Turtle vs. Toilet, a Monster in the Closet, and a Surprise Possum

Summary

Criminal Podcast Summary Episode: Turtle vs. Toilet, a Monster in the Closet, and a Surprise Possum
Host: Phoebe Judge
Release Date: December 20, 2024

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1. Cecil the Money-Eating Dog

In this intriguing segment, hosts Carrie and Clayton Law recount the bewildering incident of their dog, Cecil, who devoured $4,000 in cash. The story begins when Clayton withdrew a large sum in various denominations to pay fence installers. Upon returning home, they discovered the money scattered and partially consumed by their 100-pound Goldendoodle.

“And I just kind of had a WTF moment and it was hard for me to process what I was looking at.” [03:08] — Carrie

Realizing the severity of the situation, they contacted the bank, which initially found the claim hard to believe. Through meticulous effort, they managed to piece together shredded bills using tape and managed to exchange approximately $3,500 back.

“We were never mad at him. We were like, looking at this dog, knowing that there's a few thousand dollars inside of him.” [09:19] — Cecil (Clayton)

The ordeal not only strained their finances but also tested their patience and resourcefulness in handling an unexpected canine misadventure.

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2. Cicadas Mistaken for Alien Spaceships

Phoebe Judge narrates a peculiar occurrence in Durham, North Carolina, and Newberry, South Carolina, where residents reported incessant noises resembling alien spaceships and industrial machines. The confusion stemmed from an unprecedented emergence of cicadas, with two species appearing simultaneously for the first time since Thomas Jefferson's presidency.

“There were trillions of them. They find their mates by being very, very loud.” [12:15] — Phoebe Judge

The relentless buzzing led to numerous 911 calls, prompting authorities to investigate. Eventually, it was determined that the source of the disturbances was the natural chorus of cicadas, assuring the public that, while annoying, they posed no danger.

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3. Zoe the Surprise Possum

In North Ridgeville, Ohio, Police Sergeant Demir Kaduzevich responded to an unusual call about a pig following a woman walking home. Upon arrival, officers discovered that the pig in question was actually the woman's dog, Eight, who had escaped and startled a passerby.

“They were looking for Zoe, someone's pet who dug her way out of a fenced-in yard and taken herself for a walk.” [14:22] — Carrie

The mix-up highlighted the challenges law enforcement faces with unexpected wildlife encounters and the importance of clear communication during emergencies.

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4. Vinnie the Curry-Covered Herring Gull

Steve Smith and Louise Brown from Tiggy Winkles Wildlife Hospital in England discuss the rescue of Vinnie, a herring gull found drenched in curry powder. Initially mistaken for an exotic bird due to his vibrant coloration, Vinnie turned out to be a common herring gull that had likely become trapped in a seasoning drum.

“The whole hospital smelled a smell of curry powder. You came through the door and you felt like someone was cooking.” [40:04] — Carrie

After meticulous cleaning and multiple baths to remove the persistent curry residue, Vinnie was released back into the wild. His story underscores the hospital's dedication to treating a wide array of wildlife, from bats to toads.

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5. Megaturtle's Toilet Trouble

Patrick McKnight shares the chaotic tale of Megaturtle, a 31-year-old tortoise whose attempts to patrol his home led to significant household damage. During renovations, Megaturtle knocked over a toilet, causing water to flood the floor and scattering lettuce pieces around.

“He got himself kind of stuck and literally just brute forced his way unstuck and the toilet was an unfortunate casualty.” [32:29] — Patrick McKnight

The incident not only required extensive repairs but also highlighted the challenges of accommodating long-lived pets like tortoises, with plans in place to relocate Megaturtle to a local zoo should the family be unable to care for him in the future.

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6. Brett Ingram’s Possum Encounter

Brett Ingram narrates her unsettling experience with a possum that ventured into her home during the night. While dealing with a new baby and other pets, Brett found the possum hiding in her Christmas tree, leading to a frantic attempt to remove the animal without harm.

“He was looking at me. So I kind of backed up and went around to the front of the tree and looked through, and that's when I saw its face and realized what was in my tree.” [46:43] — Brett Ingram

Despite challenges, including the possum's defensive behavior, Brett successfully removed the animal, emphasizing the unpredictable nature of wildlife encounters in residential settings.

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Conclusion

This episode of Criminal delves into a series of extraordinary animal-related incidents that blur the lines between chaos, misadventure, and unexpected challenges faced by ordinary people. From money-eating dogs to curry-covered gulls, each story underscores the unpredictable nature of human-animal interactions and the resilience required to navigate such unusual circumstances.

Notable Quotes:

• “We were never mad at him.” — Cecil, the money-eating dog [09:19]

• “They find their mates by being very, very loud.” — Phoebe Judge on cicadas [12:15]

• “The whole hospital smelled a smell of curry powder.” — Carrie on Vinnie the gull [40:04]

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About Criminal: Criminal is a groundbreaking podcast by Vox Media that explores stories about people who’ve done wrong, been wronged, or caught in the middle. Hosted by Phoebe Judge, it's been recognized as a Best Podcast of 2023 by the New York Times.

For more information, visit thisiscriminal.com or follow Criminal on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Transcript

[Phoebe Judge]

Support for this show comes from the aclu. The ACLU knows exactly what threats a second Donald Trump term presents and they are ready with a battle tested playbook. The ACLU took legal action against the first Trump administration 434 times and they will do it again to protect immigrants rights, defend reproductive freedom, safeguard free speech, and fight for all of our fundamental rights and freedoms. Join the ACLU today to help stop the Extreme Project 2025 agenda. Learn more@ ACLU.org.

[Liam]

Hey, it's Liam from Decoder with Neelai Patel. We spend a lot of time talking about some of the most important people in tech and business, about what they're putting resources to and why they think it's so critical for the future. That's why we're doing this special series diving into some of the most unique ways companies are spending money today. For instance, what does it mean to start buying and using AI at work? How much is that costing companies? What products are they buying, and most importantly, what are they doing with it? And of course, podcasts. Yes, the thing you're listening to right now, well, it's increasingly being produced directly by companies like venture capital firms, investment funds, and a new crop of creators who one day want to be investors themselves. And what is actually going on with these acquisitions this year, especially in the AI space?

[Neelai Patel]

Why?

[Liam]

Why are so many big players in tech deciding not to acquire and instead license tech and hire away co founders? The answer, it turns out, is a lot more complicated than it seems. You'll hear all that and more this month on Decoder with Nilai Patel, presented by Stripe. You can listen to Decoder wherever you get your podcasts.

[Carrie]

Carrie and Clayton Law live in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

[Clayton]

I've been a listener for a while, so super excited to hear from you.

[Cecil]

Carrie's a huge fan.

[Carrie]

Ok, Clayton, you're like lukewarm, but exactly. This time last year they'd hired some people to build a fence in their yard and they planned to pay the fence installers in cash. Clayton went to the bank and withdrew the money in 50s and hundreds. The bank teller sealed it in an.

[Cecil]

Envelope and so I set it down on the counter and, you know, went to go do something, talked to Carrie and then came back. And I just kind of had a WTF moment and it was hard for me to process what I was looking at.

[Clayton]

And then he started kind of panicking, I think.

[Carrie]

Yeah, it had only been about 30 minutes, but the envelope wasn't on the counter. The money was all over the floor in small wet pieces. And Kerry, he Yelled for you?

[Clayton]

Yes. Yeah. So I. We both work from home and I just start hearing Clayton saying he ate the money. And I'm thinking, what? What? He ate the money?

[Carrie]

Their dog, Cecil, A hundred pound goldendoodle.

[Cecil]

Cecil was just standing there over the pile of money, just shredded, consumed. It was just all over the floor.

[Carrie]

How much money?

[Cecil]

$4,000 total. He had never done anything like this in the past, ever. And so it was hard for me to process what I was looking at because we used to, you know, leave dinner out. We used to eat at the coffee table and watch some tv and you could leave, you know, a steak dinner or cheeseburger, whatever on that table, go to the kitchen, open a bottle of wine, talk for a little bit, come back, and he would still just be sitting on the couch, you know, not, you know, touching it at all. So I was very, just shocked that he did this.

[Carrie]

I mean, he hadn't just kind of torn these up, he'd also eaten the bills.

[Clayton]

Oh, yeah.

[Cecil]

You start to assess the damage and you're like, all right, how much is actually gone? Or are there any more fuller sized bills? And as I'm like just going through and looking under his toys and his dog bed and I looked in the water bottle and there was a corner of $100 bill. It just, it was just like the numbers 100 and right in the water bowl. And I was like, oh, well that's, that's great. You were able to wash that down.

[Carrie]

They called the vet who said to keep an eye on things, but that at £100, they weren't too worried about Cecil. Did you then ask the next question? Are we gonna get the money back immediately?

[Cecil]

You know, Carrie is probably one of the most like, just resourceful researcher, like, can you exchange this? What's the process? So she's googling it as I'm just trying to, you know, figure out what our next steps are. But later that night, it was like 2am or something and you have a dog, so you understand, but it's the proverbial like sound of a dog that's about to throw up. You have like a 15 second window before, you know, it all comes out. And so I hear that and I snap, snap awake, jump out of bed. I'm like, no, no, no, not on the carpet. And just got him on the tile and he threw up. And you know, it's 2:00am so I'm just like, I'm just going to clean this up. And I grab a plastic grocery bag and some paper towel and I realized wow, there's, like, chunks of bills in here, like, a lot. And I thought about turning the light on and going through it, but I was like, you know what? I'll deal with this tomorrow. So I just put it in the bag, tied it shut, and then I put it kind of low. But then I was like, wait, I don't want him to get back into it. So I put it really high up on the cabinet, so there was no possible way. And then, you know, the next morning, sure enough, there were, like hundreds in there all chewed up and stuff.

[Carrie]

And what do you do? You just do, like, put it in a colander. And how do you clean? What do you do?

[Clayton]

So, luckily, we have a utility sink, and so we use that in some Tupperware and just in some, like, dish soap and just kind of washed it a few times. And by the time I had started that process, Clayton had taken Cecil to go out, you know, to the bathroom for that morning and was noticing that there are also hundred dollar bills sticking out of what Cecil was depositing in the yard. And so that was when we realized that to get the rest of the money, we were going to have to just follow them around for a couple of days with plastic bags.

[Cecil]

It was. And you kind of. You've seen dawn soap, where, you know, hey, it can clean, you know, oil spills off of penguins and ducks. So we're like, all right, well, if it can do that, I'm sure it can take excrement off of dollar bills. And so it was just the process of following him around in the backyard. And there was. The challenging part was that there were a bunch of leaves on the ground, too. And he likes to poop and then walk and then poop and walk. So I'm trying to keep in my mind, like, where these are so I can go find them. And it was, yeah, lo and behold, just tons of bills in there and enough so that it was worth going through.

[Patrick McKnight]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

So what exact sentence did you say to the bank when you brought the bills back?

[Clayton]

So first I had called and I just explained the situation, and they're kind of, like, laughing. I don't think they really believed me at first. Whenever I had said the amount of money, I think they probably kind of thought I was joking. And they said, you know, we were able to tape it together and have the serial numbers on both sides. We could get it exchanged for fresh bills. So I'm thinking, okay, we're going to have to do this. So we had this, like, massive jigsaw puzzle of These washed partial bills that I had to put together, which took several hours. And so once we had that all taped together, we, um. I took that to the bank with me. And I just remember standing in line, and I think, clayton, did you come with me for that? Yeah, Clayton was with me. I remember standing in line, and, you know, people are there just going about their daily business. And then we go up to the clerk with this plastic bag, and I think we brought gloves for them, and explained that I had talked to somebody at the bank the day before. They said we could exchange these bills. And they're kind of looking at me. And then I explained. Explain what, you know, what had happened. And somebody in the back goes, oh, that was me you talked to. And so she was laughing and comes over, and I think she was in disbelief by the amount that we had brought in.

[Carrie]

Do you think that, you know, there was something about this money? Like that he. That this. This is better than a steak. I mean, that he kind of sensed that this was real valuable stuff.

[Clayton]

So whenever I. Whenever I talked with our bank about this, they were not surprised at all. They said that they have a lot of customers that have dogs that will eat money. They did mention that they've never seen this amount. I think it's, you know, like somebody's dog gets a 20. But they said they think it's because it passes through restaurants and it picks up. Maybe food smells would be their best guess. I'm not sure. But something about it smelled good enough to take that risk for him.

[Carrie]

I think that's pretty disgusting, what you just told me about the smell of the dough. How much money did you end up getting back?

[Clayton]

It was around $3,500, I think, by the end of it, maybe, you know, give or take hundreds and 50s.

[Carrie]

Did you talk to him about it? Did you try to, like, show him some of the bills and say, no?

[Brett Ingram]

Yes, we.

[Cecil]

Why? Why did you do this?

[Clayton]

We were never mad at him. Like, I remember we were watching tv and he's, like, laying on the couch, and he's al. He likes to watch tv. So he's watching TV and we just all start laughing because we're, like, looking at this dog, knowing that there's a few thousand dollars inside of him, and he's just coolly watching TV like it's not a big deal.

[Carrie]

For the past three years, one of our last episodes of the year has been stories about animals. And it's always one of my favorites to make. Last year, there was a story about a denture stealing Mouse, a cockatoo named Harry who snuck onto a cruise ship and was given a cabin of her own, and a cat named Onion who could find his way into anything, even a rice cooker.

[Neelai Patel]

He was just perched, like, kind of half on, half off the rice cooker, like a gargoyle and, like, scooping rice into his mouth. But it was really hot, you know, because it was like fresh rice. But he didn't, you know, he wouldn't stop eating it. So he was, like, complaining that it was hot while continuing to do it. I now duct tape the rice cooker as well.

[Carrie]

And as always, the story that's become a tradition from the New York Times in 1908 about a large dog that the paper described as a splendid Newfoundland who rescued a small child who'd fallen into a river outside of Paris. The dog was rewarded with a stake. And then two days later, another child fell into the river and was rescued by the same dog who got another steak. It kept happening almost every day. People in the area were starting to worry. And then they discovered that the dog was pushing the children into the river himself so that he could claim his reward. The headline read, dog a fake Hero. It's that time of year again today. Stories of animals really going for it. I'm Phoebe Judge. This is criminal. This spring in Durham, North Carolina, where I live, someone called 911 and told the operator, there's a noise that just won't stop, and I'm very tired and I want to know what the heck is going on. She described the sound as an alien spaceship. Around the same time in Newberry, South Carolina, the police department started receiving noise complaints about some kind of industrial machine running. The sheriff said they'd also received complaints about a constant noise that sounded like a siren or a whine or a roar, and that some people had even flagged down deputies to ask what was happening. When officers responded to the caller in Durham, North Carolina, and the complaints in Newberry, South Carolina, they discovered that they were all coming from the same source. Cicadas. This spring, for the first time since Thomas Jefferson was president, two types of cicadas emerged from underground. At the same time. There were trillions of them. They find their mates by being very, very loud. So loud that scientists who study them wear earmuffs. The Newberry, South Carolina, Sheriff's Office issued a statement that said, although to some the noise is annoying, they pose no danger. Unfortunately, it is the sounds of nature. Here's another story about a 911 call. North Ridgeville Police.

[Neelai Patel]

Hi, yes, I'm walking from the Elyria train station to my house in North Ridgeville. And a random pig just came up.

[Carrie]

And started following me. A pig, you said?

[Neelai Patel]

Yes. Okay.

[Carrie]

It seems very keen to stay with me. So. Okay, I'll have an officer head up that way. Police Sergeant Demir Kaduzevich was on duty. This was North RIDGEVILLE, Ohio, Around 5am There's a bar nearby called the train station. And Demir said that his first thought was that the caller had been at the bar and had had too much to drink and thought a pig was following him. But Demir and another officer went anyway.

[Cecil]

And as we're getting close, we see the guy and he's waving us down and we see a pig right next to him.

[Carrie]

It started to run.

[Cecil]

He was just basically trying to, like, not get. Not get caught. So it was kind of running in the same area as we were trying to. Trying to grab it.

[Carrie]

Eventually, they got the pig into the police car. It sat in the back seat. The police department put up a Facebook post about what had happened. They included a picture of the pig in the backseat of the car. The pig is kind of big. It looks to me like it weighs 50 pounds with black, bristly hair.

[Cecil]

Within a couple of hours of posting it on our Facebook page, the owners called up and they were looking for.

[Carrie]

They were looking for Zoe, someone's pet who dug her way out of a fenced in yard and taken herself for a walk. In September, a woman on an airplane traveling from Norway to Spain opened her in flight meal and as one passenger said, quote, a mouse jumped out. Reportedly, the situation was very calm, although the man sitting next to her told the BBC that he tucked his pants into his socks, quote, so the mouse would not crawl up his legs. The plane made an unscheduled landing in Denmark. A spokesperson for the airline said, quote, we made a very normal landing, not an emergency landing, which has been wrongly stated in some media. In order to change aircraft and catering, which is a fully normal procedure, all of the passengers were put on a different plane and continued on to Spain. We'll be right back. Support for criminal comes from ritual. In the winter months, the days are shorter and sometimes the sun has already gone down before the workday is over. An easy way to make sure you're still getting vitamin D is to take a multivitamin. I've been taking rituals essential for women every day for a while now. I appreciate that it's smaller than a lot of multivitamins and it smells like mint. It's a much more pleasant experience. You take two rituals essential for women capsules a day, each containing nine key nutrients, including vitamin D, folate, vitamin B12, and omega 3. And your body absorbs those nutrients slowly so you don't have to take it with food. Plus, Ritual is USP verified. That basically means the ingredients listed on the bottle are accurate so you know what you're putting into your body. Ritual's Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Get 25% off your first month at ritual.com criminal start ritual or add Essential for Women 18 to your subscription today. That's ritual.com criminal for 25% off. Support for Criminal comes from Quince. Quince makes a very beautiful Mongolian cashmere crewneck sweater. It comes in more than a dozen colors. The length is perfect. It doesn't pill is very soft. And I just got another one in burgundy for Christmas. I already have the heather gray and I wear it all the time. This sweater has more than 14,000 reviews from happy people saying things like this is my go to sweater and love the fit, color and texture and mostly the price. It costs $50. Quince's whole collection of essentials come in 50 to 80% less than similar brands. If you like the sweater as much as I do, you could get yourself the matching hat or the gloves or buy the whole set for someone as a very fancy gift that you will have paid a lot less for than they guess. You can get cozy and Quint's high quality wardrobe essentials go to quince.com criminals for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U-I-N C E.com criminal to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quint.com criminal.

[Neelai Patel]

This is one of those unexpected situations that was not on my 2024 bingo bucket list, I'll tell you that.

[Carrie]

In September last year, Ashley Class was renovating her 100-year-old home and pregnant with her third child. Her oldest sailor had just turned 3.

[Neelai Patel]

And she ended up, you know, starting to have night terrors. She kept saying there's monsters in her closet.

[Carrie]

Ashley says at the time, Saylor was obsessed with the movie Monsters Inc. And.

[Neelai Patel]

For those that don't know, Monsters Inc. The movie is about monsters literally coming out of your closet. So we didn't really put too much into it because we thought, okay, a combination of she turned three big feelings. You know, she loves this movie about monsters coming out of her closet and I'm pregnant. Things are changing. She's starting to see us get ready for our third child.

[Carrie]

But Sailor kept telling them she was sure that there are monsters in her closet. And she kept getting scared at night.

[Neelai Patel]

We actually. We got this, a water bottle that we called Monster Spray. And we just kept it by her bed and said, you know, if you were scared at night, just spray it. It's going to protect you, you know. And my husband got into the closet. She'd point where it was, got into the closet and said, there is monsters in there. And my husband would pretend to, like, karate kick and fight whatever monster and say, oh, I got him. We're good.

[Carrie]

It didn't work. Sailor started sleeping with Ashley and her husband in their room, but she would.

[Neelai Patel]

Sleep instantly when she slept with us.

[Carrie]

Did you at any point kind of think to yourself, well, okay, maybe it's not monsters, but this is a really old house. Maybe.

[Neelai Patel]

You know, we looked at all the different ductwork, we looked at all the different avenues of, you know, what could be making, like, a weird noise. And so I even. I even got the house blessed because I thought, could it be haunted? I mean, because there was. She was so adamant, and I did not want to tell her it was in her mind. But at the same time, when you're watching a movie that coincides with what you're saying at night, you know, that was our first instinct, was that there was monsters in her closet from Monsters Apart Movie.

[Carrie]

And then around the end of October, she stopped talking about the monsters and.

[Neelai Patel]

She was sleeping back to sleeping in her room. No issues.

[Carrie]

Ashley had her baby in mid February. And then a couple of weeks later, Sailor started to say there were monsters again.

[Neelai Patel]

And we had again. We started off with my husband and I doing Monster Sprite, started with my husband, I doing the ninjas kicking in the closet started. We did all those things all over again to, you know, kind of alleviate some of her concerns.

[Carrie]

I mean, were you kind of thinking, you know what? I'm exhausted. I have this brand new baby. There are no monsters. This is. I might be at the end of my rope on this one with the monsters in the room.

[Neelai Patel]

100%.

[Carrie]

And then on the first nice spring day of the year, Ashley remembers that she and her husband spent the day outside with the kids.

[Neelai Patel]

And I noticed a clump of bees. I pointed to my husband, I said, oh, my goodness, it looks like there's a wasp nest outside our attic vent.

[Carrie]

Ashley called the pest control company, and they came out and said it was honeybees. They wouldn't intervene because honeybees are endangered. So after a lot of calls, Ashley eventually found a beekeeper who would come over and have a look.

[Neelai Patel]

He ended up finding with my husband a the size of a ballpoint pen cap in the corner of the attic vent. That's how small it was. And said, okay, they're coming into the house. Let me see where they're going. What's underneath the floorboards? And that's when my husband said, that's our daughter's room.

[Carrie]

Ashley wasn't home at the time, but her husband called her and put her on speakerphone while the beekeeper headed towards Sailor's room.

[Neelai Patel]

He had a thermal imaging device that he just connected to his phone to show heat maps. And so bees, he says they produce a lot of heat, especially if they're honeybees, because they're making honeycomb and they're producing honey. And then he went into my daughter's room and he went through each panel and he was like, nope, not here, not here. And then he went, oh, my God. And it, my husband said it lit up like Christmas. It literally looked like a man was in the wall. And, you know, that's the first thing we thought, oh, my God, what is in there? The beekeeper said that that is the highest, tallest honey high that he has ever seen in his 25 year career. And that's when my husband and I, we realized that that panel that he, my husband sent me, that picture, it was right next to the closet.

[Carrie]

65,000 bees. And did you immediately think, oh my God, we were giving this kid a fake spray bottle?

[Neelai Patel]

Yes, 100%. We were like, oh, my gosh. And, you know, how did this happen? The beekeeper said, because it was 100 year old house. It was just a freak accident because 100-year-old homes don't have insulation. It created this huge gap in between each of the wall panels, each of the studs, so that it created this huge, beautiful home for them.

[Carrie]

He also told them that the reason Sailor had stopped hearing them during the winter was because the bees were dormant during those months. And they started getting ready to pollinate again right around the time Sailor said the monsters were back. What did he do next after you found out where the bees were?

[Neelai Patel]

So we had him open the wall, and it was like a horror movie. The bees just came pouring out and they just started dropping honey everywhere in a room. Just imagine, like if you're outside and it's raining, it would be if it's raining honey and there was just droplets of honey all over her toys, her books, her clothing, her dresser, everywhere. There's thousands of bees pouring out of this wall.

[Carrie]

The beekeeper started scooping up the bees and putting them into a box with mesh panels. And Ashley and her husband went to pick Sailor up from preschool. They told her what had happened on the way home.

[Neelai Patel]

You know, we. You were right. That was the biggest thing, is that we wanted to make sure. We told her, you know, this is a. I was right for life. So we brought her home. We. We brought her to the bee box, and we said, you know, are those. Is that the. Is that the sound that you were hearing? She looked straight at us in the eyes and was like, yep. Like, you guys finally understand me. Yep, this is it.

[Carrie]

That's the noise the monsters were making.

[Neelai Patel]

Okay, we're gonna get. We got those monsters.

[Carrie]

Yeah.

[Neelai Patel]

Goodbye, monsters. Get out of here. Hi, Winnipeg.

[Carrie]

Is she there?

[Neelai Patel]

She is. Can you say hi to Phoebe? Hi, Phoebe.

[Carrie]

Hi, Sailor. How are you? I see the bees.

[Neelai Patel]

Oh, you're talking about bees.

[Carrie]

Oh, yeah, we're talking about bees. Do you remember when you heard sounds in your room? What did it sound like? Did it sound like monsters?

[Neelai Patel]

Sound like bees?

[Carrie]

Yeah. Well, you were right. I guess it did sound like bees. Well, Sailor, thanks for talking.

[Neelai Patel]

I like these.

[Carrie]

I'm glad you like bees, Sailor. You were close to a lot of bees for a long time, so I bet you're gonna like bees for the rest of your life. Yes. Earlier this year, a rumor started going around that there was a small black bear hanging around the road near my house. I was in a place where there weren't really any black bears, and I was intrigued. Could it possibly be? I started worrying about my new dog, eight, going outside. She was only seven months old. I knew she was big, like £80 big and strong, but not strong enough to take on a black bear. She isn't much of a fighter, except when I'm trying to take the millionth sock that she's stolen out of her mouth. My father calls her Socks. I started being extra careful on our walks. I steered clear of some of the trails in the woods near streams. I have no idea if black bears like streams, but I figured that's where I would hang out. Then one day, I was walking Eight up our road, and a woman yelled out, there's the bear. I panicked. I was looking everywhere. And then I realized that the woman was pointing at Eight, who was happily wagging her tail, oblivious to anything wrong in the world. When we got home from our walk that day, I told everyone I'd seen the bear. How Long have you been interested in reptiles?

[Patrick McKnight]

Honestly, most of my life.

[Carrie]

Patrick McKnight works with reptiles. How many reptiles do you own today?

[Patrick McKnight]

I can't give you an exact number. It's somewhere between a thousand and three thousand.

[Carrie]

What, how many are in your house?

[Patrick McKnight]

So. So in the house we only have two. We have two little geckos. We have a facility where we breed ball pythons. And so we. We have a fairly significant number of ball pythons. And then we have the. The four tortoises.

[Carrie]

They used to just have three.

[Patrick McKnight]

Big turtle, little turtle, and medium turtle.

[Carrie]

And then a friend of theirs asked if they could take another one in. The friend didn't mention the size.

[Patrick McKnight]

He's probably about £180 at this point. He's. He's big.

[Carrie]

What is the difference between a turtle and a tortoise? In my head, turtles like to get wet and tortoises don't. That's all I know.

[Patrick McKnight]

That is, that is more or less the exact tortoises do technically fall under the turtle family. And so if you to call a tortoise a turtle, it is technically correct. People get a little bent out of shape, but, you know, it is what it is. But yeah, basically, if it likes to go in the water, it's a turtle. And if it doesn't want to touch water, it's a tortoise.

[Carrie]

Patrick moved the gigantic turtle in with his other three at their reptile facility, but then a tree fell on it and they had to remodel. He and his wife moved the tortoises into their house. He says the tortoises mostly spend their time walking. He called it patrolling, usually the perimeter.

[Patrick McKnight]

And if something gets in the way of them walking in the perimeter, they're like tiny tanks. And they're not going to slow down or, you know, halt too much. They're going to try and brute force their way through. And so, you know, whether that be a chair, the wall, whatever it is, if it's in their way and they're not happy about it, they're gonna try and get through it. And so, you know, you'll. You'll see pictures or videos of them, you know, all but walking through, you know, drywall and things like that, just punching their way through because it kind of got in the way.

[Carrie]

If both Patrick and his wife were leaving the house, they'd put up baby gates. One day they came home to find the baby gates torn down.

[Patrick McKnight]

And we're like, oh, great. And we kind of figured the tortoises had broken, you know, had a prison Break.

[Carrie]

At that point, Patrick heard his wife yelling.

[Patrick McKnight]

And I was like, oh man, this can't be good. And I walk in and I see the horror scene.

[Carrie]

He sent us a photo of what had happened. We couldn't figure out what we were looking at. There's a toilet on its side, knocked away from the pipes. There's water all over the floor and little pieces of lettuce, a lot of them. And in the corner, an enormous tortoise.

[Patrick McKnight]

It's most likely one of two things. Either A, he got himself kind of stuck and literally just brute forced his way unstuck and the toilet was an unfortunate casualty. Or occasionally these guys will see things that are of similar size to them as threats and they will actually attack them and start headbutting them. I've seen him do it to, you know, furniture outside and boxes and stuff like that. So it's entirely possible that he felt the toilet was an invader in his home and decided to knock it over and beat it up.

[Carrie]

Toilets can weigh 120 pounds. Patrick says the turtle is 31 years old. They call him Megaturtle. A tortoise's lifespan is estimated to be somewhere between 80 and 150 years. But a tortoise named Jonathan, who lives on the island of St. Helena is estimated to be about 192 years old. What, what will you do? I mean, Mega Turtle is gonna outlive you. He's gonna outlive me. I mean, he's gonna outlive maybe all. What, what, what's the plan? Where will he go?

[Patrick McKnight]

So fortunately, my wife is friends with a local zoo here in Richmond. And so currently that's where he's gonna head if we pass away. You know, the plan is for him to go live at a zoo. Being in the reptile community in general though, I have a significant amount of friends that have both the space and the skill set to be able to take care of them. It's an adventure, to say the least.

[Carrie]

We'll be right back. Support for criminal comes from GiveWell. GiveWell is an independent nonprofit that has spent the last 17 years researching charitable organizations. Only after careful and in depth research will they give donation recommendations to only the highest impact causes. Over 125,000 donors have used GiveWell to donate more than $2 billion. And GiveWell's research shows that these donations could save over 200,000 lives. They want to help you to make informed decisions about high impact giving. So all of their research and recommendations are available on their site for free. You can make tax deductible donations to their recommended funds or charities. And GiveWell doesn't take a cut. If you've never used GiveWell to donate, you can have your donation matched up to $100 before the end of the year or as long as matching funds last. To claim your match, go to givewell.org, pick podcast and enter Criminal at checkout. Make sure they know that you heard about GiveWell from criminal to get your donation matched again. That's givewell.org to donate or find out more.

[Liam]

Hey, it's Liam from Decoder with Neelai Patel. We spent a lot of time talking about some of the most important people in tech and business, about what they're put resources to and why they think it's so critical for the future. That's why we're doing this special series diving into some of the most unique ways companies are spending money today. For instance, what does it mean to start buying and using AI at work? How much is that costing companies? What products are they buying? And most importantly, what are they doing with it? And of course, podcasts. Yes, the thing you're listening to right now, well, it's increasingly being produced directly by companies like venture capital firms, investment funds, and a new crop of creators who one day want to be investors themselves. And what is actually going on with these acquisitions this year, especially in the AI space? Why are so many big players in tech deciding not to acquire and instead license tech and hire away co founders? The answer, it turns out, is a lot more complicated than it seems. You'll hear all that and more this month on Decoder with Neilai Patel, presented by Stripe. You can listen to Decoder wherever you get your podcasts.

[Steve Smith]

Anything you can find in the wild in the UK we treat here at the hospital. We take in lots of hedgehogs, lots of different birds, foxes, badgers, deer.

[Carrie]

Steve Smith and Louise Brown work at one of Europe's largest wildlife hospitals. It's in southeast England, near Oxford. It's called Tiggy Winkles Wildlife Hospital. That's quite a name for a wildlife hospital.

[Steve Smith]

Yeah, Ms. Tiggy Winkle was one of the Beatrix Potter characters. So a very, very famous hedgehog. And the hospital started off looking after sick and injured wild hedgehogs. So I think that's where we got the name from way back around 45 years ago.

[Carrie]

Wait, there were enough sick hedgehogs that it could create a whole hospital?

[Steve Smith]

Well, we certainly see lots of hedgehogs. How many have you counted before, louise? Well over 300 at any given time. They're much loved wild animals in the.

[Carrie]

UK today, people find and bring in all kinds of wild animals and the hospital treats them for free. Steve is the veterinary surgeon at the hospital and he's performed surgery on everything from a bat to a toad with a broken arm.

[Steve Smith]

Yeah, he had a badly broken forearm. So luckily I have a small plating kit. Were able to use this absolutely tiny equipment with these microsurgical tools to be able to put this toad back together again. And you know, this toad then lives happily with implant in his forelimb.

[Carrie]

The hospital is busy. They're usually treating more than a thousand different animals at a time. One day they got a call about what Steve calls a strange large orange.

[Steve Smith]

Bird and they found it by the roadside and they were sort of didn't know what it was. They're wondering whether they should pick it up. He didn't look particularly well. He was sort of stranded by the roadside, not flying away. And so we had the call and it sort of came down to the clinical teams, the veterinary team, and saying, there's an exotic orange bird. And you know, to my knowledge there's no, there's certainly no exotic wild orange birds in the UK and even escape pet birds. Orange is not a very common color for a bird. So it sort of made us scratch our heads a little bit. But we were kind of like, no problem, if you can catch the bird, fine, then bring it along and we'll have a look.

[Carrie]

But you're thinking, I have no idea what a big orange bird in England. What could this be?

[Steve Smith]

We had no idea from the phone call for short. So it was quite exciting. There was quite a stir while we were waiting for it to arrive at the hospital. So no, we were all sort of taking bets and discussing what it could be.

[Carrie]

The person who had found the sick bird managed to catch it.

[Steve Smith]

They caught the bird up in their jacket, put it in their car, in their car boot and then drove it straight to the hospital.

[Carrie]

And what happened when it arrived?

[Steve Smith]

The triage nurse, we have a nursing team that were on triage, they went down to the reception and grabbed the coat, brought it down to the triage room. And so when we opened up, this bird flapped out perfectly fine and bright and indeed it was a really large orange bird. But very quickly we, we realized actually, this is, this is a herring gull. So this is one of our normal gulls, that we have, one of our large gulls. And this is a herring gull covered in this orange substance.

[Carrie]

And it smelled familiar, like curry.

[Steve Smith]

The hotel, yeah, really Strong smell. When we touched the bird and you got this powder on your fingers and sniffed it, you could tell it was obviously the bird that smelled, not the jacket or anything.

[Carrie]

That smelled like curry.

[Steve Smith]

That smelled like curry? Yeah. The whole hospital smelled a smell of curry powder. You came through the door and you felt like someone was cooking. So it was, yeah, really pungent.

[Carrie]

The herring gull is one of the most common types of seagulls in the uk. They're always gray and white with black wing tips. How do you think he got covered in curry?

[Steve Smith]

Well, it's a really good question. We were, we were discussing that ourselves, so we assumed maybe a big catering plant or one of the big factories that make crisps or curry or seasoning and they have these big drums and we think a drum may have been left uncovered and he probably got trapped in there and in the process of trying to get out, this got completely covered in the powder.

[Carrie]

Herring gulls are what the British Trust for Ornithology calls opportunists. They prefer crabs but will eat almost anything they find. They named the bird Vinnie. Vinnie was perfectly healthy, just needed a bath.

[Steve Smith]

Yeah, the bird was bright, was alert, didn't have any gastrointestinal signs and was clearly behaving normally despite some sort of misadventure previously. So we have a washing protocol and you bath them in a nice hot bath with washing up liquid and basically you have to sit there for probably 40 minutes to an hour washing each feather to try and get the substance off. And so you, you sort of do that. As long as the bird tolerates it.

[Carrie]

Seagulls can. Are they friendly birds?

[Steve Smith]

They are not friendly birds. They probably have the most attitude of any of the birds we see. So especially herring gulls, which is one of our bigger types of gulls.

[Carrie]

A herring gull can be about 26 inches long and when it flaps its wings, the wingspan can be close to five feet.

[Steve Smith]

He didn't enjoy his bath, so certainly gave us quite a. Quite the run around when we were trying to do it. You should see the injuries on the hands from him nipping the nurses and us from the bus.

[Carrie]

One bath wasn't enough. They kept him at the hospital and over the next couple of weeks they had to give him a bath every two or three days. Steve says that anything on a bird's feathers can interfere with their natural methods of waterproofing and insulation.

[Steve Smith]

By the sixth bath, he did not appreciate it any more than the first and was learning all the tricks to try and avoid us.

[Carrie]

Seagulls are smart at least one type of gull is able to solve puzzles, like pulling on a string to get a piece of food. And they will sometimes tap their feet on the ground fast, mimicking the sound of falling raindrops, because the sound brings worms up to the surface, where the gulls can easily catch and eat them. They drove Vinnie to a lake and got him out of the car. He was in a dog crate and kept trying to break his way out with his beak. They walked for a few minutes and stopped by the lakefront. Then they opened up the crate and Vinnie took off. Ready, steady, go.

[Neelai Patel]

Woo.

[Carrie]

Come on, Vinny.

[Steve Smith]

Off he goes.

[Carrie]

Yeah. Shook his hand. He had a little peek back. Oh, and he's got a friend already. Look. In March, at a different animal rescue in England, the Lower Moss Wood Nature Reserve and Wildlife Hospital, a woman brought in a baby hedgehog she'd found on the side of the road. A baby hedgehog is also called a hoglet. It's not a good sign to see a hedgehog out during the day. The woman wanted to help. She took the hedgehog home and put it in a box with some newspaper, a hot water bottle, and a little dish of cat food. But it didn't move all night or touch the food, so she brought it to the animal rescue. The staff opened the box and immediately knew it wasn't a hedgehog. It was the furry gray pom pom from the top of a hat. The doctor said the woman took the news very well and had just wanted to help. Last November, Brett Ingram had just started a new job near Dallas. She says the first couple of days were stressful, and she got home late on her second day.

[Brett Ingram]

So I came in the house. I still had my work stuff, and I was going over what I had done for the day. I sat on the couch immediately, filling work clothes, and I was in complete quiet. I didn't even turn the lights on yet, really. I just sat down and was on my computer. The Christmas tree light was. Was on, though. The Christmas tree was lit up. And I was just sitting there working, looking at my computer, and I heard a little sneeze. And, you know, I do have a lot of animals.

[Carrie]

What type of animals?

[Brett Ingram]

I have two ball python snakes. I have a bearded dragon, and I have three dogs and a porch cat. So I thought maybe the cat was under the tree laying down or something. So I kind of looked over there, kind of looked, but didn't look too much, and then just kept working. And after a few minutes, I heard it again, but it was a Lot louder.

[Carrie]

Another sneeze.

[Brett Ingram]

So I kind of stood up and started looking around the tree, and, like, it's in between two. My two couches and by the window. So I kind of looked in the windowsill, and I was like, there has to be something over here. And as I was looking, I looked to my left where the tree was, and it was. It's pretty close up against the wall, But I saw a very long tail. It looked like. Like a rat tail. And I saw it and kind of just paused and was like, you know, what is that?

[Carrie]

Then she looked up, and she says she saw a large breathing ball of gray fur.

[Brett Ingram]

So I kind of backed up and went around to the front of the tree and looked through, and that's when I saw its face and realized what was in my tree.

[Carrie]

What did the face look like?

[Brett Ingram]

Just because my tree was black and white, he was blending in. But he had, like, a pretty white face with the, you know, the black rings around his eyes.

[Carrie]

It was a possum, and he just.

[Brett Ingram]

Was, like, looking at me.

[Carrie]

Brett called a wildlife rescue person to come help, who told her she didn't do night calls, and she kind of.

[Brett Ingram]

Just told me I should be able to grab him. It shouldn't bite me, try to get him out. But it.

[Carrie]

It shouldn't bite.

[Brett Ingram]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

I mean, I don't know much about possums, but I do know that they have teeth.

[Brett Ingram]

They do. And they have big teeth.

[Carrie]

You know what I think I would have done? I would have gotten my animals and would have barricaded ourselves in a room until that wildlife rescue would open up the next morning.

[Brett Ingram]

Oh, no. We wrestled. I had to get him out. You know, I worked my way in there and trying to, like, just grab around his body and try to, like, pull him a little bit to see if he'd come out. But they have hands. Like, they have thumbs and everything. So he was holding on to one of the branches pretty good. And so when I was trying to pull him, he was holding on, and ornaments were going everywhere. So eventually I ended up pulling hard enough to get his hands off. Like, I had to, like, pluck his fingers from this branch.

[Carrie]

Oh, my God.

[Brett Ingram]

And he. It wasn't a very hard fall or anything, but he did, like, wrestle around and, like, where he. I didn't have him, and he. He flopped to the ground, and then he ran under my couch. And then it became this whole escapade of me having to get him out. So I would move the couch, and then he'd run behind the tree. Under the other couch. And I moved the couches like, four or five times, like, trying to get him. And then he ran. I mean, I was out of breath, and he ran back under the bigger couch. And I took, like, five minutes to, like, catch my breath. And as I'm doing this, my dogs are just watching me. They have, like. They don't. They want nothing to do with it.

[Carrie]

She says that eventually she was able to grab him.

[Brett Ingram]

Like, I guess they secrete this smell for defense. And so that's the first thing I noticed. And I kind of just talked to him. I was like, you smell bad, buddy. You have to go back outside and, like, try to calm him down a little bit.

[Carrie]

You tried to calm him down. I see you held him for a second.

[Brett Ingram]

I did. He was like, I could tell he was scared. He wasn't hissing or, like, trying to bite me, but his mouth was kind of open. So, like, I just, like, said there for a second. And, like, I walked to the door and I sat him down and, like, he said, scurried off.

[Carrie]

How did you smell once you put the possum down?

[Brett Ingram]

Yeah, I had a hoodie on. And it was definitely. It smelled like it. I think I threw it away.

[Carrie]

Brett says she saw him again a few days later near her porch.

[Brett Ingram]

And I think. I think how he got in was.

[Clayton]

I have.

[Brett Ingram]

My cat lives on my porch primarily, and I have some cat food next to the front door. And I think that one night when I opened the door, he was probably eating the food and just. And thought it would be nice to go inside because it was cold out.

[Carrie]

And made his way into her Christmas tree where it was warm. Well, Brett, I want to thank you very much, and I wish you good luck this year with no animals.

[Brett Ingram]

Thanks. Yeah, we'll see.

[Carrie]

Criminal is created by Lauren Spohr and me. Nydia Wilson is our senior producer. Katie Bishop is our supervising producer. Our producers are Susanna Roberson, Jackie Sajiko, Lily Clark, Lena Sillison and Megan Kinane. Our show is mixed and engineered by Veronica Simonetti. Julian Alexander makes original illustrations for each episode of Criminal. You can see [e-mail] Special thanks to the pets of Criminal 8 Ardell Robespierre, Coco, Tina, Jack Burton, Disco Ducky, Luigi Bean and Tookie. You can sign up for our [e-mail] Newsletter. We hope you'll consider supporting our work by joining our membership program, Criminal. Plus, you can listen to Criminal, this is Love. And Phoebe reads a mystery without any ads. Plus, you'll get bonus episodes. These are special episodes with me and Criminal co creator Lauren Sporer telling stories from the last 10 years of working together. And at the end of each episode, we share things we've been enjoying recently. I recommended the Ken Burns Leonardo da Vinci documentary. I'm always hoping to get a film call that they need a new Ken Burns narrator and I can have the job. To learn more, go to thisiscriminal.com plus we're on Facebook and Twitter criminalshow and Instagram @ criminalpodcast. We're also on YouTube at YouTube.com criminalpodcast. Criminal is part of the Vox Media Podcast network. Discover more great [e-mail] I'm Phoebe Judge. This is Criminal. Excuse me, Nadia. I have to see my animals going wild. Just one second. Go away. She wasn't. You're not invited in here. Good girl. That's the bum. That's the girl. That's the girl. That's the girl.

[Liam]

Hey, it's Liam from Decoder with Neelai Patel. We spent a lot of time talking about some of the most important people in tech and business, about what they're putting resources to and why they think it's so critical for the future. That's why we're doing this special series, diving into some of the most unique ways companies are spending money today. For instance, what does it mean to start buying and using AI at work? How much is that costing companies? What products are they buying, and most importantly, what are they doing with it? And of course, podcasts. Yes, the thing you're listening to right now. Well, it's increasingly being produced directly by companies like venture capital firms, investment funds, and a new crop of creators who one day want to be investors themselves. And what is actually going on with these acquisitions this year, especially in the AI space? Why are so many big players in tech deciding not to acquire and instead licensed tech and hire away co founders? The answer, it turns out, is a lot more complicated than it seems. You'll hear all that and more this month on Decoder with Nilai Patel, presented by Stripe. You can listen to Decoder wherever you get your podcasts.

[Phoebe Judge]

Support for the show comes from AT&T. What does it feel like to get the new iPhone 16 Pro Pro with AT&T? NextUp anytime. It's like when you first light up the grill and think of all the mouth watering possibilities. Learn how to get the new iPhone 16 Pro with Apple Intelligence on AT&T and the latest iPhone every year with AT&T. Next up, anytime AT&T connecting changes everything. Apple Intelligence coming fall 2024 with Siri and device language set to US English. Some features in language languages will be coming over the next year. $0 offer may not be available on future iPhones. Next Up Anytime feature may be discontinued at any time, subject to change additional fees. Terms and restrictions apply. See att.com iPhone for detail.