CTRL-ALT-LEAD with David Hinson

Episode: Be Clear To Be Kind
Date: November 13, 2024
Host: David Hinson

Episode Overview

In this succinct but impactful episode, David Hinson explores the importance of clarity in leadership, especially when navigating challenging or emotionally charged conversations. Drawing inspiration from Brene Brown’s teachings on vulnerability and courage, he shares personal experiences illustrating how being "clear to be kind" is not only a compassionate leadership strategy but the cornerstone of courageous and effective management in higher education and beyond.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Foundation of Courageous Leadership

• Brene Brown’s Influence

  • David highlights Brene Brown, emphasizing her definition of leadership:

    "A leader is anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes and has the courage to develop that potential."
    ([00:29])

  • Leadership requires stepping up, putting yourself out there, and leaning into courage.
    ([00:43])

• Misconceptions about Vulnerability

  • Brown questions the mythologizing of vulnerability as “weakness” or “oversharing.”
  • True vulnerability means staying engaged in tough conversations, not avoiding them when they become uncomfortable or hard.
    ([01:05])

2. "Be Clear To Be Kind" as a Leadership Dictum

• David centers the episode on a pivotal tenet from Brown’s work:

  "Being clear is kind. Being unclear is unkind."
  ([01:19])

  • Leaders often soften the truth to seem kind, but lack of clarity is actually unfair and sometimes manipulative.

• Examples of Unclear vs. Clear Leadership:

  • Managers struggling to set or communicate clear expectations.
    ([01:45])
  • The importance of having tough conversations upfront, instead of avoiding them.

3. Courage in All Directions of Leadership

• Difficult Conversations with Superiors, Not Just Subordinates

  • Courageous conversations aren’t limited to one’s direct reports—they include delivering hard truths to campus leadership, trustees, and donors.

• Guiding Principle for Leaders

  “Always do the right thing, regardless of the consequences.”
  ([02:10])

Memorable Leadership Scenarios Shared:

• Firing a close colleague, impacting personal relationships.

• Informing a board chairperson about potential malfeasance by a superior.

• Telling a donor their actions are inappropriate.

• Conveying tragic news to families.

• Addressing personal hygiene issues with a high-performing employee.
  ([02:30 - 03:10])

• David candidly reflects that while he wasn't always perfect, he never shied away from these necessary and difficult moments:

  "I can honestly say that I didn't shy away from leaning into the hard call, even when the cost to me was real and very personal."
  ([03:21])

4. The Universality & Inevitability of Hard Leadership Moments

• You don’t need to seek these situations out—they will find you as a leader.
• Each presents an opportunity for growth, courage, and authentic kindness.
  ([03:36])

5. The Cost of Avoidance & The Value of Agency

• Avoiding tough conversations doesn’t spare pain—it only delays potential growth and resolution.
• By sidestepping hard truth, leaders rob others of their agency and the chance for constructive conflict resolution.
• Quote:

  "Avoiding conflict doesn't forestall anything other than the potential for growth and for healthy outcomes for everyone involved, for that is not a kindness, and it is certainly not brave."
  ([04:15])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Vulnerability:

  “Yet we also shouldn't be vulnerable simply for the sake of vulnerability, but rather when things get hard or uncomfortable, don't tap out of those difficult conversations, but rather stay in them.” – David Hinson, paraphrasing Brene Brown ([01:12])

• On Agency and Manipulation:

  “It is unfair and manipulative to our friends, our families, our colleagues and our bosses to avoid hard truths because it robs them of their agency in engaging in constructive conflict resolution.”
  ([04:32])

• On Leadership Risks:

  “There is absolutely no shortage of interactions where the risk, if not the guarantee, of losing prestige, standing, or reputation is a likely outcome of having those tough, uncomfortable conversations.”
  ([03:47])

• Closing Charge:

  “Lean in, be clear to be kind, for that's courageous leadership.”
  ([05:07])

Main Takeaways for Listeners

• Clarity in communication—especially around tough issues—is the highest form of kindness and courageous leadership.
• Avoiding difficult conversations hinders personal and organizational growth and can be unintentionally unkind.
• The most significant leadership moments often come with risk and personal cost, but doing the right thing is what sets apart exceptional leaders.
• Lean into uncomfortable moments and commit to being both clear and kind, no matter the challenge at hand.

For further reflection:
David encourages listeners to evaluate their own approach to tough conversations and to remember: You don't need to seek out courageous leadership moments—they'll find you. Be ready to meet them with clarity and kindness.