Local Teens Snort Dog Bones

Summary

CrimeLess Podcast Summary

Episode: Local Teens Snort Dog Bones
Air Date: December 10, 2025
Hosts: Rory Scoville (comedian), Josh Dean (journalist and true crime podcaster)
Producer: iHeartPodcasts + Smartless Media

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Episode Overview

This episode explores the world of "fake drugs"—from the hilarious to the tragically bizarre. Hosts Josh Dean and Rory Scoville recount true stories where teens mistake cremated remains for drugs (with bad results), discuss the prevalence of phony substances in drug culture, and dissect the law and psychology behind both the accidental and intentional use/sale of fake narcotics. The show blends dark humor with genuine curiosity and surprising factoids, perfect for anyone who loves twisty true crime with a comedic edge.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Weirdest (and Worst) Things Snorted [01:35]

• Start with Levity: Josh and Rory trade stories about the oddest things they've snorted: erasers (Rory) and snuff (Josh).
  • Quote: "If you were trying to get me to do drugs, I'll never give you that, Josh." — Rory [01:39]
• Immediate Fact Check: Rory is incredulous about snorting snuff, but a quick break leads to validation: yes, people do snort snuff.
  • Quote: "I would just like to let everyone know during the break, we looked it up. Josh was right." — Rory [03:33]

2. Introduction to Fake Drugs and Oregano Tales [04:59]

• Personal Anecdotes: Josh admits to smoking oregano in high school, thinking it was weed.

3. Headline Story: Florida Teens Mistake Cremated Ashes for Cocaine [05:09 – 09:53]

• Incident Description: Five young burglars in Silver Springs Shores, Florida, stole vases containing the ashes of a woman's father and her two Great Danes, mistaking them for cocaine.
  • Quote: "Why the hell would some kids steal urns filled with ashes? Because, of course, they thought it was cocaine." — Josh [07:47]
• What Happened: Teens actually tried snorting the ashes before realizing their mistake. They then disposed of the ashes in a lake.
• Social Commentary: Rory expresses disbelief at the confusion between ashes and cocaine:
  • Quote: "I’ve got to assume there are some obvious textural and color differences between human ashes and cocaine." — Rory [10:01]

4. It's Not Just a Florida Problem: Similar Crimes Across the US and UK [10:10 – 17:44]

• Missouri "Copycat": In 2015, Missouri teens stole human ashes, also thinking they’d found cocaine. They tasted the ashes and tossed them—caught later via the stolen Xbox’s IP address.
  • Quote: "The sum total of this is that the snorting of ashes, intentional or otherwise, is at least enough of a thing to have given birth to a name. Cremaine lining..." — Josh [14:11]
• UK Cases: The phenomenon reaches the UK, where thieves arranged pet ashes into “cocaine-style lines.”
  • Quote (UK victim): "It was horrible knowing that they were in my house, but the idea of them trying to get high on a dead dog certainly made me feel a bit better." — As quoted by Josh [16:33]

5. "Cremaine-Lining" and Its Urban Myth Status [14:11 – 15:33]

• Defining the Term: The Urban Dictionary definition: “snorting your dead friend’s ashes.”
• Trend or Hype?: Citing Psychology Today, most cases are mistakes, not intentional. No need to panic about a TikTok challenge (yet).

6. Beyond Urban Legends: Keith Richards Sets the Bar [18:31 – 19:36]

• Celebrity Edition: The infamous case of Keith Richards admitting he snorted his father’s ashes mixed with cocaine.
  • Quote (Keith Richards): "He was cremated, and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn’t have cared.” — Josh [18:32]

7. Is Snorting Human Ashes Dangerous? [20:00 – 23:01]

• Reddit Weighs In: They read aloud from a real Reddit thread debating the risks and psycho-social implications.
  • Quote (Reddit): “If a person wants to snort cremated remains... visits to a therapist or psychologist... would be more appropriate.” — Lane Rose [21:28]
• Hosts’ Take: Carcinogens from embalming and plastics make it unsafe; also, it's just... weird.
• Rory on Hypotheticals: Would he ever snort his wife's ashes? A definitive “no”—unless in an unthinkably dark place [23:49].

8. The Larger World of Fake Drug Sales [29:12 – 30:34]

• From Hilarious to Deadly: Transition from silly teen crime to the dangers of counterfeit drugs, highlighting real-life DOJ cases involving fake cancer drugs and fentanyl.
• Comedic Reset: A riff on the "tobacco bong" gag lightens the mood.

9. Is It Illegal to Sell Fake Drugs? [30:47 – 31:33]

• Legal 101: It’s illegal in most states to sell a substance, pass it off as a drug, or misrepresent legal substances as controlled ones:
  • Quote: "It is illegal...even if you know they're fake." — Josh [31:06]
• Potential Penalties: Specific statutes exist, along with fraud charges or “street justice.”

10. The CIA’s Award-Winning Fake Weed [32:11 – 35:36]

• History's Funniest Fake Drug Story: In the 1970s, the CIA, unable to legally transport real weed to a medical conference, invented hyper-realistic “pseudo marijuana.”
  • Quote: "But this erzatz Mary Jane cooked up by the agency scientists was so realistic, even when burned, that it fooled people. The booth won first prize at the conference..." — Josh [34:10]
• Legacy: Claims this makes the CIA the "best maker of fake drugs in America." [35:30]

11. Game Time: Street Slang For Drugs [41:09 – 45:38]

• Hosts & Producer Play Quiz Show: Rory, Lane, and Danny guess which slang terms for various drugs are fake, with plenty of banter and confusion.
• Hilarious Standout: "Peppers" for Adderall, "Bernice" for cocaine, "Ivory Mist" for bath salts, all fabricated by Josh.
• Memorable Game Exchange:
  • Quote: “Hey, you got any peppers?” — Rory, imagining slang catching on [42:31]

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Ashes Mistaken for Cocaine: "Do you think this is the only time in human history this has ever happened? I wonder how common of an error this is." — Rory [09:37]
• On Posting Vacations to Facebook: "Please don't announce your vacations on Facebook." — Josh [13:24]
• The CIA’s Fake Weed Booth at AMA: "The booth won first prize at the conference, which is now maybe my favorite fact about the CIA." — Josh [34:10]
• Keith Richards and the Extremes of Rock: “Any sort of rocker, drug thing, I’m like, well, has anyone gone further than Keith Richards?” — Rory [19:04]
• Street Slang Game Banter: “Meow Meow is real. That’s insane. Meow Meow, Meow Meow! Just here to get some Meow Meow!” — Rory [44:24]

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Notable Timestamps

• [01:35] – Podcasters’ drug-sampling confessions (safe for work!)
• [05:09] – The Florida dog-ash-cocaine heist
• [07:47] – Why the ashes were stolen and what happened
• [10:10] – The Missouri copycat case
• [14:11] – “Cremaine-lining” gets its name
• [16:33] – UK thieves and the dead dog line anecdote
• [18:31] – Keith Richards’ infamous confession
• [21:28] – Reddit weighs in on snorting ashes
• [29:12] – Shifting to the serious world of fake drugs
• [32:11] – The CIA’s faux weed wins blue ribbon
• [41:09] – Drug slang quiz game and wild riffing

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Tone & Takeaway

The episode is comedic but grounded in genuine curiosity about the criminally bizarre. The hosts’ chemistry fuels playful, irreverent banter—while also providing surprising edification on the strangeness of the real and imagined drug underworld.

Listeners will come away with:

• Hilarious true crime anecdotes (teens snorting grandma’s ashes is, apparently, not isolated)
• Real and weird historical footnotes (the CIA outwitting conference judges with synthetic pot)
• Darker truths about fake pharmaceuticals and legal complexities
• Fun trivia (e.g., the origins of “cremaine-lining” and obscure, real street names for drugs)

This episode is a fast, funny, and informative listen—delivering on the podcast’s mission to make you a more interesting party guest (with just enough horror to curb any urge to ever snort an unknown powder).

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Transcript

[Josh Dean]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Hi, Kyle.

[Evan Ratliff]

Could you draw up a quick document with a basic business plan, just one page as a Google Doc and send me the link. Thanks.

[Josh Dean]

Hey, just finished drawing up that quick one page business plan for you. Here's the link.

[Evan Ratliff]

But there was no link. There was no business plan. I hadn't programmed Kyle to be able to do that yet. I'm Evan Ratliff, here with the story of entrepreneurship in the AI age. Listen as I attempt to build a real startup run by fake people. Check out the second season of my podcast shell game on iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Matt Graves]

Hey, listeners, this is Matt Graves, host of the Butcher of Moss, the unbelievable story of a terrifying series of sadistic murders and a quest to find the killer three decades later. I'm excited to share the Butcher of Moss with you and want to let you know that you can get access to all episodes 100% ad free with an I Heart True Crime plus subscription, available exclusive exclusively on Apple Podcasts. So don't wait. Head to Apple Podcasts, search for I Heart True Crime plus and subscribe today.

[Josh Dean]

What if? I'd pronounce it meow.

[Danny Shapiro]

Meow.

[Lane Rose]

What if? Campsite media.

[Rory Scoville]

Smart glass media.

[Josh Dean]

So I've got a good question for you here to start the day. I think you're gonna have. I hope you're gonna have a great answer for this one. So, okay, a lot of pressure.

[Rory Scoville]

Here we go.

[Josh Dean]

What's the weirdest or the worst thing you've ever snorted?

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, well, if you were trying to get me to drugs, I'll never give you that, Josh. I'll never give you that. I've snorted drugs. In fact, this makes me think the whole podcast up until now has been a trap.

[Josh Dean]

Damn it.

[Rory Scoville]

This. You're a narc.

[Josh Dean]

Come on, dude.

[Rory Scoville]

All right, drop the show. He know. He figured it out. I would say probably the craziest thing I've ever snorted was an eraser off of a pencil and luckily was able to blow it right back out because I can't imagine the road that would have been like.

[Josh Dean]

I once tried snuff and it was just terrible. And I don't smoke and I never chewed too much. I don't know why I did it. It was God awful.

[Rory Scoville]

And you tried to snort it.

[Josh Dean]

Well, that is a thing that people do, I think. Or was I using it wrong?

[Rory Scoville]

I want to say you were using it wrong.

[Matt Graves]

Damn it.

[Rory Scoville]

I think. Isn't it like dip or like chew?

[Josh Dean]

If it was, then it definitely Went in the wrong orifice.

[Rory Scoville]

Well, let me tell you're as dumb as these criminals, Josh.

[Josh Dean]

I mean, they didn't choose me to host for no reason. Snuff is nothing compared to what we're going to talk about this week on Crimeless when we tackle the very important and often uncomfortable matter of fake drugs. Starting with a story about some burglars who thought they'd stumbled into a giant stash of cocaine, only to find out later it definitely wasn't cocaine. What was it? That's after the break. Welcome back to Crimeless, the podcast that celebrates the amazing creativity of the world's dumbest criminals. I'm Josh Dean.

[Rory Scoville]

And I am Rory Scoville. And I would just like to let everyone know during the break, we looked it up. Josh was right. You can snort snuff.

[Josh Dean]

Ha. Vindicate.

[Rory Scoville]

There. There you go.

[Josh Dean]

I mean, it didn't make me any cooler or less.

[Rory Scoville]

Yes, it did. Our listeners now hold you way above me. They know that I'm a nerd who doesn't know how to do drugs. And they know that you've done drugs.

[Josh Dean]

Tobacco, anyway. So I'm not exactly up on my statutes of limitation. See what I did there? Like attorneys general. So I'm not going to ask you invasive questions about your own drug use, except when completely necessary. Perfect. I mean, you live in Colorado, so we can all safely assume you smoke weed.

[Rory Scoville]

There you go.

[Josh Dean]

Edibles, joints.

[Rory Scoville]

I smoke snuff. I swallow snuff. I ingest snuff. No, I think Colorado, it's fully legal. All things I think. I don't really know. I think mushrooms, maybe psychedelics. Psilocybin, at least I know is legal just based on the fact that you can now get it in fancy corporate packaging, which is always a sign that it's legal.

[Josh Dean]

Road trip to. We're going to tape in Colorado. And we're all going to eat shrooms before. Yeah.

[Rory Scoville]

And do an episode. A live episode. The first live criminalist.

[Josh Dean]

That's actually a great idea.

[Rory Scoville]

On mushrooms. It's a horrible idea, actually, Josh.

[Josh Dean]

I mean, eye the beholder. Anyway, we're not here to talk about real drugs this week. We're talking fake drugs.

[Danny Shapiro]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Which for me is a subject that goes all the way back to high school when I'm pretty sure I smoked oregano or some, like, mixed herbs at a party because I was. It was weed and thought it was cool.

[Rory Scoville]

Y.

[Josh Dean]

But what got me thinking about this was a story from 2011. That's the year of the Japanese tsunami. Kate's marriage to Prince William and Osama bin Laden's death. But after today, you're going to Remember the year 2011. Best for the story of five young dudes in Silver Springs Shores, Florida, who got arrested for burglarizing a home.

[Rory Scoville]

Florida classic. Here we go.

[Josh Dean]

Do you know where Silver Springs Shores is, by chance?

[Rory Scoville]

No one does. No one ever will. Well, until after this episode.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah. And it's. It's kind of important because Silver Springs Shores is a misnomer. It's definitely not on the shore or anywhere near the shore. It's smack in the middle of Florida, near Ocala.

[Rory Scoville]

Florida. You are too consistent.

[Josh Dean]

It's so on. Branch. Yeah. How many people bought houses in Silver.

[Rory Scoville]

Springs shore sight unseen, assumed it was waterfront property?

[Josh Dean]

One thing. But I think this is kind of important because there's coastal Florida where you get tourists and Canadians and New York retirees who've mixed in with the Florida guy.

[Rory Scoville]

Yep.

[Josh Dean]

And then there's inland Florida, which is basically West Virginia. Okay. Or Alabama. But it's like all Florida, man, I think. Or mostly Florida, man.

[Rory Scoville]

I think you're right.

[Josh Dean]

So anyway, I mentioned that as. As a way to give you a sense of the kind of teen criminals we might be dealing with here. So there were five of them. Three adults aged 19, 19 and 18. So adults is in quotation marks there.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah. The youngest of adults. Yes.

[Josh Dean]

And then two juveniles who I'm going to guess were like 17. Probably. They were all friends. Their names aren't important. I'm not going to add any additional shame to that that they've already brought upon themselves. And our story begins with a woman coming home and realizing she's been robbed. She's missing some electronics. She's missing some jewelry and a set of vases or vases. Are you vase or vase guy?

[Rory Scoville]

I say vase.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, vase. Not.

[Rory Scoville]

I also say ant instead of aunt. I don't know why I offered that up.

[Josh Dean]

How about tomato? So vase.

[Rory Scoville]

I think I say vase. You say vase.

[Josh Dean]

I think I say vas. I think I say it both ways.

[Rory Scoville]

You know what? I say vase, and internally I think vaas is right. But yet vase sounds so snooty, I can't bring myself to do it. It's true we're talking, even though I think it's correct.

[Josh Dean]

And in Florida, I'm going to guess vase is probably vase.

[Rory Scoville]

Yep, good call. Okay, good assumption.

[Josh Dean]

Okay, so these two vases contained the cremated ashes of her father and her two deceased Great Danes, Samson and Epic. And I know what you're thinking. Why the hell Would some kids steal urns filled with ashes? Because, of course, they thought it was cocaine.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, God. Jesus. Okay, man. Oh, yeah. Right to the jugular, right?

[Josh Dean]

Oh, yes. So this is what I'm talking about. These kids snorted the dog ashes or the old man's ashes? We can't be sure.

[Rory Scoville]

What I appreciate is that you said vase or vase, and then we just found out it was an urn. And so you roped me into that for no reason. Hey, Rory, do you say it right or do you say it wrong? I'm dumb, Josh. Well, trick question. Because it's an urn, do you say urn or orn? I go with the Norwegian. Orn. I go orn with an umlaut.

[Josh Dean]

Also, my favorite couch at Ikea. Love the urn.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Josh Dean]

So the burglars realized it wasn't actually cocaine. Well, probably when they snorted the powder and it tasted gross. And nothing happened. And they later threw the ashes into a lake because they were worried they left fingerprints on the containers. Yeah, and this is all according to Marion County Detectives, by the way, who talked to a local CBS affiliate. So imagine this scene. I'm guessing one of them finds these urns and convinces everyone else that it's coke, and they cut these giant lines, and then.

[Rory Scoville]

And then they feel like it tastes like a life that's already been lived.

[Josh Dean]

I mean, or a chunk of bone got stuck in someone's. I mean, just horrible, horrible realization when that happens. Right. The dude who actually had the idea has now lost all credibility with his friends.

[Rory Scoville]

Do you think these. This is the only time in human history this has ever happened? I wonder how common of an error this is.

[Josh Dean]

I have a surprise for you. Just hang in there, because I didn't even tee that question up.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, good God. I'm already onto it.

[Josh Dean]

So these three adults are charged with multiple counts of robbery. Not sure what happened to the juveniles, other than, I'm sure, a lot of ridicule at school. That's going to be a hard one to live down.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Dean]

And I also wish I could tell you this was an isolated incident, Rory.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, God.

[Josh Dean]

But in March 2015 in Missouri, three teens again teens. The oldest in this case, 17, robbed a house. And this is sounding like a copycat crime, but honestly, probably describes every home burglary. They stole electronics, they stole jewelry, some prescription drugs, and human ashes that they thought were cocaine.

[Matt Graves]

Oh, my God.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, I just. All right.

[Josh Dean]

I mean, have you seen an urn full of ashes before?

[Rory Scoville]

I've seen an urn. I'VE never opened it just because of the haunting that would then occur and the portal that would open. So I've always left it closed. But I've got to assume there are some obvious textural and color differences between human ashes and cocaine. And I. And I'm not an expert here, folks, my assumption is there would be some red flags.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah. Like, I don't know, that they're pure white. And maybe there's some chunks in there, like.

[Rory Scoville]

Yes.

[Josh Dean]

Also. And here's the other thing. It's kind of a large quantity, and it's way heavier than you think, which means that, like, there's teens running around out there thinking that random people have giant piles of cocaine and vases lying around.

[Rory Scoville]

Like, was anybody, like, who lives here? Escobar. This is way too much cocaine. Two dogs worth in the first place.

[Josh Dean]

I mean, I think. Yeah, Mark did some math earlier and figured out, like, several hundred thousand dollars worth of cocaine. Cocaine, probably. Okay. It's teen. So they're going to be a little bit optimistic. They're kids, you know, they're like, holy, man, we scored.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

And naturally, people would keep it in a vase. An orn on the mantle.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, that's where I keep my drugs on the mantle. So that easy access right away.

[Josh Dean]

Somebody comes by.

[Rory Scoville]

Somebody comes by. Hey, sit down. Just sit down. I don't even have to go get it. It's right here.

[Josh Dean]

According to a local cop, quote, one of the suspects tasted the ashes and determined it was not cocaine, as they originally suspected. The ashes were then thrown from a car window and never found.

[Malcolm Gladwell]

Yep.

[Josh Dean]

I mean, what. I guess that's the natural. So the first set of guys threw it in a lake. Second set of guys threw it out the window.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, I mean, I. I just. I gotta say, I think the second guys are a little more realistic. I think the lake was maybe a little more respectful, despite the fact that environmentally, you're not supposed to be doing that.

[Josh Dean]

But I feel like, yeah, a lot of people want their ashes spread on the. So that's what I mean.

[Rory Scoville]

So, in a way, they were like, hey, we made a mistake. But, you know, these dogs and this guy, they're ready to swim. And what those guys don't know is that all three of them drowned. And so it was actually kind of a weird place to spread the ashes.

[Josh Dean]

Dark. The victim, a woman named Deborah Peters, told a local NBC affiliate that the ashes belonged to her father. And that wasn't the only upsetting thing for Deborah. She knew the burglars. And I quote, there were People that I knew, that I never thought would do something like this to me.

[Rory Scoville]

Wait, she knew them?

[Josh Dean]

Yes. So according to cops, they were family acquaintances who hatched the plan to rob the house after seeing a Facebook post that the residents would be away.

[Rory Scoville]

Hmm.

[Josh Dean]

Which I think is worth pausing on for a crimeless public service announcement. Yes, listeners, please don't announce your vacations on Facebook.

[Rory Scoville]

Right. Just go. Or, you know, post about it after the fact.

[Josh Dean]

Exactly.

[Rory Scoville]

You just don't want to go. Hey, and also, here's the code to the garage. Like, leave all that out of the post.

[Josh Dean]

So how do you think they got caught? Tough one.

[Rory Scoville]

Did they leave something behind?

[Josh Dean]

No, this is some fancy detective work here in Missouri.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, yeah, you're talking Columbo. We got some Columbo coming up here.

[Josh Dean]

So they stole an Xbox and the cops used the gaming system's IP address to chase them down.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, man.

[Josh Dean]

So the sum total of this is that the snorting of ashes, intentional or otherwise, is at least enough of a thing to have given birth to a name. Cremaine lining, which is in the Urban Dictionary defined as when you snort your dead friend's ashes.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cremaine lining.

[Josh Dean]

I mean, I did not know this before the other day, and I'm slightly horrified, but also, I feel like a few years from now, this will be a trend. It'll be a TikTok trend.

[Rory Scoville]

This is like the Tide Pods thing. Yeah, that's. That's. So I. I'm led to believe that this is probably fairly common across the. Across the country. We just don't know about it as much.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, not just across the country. I have another. I got another one for you, Josh.

[Rory Scoville]

If I. I am teeing you up on these transitions.

[Josh Dean]

Wow. We didn't even plan this.

[Rory Scoville]

We didn't even. Folks, this is all in real time just happening. It's just happening.

[Josh Dean]

Ultimately, the trend of CRE mainlining. So several of these things happening in succession began a story on psychology today from 2017, which looked at the so called phenomenon, and the story subsequently revealed it to be mostly about mistakes and hype. So you don't actually need to worry that your kids are doing this. In most cases, I don't think they're snorting dead relatives.

[Rory Scoville]

Right.

[Josh Dean]

However, Psychology Today cited a story from 1993 as the possible origin for all this. Yet again, it's a robbery where thieves took ashes thinking it was coke. Yep. In this case, the ashes of the victim's mom, Gertrude, were wrapped in cellophane and stored in a fishing Tackle box, which at least seems like a thing you could mistake for someone's coke stash.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, I got to say, that seems like it would look coke ish.

[Josh Dean]

Also a weird place to like wrap the ashes up in cellophane and put them in a tackle box.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah. In fact, I now do believe it was coke.

[Josh Dean]

And this is how they got it dismissed. This is brilliant.

[Rory Scoville]

Yes. These are actually smart criminals.

[Josh Dean]

So seven years later, the British tabloids lit up about another robbery, another case where electronics and jewelry and ashes were snatched. And another situation where the goofballs who committed the robbery seem to have been mistaken, at least temporarily. Here's a section quoted in the story from Psychology Today. And this one is pulled from the tabloid the sun in England. And it's a good one.

[Rory Scoville]

Okay.

[Josh Dean]

A policeman called to investigate the break in at Chadwell Heath fell about laughing when he saw the burglars had arranged the ashes in cocaine style line quote. I'd love to see their faces when these thieves realize, Said Blythe. It was horrible knowing that they were in my house, but the idea of them trying to get high on a dead dog was. Certainly made me feel a bit better.

[Rory Scoville]

I mean, I gotta, I, I've never done cocaine, but I gotta assume, you know immediately that this is not, you know, when you smoke fake pot, maybe you can smell it, but you kind of know it. Maybe it takes a second to realize you're probably not gonna get high. I think cocaine don't, you know, like instantly, like, aren't you immediately.

[Josh Dean]

I think it's fair to say yes. And especially in what I imagine the quantities to be here. Because like, cocaine lines are typically quite. And if these guys are pouring out piles of ashes, then we're talking Scarface.

[Rory Scoville]

Can you imagine? We are talking Pacino style coke binging. Could you imagine how excited, like before you even do the fake coke, your heart is racing thinking, we just made $100,000.

[Josh Dean]

I mean, they, yeah, they came to steal an Xbox and ended up with like a pound of what they believed for a fleeting moment was cocaine.

[Rory Scoville]

This is going to be the new oregano. I literally just anyone with ashes, I'll be like, you know, you could turn a dollar if you just get that rid of that urn, vase and you go, and you just go put it in a baggie.

[Josh Dean]

You just got to wrap it in cellophane and put it in a tackle.

[Rory Scoville]

Box and leave it out and start.

[Josh Dean]

Going around town just like flashing it to people.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Dean]

So like, still, I've read now four stories about this. I'm sure there were more. It all seemed deranged to me still. Until I stumbled on one more story that at least gives it all some context. That it's not just boneheaded robbers who snort ashes. Celebrities do it, too.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, God.

[Josh Dean]

So this came out 20 years ago in an interview with the British magazine NME. And this is a quote, the strangest thing I've tried to snort my father. I snorted my father. The man said he was cremated, and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared. He didn't give a shit who said it, Rory.

[Rory Scoville]

I mean, I just. My instinct is always, Keith Richards.

[Josh Dean]

Yes. Ding, ding, ding, ding.

[Rory Scoville]

Any sort of rocker, drug thing. I'm like, well, has anyone gone further than Keith Richards?

[Josh Dean]

I mean, I think it's safe to say now the answer is no.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, that's some championship type shit right there.

[Josh Dean]

He's. I mean, almost indestructible. Maybe totally indestructible.

[Rory Scoville]

I like that Keith Richards thought all of our reactions would be, but won't your dad care? I like these. Like, he wouldn't care. Yeah, no, Keith, we're not talking about if your dad's gonna care.

[Josh Dean]

He also said it went down pretty well, and I'm still alive.

[Rory Scoville]

At least he mixed some coke in there.

[Josh Dean]

He did, yeah. And I'm sure Keith Richards has good blow.

[Rory Scoville]

And his dad's last words were, I wish you would have gotten off drugs at some point. And Keith was like, I'll show you. I mean, I can't even imagine. Once you've been, you know, incinerated like that, I gotta assume there's some carcinogens at play here. This is not. This might be actually more unhealthy than doing coke.

[Josh Dean]

Which brings me to a question I wanted to ask you. Is it even safe to snort human remains?

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, I gotta. I mean, maybe if the person died from a coke overdose, that's the only chance you might actually get some. Some percentage of cocaine in there. I don't know. I. I gotta assume. No, I mean, the carcinogen thing. And look, our audience knows this. I am not educated. So if I say there's carcinogens in it, don't come at me and Josh. Or attack Josh, don't attack me. Don't come at us with this. There's no carcinogens in there. I actually think that's a really smart guess. So I'm going to say it's not healthy carcinogens.

[Josh Dean]

All right. Not to give anything away, But I think you're probably onto something here. Yes, and I don't know what people did in a situation like this before the Internet, but today a big question like this, all I have to do is Google search. And I was both delighted and a little horrified to find a robust Reddit thread on this very subject. Oh no.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh yeah. Oh shit.

[Josh Dean]

I'm not enough of a Reddit guy to figure out who started the thread, but I assure you it exists and it contains quite a spicy discussion. So you've already given me your answer. Not safe. Let's find out what Reddit tells us. Naturally, the most upvoted answer is some know it all. Lane, you want to do the honors here to. We can hear this in a different voice. Pretend that you're hearing a Reddit thread.

[Rory Scoville]

Right.

[Lane Rose]

Or here I can think of no good reason to snort, quote unquote, ashes, which aren't really ashes, but solid particles with absolutely no psycho active effect. If a person wants to snort cremated remains of the dead, I would suggest a series of visits to a therapist or a psychologist to work out issues with the dead person would be more appropriate.

[Josh Dean]

So that's the top answer. That's the most top voted answer from a know it all. And I think, you know, that's wise advice.

[Rory Scoville]

I think I like that it's the most top. I like that a lot of people were like, yeah, right, I'll get behind this.

[Josh Dean]

You should go to a therapist if you're snorting. So I'm sure some of these people are just sickos, but others actually seem to think snorting ashes might be a way to connect with a dead loved one. To make them part of you.

[Rory Scoville]

No.

[Josh Dean]

Like, here's another one from Arizona. Lane, you want to read this one too?

[Danny Shapiro]

Sure.

[Lane Rose]

I don't know if a bunch of chemicals are used in the cremation process or if for some reason they use any kind of embalming fluid in the body previous to burning. These pretty much are the only reasons I never snorted George. I certainly thought of it. Who's George?

[Josh Dean]

Her husband, I think. So this was from a woman who was like clearly contemplated snorting her husband's ashes, but was worried about Rory carcinogens.

[Rory Scoville]

I. I gotta say, I love the brain that isn't. That is even contemplating maybe doing this, but is actually smart enough to consider the logical reasons as to why they.

[Josh Dean]

Shouldn'T and naturally went to Reddit to work that out.

[Rory Scoville]

What a seesaw life that is. But yes, I mean, more than likely those cremated remains there is embalming fluid. I'm sure there was potentially a visitation where they've now, like, embalmed the body so that they can put it out for, you know, put it on display in a visitation, sort of a last visitation, and then it gets incinerated and all of those chemicals and.

[Josh Dean]

Aren't we full of plastics? Isn't that what I keep reading?

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, then it's probably fine. Yeah, now we're all made out of microplastics.

[Josh Dean]

I mean, I think I know the answer to this, but I got to finish this particular segment with a question, Rory, which is, on the tragic occasion that your wife predeceases you, would you snort her ashes?

[Rory Scoville]

I like that term, predeceases. Would I snort her ashes? I think it's safe to say I will not do that. All I do is make all these jokes this whole episode, and at the end I'm like, I mean, I'd try it. I mean, hell, come on, it'll be fun.

[Josh Dean]

Come on, sweetie.

[Rory Scoville]

I would have to be in the darkest place I've ever been to. Also ask someone who hasn't done coke but decided to try that.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, I think that was the right answer. When she listens to this, she'll be happy.

[Rory Scoville]

She'll be so happy. Or she'll be insulted, like, oh, I'm not good enough. Oh, I'm not good. As good as coke.

[Josh Dean]

I'm not as good as Keith Richards's dad.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, at least Keith Richards had respect for his father.

[Josh Dean]

So more fake drugs coming up. Let's all snort some caffeinated crystal Light and meet back here after the break. Hi, Kyle, could you draw up a.

[Evan Ratliff]

Quick document with the basic business plan? Just one page as a Google Doc and send me the link. Thanks.

[Josh Dean]

Hey, just finished drawing up that quick one page business plan for you. Here's the link.

[Evan Ratliff]

But there was no link. There was no business plan. It's not his fault. I hadn't programmed Kyle to be able to do that yet. My name is Evan Ratliff. I decided to create Kyle, my AI co founder. After hearing a lot of stuff like this from OpenAI CEO Sam Altman.

[Josh Dean]

There's this betting pool for the first year that there's a one person billion.

[Evan Ratliff]

Dollar company, which would have been like, unimaginable without AI.

[Josh Dean]

And now will happen.

[Evan Ratliff]

I got to thinking, could I be that one person? I'd made AI agents before for my award winning podcast, Shell Game. This season on Shell Game, I'm trying to build a real company with a real product run by fake people.

[Lane Rose]

Oh, hey, Evan, good to have you join us. I found some really interesting data on.

[Josh Dean]

Adoption rates for AI agents and small to medium businesses.

[Evan Ratliff]

Listen to Shell game on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Matt Graves]

Hey listeners, this is Matt Graves, host of le Monstre Season 2, the Butcher of Mals. In the mid-90s in the city of Mals in Belgium, women began to go missing one after the other. Despite a sprawling investigation, including assistance from the American FBI, the murders have never been solved.

[Josh Dean]

Police are now confirming that the body cut into pieces and stuffed into two plastic.

[Matt Graves]

Three decades later, we've unearthed new evidence, new witnesses, and new suspects. I'm excited to share the Butcher of Moss with you and want to let you know that you can get access to all episodes 100% ad free with an I Heart True Crime plus subscription available exclusively on Apple Podcasts plus you'll get access to all episodes episodes of the monster franchise Bingeable ad free and with exclusive bonus episodes available only to iHeart True Crime plus subscribers. So don't wait. Head to Apple Podcasts. Search for iheart True Crime plus.

[Danny Shapiro]

Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro, host of the hit podcast Family Secrets.

[Rory Scoville]

We were in the car like a rolling stone came on and he said, there's a line in there about your mother.

[Malcolm Gladwell]

And I said, what?

[Josh Dean]

What I would do if I didn't.

[Rory Scoville]

Feel like I was being accepted is choose an identity that other people can't have.

[Lane Rose]

I knew something had happened to me in the middle of the night, but I couldn't hold on to what had happened.

[Danny Shapiro]

These are just a few of the moving and important stories I'll be holding space for on my upcoming 13th season of Family Secrets. Whether you've been on this journey with me from season one or just joining the Family Secrets family, we're so happy to have you with us. I'll dive deep into the incredible power of secrets, the ones that shape our identities, test our relationships, and ultimately reveal who we truly are. Listen to Family secrets on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Malcolm Gladwell]

Malcolm Gladwell here. This season on Revisionist History. We're going back to the spring of 1988, to a town in northwest Alabama where a man committed a crime that would spiral out of control. 35 years. That's how long Elizabeth Senate's family waited for justice to occur. 35 long years. I want to figure out why this case went on for as long as it did, why it took so many bizarre and unsettling turns along the way, and why? Despite our best efforts to resolve suffering, we all too often make suffering worse.

[Lane Rose]

He would say to himself, turn to the right, to the victim's family, and apologize. Turn to the left.

[Josh Dean]

Tell my family I love him.

[Lane Rose]

So he had this little practice. To the right. I'm sorry. To the left.

[Josh Dean]

I love you.

[Malcolm Gladwell]

From revisionist history, this is the Alabama Murders. Listen to revisionist. The Alabama murders on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Josh Dean]

This is crimeless. Okay, so teen criminals snorting dog bones by accident is one thing. I think we can agree it's sort of hilarious, except to the dog owner. But there's a larger theme here, too, and I wanted to spend what's left of our show talking about people who purposely sell fake drugs.

[Danny Shapiro]

Ugh.

[Rory Scoville]

Ugh.

[Josh Dean]

And maybe this isn't a surprise to you, but the world of fake drug sales is robust. There are a lot of people out there selling fake counterfeit pills and powders, like some seriously fucked up shit on a massive corporate scale. Like a DOJ indictment in Texas from February when an Indian guy was charged with allegedly selling fake cancer drugs.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Awful. To a case by the U.S. attorney and New York City prosecuted last fall in which 18 guys were charged with selling counterfeit fentanyl and other opiates from fake online pharmacies, which resulted in nine deaths. So don't want to bum you out here. We're going to move on. I just wanted to say that this is rampant, and there are lots of stories like this. The Internet and cheap shipping have led to a golden age of online drug scams. Extremely not funny stuff. But this is crimeless, and I'm going to stop bumming you out.

[Rory Scoville]

Thank you, Josh. I mean, Jesus, you got to start putting a warning before it gets real.

[Josh Dean]

I can give you a break if you want to hit your bong. Lighten things up. Take some of those shrooms that you've been.

[Rory Scoville]

If you want to hit your bong and take a deep snuff hit real quick, put some tobacco in your bong. Don't you love that? That was like head shops back before they were, like, legal. And you'd go in there and there'd be a bong, and everyone had to pretend that was for tobacco.

[Danny Shapiro]

Oh, yeah.

[Rory Scoville]

Could you imagine a tobacco hit at that degree? That's a year's worth of cigarettes right there.

[Josh Dean]

Just a guy walking down the street hitting tobacco bong hits.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, this. Oh, no, this is tobacco. I. This is how much I have to smoke.

[Josh Dean]

I.

[Rory Scoville]

This is technically 18 packs a day.

[Josh Dean]

All right, so let's resume our journey. Do you think it's illegal to sell fake drugs in the small time sense? I mean, like oregano as marijuana or an aspirin as an oxy. Do you think that's against the law?

[Rory Scoville]

I mean, I guess no. Like something like oregano. You could just be like, no, I thought he wanted to buy some.

[Josh Dean]

It is illegal. Good.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, sorry, I'm in illegal. You didn't let me finish.

[Josh Dean]

I think it's illegal even if you know they're fake. There are state and federal law against it. In Florida, it's illegal to sell or offer someone a controlled substance and then actually sell that person a different substance.

[Rory Scoville]

God, just think. It's illegal to sell illegal drugs. And it's illegal to sell not illegal drugs.

[Josh Dean]

How is anybody supposed to know what to do? California has the California Imitation Controlled Substance act, which criminalizes both selling imitation and counterfeit drugs. And other states have crimes specific to selling imitation drugs. Louisiana, Maine, New York, Texas, Washington. That's not an exhaustive list. Check your local statutes. Rory, if you're on tour and you're selling oregano, just check the statutes.

[Rory Scoville]

This is good to know because my merch table is growing after these stand up shows and I'm selling all kinds of stuff.

[Josh Dean]

Great Dane ashes, Great Dane ashes, herbs, orns.

[Rory Scoville]

Herbs with orns and vases.

[Josh Dean]

You can also be charged with fraud in some cases, and I'm guessing often you just get your ass kicked.

[Rory Scoville]

That's just street justice.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, street justice. Which brings me to an amazing story I stumbled on during my research. All credit here to Vice, which I think we can all acknowledge should sort of own the fake drug beat. Back when Vice first came to New York City in the early aughts, they had this magazine cover that I will never forget. It was fully mirrored with an embossed line of cocaine on it. This was the COVID of the magazine?

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Very cool. Very edgy. Actually, I'm sorry, I'm giving a little bit too much credit to Vice because Vice actually took this story from someone else. A website called Muck Rock. I read about it on the Vice website. But it was an incredible piece of history that was turned up from the declassified CIA archives. Back in the early 70s, at the height of reefer madness, the extremely square Central Intelligence Agency made a booth for display at events. It was one of those booths like you see at trade shows. Only in this case, it was created by the office's, quote, Office of Medical Services, to warn parents of officers about the dangers of drug abuse and how to spot trouble in your kids. Part of this booth was a bag of actual weed so parents could pick it up, hold it, smell it, get used to what it looks like. But when the agency wanted to take the booth to an AMA medical conference, some wet blanket in the legal department pointed out a problem. They'd be crossing state lines with a controlled substance.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, all right.

[Josh Dean]

I like that. Not okay. Even for the CIA.

[Rory Scoville]

Yep, I like that you called them square.

[Josh Dean]

So how do you think they solved.

[Rory Scoville]

This problem in getting it over the state lines?

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, like. Well, they just decided we can't do. We can't take weed across state lines. But we do want to teach the parents of our officers around America how to spot weed. So what do you think?

[Rory Scoville]

So they had to go in undercover, go to a high school. This is actually how 21 Jump street got.

[Josh Dean]

This is the origin story.

[Rory Scoville]

This is the origin story of 21 Jump Street. They were like, all right, leave the weed here. Let's cross state lines. We'll buy more weed there. From a high school kid?

[Josh Dean]

I don't know.

[Rory Scoville]

That is my best guess.

[Josh Dean]

I mean, that's actually. I think that's better than what they did. What they did was they created fake weed.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, okay.

[Josh Dean]

They called it pseudo marijuana. But this erzatz Mary Jane cooked up by the agency scientists was so realistic, even when burned, that it fooled people. The booth won first prize at the conference, which is now maybe my favorite fact about the CIA.

[Rory Scoville]

The fact that it's a competition, that it's like a science fair. Yeah. You did not see that coming. I definitely did not know you were about to say they won first prize at the convention.

[Josh Dean]

Tax dollars hard at work. Incredible. The CIA weed booth won first prize at the American Medical association conference. Like, they must have been so proud.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, they completely forgot what they were trying to teach. All they could focus on was how to win again next year and build a dynasty.

[Josh Dean]

One doctor's wife who worked as a high school bus monitor near San Francisco had this to say to the St. Louis Post dispos. Upon observing the booth light up the fake weed, she said, quote, that smells just like the back of my bus.

[Rory Scoville]

When she goes back there, when she drops the kids off. Oh, yeah, she drops them off. She goes to the back of the bus.

[Josh Dean]

Cool. Mom.

[Rory Scoville]

Opens the window a little bit, puts on a little Aerosmith. I think we all know what I'm talking about.

[Josh Dean]

Isn't that called hot boxing? Is that what the kids say?

[Rory Scoville]

Hotbox. It was a hotboxing. A school bus.

[Josh Dean]

So I guess in closing, what's important to remember here is that the best maker of fake drugs in America is the CIA.

[Rory Scoville]

That's right.

[Josh Dean]

That's according to Rory Scovel. Please direct all inquiries and investigations to him.

[Rory Scoville]

That's according to the judges, who. I can't believe that wasn't some sort of an undercover. As soon as the judges were like, this is just like real weed. How are they not like, how do you know that we got you and the judges were all arrested.

[Josh Dean]

Everything is an elaborate sting that put.

[Rory Scoville]

Them in a tough position. They're like, we should technically arrest these judges, but also, we do want first place. We gotta just take the hit.

[Josh Dean]

We need the ribbon. Yeah. Incredible little slice of history there. Thanks to Muckrock Advice. I love that so much. There's even, by the way, and I'll send it to you. There's like an illustration of like they did a diagram of the booth. Some guy in like, the science department at the Central Intelligence Agency sketched out the weed booth.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

And it was declassified a few years ago, so that means it was classified for several decades. Nice. Don't let this get out, guys. So, special twist this week, Rory, I created our final game and I'm gonna test. Hi, Kyle.

[Evan Ratliff]

Could you draw up a quick document with the basic business plan? Just one page as a Google Doc and send me the link. Thanks.

[Josh Dean]

Hey, just finished drawing up that quick one page business plan for you. Here's the link.

[Evan Ratliff]

But there was no link. There was no business plan. It's not his fault. I hadn't programmed Kyle to be able to do that yet. My name is Evan Ratliff. I decided to create Kyle, my AI co founder, after hearing a lot of stuff like this from OpenAI CEO Sam Altman.

[Josh Dean]

There's this betting pool for the first year that there's a one person billion.

[Evan Ratliff]

Dollar company which would have been like, unimaginable without AI.

[Josh Dean]

And now will happen.

[Evan Ratliff]

I got to thinking, could I be be that one person? I've made AI agents before for my award winning podcast, Shell Game. This season on Shell Game, I'm trying to build a real company with a real product run by fake people.

[Lane Rose]

Oh, hey, Evan. Good to have you join us. I found some really interesting data on adoption rates for AI agents and small to medium businesses.

[Evan Ratliff]

Listen to Shell game on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcast.

[Matt Graves]

Hey, listeners, this is Matt Graves, host of le Monstre Season 2, the Butcher of Mals. In the mid-90s in the city of mals in Belgium, women began to go missing one after the other. Despite a sprawling investigation, including assistance from the American FBI, the murders have never been solved.

[Josh Dean]

Police are now confirming that the body cut into pieces and stuffed into two plastic.

[Matt Graves]

Three decades later later, we've unearthed new evidence, new witnesses, and new suspects. I'm excited to share the Butcher of Moss with you and want to let you know that you can get access to all episodes 100% ad free with an I Heart True Crime plus subscription available exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Plus you'll get access to all episodes of the monster franchise bingeable ad free and with exclusive bonus episodes available only to I Heart True Crime plus subscribers. So don't wait. Head to Apple Podcasts. Search for I Heart True Crime plus.

[Danny Shapiro]

Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro, host of the hit podcast Family Secrets.

[Rory Scoville]

We were in the car like a Rolling Stone came on and he said, there's a line in there about your mother.

[Malcolm Gladwell]

And I said, what?

[Josh Dean]

What I would do if I didn't.

[Rory Scoville]

Feel like I was being accepted is choose an identity that other people can't have.

[Lane Rose]

I knew something had happened to me in the middle of the night, but I couldn't hold on to what had happened.

[Danny Shapiro]

These are just a few of the moving and important stories I'll be holding space for on my upcoming 13th season of Family Secrets. Whether you've been on this journey with me from season one or just joining the Family Secrets family, we're so happy to have you with us. I'll dive deep into the incredible power of secrets, the ones that shape our identities, test our relationships, and ultimately reveal who we truly are. Listen to Family secrets on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Malcolm Gladwell]

Malcolm Gladwell here. This season on Revisionist History, we're going back to the spring of 1988, to a town in northwest Alabama where a man committed a crime that would spiral out of control. 35 years. That's how long Elizabeth Senate's family waited for justice to occur. 35 long years. I want to figure out why this case went on for as long as it did, why it took so many bizarre and unsettling turns along the way, and why, despite our best efforts to resolve suffering, we all too often make suffering worse.

[Lane Rose]

He would say to himself, turn to the right.

[Josh Dean]

Turn to.

[Lane Rose]

To the victim's family and apologize. Turn to the left.

[Josh Dean]

Tell my family I love him.

[Lane Rose]

So he had this little practice. To the right.

[Rory Scoville]

I'm sorry.

[Lane Rose]

To the left.

[Josh Dean]

I love you.

[Malcolm Gladwell]

From Revisionist History, this is the Alabama murders. Listen to revisionist history. The Alabama murders on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Josh Dean]

You are most experienced drug user on this staff.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, you.

[Josh Dean]

Rory Scoville, frequent user of snuff and mushrooms.

[Rory Scoville]

Do I present as a drug user? Not at all.

[Josh Dean]

You just live in Colorado, so by association.

[Rory Scoville]

Look, I have done mushrooms and pot, but that's really the extent of it. And then pills. But are we really counting Advil?

[Josh Dean]

So I'm gonna ask you. And Lane is also gonna play. So you. You are competing as Lane in this, and so Lane, also a massive consumer of narcotics. I just made that up. I have no idea.

[Lane Rose]

Yeah, don't say that. My mom will listen.

[Rory Scoville]

I believe whatever the media tells me.

[Josh Dean]

I was kidding. Lane's mom. I'm completely joking. Rory's mom, also wife. Family members of both of you.

[Rory Scoville]

I have no evidence.

[Josh Dean]

I swear.

[Rory Scoville]

I'm clean.

[Josh Dean]

It's E1 we should be worried about. Okay, so our game today is street slang for drugs. I'm going to read you guys six slang terms for popular drugs, and you have to tell me which one is fake.

[Rory Scoville]

I hope I get all these right.

[Josh Dean]

So number one. Adderall. Okay, I'll read all six, and then you tell me which one is fake. Beans. Co pilots, truck drivers. Zings. Peppers. Study buddies.

[Rory Scoville]

Beans. I'm going to go beans.

[Josh Dean]

Are you going beans?

[Rory Scoville]

We're supposed to pick the fake one.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, the fake one.

[Danny Shapiro]

Right.

[Lane Rose]

I'm going to say zing.

[Josh Dean]

You are both wrong. It's peppers.

[Rory Scoville]

Okay, Josh, you don't have to yell at us.

[Josh Dean]

This is surprisingly hard because the name nicknames for drugs are ridiculous.

[Rory Scoville]

Josh, you might have just turned it into slang for adro. Someone heard this.

[Josh Dean]

They're like.

[Rory Scoville]

I'm calling them peppers from now on.

[Josh Dean]

It's gonna be my proud. My proudest moment. I'll be walking down the street someday.

[Rory Scoville]

And I'll hear, hey, you got any peppers?

[Josh Dean]

Okay, number two. Cocaine. Dust. Flake. Avalanche. Toot. Snow White. Bernice.

[Lane Rose]

Did you make up the fake ones?

[Josh Dean]

I did make up the fake ones.

[Rory Scoville]

I mean. Bernice, I'm gonna say toot. I'm gonna go. I. It's. I think it's Bernie. My second guess is avalanche. I'm gonna go, Bernice.

[Josh Dean]

Lane, you're going to.

[Lane Rose]

I'm going toot.

[Josh Dean]

Avalanche. Rory, go with your second.

[Rory Scoville]

Half a point. Half a point.

[Josh Dean]

All right, we'll give you a half a point for that. You were half right. Okay, number three. Meth. Chrissy. Christy. Go. Shards. Tina. Twink.

[Lane Rose]

This is offensive. I'm gonna go. Christy.

[Rory Scoville]

I'm gonna go.

[Josh Dean]

Twink. Rory. Another point.

[Rory Scoville]

1.5 to 0.

[Lane Rose]

I'm too pure.

[Josh Dean]

It's too. This is proof that Lane does not use any drugs. Her mom. Your mom is going to be so happy vindicated by this. Okay, number three. This Rory is going to have an unfair advantage here. Bath salts.

[Rory Scoville]

Yep. Yep.

[Josh Dean]

Okay. Bath salts. Wicked. X. Ivory Mist. Drone bloom. Sorry. Meow, Meow, Vanilla Sky.

[Rory Scoville]

I mean. I mean, Meow, meow just sounds. I'm gonna go. Meow, meow.

[Lane Rose]

I. I think that's real.

[Danny Shapiro]

That's.

[Lane Rose]

That seems like a. A basalt varietal. I'm gonna go. What was the last Vanilla sky?

[Josh Dean]

The correct answer is Ivory Mist.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, I thought Ivory Mist for sure was real.

[Josh Dean]

Meow Meow is real.

[Lane Rose]

Oh, my God.

[Rory Scoville]

Meow Meow is real. That's insane. Meow, meow, meow, meow. Just here to get some Meow meow.

[Josh Dean]

Okay. And lastly, Ketamine, Cat Valium, Honey Oil, K Fuzz. Kit Kat, Purple Super Acid.

[Rory Scoville]

I'm gonna go. Is it my turn to guess first?

[Josh Dean]

Sure. Cat Valium, Lane, Purple K Fuzz.

[Rory Scoville]

Damn it.

[Josh Dean]

I thought when I saw it, super. I mean, super acid is. I mean, both awesome and ridiculous.

[Rory Scoville]

I mean, super acid is so fun because it's meant to be undercover, but it's just naming another drug.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, right?

[Lane Rose]

Yeah.

[Rory Scoville]

Like, hey, you got any cocaine? Like, what do you mean, ketamine? I mean ketamine, but I call it different cocaine.

[Josh Dean]

I call it super cocaine.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah. Do you have any super coke?

[Josh Dean]

Lane, I think you did your mom proud by going 0 for 5. One and a half year, Mom.

[Rory Scoville]

I mean, I'm honestly 1.5. I'm pretty. I'm pretty proud of that.

[Josh Dean]

You did a great job. Well, congrats to Rory.

[Rory Scoville]

Take that, Lane.

[Josh Dean]

I feel like if there's a quiz, you want to not be good at it. That's one.

[Lane Rose]

That's not a bad one.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, unless you're an undercover cop, which I'm not.

[Lane Rose]

Or, like an undercover drug dealer, and then you.

[Rory Scoville]

Which I'm not.

[Lane Rose]

Yeah.

[Rory Scoville]

I exist on both sides of the fence.

[Josh Dean]

All right, that's our show. Crimeless is a production of Smartless Media, Campside Media, and Big Money Players, in partnership with iHeart podcasts. It's hosted by Rory Scoville and me, Josh Dean. Our senior producer is Lane Rose. Emma Stiminoff is our associate producer. We're sound designed and engineered by Blake Brook with support from Ewan lytram. Ewan Mark McAdam composed our theme song. The executive producers at Campside Media are Vanessa Gregoriadis, Matt Sher and me, Josh Dean. The executive producers for iHeart Podcast and Big Money Players are Jack O', Brien, Lindsey Hoffman and Matt Apodaca. For Smartless Media, the executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and Richard Courson. Bernie Kaminski is head of production. The associate producer is Matty McCann. A special thanks to our operations team, Ashley Warren and Sabina Mara. Do you have a question, comment or confession for the Crimless team? Email [e-mail] and if you enjoyed Crimeless, please rate and review the show wherever you get your podcast podcasts. It helps people find the show and also makes us feel validated. Unless you're mean, in which case keep it to yourself. We'll see you next week. Crimeless Nation. I can't believe they're having a gender.

[Matt Graves]

Reveal for their dog. No, no, no, no. This is a breed reveal. Oh, so yeah, they're finding out the breed of the puppy they're rescuing so.

[Rory Scoville]

They could just be spending all their.

[Matt Graves]

Money on like pet insurance. Instead, we got Lemonade for Roscoe and.

[Josh Dean]

It covered vaccines, microchipping. We saved 90% on vet bills.

[Malcolm Gladwell]

Here we go.

[Matt Graves]

What do you think beige confetti means?

[Danny Shapiro]

I don't know.

[Josh Dean]

That we'll never get this Saturday back.

[Rory Scoville]

Get a quote for any [e-mail] pet.

[Josh Dean]

Hi Kyle, could you draw up a.

[Evan Ratliff]

Quick document with the basic business plan? Just one page as a Google Doc and send me the link. Thanks.

[Josh Dean]

Hey, just finished drawing up that quick one page business plan for you. Here's the link.

[Evan Ratliff]

But there was no link. There was no business plan. I hadn't programmed Kyle to be able to do that yet. I'm Evan Ratliff here with a story of entrepreneurship in the AI age. Listen as I attempt to build a real startup run by fake people. Check out the second season of my podcast Shell Game on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Matt Graves]

Hey listeners, this is Matt Graves, host of the Butcher of Mals. The unbelievable story of a terrifying series of sadistic murders and a quest to find the killer three decades later. I'm excited to share the Butcher of Moss with you and want to let you know that you can get access to all episodes 100% ad free with an I Heart True Crime plus subscription available exclusively on Apple Podcasts. So don't wait. Head to Apple Podcasts. Search for I Heart True Crime plus and subscribe today.

[Josh Dean]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.