CrimeLess BONUS: Why can't America have funnier town names?
Podcast: CrimeLess
Hosts: Emily Simpson (this episode solo, joined by guest Joe Barrett)
Date: February 28, 2026
Episode Type: Bonus/Light-hearted
Overview
In this playful bonus episode, Emily Simpson dives into the delightfully odd world of British town names with her friend and British producer, Joe Barrett. While regular co-host Rory Scovel is away, Emily attempts to infect the calm and proper Joe with her American enthusiasm for juvenile humor. The episode explores the origins, pronunciations, and oddities of British place names, with stop-offs in Welsh linguistic territory and a challenge involving the UK’s longest town name. Throughout, Emily asks why America can't match the UK's flair for unintentionally hilarious geography.
Key Discussion Points and Insights
1. Introduction and Setup (02:36–04:02)
- Emily welcomes listeners to the bonus episode and sets the stage for her rabbit-hole obsession: real, silly British town names.
- Explains that Rory couldn’t join, so she brought in Joe Barrett—her podcast producer friend from England—to join the banter.
- Emily: “Joe is sort of the opposite of Rory… He doesn’t seem to find Titty Ho nearly as funny as Rory or me. He’s also just a very good sport.” (03:08)
2. British Authenticity Check (04:03–04:47)
- Emily verifies Joe’s British credentials:
- Joe was born in Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire.
- Lives in Berkshire (Royal County, includes Reading).
- Reading: Known for its “three Bs”—beer, bulbs, and biscuits.
- Origins of 'Reading Engines' as the demonym for locals (from an ancient red-haired tribe).
3. Why So Many “Bottoms”? (05:00–07:45)
- Emily presents her list of favorite silly UK town names (after excluding “cock/cocks” for sheer volume).
- Towns cited: Shitterton, Lousy Bush, Donkey Town, Mumbles, Great Snoring, Brown Willy, Pucklechurch, Fanny Barks, Blubber Houses, Queen Camel, Barton and the Beans, Rams Bottom, Loose Bottom, Rotten Bottom.
- Discussion of the prevalence of “Bottom” in town names:
- Joe: “There was always a place… called Soggy Bottom.” (05:24)
- “There’s probably quite a lot of towns with ‘top’ in them, too. So there’s a Ram’s Bottom and a Ram’s Top.” (07:14)
- These refer to geographical features (top/bottom of hills or maps).
- Emily: “And the jokes will write themselves—a top and a bottom?”
4. Fact-Checking and Further Name Revelry (07:46–09:19)
- Live ‘fact-checking’: Joe verifies several names exist.
- Ramsbottom (visited by Joe, near Manchester).
- Twat (spelled T-W-A-T-T, in Orkney).
- Donkey Town (near Joe).
- Great Snoring (real, has a “Great Snoring Social Club”).
- Joe: “Doesn’t seem like there’s much going on there.” (09:03)
- Emily: “I did not say there was much going on in any of these places.” (09:09)
5. Welsh Name Bonus Round (09:20–11:48)
- Emily challenges Joe with “bonus round”: Pronounce impossible Welsh town names.
- Neither host speaks Welsh, so much laughter ensues.
- Joe refuses to attempt the first, jokes: “That’s pronounced Cardiff.” (09:56)
- Emily discovers many Welsh names only have ‘Y’ as a vowel.
- The ultimate test: the UK's 58-letter town name — Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
- They play a clip of weatherman Liam Dutton successfully pronouncing the full name.
- Emily: “Holy shit. But we have a video of a weatherman saying it that we’re going to cut in.” (11:15)
- Joe: “He is a brave, brave man for even attempting this.” (11:47)
6. The World’s Longest Place Names (11:48–12:25)
- Conversation shifts to global contenders:
- An 85-letter hill name in New Zealand.
- But the Welsh town is the UK’s “longest official town name”.
- Emily: “We can all find out together.” (12:14)
- Joe: “There’s an 85-letter hill in New Zealand, but the place in North West Wales is the longest official town name.” (12:16–12:25)
7. Wrap-up and Tease for Future Episodes (12:25–12:46)
- Emily concludes the game and promises more lighthearted bonus content to come.
- Emily: “Thanks for tuning in to our second ever bonus episode. More coming, including some very fun stuff.” (12:25)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
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Emily Simpson:
- “Trust me when I say that when it comes to silly town names, the United Kingdom does not disappoint.” (02:55)
- “Why are there so many bottoms, Joe?” (06:53)
- “There were so many… Wet Wang, Titty Ho.” (08:10)
- “Holy shit. But we have a video of a weatherman saying it that we’re going to cut in.” (11:13)
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Joe Barrett:
- “There’s probably quite a lot of towns with ‘top’ in them, too.” (07:14)
- “Twat is in Orkney, so that’s still the UK. It’s right at the top.” (08:34)
- “There’s something in Great Snoring called the Great Snoring Social Club, which I like the look of.” (09:19)
- “There’s an 85-letter hill in New Zealand, but the place in North West Wales is the longest official town name.” (12:16)
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Memorable Laughter:
- Multiple moments where Joe’s British composure is tested by Emily’s glee over “silly” names.
- The weatherman clip receives both awe and amusement.
Timestamps for Important Segments
- 02:36 – Emily introduces the episode and the “British town name” obsession.
- 04:03 – Joe confirms his British bona fides and explains Reading’s fame.
- 05:24 – Introduction of “Bottom” names and discussion of local geography.
- 07:46 – Name list reading and live fact-checking (Ramsbottom, Twat, Donkey Town, Great Snoring).
- 09:20 – Bonus round: Unpronounceable Welsh town names and discussion of vowels/language.
- 11:13 – Attempting the 58-letter Llanfair... name and the weatherman video moment.
- 12:16 – The challenge of the longest place names in the world.
- 12:25 – Episode wrap-up and outro.
Episode Tone and Language
- The conversation is lighthearted, irreverent, and laced with playful British–American cultural exchanges.
- Emily’s childlike glee contrasts with Joe’s measured British calm, making for a fun “straight man/comedian” dynamic.
- Occasional mild profanity (strictly in service of quoting town names).
- The hosts embrace the absurdity with affection, not mockery.
Summary
This episode is a breezy, good-humored dive into the world of British town names that sound risqué, silly, or curiously literal to American ears. Emily rounds up her favorites, coaxes a few laughs and plenty of explanations out of Joe, and ventures into the challenges presented by the Welsh language. Along the way, she builds the case that the United States (alas) simply cannot compete with the richness of British toponymy. If you love cross-cultural contrasts, linguistic trivia, and the joy of being juvenile about geography, this episode delivers plenty of smiles.