BONUS: Why can't America have funnier town names?

Summary

CrimeLess BONUS: Why can't America have funnier town names?

Podcast: CrimeLess
Hosts: Emily Simpson (this episode solo, joined by guest Joe Barrett)
Date: February 28, 2026
Episode Type: Bonus/Light-hearted

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Overview

In this playful bonus episode, Emily Simpson dives into the delightfully odd world of British town names with her friend and British producer, Joe Barrett. While regular co-host Rory Scovel is away, Emily attempts to infect the calm and proper Joe with her American enthusiasm for juvenile humor. The episode explores the origins, pronunciations, and oddities of British place names, with stop-offs in Welsh linguistic territory and a challenge involving the UK’s longest town name. Throughout, Emily asks why America can't match the UK's flair for unintentionally hilarious geography.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Introduction and Setup (02:36–04:02)

• Emily welcomes listeners to the bonus episode and sets the stage for her rabbit-hole obsession: real, silly British town names.
• Explains that Rory couldn’t join, so she brought in Joe Barrett—her podcast producer friend from England—to join the banter.
• Emily: “Joe is sort of the opposite of Rory… He doesn’t seem to find Titty Ho nearly as funny as Rory or me. He’s also just a very good sport.” (03:08)

2. British Authenticity Check (04:03–04:47)

• Emily verifies Joe’s British credentials:
  • Joe was born in Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire.
  • Lives in Berkshire (Royal County, includes Reading).
  • Reading: Known for its “three Bs”—beer, bulbs, and biscuits.
  • Origins of 'Reading Engines' as the demonym for locals (from an ancient red-haired tribe).

3. Why So Many “Bottoms”? (05:00–07:45)

• Emily presents her list of favorite silly UK town names (after excluding “cock/cocks” for sheer volume).
  • Towns cited: Shitterton, Lousy Bush, Donkey Town, Mumbles, Great Snoring, Brown Willy, Pucklechurch, Fanny Barks, Blubber Houses, Queen Camel, Barton and the Beans, Rams Bottom, Loose Bottom, Rotten Bottom.
• Discussion of the prevalence of “Bottom” in town names:
  • Joe: “There was always a place… called Soggy Bottom.” (05:24)
  • “There’s probably quite a lot of towns with ‘top’ in them, too. So there’s a Ram’s Bottom and a Ram’s Top.” (07:14)
  • These refer to geographical features (top/bottom of hills or maps).
• Emily: “And the jokes will write themselves—a top and a bottom?”

4. Fact-Checking and Further Name Revelry (07:46–09:19)

• Live ‘fact-checking’: Joe verifies several names exist.
  • Ramsbottom (visited by Joe, near Manchester).
  • Twat (spelled T-W-A-T-T, in Orkney).
  • Donkey Town (near Joe).
  • Great Snoring (real, has a “Great Snoring Social Club”).
  • Joe: “Doesn’t seem like there’s much going on there.” (09:03)
  • Emily: “I did not say there was much going on in any of these places.” (09:09)

5. Welsh Name Bonus Round (09:20–11:48)

• Emily challenges Joe with “bonus round”: Pronounce impossible Welsh town names.
  • Neither host speaks Welsh, so much laughter ensues.
  • Joe refuses to attempt the first, jokes: “That’s pronounced Cardiff.” (09:56)
  • Emily discovers many Welsh names only have ‘Y’ as a vowel.
  • The ultimate test: the UK's 58-letter town name — Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogogoch.
  • They play a clip of weatherman Liam Dutton successfully pronouncing the full name.
  • Emily: “Holy shit. But we have a video of a weatherman saying it that we’re going to cut in.” (11:15)
  • Joe: “He is a brave, brave man for even attempting this.” (11:47)

6. The World’s Longest Place Names (11:48–12:25)

• Conversation shifts to global contenders:
  • An 85-letter hill name in New Zealand.
  • But the Welsh town is the UK’s “longest official town name”.
  • Emily: “We can all find out together.” (12:14)
  • Joe: “There’s an 85-letter hill in New Zealand, but the place in North West Wales is the longest official town name.” (12:16–12:25)

7. Wrap-up and Tease for Future Episodes (12:25–12:46)

• Emily concludes the game and promises more lighthearted bonus content to come.
  • Emily: “Thanks for tuning in to our second ever bonus episode. More coming, including some very fun stuff.” (12:25)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Emily Simpson:

  • “Trust me when I say that when it comes to silly town names, the United Kingdom does not disappoint.” (02:55)
  • “Why are there so many bottoms, Joe?” (06:53)
  • “There were so many… Wet Wang, Titty Ho.” (08:10)
  • “Holy shit. But we have a video of a weatherman saying it that we’re going to cut in.” (11:13)

• Joe Barrett:

  • “There’s probably quite a lot of towns with ‘top’ in them, too.” (07:14)
  • “Twat is in Orkney, so that’s still the UK. It’s right at the top.” (08:34)
  • “There’s something in Great Snoring called the Great Snoring Social Club, which I like the look of.” (09:19)
  • “There’s an 85-letter hill in New Zealand, but the place in North West Wales is the longest official town name.” (12:16)

• Memorable Laughter:

  • Multiple moments where Joe’s British composure is tested by Emily’s glee over “silly” names.
  • The weatherman clip receives both awe and amusement.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:36 – Emily introduces the episode and the “British town name” obsession.
• 04:03 – Joe confirms his British bona fides and explains Reading’s fame.
• 05:24 – Introduction of “Bottom” names and discussion of local geography.
• 07:46 – Name list reading and live fact-checking (Ramsbottom, Twat, Donkey Town, Great Snoring).
• 09:20 – Bonus round: Unpronounceable Welsh town names and discussion of vowels/language.
• 11:13 – Attempting the 58-letter Llanfair... name and the weatherman video moment.
• 12:16 – The challenge of the longest place names in the world.
• 12:25 – Episode wrap-up and outro.

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Episode Tone and Language

• The conversation is lighthearted, irreverent, and laced with playful British–American cultural exchanges.
• Emily’s childlike glee contrasts with Joe’s measured British calm, making for a fun “straight man/comedian” dynamic.
• Occasional mild profanity (strictly in service of quoting town names).
• The hosts embrace the absurdity with affection, not mockery.

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Summary

This episode is a breezy, good-humored dive into the world of British town names that sound risqué, silly, or curiously literal to American ears. Emily rounds up her favorites, coaxes a few laughs and plenty of explanations out of Joe, and ventures into the challenges presented by the Welsh language. Along the way, she builds the case that the United States (alas) simply cannot compete with the richness of British toponymy. If you love cross-cultural contrasts, linguistic trivia, and the joy of being juvenile about geography, this episode delivers plenty of smiles.

Transcript

[Narrator/Host of Charlie's Place segment]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human. When segregation was a law, one mysterious black club owner, Charlie Fitzgerald had his own rules.

[Emily Simpson]

Segregation in the day, integration at night.

[Joe Barrett]

It was like stepping in another world.

[Narrator/Host of Charlie's Place segment]

Was he a businessman? A criminal? A hero?

[Emily Simpson]

Charlie was an example of power. They had to crush him.

[Narrator/Host of Charlie's Place segment]

Charlie's Place from Atlas Obscura and visit Myrtle Beach. Listen to Charlie's place on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everyone, it's Emily Simpson and Shane Simpson from the Legally Brunette podcast.

[Emily Simpson]

Each week we're bringing you true crime through a legal lens.

[Narrator/Host of Charlie's Place segment]

Whether you want all the facts on the disappearance of Nancy Guthrie or you still need to wrap your head around the Diddy verdict, we're breaking it all down step by step.

[Ryder Strong]

And we're not just lawyers.

[Emily Simpson]

We're also husband and wife. It makes for some pretty entertaining episodes.

[Narrator/Host of Charlie's Place segment]

Listen to Legally brunette on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Emily Simpson]

This is the biggest night in podcasting. The countdown is on to our 2026 iHeart Podcast Awards. Live from south by Southwest, March 16, we'll honor the very best in podcasting from the past year and celebrate the most innovative, talented creators in the industry. It's truly a who's who of the podcasting world. Creativity, knowledge, and passion will all be on full display. And winner of the iHeart podcast award is. See all the nominees [e-mail] podcastawards.

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[Ryder Strong]

this is Ryder Strong and I have a new podcast called the red weather. In 1995, my neighbor Anna Trainor disappeared from a commune. It was nature, trees and praying and drugs.

[Emily Simpson]

So, no, I am not your guru.

[Ryder Strong]

And back then, I lied to everybody.

[Joe Barrett]

They have had this case for 30 years.

[Ryder Strong]

I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth. Listen to the Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Narrator/Host of Charlie's Place segment]

Campsite media smart.

[Emily Simpson]

Hello, crimeless nation, and welcome to our second ever bonus episode. Inspired by one of my favorite rabbit holes from this week's episode, when I read Rory some of my favorite honest to God British town names. What was the second one? Cockermouth. All right, what was the one before that? Bitchfield. Yeah, I'm either gonna go bitchfield or what was the titty one. Due to time constraints and Lane's ruthless editing, I could only get through a handful in the show. But trust me when I say that when it comes to silly town names, the United Kingdom does not disappoint. I spent hours looking at these incredible names and got so excited that I had to share my favorites with you. Unfortunately, Rory was too busy touring America doing stand up comedy to call in and humor me today. So I did the next best thing. I called the first British person I could think of, my friend and the producer of my other podcast, Chameleon Joe Barrett. Joe is sort of the opposite of Rory. For example, he's very calm and measured. He works in journalism, and he doesn't seem to find Titty Ho nearly as funny as Rory or me. He's also just a very good sport. So please listen on as I try to convert this stoic Brit into a childish American. Wish me luck. Welcome, Joe. Let's first establish your bonafides. You are, in fact, British. Can you confirm?

[Joe Barrett]

I am. I'm British. I was born in Huntingdon in Cambridgeshire.

[Emily Simpson]

And you still live in England today?

[Joe Barrett]

I still live in England today. In Berkshire.

[Emily Simpson]

I thought you were in Reading.

[Joe Barrett]

That's in Berkshire. Berkshire is the Royal County.

[Emily Simpson]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe Barrett]

If you're in London and you're traveling to Wales, Reading is the place in between those two places. It's the city of the three Bs. Beer, bulbs and biscuits.

[Emily Simpson]

Bulbs, like what?

[Joe Barrett]

I think light bulbs. But there's often confusion about whether it seeds, because Reading's quite a big garden centre, but I think it's bulbs, as in light bulbs.

[Emily Simpson]

I'm glad we cleared that up. All right.

[Joe Barrett]

And people from Reading are called Reading Engines, as in, I think it's named after an ancient tribe by a guy with red hair.

[Emily Simpson]

So it's a coincidence, but engines, you said? Yeah, I don't think that's appropriate anymore. Well, speaking of inappropriate, we're going to talk about funny British place names, because there are many that are. I was gonna say arguably vulgar, but I don't even think arguably. They're just entertainingly and amusingly vulgar.

[Joe Barrett]

There was always a place growing up near where my grandparents lived, not a million miles away from here, called Soggy Bottom.

[Emily Simpson]

Have heard of it. Can confirm that. Did not make my list, though. But I was gonna say, do you have a favorite silly British town name? But it sounds like there it is. So I'm going to read you a list. Okay. And if you've visited any of these places, let me know. And if you think I'm making them up. I'm not. All right, in no particular order, this is a list of my 15 favorite ridiculous British town names that I found either on Reddit or on one of the many online maps of funny place names. I'm going to read them through once, quickly, and then a second time more slowly. If you happen to know the place, I guess tell me something about it. I don't expect you to, but I'll just. Just in case. And just as a quick side note, I ruled out any place that included the word cock or cox because there are just too many. Apparently in Old English, it means small hill, like mound or stream. Here we go. Shitterton. Lousy Bush. Donkey Town. Mumbles. Great Snoring, Brown Willy. Pucklechurch. Fanny Barks, Blubber Houses. Queen Camel, Barton and the Beans. Rams Bottom. Loose Bottom. Rotten Bottom. Why are there so many bottoms? Joe?

[Joe Barrett]

I've only been to one of these places.

[Emily Simpson]

Which one?

[Joe Barrett]

Ramsbottom.

[Emily Simpson]

And?

[Joe Barrett]

Well, I'm just gonna have to double check.

[Emily Simpson]

Is there a reason that there are so many towns with bottom in the name?

[Joe Barrett]

Well, there's probably quite a lot of towns with top in them, too. So there's a Ram's Bottom and a Ram's Top.

[Emily Simpson]

Okay.

[Joe Barrett]

Ram's Bottom is near Manchester, which is near where my mum is from.

[Emily Simpson]

And is your thinking that there's often. And the jokes will write themselves a top and a bottom? Because it's like the top of a hill and the bottom of a hill. Like, these are towns on a hill.

[Joe Barrett]

This is my guess, but I was thinking more top and bottom of a map.

[Emily Simpson]

Oh, very literal.

[Joe Barrett]

Which is what you want in a map.

[Emily Simpson]

Very, very fair point. Oh, and I forgot I got caught up on the bottom. Twat with two T's. Twat.

[Joe Barrett]

T. I apologize to the residents of Twats.

[Emily Simpson]

Oh, there were so many on the show that we talked. There was this wet wang. There was Titty ho.

[Joe Barrett]

Wet Wang. Well, we don't call them wangs, so

[Emily Simpson]

it's not as funny too. Are you looking some of them up?

[Joe Barrett]

Yes.

[Emily Simpson]

Which one?

[Joe Barrett]

I can't find twats.

[Emily Simpson]

No, there's no S. Twats. T W A T T. How about lousy bush?

[Joe Barrett]

Oh, yeah, Twat. Well, twat is in Orkney, so that's still the uk. It's right at the top.

[Emily Simpson]

There you go. I'm one for one. I'm telling you, I did not make any of them up.

[Joe Barrett]

Give me another one at random.

[Emily Simpson]

Let's go. Donkey Town.

[Joe Barrett]

Yeah, that seems to be real. Not Very far from me, actually.

[Emily Simpson]

Okay, we won't fact check them all. How about Great Snoring?

[Joe Barrett]

Also real. Doesn't seem like there's much going on here.

[Emily Simpson]

I did not say that there was much going on in any of these places. I just. So I think, like random fact checking of three of them have proven that these are real. I think we can assume the entire list is real.

[Joe Barrett]

There's something in Great Snoring called the Great Snoring Social Club, which I like the look of.

[Emily Simpson]

You and I. In the other show that we actually work on, we made an episode in which I had to pronounce a Welsh town name and I screwed it up.

[Joe Barrett]

Yes.

[Emily Simpson]

I'm gonna put a few Welsh names into the DM and you're gonna help me pronounce them. This is the bonus round of our game.

[Joe Barrett]

Okay. I don't speak Welsh, so I understood. And I'm going to get in trouble because I've got a lot of Welsh friends.

[Emily Simpson]

Can you pronounce this one? I'll spell it for listeners. B W, L, C, H, G, W

[Joe Barrett]

Y M. That's pronounced Cardiff.

[Emily Simpson]

How does Welsh work? There are no vowels.

[Joe Barrett]

I'm not sure I can find you a Welsh person.

[Emily Simpson]

You're not even going to try?

[Joe Barrett]

No.

[Emily Simpson]

What about this one? That one is spelled Y S B Y T Y Y S T W Y T H. Again, the only vowel is Y. Yeswy. There you go. Is Y the only vowel in Welsh? It seems to be.

[Joe Barrett]

There's loads of vowels in. In Welsh.

[Emily Simpson]

Yeah. I'll prove that here when I. When I share this one with you. Which is the longest place name in the United Kingdom? It has 58 letters and I will read them here slowly for you. Please play along at home. L, L, A N F A I R P W L, L G W Y N G Y L L G O G E R Y C H W Y R N D R O B W R. I think it's four Ls ll a n t Y S I L I O G O G O G O C H. Holy shit. But we have a video of a weatherman saying it that we're going to cut in. In the sunshine in North West Wales at RAF Mona, just up the road from Llanby to the temperature got to 21 cents. Wow, that's a mouthful. I'm not going to try it. Good work, weatherman. The weatherman for the record is Liam Dutton of England's Channel 4. He is a brave, brave man for even attempting this incredible man, pleased with himself.

[Joe Barrett]

And rightly so.

[Emily Simpson]

Yes, I would also be. I mean he probably was like planning that. He knew that he had to say it and had been practicing.

[Joe Barrett]

Yes, absolutely. Have you looked if there were in other languages even longer place names?

[Emily Simpson]

I have not, but I'm guessing Finnish or Hungarian maybe. Is that the longest place name in the world?

[Joe Barrett]

I can find out. We can all find out.

[Emily Simpson]

We can all find out together.

[Joe Barrett]

There's an 85 letter hill in New Zealand, but the place in North West Wales is the longest official town name.

[Emily Simpson]

Yep, exactly. That concludes our game. Okay, thanks for tuning in to our second ever bonus episode. More coming, including some very fun stuff. We'll see you next week.

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[Ryder Strong]

This is Ryder Strong and I have a new podcast called the red weather. In 1995, my neighbor Anna Trainor disappeared from a commune. It was nature, trees and praying and drugs.

[Emily Simpson]

So no, I am not your guru.

[Ryder Strong]

Back then I lied to everybody.

[Joe Barrett]

They have had this case for 30 years.

[Ryder Strong]

I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth. Listen to the Red weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Narrator/Host of Charlie's Place segment]

When segregation was a law, one mysterious black club owner Charlie Fitzgerald had his own rules.

[Emily Simpson]

Segregation in the day, integration at night.

[Joe Barrett]

It was like stepping on another world.

[Narrator/Host of Charlie's Place segment]

Was he a businessman? A criminal? A hero?

[Emily Simpson]

Charlie was an example of power. They had to crush him.

[Narrator/Host of Charlie's Place segment]

Charlie's Place from Atlas Obscura and visit Myrtle Beach. Listen to Charlie's place on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. When segregation was a law, one mysterious black club owner Charlie Fitzgerald had his

[Emily Simpson]

own rules Segregation in the day, integration at night.

[Joe Barrett]

It was like stepping in another world.

[Narrator/Host of Charlie's Place segment]

Was he a businessman? A criminal? A hero?

[Emily Simpson]

Charlie was an example of power. They had to crush him.

[Narrator/Host of Charlie's Place segment]

Charlie's Place from Atlas Obscura and visit Myrtle Beach. Listen to Charlie's place on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.