Weird Kids | Episode 1: Welcome to Weird Kids

Summary

Critical Role Podcast Summary

Title: Weird Kids | Episode 1: Welcome to Weird Kids
Release Date: March 25, 2025
Host: Ashley Johnson & Taliesin Jaffe
Description: Welcome to Weird Kids, a new podcast hosted by Ashley Johnson and Taliesin Jaffe, where they delve into their lives as former child actors. From eccentric upbringings to embracing unconventional interests, Ashley and Taliesin share their unique experiences and insights.

---

Introduction to Weird Kids (02:28 - 05:07)

Ashley Johnson and Taliesin Jaffe kick off the first episode by introducing their new podcast, Weird Kids. They express excitement about sharing their personal journeys and set the tone for an honest and engaging conversation.

• Ashley Johnson: "We are popping in here to share with you all the first episode of our new podcast, Weird Kids."
• Taliesin Jaffe: "In this series, we're diving into our lives as former child actors, from unraveling our eccentric upbringings to embracing all the delightfully odd interests we still have today." (02:39)

Childhood as Child Actors (05:07 - 13:15)

The hosts delve into their experiences growing up as child actors, discussing the challenges and peculiarities of their upbringing.

• Taliesin Jaffe: "There is something that happens when you spend your entire childhood being treated like a child, but being expected to behave like an adult and not actually knowing any real children. And yeah, some people break hard. We did not break hard." (05:07)

• Ashley Johnson: "I was a fairly good kid."

• Taliesin Jaffe: "My memories are shot, which is ironic for doing a podcast. I remember everything before, like, 2010." (07:03)

Struggles and Adaptations (13:15 - 22:35)

Ashley and Taliesin discuss the impact of their early acting careers on their personal development, mental health, and relationships.

• Taliesin Jaffe: "I had a great heart... trying to get what a real childhood is like and still attempting to figure it out." (06:58)

• Ashley Johnson shares her experience with the transition out of child acting, emphasizing the importance of feeling forced into the role and how she overcame it.

• Taliesin Jaffe: "I quit everything that day. That was it." (21:08)

Navigating Adulthood and Mental Health (22:35 - 36:16)

The conversation shifts to their struggles with mental health, anxiety, and the lasting effects of their childhood experiences.

• Ashley Johnson: "I think I worked with... I have a harder time advocating for myself deeply." (31:08)

• Taliesin Jaffe: "I'm incapable of expressing any opinion at anybody." (31:26)

• Ashley Johnson reflects on her nervousness and how performing continues to affect her.

Nostalgia and Reflecting on Past Roles (36:16 - 52:54)

The hosts take a nostalgic trip down memory lane, sharing and analyzing old commercials from their childhood acting careers. They provide humorous and honest reflections on these experiences.

• Taliesin Jaffe discusses a Strawberry Krispies commercial, highlighting the chaotic shooting process and the challenges faced on set.

  • Taliesin Jaffe: "Every cut, to me, is always a different angle. And I felt bad when the girl threw up in the corn suit." (40:22)

• Ashley Johnson shares her experience with a Baby Bundle commercial, recounting an embarrassing moment when she accidentally peed on stage due to nerves.

  • Ashley Johnson: "He asked me, do you know who George Bush is, and I said, yes, he's a small tree. And I peed on the stage." (34:04)

• They also discuss a Coca-Cola commercial, detailing the production quirks and the competitive dynamic with Pepsi ads.

  • Taliesin Jaffe: "I did a Coke commercial. There's a McDonald's commercial somewhere." (48:07)

Transition to Adulthood and Current Lives (52:54 - 57:20)

Ashley and Taliesin reflect on their growth beyond child acting, sharing how their past has shaped their present lives and careers.

• Taliesin Jaffe: "I'm excited... We're going to do some field trips and talk about our experiences." (53:04)

• Ashley Johnson expresses enthusiasm for future episodes, hinting at deeper explorations into their personal struggles and triumphs.

Humorous Segment and Future Plans (57:20 - End)

The episode concludes with a light-hearted segment where Ashley writes a humorous letter to Dave Heatwave, requesting a theme song for their podcast, followed by friendly banter and a promise of more engaging content in future episodes.

• Ashley Johnson: "Dear Mr. Dave Heatwave... Can you please make us a theme song?" (55:29)

• Taliesin Jaffe: "That's a fit letter. I'm in on that." (56:46)

---

Key Takeaways

• Honest Reflection: Ashley and Taliesin provide candid insights into the complexities of growing up in the acting industry, highlighting both the challenges and unique experiences.

• Mental Health Awareness: The hosts openly discuss their struggles with anxiety and the lasting impact of their childhood careers, offering a relatable narrative for listeners with similar backgrounds.

• Humorous Nostalgia: By sharing and dissecting old commercials, they blend humor with nostalgia, making the episode both entertaining and informative.

• Engaging Future Content: The introduction sets the stage for future episodes to delve deeper into personal stories, mental health, and the quirky aspects of their lives as "weird kids."

Notable Quotes

• Taliesin Jaffe (05:07): "Trying to get what a real childhood is like and still attempting to figure it out."

• Ashley Johnson (34:04): "I peed on the stage. I had an epiphany... I'm done."

• Taliesin Jaffe (31:26): "I'm incapable of expressing any opinion at anybody."

• Ashley Johnson (57:20): "We did it. All right. Well, hey, at some point, we'll find a sign off here, but thanks for sitting with us at our table."

Conclusion

Weird Kids | Episode 1: Welcome to Weird Kids serves as an authentic and engaging introduction to Ashley Johnson and Taliesin Jaffe's new podcast. By sharing their personal stories, struggles, and humorous anecdotes from their time as child actors, they create a relatable and inviting space for listeners to explore the unconventional paths they've navigated. This episode lays a strong foundation for future discussions, promising deeper dives into their lives and the unique challenges they've overcome.

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Disclaimer: The timestamps and quotes are based on the provided transcript excerpts and are used to highlight key moments in the podcast episode.

Transcript

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[Taliesin Jaffe]

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[Unknown Speaker 1]

Hey there Critter podcast listeners. We have a special new membership service at Beacon TV where you can get early access to all new podcast episod including Critical Role. For the first time ever, Beacon members also get things like live event presales, merch discounts, access to a private community discord, and new exclusive series like Critical Role Cooldown. Think of it as our digital Critical Role Land. Head on over to Beacon TV to check it out for yourself and start a seven day free trial. Thank you so much for your support for being a podcast listener and for being a part of our community.

[Ashley Johnson]

Well hey there critters.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

This is Ashley Johnson and Taliesin Jaffe.

[Ashley Johnson]

And we are popping in here to share with you all the first episode of our new podcast, Weird Kids.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

In this series, we're diving into Our lives as former child actors, from unraveling our eccentric upbringings to embracing all the delightfully odd interests we still have today.

[Ashley Johnson]

Recovering so, so many topics like antique toys, taxidermy, Japanese pop culture, and honestly, anything else we can come up with.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

So to all the misfits, weirdos, and none of the aboves out there, come take a seat at our table and celebrate all things unconventional, eccentric and wonderfully weird.

[Ashley Johnson]

Weird Kids is available exclusively on Beacon, but we wanted to share this first episode with everyone to show what we've been working on.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

If you like what you hear, use the code weirdos to get a one month free trial on Beacon TV to go hear more. New episodes will be released every Tuesday on Beacon. Now, without further ado, welcome to Weird Kids.

[Ashley Johnson]

Oh, hello.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Hi there. I was all prepared for like 10 seconds of awkward silence, but apparently that's a bad thing.

[Ashley Johnson]

I mean, I don't think it's a bad thing.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah, it's just to prepare people for how awkward this is going to be.

[Ashley Johnson]

This is going to be so awkward.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Whose voice am I hearing right now in my podcast?

[Ashley Johnson]

Okay, so, yes, if you are listening, first time listener, first time watcher, if you're watching this as well, my name is Ashley Johnson. What is your name?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I am known as Taliesin Jaffe.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yes, you are.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

That is my name. And we were child actors. If we were still child actors, that would be a little awkward.

[Ashley Johnson]

That'd be strange.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah.

[Ashley Johnson]

At this point, we are now adults, apparently, kind of.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

And yeah, this is. Welcome to Weird Kids.

[Ashley Johnson]

Welcome to Weird Kids. Why are we doing this? Because we were told to.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Honestly, it's because we were told to. Because we have a lot of issues and not.

[Ashley Johnson]

Well, yeah, we have. Yes, I think. I think we have. We're very. We're a little strange and I think we both know that. And I think the sort of nugget of why we are is. Well, there's many reasons, but I think one of them, which we will talk about in some of the podcast as we go on. We're still figuring out what this is. It'll change, it'll morph, but we will tell some stories of, yeah, we both were child actors. That's why we're weird.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. Again, we'll get deeper into this. But there is something that happens when you spend your entire childhood being treated like a child, but being expected to behave like an adult and not actually knowing any real children. And yeah, some people break hard. We did not break hard. I mean, you know, we didn't rob a 711 or anything. Or if we did, we didn't get caught. So well done.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, we didn't. I was a fairly good kid.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I had a good heart.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah. I think in being a kid on a set. And then you go back to normal life and you go around, you're around kids your own age.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Oh, it's horrifying.

[Ashley Johnson]

It's hard.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah.

[Ashley Johnson]

And I think because you, you are not trained, but you're just around adults all day. So you know, you, you interact with adults, they talk to you like an adult. And we were very, we were weird kids, which I think when we were talking about putting together this podcast of things we wanted to talk about and why, I think, I don't know. I, I, I, it. We have had very similar upbringings in some ways and some of it was the actor stuff and some of it was not. Both of us have had very interesting and strange and weird lives.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Very strange lives. And the child acting definitely started it. And then it just kind of morphed into a decades long attempt to figure out what a real childhood is like and still attempting to figure it out. And it created an interesting reality for me. I've had like six lives and at.

[Ashley Johnson]

This point you've had more than that because you were born in 1642.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I'm 3027 next year.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yes.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I beat Mel Brooks by 1,000 years, which I'm really good for.

[Ashley Johnson]

You.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

You know, I look better too. Arguably.

[Ashley Johnson]

You do. You do. There's more color and more flair.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. And I'm here mostly because our friends told me that the only way I'm actually going to get healthy is if I monetize my sick. And so you're like, you won't do it any other way. And that's true.

[Ashley Johnson]

No, it's true. That was another thing we were talking about because we. So how long have we known each other?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

12 years. I don't know.

[Ashley Johnson]

I feel like it's been a little bit longer than that.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I met you through D and D. I had heard of your reputation, but we did not meet.

[Ashley Johnson]

Is that when we first met?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

As far as I remember. Unless. But that doesn't mean anything. My memory is shot, which is ironic for doing a. I remember everything before, like 2010.

[Ashley Johnson]

So yeah, we remember a lot of our childhood, but everything, you know, if I had to tell you what I did yesterday, I probably couldn't tell you.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

No, I can tell you the lyrics to every cartoon I watched up until 1985, though I don't know why. And I watched a Lot.

[Ashley Johnson]

And we'll get there.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah, we will.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, we did. We met through playing a game of Durngeons and Dragonsh.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. At Laura and Travis's house.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yes.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

That's where I remember meeting you.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

And. Yeah.

[Ashley Johnson]

And we have played in that same game, even though we've had different campaigns for the past 12 years.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

My God.

[Ashley Johnson]

And have connected on many different levels.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. I don't meet a lot of people who have a similar level of damage.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yes.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I mean, there's a. I mean, plenty of people who have a depth of damage. I mean, it's always a. You know, it is. It is. It is a. It is a deep lake.

[Ashley Johnson]

It's a deep lake. It's a deep wall.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. And, you know, deep lakes tend to have. Have quiet surfaces. It's. It's streams that are loud and. And it's always shallow water that is loud and crackly and moving everywhere.

[Ashley Johnson]

What a good. I like that. That it's very quiet on the outside, which I feel like we both are, until you sort of get in there and you're like, oh, yeah. And there's a lot of shit going on here.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Immediately. I had that. Oh, child actor. Okay.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

And I don't know a lot of them, so. Anymore.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah. Are you friends with any still?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Oh, I mean, I don't think Sam Riegel quite counts because he was a theater kid, which is a whole different.

[Ashley Johnson]

Who is another friend of ours that is also a place in our Dungeons.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

And Dragons worth looking up. Another interesting life, but very different.

[Ashley Johnson]

Very different. Very different. Yeah. I was in theater, so he was kind of like a cool. That was just such a different vibe. Like, I feel like the theater kids were very separate from.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah, they were. Yeah, they were serious actors. But not to. I mean, it's one of those things where in acting you're like, you should get a real job, but also, that looks hard and. Oh, you're an artist. Whatever.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, yeah. But theater is for the artistic and the real actors.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. You learn to sing and dance. That's great. That doesn't actually help you get a real job.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Even in acting. Oh, you're a mime. Mimes make more money at this point. Never mind.

[Ashley Johnson]

So where are you from, Taliesin?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Oh, boy. I am born and raised Los Angeles, California. Wow. I was born at home in Venice beach because my mother was born at home. Yeah. Yeah, I was. My mom was.

[Ashley Johnson]

I don't know if I knew this.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I may not have ever mentioned it.

[Ashley Johnson]

But, yeah, she had a home birth.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah.

[Ashley Johnson]

Oh, my God.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Explains a lot.

[Ashley Johnson]

It does explain a lot, but I think that's pretty fascinating.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

There are. There are rumors she was mildly inebriated, but I haven't been able to confirm that.

[Ashley Johnson]

Good for her. That's one way to do it.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I wasn't there, technically, until minutes later. Yeah. Moved around Los Angeles probably once a year for most of my. Or close to once or twice a year for most of my life. I don't know why. And then series of various step parents along the way, which will be fun to get into. A little bit of time in London, a little bit of. And then later Japan and Colorado and Texas. But those are all different vibes.

[Ashley Johnson]

But you spent some time in each of those places. You spent some time in Japan. You know Japan pretty well.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

It's been a long time. I'm sure it's very different, but. Yeah. Yeah, that was my. I had my 21st birthday out there, but. And I come from a film family. Film and theater family. Four generations.

[Ashley Johnson]

Four generations.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Great grandmother was a silent film actress. My grandfathers were. One of them was a. Was a writer, playwright, and film. And film writer.

[Ashley Johnson]

We have some of his books here on the set.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Ashley Johnson]

May I grab one?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah, sure. There's.

[Ashley Johnson]

Do you want to show it?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

We can show it. This is. I mean, this is not really what he's known for, but I was amused that he wrote, like, some novels as well.

[Ashley Johnson]

I'm gonna move the microphone with me, because we can. Because this is technology that we have.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

This is why you should watch the video of this.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah. Because you want to see us move around. It really makes a difference.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. Uncle was a producer. Grandfather.

[Ashley Johnson]

So we have two versions.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah, that's. That's the new version.

[Ashley Johnson]

We have this one, and then we also have this one, which I think is Norwegian, maybe Swedish.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

It is. It is a language I do not know. Blackmailer by George Axelrod. She was born bad. I do know that there's.

[Ashley Johnson]

She was born bad.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

She was born bad. So the front page with the scantily clad woman with guns and money saying, look at her.

[Ashley Johnson]

I want to be her. So. So he wrote these.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. And I. And I think, like, there's.

[Ashley Johnson]

You also say what else he wrote.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I can say some films, but, like this. I know that, like. I think this is one that has, like, a vague Truman Capote vibe in it, where, like, he's a character with a different name in there. My grandfather wrote some episodes of the. Of the Shadow, I believe.

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[Taliesin Jaffe]

Radio Play Back in the day Whoa. He wrote the Seven Year Itch. Will Success Loyal Rock Hunter.

[Ashley Johnson]

How fucking cool is that?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

The film adaptation of the Manchurian Candidate.

[Ashley Johnson]

Damn.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

A couple other things. Bus Stop. He did the adaptation of Bus Stop with Marilyn Monroe. He.

[Ashley Johnson]

Did he ever talk about Marilyn?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Oh, yeah, tons.

[Ashley Johnson]

Did he love her?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Oh, yeah, they were. He thought she was fucking delightful and always had great stories about what a delightful mess she was. We had a lot of. I mean, he and my grandmother were huge socialites, so we had all sorts of interesting people around the house all the time that I wouldn't even know where to begin with it. My grandmother was, I guess, roommates in college. I don't know what they called it back then with Lauren Bacall, so there was a whole bunch of that.

[Ashley Johnson]

In reality, I love Lauren Bacall so much.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Oh yeah. Betty is a whole.

[Ashley Johnson]

Which so many of those stories, which I can't wait to get into. And another thing that we've talked about where it's hard to sometimes tell these stories because you're like, I don't want to, like, name drop.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

These are not names I ever want to say out loud. And I've been told I have to for this podcast. Yeah. And. Well, that's. That's enough because I have to save some stuff. So.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, we'll save some stuff.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

So.

[Ashley Johnson]

But you did have a very. There's some things that I can't wait to talk about of your upbringing with staying at your grandparents that I think is. Oh, it's so different and so bizarre and is so much fun to just unpack.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Oh, yeah, I've Seen. I've seen. I saw shed as a child that no child should see. And honestly, just on like a psychedelic level. So. Ashley Johnson. Who am you anyway?

[Ashley Johnson]

Who am I? Who am me? I, you know, just a normal woman.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

We're all in trouble.

[Ashley Johnson]

Just. Yeah, we're all in trouble. I am mostly from Los Angeles as well. Lived in Michigan for a little part of my life. Franklin, the town that time forgot. So I'm a little bit of a Michigander. Sometimes the accent comes out accent. Like, sometimes, like if I get around people from Michigan and all my O's become A's and it's just terrible. But mostly from Los Angeles. And when we moved out here, my family, we lived on a sailboat for three years. Very small, only 38. 38 foot sailboat. And it was the best.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Explains a lot. I had no idea.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, my dad's side of the family, there's a lot of sailors. So we always. On the water. So we grew up. Grew up on the water. And then during that time, I. I mean, I started acting when we came out to Los Angeles, just kind of as an accident and then just kept doing it. But during that period, there were times where, you know, I wanted to feel like I was never forced into it. And I think you and I both, I think that's why we kind of turned out okay.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

My parents were practically against it.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yes. Yeah. Same with mine where it was like, well, I mean, you're like, you're a kid. Should they be working? But they seem to be enjoying it. And I don't know, I. I look back on it now and I'm so. I'm thankful for that time, but it was a very different time of being a child actor in the industry than it is now. Oh, I can't, because there was some shit that I know that we both saw where it was like, that's gonna. That caused some trauma for later.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

God, I'm glad no one had the ability to take a photograph with their camera. That was my thought, was, I'm glad that portable cameras aren't really a thing other than Polaroids. And thankfully I only have a few of those.

[Ashley Johnson]

Oh, God. Yeah. So we. Mostly Los Angeles. And then I just kept doing. I just kept acting. But. But I really feel like I didn't really start to love it and love the craft of it until maybe I was like 16, which is still pretty young. I mean, I was working consistently as a kid and was just kind of what life was. But.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah, that's interesting because that's around the Age. I pieced out.

[Ashley Johnson]

I know. And I feel like we've talked about this. Where you were like, I'm done.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah.

[Ashley Johnson]

Why is that?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

It was. I was. I had an audition. So as a child actor, we should probably. You spend most of your time going to auditions. And so, honestly, almost every day, nearly every day, if I was in school immediately after school or right before school ended, I would. My parents would come pick me up. I would go straight to an audition. That would be my next two hours, three hours, would be auditioning for commercials, television shows, whatever. So that kind of cut into social time, which is one of the reasons why I didn't get close to any of those people. Those children. Those children I don't know, or where most of them are. They don't know me. And you do that and then, like, once or twice a year, maybe more, depending on how well you're doing. If you do it twice a year, you're doing well. You book something, you know, decent, and then you vanish for two years onto a sitcom or six months onto a film or three days or one day onto a commercial. So that day, I had an audition that I had to go to for Baywatch.

[Ashley Johnson]

Oh, shit.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

It was Baywatch.

[Ashley Johnson]

What season? Who knows? Was it already on the air?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah, it was already on the air. It was. It was a. It was an episodic. And the. The sides were a level of terrible I did not even know how to contemplate. I did not know what children sounded like. And even I knew this was monstrously bad writing and that no child sounded like this. It was absolutely terrible. It was a whole.

[Ashley Johnson]

Even as a kid, you were like, this writing is terrible.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I was giggling. I couldn't stop laughing at it. I couldn't get through it at all. And I was trying to prepare with my dad, and I would. I just kept snickering because it was so terrible. And he finally. He didn't yell. He wasn't a yeller. But he got frustrated and basically, in his very strange way, said, wow, you know, if you can't take this seriously, maybe you shouldn't be doing it. And I had an epiphany at that moment. I'm like, oh, my God, you're right. There are gonna be kids in that room who want this.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

And this is disrespectful. I'm out. Call my agent. I'm done.

[Ashley Johnson]

Wow.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I'm done.

[Ashley Johnson]

You quit everything that day?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. That was just like.

[Ashley Johnson]

That was it.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I shouldn't. I shouldn't be in there. If I can't take this seriously.

[Ashley Johnson]

But then you started voice acting.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Oh. Much later.

[Ashley Johnson]

Much later. Because you still had the itch to perform. Do you like performing?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I do. It's everything else I hate.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah. Okay, I get that.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Including the haircut and the. The haircut. The. The maintaining a physical form.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Like, the auditioning is awful. Occasionally booking a terrible thing is terrible.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. And then it was just. I kind of wanted to know what real life was like. So I'm like, I'm about to start high school. I'm just gonna go to high school. Or some version of it. I felt I made a terrible mistake pretty quickly, which is its own.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, but you had to go to high school. I didn't get to go to high school. I know. And I feel like everybody has that reaction where they're like, oh, you dodged a bullet. But I also feel like mine was really bad. But yours was really bad. I feel like mine would have been bad, too, because at that time, I was. I didn't really come into my own yet. Yeah. I feel like high school probably would have been terrible for me, but I still wish I would have had that experience.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I get it.

[Ashley Johnson]

Because, like, I didn't go to prom. You went to prom. And we have your lovely prom photo over here, which I think we should try to.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

We'll get around to it. Yeah. And that was a whole, like, weird breakdown of reality that got there. But, like, that was until I got into voiceover because I got into anime, and then anime led to vo and just because I had opinions, because, you know, I was a performer once, of course, but I often think about what life would have been like if I had continued. And who knows? But you kept going, why? Like, I say why, But I know I. It's such a mixed bag.

[Ashley Johnson]

It's a mixed bag. And I think there are times where I. I feel like when you. When you're an actor, you're sort of at the mercy of a production. A writer, a director. You kind of sometimes have to do jobs that you like. You're saying you are not necessarily into. Not everybody. Some people get lucky and they're just like, have awesome. I dodged a couple projects that they get to do. Yeah, you can. Yeah, but. Yeah, but I. I think I worked with. I feel like I know when it really changed for me, I worked on this. Feels funny to, like, I know, talk about ourselves in this way, but, I mean, whatever. I worked on a movie called I Might have Been a Little Older Then. I guess when this kind of hit me, I Worked in a movie called Fast Food Nation. And the director was Richard Linklater. And we did a rehearsal process that was about two weeks prior to filming. And I had never done anything like that before and I think so it was so collaborative and so just, we were just in a little office space in Los Angeles and just crammed into a tiny room and we just. He, like. Linklater's approach was like, well, who are you? Talk to me. What do you like? What are the things you're into? And let's infuse that into the character. And it was such a foreign concept to me where I was like, wait, it can be like this? And I think it was such a cool experience and it was such a laid back set, like. And I think because he'd worked with all the same people and all the same crew, it was just like, it's such a well oiled machine and it was just, it was, it was cool to see at an age in my life where I was like, oh, this can be done. You can do this and you can make movies and you can make your art in a really, in a, in a cool way. And I, I think.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Race the rudders, race the sails. Race the sails. Captain. An unidentified ship is approached coaching over. Roger. Wait, is that an enterprise sales solution?

[Unknown Speaker 3]

Reach sales professionals, not professional sailors. With LinkedIn ads, you can target the right people by industry, job title, and more. We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. Get started today at LinkedIn.com results. Terms and conditions apply.

[Ashley Johnson]

Prior to that, it was always a coin toss of whether it was going to be a fun set or a bad set or, you know, it didn't. It finally felt creative in a way that I think I was yearning for. But, you know, and since then, I've had some jobs that you. You that, you know, I've had jobs that I love and I have. I've had jobs that I, that I didn't love as much as the other ones.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Jobs that you take and Jobs you take.

[Ashley Johnson]

Jobs that you take. Yeah, but, yeah, it's a, it's a weird, strange world. And I think on top of that.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

We both did sitcom, which is interesting.

[Ashley Johnson]

We both did sitcom, which is why I'm gonna just talk about this set for a second.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Go ahead.

[Ashley Johnson]

And I love that this set kind of looks like a sitcom set. Yes. And these are. We have filled the set with trinkets and things that we both love and that we, I guess, maybe not cherished, but things that we liked as A kid or things that we collect now or things that we're super into.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

It's hard not to be nostalgic when so much weird. When you had so many bizarre things happen to you.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Because. Yeah. I miss three or four of the people I used to be.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

God, they were fascinating.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah. I feel that really hard.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I was a precocious, like 11 year old and now I'm. I haven't really evolved enough to be anything but kind of an idiot. 40 something. It's just kind of. Kind of. Yeah. I mean, like, the person changes, but the ability to function has not really improved.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah. I feel, I feel the same. I feel the same.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. And it is, it is odd and finding that, that line between art and working and it's hard.

[Ashley Johnson]

It's hard to find that. That little sweet spot of like, how do. How to be a creator and then. But also the business side of things or like the how to. It's hard.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

And 11 years old.

[Ashley Johnson]

And 11 years old.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Which is, again, I hope that this is as horrifying for everybody else as it was for, for us. I, I was kind of aware of it.

[Ashley Johnson]

You were.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Oh, I was surrounded by. I didn't. I barely knew anybody who wasn't in the industry, like, because all I knew were my grandparents, friends, and all of them. Everybody worked in the. All my family was in the industry. It's kind of. We didn't have much else to talk about.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, it just becomes your life. I mean, that was, it's all encompassing.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

And I would have a creative writing project for seventh grade or sixth grade that I had to write for English class, and I would write it. And inevitably three people who have written, written films would look at it and go, okay, here are your problems and start redlining. And they're like, the narrative is broken. This dialogue is crap.

[Ashley Johnson]

They couldn't help it.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

They couldn't. They also, I think they delighted in seeing me, like, just get the right amount of irritated.

[Ashley Johnson]

And do you feel like there was a little bit of which I feel like some people in, like, if they've been in the industry for a really long time, there's a bit of a chip on your shoulder where you're like, no, you gotta work for it. You gotta earn your way up here. And so maybe when you were a kid writing it, they were like, no, no, no. Here, we're gonna give you some of the hard knocks.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I had respect for the people who were kicking me around a bit, and they did it with love. We are one of those families where we show love by being kind of awful to each other in ways that you can only do to someone you know intimately. Yes. And it was how we expressed love and, you know, trying to think. My grandfather, I don't even remember who he was talking to, but someone came over for lunch and he was like, I hear you're very talented and I'm so happy that I'm old enough that I don't give a shit anymore. Yeah, that's. We were talking about actors at the table. We all had to raise our hands before we went further to remind everybody that we were talking about an actor.

[Ashley Johnson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Just to make it okay. These are broken people. Yeah. And having that. Yeah, definitely. And I was very serious and attempting.

[Ashley Johnson]

You were a serious kid.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I was attempting to blend in. And I didn't like being a problem. I didn't like making a fuss. I liked being funny and I like being funny to adults and not in slapstick ways, man.

[Ashley Johnson]

I think that's something that you and I talk about a lot of the sort of, I guess, issues that you can have as a grown up after being a child actor because you get really used to people pleasing and sort of like, I'm, I'm, I'm. I'm pretty good at taking direction, but I think to a fault, to where it's just like, oh, yeah, I'll do exactly what, what needs to be done. But you know, as you get older, that doesn't, it doesn't really help you a lot.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

No.

[Ashley Johnson]

To sort of. It's hard to speak up for yourself. It's hard. I have a harder time advocating for myself deeply.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Oh, my God. It's embarrassing. Like, especially if I'm, if I'm on a down slope. This is. I am incapable of expressing any opinion at anybody.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah. You're like, I'm fine, I'm fine. I will just do what needs to be done and I'll make sure everybody's happy right now and I'll deal with my shit when I go home.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I'm still at the point where, like, everybody I know now, because I know, I don't want to say I know new people, obviously, because I grew up, they're still younger than the people I knew when I was nine. Like, I still don't know people who were the age of the people that I was talking to when I was a kid.

[Ashley Johnson]

That's wild.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

It freaks me out.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

And like several times a year, I, like, I see an obituary. I was like, oh, wow, I should have really sent an Email. While I was. While it was an option. Damn. Fuck.

[Ashley Johnson]

I have. I have a little. A little bit of a. Because I keep getting distracted by a picture over here that I'm going to grab.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Please.

[Ashley Johnson]

So I. Okay.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Do you want me to grab a thing?

[Ashley Johnson]

Okay. Yeah. Grab that photo. Right.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

This one right here. This.

[Ashley Johnson]

So to give you more lore of why I'm so A little fucked up.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Well, for. Paint a picture for the people who cannot see.

[Ashley Johnson]

I was Miss Junior Michigan. Not to brag.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

It'd be hard to.

[Ashley Johnson]

I'm a winner, baby. I don't know how old I was, but this was in Michigan and early 20s. I don't know how I ended up in pageants, but I did. And it was a very brief period of my life and I would not recommend it.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

So. I mean, there are wonderful punk songs about how no one should. Should be involved in a. In a child pageant. Oh, yeah.

[Ashley Johnson]

I never knew that there would be a punk song about child.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

The Dead Milkman. Don't Trust the Happy Great is a good one. This is just to paint the picture. This looks like. Like definitely. Like a rented ballroom.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yes.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

There's a little bit of that fake Greek white marble, which is clearly not actually marble pillars in the background. You are holding. You are maybe three feet in this picture at best. Maybe with. With the tiara. Yeah. In a blue dress.

[Ashley Johnson]

It's still. Is this blue to you?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

It's light. Light.

[Ashley Johnson]

It's silver blue. This is silver.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Okay.

[Ashley Johnson]

This was a gorgeous, shiny silver with sequins.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

The photo is a little. Is. Is. Is. Is not. I feel like the color could be boosted.

[Ashley Johnson]

It could be a little boosted. No, no, no, it's fine.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

But, yeah. And you have very curly hair going into this. I did a smile that is creeping into the eyes, but the eyes are fighting it very powerfully. And the trophy comes up to your shoulder.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, I. So. And I feel like this is a. So when I, for some reason got into pageants, it was very brief period of my life. Maybe a year or two. But I did end up winning. Winning in the end, which is very cool. You know, I wish I still had that trophy.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I was gonna ask if you still had the trophy.

[Ashley Johnson]

But the first pageant that I was in, and I feel like this should have been an indication to my family that I would get nervous on stage. There was a portion where they asked questions and I peed on the stage. Cause I was nervous.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

What question did they ask and was that an appropriate answer?

[Ashley Johnson]

Yes, he asked me. He was like, do you know who George Bush is, oh, no. And I said, yes, he's a small tree. And I peed. I peed on the stage. And I just remember looking down and, like, backing up a little bit and seeing that I peed. And I remember the guy's face. Cause he looks down and he saw it too. And then just went to the next little girl and asked her a question. I. So I don't. I don't know if I was, like, meant for performing, but I worked it out. You know, I work hard. I mean, I work hard to overcome.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I was going. This. Bladder control seems to not be an issue anymore. Unless. Unless you're doing it. Okay.

[Ashley Johnson]

When I get nervous, I start wiggling because I feel like I have to pee.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I just assume that's what I did.

[Ashley Johnson]

Before we started this.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

That. Yeah, your legs are falling asleep. That's good to know.

[Ashley Johnson]

No, I will pee. This is riveting.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Well, here we're.

[Ashley Johnson]

I will pee, like, up until the last minute of performing. And then somehow a little bit will still show itself up in the bladder. And I'm like, God, why? It's nerve. Nerves are weird.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. You are usually almost the last one, if not the last one.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, Performing nerves have never gone away for me.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Well, I definitely still have. I still have nerves as well. And yes, I mean, we're both terrified of everything we will ever say. And then I got a tremor when I started after I had quit, which I can.

[Ashley Johnson]

How old were you?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I was about 16 or 15. And it just. They said it would just get worse the older I got. And they were not wrong. And I do remember a doctor when I was like, 17 saying, Just have like, some, like a gin and tonic or something, and it'll take the edge off. And I was just.

[Ashley Johnson]

What?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I was like, you are either the best or worst doctor I've ever spoken to.

[Ashley Johnson]

That's kind of amazing.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I mean, does it work? It helps. Although I have other things that help a bit more. But I'm too lazy to take pills that do nothing but just make my life slightly easier on occasion.

[Ashley Johnson]

I'm the same way.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah, I'll take the stuff. I have to. But if it's optional, I'm just.

[Ashley Johnson]

I just.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I just keep going. But just in case everyone's nervous that I, like, haven't eaten in three days. This is normal.

[Ashley Johnson]

It's just what we. It's a part of you that I love.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Oh, thank you. It definitely makes doing on camera stuff, unless I'm on a bunch of these pills that don't, like, almost Impossible. Because you need your hands to not do this.

[Ashley Johnson]

You need your hands.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah, that helps. Well.

[Ashley Johnson]

It'S so crazy because I feel like we haven't been talking very. It doesn't feel like we've been talking long, but I feel like there is something that before we are finished, I would love for us to. This is. This is going to be changing a little bit the show. It's going to. We're going to. It's going to be a little bit loosey goosey. We're going to figure out what this is. We're going to do some fun stuff.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. And. And this is. This is more of an introduction to us. This is not what we're going to be talking about all the time or anything. It's. It is more coming from the perspective of who we are now after all of this happened. And kind of the ways that we have adapted to our damage and maybe the ways that we have adapted to our damage might help others find ways of delighting themselves when they find themselves older in the twilight of their ability to pretend that they're old and not really mean it, as opposed to going, oh, no, things break and they don't get better anymore.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, we have as a. A little. A little surprised. We're gonna. We're gonna take a trip back to our. Our childhoods and show some of. The. Show some old commercials that we were in because, you know, you can't get enough of an 80s commercial.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

And commercials are great for us because they're short, to the point, and like it's its own. I'm trying not to pay attention to anything.

[Ashley Johnson]

Something fell behind you.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Something's haunted, clearly.

[Ashley Johnson]

I think it's. It's haunted because it's next to your prom photo. And your prom photo is very cursed. I feel like we need to push that up, though. It's going to drive me crazy.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

That's fair. I will do an intro while you do that.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, you do an intro and I'll fix the set.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Commercials are great because they're very, very short. They're very to the point. There's usually a quick gag and we haven't found the time or the system yet for watching a 22 minute episode of television or otherwise that we did. And they're always bizarre. So let's do some dueling commercials. Like, you can do one, I'll do the next. And for those of you who are not watching on videos, we will do our best to kind of paint a picture.

[Ashley Johnson]

This. This is Prime Taliesin right here to Me. This is a Rice Krispies commercial that you did.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. Strawberry Krispies.

[Ashley Johnson]

Strawberry Crispies. Look at your little face. Look at your little hair. So tell me, do you remember shooting this?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Oh, yes.

[Ashley Johnson]

You do.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I Not the least of which is there were so many camera setups. I, I, if you find this, you will notice that there is not a single, like, repeat shot in the whole thing. Every cut, to me, is always a different. Is always a different angle. Oh, over here. And then we're going to cut in a second, and then you'll see.

[Ashley Johnson]

Oh, why did you do that? So it must have taken forever to shoot.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I don't know. I genuinely don't understand what this man was thinking. Also, that suit was a weird mix of comfortable and uncomfortable.

[Ashley Johnson]

Really.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

And then the girl who was in the corn suit, who you can see on stage there, actually threw up in the corn suit. And so it's not moving because they had to stand it up on, like, a mop because she got.

[Ashley Johnson]

She threw up in the suit.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. And they had to take her up and just. Oh, she was. It's a. It was a giant, like, foam column. No, nobody should be in that thing. It was. It looked horrifying.

[Ashley Johnson]

Damn.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

But, yeah, they had to take her away, and I felt bad. But that's why the corn isn't moving. There is, because it's just on a stick and smells terrible.

[Ashley Johnson]

Did you enjoy eating? Cause I always felt like whenever I did a commercial where I got to eat something, I was like, this is the best day of my life.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I mean, that stuff was really good. Although, like, the. Again, like, they did the glue thing for the one that's actually shot where instead of milk, they just use, like, white glue so it wouldn't melt under the camera.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, they would use glue.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

They used glue so that they could take, like, a dozen shots of it and it wouldn't get soggy.

[Ashley Johnson]

Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I tried really hard not to eat a ton because then they would have to reset the cereal if I ate too much every time. And that.

[Ashley Johnson]

And you were a good boy.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

And I was a good boy. I was here to work. I'm aware. And I can't believe. This certainly haunts me to this day.

[Ashley Johnson]

I can't believe this. Can you give it to us?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I can't believe it. I've got to be. Yeah, that's not even a very good. Even now I'm embarrassed by that line reading. I could do better.

[Ashley Johnson]

We some, oh, God. Friends of ours, we call you the Baby Strawberry Goth.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Strawberry Goth is.

[Ashley Johnson]

Strawberry Goth is definitely your vibe.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I've been trying to buy more Strawberry Goth, like, out. I'm gonna lean into it. There's nothing else to do with it.

[Ashley Johnson]

You should.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah, once. Once people pick a nickname. Lean into it. No matter how weird it is.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, it feels good. It feels good.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. And, like, the only other thing I can remember about this, other than I actually like the suit, I. I wish I still had it, was they gave me a lifetime supply of Strawberry Krispies, which was not.

[Ashley Johnson]

That's wild. So are you still getting them in the mail?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Well, man, that'd be great. No, they, like. It wasn't actually a lifetime supply. It was just a very, very, like, 10 boxes. Oh, 30 boxes. It was a lot of boxes. But, like. And I ate it not quite every day, but an awful lot. And I got through it in about a year and change. And literally, as the last box was being eaten, I discovered that they had taken it off the market because it was causing cancer. It was a red dye number five. And being the kid I was, it was spoon in my mouth going, I'm going to die. I was at the table. It was like back when you would have a TV on the kitchen table. I'm like, oh, God.

[Ashley Johnson]

That's another thing that you and I both connect on is health stuff, where if anything's wrong, we're like, well, I'm gonna die. Oh, yeah, that's for sure gonna happen to me.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Oh, yeah. No, it's. I mean, I was taking spirulina shakes by the time I was 13.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, it was bad. Oh, my God.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

So.

[Ashley Johnson]

So after the last box. But what if. Would you still. How. Why wouldn't they just switch it over to regular Rice Krispies then? Well, to give you. I mean, for your lifetime supply.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I think they just assumed I would die soon, so it hardly mattered.

[Ashley Johnson]

Who owns Rice Krispies? Kellogg's. I say we write to Kellogg's and say, hey, I did a commercial when I was a kid. I was promised a lifetime supply. Where is it?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I want the Strawberry Krispies. I think they changed. They have a new red dye. It took a while, and I. So I want. That's. Honestly, I still like strawberry Rice Krispies quite a bit.

[Ashley Johnson]

I like strawberry Rice Krispies.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

That's exactly what you would hope for, which is, like, someone took Rice Krispies and then, like, dunked a strawberry shortcake doll in it and, like, stirred it for three. Three days. It's amazing.

[Ashley Johnson]

Sounds delicious.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

It's really good.

[Ashley Johnson]

Give it to me now.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Strawberry Milk, too. You can go that. Actually, that was overboard. I did try it once, and it didn't work. Strawberry milk on with Strawberry Krispies. At some point you could do chocolate milk, and then you got the chocolate strawberry. But cereal is a science.

[Ashley Johnson]

Cereal is a science. And I just had cereal the other night, and it was so good.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

We're gonna have to delve into that at some point.

[Ashley Johnson]

We will. We're gonna. We're gonna do a cereal episode.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I'm into it. Some point. Cereal.

[Ashley Johnson]

But I did have Fruity Pebbles. Yeah, Fruity Pebbles and milk in a bowl. And it was so. It was so good.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I'm gonna have to. Yeah, I want to. I want to see. I want to see some of your shame.

[Ashley Johnson]

All right, let's see some of my shame. This is a commercial for a toy little disturbing called Baby Bundle, I think.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Oh, my God. Is. Is. Is that backpack, like, trying to get out? Oh, my God, the child is banging. Okay.

[Ashley Johnson]

So it's just like, hey, don't you want to have kids? Don't you want to be a good little wife? That is.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

That is, to be fair, sit in.

[Ashley Johnson]

Your kitchen and have a kid.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Okay, so this is like. This is like. I can't remember a Bjorn that. Those, like, those, like, little Bjorn with.

[Ashley Johnson]

The weird stork that was also looked like the pickle guys.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

It did look like the pickle stork.

[Ashley Johnson]

Pickle stork.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Maybe he needed a side job. You know, acting doesn't always pay the bills.

[Ashley Johnson]

It doesn't always pay the bills.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

You take the job you can get.

[Ashley Johnson]

You really do. He's like, I can be a stork, too.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Or a cartoon stork.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

And so it's like a bag, and you put a baby doll in it, and then the doll tries to, like, it can, like, actually. It feels like it's kicking the front of the bag. Because it wants to get out.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, it wants to get out. So it's, like, trying to make it feel like it's a pregnant belly, which is why it's kicking.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Oh, is that why?

[Ashley Johnson]

But then you open it up and it's like, but you had the baby. It's a full grown child.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I thought it was because the baby was annoying and you were, like, trying to, like, close it up to make it sleep, and it was just trying to get out. I didn't know that this was, like a fake pregnancy bag.

[Ashley Johnson]

So I think. I don't know. I don't really understand it.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Well, the baby's wearing a headband. That could mean Anything?

[Ashley Johnson]

I mean. Yeah, it could mean anything. Hey, headbands are the baby needs to swatch.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Considering, like, what year this was.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

So was the bag kicking or was the baby kicking in the bag? I have to kind of know, or do you not know?

[Ashley Johnson]

I don't remember. Bundle baby.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

My bundle baby. That's horrifying. Thank you. And, yeah, you're wearing 80s toy child clothing and your hair is like this big curly.

[Ashley Johnson]

My hair was very curly. My hair was very curly.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

You've got a very sitcom vibe.

[Ashley Johnson]

And I think also that was. I do have a very sitcom vibe, but I think people in that era loved it because they were like, oh, it's like a little Shirley Temple. So they tried to make me like a baby for a long time.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah.

[Ashley Johnson]

And that caused a lot of problems.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. I had the weird blonde. Like. Yeah. I played much younger than I should have for way too long.

[Ashley Johnson]

They always do that.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I was also. I was well behaved enough that they're like, oh, it's practically like hiring an adult. Which. Cause I didn't. Cause I've watched so many other kids cause issues, and I'm like, I'm fine here. I don't know what their problem is. This is work. It made me mildly beloved for a while.

[Ashley Johnson]

I mean. Okay, we gotta watch another one.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. Okay, let's bring. Let's bring another one.

[Ashley Johnson]

This one's. This one's classic. This is a. A Coca Cola.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah, this is a Coca Cola commercial. Feel free. Oh, boy. This was like a whole deal.

[Ashley Johnson]

This was a cool one too, though. It was very Close Encounters, and I.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Think actually, like, it was. People from Close Encounters were involved. If I recall. That's also all inside a warehouse. None of this was shot outdoors, really. Oh, it's an airplane hangar.

[Ashley Johnson]

Well, the cinematography is gorgeous on this.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Thank you. Yeah.

[Ashley Johnson]

I wonder who it was.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Don't remember, but I remember it being important or, like, interesting look at you. And getting that Coca Cola bottle to fall with the Coke logo up apparently was driving everyone insane.

[Ashley Johnson]

Just took a while.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

The fake sand was great. And, like, you can see it's like a. It's like not a real backdrop, but it's great. Yeah.

[Ashley Johnson]

It's such a vibe.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I loved being in a warehouse.

[Ashley Johnson]

I remember this commercial.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Really?

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, I do.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

It was.

[Ashley Johnson]

Which is gonna be fun watching through some of these. Because I'm like, oh, my God. I watched that and I didn't know it was you. Cause we didn't know each other yet.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

They also. This was apparently a dueling commercial with Pepsi. Like, this was like a retort, if I recall.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah. Cause Pepsi's in it.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah, there was.

[Ashley Johnson]

How was that allowed?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I don't know. It was the 80s. And they actually call me by my real name in this one, too, which is interesting.

[Ashley Johnson]

They do?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. The mom yells, tj. Because I don't think they thought that far ahead.

[Ashley Johnson]

Tj.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. Dialogue was definitely not high on the priority here.

[Ashley Johnson]

God.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

But yeah, I did a Coke commercial.

[Ashley Johnson]

Sizzling little.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

There's a McDonald's commercial somewhere. There's a, like, insurance commercial with a lion where I have to sit on a couch with my family where there's a lion in front. They just brought a lion.

[Ashley Johnson]

You showed me pictures of that.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

And for the audition, they had you sit with a kangaroo because they couldn't get a lion. Oh, yeah.

[Ashley Johnson]

That's very different from a lion.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I felt that I was definitely. Why now? Thinking back, I think they just wanted to make sure you weren't gonna, like, mess with an animal. But apparently all they could get was a kangaroo for the color.

[Ashley Johnson]

We only have a kangaroo. Okay, we'll take the kangaroo.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah.

[Ashley Johnson]

What a bizarre.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

There's probably some insurance reasons why you can't have auditions. Yeah.

[Ashley Johnson]

But kangaroos are mean.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I think it was, like, the appropriate level.

[Ashley Johnson]

Sure.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I did get kicked by a goat on. On a Joe. Anyway, that's for later.

[Ashley Johnson]

I can't wait to get into our. And working with animals.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Working with animals is a whole thing.

[Ashley Johnson]

Because you taught me something about dolphins, which I'm very excited to. Because I am.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

That goat was mean. Sorry.

[Ashley Johnson]

I think last up, we have.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah.

[Ashley Johnson]

Duncan Hines commercial.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

What? Oh, my God. No, no, no. You have a voice here.

[Ashley Johnson]

I sound like. It sounds like when you let, like, a little bit of air come out of a balloon.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

You did the weird, like. Like, giggle shake here where like. Like you're trying not to move too much. But instead, as a kid, like, vibrates. Have you seen that? Like, that was amazing.

[Ashley Johnson]

My problem was I really loved sugar. I still do.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

That's fair.

[Ashley Johnson]

And so anytime there was, like, a commercial for food.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Food.

[Ashley Johnson]

Especially, like, a sweet. Especially a brownie. Oh, my God. Could never be. Couldn't be happier. So that was probably very genuine of like, I'm gonna get you. Eat the butter.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I have bad teeth, so they wouldn't. Wouldn't. It didn't do a lot of. I had or, like, bad teeth for. They're very big on good teeth for sugar things.

[Ashley Johnson]

Did you ever have to wear a flipper?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah.

[Ashley Johnson]

So if you don't know what flippers Are flippers are things that. If you were a child actor in this time only.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

That's right. Because normal children, they do it now get these. I totally forgot.

[Ashley Johnson]

So they have, like. If you have. If your teeth came out because you're a normal child whose teeth come out, they would make you fake dentures to wear. And it would be just like. It was like a retainer, but with. With teeth and everything. I was on just one tooth that would pop in because you had to have a perfect set of teeth on everything.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I lost a tooth on a bagel in the middle of a shoot of a film, and. And so they had to make me one for the film because that would have been a problem. Having a tooth randomly disappear mid. Mid show.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah. Cause you gotta have that consistent. Yeah. Of course, the continuity as well is.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Hard, but I got fired from a peanut butter commercial, too, for having bad teeth. I remember that.

[Ashley Johnson]

Really?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. Like, literally. I don't remember who it was. I think it might have been the director. Like, literally put her, like, grabbed my face and, like, opened up my mouth and said, not this one. Get it out of there. Get him out of here. And without eye contact. And was like, I get paid anyway. Whatever, motherfucker. Take my money and go home.

[Ashley Johnson]

Not this one. Get this one.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Literally. Literally. I don't even know who she was speaking to after, like. Gross. Jesus. You don't know where this mouth has been. Wash your hands.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah, well, I mean, I feel like. I feel like. I feel like we could. We did pretty good. I mean, I don't know how long we've been talking, but I feel like. I feel like there was a sort of a good maybe introduction. There's still so much more, but I feel like that was a good start.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

And I'm curious. We'll get eventually into your transition from child actor to actor. And I definitely am excited about the various nervous breakdowns that led to all sorts of weird adventures that.

[Ashley Johnson]

Oh, God, there's so many teenage.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Moving into young adulthood or whatever that was. And, yeah, wonderfully bad decisions and. Well, they all worked out, I suppose. I'm. They worked out well enough that I have achieved the 21st century dream of being on a podcast. We finally did it all downhill from here.

[Ashley Johnson]

We finally did it. We finally achieved everything we've ever wanted, which was a podcast. Well, this was great, Taliesin. I like hanging out with you.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I like hanging out with you, too.

[Ashley Johnson]

It's fun that we get to do. This is helping us hang out more.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I know we said for years we should really monetize and attempt to hang out, because otherwise we'll never leave our homes.

[Ashley Johnson]

That's so sad. Sad, so true. But we will be doing some field trips.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah, field trips are important.

[Ashley Johnson]

Field trips are important. We have some things that we've already done that we're gonna talk about and some other stuff that we have on the books.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

And I mean, now that we have this and we have this lovely set, and I'm sure we'll be trading out things and maybe talking about things on occasion. I mean, like, do we have. I don't know, do we. Do we do, like, music or do we say something or how do we need to end this?

[Ashley Johnson]

Somehow I feel like we need a theme song.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I'm. I'm bad at writing music.

[Ashley Johnson]

I am too. I feel like we should kind of sing.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Well, you can sing too, but.

[Ashley Johnson]

Well, but I feel like. I feel like. I feel like we should get somebody to write an amazing theme song for us weird kids. And I feel like, I feel like we know just the person. Taliesin.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Sam Riegel. Who are we gonna get?

[Ashley Johnson]

Dave Heatwave.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

You can't get Dave Heatwave.

[Ashley Johnson]

Well, we could certainly try. I could. I, I. Listen, I'm gonna write him a letter and I'm gonna just see if maybe, just maybe he will write us a.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Theme song, an email or a letter.

[Ashley Johnson]

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna write a letter to Dave Heatwave right in this moment. Definitely didn't write this prior to this.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Better you than me. It would freak me out.

[Ashley Johnson]

All right, let me just get my pencil ready.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

If you don't know who Dave Heatwave is, by the way, I don't know what's wrong with you and just Google that. That's just weird. You should know. That's ridiculous.

[Ashley Johnson]

Dear Mr. Dave Heatwave, Ashley Suzanne and Taliesin Armstrong. Here.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yep. Yep.

[Ashley Johnson]

That's your middle name, right?

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ashley Johnson]

I heard your music through the sound waves traveling through the cosmos, and it pleased the holes in my ears. I don't even know where you are on this earth or if you even reside in this here Virgo supercluster, but please, we need your help. I. I am requesting your assistance wherever you are. Can you please make us a theme song? An anthem if you will, for the strange kids, the anxiety riddles, the awkward and the insecure, the misunderstood, the wallflowers, the melancholic, lonely loners, the weird kids that grew up and are still weird.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

This needs a stand up base. Carry on.

[Ashley Johnson]

Thank you, Dave. Heatwave, please. We need your help. We will await your response. Ashley and Taliesin.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah, no, I'm. I'm in on that. That was amazing.

[Ashley Johnson]

I'm gonna send this off, and it's gonna make its way to Dave, and we'll see what he does.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I'm excited. This is. This is a. That's quite a letter.

[Ashley Johnson]

I'm going to put it in an envelope and send it to him for sure. And we're going to see if he will write us back.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

I have some fancy stamps. We will. We can do that.

[Ashley Johnson]

Great.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

They're super fancy.

[Ashley Johnson]

Great. Well, this has been fun.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

This has been fun. I've learned a lot. I would.

[Ashley Johnson]

I've learned a lot, too.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Yeah, this has been great.

[Ashley Johnson]

I can't wait to learn more.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Finally talk about this.

[Ashley Johnson]

Yeah. We did it. All right. Well, hey, at some point, we'll find a sign off here, but thanks for sitting with us at our table.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

See you next time.

[Ashley Johnson]

See you next time.

[Taliesin Jaffe]

Bye. Bye.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

And Taliesin Jaffe.