CrimeLess Podcast Summary
Episode: Local Teens Snort Dog Bones
Air Date: December 10, 2025
Hosts: Rory Scoville (comedian), Josh Dean (journalist and true crime podcaster)
Producer: iHeartPodcasts + Smartless Media
Episode Overview
This episode explores the world of "fake drugs"—from the hilarious to the tragically bizarre. Hosts Josh Dean and Rory Scoville recount true stories where teens mistake cremated remains for drugs (with bad results), discuss the prevalence of phony substances in drug culture, and dissect the law and psychology behind both the accidental and intentional use/sale of fake narcotics. The show blends dark humor with genuine curiosity and surprising factoids, perfect for anyone who loves twisty true crime with a comedic edge.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The Weirdest (and Worst) Things Snorted [01:35]
- Start with Levity: Josh and Rory trade stories about the oddest things they've snorted: erasers (Rory) and snuff (Josh).
- Quote: "If you were trying to get me to do drugs, I'll never give you that, Josh." — Rory [01:39]
- Immediate Fact Check: Rory is incredulous about snorting snuff, but a quick break leads to validation: yes, people do snort snuff.
- Quote: "I would just like to let everyone know during the break, we looked it up. Josh was right." — Rory [03:33]
2. Introduction to Fake Drugs and Oregano Tales [04:59]
- Personal Anecdotes: Josh admits to smoking oregano in high school, thinking it was weed.
3. Headline Story: Florida Teens Mistake Cremated Ashes for Cocaine [05:09 – 09:53]
- Incident Description: Five young burglars in Silver Springs Shores, Florida, stole vases containing the ashes of a woman's father and her two Great Danes, mistaking them for cocaine.
- Quote: "Why the hell would some kids steal urns filled with ashes? Because, of course, they thought it was cocaine." — Josh [07:47]
- What Happened: Teens actually tried snorting the ashes before realizing their mistake. They then disposed of the ashes in a lake.
- Social Commentary: Rory expresses disbelief at the confusion between ashes and cocaine:
- Quote: "I’ve got to assume there are some obvious textural and color differences between human ashes and cocaine." — Rory [10:01]
4. It's Not Just a Florida Problem: Similar Crimes Across the US and UK [10:10 – 17:44]
- Missouri "Copycat": In 2015, Missouri teens stole human ashes, also thinking they’d found cocaine. They tasted the ashes and tossed them—caught later via the stolen Xbox’s IP address.
- Quote: "The sum total of this is that the snorting of ashes, intentional or otherwise, is at least enough of a thing to have given birth to a name. Cremaine lining..." — Josh [14:11]
- UK Cases: The phenomenon reaches the UK, where thieves arranged pet ashes into “cocaine-style lines.”
- Quote (UK victim): "It was horrible knowing that they were in my house, but the idea of them trying to get high on a dead dog certainly made me feel a bit better." — As quoted by Josh [16:33]
5. "Cremaine-Lining" and Its Urban Myth Status [14:11 – 15:33]
- Defining the Term: The Urban Dictionary definition: “snorting your dead friend’s ashes.”
- Trend or Hype?: Citing Psychology Today, most cases are mistakes, not intentional. No need to panic about a TikTok challenge (yet).
6. Beyond Urban Legends: Keith Richards Sets the Bar [18:31 – 19:36]
- Celebrity Edition: The infamous case of Keith Richards admitting he snorted his father’s ashes mixed with cocaine.
- Quote (Keith Richards): "He was cremated, and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn’t have cared.” — Josh [18:32]
7. Is Snorting Human Ashes Dangerous? [20:00 – 23:01]
- Reddit Weighs In: They read aloud from a real Reddit thread debating the risks and psycho-social implications.
- Quote (Reddit): “If a person wants to snort cremated remains... visits to a therapist or psychologist... would be more appropriate.” — Lane Rose [21:28]
- Hosts’ Take: Carcinogens from embalming and plastics make it unsafe; also, it's just... weird.
- Rory on Hypotheticals: Would he ever snort his wife's ashes? A definitive “no”—unless in an unthinkably dark place [23:49].
8. The Larger World of Fake Drug Sales [29:12 – 30:34]
- From Hilarious to Deadly: Transition from silly teen crime to the dangers of counterfeit drugs, highlighting real-life DOJ cases involving fake cancer drugs and fentanyl.
- Comedic Reset: A riff on the "tobacco bong" gag lightens the mood.
9. Is It Illegal to Sell Fake Drugs? [30:47 – 31:33]
- Legal 101: It’s illegal in most states to sell a substance, pass it off as a drug, or misrepresent legal substances as controlled ones:
- Quote: "It is illegal...even if you know they're fake." — Josh [31:06]
- Potential Penalties: Specific statutes exist, along with fraud charges or “street justice.”
10. The CIA’s Award-Winning Fake Weed [32:11 – 35:36]
- History's Funniest Fake Drug Story: In the 1970s, the CIA, unable to legally transport real weed to a medical conference, invented hyper-realistic “pseudo marijuana.”
- Quote: "But this erzatz Mary Jane cooked up by the agency scientists was so realistic, even when burned, that it fooled people. The booth won first prize at the conference..." — Josh [34:10]
- Legacy: Claims this makes the CIA the "best maker of fake drugs in America." [35:30]
11. Game Time: Street Slang For Drugs [41:09 – 45:38]
- Hosts & Producer Play Quiz Show: Rory, Lane, and Danny guess which slang terms for various drugs are fake, with plenty of banter and confusion.
- Hilarious Standout: "Peppers" for Adderall, "Bernice" for cocaine, "Ivory Mist" for bath salts, all fabricated by Josh.
- Memorable Game Exchange:
- Quote: “Hey, you got any peppers?” — Rory, imagining slang catching on [42:31]
Memorable Moments & Quotes
- Ashes Mistaken for Cocaine: "Do you think this is the only time in human history this has ever happened? I wonder how common of an error this is." — Rory [09:37]
- On Posting Vacations to Facebook: "Please don't announce your vacations on Facebook." — Josh [13:24]
- The CIA’s Fake Weed Booth at AMA: "The booth won first prize at the conference, which is now maybe my favorite fact about the CIA." — Josh [34:10]
- Keith Richards and the Extremes of Rock: “Any sort of rocker, drug thing, I’m like, well, has anyone gone further than Keith Richards?” — Rory [19:04]
- Street Slang Game Banter: “Meow Meow is real. That’s insane. Meow Meow, Meow Meow! Just here to get some Meow Meow!” — Rory [44:24]
Notable Timestamps
- [01:35] – Podcasters’ drug-sampling confessions (safe for work!)
- [05:09] – The Florida dog-ash-cocaine heist
- [07:47] – Why the ashes were stolen and what happened
- [10:10] – The Missouri copycat case
- [14:11] – “Cremaine-lining” gets its name
- [16:33] – UK thieves and the dead dog line anecdote
- [18:31] – Keith Richards’ infamous confession
- [21:28] – Reddit weighs in on snorting ashes
- [29:12] – Shifting to the serious world of fake drugs
- [32:11] – The CIA’s faux weed wins blue ribbon
- [41:09] – Drug slang quiz game and wild riffing
Tone & Takeaway
The episode is comedic but grounded in genuine curiosity about the criminally bizarre. The hosts’ chemistry fuels playful, irreverent banter—while also providing surprising edification on the strangeness of the real and imagined drug underworld.
Listeners will come away with:
- Hilarious true crime anecdotes (teens snorting grandma’s ashes is, apparently, not isolated)
- Real and weird historical footnotes (the CIA outwitting conference judges with synthetic pot)
- Darker truths about fake pharmaceuticals and legal complexities
- Fun trivia (e.g., the origins of “cremaine-lining” and obscure, real street names for drugs)
This episode is a fast, funny, and informative listen—delivering on the podcast’s mission to make you a more interesting party guest (with just enough horror to curb any urge to ever snort an unknown powder).