Chicago Cubs Panic, Old Patriots Weirdness Tom Brady & Bill Belichick, Smokin' Jay's got a gun

Summary

Dan Bernstein Unfiltered – Episode Summary Episode: "Chicago Cubs Panic, Old Patriots Weirdness Tom Brady & Bill Belichick, Smokin' Jay's Got a Gun"
Date: August 28, 2025
Host: Dan Bernstein, with Matt Abbatacola
Podcast: Dan Bernstein Unfiltered (312 Sports)

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Overview

This episode of Dan Bernstein Unfiltered delivers a characteristically irreverent and sharp take on the current state of Chicago sports, with particular focus on the Chicago Cubs’ latest woes, the omnipresent shadow of ex-Patriots Tom Brady and Bill Belichick on the NFL, and the off-field troubles (and hair) of former Bears quarterback Jay Cutler. The conversation weaves from statistical deep dives and serious sports analysis to hilarious tangents about Cracker Barrel, Topgolf parking lots, and the minutiae of rye bread vs. cracked ham.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Old Patriots Weirdness in the NFL

Begins: 03:33

• Tom Brady’s Broadcasting Dilemma
  • The NFL has relaxed the so-called “Tom Brady rules” that previously barred Brady, as an NFL owner, from attending production meetings as a Fox commentator.
    • Dan: "Fox gave Tom Brady $375 million over 10 years to be bad at analyzing games." (03:55)
  • Brady continues to underwhelm in the broadcast booth, especially compared to Greg Olsen, who Dan praises as "100 times better." (05:43)
  • Frustration with Fox prioritizing celebrity over quality broadcasting:
    • Matt: “There is absolutely no reason why Tom Brady should be in a broadcast booth as an owner of an NFL team, period.” (07:56)
• Belichick’s Off-Field Circus
  • Media obsession with Bill Belichick’s personal life, including the antics of girlfriend Jordan Hudson, who is “trademarking Gold Digger.” (07:14)
  • Dan terms the ongoing drama "Old Patriots Weirdness (OPW)," arguing it haunts NFL fans even after the dynasty’s demise:
    • “It really is. It’s like a poltergeist.” (11:58)
  • Parallels drawn between the Patriots’ lingering shadow and the never-ending Dallas Cowboys hype cycle—comparing ESPN and Cowboys to “marketing businesses that happen to have sports/football.” (09:18)

Notable Quote

• Dan: "Between all the genuflecting at the altar of Tom Brady and all this side-glancing at whatever's going on in Chapel Hill with Bill and this succubus that comes in at night and does things to... It just nags at you a little bit." (13:19)

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2. Chicago Cubs: Reality Check & Playoff Math

Begins: 17:19

• Recap of the recent “ugly” Cubs loss: "It was an ugly night for Colin Ray. Ugly night all around. Bad offense, bad defense." (17:19)
• Discussion of advanced standings metrics, specifically Clay Davenport’s adjusted standings/third order record. (18:18)
  • Brewers now surpass Cubs in third order record.
• Projection of playoff odds:
  • “FanGraphs has them at 7.2% chance to win the division, 92.3% chance to clinch a wild card.” (21:41)
• Playoff format breakdown and importance of hosting in the wild card slot.
• Riff on Cubs lost momentum after "being the best team in baseball at the All Star break" and Brewers’ surge.
• Analysis of wild card paths, schedules, and the key formula for playoff success:
  • "You know what wins the World Series? Home runs and strikeouts. Ball go far. Team go far." (25:11)

Notable Moment

• Recap of the “Bernstein kiss of life”—after they criticized Nico Hoerner’s lack of power, he homered in the next game (20:38)
  • Matt: "[After Nico hoerner's homer] He’s like, f*** you, Dan Bernstein Unfiltered, take that!" (21:11)

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3. Jay Cutler: “Smokin’ Jay’s Got a Gun”

Begins: 36:45

• Discussion of Jay Cutler’s recent sentencing (four days in jail) from a DUI charge.
  • Dan reads AP details: Cutler rear-ended a car, was clearly intoxicated, tried to bribe the other driver with $2,000 ("How you get that number? My guess is that's the amount of cash he had." - 38:25), and police found two firearms in his vehicle, including a loaded pistol.
• Matt laments Cutler’s decisions but also sympathizes—calls for Cutler to get his life together and jokes about his famously good hair.
  • Matt: “Just, dude, like, get your life together.” (37:15)
• Riff on how much cash Dan and Matt carry, with Dan astonished at Jay rolling with “two grand” and “two guns.”
• Sarcastic thread about Topgolf Naperville’s frequent weapons busts (41:33)—calls for the National Guard to patrol the parking lot for weapons left in cars.

Notable Quotes

• Dan (on why Cutler offered $2k): “My guess is that's the amount of cash he had.” (38:25)
• Matt: "Why are you rolling around with guns? ... What are you doing with a gun?" (40:33)

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4. Cracker Barrel, Toothpick Philosophy, and Rye Bread

Begins: 52:08 (Cracker Barrel segment); 53:41 (Toothpick Story); 57:03 (Rye Bread Segment)

• Riff on Cracker Barrel’s controversial logo change and its weird spot in the culture wars. Both hosts agree: the old logo is simply a better logo—nothing political about it.
  • Dan: “It has nothing to do with heritage or crackerism or anything else.” (48:47)
• Vivid reminiscence about the Cracker Barrel “peg game”—including the original, now-sanitized, scoring rubric (“if you leave three, you’re just plain dumb…”), and Dan’s one-time enjoyment of their “real” turnip greens and unique toothpicks.
• Tangent about thrifting for a backdrop bookshelf, buying toothpicks as a 23-year-old, and the passage from “Cracker Barrel” to “rye bread superiority.”
  • Matt: "You’re a 23-year-old kid and you’re like, I need toothpicks. You’re so weird." (54:33)
• The show closes on an affectionate discussion of childhood food memories—Bakers Square, Poppin’ Fresh, black rye patty melts, and the best use of rye and cracked ham.

Memorable Moment

• Matt volunteers to take Dan to Cracker Barrel for the second time in his life, illustrating their “Chicago guy, real people” rapport. (55:38)

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Additional Highlights and Humorous Asides

• The prevalence of “airport bar” sports content and disdain for national yelling shows. (09:18)
• "Old Patriots Weirdness" (OPW) established as a running bit. (11:58, 16:07)
• Extended, satirical contemplation of carrying firearms and heavy weaponry to Topgolf, and the need for “federal troops” for mulching and garbage collection. (41:34, 43:11)
• Playfully mocking Chicago sports radio bits, including the “Chicago Sports Sandwich” and steak-and-bacon sandwiches at Waffle House. (30:41)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Topic | Timestamp (MM:SS) | |---|---| | Opening banter, sponsor plugs | 01:33 | | How Tom Brady keeps getting privileged broadcast opportunities | 03:32 | | “Old Patriots Weirdness” (OPW) – Belichick drama | 07:09 | | Comparison: Patriots vs Cowboys, ESPN as marketing empire | 09:18 | | "Airport bar sports" rant | 09:33 | | Cubs reality check, advanced standings, playoff odds | 17:19 – 28:20 | | Cubs schedule, path to 96 wins | 27:14 | | Thrifting, bookshelf, Goodwill Trubisky jersey | 35:40 | | Jay Cutler DUI/guns scandal | 36:45 – 44:45 | | Topgolf Naperville guns running joke | 41:33 | | Cracker Barrel culture/branding tangents | 47:37 – 53:41 | | Toothpicks, rye bread, deli sandwich nostalgia | 53:41 – end |

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Notable Quotes

“Between all the genuflecting at the altar of Tom Brady and all this side-glancing at whatever’s going on... It just nags at you a little bit.”
– Dan Bernstein (13:19)

“It really is. It’s like a poltergeist... The OPW is following us around and haunting us in some way.”
– Dan Bernstein (11:58)

"There is absolutely no reason why Tom Brady should be in a broadcast booth as an owner of an NFL team, period."
– Matt Abbatacola (07:56)

"You know what wins the World Series? Home runs and strikeouts. Ball go far. Team go far."
– Dan Bernstein (25:11)

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Tone & Style

True to Dan Bernstein’s legacy, the discussion is salty, brisk, honest, with plenty of inside jokes and detours that pull the curtain back on Chicago fandom. Matt ably punctuates the conversation with dry, observational comedy—they riff together like old friends, frequently circling from analysis to Chicago-guy tangents and back.

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Perfect for fans wanting unfiltered sports commentary, biting humor, and authentic Windy City perspective on the state of the Cubs, NFL, and the always-entertaining world around Chicago sports.

Transcript

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Unfiltered on 312 Sports. Dan Bernstein Unfiltered on 312 Sports. A gamut podcast. I am Dan Bernstein.

[A]

Good job.

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Thank you. And I am unfiltered.

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Very proud of you.

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It was great.

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It's high end. Today's show. No one saw that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Is brought to you in partnership with my bookie. And on today's show, I want to talk a little bit about what we as football fans cannot escape no matter what we do. It seems to be our lot in life. It is now sort of part of our lives and there's nothing we can do about it. We'll get a Cubs reality check.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I think just get a view from above of where we are with the Cubs right now with everything that's going on and talk about what's important for them. We had a little Jay Cutler incident that was. Is worth noting. And the real truth about Cracker Barrel.

[A]

When's the last time you've eaten at a Cracker Barrel?

[B]

We'll talk about Fort Wayne, Indiana, 1992. No. Yeah. 92 or 93.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Fort Wayne, Indiana.

[A]

All right.

[B]

So that was the last time I ate there. One bad, really wasn't.

[A]

We had a date night there earlier this year, my wife and I. Cracker Barrel. Yeah, absolutely, dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We got the one in gurney. We get up there.

[B]

It's. It's.

[A]

Yeah, it's not. It's not bad.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's pretty. You know what I really like to go there for is the. The gift shop. I'm a gift shop guy.

[B]

Say hi to Uncle Herschel out of the porch up there. A Whitland. A Whitland.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Cracker Bell Bushwhackers rack around a Krager Kroger.

[A]

All right, well, that's not for.

[B]

I know it's not what you called. Here's what we can't escape.

[A]

What can't we escape?

[B]

And correct me if I'm wrong on this one, but allow me a little latitude here, counsel. You saw the news yesterday that the NFL now has decided to relax what had been known as the Tom Brady rules, because for some reason, Fox gave Tom Brady $375 million over 10 years to be bad at analyzing games. I don't know if it says so in the contract that he's.

[A]

He's required to be bad.

[B]

He's supposed to be bad, but he's. He's just not good at it yet. And maybe now they're thinking that part of the problem was he wasn't allowed to be part of some of the production meetings with the teams because he's an owner of a team. And usually these very special opportunities given broadcasters are considered. The broadcast are objective that they're not considered in any way getting any trade secrets or competitive advantages by going into another team's facility. And Tom Brady was prevented from doing that because it wouldn't be fair. And that made perfect sense. I thought this was a. The kind of move by the NFL that I think other teams would say, all right, good. I think fans could understand it. But now maybe to help prop him up as a broadcaster, Tom Brady is going to be allowed in these production meetings. So this is just Another data point for me to come to a realization of something that's been bothering me as a football fan and observer. And I want to get really excited about the NFL season. I am excited about the NFL season. You know it from this podcast. You know it from Forward Progress, a Chicago Bears podcast. This is a time for optimism and excitement about football and the NFL. But we cannot escape old Patriots weirdness. We can't get away from it. We can't get away from the fact that Tom Brady, for some reason, has been shoehorned in to our football lives on the number one Fox team, ahead of a guy in Greg olson who is 100 times better than Tom Brady.

[A]

He's more than 100 times better. It's not even close.

[B]

Greg Olson is good and getting better.

[A]

He's so good.

[B]

He is a natural. And they won't give him the top platform because why?

[A]

Because Tom Brady.

[B]

Because fame and Tom Brady. Because Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Tom Brady. And so now they're saying, well, we got to give him every opportunity here. He can't actually set foot in a facility. But if the meeting is at a.

[A]

Neutral site like a Starbucks or something.

[B]

Or if it's on Zoom, yeah, he's allowed to do it.

[A]

Or you meet at Cracker Barrel for lunch.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Yeah. Then Tom Brady can go. Well, now, here's the question. Will that help him be better at being a broadcaster?

[B]

Maybe, but that's only part of the Patriot reason.

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

Okay, well, I'll give him a chance. I was able to kind of tune him out a little bit, but, I mean, he's bad in the Super Bowl. Everything's kind of in between with him. It seems like he's about ready to have a strong opinion. And then he mitigates it at the end, like he didn't want to piss people off. And he still has so many friends around the league that he's still trying to be anodyne, and it doesn't work. But here is the other half of this whole Patriot weirdness thing, and that is this circus surrounding Bill Belichick, and it's going to be in our face. Get ready for it. Get ready. No matter where we go, no matter what we do. The reason it is is because Bill Belichick's girlfriend makes four clicks.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

People click when they see Jordan Hudson.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That is page views. It is clicks. And believe me, she knows it. And did you see that she's trademarking Gold Digger as part of a brand.

[A]

Wow. Okay. Yeah, good luck.

[B]

But. And that's okay with him. Yeah, that's all right with him that she's trademarking gold digger.

[A]

The whole thing's weird. I mean, the entire. The entire situation is weird. The entire relationship is weird. And. And, yeah. And why couldn't they. And I say this as a Chicago Bears fan, 1985. Why couldn't they just, like, go away? There's just fade away and enjoy the resume and the history you built in the NFL. There is absolutely no reason why Tom Brady should be in a broadcast booth as an owner of an NFL team, period.

[B]

No, there shouldn't be.

[A]

And the fact that they're going above and beyond to make exceptions for him is insane and really non NFL.

[B]

Like, I get tired of all of the old Patriot weirdness. I granted, Dynasty, they ruled the NFL, but that's over now. Give. Give somebody else a turn. Let, let. And it's not going to be the Dallas Cowboys. See, this is. This has been a really good choice that I've made. As much as people feel inundated with Cowboys stuff, where in the middle of a baseball pennant race, you get one of the national screaming shows is Dak Prescott Elite. What is Dak Prescott's legacy? I don't care.

[A]

Well, and then there's the Cowboys documentary or the series that's out right now. I haven't started, but that's being thrown in our faces.

[B]

Well, they've become. It really is an amazing thing that I said this 20 years ago about ESPN, where I said ESPN used to be a sports network with great marketing, and it turned into a marketing business that happened to have sports. Similarly, it seems like the Dallas Cowboys went from being a football team with great marketing to a marketing company that happens to have football.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's amazing how it's paralleled, and yet it doesn't affect me because I don't watch the screaming shows that are designed for airport bars. And really, that's the best.

[A]

Just airport bars. But it really is.

[B]

That's the best way to think about it, whether it's your sports bar with too many televisions to even comprehend what's happening around you, and everybody's looking at their phone. Anyway, one of the great ironies is that everybody goes to the sports bar where no matter where you look, there's a television and everybody's looking down, everyone's looking down at their phones.

[A]

Well, that's.

[B]

Yeah, that's just today. It's amazing that way. But so if you think about it as hotel lobbies, airport gates, airport bars, that's what that's designed for and it just doesn't. It's not part of my world. So the cowboy stuff doesn't bother me. It does bother me that I've got to and I don't. They say, well, turn the volume down. No, I'm not gonna turn the volume down on a game. I'm just not. It's within your control. Why don't you just turn off the. Cause I don't want to sit and watch a silent football game.

[A]

Right. That's weird.

[B]

And, sir, I'm sure there's. I could watch the Spanish broadcast or something, but I'm not going to do that. So I know he's going to be there. I know it's going to be part of my football life. And the Belichick thing. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a little bit of car wreck morbid curiosity about some of what's going on there because of the overall weirdness. Whether it becomes something like Rasputin and the Tsar or like Weekend at Bernie's.

[A]

I'm leaning more towards that direction. I want that. I want to see that happen.

[B]

Or is he really enough of an evil genius that he's masterminding all of it? Now, that is a possibility. That Belichick knows everything that's going on. He's like, watch this. You want me in here? Generate some clicks, you know, make me make this all matter. You want to generate money? We'll get money. We'll buy all these players. And who knows? Because I don't think he's an idiot.

[A]

No, I don't think. I don't think he's an idiot either, but I don't. It's weird because it goes against everything that he showed us in New England.

[B]

Everything in his control.

[A]

Yeah, it's very opposite of what he was and what. What that was for so long, but.

[B]

Somewhere, somehow free us from a football experience that always remains shadowed to somehow by patriot old patriot weirdness. The OPW is following us around and haunting us in some way. It really is. It's like a poltergeist.

[A]

Right?

[B]

It's like something. It just nags at you a little bit. And Tom Brady gets the biggest platform and all these opportunities and all these conflicts of interest for no real reason. I understand. If he's great at his job, is there evidence that he drives viewership? Did more people watch the super bowl to hear him stumble through analysis? I don't think so.

[A]

I.

[B]

This.

[A]

Yeah, I'd be. I'd be curious to hear the conversation that took place that, that eventually made that happen.

[B]

$375 million for somebody who isn't anywhere near as good as Greg Olsen.

[A]

Not even close. But it's just like, is it, is it just because of the history of his play that that's. That's all there is to it? And, but, but that doesn't motivate you to want to listen to the games and watch the games because of him. You watch the games because you love the NFL. It's just that simple. But shouldn't programming be more concerned with what's the quality of the product?

[B]

At the time they were just.

[A]

Because it's not like, holy sh. You know, we need help with these broadcasts.

[B]

Joe Montana had one season on the mic. Well, Joe Montana at the time, the Tom Brady.

[A]

Right. But that was probably too long.

[B]

But they, and they brought Joe Montana out there and it was crickets. Yeah, they have a thought in his head.

[A]

Right? That was one season was too long.

[B]

There's nothing there.

[A]

But it wasn't like they said, you know what? We're really struggling for viewers. We really need to prop. You're the NFL, right? You're the NFL. You don't need help with anything. Make it the best possible product.

[B]

So between all of the genuflecting at the altar of Tom Brady and all of this sort of side glancing at whatever is going on in Chapel Hill with Bill and this succubus that comes in at night and does things to.

[A]

Get worse, you know, I mean, like, when will college game day be there?

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

Like really?

[B]

Another thing that's not on my radar at all. You know, another thing. It doesn't affect me. I don't think I've ever intentionally turned on college game day.

[A]

Okay, so I'm not the biggest college football fan. No, there are, there are games and I like to watch. Yeah, there are things like to watch, but I have tuned into, like deliberately watched, like turned on college game day to sit down and watch it. I do find that entertaining. I'm not a regular consumer of it, but I do like it. And if I'm. If I'm home and I'm not doing anything else on Saturday morning, I'll. I'll pop it on to watch.

[B]

Okay, fair enough. I don't.

[A]

Yeah, but it's not every day. It's not right. But I just. Again, it's just the whole idea that you don't need to get better at the NFL. Like, you don't need to find ways to be creative to get new viewers.

[B]

If only we could hook a couple of eyeballs on these NFL things.

[A]

Let's try Tom Brady.

[B]

I think. I think they'll tune in for Tom Brady.

[A]

There you go. Tom Brady. Let's get rid of this guy who's fantastic at the job, who makes us better as viewers by watching his broadcasts, which. Let's get him out as quick as possible and get Tom Brady in there now. You know what? It would have been a perfect exit for Tom Brady at the Tom Brady roast. You do that. I thought the roast was very entertaining. You have that.

[B]

I'm going to get on my boat and leave.

[A]

And it's like I watched that and said, okay, this is a guy that. All right, I get it. Tom Brady, you're a regular dude. You had a great career, the greatest ever. Now go off, sail off into the sunset. Buy a team, enjoy it. Live the life that you've created by being the greatest ever in the NFL. We don't need more of you. We needed less.

[B]

And it goes up to the highest levels of what that organization was, and it's still running on cheats and scandals, and it's just tiresome and it's running on fumes. Even. Even. Even the creepy old owner getting these. These sad hand jobs at a rub and tug. Ew. I. What? All of it. It's all. It's just. It's weird enough. We don't need it anymore.

[A]

Were the hands sad or was the act sad? The whole thing was sad.

[B]

And what was it called? A happy tea garden or something.

[A]

I have no idea.

[B]

There was some happy endings or something.

[A]

Yeah, they deflated his balls at the end.

[B]

That's Maddie. This is Dan Burstein, unfiltered. And if you're waiting for Sunday.

[A]

Oh, opw, I forgot.

[B]

I'm going to jot that old Patriots weirdness.

[A]

Yeah, old pw, because that replaces ogb.

[B]

Anyway. Has to. If you're waiting for Sunday to start betting, you're missing half the fun and half the money college football's already cooking. I was actually looking at some of the games that are coming up this weekend. There's a biggie. That Texas, Ohio State thing is that 11:00am kickoff time. Yeah. Get up, get rolling with that thing. Upsets blowouts, wild covers. My bookie lets you hit it all. Player props, game lines, everything you need before the pros even kick off. So when Sunday rolls around, you're already up. If you're doing it right. My bookie has everything you need all under one roof. You can win big on the NFL super contest. There's Survivor pools. If you are new to my bookie, don't miss this deal. Use our code DBU for Dan Bernstein. Unfiltered DBU. Any bet you choose up to $500 is fully covered. You make your play. If it doesn't hit, you get it right back. When you opt in, it's called your bet back bonus token. So use it. It's my bookie. Where betters win together. Because bragging's good, cashing in is better. Cubs got their asses kicked last night.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was an ugly night for Colin Ray. Ugly night all around. Bad offense, bad defense. And I'd never seen a throw hit a guy in the head before, hit me in the head and bounce away from everybody. I had to rewind that to make sure I saw it correctly.

[A]

Saw it right.

[B]

Yeah. So that was. And before we sort of get into the Cubs reality right now, I was a little mad at JD And Booger. They're stealing my bit because here comes whoever it was with the high pants, and JD had the Freudian slip of saying he meant to say he's got the Hunter Pence thing going on. And he says he's got the Hunter pants thing. And then they laughed.

[A]

Ha ha ha.

[B]

Hunter underpants. Like. Yes. I've been calling him underpants for 10 years. That. That was my nickname for him.

[A]

Robbed. Stolen.

[B]

Yes. Come on, J.D.

[A]

Do better.

[B]

If it's anybody other than Steve Allen, tell him he's stealing my bit.

[A]

Yeah. Maybe JD can become as good as Tom Brady one day. We'll see. Oh, someday, hopefully, he can get to that level. Yeah.

[B]

Get the work in, man.

[A]

Please do it.

[B]

And we had a bit of a change in a standings format that I like to look at.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And if it's called Clay Davenport's adjusted standings, the third order record. And what that is is a fancy way of talking about Pythagorean record, which is a fancy way of talking about what your record should be based on the runs you've scored and the runs your opponents have scored. Run scored. Runs loud. And then you come up with a number. And for the first time in a while, the brewers have surpassed the Cubs in third order record as of right now, based on the calculated runs. And the thing about third order record, when I say it's a fancy version of Pythagorean, it's because it does take into account the quality of your opponents. And that way, if you're piling up.

[A]

Where Pythagorean does not.

[B]

Correct. Yeah, that's. That's Just runs.

[A]

Just runs.

[B]

And this says, look, we're. We're gonna, we're gonna wait this. So blowing out the Rockies doesn't help you as much as beating the Dodgers or the Padres or the Cubs, for example. And the brewers now in third order record, are at 78 and a half wins. And the Cubs are at 78 wins. Brewers, obviously. 80. 83 wins. People want us to bring that back, by the way.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I don't think you really make a choice to bring something like that back. But I found it notable that with looking at the remaining schedule and these games that they're dropping to, the Giants were part of that easier remaining schedule because the Giants, after that hot start, have cooled to right about where they, where they should be. You know, slightly under five.

[A]

Oh, no, they've been terrible since the All Star break or. No, since the trade deadline. Yeah, they've been terrible since the trade deadline. And then, you know, of, you know, they, they lose the Verlander two nights ago, and he's. He's had a terrible season.

[B]

Yeah, but he. That's your doppelganger.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he looked terrific.

[A]

Yeah, he did.

[B]

He looked fabulous. That.

[A]

He threw one breaking ball that dropped like seven feet. Where.

[B]

That was like a Holy.

[A]

Yes. He struck somebody out early on. Might have been the first inning.

[B]

Hell was that?

[A]

Yeah, I think it was the first. A first inning pitch. I think it dropped four feet. And I, I, he swung, missed. And I, I think might, Might. I can't remember who it was, but.

[B]

Well, Matt Shaw got. Got abused in the.

[A]

Whoever it was in the first inning. I said, wow, I didn't know Verlander still had that in him. I. That really surprised me.

[B]

He looked great, and he looked really good. And the Cubs. And the Cubs have got to start hitting. Hitting the ball out. Nico did his part well.

[A]

We motivated him.

[B]

Let the record show we used to call it the Bernstein kiss of life. Yes, there it was.

[A]

Yeah, we talked about it. I said, he swings a really fast bat. Got a really fast swing. You said, yeah, no pop. I'm like, yep, absolutely no pop. Because of Barrel last night.

[B]

Swinging a drive.

[A]

He's one for one to left, like, gone. The second he hit it, I was like, oh, that's gone. Yeah.

[B]

He knew it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. He came close to maybe kind of half like the, the facial expression said, oh, I got that one. But you are in, you know, the marine layer, the heavier air. He should know what.

[A]

He grew up there, but he's like, f you. Dan Bernstein. Unfiltered take that.

[B]

Here's your filter. I'll give you a filter real quick.

[A]

Before I forget the Pythagorean. You know who's still the unluckiest team in baseball?

[B]

Sox.

[A]

Yes, the White Sox.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. They speed 10 games better.

[B]

Last year they were bad, stupid, hurt and unlucky. This year they're just bad.

[A]

Bad and unlucky. Yeah.

[B]

Which is good.

[A]

That's improvement, though.

[B]

I agree. That's why.

[A]

100%.

[B]

That's why I told you for sure they would have a better record this year than last year. Just because so many things went wrong last year. The Cubs right now, per fan graphs, have a 7.2% chance to win the division. Sitting six and a half games back of the Brewers.

[A]

That's higher than I thought.

[B]

7.2. It's higher than I thought too. But I think some of that is projected maybe with. With opposing record and which gives them a 6.3% chance, however that works. Of clinching a buy and a 92.3% chance of clinching a wild card. But it can't just be a wild card. It's got to be for their purposes.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

Be the wild card. And I, believe me, no worries. If you're like, oh, what's, what's the playoff format again? What, how does it work again?

[A]

So they have to stay the number four seed in, in the National League. They have to, they cannot slip out of that position right now. They have a.

[B]

What do they have?

[A]

They have a.

[B]

Was it one and a half game lead on the Padres?

[A]

The Padres, yes. They currently have the third best run differential in baseball. I mean, you know, so stay in that number four spot, host the Padres. And then the winner of that four or five gets the Milwaukee brewers if they stay on top with the best record in the game.

[B]

And there's your chance. You want redemption. You want your redemption right there. It's right in front of you. You're talking about not having a head to head anymore for the remainder of the season.

[A]

Right? There it is.

[B]

Have it there.

[A]

Yeah. Go to Milwaukee, win those first couple games, start that series off. But yeah, you know, get past that. San Diego first, if that remains the same. And I know again, people are so concerned about it. I was upset, you know, I was upset when the brewers started to run away with the, with the division. They had a 10 game lead, a 14 game win streak. And it just, it didn't seem right because this Cubs team and their offense felt so special the first half of the year that it was like this could Be.

[B]

It felt special because it was special.

[A]

Very special year for the team. And all you have to do in baseball, and it's been proven, just get into the playoffs. That's all you have to do. Now we don't want you going in there injured and playing your worst baseball of the year, but you'd have to get in.

[B]

It doesn't matter if you're playing your worst baseball of the year.

[A]

It really doesn't. Because the regular season, all it is, is an entry into the dance. That's it.

[B]

The 162 determines the best teams in baseball.

[A]

Right.

[B]

The playoffs determine the winner of the World Series.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

Sometimes that's the same team.

[A]

162 spits out the six best in the league. That's it. That's all it does. And then you start at zeros and you go from there. Since the wildcard era in 1995, seven teams, seven teams claimed the best record in baseball and then won the World Series. So it's a little less than 25% of the time of those seven times. And I scratched the Dodgers out of there in 2020 because that was a 60 game season. So to me that doesn't count since that. So six teams, the Red Sox have done it three times. All three times they've won it. They had the best record in baseball. The Yankees two times and the Cubs one time, of course. So it doesn't matter. The brewers can go on. And I love the piece. I saw from our old buddy Jesse Rogers, espn, that the headline was welcome to Milwaukee Community College, because that's what it is. And that kind of branding doesn't win a championship. It doesn't. It doesn't win. You can have a miraculous, wonderful, unexpected, way above expectation regular season. That kind of stuff. Doesn't win playoffs, doesn't win the World Series.

[B]

You know what wins the World Series? Home runs and strikeouts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Strike every team and hit more home runs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Ball go far. Team go far.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Anytime the Cubs want to get back to hitting all those home runs, please do.

[A]

That'd be fine.

[B]

Anytime.

[A]

That'd be fine.

[B]

Because that's. And usually I think when you hit a three run homer, there's like a 70% correlation with victory. So there's nothing wrong with feeling good after Nico hit that shot.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Like, okay, all right. 70% chance of winning this game. And then Colin Ray started nibbling around and leaving stuff right on the dong. You can't. With that fastball, you can't put doing much.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Not there.

[A]

He. After Nico Hit that homer. So they were up three to one at that point. I was half tempted to go to my recordings on Xfinity and watch Bachelor in Paradise. I didn't, but I thought it was, you know, might be close being over because, you know, you do. You hit that three on homer and seven times.

[B]

Paradise, your first choice?

[A]

Well, it's what I have in recording right now.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. And that's a show we watch together.

[B]

You know what I was flipping with for the Cubs game last night? The Town.

[A]

Oh, God. I watched that a couple weeks ago.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That so good.

[A]

You know, you've probably seen the.

[B]

It's so good.

[A]

You've seen the meme a lot where Ben. Ben Affleck walks into the room to Jeremy Renner and, you know, says the whole thing and all he says is, whose car we take?

[B]

Whose car we take? We're going to hurt some people.

[A]

One of the best.

[B]

Whose car we take?

[A]

One of the best scenes.

[B]

Oh, Jeremy Renner just steals that movie. He's. He's just. You can't take your eyes off him.

[A]

All right, so the cubs sit at 76 and 57 right now. So they're 14 games away from. From 90 wins. A 90 win season. Okay, good year for you. They have 29 games to go this afternoon against the Giants. Then they play at Colorado. They host Atlanta, Washington, then they go to Atlanta. They host Tampa Bay at Pittsburgh. A four game series at Cincinnati. They close out at home with the Mets and the Cardinals. That's 29 games.

[B]

This is right now threaten for the division at a minimum. Make it a race. Yeah, make it a race.

[A]

So 96 wins is a possibility.

[B]

It's a hell of a year.

[A]

So that's 20 and nine in these last 29 games. That's a lot.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's a lot to do. And they've been relatively playing little, slightly above.500 baseball as of late. Anything around.500 is unacceptable with the quality of this team. It's completely unacceptable. They have to get at least, I don't know, at least at the worst case, 19 and 10.

[B]

I think it's going to be a massive disappointment if they're not the top wild card. And even that is moving the goalposts. Even that is bringing expectations down quite a bit. They were the best team in baseball at the All Star break.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And they allowed the brewers to just draft up on him like a race car and blow. Right.

[A]

That was just something special. I mean, that was, you know, I hope they enjoy that in Milwaukee because You can celebrate the great regular season y' all had because that's where it ends.

[B]

I want to let you know, too. You're saying, why aren't they talking Bears? Well, we are going to talk Bears in depth. We're going to talk about the roster, talk about the waiver claims, and do a whole lot more when you dial in forward progress, a Chicago Bears podcast. Because we are doing more than just Dan Bernstein unfiltered here on 3one2 Sports. If you're new to everything that's going on, we are a brand new sports podcasting network here in Chicago. Here Hubbard Broadcasting. We are in these custom designed studios in Prudential one. It's great.

[A]

Prudential One.

[B]

It feels like a Prudential One because we got, and I kid you not, over this wall is the Drive 97.

[A]

Wall right behind us.

[B]

And by the way, I'm on most Mondays and Fridays, 8:15am with Sherman and Tingle on 97.1 the Drive. Instead of two idiots, it's three idiots.

[A]

Mondays, two idiots and one really big idiot.

[B]

Well, which one's which? And on the other side is the mix.

[A]

Yeah. So you drive the mix and we're.

[B]

In between functioning as like a sandwich. Yeah. And we're 312 sports sandwich, essentially. No, don't. Don't do it. Don't do it.

[A]

That was an accident. Oh, I don't want to. I don't want to.

[B]

Don't do it.

[A]

I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna. I won't.

[B]

See, we don't own the rights to the song.

[A]

I know. That's what made the whole thing.

[B]

Chicago Sports Sandwich, one of the worst bits of all time.

[A]

Yes. You're welcome.

[B]

But the song.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah. Rusty Scupper, he nailed it.

[B]

I was thinking it when the guy threw the sandwich at the federal agent in Washington. By the way, they couldn't return Bill.

[A]

Was it.

[B]

I thought it was Bill on Capitol Hill. It should have been. Bill would have thrown something more dangerous at a sandwich.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It would have been like a Molotov sandwich where he would, like, lit the lettuce on fire and thrown it at him. But the. I thought of Chicago Sports Sandwich when you did that. Washington Sports Sandwich.

[A]

Yeah, that was the. That was. Yeah, that was the. The song that made the whole stupid bit, like entertaining. It was so bad. I mean, what a. What an aw. Did we do it more than once?

[B]

No.

[A]

Or was it just one time?

[B]

No, the FCC said no more.

[A]

Oh, really? They came down on us.

[B]

They shut us down.

[A]

Like, the origin of it was so great, though.

[B]

I thought it was.

[A]

It started from the steak and bacon sandwich.

[B]

Yes, it did.

[A]

That's where it all came from at Waffle House.

[B]

Right, where the steaks were the bread and the bacon was the filling.

[A]

Yes. So I ordered two of the steaks, whatever they were, and then put the bacon in between, covered it in A1 steak sauce. What more do you need in a lunch? Did I stand on the chair and eat it or did you stand on the chair and applaud me?

[B]

I stood on the. It wasn't a chair, by the way. It was the yellow Formica.

[A]

Totally sober.

[B]

Oh, entirely. And I stood up and gave you a standing ovation.

[A]

It was the steak and bacon sandwich.

[B]

Sandwich pointing like, ladies and gentlemen, he's created the steak and bacon sandwich.

[A]

And then we turned that into a terrible bit. So you are welcome, Chicago.

[B]

There you go. That's what you get here from Dan Bernstein, unfiltered. I get this email yesterday. No, it was a text. Russ Armstrong of Chicago Window guys sent me a text and he said, here, play this voice message. And I kid you not, it was a voice message from an immensely satisfied customer who heard this show and decided to call Russ and he's like, boy, you call me back, everything is you take care of everything. It was exactly what you've said. I couldn't be happier. So you should do the same thing. You should get windows from Russ Armstrong in Chicago Window guys. Because when I tell you this and then you say, oh, well, it actually happened as you said. Yeah, that's the whole point of this. When I say, no subcontracted labor, it's Russ crew that comes to your house. The same people that installed my windows will install yours. These are custom made locally here in Chicago. Russ will give you the estimate and he'll match any price. So that way, when you say, well, big window said it's buy one, get one free or 50% off, it's not really. He'll tell you why and how and he'll give you the best product with the best price guaranteed. Call him, Write this down, 847-302-9171 and check out all his five star reviews at ChicagoNowGuys.com when you're getting quotes, ask the sales rep. When it's not Russ, just say, hey, who's installing my windows? And they'll say, window installer people. Because they don't know they use subcontracted labor. Russ has his own crew, his people. You know, your windows are going to be Installed correctly the first time. So whatever you need before winter comes, you want to save a bunch of money, you can keep that heat in your house. 847-302-9171 chicagowindowguys.com yeah, Russ is our guy.

[A]

And I love the idea of Russ's crew. This thing of, like, immediate, like, hip hop, like, boy band. Russ's crew.

[B]

His crew. Or. Or it's K R E W E, and it's like a bunch of people at Mardi Gras giant float.

[A]

Or they could be Russ's cruise with Z and they come out and stall your windows. You also mentioned big window. We need to keep. We need the current administration out of big window. They don't need to get involved.

[B]

No. Because they're taking over big landscaping.

[A]

Right. We know that. We're too busy mulching.

[B]

We're going to talk about a former Bears quarterback. But first, I have a little trivia question for you. I went thrifting yesterday. The reason I went thrifting, I need to set up my home backdrop for when we do these shows from our home bases. So I have a show, but I needed a little bookshelf above it to put all my tchotchkes there. And you know the books and stuff that all the trolls are gonna go through and say, what book does that? Bertie didn't really read that. He's a virtue signaler. Look at that. He's got all these virtue signaling going on there. I knew it. Have fun with that. And I'm setting it up so you'll have fun with that.

[A]

Well, the last zoom call we did, you have the. It was the Joy of Sex in the background.

[B]

Multiple copies.

[A]

It was like 30 of them.

[B]

30?

[A]

You didn't write it. It was weird.

[B]

30 copies.

[A]

You do book signings.

[B]

It's like joy. Joy of Sex. Joy of sex. Joy of Yiddish.

[A]

That's what you were doing, your time off.

[B]

That's all I was doing.

[A]

You were out in front of the jewels signing copies of the Joy of Sex for no reason, even though you didn't write it.

[B]

Didn't write it. Just signing it. Just offering big card table items stacked up on there. Yeah. All right. So you're thrifting anyway. So I'm thrifting. It didn't work. I had to go and actually buy a small bookshelf. And it's fine. And I found. I'm not even gonna tell you what's up there, because you'll have to. You'll have to do the detective.

[A]

I will, but I. You Know I love you. And I just. I'm like, why are you thrifting for a bookshelf, though?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Like, why not just. Why not just order one?

[B]

Because I also found a sport coat.

[A]

Okay. There. All right, so let's. Let's get to the real. Okay. Nice one. So you were out looking for clothes yesterday.

[B]

No, I wasn't. Okay, you got to keep me.

[A]

You got to keep me out of your clothes shopping.

[B]

You got to keep me. I'll buy everything.

[A]

Let's be honest. You're clothes shopping, you look over to your right, and you see a bookshelf and go, oh, that's right. I need a bookshelf also.

[B]

See, Jason got me out my wardrobe. Jason got me into this because he goes to buy. He looks for values in shoes.

[A]

He's in college. He's a college kid.

[B]

He buys weird jerseys he likes. He got, like, a Sixers Ben Simmons jersey. He's got all of these off jerseys.

[A]

He's in college. He should be doing that.

[B]

So I bring this up.

[A]

You're a grown man.

[B]

There was one Bears jersey at Goodwill. What was it?

[A]

Oh, Rashawn, salaam. No, Ditka.

[B]

It was not Ditka at a Goodwill.

[A]

No, no, no, no. Okay.

[B]

Think of something that was mass produced, and there's no market for it, which now makes it kind of cool.

[A]

Mass produced, no market for it.

[B]

Don't overthink it.

[A]

I'm too late.

[B]

Mitch. It was a Mitch Trubisky.

[A]

Oh, I thought it was Mitch.

[B]

You know, over communicate.

[A]

I didn't know he played. The fact he had to say just his first name.

[B]

Trubisky.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Trubinsky. That was the only jersey that was there.

[A]

There's a Trubinsky jersey.

[B]

There was a Trubinsky jersey and spin.

[A]

So you got it?

[B]

No, of course not. Speaking of Bears quarterbacks, our guy Jay Cutler, he had a little problem.

[A]

He did. He got good hair, though, man. I'll tell him that.

[B]

Yeah. We're just finding out that he's actually getting four days in jail.

[A]

Yeah. Stemming from a DUI charge.

[B]

Now, did we know about the DUI charge because it was old.

[A]

Yeah. No, we knew. Yeah. I thought we knew about the. I have to go back and look at it. But again, you know what? I'm. I'm not gonna rail on the guy. You know, you shouldn't drink and drive. You know, we talked about it on our first episode. I quit drinking almost two years ago just for. Just to be healthier and live longer. It's just not good for you. Plus, my own personal life. I've made more bad decisions while drinking than, you know, than good ones. This is one that Jay can look back at, so I hope he makes those appropriate changes in his life, regardless of what you thought as the guy. Like, he was the, you know, bad body language and, you know, Jay on the sideline smoking cigarettes, great quarterback. I wanted him to be successful. Just, dude, like, get your life together. Here's the biggest question, though. Go ahead.

[B]

Well, I just gonna read the AP copy here. It said he was arrested in October after he rear ended another vehicle with his pickup truck. Police said Cutler smelled of alcohol. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time. He had bloodshot eyes and was slurring his words. And according to an arrest affidavit, Cutler offered the other driver $2,000 to not call the police and let him drive away. So I'm thinking he should have ran into me. I'm thinking, how you get that number? My guess is that's the amount of cash he had.

[A]

Oh, 100%. That's what he had on him?

[B]

Yeah, he kind of like, you know, 100%. What do I got here?

[A]

Because he's not, like, running to the atm, right?

[B]

He's not gonna sell him.

[A]

He had two grand on him.

[B]

Why two grand in cash?

[A]

Big baller, man.

[B]

Go to the track.

[A]

How much do you carry with you?

[B]

Nothing.

[A]

Oh, I have.

[B]

Wait, that's not true. Let me see.

[A]

I have 1,500 on me at all times.

[B]

I will tell you right now. I've got the receipt for my bookshelf, so I can expense it. I have.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I have the receipt from my Chinese food. I don't. I can't expense this.

[A]

No, well, you could.

[B]

I can expense Chinese food. You had a business meeting.

[A]

Did you have a business meeting?

[B]

Yes, with the Chinese food. We had a long discussion with the Uber guy, the cantonese roast duck. 10, 15, 16, 17.

[A]

Is that what you had?

[B]

Wait, 18, 38, 58.

[A]

You have $58? I have.

[B]

And the reason is. The reason is that I went to Park Bait, the Bait Shop over at Montrose.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

My buddies, you know, Stacy and Corey and Brian.

[A]

What kind of bait do you buy?

[B]

Well, it's all cash. So if I'm gonna use that ATM to get cash with a $3 charge instead of getting just $20, I'm gonna get more to make it worth my while. And then I bet, you know, it's $2 for sinkers? If I need sinkers. Is that really how you think?

[A]

So if you only need 20, you'll get more money so that it makes more sense to have the fee. Doesn't the fee get reimbursed back to you through your bank?

[B]

No, I don't think so.

[A]

It should.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because every. Like, I use pnc, and if I use a non PNC atm, I get that reimbursed at the end of the month.

[B]

I don't know. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. I haven't figured that out.

[A]

But you shouldn't carry that much money on you.

[B]

First of all, $58. Yes, I know. I really shouldn't. It's silly. It's ridiculous to be carrying around that much money. I'm sorry.

[A]

People are gonna target you for that money now.

[B]

I know. I know. So Jay Cutler refused to field sobriety test, and he was taken to a hospital where a blood sample was obtained. After getting a search warrant, police said they also found two firearms in the car, including a loaded pistol. What the hell?

[A]

Yeah, that's the biggest. Why are you rolling around with guns?

[B]

The hell. What do you have a loaded pistol for?

[A]

Right.

[B]

What are you doing? Are you.

[A]

I mean, he's Jay Cutler riding around Nashville, Right. What are you doing with a gun?

[B]

Yeah. Loaded in your car. What good is gonna come of that? What enemies from whom are you under sie in Nashville?

[A]

Yeah. I don't get it. I mean, two grand. I mean, we're just assuming that he had the two grand on him. That's why you'd offer that.

[B]

And that was my assumption.

[A]

Next time, rear and me while we're driving is. I'll take the cash.

[B]

I mean, it's a nice little payday.

[A]

Yeah, I'd have been like, can I get your autograph?

[B]

Get a hug, don't care.

[A]

What hair product do you use? Because your hair looked great in the mug shot. That's a fantastic hair. He's got really good hair. I'll take the 2000.

[B]

Well, I know exactly where Jay Cutler would fit in, and that is at the top. Golf in Naperville.

[A]

This is becoming our favorite story.

[B]

Oh, it always has been. It happens.

[A]

I love topgolf, by the way.

[B]

Yeah, but it's the one in Naperville is where you go to get arrested for having a gun. And we know what they do. They just walk around and look for guns. They're not bothering you. They're not patting you down. They're not invasive. But last week, Johnny Lee, Cameron Wright Of Hazel Crest was taken into custody, according to the Chicago Tribune, by Naperville police, on one count of aggravated unlawful possession of a weapon by a felon and aggravated unlawful possession of a loaded weapon without an FCCA or FOID card. Here was foot patrol of the Topgolf parking lot. Observed a handgun in plain view in an unoccupied KIA forte. Naperville police spokeswoman Kelly Munch said not to be confused with Kelly Wunsch, the former White Sox submarining lefty Right. One of the guys got his ass kicked by the Mariners in that horrible series. They learned the registered owner of the vehicle, identified as right, had a previous felony conviction out of Indiana. They waited till he returned to the vehicle. They asked him about the weapon, and they removed it as part of the arrest. So this keeps happening now. Yet another reason to bring in the National Guard so they can patrol federal troops. So we got the list now. Landscaping, mulching, edging, all the stuff that you need around. You know, weeding, power raking, and garbage pickup. They're doing that in Washington.

[A]

Gonna do power washing, power wash also.

[B]

Okay, sure. Have you power wash all the grit and grime off your porch?

[A]

How about architecture? Like, if I have a. Like I have a plot of land, I need something done with it. I want it to look festive.

[B]

And Army Corps of Engineers, I think they'll send them in to do that. But I think that federal troops should be deployed to Naperville simply to manage all of these.

[A]

Just top golf, though not Naperville itself. Just top golf. Just top Golf.

[B]

Just the parking lot at Topgolf. We can crowd them with these. With these beige tanks and everything else.

[A]

Would that also include now, not the Schaumburg location? Because that's where we go. Like, me, the kids, the wife, we love going to the Schomburg one, you know? Well, those. They'll stay out of there. So I can. Apparently, I have all my ammunition in the backseat.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

I carry all my grenade launchers.

[B]

How many do you have now?

[A]

Yeah, well, we just got another one last week, so we're up to 12.

[B]

Good. You can't have too many.

[A]

Yeah, the rocket launcher. Although whenever I always hold it backwards.

[B]

It always shoots the wrong way.

[A]

It sucks.

[B]

And you go, oh, I did it again.

[A]

Blew up the neighbor's house again.

[B]

Oh, I always do this.

[A]

I was showing the kids how to use it in case, you know, things break out. You know, something happens, it'll pop off at any time. Yeah. Stay away from my house. You're not taking my guns and rocket launchers.

[B]

No. From my cold, dead hands. Well, prize some of that stuff, so. Yeah. Jay, I don't know why you have the gun, but I guess he surrendered it. So.

[A]

Yeah, and stop drinking, pal. Get yourself together. Stop drinking. You know, just, you know, maybe. Come on the show.

[B]

We mentioned Cracker Barrel a little bit earlier in the show, and I've got a little thought on this whole kerfuffle that is going on regarding their logo. And Uncle Herschel, if you are waiting for Sunday to start betting, you're missing half the fun and you're missing half the money. College football is already cooking. Week zero is in the books. We've had some exciting games already. Upsets, blowouts, wild covers. That Stanford Hawaii game was insane. My bookie lets you hit it all, whether you love player props or game lines. Everything you need before the pros even kick off. So when Sunday rolls around, if you're doing it right, you're already up. So my bookie's got it all under one roof. You can win big on the NFL super contest Survivor pools. If you are new to my bookie, know this code. It's three letters, dbu. They stand for Dan Bernstein Unfiltered. Any bet you choose up to 500 bucks is fully covered. So just make a play. If it doesn't hit, you get it right back. You're going to opt in using your bet get back bonus token. It is the code DBU at MyBookie. My Bookies where betters win together. Bragging's good, cashing in is better. But first I want to tell you about my bookie. Because there's always one guy in your group chat who is patting himself on the back for the five leg parlay week one. He was like, hey, remember that parlay I hit?

[A]

But.

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And admit it, you want to be that guy. And it can be, because my bookie makes it easy for you to have those opportunities. The action's always there. College ball, NFL survivor pools, super contest. No matter what your choice is and where you're comfortable playing spreads, player props in game lines. It's all there under one roof. If you are new to my bookie, there's code for you here. Dbu. Use that. Dbu. Just those letters and any bet you choose, up to $500 covered, make your play. And even if it doesn't hit, you get it right back. When you opt in using the bet back bonus token, DBU is the code. No better time to jump in. No better place to play football is Back. Time to make some money with my bookie. Cracker Barrel gotten a bunch of hot water for changing their logo because they always had the old dude. And some people, I guess Cracker Barrel, officially their corporate office calls him their old timer. And other people refer to him as Uncle Herschel for some reason.

[A]

Yeah, I didn't. Yeah, I've never heard that. I'm not disputing it, but I've never heard it.

[B]

And it's an old white guy on the porch. Is it a rocking chair or just like a wicker chair?

[A]

Looks just like. It's not a rocking chair.

[B]

Okay. And he's sitting on the porch, and he's next to an actual Cracker Barrel. And he's next. He's eating crackers or is he whittling? Whatever he's doing, he's spinning old. Playing the ham bones. Spinning old yarns about the antebellum south and their heritage. And that was the logo for a long time. And they changed it. And of course, that was an aspect of going woke. And everybody got all angry and their stock tanked, and it became the latest political culture war, flashpoint. And now they've backed off and they said they're going back to the old logo because God forbid they get away from their proud Southern heritage now, whatever.

[A]

The new logo, though, it was terrible.

[B]

That's the thing. The new logo sucks.

[A]

It was just the same color and it says Cracker Barrel. Right.

[B]

But it's bad. You can't tell really what it is. I don't like the new logo.

[A]

I understand it.

[B]

It has nothing to do with heritage or crackerism or anything else.

[A]

Capital C and a B. And the C rolls into the B, and then you have. The wracker comes out of this. That's fine. I don't know. It's terrible.

[B]

I didn't like it.

[A]

It's very easy to. I mean, it's not like I look at it and go, what is this? It says Cracker Barrel.

[B]

And the one thing I really liked at Cracker Barrel that was memorably good to this day, their turnip greens.

[A]

I like the food. I'm not gonna.

[B]

I loved their turnip greens, and I've only been there once.

[A]

That's the only time. You've only been there one time ever? I've only been there once.

[B]

I've only been there once. But I remember that. I remember the turnip greens. And I. And I had just come from. I just lived in North Carolina for five years, so I knew from collards, mustard greens, turnip Greens.

[A]

So you knew the good stuff.

[B]

And those were good. They had real smoked ham hock in them. And that. Those were legit.

[A]

They still do.

[B]

Those were legit greens. Oh, they do.

[A]

They still do.

[B]

All right. Yeah. Like, that's. That was one. Everything else I don't. Oh, the other thing I remember. And this. You talk about what really is going to make people mad. They had something there called their peg game.

[A]

Oh, yeah? Yeah. They still. They still have that table.

[B]

And it's golf tees.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

On the table. And I. I grew up playing a game called Haikyuu, where it's a similar jumping game. And you try to get it down to one in the center square. There's a lot more than just these. This. There's a formula that you can memorize. And actually there was a server there when I was there the one time that taught me the formula. I've since forgotten it. But she's like, this, this, this, this. And there's a series of moves, and you picture it visually, and then you can solve it perfectly every time. And I liked it. And what I also liked was what it said. Do you remember what it used to say on their peg game board?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

Okay. It said if you. What was it? I'm trying to remember exactly what it was here. Leave only one, you're a genius. Leave two, and you're purty smart. P, U, R, T, Y, purty smart. Leave three, and you're just plain dumb. Leave four or more apostrophe M O, R, apostrophe N and you're just plain eggnoramous. Spelled eggnoramous, M O, O, S E. Right. But they changed that.

[A]

Oh, they did.

[B]

If you leave three or more, don't be embarrassed. Try again. And they misspelled embarrassed. That's the best part. They forgot an R and embarrassed. But the fact that they had to change that. I agree with them. If you leave three on that board, you're an idiot. You are just plain dumb.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Like, why the outrage? Why the outrage over the logo?

[B]

You know? You know why? It's the same thing as taking down the Confederate monuments. You know why? And everybody else is pretending that it's something other than it is. The amount of bad faith that goes on in all this. Well, we're not standing up for the antebellum south, but it's our heritage, and that's what makes us proud. How dare you take the old west white cracker kroger off of there. Whatever, man.

[A]

Yeah, whatever.

[B]

But I Agree. If you were just saying which is which logo's better?

[A]

Yeah, the old logo's better. The old logo is a. Is a better logo. I think the new one's fine. It gets the job done. It's not like you're not going to go into a Cracker Barrel with a new logo and think you're in Taco Bell. Like, oh, I'm in the wrong spot. Damn it. This always happens to me. Or this isn't Olive Garden, but. Yeah. I can't believe you've only been there one time.

[B]

Only one. But you should go, like, the whole thing with the front gift shop and all. I bought something.

[A]

They have great candy there, too.

[B]

You know what else they had that I bought that I loved?

[A]

What?

[B]

They have great toothpicks. They have the toothpicks that have the little toothpick rest on the end. There's like a. Like a beveled. There's grooves in the top.

[A]

For what purpose?

[B]

You break off the very top of the toothpick.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And you set down the little cylinder. And then if you are using the tooth. And it's good because it's made of, like, some really good wood, like a. Like. Remember Dusty Baker used to send away for these special toothpicks?

[A]

Yeah. I don't know.

[B]

There was a Dusty Baker level toothpick. But you could then use the top of the toothpick as a rest for the toothpick tip so it wouldn't touch.

[A]

The table to go back to use it again.

[B]

Yeah. What?

[A]

I've never dug into my gums with a toothpick, though. I've never been.

[B]

Oh, it's good for you. It's a gum stimulator. It's good for you, and it gets all the gook out of there.

[A]

You know what else is good for brushing your teeth? That's really good for you, too.

[B]

Zero sum.

[A]

Jab a piece of wood into your gum.

[B]

Don't jab it into your gum. You gently clean around there to get stuff out. And I remember I bought a big package of toothpicks from that Cracker Barrel in Fort Wayne, Indiana.

[A]

So, okay, and you were college age, correct?

[B]

No, I was. I had just started with the Rockford Lightning.

[A]

Okay, so you were 24.

[B]

No, I was right. That was.

[A]

Oh, that's right. Yeah. I forgot. You graduated from Duke when you were, like, 12.

[B]

No, it was 92. I was 20. 22 or 23.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, so when I said you were 24, 25, and you had that exasperated look on your face, like, how wrong I Was. Okay. I said 24 and you said you were 22 or 23.

[B]

Right. So you were wrong.

[A]

All right, so you go to. So you're 23.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And not as old as 24, but you're 20 year.

[B]

Nowhere near.

[A]

And you go to Cracker Barrel for the first time ever.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Only time you've ever been. And then you enjoyed it. You enjoyed the collard greens.

[B]

Yes. And you buy turnip greens.

[A]

Turnip greens, sorry. And then you buy a big package of toothpicks.

[B]

I did.

[A]

So you're a 23 year old kid and you're like, I need toothpicks.

[B]

I like toothpicks.

[A]

You're so weird.

[B]

No, I do because my dad always.

[A]

I've never seen you with a toothpick ever. I've never seen you.

[B]

Well, I don't walk around with them. I'm not UL Washington.

[A]

I have packages of them. You should walk around. There's smokes in your mouth.

[B]

No, it's not an affectation. I don't always.

[A]

It should be part of your bit.

[B]

You think I should like be Toothpick guy?

[A]

Yes, for the podcast. You remember on the scene.

[B]

You remember UL Washington, right? The shortstop for the Royals? He replaced Freddie Potek. I don't remember. And he always had a. He played with a toothpick in his.

[A]

Mouth and his pants.

[B]

Had a pigeon in his pants. No, but he always had a toothpick in his mouth. And broadcaster, always. For all you kids out there, you know, you don't want to have the.

[A]

Did he slide head first, the toothpick in? That would be bad.

[B]

Well, no, because they all had their vials of cocaine in their back pockets. That's what they were sliding head first at the time.

[A]

Was that the tooth that was used to make the lines in the dugout in that.

[B]

That time in mlb?

[A]

Probably, right?

[B]

Probably.

[A]

All right, so I think you need to go. I think you need. I want to take.

[B]

You leave.

[A]

No, I want to. No, it's a Cracker Barrel. I want to take you for dinner one night to Cracker Barrel.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I think you come up by me.

[B]

The one in Gurney.

[A]

You go fishing? Yeah. You can fish.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Meet me.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I'll take you to Cracker Barrel.

[B]

All right. Get a little fried chicken. That was some white sausage gravy.

[A]

So there was a rotation I had with my mom as a kid and Cracker Barrel was on that rotation along with. You remember Bob Evans Farms restaurants?

[B]

Oh, absolutely.

[A]

So that was like a good.

[B]

Yeah. Yankee pot roast there.

[A]

They did have a good and Their grits were real good. Love their grits.

[B]

Are these magic grits?

[A]

You can kiss them, too. And so. And that. And Pizza Hut was that. That was our rotation with my mom. That was a rotation.

[B]

My mom's favorite place.

[A]

Wait, let me guess. Hang on, let me guess. Cause I know your mom's favorite ginger ale is terrible. Yeah. Is her favorite fat? Is it like a fast food chain?

[B]

It doesn't exist in this iteration anymore.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But it was a thing. When my mom. Cool of hands.

[A]

Finnegan'.

[B]

I told you the story before. When she would get bored and I was in grade school, she would call the school.

[A]

Oh, you should.

[B]

She would say, I had a dentist appointment.

[A]

Take you out.

[B]

And then we go to a movie.

[A]

So we had toothpicks.

[B]

No, we go to a movie.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So she's like, yeah, Blazing Saddles is playing at the Deer Path. I said, do I have a dentist appointment? Nah. She was bored. And then we would go. She'd get. You want to go to Poppin Fresh and get patty melts? Like, hell yeah, I do. Before it became Baker Square.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

When it was still Popping Fresh, the one on Waukegan Road by what used to be Sara Lee, I think it's now a Rosebud restaurant. They had a black bread patty melt.

[A]

And it was good black rye. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, it was so good. And then you finished with a nice piece of lemon meringue pie. She had the French silk.

[A]

Yeah, we used to. Yeah, I totally forgot. But we. We would go to Baker Square a lot, too. That was a big dinner spot. Baker Square. Yeah.

[B]

Popping Fresh was so much better, though.

[A]

Weren't they the same?

[B]

Popping Fresh is better.

[A]

Do you like rye bread?

[B]

Love it.

[A]

Yeah, I love rye bread, too. One of the old guys that I bited up with on the cruise, on the Italian cruise, my guy Mike. Yeah.

[B]

That's not the guy that was selling you the olive tree.

[A]

No, that was a different guy. Okay. Mike was. Mike is a guy who, at 55, retired from his job and became a flight attendant. Wanted to become a flight attendant and did it at 55. For 15 years, he did it. So Mike every morning would get. Get a rye bread toast.

[B]

Awesome.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That was my grandfather. My grandfather in Buffalo. Every morning, there was a diner called Ralph's, and he would go to Ralph's and he would get rye toast.

[A]

I think it's delicious. A lot of people don't like rye bread.

[B]

They're wrong.

[A]

They are wrong.

[B]

They're wrong. It's got the lactic acid in it.

[A]

Right. So, like, My choice of, like deli sandwich is ham in Swiss on rye. Rye. That's my choice.

[B]

Okay. Dynamite ham. Mine would be pastrami on rye, but.

[A]

See, but I like the crackus ham, though.

[B]

Crackus. It's good.

[A]

Oh, it's my favorite.

[B]

You don't like ham off the bone ham?

[A]

I don't because I like big canned. Yeah, I do. Really salty and it's in that, like gelatin kind of liquidy stuff that's on your finger. Oh, it's the best.

[B]

It's good.

[A]

Yeah. Do that with some pickles, Swiss cheese, rye, mustard.

[B]

There's your advice for the day. What more do you need? This has been Dan Bernstein Unfiltered and this show has been brought to you in partnership with my bookie. We have a lot more coming your way tomorrow. And don't forget, we are going to dive right in now to forward Progress, a Chicago Bears podcast. So make sure you grab that as well. We're going to have all the latest on what is going on with your Chicago Bears. That is the place to find your in depth Bears discussion. Make sure you subscribe, you rate, you download all of the things that you do on which you click, whether it is your YouTube subscription or Apple and Spotify and wherever you get your podcast, make this a daily part of your life because it's perfect. It's bite size. You want to go walk your dog, we're here. You want to drive home from work or you're sitting on the metra, whatever you want to do. You want to take a long lunch, I'll let you do that. I'll write a note for you. Go ahead and do that. We're here for you here on Dan Bernstein Unfiltered.

[A]

Dan Bernstein Unfiltered.

[B]

Unfiltered on 312Sports.