Chicago Bulls Hire Tiago Splitter / Marquee Matchup in the Bronx

Summary

Dan Bernstein Unfiltered: Chicago Bulls Hire Tiago Splitter / Marquee Matchup in the Bronx

Podcast: Dan Bernstein Unfiltered
Host: Dan Bernstein with Alex Cohen and Mark McCray
Episode Date: June 16, 2026

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Episode Overview

Dan Bernstein returns with longtime producer Alex Cohen (assisted by Mark McCray) to dig into the changing Chicago Bulls landscape with the hiring of new head coach Tiago Splitter. The hosts also dissect a key White Sox-Yankees series in New York, reflect on league-wide baseball issues (including the Giants’ Pride Night scandal), discuss baseball’s statistical leaders, and roam from Cookie Monster’s Chicago connections to summer movie speculation and childhood car rides. As always, it’s a lively, unfiltered tour of Chicago sports and beyond.

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1. Chicago Bulls Hire Tiago Splitter: New Era, New Stories (01:30–12:28)

Key Points:

• Spring Cleaning for the Bulls

  • Dan and Alex are upbeat about the "freshness" Splitter brings after the Billy Donovan era, likening the transition to a long-overdue cleaning out of cobwebs.
  • "That's what the Bulls seem to be doing right now, is they're going through stuff. Do we need to throw it out? ...Get new eyes, new perspectives, new ideas, a new plan, starting from scratch." – Dan Bernstein (02:07)

• Splitter’s Worldly Background and Character

  • Bernstein highlights a revealing article written by Splitter (Basquete, 2019) exploring his family tragedy, his European basketball upbringing, and the pressure of making it in San Antonio under Gregg Popovich.
  • "He talks about the physical and mental ordeal that he went through...and then losing his sister. It’s really fascinating who he is, what his story is..." – Dan Bernstein (07:10)
  • Urges Bulls fans to read Splitter’s reflections on limits and sacrifices.

• Coaching Communication: From Donovan to Splitter

  • Praise for outgoing coach Donovan’s “gifted talking” and basketball intellect, even as the hosts wish he had translated postgame observations to on-court adjustments.
  • Anticipation that the Bulls front office (notably Bryson Graham) will be more talkative and accessible, balancing out Splitter’s unknown media style.

• Trivia and NBA Coaching Height Tangent

  • Splitter becomes one of the tallest head coaches (6’11”), behind Bill Cartwright (7’1”). Jokes and pop culture references (Princess Bride’s Fezzik, Mike Vrabel, and Miracle Max) lighten the segment.

Memorable Quotes:

• "For a long time I thought that one of Billy Donovan's negatives was that the stuff that he would say after a game or in between games was stuff that's like, wow, you see what we're seeing? Act on it." – Dan Bernstein (04:05)
• "Congrats to the Bulls for having now the two tallest coaches ever in the NBA. Bill Cartwright at 7:1, Tiago Splitter at 6:11." – Dan Bernstein (08:52)

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2. White Sox-Yankees: A Marquee Bronx Showdown (12:34–22:26)

Key Points:

• All-Star Caliber Talent on Both Sides

  • Breaking down WAR (Wins Above Replacement) rankings, noting Yankees and White Sox each have four players in the AL top 25: Ben Rice, Cody Bellinger, Aaron Judge, Jazz Chisholm Jr. for Yankees; Montgomery, Vargas, Murakami, Mike Drath for White Sox.
  • "These are the only two teams in this league...both teams have four guys in the top 25 of individual WAR." – Alex Cohen (15:35)

• Baseball Nostalgia & Personal Memories

  • Bernstein reminisces about classic Sox-Yankees moments: Carlton Fisk, Tom Seaver’s 300th win, Harold Baines’ clutch hits, and the repercussions for managers like Yogi Berra.

Memorable Quotes:

• "It’s too bad that this White Sox team wasn’t the White Sox team to play the first three games of the season against the Brewers when they got their shit kicked in." – Dan Bernstein (16:35)

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3. Deep Dive: The Transformation of Davis Martin (17:51–22:56 & 26:26–28:24)

Key Points:

• New Approach, New Pitch Mix

  • Analysis of White Sox pitcher Davis Martin, whose improvement is tied to altered pitch usage and an uptick in velocity.
  • Increased curveball and slider usage; higher velocities on breaking balls.

• Stats vs. Traditional Metrics

  • Strong opinions on pitching analytics vs. outdated measures like win-loss records. Alex and Dan stress more advanced stats: "Just don't give me win-loss record. You can give me his 2.38 FIP, his 2.9 WAR..." – Alex Cohen (17:57)

• Behind the Scenes: What Changed?

  • Speculation about adjustments: grip, mechanical tweaks, or coaching input from Brian Bannister’s pitching department.

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4. Giants’ Pride Night Scandal: Inclusion, Exclusion, and MLB's Response (36:14–44:12)

Key Points:

• Context:

  • Several Giants pitchers wrote Bible verses or refused to wear Pride Night gear, sparking controversy in San Francisco.

• MLB Steps In:

  • MLB warned the players (but did not physically discipline them) for uniform violations.
  • "This is according to Pat Courtney, MLB's chief communications officer. So what I want to know is, did they do this when Clayton Kershaw did it last year?" – Alex Cohen (37:19)

• Local Journalism Spotlight:

  • Bernstein lauds Anne Killian’s “meaningful, outstanding” San Francisco Chronicle column, including a heartfelt Mike Krukow quote on inclusivity and his openly gay son.
  • “I've seen gay life through my son's eyes. The culture and the community is so beautiful.” – Mike Krukow (as quoted by Ann Killian, 39:45)

• Broader Discussion:

  • Criticism of teams’ inconsistent standards (e.g., Texas Rangers’ "faith and family night" as a coded, exclusionary event).

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5. Stat Leaders, Rosters, and Baseball Identity (14:14–36:00)

Key Points:

• AL WAR Standouts
  • Yankees and White Sox domination in individual WAR leaders.
• Knicks, Yankees, and New York Fan Geography
  • Segue into fandom breakdowns by borough; history of the city’s teams (Yankees, Mets, Brooklyn Dodgers, New York Giants baseball).
• Broadcasters and Baseball Culture
  • Quick commentary on Sox TV voices and memories of baseball’s historical figures.

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6. Cookie Monster, Chicago Roots, and Puppeteer Tangent (30:12–35:05)

Key Points:

• Cookie Monster’s Chicago Ties
  • Alex reveals that Cookie Monster’s performer, David Rudman, is from Highland Park, IL, and he once played basketball with Rudman’s family.
• Puppet Logistics & Muppet Lore
  • Inside jokes about living with puppets, Cookie Monster as a “mentor,” and David Rudman’s other muppet roles.

Memorable Moment:

• "When you’re talking to the Muppet, even though the guy is right there, your brain only registers Cookie Monster." – Alex Cohen (32:16)
• "That’s just a big Jew is what that is. Get out the way." – Alex Cohen (33:11) (commenting on Hoops in Highland Park)

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7. Movie Chat: The Odyssey and Matt Damon’s Endless Journey (50:58–62:22)

Key Points:

• Upcoming Epic: Nolan’s ‘The Odyssey’
  • Breakdown of the cast: Matt Damon (Odysseus), Anne Hathaway, Zendaya, Charlize Theron, Robert Pattinson, and more.
  • Joking about Hollywood’s obsession with bringing Matt Damon home in every film: "There has been a billion dollar industry in cinema bringing a Matt Damon character home because he can't get home without help." – Alex Cohen (52:46)
• Skepticism and Hype
  • Discussing previous attempts to adapt The Odyssey and why few have succeeded; reference to Coen Brothers’ ‘O Brother, Where Art Thou?’ as the best screen adaptation.
• Personal and Academic Reflections
  • Bernstein’s experience with ‘woke’ high school English instruction on Greek epics (“They're all gay.” – Mr Horton, Bernstein’s teacher).

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8. Childhood Car Rides & American Nostalgia (66:13–70:47)

Key Points:

• Reminiscing about Hideous Cars and Family Trips
  • Pukey-green Caprice Classics, four-door Buicks, dashboard naps, and the legendary “way back” seat of the family station wagon.
  • "It became basically a rolling ashtray." – Alex Cohen (68:52)
• Nostalgic Riffs
  • Evocation of 1970s/80s Chicago suburban life, seatbelt-free, and dodging secondhand smoke.

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9. Miscellaneous: Baseball, Music, and Operatic Road Trips (71:15–73:38)

Key Points:

• Seventh-Inning Stretch Recommendation
  • Both agree the Chicago Gay Men’s Chorus should be the regular stretch singers at Wrigley Field: "That's all you need is stand up." – Dan Bernstein (35:32)
• Opera Singing in the Car
  • Anecdotes about annoying their kids with made-up songs and operatic renditions on family drives.

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10. Quick Hits: NCAA, Football Gambling Scandals & Epilogue (45:14–50:21)

Key Points:

• Brendan Sorsby Scandal
  • Discussion of college quarterback Sorsby's sports gambling infractions, supplemental draft eligibility, and the broader (inevitable) sunset of the NCAA's status quo.

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• "That’s what the Bulls seem to be doing right now, is they're going through stuff. Do we need to throw it out?" – Dan Bernstein (02:07)
• "He talks about the physical and mental ordeal...losing his sister. It’s really fascinating who he is…" – Dan Bernstein (07:10)
• "Just don't give me win-loss record. You can give me his 2.38 FIP..." – Alex Cohen (17:57)
• "I've seen gay life through my son's eyes. The culture and the community is so beautiful." – Mike Krukow (as quoted by Ann Killian, 39:45)
• "There has been a billion dollar industry in cinema bringing a Matt Damon character home because he can't get home without help." – Alex Cohen (52:46)

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Episode Flow & Tone

This lively and wide-ranging episode delivers in-depth, smart, and sometimes irreverent Chicago sports commentary. Expect emotional fandom, smart baseball analytics, tough social commentary, and insightful pop culture riffs—all with the characteristic banter, humor, and authenticity that loyal Dan Bernstein listeners expect.

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Timestamps Index

• 01:30 – Bulls hire Tiago Splitter; culture change
• 07:10 – Splitter’s life story and journey to NBA
• 14:14 – AL WAR leaders; Sox & Yankees star power
• 17:51 – White Sox pitcher Davis Martin’s transformation
• 36:14 – Giants Pride Night scandal and MLB’s response
• 45:14 – College football gambling scandal, Sorsby
• 50:58 – Movie tangent: Nolan’s The Odyssey, Damon’s career
• 66:13 – Childhood car nostalgia, “way back” seat

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For full context and a healthy dose of Chicago flavor, this episode goes well beyond box scores—unpacking sports culture, leadership, and the random weirdness that makes Bernstein’s show a Chicago classic.

Transcript

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[Dan Bernstein]

Dan Bernstein Unfiltered Unfiltered

[Alex Cohen]

on 312 Sports DBU on 312 is brought to you in partnership with my bookie. The Bulls are going to introduce Thiago Splitter as their brand new, very tall head coach at a press conference tomorrow afternoon. And we'll get to know this guy. I just think that there's important things to remember as we embark into this new the New Bulls world. The new journey. First of all, just how nice it feels to not have the same kind of weight, to have this freshness about it, to know that they've thrown open the doors, that there's been a spring cleaning that they can get in there, clean out the cobwebs, get into all the old closets, say, do we need this? That's what the Bulls seem to be doing right now, is they're going through stuff. Do we need to throw it out? Do we need this? Maybe store that for a while. Do we need this? Keep that. When in doubt, throw it out and move on with stuff. Get new eyes, new perspectives, new ideas, a new plan, starting from scratch and even looking as if you're, you know, whatever the book had been whatever the institutional knowledge was of your old players or your current players. Now you have an entirely new prism through which to see some of that, and that's great. I also want to warn you that one thing that you need to appreciate as a Bulls fan was how gifted a talker Billy Donovan was and is at some point, whenever he wants, Billy Donovan is going to have a job talking because he's great at it. And for a long time I thought that one of Billy Donovan's negatives was that the stuff that he would say after a game or in between games was stuff that's like, wow, you see what we're seeing? Act on it. What can you do about it? It almost felt like the Billy Donovan that we would hear very sensibly breaking down some of the things the Bulls weren't doing well, wasn't the same guy when the game started, had the opportunity to make some of these decisions and sit some of these guys down and take other out. For the most part, my favorite aspect of the Billy Donovan coaching tenure here was how much I learned about basketball, how much I learned about the modern NBA game and how we reminding myself that no matter how much I've been steeped in what the NBA has been, it's different than what the NBA is and what the NBA will be. It's changing very, very rapidly. And that's cool, it's exciting, it's dynamic. And this is part of that. This is part of it. This is part of understanding the changing nature of the league, what has to be done and how and when and how they're going to try to play the game that other teams are playing without playing catch up like they have been. So we'll hear from Splitter, we'll hear how he sounds and what he has to say. He's got a fascinating history. As young as he is, it really is. There's an article that I suggest you get a look at that was published in Brazil in an online magazine called Basquete B A S Q U E T E and it's obviously translated from the Portuguese. And it was written by Tiago Splitter. And this was in 2019. This is in September of 2019. So this is seven years old, but I think it is very telling and foundational to who the new Bulls coach is. And I know that at a press conference we're going to get the usual stuff about what do you think of Josh Giddey and how many games you want to win and what are fair expectations and what's your style and all that, but I had no idea what he has been through. And this article talking about the death of his sister from leukemia, how that was concurrent with some struggles that he was having to break into the rotation in San Antonio and emotionally what Gregg Popovich meant to him, how he had to go to Spain to get medication for his sister that wasn't available in Brazil. And his story of packing a suitcase with ice packs to keep the medicine viable, to bring it back, to try to keep her alive and everything he discussed. I did not know that he's German originally and grew up in Brazil, but he's of German extraction. And that's why this internationalness. You thought that it was. It was one thing to have your, you know, Lithuanian, the Lithuanian basketball star. This guy is, you know, coached in Paris, coached pro ball in Paris, originally from Germany, grew up in Brazil and played with the spurs and has played with. With all sorts of other teams. I mean, played European basketball and, you know, the best player at his position in European basketball before he went to the Spurs. It is a fascina. Fascinating resume and a really interesting history for a very interesting guy. He went away to play when he was a child. He went away when he was 14, I think already 6, 7 when he was 14 years old. And talks about having a Serbian coach in Spain. They would run up mountains and then run shuttles and. And they would. He said, I witnessed people vomit blood fall on the floor. It was crazy. I cried hidden away. I wanted to go back to Brazil. If I had to do that to become a player, I wasn't going to become one. But I realized this wasn't physical, it was mental. That's what they were trying to teach us. I still talk to the guys who were on that team. We learned that at the end of a game when we're too tired with the monumental pressure bearing down on us. Nothing compares with what we went through in those practices. And he talks about the physical and mental ordeal that he went through with that and then losing his sister. And it's really fascinating who he is, what his story is, and I would urge you, as a Bulls fan, get to know him a little bit. I don't know what he's going to be like as a talker. I don't know what he's going to be like after games. He's not going to be Billy Donovan, but. But I do think that we are going to have a. An executive who's going to talk a lot more. I think Bryson Graham, as we have realized, is very accessible, upbeat, Accessible, likes talking and is going to be more available. And I think it's going to balance out nicely. I think we're going to get a better mix of who's talking when it's not just going to be the coach all the time answering questions for the entire organization. So I am really interested in getting to know Tiago Splitter a lot more. And congrats to the Bulls for having now the two tallest coaches ever in the NBA. Bill Cartwright at 7:1, Thiago Splitter at 6:11. 611.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

And how tall was Phil Jackson? Around 6:9, 6:10, 6:9. I think he played 6, 8, 6, 9. I don't know. He's probably settled a little bit and hunched over with all the issues that he's had. Who'd be the. Who's the fourth tallest bullet? Doug Collins at six five. No, there's got to be somebody in there but Cartwright. I kept thinking like Patrick Ewing was an NBA head coach, right? No, no, it was college. No, he didn't coach. He hasn't coached in the NBA. Tree Rollins. Is he ever. There's been some dudes, but congratulations to the Bulls.

[Dan Bernstein]

My buddy said very tall. Text me yesterday, said he sounds like he talks to me. He sounds like physic from Princess Bride. Ah, that's what he sounds like. That's at least what he said. And I. I haven't watched any videos of it. I hope that's true. And I hope he rhymes everything he says.

[Alex Cohen]

Anybody want the peanut?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

Hello, lady.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's how he starts the press conference. Hello, lady.

[Alex Cohen]

Hello, lady.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, he pulls the Mike Rabel and gets the.

[Alex Cohen]

He fits the quarter. He said I could have was at Miracle Max's. All right, that'll work. But good luck to Tiago Splitter. I look forward to meeting him. I look forward to finding out more about him. But I really do urge you to look up this story. It's called, it's under the opinion section in Basquete. Their opinion, the way they spell it. O, P I Nia with a tilde over it and an O. Basket Day Opinio on limits and sacrifices by tiago splitter in 2019, Johnny Kerr.

[Dan Bernstein]

Johnny Red Kerr was 6, 9.

[Alex Cohen]

Yes. He was tall.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yep.

[Alex Cohen]

And then all the members of his family were buried with him on Thursday.

[Mark McCray]

Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

Johnny, their first ever coach, correct?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes, first ever.

[Alex Cohen]

How tall was Ed Badger? Find me the height of Ed Badger and the head of Alfredo Garcia while you're at it. Nobody got that joke. When I was doing Rockford Cubbies games, there was A pitcher named Alfredo Garcia and he got sheltered or something. I said, well, they've gotten the head of Alfredo Garcia. And people looked at me like the Sam Peckinpah movie. Anybody? Nothing.

[Dan Bernstein]

He was six' four.

[Alex Cohen]

Okay. I feel like JD Sitting next to Alex Cohen sometimes. It's like once a game, JD Will say something. There's crickets. Just absolutely nothing.

[Mark McCray]

I forgot.

[Dan Bernstein]

Pete Myers was the coach, wasn't he?

[Alex Cohen]

Just interim.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, yeah. Just interim. Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

I don't think he ever got the head job, as it were. I don't think he ever did.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. Oh, it was just one game. Yeah.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's why I forgot.

[Alex Cohen]

I think it's okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, I. I forgot. Oh, three games total, because twice.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

He served after Cartwright, before Skiles, after Skiles, before Boylan.

[Alex Cohen]

What's got Skiles up to these days?

[Dan Bernstein]

How tall was he?

[Alex Cohen]

Six two, six two or six three?

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah, I think so. Where. What's he doing? Where's our guy? Where is Scott Skiles?

[Dan Bernstein]

6 1.

[Alex Cohen]

What did Terry always say is hobby? We were making up hobbies for Scott Skiles, and he said it was naked jet skiing. He just decided arbitrarily that was his hobby. We have a battle of the baseball stars brewing in New York.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, it's interesting. I'm glad that you're bringing this up because I was looking at the schedule today and I thought, wow, that's going to be. Well, you got. You got two starters, first of all, that are two of the best in the game right now. And then you got lots of start. It was Aaron Judge out. Is he.

[Alex Cohen]

Aaron Judge is out.

[Dan Bernstein]

Rib fracture.

[Alex Cohen]

Aaron Judge is out. But I was including him this because I'm thinking, you know, this is pretty spectacular stuff if you look at it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Is it? Sure.

[Alex Cohen]

And who might be on all Star teams here? I didn't really think of this as truly a, you know, marquee series in that regard. Like a real ass American League White Sox in New York series. But it's a big series. There is one team. So here's what I looked at, fan graphs. Wins above replacement. There is one team that has four representatives in the top 25 of American League wins above replacement. And that's the Yankees. Okay, so the Yankees have Ben rice, who is seventh at 2.7. Cody Bellinger who is 13th at 2.3. Aaron Judge still hanging at 17th at 2.1. And Jazz Chisholm Jr. Is 24th at 1.7.

[Dan Bernstein]

Players, Sox have three.

[Alex Cohen]

Well, the Detroit has three. Dylan Dingler's fourth, Kevin McGonagall is five.

[Dan Bernstein]

Is he really?

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah, they're at 3.2 and 3.0, respectively.

[Dan Bernstein]

Wow.

[Alex Cohen]

And then also on that list, Riley Green is 22nd at 1.9. I did nothing to. But there are your Chicago White Sox with three represented in the top 25.

[Dan Bernstein]

So Montgomery.

[Alex Cohen]

Montgomery is ninth at 2.5.

[Dan Bernstein]

Vargas.

[Alex Cohen]

Vargas is just like thousandths behind him. Also at 2.5. At 10th. Can you tell me who's 25th?

[Dan Bernstein]

It's not Murakami, is it?

[Alex Cohen]

Actually, you know what? You know what? I miscounted. Murakami is still on here.

[Dan Bernstein]

So they have four.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah, Murakami is on here. I thought he was. Yes, Murakami is at 2.0, tied with Yandy Diaz. So Murakami is there. Okay, so that's three. So if I'm counting judge, I got to count Murakami. That's three. So these are the two teams with four then this really is the more of a marquee matchup than I even thought.

[Dan Bernstein]

Who's the.

[Alex Cohen]

Who's 25th?

[Dan Bernstein]

25th would be. It's not Minecraft.

[Alex Cohen]

Minecraft Is it really? It is. Chase my droth.

[Dan Bernstein]

Sweet.

[Alex Cohen]

At 1.6. These are the only two teams in this league. I didn't bother checking the National League, but Both teams have four guys in the top 25 of individual war.

[Dan Bernstein]

And that's just American League. You looked at. It's the list of American League. Okay, so it's not baseball.

[Alex Cohen]

It's not all of baseball. But I don't care about that right now.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, no, no. Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

I'm just looking at. This is. This is really deserving of, you know, this, this sort of kind of attention. We all have White Sox, Yankees memories.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

You know, mine involve Carlton Fisk tagging two guys out. We all remember two guys.

[Dan Bernstein]

Wow.

[Alex Cohen]

We remember Tom Seaver getting his 300th win. I remember the, the series against the Yankees where Harold Banes kept driving in game winning runs that got Yogi Berra fired. When the White Sox swept that series, I think that was the first time I heard Hawk describe Ozzy. Guillen is just setting them up when Ozzy would be up there to have three of the worst swings you've ever seen in your life. It's like foul ball, swinging a miss, swinging a miss, opposite field, triple.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, it's, it's too bad that this White Sox team wasn't the White Sox team to play the first three games of the season against the brewers when they got their shit kicked in.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Would have. Would have taken a Nice couple wins there. This is good, though. This is good that you're going to highlight this matchup. Will is. Now I know John Shambi has been out. Is he, is he doing the Sox game? The socks Yankee series? Maybe I could watch on tv. No. No. Oh, I didn't know. It's Connor.

[Alex Cohen]

No.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Alex Cohen]

I know it's always a letdown to be like.

[Dan Bernstein]

But it's good that you're highlighting this series though. This is good that you're going to talk a Little White stocks 1st place White Sox and the. What?

[Alex Cohen]

What are you doing?

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm not doing anything. I'm just saying that we're talking White Sox because a lot of people want us to. Who? A lot of people who. A lot of people that hate us, that don't care what we have to say, want us to talk more white.

[Alex Cohen]

Wait, why do they care?

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't know.

[Alex Cohen]

Okay. All right. Well, I'm just talk about what? I don't know. I just, I woke up thinking there's a lot of stars, lot of stars here.

[Dan Bernstein]

This is, this is a huge marquee matchup for.

[Alex Cohen]

I didn't realize there were that many White Sox American League stars. They're going to have some representatives on this all star team.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes, they are.

[Alex Cohen]

They're going to be just.

[Dan Bernstein]

And you're not even, you're not even talking about the pitcher tonight.

[Alex Cohen]

Davis Martin.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. Who has an all Star. Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

But I'm, you know, I'm not going there with wins.

[Dan Bernstein]

Just. I know, I know.

[Alex Cohen]

Do me a favor if you want to talk and maybe I'll be completely, you know, over the moon about pitchers. Just don't give me win loss record. You can give me his 2.38 FIP. You can give me his 2.9 War. There's all sorts of great numbers for Davis Martin that are way more telling, way more significant loss and way more in his control that show his ability than one loss record. So for everybody who's still mentioning that. Stop. You know better.

[Dan Bernstein]

I would love to know because I haven't taken a deep dive into Davis. Martin is what's, what's changed for him this year.

[Alex Cohen]

Well, he was hurt, wasn't he?

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, was it all injury related or.

[Alex Cohen]

I thought he had a series of injuries. I mean, you can kind of look and see where he's improved, but I don't know enough about his pitching to go into the granular stuff like you were doing earlier with Cabrera, diagnosing Cabrera. I just know that his, his, the batted ball numbers look better because he. His hard contact is down and actually soft contact is. Is down too. There. Hitters are not pulling the ball as much. They're hit to the opposite field. So that could be good on timing issues. But I don't know enough about how he's varied his pitches by percentage. It looks like he's throwing the fastball a little bit less. He's throwing the sinker more. He's throwing the slider a lot more and the curveball a lot more. So last year he was throwing 33% fastballs. He was throwing 23% cutters, 11% sinkers, only 4.3% sliders. Does he. He has all these pitches. Then he's got the curveball at 4.8% and the change up at 24.2. So the pitch mix is wildly different. Wildly different. His, he's almost tripled the curveball usage. And he's throwing it harder. He's throwing the change up less. He's throwing the slider 10% more. 4.3 up to 14.8. And he's throwing it way harder. His slider has jumped from 83.4 miles an hour to 87.3. So that's huge.

[Mark McCray]

Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

Fastball velocity is up from 93.9 to 94.2. Cutter velocity, I'll be throwing the cutter 10% less. So it looks like he's throwing sliders instead of cutters. He's throwing more sinkers than four seam or more sinkers in not more than four seam fastballs, but he is throwing more sinkers, taking those away from four seam fastballs. But it's that the curve and the slider, the breaking stuff that he's throwing much more often and much harder.

[Dan Bernstein]

So he's throwing them more often this year.

[Alex Cohen]

More often. And the slider usage jumped from 4.4.3% to 14.8.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, wow.

[Alex Cohen]

Curveball usage jumped from 4.8 to 12.8.

[Dan Bernstein]

I credit the White Sox on that because his pitching run value is at 97, which is. Which is great.

[Alex Cohen]

He's throwing both harder. So that is.

[Dan Bernstein]

And this show is here because his off speed run value is at 97, which is. That's phenomenal.

[Alex Cohen]

Well, maybe Brian Bannister and the people saw something, but I just don't know why he's throwing it harder. That's what. It's one thing to just use it more. It's another thing to increase its efficacy because it's just become a better, more dangerous pitch. I wonder if they've become better pitches.

[Dan Bernstein]

I wonder if there's a mechanical reasoning

[Alex Cohen]

behind that, something they saw, sometimes it's a grip change.

[Dan Bernstein]

Could be a grip.

[Mark McCray]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's great. Oh, man, his numbers look great.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah, they do. Yeah, there's some sparkling stuff on there for him. He will be an all star, if not the starter. Damn it.

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[Alex Cohen]

Get that Amex gold cart ready.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm way too tired to cook tonight.

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[Alex Cohen]

Yes.

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[Alex Cohen]

You know, every sports fan has an angle. It could be just a team you trust or the favorite you want to fade the player you think is due. That moment you feel in a game before everybody else notices. You're like, hold on a second here. Or maybe, maybe you get somebody who on a podcast says, I think Alex Bregman is going to get me those. Those two total bases.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, did he get them?

[Alex Cohen]

He sure did.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, he didn't.

[Alex Cohen]

Pl plus odds on those Bregman total bases. And they came through for you. I wonder what odds you would have gotten on a PCA cycle in Wrigley Field. I wonder what odds you get on a reverse cycle. Like, in order, a natural reverse cycle. That would be crazy. But that's where my bookie comes in. My bookie gives you a place to turn all these observations, all these opinions into action. Maybe you're watching baseball, maybe you're watching World Cup. Whatever. You got a promo code. DBU for Dan Bernstein. Unfiltered. Use that when you sign up. You register, you make your deposit. Use dbu, and then you get that exclusive offer just because you are listening. You can back your team before the game. Follow the momentum, live. Make the moments you Already care about, feel bigger. And that's the reason to check out my bookie. My pen broke. I have to move to pen broke.

[Dan Bernstein]

Pines.

[Alex Cohen]

You're already watching. You already have a take. And Skypoint, Terry. And now you have a place to play it. But on anything, anywhere, anytime, with my Bookie must be 21 plus. Please gamble responsibly. What? Stop.

[Dan Bernstein]

Nothing. I didn't even check my scores from last night. Because you hit your Bregman. Yeah. And remember, I started my baseball picks last night with a 14 parlay and I won.

[Alex Cohen]

Did you really?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

Did you really?

[Dan Bernstein]

Phillies won seven nothing. The Nationals won seven to three.

[Alex Cohen]

How about it?

[Dan Bernstein]

Cubs came back and won five to four. And the late game? The Dodgers ended up winning four to three. They were down three nothing.

[Alex Cohen]

Oh, you could have had a really exciting, dramatic evening if you wanted.

[Dan Bernstein]

I didn't. I totally forgot to check. Yeah, that was a big one too, because that was a. I got to show you what I put on that. What? What came through. I totally forgot to look because I checked Rays and Dodgers and they were down three nothing. And I forgot about it.

[Alex Cohen]

You know the lesson that you learn about that is the best way to invest?

[Dan Bernstein]

To not care.

[Alex Cohen]

With your 401. Forget it. 401. Set it. Pick your four tranches, set it to auto rebalancing and then look at it again in 30 years.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, shoot, 30 years, that'd be old.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah, well, I mean older. Well, I mean, it's too late now.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, you meant like younger.

[Alex Cohen]

I'm two years away from being able to be able to tap dat, as it were.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, not almost. You got a few more days yet before you're 58.

[Alex Cohen]

What day is it? I've got eight days. I got eight days and then two years and then.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, then you're gonna tap dat.

[Alex Cohen]

Time to tap dat. And then I could drastically change my life once it's time to. I don't know. Maybe I'll find time for fishing things. Yeah, right. Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

So good at 4.

[Mark McCray]

0.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'll take it.

[Alex Cohen]

There you go. Well done. Congratulations. I'm very, very proud of you. You know what else? I am. I, I. I shouldn't be this.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, wait a second. Wait, wait, wait. Before you go on.

[Alex Cohen]

Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Davis Martin. I wanted to finish up.

[Alex Cohen]

Not Martin. Davis. Davis Martin.

[Dan Bernstein]

Who is it? It's Davis Martin, Right?

[Alex Cohen]

Davis Martin.

[Dan Bernstein]

He's the pitcher for the White Sox.

[Alex Cohen]

Correct.

[Dan Bernstein]

His hard hit rate, he's at 9% in the league. That's not good. Like, he's in the bottom nine.

[Alex Cohen]

Percent for hard hit rate. When I looked at that, I said, oh, okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, but that's about the only thing that's consistent from last year, the hard hit rate. Yeah. I would love to know what they did to. And I know, I mean he had, you're right. I mean just looking at his numbers, he.

[Alex Cohen]

Well, that had some interesting. That was my first time really glancing at it.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

23, 24.

[Alex Cohen]

They're not highlighting. I don't have any like color coded anything those. But those are the numbers that scream off the page to me.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. But yeah, I would love to know what, what the difference was between last year and this year. And again, that's really the only thing that is kind of consistent, that hard hit rate. But everything else is just taking a really great turn. Really exciting.

[Alex Cohen]

Well, some that's part of a rebuild is you have some expected over performance, you have some unexpected over performance and you try to figure out what's sustainable and make your decisions with that, with the information you get. There are a lot of people that thought that Vargas is never going to

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

hit

[Alex Cohen]

and he is hitting now. He's. I, I love his aggressiveness, man. He goes up there, you know, looking to hit the ball. He's not up there trying to find a walk or just one pitch in every at bat. He's up there ready to crank.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. And they're slightly ahead percentage points wise of the, of the guardians. So first place White Sox for and what are they? Six games over. Yeah, six games over. Taking on the first place Yankees are 43 and 27. Yeah, it's a fun, that'd be a fun matchup. Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

Now Knicks fans are going to need something to do. So I don't know among Knicks fans, I don't know what the split is between Yankees and Mets. We'll see if the, you know, they, they bring all that energy. All of the New York SP fan energy might be headed over to the new Yankees Stadium.

[Dan Bernstein]

How does that work? By the boroughs, obviously where the stadiums are. I would assume that those are all fans of the Mets or the Yankees. But how does, how do the other boroughs split?

[Alex Cohen]

I don't know exactly. I don't, I don't know if it's localized. Mets are in Queens, correct?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

So obviously Queens has got to be all Mets.

[Alex Cohen]

I think so.

[Dan Bernstein]

This is all Yankees.

[Alex Cohen]

But the history is different. Most of the people from the Bronx, you know, the Bronx has turned over several times back in the day. In the great Yankees heyday, much of the Bronx was Eastern European Jews. It was Russian Jews and German Jews, and they're gone now. And just like the same neighborhoods that were here around, a lot of the northwest side of Chicago was similarly there. You're talking about people that went to Mather and Sen and all that, and that turned over. I don't know.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

I'd like to see a fandom map of New York in particular, because it's such a melting pot that you've got. You've got people from.

[Dan Bernstein]

And I wonder too, what the history of the Dodgers. How that Giants. Oh, yeah, and the Giants, too. How that still lingers there from, you know, family, like grandfathers and fathers that were fans.

[Alex Cohen]

Sure.

[Dan Bernstein]

If that. If that stayed there.

[Alex Cohen]

As to whether or not the non Yankee fans that were Giants or Dodgers fans stayed with those when they moved west or else that transferred to the Metropolitans when they arrived, I don't know.

[Dan Bernstein]

Interesting. One other thing, because you mentioned the Knicks. Did you see what Cookie Monster had to say to Elmo?

[Alex Cohen]

I heard about it, but this is. This been your. You know, your Bailey.

[Dan Bernstein]

So apparently Cookie Monster, he said. He told Elmo, said Elmo, teach me not to eat trophy. Me teach Elmo to pick a team. So Cookie Monster throwing some shade at Elmo, too. So one of my favorite stories of this year's finals, I mean, the Knicks fans that went after Elmo and continued to go after Elmo was just great.

[Alex Cohen]

Have you ever met Cookie Monster?

[Dan Bernstein]

No. We know he was actually all the.

[American Express Announcer]

All.

[Dan Bernstein]

Is that Sesame Street. All the characters were at beaches and Turks and Caicos.

[Alex Cohen]

Okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

Because that's like the little kitty thing is all Sesame Street. So there were characters all over. So I saw Cookie Monster walking through beaches, which I would imagine would be really hot and smelly in that costume because it was. It was warm and humid. I did not stop and talk to him. So to answer your question, I have never met Cookie Monster.

[Alex Cohen]

All right. Well, have you? Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Alex Cohen]

Cookie Monster is from here. Cookie Monsters from Highland Park.

[Dan Bernstein]

What do you mean?

[Alex Cohen]

It's David Rudman. It's Cookie Monster.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Alex Cohen]

David Rudman went to Highland park, and I used to play basketball against his brothers.

[Dan Bernstein]

Wait, so you're talking about the guy who was the, like, the voice. The mup.

[Alex Cohen]

The puppeteer of Cookie and voice and puppeteer.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay. So you asked me if I've ever met the man. Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

Cookie Monster. No, no, no, no. But, like, I've met. It's weird. It's weird because I. It was at a charity event.

[Dan Bernstein]

Does he talk like. Is that his normal voice?

[Alex Cohen]

Well, and he's so when you. To me, he stands up and he has Cookie Monster on his hand. And as he's talking, it doesn't matter that there's a guy there.

[Dan Bernstein]

So you're looking at the person.

[Alex Cohen]

You're looking at Cookie Monster.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Alex Cohen]

And you know that he's there. And it's not ventriloquism. He's not pretending to not talk.

[Dan Bernstein]

He just. He does normal. Because you don't see him. Yeah, you do, but now you do because you're standing in front of him.

[Alex Cohen]

Yes. And it's. It's.

[Dan Bernstein]

I.

[Alex Cohen]

You. You're. Somehow your brain just doesn't register that it's a guy from Highland park standing there doing. It's like, oh, that's just Cookie mouse.

[Dan Bernstein]

So does he keep the puppet on his arm all the time?

[Alex Cohen]

No, I don't think.

[Dan Bernstein]

Does he bring it to bed with him?

[Alex Cohen]

Honey, honey, no. Different puppet.

[Dan Bernstein]

I think making whoopee is Cookie Monster.

[Alex Cohen]

Maybe he's got a different. Different puppet. Yeah. Because that would. I don't even want to be begin thinking about that.

[Dan Bernstein]

All right. Sorry, Cookie Monster.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah, Apologize. But yes, I have. I have met Cookie Monster. Good dude. And I didn't. I would say this. I didn't so much play basketball against his brother and his cousin as much as be a traffic cone out there while his brother and cousin went around everybody.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, they were just.

[Alex Cohen]

Oh, well, Peter Rudman was.

[Dan Bernstein]

They didn't play with puppets on, did they?

[Alex Cohen]

No, he played Lehigh. He was a Division 1. And you know, coming out of Highland park, there aren't a lot of those. It's kind of a unicorn. When you show up in Highwood with Mr. Baker's Highwood small fry basketball, and there's a guy there who's like six, four, and you're at eight foot rims, and he's dunking on everybody, and you're like, whoa. You know what they call that? That's a big Jew is what that is. Get out the way. Watch your head. Watching Gabacas.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

So I'm pleased that Cookie Monster is providing Elmo advice, because that's okay. Cookie Monster is an adult puppet. Elmo is a child puppet. And I do think there should be some mentorship going on between the monsters and between the Muppets.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. And it's good that they can teach each other things. It's a mutually beneficial relationship.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah. That Elmo can teach Cookie to not eat the trophy.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, don't eat the trophy.

[Alex Cohen]

Don't eat Larry o' Brien's trophy.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

It's Bad.

[Dan Bernstein]

Or Larry o'. Brien.

[Alex Cohen]

Well, yeah, I don't think Larry's around. Larry's long dead.

[Dan Bernstein]

No longer with us.

[Alex Cohen]

I think that's so. And yeah, by the way, the David Rudman is also Scooter, Janice, and Beaker.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, I like Beaker.

[Alex Cohen]

Everybody loves Beaker.

[Dan Bernstein]

Wait, which one was Janice?

[Alex Cohen]

Janice is the backup singer with the blonde hair.

[Dan Bernstein]

Star in Trends.

[Alex Cohen]

No, she looks like Joni Mitchell. You know, like with the blonde hair and the big lips. I think that's who it is. Right. She's a backing vocalist. She's got the huge eyelashes.

[Dan Bernstein]

100%. Yeah. You don't see her eyes. You just see eyelashes.

[Alex Cohen]

Oh, I see. Homage to Janis Joplin bears a resemblance to Mary Travers of Peter, Paul and Mary. Okay, that's what it is.

[Dan Bernstein]

So this is not. Yeah. She did not go on to star in Friends.

[Alex Cohen]

No.

[Dan Bernstein]

Chandler's girl girlfriend.

[Alex Cohen]

Right.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Alex Cohen]

Correct.

[Dan Bernstein]

Different Janice.

[Alex Cohen]

Correct. Yes. Got it. You good?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yep.

[Alex Cohen]

While we're doing some baseball notes here, by the way.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, yeah. Socks. Game 605 tonight. So that's a nice little. Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

And I think we both agree now every seventh inning stretch is. Chicago Gay Men's Chorus.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Alex Cohen]

Every seventh inning stretch.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm all for it. I just.

[Alex Cohen]

That's all you need right there.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's all you need is stand up.

[Alex Cohen]

Know that that's. You got to. It's a low starting note and just be. Belt that thing out.

[Dan Bernstein]

They were great.

[Alex Cohen]

Little harmony at the end. Let's get some runs and get out of there.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, he looked right into the camera. Yep. Let's get some runs. I'm all for that. I think that should be the permanent seventh inning stretch at Wrigley Field.

[Alex Cohen]

And even if you're showing whoever it is, Ron Santo, whoever it is, play them instead.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes. Have them sing it. But they can be on the video board. Right.

[Alex Cohen]

Show whatever you want on the video board. You can show Harry Carey and Bill Murray and whoever it is, Ditka. Fine.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. But just don't have the audio up. Show them. Let them sing every time.

[Alex Cohen]

A little follow up to. Actually not little. A significant follow up to what we discussed yesterday regarding those jerk offs on the Giants that decided to make their little bigoted statement because they could.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, this is great.

[Alex Cohen]

Make it all about themselves. So there's two aspects to this. One that I already read to you earlier that just got me, you know, really just emotional about this as I already have been. But here's the really good news. Major League Baseball has warned those Giants pitchers. I did not see this coming for

[Dan Bernstein]

putting stuff on their uniforms.

[Alex Cohen]

Major League Baseball from out sports. Major League Baseball issued a response to three Giants pitchers who wrote biblical inscriptions on the team's pride caps. You've been warned. Quote, the writing on the cap violates our rules. And consistent with normal practice, we have warned the players about future violations. This is according to Pat Courtney, MLB's chief communications officer. So what I want to know is, did they do this when Clayton Kershaw did it last year? Did they? Because I don't know. I don't. I didn't read anything. I didn't see any response. Did Clayton Kershaw get the same letter from the league saying this kind of behavior, this kind of bigotry is unacceptable by Major League Baseball? Unacceptable? I don't think they did. I don't think they took on Clayton Kershaw, but they'll take on these guys. And especially because it's San Francisco. That's the thing. Context matters. Place and history matter. And whatever it took to get even a. I'll celebrate even a little slap on the wrist there. I didn't think that baseball had it in him to even say, hey guys, not good. Please don't do this again. But they did. And even it was completely unexpected, but they did.

[Dan Bernstein]

So to answer your question, Kershaw, this says here on regular Google, Major League Baseball did not issue a public warning or disciplinary action to Kershaw during the 25 season for writing on his pride nightcap.

[Alex Cohen]

Well, the rules haven't changed. They didn't. There were no tweaks to any official rule book or code of conduct that I know of. So the fact that they would do this now would lead me to believe that had Kershaw done it, would they have the guts to take on a future hall of Famer in a different city? Because he did exactly the same thing with exactly the same kind of bullshit, mealy mouthed explanation for why he was practicing what he was practicing. Now, I also want to single out the work that Anne Killian did in the San Francisco Chronicle. And she is excellent. She's always been excellent. I've enjoyed her work for a long time. But this was meaningful, outstanding stuff from Anne Killian. And this goes to a place that matters. She wrote, the San Francisco Giants have enough problems this season that you wouldn't expect the players to actively try to alienate their fans. 14 games below.500, fourth place in the division, the second worst record in the National League. With numbers like that, you'd think they might do everything in their power to persuade the paying customers they're worth cheering for. Yet some of the snowflakes on the Giants the pitching staff specifically decided to say a Giant fuck you to a good chunk of their fan base on a night that was supposed to be about inclusion. They hijacked the event for their own purposes in the name of Christianity, taking a decidedly unchristian stance of exclusion and judgment. To recap, on Pride Night last Friday at Oracle park, four pitchers on this woebegone team opted to either deface the official uniform or ignore it altogether. Landon Roop, who got rocked for four earned runs and four and two thirds J.T. brubaker, whose scrawl on his cap resembled bathroom stall graffiti, and deposed closer Ryan Walker, who shouldn't try to draw any more ire, all wrote a Bible verse on their official game cap. Sam Hentjes opted not to wear the hat at all. It's just something that I feel like I was forced to support, said Hentius, who became the first Giants player to refuse to wear the Pride night gear. When I quote, don't morally support it, he said, what about the people who support him and his team? What about the city whose name's on the front of his uniform, a city that fully backs his team? Is that not important to him and his band of homophobic brothers? What about the gay teammates? He certainly had the gay employees of the Giants team who work hard to give him a first class experience and have his every need catered to the gay media members who tell his story, let alone all the straight teammates, employees, fans and broadcasters who have gay best friends, gay children, gay loved ones. Now this is the quote that I just love here. This is Mike Kruco, the former Cub pitcher, former Giant, who has been a broadcaster there for how long, 40 years? I think that you have the right as a player to believe and say whatever you want, gruko said. But you have to take a broader look at the city you're playing in. What makes San Francisco so great is the acceptance of others, ethnicities, opinions, cultures, and that extends to the gay community. I would just hope they would understand the demographic of San Francisco and respect people for whom they are. What you do to your uniform, that has weight to it. You can't offend people. Why would you do that? This is Anne Killian writing. Pride is an issue close to Kruco's heart. Kruco's son, Wes, is gay and is married to his partner Ted. Wes, a dancer, is currently performing in Phantom of the Opera at the Orpheum. I'M so proud of him, kruko said. I've seen gay life through my son's eyes. The culture and the community is so beautiful. How about that? How about that? The pitcher's inability to wear the team uniform for a few hours on a night meant to give a large group of their fans a sense of welcome forced the Giants to issue a statement. But the words rang hollow to some fans whose sense of welcome was damaged by a parade of players to the mound who couldn't handle a rainbow symbol on their uniform, who signaled that many of the people in the stands were not worthy of their support. Why did it take the league to issue the warning? Why didn't the Giants react more strongly to having their uniform defaced? Why didn't the team make it clear to every player they were expected to participate that it's part of their big league highly compensated obligation? So the whole disastrous season has raised the question of whether the team's lacking some sort of fundamental character or leadership. On Pride Night, when a rainbow was front and center, the Giants true colors came through. Well said, Ann Killian and well said, Mike Kruko. I just. I don't know how difficult that is. I don't know how difficult it is for these chuds.

[Dan Bernstein]

So those three pitchers were. Well, three of the pitchers were on the Giants last year and they had. They had a Pride night last year, correct?

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah. I don't know. What.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, I mean, what did they do last year?

[Alex Cohen]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Dan Bernstein]

For some reason I can't. I can't find anything as it keeps. It just keeps referring back to this year. So. And every team does a Pride night with the exception of the Rangers.

[Alex Cohen]

Last night was the Cubs Pride night.

[Dan Bernstein]

And the Rangers do like a family night. They deliberately stay away from.

[Alex Cohen]

Yes, the Rangers are the worst. And the Rangers also brought the statue of the racist, actual Texas Ranger law enforcement Ranger that was removed from the airport for being too racist. And the Ranger's like, no, no, no, no, we'll take it right here. We'll take that statue. If it's too racist for the airport, it's not too racist for us.

[Dan Bernstein]

Right. So they actually host a faith and family night instead where players share personal testimonies of their religious faith, which is

[Alex Cohen]

also a fuck you. And they'll say it's not, but they're lying and they know it is. Yeah. So there's always. And unfortunately there's. You always say baseball's gonna. Baseball. There's always. You always can be excited about progress. And then you have people trying to drag you backward into worse places and worse times. So let's laud the good and pillory the bad. I will also say that when we talked about Brendan Sorsby yesterday and this horrible situation that was going on with Texas Tech and Ken Paxton deciding they were going to threaten anybody that wouldn't let an inveterate gambling addiction be the quarterback for Texas Tech football, and enough people came together to basically tell Sourcebee, look, you're leaving Texas Tech one way or another. You're not going to play here. Apply for the supplemental draft, go to the NFL, because the question of his eligibility, that was flipped on its head. He should be obviously ineligible for betting 100,000, placed 9,000 bets on college and professional sports, at least 40 bets involving Indiana football while he was on the team. 9,000 bets.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

And his whole reason, his whole reasoning behind saying, you can't keep your mad at me. I'm an addict. It's a disease. Okay, great. But you, you shouldn't necessarily get to play because of that. And Texas Tech decided to launch this massive campaign to say that we don't care that he's a compulsive gambler. We don't care that he's gonna play for us. And everybody looked at Texas, what the hell are you talking about? What are you doing? What are you doing? And why are you doing it? So eventually they decided, just go to the NFL. And now here's the question. You're going into the supplemental draft, which is a blind draft. With each round, every team submits whether or not they would use their pick. And eventually, whenever, wherever he's picked, he's picked by that order in each round. Is somebody going to use a third, a sixth, a seventh? We don't know. My guess is no. My guess is he will go through the process undrafted. Because if you're an NFL team, do the math on that one. Why do you want that? You want those questions? You want to figure that out? You think he's going to help your quarterback room? You think it's somehow he's going to go. Did he go to Mike Vrabel, Wiener Counseling and say, well, it's all right, he's been through the car wash and now it's all fine and he's never going to gamble again? I don't know. I don't know enough about the pathology to know what experts would suggest, but I think it would take a pretty desperate football team who thinks he's good enough and worth it. So on those Axes of good at football and worth the time and the effort and the concern and the liability or whatever it may be. My guess would be no. And let college football kind of wash their hands of this. I will say, though, that it's gonna be something else. These death by a thousand cuts of the NCAA is happening. And we thought that this would be one of the first, you know, crowbars in one of the openings there to break it open further to knock down the NCAA as we know it. That's inevitable. That process has begun and it will not be stopped. But I don't think it's going to be this case now that they were able to have the deus ex machina of the supplemental draft come and say what? Not our problem. Not our problem. NFL's problem. It's over. They're dropping the suits. They're doing it. He's. He's not going to play. It solves the issue. It takes it out of their hands. He's going to go and see if anybody wants to hire him to be a professional quarterback.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. And the worst thing that this does is eliminates all the chaos that you.

[Alex Cohen]

I know.

[Dan Bernstein]

Enjoying.

[Alex Cohen]

I know, I know. But that's why I was saying there will be more chaos. There will be more unhappy uber wealthy coaching emperors who see their fiefdoms being threatened. And they will. And I'll enjoy it. I will have other things to enjoy. But that's. I guess that's the end of that. And then I will bet you that no. Although I did see defector predict. He said, yeah, he'll be a Brown or he'll be a Jet. Those are the only two teams. And what happens next depends on whether there's an NFL team willing to debase itself as much as Texas Tech did in order to employ a quarterback who led Cincinnati to a 7 and 6 record last season.

[Dan Bernstein]

That sounds like a Jets move for sure. I don't think Browns, I think, I mean, Todd's got enough issues.

[Alex Cohen]

He'll be a Brown or he will

[Dan Bernstein]

be a Jet between Sanders and. Who's the other guy there?

[Alex Cohen]

Well, they got Dylan Gabriel still there.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. No, the Watson between Watson and Sanders, he can. He can't decide who he likes more. He's not going to do that to himself.

[Alex Cohen]

I don't know.

[Dan Bernstein]

Unless the troll under the bridge is like, hey, have you seen this Sorsby guy?

[Alex Cohen]

Maybe that's the guy he gets his football information from. The guy who cuts his hair. Who's the troll under the bridge?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Alex Cohen]

Hey. Hey.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, I think I think that's a. That's a job for Brick and Stick.

[Alex Cohen]

Telling Woody Johnson.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

They go running into his office.

[Dan Bernstein]

I can't remember, is it grandpa or dad?

[Alex Cohen]

Who is dad?

[Dan Bernstein]

Dad. Right, dad.

[Alex Cohen]

Listen, we played a 90 year old dad and they're like 17.

[Dan Bernstein]

We played this kid on college football and PlayStation. He was really good. Yep. You need to look at this.

[Alex Cohen]

You got to get this guy.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, he's really good. And all else fails, he can provide some bets for us.

[Alex Cohen]

9,000.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's a lot.

[Alex Cohen]

You're pretty dedicated to that, man. You're really. That's not just like DBU picks, they're 9,000.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. That's a lot.

[Alex Cohen]

That's what he's admitted to.

[Dan Bernstein]

Right. Or at least that's. I think they found receipts on that.

[Alex Cohen]

Right. But he's probably got burners. Like, that's probably the stuff with his actual name.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't think. I don't think that's the kind of guy that has burners and tries to hide it.

[Alex Cohen]

He's just like, bug it. Here we go.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, yeah. He just. I don't think he really cared.

[Alex Cohen]

All right, this is the bigger question. I've been waiting on this one, and I don't know the answer to it. And I want your honest opinion. I keep seeing trailers now for the movie the Odyssey. No one has ever made a serious version of the Odyssey on screen that's been any good. The only version was a comedy by the Coen brothers called oh Brother, Where Art Thou? Which is a fabulous movie. That's the only version of the Odyssey that has been put on film that's any good. This is Christopher Nolan with a cast that includes Matt Damon as Odysseus.

[Dan Bernstein]

Trying to get home.

[Alex Cohen]

Still always trying to bring him home.

[Mark McCray]

Always.

[Alex Cohen]

Matt Damon, where is he? He's on Mars. He's coming home. He's Private Ryan and all his brothers are dead. We got to bring him home. That there has been a billion dollar industry in cinema bringing a Matt Damon character home because he can't get home without help.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, maybe home doesn't want him.

[Alex Cohen]

I was just gonna say, what is it about Matt Damon where they don't want. Just stay home.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, maybe they don't want him home.

[Alex Cohen]

Why is he bothering so many people? Matt Damon is Odysseus. Tom Holland is Telemachus. Anne Hathaway is Penelope. So he's trying to get home to Anne Hathaway. To Anne Hathaway, the Queen of Ithaca. Robert Pattinson is Antinous.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's a Dude who plays Batman, right, Plays the new Batman character. Probably Robert Pattinson.

[Alex Cohen]

Or is that Lupita Nyong'? O? Another dual role. Oh, she's really good, too, as Helen of Troy and Clytemnestra. Yeah, she played a dual role in us and should have been nominated for an Academy Award for either one of those performances, let alone both of those performances. One of the massive snubs I can remember. Zendaya plays Athena. Charlize Theron plays Calypso.

[Dan Bernstein]

I know she was in it, too.

[Alex Cohen]

Wow. Benny Safdie is Agamemnon. John Bernthal is Menelaus. Oh, he's in it, too. John Leguizamo is Eumaeus. There's a lot of.

[Dan Bernstein]

I mean, yeah, Robert Pattinson is the Batman. He's the new bat.

[Alex Cohen]

So I've seen some of the trailers, I've seen some of the stills. They've got Ludwig Gorenson doing the music. Like, this is an all star show here.

[Dan Bernstein]

Did you say James Remar? My guy, he's in it, too.

[Alex Cohen]

James Remar is in it? Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, Ryan Hurst is in it, too.

[Alex Cohen]

James Remar played Gans in 48 hours.

[Dan Bernstein]

You probably don't know Ryan Hurst from Sons of Anarchy. He was in that TV series, but he was also. He also played the linebacker. Well, you didn't see the Denzel Washington or the Denzel. The movie. The. Remember the Titans? You didn't see that.

[Alex Cohen]

Samantha Morton is in it. You remember, she was one of the empaths in the Spielberg movie about pre crime. She was one of the people who could foresee.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, with Tom Cruise. Yes, yes, that one.

[Alex Cohen]

With the. That's all come true.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Alex Cohen]

Like with the ads that know you and follow you around and all that.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, speaking of, are you going to see the Disclosure Day? The Alien?

[Alex Cohen]

Another one where I got to figure out Minority Report. Minority Report.

[Dan Bernstein]

Thank you.

[Alex Cohen]

I've got to decide if it's a thing or not.

[Dan Bernstein]

What do you mean, if it's a thing?

[Alex Cohen]

This is where I was going to go with the Odyssey.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, yeah, let's take the Odyssey.

[Alex Cohen]

Sorry, if. If it's a thing, I got to go see it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay, But. Okay, I.

[Alex Cohen]

And I am not as big a. Christopher. No, but how are you gonna know

[Dan Bernstein]

if it's a thing, though? Because you don't like. You don't.

[Alex Cohen]

You don't trust critics, and I do sometimes. There are critics I trust. Yeah. I try to get the tenor of the trustworthy critics.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't know how. I don't know a really good way to Verbalize it. But I've seen the trailer a few times now, seeing other movies. I was very excited when I first heard about it, but it's hard. But now that I see it, Dan, I don't know how to verbalize it except to say my gut tells me no. And I don't know why it's telling me no.

[Alex Cohen]

Because there's a reason why nobody's bitten this off. There's a reason why directors won't do it. It's never been done. This is the story. This is the monomyth, the hero's journey where we've seen any number of every other kind of.

[Dan Bernstein]

So have you seen the Kirk Douglas one, Ulysses? No, that was like 1950s. You didn't see.

[Alex Cohen]

When all the epics were being.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, I didn't see it.

[Alex Cohen]

Right. Spartacus and then all that stuff.

[Dan Bernstein]

But

[Alex Cohen]

no, like, for me, the version of it that is the best movie is oh, Brother, Where Art Thou?

[Dan Bernstein]

Which I didn't know was a loosely based. More than retelling of it.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah, more than loosely. You have the Sirens, you have the Cyclops. The reason why John Goodman.

[Dan Bernstein]

Now, I didn't know that the warriors, also, the New York gang film from the late 70s, was also. Was loose. Loose telling a retelling of the story.

[Alex Cohen]

Never seen it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, really? Yeah, I have. Yeah. As a kid, I saw it.

[Alex Cohen]

Isn't that the. Can you dig it?

[Dan Bernstein]

Right. I just remember the bottles clinking together and, you know, calling the warriors out. But, yeah, I didn't know that was based on the Odyssey as well. Apparently. There was an NBC miniseries that was really good.

[Alex Cohen]

Okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

Critically acclaimed, I guess.

[Alex Cohen]

It looks turgid and heavy and.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, no, it looks very heavy and dark. But for some reason, my gut is just saying no. I mean, I'm gonna see it. I'll probably see it really close to opening. Opening nights. I'll go early on, but I'll just.

[Alex Cohen]

I will never forget my sophomore English teacher, bless him, Mr. Horton, when he taught the Odyssey at Deerfield High School.

[Dan Bernstein]

The Elliot and the Odyssey.

[Alex Cohen]

When Mr. Horton, he was the best. And Mr. Orton, he sits there and you're talking about it. He's writing the characters on the chalkboard and he goes, listen, here's the thing you have to know first before we dive into this. They're all gay.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay. That's how it started.

[Alex Cohen]

Yes. That's how he taught it. And we were like, what? Remember, this was. This is 1985. So just. Just remember. Just keep that in mind that everybody's gay. Okay, then why does he want to get back home to Penelope?

[Dan Bernstein]

Maybe it's not Penelope. He's trying to get back home.

[Alex Cohen]

Right. Like I didn't appreciate it at the time when he said it, and I didn't know that it was maybe not a widely accepted interpretation. Damn woke public high schools. We got to get the woke out of the public high schools. They're corrupting young minds like mine. I could have been a normal alpha, red blooded American with wraparound sunglasses and wearing a fishing shirt to work. Wait a second here. Hold on a second here. I don't know. It's not. It's not my. Do you want me to wear the other fishing shirt at some point?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes, I've asked you multiple times. Well, no, you should wear the day because I'm going to stay down terror one day with you and go fishing. I want you to wear it that day.

[Alex Cohen]

The bite's weird right now.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't even. No, no, I'm not today. No, no.

[Alex Cohen]

I'm just saying.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, I'm not.

[Alex Cohen]

Only got one yesterday on a net.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, but when we go fishing together, I want you to wear that because

[Alex Cohen]

then you have a bass pond in your front yard.

[Dan Bernstein]

I know I'm not, but I want to do it.

[Alex Cohen]

I want to come up to you.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, because I want to walk around and I want. I want you to wear that shirt. And I'll wear the one that makes me look like a. A convict going for his hearing over zoom.

[American Express Announcer]

Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes, I'll wear that with my white, white socks.

[Alex Cohen]

And you can meet my people.

[Dan Bernstein]

You can meet the other people. That's what I want to do.

[Alex Cohen]

Like all. All of the ne' er do wells and all.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm not climbing rocks. I'm not dodging birds. I mean, we can stay where it's.

[Alex Cohen]

I'm still getting over the bird attack injury, by the way. I have an intramuscular hematoma. From the bird attack.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, like, you got like a big marble.

[Alex Cohen]

It's like a knot in the. In the muscle in the side of my. Of my thigh. It doesn't hurt. I know. It'll go. Whether my leg will go away?

[Dan Bernstein]

No. The marvel.

[Alex Cohen]

All right, so you're kind of in between on the Odyssey too, right?

[Dan Bernstein]

You're just like, well, I'm definitely gonna see it, but I'm just not sure if I'm gonna enjoy it.

[Alex Cohen]

I'm not definitely gonna see it.

[Dan Bernstein]

My gut's telling me, no, I'm not that.

[Alex Cohen]

Like, that looks like an ass buster. How long is that?

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't Know, but I wanna watch it. If I'm gonna see it, I wanna see it in the theater. I don't wanna watch it on my TV.

[Alex Cohen]

That's our running time here, 172 minutes.

[Dan Bernstein]

So that's over two hours, right? Oh, that's. Oh, that's almost three hours. That's two buckets of popcorn.

[Alex Cohen]

That's a big day.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's a big commitment.

[Alex Cohen]

That's a lot of good and plenty is what that is.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'll do it. No, I'll do it. I just don't know if I'm gonna enjoy it or if it's good or it's worth it.

[Alex Cohen]

What I want to see. Every time I see one of the trailers, one of the scenes, all I want is the outtakes. You know, I want all of these, like, heavily clad guys with the brushes on their helmets. And then, like, Matt Damon's phone rings or something.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh.

[Alex Cohen]

Oh, sorry, Sorry. Or like you used to see that one shot of Game of Thrones where there's a Starbucks cup underneath the table. Yeah, I love that. I love those anachronisms where you could tell, like, in between scenes, she was having her lodging. Okay, here we go.

[Dan Bernstein]

Wait. So help me out here with the Greek history. So there was the movie Troy that Brad Pitt was in.

[Alex Cohen]

Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

And he played Achilles.

[Alex Cohen]

Okay, I didn't see that either.

[Dan Bernstein]

That detailed, obviously. The Battle of Troy.

[Alex Cohen]

Okay, so Troy.

[Dan Bernstein]

So the Odyssey picks up after the Battle of Troy with Odysseus getting home. Right. Isn't that what it's. Isn't that the.

[Alex Cohen]

It's after the Trojan War, Chronological timeline. The Trojan War has ended, and this is his trip home.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay, but that's how.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah, because she's. There are people coming after Penelope, like, hey, he's dead. He's. He's gone. Have a little of this.

[Dan Bernstein]

Right?

[Alex Cohen]

What do you think of this? No, I will wait for my husband. They'll get Matt Damon home.

[Dan Bernstein]

Because the Battle of Troy was years long. Right. Years and years long. And it finally ended with the Trojan horse. Correct. Am I remembering this? All correct.

[Alex Cohen]

How long? I don't. I don't know how long it took.

[American Express Announcer]

I know.

[Alex Cohen]

I think the Trojan horse was. Was a part of it. I don't know if that ended everything when they thought it ended it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Maybe it didn't.

[Alex Cohen]

How stupid do you have to be for that, too? Yeah, like, we have a gift for you.

[Dan Bernstein]

It's a big wooden horse on wheels. I mean, like, what the fuck would you do with that, first of all?

[Alex Cohen]

Well, that's why? When in Holy Grail, when they have the giant rabbit.

[Dan Bernstein]

Rabbit.

[Alex Cohen]

And then they're like, now what happens now? We will jump out of the rabbit. What now? Now that we've sneaked in, we'll jump out of the rabbit. We're not in the rabbit.

[American Express Announcer]

Damn it.

[Alex Cohen]

I don't know how long it was, okay, but, yeah, that's the story. You've declared that you're in.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm definitely in. All right, wait, but. So the movie Troy with Brad Pitt, this isn't. It's not a pickup of this story?

[Alex Cohen]

No, they're not a different movie. They're not related. It's a different movie.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Alex Cohen]

Did that movie do well?

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't know what that mean. That was Brad Pitt, Eric Banya, Diane Krueger, Orlando Bloom, Sean Bean, Rose Byrne, Brendan Gleason, who is going to play the University of Illinois head coach. What's his name?

[Alex Cohen]

Brad Underwood.

[Dan Bernstein]

Brad Underwood, Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

I said. I said. Yeah. With 10% Chris Cooper, 90% Brendan Gleason, 10% Chris Cooper.

[Dan Bernstein]

Brian Cox was in that. I mean, that's also quite a. The cast.

[Alex Cohen]

And now he tells you about McMuffins.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's right.

[Alex Cohen]

It's a great job.

[Dan Bernstein]

Who directed this one? Oh, that was Wolfgang Peterson.

[Alex Cohen]

Okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay, so this is not like a pickup of.

[Alex Cohen]

No, this is. This is a Christopher Nolan joint, as it were. All right. You're. You're. You've declared that you're. No, I'm in.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

I'm in.

[Dan Bernstein]

I just. I'm uncertain about it, though. I'm convinced, because it's. That's a big summer movie you need to see on the big screen. Yeah. With the seats that vibrate and move and stuff. The IMAX thing.

[Alex Cohen]

I make my seat vibrate myself.

[Dan Bernstein]

I always get. I always pick the seat that. The recliner thing doesn't work as well. You know, they recline all. You could get really cozy.

[Alex Cohen]

I like going to regular, like, you

[Dan Bernstein]

know, you don't recline at all. You don't put your feet.

[Alex Cohen]

I like the seats at the Logan.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't know what the Logan is.

[Alex Cohen]

Logan Theater in. It's Milwaukee Avenue, you know.

[Dan Bernstein]

Is it Chicago?

[Alex Cohen]

Logan Square.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay. Why are they just like regular old movie theaters? They're leather.

[Alex Cohen]

They redid an old theater. They completely red.

[Dan Bernstein]

They don't recline, though, but they lean.

[Alex Cohen]

But, yeah, they do. They kind of bounce.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay. No, so the. Like, you go to the AMC and you. There's a button. Yeah, it's like you're. It's like a lazy boy at Home.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm sorry. Wait, what.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer 2]

What.

[Dan Bernstein]

What airlines do you fly on that they recline? Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

They don't anymore, right? They used to.

[Dan Bernstein]

When's the last time you flew and

[Alex Cohen]

you're not supposed to do even if they can't?

[Dan Bernstein]

Last year together. Yeah. It wasn't that long ago that you flew.

[Alex Cohen]

Well, I mean, business class. They. They recline all the way flat.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, yeah, but.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah, okay, whatever. What do you mean?

[Dan Bernstein]

Nothing.

[Alex Cohen]

It's so you can sleep. It becomes a bed, and then. Neatest life that you live, and then they. Then they bring by a private jet. I am too, now that I think about it. Where is mine?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. Why didn't Bruce have one?

[Alex Cohen]

A private jet.

[Dan Bernstein]

H. Bruce, where's your private jet?

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah, that would have been cool.

[Dan Bernstein]

Private jet while mom's got the station wagon with the heaters in it.

[Alex Cohen]

No, no. Capri's Classic. We never had a. We never had a station wagon.

[Dan Bernstein]

I just pictured with a station wagon with a paneling on the side.

[Alex Cohen]

We never had one of those.

[Dan Bernstein]

Smoke coming out.

[Alex Cohen]

We never had to know. We always had it.

[Dan Bernstein]

We had a.

[Alex Cohen]

We had a Buick Regal. We had Caprice Classics one after the other.

[Dan Bernstein]

Those are the old cop cars, right?

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah, yeah. Big Pav 8. Big piece of American steel, built like a tank. Oh, yeah, yeah. Big green one, too. Went to pea green.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, seriously?

[Alex Cohen]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Big old one. Time I remember that he got it at a Chevy dealer in the middle of downtown Highland Park. I forgot the name. It's long gone. And he's like, kids, come with me. We're gonna pick up our new car. And we come. We pick up the new car, and the salesman's all excited and he brings it.

[Dan Bernstein]

What year is this?

[Alex Cohen]

Oh, this had to be 78.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Alex Cohen]

And he brings it around, and it was like, worse green than this. Like a puke green color. And my dad goes, that's the wrong color. And the salesman like, no, it's not. This is the color you wanted.

[Dan Bernstein]

What, the two door?

[Alex Cohen]

No, four door. Four door. And he said, metallic mint green. And he's like, no, that's not the color. And no, no, like, that's blue. Like, this was.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, this is green.

[Alex Cohen]

Okay. No, no, but no, no, no, this was. And he said, you know, my dad said, you know what? Don't worry about it. Fine.

[Dan Bernstein]

Seriously?

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah. Oh, I think they knocked a bunch of the cost down. I think he's like, well, I'm not paying.

[Dan Bernstein]

What?

[Alex Cohen]

You know, that's not the color I asked for. And they're like, this is your car. So I think they renegotiated and it was our car for a while. It was fine.

[Dan Bernstein]

Very nice.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah, it was fine. But actually, yeah, it. Maybe it was more like this than I'm giving you credit for. This is probably pretty close to what it looked like. And if you're, if you're listening and not watching when I'm saying this, I'm looking at my ugly shirt that I got for same reason. And I got it as a knockdown because nobody else bought it. And then I could get this one on clearance. That's what I got. Clarence.

[Dan Bernstein]

Gross. Yeah.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah. But it was. Yeah. Big Caprice classic and then it became basically a rolling ashtray.

[American Express Announcer]

All right.

[Dan Bernstein]

Is that, is that closer to the color?

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Really? Oh, that's nasty.

[Alex Cohen]

Not quite that. Yeah, Maybe a little lighter. Maybe a little more chartreusey. Yeah, it's gross. If you look whatever colors GM had available. 78 and 79.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yep, that's really ugly.

[Alex Cohen]

Maybe, maybe.

[Dan Bernstein]

I hope you got a good deal on that. That's.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah, I do too.

[Dan Bernstein]

Really gross.

[Alex Cohen]

That was that you don't show up at your house or carpool. You knew it was time for school.

[Dan Bernstein]

My mom had a similar color car when I was in the 80s. It was a Dodge, some big hunky Dodge four door thing. It was a nasty green color.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

And the interior was that green pleather. Oh, was it bad?

[Alex Cohen]

Was it bench.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, bench seat. Yes, absolutely.

[Alex Cohen]

Oh, sure, bench.

[Dan Bernstein]

I remember my. So my dad had one of the. The paneled, side paneled station wagons and I used to. I, I would literally lay on the dashboard.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah, sure. That's.

[Dan Bernstein]

It was probably to get away from the smoke.

[Alex Cohen]

We didn't wear seatbelts.

[Dan Bernstein]

The smoke would come back and so I would.

[Alex Cohen]

Oh yeah. We didn't wear seatbel Ever, ever, ever.

[Dan Bernstein]

And it had that, that seat in the very back that would fold down.

[Alex Cohen]

Way back.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. And way, way, way back. And then you could put the window down.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

On the station wagon and we were like half hanging out of it.

[Alex Cohen]

Yes. Yeah, it's the way back. Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. I don't know what kind of. What's that seat called? What's that. That's a special name for that seat.

[Alex Cohen]

The way back.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, that's not the technical name for it.

[Alex Cohen]

For the back seat of a station wagon. Yeah, the one that faces the opposite direction. The way back.

[Dan Bernstein]

There's a name for it. Yeah, I know what you're. I've heard you. I've three times you said it.

[Alex Cohen]

I didn't Call it anything else.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, that's just what you called it as a kid. The way back.

[Alex Cohen]

Everybody calls it that. I don't know anybody that didn't call it get in the back or get in the way back. What is it called? The third seat probably. Or the third row. Third row seating, back bench. I don't know what it's called. I know what I called it. Biatch.

[American Express Announcer]

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[Alex Cohen]

We have the tech to get food delivered in 15 minutes. But we all have horror stories about buying tickets. The GameTime app gives fans the advantage. Get amazing tickets in just a few taps. Fees are included, so what you see is what you pay. And the gametime guarantee means authentic tickets at the best price every time. Take the guesswork out of buying tickets to concerts, sports, comedy and more with GameTime. Download the GameTime app and create an account for $20 off your first purchase term supply. Everybody's got a World cup opinion. My bookie gives you a place to put it. You have that country you're rooting for, the favorite you think is overrated. Your friend who swears they know ball because they watch three highlights about a jersey. Well, that's what makes the tournament fun. And new players can use this code.

[Dan Bernstein]

Here you go.

[Alex Cohen]

Ready?

[Dan Bernstein]

Ready.

[Alex Cohen]

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[Dan Bernstein]

Well, it's universally called the way back or the backpack. Yeah, I know, but that's not the.

[Alex Cohen]

You hate it when I'm right. You hate it when I'm right.

[Dan Bernstein]

I do not. I like when you're right. No, I like it when you're right, Dan.

[Alex Cohen]

I do when I'm right. Just like at home rarely happens. And hates it when I'm right. So I do the I'm right dance, and then they kick me out. They actually. Cause, you know, I get in trouble for singing at home.

[Dan Bernstein]

I say, I don't mind the singing. The singing doesn't bother me.

[Alex Cohen]

So, like, you know, I'll say, like, here comes Zoe. She's coming down the stairs. Where is she going? Probably to leave the house for work. And then she'll throw something at me. And she's like, well, you don't do this at work. I said, yes, I do.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, but it doesn't bother me.

[Alex Cohen]

So I do it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Like the other day, I don't care.

[Alex Cohen]

I made up the Liz is getting coffee song because I. I do the singing, too.

[Dan Bernstein]

And we were driving back from Indy and Hank screamed at me to shut up.

[Alex Cohen]

Oh.

[Dan Bernstein]

Because I. I wouldn't stop singing.

[Alex Cohen]

That's a mistake. Oh, driver in Miami. When you wouldn't stop singing.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes, I was, but I was doing opera version of opera versions of things. Singing operatic. And then at one point, I was singing while doing this. While singing. Good for singing, though.

[Alex Cohen]

Good for you.

[Dan Bernstein]

And he screamed at the top of his lunch.

[Alex Cohen]

Yeah, I. I was gonna get us in trouble when the story about the B52 crashing. Did you see that?

[Dan Bernstein]

I didn't.

[Alex Cohen]

An actual B52 crash.

[Dan Bernstein]

But were the B52s on it while they were crashing?

[Alex Cohen]

Here we go, falling out of the sky, and we're all going to die.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yep.

[Alex Cohen]

I've got me a plane. It's as big as a whale. And the engines just failed.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yep, that's it. That's what we need. I think your family needs to hear those songs and hear that story tonight.

[Alex Cohen]

I can't. I can't. I cannot be expected to read a story about a B52 crash and not think about Fred Schneider.

[Dan Bernstein]

See, that's what frightens me, because when you read the headline out loud to me, that's immediately what I did.

[Alex Cohen]

So, like the radio call, they're getting them the mayday, mayday. We're all going down, down, down, down. That is Dan Bernstein, Unfiltered, brought to you in partnership with my bookie, Dan Bernstein.

[Dan Bernstein]

Unfiltered.

[Alex Cohen]

Unfiltered.

[Mark McCray]

On three.

[Dan Bernstein]

One, two.

[Mark McCray]

Sports.

[Alex Cohen]

With networks like Fox News, cnn, Ms. Now, and more, Sling is the best way to get the news you care about, which is great for everyone. Well, almost everyone. Where's that dang paper boy.

[Dan Bernstein]

I need my news outdated and rolled

[Alex Cohen]

up like a burrito. Finally.

[Dan Bernstein]

Now I can read all about what happened forever ago.

[Alex Cohen]

Get the most important news delivered reliably at the best price. Sling lets you do that? Visit sling.comnews to see your offer.