Podcast Summary: Gilgo Beach Killer’s Ex-wife Said WHAT?! Forensic Psychologist’s Analysis
Podcast: Criminally Obsessed
Host: Ann Emerson
Guest: Dr. John de la Torre, Forensic Psychologist
Date: May 7, 2026
Episode Focus: Analysis of Asa Ellerup (ex-wife of Gilgo Beach Killer Rex Heuermann) and new insights from the docuseries Gilgo Beach Killer: House of Secrets
Episode Overview
In this emotionally charged episode, veteran investigative reporter Ann Emerson sits down with forensic psychologist Dr. John de la Torre for a deep dive into the psychology and human aftermath of the Gilgo Beach murder case, centering on the reactions and mindset of Rex Heuermann’s ex-wife, Asa Ellerup. Using recent revelations from Peacock’s docuseries Gilgo Beach Killer: House of Secrets, they scrutinize Asa’s journey from denial to acceptance of her husband’s crimes, her controversial choice to sleep in the alleged “kill room,” and the enduring mystery: How could a spouse not know?
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The Reluctant Confession: Asa’s Path from Denial to Belief
- Initial disbelief: Despite mounting evidence, including her own hair found at crime scenes, Asa did not believe Rex was capable of murder until he confessed directly to her.
- "[Rex] admitted to murdering eight women. She didn’t believe he was guilty when he was arrested. It took him confessing to her for her to accept the truth." (Ann Emerson, 00:00)
- Denial explored: Dr. de la Torre highlights how Asa’s form of denial wasn’t unique. Many spouses in coercive relationships compartmentalize “badness” and cannot apply it to their loved one, regardless of evidence.
- “The thesis of [the docuseries] would be impossible for a spouse to not know...from her perspective, wrongness is not a spectrum, but more just a category... Huberman really is kind of the best partner she could ever have wanted.” (Dr. John de la Torre, 03:12)
- Categorical thinking: Asa’s refusal to see Rex as capable of evil was rooted in a need to keep her world safe.
- “No matter what, I mean, he could do no wrong in her mind.” (de la Torre, 05:50)
2. The Psychology Behind Asa’s Response
- Manipulation and grooming: Rex likely selected Asa as a partner knowing he could manipulate her, and that she would never challenge him.
- “Serial killers often choose who they want to spend their actual time with on purpose...he chose her on purpose because...she would never challenge him.” (de la Torre, 11:17)
- Socio-cultural factors & trauma: Asa’s background, previous assault trauma, and possibly different cultural frameworks contributed to her naïveté and reluctance to process reality.
- “She kind of seems naive and she seems kind of childlike...her energy force wasn’t able to kind of mature past that trauma that she experienced when she was younger.” (de la Torre, 07:45)
3. The Kill Room Dilemma
- Asa moves into the murder room: Her stated reason is to spiritually "apologize" to the victims, but Dr. de la Torre proposes she's seeking something else.
- “Asa says she sleeps in that room to spiritually tell the victims how sorry she is for what happened to them.” (Ann Emerson, 01:39)
- Psychological regression: The psychologist reads her behaviors as regressive, perhaps an attempt to reconnect with a “previous” Rex or her own past.
- “Everything we see for her space is...very young, and it’s very juvenile...I think she’s trying to...reach the Rex that lived in that room from before.” (de la Torre, 17:28)
- “She’s definitely not there for the victim. She’s there for Rex.” (de la Torre, 20:36)
- On staged empathy: Some documentary scenes may be performative, either produced for the camera or because Asa is incapable of a more adult engagement.
- “Was it staged because the producers were dealing with a child and...had no way of getting a story out of her other than to put her in a position to tell them something that ends up being fairly ridiculous?” (de la Torre, 19:24)
4. Economic Control & Why the Family Stayed
- Why stay in the house? Ann and Dr. de la Torre consider whether economic necessity, rather than emotional attachment, keeps Asa and her daughter living at the crime scene.
- “What does it say about this family? ...I think it says more about the economic coercion that Rex had them under. They may not have the ability to afford anything.” (de la Torre, 15:54)
- “It could be that Heuerman had such control over the economics of the house that they can’t afford to leave.” (de la Torre, 16:32)
5. Masks, Personas & Split Realities
- Two sides to Rex? Asa describes feeling like she dealt with two different people. Dr. de la Torre is skeptical; this is her way of protecting herself from reconciling his true nature.
- “Is that her problem or his problem? That’s her problem. Because all people are one person... Her problem is that she categorized Rex Euroman as...a good guy.” (de la Torre, 22:11)
- “All I see is what the camera is allowing me to see...the things she was saying to the camera at the end weren’t real.” (de la Torre, 23:24)
- Emotional conditioning: The lack of emotional displays, tears, or visible sadness in Asa and her daughter may reflect years of being "conditioned" by Rex’s controlling household.
- “It’s absolutely possible that...if they cried anywhere, they were going to be met with some kind of discipline. After decades...you just stop. To protect yourself, you just stop.” (de la Torre, 30:36)
6. Forgiveness and the Path Forward
- Asa vs. Victoria: Asa defers forgiveness of Rex to God, while their daughter Victoria verbally forgives him. De la Torre sees this as self-preservation; Asa cannot or will not process what her life is without Rex.
- “As for Asa, what life does she actually have? Her life is just as over as any of these other victims because Rex is gone...leaving it to God means she no longer bears the responsibility.” (de la Torre, 31:13)
- Will Asa ever “know” the real Rex? De la Torre doubts she’ll ever truly confront the reality of her husband’s crimes or motives.
- “She already knows him...it’s only her that thinks that she needs to meet him. She has met him multiple times.” (de la Torre, 32:33)
- “She’ll never want to know that information...she may say it in front of a camera but she’ll never want to know that information.” (de la Torre, 33:17)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On Denial and Rationalization:
- “She’s willing to tell herself that Rex was never capable...so in her mind, Huberman really is kind of the best partner she could ever have wanted.” (de la Torre, 04:05)
- On Economic Control:
- “It could be that Heuerman was such a...had such control over the economics of the house that they can't afford to leave...at least in that house, they know the demons that are there.” (de la Torre, 16:32)
- On Asa’s Motivation for Staying in the Kill Room:
- “She’s not there for the victims. She’s there for Rex. Because...that was Rex’s safe space. She wants to be that little girl...that could have stopped all of this.” (de la Torre, 20:36)
- On the Myth of Emotional Display:
- “Crying is merely one [way to emote]...it is also possible that Rex Hurman created a household in which expression of emotions was inappropriate and could be met with severe consequences.” (de la Torre, 29:32)
- On Asa’s Personal Resolution:
- “She already knows him...it's only her that thinks she hasn't done it. Until she sees the reality...she'll always live in a state of disbelief, and she'll never get what she needs.” (de la Torre, 32:56)
Essential Timestamps
- 00:00-04:36 – Introduction; Asa’s denial and confession
- 07:45-08:38 – Asa’s “childlike” affect and background trauma
- 11:17-13:10 – Rex’s selection process and family control
- 15:54-16:32 – Economic coercion and staying in the family home
- 17:28-20:36 – Analysis of Asa’s actions in the kill room
- 22:00-23:24 – Asa’s split perception of Rex (“two people”)
- 30:36-31:13 – On emotional conditioning and lack of tears
- 31:13-33:12 – Forgiveness and Asa’s relationship to Rex’s crimes
- 34:28-35:22 – What’s next for Asa and Victoria (future outlook)
Tone & Language
Throughout the episode, both Ann Emerson and Dr. de la Torre remain empathetic yet unflinching. Emerson’s reporting is direct, compassionate, and meticulous, while Dr. de la Torre offers clinical, sometimes blunt analysis, always grounded in psychology but sensitive to the emotional devastation behind the crime.
For Listeners
This episode is a probing look at denial, coercion, trauma, and the unseen emotional fallout that radiates from “true crime” headlines. It goes beyond forensic details, centering the struggle of Asa Ellerup while exposing the uncomfortable truths about manipulation in intimate relationships. The insights from Dr. de la Torre equip listeners to see past the simple question of “How could she not know?”—suggesting that the most disturbing secrets are those people can’t bear to face in themselves.
Recommended Next Steps:
- Listen to part two for analysis focused directly on Rex Heuermann himself
- Consider watching Gilgo Beach Killer: House of Secrets for firsthand context
Key Quote to Remember:
“We think that we would know. And the reality is, until you’re in that situation, you can’t actually know what you will see and not see.” (de la Torre, 26:15)