Podcast Summary: Crazy Love Podcast – To Live Is Christ, To Die Is Gain – A Final Conversation (January 12, 2026)

Overview

This unique and intimate episode of the Crazy Love Podcast, hosted by Francis Chan, centers around a deeply moving conversation with his longtime friend Alan, who is facing his final days due to terminal illness. Captured almost by accident, the recording was originally a personal exchange rather than a planned podcast, lending it a raw, honest atmosphere. Alan’s reflections on suffering, faith, intimacy with Christ, and the profound hope of eternity offer listeners a rare glimpse into the heart of someone who is truly at peace as he approaches the end of his earthly journey. The conversation stands as a living testimony to the truth of Philippians 1:21: “To live is Christ, to die is gain.”

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Context and Purpose of the Conversation

• Not a Planned Interview (00:01): Francis explains this was not meant to be a podcast, but a final, unfiltered conversation with a dying friend. Alan’s words had such power that Francis wanted others to be blessed by them.
• “There’s something about talking to someone on what potentially could be the last day of his life... I wish everyone could hear that.” (Francis, 00:17)
• The discussion is meant to encourage listeners to reflect on what it means to approach death with genuine hope and contentment in Christ.

Alan’s Experience of Intimacy and Contentment in Suffering

• Embracing Weakness & God’s Power (01:37–03:42)
  • Alan describes how, even as he suffers, he feels the presence of Christ more powerfully than ever:
    • “I’d rather experience the power of Christ every day that he gives me than no power at all... His love for me is steadfast.” (Alan, 01:37)
    • “If someone will ask me, would I trade this intimacy with God... or be healed, it’ll be a real toss up. I don’t want to ever go back... I want to go where He’s taking me.” (Alan, 02:59)
  • Alan finds spiritual privilege in being able to say proper goodbyes and to encourage others even as his physical condition deteriorates:
    • “Who can not say that’s not a privilege, that I get to say goodbye?... If I could still preach the gospel... I’ll take the pain.” (Alan, 04:27)
  • On pain and the hope of glory: “There’s no glory without suffering. So I take it.” (Alan, 05:32)

Biblical Hope in the Face of Death

• Confidence for Eternity (06:22–09:48)
  • Both Alan and Francis reflect on the clarity Christians ought to experience as they draw nearer to seeing Christ face-to-face.
  • “This world got nothing on me. It doesn’t. It really doesn’t... Jesus Christ came and rescued me... not only my body, but he rescued my soul.” (Alan, 06:58)
  • Alan describes how he finally experiences the peace that “passes all understanding,” referencing Philippians 4:7.
  • “The victory has already been won.” (Alan, 08:47)
  • Alan shares his ongoing struggle for contentment, noting: “It’s not a one-time deal for sure. I had to repent a lot, Francis... I keep reminding myself that my time is in His hands and not mine.” (Alan, 09:05–09:48)

The Fellowship of Christ’s Suffering

• Discovering Joy in Spiritual Suffering (10:27–11:44)
  • Alan finds fellowship with Christ through suffering—“I’m in the fellowship of my suffering with my God... all the scriptures I have learned, it’s coming to fruition.” (Alan, 10:32–11:17)
  • On stillness amid pain: “This is the first time in my life I know what it means to ‘be still and know that He is God’... the only remedy I have is the stillness of my God.” (Alan, 11:17)

Growth in Love for God, Family, and the Church

• Impact on Relationships (14:22–17:29)
  • Alan speaks movingly about his wife and children:
    • “I’ve never been so in love with my wife... because our love is not based upon convenience. It’s based upon sacrifice and pain and going through it together.” (Alan, 14:22)
    • His children are walking in truth; they are spiritually stable amid the emotional rollercoaster.
  • Regarding his church shepherding role, Alan acknowledges that his value is not in performance but simply in having been able to serve: “He never called me to build this church, He just called me to serve it... to complain now is sinful.” (Alan, 16:32)

The Exclusivity of Christ’s Glory

• Celebration of Life (17:54–19:01)
  • Alan sets clear boundaries: any celebration of his life should only exalt Christ, not himself.
    • “It’s not what Alan has done on this earth, it’s what Christ has done to a sinner and how a sinner is able to serve a holy, holy God who’s so deserving of all my glory and how undeserving I am...” (Alan, 17:54)

Alan’s Perspective on Healing and Death

• Physical Healing vs. Spiritual Healing (19:26–22:24)
  • Alan balances hope for physical healing with deep acceptance:
    • “I have not lost faith that He can heal me. I have not. I believe too much in the power of Christ and His omnipotence. But my flesh cries out... help my unbelief.” (Alan, 21:25)
  • “If God will heal me and I will go back to my sinful, fleshly nature, I will say to the Lord, no thanks... If you give me, right now, total healing or continual intimacy with me in pain, I will choose intimacy in pain any day.” (Alan, 22:13–22:24)

The Ultimate Christian Hope

• Joyful Anticipation of Eternity (23:03–24:57)
  • “It’s death. It’s inevitable. We’re only thinking about the order of this—I’m just going first. So if I’m just going first, that means I get to enjoy the Lord a little longer... so don’t feel sorry for me.” (Alan, 23:03)
  • Alan shares D.L. Moody’s famous quote: “‘One day you will hear that I am dead. No, they’re wrong. I am more alive today than ever before.’” (Alan, 19:46)
  • “I finally realized what he means... the width, the depth, the length, and the height of the love of Christ. I have hit the pinnacle of what that means here on earth.” (Alan, 24:41)

Prayer and Benediction

• Mutual Prayer & Encouragement (25:38–32:12)
  • Francis prays for Alan, asking for continued peace, joy, and intimacy with Christ for him and his family (25:38–28:51).
  • Alan prays for Francis, affirming their joint desire to one day hear “Well done.” from Jesus (29:12–30:28).
  • The episode closes with mutual expressions of love, gratitude, and hope in their soon reunion—either in this life or the next.
    • “I probably won’t see you physically, but I know one thing... I will see you real later, brother.” (Alan, 31:45)
    • “He is finishing my faith, Francis. And who am I to not allow Him to finish my faith?” (Alan, 31:57)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “His love for me is steadfast. So I’m just basking in all the things that I’ve learned so far in my Christian life. He will never leave me or forsake me.” – Alan (01:37)
• “If I could still preach the gospel... I’ll take the pain.” – Alan (04:27)
• “I finally knew what Paul meant, that everything in prayer—there’s not one thing I can do apart from prayer.” – Alan (08:34)
• “The only remedy I have is the stillness of my God.” – Alan (11:43)
• “There’s no glory without suffering. So I take it.” – Alan (05:32)
• “If God will heal me and I will go back to my sinful, fleshly nature, I will say to the Lord, no thanks.” – Alan (22:13)
• “It’s not what Alan has done on this earth, it’s what Christ has done to a sinner...” – Alan (17:54)
• “I have hit the pinnacle of what that means here on earth—the width, the length, and the height of the love of Christ.” – Alan (24:41)
• “I’m just going first... So don’t feel sorry for me. In some ways, I feel sorry for you.” – Alan (23:21)

Significant Timestamps

• 00:01 – Francis sets up the context: an accidental but profound conversation
• 01:37 – Alan describes intimacy with Christ in suffering
• 04:27 – Alan on the privilege of saying goodbye and preaching the gospel through suffering
• 06:58 – Alan reflects on the fallen world and Christ’s redemption
• 09:05 – Alan shares his battle for contentment and trust in God’s timing
• 11:17 – Alan finds stillness and peace in God amid pain
• 14:22 – Alan’s gratitude for deepened love in his marriage and family
• 16:32 – Alan on the privilege of serving his church and letting go
• 17:54 – Alan’s rules for his celebration of life: only Christ is exalted
• 19:46 – D.L. Moody quote: “I am more alive today than ever before”
• 22:13 – Alan chooses intimacy with God in pain over healing without Him
• 24:41 – Alan describes experiencing the fullness of Christ’s love
• 25:38–32:12 – Prayers between Francis and Alan; mutual benediction and hope

Tone & Language

The tone throughout is reverent, raw, and suffused with hope. Both Francis and Alan express deep affection and humility, peppering their conversation with Scripture. There is an unvarnished honesty about pain and struggle, always returning to the surpassing peace, love, and hope found in Christ alone.

Final Thoughts

This “final conversation” offers one of the most powerful pictures of Christian hope: the kind that is undeterred by suffering or death because it is rooted in the love and finished work of Jesus. Alan’s testimony, shared in the shadow of eternity, stands as a call to all believers to pursue genuine intimacy with Christ, to count suffering as a means of fellowship with Him, and to live every day with eyes fixed on eternal joy.

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