Dan Bernstein Unfiltered – Episode Summary (Nov 12, 2025)

Episode Title: Chicago Bears Concerns, LSU & Brian Kelly Drama, CFB Rankings, Cubs Offseason & NBA ASG Changes
Hosts: Dan Bernstein & Matt “A Bat” Abbatacola
Platform: 312 Sports

Overview

This episode delivers classic “no BS” Chicago sports talk as Dan and Matt break down the Bears’ defensive vulnerabilities, dissect college football chaos (with a focus on LSU and Notre Dame), analyze the Cubs’ offseason strategy, and—with mounting disbelief—attempt to parse the NBA’s baffling new All-Star Game format. Expect raw honesty, sharp stats, and memorable rants.

Key Discussion Points

1. Chicago Bears: Defensive Realities & Playoff Prospects

[01:54 – 17:15]

• Defense Not as Good as It Looks

  • Dan points out the Bears defense has lived off playing poor quarterbacks, citing low league rankings by yardage and points: “The Bears’ total defense… 27th by yards, 26th against the pass, 24th against the rush, 28th in scoring defense.” (03:27)
  • Red zone (12th) and third-down defense (6th), plus turnover creation (1st) are strengths, but Dan’s skeptical: “It also could be evidence of barely surviving. Could be smoke and mirrors.” (03:58)
  • Matt brings up past games where bad QBs have shined against them, including week one when a rookie shredded the defense (03:16).

• Turnover Luck and Unsustainable Success

  • Dan warns against assuming turnovers will keep bailing them out: “We can argue forever about the sustainability of turnover causation… Every team’s got their MacGuffin, their bauble, their prize… But you can’t count on turnovers.” (04:20)
  • Jokes about a literal pastry “turnover” celebration—“Just have someone’s grandma bake you a nice cherry turnover and you get the turnover.” (05:01)

• Playoff Outlook and Trust Issues

  • Dan and Matt agree the offense under Ben Johnson and rookie QB Caleb Williams is ahead of expectations and trustworthy, but the defense is suspect: “I do not trust this defense. I certainly don’t trust the special teams either.” (06:35)
  • TJ Edwards’ absence is highlighted: “There’s so much worse without him… glue-like efficiency, especially against quarterback runs.” (06:54)
  • Bears' future depends more on defensive fixes than offense. “The story of this season will be told more by their defense from here on in than their offense.” (13:40)

Memorable Quote

• Dan: “Life is great when you’re playing shitty quarterbacks… But things aren’t as fun when that starts to change.” (01:54)

2. LSU & Brian Kelly Contract Drama: Suits, Settlements, and Swamp Negotiations

[17:15 – 26:32]

• Inside the Mess

  • Dan revisits his original hypothesis that LSU botched Brian Kelly’s firing, possibly maneuvering him into a de facto resignation, which is now leading to a massive legal fight over ~$54 million.
  • Details the legal battle: LSU argues they had grounds for firing Kelly “for cause,” Kelly argues he was never formally terminated.
  • Dan’s colorful summary: “They tried to do a little back-country swamp negotiating. That doesn’t work.” (25:00)

• Governorial Grandstanding

  • Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry’s on-air rant about not repeating Texas A&M’s $70 million buyout debacle is played, including a joking reference to Donald Trump picking the next coach: “Maybe we’ll let President Trump pick it. He loves winners.” (23:36)
  • Matt and Dan roast the endless confusion over who’s actually in charge at LSU.

Notable Moment

• Dan: “He should still be coaching. If he’s not been fired, he’s still the coach! Is he the coach in absentia? Has he been sent to the Isle of Elba?” (22:32)

3. College Football Playoff Rankings: Notre Dame & Texas Under Fire

[27:11 – 32:36]

• Matt’s Rants Against Inflated Rankings

  • Matt calls out Texas at #10 and Notre Dame at #9: “I have an enormous issue with two teams in the Top 10.”
  • On Texas: “They’re not that good of a team. Archie Manning—if his name was Archie Johnson, we wouldn’t be talking about him.” (29:00)
  • Notre Dame invective: “I have a personal axe to grind… I hate the fact that they’re an independent football team… You can leave the Catholic Church stuff out of it…” (29:17)
    • Recaps their weak schedule and historic program “entitlement.”
    • Dan: “Don’t forget Prince Shembo and the rape… Don’t forget everything that happened with Lizzy Seeberg.” (30:06)

• Biggest Issue: TV, Money, and Unjustified Prestige

  • Matt: “They are not the ninth-best team in college football. Bullshit. And they’re going to end up staying there and it’s going to piss me off.” (32:36)

4. Cubs Offseason: Money, Pitching Needs, & Roster Construction

[34:35 – 44:10]

• Jed Hoyer Cautiously Optimistic (and Tongue-Tied)

  • Audio clip of Cubs’ exec Jed Hoyer: “I think… I think we’re going to have an active offseason. Take that for what it’s worth.” (36:51)
  • Dan jokes Hoyer sounds like he’s “pulled out of a game of speed quarters,” poking fun at awkward PR-speak (36:33).

• Pitching-First Strategy

  • Hoyer: “I think the largest focus will be on pitching. That’s obvious… I expect to explore trades, I expect to explore free agency, both… But more on the pitching side than the hitting side.” (37:46)
  • Dan: “There isn’t really a name on this list of 30-plus veteran pitchers… that would tell me I want to spend a huge chunk of money.” (40:23)
  • Cubs’ development and “pitching lab” approach could unearth value in overlooked arms.

• Position Player Discussion

  • Matt thinks “Owen Caissie is your starting right fielder with Kyle Tucker gone… I think [Tucker] ends up in Philadelphia.” (42:26)
  • Debates about bringing back Kyle Schwarber as a DH: “If he’s your DH, sure, I take that in a second.” (42:51)
  • Internal candidates like Moises Ballesteros and Kevin Alcantara considered for depth/future moves.

5. NBA All-Star Game: Format Changes Roasted

[47:16 – End]

• New Rules Breakdown

  • Dan and Matt attempt to explain the new “USA vs. the World”—now THREE teams (two USA, one world), round-robin quarters, no positional voting requirements, roster size adjustments by Adam Silver if international/USA balance is off, etc.
  • Dan, losing patience: “If I can't get through these paragraphs, how am I going to sit through the actual NBA All-Star Game?” (48:32)
  • Reads dense, convoluted summary from Tim Bontemps and jokes at the NBA’s expense.

• Mocking Silver’s Explanation

  • They lampoon Adam Silver’s explanations with a Monty Python bit about moving clothes pegs, using it as audio parody—emphasizing just how confusing it all is. (52:19)
  • Matt: “Shouldn’t someone just go—if we’re doing all of this, maybe we shouldn’t do it at all?” (53:28)
  • Both hosts declare they lost all interest—in the explanation, in the game, and in the “after a hockey game, during the Olympics” scheduling.

Notable Quotes

• Dan: “Incomprehensible format where the word ‘quarters’ has to be in quotes because they’re not actual quarters.” (56:38)
• Matt: “The best thing we can do as a people is not watch… or fuck with the vote.” (57:17, 57:22)

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Topic/Section | |-----------------|----------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:54 – 17:15 | Bears defense, stats, turnover debate, playoff outlook | | 17:15 – 26:32 | LSU/Brian Kelly legal drama, Louisiana politics | | 27:11 – 32:36 | CFB playoff rankings, Notre Dame/Texas rants | | 34:35 – 44:10 | Cubs’ offseason plans, Jed Hoyer audio, roster discussion | | 47:16 – End | NBA All-Star Game new format explained and mercilessly roasted |

Notable Quotes

“Life is great when you’re playing shitty quarterbacks… But things aren’t as fun when that starts to change.”
— Dan Bernstein, (01:54)

“The story of this season will be told more by their defense from here on in than their offense.”
— Dan Bernstein, (13:40)

“They tried to do a little back-country swamp negotiating. That doesn’t work.”
— Dan Bernstein, (25:00)

“I have a personal axe to grind with Notre Dame… I hate the fact that they’re an independent football team… You can leave the Catholic Church stuff out of it…”
— Matt Abbatacola, (29:17)

“If I can’t get through these paragraphs, how am I going to sit through the actual NBA All-Star Game?”
— Dan Bernstein, (48:32)

Tone, Humor, and Final Takeaways

• Classic snark, frustration, and Chicago edge throughout.
• Playful callbacks (“turnover” pastries, Monty Python school sketch, “speed quarters” for Jed Hoyer).
• Blistering, honest takedowns of NFL defenses, CFB elitism, and NBA corporate absurdity.
• No subject—local or national—is off-limits for honest criticism or ridicule.

For Chicago sports fans, sports skeptics, and anyone who loves sharp, unfiltered sports debate, this episode is essential listening—or reading.