trying to stay fueled during the busiest, snackiest times of the year.

[Obi]

He'Ll makes it easy and he'll just launch to Target nationwide. Find them in the health and wellness aisles. Nothing says holidays like spending all my money on target decorating my place. Get 15% off your first [e-mail] with Cold Crash. That's Cold Crash. Minimum of $75 purchase.

[Pat]

Huge thanks to Hu for helping us stay sane and healthy during the holiday season. And thanks for supporting the podcast ass.

[Obi]

When I was watching your content. Yeah it reminded me of a a thing that guys do a lot. We say huh a lot in arguments or like conversations when we want to use that hunt time. Cuz we heard the question we just want to process the question and our answer. Because you don't if you just ask answer a question without saying huh I think you say the wrong thing.

[Mike]

Facts. I think that you know what's so crazy when I talk to everyone isn't it crazy that we have the all have the same play book? Yeah, that's why I think that like.

[Obi]

I try to it's relatable.

[Mike]

Just come on the side. Come on bro. This whole Podcast. I'm gonna try to get you on this side. I swear to God, babe. I'm not. That's. I'm just trying to help Pat anyway. Yes, Pat. Yeah. N. I remember arguments because I lie a lot. And I remember that, like, when I say a lie, I. I remember I was dating this chick, right? And she was such. She was a lawyer, right? And she would just. She knew when she. Actually. When a woman asks you a question, she already has an answer. She already knows. She already did. The information just. They come like the FBI, and this is, like, my first real relationship. And she was just like. I had to get quick on my feet. So she'll just tell me, like, oh, where were you last night? I'm like, you know where I was. That's a lot. I'm trying to think, because I'm like, did she really know or did she know? Why would she ask me that? She was like, no, I forgot. God. Oh, my God. So you don't remember anything I told you? So I. I used to stall, and I would break a woman down, right? Because I. I had nothing. Look, I'm a comedian. I got nothing. My work is at night. We can spend all day here. And I remember this lawyer. She would just, like. She was so patient with me to the point where she'll catch me in a lie. It's like, so the beginning of a conversation. She'll just say, all right, so you were at, what, Jesse's house? Yeah, I was at Jesse house. And we'll move for, like, an hour. And then she was like, what you. And what you doing at Jesse? We're playing the game. An hour later, she was like, so why were you at Jesse's house? Y' all weren't playing the game. We were playing the game. And then she'll move, and she'll say, okay, well, who's this bitch? I'm like, damn. So it's kind of like. It's kind of like that. Like, they already know. But. But the huh. The huh process is like. I'm just thinking, like, hold on. I'm trying to. I'm lying for you. You know what I mean? At the end of the day, I'm lying for you. I don't want to hurt your feelings.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Cause I went behind your back and found happy happiness.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I could have told you. You see what I'm saying? I went behind your back and found happiness, and you're trying to disrupt my piece because you're not happy that I went out and didn't tell you. You See, that's really the argument. And then once women can kind of understand that, hey, I'm doing. I'm cheating for you, then they'll be better that way. Now, I know, Pat, you're not going to agree with.

[Pat]

I don't agree either.

[Mike]

I don't agree either with it. It's a character.

[Caller 2]

Still.

[Pat]

I'm taking a stand right now. And I tell you, you come in, podcast disrespecting our women.

That's one thing you're not gonna do on Crash.

[Mike]

Shout out to the beautiful women that are faithful. Nah, nah, I'm preaching. You know what I really do skits to just show dudes, like, how crazy you look. Cheating. Just think about all the energy and the effort you do. You got a real woman at home, and that's how you really look. So when women come to my show, they like, yo, you a cheater. I'm like, no. All I do is hold the mirror up to show fellas, like, bro, look at that energy that you spent that you come on to your family. And then she's like, hey, babe, how was your day? And you got a lie to her. And that's a good woman. So really, I'm trying to preach, like, we look stupid.

How was that?

[Pat]

That's perfect. I think we got the ladies back. Ladies, ladies, ladies, welcome back. See how quick young Crash dummies could cleanse them, man, look, change, man. Anything else you want to say to the ladies?

[Mike]

I just want to say we cannot. We cannot move forward and progress in this country without a woman. A woman is the backbone. The backbone. The. The. The. The person that we. We go for. I never heard a dude going to the spot where it's all dudes. He was like, man, call his boy. Hey, get over here now. Never, never women around. We want. We want to better ourselves. We want to be better. So I appreciate women.

[Pat]

I tell. That's what, man. Because I feel like the. The club industry is dying down. Like, people aren't dancing anymore. And I really think it's because women don't feel safe.

[Mike]

And I'll wait what you mean?

[Obi]

And I. So.

[Pat]

I mean that by, like, DJs are, like, creating spots. I talked to my DJ friends about it. They, like, they're. I think they're, like, some of the best at making sure women feel safe in that spot. Like, men. Like, some DJs will have a DJ booth, and it's all dudes back there, right? And then you got all the girls down here, and it's not to, like, show off like, oh, there's so many girls in here. It's like, giving them a safe place to dance, making this, like, they area. Because men are gonna be there regardless. But you. Because there's women there. But then if there's men there, men don't need to be. You know? Like, the girl called here said, like, men don't need to be standing on couches. She's somewhere right at the club. You know what I'm saying? Like, you don't need to be standing on that couch, bro. You240, bro. Get your big ass down, bro. Let this little. Let that 140 pound.

[Obi]

It's like three on the three girls.

[Pat]

Can fit in this spot. He up there telling us, ah, like, what? Olivia Dean is playing it. Get your ass.

[Mike]

Bro. 240 standing on the couch is insane.

[Pat]

But that's what I'm saying. It's just, like, we gotta get back to, like, making it, like, safe for women and, like, giving them an area where they don't feel like they gonna be touched on inappropriately. Cause that's how it used to be when we was growing up. Like, we wasn't even allowed on the dance floor without a woman. Like, you had to be the woman controlled, like, the dance thing. And that's what. And we still showed up. We'd be all sitting in a circle, and then a girl would, like, surf through the crowd. You don't know if you're gonna get picked. She grabbed you by your collar. All your boys, like, yeah, okay, okay.

[Mike]

Then you got to hold.

Don't. Don't run, bro.

[Pat]

Don't.

[Obi]

That's crazy. That was true, though.

[Mike]

People weren't saying, don't run from it.

[Obi]

People weren't saying that.

[Mike]

You. That's crazy.

[Obi]

No, people were saying that. It's like, don't run from it, bro.

[Pat]

Don't run.

[Obi]

Yes.

[Mike]

Yes, bro. Like, leg.

[Pat]

What if your boy bust in while you was doing it? Say, no, don't run, bro. I hear you run.

All run from her, bro.

[Mike]

And I'm running.

He's not my homie no more. No, that's. I don't speak to him. How can you face that? Cause he gonna tell the barbershop nigga, bro. We met these chicks. I finished mine, bro. I bust in on the homie running. He was running. Yeah, bro, he was running. I'm like, hey, man up. I started coaching him like, I'm on the final four. All right, lift your leg up.

[Pat]

Straighten your back.

[Mike]

Straighten your back. I know you ain't struggling like that, bro.

I Think the club, like, industry ruined when they started having sections in VIP in a room. Yeah. Remember, they just brought that out, so it made people feel more important than what they are.

[Obi]

Yep.

[Mike]

So I think if they take away that red rope and take away VIPs and make everyone regular. Yeah, I think that will bring the club atmosphere back. Because you see women in section, you see a ladies and gentlemen night, and they balling. They got money.

[Obi]

They twerking.

[Mike]

Like you said. They twerking on their own. And they always that loser. Hey, y', all, like, never. Can I talk? Never approach a woman on ladies night.

[Pat]

Come on, man.

[Mike]

Idiot. Don't ever do that, bro.

[Pat]

Oh, my God, bro.

[Mike]

They having fun without you. Just think about it. Look at the circumstances. They having fun. They got money. They in section turning up and your ugly ass. How y' all ladies doing, bro? You up the vibe, especially.

[Obi]

Especially if it's like, more than like, three. Like three people. So a group of seven girls, and you're a singular dude that walks. And you think you're going to break up this friend group, like, for them to have.

[Mike]

Bro, they planned it. They got all dressed at their house. They got in the Uber together. They chill out, bro. They bought drinks. They have a section. They just want to have fun. The last thing they want to do is have your loser. Hey, can I buy y' all a drink? No, that's the wor. See all these bottles?

[Pat]

Come on, let me get y' all shot. Holding up the Casamigo bottles.

[Caller 2]

What the.

[Pat]

This is.

[Mike]

We driving the boat over here.

[Pat]

Nah, he come over with the shots, ladies.

[Mike]

And they ruined it for out of here.

[Pat]

Dr. Huxtable.

[Mike]

But that's what I'm saying. Never approach. But I. I got you with the club. I remember back then, the club VIP was. I remember it was like celebrities used to come out here. Like, we had Greystone, we had had Playhouse. All these clubs before Pandemic. I think the greatest year was in 2016 out here in LA. All the stars. I think it was like All Star Game and celebrities like galore. And I was just a regular dude blending in. And they used to throw money in the club, like regular, bro. And the clubs used to. You could dance, everybody twerking. And this how I knew I had to. I was done with clubs because I don't smoke a drink right. And I get hungry in the club. So I got invited to a section. But my section out here in clubs, you have, like, a regular section and you have a celebrity section. They higher above, like, club live. So I'm right underneath. I'll never forget. I was right underneath Future. And he was with Sierra at the time. And, bro, it was like I woke up in my brand new Bugatti. That one, he threw stacks like above. Like, he making it rain, like over us.

True story. So I'm. I'm like in the club of women and he making it rain, right? And at the time, I didn't have a lot of money, right? So it was number chicks and they picking the money up. And, you know, you got to be a cool.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So I couldn't be cool. So I started catching it with him. Tell me why. Like, that's my. I was arguing with women. They were like, what kind of man?

[Obi]

As a man.

[Mike]

As a man, why would you. I was like, I get up out of here. Yeah, but that. That's why I was like, oh, the club is only for people with. With clout.

[Obi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

You know, I mean, that's when they made it now. Now if, like, if you remove that red rope, remove vip, everybody's free. We'll be back dancing.

[Obi]

We went to a boiler room thing in New York, and it was like a vibe because there's like, the DJ floor is in the middle of the floor, and everybody's just like. There's no sections.

[Mike]

For real?

[Pat]

Yeah, no sections. And it's like, it's. It's. It's. It's weird. It's like a ritual going on in there. So it's like all the dudes stand in, like this square, right? All the dudes inside the square. All the women are inside. Like, it's like old school because everybody down there, all the women are inside at the bars, behind the DJ booth, blah, blah. And it's like the women rotate while the men sit there. And, like, you see different people. I swear to God, you'll see 50 girls dance on 50 dudes. They'll go to the next session. Those same 50 girls will approach the crowd to see what guys are over there, see them start dancing, and they make your way all the way over to you. And then you realize, like, oh, you're doing this to everybody. Body like you. 50 girls want to see every dude in here, make them dance. I don't know if they was paid or what.

They came. They came in our crowd. We were scared, though. We were scared. We was like, oh, oh, what's going on?

Because at this point, at this. At this, at this point, we didn't see them. We didn't see them dance with three people. So we not ready we like, damn, they know them. Damn, they know them. Because we watching it now down. And then when they get to us, we realize, like, oh, this is what it's like. It's like a village was being invaded. It was like. It was like, oh, I like dog.

[Mike]

Okay, okay.

[Pat]

What's your name?

[Obi]

What's your name?

[Pat]

You go to school or something?

[Mike]

You shouldn't be doing this.

[Pat]

You ain't got to do this.

[Mike]

Y' all like the third person in the orgy.

[Pat]

Yeah, exactly. Y' all waited, and then they trying to kiss us.

[Mike]

What you did with the other.

[Pat]

And it's up.

[Mike]

It was pretty good.

[Pat]

But it was nasty, though.

It looked good from here, but, like.

Oh, man.

[Mike]

Pat, come to the side, man.

[Pat]

No, I can't. I can't, man. I still would be watching romcoms, and I still got hope.

[Mike]

Hey, hey. What's the good rom com? What's, like, the last good one you've seen?

[Pat]

We haven't had, like, I watch an old school one. You've got Mel.

[Mike]

Oh, with Tom Hanks.

[Pat]

Yeah, real old school.

[Mike]

That's a great one, bro.

[Pat]

What women want. What? What?

[Mike]

What women want with Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson, Yeah. Oh, man, you listen like. Like, old ones.

[Obi]

I'm talking about.

[Mike]

What's the last.

[Pat]

I'm trying to look last. The new ones just be too. Like, they show the love interest way too fast. Like, what you mean, like, the new ones you'll watch, like, I'll be watching, like, new series with, like, they're supposed to be, like, romantic comedies and new movies. The main characters were already be in love and dating like, 30 minutes into the show.

[Mike]

And you don't like that?

[Pat]

I like the ones where it's like, damn, we never gonna be together. We never gonna find each other. Then at the end, we found each other on some, like, coincidence. And then the last five minutes show us what our family and. And you see the future. You're like, yeah.

[Mike]

You want the trial and error?

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah. I want to see, like, y' all together the whole movie. And then this died at the end.

[Mike]

What the fuck was that? Is Boys in the Hood?

[Obi]

Is Emily a Paris?

[Pat]

No, that's crazy.

[Mike]

Crazy.

[Obi]

By the way, is Emily Paris a romcom?

[Pat]

Emily in Paris?

[Obi]

Oh, yeah, you do.

[Pat]

Like Emily in Paris.

[Mike]

I ain't going hold you. I watched one season, and it was.

[Obi]

Cool, and it was an easy watch for me. Like, it was like one of those kind of easy watch, but after I watched the first season, it's like. I don't think it's like, the, the greatest show on Earth. But it's like one of those, like a comfort show. It's like I, I'm already invested in this storyline. I want to see how the storyline finished.

[Mike]

I liked her cuz she was bad.

I tell you. Hey, she.

I started. Then she started doing them hoish things over there. I'm off her. She's not who I thought.

[Pat]

That was me. I, I want to shout out to Sarah Jessica Parker because she made me watch every Sex in the City and it was only because I wanted to see a sex scene. I'm like, somebody gonna have sex on one day. I' ma see somebody moves. I like 13, 14. I'm like, I'm seeing somebody moves. I, I'm invested. It gotta be in season five. It gotta be here.

[Obi]

This is the one.

[Mike]

Yo, that's funny. You just addicted to a show because you want to see some titties. Yeah, that is funny. You end up watching the story like, hey, she gonna, yeah, she gonna get the job. What, you came for the titties. You stayed for the storyline.

[Pat]

I'm telling you, it, it made me softer. Like watching those shows. I be like, man.

Dudes ain't man.

[Obi]

Damn.

[Pat]

I was watching Girlfriends. Like come on, man.

[Obi]

Yeah, Girlfriends was the show too. That was a good show.

[Mike]

I like one on one.

[Obi]

101.

[Mike]

101.

[Caller 3]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Flex, flex is my guy. He was, he was a single dad and wasn't he with Kyla Pratt? Yeah, that was the first time having a black single dad that I can remember. That was on tv.

[Mike]

Hell no. Smart guy.

[Pat]

Smart guy, that was right. That's a fake ass family though. Yeah, smart guy. Come on, you got a dark, dark skinned son.

[Obi]

Light skin son.

[Pat]

Like come on.

[Mike]

He had different women. Come on now. He had different, come on.

[Pat]

Two baby mamas that he got custody in the 90s. No, that ain't true. Living in D.C. things that didn't happen for 100. Alex.

Got custody of both of these.

[Mike]

And he had a good ass house.

[Pat]

Yeah, come on now. Good neighborhood, you know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

I ain't. And we never saw any of his neighbors. Never think about that.

[Pat]

Yeah, damn.

[Obi]

Some of those shows you never even saw those like characters outside.

[Mike]

It was always indoor school or inside.

[Pat]

Yes, always school.

[Obi]

It was always weird when you kind of saw trees, them on like trees in the background and it'd be like fake trees.

[Pat]

And I ain't going to lie, I would beat my little brother ass if he was in the same grade as me. He was way younger and Everybody knew he was smarter than me. I would, like, legit go to class.

[Obi]

Oh, yeah. That was.

[Pat]

I was like, push him up against the locker.

[Mike]

Like, I'm like, bro, homework.

[Pat]

Your school.

[Mike]

You got to do our homework. Yeah, man, I wish I had, like, a little smart brother. I go to sleeping class. I used to love going to sleeping class. That'd be the best sleep.

[Caller 2]

What up with y'?

[Mike]

All?

[Pat]

What up with it, folk?

[Caller 2]

Hey, get the out of here.

[Obi]

Oh, man. We got our boy Malik with us, too.

[Caller 2]

You said what?

[Obi]

So we got a boy Malik with us, too. When you hear another voice, it's because it gets to a point, people are gonna be saying, like, who is that?

[Mike]

I'm Malik B.

[Caller 2]

What's up with you?

[Pat]

What's up, type?

[Mike]

What up?

[Pat]

He's stupid, too, bro. He talk so stupid.

[Obi]

All right, bro, what's your relationship dilemma?

[Caller 2]

So, well, this. This some old.

Actually.

Get the out of here, but nah.

[Mike]

Particularly, though, acquiring.

[Caller 2]

But. So long story short. Long story short, I met this shorty through, like, my. My sister or whatever, and I came at her on some. You're like, you know, what's up? And she was like, no, I ain't even on that type of time. And I'm like, oh, all right. So then I talked to her nice. And so then, like, we just talking or whatever. And then so eventually, she was like, yo, if you don't start showing interest, then I'm gonna move on. So my dumbass fell for the bait. I set up this little. Little date night or whatever. We went to a. A. A movie, and then we went out for, like, drinks. And so we was at one spot, it was just me and her. And then we was going to the other spot to be my sister and some of our other mutuals. And so she like, all right, let me make my little circle around. That should have been a red flag right there, because what type of chick need to make a circle around the club? And. But anyway, so.

I'm like, all right, yeah, I'm about to get these drinks, and then you do what you gotta do. Then when we're done, we'll just go meet up with everybody. Everybody. But then I see her against the wall, hugged up and kissing on this. So I just sat at the bar. I'm chilling. You know, I'm doing my thug dizzle. Like, I ain't tripping. We ain't in no relationship. Or, like, you know, should have been tripping.

[Obi]

What the. No.

[Caller 2]

So we ain't in no relationship. It ain't like we went out On a date.

[Caller 4]

We just.

[Caller 2]

You know what I mean?

[Pat]

Like, I'm way worse, so.

[Caller 2]

Nah.

[Mike]

So, yeah.

[Caller 2]

So then.

She was like, yo, why you just sitting over here? I'm just. And then I'm like, I'm just chilling. Here go your drink. And then I'm like, I'm just doing my thing. You do your thing. So we finished the drinks, we went over to the spot. Everything cool. Everybody just chopping it up, talking. So then on the way back to the crib, because we had rode together or whatever. So on the way back to her crib, she like, yo, you wasn't.

What? She said? She said you wasn't, like, spending no time with me. You wasn't, like, showing me that she was really interested in all this other shit. I said, I told you at the bar I was letting you do your thing, and I was doing my thing. She like, oh, we supposed to be in together. I said, well, how was I gonna fit in when you was kissing that in the corner? And she told me some. Oh, you seen that? And then she driving and fake crying. I'm like, it ain't. It ain't. It ain't nothing serious like that. Like, you know, we're not in no relationship. So it's like, I ain't tripping, but don't try to play me.

[Pat]

Like, were you asking this from a passenger seat?

[Mike]

Y.

D.

[Pat]

You basically a cup.

[Obi]

I say, you saw her kissing another.

[Mike]

Dude, and y' all still went home together. He needed his ride home. He went on trip. He need that ride home.

[Pat]

He had a passive seat, moving his seat back, talking about, I just don't like the way he express. Like, make this turn right here.

[Caller 2]

So.

[Mike]

No, y' all stupid. My was in the shop, two more doors down. Two more doors down. Two.

[Pat]

Can I hook up to the Bluetooth?

I got a good driving playlist.

[Mike]

You'll with it.

[Pat]

But why you.

[Mike]

I did.

[Caller 2]

I did up the beginning, though, because it was like. So we was talking, and she was like, you know, that's what she was like. You gotta. You gotta show me that you entered on my move on or whatever. So I was like, all right, it's a comedy show. My in the show shop. Like, we could ride together, whatever. We'll go to the movies, then we go to the. The bar and all that other shit. So that's how she ended up driving, because my was in the shop.

[Pat]

But listen. But listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. No, no, no, no, no, no. But I just want you to answer something real quick. Do you feel Good. I get like if you've been dating a woman for like a month and then she driving. Cool. But do you feel good that she's picking you up on the first day after she told you to make some effort? You don't think she. She would. Of course she did.

[Mike]

You like.

[Obi]

And then you guys are going on a date and she's kissing another dude. It doesn't matter if you're together.

[Caller 2]

It's like.

We was friends. It ain't like somebody that I just randomly met. Like we was associates and cool. Like I said, that's my sister's people.

[Obi]

Which I went there on a date.

[Caller 2]

We already knew each other.

[Obi]

It was date night and she was kissing on another dude.

[Mike]

Yeah.

She probably told another like, hey, I gotta pick this up but I'm gonna kiss you.

[Caller 2]

Just be.

[Mike]

Just be patient.

[Caller 2]

No, get.

[Pat]

Are you dead ass serious though? Like you trying to piss me off.

[Mike]

Hey, Pat, you always saying somebody trying.

[Caller 2]

To piss your little ass off.

[Obi]

Shut up.

[Pat]

Passenger princess.

[Mike]

Hey, hold on. Wait. What I want to know what did you think in your head how the night was going to go?

[Caller 2]

What the you talking about?

[Mike]

Like, like, like. Okay, so a girl picked me up, right? And I see a kissing another dude and I'm like, man, I tripping. And then I get in the crib, I'm not getting her car and she crying. And you know when women driving and they crying, they upset. They don't believe in break. So I know you scared and then you over here.

[Caller 2]

I was scared. That was crocodile tears. She wasn't crying for real. She thought I. I told you she thought I was a. Like that was gonna move me.

[Mike]

She thought you was a. You're in the car already.

And I kissed the in front of you.

[Caller 2]

Nah, it wasn't even like that.

[Pat]

Did you buy the Dr.

[Caller 4]

Drinks?

[Caller 2]

Yeah. Get the out of here.

[Pat]

He said yeah. I like the way you kiss that.

[Mike]

Come get your Hell no.

[Pat]

Come get your shot, baby.

Kiss me like that.

[Obi]

My turn, my turn.

[Pat]

Me next, me next.

[Mike]

Don't wipe your lips.

[Pat]

Don't wipe your lips.

[Mike]

My terms.

[Pat]

Who kiss who kiss better out of being here.

[Caller 2]

Man.

[Pat]

Oh man. He's sick, man.

[Mike]

Bro Cook.

[Obi]

Okay.

[Caller 4]

Hello.

[Obi]

Hello.

[Mike]

She sound good?

[Caller 4]

What you mean by that?

[Mike]

I'm just saying you sound like your.

[Pat]

Voice that is not Mic or Pat. I just want to point that out that we have a guest on.

[Caller 4]

Oh hey, guess what's up.

[Mike]

I.

[Caller 1]

My name is Malik B.

I guess.

[Mike]

Okay, kidding, kidding.

[Pat]

Anyway, he broke you down that easy.

[Caller 4]

Doing type Happy related birthday to the.

[Obi]

Dummies oh, thank you. Thank you.

[Pat]

Nah, I'm not taking that. Okay, you know what you doing?

[Caller 4]

Calling every time I get on this phone, you on some bs.

[Pat]

No, you calling me dummies. You know, it's crash dummies. And you saying dummies. I know what you're trying to do. Mike might fall for that when the guys do it.

[Caller 4]

It'd be cool.

[Pat]

No, they. Hell no.

[Obi]

You do be all that when the guys.

[Pat]

Matter of fact, turn her down a little bit. Kind of loud.

[Caller 4]

Okay. And I was trying to give you grace because you a barb. And I feel like, you know, as a Barb myself.

[Pat]

Yes, I am a Barb. Mono Shout out to Nikki. Wow, Big Nicki fan. Okay, we got a. You want to do the top five one. Okay. What's your top five? Sorry, I'm asking it again. What's your top five?

[Caller 4]

Okay, y' all gotta guess my top five.

[Obi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caller 4]

At number five is a drug dealer. Number four is a male massage therapist. Three, a male photographer. Two, a male trainer. And number one is a male obgyn.

[Obi]

My God, what category is this? Category?

[Pat]

Category is. This is what you want in a man.

[Caller 4]

Oh, no.

[Obi]

All the men you want inside you.

[Mike]

What ob?

[Obi]

I thought I said ob.

[Pat]

What the.

[Obi]

Wait, the last one, you just. What was your last.

[Pat]

Why does she have to get a train run on her just because she made top five things? That's so.

[Mike]

How do you say it's a train?

[Pat]

Michael Tate.

[Mike]

What was your last one, Mike?

[Obi]

What was the last ones?

[Caller 4]

The top spot was male obgyn.

[Pat]

Yeah, but she said drug dealer, too.

[Mike]

So your category.

[Obi]

I was just going by what that. That OB GYN does.

[Pat]

No, what did the drug dealer do? Why is the drug dealer inside of her?

[Obi]

She might like drug dealers.

[Mike]

Oh, all the dudes that are red flags.

[Caller 4]

First of all, I'm married, so let's not even go there.

[Pat]

Oh, excuse me.

[Mike]

Take my flirting back. Should have started the conversation.

[Obi]

That's why she was hit you with the high guest.

[Mike]

I'm kind of tight.

I had the voice on.

[Pat]

Matter of fact, let's change this whole call up. Let's get this up a bit.

[Obi]

No, we playing.

[Mike]

We playing.

[Pat]

Shout out to you. Shout out to you and your husband.

[Caller 4]

Last time I was on her pet, you told me I wasn't a good leader because I'm married and all my friends are single.

[Pat]

Oh, you not a good leader. That's right. And you be giving them bad advice.

[Mike]

That is true. True.

[Pat]

You probably be telling them what you do instead of telling them what they need to do.

[Mike]

And also, you probably flaunt the ring. Like when they try to challenge you and you like, well, who married? You know, throw it in their face.

[Caller 4]

I mean, it do come with a little authority.

[Mike]

Group leadership.

[Pat]

No, she definitely a group leader. What's your top five mean?

[Caller 4]

Okay, so this is the top five freakiest niggas job, occupation wise.

[Pat]

That's why we got on your ass last time. There you go again. We told you. You're married.

[Mike]

Stop commenting.

[Pat]

Single people. That's the problem. That's why you a bad leader.

[Caller 4]

No, I'm so tired of you saying that. Because I can have an opinion.

[Mike]

No, how the. You can't.

[Caller 4]

Now I know. Now I know how and where to go.

[Pat]

Okay, what's give.

[Mike]

Give.

[Pat]

Give some advice to women that are single women. We going to see if it's right.

[Obi]

I want to know why these are the freakiest dudes.

[Mike]

Yeah, I was. I just.

[Caller 4]

Male trainers always trying to flirt during your. During your set session. Okay, photographers. We already know about the photographer.

[Pat]

Yeah, we know about the photographers.

[Caller 4]

Drug dealers. Gonna give you a little discount.

The massage therapist. Come on. And what are you a male OBGYN for what?

[Mike]

Because I. I study.

[Pat]

Like, I don't.

[Mike]

That last one, I don't understand that. That's a real job. My job is to look at your snatch and look at it like, oh.

[Caller 4]

Because you want to look at that all that.

[Mike]

Well, because maybe I am an expert in what I do. Like, hold on, hold on. You look at your. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't you look at your vagina all the time.

[Caller 4]

I feel like this conversation is going too left for me.

[Pat]

She started twisting a ring on her finger. She said, let me tighten this up.

[Mike]

But I'm just saying OB G. O I N is not a freaky dude.

[Pat]

If he can't even name.

[Mike]

I'm like, yeah, I'm wilding. Yeah.

[Obi]

Honestly, that's why it was taking me a little bit to explain the last one. Obg O, B G Y N. Yeah.

[Mike]

Obgyn.

[Obi]

It's the BG that gets it.

[Pat]

It sound like the. The network that Oprah bought.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Didn't Oprah buy OB gy?

[Mike]

She left out some letters.

[Obi]

But have you. Have you personally had any experience with the freakiness of any of these people? I apologize also for saying these people are inside you as well.

[Pat]

That was crazy.

Five people inside of married woman coming from Michael Tate is crazy.

[Obi]

I'll say Michael Tate. But. But you. You experienced Mike X.

[Caller 4]

But okay. Anyway.

The male trainer for sure.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Caller 4]

I can see male photographer for sure. The male masseuse. Like, that was kind of just like an awkward situation, but also, like, I work out, so it's like, you know, I'm a little too tense, and men can go a little deeper.

[Pat]

Oh.

[Mike]

Can I ask you a question, Cash? Your question. What color was the male masseuse?

[Caller 4]

He was black, but his name was like. I thought he was a girl before I went into it, because his name was like, dowfy or something like that.

[Mike]

Alfie.

[Caller 4]

And I'm like, oh, this girl. No, that was a black man.

[Pat]

No, that's a little dolphy.

[Mike]

That's like. That's his game right there.

[Pat]

All right, you too, Happy. Happy.

[Caller 4]

No, I have to give it. No, no, no, no. I have to give advice to the single girls.

[Obi]

Okay.

[Pat]

They don't want to hear this, but go ahead.

[Caller 4]

To my. To my ladies out there. A lot of y', all, especially that be calling it on this pod put up with so much bs.

[Mike]

That's true.

[Caller 4]

Don't do that. That's all I really have to say.

[Mike]

Wait, wait, hold on, Wait, hold on. Wait. What do you mean by bs?

[Pat]

Don't do that.

[Caller 4]

I'm not gonna say men are the prize because I feel. I feel like relationships take two to tango. And that's actually my advice. Women be wanting to be put on this pedestal and think it's all about them, but whole time, it takes two to tango.

[Mike]

Talk about it.

[Pat]

Talk about it.

[Obi]

They gonna call you a pick, right?

[Mike]

She ain't a pick.

[Pat]

She already got picked.

[Mike]

Hey, flash that ring when they say period.

[Pat]

Yeah. Oh, I can feel you flashing it through the audio. God damn. Rock big as hell, girl.

[Obi]

You have a good one.

[Caller 4]

You too.

[Caller 2]

Bye.

[Mike]

This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast. Smart move. Being financially savvy. Smart move. Another smart move. Having State Farm help you create a.

[Caller 3]

Competitive price when you choose to bundle.

[Mike]

Home and auto bundling. Just another way to save with a personal price plan like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that.

[Caller 3]

Back vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts, and savings and eligibility vary by state.

[Pat]

Let's take a quick break from today's podcast to thank the sponsor. Earning Life doesn't happen bi weekly. So why is your payday? The money you've earned should be in your hands. And with earning, it can be.

[Obi]

Earning is an app that lets you access your pay as you earn it. Up to 300 a day with a max of A thousand dollars between paydays. Just download the earning app and add your info. Then start accessing your pay as you work. And leave an optional tip to help keep the app running forever. Everyone, any Money you access + tips are automatically paid to your next paycheck.

[Pat]

Make earning a part of your financial routine. Enjoy earnings. Over 4 million customers making any day a payday. Earning empowers you to make the most of your money with access up to 300 a day of your pay with a max of a thousand dollars between paydays. No interest, no credit check and no mandatory fees. Haven't earned in at the right time. I'm telling you, I've been broke before 4 and my car needs to be told. There's no worse conversation to have. Then you don't have the money and you're looking at the tow truck, dude. It's like I can't help you. So earning will be a good thing.

[Obi]

Download earning today spelled E A R, N I N in the Google Play or Apple app store. When you download the earning app, type in Crash Dummies under podcast. When you sign up, it really helps to show that's Crash dummies under podcast. Earning is a financial technology company, not a bank. Access limits are based on your earnings and risk factors.

[Pat]

Standard cash outs take one to two business days with no mandatory fees. Expedited transfers available for a fee. Tips are voluntary and don't affect the service available in select states. Terms and restrictions apply. Visit earning.com for full details.

Yo.

[Obi]

Thought you're running out the club. You good?

[Caller 1]

No, I'm. I'm at work right now. I was expecting.

[Obi]

Trying to go to like a quieter area. Area. He can't really hear you.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, give me. I need like two minutes.

[Pat]

N. That's right, bro.

[Obi]

I think we can.

[Pat]

We'll see you another time. Brody.

[Obi]

You're good right now. I think I can hear you pretty.

[Pat]

No, him.

[Obi]

All right, I got a question for you. Just. Just speak clearly, all right? What's your relationship dilemma, pet buddy.

[Caller 1]

Oh, my favorite act.

[Obi]

Your favorite ex got married.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, you know, it was like the.

Right one at the wrong time.

[Pat]

Oh, right one at the wrong time. Why was it the wrong time?

[Caller 1]

Man? We were 18, you know what I'm saying? It's my first real girlfriend.

[Pat]

How old are you now?

[Caller 1]

I was just 29.

[Mike]

Hey, hey, love. Hey, love don't expire, bro.

[Obi]

Nah, 18 year old love bro.

[Mike]

Said his favorite. His favorite ex.

[Obi]

Like what type of life you have. Your life has not gotten any better since you're 18.

[Mike]

18.

Bro.

[Obi]

You experience so you experience so much between 18 and 29, bro.

[Pat]

Did y' all at least reconnect in that, what, 11 year time, time frame?

[Caller 1]

Yeah, she still talks to my mom.

[Pat]

She still talks to your mom? Maybe your mom just a cool person, bro. You ever thought about that? You think it's because of you she still talks to your mom?

[Caller 1]

No, I don't know. But he had refollowed me on Instagram. Like I'm assuming around the time she met this dude because we were talking a little bit and then we stopped talking. I didn't know why. And then like a couple months later, she posting his dude.

[Pat]

I think, I think that was her getting her. What's it called, the closing.

[Mike]

The closure.

[Pat]

The closure, yeah. Yeah, she got her closure. She was like, yeah, this closure for.

[Obi]

18 year old relationship.

[Pat]

But she, he said he. She followed him back on Instagram and they reconnected and then she ghosted him. So I'm guessing she came back to see that he's still stupid and was.

[Mike]

Like, yeah, I think every woman have exit. They have an exit interview. So he had. That was his exit interview before she go and move on with her.

[Obi]

Do you think it's an exit interview for most relationships that end?

[Mike]

Yes. Yeah, some of them, yeah. But I don't know about an 18 year old. Yeah, but the exit interview is very proficient. They just wanted to talk and see like, okay, he's still.

[Obi]

I feel like it's like exit interviews and I feel like when I got out of relationship it's like always like talk this initial talk and then you talk again.

[Pat]

Yeah, but you, you, you never had that one where you. Because I've been in a situation like a couple times where you're in a relationship ish. With somebody and then y' all both just stop talking to each other. Like y' all maybe to it like y' all disagree over something. You just like, you know what? And y' all both the same type of stubborn person and y' all don't reach out for each other for a while. And then like maybe a couple years later you like reconnect like, oh, yeah, why we didn't work again.

[Mike]

Oh, I see why. Yeah, yeah, that's why.

[Pat]

That's. Now you got a more mature mind. You can see like, why didn't we work? That seemed like it was good. So she had to come back to see why, bro.

[Mike]

And I think it's usually the dude that's like, like that. So he kind of like that was a reverse rose flip. Do it.

[Obi]

No, no, I was listening to you. Y' all were cooking. I was just gonna try and get the next caller going.

[Mike]

Oh, you.

[Pat]

Hey, man.

[Mike]

God damn you. Hey, Mike, you so quick with it, bro.

[Obi]

Yeah, I'm efficient, man.

[Pat]

God.

[Obi]

Yo.

[Caller 1]

Hey, what's going on, man?

[Pat]

How y' all doing?

[Obi]

What up? What up.

[Caller 1]

Man?

[Pat]

What up?

[Caller 1]

All right, so we. Well, we going on that. Oh, we going on that. The take jump, right?

[Caller 4]

The.

[Obi]

The. Go ahead, bro.

[Pat]

Your podcast. Ask yourself the question, too, while you at it.

[Obi]

Go ahead.

[Pat]

Since you're the host and.

[Caller 1]

Man, let me tell y'.

[Obi]

All.

[Caller 1]

Y' all the host.

[Obi]

But.

[Pat]

All right, then. Then let me ask a question.

Can I get the question out? When have you ever. Do you watch a podcast? Yeah, we ain't never had nobody watch the podcast.

[Caller 1]

Okay, yeah, I'll watch it.

[Pat]

Can I ask a question then?

[Caller 1]

Yes, sir. Go ahead.

[Obi]

I love talk to you.

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Mike]

Yes, sir.

[Caller 1]

It's crazy.

On that.

[Pat]

Yeah, I know.

[Caller 1]

One more time.

[Pat]

He was ready that time. Yeah.

Okay. I feel you ain't falling for it, bro.

[Obi]

Good.

[Pat]

All right. What's a relationship dilemma you have?

[Caller 1]

If you're. If you're dating a girl and she broker than you, she'll cheat on you, no questions asked, she's broker than you.

[Pat]

Like, yeah.

[Caller 1]

So, like, if she don't make it, so let's say you make a hundred thousand and she make like 50, she gonna cheat on you. Simple, Simple.

[Mike]

How did you come to that? Math?

[Caller 1]

I mean, you gotta think about it, bro. Most women. Most women, they don't build. They move in. You ain't never seen a woman build a house?

[Pat]

Camera on him. Camera on him.

[Caller 1]

I mean, I'm just saying. Never seen them build a house. Think about it. Can you name one? Can you name a female that built a house?

[Pat]

Brother, just keep you. You keep going on.

[Obi]

Yeah, yeah, you keep going on.

[Pat]

You keep tell talking.

[Obi]

It's all about you, brother.

[Caller 1]

Yeah. So thanks. So, yeah, but, man, I remember I had a friend, right? I can't say no names, but I had a friend, right?

[Obi]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

He was. He made a good amount of money. I say, like, upper 90s. I say. So he was dating this girl, and she was pretty solid for the most part. And then I remember we went to this bar one night, and I think his tab was like $70, not too bad. But then she wanted another drink, and he ain't have it. He ran out of cheese. So I'm like, oh, man. So he asked me, so, you know. You know, if you. If you a Real, homie. You know, you do that little side tap on the thigh like, yo, let me borrow. Let me borrow a dub or something. I ain't have it. I mean.

[Pat]

As a group of broke ass.

[Mike]

All y' all broke as.

[Pat]

But y' all outside still got a hundred dollars combined.

[Caller 1]

You can't really. You can't really say. You can't really say it's broke because when you out on a date with a girl, you don't know what she gonna get. So how can you call.

[Pat]

Okay, brother, you don't want that to.

[Mike]

The bill come, bro, you can spend.

[Pat]

70 at Olive Garden.

[Mike]

That's what white people graduated 70.

[Caller 1]

No, no, no, no. He didn't get no food. It was just drinks. It was just straight drinks matter.

[Pat]

It's not the principle.

[Obi]

$1 someplace.

[Caller 1]

See, and that's wild. That's why you got to check the happy hours up.

[Mike]

You said go out when you broke. You got to go out at the right time.

[Pat]

Like got me out here at 7:00 and going, damn.

[Mike]

Well, we missed that window. We got all the long islands.

[Pat]

So you telling me y' all happy hour just ended? This is. I be talking about.

[Mike]

And she want another drink. Selfish.

[Caller 1]

Our happy hour don't start till seven down here. I'm in Virginia, so our happy hours usually don't start till 7, but okay. Anywho. Yeah. So next thing you know, he go to the bathroom. I guess he's stressed. He ain't got no money.

[Mike]

You're talking to the bathroom attendant like, bro, she got his tip jar and.

[Pat]

He, he can count to 73 to the store.

[Mike]

You go to the bathroom and you call your, your mama, hey, mom.

[Caller 1]

Hey, mom. Let me get like 20 hours.

[Pat]

I know that.

[Mike]

I know that bath. I know how it go, bro.

[Pat]

Yeah, I know you know how it go. You probably ask your mother for 80N.

[Caller 1]

I'm an electrician, bro.

[Mike]

I can't do that.

[Pat]

But you just said you ain't even had no $20 at the time.

[Mike]

He said at the time.

[Caller 1]

No, I said I had it. I didn't give it to him. I'm not giving him no money to treat a hoe out that in my thing.

[Mike]

No Damn, bro. Bro, don't you look out for.

[Obi]

So are you, basically. So what happened? What happened with him then? She. She cheated on him.

[Caller 1]

Oh, yes. Yeah. Well, I wouldn't say she cheated, but like a dude came up to the bar and he ordered like the. The highest. That's most expensive shot. And she went for it. She just started. She started Eating up on it. And I'm just like, Jesus. And I just. I ain't tell him. I wait till he came out of the bathroom. He saw it, and, boy, that was a. That was a long drive home.

[Obi]

So you basing your whole opinion on, like, one experience? Experience?

[Caller 1]

No, I mean, you can see this anywhere. Like, you go to a club.

[Pat]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Why were you there?

[Mike]

What the.

[Caller 1]

Why was I there?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Third willing.

[Caller 1]

Why was I at the bar?

[Pat]

Yeah, with them.

[Caller 1]

A can't get off work and get. No, I won't whip them. They would. They showed up. I won't whip them.

[Mike]

I was already there.

[Obi]

Are you there by yourself?

[Caller 1]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kick it by myself, dog.

[Obi]

Okay.

[Mike]

No women.

[Obi]

It's cheaper.

[Mike]

You say it's cheaper.

[Pat]

I feel it.

[Obi]

All right. Right, man?

[Caller 1]

Not. Not, but all right.

[Mike]

Mike is official with that.

[Obi]

We got, like, two more.

[Caller 1]

Yo, yo, My bad. I'm driving right now, so I just.

[Pat]

You driving a truck or something?

[Caller 1]

Yeah, yeah, I'm a truck driver.

[Pat]

Truck driver. Lot lizards.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, well, I'm local. I drive in Chicago, so I don't be seeing them over here.

[Obi]

Where are you seeing them at?

[Caller 1]

Well, I. I actually don't see him at all.

[Pat]

Yeah.

Okay.

[Obi]

I feel it, man. I'm not even gonna dive into that.

[Pat]

All we got. We got a question for you, Freaky man.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, what up?

[Pat]

What's your relationship dilemma?

[Caller 1]

All right, so I've been dating my girl for five years. Years. And, I mean, I was. I was pretty skinny when I started dating her. And I told her, if I ever get fat, I want you to fat shave me so I can lose that weight. I just started truck driving, like, three years ago, so I was. I was. I started slowly gaining weight, but I just hit 200 this year, and I'm. And I'm a 5. 8 Mexican. So you. That's. I'm a good 200.

[Mike]

Yeah. You like a tortilla?

[Caller 1]

Yeah. So I gained fat in my stomach, but it's mainly on my face where I see it. So now that I take pictures, she always wants to take pictures. And I'm like. I don't even look good. So now if I don't want to do something in the house or I'm. I get out of work late. I work 12 hours. She's like. He's like, that's why you're fat.

[Pat]

Damn. She used. I don't think she's using it right. It's supposed to be. It's supposed to be when you, like, about to eat like, hey, babe, don't eat that or you don't stay fat. Not like when you don't do something around the house. She calling you fat, bro. That's not good.

[Caller 1]

She called me fat. And the thing is, she calls me fat, but she gives me her food when she doesn't eat it, so she.

[Pat]

Oh, she trying to keep you there.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And honestly, she's telling the truth.

[Caller 1]

That's the happy weight. Nah, but she, I, that's the thing. I, I can't eat good because I'm always working all the time, so she fascinated me all the time. It's a good thing.

[Obi]

Have you told her that's how it makes you feel? Like, you know, just because you say something, you can say, say, hey. Actually don't say that to me.

[Caller 1]

Sometimes it's good, but sometimes it hits me and I'm like, that's what I, I think of it. My, my biggest hater is my biggest motivator.

[Mike]

Do you like, do you like being. Let me ask you this. Do you like being submissive?

[Caller 1]

I don't think of it like that. I'm only submissive. I don't even think about. Why'd you think of it as sexual? Who is this?

[Obi]

We got a guest on.

[Mike]

It's Malik B, man. Trying to, I'm trying to. I hear you. And you was like, yo, call me this, call me that. And I'm trying to figure out like.

[Caller 1]

It'S a, it's a me. It's a mental game because I had, I had a fat friend in high school and that's how he told me he lost weight. And I used to call him fat all the time. I seen him a couple years later and I'm like, dude, how the you lose all this weight? He's like, all that bullying.

[Mike]

So, so when she bullies you, do you do like couple of push ups and sit ups? What do you do?

[Caller 1]

I take my ass to the gym where I go walk my dog.

[Pat]

So it's working. Hey, man, shut your fat ass up.

Go run somewhere.

[Caller 1]

I'm. Shed some pounds. I'm going to that Chicago.

Event, you guys.

[Pat]

Oh, you come to our live show? Hey, if you come to that show fat, I got you, brother. I'm gonna give you all the motivation you need. Trust me.

It's gonna be an hour on you, buddy.

[Mike]

Wait, does it, wait, does it work with other people or just your girl?

[Caller 1]

N. My boys do it. But I have some fat.

[Pat]

Oh, he bisexual.

He said, everybody feed into my k. Call me fat. Call me a fat Boy, you get turned on by that. How you still fat?

[Obi]

He talking about.

[Pat]

Please say this.

[Mike]

Please say this. Exactly.

[Obi]

Okay, bro, it seemed like you're putting in the work, though.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, I am.

[Obi]

You don't. Your girl doesn't have to bully you to where you get that way.

[Pat]

Putting in the work on that plate, fat ass.

[Mike]

How many times. How many times do you eat a day?

[Caller 1]

Like today?

[Caller 3]

I just.

[Caller 1]

I just ate once, but do I get hungry as hell? I'm doing sitting, so I. I don't got to do.

[Pat]

You gotta go when you. When you hit those rest stops, bro. That's why you got to get that little 15 minute workout in.

[Mike]

And that's lot lizard.

[Pat]

Yeah, it's cardio. Just do missionary, bro.

All right, Man, I can't even. Oh, no way.

He's about to say I can't even do.

[Mike]

I can't even do missionary because it hurt my hips.

[Caller 3]

Hi.

[Pat]

What up? What it do.

[Caller 3]

I know you lying.

[Pat]

Who. Who lying? See, that's what I'm saying. Y' all always talking about somebody like.

[Obi]

No, I'm playing. Anyway, welcome to the Crash Dummies podcast. We got Malik B. On the podcast, too. So when you hear another voice, that's. That's who it is.

I got a question for.

[Caller 3]

I'm sorry, y'.

[Obi]

All.

[Caller 3]

I. I don't want to sound like no groupie. Give me my time. Right?

[Obi]

Go ahead.

[Caller 3]

I've been listening to y' all since episode like 50, and my sister put y' all on who's been listening to y' all since episode one.

[Caller 2]

Damn.

[Pat]

So shout out to her. Shout out to you. Welcome to Crash on Podcast. No matter of fact, no matter what you say, you on the podcast. How about that?

[Obi]

That's.

[Pat]

We appreciate you.

[Mike]

That's a loyal supporter.

[Caller 3]

You know what, Pat, you my favorite.

I love you, Mike.

[Pat]

Trying to tell. I've been trying to tell Mike, like.

[Obi]

Anytime you say, he says, I love.

[Pat]

You, but.

[Mike]

I love you, Mike.

[Obi]

Is that really love?

[Caller 3]

Oh, no, no.

[Obi]

We're gonna ask you a question.

[Caller 3]

I don't want to interrupt.

[Pat]

It's your show. You can do whatever you want.

[Mike]

I'm wild.

[Obi]

You dropped $1,000 right here, though.

[Pat]

Again? That's like the fifth time. Oh, that's a different stack. That's different.

[Obi]

Okay.

[Pat]

Yeah, I just picked it up and put it back in my pocket. Next. It fit right next to my Lambo keys.

[Mike]

Whatever.

[Pat]

I'll pick you up. Go ahead. Go ahead, Mike.

[Obi]

What's your relationship? What's the relationship dilemma? You have?

[Mike]

Get it? I like how she said that too.

[Pat]

Hey, this my girl.

[Mike]

My bad, my bad, my bad.

[Caller 3]

I cannot.

[Obi]

I got a son, though. But I got a question for him.

[Caller 3]

Listen, y'.

[Obi]

All.

[Caller 3]

It's okay. Me? No, no, no. Me and my boyfriend listen to y' all on road.

[Mike]

Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, hurry. Yeah, what's ask?

[Pat]

Matter of fact, she loud as hell.

[Mike]

Turn her down, man. You should have started. Me and my boyfriend. It was her sister at first. Me and my. Episode one.

[Pat]

Obi. What you say? We got 30 seconds left on this call. All right, Our producer said. Our producer.

[Obi]

What's your relationship? Drama.

[Caller 3]

Okay, so you said. Dilemma.

[Obi]

Oh, dilemma. Go ahead.

[Caller 3]

What's my dilemma?

[Pat]

Oh, now you catching attitudes.

[Mike]

Brought up her neck and now she got. Yeah, it was just her show.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Caller 3]

Okay, so my relationship dilemma is that women. No. Men benefit more from relationships than women do.

[Mike]

True, True.

[Caller 3]

And. Oh, y' all agree?

[Obi]

Yeah, I don't know yet. I'm waiting to see what else you have to say.

[Caller 3]

Okay, so I say this because women give up their bodies, careers, mental health, friendship, sometimes family. Sometimes. Sometimes. If anything, I feel like we make men's lives better.

[Pat]

Yes. But I'm gonna give you the famous question that I always say to someone who says stuff like that. Who the hell is asking you to do that? Nobody asked you to do that. That's y'.

[Mike]

All.

[Caller 3]

I mean, you're right. You're right. But I feel like it's the nurturing part of us. We wanna see our partners do good, so we encourage them, we help them. But then sometimes it makes us feel like a mom. Mom.

Like, do you know what? I'm. It's not a bad thing because I, you know, I love my boyfriend. I like helping him. He helps me. But this is a conversation that I've had before. Like, he's caught me. He'll say. He'll say, okay, mom. And then I have to catch myself, like, oh, I am reminding you to do things. I am telling you to pick up things. I'm telling you to wash the dishes. I'm telling you to do this. So then it starts to feel like a mom. So I, like, feel. Feel like you've been. Men benefit more from that conversation or that relationship. And then women, in some situations can feel depleted by doing so. Okay, feeling. So they are the mom.

[Pat]

Can I ask you something? I just want to. Before we dive into more questions. What. What are his responsibilities? So you're on him about the clothes, the dishes, whatever. Does he pay, like, more bills? Is he taking out the trash? Is he handling the cars, fixing the cars? Like, is he doing the something.

[Caller 3]

Okay, so I do want to preference that we don't live together yet.

[Pat]

Okay?

[Caller 3]

It's being apart and living separately. When we are together, he. He does all that stuff.

[Caller 1]

He.

[Caller 3]

He will do the dishes, he cooks. He's the one that cook.

He'll clean. He takes out the trash. He does those things. But these were. This was a conversation we were having about general things. And then we did point out things in our relationship as well.

[Caller 4]

I love my relationship.

[Caller 3]

Relationship.

[Pat]

No, I get that. But I feel like some. I feel like sometimes men, we don't complain until we get complained against. And it's like, because we want peace. So if it's something that you doing, like, oh, man, I can't believe, you know, she let this battery die. Now I gotta go jump it. You know what I'm saying? But he might be, ah, I'm just happy I'm helping you out, babe. You know what I mean? So he might let that go. And then you like, man, why the hell he leaving this underwear in the middle of the bathroom? And then you bring it up and stuff like that. He. Sometimes men don't complain about as much as, you know, the women in a relationship, in my experience.

[Caller 3]

Yes. No, no, you're right. Because I can be. I remind him. I remind him of one thing like six times in a day. He's just like, I'm not even on work. Can you chill? So I get what you mean. Like.

[Mike]

That is so annoying when you can't even do it yet.

[Pat]

Somebody reminded me.

[Mike]

You.

[Pat]

What you got to say?

[Caller 3]

Yes.

[Mike]

You scared?

[Obi]

No, I was just letting her cook.

[Pat]

I feel like Megan have a lot to say.

[Mike]

No. Oh, go ahead.

[Caller 3]

This is your.

[Obi]

You know, I think my only question was the. What do you think men give up? Because you said women have to give up a lot. I just want to know what, like, what do you think? Do you think men give up?

[Caller 3]

I'm thinking, give me time, Mike.

[Mike]

I think, I think that this is malib talk, by the way. I think that. How you doing? I think that, you know, I agree with you that women benefit more. I mean, men benefit more in relationships a thousand percent. But in the Bible, they said women are naturally caregivers and nurturers. So if you're not nurturing and you're not caregiving, are you doing your part in a relationship? So when he says, okay, mom, and stuff like that, you going, of course. And also they forget. Got to say in the Bible, your girlfriend is going to Be annoying. So therefore, you're doing everything that you're supposed to do. So what's the dilemma?

[Caller 3]

I'm tongue tied because I'm a retired man hater and I ain't working on myself.

[Pat]

Oh, you want to go back to your old ways right now?

[Caller 3]

No, no, no. I'm trying to answer the question effectively.

[Obi]

No, I feel it.

[Pat]

No, let's hear more people.

[Obi]

More people have to think before they talk. Talk. And I agree with.

[Mike]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Obi]

No, I'm just saying, like, she. That's what she's doing. I get it.

[Caller 1]

Yes.

[Caller 3]

I'm thinking before I talk. Friends. Like, I love.

[Mike]

I love that because they said if you gotta. You gotta answer the question five times in your head before you say it out loud.

[Obi]

That's why I say. Huh?

[Mike]

Yeah. Let me just.

Five times before.

[Caller 1]

What's good, dummies?

[Obi]

What it do? What it do?

[Pat]

Nah, nah, nah. Don't call us dummies. Dummies, bro.

[Obi]

Oh, he said dummies. I thought you said brodies.

[Pat]

Y got to stop that, dummy. Y' all think.

[Obi]

Did you say dummies or brodies?

[Caller 1]

I said Brody is, man.

[Pat]

Oh, damn.

[Obi]

That's.

[Pat]

That's me jumping to conclusions.

[Obi]

My fault.

[Pat]

Brody.

[Caller 1]

Ain't no problem, man. Pat, what's good?

[Pat]

What's good, bro?

[Obi]

Yo, yo, yo. All right, we got a question for you. What unserious opinion? What unserious opinion do you have.

[Caller 1]

Man? One serious opinion. I half. We need a bathroom attendant for these urinals, man.

It's crazy.

[Obi]

Wait, say that again.

[Caller 1]

Going to the bathroom. This is crazy.

[Obi]

No, say that again. I didn't even hear you.

[Pat]

The bathroom Attended for urinal.

[Obi]

Say it, though.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, the bathroom. We need a bathroom attendant for the urinals.

[Pat]

Wait, where are you from?

[Caller 1]

I'm from the Caribbean. Turks and Gigas.

[Obi]

Okay, okay, so what. What do you hate about the bathroom attendants, man?

[Caller 1]

I'm tired of going to the bathroom. You know, these. These guys don't have bathroom etiquette. They will be like, who? Empty stalls in the middle, but want to come stand on the side of you.

They're not looking at your, like, ready.

[Mike]

To hug you and all that is funny.

[Pat]

Wait, wait, wait. So, like, like, why you peeing at work?

[Caller 1]

What you mean? You gotta use the restroom so you.

[Pat]

You probably use the restroom more than anybody. I. I'm not understanding. Like, so are you peeing? Like, why you at work and then people coming up next to you peeing next to you?

[Caller 1]

Definitely. It's like, it's cool as drinking a lot of Water. And want to come right next to.

[Pat]

You now you freaky, bro. I never. Do you like. You like being a bathroom attendant, Lena?

[Caller 3]

No, not.

[Obi]

Not me.

[Mike]

Not me. Not me.

[Obi]

No, you.

[Pat]

I'm just saying. You're a bathroom attendant, bro. Yeah.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Mike]

That's crazy.

[Caller 2]

That's crazy.

[Pat]

You. You watch.

[Caller 1]

I'm not a. I'm not a bathroom attendant. I said we need bathroom attendants.

[Pat]

Okay, got it.

[Mike]

Oh, so it's kind of like. It's kind of like orchestrate, like, oh, you pee over here. You pee over here.

[Pat]

So you want. Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Hey, so you want another man to tell you to. What you do with your dick?

N. Bro, you don't know what you doing.

[Pat]

Hey, could you please get his dick away?

[Mike]

Hey, come here. Your dick, too. Hey, hey, bring your dick over here. Install three bathroom attendant.

[Pat]

He looking at my dick. Make him move.

[Mike]

He.

[Pat]

He's snitching up.

[Obi]

People.

[Caller 1]

We just listen now. We just need some control, man. You need a old white white man. I don't need an all white man stand on side of me trying to peek at my. Excuse me.

[Mike]

How do you know you're trying to pee? A peek at your.

[Caller 1]

What you mean? He's like, ah, no wonder why they have slavery. Peeking out my.

[Pat]

Who said that?

[Caller 1]

All white man man trying to peek over say, oh, I see why. Why they have slavery.

[Pat]

How is that? What is that?

[Obi]

How's that bathroom stall? And why you making eye contact?

[Pat]

I'm making eye contact.

[Obi]

The only way you know somebody's looking at you is you looking at them.

[Mike]

Yeah, because you see.

[Caller 1]

Nah, you see when you have your peripheral view, like, you can feel somebody looking at you.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's true. I got your hand.

[Caller 1]

But you just feel this guy just looking.

[Pat]

But you letting, like, a old white man hold your penis and say, that is so crazy, bro.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Pat]

All right, man.

[Obi]

He said, oh, man.

[Caller 2]

Man.

[Obi]

All right.

[Pat]

Let me know if you do this.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

I recently realized that, and I just did it again today. Obi was carrying out, like, 15 boxes in front of my face, and I, like, asked her if she needed help, like, 15 times. I'm like, oh, you need me help? You need me help? And I realized how rude to dudes I am because I will see a dude go. I can see a dude with, like, 15 boxes, and it look like it's about to tip over. And I'm just watching like, yeah, your dumb ass should have had all the boxes. Take your time, Stupid. Look at him. Stupid.

[Mike]

You start roasting.

[Pat]

Yeah, you see a dude. You like. You see you see a woman coming from far away. You like, let me hold this door open. Matter of fact, you go through first, you know what I'm saying? And take that elevator by yourself, girl. You feel safe. But dude coming, like, man, this door, heavy as hell. He needs to feel this.

[Mike]

You see what I went through?

[Pat]

Look at him struggling. Not stronger than me. I beat his ass real.

[Obi]

That is how you do.

[Mike]

Dudes do.

[Obi]

Size up each other. Like, especially if it's a strong ass.

[Pat]

I seen you size us. I'll be like, yeah, I run these over in my car.

I was like, hey, we good.

[Mike]

You in?

[Pat]

You like, yeah, I could kill y'.

[Caller 4]

All.

[Mike]

But I look y' all outside, and.

[Pat]

I'mma come in and do your little.

[Obi]

Podcast.

[Mike]

Saying, like, air, Air, El.

[Obi]

Just for. As a warning. Hey, just so y' all know, I could have.

[Pat]

Don't trust everybody.

[Mike]

Y' all want pod today. I got different agendas. Nah, bro. Y', all. Nah, nah. I think that. I think we. You funny, bro. You see, you was holding 15 boxes and you asked a woman to help. Yeah. But you see a guy, I think that's. That's how we treat. My friend has a joke about this. He said, we treat women how they look. If it's a beautiful woman, it's like she's carrying 15 boxes. Hey, hold on. Wait, stop. Girl, you better. Hey, put that down. That's what men are for. But if you see an ugly woman with 15 box, she like, she got it.

She got it. She probably training. She probably training. Let me. Cuz I don't want to use my energy in the bad. Show up now. I'm tired, cuz I was helping the ugly.

[Pat]

Can we cut my camera off?

I refuse to be a part of this.

[Mike]

Said Pat you. That was the question.

[Obi]

You asked the question.

[Pat]

We got the women back, and then you pull that on them. That's exactly what's wrong with me today.

I swear.

[Mike]

I said we need to treat women equally. I said that. I said that. That was my gist of my point. I said, hey, we need to treat women equally because you'll see a woman. I gave an example, and we all kind of related because we was like, he right.

[Pat]

You want to know? You want to know?

[Mike]

Nah, nah, nah, nah. Wait, now we.

[Pat]

You want to know what's funny?

[Mike]

Out here to die.

[Pat]

This is how different women work. Like, let's say there's 100,000 women listening to this, okay? 25,000 of them just got gaslighted into thinking like, no, he right. He fixed it.

[Mike]

He's okay with me. Shout out, shout out.

[Pat]

You got a good 25k? They tell I say yes.

[Mike]

The 75k been off me happiness behind his back. It's nothing. I. I was doing from the jump.

[Pat]

I knew what he was like for real.

[Mike]

I am not like that. I am not. You know, I'm trying to figure, man, you can't lead me into these goddamn triple.

[Pat]

You're right. You don't know me. I take a little blame for that.

[Obi]

Your content does revolve around a lot of, like, toxic males and stuff like that, right? Did that ever affect, like, your actual dating life? Hell yeah. Like, people like thinking that's, like, how you are.

[Mike]

Yeah. I got my girl now. We've been together for like three years.

[Obi]

Oh, congrats.

[Mike]

So, yeah, and I've been doing content for like, four. But the cheating didn't start until we were together. But I didn't cheat on her.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So therefore she can kind of like, like, all right. Like, yeah, yeah. Like, contrary to popular belief, I don't. I'm a faithful black man.

[Obi]

Yes, sir.

[Mike]

So even on the road and at the height you could tell women like, I got a girlfriend. It was like, she not here. You know what I mean? So it's definitely temptation out there where I kids slipped on. But I feel like, nah, I don't want to do that because I don't want my woman to think I'm that person and I'm not that person. So dating with her, it's just been smooth. Copacetic. I was on the phone with her before we we start filming the podcast. You talk. That's my best friend. So I just want to make sure, I want to clarify. So I, I, I lost like 15,000 more women because I announced I have a girlfriend. Oh, yeah.

[Pat]

The other 25,000 was only staying here, so they can.

[Mike]

Exactly.

[Pat]

I believe him, cuz I might him.

[Mike]

Exactly. Now, now, ain't he faithful n that.

He a. I already know.

[Pat]

No backbone.

[Mike]

So why you promoting it then if you.

[Pat]

That's funny.

[Mike]

I know. Yeah. So the dating life been great.

[Pat]

Shout out. Shout out to her. Because I like how free you've been on the podcast with, like, some of your jokes. I didn't even know that.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And like, I like that because I've been in situations where I said something very slight on a podcast and a woman that I don't even talk to is like, assuming like, oh, you get all the girls. Because I heard a girl flirt with you on the pod and you didn't say such and Such. I was like, is that how you.

[Mike]

Think it goes back to my point. Women are delusional. And men.

[Obi]

No.

[Mike]

I keep going back to camera on him, camera on him.

[Pat]

And then all three, all three.

[Obi]

The close up shot. Oh no. Why no wide here.

[Pat]

No edits, no captions. Just focus, focus.

[Mike]

That's going to be the title. Women are delusional. Chill, chill. Certain women.

[Pat]

What if we clip this and only have you on the camera and edit out our voices?

[Obi]

Put it on his own.

[Mike]

They trying to tarnish my crew. Hey, women show up to my show now.

[Pat]

You know, Malik finds crash dummy studio goes on tyrant. Crash dummy's not there.

[Mike]

Hey, hey. I'm gonna get some behind the scenes footage. This is them right here. Like you know how to chick catch em when they. Yeah, like a celebrity sleep.

[Pat]

You gonna see me do a vlog for Malik to use AI and video. Just shows he doesn't care about. About men or women. And I think it's really tough.

[Mike]

You don't care about humans, robots, the levels of low he will go. I can see it now and I'm gonna clip it. I was like, he said he hate Obama.

[Pat]

He did say it.

[Mike]

Oh, didn't he? Talking about Martin Luther King. I was like, I got, I gotta get out of here. I gotta get.

[Pat]

I was, hey, I don't like men and women. But he, he don't like black men.

That is canceled. Well, that's one thing I tell you, because that, that's a, that's a good thing that you starting to get more women at your show. And I know, I'm just guessing, it's more black women. Yeah, right. And that's the most loyal fan base that you going to have. That's the best fan base that you can have. And that's good that they can see through. Like those women are mature enough to see through. Like this is a person making. Making content. And this is a person using his brain and grasping other things from different people.

[Mike]

I was in Atlanta and it was a girl. A dude bought his girl to the show and she was like, I'm not gonna lie to you. And she was in the meet and greet. She was like, I hate your content. She filmed it. She was, I hate your content. But seeing you stand up at your stand up and like, you're not that person. I'm like, you got a fan for life. Every time you come to Atlanta, I'm gonna be like here to support. Yeah. So I was like, but majority of the women will just go. Because he's like, oh, he's good looking. Let me just see. And they see the show and they're like, man, I really like him, you know? So there. I'm completely different in real life. So that's why women were kind of like, oh, okay, you got a fan for, like, they'll buy merch. They'll. They'll talk. They even dm. I'm like, all right, cool. Just keeping it professional.

They want to now they want to.

[Pat]

Let me support you. For real?

[Mike]

Yeah. Born in this.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You need. Give me motivation.

[Pat]

I'm about to subscribe to that dick. Yeah, it's actually closed.

[Mike]

Do you turn them down and they want you more? They was like, okay. You know, they try to wear me down. I'm like, no, I'm cool.

[Pat]

Yeah. I'm not playing hard to get. I really blocked.

[Mike]

You come to the show. It's so weird because I can't block because I wanted them to come to the show.

[Obi]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mike]

So I'm in, like, a weird place where it's like, I got. You kind of like, gotta let them down. Like, let them know we friends and we cool. Cool.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And then keeping it professional because, you know, they think that you're cool and trying to. Yeah, that's when it's like, oh, I see you in Atlanta. Can you put tickets inside? No, no, go pay the link. Yeah, here you go. Yeah, but that's where it's just a fine line of trying to find that balance of when they come to the show and they want to, quote, unquote, fall in love or whatnot. Yeah, no, we cool. Let's just keep it.

[Pat]

I will say there's, like, me and him. Joke about it, but no matter what color they are, no matter what background they come from, there's a certain look in their eyes that if they DM you and say something freaky right away, it just looks like, I'll show him. I'll be like, look what this woman said. Like, it'd just be like, hey, Pat, just watch your podcast. I want to suck your dick or something like that. And I'll show him the profile picture. He's like, she looks like she would say some like that. You know what I mean?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And it's just like this look in their eyes, their face, how they take their pictures. They got 3, 000 posts on Instagram and only 49 followers, and they follow 7, 000 people. You like?

[Mike]

Yeah, it look like.

[Obi]

It'S actually who I usually have.

This whole little Venn diagram.

[Mike]

I have.

[Obi]

You feel like, right Here, you plug it in.

Ah, yes, the missing piece.

[Pat]

No, that's so the demographic. That's crazy, Mike. I'm not going to lie, bro.

[Mike]

Do you have celebrities dm. You like women and saying like, hey, fuck what y' all doing? Like you want to.

[Obi]

I'll say before.

[Mike]

I feel like none of them.

[Obi]

I feel like.

[Pat]

I feel like, damn, how can I say this?

[Mike]

Come on, be a pat.

[Caller 4]

Come on.

[Pat]

Okay, I'll be. It's more of like, if they're popular, they also do similar content. So they. They've been on a podcast before for. And sorry. So there has to be some correlation. And it's like, then you see it. And then you may see only fans link in the pile.

The link tree. Like, damn real estate. That's dope.

[Mike]

Damn the pipe.

[Pat]

The Pipeline vagina599.

[Mike]

You can. You can throw a whole journey on a link tree. Like, yeah, you sucking dick now you're over here. So for this condo.

3750.

[Pat]

Wait a minute, wait a minute. I seen that couch before. I seen that couch.

[Mike]

Now.

[Obi]

If you notice a couch, you are too far in.

[Mike]

You too far gone.

[Pat]

Oh, my God. They're using the same room as last season.

I've seen this room before.

[Obi]

You walk up to the bed and.

[Mike]

She like.

[Pat]

Now you mad. You. You know, you too deep into porn when you watching a scene being shot in a scene that you seen before. Like, I seen this room before. Let me guess. You better take her over to that dress. I turn this off.

[Mike]

I used to watch amateur porn. I hated. I hated Scripty. I used to watch amateur porn.

[Pat]

Did you don't know what's going to happen.

[Mike]

Yeah, it just. It just. Yeah, like, kind of like. I like the raw.

[Obi]

Seeing the HD kind of makes it feel weird.

[Mike]

Yeah, I'm like, I want to watch a movie. I want to watch some. That I can hear sports center in the background. Yeah, that makes me feel comfortable.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Hell yeah.

[Mike]

Like, okay, how do we lead up to this?

You know, I like. I like the.

[Obi]

That is true, though, because sometimes it be some. It be a random thing on tv. Like. Like Rick and Morty. Like y' all watching Rick and Morty.

[Mike]

And just seen the episode. Yeah, I know this.

[Pat]

Yeah. You know you want to know the most up about amateur porn when I was growing up was trying to find a video again, and it got you typing dumb in the URL.

You sitting there like, okay, dude, he was from the back. And Rick and Morty was playing in the background.

[Mike]

Ebony, Ebony.

[Pat]

Yeah, this.

[Mike]

Come on. Now enter.

And you got a back space and just put out there.

[Obi]

Maybe not.

[Pat]

Maybe he was. Maybe the girl look a little bit Filipino trying to mix.

[Mike]

I could I a see a face like that.

[Pat]

Orange pillow.

Orange pillow.

[Mike]

And it's the funniest part, because porn would give you, like, suggestions that you like. Two black girl. They don't even say getting thrashed by big cock. Like, I asked for this. Wait, no. Thrash.

[Obi]

I'm glad that word went. Went away. Thrash. I'm about to thrasher like, bro.

[Mike]

What?

[Obi]

I'm so glad that word died.

[Mike]

Thrash.

[Obi]

Thrash.

[Mike]

Thrasher.

[Pat]

No, about the thrashers. I'm calling the police.

[Mike]

Yeah, right. Said he said her from Behind Ebony.

[Obi]

Tracy McGrady jersey on.

[Pat]

Barely moan. She wasn't moaning that much because I think their parents was home.

[Mike]

Eviction notice on the floor.

[Pat]

It's always, always those white dresser with a lot of cigarette butts. I saw that.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Pat]

No. Okay.

[Mike]

All right. I don't know how we got on porn, but go ahead.

[Pat]

Yeah. That's so crazy. Okay, back. Back to relationship.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

Because that's what lady. That's why your man in the bathroom for an hour and a half, he looking for that video. When I was 18, there was one video that really got me. Let me find this motherfucker on the toilet. She got the kids.

All right? So what was funny is I was in a relationship. The relationship I was in college, okay. And the way I used to check on if that girl was mad at me or not is when she started cooking and doing stuff for her. So, like, when you. You get. Try to. I just want to know ways that you try to find out your girl is mad without approaching her. Because sometimes when you approach a girl and you'd be like, you mad. It could spark up something like, you knew I was mad. But sometimes you want to find out on the slide so you can, like, maybe approach a little bit differently. So you seeing what she cooking and it's like, man, that don't look like enough for me. She. She might be mad she not cooking for me. You see what show she watching and ain't our show.

[Obi]

Oh, she now when she starts watching her own the series by herself.

[Pat]

Oh, that's cheap. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

And we started.

[Obi]

Yeah, yeah. No, if you start even sometimes, like, my girl will, like, watch a like, series that we don't both don't watch. So like her shows. But sometimes it'd be something like, hey, why are we watching this one together? Like, what happened?

[Mike]

Yeah, I think that I. I hate how I Get. I answer your question in a minute. I hate how you watch your girl watch a show, and then you kind of like, man, turn the station and you kind of of like, just tune in a little bit.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Hey, you start asking questions. So wait, why they fighting? Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You be on the couch cuddling her and all that. Yeah.

[Obi]

I hate.

[Mike]

I hate how I get.

[Obi]

She'll be like, I thought you didn't want to watch it. I'm like, no, I just want to understand it. I just want some more context so I can, like, watch this little part right here.

[Mike]

I be throwing. I'll be on her. Since you want. You say want to spend time together. I'm trying to see.

[Pat]

Especially when you watch a dating show and then you get into the dating show, and then you start seeing on social media. Social media. You like, look at this cheating ass. He think we don't. You don't think we won't remember? Let me hop on my burner account. Shut your cheating ass up.

[Mike]

That's how it is.

[Pat]

I hope you don't come back. Season three. Dumb.

[Mike]

Bro, what you doing? But they never know. You said my ear, yo. That's funny.

[Obi]

The worst, too, is when, like, I get in trouble for this, too, is, like, when I agree with the. The toxic guy where I think people think he's toxic. I'm like. I'll be like, I don't really think that's that toxic. And then she look at me like, what? Really, Michael T. There'd be some stuff. I'm like, I can see where he's coming from in this situation. And then my girlfriend.

[Pat]

That's a good question for you, huh? That's a good question for y'.

[Obi]

All.

[Pat]

What's something that you think is deemed as toxic? That's really not.

[Obi]

I don't want to take too much brain power.

[Mike]

What's toxic, but really not.

[Pat]

Like, some, like.

[Mike]

Like in a girl's picture.

[Pat]

Oh.

[Mike]

Let me say this.

[Obi]

Okay.

[Mike]

Okay. I think that. And honestly, I don't like pictures anymore because she broke it down. But I think it's not toxic because if I follow you, I'm gonna support you.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I followed these women before we got together, and I shouldn't. I cannot follow them, and especially if they're friends. Like, it. I don't. A dude can like a picture and go about his day.

[Obi]

Yes. I.

[Mike]

You know what I mean? But I think it's toxic if women like another guy's picture.

[Pat]

Turn my shit off.

[Mike]

Camera hill. Camera.

[Obi]

Solo shot. Solo shot. There you go.

[Mike]

5,000. Just left. Okay. No, I got 10,000 back. I got 10,000 back. They want to argue now. No, I just think that that's very. Because a guy can kind of like. Like we, you know, naturally we are perverted.

[Obi]

Yeah, right.

[Mike]

But it's an understanding. Like. All right, I like the picture, and I don't like any ass photos.

[Obi]

Yes, that's different. It's always about the type of picture.

[Mike]

Yeah, exactly. But if it's her birthday or she has a dress on her or any what. Whatever, she's like in Italy, like. Yeah, mom like it because she's in Italy, like. But if a woman. I don't care what the it is.

[Obi]

Right.

[Mike]

If you like a guy's picture, that's cheating. That's toxic. I can't be with you.

[Pat]

You know, I think.

[Mike]

I feel like. Come on now.

[Obi]

Does it depend what the guy posted too?

[Mike]

Yeah, it does. I don't give a. If he. If he posts. Like, hey, I'm in Italy, so what.

[Pat]

Camera him camera. What?

[Mike]

You know, you better watch. Like, he'll.

[Pat]

No, but we were just there. What's messed up is that photo dumps is a thing now.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Where people are dumping photos. So it's like you damn near gotta send your girl what picture you like. So these are the seven I really with.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Pat]

The one where she bent over spreading her ass.

[Obi]

That's not the one I bent over.

[Pat]

The one she.

[Caller 4]

Cuz they.

[Mike]

They'll put that one on like number seven. Trying to scroll. And you liking like, okay, four or five. Like, all right, bet I like. And then you get a question. So you like and ask pictures.

[Obi]

No, no.

[Mike]

Then seven out of seven. I didn't see that.

[Pat]

I've been shock. I actually been shocked before that.

[Obi]

I had one I didn't like, take away like before.

[Pat]

Yeah, I had to take away a like, man. Girl doing a golden eagle.

[Mike]

I didn't know.

[Pat]

I didn't even know. I had to Google this movie.

[Mike]

That is.

[Obi]

Oh, man.

[Mike]

I wanted to ask y' all before you say, what is deem is toxic? What did you say? You had a question before. I was gonna answer your question.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah. Like, what's something that you deem is toxic?

[Obi]

No.

[Pat]

Oh, before that. Oh, come on, man. We play college football, man.

[Obi]

I know because I. I asked a different question too. And then he said, we'll get back to you.

[Pat]

No, that. Bingo. I started reading the letters on Mike's sweatshirt.

[Mike]

Mike ADHD started kicking in.

[Pat]

Y' all was talking. I said, represent.

[Mike]

Where this.

[Pat]

Get this from? I get it.

[Obi]

Malik. Appreciate you coming on the podcast?

[Mike]

Thank y' all so much for having me, bro. I had a good time. I see what y' all go through.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Anything you want to shout out tour dates?

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, yo, I'mma be on tour. All they just come to my page. Malik Basil. All dates. Malik B. On all platforms. I'm in what? Connecticut. Tomorrow I'm in Chicago. Next week I'm in Philly. The following week I'm in Buffalo. The following week I'm in Boston.

[Pat]

This come out in seven days.

[Mike]

Okay, well whatever, brother. You should have said that.

[Obi]

We'll put all the link the link in the description.

[Mike]

I'm glad because I thought it was efficient.

[Pat]

In Connecticut.

[Mike]

I was gonna buy tickets at the door. This thing got a liar bro on.

[Pat]

Tick tock Things to do in Connecticut a week later.

[Mike]

I just want to say, bro, continue to do what y' all do, bro. This was fun. Y' all funny as bro, for real. And I can't wait till y' all really blow up like the other podcast.

[Obi]

I appreciate it.

[Pat]

I appreciate it. It's on the way, bro.

[Mike]

It's right around the corner, bro. For real.

[Obi]

Appreciate it. That's been the episode. Peace.

[Pat]

The holidays mean more travel, more shopping.

[Obi]

More time online and more personal info in more places that could expose you.

[Mike]

More to identity theft.

[Obi]

But Lifelock monitors millions of data points per second. If your identity is stolen, our U. S. Based restoration specialists will fix it, guaranteed or your money back. Don't face drained expense accounts, fraudulent loans or financial losses alone. Get more holiday fun and less holiday worry with lifelock. Save up to 40% your first year.

[Mike]

Visit lifelock.com podcast terms apply Monster Energy. Everybody knows White Monster Zero Ultra, that's the OG it kicked off this whole zero sugar energy drink thing. But Ultra is a whole lineup now. You've got Strawberry dreams, Blue horse, Hawaiian sunrise and Vice Guava. And they all bring the monster energy punch.

[Obi]

So if you've been living in the.

[Mike]

White can branch out. Ultra's got a flavor for every vibe. And every single one is zero sugar.

[Obi]

Tap the banner to learn more.