Nicole “Nikki” Addimando: Survival or Murder

Summary

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Crime Salad — “Nicole “Nikki” Addimando: Survival or Murder”

Release Date: Jan 16, 2026
Hosts: Ashley & Ricky
Summary by [BLACKCAT | Realm]

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, Ashley and Ricky examine the case of Nicole “Nikki” Addimando—a Poughkeepsie mother who killed her partner, Christopher Grover, in 2017. The hosts delve into Nikki’s background, the years of documented abuse she endured, the night of the shooting, her trial, and its broader implications for survivors of domestic violence in the criminal justice system. Through in-depth storytelling, commentary, and survivor perspective, this episode questions the boundaries between survival and murder, challenging preconceived narratives around victims who fight back.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction & Case Background

• Setting: Hudson Valley, NY; ordinary, close-knit community hiding dark realities ([01:25]–[03:05])

• Incident Trigger: On September 28, 2017, police stop a distraught Nikki Addimando, who reports shooting her boyfriend in self-defense ([03:05]–[10:04])

• Portrait of Nikki: Deeply empathetic, valued as a friend, mother, and caregiver. Childhood shaped by silence and minimizing trauma ([04:25], [05:41])

  “Nikki is the person who notices when another mom looks overwhelmed... always checked in daily, reminding people that what they were feeling was valid.”
  — Ashley ([04:25])

• Relationship with Chris Grover: Started as colleagues and best friends; relationship appeared stable to outsiders; two children together ([07:21]–[08:47])

2. The Night of the Shooting

• Nikki, shaken and barefoot at a green light, tells police of an altercation: Chris threatened her with a gun, they struggled, and she shot him, claiming self-defense ([08:55]–[10:18])
• First revelations of long-term abuse surface through police interviews and supportive friends ([10:18], [13:33])

3. Uncovering the Abuse

• Extensive physical, sexual, and emotional abuse—objectively documented over years ([15:03]–[18:37])

• Visual, medical, and psychological records show severe, repeated injuries impossible to self-inflict ([16:40]–[18:37])

• Details include beatings, burns, humiliation, strangulation, sexual assault on video, and forced participation in pornography ([18:37]–[20:39])

  “Rachel Louise Snyder... said the abuse that she endured was among the most extreme that she has ever come across in a decade of reporting on domestic violence.”
  — Narrator ([20:07])

• Fear and coercive control cited as reasons Nikki didn’t “just leave”

  “The fear of what would happen... was stronger than the fear of staying.”
  — Narrator ([21:20])

4. Events Leading to the Killing

• CPS visit just prior to the shooting; Nikki, under threat and control, unable to disclose her situation truthfully ([21:55]–[23:45])

• The night of the shooting: Chris loads his handgun, threatens Nikki; she acts in fear for her and her kids’ lives ([24:04]–[26:29])

  “Believing that her life and her children's lives were in immediate danger, Nikki fired the gun. According to her, she didn't know what else she could have done.”
  — Ashley ([24:04])

• Legal process complicated by recusal of the local DA, removal of her original defense attorney, and costly efforts to secure new counsel ([27:25]–[28:44])

5. Trial & Systemic Challenges

• Prosecutors suppress key evidence of abuse, focus on intent, accuse Nikki of manipulation and premeditation ([31:27]–[33:02])

• Jury is not allowed to fully consider Nikki’s abuse or psychological context ([32:47])

• Defense presents extensive expert testimony confirming Nikki’s reliability as an abuse survivor ([37:36]–[39:10])

  “Her conclusion was that Nikki was a reliable reporter, and she showed a consistent pattern of minimizing, not exaggerating, the abuse she endured.”
  — Ashley ([37:36])

• Prosecution invokes damaging stereotypes, victim-blaming, and “junk science” arguments ([40:15]–[41:34])

• Critical context—such as non-consensual pornography—excluded from the jury’s knowledge ([41:34])

6. Conviction & Sentencing

• Nikki convicted of second-degree murder and weapons charges ([41:43])
• Judge denies relief under NY’s Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act, sentencing her to 19 years to life ([43:41])
• Nikki’s sister, Michelle, becomes the children’s guardian and vigorous advocate for her sister’s defense and appeals ([45:16])

7. Appeal and Legal Advocacy

• Appeal centered on improper removal of counsel, false grand jury testimony, unfair jury selection, and the exclusion of critical abuse evidence ([45:49])

• Widespread advocacy from lawmakers, domestic violence organizations, and legal ethics groups—questioning whether survival is being criminalized ([46:49]–[48:03])

• Appellate court affirms Nikki’s conviction but slashes her sentence from 19 years to 7.5, citing the abuse as proven and criticizing outdated legal logic ([48:03]–[48:25])

  “The court also rejected the idea that Nikki could have avoided killing simply by leaving, calling that belief outdated and disconnected from the realities of domestic violence...”
  — Ashley ([48:25])

8. Release and Aftermath

• Clemency repeatedly denied, but Nikki is paroled January 2024 after more than 6 years ([50:43])

• Nikki’s reflection: speaks publicly on the struggle to be understood as both victim and perpetrator; focus on her children and recovery ([49:45])

  “She believed staying with Chris was protecting her children. Now she was learning to live with what happened...”
  — Narrator ([49:45])

• Michelle publishes a memoir, “Dear Sister,” about their journey and the criminalization of survival ([51:08])

9. Broader Context & Systemic Issues

• Women’s prisons filled with survivors; dramatic gender sentencing disparities highlighted ([52:00]–[53:10])
• The justice system as a source of further trauma for survivors seeking help ([53:10])

10. Final Reflections & Notable Quotes

• Laws like the DVSJA matter—they force the system to acknowledge survivors’ realities, even if imperfectly
• Nikki’s own words before sentencing:

  “I am so sorry for the pain, the deep, devastating loss... I wish more than anything this ended another way. If it had, I wouldn't be in this courtroom. But I wouldn't be alive either... I was afraid to stay, afraid to leave, afraid nobody would believe me. This is why women don't leave.”
  — Nikki (Read by Ashley, [53:23])

• Hosts remind listeners: help is available, and survivors are not alone ([54:54])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Nikki’s compassion and pain:
  “She loved her children fiercely. And even as her own life became more complicated, Nikki continued to reach outward, to offer comfort and create light for others.”
  — Ashley ([04:25])

• On the evidence of abuse:
  “Medical documentation detailed injuries that were impossible to self inflict... Burns to her genitals caused by a metal spoon that had been heated on a gas stove.”
  — Ashley ([16:40])

• On survivor criminalization:
  “It’s insane to think about—if Nikki had died, it would have been binary. Offenders kill, victims die. Offenders are monsters. Victims are innocent... The system isn’t built to hold both of those truths at the same time.”
  — Narrator ([28:44])

• On outdated legal views:
  “The court also rejected the idea that Nikki could have avoided killing simply by leaving, calling that belief outdated and disconnected from the realities of domestic violence and coercive control.”
  — Ashley ([48:25])

• On why victims stay:
  “I was afraid to stay, afraid to leave, afraid that nobody would believe me... This is why women don’t leave.”
  — Nikki (via hosts) ([53:23])

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Important Segments (Timestamps)

• Nikki’s background & introduction — [03:05]–[07:21]
• Night of the shooting & police response — [08:55]–[10:18]
• Nature and history of abuse — [15:03]–[18:37], [20:07]–[21:55]
• Events leading to shooting & CPS involvement — [21:55]–[24:04]
• Trials, suppressed evidence, and legal challenges — [31:27]–[41:43]
• Verdict, sentencing, and statutory roadblocks — [41:43]–[43:41]
• Appeal process and sentence commutation — [45:49]–[48:25]
• Nikki’s parole and post-release family dynamics — [50:43]–[51:08]
• Statistical and systemic context — [52:00]–[53:23]
• Nikki's statement to the court — [53:23]–[54:54]

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Tone & Style

The hosts’ recounting is compassionate, thorough, and empathetic, often reflecting disbelief and outrage at the systemic barriers faced by survivors. The language remains respectful, sincere, and deeply invested in highlighting the human toll and broader impact on families.

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Resources Mentioned

• Domestic Violence Hotline: [phone]-SAFE / thehotline.org ([53:23])
• We Stand With Nikki campaign: westandwithnikki.com ([54:54])
• Memoir: Dear Sister: A Memoir of Secrets, Survival, and Unbreakable Bonds by Michelle Horton ([51:08])

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For those seeking to understand the complexities of domestic violence, the criminal justice response to survival, and the enduring power of advocacy, this is a vital and unflinching episode you won’t soon forget.

Transcript

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[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

Hey Crime Sound listeners, Before we jump into this week's case, we want to give a quick content warning. This episode includes discussions of intimate partner violence and other disturbing abusive material. It is not suitable for children and may be triggering for some listeners. Please take care of yourself and feel free to pause or skip this one if you need to. And if you or someone you know is experiencing relationship violence and needs help, we've included resources in our show. Notes I'm Ashley and I'm Ricky and this is Crime Salad. The Hudson Valley stretches north from New York City along the banks of the Hudson River, a region known for its quiet beauty and deep sense of history. Rolling hills give way to dense woods, old stone buildings and small towns, and in the fall, the valley fills with color. Trees turn gold and red, the air cools and people settle into activities like hiking, visiting apple orchards and spending time with family. Poughkeepsie sits right in the heart of that valley. It's a mid sized city surrounded by smaller towns and suburbs where people know each other through schools, sports programs and community spaces. Parents see the same faces at pickup and kids grow up together. From the outside, many families here look like they have everything figured out.

[Narrator/Commentator]

And that's exactly why what happened inside one Poughkeepsie home in September of 2017 would leave so many people struggling to understand how something so dark could exist under such an ordinary surface.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

On September 28th of 2017, during a routine traffic stop in Poughkeepsie, police encountered a woman who was visibly shaken and distraught. And what she told them next would change her life forever. Her name was Nicole Adamondo. Before Nicole or Nikki Adamondo ever became a name in the headlines or court documents, she was just Nikki, a mom, a friend, someone who people leaned on, often without realizing how much she herself was carrying. So many people who knew Nikki described meeting her through their children like preschool drop offs, music classes or gymnastics. Ordinary moments where parents would trade small talk. One mother remembered first connecting with Nikki online in the spring of 2017. Before their kids even started preschool together, they barely knew each other. But Nikki didn't hesitate to help, offering long, thoughtful messages about the school, the teachers, and and how much her son Ben loved being there. Since Nikki had a background in early childhood education, she deeply cared about making parents feel safe and comfortable.

[Narrator/Commentator]

People have said that Nikki doesn't have a surface level type of kindness. She always showed up consistently and genuinely, even when nobody was watching.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

And Nikki is the person who notices when another mom looks overwhelmed. She remembers details, asks genuine questions, and authentically cares about how the people in her life are doing. Nikki made people feel steady when someone questioned themselves. As a parent, she reassured them without judgment. When a child melted down in public, she didn't stare, but smiled. She even sometimes stepped in gently to make it feel more normal. And when people were struggling, they always said that Nikki stayed close, checking in daily, sending messages and reminding people that what they were feeling was valid. And that generosity showed up in actions like handmade gifts, thoughtful messages, and showing up when others felt broken. People described Nikki as deeply compassionate, emotionally intuitive and strong. She drove long distances in the middle of the night, listened without trying to fix anything, and chose care over convenience constantly. She loved her children fiercely. And even as her own life became more complicated, Nikki continued to reach outward, to offer comfort and create light for others.

[Narrator/Commentator]

Before anything, Nikki was a caregiver, a protector, and someone who ran towards people when they needed help.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

Nikki was raised in a family where love existed, but honestly did not always have a space to breathe. People close to her described her household as shaped by silence, with a culture where painful things were minimized, avoided, or quietly pushed aside. If something wasn't spoken about, it was treated as if it wasn't happening. And Nikki's sister later reflected that early on, they realized one of the most loving things a family can do is tell the truth, even when it's uncomfortable. But that hadn't Been the model Nikki grew up with. Life altering events, including Nikki's childhood sexual assault, were not openly addressed or processed, but absorbed quietly. When you grow up learning that survival means not making waves or that staying silent keeps the peace, that pattern doesn't disappear when you become an adult. Keep that in mind for later. And the people that Nikki knew believed that this is what shaped her deeply. It taught her to endure, internalize, and take care of others instead of asking for help herself. By the time Nikki entered adulthood, those instincts were already part of who she was. She went on to study and work in early childhood education, where she rooted herself in emotional awareness, patience, and care, Something that friends say fit her nature perfectly. She had a natural ability to reach children's emotions, understand their fears, and meet them where they were. And she had carried that same gentleness into her friendships and parenting.

[Narrator/Commentator]

And it's not uncommon for people who grow up without emotional safety to become the ones who create it for everybody else.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

Either way, she seems like an amazing woman. So let's talk about the elephant in the room. What actually happened? Which brings us back to 2008, when Nicole met Christopher Grover. They were both working as gymnastics coaches at the time and made an easy connection. People close to Nikki described those early years as genuinely happy. They were best friends, they laughed together. They talked constantly. And from the outside, the relationship felt safe. And as the relationship deepened, their lives became even more intertwined. By 2012, Nikki became pregnant, and the couple moved in together in Salt Point, New York, as they prepared for their first child. And later that year, their son Ben was born. And Nikki, as we've heard, fully stepped into motherhood. She was attentive, devoted, and deeply connected to her child. Her background in early childhood education shaped how she parented, and it showed in the way that she spoke about Ben and organized her life around him. In 2015, Nikki gave birth to their second child, a daughter named Faye, who she loved and cared for just as deeply. And by 2017, the version of the family that people saw was a couple that had grown up together with a relationship built on friendship, a home filled with children who were loved, and a future that seemed stable and promising. They were renting an apartment on the east side of Poughkeepsie in upstate New York.

[Narrator/Commentator]

What came later didn't replace this version of the relationship overnight. For a long time, no one knew what was changing.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

Yes. So on the morning of September 28th, everything changed. Nikki's sister received an unexpected knock at her door, and police officers stood outside, offering very little explanation. They Told her that Nikki was at the police station and she needed to come immediately to pick up Nikki's children, 4 year old Ben and 2 year old Faye. What Nikki's sister would eventually find out is that just after 2am that morning, a police officer pulled behind a car that was stopped at a green light. So he was hitting his horn to try to get the driver's attention, assuming that the driver maybe was sleeping. To his surprise, a young mother got out of the car and began talking about a body laying on the couch. The officer listened as Nikki Adamondo, shaken and distraught, started to explain what happened that night. Nikki stood on the pavement without shoes, telling the officer that her boyfriend Christopher had pulled a gun. They struggled, it fell and she grabbed the gun for herself. After Christopher threatened her, she lunged and pulled the trigger. She cried as she exclaimed that the incident was self defense.

[Narrator/Commentator]

And this is where we get the first glimpse into what Nikki had been enduring. She talked to the officer about a recent CPS visit, about sexual acts that consent to and shook as she feared what would happen.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

The officer stepped away and called for backup, but immediately expressed concerns of the plausibility of Nikki's story. By 2:30am, Nikki's friend met her at the stoplight and followed Nikki to the police station. Her friend waited with her two kids, Ben and Faye, as Nikki was questioned. And during this interview, Nikki reiterated what had happened during the evening, uncovering glimpses of a truly disturbing past that she had gone through with Chris. After 30 minutes, Nikki asked if this incident was self defense. While this interview was taking place, police visited Nikki's home and they found exactly what Nikki had described. Chris Grover dead on the couch with a single gunshot wound to the head. The gun was on the floor with the carpet slightly askew. And later that day, officers arrested Nikki and transported her to the Dutchess County Jail. Police contacted Nikki's sister to pick up her children. We're going to take a quick break here. After the break, we will get into the investigation and more on the abuse that Nikki alleges.

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[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

I'm Mandy. And I'm Melissa and this is Moms and Mysteries. We're two Florida moms obsessed with true crime. From infamous cases like Ellen Greenberg to shocking Florida stories like the Dan markel killing. With 55 million downloads, we bring you new deep dives every Tuesday and Thursday. Listen to Moms and Mysteries on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Now. It would take time to fully understand what Nikki had been living with. Eventually, her sister would learn the truth, that Chris Grover had been horrifically abusive and that Nikki shot him because she believed it was the only way to save her own life. But on that day, none of that was clear yet. All Nikki's sister knew was that their family had been thrown into crisis. Nikki's sister was suddenly responsible for three children, Ben Faye and her own eight year old son, Noah. She had only recently become a single mother herself, still navigating the emotional and financial fallout of ending her own marriage. And now, overnight, everything's changed.

[Narrator/Commentator]

As Nikki sat in custody, her sister began scrambling to secure legal support Calling attorneys, trying to understand the charges, bail, and what came next. She tried her best to learn a system she never imagined her family would have to navigate. And at the same time, she was trying to create some sense of normalcy for the children who have just lost everything familiar to them.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

In the days after Chris Grover's death, investigators began what was later described as a painstaking six month investigation. Police and prosecutors examined nearly every aspect of Nikki Adamondo's life, reviewing phone records, Internet searches, computer data, text messages, and dozens of interviews with friends and family members, even medical professionals and people who just knew the couple. Nikki's sister, Michelle Horton. She spoke on the phone with Elizabeth, the friend who had waited with Nikki's children as she was questioned by officers. And this was the first glimpse that Michelle received into what she had suffered. Her family had been, according to Michelle, dumb and blind to Chris's abuse. During this call, Michelle learned that Elizabeth had become Nikki's confidant. Eighteen months earlier, Elizabeth had confronted Nikki about what she had been noticing. She was a former social worker and Ben's music teacher, and she had noticed signs. After initial denials, Nikki eventually admitted that she was being hurt at home. Elizabeth went on to learn that Nikki was being physically and sexually tortured on a regular basis. Nikki had always said to Elizabeth that Chris was a great father and a good coach and no one would believe that he was horribly abusing her.

[Narrator/Commentator]

Honestly, I don't even know how we can start explaining everything that happened to Nikki. It's literally horrifying information. And if any of you are uncomfortable with discussions of sexual assault or physical abuse, this is probably not the right episode for you.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

On her first day in jail, Nikki was assigned a public defender, Kara Jerry, who began investigating her case. Nikki had admitted to several friends that Chris was abusive, and a handful knew the true details, which included a midwife, two nurse practitioners, a therapist, and Elizabeth Clifton. Jerry reviewed Nikki's records and photos and spoke with dozens of people who had seen Nikki's injuries, which included a handyman who had repaired a shattered glass door after Nikki was slammed against it. And for years, Michelle had noticed signs. There were bruises that appeared more frequently in places that raised concern. And when she asked, she always seemed to have some kind of explanation of some kind. She was brushed into something fallen or some kind of accident had happened. So Michelle believed her. But what was documented was severe bruising, bruised bones, burns, bite marks and repeated sexual trauma. Medical documentation detailed injuries that were impossible to self inflict. Things like rectal prolapse, vaginal swelling. So Severe that a swab could not be inserted during her exams. Burns to her genitals caused by a metal spoon that had been heated on a gas stove. Strangulation marks and bite marks on the back of her neck. During these medical examinations, Nikki consistently documented her lack of consent and and identified Chris as her abuser and sexual assaulter.

[Narrator/Commentator]

And unfortunately, this isn't even the beginning of it. As more records came to light, investigators and advocates uncovered more evidence. According to reporting in the New Yorker, Nikki disclosed that Chris Grover sexually assaulted her using a gun and strangled her with a belt from his bathrobe until she nearly lost consciousness. And we've said this before, but strangulation alone is one of the strongest predictors of future homicide in domestic violence cases.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

And it still doesn't end there. In addition to physical and sexual torture, records showed that Chris Grover had become obsessed with violent pornography. And this was all revealed through his Internet search history. Investigators and Nikki's therapists, they documented the existence of sadistic videos Chris had recorded where Nikki was restrained, blindfolded and severely sexually assaulted. These videos were uploaded to pornhub and were viewed by others online. Law enforcement confirmed the videos existed and Nikki's therapist had seen and documented them. But again, that's still not the end. Allegedly, Chris constructed homemade sex devices, including one used as a mouth gag. Medical professionals documented the injuries to Nikki that resulted from using these devices. And Nikki had repeatedly recorded her lack of consent during these examinations and identified Chris as her abuser. Taken together, Nikki wasn't just a victim of domestic violence, but of prolonged torture at the hands of her long term boyfriend and father of her two children. By 2015, the danger inside Nikki's home was getting more and more difficult to hide. A police report dated November 6th of 2015 formally classified Nikki and Chris's relationship as a high risk domestic relationship. In that report, police explicitly identified the victim as Nicole Adamondo and the suspect as Christopher Grover.

[Narrator/Commentator]

Rachel Louise Snyder, who wrote no Visible Bruises and who was a veteran reporter for the New Yorker, reviewed Nikki's case and said the abuse that she endured was among the most extreme that she has ever come across in a decade of reporting on domestic violence. Snyder explained that what made her case especially disturbing was not just how severe it was, but how often it was documented, which is unheard of. Most survivors never have this level of documentation.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

Yes, and she had a lot medically. There was an exam from June of 2017, which was three months before Nikki shot Chris, and the notes read that Nicole was there for a rape and Assault exam, where Nikki told the nurse that she can normally rest after, quote, weekly attacks, but this time she needed professional care. According to the nurse, Nikki said that she was ashamed and scared of Chris and that he had a gun. And if she said anything about breaking up or taking the kids away from him, the beatings she would take from him would worsen. The nurse noted that Nikki's genitals were extremely swollen during the exam and appeared, quote, inside out.

[Narrator/Commentator]

I honestly, I don't even know how to respond to that. But what I will say is that that right there answers a lot of the main questions that people had when hearing about this case. Why didn't she just leave? If she was truly being tortured, why wouldn't she pack her things and just go? And honestly, it's not that simple. She has kids with this guy and he's repeatedly threatening her. And that's what most victims say. The fear of what would happen to them if they left was stronger than the fear of staying.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

You're exactly right. And that's exactly what happened the night Chris Grover was killed. The day before Chris grover was killed, CPS came to Nikki's door. On the morning of September 27, 2017, just after 10:00am Two caseworkers from Child Protective Services arrived at the apartment Nikki shared with Chris in Poughkeepsie. And six days earlier, CPS received an anonymous report. According to agency notes, the caller said that on a weekly basis, the mother had visible bruises to her face and chest. When the caseworkers arrived, they spoke with Nikki first, who denied being threatened. I mean, what was she going to do? Chris is standing there. Chris told CPS that he had no criminal history, no substance abuse issues, no aggressive behavior, and no mental health diagnoses. The caseworker also spoke with the children, where Ben told them that his parents yelled about adult things and that his father grabbed his mother. And Chris's response was that, well, yeah, they have normal fights with Nikki, saying that all parents argue. But at one point, a caseworker asked Nikki directly whether there were any weapons in the home, and Nikki lied, saying that there weren't. One of the caseworkers quietly scribbled a note on a piece of paper and slid it towards Nikki where it read, are you safe right now? And Nikki nodded. The caseworkers did not find any cause to take immediate action, so they didn't remove the children. Instead, they asked Nikki for the names of friends and family members who could provide additional information. Terrified that saying the wrong thing would cost her or her children, Nikki gave Them her sister's name. And almost immediately, Nikki texted Michelle, telling her not to mention any injuries, that she was a good mom and that Chris was a good dad.

[Narrator/Commentator]

And this tells you everything that you need to know about the position she was in. Because this is documented, there's more room for doubt if this was Nikki's testimony to cps. And there's no other evidence but Nikki's patterns of injuries and torture, they're real. But she was scared, right?

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

So by the time CPS left the apartment, no intervention had been put into place. But it didn't end there. An advocate from family services had contacted a detective in New Hyde park who believed there was enough information to make a case against Chris. But Nikki couldn't bring herself to sign an affidavit. She was terrified that if she did, Chris would take her son, which is a fear many survivors have. But after this visit from cps, for the first time, Nikki told Chris that she wanted to take a break and leave with the children. She pleaded with him to let her leave, and she wouldn't tell anyone about the repeated abuse or torture. But Chris refused. According to Nikki's account, he retrieved his handgun and began loading it in front of her. And Nikki stood frozen as he showed her photographs on his phone. Images demonstrating how he would shoot her in her sleep and make her death look like a suicide. Chris then pointed the gun at Nikki, and at that moment, Nikki kneed him in the groin and the gun fell to the floor. Nikki grabbed it and she held it. Chris demanded that she give it back, telling her that he would kill her and the children if she didn't. In that instant, believing that her life and her children's lives were in immediate danger, Nikki fired the gun. According to her, she didn't know what else she could have done. And what happened next would be dissected, challenged, and reinterpreted. Because Nikki was facing life in prison for this incident, Nikki's attorney was pitted against Channa Krause, an assistant district attorney from a neighboring county. Under normal circumstances, the case would have been handled by prosecutors from Dutchess county, where Poughkeepsie is. But funny enough, the district attorney's office had previously been involved in investigations related to Nikki's horrific abuse. So they had to recuse themselves for conflict of interest. And Kraus, the prosecutor, was no stranger to high stakes cases. She had three decades of experience, Much of it focused on special victims and violent crimes. As they prepared for the case, several potential defense witnesses were summoned to the district attorney's office and they were questioned under oath without legal representation. Present among them was Sarah Caprioli, Nikki's therapist, who had collaborated with prosecutors in her role as a victims advocate. Sarah said that she initially believed the meetings were taking place in a spirit of collaboration, where the first interview felt understanding and empathetic. But when she returned for the second interview, the tone had changed, with Sarah saying Krause had been going for blood ever since then. Just one week before Nikki's scheduled grand jury presentation, Kraus filed a motion to have Nikki's lead defense attorney, who had been preparing her defense for nearly eight months, removed from the case. The reason cited was a conflict of interest tied to a former client of the district attorney's office. Jerry, Nikki's defense attorney, strongly opposed the motion, calling it an 11th hour application. But despite the timing, the judge granted Kraus request. Nikki was then assigned a public defender from a neighboring county. But that office was in flux, and the attorney assigned to her case was temporary.

[Narrator/Commentator]

Michelle, Nikki's sister, said her family felt deeply uneasy, describing the public defender's office as a very unstable choice for a case of this magnitude. So with time running out and Nikki facing the possibility of life in prison, the family scrambled to raise $60,000 to hire private counsel. And they borrowed most of that from a friend's retirement savings.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

So after Nikki's attorney was removed, she retained John Ingrazia and Ben Oster. Jerry briefed them thoroughly, handing over months of preparation and case files as the trial loomed. Oster said that the case would hinge on whether the jury believed Nikki was justified when she pulled the trigger. Which is just a wild statement to me. However true that is, there was just so much documented evidence that she was in fear for her life. But statistically, intimate partner violence almost always moves in One Direction. 96% of intimate partner murder victims are women, and nearly all are killed by men using firearms. And on average, four women die every day from domestic violence in the United States. So the odds were almost against Nikki simply because she survived.

[Narrator/Commentator]

And it's insane to think about if Nikki had died, it would have been binary. Offenders kill, victims die. Offenders are monsters, Victims are innocent. But real life doesn't always work like that. She was a documented survivor of extreme abuse and a woman who killed her partner. And the system isn't built to hold both of those truths at the same time. And there's no government data at all that documents or tracks how often survivors of domestic or sexual violence are incarcerated for self defense. The organization survived and punished estimates that thousands of people who defended Themselves from physical or sexual violence have effectively disappeared into women's prisons, most serving long sentences for murder or manslaughter. Time and time again, prosecutors challenge the credibility of survivors. So when a survivor lives, the system stops seeing them as a victim at all. Instead, a survivor becomes too hard to categorize. And since they don't fit into a narrative of innocence that the law expects, evidence can be reframed as irrelevant, exaggerated, or unbelievable. Which brings us back to Nikki's trial. With the overwhelming evidence of Nikki's abuse in hand, Nikki's attorneys entered into plea bargain negotiations with the prosecution. No one involved in the case has publicly detailed what offers were made, But Ben Ulster, one of Nikki's defense attorneys, later said that none were agreeable to Ms. Adamondo. So Nikki took her chances with a jury. So People vs Adamondo began on March 13, 2019. In the months leading up to the trial, Nikki had been on electric monitoring and house arrest, living at her father's home, and her sister had permanent custody of Ben and Faye. Throughout the trial, Traunna Krause pursued a conviction by advancing a version of events that that largely set aside the documented history of severe intimate partner violence. Rather than centering the case on whether Nikki acted out of fear for her life, the prosecution focused on discrediting her account altogether. They asked a jury to believe that Nikki incited the abuse, that she liked or participated in it, that she fabricated it entirely, and that she could have just left. And the problem is that those theories can't all be true at the same time. The prosecution also alleges that Nikki shot Christopher while he was asleep, Framing the act as premeditated, calculated, and deliberate.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

But Nikki's defense rejected that claim, arguing it was unsubstantiated and inconsistent with evidence. They maintained that Nikki had endured years of physical abuse and sexual torture, and that the shooting occurred during an escalation in which she believed her life and her children's lives were in immediate danger. Police officers, medical professionals, and other witnesses testified about injuries and documentation that supported Nikki's history of abuse. The prosecution relied, reportedly heavily on character arguments portraying Nikki as manipulative, dishonest, and calculating. Experts and advocates who later reviewed the case criticized the use of unsupported assumptions and what they described as junk science, which were interpretations of trauma, behavior, and injury that are not grounded in established medical or psychological research. Despite the volume of collaborating evidence, the jury was not instructed or permitted to make any determination about the validity of Nikki's claims of abuse. At the prosecution's Request, the judge suppressed large portions of evidence that supported Nikki's account. This included medical, psychological, and contextual evidence that documented years of violence and explained Nikki's state of mind.

[Narrator/Commentator]

So the jury's role was very constrained. They were asked to decide intent without being allowed to fully evaluate the abuse Nikki said led to that moment. And in this case, the context matters.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

So much of the evidence presented, including Nikki's medical examinations. Prosecutors suggested her injuries could be explained by consensual masochistic sex. But expert testimony challenged that. They said masochism severe enough to cause the extent of Nikki's injuries would not fall under rough or consensual sexual behavior. It would instead meet criteria for a diagnosable psychological disorder known as a sexual paraphilia. And to add, no licensed mental health professional ever diagnosed Nikki with masochism, antisocial personality disorder, or psychopathy. In fact, the only diagnosis that she ever received was post traumatic stress disorder. Medical professionals also described injuries they said were impossible to self involve, which included burns, strangulation marks, and bite marks. And there was another major point. No forensic evidence or testimony conclusively supported the prosecution's claim that Nikki intended and planned to kill Chris. Forensic testing showed only Christopher's DNA on the side of the gun, the part used to chamber a live round before firing.

[Narrator/Commentator]

And Nikki's therapist testified that Nikki was afraid to leave, afraid of retaliation, afraid of losing her family. And she still hoped that the abuse would just stop. She even showed that pattern When CPS came to the home, like you mentioned, she acted like everything was okay. So when you keep the full context in mind, it becomes clearer why Nikki stayed and endured what was happening.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

Nikki testified that fear shaped her earliest experiences in the relationship. She said she had already been a victim of sexual abuse as a child, and she had been silenced. And because of that, she told the court that she and Chris waited nearly a year before consummating their relationship. She was afraid. She said it triggered flashbacks to her childhood. And at first, Nikki said Chris seemed compassionate. But over time, she said that his patients faded. She testified that she often asked him to stop. And one night, she woke up to Chris engaging in intimacy with her without her consent. And after that, Nikki said that he did not stop anymore, even when she protested. She said she felt ashamed and confused. And so she confided in a friend. Nikki told that friend that Chris liked weird things and that she never felt comfortable during intimacy with him. That friend, who had survived sexual assault and domestic violence herself, was viewed those experiences as risks that came with dating she advised Nikki to keep trying to satisfy Chris. And she said, sometimes you just have to do things you don't like. Nikki also testified about another assault. She said that this same friend introduced her to a maintenance worker at her apartment complex. And one afternoon in 2010, Nikki said that she was at home alone when the worker arrived to repair tile. She testified that he followed her into the bedroom and tried to kiss her. And when she resisted, she said he slapped her, pushed her onto the bed, and sexually assaulted her. Afterward, Nikki said that she was furious with herself for not fighting hard enough. And Nikki testified that after that, Chris sexual violence escalated. She later said that the same maintenance worker who had the keys to all the apartments assaulted her on at least one other occasion. But her memory was fragmented, and her therapist, Sara Caprioli, explained that traumatic memory can be fragmented as they worked together. Caprioli said that it became clear that maybe two or three assaults were by the maintenance worker. So long Before September of 2017, Nikki said that she had learned something terrifying. Saying no or resisting did not stop violence. Over time, people who knew Nikki noticed changes they couldn't explain. She became increasingly distressed. She slept less, she ate less. And injuries appeared regularly. Photographs from 2011 and 2012 showed Nikki with bruises and bite marks across her body. Those injuries closely resembled photos taken after two separate assaults and beatings in 2014. Those 2014 injuries were formally documented by forensic nurses, and Chris was named as the perpetrator.

[Narrator/Commentator]

And that brings us back to what prosecutors kept pushing. Did Nikki conflate assaults to prepare for killing Chris? Did she exaggerate what was happening to build her case?

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

And the answer presented at trial was strongly no. Dr. Dawn Hughes, a nationally recognized forensic psychologist, Testified she conducted 10 psychological tests, a detailed clinical interview, and 16 hours of evaluation. Her conclusion was that Nikki was a reliable reporter, and she showed a consistent pattern of minimizing, not exaggerating, the abuse she endured. That runs directly counter to the prosecution's theory that Nikki was embellishing or inventing claims. And at least from the defense perspective, it also showed something else. Nikki learned that help was not going to save her. In 2011, Nikki was studying early childhood education. She and Chris were also working together, teaching gymnastics. And around that time, the father of one of Nikki's students, a police officer, noticed Nikki often appeared visibly injured. He confronted her, and after repeated urging, Nikki admitted she was being assaulted. But she refused to identify who was hurting her. The officer invited Nikki, who was pregnant, to stay with him and his wife. He offered her a safe place to live. Nikki left her mother's apartment and moved in with the family. But Nikki continued to date Chris. Nikki testified that she viewed the officer as a father figure until she didn't. According to her testimony, the officer began approaching her at night, and eventually she said it became sexual. During cross examination, Channa Kraus asked Nikki if she had sex back with him. And Nikki responded that she didn't stop him.

[Narrator/Commentator]

And we need to name the power dynamics here. Nikki was 22. The officer was 45. He was a police officer, and he controlled the home she lived in. That's exploitation. That's a predator using power.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

But in court, the prosecution referred to the officer as Nikki's paramour, and they framed it as an affair. They suggested it somehow proved Nikki was not never abused by Chris. They asked, would an abuser allow his partner to live with another man? And would an abused woman have sex outside her relationship, knowing discovery could lead to serious harm? As the trial continued, the prosecution called its own expert witness, psychologist Dr. Stuart Kirschner. And on the stand, Kirchner said that if Nikki was truly being abused, then Chris kept her on a, quote, very long leash. And when reviewing text messages from 2017, he said Nikki was condescending, inviting abuse, walking into it, and provoking Chris. In other words, he suggested that Nikki was responsible for the violence inflicted on her.

[Narrator/Commentator]

I can't even believe that was presented as a serious argument, and it's blaming her for being abused.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

But Nikki was deteriorating long before 2017. In 2012, while living with the police officer and dating Chris, Nikki began suffering panic attacks. That June, a friend contacted a local domestic violence agency on Nikki's behalf. And in an email to a social worker, the friend wrote that Nikki was very reluctant to tell her story. She said she had witnessed injuries and a profound change in Nikki's behavior. Concerned for her health, the friend took Nikki to the emergency room. Medical staff found Nikki dehydrated, undernourished, and pregnant. The friend wrote she is a shell of the person she used to be. But a lot of that context was not shown to the jury. Jurors were shown still images from violent videos depicting Nikki in deeply compromising positions. But identifying information that would have explained those images was excluded. They were not told those images were uploaded to pornhub. They were not told Christopher was the person who uploaded them, and they were not told the images were part of documented sexual torture posted online without Nikki's consent. So the jury saw the injuries, but they didn't see the crime.

[Narrator/Commentator]

And without context, you can interpret those images. However, you want, which makes no sense if the goal is a fair trial.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

In closing, the prosecution argued that everything showed Christopher Grover was asleep when the defendant executed him. They claimed there was no evidence he had ever abused her. Instead, they argued Nikki was verbally abusive toward Grover and planned the murder in advance. And nearly two years after Grover was killed, Nikki was convicted of second degree murder and criminal possession of a weapon.

[Narrator/Commentator]

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[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

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[Narrator/Commentator]

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[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

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[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

Listen to Tickled to Death wherever you get your podcasts and hit follow unless you want the show to follow you. So that brings us to September of 2019, when the court held an eligibility hearing under New York's Domestic Violence Survivors Justice Act. At that hearing, Nikki's defense presented additional professional testimony. Testimony that detailed the rape, torture, and coercive control Nikki endured, and also testimony that explained how that abuse directly shaped her perception of imminent danger on the night Christopher Grover was killed. Even so, Dutchess County Judge Edward McLaughlin declined to grant Nikki relief under the statute. The court acknowledged that the abuse occurred, but they ruled that it did not legally justify mitigation under the actual. So In February of 2020, Nikki was sentenced to 19 years to life in prison. She was remanded to Bedford Hills Correctional Facility, a maximum security prison for women in New York. And from the moment Nikki was taken into custody, her sister Michelle became her constant advocate. Day after day, Michelle took on the responsibility of raising Ben and Faye. She protected them. She helped them maintain a connection to their mother while Nikki was incarcerated. And at the same time, Michelle launched a fight to bring her sister home, A fight against a criminal justice system that, in her view, seemed designed to punish the entire family.

[Narrator/Commentator]

Michelle educated herself on the law. She spoke publicly. She coordinated advocates. And she refused to let Nikki's case fade into silence. On July 31, 2020, Nikki formally appealed her conviction to the New York state court of appeal. Appeals. The appeal was filed by a pro bono team from Sullivan and cromwell llp, One of the most prominent law firms in the country. And I think that alone showed how serious the legal questions in Nikki's case really were.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

The appeal centered on five specific claims. First, Nikki argued that she was wrongfully deprived of counsel of her choice. This referred to the removal of her original attorney Just days before the grand jury presentation. Second, the appeal argued that Nikki was indicted through an unfair process, One that was infected by false testimony presented to the grand jury. Third, Nikki argued that she was denied her right to exercise a peremptory challenge during jury selection, Limiting her ability to help shape a fair jury. Fourth, the appeal challenged erroneous evidentiary rulings, Rulings that prevented Nikki from fully presenting her defense, including critical evidence of abuse and expert testimony explaining its relevance. And finally, Nikki argued that she should have received a reduced sentence under the domestic violence survivors justice act, Given the documentation connected between the abuse she endured and the shooting.

[Narrator/Commentator]

And this appeal didn't go unnoticed.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

Three amicus briefs were submitted in support of Nikki's arguments. One was filed by the New York state assembly members and senators, Lawmakers who had supported and passed the domestic violence survivors justice act. They argued that the law had been misapplied In Nikhi's case, Another brief came from a broad coalition of domestic violence organizations, including sanctuary for Families, Day 1, New York, the National Network to End Domestic Violence, Safe Horizon, Her justice, the Urban resource institute, the urban justice center, the Empire justice center, the New York legal assistant group, the New York alliance against sexual assault, and the lawyers committee against domestic violence. That's a lot. And together, they argued that the trial failed to account for the realities of coercive control, trauma, and survival. The third brief was submitted by the New York City bar association's professional ethics committee, Raising concerns about fairness and due process in the handling of Nikki's case. And all three briefs raised the same fundamental question. What does justice look like when survival is treated as a crime?

[Narrator/Commentator]

So the following year, on July 14, the New York State Supreme Court Second Department Appellate Division issued its ruling. The court upheld Nikki's conviction, but it significantly reduced her sentence. Under the Domestic Violence Survivors justice act, her sentence was reduced to seven and a half years, including the time that she already served.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

In its decision, the Appellate division sharply criticized the lower court's handling of Nikki's case. The judges wrote that they rejected the county court's methodology, approach, application, and analysis. They stated that Nikki had established that Christopher Grover repeatedly abused her physically and sexually. The court also rejected the idea that Nikki could have avoided killing simply by leaving, calling that belief outdated and disconnected from the realities of domestic violence and coercive control. They said it was unacceptable to apply archaic notions to modern domestic violence cases. So In November of 2021, Nikki's legal team submitted a formal clemency application to Newark Governor Kathy Hochul. And for the next two years, Nikki's supporters pleaded publicly and persistently for clemency. But the governor remained silent.

[Narrator/Commentator]

For anyone unfamiliar, clemency is a process where a governor can grant relief from punishment either through a commutation, which reduces a sentence while the conviction remains, or a pardon, which forgives the offense altogether. It's an acknowledgment that continued punishment would just be unjust. But in Nikki's case, that relief never came.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

In February of 2023, while still incarcerated, Nikki spoke publicly about her case. She said it was difficult for people to understand how someone can be both a victim and a perpetrator. She reflected on her early relationship with Chris, saying that she believed that if she could make him happy, the abuse would stop. But as the violence escalated, Nikki sought support from Sara Caprioli, her therapist, through the county's victim services department. And when Nikki discovered the pornographic images Chris had posted online, she described experiencing an entirely new level of shame. Nikki also spoke about the impact of incarceration on her children. Weekly prison visits were both essential and heartbreaking. Yet Nikki continued parenting from behind bars with intention and effort. She believed staying with Chris was protecting her children. Now she was learning to live with what happened, the pain she caused Chris, family, and the reality of what could never be undone.

[Narrator/Commentator]

And I think that reflection alone says a lot about who Nikki is. She worked on herself. She worked on her relationship with her children. Until January 4, 2024, after more than six years behind bars, Nikki was released on parole. She walked out of prison free, returning to her family after surviving abuse, torture, and incarceration.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

So in announcing her release, the Nicole Adamondo Community Defense Committee called it a dream come true, not only for Nikki, but for all criminalized survivors. Her release was made possible by thousands of people and organizations. Those who shared her story signed petitions, called officials, donated and organized. Today, Nikki is living with her sister and their children. Just weeks later, on January 13th of 2024, Michelle Horton published a memoir titled Dear Sister, A memoir of secrets, survival, and unbreakable Bonds. In it, Michelle traces their lives from childhood through abuse, incarceration, and advocacy, documenting what it meant to fight for her sister while raising her children and navigating a system that felt stacked against them.

[Narrator/Commentator]

The book is about what happens to families when abuse is hidden, misunderstood, and criminalized. Because women's prisons are filled with survivors of domestic violence, a 2024 Stanford University study surveyed women women incarcerated for killing their partners. The majority had experienced domestic violence in the year leading up to the offense, and most were classified as being in extreme danger Shortly before the crime.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

In New York, the Department of corrections found that 67% of women imprisoned for killing someone close to them had been abused by that person. Nationwide, the ACLU reports that nearly 60% of women in prison have a documented history of physical or sexual abortion abuse. And in some facilities, that number is as high as 94%. And sentencing disparities persist. Men who kill their female partners receive an average sentence of two to six years, and women who kill their male partners receive an average sentence of 15 years, despite the fact that most women who do kill do so in the context of self defense against abuse.

[Narrator/Commentator]

So for survivors, the criminal justice system can become another layer of trauma where they're disbelieved, searched, dehumanized, and often retraumatized by the very systems that are meant to protect them.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

And that brings us back to why laws like the Domestic Violence Survivors justice act matter. The law doesn't erase what happened to Nikki, but for the first time, it acknowledged her reality. It made her feel heard. Before she was sentenced, Nikki addressed the court. And her words say everything we've been talking about. It says, I am so sorry for the pain, the deep, devastating loss that so many people feel as a result of my action. I'm sorry for the broken hearts and families that will never feel whole again. I'll live with this. What I did, what I didn't do for the rest of my life. I wish more than anything this ended another way. If it had, I wouldn't be in this courtroom. But I wouldn't be alive either. I wanted to live. I wanted this all to stop. I was afraid to stay, afraid to leave, afraid that nobody would believe me. Afraid of losing everything. This is why women don't leave. I know killing is not a solution and staying hurts, but leaving doesn't mean living. Often we end up dead or where I'm standing. Alive but still not free. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, you are not alone and help is available in the United States. You can contact the Domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE or visit thehotline.org support is confidential and available 24 7.

[Narrator/Commentator]

And if you want to learn more about Nikki's case or about advocacy for criminalized survivors survivors, you can visit the We Stand With Nikki Facebook page or we standwithnikki.com that's we standwith n I k k I.com thank you all so.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

Much for listening to Crime Salad. We encourage you to stay curious, take care of yourself, take care of each other, and if you enjoyed this episode, consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might find it meaningful. We will see you next time. Foreign. Drama, pop culture chaos and honest takes are your love language. You'll want all about TRH Podcast in your feed. Hosted by Roxanne and Chantel, this show breaks down real housewives, reality TV, and the moments everyone's group chat is arguing about. Roxanne's been spilling Bravo tea since 2010, and yes, we've interviewed housewives royalty like Countess Luann and Teresa Giudice, smart recaps, insider energy and zero fluff. Listen to all about Tear Age podcasts on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. New episodes weekly. Welcome and enter if you dare. Hi, I'm Hallie Kiefer. And I'm Alison Leiby, and together we're the hosts of Ruined, a Scary Movie podcast where Halle tells me the grisly.

[Narrator/Commentator]

Details of a haunting new horror film each week.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

Whether you're a terror hound like me.

[Narrator/Commentator]

Or a scaredy cat like Alison, we've got so many thrills, chills, and obviously kills to share with you. In every episode, it's the podcast that'll.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

Have you saying, that was so funny I should not have listened to it.

[Narrator/Commentator]

At night with all the lights off, from the greats like the Exorcist and Poltergeist to modern classics such as Hereditary. Get out to the freakiest new releases like A Quiet Place and Terrifier, we.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

Ruin em all and will leave you.

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Howling, mostly from laughter sometimes because you're turning into a werewolf.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

Ooh, listen along as I try and guess the movie's twist, predict who will.

[Narrator/Commentator]

Survive and answer the hardest question of who, what would you do? So please listen to new episodes of Ruined every Tuesday on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. And whatever you do, we're begging you.

[Ashley and Ricky (Crime Salad Hosts)]

Please keep it spooky.

[Narrator/Commentator]

If you love those, wait, what? Moments you'll love. Something you should know I'm Mike Carruthers, and on my podcast we explore the fascinating ideas hiding in plain sight, like how elevators change the entire world, how gravity affects your health more than you think, or how to instantly become a better conversationalist. Each episode is fast, fun, and full of insight you'll want to share, so give it a try. Search for something you should know. Wherever you get your podcasts.