CrimeLess: "How to (Not) Hire a Hitman"

Podcast: CrimeLess
Hosts: Rory Scoville (Comedian), Josh Dean (Journalist/True Crime Podcaster)
Episode Date: December 3, 2025

Episode Overview

The debut episode of CrimeLess dives into the bizarre world of murder-for-hire gone wrong, focusing on real-life cases where would-be criminals tried (and spectacularly failed) to hire a hitman—usually falling for the least convincing traps imaginable. The hosts investigate whether professional hitmen actually exist outside of movies and pop culture, break down the legendary "RentAHitman.com" sting, share hilarious commentary, and finish with a tongue-in-cheek personality quiz imagining their own hitman alter-egos.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introducing the Hosts and Show Theme

• Josh Dean and Rory Scoville set the stage for CrimeLess as a podcast that “celebrates the amazing creativity of the world’s dumbest criminals.” (04:41)
• Rory: “I will participate with you, the audience, in having my mind blown at how absolutely absurd the criminals of this country and world can be.” (03:08)

2. Today's Main Story: The RentAHitman.com Saga

Case of Wendy Wein ("How NOT to Hire a Hitman")

• Location: South Rockwood, Michigan, July 2020.
• Background: Wendy Wein, a disgruntled divorcee, attempts to find a hitman online to kill her ex-husband over alleged stolen money.
  • "She needed her ex-husband six feet under. Wow." – Josh Dean (06:47)
• Modern 'Hitman for Hire' Shopping:
  • Instead of “asking the bartender at the divest bar,” Wendy turns to Google—landing on the notorious RentAHitman.com.
  • “This is actually how we do one of our plugs for one of our sponsors—if you’re looking to off somebody, don’t be afraid of hitman.com.” – Rory (07:55)
• Website Absurdity & Obvious Red Flags:
  • Hosts mock the site’s claim to have “17,985 field operatives who have been 'whacking woes since Prohibition.'" (09:56)
  • Features like the "Hitman Information Privacy and Protection Act of 1964" (HIPPA) lampoon legitimacy.
  • “It felt like an SNL sketch.” – Rory (11:32)
  • Wendy, displaying some skepticism, still proceeds with the 'application', even emailing to ask why they’re not on the dark web—quickly assured by ‘Guido’ the ‘consultant’. (11:42)
  • "Nice try, but I'm not trying to get arrested… I prefer not going to jail. Thanks for your time." – Josh, reading Wendy’s email (11:53)
• The (Predictable) Sting:
  • By arranging to meet a “hitman” at a cafe (during a pandemic), Wendy falls straight into a police trap. She’s immediately arrested and eventually sentenced to 7–20 years for solicitation of murder and using a computer to commit a crime. (14:34, 20:36)
  • “The cops had bids going at the station. Who is going to fall for this? And, you know, someone was like, we're going to get one person.” – Rory (14:40)

Why Does RentAHitman.com Exist?

• Origins: Creator Bob Innis originally registered the site for an unrelated IT business, discovered he was getting serious requests, and began forwarding them to police. (15:15–16:43)
  • “He finds there are quite a few messages from people asking to have their wife or husband… murdered.” – Josh (15:41)
• Current Usage: He revised the site to make the parody (and warning signs) even more obvious to avoid entrapment claims, yet would-be clients still flood his inbox.
  • “He gives it a redesign to make it even more obvious that it's a fake...” – Josh (16:43)
  • 400+ requests with around 10% taken seriously by police. (19:25, 19:49)

Bonus Fail: The Would-Be Hitman Applicant

• Josiah Ernesto Garcia Case (2023):
  • Air National Guardsman out of work applies to become a “field operative” via the RentAHitman.com job page.
  • Application includes questions like “Can you keep your yap shut?” and “Do you stay cool like a cannoli in the fridge?” (22:04)
  • Hosts mock the earnestness of sending in resumes and ID to a supposed murder-for-hire operation.
    • "[He] even brags he's been given the nickname Reaper... in marksmanship." – Josh (23:13)
  • Josiah gets arrested in an FBI sting after accepting a fictional “assignment”—receives 5 years probation. (24:46, 25:20)
  • “I hope for all of these, the judge during sentencing just crushed for five minutes, rip roasting, like, I can't believe you fell for this website!” – Rory (25:29)

3. Are Real Hitmen Even Out There? (30:03–39:13)

• Hosts’ Ambivalence: Both want to believe that ‘real’ hitmen must exist, but doubt any working pro would be visible to authorities or the public. (30:08)
  • “If these people really do exist, they're probably too good to get caught.” – Josh (30:51)
• Most Real Cases:
  • “The majority of murder for hire cases are one-offs. It's basically you call up the sketchiest guy you know and ask if he'll kill your ex-wife's hot new boyfriend for $200.” – Josh (32:05)
  • “As far as I can tell, most hitmen as we imagine them in movies are cops—like undercover cops pretending to be killers, as we saw in the first act of our story.” – Josh (32:47)

Profiles in Undercover Hitman-dom: Gary Johnson

• Featured in the movie 'Hitman' (Netflix, 2024).
• Worked as a staff investigator in Houston; became the most prolific fake hitman, catching criminals with elaborate undercover operations and “Laurence Olivier” grade role-play. (33:21–34:28)
• Notable stings include a teenager paying in Atari games and coins, and a Republican club VP trying to off her oil heir husband with a $200,000 jewelry down payment. (36:30–37:17)
• “He was chosen sort of at random at first. But when that worked, the word spread and eventually he became the go-to fake hitman in Houston.” – Josh (33:36)
• “Because people are—God bless them—often really stupid, they keep falling for it.” – Rory (36:19)

4. Personality Quiz: What Kind of Hitman Are You? (43:10–49:55)

• Lane Rose (Producer) hosts a parody “hitman personality quiz,” poking fun at the entire concept.
  • "If awards were for hitman, you'd have an EGOT—like John Wick and Dexter combined." – Lane to Rory (47:33)
• Results: Rory is the elite “savant,” Josh is a cross between “the chill guy and the cold-blooded killer.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I think that absolutely sums it up.” – Rory, on the show’s scope (02:55)
• "I love engaging with the bartender—how many times does a bartender be like, why does everyone come in here and think I know who the murderers are?" – Rory (08:29)
• “RentAHitman.com is not a trap. It's got to be a legit thing because, like, it's on the open.” – Josh (09:38; sarcasm)
• "[RentAHitman.com] felt like an SNL sketch." – Rory (11:32)
• “Do you stay cool like a cannoli in the fridge?” – Josh (22:04, reading from the job application)
• “I think you are more than likely in trouble. In fact, the moment you meet [a hitman], you should try to reverse it and act like you’re undercover, arresting them.” – Rory (39:13)
• “I'm going to go with poison… because I'm wearing a Dead T-shirt. I could pretend that it's acid that I'm putting on sugar cubes for people.” – Josh, in the hitman personality quiz (45:17)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro & Show Mission: 02:05–04:35
• Wendy Wein & RentAHitman Story Starts: 06:07
• RentAHitman.com Features Unpacked: 09:56
• Wendy’s Arrest & Aftermath: 14:34–20:36
• Site Creator Bob Innis’ Backstory: 15:15–16:43
• Would-Be Hitman Applicant (Josiah Garcia): 21:20–25:29
• Discussion: Are Real Hitmen Out There?: 30:03–39:13
• Houston Undercover ‘Hitman’ Gary Johnson: 33:21–38:04
• Fake Hitman Quiz/Game: 43:10–49:55

Tone & Style

The episode maintains a breezy, irreverent, and satirical tone throughout, with lots of improvisational humor, sarcastic asides, comedic accents, and playful banter anchoring the breakdown of truly absurd criminal behavior.

Conclusion

The CrimeLess episode uses the outrageous stories of RentAHitman.com and hapless would-be criminals to explore the gap between pop-culture myth and reality, exposing the persistent stupidity—and dangerous gullibility—of those who think murder for hire can be a point-and-click service. In the end, the hosts and their producer gamify the concept to poke fun at the archetype, wrapping the episode in a tongue-in-cheek quiz. Their verdict: if you try to hire a hitman online, you're not just breaking the law—you're probably headed for a punchline.

Next week: More dumb criminals and, maybe, fewer fake mafia accents.