Hubris! A Darrington Brigade One-Shot sponsored by eBay Live

Summary

Critical Role: Hubris! A Darrington Brigade One-Shot (Sponsored by eBay Live)

Date: April 30, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this spectacular Critical Role one-shot, the legendary Darrington Brigade returns for a raucous, chaotic skyship adventure, broadcast live for charity and sponsored by eBay Live. The group, assembled from Exandria’s mightiest (and oddest) adventurers, is hired to ensure the security of "The Hubris," a luxury skyship hosting the empire’s most elite passengers on its maiden voyage. But, with Taryon Darrington himself out of commission (expiring eggs are to blame!), the Brigade must "tarry on" without their famous leader—while still preserving his reputation and the future of their brand.

Fans are treated to classic Critical Role improv, meta-jokes, absurd moments, and inspired problem solving (plus a painting battle and a dragon with the face of a yam). The episode also serves as a wild charity auction, with dice and even character art auctioned off live.

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Main Cast/Characters

• Sam Riegel – GM, Taryon Darrington (briefly, then incapacitated)
• Matt Mercer – Flimsy Scarlet (changeling, Taryon’s nervous understudy)
• Ashley Johnson – Damien Vadoma (half-elf fighter, president of the CRF, maroon suit)
• Travis Willingham – Bunny “Buddy”/Macaroni Samsonite (ogre + halfling duo, muscle & chaos)
• Marisha Ray – Hazel Copperpot (dwarven inventor, one-(wo)man band, podcaster)
• Laura Bailey – Faroine Breeze (pink-haired monk, Evangeline Frost fangirl)
• Taliesin Jaffe – Owlbear Man (owl/bear/man, justice-obsessed brute, copyright woes)

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Moments

1. The Brigade’s Return & Chaotic Introduction

• The Darrington Brigade assembles in the Rexxentrum skyship loading dock, only for Taryon Darrington to upchuck expired eggs and bow out of the mission at the last minute.
• Notable Quote:
  • Sam (Taryon): "No one, as a matter of fact, had poisoned Taryon. Instead, he was upchucking because he read that adventurers always eat 10 raw eggs before any quest, and his eggs were expired..." ([06:41])
• We’re introduced to the quirky lineup, each with distinct personas and comedic quirks, immediately bickering over leadership and roles.
  • Canonical timeline doesn't matter; all characters are level five because, as Sam says, "I’m not doing math and if you make me do math, disadvantage!" ([04:00])

2. Meet Flimsy the Darrington Understudy

• Flimsy, a changeling and Taryon superfan (played by Matt), is recruited to impersonate Taryon and keep up appearances.
• There’s immediate chaos as Flimsy’s transformation is impressive but his vocal imitation is hilariously bad.
  • Matt (Flimsy): "I've only read your books and most of your recordings don't actually capture his vocal timbre. So I just need more practice." ([16:00])
  • Laura: "You could say he's got a cold. That's great." ([21:38])
• The Brigade is informed their real job is PR, not combat, and are handed DB (Darrington Brigade) pins as branding is “everything.” ([17:31])

3. Skyship Hubris & Passenger Introductions

• Boarding "The Hubris," the Brigade meets a host of colorful, satirical Exandria NPCs—celebrities, authors, and artists, most of whom are delightfully unpleasant.
  • Notable standouts:
    • Lady Adelaide Tipsyfoot: Elderly halfling with chihuahua, Tommy Wiseau accent ([34:13])
    • Dan Coldsnap: Orcish bard in a luchador mask ([35:09])
    • Arya Olari: Opal-scaled dragonborn artifact collector, suspiciously shady ([36:28])
    • Evangeline Frost: Famed romance novelist, large bird "Karen," podcaster nemesis ([37:46])
    • Shart von Cleef: Frog-man caricature artist, Bob Ross homage ([42:13])
• Notable Quotes:
  • Marisha (Hazel): "Are you a fan of my work? … Surely you have heard of my audio podcastia, the Adventures of Darient and Tarrington Brigadia? It's Howl so fast. It's Dwarvish." ([38:55])
  • Sam (narrating): "Chihuahuas are canon!" ([34:34])

4. The "Security" Farce & Casino Antics

• The Brigade promptly derails into chaotic casino shenanigans:
  • Mac and Hazel hustle Arya Olari at cards, win (and shame) her, then Hazel spectacularly explodes a gambling table with Shatter to ensure they lose.
  • Blame is deflected; Arya storms off injured and furious, plotting to report them ([72:00]).
  • Marisha (Hazel): "I'm gonna cast Shatter on the table in front of me." ([71:35])
  • Taliesin (Owlbear): "There is an illness going around, and we're trying to get to the bottom of it. … I can feel it in my sinuses." ([77:35])

5. The Dinner & Disaster Spiral

• In a show of magical opulence, Flaremont (the ship owner) lets the DB’s "Taryon" choose the dinner location, and Flimsy nervously selects his rural hometown—Feolin. The ballroom shifts between locales, including a Sizzler parody, before settling ([85:36]).
• Caper Highlights:
  • Dan Coldsnap is sabotaged and loses his voice during the show, inciting a disaster talent show as the Brigade tries (and fails) to entertain the angry guests ([90:11]).
  • Attempts to charm, dance, and Bardic-musical improv only make things worse; a wild magic surge nearly kills three people ([93:00]).
  • Hazel accuses Dan Coldsnap of IP theft over music tech, then physically steals the device ([106:01]).

6. Conspiracy Unveiled & The Dragon Emerges

• Investigation leads the Brigade to the bottom deck, where Dan reveals overhearing Arya Olari and the butler Dorne conspiring about the ship’s "vulnerable" broomstone power core ([121:09]).
• Suddenly, the Brigade, Dan, and companions are locked in the ballast room—by Arya, as revealed by forensic audio analysis enhanced by Hazel’s podcasting skills ([136:28]).
  • Hazel: "This is me, Oreo. I am walking them into the door. Here I go. … I don’t think I locked it enough. I’m going to go back and lock it even more. I hate this guy so much..." ([135:34])

7. Ballroom Showdown: Doppelgängers and Paintings

• Returning to the Grand Ballroom, the Brigade discovers not one but TWO Taryon Darringtons—Arya and Dorne, using enchanted alchemical paintings to disguise themselves ([152:03]).
• Boss Battle Cinematics:
  • Arya and Dorne drop their disguises, then Dorne uses a painting to summon/transform into a massive, purple-blue "Forgery Beast" dragon. The room transforms into a magical forest, and an intense battle ensues. ([176:00])
  • Meta moments: The battle map is revealed on stream, and dice/props are auctioned for charity live.

8. The Power of (Bad) Art Saves the Day

• It’s revealed the Forgery Beast can be forced to transform into whatever creature is depicted by an enchanted, collaboratively painted canvas. Under dragon attack, the Brigade frantically creates a group painting—what results is a lumpy capybara-penguin-yam creature, complete with bifocals and a pineapple tail.
• They present the painting at the last second, and the dragon is transformed into this pathetic, weeping beast, which the brigade promptly carves up for "side dishes" and to fix the ship ([211:00]).
  • Sam: "Why did you give us a sweet potato face? Its mouth and snout changes into a yam. It grows...bifocals...a pineapple tail..." ([211:00])
  • Laura: "Cheaters never win. Winners never cheat. That's it." ([174:44])

9. Resolution: Brigade Triumphs, Brand Secure

• With the plotters defeated, the passengers applaud the Brigade as heroes (and brand stars).
• Flimsy, battered but emboldened, transforms into Taryon once more to deliver a triumphant postscript on heroism and teamwork ([213:19]).
  • Matt (Flimsy as Taryon): "And that, you see, is the heroism of the great Darrington brigade." ([213:21])

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Useful Timestamps & Highlights

• [06:41] — Taryon bows out, Brigade intros
• [14:16] — Flimsy’s introduction and transformation
• [23:44] — Skyship deck descriptions and layouts
• [34:13] — Notable VIPs: Lady Adelaide, Dan Coldsnap, Arya, Evangeline
• [71:35] — Hazel Shatters the gambling table (hilarity ensues)
• [85:36] — Magical, ever-shifting dinner scenes
• [90:11] — Coldsnap fails to sing, talent show chaos erupts
• [121:09] — Arya and Dorne’s suspicious conversation revealed
• [135:34] — Hazel’s forensic podcast deduces Arya’s guilt
• [152:03] — Ballroom: Double Taryons & magical painting duel
• [176:00+] — Dorne’s transformation and dragon boss battle
• [211:00] — Group art saves the day, Forgery Beast yams out
• [213:21] — Flimsy reclaims the moment, Brigade hailed as heroes

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Notable Quotes

• Sam (GM): "Remember, you must take any opportunity to show off for the crowd. Your performance means the very future of the Brigade." ([98:21])
• Laura (Faroine): "We knew you were shady from the beginning…" before finishing Arya in combat ([174:36])
• Hazel (on podcasting): "It is the future of Exandria. But also, you know, she interviews all of us every week, whether we want her to or not." ([39:30])
• Matt (as Flimsy): "After all, to have an adventure you must begin somewhere humble so you have somewhere to grow…" ([87:13])
• On the absurd painting: "Why did you give us a sweet potato face? … It has the skin of a hippopotamus and its tail is made of pineapple skin." ([211:00])

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Tone & Style

This episode is a gleeful, amped-up celebration of improvisational chaos, meta-jokes, Exandrian fan service, and the playful anarchy of a table left in the hands of the Darrington Brigade. The humor is irreverent and self-aware, with friendly jabs, outlandish character voices, and frequent descent into giggly madness—all for a good cause.

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Final Thoughts

• The actual “mission” is routinely derailed by character jokes, wild improvisation, and the ever-looming threat of catastrophe.
• The live charity component adds a festive, unscripted layer, with players actively auctioning dice, props, and fan art on stream.
• The collaborative group painting sequence and the use of in-universe podcast mechanics are particularly memorable and uniquely "Critical Role."

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For Listeners:

This episode is best enjoyed as an unfiltered, hilarious D&D romp with the Darrington Brigade, perfect for both longtime Exandria fans and newcomers wanting pure Critical Role energy in one-shot form. It’s an end-to-end parade of chaos, camaraderie, and creative lunacy.

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[End of Summary]

Transcript

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[C]

Great.

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Now that we've got that squared away, let's dive into the story. Welcome to a very special Darrington Brigade One Shot sponsored by Ebay Live. If you love the thrill of discovering something truly special, you should check out Ebay Live. It's a real time shopping experience where you can discover and bid on exclusive finds, everything from rare trading cards to vintage fashion, all alongside not knowledgeable sellers and a passionate community of collectors. What makes Ebay Live so fun is that it's interactive. You can connect directly with sellers, chat with fans around the world, and experience the excitement of live auctions as they happen. Oh no.

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Your voice sounds so good.

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[A]

I'll think about it.

[B]

With all that, let's get into night's let's get into tonight's episode of A Critical role. Oh, the old intro. I love it. Oh, live.

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[C]

We're up.

[B]

Okay. No animated intro. What?

[A]

Yeah, we didn't do that.

[B]

Okay, here we go. Okay, here we go.

[C]

I had a week.

[B]

I had a week, says Middlebrook as we start. All right, I'll paint a picture. Oh, also Middlebrook. I'm not doing any of the buttons. You just take care of that.

[A]

That's quitter talk.

[B]

Just randomly press stuff. Maybe music or something. I'm just gonna do peaceful or can I come over?

[A]

You're doing it, Peter.

[B]

I did that. Okay.

[C]

Did something change?

[B]

Shut up, Ashley. Here we go. Vomit. Vomit spewing from the retching mouth of Taryon Darrington, world famous adventurer, author, alumnus of Vox Machina, and leader of the Darrington Brigade. He is vacating the contents of his stomach all over the floor while his robot manservant Doty rubs his back. Terry intones the robot, wiping the corners of his mouth. Taryon sniffles and says, don't he take this down. I, Taryon Darrington, am perfectly capable of joining the Brigade on their most important mission. Until the members of the Brigade insisted I should not, for someone has poisoned me. No one, as a matter of fact, had poisoned Taryon. Instead, he was upchucking because he had read that adventurers always eat 10 raw eggs before for any quest, and his eggs were expired. So now he, much like myself, was feeling completely fucking useless and exhausted after staying up retching all night long. I'm sorry I cannot join you, but you must carry on and tarry on without me. Taryon was addressing you. The members of the Darrington Brigade, the band of swords for hire he had assembled in the years after Vox Machina saved Exandria. U6 had gathered in the loading dock of the Rexxentrum Skyship port in the capital of Wildemount, suited up for a mission with gear, provisions and weapons ready. Now, for those in the audience who may not be familiar with the Darrington Brigade, because it's been like six years since we've done anything with them. Please introduce and describe your characters. Starting over there with president of the crf, Ashley Jenkins.

[C]

Hello there. My name is Damien Vadoma.

[B]

There we go.

[C]

I am still trying to find the voice again.

[A]

Got it.

[C]

Somewhere around here, I think. Half elf, beautiful maroon suit tailored to perfection. We got sort of like an orange haircut that's, you know, sort of a little long. Not an orange haircut.

[B]

I want to go to bed. Orange. That's fucking. Wrap it up.

[C]

Half out fighter level five. He was talking for like, 10 seconds too much.

[A]

You also want to specify, while this is canonically later in the timeline, the characters are lower level because Sam refused to play any higher than fifth level. So we're all hungover. We're all hungover. Yeah.

[C]

I like it.

[B]

It took a long sabbatical.

[C]

Who are you?

[B]

Hi. My hands. Bunny. Buddy. I'm not gonna do the description. All in that voice is a nine foot tall ogre who hunches over quite a bit. He's got massive magical goggles given to him by Terry and Darrington that make his eyes massive. And he's got, like a brass chariot on his shoulders, you know? So cute you can keep going forever.

[C]

Oh, my God. Fair, fair, fair.

[B]

It's all about the hand stuff.

[C]

I know.

[B]

And on top of Buddy's back is a big brass Roman style chariot with a little guy in it. That's me macaroni Samsonite. I am a little halfling covered in, like, Lost Boys, Peter Pan type stuff. Last Boys. Lost Boys, Lost Boys, Lost Boys. You know, like feet. Oh. Oh, okay.

[C]

Doing it, Peter. You're doing it.

[B]

I've been sitting on Buddy's shoulders and we collect skulls and kick ass and that stuff.

[C]

Who are you?

[B]

Who are you? Who are you?

[A]

I am the knight. I am a man, but more than a man. I am 1/3 owl, 1/3 bear, and 100% man. And yes, I know. That's 166.6 and 6 6. Yes, that's American. I also. I can do math. Can you? I didn't think so. I am Owlbear Man.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

I'm here for justice in my brown, brown owlbear cloak, my utility belt, and my.

[B]

That is a bear with an owl face on it.

[A]

Lately. Lately I've been. I've been going through a bit of copyright litigation. So it's owl slash bearman right now,

[B]

thanks to

[A]

Behrman's Owl Emporium, which feels that I am a negative icon towards Their business. I haven't had the money to repair a lot.

[B]

Triple threat. But you are the knight.

[A]

I am the knight. The knight is free.

[C]

Oh, no. The knight is. Here we go. You got this, Laura. I'm Farrow. And Bree. There it is. Thank you very much. I'm a monk with pink hair and flowing robes and I might lose this voice in a few minutes. Just go back to normal.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

Just know I'm gonna be pharaoh and breeze the whole time.

[B]

So far, so good.

[C]

Yeah, thanks. Sounds great.

[B]

Just remember. Freedom.

[C]

Stop doing it. Stop.

[B]

Free home.

[C]

He's going Scottish.

[A]

Should have put money on that.

[C]

Okay, I take a wax cylinder and I slap it down and I start cranking the hand. Introducing Hazel Copper Pot. The inventor of the Copper Pot 3000 miraculous one man band machine. Or some may say one dwarf machine. That's right. That is the legendary Hazel Copper Pot. Coming to you live from somewhere in Exandria.

[A]

Rexxentrum. Rexxentrum.

[C]

Rexxentrum.

[B]

Tyrion continues. Very well. Your mission. The hubris is a brand new ultra luxury skyship set to depart on her maiden voyage across the Empire. She's the largest, most modern, expensive craft ever to sail the skies and will carry dozens of the continent's most famous and powerful celebrities and dignitaries. A wonderful who's who of Wild Mount. The alliteration, though clever, makes Terry throw up a little bit. Taryon swoons. Dodie catches him. The vessel owner, wealthy investor Balthazar Flaremont, hired the brigade to protect the voyage and its VIP passengers. Why? Because Flaremont knows we're the most reliable heroes in Wildemount. The truth is, Flaremont had hired the Darrington Brigade for publicity. He wants Taryon to publish a fantastic first hand account of the journey to drive up sales of future voyages. But alas, your fearless leader cannot join you. Still, we must not lose this job. With all the mucky mucks on board, this assignment could cement the brigade as the go to security service across the Dwendalian Empire. So you must do it. However, because they are expecting the Taryon Darrington to board that vessel, I have made arrangements for a suitable understudy. Flimsy, come on down. A young pale man with scraggly black hair steps forward. Matt, please introduce your character and describe him.

[A]

You watch from around the corner, shyly peeking. A pallid, gaunt looking young man. But something about him feels strange and alien. His eyes are just completely black saucers. His long stringy black hair wearing a loose fitting tunic and a massive backpack covered with all sorts of weird accoutrements. Like a wooden sword gem in the back. And he peeks around and blinks his large eyes and goes. Hi, everybody. It's a pleasure to meet you. Oh, my goodness. It's really you.

[B]

Hey, new guy.

[A]

Hey, wait, wait.

[C]

He's gonna be playing you. Terry. He doesn't look like you.

[A]

What am I doing?

[B]

Remember we discussed this? Flimsy, show them how you will pretend to be me, Terry and Darrington. Go on.

[A]

Joe's getting really nervous and kind of his knees start shaking.

[B]

You can do this.

[A]

Okay, hold on. And for a second you're afraid he's going to pop a blood vessel or shit himself. But you watch as his skin begins to shift and morph until eventually he grows slightly taller, his shoulders come back, and suddenly he has a handsome semi well tanned and less sickly visage. Looking pretty dang close, aside from the attire to Terry. And daring.

[B]

Holy. Whoa. Thank God.

[C]

That was all right. That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool.

[A]

Thank you, Kylie.

[B]

Oh, the voice is fucked up, though.

[C]

Yeah, that's

[B]

Terry.

[A]

Terry.

[C]

It seems the understudy could use a little bit more practice. I would agree.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[C]

Sounds like shit.

[A]

I've only read your books and most of your recordings don't actually capture his vocal timbre. So I just need more practice.

[B]

It's all right. It's all right. The way I see it, he'll barely have to speak on this journey. There'll be so much commotion and people running around. Taryon can be supervising from afar, orchestrating the brigade as it goes about its security duties, but not actually present for much of it. So when he is there, he'll stand in the background. And you'll also have Doty with you. And you all will be the voice of the Darrington Brigade. And he'll be the face. He's in charge? Not exactly. I'm still in charge, but I'm not there. And he's not in charge because he's the new guy. So you're all in charge. Does that make sense?

[A]

You're still in charge and you're not there. How are we supposed to know what you want us to do?

[C]

Who do we listen to? We need a director.

[B]

Oh, boy. None of you think that you're up for the challenge?

[A]

No, I didn't say that.

[B]

I mean, I don't mind telling people what to do. From a pie in my golden chariot. You're the leader. It's done. You're the leader.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Good job. Congratulations, Mac. That's bottle.

[C]

You and me, buddy. Close Your mouth.

[B]

We're gonna take over the world. Terry. Terry. Terry. Terry. Terry. Terry.

[C]

What's wrong with your robot?

[B]

Suddenly, Dodie reacts with confusion. No, no, no. I'm over here. Dodie. Now. The hubris departs in 20 minutes. I've purchased you matching Darrington Brigade badges. He passes them out. As you know, branding is everything. He hands you identical golden badges that say DB on them. Doty will join you to document the journey and will obey your every command. What did you do? Did you stick yourself with that?

[A]

I'm Al Bear Man's going to put that away. And also, Brandon Bandon. Yeah, Branding is everything. I thought we were just talking about that.

[B]

Learn.

[A]

Learn from the master.

[B]

What is the branding?

[A]

It's Albert Man Brand.

[B]

Does it say the full name?

[A]

It says Albanman Alban.

[B]

Because it's a band.

[C]

Alban Man Alban Man.

[B]

Alban Day. Are we all sleep deprived? I love it.

[C]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

When are we not? You gave us a comedy show.

[B]

What else are we gonna do?

[A]

I help pin the DB on the giant.

[B]

You feel like you got the heartbeat in your fingertip. You okay?

[A]

That'll be fun.

[B]

It's in your chest. Your heart. It's fine. You're doing good.

[C]

Wait, you can't go. Cause you're throwing up.

[B]

Well, that's right.

[C]

Why don't we just plug it up?

[B]

Plug it? Me?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I can't. I. Maybe I can. Taryon stands to join you. His legs quiver and he swoons and falls over. What is that?

[C]

It helps plug you up. Did you need some?

[B]

All right. I can. Melted pega. Have you ever had it? It's a fine elixir of some sort.

[C]

Yeah, it's a potion.

[B]

I'll try it. I'll try.

[C]

He actually sponsored my show a few episodes ago.

[B]

Buddy reaches out a massive hand and just kind of grabs Terry by the scruff and holds him erect. Oh, God. No, no, please. Taryon barfs a little and then swallows it back down. He's having a real tough time. He's got the salsa swallow. Please, please, set me down. Buddy, Listen, Just make sure that they think that I, Taryon Darrington, am on board supervising you. And remember this. You must take any opportunity to show off the crowd. Your performance means the very future of the brigade. Oh, right. Thank you. Dodie Here. Doty transcribed the passenger manifest. These are all the VIPs that you'll be assigned to protect. Guard them with your life. Now, hurry. Captain Damon is expecting you. Oh, there's a lot of people.

[A]

I just want to say before we leave, it's an incredible honor to be able to work with you in the Brigade. I've been following your exploits for quite some time, and I never expected you would respond to any of my letters, so this means a lot to me.

[B]

Well, urgent times demand urgent measures. You said you are familiar with all of the exploits of the Darrington Brigade?

[A]

Oh, yes. I've read the adventures of Taryon Darrington. The glorious journeys of Taryon Darrington, the nearly memorable exploits of Taryon Darrington, the clearly legendary rumors surrounding Terry and Darrington. I've got to be.

[B]

It's a smaller bibliography, but still a good start. Quick. Do your best Taryon impression. Let's see. What if someone were to come up to you and say, taryon, what's your favorite of your works?

[A]

The favorite of my works would be Terry and Darrington. Actually, that's pretty great.

[C]

I couldn't tell the difference.

[B]

Is that what I sound like?

[C]

Yeah, yeah. There's like, a little bit more of a nasal situation, and you might have

[B]

a little bit of a cold.

[A]

Keep working on it.

[C]

Yeah, you could say. You say, he's got a cold. That's great.

[B]

Good luck. And go. And he barfs again, scattering vomit all over the floor. You guys leave. Let's.

[C]

Sweet goodness of her light, the famed book writer Evangeline Frost is going to be on the board this ship. Are you a fan? I am such a fan. Evangeline Frost is everything.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

She has a very, very heated romance novel that is one of my favorites. What's it called? It is called From Dust to Bust.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Sounds sexy.

[B]

Vampire story.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

I know you're currently filling a bucket, but would you mind, before we leave, if you could just sign Help the Man book.

[B]

Just go. He shoos you all out. The hubris is enormously impressive. Nearly three times the size of any skyship you've ever seen. Stepping onto the hovering craft via the gangplank, a promenade of polished brass and glowing alchemical lanterns stretches ahead, opening into tiered decks that rise like layers of wedding cake. Silken banners snap in the wind as beefy deckhands in matching white coats bow bustle with grace and urgency. Beneath it all, a steady rhythmic hum hints at the immense arcane power keeping the vessel aloft. There are three main passenger decks, above and below two crew decks. The Atrium Deck. Just to give you a lay of the land, Atrium deck has a glass domed observation lounge offering views of the endless sky. Botanica holds gardens in most of the passenger suites. The court Deck holds a dancing hall, the grand ballroom, a small casino and a bar. And then the lower decks, Drive and Expanse. Drive and Expanse house the crew and service operation.

[A]

I got atrium deck, Atrium Botanica court

[B]

and lower Drive and Expanse. ABCDE where we are, are we? You're on the top deck. Exposed. See the sky, see the ground, all that. Yes, you're on the atrium deck, which is mostly open, but has a few interior compartments on the ends as well on the bounds.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

What do we go see the Captain? What do we do? What do we do? Did we secure a room? We just floating around the whole time.

[B]

A handsome middle aged human in a tight leather vest adorned with epaulettes greets you as you board the ship. This is Captain Damon. Hello. You must be the Darrington brigade. Yes, Captain, I am Captain Damon. Captain Matt Damon. I was supposed to meet a Tarian, Gary Darrington. By the way, Captain Damon is a real character that Matt invented. In campaign one, he's described as a human man. That's it. So I'm making him mad Day.

[A]

This was a mistake. This was a mistake.

[B]

Isn't that your name?

[C]

Did you say Captain Damon or Damien Damon?

[B]

I'm Matt Damon.

[C]

That's right. It's a little different, buddy. It's a little different.

[B]

Sounds the same.

[C]

It's pretty close, Captain. Wow. This is a beautiful boat.

[B]

Thank you. Your name was.

[C]

Oh, Damien. Very. Apologies. This is our crew. We're the Darrington brigade.

[B]

Yes, I.

[C]

Over here we have Terry.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I start playing some heroic sounding music.

[B]

Oh, this is the leader of your group. Well, it's a pleasure to meet you. Taryon. How have you found our ship so far?

[C]

He loves it.

[B]

He does. Fantastic.

[C]

I was just saying how much.

[B]

What do you think about your running security on this vessel? What do you think of the exterior battlements that you've seen?

[C]

He is so highly impressed by your armaments.

[B]

It's a good thing you got us because I see lots of vulnerabilities. Right, buddy? But you made the necessary changes. You got the best in the business. Killers and degenerates. All of us. Well, that's good to know.

[C]

I'm more of a documentarian and Al Bandman.

[B]

Terran. Al. I'm sorry.

[C]

Al. Do Albert, man.

[B]

Hey, Tara.

[C]

Terry.

[B]

Buddy's trying to talk to you.

[A]

Card.

[B]

Go ahead and tell him what you think. I'm eager to hear what you think of the. The ship that you're assigned to protect. Don't be shy, new guy.

[C]

New guy?

[B]

I'm for cold Understandable.

[A]

But it's beautiful.

[B]

Rexington breezes. The this time of year can be. Make a deception check if you can.

[A]

First roll.

[B]

First roll.

[C]

First roll.

[B]

Let's go. Let's go. Come on.

[A]

Flimsy as a 22.

[B]

Yes. As I was saying, the winds this time of year can be rather dry and rather brisk.

[A]

Indeed.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Accent. Trope fever.

[B]

Oh, jeez. Happen. Well, as you saw, Mr. Flaremont, the designer of the ship and owner, has outfitted the ship with sophisticated battlements. She can fly at incredible speeds. Faster than a dragon, he always says. Though I don't want to test that out. And it has magical shields to repel exterior attacks. Our passengers are, shall we say, of the elite, so there's very little danger on board. However, if anyone were to get too drunk or too handsy or too flirty, it would be wise to handle things discreetly. Pretty basic stuff. Understand? We have someone on the manifest named Shart Von Kleef.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Shart von Kleef. Shart von Cleef. You hear a voice coming from behind you as Balthazar Flaremont, a wealthy investor and owner of the ship, swings into view. Strolls into view. He's an orange Katari man, 5 foot 11, ostentatiously dressed in white silk tails and a colonial wig. Carrying a cane and top hat, he might have been designed by chat. He strolls with the ease of someone who's never rushed in his life, tossing a ball of yarn to gauge the wind speed. Oh, you have noticed the manifest includes one. How you say? Chartres Van Cleef. I notice this is quite the list. Why, yes, it is. Chartres is one of our most precious passengers. Chartres Van Cleef is a famous artist of caricatures and landscapes. He paints some of the most world renowned artworks depicting monsters of ancient history and battles of the past. It is fantastic and we are honored to have him on this ship. You must be the Darrington Brigade. Yes, we are. And we're known for a pair of Essek dice that just sold.

[C]

Yes, it just sold. Just sold a pair of Essek dice.

[B]

Yep. Oh, my.

[C]

$75,000.

[B]

Congratulations to that person. Bonjour to all of you. You must be the Darrington Brigade, is that correct?

[C]

Well, you are. What is your name? You're Shart. He's Mr. Flair. You're Shart.

[B]

Oh, I'm not Shart Van Cleefy is one of our precious passengers.

[C]

I'm so sorry. Can I see the passenger list? He's not on the passenger list. He's the owner. You're the owner of the boat. This establishment. It's an airship. It's an airship.

[B]

Skyship. Balthazar Flaremont. Welcome aboard my masterpiece. The Hubris. And you must be the man himself. Taryon Darrington. I am a huge fan. I've read all your books. The Daring Trials and Tribulations of Darrington. Cry, Terry Cry. Unlocking the Power of Raw human Emotion. The man who Should Be King. The Blonde, the Brave and the Bold. All of them, you know. What were some of the others?

[A]

Many.

[B]

Oh, you are too, too kind, sir. Your books proceed you. It is such an honor to meet you and your brigade. I am so, so happy to meet you all. This will be a wonderful voyage. Mr. Derek Dunn, where would you like your men stationed? First on the top decks on below.

[C]

You have a man station.

[B]

I'm sorry?

[C]

You said you have a man station.

[B]

How would you like your man station?

[C]

Understood. That was a slight misunderstanding on my part. I do apologize.

[B]

It's part gets a little dizzy at sea. You must be Madame Copper Pot.

[C]

You've heard of me?

[B]

Oh, and this is Bodhi. The muscles of the operation. What?

[C]

There's a couple muscles of the operation. Oh, but here's Balthazar. Wants to know if where we want our men to be stationed.

[B]

Everywhere.

[A]

What has the best view and access to the buffet?

[B]

Well, the buffet will be served tonight at the grand ballroom. Down. The grand ballroom. Mr. Darrington, your man might need a little bit of cajoling and translating. Perhaps you should tell him everything I'm saying later. Make another deception check. Hmm.

[A]

Six.

[C]

Yeah. French.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[A]

Ah, before I roll. Nevermind.

[B]

No, you can do it. I don't care.

[A]

Use tides of chaos to get advantage on the roll.

[B]

Great.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

15. Oh, yes. He sort of looks at you peculiarly and leans in to inspect you a little bit more closely. But is interrupted by a short gong. Behind Flaremont stands a prim dwarven fellow in an ill fitting tuxedo. Elias Dorne. This is Flaremont's butler. He's got nicks all over his face from shaving. He holds an impressive gong stick in one hand and a complicated stopwatch in the other. And so we must be moving along. The passengers are boarding and sure enough you see various VIPs escorted onto the ship. Some with valets and servants of their own, many of whom you recognize from the manifest. They are all being helped along onto the boat. Onto the ship, I guess. You see. Actually. Everybody roll a perception check. Everybody.

[A]

Nat 21 perception.

[C]

Oh, Nat, 20 for me.

[B]

Too Nat 20. Yeah, I should have said history, but it's fine. Nat 20. I'll count.

[A]

I would have still been a Nat 20.

[B]

So those of you who rolled Nat 20s, you recognize from the passenger manifest. Overhearing snippets of their dialogue and knowing the vague descriptions on their. On the manifest. What?

[C]

Don't worry about it.

[B]

You recognize Lady Adelaide Tipsyfoot, a top of the rose Shark Royal comptroller. She is a halfling. 3 foot 11, teal dress, gold tiara, way too much jewelry. She carries a small chihuahua in a purse. She's very elderly.

[C]

Chihuahua's cannon. Chihuahua's cannon, Chihuahua.

[B]

Yep, Chihuahuas are canon. And she's extremely elderly and is snapping for her valet to follow her. She has the voice of Tommy Wiseau. Thanks to chat. Come on, come on, come on. We need to get down below to the suite to put my belongings away. Come on.

[A]

That's terrible. Makes it even more correct.

[C]

Yeah, pretty good, actually. Pretty good.

[B]

You also recognize Dan Coldsnap. Dan Coldsnap, A world famous orcish bard.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

You recognize his distinct crazy colorful jumpsuit and a luchador mask that he wears whenever he performs.

[C]

Oh my God.

[A]

Amazing. Amazing.

[C]

Wait, what?

[B]

He's already warming up with his jazz sax.

[C]

That's what they sound like.

[B]

Got a great music video. He does. You also recognize Arya Olari, a middle aged collector of rare magical artifacts. She's a dragonborn with opal scales. She's telling her manservant. Come on, we must move faster. We have to get on this ship and get our belongings below.

[C]

Roll an insight.

[B]

Go ahead and roll an insight chair.

[C]

Roll an insight. 26.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

On my new jester dice, by the way, for coming out on Monday. Yeah.

[B]

Hey, look at that.

[C]

I rolled a 20 on these yashas. Good dice, guys.

[B]

Your keen eyes draw you to Aria Olari. And you sense that she is shady as fuck. And according to chat, might be a distant relative of Bologna.

[C]

Yeah, very deep. And they're relative by a thousand years.

[B]

I said might they really wanted it. The chat. And then of course, you recognize you, Hazel Copperpot. Without making a roll. Recognize.

[A]

Recognize yourself?

[B]

Evangeline Frost.

[C]

It's a mirror. Sorry, what?

[B]

Evangeline Frost, your favorite writer. She is a large bird lady, an icefura with a super wide brimmed hat, sickly sweet southern belle drawl, pocket watch. She's a Karen. And she is already writing in her notebook. And there I was, finding myself on the deck of the ship, looking at everyone. And looking especially over there at The Darrington brigade who had boarded before us. What were they doing here? I was gonna get down to the bottom of it.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

She's gonna.

[C]

It appears that Evelyn Frost has seen us. And she is dictating everything she says as she observes us. She is a large bird lady, and even though she seems a bit coontie herself, I still find her quite an icon.

[B]

The shorter one seems to be writing down everything I'm saying, or at least recording it on some sort of wax cylinder.

[C]

I believe she. She has spotted me. She has made eye contact. I am blushing deep down inside, but I should never reveal how much of an admirer I am.

[B]

She had from dust to bust, according to what she just said, and recorded into her wax cylinder at full volume.

[C]

Don't take this down.

[B]

Why, hello.

[C]

Oh, I did not see you there, fair lady.

[B]

A kindred spirit, I see.

[C]

Who must you be?

[B]

I believe you know the answer to that. I'm Evangeline Frost. It's a pleasure to meet you.

[C]

Perhaps I could get your autograph later on. If it is not. Are you a problem to you?

[B]

Are you a fan of my. Of my work?

[C]

Are you a fan of my work?

[B]

What is your work?

[C]

Surely you have heard of my audio podcastia, the Adventures of Darient and Tarrington Brigadia? It's Howl so fast. It's Dwarvish.

[B]

You have an audio version? You've transcribed Tyrion's books into audio format?

[C]

Why, absolutely. It is the future of Exandria. But also, you know, she interviews all of us every week, whether we want

[A]

her to or not.

[C]

She gives, like, behind the scenes things in her podcast, whether we want her to or not. Am I saying it right? Yes. Awesome.

[B]

Interesting. Interesting. Hello, Tarrion.

[A]

Hmm.

[B]

How are you doing today? Are you here to write one of your fantastical accounts of this voyage? Yes, he's very busy, as you can see. He's already just like, try to collect the ideas that are gonna make up his most famous rendition of this. The beautiful hubris. Okay, Roll deception. And you can roll to help, or you can roll. With advantage, ma'.

[C]

Am.

[B]

With advantage. I'll give you advantage here.

[A]

12.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He's saying nougat.

[B]

She scribbles something down in her notebook and looks at you suspiciously. Damien, what were you.

[C]

What are you. I'm not familiar with your work.

[B]

Well, I'm Evangeline Frost. I am the first most famous author in all of Wildemount, despite what some of the inflated bestselling lists might say. We know that you cook the books, so to speak. My Adventures have been read farther and wider than Taryon's.

[C]

How wide?

[B]

What? How wide?

[C]

How wide?

[B]

Have you ever heard of dripping?

[C]

I have so many accents right now. And he's going all over Willy Wonka

[A]

all over the place.

[B]

Have you ever heard of Cheated? Cheated? Shivalry. Shivalry? Yeah, Shivalry. That's how I pronounce it. 10 things to do. Or how about my self help book 10 things to do before meeting the Matron of Raven?

[C]

I can't say I've ever read any of those. Neither of those have anything to do with. To do with my interests. But you have read From Dust to Bust, the vampire romance, right? I gave it to you. You borrowed it from me. From my personal collection. Okay, I've read it. Of course I've read From Dust to Bust. You didn't read it. Damien don't lie. Can I have it back if you're not gonna read it? Well, maybe I read it. Maybe I love Smut the deception.

[B]

I'll let you two work out this little tiff you're having.

[C]

I lost it. Okay? I lost it.

[B]

Just, just. Then move, move, move. A gentleman pushes past all of you in a very rude fashion. He is wearing paint stained overalls. Has a Bob Ross Ross style bushy haircut. He is a frog man. He's missing an ear. Even though frogs. Yeah, well this is from chat. That mean the.

[C]

The holes.

[B]

The ear hole. How about this? He has an ear. That's the weird part. Just one in here. Just one. You got one runner on that bitch. He's wearing a straw hat. He has a pet squirrel on his shoulder. Move, move, move. And he's dragging a palette full of canvases and paints. You get a glimpse of them as he walks by. They're ultra realistic paintings of monsters, beasts and dragons made by with alchemical paints that seem to move and shimmer in the light. They're fantastic. But he's very gruff and he pushes past you. Out of my way. I've got to get these paintings to safety. He pushes past you and keeps going. Hey Mack. Yeah, what's up? Is everybody on this boat in bad mood? Yeah, I think so. But you know, they say you get on the ship and then you take a dip and then you take a sip and everything's fine. Did I do something wrong? No, no. They're just intimidated by your natural good looks and charisma. Make sure you smile real big. Show them your teeth.

[C]

Good boy.

[B]

Evangeline Frost sort of regards you with disposal. Writes something down and turns and walks Away. All the passengers start to disperse as they're guided down to their respective cabins to settle in. America's best network just got bigger. Switch to T Mobile today and get built in benefits the other guys leave out. Plus our five year price guarantee. And now T Mobile is available in US Cellular stores. Best mobile network based on analysis by Google of speed test intelligence data 2H 2025. Bigger network. The combination of T mobiles and US cellular network footprints will enhance the T mobile network's coverage price guarantee on talk text and data exclusions like taxes and fees. Apply CT mobile.com for details.

[C]

Yeah, no, she's bird lady.

[B]

She's.

[C]

Does she have like a Karen cut in the bird?

[A]

Oh, like

[C]

a little bit of a bump, maybe?

[B]

Is that like a shorter asymmetrical in

[C]

the front and short in the back and it's got like, little spiky bits.

[B]

That's exactly what she has.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And it is made of feathers. Yes. And

[A]

powder keg. All these people feel like super villains to me. I just want to punch every one of them.

[C]

Well, we all need to protect them. We are their protectors.

[B]

And you said the guy that pushed past us was holding a bunch of art, right? Yes. Could that have been Shart? Yes. You can do a history check if you'd like to. Yes.

[A]

Well, there were paintings, but it's debatable if they were Shart 13 you.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

Shart's the only artist, so if there's

[B]

an artist on the manifest, he's the. There's a poopy buff right there. Y.

[C]

So everyone has stuff to protect. Except for Arya. She was shady as. F. She was shady as.

[B]

Oh. Are you talking to me? No, you're talking to me. The table. You're on the.

[C]

See that one more time. All right. Thanks. Rony. You did it. Great. I'm exceptional.

[A]

I'm so tired after that.

[C]

You sounded a little French there for a moment.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

Is it hard for you to hold your form?

[C]

Where's the French?

[A]

I've never had to do it like that before. I remember. Really attended his particular timber. If you have any pointers, please help me. That was terrifying.

[B]

Double thumbs.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Thanks.

[C]

I think probably you shouldn't talk. I was trying to avoid it, but, you know, if it comes up, we can. We can. We'll help you out.

[A]

Okay. Scarf. Cough.

[C]

You're just great.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Where you from? Yeah. Where did Taryon find you? Well, casting networks, backstage.

[A]

I never met anyone backstage.

[C]

Actors, access.

[B]

None of these actions anymore. Canon. Canon Canon.

[A]

I was growing up in TLN and I wrote letters every few weeks. With each book I'd finish, I'd write a new letter. And he never responded to any of them. I kept sending applications to become a part of the brigade with you. And for a number of years and no responses. I just assumed it would never happen until.

[C]

Wait, there were applications?

[A]

No, but I made my own and then filled them out and sent them in.

[C]

I am so.

[A]

And then one day, he responded. Rather rapidly, actually. I had spent all my savings to get a teleportation here. But I'm happy to be here.

[C]

And I hope you had to pay for yourself to be here.

[A]

Well, I figured it's an investment in your career, you know. Copy credit and pay to play, I think they call it.

[B]

Where'd you teleport from?

[A]

Theolin.

[B]

Theolin?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, in the Menagerie coast.

[C]

It's a beautiful area.

[A]

It really is.

[C]

You bet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard amazing things about it.

[B]

Oh, wow. Anyway, you did great. Just, you know, talk a little bit less, you know.

[C]

And, buddy, stop calling him new guy, okay? Pretend he's old guy. Very good point.

[A]

I'm gonna.

[B]

Do I have to keep smiling?

[C]

No, you can stop.

[B]

Don't stop. Were your cheeks hurtling? Oh, yeah. Your ears are shaking. Looks swollen.

[A]

Write this down. I'll get there.

[C]

Sounded pretty good. Yeah, it's getting good.

[B]

All right, so we got, what, five decks to keep safe? We got a bunch of people hoarding stuff.

[C]

Most are shady.

[B]

One is cool, one is named Shark. This is gonna be cake. It's gonna be the easiest met we ever made.

[C]

I concur. Yeah. This doesn't feel too difficult. Should we go to the casino? I was thinking that. Yes.

[A]

He's the leader that Taryon said should be making the decision.

[C]

So what do you want us to do, Mac?

[B]

Oh, well. Oh, you know, I like to. But he stands fully erect so that Mac rises another three feet in the air. Owl, Bear, man. What do you think? Casino or atrium?

[A]

I feel like casinos are where the most crime could happen on this boat. It's true. Casinos are crime ridden.

[B]

What does D and E stand for? Oh. Decking and entering. Deck and Expanse. Expanse. Yes. Is the Expanse.

[A]

It's a great show.

[C]

Yeah. Or is Expanse the lowest?

[B]

Abcd?

[C]

Lowest.

[A]

Dick, you have to ask if anyone's gonna be shady.

[B]

To the casino buffet.

[A]

Huzzah.

[B]

You guys go to the casino, but Hazel plays us traveling music as we go so people know where the DB is at all times.

[A]

And I'm trying To dodge at the back, quietly hiding.

[B]

Okay, Roller performance check and roll a stealth check as you go from shadow to shadow. When the ice cream truck rolls up and you hear them bitches coming from two my blocks of well, get your money.

[C]

I'm using a new Vaxyl Dan Dice, also just released. Releasing on Monday. Releasing on Monday. Eh, what am I, what am I rolling for?

[B]

Performance.

[C]

All right, that's going to be a 20. Dirty 20.

[B]

That's pretty good. As you march down to the casino below deck, you pass several passengers, all of whom are startled by the parade type music that you're playing. But they respect it and they kind of step aside.

[C]

Step aside.

[B]

They step aside and do like monkey poses.

[C]

Not monkey poses, monkey poses. As I walk behind her, like, you know, making my robe like, flourish.

[A]

And so I got a 13 stealth, so I don't know, I assume there's nowhere to hide in this hall anyway,

[B]

so I mostly just look right, you guys see as you go make your way down to the casino. So he just looks like a grown man doing bad parkour through a casino. Yes. Some of the passengers notice you and are curious about it. There is one in particular, like. So let's just pick one here who seems to regard you with curiosity and disdain. He is wearing a dark green gray cloak and. Oops. Wrong person. Nope, I lost his description. Chat made it. I didn't copy and paste it. It's great. You're dreaming. Wake up. Oh, no, don't.

[C]

That would be scaring me so much.

[B]

Let's say he's a high elf.

[C]

I love it. Oh, no.

[B]

Oh, hi. Don't worry, Middlebrook, I'll make it up. Hey, here it is. Here it is. Blue and black robes, a dark gray cloak, hiking boots. He carries some sort of a medallion around his neck that sort of dangles there has a scraggly beard. He's about six feet tall. He seems a little bit exhausted. And as you walk by him, he's pouring out from a small leather flask some oil. And he rubs his hand hands with it, seemingly to clean them. He's sort of constantly cleaning his hands. And he notices you coming and says, by the law, bearer, it is good to see that we are being protected by security. Are you the Darrington Brigade?

[C]

I've heard of the one and only.

[A]

Only in the Flash.

[B]

You weren't there a second ago.

[A]

That's so nice of you to say. Nicest thing anyone said in quite a while. Oh, my God, Albert, man, I'm here for justice.

[B]

I. I'm. I Am High Cleric Vit Rabinovich. Yes. Of High Cleric. High Cleric Vich Rabinovich of the Lawbearer. I'm happy that you're here to restore order and justice to this place. There are many people here who abuse their power and make ill choices about their health. Abuse their power? In pain meds.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

He also. He sprays his hands again.

[A]

And I feel like I'm looking into a beautiful mirror right now.

[B]

Yes, I can. I can sense a kindred spirit in you. Trauma. That guy keeps greasing his hands. Just like you always do. Well, you know, some people just have naturally dry hands. Your boy is gifted.

[C]

Exactly are you doing on this ship?

[B]

I have been. As a favor. I have been asked to come on board. As the ship's physiker. As the doctor for the vessel for the maiden voyage. Flaremont couldn't find a suitable alternative. And I wanted to see firsthand how these people deal with each other. And especially I wanted to get my eyes on how this ship is run. How it works and operates. It's very odd. It's a triumph having you here. I mean, this place could be the real pit of despair. You know, if you're not, don't keep a real careful eye. Could be the way the ship works.

[A]

That's clever. I'm taking it now.

[B]

He looks up at the board. I gotta keep going. Please keep us safe. And I hope we make it through the night. And then he's off.

[A]

You have my word, dad. Ravinvich.

[B]

As you walk into the casino, there's. Oh boy. What games did they find? Matt, you made all these games Exandrian? I don't remember any of them. One of them is. Let me google it.

[A]

Poker, Exandrian. Blackjack. Just give up.

[B]

Just give up.

[C]

There's rollies.

[B]

You know, you see the standard tables at all the casinos. Avondra's favor, Griffin's Wall, Quanen Drunai. Yeah. Gambling board going on Fork of the Storm. You know your standard Exandrian games over there playing Gambit of Ord. You recognize someone that from when you walked in earlier. It is the middle aged woman who is speaking with sort of a Russian accent before Aria Olari. She is talking to another gentleman who you don't recognize. Recognize. And they're playing cards as they talk. That's all.

[A]

I'm going to casually walk by to see if either of them are cheating.

[B]

Okay, I'll make a. I guess stealth and perception check. Or is it you're being. I guess casually you're not trying to Hide. You're just.

[A]

I'm always trying to hide.

[B]

Okay, so you're hiding and being casual. Yeah, and perceiving. So perception, stealth and performance. I was curious if we were going

[A]

to get an investigation there, but I'm down.

[C]

No. Investigation, perception, stealth, performance.

[A]

Oh, that hits. Yeah. So stealth is 20. Perception not very high is three. And performance is. Where'd it go?

[C]

18.

[B]

18. Yes. So they're playing cards and you walk by themselves silently like a cat. They don't notice you. The wind of you passing doesn't move a hair on their heads. And you walk right by and you forget to look.

[A]

I was just starting dying, trying to find food.

[B]

Incredible. Incredible.

[C]

So no

[B]

second to none.

[C]

I'm gonna saunter over to Aria.

[B]

All right.

[C]

That's where you were going.

[A]

I don't remember anymore.

[C]

Okay. Yeah, I was just following a little bit behind and I'm just gonna just like hover around there.

[B]

All right.

[C]

I'm grab a drink and just stand there like I'm supposed to be there. Mary, I'm drinking. Should we join this hot table? Sure.

[B]

We're gonna gamble at the same table as Ariana Olari?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, so you're keeping a watch out. You guys are going over and you're gonna try to buy some chips or something.

[C]

I'm gonna stay. I'm gonna be behind her at the table so I can sort of watch what she's doing.

[B]

Great.

[C]

And maybe cheat.

[A]

Ms. Cobblepot, is it safe for us to be engaging in public spaces when we're trying to keep a low profile?

[C]

Well, I imagine as part of being front facing guard, you wanna be front facing.

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

What should I do?

[A]

I can help you. Okay. I'm gonna stay behind you. And if anyone tries to talk to you, you look away, get a little irritated, and then I walk up and tell them that they can't look you in the eye and they can't talk to you. You're too busy.

[B]

Great. Great.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

You ready? You look too approachable.

[B]

Buddy has walked 15ft away and he's just for a few minutes now, been watching a marble go round and around in a big wheel. Sure. Yeah. Not just with your head. It's your whole body. And I'm like, oh, shit. Oh, my God.

[C]

Make it stop, Buddy.

[B]

The dealer at the roulette table lets the ball fall and click into a number. No bets have been placed and just sort of looks at you guys and spins it again. Hazel and Faroin, you go over the dealer. There's a young dealer at the table. Hello. Would you like to place a bet?

[C]

Yes, place a bet.

[B]

Place a bet using cash or would you like to buy some chips?

[C]

I would like to buy some chips. Chips.

[B]

All right, how many? 5 gold, 10 gold. 20 gold.

[C]

What's the.

[B]

The minimum wager here is 2 gold.

[C]

How much do we have of our party budget?

[B]

Plenty.

[C]

We'll get 200 gold worth of chips.

[B]

You don't have that much.

[C]

We'll get 20 gold worth of chips.

[B]

20 gold. That's high rollers. Wow. Ariel gentleman she's with, turn over to. With a bit of shock in their face. All right, Money is exchanged, chips are doled out. The first hand of Gambit of Ord is dealt out. You guys know how to play it? You all are looking at your cards.

[C]

How many chips? Dice was this?

[B]

The D6D the dealer. It's very funny. The dealer is wearing a black collared shirt, has sort of shoulder length hair, has leather bracelets around his wrists and he takes over the exchange of the bed from there.

[C]

Nice, nice.

[A]

What's he sound like?

[B]

He sounds like this.

[A]

It's pretty good.

[B]

Yeah, it is. Go on. How does Gambit of Ord work?

[A]

I believe this is the dice game.

[B]

Yeah, it is.

[C]

It's the D6 dice game. Right. Where you're trying to get pairs or something.

[A]

It's been a minute since I. Oh, oh.

[B]

I'm not the only one who didn't prepare to DM tonight. Wait a second,

[C]

wait.

[B]

Players are cards.

[A]

I've hidden. Yeah, it was the D8. And then you, then you. That's this one. Yeah.

[C]

What? Wait, so.

[A]

Yeah, so this is the. You roll a D8, keep the results hidden, and then you can choose to raise the bet, call the bet or fold.

[C]

And then what are you trying to get to?

[A]

The highest number?

[C]

It's just rollies.

[A]

It's more or less like. And then you go down, then you raise again and then roll a D4. So it's D8, make a bet, then secretly roll a D6, bet again, then roll a D4. And then you all.

[B]

How about this? How about we just play Rollies a rolling.

[A]

Had a feeling that was gonna happen.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And this will. The game works as Matt's describing it. This is just a simplified version.

[C]

Whoever rolls highest.

[B]

Yeah. Go ahead and roll for one.

[C]

Wait, is Arya playing too?

[B]

She is. I will roll.

[C]

What did she wager?

[B]

She just wagered six gold.

[C]

That's high. Six gold then.

[B]

Okay, everyone's in for six.

[C]

Six gold. Ooh. Oh, you beat me. Ooh.

[A]

Supposed to Keep it.

[B]

Your fault.

[C]

Oh, shit.

[B]

Okay, dealer rolls 12. Arya says yes. She rolled a 17. And she takes a portion of the pot.

[C]

No. No, she doesn't.

[B]

Oh. She reaches out to get it.

[C]

Ah, not so fast, pretty little shady lady. I rolled a 19. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

[B]

She regards you with skepticism. A new player who's got some skill with the dice. Interesting. Shall we make this even more interesting? Double or nada. Nope. Yet. Double or yet.

[C]

What do you think, Faroine? Should we walk while we're ahead? You're ahead. I'm down six more. Oh, and another six. Double.

[B]

All right, let's play.

[C]

All right, I'm in.

[B]

The dealer rolls. Okay. And Ariana rolls.

[C]

As long as one of us wins.

[B]

The dealer got a three. Ooh.

[C]

Well, Arya has to go first. Yeah. What do you mean? I'm looking at her.

[B]

How's her poker face? I'll give you the option to take half of the earnings now, or you can see what I rolled and lose everything.

[C]

What is she doing? I'm in sight. Checking her. Is this Hand of Ward Face? What's this game called?

[B]

Hand of Ord.

[C]

Hand of Ord Face.

[A]

This isn't Hand of Or Face.

[B]

This is Hand Face.

[A]

It's a fast and loose version.

[C]

Is this Pants Feet?

[B]

Okay. You get a look at her and her eyes sort of seem to dart side to side, but that's all you kind of can glean from her. She's full of shit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I will only make this offer once.

[C]

Bring it, Shady Lady. Can I see what she's got standing behind her?

[B]

Yeah, sure. Try to do an investigation. I don't know how this works. Investigation, check.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 19.

[B]

Yeah, she's. She's got a real, real low role.

[C]

All right. I sort of look over.

[B]

Why do you keep calling me Shady Lady? Aren't you assigned to protect me?

[C]

That is absolutely correct. And I protect people from shade. Hazel likes to wear sunglasses a lot, and she calls everyone shady.

[B]

Trumpet just went off.

[C]

I sat on it. This thing is trapped to me at all times. That's what you get when you hire Hazel Copperpot.

[B]

Are you having a stage?

[C]

I had a Celsius, and I am a little zooted from it. And exhausted. Zooted?

[B]

Is that a word?

[A]

It's canon.

[B]

I would be happy to give you the winnings that you saw, that you deserve, frankly. But I do not like being disrespected by the help aboard this vessel. Here, Take your winnings. She rolled a one. Take it.

[C]

Give me my money back. Hurry. I split the pot.

[B]

But I might be reporting this to the captain. His security is coming down to the casino to hustle passengers after their well earned goal. Marble, marble, marble. You just hear fucking like Macaroni's fighting for his fucking life against the the centrifugal force. And he finally gets his hand out and throws a gold onto the table to make the fucking marble stop. The marble spins to a stop. What did you bet on? Did you. I just threw it on the table cuz there was no money going down to stop the game. Right. Okay, so. Yes. So just roll any number and I'll see if you magically hit it on the D 2010. You did not hit it.

[C]

Thank you so much.

[B]

Would you like to play again?

[C]

No, no, please.

[B]

I thought I was gonna throw up and then it came out the other and she was just going for a little bit. Meanwhile, over by the Owlbear and Flimsy, a waiter comes. Oh, Ferris. A waiter comes up to you and offers you Taryon a drink. I know you're on duty, but.

[A]

Molap Western Name?

[B]

Who are you? My name is. My name is Jameson. I work here.

[A]

And what's that in your name?

[B]

Just a sparkling water.

[A]

I have to poison test everything for Mr. Tarrington.

[C]

Budget Tarrington.

[A]

You're welcome.

[B]

Budget Tarrington.

[A]

That's fine. We'll take two more.

[B]

I only brought the one, but I'll go get two more.

[A]

That's right. I don't trust that guy.

[B]

All right, I'll go get more. And he walks away.

[A]

I think he's onto me. I think he. I think we should follow him. Really? Oh no. He gave me a vibe. Okay, I trust you. He only brought one soda for both of us. That's not cool. Okay, I'll follow your lead. We're very, very quietly gonna make my way across the bar towards the bar. And I think we should order a drink since we're at the bar. Now, since we were following him, maybe we should just grab something to drink really quickly. Yeah, of course. What would you like? Should I try?

[B]

The bartender comes over.

[A]

I'll just knock him out if you want.

[B]

Welcome aboard. You're the security, right? You're at the bar? I am. Cool. Are you allowed to drink on the job or do you want get something without alcohol or.

[A]

He's questioning me. He'll have a Neverlight Temple.

[C]

Oh my God.

[A]

Two of them.

[B]

Of course. Coming right up. Happy to have you guys on board. Keeping us safe.

[A]

Huzzah.

[B]

Huzzah indeed. Fun. He forced you to two pink fizzy pink fizzy drinks and hands them over. Just as you guys take the drinks, Jameson comes back with two sodas, and he's like, what?

[A]

You can put them right there. We're gonna be through these real quick.

[C]

Okay, sure.

[A]

Watching you.

[B]

Have a good day, I guess. Walking away.

[A]

I don't have any pockets on this thing.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Are you just wearing. I do. It's just boomerangs.

[A]

It's boomerangs and a little thing for bandages. It's nothing else. There's six boomerangs on this. What the fuck is supposed to. They're not hollow boomerangs.

[B]

It's boomerangs all the way around. Don't you have a utility belt? It's just boomerangs. Over by the gambling table. Arya has given you her gold. She's nodded to the gentleman she's with, and they are exiting. They're exiting the casino looking kind of pissy.

[C]

So, so sorry, Ms. Arya. You know, we just thought since you were alone, you would rather enjoy having company to make your play more enjoyable. That's all. Fucking.

[B]

And you thought that beating me twice in a row would be fun for me?

[C]

It wasn't intentional. It's competition. It's fun. It was anything. I lost you both times. Well, one time.

[B]

All right, we can play one more game. But then I have things to do on the ship before dinner.

[C]

Of course.

[B]

She puts in 15 gold. Fuck. Let's do this. I'm gonna roll. By the way, the Mollywock dice and the Percy dice. Available soon. I don't know.

[C]

Those ones might be out already.

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Great. All right. Dealer rolls. Ariana. Nope, that's not her name. Aria rolls. Okay. This is a game of strategy.

[C]

Wow. Oh. I Cast shatter.

[B]

What? What? Yes. Yes. You heard her. On what?

[C]

Cast shatter on the table in front of me.

[B]

The Percy dice are alive. Hey, you're alive. Cast shatter on the table.

[C]

Oh, my goodness gracious. An exploding table because. Why'd you do that?

[B]

We're gonna arrest you. We have to arrest you.

[C]

Well, because I was trying. We have to lose. You said that we have to lose. I already did lose. You don't know that. Like you don't know that I'm trying to ensure our loss. She could have won. To be more benevolent to. We could have lied. She didn't see our dice. Why'd you shatter a whole table? I will prostrate myself in front of her.

[B]

Are you saying this in the room? The splintered remains of the gambling. Let's look up. Shatter. It obliterates. No I know, but there's casting stuff too. She watches you.

[C]

88 Thunder damage.

[B]

It's VSM. She watches you cast the spell.

[C]

I fall forward and my symbols go bang.

[B]

And I guess roll for damage on the table.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

It's going great, guys.

[B]

Table could take me. We are top tier. Two hit points.

[C]

Who's using the Percy dice right now?

[B]

I am.

[C]

It's getting hot. Oh, I rolled really well for 19 demiurge.

[B]

Okay. Sold for 420. Nice.

[A]

Nice. The table.

[B]

The fine oak table splinters and shatters, sending splinters flying like an exploding grenade. The splinters fly every which way. You each take one point of damage, and so does Arya Alari in the army.

[C]

Do I take a point of damage to.

[B]

Oh, you're pretty close. Yeah. You also take a point of damage. Arya gets a splinter in her arm. Ah.

[C]

Wow. Arya, your roles are too powerful.

[B]

I don't know what's going on here. I'm just trying to enjoy my extremely expensive cruise. You come down here assigned to protect me. You rob my money, and you explode the table and hurt me.

[C]

This is extrapolation at its finest.

[B]

I'm going to talk to your boss.

[C]

I'm gonna put my hand on Aria's shoulder.

[B]

Oh, no. What now? Getting worse.

[C]

You know what? Why don't I walk you back to your room? Just. You've had. If you want.

[B]

Are you propositioning her?

[C]

No, I am not propositioning her. I am saying I'll get you back there safely. Maybe you want to rest. I can get you away from all of this hustle and bustle

[B]

if you want a little cuddle. No. She looks down at your Darrington Brigade pin. You are with them.

[C]

We all work together. But, I mean, I wasn't sitting at a table playing a game. I'm here to protect and to serve.

[B]

I have a persuasion check.

[C]

Okay. And a good thing you weren't. That table just exploded. That would have really been. That's a one. Oh,

[B]

I think I will have a word with your employer. And she starts walking over towards Terry.

[C]

Yeah, go. Go do that, Bob.

[B]

Have to assassinate her. No, I'm kidding. I don't know. I'm just kidding.

[A]

No, I see her walking towards.

[B]

Yes, she's stomping over.

[A]

I'm gonna grab your arm and I'm gonna start just trying to get you towards the other side of the door.

[B]

Mr. Darlington. Mr. Derrington. She's chasing after you. Are you guys walking? Running? What are you.

[A]

We're walking. We're walking as fast as we can walk while still considering It a walk.

[B]

You wave back. She's going to pick up the pace. She's going to go into almost a sprint to catch you. Are you going to try to evade

[A]

or there's no corner or anything to turn around.

[B]

And there's a hallway outside the casino that splits two ways. You could go right or left. She hasn't seen which way you exited yet.

[A]

Going to go right.

[B]

Boomerang. Smoke Boomerang.

[A]

Boomerang. We're going to go right. I'm going to grab. I'm going to grab and throw him behind him and try and try and be a wall of just Al bear of justice on, like, just around the corner.

[B]

Okay. All right. So, moments later, Arya exits the casino looking to follow you. She looks left, she looks right. I'm there when she looks right. Roll a stealth check with, I would say disadvantage, because there's nothing there.

[A]

There's nothing. No.

[B]

Don't have smoke bombs or anything.

[A]

That's 16.

[B]

Okay. Let me roll.

[A]

I didn't bring the smoke bombs. They're just boomerangs. I didn't think about it. Level five.

[B]

He's there for the boomerang.

[C]

Level five.

[B]

She looks left, she looks right. It's funny. The walls down here have. They're very fancy. The whole ship is very fancy. And they're covered with all sorts of tapestries. And you've managed to find a wall that has a tapestry that hasn't been fastened down all the way, so it's got a little bit of give. And you're able to just sort of sneak behind it a little bit. There's a lump, but you'd have to sort of be looking for it. Yes.

[A]

Okay. Please. Great. That is nine.

[B]

Cool. So she doesn't see you, Albert man, But she sees what she assumes to be Taryon Darrington just standing in the middle of the hallway. Mr. Darrington. Just the man I wanted to speak to.

[A]

I dropped the temp. Neverlight Temple.

[B]

Are you sure you and your people are cut out for this work? You're supposed to be protecting us from danger, Correct?

[A]

We are indeed. There is an illness going around, and we're trying to get to the bottom of it. Which is. I can feel it in my sinuses. Mm. Bizarre.

[B]

An illness at the casino on the ship.

[A]

It's been sabotaged.

[B]

Already? This is terrible. We should inform the captain right away.

[A]

I will take care of that. As it is my charge with my brigade.

[B]

It's been sabotaged. I'm sorry? With an illness.

[A]

With an illness.

[B]

How exactly does that work?

[A]

That's What I'm trying to figure out and is my duty.

[B]

Boy, oh boy. Roll another persuasion check.

[A]

Or deception.

[B]

Or deception.

[A]

That is dirty 20.

[B]

Yes, she is very confused as to what's going on. Also her arm is bleeding.

[A]

Oh, goodness. Are you all righty?

[B]

I should ask you the same. I believe I am done with you and your weirdos. Out of the shadows. Jesus.

[A]

Out of the shadows. An alban man in my hand.

[B]

An alban band. A man. Yes.

[A]

For your arm. See, we are pure projectors.

[C]

Does it have like little mask prints?

[A]

Yes, of course.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

She snatches it. The gentleman she was with exits the casino, gives her a nod and they. In a huff. She turns and follows him and they exit down the hall. Did you just lean out of a film noir shadow? This is. You did so well. Going so great.

[A]

I really didn't. But you were really. I feel like you really. I'm starting to feel. I'm starting. I mean, it's hard to study somebody's personality and sound through their books. Throwing into the pool.

[C]

How did you explode the table? You said we needed to lose. No, I can sh. That makes no sense. It makes perfect sense to me. No table, no dice with gold.

[B]

No. Jameson shouts at you. You do not get to take the gold. You didn't win anything. You exploded the table before any of the dice could be revealed.

[C]

The table exploded itself.

[B]

You. We all.

[C]

It is your word against mine, Jameson. How do you know his name? I. He's got a name. Dagger.

[B]

Something's going on.

[C]

I also just assume there's always.

[B]

I would call security. But you're them.

[C]

We're going to get better.

[B]

I'm going to tell. I'm going to tell someone about this. I don't know who yet. This is my first day. Jameson, we haven't even taken off yet.

[C]

Don't tell. We haven't taken off. We haven't taken off anyone.

[B]

Just then you feel the ship depart and you are on your way.

[C]

I take the gold. That's the Duke.

[B]

He just gives you one of these and he turns away in a huff. Grabs a soda off the table, an undrunken fizzy water and starts to drink it. A short while later, Dong, dong, dong. You hear three huge gong sounds which, as you know, is the call to dinner guests and evening finery are ushered into the grand ballroom. Passengers are eager to get a glimpse of what is rumored to be a floating five star restaurant. Do you join them for dinner?

[C]

But we. We don't sit down. We actually. We walk in the periphery. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Just with our plate.

[B]

As you enter. As you enter, you. You reach a grand, vast ballroom. But you, as the other passengers, are shocked to discover a drab gray room. The walls seemingly cement, the tables unadorned. The decor is so minimal, it's almost brutalist. In fact, the only striking feature of the ballroom is the enormous broomstone chandelier in the center of the room. Humming with energy, Dorne bangs his gong stick to get attention. Welcome. Dong. Dong, dong. Welcome all to the grand ballroom. Dinner will be served in exactly 13 minutes. But first, his Eminence, your host, Balthazar Flaremont. Flaremont, now wearing an even frillier white tuxedo entails, swings down from the chandelier and lands in the center of the ballroom. With panache, he holds a shining turquoise scepter. Bonsoir. You may be thinking, what is this drab, boring dining room doing on Flaremont's fabulous ship? Why did I pay so much for a ticket only to be fed in a big gray box? Well, don't worry. Your ticket price will be justified. I didn't call it the hubris for nothing. For tonight, you could be dining in the ruins of Chattengrad. With a wave of Flaremont scepter, the walls shimmer with illusory magic, and the entire ballroom transforms into an underground dig site with archaeological ruins and fossils in the walls. The tables transform as well, into mining carts filled with gold and intricate artifacts. Or perhaps you'd like to dine in the lush city of Ank'.

[C]

Harel.

[B]

And sure enough, with a wave of his scepter, it turns into a lush and colorful dining room with velvet tablecloths, epic murals depicting Jaman Sa or defeating a dragon, and a buffet of fine Marquesian wine and delicacies. The crowd oohs and ahs. Or perhaps something even fancier, like a taste of tal'. Dorei. Instantly, you find yourself in a gigantic sizzler.

[C]

It's a sizzler.

[B]

It's a shot. Shitty buffet, greasy tables, breadsticks. A mouse scurries by. This time, the audience laughs uproariously, checks his stopwatch, shaking his head. As you see, tonight we can take our meal anywhere in Exandria. But how to choose?

[C]

Hmm?

[B]

Why don't we let our special guest and master of security, Taryon Darrington, decide? Taryon, please, come on up here. After all, we've read all of his quests. Why, Mr. Darrington has traveled the world four times over. Taryon, of all the many exotic locales you have visited, where should we dine tonight?

[A]

He looks at the rest of you wide eyed. A slight darkened dampness begins to appear in the center of his pants.

[B]

Oh no.

[A]

He goes and begins to walk towards the center where Balthazar is standing. Reaches over and just grabs the thickest looking liquor off somebody's table and takes it, gargles it. Why, I must say he kind of looks at himself for a second. If it was a place to travel at my behest, having seen all the great wonderful things around Exandria, I would say we should take it to.

[B]

Fiolin. Googling. What is that? Where is that?

[A]

It's a delightful lazy wine town.

[B]

Oh, I know.

[A]

Maybe not very picturesque, but the cobblestone streets are quite beautiful and the people are very nice in my. A friend of mine's grand, grand there. Makes fine pies. Huzzah.

[B]

But of course it is humble and yet appealing. It will remind us all of the days before we were wealthy elites. Eh? I like it a lot. With a wave of his scepter, the ballroom transforms into Feelin with its nearby plum groves and its the willow shade oil it produces.

[A]

Is this exandrian San Diego? This is what's happening. Okay.

[B]

No. There's lush tables with white tablecloths. Wine. It's sort of like what you would expect the south of France in the summer to look like. There's vines, there's lush greenery. But it's a simple sort of home style cuisine. Bottles of wine already seemingly open on their own on the tables. Some stews bubbling in pots. It's very homey and it's a wonderful place to eat.

[A]

He looks around and goes, after all, to have an adventure you must begin somewhere humble so you have somewhere to grow. So we cannot begin with the annals of history and grandiosity. We must. We must get to the annals. We must get to better places. Huzzah.

[B]

So you just took a big swig of whiskey. You seem to be a much more capable actor all of a sudden. Can you roll a performance check with advantage.

[C]

14.

[B]

Great. I will roll just. That is a one. He is delighted. He applauds and does a little golf clap. I will say, since you took so much alcohol, I guess to get you in this frame of mind, let's say that your other skill checks will be at non charisma related skill checks will be at disadvantage.

[A]

Absolutely fair.

[B]

Okay. Where's the new guy?

[C]

The new guy left. We got Terry now.

[B]

Terry feels better.

[C]

Yeah? Yeah.

[B]

Oh, that's good. You're dumb. I don't understand this guy.

[C]

That's okay.

[B]

Everyone starts their meal pouring wine Drinking drinks. All the passengers that you saw before are at different tables scattered around the place. You guys are hovering the perimeter as security guards will every once in a while. Arya looks over at you with concern. She has a bandage on her arm now and the meal seems to carry on as normal. Alberta print bandage. Or she changed it. God fucking damn it. Albert band.

[C]

Alban Bear.

[B]

Are they little Chibi Albear. This little mask over and over.

[A]

I think Flimsy also comes back from that. It's like talking to people in the way, of course. Oh my God.

[C]

You did great. You're doing.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Almost didn't know that. Notice that you pissed your pants. Yeah, you're quite the thespian.

[A]

Oh, golly, thanks. Your hometown. Beautiful. Thanks. I'm gonna get another drink.

[B]

Wow, he's a lush. Who knew? After a bit, another dong. The gong rings again and Dorne the butler speaks to welcome you all onto the hubris. Please welcome to the stage the diva of Dracodia, the songbird of the Savalier woods, Monsieur Dan Coldsnap. Cold Snap takes the stage.

[C]

How did they get Dan Cold Snap?

[B]

His luchador mask snug around his face. Everyone cheering wildly. His colorful jumpsuit shining in the alchemical lights. The room quiets to a hush. The band behind him begins to play a sumptuous operatic piece. He opens his mouth to sing. When

[A]

I don't know this one.

[B]

He cracks badly. It sounds like a duck that swallowed a goose. He tries again. He's unsure what's going on. He looks panicked. And suddenly he says. I'm sorry. He flees the stage, mortified. Everyone gasps from the audience. Flaremont is mortified. Takes quickly takes to the stage to calm the audience. A thousand apologies, but it seems that Monsieur Coltsnap has encountered altitude sickness of some sort. We will send the cleric Robinowicz to check on him. But in the meantime, I'm afraid we lack a performer for this evening. The drunken crowd, now drunk on wine, starts to boo and to hiss. A voice from. From the. From the audience shouts. We paid a fortune for this trip, Flaremont. We want some gosh darn entertainment.

[C]

Is it? Which one? Because how many. How many passengers are on. Is it just that sheet of paper?

[B]

No, no, no.

[C]

There's a lot more.

[B]

Other things. Those are the most exclusive.

[C]

Got it? I thought like it was just them.

[B]

No, no, no. There's dozens of passengers and valets and waiters. And there's probably one hundred and thirty people gathered in this ballroom altogether.

[C]

Hazel, get up there.

[A]

This is your moment.

[C]

Can I throw A little bit of prestidigitation to help Dan Coldsnap. Just a little bit.

[B]

Dan Coldsnap is. He's running out.

[C]

I was texting Dave Heatwave to let him know that he should tune in for Dan Coldsnap.

[B]

Oh, I don't know of this Dave Heatwave to speak of. I understand. Invented chat. Invented Dan Cold Snap.

[C]

So wait, he's gone? Yeah, he's hustling out.

[A]

You should text him not to worry about him.

[B]

Or if you want to go.

[C]

I want to follow though.

[B]

Yeah, if you want to follow Dan, Buddy and I can handle the entertainment.

[C]

I'll go check on Dan.

[A]

I'll help with you too.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I steer body up on stage and I go 1, 2, 3. If you're blue and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where fashion?

[A]

I cast minor illusion to make sparks fly around Buddy's shoulders.

[C]

Amazing.

[A]

Which because I used my tides of chaos feature, means I have to roll on the wild magic table.

[B]

A wild magic roll. Okay. Okay. This is great. That performance is going good, but right now it's just acapella. Is anyone going to provide any musical accompaniment person who is a walking band possibly?

[C]

I kind of walk in in time as I'm looking for for Dan. So you hear dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk.

[B]

Okay, Right. Dan is out the hallway. You can pursue him for sure if you'd like.

[C]

I get the crowd clapping. I'm gonna grab the cymbals off of her back. There you go.

[B]

Are you gonna go on stage or go with her?

[C]

No, I'm gonna stand at the bottom of the stage and just go.

[B]

Great. Accentuating their performance, dressed up like a million dollar trooper, trying hard to look like Gary Cooper. Trooper. Trooper. All right, this is great. So you rolled a minor illusion to help this and then you rolled on the wild magic table. Okay.

[A]

So up to three creatures of my choice that I can see within 30ft. Take one D10 necrotic damage.

[B]

Amazing. Does your minor illusion spell work or does it also fail?

[A]

It's a cantrip. So it works?

[B]

It works. And what is the illusion that you create?

[A]

I created sparks to fly off of Buddy, like visually as he hits the moment.

[B]

So you, Faroine, Buddy and Mac all roll performance checks. This is a group performance check to see if you guys are putting on a good enough show for the crowd. Go ahead. You're part of this too, Buddy.

[C]

Matt, I'm using the tail dice that

[B]

are also available shortly. Oh, no. It's A group check. Travis, you're in this too. Oh, performance check. Yeah, performance check. Natural one. Natural one. I rolled an 18. I can't tell which one you rolled. 18. Not this 18. Okay, I still don't know what you rolled. What did you roll?

[A]

Nine.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

You can tell by the shifting awkwardness of the crowd. This is not going well. It's not over yet. There's still a chance to. To maybe rescue this performance. If anyone wants to help, I'm still

[C]

running to Dan Coleslaw.

[B]

You're going after Dan Coleslaw?

[C]

High Cleric, Owl Bear.

[B]

Man, you're the only person left who can turn this ship around.

[A]

All right, let's see. Everything's going on. What kind of chandelier is it? It's broomstone.

[B]

Floating brimstone. And it is connected to a whole bunch of wires and actuators and it's. It seems like it is an integral part of the functioning of the ship.

[A]

Okay, so that's moving on to plan B. I suppose I'm going to hop up.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Flip onto the bar, come running, pull out a boomerang and use it to crash the cymbals as you're going.

[C]

Oh, nice.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I pull out a bell with

[C]

my other gun because I apparently have. So maybe I'll Sure.

[A]

I apparently have a bell. So I'm gonna also then start trying

[C]

to do a bell walk.

[A]

It's in my inventory. I don't know.

[C]

Caleb Dice Alive.

[B]

Caleb Dice alive

[C]

by Liam o'. Braun.

[B]

Signed by Sam Rage. I don't know why I signed it.

[C]

You just put stuff signed.

[B]

We should just sign. We should all sign it.

[A]

Yeah, we'll do a spread. I'm hoping between the acrobatics, the bell

[B]

and otherwise, I can hoping that you're going to save this performance single handedly by playing a bell and smashing a symbol.

[A]

With a boomerang.

[B]

With a boomerang. All right, let's see if this works. I guess roll either a. Roll a performance check.

[A]

All right. I. Was that in an accent? Yeah, we're not going that hard. Oh, God.

[C]

You got this. Oh, no.

[A]

That's cocked

[B]

nine.

[A]

Can I make the attack to see if the boomerang hits at least?

[B]

Sure, go ahead.

[A]

That's hilarious.

[C]

13.

[B]

Wait. If your boomerang hit the symbols. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It hit with a 13.

[B]

Sure. It just makes a big old clang and it falls. And it falls on the floor.

[C]

Just one of them. Clink, clang, clunk.

[B]

Yeah, it's not great.

[A]

It's not great.

[B]

The crowd doesn't Quite know what to make of this performance.

[A]

You know, I double checked. Cantrips do not trigger the wild magic. So I did not accidentally kill three people.

[B]

Great. That's amazing.

[C]

Caleb.

[B]

What? On ass dice set five twenty. Signed by these two beauties. Thank you. It is a disaster. The crowd is not entertained. There's lots of. There's like a single cough from the audience and no other reaction.

[C]

Someone just going through a plastic bag.

[B]

Yeah. Candy you boy. I wanted to give you these, but I can't. And the meal sort of continues in a very awkward fashion with Flaremont kind of scowling at you. You hear in the back of your head the words of Terry and Darrington sort of echoing in your ears as if a memory. Remember, you must take any opportunity to show off the crowd. Your performance means the very future of the brigade. Brigade. Brigade.

[C]

Huzzah.

[B]

It's not going great, guys.

[C]

Can I try. Can I try something else?

[B]

Sure.

[C]

As we shittily finish our musical performance, can I get up on the stage and start, like, silently going through my monk movements and like, trying to do like a visual performance at least and like, make it like a.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Using the silence and, like, amping it up.

[B]

You are a monk. I would. I would allow you to roll, I guess. Again, performance check for that. With advantage though, because you're doing Monk.

[C]

Monk shit. Don't Monk shit.

[B]

Super desperate modern dance.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Roll for Dream Valley performance.

[C]

Does it have to be performance? Can it be acrobatics?

[B]

Sure can.

[C]

That's 20.

[B]

Yay. That's really good. A few of the crowd doesn't quite understand what's going on yet, but they seem interested in what you're doing. It's a step in the right direction. The movements seem to be enchanting and so deliberate and precise that they are attracting a few eyeballs. But you'll probably be need more than that if you want to win. The entire crowd of 100 people on your side. If anyone wants to aid or jester die, so Jester die.

[C]

So the ones I'm using, the one I rolled a one on.

[A]

Missile snare.

[C]

Missile snare. I don't know. Not yet released. Not yet released.

[A]

Who in the audience looks to be the least impressed?

[B]

The least impressed? Well, obviously Arya is one of them. But Evangeline Frost is writing everything down, scribbling in her notebook. The bird lady just scowling at this

[A]

cast charm person on her. Oh, I walk up and with a hand out to my side, go ahead and try and see if I can garner her sympathies. Onto our side. So it's a wisdom saving throw.

[B]

Just her dice.

[C]

Available Monday. Available Monday.

[B]

Go ahead. And. Is this a wisdom saving throw? Wisdom saving throw. Okay, here she goes. She rolled an eight plus five. Because all my characters have a plus five for everything. So that's a 13.

[A]

Dc12. So I go and try and be like, ha. Fantastic performance, don't you think?

[B]

No, I don't. Is this your people, Mr. Darrington?

[A]

I just run away. I just run out of the room.

[B]

Just take off running, full sprint. Amazing. Anyone else doing anything? Or are we just watching Faroine dance around silently on stage while we're trying to go get the name Propaganda? Yes. Okay, you guys have gone out into the hallway to follow Dan Cold Snap.

[C]

Cold Snap.

[B]

You're calling out for Dan Cold Snap. He turns around, his luchador mask facing your way. 660.

[C]

$660. Cold snap.

[B]

What do you want? What do you want?

[C]

What's going on? Are you okay? I mean, you're such an incredible performer. What's going on with your voice?

[B]

I don't know. I don't know, Honestly. I was feeling fine earlier today, but something happened to my voice. I need to find the doctor, the Physiker, and get some sort of.

[C]

Let's go. I'll help you find Raven Witch. Ravenvich.

[B]

Cleric. Robbie.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Are you sure that this isn't a case of cold feet? Just a little bit of stage fright? Yeah, yeah. That's a thing.

[B]

Stage fright. I'm one of the coolest performers I've ever seen.

[C]

You have made all of the legendary songs. Don't Leave Me Here Today. And of course, your famed theme song for the show, Strange Children. Yes. Which is my very favorite.

[B]

Yes, absolutely. Yes. That. That famed song, Strange Children.

[C]

We're all strange children.

[B]

You know my work?

[C]

Of course. The best.

[B]

Amazing.

[C]

You're one of the greatest bars. Huge fan. Huge.

[B]

Huge. I don't have any stage fright. No. Something's just suddenly came over me. I've lost my voice. I don't know what it could be.

[C]

All right, we need to take you to the doctor because I feel like something weird is going on. Can you see. Can you touch your toes?

[B]

What?

[C]

Just gonna run various tests, cognitive tests.

[B]

He leans over, he can touch his toes.

[C]

Okay, I'm gonna put up a red sign, and then the second it turns green, you're gonna press it. All right.

[B]

Cognitive tests.

[C]

Some cognitive tests. I'm gonna run him through a couple cognitive tests. I'm gonna try some different stuff.

[B]

Yeah, he seems. The cognitive tests that you're running through. He seems distracted. He seems. He seems ill. He seems like. Why don't you roll a medicine check to see what's going on?

[C]

Can I. I'll. I'll aid you.

[B]

Sure. Aid away.

[C]

So roll with advantage. Oh. It was the same. But that's okay. Medicine nine.

[B]

Oh boy.

[C]

It's not what I do.

[B]

But.

[A]

Oh boy.

[C]

I'm just going to give him a healing word.

[B]

Great.

[C]

Along with this.

[B]

He. He appreciates it.

[A]

And.

[B]

Oh. That. That helps a lot. My voice is still a bit messed up, but I don't feel as bad. So thank. Thank you for that. What was your name again?

[C]

Hazel. Hazel Copper Pot.

[B]

Yes. Thank you.

[C]

Inventor of the Hazel Copper Pot 3,000.

[B]

3,000. I know it well. Yes. We bards know each other very well. Although I've been using the cold snap 4,000. He pulls out a small box.

[C]

When he starts getting close to Hazel. I'm just gonna say I'm like, don't breathe on her. I don't want her to get sick.

[B]

You followed me.

[C]

That's a very good point. Continue.

[B]

He has a magical silver disc that he pops into a small box and closes the door. And it starts spinning and makes a tinny sound of a song. Strange kids. Strange kids, Children. It's a facsimile of his famous song. But it is producing a pretty good sound and it's a much more compact number than yours.

[C]

What? What.

[B]

What is that?

[C]

I would like to know the same thing. Where did you get the idea from that? You know this is copy written intellectual property over here.

[B]

Copy written?

[C]

Yep. Copper written.

[B]

Uh huh.

[C]

You wrote Hazel Copper Pot.

[B]

Of course.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Is it?

[C]

Did you steal my idea, Dan?

[B]

So what if I did? What are you going to do about it? You're security on this ship. You're not a performer.

[C]

I'm going to grab it. I'm going to grab the cold snap 4,000 out of his.

[B]

Let's make it.

[C]

Dead hands.

[B]

Contested strength roll.

[C]

No. You know what I'm going to do?

[B]

I'm gonna kill him.

[C]

I'm gonna fucking kill him.

[B]

Those are the best security guards ever.

[C]

Yeah. I'm gonna snatch it out of his hand. Are we gonna take him out one by one? I don't fully understand what we're doing. I know. I don't know what our goals are.

[B]

Technically.

[A]

You protect people from getting killed by strangers if you kill them yourself.

[C]

That's true. Is this true? Is this great logic?

[B]

The Darrington Brigade. Dark Urge.

[C]

Run. I'm gonna shot his hand.

[B]

All right. He's Gonna try to hold it tight.

[A]

Crying.

[B]

Oh, God.

[C]

14:11.

[B]

You grab it from his cold dead hands. You grab it from his cold snap hands and you have the cold snap.

[C]

4000 before he even realizes it. It's in my hand.

[B]

That's mine.

[C]

How did you. We gotta reverse engineer this. Run.

[B]

What?

[C]

I run away. Run away with the cold. I give it to Hazel. She ran. I just stay there. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[B]

Your friend just stole my thing. You stole my thing.

[C]

Here's the thing. Help. We're just. We gotta. You gotta see the doctor. Help. Where's the doctor?

[B]

Thinks. And Buddy and I start.

[A]

I think it's fine now that I.

[B]

You showed.

[A]

Pointing out that as I ran out and sat on the wall that because I cast charm person, it does finally trigger the wild magic surge. And for the next minute, any flammable non magical objects I touch that aren't being worn or carried burst into flame.

[B]

Oh my God. How could you have fucked this up so badly?

[C]

What do you mean?

[B]

I'm going off the script.

[C]

Oh, no. Oh no.

[B]

Oh boy. Okay, so anything that you touch starts

[A]

burning for the next minute, anything that's not worn.

[B]

And if it's flammable, are you touching anything?

[A]

I think I'd probably run out of the hallway and like. And I look over, I probably see Hazel running this way. And I go, oh, thank goodness. Put my hand on one of the hallway curtains.

[B]

Tapestries and curtains. Okay. It catches on fire. That's amazing. Hazel. You're running back towards your friends and you see that Ferris has set the room on fire.

[C]

Hazel, new guy.

[B]

Oh, no good. Fan it. Fan. It's a good thing.

[C]

Oh, what are you. What are you doing? What have you done?

[B]

Make the walls on fire.

[C]

Make it stop.

[B]

Inside the grand ballroom, everyone is still very curiously watching Faroin prance around like a monk. But someone in the back of the room yells fire. Fire. Fire. And everyone turns to see smoke billowing in through the door that you all left out of.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

As the fire spreads from one tapestry to two in the hallway, I turn

[C]

to the nearest person who's yelling fire. And I cast blindness on them. Chew us.

[B]

What?

[C]

They won't yell fire if they can't see it.

[B]

What? We have to kill Hazel. We have to take her out. This is.

[C]

Oh no. The logic is there. That's not true.

[A]

Finally there's a thing I can do. Well, yeah.

[B]

Buddy sees flames and understands that for a change and goes, oh, that's not good. And he just starts chucking towards the Fire out the door, paying no regard to Mac up top. So we probably take a little knock to the head through the doorway, and then I'm going to use my massive size to just, like, press into the fire and like, hopefully snuff it out. Okay, this is great use. I don't even know what to roll here. This is some sort of a constitution check. Let me. Let me look here. Not animal handling. You're cold, dad. You're smothering fire with your body. Let's just do a straight constitution check. That's a lot going on. Jesus. Unbelievable. Well, hold on.

[C]

Well, this was great. This was great.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah, go ahead. I. Yeah, just.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I want to know how this works out before I do anything. I'm just too excited by how this feels.

[B]

Buddy is on fire, and he's stumbling around setting everything else on fire.

[A]

I toss my everlight temple aside and spring into action.

[C]

What is.

[B]

How do you spring into action?

[A]

I haven't gotten that far. Yeah, I know. I run and I grab a couple tablecloths as I make my way straight to the door with the smoke.

[B]

Great.

[A]

And I'm going to smother Buddy and put him out.

[B]

As you grab these two tablecloths, you run by. I've got you. Someone from the audience, someone from one of the passengers who is saying, oh, I can't see anything. There was a fire, and I'm sure there still is, but I also can't see now.

[A]

That seems like a problem for later.

[C]

There was a fire. I think it's still there.

[B]

I feel heat.

[C]

I smell it. I can hear it.

[B]

I can smell the smoke. I feel the heat. And I hear the commotion all around me.

[C]

People are screaming.

[B]

It really takes. But now I'm also blind. What a great reaction. All right, you've made it out to the hallway. The fire is spreading on Buddy and the tapestries.

[A]

I'm gonna start by trying to put Buddy out with. With the tablecloths.

[C]

While that's going on, I'm gonna grab some pitchers of water. I'm seeing from the stage. I'm gonna run by.

[A]

And you,

[C]

please put water on the fire.

[B]

Yeah, it goes out instantly. Oh, Larmont comes running out. What happened? Did you. He sees you. There's a burning fire. A Buddy.

[C]

Something's wrong. It caught Snapper sick.

[A]

There is an arsonist on the loose, but we, as security, manage to take care of the fire immediately, and we'll find the one responsible. Do not worry.

[C]

Yes, there's chaos. Absolute chaosnap. Thank God we were Here. Cold Snap made fire.

[B]

We're gonna have to kill Hazel. We're gonna have to fucking kill Marissa. Wilco. Joe's violence today. That is a rather strong accusation you're making. Cold Snap has been a famous performer through Wildemount and beyond for years.

[C]

And your also be in the pyrotechnics.

[A]

He fled and shortly thereafter the fire broke out.

[B]

Persuasion. Both of you. North of 10. North of 10. Come on. Okay. Okay. Come on.

[A]

National. 19 for a 23.

[C]

Okay. 19 for a 19. Okay.

[B]

Flaremont. Itching for a scapegoat. Wheels on. Cold Snap. You. How dare you do this to me? I don't quite understand why yet. Since I am paying you a huge sum to be here and perform for me. Why would you do this? But we will get to the bottom of this. Security indeed. Arrest this man.

[C]

We got him, buddy. Grab it. Since I'm next to Cold Snap. Hey. Marisha's vexed dice are live. She's been rolling them. She's been rolling hot. Bit high. Bit high. They're pretty, aren't they? I'm just. Those are very beautiful. The jester dice. But like they're the take.

[B]

It takes this man. Takes this man to the. The ballast room downstairs. We will hold him there for what floor? Okay, Buddy's got him lifted in the air like three feet off the ground. Cold Snap is not a fighter. He doesn't resist. I mean he's struggling and he's cursing. What are you doing to me? Why are you doing this to me? I really like your. Your music. Thank you.

[C]

Come on, Cold Snap. We're gonna get you better.

[B]

Okay? And you take. You take him down to the ballast room to sort of imprison him. It's on the lowest deck. Expanse. Expanse. Yes.

[A]

To the bottom of this.

[B]

The one thing you guys have learned is the names of the decks.

[A]

How's it feel, Sam?

[B]

All that flowers.

[A]

How's it feel?

[B]

Not great, Matt. Not great. Skip, Skip. Delete, delete, delete, delete, delete. Okay.

[C]

Oh. The Vaxel Dan die set. Sold for $450.

[B]

Available Monday.

[A]

Available Monday. Alright, so we go and we put him down in the brig.

[B]

No windows, one door. It's a dark dank storage room with drums of sand and large stones for counterweights to keep the ship balanced. There's boxes of spare rigging and bags of salt and sugar stored in there, but not much else. You are in the ballast room with Cold Snap who is still confused and irritated that he's being brought down here. What is going on why have you brought me down here? I didn't start the fire. It was always burning. So since the ship's been flying,

[C]

one

[A]

has to wonder why you got up on stage not ready to sing. You would think being cold snap, you would have warmed up.

[B]

I did. It was very cool.

[A]

Oh, God. I heard it.

[B]

Now we're gonna level with you. We're part of a super secret security force that's been tasked with protecting you. And putting you in here is the only way to keep you safe. Go on. Yes. You're actually a high value target. And that means we have to strip you of all your niceties, put you in here and throw away the key. That way no one has access to you. You'll be safe in here.

[A]

The minute you leave here, you'll wind up dead and bleeding on the deck. There are many individuals on this ship that want to see you kaput.

[B]

That's a throat top.

[C]

You're very safe here. I think you should stay.

[B]

Is that why my voice suddenly went out? Someone is trying to poison me or throw me off my game?

[A]

Most poisons take three or four doses to actually kill you.

[B]

Oh. Is your throat messed up? Drink anything lesser restoration on them as you do. Oh, thank you. Ah. That. That really helps. Yes. There was some. Some. Something had been put on me. I don't know by whom, but.

[C]

Do you feel like it was something you ate, something you drank, or you feel like it's. That happened to you just in an instant?

[B]

I. I don't recall. I boarded the ship. I. We were all handed champagne flutes when we boarded.

[C]

Did we have champagne?

[A]

No.

[B]

You work here. You stole stuff.

[C]

Yeah, they didn't offer us any.

[B]

They is you. You're the employees of the ship.

[C]

Whatever. We figure that out, move on from there. What are you. What do you. So you had your champagne?

[B]

My champagne? I. I made conversation with a couple of the higher profile VIPs and. And then it was time for my performance. I warmed up downstairs. Everything felt fine until I got on stage and. And then something went horribly wrong.

[C]

I noticed the same thing happened to us. We normally perform really well and lately we've been doing like, shite jobs. Really bad shite.

[A]

Speak to yourself.

[B]

You're so Irish. I know. Do you think there really is some sort of dark force at work on this vessel? Most definitely. Can you think of anybody that would wish you ill? I'm a beloved performer. Everybody loves me. I did this crazy 24 hour marathon thing and everybody seemed to like.

[C]

Do you have any previous relations with any of the Passengers that happen to be on this ship.

[B]

I've performed at most of their homes. Functions. I've met most of the VIPs before. Why? Is there someone specifically you're interested in?

[C]

No, I'm just trying to get to what Macaroni was saying. Is there anybody out here that has anything in my full moon? Anything hasn't any ill will towards you?

[B]

I mean, I can't say anyone specifically, but. Why don't you roll? Just roll an insight check to see if he's concealing anything.

[C]

Great. Wonderful. 23. Whoa.

[B]

Okay. Yes. You do get the sense that he is being a little cagey about something. And he won't. He won't. He's concealing something.

[C]

Let me say something. I feel like you're being a little cagey with me. I feel like you're hiding something. You want to spit it out.

[B]

I'm not you.

[A]

We can't keep you safe unless you are honest with us.

[C]

There it is. Terry.

[B]

Wow. That was good. All right, listen. I overheard some conversation earlier between two of the passengers. They were talking about. They were talking about. They were talking about the Broomstone. If it had any weakness or when it would be guarded. I didn't really think anything of it. I asked what they were talking about and they said not to think about it too much. And they said sort of just carry on about your day. And I was worried that the ship might be unsafe and that they had noticed some sort of flaw in the propulsion of the vessel.

[C]

Who was it that was saying that?

[B]

Well, there was two people speaking. It was this Dragonborn woman, and she was speaking to Flaremont's man.

[C]

The butler?

[B]

Yes. Dorne? Yes. Elias.

[C]

Darne. And the Dragonborn lady Vultures. Dragon scales.

[B]

I would describe them as more of like a. A milky white.

[C]

Yeah. But sometimes when they get in the light, there's like something very beautiful.

[A]

There is a shimmer.

[C]

There's a bit of a shimmer. Interesting.

[A]

We appreciate this information.

[C]

Which one was that? We do.

[A]

Taryon Darrington and his Darrington brigade will get to the bottom of this. You keep low. Keep out of sight. Keep quiet, or you will be murdered. Bloody.

[B]

And just as you say that, the door to the ballast room slams shut behind you, three locks are thrown. All of us plunging the room into pure darkness. And that's where we'll go to break.

[C]

What?

[A]

Hey, guys. I think we found the story.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Damn it. We're locked in a room with the plot.

[C]

Damn.

[B]

Caught us in the room with the plot. Sam.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He's alive. Alive. That's some of the most insanity we've had on our plates in a minute.

[C]

Oh my God.

[A]

That was hilarious.

[C]

Am I there? Am I in the room or am I running down the ship?

[A]

No, we.

[C]

I think we all grabbed you.

[B]

We should officially send to break so this guy can go. Didn't I do that?

[A]

Do it.

[B]

Do it again. Send to break. Well, hello there. This is Liam o' brien popping in here to thank all the incredible artists that help bring our stories to life. We are continuously amazed at the artwork this community creates on the regular. That's why Every Thursday at 8am Pacific we share a curated gallery of submitted fan art [e-mail] if you'd like to submit your art for consideration, head over to critrole.com submit. Seriously. We love to see all the incredible pieces you talented art artists create. Thank you. It's been quite. It's been quite a couple days, guys. We've raised so much for charity. I actually don't know how much.

[C]

70 something.

[B]

No, it's more than that.

[C]

Now for that. Now.

[B]

More than that, Dumbass. We should probably have asked during the long break.

[C]

We was. Wait, wait. Curbs for J is working on it.

[A]

79,000.

[B]

We can hit 80.

[C]

Yeah, we can for sure. We're gonna do it right now.

[A]

Try. Come on.

[B]

Okay. Where did we leave off? Locked in a small, dark. You guys are security. Vex Funko is live.

[C]

Get it? These are hard.

[B]

You're going to sign that.

[C]

This is the witchy. The witchy one too.

[B]

Oh, it's the.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

This is. I was going to sign this the other day. Then I was like, I need a paint pen. So I didn't sign it. But I'll sign it with a paint pen when I get a paint pen. Sign it with a paint pen.

[B]

Seven paint pens.

[C]

Those are. That would cost a lot of money. Every word with a different color. Because that's what you do with Funkos. Uh huh.

[B]

Is that right?

[C]

Thank you so much, Kirby.

[B]

We're back on the show where the Darrington brigade with good old Ferris.

[A]

You didn't say flimsy.

[B]

I don't want to insult you.

[C]

No.

[B]

Has been posing as Taryon Darrington and has gotten the Darrington brigade in a bit of a pickle. You guys have found yourselves locked in the ballast room with a guy you tried to rob. You did rob.

[C]

He stole it from me first.

[B]

Then accused of arson and then begged him to help you solve a case.

[C]

I didn't. I did.

[B]

You gotta make up for what you did Because Dave Heatwave. I'm sorry, Dan. Cold Snap is a nice guy and he sees a kindred spirit in you guys. He sees that you guys are strange children just like. Like he is.

[C]

Yeah. You're trying to endear us to him.

[B]

It's too late. He's locked in a room with you. If you want to kill him, you can. He has nothing left. Seven of you. And yeah, he's locked in. I don't have stats for him.

[A]

So does anybody know how to open locks or like, knock through the door?

[B]

It's pitch black in here. I cast light.

[A]

I have blindside me too.

[B]

You look through the darkness of terrain that you are familiar with because it is the same color as your heart. That's true. And then shadow was cast. Light gets cast right in front of your face. Incredible. It's a dank, dark storage room. It's now not dark anymore. It is just dank. And yeah, the door's locked. It's a metal door. We're stuck here forever. We might as well start procreating. And I start to smash at the door with my. Using brute strength. Yeah. Amazing club. Let's do it. Roll to hit. What do I. Does it have an AC, this door? A super low AC. I roll a 19. You're going to hit the door? Yeah. What kind of damage do you do? I do 1d4 plus 9. What did you say? 1d4 plus 9. One it is. 12 points of bludgeoning damage. Great. The door is bent. It's still on its hinges. It's not damaged enough to pry it open yet, but it is damaged. Doomwork was stuck.

[C]

I have a flute in my inventory. Like it's in my art that I was playing a flute. I couldn't fucking play the flute.

[B]

Sure. Is that gonna help? Yeah, that would have helped a lot.

[C]

I'm gonna play the flute right now

[B]

on any of the instruments.

[C]

I could have done this earlier. Maybe it'll open the door.

[B]

Oh, okay. You play a melody on the flute, hoping to coax it over open with the magic of just music.

[C]

Ocarina of time.

[B]

All right. Roll a performance check.

[C]

Great.

[B]

Slow down. Chords snap.

[C]

Great.

[B]

The door. The door is bursting.

[C]

Oh, that's excellent. 26.

[B]

Is it a magical flute?

[C]

Nope.

[B]

Nope.

[C]

So we're peaceful now.

[B]

Yeah. It's such a nice song, Dan. Cold Snap is like. I wish I could record this on my cold snap 4000, but you took it from me.

[C]

I snap in a new wax cylinder, start recording it in real time.

[B]

You're. You're spiteful. Recording.

[C]

Yes, I am. Anything to say for yourself? Cold snap.

[B]

I'm sorry I stole your technology. It's just, it's advanced and I just feel like the future is physical media.

[C]

I agree. What I've been saying for years, people

[B]

are going to want to own music and have it on physical disc. Cool.

[A]

I'm, I'm. I'm examining the door. It's still on its hinges.

[B]

It's still on its hinges. It's bent a little.

[A]

I'm going to use. Well, the lock, I think is already broken. I think I'm just going to use the wisdom of a. Of of the bear and remove the hinges from the door. Bears are very clever. Sans owl. Yep, owls can go fuck themselves. They say they have wisdom. It's just marketing.

[B]

There's one thing bears know. It's. It's door hinges.

[A]

It's hinges.

[B]

Go ahead, use wisdom of the bear,

[A]

which is a strength check.

[B]

I'm just going to

[C]

wisdom of the bear.

[A]

Straight up. Straight up strength check. Yes, please bear down 14 on a straight strength check.

[B]

Okay. What does Owlbear man to fuel the rage that he feels and the desperation to get out of this blackness that is consuming you? What memory does he think of? What moment from his life? What wrong, what tragedy, what trauma fuels him?

[A]

He thinks about the letter, that letter that was delivered, what, just six months ago from Bearman's Owl Emporium, demanding that he stop using the name OW Merman. They even came and took his trusty sidekick, Al Bear Horse. He's had to walk to Terry's house ever since. That was more than a vehicle. That was his friend. No, just starts just hitting it with his fist. Just so angry at it.

[C]

Just attempting to snap it specifically at the hinges.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, basically

[B]

the darkness, the rage, the injustice fueling him. Owlbear man kicks through the door. It lands in a heap. The dust clearing the way open.

[C]

I like that you guys me you didn't guide.

[B]

I don't mean it.

[A]

Cause I'm here to destroy the hinges of litigation.

[B]

Okay, the door's open. What would you like to do? I shut it and I lock it.

[C]

Well done.

[A]

Is there any sign sent in the air that might connotate a person who locked it on us? Oh, wow.

[B]

Is there scent in the air? Do you have heightened sense?

[A]

No. Just a question.

[B]

Oh, cool. I guess just roll a perception check.

[C]

Is it still dark in the hallway?

[B]

No, no. The hallway's light.

[A]

More investigation, I was about to say.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Are there footsteps?

[A]

Can I look for clues?

[B]

Yes. Everyone do investigation. You can do investigation check.

[A]

If you're looking 13.

[B]

13. I mean, you can still smell the faint scent of smoke from the ballroom fire. There doesn't seem to be any distinct odor yet.

[C]

4.

[B]

4. You see, you see small indentations in the carpet. It could be someone who was walking or running earlier. They lead down the hall of the deck.

[A]

16. Oh, sorry. No. You killed 23. Kill it.

[B]

Yes. You also see those same footprints.

[C]

Footprints? I see footprints.

[B]

You see in a small tear of a bandage on the ground. It's got the Owlbear man logo on it. Or part of it.

[C]

Fucking shady kunt. You knew it was her. I told you she was a shady kunt. Yes, I think this is her. Can I. She wasn't shady. And then we pissed her off and now she's shady.

[A]

Shady, shady.

[C]

I agree. Was the shady kunt always a shady account? Yeah.

[B]

As you guys are gathered there talking about this.

[C]

Okay, can I listen back to my audio recording and enhance? I'm going to lower the bases. I'm going to mid the highs. I'm going to get rid of them. The lows. I want isolation, please. I'm an isolate.

[B]

Nothing. She's got a butter knife. The wax on herself.

[A]

That noise is kind of invented industrial.

[C]

I couldn't find any.

[B]

What is this recording of? I'm sorry?

[C]

Just when I was recording just now to see if I could pick up any. Any whispers in the distance. Like anything. Like if I could hear. Whisper. Enhance.

[B]

Okay, roll a.

[C]

This is horseshit.

[B]

It's not gonna work. Oh, I know.

[A]

It might help us figure out the person we already figured out it is. So let's try it.

[C]

Yes. But maybe I can pick up her voice. Sure. Pick up her voice signature. Her imprint. Yes, yes. Wait, what am I doing?

[B]

You're rolling a investigation check. Instead of just the healing plasma from her scratch.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Her voice.

[C]

5.

[B]

Buried deep in the audio, you hear the faint sound of. This is me, Oreo. I am walking the them into the door. Here I go. Oh, finger. That's so reckless. Uh oh. Uh oh. I don't think I locked it enough. I'm going to go back and lock it even more. I hate this guy so much. What is this on my arm? Let me take off bandage and throw it on ground. Hold on. I. Oh. This will keep them in there long time so I can continue. My plans are never going to figure out it was me.

[C]

Oh, that was a five.

[B]

Amazing.

[A]

Imagine what you have gotten on 20.

[B]

Taxi takes this whole home.

[C]

I put it. I put it, put it through my Speakers. And when you hear. It was me. Aria Alari. And then I used that as the lead in before I drop the bass.

[B]

Aria Alari. Aria Alari. Aria Alari. Alari. Alari. Aria Alari. Ari Alari. Ari Alari. Alari. Alari. Dan. Cold Snap Dan Colesnap joins in and he hears this fat beat and bass drop. And he grabs his cold snap 4000 and sort of tethers it to your copper pot. 3000. And he adds a high end frequency that's sort of like.

[C]

Oh, oh, oh, oh. And then you guys made Rex and Trum bass. It doesn't been in a new music.

[B]

Rex and Truman Bass. Do we live down here now?

[C]

Buddy, the door is open.

[B]

It's been a long time.

[C]

All right, let's go find this. Let's go find this woman.

[B]

Marisha Ray, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, so just as you guys are just kind of horsing around doing bullshit flare, Mott comes running up down the hall with Captain Matt Damon and a couple of. Are you taking pictures right now?

[C]

You gotta see all Omar.

[B]

I'm trying to rescue the plot.

[C]

Can you see him?

[B]

He's asleep in the spotlight.

[A]

Oh, that is actually really cute.

[B]

Ashley's gone.

[C]

I'm listening. I just want to get a better picture. Keep going, keep going, keep going.

[B]

Stop. Don't leave your chair, you penis wrinkle.

[A]

I can hear the cackling of the crowd. Crew has never been louder.

[B]

Palm Stretch Claremont, Matt Damon and a couple of beefy deckhands run up and say, he. He. It is him. He is the one who knocked me down and stole my scepter. He. Arrest Taryon Darrington.

[C]

Wait, what?

[A]

I did no such thing.

[B]

You notice that Flaremont has a big bruise on his eye? And the scepter that he was carrying in the big ballroom is gone. His clothes are torn and, yeah, his cat face is all scratched up. You did this to me. Terry and Harrington, Elias, Dorne, anywhere. He's not there.

[C]

We've been down in the lower decks this whole time?

[A]

Yes, great Master Claremont. We were stopping a very talented fire starter and we're returning to help. After we freed him after.

[B]

Why is the.

[A]

It wasn't me.

[B]

Why is the door off the hinges? Why have you destroyed my ship in multiple places? I get this. By whom? You are security.

[C]

I'm so sorry.

[B]

Could you save your words more clearly? I can't understand you. I'm so sorry. But this man, if it even is Taryon Darrington.

[A]

Why, how dare you.

[B]

What?

[C]

That's crazy.

[B]

There have been accusations Brought to my attention that you are an imposter. How do we know that you are who you say you are?

[A]

Ask me any question about my adventures and I can answer them for you.

[B]

All right.

[C]

He's beginning to believe.

[B]

Which book came after the things they tarried? Was it 50 Shades of Terry or the Blonde Hair of Courage?

[C]

I know this one.

[B]

I know this one.

[A]

He looks over towards.

[C]

He looks over and I tell him which one it I like. Wink out. Which one?

[B]

How do you do that? What's a wink out? You're Morse coating it with your eyes.

[C]

Yeah, I'm Morse coating it with my eyes. Telling him which one it is.

[A]

Do you know Morse coating?

[B]

It's just one solid iris.

[C]

I'm just like really trying to get the thought to him that it's that one.

[B]

I know that one. Do you have any magical spell that can assist you? Or any sort of anything besides vibes? It. Steve's cant. Emphasis on cant. Can I make a check or an. Yes, you can make a history check.

[A]

I'll make a history check. I will use a luck point.

[B]

Confusing word to say pube.

[A]

That's gonna be 14.

[B]

You have done some research.

[A]

I've read them all.

[B]

You've read them all? And you know for a fact not

[A]

in the right order.

[B]

Not 50 Shades of Terry. And it was not the Blonde hair of Courage. It was a trick question. You know that. It was the Adventures of Huckle Terry Finn.

[A]

What a foolish thing. It was the Adventures of Huckle Terry Finn. I wrote it myself.

[C]

Says every author.

[B]

I would assume so, yes. You asked me about myself.

[A]

Huzzah.

[B]

Well, if you are the real Tyrion, then who knocked me down and stole my scepter just a moment ago?

[A]

We will find them as the security on the ship. But you must step aside and trust in us so we can stop them. For no one else on the ship can. I got that.

[C]

Scepter Darrington. Brigade unite.

[A]

Engage.

[C]

Engage.

[A]

Forward march.

[B]

A group persuasion check.

[C]

Great. Wait. So we all are persuaded?

[B]

Well, I mean, you're all doing this one. Nine. Don't know. What? You rolled 11. I'm ignoring all buddy rolls from here on out. I don't know what that.

[A]

23.

[B]

Oh yes. 23.

[C]

21.

[B]

21.

[C]

12.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

11.

[B]

21. Uh huh. Something.

[C]

9 and 5.

[B]

Oh boy. It really is. It's down to you. You're the tiebreaker. What did you roll? Nine. Shit. I'm telling you. But nine plus two is 11. You pass, Travis. Dice is now ice four dice now. I'm sorry. I ever doubted you, says Flaremont. They went that way. Down, up one deck, towards the grand ball room.

[A]

Thank you, Mr. Flamant. We will see that your ship and those upon it are kept safe.

[B]

Why did you say safe like that?

[A]

Because safe like that. Huzzah.

[B]

Okay, off you go. As you guys run down the hall, you feel a giant shimmy of the ship as it lists to one side. Let's all do it together. The whole ship is vibrating in a. It's just vibrating. And. Yes. You don't know where it's coming from. Where would you like to go?

[C]

The ballroom. Towards the ballroom.

[B]

Okay. You rush to the ballroom as fast as your little legs can carry you. You get to the ballroom where you just sort of left. It has been cleared out because all the guests left at the first sign of fire. But. Except as you approach the ballroom, you pass in the hallway, one passenger, an elderly man. Sold for $630. An elderly man who says to you. Please. Please help me. I can't see anything. I don't know where I am. Everyone ran away.

[C]

The spell only lasts like 60 seconds. This is his problem now. I don't know, sir. Just wait there for like 40 more seconds. You'll be fine.

[A]

I bend down and I wipe the thick gravy in his eyes.

[B]

I can see again.

[A]

Indeed you can. This miracle brought to you by Taryon Darrington.

[B]

And then Darrington.

[A]

Brigate and I push him aside and we keep running.

[B]

Remember this moment. Push him to the ground and you keep running. He hits his head, he goes blind. You keep running.

[C]

Somebody feel like we're heroes.

[B]

Okay, he's.

[C]

I held him up. Now, now. Be on your way. But remember, the Darrington Brigade saved you.

[B]

I will always remember this day. And well you treated me.

[C]

I do press digitation to make like a. Like one of those halos kind of above her. Make her look.

[B]

I will tell you a story. Wherever I go, as long as I live, he runs down the hall. Alive. Beautiful.

[C]

You didn't get his name?

[B]

Taking from the story, two days later, he dies. Tragically, unrelated to any of this. A runaway cart runs him over.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Such an unnecessary cutaway. Such an unnecessary cutaway. We don't need that, Maggie. We wasted so much on him.

[C]

We can't even get through three hours of gameplay and we're cutting to two days from now.

[B]

Back to President. Oh, yes. Your act of kindness was so amazing that it earned you something special from the DM4 dye that you can use as inspiration whenever you need them.

[C]

We got Them.

[B]

They all have Matt's face on them.

[C]

Wait, what?

[A]

No.

[B]

They were sent specifically for us. Oh, no. We want.

[C]

That's so cool.

[B]

These are one of a kind Matte inspiration dice made by. I don't remember who. Dispel Dice. This is Dispel Dice.

[C]

You can bid on these right now.

[B]

Yes, you can.

[C]

You don't get to keep them. One of them. You can bid on one of them right now.

[A]

One's right in his mouth.

[C]

One at a time.

[B]

Oh, one at a time. Okay. Okay.

[A]

This is terrifying.

[B]

Do we want to just go ahead and give these all to Marisha for her murders tonight?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

They'll sit on the table.

[B]

You enter the Grand Ballroom and find that it has been transformed into wild. Bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip. Oh, look, Omar's doing something cool.

[A]

He's beginning to believe.

[B]

You enter the Grand Ballroom to find that it has been transformed into wild terrain. Flaremont's scepter lays shattered on the ground near the main doors. There's a strangely. Do a perception check as you walk in. Natural twin. Great.

[A]

Natural 20.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

41, 10.

[B]

Owlbear man and Mac see a couple different things. One, Mac spots right away a canvas lying face down on the ground. It's strange because it looks like a beautiful and fresh canvas, but it's sort of on its side. And Albert spots nearby a collection of Shart von Cleef's magical paints and paintbrushes strewn about in a haphazard way. You all see that the room, this magical grand ballroom that was just once Ferris hometown, has been transformed into a wild landscape of mushrooms, trees, moss, husks of trees and mounds of dirt. Across the space is the largest piece of Broomstone, one deep 3D. Sold for $870. Inspiration.

[C]

Amazing.

[A]

So sorry.

[B]

There is that large piece of broomstone still in the center of the room, but it is now not part of a chandelier. It has been knocked to the ground. It's still glowing. It's still attached to wires and actuators and levitators, but it has been slightly damaged, which you assume is what the rocking of the ship was, as these pieces of broomstone keep the ship afloat. In fact, I can show you what this room has now been transformed into. Ko bring out that map, please. Oh, yay.

[A]

Okay, we got Ko.

[B]

Kayo, help him. Help. Help, help, Help.

[A]

Help.

[B]

Amaze. Amaze. Oh, my gosh. Little fiber optic boot.

[C]

Yeah. So cool.

[B]

Let's go. Okay. Thanks, Gail. Thanks, Gail. Okay. Okay. Oh, shoot. I might need One more. I will figure it out later. Okay, you walk into the. Is this the right dimensions the way you want? Orientation?

[C]

Yes, orientation.

[B]

Oh, boy. I hit the mic. Sorry. You guys walk in from this side of the room. Where would you like to put your Minis? There is.

[C]

Oh, wow, buddy.

[B]

This is Mac. Mac comes on top. Okay, I'll just put you next. Now here is Hazel. Copper pot. Where do you guys. Here is. It doesn't look like Terry and it looks like Ferris, but you're there too, Faris.

[A]

Yep, I'm great.

[B]

Right there we have the owlbearman.

[A]

Albert, man is, I think, trying to get up that tree. Like. Yeah, like. Yeah, right up there. Yeah. Ready to

[B]

farrow and breeze. What a extra design.

[C]

Ooh, ooh.

[B]

And we've got Damien Vadilma.

[C]

All right, I'm gonna go the other side of Hazel. Copper pot. Yeah, there we go.

[B]

Okay, great. You've walked into the room and you see the strangest sight. I don't have two of him, so I'm gonna use two different minis for it. You see the strangest sight. You see Taryon Darrington standing right here. Terry. Terry and Darrington. And another figure that you can't quite make out is beyond in the back of the room, closer to the broomstone.

[C]

What's happened here? This isn't the bar room anymore.

[B]

Hey, new guy.

[A]

No. That is an imposter. Legitimately.

[B]

Me? I am no imposter. You are the imposter.

[A]

Impossible imposter.

[B]

How dare you. Oh, shit. My whole shit just restarted. It's all good.

[C]

Everybody look at Omar.

[B]

It's okay. Then suddenly, another voice calls out. This is a bad mini. But it's another Taryon Darrington. What?

[A]

No.

[B]

You both are imposters. How dare you. Hi, new girl.

[C]

Wait, what? How are we supposed to know who's who?

[B]

Both Terry and Darringtons look at you with malice in their eyes. Anything you guys want to do?

[C]

Well, they could change the appearance of this room, so could they not change the appearance of themselves?

[A]

Let's knock out both of them just to be safe.

[C]

That's a very good point.

[B]

I'm.

[A]

I'm ready to just go. So I would like to rage.

[B]

Let's all roll for initiative, Right?

[C]

Oh, no. I rolled high. Oh, I rolled low.

[B]

Let's do this. Okay. 25 to 20. Oh, boy. 15 to 20.

[C]

20. 16. 17.

[A]

15.

[B]

19.

[A]

Macaroni, Samsonite, up top.

[B]

Hazel.

[C]

Hazel.

[A]

Hazel.

[C]

Buddy.

[B]

Buddy. Wait, who was 15? Sorry, not me.

[A]

Flimsy.

[B]

Flimsy. 15. Flimsy. 10 to 15.

[C]

14. 10.

[B]

Ow.

[C]

There.

[B]

Your name is Damian. 5 to 10.

[C]

8. Oh man, we're all backwards.

[B]

8 is farrowing. And. Okay. Anybody else? No, that's everybody. Right. Okay. It is Terry and Darrington's turn first.

[C]

Which one?

[B]

This one. He's going to move 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. And cast a spell at you. It's Contrarian Darington. He's going to cast a spell at. Wait, where is. Okay. He is going to cast a spell at you. Terry and Darrington.

[C]

No.

[B]

Let's see here. Sorry, sorry, sorry. What is it? Okay. Sorry. Make a wisdom saving throw.

[A]

I shall. Oh, that's a 19.

[B]

Okay. You feel hot magic gripping your head, meaning to control you. But you resist. You resist its effects. You shake it off. Tyrion Darrington looks at you, perplexed. The and confused. Damn. Terry and Darrington. The other.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And now it is. Sorry. Hazel's turn.

[C]

Ah, my iPad just froze. Hang on.

[A]

Yeah, I think Mac's up.

[B]

Oh, sorry. I got 17, but he got 19. Oh, I'm so sorry. You should have gone first. First. My bad. I forgot about Mac.

[A]

Oh, it happened.

[B]

Mac and me. Anyway, go for it, Mac. How do we play this game? I will run forward towards Terry. How many fucking feet?

[C]

25ft.

[B]

Yeah, you got. You got there. And I'm gonna. I'm going to. I'm going to. Yeah. I'm gonna use spiritual weapon. Okay. What do you want to do with this spiritual weapon? I'm gonna summon it next behind Terry and. And give him an old smack with it. Okay. Got stuff for this somewhere. What does your spiritual weapon look like? It's a big cast of Buddy's face. It's a big googly eyed. It's gonna look like this flaming sword. Yep, sounds good. Flaming sword is what it meant. And roll to hit. Is that how this works? Yes. That is 17. 17 hits. Yes. I think that does a whopping five plus three. Eight points of Comet damage. Comet damage. Great thing on the deity. Great. As you hit Taryon, his form flickers for a moment, but he maintains it. Next up is Hazel Copperpie.

[C]

All right, I'm going to run forward. I'm going to split. Split the difference between the two tales of the Terry's

[B]

of yourself? Yes.

[C]

Somewhere around here. I don't know. And then I'm going to. I'm gonna cast Bane.

[B]

Okay. On which? On both.

[C]

Both Terry's.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Is there any other Terry's? Just the two Terry's. Right.

[B]

So far it's just the two Terry. There's like another Figure it was the second Terry.

[A]

Oh, okay. Terry too.

[B]

Go ahead. And Bane.

[C]

I cast Bane. It's a charisma saving throw.

[B]

Yes, please. Let's do it.

[C]

That's you.

[B]

Oh, that's me. I'm rolling a charisma Saving throw. 14. Fail. I'll roll for the other one. Even worse.

[A]

Fail.

[B]

Fail. Okay, they're both. That means I have to roll a D4 and take and reduce it for every everything I do, right?

[C]

Correct.

[B]

Okay, great.

[C]

And then I'm going to take my bonus action as I start bonus action. Playing a battled drum beat. And I am going to cast Bardock inspiration on. On Flimsy Taliesin's Molly mock tea leaf dice set that is signed is now live.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

Go bid on it.

[A]

How do you inspire me?

[B]

You inspired? Oh, yes. I inspire him.

[C]

I'm starting to get a nice drum beat as I say. The two Terry imposters have no. I'm trying to do alliteration. And I'm failing. Have nothing on the real Terry.

[B]

Good alliteration.

[C]

You are the real Terry. The true Terry.

[A]

There is no room for a Triarian.

[B]

Hey.

[C]

On the contrary.

[B]

Whoa. Now we're getting into it.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

I miss mine.

[C]

You're inspired.

[A]

D6. D8.

[B]

Yes, D8. In addition, don't forget you got the D. The D6 map inspirations for saving the man.

[C]

Okay, so they baned and I inspode.

[B]

Okay, Next up on the list is Buddy. He just stands there for a second and says, why are we attacking the new guy?

[A]

Bad new guys. That way.

[B]

That's bad Buddy.

[C]

Crush him.

[B]

And he will lumber forward and stand over max space. So he's like, under my legs. Oh, hi. And then I just. Look, I kind of. He would technically be in the same spot. Yes. I can't seem so big, right? And I'll just look down at the terrier in front of me and say, I'm sorry, new guy. And I pull on this chariot. There's two levers, and he pulls one. And there's sort of a little Frankenstein rod with a crystal at the top. And the crystal fires and crackles electricity. Whoa. And a streak of lightning blasts through contrarion. Darrington 1 and contrarian Darrington 2. Oh, the light of the line. This is something. This is the lightning bolt the real Terry and Darrington made for Buddy. Oh, wow. That is 8. D6. And I have to roll to save. Dex. Save. Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Deck save. This one's good. That's a 21. And this one is a 15. A 15. I don't. I don't have the DC ready, but I'm sure that's higher. So we'll say they take half damage. Half damage. So 4d6 or 8d6 halved. Yep, yep, yep. Damn this.

[C]

That dice just went for 1,325. $5.

[A]

This is a Long May he rage.

[B]

Long may he ray.2224. So half damage is 12 points of lightning damage to both of the contrarians. Okay. The first contrarian, Darrington, his form flickers and falls. He is now revealed to be none other than. What was her name? Name Aria. It's the chat came up with her name. Aria Olari.

[A]

Aria Olari, yes.

[B]

Is the first Taryon Darrington. And you all notice that she is not holding a weapon, but she is holding a large square canvas in her hand. Okay, next up is Flimsy Scarlet.

[A]

Oh, that's my turn. I think as soon as they kind of fall back. Is she unconscious or. Just lost the form.

[B]

She just lost the form.

[A]

I'm like Maha imposter. I'm going to go ahead and first. Let's see. I'm going to go ahead and cast Scorching Ray.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

At her and the other Terran, Darrington coming out swinging.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Technically it says I can spend a sorcery point as twin spell to increase it as a higher level to target an additional creature.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Technically it says create two additional rays. But those two additional rays could target another creature. Would you say that I could do that?

[B]

I will say yes to anything good

[A]

making it work in my favor.

[C]

All right.

[A]

So help me go to bed. So with that, it's going to be so three rays become four rays.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Gonna put two rays on the one in front of me and two rays on the one in the back.

[B]

Then, right. Blast away. Is this a save for me or is this a save for me?

[A]

I know me rolling to hit them.

[B]

Okay, great.

[A]

So this is a plus four attack modifier on them. Okay, 19 for the first one.

[C]

Matt face dice. We got another one of these with

[A]

the Matt face dice spell.

[C]

Matte face dice.

[B]

That's gonna be a 24.

[A]

24 in the second. So both hit the this, this, this Aria

[B]

auroral.

[A]

18 on the other one hits and.

[C]

Dang.

[A]

18 hits.

[B]

Okay, flimsy is not flimsy anymore.

[A]

Just screams out 9 and 8. That's gonna be 17 points of fire damage on Arriari Oxenfried.

[B]

Okay, great.

[A]

And the one in the back takes 10. 17 points of fire damage.

[B]

Amazing. The one in the back also drops his form. And you see the butler Dorne. I knew it. Is back there behind them. Also holding a big piece of rectangular canvas in his hand. Can we see the canvas at all or is it. Sure. Do a perception check. Yeah. Guess What? It's a 15. What's his name? Scarf. Shart von Cleef. Von Cleef. It is a Shart Von Cleef. Shart Von Cleef is an incredible painter of many things. He uses splatter painting. Splatter painting techniques. But he's able to create hyper realistic landscapes. But also he loves to paint pictures of old monsters and ancient creatures. And this seems to be a monster from legend and is beautifully rendered. The one that Dorne is holding back here, that's the one you looked at. Looks like. Looks like a dragon of some sort. It's one of Brace Gym Seed's biggest inspirations. Shark knife.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

One of the paintings are trapping the beast.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What would you like? Is that it for you?

[C]

Inspiration on the AR wall.

[B]

And Owlbear's next. But are you done, Flims?

[A]

Oh, I'm gonna let it pass. I think Flimsy could do more. But Flimsy is also like. I can't believe I did that.

[B]

It's amazing. The jaw flims.

[A]

But then he looks at his hands after the producer Fl. And remember, flashing back to setting the hallway on fire. Goes. That's too much power.

[B]

Incredible. It is your turn, by the way. Dodie is watching all of this and writing down your exploits furiously in the background. Okay, Owlbear, man, it's your turn.

[A]

Dodie, take this down. And I'm gonna. I'm going to. First of all, I'm going to go into Florida full owl rage. Not bear a man rage. I'm just hitting owl rage right now. Hoot hoot. Because I'm about to give a hoot.

[B]

Hoot.

[A]

Yep, that was a war hoot. And I am going to imagine if

[B]

Al sounded like that jump and make an acrobatic song.

[A]

And while I'm up there, while raging, I'm going to throw a boomerang at. As I'm making my 30. My.

[B]

So you're running across the treetops here.

[A]

I do have a ring of feather fall, so I should be fine one way or another.

[B]

Okay. Of course you do. As you start to run up this tree, this vine comes to life and attempts to grapple. You roll a dexterity save to see if you evade the grapple. God, he was a rogue barbarian.

[A]

I think I have Advantage on dexterity saves.

[B]

Yes, I do.

[A]

Yeah. So that is. Oh, thank God. That. Actually, I rolled a D12. Let's try the other one. Okay.

[B]

Still the same.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's 19. Oh, my gosh. The vines seem to come to life and grab at your feet. But Owlbearman, there's his dice. Jaduces.

[C]

Die, relic.

[B]

Oh, Cad. Chad.

[C]

Chad dies to L. A.

[B]

You evade the vines with your owl like rage and power through, and you throw your boomerang. Which one are you throwing it at?

[A]

At? At. At her. Who? Like, yeah, the one I can see.

[B]

Yeah, this one back here. This is Doran. This is the butler.

[A]

I will throw it at the butler.

[B]

Okay. And they're baned. Okay, I've made. Make an attack roll.

[A]

All right, remembering how this works, I'm gonna make this a. What's it called?

[C]

An attack.

[A]

I'm gonna make the attack where you have advantage on my attack, and I'm

[B]

gonna get advantage on.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I can't remember what's going on.

[C]

It's ragey. It's extra ragey. Ragey.

[A]

Extra ragey. That's a 17 hit.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

So that means that I do one D4 plus a D6. Because it is my first attack of the outrage. Yeah. And then that's plus two to the attack.

[B]

So that's

[C]

two. These dice are so fucking mean.

[A]

I know, right? It's awful. Let's see.

[C]

Caduceus dice set just sold for 720.

[A]

11 points of damage.

[B]

Amazing. Dorne takes the hit, bleeds a little bit from the side of his face, and we don't have time for this. Okay, next up is really quick.

[A]

I actually, I do get. How far did I run there?

[B]

I don't know, 30ish feet. How far? 30ish feet.

[A]

I'm going to take one more boomerang at him just for fun.

[B]

Okay, Go for it. Roll to a C. If you hit, do your boomerangs come back to you? Or they just kind of clatter to the floor if I miss? Okay, so they clatter to the. This one clatters to the floor. Yeah. Okay, great.

[A]

That's 18 a hit.

[B]

18 hits. Go ahead and roll for damage.

[A]

That's three, nine points of damage.

[B]

This boomerang. Dorne was about to raise up his gong. His gong staff to slam it down and make a gong, but you knocked it out of his hand, and he is hurt pretty bad. Pretty bad. Okay, next up is Damien Vadoma.

[C]

That's me. All right, so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna Put my hands through my boobies. My. What are those called?

[B]

Boobies.

[C]

Brass knuckles. Brass knuckles. Thank you so much. So which are the handles to my stilettos? My daggers. My stilettos. So I pull them out and I run my thumb along the blade. And the little bit of blood, I put it on top of one of the handles and I rub it across the giant might rune on my blade, which I grow. I can imbue myself with the might of giants. As a bonus action, I can gain the following benefits. I can large size. I have advantage on strength checks and strength saving throws. And my weapon deals an extra 1d6. So I'll get big and then I will move forward to the first Terry. Whoever I can get closest to Labia. Okay, he's gonna go down. I tell him. Where is he? Oh, he's right there.

[B]

This one's right here.

[C]

Not Flint. Not. That's another Ariana. Ariana. Ariana Grande. Wait, and where's the butler?

[B]

Back here.

[C]

Okay, I don't think I can get over there. All right, I'll start with. I'll start with Ariana Grande. Yes.

[B]

Great.

[C]

And I'm gonna take a slice.

[B]

Slice away.

[C]

Slice. Slice away. All right, let's see. That probably won't do anything. That was terrible. Hold on a second.

[B]

11 does not hit.

[C]

Yeah, okay, she does. I got a second attack.

[B]

Nice try. Nice try, but you should have not tried.

[A]

You want to add one of these dice to it? Oh, yeah.

[B]

You got it?

[C]

Yeah, you can add. All right, I'll try.

[A]

Let's go, let's go.

[C]

Should we try it?

[B]

Matt face dice.

[C]

Yeah, but what if it's okay?

[B]

Why not?

[C]

All right. Plus five.

[B]

16.

[C]

All right.

[A]

That's what my face is all about.

[C]

Here we go.

[B]

That's right.

[C]

We got it.

[B]

Killing people.

[C]

All right, That's 13 points of damage.

[B]

That's a significant blow. You slash her across the side of her neck. Blood starts spilling down onto her shoulder. She scowls at you, and for a second you think, are you related to Bolo?

[C]

You seem so familiar to me. Who's Bolo?

[A]

I always smell toast.

[B]

Why do I smell toast? Matt Face dies now. Live this one.

[C]

That just saves us.

[B]

I remember reading about Bolo and AP History Furry. That's Fairwin

[C]

Fairywyn.

[B]

Okay, at the start of your turn, Faroin, just make a perception check for me, okay,

[C]

11?

[B]

Okay.

[C]

All right. All right. I can move 40ft. I don't think that'll get me all the way over to Doty Terry. So I'm gonna go over to this Terry. This Ariana Grande. Terry Purple.

[B]

No longer Terry Purple.

[C]

And I'm like an Air Joe, you know, so I'm really floaty when I move.

[B]

Yes, of course.

[C]

All right. And I'm gonna attack her with my dual glaive.

[B]

You buy the yellow. Yellow stars.

[C]

So sorry. Listen, listen, Matt Dice, it was only. I don't think there's enough Matt Dice. Well, no, we have two more, Matt. Oh, that's true. It'd have to be. We have three more. Four at least.

[B]

Would you roll?

[C]

I rolled a plus 10. That's 12, so I'd have to get pretty close.

[B]

Yeah, go for it.

[A]

Spend it for it. Let's spend it.

[C]

Why not?

[B]

It's a hit. Thanks to Matt.

[A]

Matt Face.

[C]

Sometimes mad face.

[B]

That's all it takes.

[C]

So that's nine points of damage. And I get an extra attack. Because I get an extra attack.

[B]

Oh, that's nice. It's good.

[C]

So that one rolls much better. That's 24.

[B]

That did very well. It hits.

[C]

So that's eight. Do I add the plus six on the second attack?

[A]

Normally not.

[B]

Ask your GM.

[C]

Do I add the plus six?

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

Six if I get an extra attack

[A]

for the dual glaive? Yeah, only if you have two weapon fighting.

[C]

I do have two weapon fighting.

[A]

Then I think you do.

[C]

Okay, cool. Then that's 14 points of damage on the second.

[B]

The mouth man Prophecies. Wow, look at that. Holy. Sorry. You got a 27 to hit.

[C]

No, that 24 to hit. And then I got. I did 14 points of damage on the second hit. And then Matt.

[B]

Wow. 1150.

[C]

That's crazy. And then. Crazy what?

[A]

Raising money for charity.

[C]

Point.

[B]

Awesome.

[C]

Dope. Moncton. And I'm going to Flurry of blows.

[B]

Oh, my God, this is sick.

[A]

She's going to flurry.

[C]

I'm going to flurry.

[A]

I've got the pop. Pop.

[C]

First one. 16.

[B]

16 hits.

[C]

All right, that's 1d6 plus 4. That's 10 more points of damage.

[B]

Oh, my God. Aria, Alari is looking real rough.

[C]

And the second one is a 13.

[B]

I don't think that missed.

[A]

We could use another matte dice.

[B]

You could. Let's go.

[C]

Do it.

[A]

Do it. Let's go.

[B]

It's a hit. Okay. What? What do you.

[A]

What?

[B]

What's the.

[C]

Oh, that's over 10 points of damage.

[B]

How do you want to do that?

[C]

We knew you were a shady from the beginning. And I'm going to punch her right in her face just so hard that it knocks her out.

[B]

I, I, I was Cheating at dice before. I feel really bad about it. She dies. One down. Cheaters never win. Winners never cheat. That's it. Next up is Tarian Number two, who has now been revealed to to be the butler. Dorne. It's his turn. On his turn, he is going to look at the painting that he's holding. It is a beautiful image with incredible moving alchemical paints. As he stares into it, he casts some sort of ritual or spell. The painting seems to connect with him somehow. His body starts to morph and change. His bones crack and break. His jaw falls off and he turns into this. What? Oh, my God. No.

[C]

You know, we probably should have saved the mat. Dice, we've got one.

[A]

Two of these would have been worse.

[C]

Is he still Banes?

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, no, I'll put Dirty back.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

No. Yeah, he's Baned Boy. This is a gigantic blue and purple shimmering dragon of death.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

It growls and you feel the entire floor shake from its mighty power.

[C]

Uh oh.

[B]

But instead of fighting you, it turns no. And starts to advance on the brumestone and draws back its claws ready to strike. That's the end of its turn. It discards the painting on the ground. And the shaking of the entire floor rattles everything in this room. Let's say. Let's see here. Faroin, Buddy and Mac make a perception check.

[C]

Oh, my. I'm so bad.

[B]

We gotta get Viggo back in the painting.

[C]

Natural one.

[B]

18. What is it? 18. What's yours? 16. Maxis. I couldn't say it any clearer. Mac and Buddy notice that all those vines that had tried to grab at Al Bearman as he was scurrying across them, they all sort of tense up for a second when the ground shakes. Because it probably hurts a little bit. The whole room's just shaking and quaking. You do notice, though, just that these vines are shaking and quaking up here. They sort of retract a little. These vines over here retract a little. And so do these right here.

[C]

What?

[B]

These vines right here sort of shake and quake a little. And retract.

[A]

You shiver.

[C]

Where were the other ones?

[B]

There's that giant tree stump. In this giant tree stump, the vines also sort of. Okay, that's it for his turn. It is your turn, Mac. It's my turn. Oh, jeez.

[A]

Top of the.

[B]

Top of the rock. Let's go. I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna. Oh, also, sorry, earlier, that painting that you saw on the ground when you ran in. Mac, you Spotted that painting, right? Yeah. As you've run by, you saw what the painting was of. The painting was of Terry and Darrington.

[C]

That's how they're using the paintings.

[B]

How?

[C]

I don't know. I don't know.

[B]

I've seen this before. I know what's. Oh, my God. Elementary. Do we try and get the dragon back in the painting?

[C]

Or we could destroy the paint. Or we could just kill the dragon.

[B]

No, we can't. Good luck. That is not what we're gonna do.

[A]

What you doing, macaroni?

[C]

Destroy the painting.

[B]

Where's the empty canvas right now? The MC canvas that. They were the last one that he used to sort of transform. He just discarded it over here. It's just on the. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know.

[B]

Yeah. I will. I will.

[C]

This your notes?

[B]

Nope. I will cast. I guess those are. But we used all those. I will run towards the canvas, and I will use my spiritual weapons to make a strike. I'm going to make a strike at the canvas that's on the ground. The blank canvas roll to see if you hit. Yes. That's a 22 to hit. The canvas rips in half. Oh, amazing. Dead canvas. Does the dragon disappear? No, the dragon did not disappear.

[C]

Oh, boy.

[B]

Y. Cool. Cool. With my amazing bonus action, I do nothing. Okay. Yep. Okay. What's the fucking divine favor, dude? Who's next? Let me see.

[C]

Other Terry. Oh. Oh, wait. Is this dead Terry?

[B]

I'll give buddy divine favor. He gets an extra D4 on a hit. All right, great. Hazel, you're up.

[C]

All right. Ha ha. All right. I'm going to march my little drum feet up a little bit just to get a little closer in that direction.

[B]

Direction.

[C]

In that direction. I would like to. In the broomstone, I am going to cast fear in which.

[B]

At the brumestone.

[C]

In the brimstone. Because I can create a phantasmal image. And as the dragon looks inside into the Runestone, he sees Balthazar Flaremont. And his face comes through his visage. And he looks at him and he goes, elias Dorne, I am very disappointed in you. And shames him. And I cast fear.

[B]

Cast fear or phantasmal force?

[C]

Fear. It's a prey. But you just have fear with an image. You cast an image.

[B]

Fear with an image.

[A]

Laboring the fear.

[B]

Okay, gotcha. Do you know fear with an image?

[C]

You project a phantasmal image of a creature's worst fears.

[B]

Amazing. This is amazing.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Make a saving throw. Yes. What is the save?

[C]

Wisdom.

[A]

Minus a D4.

[C]

Minus a D4.

[B]

Oh. Cause he's baned. He's baned.

[A]

Although possibly not anymore. No, that's right.

[B]

16

[C]

cutting words.

[B]

What is that?

[C]

Cut. You were a bard for a long time.

[B]

Okay, so wait, you roll a D6 or something?

[C]

So I say it's still.

[B]

You can. You can bonus action your own spell.

[C]

It's a reaction.

[B]

Okay. God, bards are awesome.

[C]

He just hears the dragon. Just hears you. Or a bad butler.

[B]

Whoa. Yes. That's personal. And then do you roll, like, a D4 or a D6 to reduce the

[C]

running out of juice? You guys, I roll my bardic inspiration die. And he has to subtract that from his roll. So minus five.

[B]

Whoa. He would fail. Uses a legendary resistance.

[A]

That's my boy.

[C]

Don't cheer for him.

[A]

We burned one. I'm very happy that we burned one.

[C]

That was really legendary resistance.

[A]

That was a really, really brilliant, brilliant. Hell yeah.

[B]

Buddy, you're up.

[A]

Well done.

[C]

Let's go, buddy.

[B]

Okay. Where is he? He's here. And you said all the plants jiggled? Yes. You saw vines sort of retracted. They didn't retract. They just sort of, like, winced. Like here, here, and here. Okay, so he's just gonna watch all this happen and say, new guy.

[C]

Why?

[B]

And then he's gonna wander over to the left and just sort of sniff and look into this giant tree. Okay. And he saw that quivering, so he's just gonna reach in and grab it and pull out. And what you pull out is a bunch of boxes, including a blank canvas and a bunch of fresh alchemical paints.

[C]

We could paint them away. We could paint us.

[B]

I found a bunch of junk over here.

[A]

We just need about three hours to paint. Really? Well,

[B]

you'll need shorter than that guy. Because you get the sense that this creature is nearly impossible to defeat with conventional means. In its current form, however, there is some mystical connection to these paintings. Everybody roll a history. Check you with advantage. Matt, same roll.

[A]

19, 14, 15.

[C]

Can you guidance somebody?

[B]

Clearly not guidance. Everyone has been hanging around with Taryon so long, he keeps making you read his stupid ass books. One of them, the dashing Lord of Diastok. Mac, you remember he wrote about a creature called a forgery beast. A shapeshifter that could look at a special alchemically enhanced painting and turn into whatever creature was depicted in the painting. You get the sense that if you were to use this canvas in pain, paint and paint a creature with enough detail and show the painting to the beast, odds are it would turn into whatever creature you painted. You can choose anything, but it must Be highly detailed. The canvas must be filled, and the paints are right through this curtain. You have to go paint me a painting. Who?

[C]

You?

[B]

Everybody.

[C]

Everybody.

[B]

Because while you're painting, you are vulnerable to attack. So I would suggest going one at a time to go paint. I'll keep going down the. Down the orders. Awesome. Oh, my God.

[C]

Wait, you're all adding something to it.

[B]

Yes, you are all adding something to it.

[C]

Whose turn was it?

[B]

So that was mine. What are we painting?

[C]

So you're next. So you can't.

[B]

So we're all group painting one thing. Yeah. Okay.

[C]

But we can go as we go around that.

[B]

We can auction.

[A]

We don't talk about it. We don't talk about it.

[B]

We don't talk about Bruno.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

So we're making a cre. It doesn't matter. We're making a first.

[A]

It's my turn.

[B]

That was Buddy. It's Flimsy's turn.

[C]

So Albert hours last. Buddy, should you go?

[B]

I think. I think this might be okay. Yeah, go for it. Whatever you guys want to do.

[A]

I think it's y' all, like, wait,

[B]

I think I know what this is.

[A]

Do you know?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you know?

[C]

I mean. Yeah. I don't know how to say. Yeah.

[B]

Somebody start painting.

[C]

Go, Buddy.

[B]

Okay. Oh, boy. Oh, no. Paint in character. Okay, Flimsy, it's your turn.

[A]

All right, I'm gonna go ahead and say, foul dragon beast, dare not destroy this fantastic dirigible and instead focus upon us. Let this be a battle to remember as I step forward, speaking this, to get within, If I can, 30ft of it.

[B]

Of course you can. The answer is yes.

[A]

Yeah. Actually, if I move about halfway there, I can get there.

[B]

Where are you?

[A]

I didn't move from where I was at the beginning. And I will cast suggestion on it and suggestion as I begin to cast by. I say step away from the stone and look me in the eyes.

[B]

Okay. I roll a save on that.

[A]

Indeed. I will use my innate strength sorcery ability as a bonus action on that so that I can increase the DC by 1.

[B]

There's a paint cam.

[C]

Is he on?

[A]

Oh, no. Amazing. So with that, It'll be a DC13.

[B]

He rolled a 12 with some save with Bane. Yes, he has suggested. He does not.

[C]

We. We just go use his legendary action.

[B]

He turns around to face you, growling with fury and rage. Oh, it worked. Okay, Owlbear, man, get out of here, man. Go

[C]

get it, Matt. Get it. Do your thing.

[A]

Why don't you try picking on paint?

[C]

Really good paint. Really good.

[A]

Your own size or some s. And I'm going to take a running leap, and I'm going to go both claws straight. After jumping on the head and going. Parkour. Parkour.

[B]

You are attacking. I am attacking like an owl from the night.

[A]

I'm going to be. I'm going to be making a reckless attack.

[B]

Yes. Reckless it up. Yeah, baby. Just got to get to my actions. There we go.

[A]

And that's gonna be 24 to hit.

[B]

Oh, hits.

[A]

Where's my claws? There we are.

[B]

Since it's reckless, I get an extra D6 on that attack. There we are.

[A]

So that's 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 17 points of damage with my first claw.

[B]

Amazing. Great hit.

[A]

Second claw,

[B]

I think. Second claw.

[A]

Yeah. I can do reckless again. It doesn't matter because it's all the same. Yeah, it hits. Yeah, it's great. 28. And then that's going to be. No, D6. Drop that. 8, 4, 5, 6. It's eight points of damage.

[B]

Great. He hits flying this guy.

[A]

And then I'm going to use a bonus action to disengage and.

[B]

Well, are you gonna stay on him?

[A]

Actually, I'm gonna attempt both. Claws are in. I'm gonna try and hunker down.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, I'm gonna. What can I do with that thing? There's a thing I can do. Where is it? I think I can grapple. Assume I'm trying to grapple.

[B]

Hold on. Where is it? Okay, Al Bear, man. That's the end of your turn. It is Damien Vadoma's turn. Go, Al Bear.

[C]

All right. Go.

[A]

Out.

[C]

Okay, so I'm gonna.

[B]

I don't know what it's turning into. Just kind of strip of consciousness. Liam did start us with, like, a spud.

[C]

All right, I'm gonna just hang on

[B]

until Laura gets in there or Ash.

[C]

It's gonna be terrible. All right. With my other. My other rune that I have, I'm gonna activate my other rune with a bonus action, which is flame tongue stiletto.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And again, I'm gonna take two shots at the big beast.

[B]

All right, Shoot it.

[C]

Two slices.

[B]

Where are you again? You're. I don't even know where you are.

[C]

Oh, come on. All right, Only one hits is this.

[B]

Are the. Are you throwing these things or are you.

[C]

No, I'm going up close.

[B]

I can't get over there, but sure, you move over there.

[C]

Okay, great. Cool. One hits.

[B]

Great.

[C]

That'll be okay. Four plus five. That's nine. Plus nine times 1d six. Okay. Plus six. So nine. So 15. 15 plus I think it's 2d eight because of the flames. 2d six. Sorry, what was I at? 15.

[B]

You're up next.

[C]

Just 15. 15 plus 15. Okay, 23 points of damage.

[B]

23 points. That's a huge hit.

[C]

That's a big hit.

[B]

As you slice, part of its wing sort of drops off, and a black ichor pours out onto the ground. It roars in pain and faces you eyes. The dice is five.

[C]

What? I was just rolling. I rolled two Nat 20s in this game with this dice.

[A]

Wow, that's really good.

[B]

So, okay, Farrow and Breeze, you're up.

[A]

All right, you're up, you're up. Who's up next?

[C]

Go paint, Ashley.

[A]

Ashley, go paint. Ashley, go paint. Cows, get back here.

[C]

This is.

[A]

I don't know what's happening.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

Can I get all the way over to him?

[B]

Yes, of course you can, everyone.

[C]

Okay, great. I'm gonna run over and don't munch it.

[B]

As you run over there, a mysterious wind picks you up and deposits.

[C]

Actually, I'm gonna dove monk Shit. And kind of leap.

[A]

We have to fill the hole and

[C]

try to get onto the back of the dragon.

[B]

Okay, so you're gonna try to jump onto this thing.

[C]

Yeah. And then up to the back to its back.

[B]

Okay. This is gonna take an acrobatics check. Farohyn Breeze, the monk.

[C]

All right. That is a. Do I get an advantage because I'm a monk?

[A]

Yeah, you also. Oh, this is the worst combination.

[C]

15.

[B]

Yeah. Describe your amazing acrobatic elite. There's no checks. There's no checks. Nothing matters.

[C]

As I'm running acquaintance. I feel the wind sort to pick up, and it seems like I'm almost running on air as I. As I run over to his back. And then I'm gonna, like, spin in the air, so I'm like. All my robes are, like, flying out, and I'm gonna dual glaive smash down as I.

[B]

For a second, while you're in the air.

[C]

I look like one of the Barbies that had the things that.

[B]

Yes. Yash and dice sold for $810. As you spin in the air for a second, you almost turn into wind and become a tornado for a second, then become real again. And you. You stab down.

[C]

Yeah. With my dual clay.

[B]

Amazing. What? Roll to roll to hit. Roll for damage. Roll for all that crap.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Crap.

[C]

No, it was Murfs. It was a one. I rolled a one.

[A]

Oh, the wind just got for the first attack.

[C]

For the first attack. Oh, I got 15, though.

[B]

That hits.

[C]

All right, great.

[B]

Oh, wait, sure. It hits. Oh, because of Bane Ban.

[A]

That's not true.

[C]

Yeah, that's only six points of damage.

[B]

It's a good six.

[C]

It's a good six. But I'm gonna use a ki point, and I'm gonna start smashing him with my fists.

[B]

Do it. Yeah. Fist that dragon.

[C]

Yeah, I'm gonna fist him. And that is a 13. No. Okay, I'm gonna try it again. Oh, and now it hits. Yeah, the last one hits.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

And that's 10 points.

[B]

That's amazing. Another 10 points. You're punching a dragon in the back.

[A]

Does it look really hurt?

[B]

It can almost feel it. Actually. It is. I believe it has reached the bloodied condition. No, no, wait. What is that? Is that.

[C]

Bloody hell. Halfway through. It's already to halfway health.

[B]

Yes, if I count all the things that you did to the butler. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

If I count those, which are you. Should you see how the next goes?

[A]

All right, let's go.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

I love it.

[C]

I don't feel it.

[B]

No.

[C]

The whole canvas has to be filled.

[A]

The whole canvas has to be filled. But come back. Come back.

[C]

I'm staying on his back.

[B]

Okay, great. As you're standing on its back, it's going to. It's gonna rock around and try to get you all within its. Fix it Breath weapon.

[C]

I was trying to get creative.

[B]

Okay, the beast rocks around to face you. Its toothy maw opens, and out of it shoots a shadow. Breath. No. Everybody rolls a Dexterity saving throw. DC17. Yeah.

[C]

No.

[A]

What about the two of us who are on the. On the.

[B]

It does not. Wait, what are we rolling on the back?

[C]

Dex, I made it. Made it.

[A]

I'm risking my tides of chaos to try. And you can always use your face if things go wrong.

[B]

Use your face.

[C]

She's fixing it. She's fixing it.

[A]

It. Use my face.

[B]

You could use your face. All right, all right.

[A]

I don't think it's up to you.

[B]

Up to you.

[C]

All right.

[A]

I got a seven, Potato head. Oh, yeah.

[B]

No, that is.

[A]

I can't even. Big fail for fluc.

[B]

Okay, Those who rolled a 17 or higher, you take 17 damage. Whoa. Those who failed take 35 damage. Whoa.

[C]

What?

[B]

Yes. And Farrown Breeze is painting, so she would have been vulnerable, but she doesn't get hit because she's on its back.

[A]

Yeah. So Alfarman and Faroen do not.

[B]

Wait.

[C]

How many points do we take?

[B]

17 if you succeeded, 35 if you didn't.

[A]

Flimsy went from full health to unconscious in an instant.

[B]

Oh, no, you're unconscious.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh, no. He is flimsy.

[A]

You watch as the form of Taryon Darrington that's held this entire time. Suddenly, shit withdraws into a backpack wielding baggy cloth draped changeling with long hair. Just on the ground.

[B]

Flimsy.

[C]

Flimsy.

[B]

Come on, guys. You gotta save Flimsy. Okay, it's Mac's turn.

[C]

I don't know if I can.

[B]

Susan, turn.

[A]

Who's painting next?

[C]

No, I. No, no.

[A]

It's your turn.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

Who's painting?

[C]

Laura's. Who just went last?

[B]

The no one yet. And then now it's Max turn. Faroin went now. That's why she's painting

[A]

back. Have you painted yet?

[C]

No, but I'll go after my turn. Which is next.

[A]

Who's painting now?

[B]

Laura's still going. Oh, she's still Matt. Because is the creature's turn.

[A]

Oh, you're right.

[B]

Prayer of healing. And everybody is going to get good.

[A]

Prayer of healing. What's the casting time on that?

[B]

Who cares, Matt? 17 plus 3. As the GM. I concur. 20 points. 20 points of healing, everybody. Oh my God. Yeah, it's 20 minutes. It's pretty much.

[A]

Thanks.

[B]

And I will jump up on Buddy's back into the chariot. I'm gonna go paint. What did you do? Hazel, Copper pot, you're up.

[C]

Okay. Shit. Oh. Okay. I cast blindness.

[B]

Blindness again on me.

[C]

On the dragon. Who's the dragon? On you. On you.

[B]

The old man walks in.

[A]

Did it help?

[C]

It's so ugly.

[B]

Is this my stateroom? Oh, I'm blind again.

[C]

You got it my way. You stupid old man. Fight us again on the dragon.

[B]

Okay, go for it. Does he have to roll to save?

[C]

Yes, he does. Constitution.

[B]

Saving throws constitution. 13. But bane to 11 constitutional rules. We get 15

[C]

cunning words.

[B]

Yeah. Do it again. What can you say to me, child, that I haven't heard?

[C]

I don't have to say anything. I think these sick beats speak for themselves. And I hit play on my rexing drum in bass track that we just cut on this ship. Going to crank it. Take that, old man. You cannot keep up with the youths.

[B]

I cannot keep up with these sickening beats.

[C]

Eighteen.

[B]

Okay. Roll your cutting words.

[C]

You're cutting me another five down.

[B]

Blind now.

[C]

You can't see fire.

[B]

I can't see fire.

[C]

Wait.

[B]

I still feel like there is a fight going on. I sense bad things are happening.

[C]

You can neither confirm nor deny.

[A]

Now get over there and paint.

[B]

Okay, okay. I don't. I don't know which one the blinded condition is. So I'm going to put on slowed.

[C]

But he's gay. Excuse me. He's gay.

[B]

Excuse me.

[A]

Deep cut. Buddy. You're up. Deep cut.

[C]

Deep cut.

[A]

Well done. Oh, God.

[B]

Bonus action. I will second win myself and give myself. Oh. Just six more hit points. Great. Okay. Okay. What do you mean six? Six. Yep. That happened. All right. Then I'm just gonna run up to the dragon's face and start beating on it. Okay. Great. You make your way easily over there. Making my way. Okay. I will say if you miss, you're gonna hit the Owl Bear Man. I do. It's a two. Okay. You smash Owl Bear man. It's super hard. Okay. Do you want me to roll my damage for that? All right. I'll allow it. Worbles nine. It's pretty hefty. Here comes. That is 13 points of bludgeoning damage. Amazing.

[A]

Cut in half to six.

[B]

Okay. Oh. Cause he's Ra. He's Sam Raging.

[A]

And I will.

[B]

Action Surge to hit the dragon or Owlbear again. Sure. Great. I rolled the exact same place. Yes. Your goggles are a little off. They're a little bit more farsighted than nearsighted. You keep hitting the Owlbear Man. Yep. Yep. Here we go. You're hit. You're hitting him harder than a. Than a copyright lawsuit. His G is 1212. Okay. So 6. Sorry. Two thunderous attacks land squarely into Owlbearman's damaged already mask and it sort of cracks in half. You can start to see your secret identity.

[A]

No, it's. Yeah. The owl part has cracked in half. The bear mask underneath it is still holding strong.

[B]

Amazing. Flimsy is up and alive. Yes. It's time to cycle around. Flimsy. Take it away.

[A]

I think Flimsy gets a looks down. Had his hands shaking from the first brush with any sort of adventure. But also mortality. And goes. I'm not cut off with this. Casts invisibility on himself and just runs.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

That's the turn.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Flimsy.

[B]

Now that blind dragon definitely can't see you.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Owlbear Man. You are bloodied.

[C]

Oh, my God. That was quick.

[B]

Sorry. We're going fast.

[C]

It's pretty. It's almost full. What are the rules? It's almost full.

[B]

I don't know. Just do it until you think you're done.

[C]

Do it until it's done. Matt's gonna finish.

[B]

The rules are do it until we can auction it.

[A]

Despite. Despite just getting punched twice in the. In the gut and breaking the mask, I'm still just Gonna keep going. Just.

[B]

Just.

[A]

Still just going straight in with stabbings.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And thankfully, you're blind, which means I have advantage.

[B]

Oh, amazing.

[C]

I don't even have to.

[B]

And I banged and banged. The painting is pretty impressive.

[C]

Blind and bang head.

[B]

So.

[A]

God damn it.

[C]

Heads up.

[B]

Why did you do that? I don't know if you're being truthful.

[C]

Oh, that's a 20.

[A]

That is a natural 20.

[C]

Whoa.

[B]

That's. Oh, God.

[A]

This is gonna be insane. What happened? I don't have the fancy. The fancy thing that barbarians have for that yet, but it's still.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

He's still sleeping over there. But he's like, just. He's staring at us kind of ominously. He looks a little. He looks mad. He's like, guys, he's like.

[B]

This trooper trap has got me.

[C]

He's like, am I stuck?

[A]

24 points of damage.

[B]

Huge. Wait, is that doubled? Cause it's a crit.

[A]

That is doubled.

[B]

48 points of damage.

[A]

No, that is doubled. 24 points of damage.

[C]

Is that doubled in the vanities?

[A]

And then. Jesus. For my second attack, that's 16 to hit.

[B]

That hits. All right. And then that's

[A]

eight. That's 10 points of damage.

[B]

I was tempted to turn the sea over.

[C]

Okay. He doesn't want to see it.

[A]

10 points of damage.

[B]

10 points of damage. This is great. He's pretty bloody. Yeah. This dragon looks less dragony. Okay, that was Albert Mandamian Vadoma. You've got brass knuckle knives. Yeah.

[C]

I'm gonna keep going. I'm just gonna take two more shots of this dragon because I don't know what else I'm supposed to do.

[B]

That's all you're supposed to do.

[C]

Here we go.

[B]

We go.

[C]

First hit does not hit. Second hit.

[B]

17.

[C]

Does that hit?

[B]

Yes, that hits.

[C]

All right. How do we do? We got it. Okay, wait, do I have. Do those fire rooms.

[A]

We got to be close. It's going to be close to finished, right?

[C]

Yeah, it's going to be close. Okay.

[B]

I think we get back to seven, buddy. We. We turn it in.

[C]

Okay. I like.

[B]

15.

[C]

Wow. 15 plus 6 is 21. 21 points of damage.

[B]

Incredible. He's looking real hurt.

[C]

He is. He is.

[B]

For real.

[C]

I'm done.

[B]

Okay. All right. That was Damien. It's Faroen.

[C]

All right, I'm going to. Why not? I'm gonna cast thunder wave.

[B]

Thunder, thunder, thunder, thunder, thunder, thunder, thunder wave.

[C]

Yeah, I'm not sure how I do it. I think I use ki points.

[B]

Oh, whoops. But I'm not sure Nothing.

[C]

But I'm gonna do it. So that is bad for you guys.

[B]

It's all good. It's all good.

[C]

Crete, you have to make a constitution. Oh, it's a dragon. That's not going to work.

[B]

He's got a constitution. You can maybe beat it.

[C]

He's baned.

[B]

He's burned. All right.

[C]

Constitution.

[B]

And he's blinded, if that helps. I don't know. I don't think the constitution is constitutional.

[C]

No. But I do get advantage on regular hits. I'm just going to attack him.

[B]

Great.

[C]

First attack is 19 plus something.

[B]

Hits. Hits.

[C]

That's. That's eight points of damage.

[B]

Okay, that's something.

[C]

And then the second attack doesn't hit. And I'm gonna use a key point. I'm gonna flurry blows. Heroin of blows. Both of them hit.

[B]

Amazing. Do it.

[C]

I'm gonna use one of the mat dice to roll for these ones. Ah, double twos. So that's 8.6. Wait, two plus. Hold on. 12 points.

[B]

Amazing. He would be dead. But I forgot to mention that this whole room is lit by these, mainly by the light of the brimstone. So it is a very dim area. And while in dim light, this dragon does have resistance to all damage. Incredible. Incredible. So you're getting there.

[A]

So it's. It's just now bloodied?

[B]

Yes, you are. We need the painting.

[C]

Finish the painting.

[B]

You are only hurting yourself. That's true. After. After Farwin's move, the dragon is going to try to get its breath weapon back again. It does. You guys might want to wrap this up soon. Just bring it in.

[C]

Bring it in.

[B]

Just bring it in. Bring the painting in.

[C]

Bring it up.

[B]

It's ready.

[C]

I think it's ready.

[B]

It's fire. It's breath weapon. Here it comes. It rears back.

[C]

We're going to die.

[B]

Pulls its head open. It opens its toothy maw. Sharks flying in.

[C]

I hold the painting up in front. Oh, wait, I'm not. I'm on. This is. What is the secret animal? I love him.

[B]

Oh, I broke it. Wait, what is this?

[C]

It's a sad lump of a creature. Like, he's got a lumpy sort of droopy beak. Capybara with like a dragon with like a. A mermaid dragony tail. Kind of looks like alf. Yeah, it kind of looks like alf.

[B]

Unfortunate snout.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, the snout.

[A]

Who started with that?

[C]

Who started with the snout?

[B]

That's the body. I don't want to tilt it because everyone goes, all right, it's a good painting. It's dripping a little bit Travis towards the bottom. It's a good painting, but I think we should leave this up to the dice to see if it works. Everybody roll a. Some sort of check an arcana.

[C]

Arcana.

[B]

No. Yes, an arcana. Check Arcana. See if you can Final Matt Dice now live.

[C]

Final Matt Dice Arcana performance.

[B]

Correct check, everybody.

[A]

18. And we do have one matte dice left.

[C]

And I gave you inspiration. Did you ever use it?

[A]

I rolled really bad.

[C]

No Bardic inspiration.

[A]

You're right. You're right. I've not used it yet. Which means 23.

[C]

Okay, okay. I rolled pretty super mid with a 15. Unless I used mad dice.

[A]

10.

[C]

10. Ooh.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

You use this. You use this.

[A]

13.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Okay, okay. Still ass.

[C]

Still.

[A]

Still ass, but less ass.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

18. Amazing. Natural 20.

[C]

Natural one 15. Started it.

[B]

Yes. That's six successes in one failure.

[A]

Talk about who.

[B]

Against its will, the dragon starts to transform into a cartoony. Why did you give us a sweet potato face? Its mouth and snout changes into a yam. It grows. It strangely grows bifocals. Part of its physiology. Right? What? You know, it has the skin of a hippopotamus and its tail is made of pineapple skin. Skin.

[C]

What was that?

[A]

His gut. It's got kind of a strip with a penguin and the cat.

[B]

Like, it really has a lot of weir. It's weirdly just as big as it currently is. But it opens its mouth to fire its breath weapon, and instead it says, give me my country back. And it begins to weep.

[A]

It's got shades of like, fear and loathing that artists.

[C]

She does. I love it.

[B]

It's quick work for you all to carve up the yams into, like, a nice side dish that the sky shift can dine on for the next few days. The pineapple tail becomes hors d'. Oeuvres. And the broomstone, which was damaged, you were able to pry the glass out of the bifocals and use it to repair the broomstone so the cracks don't leak anymore. Let nothing go to waste. Yes. As you finish destroying this now impotent beast, you turn around to find all the passengers have witnessed this final act of heroism and are appointed applauding you. Flaremont is among them. But where is Darion Darrington? Did he fall in the fight?

[A]

What? I think behind one of the sections on the side, the invisible flimsy, who's been shaking quietly, hears that and goes, maybe just one last time, uses his action to transform back into the visage of Terry and Darrington, who, before emerging.

[B]

Ha ha.

[A]

And that, you see, is the heroism of the great Darrington brigade.

[B]

And also Matt dice. Sold for $1,050. I'll applaud that. Firework fireworks.

[A]

This painting is now live.

[C]

We will be signing it.

[A]

We will be signing it.

[C]

Flip it around.

[B]

Everybody applauds the Darrington Brigade. They all simultaneously and without coaching say, three cheers for the Darrington brigade. Hip hip hooray. Hip, hip hooray. Hip, hip, hooray.

[C]

Why does he have fingers?

[A]

A lot of this was my fault too.

[B]

The sweet potato on the circles one thing. And then somebody condemned us with this. Was that you just strong Bob Ross choice into the abyss of insanity. Wrong. With a classic dick butt body. And at the head. I thought it was the entire body.

[C]

You do this from the start.

[B]

I don't know what dick punch you've seen is. As the sun rises the next morning on the deck of the hubris passengers, thank you for your bravery and decisive victory over Dorne and Aria and the potato monster. They owe you their lives. But for the seven of you, even though you know you just did a really good thing and it felt good doing it, you just really want to go to sleep. And with that, we conclude the story and we conclude the day. What a great day we had today. There's still one option auction going, right?

[C]

Yeah, I think it just ended.

[B]

Okay. 1,600 this painting. There is one more auction. Apparently it's the tux that I'm wearing right now. We'll bust that off real quick while everybody says good night. Thank you guys for letting me do this crazy thing. Three cheers for Sam Riegel. Hooray.

[C]

Hooray.

[B]

Oh, I thank you.

[C]

You're the best.

[B]

Sam Prompter copy. We did it. We. I stayed up for a long time. We raised insert figure here dollars. But I'm just getting started. Just kidding. I'm not getting started. I'm done. Straight off my own back. We are auctioning this tuxedo. That auction is live right now. While that's happening, I wanted to to thank my friends, family, my family, the cast and crew that came out and supported me and the critical role foundation and our two charities, PABLOV and HNC Living. Last and certainly not least, our friends that helped us make this possible at ebay live. Thank you for sponsoring this amazing event. Check it [e-mail] ebaylive to join in on more fun. How we doing on that tux? You could someone seconds. Someone could wear this tux with the jester wedding dress and get married.

[C]

That's a great someone could.

[A]

Also, if you keep this tux bid going, you can keep Sam awake for even more hours.

[B]

It's like waterboarding with money.

[A]

If you could clone your own Sam,

[C]

the grand total for the Someone just got it. It went for $600.

[B]

Amazing. Amazing.

[C]

So I'm sure we'll get our grand total.

[B]

88. 88,800. Wow. What a day. We done did it.

[C]

So proud of you, buddy.

[A]

We did over here.

[B]

Thanks guys for watching. I love you all. Thank you very much. Thanks to the crew. Thanks to my friends. And remember, is it Thursday yet? And that's a wrap on the episode. If you like this story, consider leaving a review on your podcast platform form of choice. Word of mouth is the best form of advertising, and your review might just be the words of encouragement someone needs to join the adventure. Thanks again for listening and we'll see you next time. Real talent is defined by what people can do, not where they learn to do it. So by stopping at the education section of a resume, you might throw away

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