Podcast Summary
Podcast: Create Your Own Light
Host: Travis Howze
Episode: The Monster I Became is NOT the Man I AM
Release Date: July 30, 2023
Overview of Episode Theme
This episode is a raw, deeply personal reflection from Travis Howze on growth, self-awareness, and redemption. Travis invites listeners to re-examine what they're prioritizing in life—work, virtual distractions, toxic loyalty—and how these choices impact loved ones, personal happiness, and legacy. With candor and real-life examples, he urges listeners to break free from unhealthy patterns, invest time in what matters, and face the hard truths to become better humans.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Re-evaluating Priorities and Time Management
- Immediate Responsiveness and People-Pleasing: Travis recounts his former habit of dropping everything to answer calls, texts, or emails, believing that nothing should ever wait.
- “I single handedly prioritized my life to give other people my time no matter what and no matter the cost. And I'm changing that right now.” [02:20]
- The Pitfalls of Hustle Culture: He realized he was sacrificing his home life for business, falsely believing business success would ensure family happiness.
- “For far too long, I have failed at home because I was so focused on the success of business… I failed every relationship in my life because I was so focused on being business.” [05:35]
- The Value of the Present: Emphasizes the importance of living in the moment and not getting lost in virtual distractions.
- "Everything can wait. The moments that you have in life cannot." [10:40]
2. The Dangers of Digital Distraction
- Virtual vs. Real Life: Travis voices his frustration with society’s dependence on devices, describing how screen time steals precious experiences and relationships.
- “Our lives are so boring that we have to live in a goddamn virtual reality to make it worthwhile. Meaning our cell phones.” [09:00]
- Intentional Change: He’s made a conscious effort to unplug after 5pm and immerse himself fully in family life, determined not to “become a statistic.”
- “I'm not picking my phone up after 5 o'clock at night unless nothing's going on with my family.” [22:10]
3. Loyalty vs. Personal Growth
- Therapy Revelations: After years of therapy, Travis recognized that misplaced loyalty can stunt personal growth—not just for oneself but for those around us.
- “My loyalty ran greater than my willingness to grow beyond. And what I mean by that is, if you are so loyal to people in your life that you will stunt your own growth to appease them...that robs you of happiness.” [14:50]
- Challenge to Listeners: He urges reflection on how loyalty may hold people back from necessary self-improvement.
4. Responsibility for Emotional Reactions
- Secondary Trauma: Travis discusses the unintended harm caused to loved ones by unresolved rage, especially during mental health crises.
- “If you're in a mental health crisis and you're not taking care of yourself, you're unintentionally exposing [your loved ones] to secondary traumatic exposure.” [27:00]
- From Unintended to Intentional Harm: Once aware, he's clear: continued explosive behavior becomes a choice—and an act for which there are no more excuses.
- “Now it's intentional. You can't use I couldn't control it any longer as an excuse… I'm giving you the responsibility of that now.” [33:10]
5. Toxic Patterns in First Responder Culture
- High Domestic Violence Rates: Addresses domestic violence prevalence among police and first responders, highlighting the hypocrisy of punishing others for issues prevalent within their own ranks.
- “The domestic violence rate in the police department is one of the highest...yet we're out there locking people up for domestic violence… and then we go home and do the same exact shit.” [35:40]
- Need for Honest Self-Assessment: Stresses the importance of admitting issues and actively seeking help, rather than hiding behind the “superhero” narrative.
- “If you were like that—‘fuck everybody else, this is who I am’—they're not gonna like it, and you're gonna be alone at the end of this life.” [39:30]
6. Diversifying Sources of Happiness
- Analogy to Investment Portfolios: Warning against putting all happiness "in one basket" (career, hobby, relationships), Travis encourages building a “happiness portfolio” of diverse, positive influences.
- “We need to diversify our happiness portfolio, as silly as it sounds… If you put all your happiness into one thing...what happens when you lose that?” [44:55]
- Building Positive Routines: Advocates for intentionally starting the day with positive thoughts and gratitude, rather than negative phone calls or social media.
- "What if I surrounded myself with extreme positivity first thing in the morning?" [47:35]
7. Growth Through Discomfort
- Uncomfortable Conversations & Admitting Fault: Travis repeatedly stresses growth requires discomfort and confronting painful truths.
- “The uncomfortable moments in your life is what makes you grow as a human being.” [50:10]
- "Sit down with your family and admit and acknowledge that you have fucked them up on catastrophic scales… Admit it, own it, and move past it and learn from it and let them help you." [52:00]
8. Letting Go of Professional Identity
- Preparing For The End: He shares personal experience about forced career changes, stressing the need to cultivate other identities and opportunities beyond one's job.
- “If all you do is go to work to be the police ... when that career is over, you're going to spend a lot of time policing and not a lot of time living.” [57:20]
9. Redemption and Legacy
- From Monster to Man: Travis describes the hard journey of facing and forgiving his past self—his “monster”—and the pride that comes from relentless self-improvement.
- “The monster that I became is not the man that I am today.” [59:10]
- Reflection on Funeral and Legacy: Inspired by a young woman’s impactful life, he questions what legacy and impact he’ll leave behind, encouraging listeners to consider the same.
- “What’s your legacy going to say about you when your eyes close for the last time?... I care about it. Do you?” [1:05:30]
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On Misplaced Priorities:
“I failed every relationship in my life because I was so focused on being business and making the business part. Because my mind always told me, if you're successful with your business…then your family can thrive. And I couldn't have been any more wrong.” [05:50] -
On Technology and Presence:
“Everything can wait. The moments that you have in life cannot.” [10:40] -
On Emotional Outbursts:
“Now it's intentional. You can't use ‘I couldn’t control it any longer’ as an excuse. You can’t use that to abuse them.” [33:10] -
On Diversifying Happiness:
“We need to diversify our happiness portfolio...If you put your happiness just into people, well, people fucking go away, too. And then what?” [45:25] -
On Growth:
“The uncomfortable moments in your life is what makes you grow as a human being.” [50:10] -
On Redemption:
“The monster that I became is not the man that I am today… I refused to just become who I am. That's what allows me to be proud of who I am today.” [59:10] -
On Legacy:
“What's your legacy going to say about you when your eyes close for the last time?... I care about it. Do you?” [1:05:30]
Suggested Timestamps for Important Segments
- Re-evaluating Time and Priorities: 00:30 – 10:30
- Tech Distraction and Living in the Moment: 09:00 – 13:00
- Therapy Insights & Loyalty: 14:50 – 17:40
- Responsibility in Emotional Outbursts: 27:00 – 34:00
- First Responder Culture & Domestic Violence: 35:40 – 41:00
- Happiness Portfolio Concept: 44:55 – 48:45
- Growth Through Discomfort: 50:10 – 54:00
- Professional Identity & Letting Go: 57:20 – 59:00
- Redemption & Legacy: 59:10 – 1:06:00
Closing Thoughts
This episode is a candid, often brutally honest journey through Travis Howze’s reflections on work-life balance, personal growth, and overcoming his “monster” past. The heart of his message: wake up, be present, take responsibility, and make intentional choices for yourself and your loved ones. Your legacy depends on it.