← Critical Magic Theory: An Analytical Harry Potter Podcast
Critical Magic Theory: An Analytical Harry Potter Podcast
The Devil Wears Pink: The Violence, Villainy, and Vanity of Dolores Umbridge
01:07:05
On this episode of Critical Magic Theory, Professor Julian Wamble dives into the soft-voiced, hard-hearted horror that is Dolores Jane Umbridge. She may wear kitten brooches and speak in syrupy tones, but beneath the pink cardigan lies one of the...
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- [00:00]
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Teen Vaper
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- [00:47]
Professor Julian Womble
Welcome to Critical Magic Theory, where we deconstruct the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Because loving something doesn't mean we can't be critical of it. I'm Professor Julian Womble, and today I'm trying to bring joy because today we are talking about the most hated character in all of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, the one and only Dolores Jane Umbridge. And frankly, it just strikes me that this is going to be an intense episode. And what is also true is it's going to be a chaotic one because you all are not going to be happy with the results. I already know that. I've warned some of you already to just prepare to rage. I think that some of you have expectations for what this is going to be, and you might be right for some of the questions, but for other ones, I. Well, maybe not so much. And I think I want you all to prepare yourselves now, because some of the results are not going to be what you want. Some of my thoughts may not be the ones that you want. There are a couple of you who have already given voice to your frustration with me because you know where I'm going with this. That's. Oh, Dolores Umbridge is one of the most. How do we describe her ridiculous, awful, horrific characters that we've got? But there's so much there. Even though, again, we only get her in one book, there's so much there for us to think about and for us to unpack. And so I cannot wait to do that. Have you ever wondered whether Umbridge even really wanted to run Hogwarts in the first place? Or why is she the most hated character in the series? And how do we reconcile her hyper femininity with her penchant for terrible things. Given who the author is, y' all, we're getting into every bit of it today. We are getting into all of it. But first we gotta bop. No preamble. Three, two, one. Let's bop. We need to talk about Harry Potter. Sam.
- [03:39]
Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids
Nearly 90% of kids who vape say flavors are why they do it.
- [03:42]
Teen Vaper
A lot of the flavors that I've heard are like peach, mango, watermelon. It makes it seem like more childlike and innocent. Oh, if I try this once, it won't be that much of a problem. But then eventually it becomes a problem.
- [03:54]
Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids
It's time to restrict the sale of flavored tobacco products in Oregon and protect our kids from nicotine addiction. Urge lawmakers to Pass Senate Bill 702A. Take action at flavorshookoreegoids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund.
- [04:09]
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- [04:25]
Professor Julian Womble
I hope you danced, but I know you weren't ready. I have been spoiling you all. I have been giving lots of language and verbiage just to make sure that you all are ready. But if you're not ready by this point, this is episode 40, which is crazy to even think about, but it's episode 40. And if you aren't ready to bop from the moment you know it's coming, then what are you doing? Okay, you were ready. Some of you weren't, but that's okay. Welcome back to everyone. Thank you all so much for your engagement with the Gilderoy Lockhart episodes. I had a blast. What a messy character he is. And you all know that I love mess, and so do you. And that's really what it's about. You all love mess, and I can't tell if you came here loving mess, and maybe this podcast has helped you love it more or you've just grown to love it. But no matter what it is, I'm grateful that you all are willing to get messy with me and to talk about some of these messy characters. We've gone through three characters in a row. Just mess, mess, mess, mess, messier, messiest. Okay? And that's where we're at right now. So for those of you who joined in the post episode chat and the Prof. Response episodes for Gilderoy Lockhart, thank you so, so much. If you have not Please feel free to join us on Patreon patreon.com criticalmagictheory for the post episode chat. Also, the question of the week, I talked about it in the last episode. I'm thinking that we will do a little bit of a break before we get into messy with Minnie Wise and Messier Severus Snape and Dumbledore respectively. Their episodes are going to be intense. There are going to be a lot. I want us to take a break. Many of you have given voice to the fact that you all want some episodes on the houses and so I want to do that. And so for the question of the week I had what does it mean to be a good member of any of the Hogwarts houses? And if there's an example of it, who is it and why? If you haven't gone to look at that, please feel free to do so. It's on the Patreon. It's open to everyone. Answer the question. I'm hoping to use it as a way for us to think about this more thoroughly because as the weeks progress, we're going to be talking about each of the houses and what does it mean to be a good member of those houses. And, and then there are gonna be surveys that come out for each of them so that we have something to talk about. There's some data that we can back it up with. And so many of you have often complained and told me how you don't like the question about what it means to be a good insert house. Here now's your opportunity to really give me, give me a piece of your mind and tell me what it is you think we need to know about these houses. Okay, that's all going to be on Patreon. On Patre what? On Patreon. If you, if you want to join in a financial capacity, you can do that with the outstanding owls, Deep Divers or Chronic Overthinkers. There are lots of perks, namely ad free episodes. The Chronic Overthinkers get together once a month. We have our meeting coming up on Saturday. Cannot wait. It's going to be a good time. Also, you're going to be hearing from the Chronic Overthinkers on these House episodes because we had these conversations months and months and months ago and people really brought some good things to bear. Speaking of Chronic Overthinkers, I would like to welcome and thank Toya who just joined as a Chronic Overthinker. We appreciate your support in every single way. It helps this podcast run. You know what else helps this podcast Run and what else you can do to support, get merch, write reviews, tell a friend, comment, share all the things. That's what you can do. And listen, some of you are doing that, and I appreciate it. Let's get the word out about this here little podcast that could and is and will. Okay, the next character that we're going to be talking about is the one and only. I guess we're continuing on the messy theme, but this is a different kind of mess. Ruby is Hagrid. And I know that some of us said, well, he's not a half blood. He's, you know, half giant, half wizard. I get that. But when I thought about it, I thought, you know, what's true for Hagrid is that nobody knows that until he is exposed by Rita Skeeter. And so it feels like we can leverage some of that reality. And I think it also works, and I like it because Umbridge is one of the people who treats him very differently. And so as we move through this narratively, Hagrid feels like a really solid follow up. Also, we needed someone lighter. We needed someone fun. We needed someone that everybody loves. I know that there are people who don't love Hagrid, also chaotic, but go off. And so it felt right to me. And I think we can discuss, you know, his being part giant and what that means and how we understand that in relationship to his status within the wizarding world. But it feels right to me to have him here. And, you know, every once in a while, I am a benevolent dictator. This is not one of those times. We're doing it. It's happening. So the Patreon will get the survey on Thursday, as always, and it will drop for everyone else on Friday. Get excited. I'm excited for this. I think it's a solid change of pace from Quorl, from Lockhart, from Umbridge. And so I'm ready. I'm excited, and I hope that you are, too. But before we get into the warm and fluffy, pun intended, Hagrid, it's time for us to dive into the dubious, dangerous and disastrous Dolores Jane Umbridge, y' all. That was off the dome. That was off the dome. I'm very proud of myself. Anyways, let's get into it.
- [10:25]
Teen Vaper
Use of flavored tobacco by teens is a crisis. Tobacco companies use flavors like cotton candy, watermelo on ice, and cool mint to hook kids like me. They seem harmless, but they are. Addiction to nicotine sets us up for a lifetime of health problems. Oregon legislators can do something about it. Passing Senate Bill 702A will keep flavored tobacco away from kids. But there are just a few short weeks left for lawmakers to act. Take action to protect kids like me. @ flavorshookorgonkids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco.
- [10:53]
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- [10:57]
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- [11:28]
Professor Julian Womble
When I had to think about my favorite Umbridge moment, I had to rack my brain because she's so detestable. But I was just on an episode of Mugglecast where we were reading a chapter from the Order of the Phoenix and I was struck by a particular moment in the chapter that we read, which was Snape's worst memory. And it's not the memory that matters here, it's the fact that it's Dolores first day as headmistress. And I love this scene more than the detention scenes or even her eventual downfall. Because in the moment, this is a moment she actually gets everything that she wanted. She schemed, manipulated and politicked her way into running Hogwarts. And she's actually full on in charge and believes naively, arrogantly, that that's the end of this entire thing. Like she's. She thinks she's won. And it's amazing because it's like, you couldn't have been more wrong, right? Like that she couldn't have been more wrong. Like the idea that power once granted guarantees like fealty, right, obedience, and that fear that she's kind of instilled in the place is enough. And then Fred and George show up and they have zero Fs to give. They've already made a plan. They're already planning on, like, skipping out. And everything that she's built, all the things that she's done, the alliances she's built with the inquisitorial squad, all of that stuff just completely and utterly falls apart. Because what she doesn't understand and what a lot of people in power that we are currently living through right now don't understand, is that holding power is not the same as earning respect. And that we can live in a moment where someone is given power, but it doesn't mean that people respect it, that they care that you have it. And that you can try to rule by fear, but that that is not going to change the way that other people perceive you and understand you. Like, authority is not self sustaining. And all it takes is a few students and fireworks and faculty who refuse to do anything. And all of a sudden she's running around here looking crazy like she thought she was that girl and really she's not. And she wanted control. And I love it so much because it mirrors a moment that we also see with Voldemort, who we're going to be making some comparisons with a little bit later. Right. He also operates from the notion that fear is enough to lead people. And for some of the Death Eaters, it definitely is. But then we think about Regulus, who should have been loyal and should have been afraid, but completely and utterly betrays him. Fear can control a person, but up to a point. And then when you lead by fear alone, your downfall is actively inevitable. And like, okay, I know that Umbridge does not get the comeuppance that many of us wanted her to get as it pertains to, like, her overall arc as a character. But this first day, the first day that she actually gets the reins of power is disastrous. And I think it is so funny and so indicative of what it means when you have gone about getting the thing you want the wrong way and are completely unprepared for the consequences of your actions. And this is one of the few moments where she actually gets something that looks like comeuppance. And I love that for us, when I asked you all what word best describes Dolores Umbridge, the top three words were evil, cruel and vile. Well, you all didn't mince any hairs about split any hairs. What's the mince? Any words mince words. Anyways, you all didn't hold back. Okay, wow. There was a lot going on there. And you know what? Just deal with the fact that I had to figure out what the saying was anyways. Evil, cruel, vile, synonyms, and on the money. Mm. I think this resonates with me mostly because I. I think that this is kind of what we're made to take away from Umbridge and I. We don't really get anything else for her. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, there are obviously things like manipulative and. But everything's bad. There's no sense of anything that is even remotely redemptive for her. And I think the thing that many of you brought up in your responses that we'll talk about as we continue through the episode is the fact that she revels in this. She delights in being evil and being cruel and being vile. And I think it's fascinating because many of you brought up something similar in our discussion of Lucius Malfoy. Right. And I am going to do the thing that you all don't like, which is constantly remind us of the characters that we have used similar things or similar adjectives to discuss them. Because one of the big kind of overarching questions that I introduced at the beginning of the episode is, why do we hate her more? And in my reflection, I'm going to kind of talk a little bit about why I think that's the case. Some of your responses give us that as well. But I think these words encapsulate a lot of who she is as a person, who she is as someone who's presented to us in a very particular way. And I find it, and her so fascinating because of this. And she's really the only, like. I mean, some people could say Rita Skeeter was a villain, but it's a little bit different. Rita Skeeter was doing her job. And here's the gag. People were reading what Rita Skeeter was writing and responding to it, including Queen Molly. Right. Rita Skeeter wasn't great. I'm not excusing her behavior at all in the slightest. But Rita Skeeter was doing her job that she had been. Been doing. And so that's even a little bit more different than this. Right. Because I'm thinking of, like, other women, villains. I'm intrigued. I want us to think about, you know, why it is that we could use all of these words to describe Bellatrix, and I think we might have. I'd have to go back and look. So I'm interested in really understanding and unpacking what it is about Umbridge that makes us feel so angry. I think I have the answer. We'll see if it's the answer by the end. But anyways, these words are spot on. And so y' all did it. I don't really have anything deep to say about it, because what. What more is there to say? These words say it all.
- [19:20]
Teen Vaper
Use of flavored tobacco by teens is a crisis. Tobacco companies use flavors like cotton candy, watermelon ice, and cool mint to hook kids like me. They seem harmless, but they are. Addiction to nicotine sets us up for a lifetime of health problems. Organ legislators can do something about it. Passing Senate Bill 702A will keep flavored tobacco away from kids. But there are just a few short weeks left for lawmakers to act. Take action to protect kids like me@.
- [19:46]
Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids
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- [19:53]
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- [20:09]
Professor Julian Womble
It is time for our arithmancy lesson. For this episode's arithmancy Lesson, we had 644 responses. You know what the first question is? It's the first question that we always have to ask, but I have to tell a little bit of a story first. I have told you multiple times throughout the different episodes that I believed that there was a character that would give us unanimous support that we would have 100%. Whether it was yes or no or even don't know, I just felt like we would have 100%. But I didn't tell you who because there are chaos goblins in our midst. There are deliverers of dastardly deeds in our presence, listening over the airwaves. And I said, if I tell them, then the contrarian people will purposefully derail this. And so for the first question, is Dolores Umbridge a good person? I thought 1,000%. We're going to have unanimous support. And for the first, probably five, six days of the survey, we did, and then, and then we didn't. And. And so the results are 99.5% of us said, no, Dolores Umbridge is not a good person. 0.5%. Four people. Four people out of the 644 said, don't know. I got a couple of DMs from people saying if it wasn't 100% for this question, they were going to rip their hair out and scream. And if that's what you're doing, I hope you're doing it in a place that is safe and not behind the wheel of a car or at work. Someone wrote, there's no part of me that thinks Umbridge is a good person. She knows she causes harm and does it with pride. That's what makes her different from someone like Ron, who messes up but learns. Umbridge doesn't grow, she doesn't reflect, she enjoys control, and she weaponizes femininity to make people think she's harmless. That's not just bad, that's dangerous. Someone else wrote, I actually think Umbridge believes she's a good person. And that's what makes this question hard. She sees herself as protecting order, tradition and safety. If you're someone who values hierarchy and Rules above all else, then yes, she's a good person to you. That doesn't mean I agree with her, but I think she fits a moral logic that rewards obedience and punishes dissent. In that worldview, she's doing everything right. Another person wrote. Whether Umbridge is good or bad matters less to me than what her character reveals about power. She's not chaotic like Voldemort. She's not unpredictable. She's exactly what the system wants. That's the part that freaks me out. She follows the rules and the rules are the problem. So even if you argue she's technically a good person by Ministry standards, all that tells me is that the Ministry standards are broken. Y' all stick a pin in that. A mental pen. We're coming back to that idea. In no way, shape and or form could I ever, in my wildest imaginings, say that Dolores Umbridge is a good person. And I have some takes on Dolores Umbridge that some of us may not like as this episode unfolds. But it will never be, could never be, shall never ever be, shan't be that she is a good person. She is a repulsive person. She is someone who not only delights in bringing harm to people, but has convinced herself that in doing so, she's bringing order to whatever space she's in. She is someone who is outlandishly underhanded. She takes the notion of doing whatever it takes to get ahead to a place that even I, as a Slytherin, am like, nope, too far. Too far. The fact that she had the audacity to send a Dementor to Little Whinging to attack Harry Potter so that he would get kicked out of school. And what's so fascinating to me about everything that she does is we actually don't know why, like, her motivation. And this is something to think about, right? Like, yes, it's power and yes. But like, girl, why are you so pressed? Like, is it to impress Cornelius Fudge? Is that. I mean, is that what this is? Because some of the stuff she just did by herself, like, she didn't need any prompting. She just had this idea and she just did it. And it's like, you really are so devious that you would do that and that you would risk the lives of other people, other non magical people, other magical people, for the sake of just like getting this child as opposed to just like waiting for him to do something ridiculous like he always does, and swooping in. Then, like, you from the very beginning had a plan to try to bring him down and it's really insane to me that, like, that is who she is as a person. And what's more is that, like, we don't really have a sense of why. And what is else is. Hello? Yeah, I'm not editing that out. But what else is interesting is that we as readers are very uninterested in trying to figure out why she does what she does. Like, we're like. We take it at face value. Evil, vile, cruel. And we're like, that's good enough for us. And I'm really interested in unpacking the why of that. And I'm sure that many of you will have reasons, and again, we're gonna get into them. But I could never even begin to delude myself that I am smart enough to try to make a case for her being a good person. I couldn't, because I don't think she is. I do like the things that you all brought to bear, though, about how she perceives herself. Like, her self percept is part of her delusion. Right? Like, she's doing this for a reason. And it's a good one. Right? It's helpful. And she fully believes that. And I think that that's what makes her all the more insidious, is that she's deluded herself into believing that this is good, that what she is doing is what needs to be done for the betterment of these children, for the betterment of wizarding society, broadly construed. And it's so funny. I was just watching the Tonys last night, and as many of you know, I love musical theater, and I saw gypsy with Audra McDonald. Unbelievable. But one of the things that I find so fascinating about this particular character, Mama Rose, is that she lacks self awareness. And it's also funny because Imelda Staunton, I think, won an Olivier Award for playing this role. But anyways, that's not the point. The character is so unaware of the fact that so much of what she's doing is not actually for her kids. Like, she's convinced herself that she's doing it for them when really she's doing it for herself. And at the very end, she kind of has this big moment, and I don't even know if it's a moment of revelation, but it's a moment where she kind of gives herself permission to believe what it could be like if it were her and what she would be, what she would do. And if you didn't watch the Tony Awards either, because, like, you're not a big theater person, also fine. Or you're not in the United States, I would highly suggest going and watching it, because what you see in this character is that she has this kind of break from reality, and she's kind of living in a moment of her own design. And that strikes me as what Umbridge is and who she is. Right. She lives in the land of delusion, where she thinks that what she is doing is helpful and it's the opposite. Right. But she thinks she's a good person, and she thinks she's doing all of these things for the right reasons. And if she happens to be able to, like, get things out of that, all the better. And I think that that's what's terrifying about her, is, like, we talk a lot about these characters who. I mean, it's very similar in a lot of ways to Quirrell and Lockhart. Right. And Peter Pettigrew and Voldemort. Like, these people who tell themselves lies and have to believe them in order for them to be able to function. And I feel like Umbridge is one of the people who falls into this category of living in a delusion in order to make herself feel efficacious and also to feel like she's doing a thing that actually matters in the long run. And, like, that kind of delusion is literally where I think we see most of the people who we would characterize as villains. That's where they're living in a space of their own creation, where they tell themselves a story and they believe it fully, even though it's not even remotely grounded in truth. Is Dolores Umbridge a good teacher? 97% of us said no. 1% of us said yes, and about 1 2% of us said don't know. Someone said, she's the worst kind of teacher, one who sees students as a threat. Her job wasn't to help them learn, it was to control what they couldn't learn. She didn't teach Defense against the Dark Arts. She taught silence. That's not education. That's fear management. Someone wrote, if your definition of good teacher is someone who enforces rules and follows orders, then, yeah, she's totally effective. But that's the problem. She's a good teacher for a bad system. She's great at delivering what the ministry wants, not what the students need. Someone else wrote, she's a terrible teacher in content, but a painfully effective one in method. I learned more about authoritarianism from watching her teach than I ever did in Ben's history lessons. So in a weird way, the impact of her teaching stuck it Just wasn't the lesson she thought she was teaching. The thing about it is, is that I think there are multiple ways for us to think about this question. I'll preface this by saying I do not think that she's a good teacher. But I also wonder, as always, and this is a question that you all bring up all the time, you know, what does it mean to be a good teacher? And I think that there are lots. I think it's a really hard question to answer because there are a lot of different ways to be effective teachers to different people. And every teacher is not going to be able to curate their teaching for every student. And every student's style of learning is very different. And so the reality is, right, that I guarantee you that there was someone in that castle who liked the way that Umbridge taught that class because she gave you a book, you read the book, that's all you needed. There was no practical application. Now we are reading these books from Harry's perspective. So it's like, no, he wants a practical application application because he's out here, you know, riding and dying and fighting the Dark Lord. And that's a very different experience. And so I'm sure that there is someone somewhere in Hogwarts Castle who thought, yeah, I can get down with this. You just want me to read and like regurgitate for the exam. I can do that. And when we do think about, I hate to say it, but when we do think about the other people who were teaching, Quirrel Lockhart Lupin was the best. Barty Crouch Jr. Was also really successful, but also like, did they actually learn anything outside of Lupin's class? Like Harry learned how to fight off the Imperious Curse, which I guess is important, but like when it comes to having to figure if the, if the stakes were different and Voldemort wasn't running amok around and through the place, like would we say that, you know, Barty Crouch Jr. Was a good teacher? I don't know. Like, I, I'm looking at him and I'm like, ah, like did they learn anything? Actually they learned about the Unforgivable Curses, which they shouldn't have learned about like, to what extent? I guess I'm always wondering about like what the qualifications of being a teacher at Hogwarts are, but also what is it that we want teaching to look like? Obviously not including torture. I get it. I understand. I hear you yelling. I know, I know, I know. But what I'm saying is that like, compared to some of the other Teachers that were out there, right? Like, is she worse than Lockhart? Huh? Is she worse than Quirrell? Like, as a teacher of Defense against the Dark Arts, not as someone who tortures students in detention. Right? Like, are the students worse off for just getting a book that tells them how to do whatever without actually having them do any practical application? Are they worse off than learning about pixies and Lockhart's class? Like, I don't know. I know. What I do know is that someone is literally ready to lambast me in the comments of the post episode chat. Ready to fight. I will meet you there. Okay. I'm not saying that I agree with her as a teacher. I'm not saying that she's a good one. I'm simply saying that when we look and juxtapose her teaching style to that of the past teachers in Defense against the Dark Arts, I'm just wondering where she ranks because I don't think that she's the worst. I do not think that she's the worst. Again, I think that a teacher is more than what they do inside the classroom, but what she does inside the classroom relative to some of these other teachers. Gilderoy scheme scam. Like, huh? Hello? He didn't know anything. He didn't even. All the books were his. All the books were his books. Gadding with ghouls, voyages with vampires. Like, he didn't even give them a textbook from which to be able to effectively learn how to do anything. He's giving us like sections of a broader autobiographical lie. That's not anything. And I think we can hold it in conversation with the fact that maybe they're both just bad. But I don't think she's worse than him. I don't think she's worse than him. I think that there again is a student who walked out of her classroom and walked into whatever exam owl newt and probably learned a lot because maybe they don't do well with hands on things. Like, I like the stakes are high for Harry, but given the fact that the wizarding world is running amok and all of these people are really pretending like Voldemort is not back. Particularly in Order of the Phoenix. When we meet Umbridge, it stands to reason that there are a lot of students who are just like, I'm just here to learn. I'm not worried about any practical application. Like, every student wasn't lining up to be in the da. And I guarantee that there are some students who probably did well in those classes. They enjoyed getting that book and reading it and being like, okay, I can do this. Like, again, I don't think that that makes her a good teacher because, like, she didn't have to do anything but give him the book. But, hey, I'm sure that there are students who. I'm sure that there were a couple students who gave her good evaluations. And I'm not just talking about Slytherins in the Inquisitorial Squad because, like, look at the material that we had from before. Like, even if you all try to convince me that Somehow Barty Crouch Jr. Was like, an actual good teacher, despite the fact that he was putting unforgivable curses on students and torturing them, like, literally broke Harry's knees. Like, hello, Even if you convinced me of that, she is not worse than Lockhart. And you can put my gravestone on that hill. Cause I'm not moving from it. I'm not. Is Dolores Umbridge a good Slytherin? About 59% of us said yes, 25% of us said no, and about 16% of us said don't. No. Someone wrote, toad and Voldy are Delulu in a lot of ways. Half bloods trying to assimilate into pure blood society. Her bigotry seems to run deeper, which makes her a very strategic and terrifyingly effective Slytherin. Someone wrote, a good Slytherin wouldn't abuse power so blatantly. She's not ambitious. She's opportunistic and petty. Okay, this is where some people might get mad at me, but you know that I kind of enjoy that. I think she's a great Slytherin. We do not see that many women in positions of power. Right. Like, we get. Who is it Madam Bones, who I think is one of the leaders of the Wizen Gamma at. That might be it. And I don't even know how the Wizen Gammat works within the Ministry of Magic or if it's its own kind of, like, judiciary, thus a separate branch of the wizarding government. But either way, we don't get a lot of women up there. And to be clear, I'm not making any claims about Dolores Umbridge being feminist. She's not. Okay? Dolores Umbridge does not care about the uplift of women. She cares about the uplift of Dolores Umbridge. And so I want to say that very clearly before I get into this particular tirade, but here's the thing. She gets up there. She gets up there and she has literally worked her way into being the, like, right hand person of the Minister of Magic, and then somehow weasels her Way into. Without, like, any experience whatsoever at all. Like being the headmaster of the premier and honestly only wizarding school in the uk. Like, you don't get that by just being opportunistic. Like, I think you're. I think that person is correct and that she is opportunistic. And yes, she is petty, but she does absolutely have ambition because you don't just ascend that that way just because, like, she wants power. I think that there. And she's very good at figuring out ways to get it. Because, girl, how is it you were sitting on the Wize and Gammat in the beginning and now all of a sudden you're trying to run the school a little later on? Like, that's crazy work. Like, she's very effective at getting what she wants and she wants power and she gets it. Then she gets it and she doesn't know, you know, what to do with it. Like I talked about in my favorite moment. But I think, like, when we think about, you know, what ambition is and then when we compare her to some of the other people that we see, like, hey, she figures it out, she makes it work. She's outlandishly effective at getting the thing that she wants. And what's more is that she doesn't get caught. Like, the entire Ministry of Magic is torn asunder. Somehow. Dolores Jane Umbridge is still sitting in there. Voldemort takes over. She's still in there. Never took a Dark Mark, didn't do anything. And she is out here putting forth legislation to, like, get rid of Muggle Borns. And she is operating in a space where, like, it's only Death Eaters and she's still like, running the show. No, we don't know where anyone else is. The Minister of Magic, Rufus Scrymgeour, has been killed. And somehow she stays. Like, that's crazy. Like, we have to. I don't. Well, some of us don't want to give credit where credit is due and that's fine. I will. She makes it work. And what's more is that she makes it work in a system that is clearly, clearly, clearly so male dominated. And again, I'm not making a claim about her being feminist, but it is not lost on me that she is somehow a woman in a space that clearly wasn't necessarily designed for her. And she is literally climbing the ladder so much faster than literally anyone else. And it strikes me as important for us to highlight this particular reality because I'm like, no, no, no. I think that the reason why I think she's such a good Slytherin is because the whole like, you know, I'm wearing all pink and my voice is super high and I'm like surrounded by cats and yada yada yada, yada. To me it's all fake. It's all fake. And in fact many of you think the same thing. It's part of the reason why you all hate her so much. Because you can't quite figure out who she is because she's playing so many games, right? She never quite lets on until she's got you writing in your own blood exactly what her game plan is and who she truly is. She fools all of these people who think she's fairly innocuous and then they realize, oh no, she is vile and cruel and evil. You do not fly under the radar that well and ascend to the heights that she's ascended to that fast without having a perfect plan, without being ambitious enough to know exactly what you need to do. And if you are in a male dominated space and you are playing up your femininity in such a way that people literally think that you couldn't be who you are, which is kind of how we are made to understand her from the very beginning. Like we can see that she is someone who is a problem in the wize and gamma at hearing, but we don't necessarily know the depths of her depravity. And then all of a sudden she turns into this kind of crazy monster and we're like whoa, whoa, whoa, where did that come from? And so much of the that we are then conditioned to view her is as this like pink disaster evil person. But like you, there's no way that you could be that cruel and vile without knowing who to be that cruel, vile and evil to and knowing when to pull it back. Knowing when to kind of show yourself. Like that's ambition. Like if anything, I think she's a quintessential Slytherin. Like in a way that's different than Tom Riddle, right? Who was, you know, also kind of had a sense. Maybe it's not that different from him actually. Like he knew who to, you know, brown nose, he knew who to like suck up to. He knew when to turn on the charm, he knew when to like give, you know, you know, use his hotness as a way to get what he wanted. Here's looking at you Hepzibah Smith. Like he knew. And to me there's nothing more quintessentially Slytherin than knowing how to play people and get what you want out of them without them having any sense of what your true motives are. Right. And yeah, maybe she was loyal to Cornelius Fudge, but when push came to shove and she was ready to torture Harry Potter and them, like she put that pic, well, in the movie, she puts the picture down, but it's very clear that she's like, at this point, I'm doing what I'm doing. And she couldn't have been that loyal to him. He got fired. And guess who kept her job. That Slytherin, y' all, like, she's still working there. Harry literally asked Rufus Scrimgeour, is she still there? And Rufus was like, I. You know what I mean? Like, she weathers the storm. There's something to it. That's very Slytherin. That's very Slytherin as far as I'm concerned. We'll talk about it when we talk about the houses. But to me, she captures a lot of how we understand the idea of ambition and what it looks like when your ambitious plans are well executed. Is Dolores Umbridge a good half blood? About 63% of us said no. About 20% of us said yes, and about 17% of us said don't know. Someone wrote, she pulled herself up and did what needed to be done to survive in a misogynistic world. She learned to use her femininity and connections to gain power. That's not nothing. Someone else wrote. She is hateful to people like her half blooded and lies about it. That level of self rejection is not admirable. Another person wrote Umbridge is the Elon to Cornelius Trump. She's cunning and positions herself a half blood, a woman and a feminine one at that, in a place of power. But that does not make her good. I'm not sure. Here's the thing. Let's take our paradigms that we have for this question. The first is the idealized one, someone who bridges the gap between Muggle, the Muggle world and the magical world. It's a no. It's a no. That's an easy. That's easy. She does not do that. She's not interested in doing that. She actually is full on lying about who she is a la vl dva. Right? So no, she's not doing that. And then there's the more realistic one, the more cynical one of someone who is completely and utterly bought into pure blood supremacy and the pure blood supremacist structure insofar that they then like promote it and try to prop it up in that way. She's an amazing half blood. She's one of the best. Her and Voldiva are the best that we've talked about thus far in this way because they're completely bought in. She's completely bought in to the idea of pure blood supremacy. So much so that she literally lies and is like, oh, no, this locket here is Selwyn, because I'm pure blooded. In the post canonical lore about her, she literally, like, started lying about who she was and who her parentage was even before. Like, she really started, you know, making it high up in the Ministry. Her father, I believe, was like a janitor in the Ministry of Magic or something like that. And even though he himself was magical, he she wasn't having wasn't high enough for her. So she started lying. And I think that this system incentivizes people to forsake the things about themselves that they don't like. And because the magical world and the hierarchy therein is socially constructed and something that is not legible, you can just make it up the way that you want. And that's exactly what she does. And I personally think that she is an amazing half blood for this reason. Right. Like, again, Voldemort comes back, takes over the Ministry, begins his like, pure blood supremacist regime, and she is right there sending Muggle borns back out into the world without their magic wands. She is exactly the kind of half blood that anybody who's a pure blood supremacist would want. And she does it with gusto and she's happy to do it.
- [47:19]
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- [48:09]
Professor Julian Womble
Is Dolores umbridge a villain? 97.5% of us said yes, 1.5% of us said no, and 1% of us said don't know. I know. What I do know is that there are people who are literally so Upset right now. You thought this question was going to be 100%, and it's not. It's not. It's not even as much as the good person 1. Someone wrote, Dolores Umbridge is the epitome of real world villains. She is someone who seems safe by appearances, but is cruel, manipulative and downright dangerous, all while being protected by her level of authority and status. She represents the people in all stages of life who get away with things because it's my word against yours and who do you think they'll believe? Someone else wrote, she's what we see every day at work and school. She uses bureaucracy to hurt people and smiles while doing it. That's the kind of evil Voldemort never pretended to hide. Another person wrote, she would do numbers as a board member of an hoa. She's awful, sure, but not a villain in the Voldemort sense. Someone else wrote, she's complicated. If she had the brains, power or fear factor, she could have rivaled Voldemort. Her evil hides behind structure, which makes her even harder to pin down. I would again be so. I couldn't even begin to fathom a world where I would say that she's not a villain. It's not the if she is one that's interesting to me. It's why we think she's one. Because in very few of the responses to this particular question was the notion of torturing students invoked. Now, whether or not she was a good teacher, there were a lot of people that was like, good teachers don't torture their students. Understood. However, simultaneously, concurrently. And it is interesting to me that the thing that seems to make her a villain in the minds of many of us is some of what she does, for sure. But also it's the familiarity we have with people like Umbridge who smile in your face and stab you in the back. It's the familiarity with someone who we perceive as being one thing and then they turn out to be something else. And it's there that we really see the true villainy. And I think that when we compare her to Voldemort, one of the things that we often get is like, well, Voldemort feels sensational. He feels almost cartoonish. She's real. Even in the comments for this question, people talked about, you know, we know her, she's what we see every day at work and school. She represents people in all stages of life who get away with things, right? Like, we know her. And if there's one thing that is true, I think across Fandoms, but particularly in the Harry Potter fandom, is familiarity means being punished. We saw it with many characters that if we have you in our real life, you are held to a standard. That is crazy. And in this case, I'm with it. I understand why, because Dolores Umbridge is a terrible person and what she does is absolutely awful. But I also find it fascinating when we get to the next question, is Dolores Umbridge more villainous than Voldemort? The responses are really interesting. About 46% of us said, no, she's not more villainous. About 37% of us said, yes, she is. And about 17% of us said, don't know. Someone wrote Voldemort at least had a purpose. Twisted as it was, Umbridge causes harm while believing she's righteous and that makes her worse. Someone else wrote she doesn't allow kids to think for themselves and even abuses them when they try to. But Voldemort is still bigger the bigger evil. He murders, not just manipulates. And someone else writes, she used every disadvantage against the world and still climbed to power. That kind of ambition is terrifying. But whether that makes her more villainous than Voldemort, I genuinely don't know, y' all. It seems interesting to me that we literally know that Voldemort has killed so many people. So many people. Murdered them. Harry's parents, to just name a few. Bathilda Bagshot, Bertha Jorkins, Cedric Diggory, like, killed them full tilt. He has a body. He has a body of water full of bodies. And yet somehow, somehow Dolores Umbridge, for some of us, is still more villainous than him. 38% of us said, like, how do we reconcile that? How do we reconcile the idea that. And again, I think we can still hold in relationship the idea that yes, she did terrible things, truly awful things to these students. Like horrendous. And yeah, like, she's not a good teacher, she's not a good person. Like, we can say all of that. She's a villain. But when you juxtapose her to Voldemort, it is crazy to me that we could say, yes, she's more villainous than him. He literally has ended lives and, like, was fine with it. Like, was doing it so that he could like split his soul. Like, he literally blamed house elves and other people for crimes he committed. He killed his father, his grandparents, in cold blood. Like his uncle as well. Like, y' all, I, I have a lot of follow up questions. I hope we get to talk about this in the post episode Chat. Because if the answer is we know more of her, then are we using her as a means by which to punish the people that she reminds us of, as opposed to holding her accountable for the things that she has done, which, again, are truly villainous and truly vile and cruel and evil? But when we juxtapose those things to what we know Voldiva did, it just seems to me that, like, the fact that some of us are walking away saying, she's more villainous, she's paying for the crimes of somebody else. She's paying for the. And what is it? Is it the fact that we thought that she was something that she wasn't? Like, do we feel betrayed? Is it because Voldemort, we knew who he was from the beginning? Like, he never tried to pretend to be something else? And so now we're like, okay, and I get, like, the notion of villainy in that way. And are we defining the notion of villainess as, like, more deceptive, more underhanded? Maybe, if you give me that, I might understand this. But if we're understanding what it means to be a villain, because, again, right, like, if we are using that, like, underhandedness as a means by which to determine villainy, then. I'm looking back at Gilderoy Lockhart, and I have a lot of follow up questions. I'm looking back at Quirrell follow up questions. I'm looking back at Peter Pettigrew follow up questions, like, y' all were just the ones last week talking about how, you know, Lockhart was getting ready to wipe the memories of two children and leave Ginny down in the Chamber of Spirits. Umbridge did terrible things. Absolutely. I'm not even trying to excuse that. I'm just trying to understand the logic that we're bringing to this. I'm just trying to understand how it is that we arrive at this particular place. And I'm genuinely interested because I. I don't know if I'm there with you, but I'm. I'm willing and ready to be convinced. If that is your. If that's your stance, meet me on the Patreon because I have some questions for you. Because I'm like, how do we reconcile some of this? Like, Gilbert Lockhart showed up. Is it because we immediately knew that he was stupid, right? Like, is it? Or not stupid, incompetent, right? Like, what is it? Like, what's happening here? How is it that we arrived at this particular conclusion for him and somehow Dolores Umbridge ends up being, for some of us, more villainous? Than the main villain, the Big Bad. I've got follow up questions and I hope that you have answers. Meet me on the Patreon.
- [57:37]
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- [58:31]
Professor Julian Womble
We have now reached the point in the episode where I am going to reflect on O. Dolores Dolie J Umbi Umbi I really like this new thing that I'm doing where I'm starting with a question. And so here's the question that I want to kind of guide this reflection. Why don't we hate the system that empowers Umbridge more than we hate her? I find it fascinating because we've talked about murderers, manipulators, cowards and bigots, but the one person who received a near unanimous yes for whether or not they are a bad person, the one character people have had no hesitation calling evil, is a woman in a pink cardigan with a soft voice that's pitched outlandishly high and a clipboard. Yes, I will keep saying this over and over again. Umbridge is awful. She tortures children. She commits both physical and institutional violence. She enables fascist policies while she's insisting she, quote, unquote, just doing her job. She is the embodiment of bureaucratic evil, quiet, polite and persistent. But there's more to this, because we don't just hate her for what she does, we hate her for how she makes us feel. And I think that that's why we hate her more than Voldemort, right? And every facet of our jobs, particularly those of us who are of a certain age, particularly those of us who are working out in the world. We know Umbridge is. We know who she is. So that when I ask, is Umbridge more of a villain than Voldemort? So many of us say yes. Not because she's more powerful than him, or because she's done more terrible things, but because she's more familiar. Voldemort is mythic. He's grand in his evil theatrical murder, domination, genocide. He's not someone you would expect to see in your everyday life. If we saw a Voldiva running around noseless, bald and looking crazy, running around with his wand, talking about, we would be like, something is not right. But Umbridge. Umbridge exists in the real world. She's the administrator who punishes under the guise of protocol. She's the teacher who smiles while making you feel small. She's the co worker who smiles to your face and files a complaint behind your back. We don't just hate her, we recognize her. And that recognition, that's what makes her feel unforgivable. Because Voldemort never pretends to be good. But Umbridge smiles. And this taps into something we've seen before in this series. When we think about how people respond to Ron or Molly. Characters who are deeply familiar, deeply human, and often deeply flawed. And we come down on them so hard. And again, I want to say, like, I understand the why for Umbridge, Molly, not so much Ron also, I understand it. So this begs a broader question, right? What is it about familiarity that leads us to such negative perceptions? Why do we judge most harshly the characters who seem most like the people we know? Or, uh, oh, most like ourselves? When we think about lavender, one of the things that many of you wrote and came to kind of the conclusion after the episode, in the post episode chat was that some of us are lavenders. We talked about getting a shirt that says like, we're in our lavender era now, right? There's something about the idea of seeing people that we know in these books. Is it projection? Is it discomfort? Is it fear? Or maybe it's because we expect so much more from people who should know better, because that's the real danger of umbrage. Like, she's not Voldemort. She doesn't stalk the night or cast killing curses. She doesn't explode rooms or monologue in graveyards. She smiles, she sets rules, she decorates her walls with kittens. And what makes her dangerous isn't that she exists. It's that the system rewards her. She doesn't gain power by resisting the Ministry, she gains power by serving it. She gets promoted, she gets protected. She's trusted because she plays the role the patriarchy expects from women. Polite, orderly, unthreatening. She leverages those expectations as both a shield and a sword. She is not a feminist, she's not a revolutionary. She's a woman who uses the tools of the patriarchy to entrench her own power and to cause harm. She doesn't rise in spite of the system, she rises because of it. And that brings us to something deeply uncomfortable. Because when we think about Umbridge, we often say, I could never be like her. I would never torture students. And I believe that, right? Like, that act is absolutely monstrous. That's the part of her we cling to. When we want to distance ourselves, we do the thing where we focus so much on the big bad aspects, right? And this is what psychologists call downward social comparison. We look at someone who shares part of our identity, gender, race, class, background, and we take comfort in the most extreme difference. We say, well, I'd never do that. And we use it to exempt ourselves from deeper self examination. For those of you who live in the United States, you remember in 2017 when we had the Charlottesville uprising in Charlottesville, Virginia, and we had members of the Ku Klux Klan marching in Charlottesville. And one of the big things that came out back when Twitter was. Twitter was this whole thing of this is not who we are. And I remember because Lady Gaga got online and was like, oh, no. Like, this is not who we are. This is not the America that we know. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And there were a lot of people who were like, this is kind of who we are. And a lot of people, there was a hashtag going around saying, like, not all white people, right? This notion of not interrogating the fact that a lot of those people were people's co workers, brothers, sisters, siblings, fathers, uncles, aunts. Like, a lot of those people were people that were known and everyone immediately, because they looked so normal. They weren't in hoods or anything. They were simply in khakis and polo shirts with tiki torches that they probably got from, like, the hardware store, right? And. And it was terrifying because it was so familiar. Like, I went to school with people who looked like that. It's one thing when you have something or someone that is wearing some sort of garb that looks so drastically outside of the norm that you can say, that's fantastical and crazy. That's Voldemort. That's the Death Eaters. But those men on that day in 2017 in August looked like anyone walking down the street. And that is terrifying. And that's what pushes people to say, not me. I'm not like that. And I think that when we look at individuals like Umbridge, even when we, like, recognize her for a lot of the things that she does, we Focus our energies on the big bad things that we can easily and quickly say, I'm not like that. I would never do that. I would never have my students during attention do something that is so torturous and awful. I would never make a decision like that. I would never do that. Right. I'm not like that. And the more we focus on the blood Quill, the more we miss the smaller, everyday violences she commits. The ones that are far more familiar, the ones that don't make the headlines, the ones that get labeled as professionalism or discipline or standards. Systems of power don't need everyone to become umbrage. At her worst, they need people to become umbrage just enough to choose comfort over conflict, order over justice, silence over disruption. Because she is terrifying. Not just because of what she does. She's terrifying because of how easy it is to imagine doing it ourselves if we're not paying attention. And again, I'm not talking about torturing someone. I'm talking about following rules that are upholding a system of injustice, of oppression. And that's why she's a cautionary tale, not of magical extremism, but of institutional complicity. And that brings me to J.K. rowling. People rightfully call her out for her transphobia, for the harm she causes and continues to cause, and they should. But she, too, is not acting alone. She didn't invent transphobia. She's not some rogue actor screaming into the void. She is bolstered by a system upheld by patriarchy, echoed by reactionary politics legitimized by institutions, and she knows it. She's not just using her voice, she's using her position. She is protected, platformed, applauded by people and power structures who benefit from keeping gender rigid and exclusionary. And here's something I think we don't talk about enough. J.K. rowling has never, ever published her book under her full name, Joanne. She chose JK because she believed people would take her more seriously if they thought she was a man. And the Strike series, she writes under Robert Galbraith, a male pseudonym. That's not just about safety. That's about strategy. That's about manipulating patriarchy to maintain power. Just like Umbridge does. Rowling suppresses her femininity to gain credibility. Umbridge performs hers to gain control. Different methods, same playbook. Neither is interested in dismantling the system. They are succeeding inside of it. And when we focus only on them as individuals. As individuals, we risk missing the larger structure that created the conditions for their power in the first place. If Rowling disappeared from the discourse tomorrow, transphobia wouldn't vanish with her. The violence would still exist, the harm would still be happening, the ideology would still be alive and well. So hate umbrage, absolutely. Critique Rowling, absolutely. Hold them accountable. But we can't stop there. Because if all we ever do is focus on them, we miss the larger story. We miss what allowed them to rise, what emboldened them, what protected them, what celebrated them. Because Umbridge is not just a villain. She's a product of Ministry of Patriarchy, of a culture that rewards cruelty wrapped in civility and jkr. She's not just a person with power. She's a symptom of a society that would rather protect ideas and ideologies than people. So if we want to change anything, really, truly change it, we have to stop asking how did she get away with this? And start asking why do we keep building worlds where she thrives? And most importantly, what part are we playing in allowing the system to keep rewarding her? This has been another episode of Critical Magic Theory. I'm Professor Julian Womble and if you like today's episode, first of all, thank you. Please feel free to like, rate, subscribe and do all the things that one does where pods are cast. Remember y' all that there will be a post episode chat about Dolores Umbridge on Patreon. If you are listening on Wednesday, it's already up and you should already be logged in and ready to join the merry throng. Take notes while you're listening to the episode. Okay, Please feel free to follow me on social media, Prof. JW on Instagram, ProfW on TikTok. Send me an email at criticalmagictheorygmail.com Go to our website criticalmagictheory.com Y' all. I cannot wait to hear your thoughts. I know I dropped some bombs. I know that you all are not quite ready for what I was bringing, but I am ready for what you are going to bring in that post episode chat. Remember that the Haggard Episode survey is going to be up on Thursday. I cannot wait for your thoughts on everything. Until then, be critical and stay magical, my friends. Bye.
- [71:54]
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- [71:58]
Teen Vaper
A lot of the flavors that I've heard are like, like peach, mango, watermelon. It makes it seem like more childlike and innocent. Oh, if I try this once, it won't be that much of a problem. But then eventually it becomes a problem.
- [72:10]
Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids
It's time to restrict the sale of flavored tobacco products. In Oregon and protect our kids from nicotine addiction. Urge lawmakers to Pass Senate Bill 702A. Take action at flavorshookoregonkids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action.
- [72:24]
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