Chicago White Sox: Don't Rush It

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Podcast: Dan Bernstein Unfiltered
Host: Dan Bernstein (with Matt Abbatacola)
Episode: Chicago White Sox: Don’t Rush It
Date: June 30, 2026
Main Theme:
A spirited, unfiltered discussion on why the Chicago White Sox should not rush into trade deadline moves during a rewarding, unexpectedly competitive season—plus broader commentary on Chicago sports, fan habits, baseball truisms, and a meandering but hilarious take on alligators, state parks, and more.

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Episode Overview

Dan Bernstein and Matt Abbatacola break down why the White Sox, enjoying a surprisingly strong season, should avoid aggressive moves at the trade deadline and instead let things play out with their current roster. The episode also touches on Chicago Cubs' wild season, the shifting NBA free agency landscape, and ventures into left-field chats about shirts, bacon logistics, and Florida wildlife, all with their trademark mix of irreverence and informed insight.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The White Sox: Hold Steady at the Trade Deadline

• Bernstein’s Core Take: Despite the team's better-than-expected performance, this isn't the year to deal away young talent for short-term gains.
• “I would like the White Sox to do absolutely nothing at this deadline and here’s why… whatever this year is, I think we can all agree that this already is something special.” (03:17)
• The AL is a “strange year of parity” with a “big middle” and few truly awful teams—the Sox are taking advantage of this.
• The current roster is mostly the result of previous trades and rebuilds; they’re “playing with house money.”
  • “This whole year is house money… The Sox got the vibe right this year.” (05:01)
• Recent injuries (e.g., Murakami) have exposed the roster, but the team has weathered it with surprising contributors like Vargas.
• Dan advocates patience with young prospects: “Why not just enjoy the fruits of your previous deadline moves?” (06:47)
• White Sox playoff odds are solid (~40%), but World Series chances sit at only 0.7% (08:48).
  • “This isn’t the year to trade away assets for rentals.” (09:36)
• The proper mindset: listen to offers, but “the default position should be less rather than more. Be listening, not shopping.” (08:59)
• Enjoy the ride as fans and players—don’t push for more than what’s already working.

2. Fan Excitement and Organizational Identity

• Notably, fan engagement is up, with some even complaining about ticket prices—a positive sign.
• The organization finds itself at a crossroads in its promotional strategy:
  • “Should The White Sox relax on trying to promote everything… or just open the doors and people come in because the team is actually good?” (13:16)

3. The Cubs: The Big Swings of a Baseball Season

• Cubs have had wild swings—10-game losing and winning streaks each, and now thriving despite major injuries.
• They’ve gone from best to worst and back to best offensively in MLB, highlighting baseball’s unpredictability.
  • “The Cubs have had a swing where they were the number one offense in baseball. They actually statistically became the 30th team in baseball offensively.” (30:29)
• Counsel’s candid approach to injured list shenanigans:
  • “Ethan’s been one of the guys that’s pitched a lot. I don’t think we have anything serious here, but we’ve got to give him a break, basically.” (36:28)
• Classic phantom injured list moves are discussed humorously, including fabricated injuries and Bereavement List shenanigans.

4. Around the Sports World: Bulls & NBA Free Agency

• The Bulls don’t need any big moves—fielding a competitive team for development and evaluation is sufficient.
  • “All you should do is you need to be competitive enough for proper development… be in enough games when you can get the measure.” (41:39)
• Insight into the new NBA “pre-agency” era: “It’s getting to be like the NFL, where you use free agency for the middle or back of your roster…” (47:00)
• Side discussion: future of the Warriors and NBA teams managing aging superstars.

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Memorable Quotes / Moments

• On the White Sox exceeding expectations:
  “This is house money this whole year. It’s totally unlike the other side of town… just how hard it is to construct a winner and get the vibe right.” (05:01)
• On the perils of getting greedy:
  “If I thought they had a 10% chance of winning the World Series, I’d feel differently. But I just don’t.” (08:24)
• On fans suddenly complaining about ticket prices:
  “Have you seen the price of these tickets? Yes. Because your team is good…” (13:14)
• On trading prospects:
  “Don’t start trading off pieces that you don’t know yet what they are at the major league level.” (17:19, Abbatacola)
• Classic Dan on time:
  “You can always make more money… but you can’t make more time. That’s the only commodity we can’t make more of.” (20:23, Matt)
• On Cubs’ phantom injuries:
  “Ethan’s been one of the guys that’s pitched a lot… but he’s got some symptoms. That’s my favorite line at the end.” (36:28)
• On NBA roster photos:
  “Shouldn’t the NBA be able to get pictures of kids that were just drafted? I mean, we can do better than the silhouettes, right?” (52:15)

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Fun & Offbeat Sidebars

A. Shirts, BLTs, and Bratwurst

• Extended playful banter over Dan’s garish “Republican shirt” (10:14) and BLT sandwich best practices, including the optimal bread and bacon microwaving strategy (25:02).

B. Alligators & Florida State Parks ([57:00–69:30])

• Sharp, comedic digression into the spike of alligator attacks in Florida, including vital life advice:
  • “If you’re ever driving along somewhere in Florida and you’re like, I’m gonna stop here in this river and take a quick dip, you deserve to be eaten by an alligator. That’s all I’m saying.” (58:43)
• Bernstein recounts questionable youthful fishing choices in the Everglades.
• Reveals stats: 1.3 million gators in Florida, but only about 8 unprovoked bites a year (63:33–64:08).
• “Low-risk activities, such as walking near the water, or, and this is my favorite, remaining on land, rarely resulted in attacks.” (66:57)

C. Baseball Injury List Ethics

• Abbatacola and Bernstein have a running joke about made-up injuries and why sometimes a player just needs to “rest,” using the IL to manage rosters (see 36:28–39:39).

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Important Timestamps

• White Sox at the Deadline Discussion: 03:17–11:03
• Ticket Prices and Fan Habits: 13:14–14:07
• Comparing White Sox to Cubs 2015 rebuild: 17:43–18:55
• Cubs’ up-and-down season, injuries, and Counsel’s DL moves: 29:11–39:39
• Bulls/NBA Free Agency Talk: 41:39–51:00
• Alligator Attack/Florida Side Story: 57:00–69:30
• Final NBA/Bulls Roster Photos Bit: 52:14–54:03

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Takeaways for Listeners

• White Sox fans: Enjoy the ride—this year’s surprise is the fruit of patience, not a reason to speed things up with risky trades.
• Cubs/Bears/Bulls fans: The show underscores how unpredictable seasons can be, and how franchises should balance present opportunities with future promise.
• All listeners: Don’t swim in Florida rivers. And yes, Dan really does care about shirt colors and BLT technique.

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Dan Bernstein Unfiltered lives up to its name with no-nonsense sports analysis, persistent humor, and the conversational tangents that make Chicago’s sports scene—and this podcast—so entertaining and authentic.

Transcript

[A]

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Dan Bernstein Unfiltered Unfiltered on 312 Sports 312 brought to you in partnership with my bookie and by the Chicago Stars making this a soccer filled summer in Come to Did I say Evanston? Evanston A soccer field summer in Evanston. Come to a match for family friendly pro sports on the lakefront. Get [e-mail] tickets so July is going to be an interesting month with things starting to get going a little bit. Tomorrow we will. We will be in the month of the All Star break, the start of Bears training camp, the trade deadline for baseball. We already are opening the free agent period for basketball right now we're going to get to that. So my mind has been on the White Sox and the deadline and I don't necessarily think this is a controversial opinion to have. But I would like the White Sox to do absolutely nothing at this deadline and here's why. Whatever this year is, I think we can all agree that this already is something special. Call it whatever you want. I don't know where it's going. I know that there are really pessimistic projections for them. By all metric accounts, if you start looking at any system that you use that actually projects the remainder of the year and says yeah, well, the run differential will be Negative. They'll probably end up closer to.500. But it's such a strange year in baseball, such a strange year of parody, that outside what the Dodgers and the brewers, that there are, there isn't a lot of great, there's a big middle this year. There isn't a lot of awful. And the White Sox are a big reason for that. If you take the White Sox that they were, they were pulling all the averages well down when they're setting loss records and you had the Rockies, and even the Rockies are not as bad as they've been. We know that the Oakland, Sacramento, not as bad as they've been. That things have changed a little bit and there's, there's a big middle right now and the White Sox are taking advantage of that, especially in their division. But because these are their guys and guys that they got in these various trades, they did all their trading, they have some guys here. How this is coming together is fun. And it isn't just the fact that the White Sox are good right now, are good enough in first place in that division. What are they, five games over.500 but competitive enough. I don't think anybody is arguing that, that the Sox are great. I don't think anybody's deluding themselves into thinking that there is a good chance the White Sox win the World Series this year. But what they've done and arriving a little early with their own pieces here makes you feel like, all right, what's next? Who's next to the party? Who's next in some of these call ups with Braden Montgomery and Antonacci and Noah Schultz coming back and Hagen Smith probably on the way. I think it is a, it's a, it's a better thing for the Sox themselves and for the fans to really to ride this, see where this goes. This is house money this whole year. It's totally unlike the other side of town, which we can get to also. But, but this the the way just how, how hard it is to construct a winner and how hard it is to get the vibe right. The Sox got the vibe right this year that forget everything else, forget the quibbles about Will Venables game management or maybe what to say. You don't have enough starting pitching. Nobody has everything they want. But you've played through the Murakami injury. That's a guy that was carrying your offense and whenever you needed it he was supplying a three run homer. He hasn't been here and forever was like well that was fun because remember when he went out there was There were a lot of people like, oh, okay, this little start to the season for the White Sox, well, that was cute. And now there's the big bat and the big story, and he's. He's hurt, and then now we'll see. Well, okay. Well, Vargas hasn't stopped. That was the Kopeck deal. You start talking about, why not just enjoy the fruits of your previous deadline moves? And getting out of that mentality where I was still sort of reflexively watching Grant Taylor and being like, boy, they're going to get a lot for him at the deadline. Boy, the Sox, they can sure bring up some of these hard throwing arms. You know, it's like Tommy Kanely here to everyone, you know, move along and get a couple of prospects from. They're not there right now. This is an entirely new world where you start thinking who's under contract for how long and how. When. When you're. You want to see the board in Chris Getz's office, You want to see where they're looking at this team two years from now, three years from now, five years from now. How are they slotting some of these people in there? How are they making some of these decisions? So I get it if there's a blockage in your system. I get it if you're like, look, we're at some point at the right price. Every. There's a reasonable price on everybody. And I'm not saying ignore something that hits you over the head with a way to improve your opportunity to win a World Series next year, the year after that, or the year after that. You don't want to say, absolutely not. But in general, I just think the default position should be less rather than more. I think the default position should be listening rather than shopping. I think it should be allowing whatever you got here, whatever. Whatever this is, and however you quantify the feeling that you have. And again, I always will say not my specialty when I don't have numbers to back up some of these softer things about knowing that it's. It's your team, you. This group has worked hard to get to this point. If I thought that they were a World Series contender, if I thought they had, you know, a 10% chance of winning the World Series, I think it would be different. I think I would feel differently. But, you know, I. I guess I just don't think that way right now. Let's look at the fan graphs, playoff odds. At the moment, the White Sox are listed at a 40% chance of making the playoffs. That's pretty good. There win the World Series chances are at 0.7%. And you say, well, how does that compare? Well, the Guardians are at 2.2, so more than three times the White Sox chances. Yankees are at 12.6, the Mariners at 11, which is pretty wild to think that their World Series win percentage is still there. With a record of 43 and 43. I don't know what is going on out there in the west, but they're. The belief in the Mariners having a. An explosive second half is still there for whatever reason in the numbers. I don't know if it's a belief or if it's just an indication, but you've got a lot of house money to play with here, and I don't want to see them necessarily parting with people or, you know, necessarily bringing in rentals. This isn't the year to do that. It isn't the year to trade away assets for rentals, to try to go all in for this season. I think a season is already a win, basically, is what I'm saying. I don't know what's happening here on in, but this half season for the White Sox, even if. Even if. Look at me. Look how. Look how. Look how sunny I am today. And we will address the shirt. Don't make a face. Matty just did the.

[C]

Yeah. I knew it rough when you walked in.

[A]

I knew it. I got plenty of shit when I left the house.

[C]

That's not what I expected. When you've talked about this shirt multiple times.

[A]

My Republican shirt.

[C]

Yeah. This isn't. That's not the vibe I was feeling. That's Detroit Lions. And when you talked about your. Like, I expected red, white, and blue.

[A]

It is red, white, and blue over the top.

[C]

No, it's. It's Honolulu blue and silver and white. You have a red logo on there, but it's. Yeah, it's more. Detroit Lions fishing shirt. It's bad. I mean, don't. Don't get me wrong. It's not good.

[A]

Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna give it a try today. I'm gonna have the ultimate day today.

[C]

So it is not good, but here, continue. White socks. We'll get into that.

[A]

I was just gonna say it's the perfect Bernstein day where I can. I can do all the podcasts, do some fishing, and then go to my car and do therapy. So it's fishing, psychotherapy, and then probably right back to fishing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. And then home to eat cheeseburgers and watch baseball. Does it get better than this? I mean, that's a day right there, man. Life is good. Rough.

[C]

What? I apologize if you're watching on YouTube

[A]

because of the shirt or just because of me. Because you're watching me.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And you couldn't put the filter on my face.

[C]

I don't know how to do it with this extra camera.

[A]

So. Yeah, it's all. It's really rough today. So you got to see the unvarnished 57 year old face and my Republican shirt.

[C]

You got to stop calling it that. It's not. That's not enough.

[A]

I'm with Brian Erlacher. I want. I want all the Illinois money to stop going directly to illegals.

[C]

Yeah. I need red, white and blue.

[A]

This is red, white and blue.

[C]

It is not red, white and blue.

[B]

It's.

[C]

It's Honolulu blue and silver and white or gray. What is that?

[A]

I don't know. I don't know. But it's. It's supposed to keep me cool by. By wicking away.

[C]

Yeah, I get it. I wear them. I like them.

[A]

But you don't like this one.

[C]

Well, I was expecting.

[A]

Christ.

[C]

Like, I wanted you to look like Uncle Sam. He's not.

[A]

What? You're not the guy from yesterday.

[C]

Not that guy.

[A]

Uncle Sam wants you to watch me masturbate, Right? Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that over yet? Are we done? Are we.

[C]

I think he's done. No.

[A]

I know he's in jail.

[C]

Hope he finished.

[A]

But he was on the mall. He was. He was out there at the. Yeah. At the big party where no one's there.

[C]

I have no idea how long this.

[A]

I wonder who's manning the grill at that party. Because there must just be a pile of bratwurst to be like anybody.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I made a bunch of brats here. I don't know what I'm going to do with them. Everyone take some of these home. Anyone, please? Somebody?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

No. So, no, it's not Uncle Sam. It's not. But that's not why you called, Right? The White Sox situation is such that I haven't heard fans this excited about going to the park in a long time. I was mentioning yesterday that we're already getting to the point where the White Sox fans have snapped into action that are complaining about ticket prices. Some of the ones I know. Oh, God. Have you seen the price of these tickets? Yes. Because your team is good teams.

[C]

A game and game ahead. Yeah.

[A]

Your team is in first place and the kids are out of school. And we're. We're in also. I'm wondering this, too. Should. As the team has gotten good. Should The White Sox relax on trying to promote everything. When. When do. If you're Brooks Boyer, when do you make the transition from. I gotta do everything in my power to generate interest. Bang the drums, fan the Flames. Loss leaders. Giveaways, promotions to realize, oh, wait a second. Now we can open the doors and people come in because the team is actually good. So do you dial it down, or is everything just.

[C]

Well, it's probably all done already, so they've got to go through with it. But, like, I mean, one of the questions I asked you was the celebration of the 83 White Sox.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Like, why? It's. I mean, it's 43. If it was like a 40th anniversary, I would say. All right, that makes sense. I get it. They've had the throwback uniforms before. For Sundays. Right. It's 43 years. Why are we. Why was there something that I missed about why we're honoring or remembering the 83 team? Because, remind me, they didn't win the World Series.

[A]

Oh, no. They got their ass kicked by Mike Boddicker and Tito Landrum.

[C]

So.

[A]

And I was sad they won.

[C]

Maybe that's one of those things where it's like, hey, we need things to bring people out or to celebrate. Months ago, they were like, yes, let's honor the 83 team with the uniforms, and let's do that. But why?

[A]

And marshmallow.

[C]

Yeah. And now you have a good baseball team. Let's.

[A]

Do you know anybody who went to see Marshmallow? You know, you know that. That. That Killer Karwski has a marshmallow helmet in his office.

[C]

I did not know that, but I know.

[A]

That frighten you? It's watching that big dude walk in the hallways in a marshmallow helmet.

[C]

I don't think I'm making this up, but I think there's a new country song out with Marshmallow and Thomas Rhett. I want to say.

[A]

Well, you can make it up and I won't know.

[C]

No. No. So I was right. Yep. It's called Where We Go. I knew that he had a song out. No, I don't know anyone who went to see Marshmallow.

[A]

Okay. I ran into a bunch of people.

[C]

Is it Marshmallow like a Mallow bar, or is it Marshmallow?

[A]

Technically, it's Mallow because the plant is a marshmallow.

[C]

But his name, though, is it Marshmallow?

[A]

M, E, L, L, O. I think.

[C]

And it doesn't end in a W. Correct. It ends in an O.

[A]

Correct.

[C]

So it's Marshmallow.

[A]

Marshmallow Marshmallow. Marshmallow.

[C]

Or is it marshmallow?

[A]

Not marshmallow. It's marshmallow. Now it's gonna be weird because now I'm gonna say it weird.

[C]

Marsh. Marshmallow.

[A]

Marshmallow. No. Now you've done it. Now, no matter what, it's gonna sound weird.

[C]

Marshmallow.

[A]

Marshmallow.

[C]

Marshmallow. No. Okay.

[A]

Marshmallow.

[B]

What's his name?

[C]

What is it?

[A]

I don't know his actual name. I think his name is Steve.

[C]

Say it again.

[A]

No, because you're gonna do. What are you doing to me?

[C]

I'm not doing anything. Yeah, you are.

[A]

You're making your face.

[C]

I didn't.

[A]

You got that twinkle.

[C]

I don't know anyone that went and saw marshmallow.

[A]

It's not. It's not.

[C]

It's marshmallow.

[A]

Marshmallow.

[C]

Marshmallow.

[A]

No, it's not. No. No, it's not.

[C]

I don't.

[A]

I do know some people who went

[C]

to see him, but, you know, the timeline for the Sox accelerated this year kind of organically. Okay. So, like, I don't disagree with you. Like, don't. Don't start trading pieces off to go all in for this year. But it's not. It doesn't matter what you and I think. It's. I mean, what Chris gets. Thinks. If he thinks that they can compete for a World Series this year, then, yeah, they're going to go all in for me. And I would. I would think White Sox fans feel the same way. Saturate through your. Your own farm system to understand who you have before you start trading pieces off. Like you mentioned, maybe there's a roadblock. Maybe there's a guy that's. That's four. Four people down at a spot.

[A]

You say, we don't have a spot for this guy.

[C]

This guy's never going to make it up. I mean, the three ahead of him are this much better. And if you can move him for a bullpen arm, that's not going to kill you or cost you more beyond this, fine. But don't start trading off pieces that you don't know yet what they are at the major league level, and that

[A]

is even understanding that not all these guys are going to hit.

[C]

Correct.

[A]

When I say hit, I don't mean literally. I mean these guys are going to

[C]

be successful right at the show.

[A]

You're not. Nobody goes, like, if you look at what happened with the Cubs, the comp to 2015, if you. The. At one point, everybody who came up when you had Contreras came Up Schwarber came up in 2015. You already had, you know, Baez, Bryant, like it was. You saw it and you saw it like, oh, oh, oh, this is. This. This is faster than we thought. And then you're waiting for everybody to kind of tail off a little bit because to go through that cycle and it kind of never happened.

[C]

Yeah. And then the pieces, they did move. The prospects, they did move that people thought, oh, this is the next guy, and they move. And there was multiple of those guys. They never really materialized into what the expectations might have been.

[A]

Was there anybody they regretted moving from that time?

[C]

Well before the championship run? The only guy I would think is DJ LeMayhue. He turned into something.

[A]

Yeah, probably.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

He was a reliable Yankee. And it like, that was more like batting championships, though, when we thought those things were good.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So I don't know that there's. And again, when you win a World Series, the flag flies forever. Doesn't matter. That erases everything.

[C]

And so for guests, like being able to balance the fine line between being in and competitive in an opportunity where the season presents itself because it has and it's going to, and still being aware and playing for the future. So, yeah, that's a hard. A hard, hard job for him to have to. A hard balance that he's going to have to kind of find his way through.

[A]

Do you know what D.J. leMay, whose career WRC plus is, is

[C]

it even over 100? Are you going to disappoint me?

[A]

It's exactly 100.

[C]

It is exactly 100.

[A]

Okay, well, exactly.

[C]

There you go.

[A]

And at age 31, he put up a 177.

[C]

Wow, that's good.

[A]

And it. But it was only in 20. It was in 2020. So it was only in those 50 games.

[C]

How old is he now? Jesus.

[A]

He's out. He's on a ball, I think.

[C]

Is he?

[A]

Yeah, he's. He. He's not listed on playing anywhere in the major leagues. Yeah.

[C]

And that seems like yesterday.

[A]

He's 37 now. Yeah, he's done.

[C]

It's time.

[A]

You owed.

[C]

You owed. Very valuable commodity.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So, you know, it's our most valuable commodity, Dan, is time.

[A]

I think it's money.

[C]

No, time is really. Yeah, you can. You can make more money.

[A]

You can't say like, I like, I'd like that bag of potato chips. It was $2. How about you? Six minutes.

[C]

You can always get more money, though.

[A]

How?

[C]

You can't make more time. It's the only commodity we can't make more of, Dan.

[A]

I Guess that's true.

[C]

Gotta be wise with how you use it. Which makes me wonder, why am I here

[A]

for the guy sitting right here? He's about to. He's about to have a revelation. And away he goes On July 5, the Chicago Stars return to Evanston vs Utah Royals FC the Chicago Stars celebrating a summer of soccer on the north side and you don't want to miss it. With an easy to get to stadium and tickets starting at $19 plus, pro women's soccer has never been more accessible. Come to a match for family friendly pre match entertainment, then cheer on US Olympians like Mallory Swanson and Alyssa Nayer playing right on the lakefront at Evanston. Summer soccer doesn't get much better than this. Get your Tickets [e-mail] Tickets insurance isn't

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[C]

I didn't know what it is from DBU picks, so your cousin mentioned it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Hey, Maddie, you to parlay?

[A]

I'm like, what?

[C]

Yeah, you're like. You hit. I'm like, I did. Oh, I got to look. I had to check it did and you did. So I'm nine and. Oh, in baseball now. Let's go.

[A]

And your basketball record was outstanding.

[C]

Yes, it was.

[A]

So that paid what, $11,000? Is that right? Did you say that's what it was?

[C]

Something like that, yes.

[A]

Okay, well, that's good. Then you can buy coffee. I think you said, we want to make.

[C]

I went to get a coffee. I ordered a. I ordered a. Just a decaf. Just wanted black coffee. Yeah. And then it was announced. A decaf latte.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I said I just wanted a black. Just a black. A cup of black coffee.

[A]

Why'd you want decaf?

[C]

I shouldn't drink caffeine.

[A]

Why? I just shouldn't. Why?

[C]

Good for me.

[A]

Why? You have a hard thing.

[C]

Yeah, you know I do. Yeah.

[A]

I do too, though. And it's. Yeah.

[C]

I got a little. Your brain thing is worse than your heart thing. So you can only tackle one thing at a time.

[A]

Hey, man. See, like you say, you talk about time, and it's not necessarily good because the more that goes by, the more things tend to pile up.

[C]

You know, I have a bet on my bookie. It's whether or not you're going to see the Golden Arches for dinner. And I place that bet a couple times a week.

[A]

I don't. I don't think tonight, last night. Because last night was BLT night.

[C]

Oh, you did good stuff.

[A]

Oh, man. I mean, bring out the cutting board. Butternut white bread, iceberg lettuce. I got a big honking heirloom tomato.

[C]

Okay. So you do it right, you do it old school.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Like I told you, I went.

[C]

You don't do artisan BLTs.

[A]

No. Or avocado. It's. It's Hellman's mayonnaise. Yeah, it's. It's butternut bread. Or Wonder bread. The butternut has the half loaf, which is perfect. Cause I can get two meals of my BLTs in it. Then I bought two boxes of the Oscar Mayer pre made bacon and I pre portioned that into three. All of that, two boxes into three perfect, like, bacon squares where I interlace them.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I microwave those for 30 seconds. And then those sit on everything perfectly. Everything is cut diagonally. I bring the cutting board to the coffee table.

[C]

Hormel. They have a nice little thing now for microwave bacon. It's four slices in an individual bag, and then there's like a grease catcher in the bottom of the bag itself that's called bread. And so. No, no, no. When you're doing the microwave, you don't throw your bread in the microwave with your bacon, do you?

[A]

No, but you pour the. I mean.

[C]

Right, But. I mean, come on.

[A]

Somebody catch the grease. Arteries.

[C]

You toss it in for like, 230 and you're good to go, man. It's great. It's good.

[A]

Oh, 2:30. So it's raw when you start.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so I. I start with a pre cook. I'm impatient, and I don't. I don't want to bother with that.

[C]

We all understood that pre cooked before. We get it. We.

[A]

Yeah, but why do. Why do some grocery stores put the precooked next to the refrigerated? Like in the refrigerated part, next to the uncooked? I don't understand that.

[C]

Where else would you put it out?

[A]

It doesn't need to be refrigerated.

[C]

What section of the grocery store, what aisle would you put it in? The bacon aisle?

[A]

I would. No, it sits near the meat, across from the bacon. What do you mean? Why are you trolling me?

[C]

I'm not trolling you. Yeah, you are. It sits near the bacon. That's where it should be.

[A]

Yeah, but it doesn't have to be refrigerated.

[C]

No, it shouldn't be in the. I mean, you can put it in the refrigerated section. It's not.

[A]

I know. It just seemed weird.

[C]

Easier for people to find and easier to stock as well, because where else are you gonna put it?

[A]

I just think you're, you know, put

[C]

it by the stakes.

[A]

You could put it anywhere. On one of those cardboard things or a metal rack where. It doesn't have to be. You're wasting refrigerator space.

[C]

So just a metal rack in the middle of the aisle and people have to walk around it?

[A]

No, like an end cap. But, like, you have a.

[C]

So an end cap of bacon.

[A]

No, you are trolling me now. Finish your read. I did.

[C]

Oh, you did?

[A]

I said that's only at my bookie.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

There. Are you good?

[C]

I made a good dinner last night. I got some wagyu from Mariano's. It was good. It was. It was the same price. It was on sale. It was the same price of the prime. So I got it and got a couple of fillets for me and. Me and Hank. We did some baked potatoes. I made a nice summer salad with quinoa and nectarines and corn off the cob. Always good stuff. Look at you. Yeah, it was fancy. Look at you. Yeah, but the. The fillets, though. Oh, boy.

[A]

See, I don't like. I don't eat filet.

[C]

Yeah, I know you don't. You like the fat and stuff. I don't.

[A]

I like the. The flavor.

[C]

Oh, there's no. This is good stuff, man.

[A]

It was soft, though. I don't. I don't know. It always.

[C]

Oh, it was so good.

[A]

I'm sure it was good. I mean, I would take a. I would take a filet over nothing, but compared to other cuts of meat, that wouldn't be high on my list. That's all.

[C]

I do want a BLT now, though.

[A]

Well, why not? It does sound good. It done correctly, it can be the perfect sandwich. It just has to be, right?

[C]

So the salad I made. Would you eat this? So it's quinoa.

[A]

I'm out.

[C]

Yeah. You wouldn't do it, would you? Oh, no, no.

[A]

It would be a huge hit in our house. I wouldn't eat. It's not for me, though. Some of those sweet, fruity salads. Like, I'm not a big fan of, like the feta, walnut, dried cranberry thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

This wasn't very sweet, though.

[C]

I mean, it did have the really finely chopped nectarine, so it was a nice little touch to it, but it wasn't sweet.

[A]

You know what? I did like that I had on Father's Day? The basil, watermelon, feta.

[C]

That's very good.

[A]

That's real good. Yeah, you get a little bit of the sweet, a little bit of the salt, and people were surprised, like, oh, wow, you like that? That's not your flavor profile. I was like.

[C]

Got a lot of basil, though. Yeah. A lot of fresh basil.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. But you see, sometimes I'm not averse to all of those things. The Cubs are 13 and 4 since they hit the.500 mark. So we've had 10 game win streak, 10 game win streak, 10 game losing streak. And now down, all of their pitchers, they're 13 and 4. This has been of all the years when. When all is said and done to have these wild swings in which we have to be constantly reminded of every baseball truism that ride out the storm. You're never as bad as you think you are. When things are going badly, you're Never as good as you are when things are going great. And even though we know that's true, with rare exception, the 2016 Cubs were an all time great team. That season was over. They won the World Series even when the regular season ended. You know, you look back at the 162, which you're like, holy shit. They were the best offensive team and the best defensive team and the best pitching team.

[C]

Yeah. The Cubs have had a swing where they were the number one offense in baseball. They actually statistically became the 30th team in baseball offensively. So the worst.

[A]

That can't be true.

[C]

It is true. They went from. Yes, you look at certain stats, I'll pull it up for.

[A]

I just wonder, like, looking at rolling averages, that's almost impossible to do that. They did it, but they were at 34 and 34. That's. That is ridiculous.

[C]

Oh, yeah, they were.

[A]

Yeah, they were 34 and 34 on June 10th after that loss to Colorado. That was when. When Daniel Palencia gave up the booty. And then there was the one. Then things started to turn, and then it was the win in that last game at Colorado behind Cabrera, remember him? And then it was the two wins at San Francisco. They muddled along for a while and then hit the Mets series. But, man, you gotta find these moments in this Cubs season that at game 85, it is probably about right. If you had said this, this team at the start of July would be 47 and 38, I think the reaction would have been, all right, that's. That, you know, it's not great. But considering the injuries, if you said their entire pitching staff would be hurt, like everybody's hurt sometimes. Everybody's. Everybody.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, without. Without detail. If you just said from when they were 15 games over. 500, I think. I think that was their high point. If you just said, hey, they're going to be nine games over by July 1, you just said, oh, okay, they had a little, little bad stretch.

[A]

Now, you wouldn't have guessed that The brewers are 20 games over.

[C]

Right.

[A]

But that. But independent of that, forget the brewers themselves, that even to start the year, he said, look, this is going to be one of the worst injury years the team team's ever had. Just by dumb luck. And you want to place blame on that, go ahead. But just by dumb luck, you absolutely would take that. And here they are with. With Gavin Hollowell and Grant Thornton. They're making up dudes. They're making up guys. We have no idea who any of these people are Although I do want to credit Craig Counsel, because I do think we have come the closest we ever will to a baseball manager admitting to placing a player on the DL who isn't really hurt. And it happened. Not dil. And it happens all the time. You always hear the same things. You know, it's. And there's a reason, because there's a gray area here. I remember having this conversation with Chip Schaefer of the Bulls back when, before they changed the rules in the NBA, you would use your injured list as a roster extension. You'd make up injuries, you'd carry guys. And it was. No, you just did. It was something of a joke. And the biggest joke, I think Rick Tellender actually wrote about it in his book when I gave him this little chunk. Information. Keith Tower. Remember him from Notre Dame? I think he might have played with Brooks Boyer. That Keith Tower was on the Orlando Magic injured list for an entire year with what was listed as non healing skin lesion. And he'd gotten sunburned in training camp. That's it. He was fine. He just had a sunburn. They carried him all year on their injured list.

[C]

With a sunburn.

[A]

With a sunburn. Okay. So that was the ultimate example. And then it became ankle synovitis. And I remember them having to explain sinovitis to us. It was Wennington who they had to. Sinovitis. What is that like? Well, it's a swelling of the fluid in the capsule. Cherry. He's fine. He's walking, right? Like, he's literally walking by.

[C]

I thought it was that. What was that one disease we used to sing the song to?

[A]

Ankylosing spondylitis.

[C]

Ankylosing spondylitis.

[A]

Ankylosing spondylitis. And this guy had what, Sinovitis?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And Terry said, ankylosing spongy penis. And they ran in everyone, like, stop saying that.

[C]

Stop saying that.

[A]

Stop saying they're a client. They don't want to be called ankylosing spongy penis.

[C]

The. The cubs were number one in run scored. Dropped down to 30th. And they're, for a period of time, obviously, are now number one in run scored.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, it's pretty amazing. It's pretty amazing. The Cubs have asked a lot.

[C]

It's extremely fucking frustrating. So stop doing it. Like, seriously, this is what it looks like sometimes.

[A]

This is. It's. It's taken all of this to finally get them kind of where they're supposed to be. So I gotta find this quote. I made sure to get A picture of it so I wouldn't forget. And now I'm losing track of where I put it. So, Craig, Counsel was asked about Ethan Roberts.

[C]

Yeah, this is good.

[A]

Have you seen this quote?

[C]

Yeah, we talked about it.

[A]

Yes, he was asked about Ethan Roberts. Ethan Roberts is bad and was placed on the injured list with a strained elbow.

[C]

Yeah. Okay. Was it elbow? They said forearm.

[A]

Forearm, yeah. Something, something. Forearm stiffness. I think it's forearm stiffness and ankylosing spongy penis.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

So this is counsel. Ethan's been one of the guys that's pitched a lot. I don't think we have anything serious here, but we've got to give him a break, basically.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But he's got some symptoms. That's my favorite at the end. We gotta give this guy a break. Like, basically, he has to stop pitching for a while and we'll see what's going on. It's a classic phantom DL.

[C]

Yeah. It wasn't to the level of.

[A]

But then he says, but he's got some symptoms.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So that was the conversation I was having with the back of the Bulls with Chip Schaefer. I was trying. He heard me on the air doing a report, and I forgot who I was talking to, like McNeil and Bors or something. And they were asking about, what's with this. This clearly. Guy's clearly not hurt. He doesn't have pat tendonitis. And I said, guys, you know who actually has patellar tendonitis if you actually went in and did an MRI on knees right now?

[C]

Everybody.

[A]

I said, every single NBA player who's played X number of minutes could be reasonably and ethically diagnosed with some somewhere from a 0 to a 10 of patellar tendonitis. I said, that's all. Of their patellar tendons are probably somewhat inflamed or overused. So it's just not that big a deal. It doesn't mean it's acute. It doesn't mean that somehow that they've got to be, you know, need surgery. It's just a fair. It's like seeing an NFL player six weeks into the season has bruising or contusions or something like that. Like, there's always something you can do. And Chip Schaefer came up to me and kind of smiled at me and like, punched me in the shoulder while I was talking and gave me a nod like, yep.

[C]

Yeah. Because it's not. It's not something that. That's going to keep them from playing. Like, Ethan Roberts could pitch. Yeah. But the rest will do. Him. Well, and there's no reason for Craig to spin the wheel of pitchers and get land on Ethan Roberts. Have him come out there and give up two runs.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And they. And it gives you an opportunity to.

[C]

No. So it wasn't as bad to the level of.

[A]

But he's got some symptoms where they

[C]

sent him to the hospital, take organs out just to give him a break.

[A]

Well, I think that was.

[C]

They just. They told Ethan. They're like, hey, your arm sore? No, my arm's good. No, your arm is sore. Hobie Milner. They were like, hey, you need to go to the doctor. They're gonna take out your appendix. What? Just. Just go. Trust me.

[A]

Yeah, how about when they impregnate the players wives? Yeah, that's the other one. Don't get me started on the phantom bereavement list. Yeah, your grandmother died. No, she didn't. She's very dead. Yeah.

[C]

You need to go home. Oh, you got.

[A]

Yeah, you have to take a five

[C]

the next seven days.

[A]

Bereavement and what. What's the concussion? Il. Five days. Look it up. There's a special MLB concussion break where you picture some assistant walking around and

[C]

hit my head and they got a shovel. Just smack him. Well, now you did.

[A]

I knew two idiots in college, and I'm not going to say their names because they're probably CEOs of Fortune 500 companies right now, but I know two guys that didn't go to a class all year and then tried to get out of the final by giving each other concussions, by hitting each other in the head with frying pans. They weren't smart people.

[C]

Seven days. Were they friends of yours?

[A]

I mean, not like in my tight friend group.

[C]

Sort of the.

[A]

I bought drugs from one of them.

[C]

All right, then. So he wasn't your friend. He was your drug.

[A]

No, he was also.

[C]

He wasn't your friend. He was your drug dealer. Just say he was your drug dealer. We're all fine with it.

[A]

He's also a friend.

[C]

We're all fine with it.

[A]

He was also.

[C]

You weren't buying pcp, I'm sure. I mean, it's fine.

[B]

You could.

[A]

Hey, why not? Why couldn't I have been buying? I'm sure you weren't.

[C]

Just. Let's say that you couldn't.

[A]

Maybe I was reselling it.

[C]

So your drug dealer, I mean, your friend hit his head right on a frying pan.

[A]

It didn't work because they both kind of chickened out, so. But I'm picturing a guy walking around the clubhouse with that big frying pan. You're on the concussion list. Well, I spot.

[C]

I would do that with a friend, but I would have to go first and I wouldn't chicken out.

[A]

I know you wouldn't.

[C]

I would hit him as hard as I possibly could and then he wouldn't be able to hit me.

[A]

What if he died?

[C]

Well, that's the risk.

[A]

You. Hey, man, make him sign.

[C]

You want to play Frying pan Chicken? That's. That's what's going to happen.

[A]

Frying pan chicken.

[C]

That made me hungry.

[A]

Wrong show.

[C]

Now I want chicken.

[A]

It's the wrong show for that.

[C]

Damn it.

[B]

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[A]

If you want some summer fun, I've got it right here for you. And circle July 5th on your calendar because that's when the Chicago Stars return to Evanston against Utah Royals fc. The Chicago Stars are celebrating a spring summer of soccer on the north side. You don't want to miss it. The stadium, Martin Stadium in Evanston, easy to get to. You can get there via car, via bike, via CTA, via Metro, however you want. And tickets start at 19 bucks. This is professional women's soccer. It's never been more accessible to you. So come to a match. Family friendly pre match entertainment. That means there's the kids zone and yard games and the mini pitch. The whole atmosphere is great. Yard games and you can cheer on us Olympians like Mallory Swanson and Alyssa Nayer right on the lakefront in Evanston. Summer soccer doesn't get better than this. Like I say, 19 bucks. Come on. Get your tickets [e-mail] tickets. Happy NBA free agency. So here we go. And sort of like my White Sox point, the Bulls don't need to really go out and grab anybody. All you got to do, field a team for this year. All you should do is you need to be competitive enough for proper development. That is the goal. You don't have to win any certain number of games or have any certain proximity to the playoffs, but you have to establish a baseline level of competence and competitive play for the purposes of development, and that's for everybody involved. It is for not just development, evaluation. Be good enough for real evaluation, not garbage time, not silly time. Be good enough to be in enough games when you can get the measure of what Caleb Wilson is doing, what Dalen Swain is doing, how the parts fit and to be. If the goal is to be a reasonable, competitive, representative enough NBA team that it doesn't look like you've necessarily taken a massive competitive step back, you're going to need shooting, you're going to need another versatile enough big in there. There's. There's a lot. And you've got room is a lot of areas you can play around on this roster. So at the moment you're what, you're 31 million under the luxury tax. You're still under the salary floor. So you got to spend, I think it's another 15 million or something like that. And you've got exceptions, you've got cash and the only. You've added Nick Claxton, you have added Caleb Wilson and Dalen Swain. And the reason you added Claxton is you had the cap space. I mean, just as a facilitator, you're able to get a player there. So you need another wing because I don't think you want to. Do you want to start Isaac a Coral? No, because you can't shoot. I mean you could, but you need. You need some shooting and you need another. At least one more big in there. I want to see a lot more Leonard Miller. That's this year. Because I was intrigued by what I saw from him, that his body, his versatility and his motor enough to convince me that that's worth a little bit more time. But I mean no real free agent hurry here. It's not what it used to be. It isn't where we're sending Benny the Bull to an airport to welcome somebody because that's not how teams get made. You saw that all those trades and the trades that went down yesterday, you know, John Morant and all this. They're calling it pre agency because it's a better bang for your buck than grabbing somebody off the open market, especially a big name off the open market. It's getting to be like the NFL where you use free agency for the middle of your roster or the back of your roster and not necessarily the top, unless you're trying to rebuild, take on a bad contract or do some things as, you know, some sort of some a team that's just an interstitial for you. So I Like that change, too. I don't think it should be that everybody, you know, you're just, you're auctioning every season or every few seasons this idea of trying to lure somebody to come play in your city necessarily. And the. God, look at, look at the Grizzlies are doing. You talk about getting out from underneath a failed rebuild by trading John Morant yesterday for what? Jeremy Grant and somebody else to Portland. I don't know what Portland's doing in general. I have no clue what Portland is doing under that ownership and low balling the coach and everything else. Good luck. But I'll give Memphis credit that you maxed out your tent poles of John Morant, Desmond Bain, Jaren Jackson Jr. That was supposed to be your competitive team and it didn't work. And you're moving on from it fairly quickly. And whether or not Cam Boozer is the centerpiece of a champion, we'll have that debate, however long you want to have that debate. But we are here at the outset of free agency. The Bulls do have a lot of money. Just don't get your hopes up. I think. I don't think there's going to be any massive exciting things going on. What is exciting, though, is the possibility. I don't know how you feel about this, but the best rumors out there involve what the Golden State warriors could be doing right now. And it started with the fact that Draymond Green was willing to come off of what was owed him and say, I'm not going to exercise the option. I'm going to become a free agent with the winking agreement that will negotiate something that's a little more team friendly to allow the team to have some flexibility here. This is, we're getting close to this being it for Steph Curry, but the tantalizing possibility is like, what's, what's, what's an example of like the last roundup or Space Cowboys, the movie with Clint Eastwood and Tommy Lee Jones, Donald Sutherland, LeBron Anthony, Davis in trade, Draymond Steph. So the key to that team, if you're going to do that, how many regular season games can you lose and still be in a decent enough playoff position? Because you pretty much have to get everybody all rested up for the playoffs, but also have within your control the ability to lock in your playoff spot the way you want it, because you can't overplay that team. You could be dead by the time the playoffs start. So that would be a fascinating puzzle.

[C]

Yeah, that'd be a fun farewell tour. What a hell.

[A]

Yeah. But what if. You know what if you get it. It's like the Eagles play in the sphere is what it. One of their guys is dead.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Glenn Fry's long gone.

[C]

Long gone. Yeah. Long time dead guy.

[A]

It doesn't matter anymore.

[C]

Hey, on the Grizzlies, you saw Rush

[A]

and the who and they're all out there. It's like, where are your guys? Yeah, we got enough.

[C]

I didn't.

[B]

This is.

[A]

My team is on the floor.

[C]

Scottie Pippen's kid plays in the NBA. Yeah, I didn't.

[A]

Yeah, it's not great.

[C]

Does he have to spell his name with an ie and not a Y at the end to match his dad?

[A]

Not necessarily. Although you can spell necessarily with an ie at the end.

[C]

It doesn't look right with a Y.

[A]

Sorry.

[C]

Yeah, he should be sorry.

[A]

And he's a Y at the end.

[C]

You got to spell it with an I. E. My man.

[A]

No, I don't know. I don't know that family. I'm not quite sure what's happening because the ex wife was.

[B]

Was

[A]

Jordan's garden.

[C]

That's a problem. What.

[B]

What is?

[A]

When.

[C]

Is. When's the Joker. When's. When's Joker a free agent? Isn't he coming up? Is he. Is this his last year?

[A]

I don't know. I checked his contract. I will. But why?

[C]

Because that's just. I wonder. What? Denver. Because Denver. How long has it been since they won the. Was it. Is it been four years, five years? Or is that too long? Am I way off on that? No.

[A]

Jokic has signed through 2027.

[C]

Okay. So he's got.

[A]

He's got.

[C]

This is his last year.

[A]

This. Well, he signed through the. I don't know if that is the. He had an extension that started boot him 1-1-28, 26, 27. Yeah, I guess that is it.

[C]

So this is his final year at

[A]

a value of 270 million-plus.

[C]

So he could be a free agent after the season. That'd be a guy to have to have. Yeah, for sure.

[A]

Yeah. But then you gotta. If you have him, that changes everything. You do. You gotta build around that.

[C]

Yeah. Interesting.

[A]

It's very interesting, but I don't think they're gonna let him go, do you? I mean, it doesn't really look like there's anybody.

[C]

Wasn't it kind of like his choice, though?

[A]

Yeah, but they can pay him a lot more money because of bird rights.

[C]

Sure. And he could also say, I don't want to be in Denver anymore.

[A]

He could. He could. I don't know. It's a good question. Probably for another time. My guess is because the Bulls aren't interested at the moment. I don't think.

[C]

Oh yeah, I don't want the. Yeah, no, no, no, no. Yeah. Don't. Don't think that. I was just.

[A]

I didn't know where you were going with it, so.

[C]

Anywhere you want with it.

[A]

I just wanted to make sure.

[C]

Think it's out there for a reason. Then go ahead and you know, why is it the. So this is NBA.com. this might be my new favorite thing to do is look at all the NBA rosters and the pictures of the players. Yeah, this is really good. Shouldn't the NBA be able to get pictures of kids that were just drafted?

[A]

No, that's what he looks like.

[C]

I mean, we can do better than the Silhouettes, right? Can't we? I mean, you're the NBA. These are your players.

[A]

Well, he's not signed yet.

[C]

Well, okay, I guess.

[A]

Yeah, he's drafted.

[C]

But they can use his name but not his image.

[A]

I don't know how that works. It must be legal, right? Yeah, I think he. I don't think they can put him on there until he has signed a contract.

[C]

And then. Why does Lachlan Ulbricht your guy. He looks like a Will Fell. Like a Will Ferrell character.

[A]

That's what he looks like. And he's on another team now, is he not?

[C]

No, he's.

[A]

I thought he was. I thought somebody said he was playing summer league somewhere else. That they had moved on from the great Lachlan pick up ball at the park. That I think is about. That's his summer ball. Well, I think it's going to be his actual ball at some point. I don't think he's long for the league, let's put it that way.

[C]

See, like Cam Jones, like get him in the right. Use AI. Get him the right color jersey. What are we doing here, NBA?

[A]

You can talk to them. I guarantee you that it's some kind of technicality. It's not like why I wish we could get a picture.

[C]

Take one.

[A]

We used to do that in the cba. I had to go with a camera. I had to actually like take staff photos and stuff. Cause we didn't have a photo.

[C]

Oh yeah. Cause look at the Bull staff. It's all silhouettes except for two unselled and Tiago.

[A]

They're not signed. They don't have a staff yet.

[C]

Well then who are these guys? Names.

[A]

You got the names. Damn it. You got the papers there? Dammit.

[C]

You got it. I just want the score.

[A]

Yeah, I'm still waiting for Lions and Rams. No, that's a big deal for Splitter to actually hiring his assistant coaches and filling all these positions. So we're waiting on all that. Well, we're waiting to see how many games in the summer league he's coaching.

[C]

He's had Phil Shoulders, too.

[A]

Who?

[C]

Tiago. They're very pointy. See, Like a normal person. They kind of round off. Yeah, these are very pointy.

[A]

That's why we called Phil the human coat hanger.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

I wanted to get to this, too, before you start hearing about it elsewhere.

[C]

Oh, what is this?

[A]

You know how sometimes in the summer, especially around this time of year when various media outlets are running out of content?

[C]

Oh, God. What does that feel like?

[A]

Gee, what's that feel like? Welcome to Forward Progress. Usually if you're in the Northeast, we get shark attacks.

[C]

Right. North East, North.

[A]

Very common Eastern seaboard this time of year. Amity island or New Jersey, wherever it may be. Shark sightings, shark attacks. Watch this harrowing drone footage as this person in a kayak is followed by a shark.

[C]

Are there more in the Northeast than

[A]

there are, like, in the Florida this time of year?

[C]

There are. Really?

[A]

I think so. I said, would great whites get more active up in the northern areas in the summers? Yeah, I think, just. And that's where you get a lot of people in the water.

[C]

But. Well, because they like to have vacation in the Hamptons.

[A]

The Sharks?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

So that's why they eat people there?

[A]

Well, no.

[C]

Right.

[A]

But they go over to Ina Garden's house. It's Ina. It's Jeffrey Bigfoot. It's not Bigfoot. Contessa. Different. Was that you on that open or was that you? But did you. I know. Did you edit that open or did Tani edit that?

[C]

I don't remember.

[A]

Bigfoot Contessa.

[C]

It was probably tan. Was it good? Was the open good?

[A]

I think it was good.

[C]

It was tannin.

[A]

I just remember it being hilarious because it was. It was. The Food Network presents Bigfoot Contessa. My friend T.R. is bringing flowers today. Look at these lovely irises. And some primrose in here with the baby's breath. That's gonna go great with my bellinis.

[C]

You still have a thing for her?

[A]

Oh, forever. Ina Garten.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, man, she's the truth. She's the truth. Worked for the State Department, like.

[C]

Oh. I mean, when I was. Man, I would have loved to have gotten hammered to her house one day. That would have been fun.

[A]

Yeah. I always Think that she's got an extra vodka bottle like underneath the cooktop.

[C]

She has no one up each sleeve, shoot out like pistols.

[A]

And Jeff Reed's always in his office. I always wonder. He's probably with that Uncle Sam guy.

[C]

Yeah, I was gonna say he's in his own Uncle Sam outfit. Oh, Jeffrey getting hammered and touching himself.

[A]

But yeah. So the. Where was I going with that? I completely. Oh, the Bigfoot contestant. Yeah, I completely forgot about that. The.

[C]

Oh yeah, your story about the. Yeah, the shark attacks.

[A]

It's not sharks though. Multiple people have been attacked by alligators across central Florida in the last week.

[C]

Are you saying this is a bad thing?

[A]

With the most recent attack killing a 31 year old woman, serious encounters with alligators remain relatively rare. However silly encounters with alligators are common. Honk, honk, wee. Flowers and swirls, right? Floppy shoes on all four legs. The alligator comes out.

[C]

Juggling alligator.

[A]

So a talent agent is sitting in his office. Oh, not again. What's happening? The alligator. And a family walks in and they're dressed in spanglish suits. So. According to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission data, There have been three attacks in the last seven days. Two within 24 hours of each other.

[C]

Not enough.

[A]

The victim in the latest attack had stopped to swim with her boyfriend and friend in the econluckhatchee river just north of Orlando when the alligator bit her. Her boyfriend tried to get her out of the alligator's mouth. The 911 caller described the woman's injuries as horrible and she died. They captured a 13 foot alligator at the scene and a 12 footer saying either could have been responsible for the attack.

[C]

What do they do to those alligators then?

[A]

They usually euthanize them.

[C]

That's not right.

[A]

Especially with the one who didn't do it.

[C]

Right? Right. Stay out of the fucking river. Listen, if you're ever driving along somewhere in Florida and you're like, I'm going to stop here in this river and take a quick dip, you deserve to be eaten by an alligator. That's all I'm saying.

[A]

You said it's not fair, but that is a like, that's where the alligator fucking lives.

[C]

Stay out of his home.

[A]

That's where it lives.

[C]

Now if an alligator knocks down your front door, shoot him in the head. He comes into your house.

[A]

I went fishing alone in the Everglades,

[C]

which really a bad idea.

[A]

It was stupid. And I told my parents I was like 17.

[C]

Oh you should have been eating.

[A]

And they said what are you doing today? I said, I think I want to go fishing. And they said, okay. And I just was. I went dry and I drove to, like, a boat rental thing in the Everglades and they gave me a boat and they said, go over there and go out here. Go here. And I did. So alone.

[C]

You should have been eaten.

[A]

Well, I definitely shouldn't have been alone fishing in the Everglades. And this is before cell phones and Google Maps and all that.

[C]

I mean, if you'd have been eaten at 17, doing Dan Burnson and Filter today would seem weird.

[A]

Yeah. That would be, like, why the shirt would make sense, though.

[C]

Yeah, that was really dumb. That was really.

[A]

Yeah, the shirt would make sense because this. If I walked in there to say who would be most likely to wear this while, like, Everglades flat boat.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Perfect, right?

[C]

Dead guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But.

[C]

Yeah, that's a. That's a bad idea.

[A]

I know. It was. It was stupid.

[C]

What are you fishing for any Everglades besides alligators?

[A]

I didn't know. So I had some different baits and I was fishing for bass or. I don't know.

[C]

I think, like, whole turkey drumsticks were a bad idea.

[A]

I didn't know it was, you know what I caught?

[C]

What'd you catch?

[A]

It was huge. I didn't know what it was, but I caught an Oscar.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I know what the Oscar fish is.

[A]

It's a cichlid. And they are a. They're not an invasive. A non native in the Everglades. Oscar is a non native species and they grow enormous. So it's like the Amazon. And that's what I ended. I caught a couple of these giant Oscars and I think that was all. But yeah, don't jump in a river in Florida. And that was just the first one. So they didn't go in the river. No. But there were alligators there.

[C]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Back to the story. Yeah. If you're driving along and your person

[A]

in the car with you. You guys hot?

[C]

You want to jump in the river real quick? Probably no.

[A]

The answer is no. And it isn't just because of alligators. It's also because of that amoeba that can get into your brain and eat your br.

[C]

Brain.

[A]

Yeah. In the south standing water or like a roadside canal. Don't.

[C]

Also a bad place to swim.

[A]

Jump in there. Bad for you.

[C]

All right.

[A]

24 hours earlier, a boy who was fishing with his father was bitten on the hand at Nelson's Fish Camp. Nelson's Fish Camp in Mar County.

[C]

I get your money back. Yeah.

[A]

There's Probably a bad day to be Nelson's fish camp. Would you look that up for me?

[C]

Yeah. Nelson's outdoor resort.

[A]

Oh, and that's where you can go and get bitten on the hand by a gator.

[C]

Yep. Marina and fishing. A central Florida marina on the Ocklawahala River.

[A]

They'll probably have pictures of the awesome fish that people caught there. I don't know. People go to trap gator there too. A snorkeler.

[C]

Well, if we had a phone that worked, I'd call him right now.

[A]

Just put them on.

[C]

Yeah, well, just to ask questions.

[A]

A snorkeler.

[C]

How much is it to get your hand bitten by a gator?

[A]

The alligator special. A snorkeler bitten June 21 at Rainbow river in the same area about 100 miles away from Sunday's fatal attack in Seminole County. Authorities temporarily closed the river following the first attack before wildlife officials located and removed the alligator. Officials captured and euthanized the 8 foot 7 inch gator that bit the young boy.

[C]

See, that's not right.

[A]

Okay, how many unprovoked bites are averaged each year in Florida alone? First of all, how many alligators do you think are in Florida?

[C]

Oh, I would have. No, I mean, it's just a ton. A lot. I have no idea what even. Guess what. Give me a. Give me a figure to start with. Give me a number.

[A]

Six.

[C]

Six figures? Seriously?

[A]

No, I was going to give you more than that.

[C]

More.

[A]

Six alligators.

[C]

Oh, I don't know. Is 100,000 a lot? Is that too much? Is that way high? I have no idea.

[A]

No. 1.3 million.

[C]

Holy shit.

[A]

Seriously, there's 1.3 million.

[C]

There's 1.3 million alligators in the state. Stay out of the fucking rivers. There's a good chance you're going to come across one. Holy crap.

[A]

1.3 million. And that's not even including the number of times you don't know that one just swam by you and thought differently.

[C]

All right, so what's your question then? 1.3 million alligators. How many.

[A]

How many unprovoked bites each year?

[C]

I'm gonna go way. I'm way too high. I'm gonna. 5,000.

[A]

8.

[C]

8,000.

[A]

8.

[C]

8 total.

[A]

8.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

They average eight unprovoked bites. So that. That's why I'm saying that this should not be on the front page of

[C]

cnn nor should they kill the alligator.

[A]

How many fatal alligator attacks have there been in Florida since 1948? I'll say 10:30. Okay, but this is a lot of. This is Darwin Basically. The point being, if you're dumb enough to be killed in an alligator attack in Florida, that's pretty special.

[C]

Yeah. So I looked up Rainbow river, and that's part of this Florida state parks. I'm sorry. If the logo of this state park is a. Is a wild cat.

[A]

That's a Florida panther.

[C]

Yeah. I'm not walking through your state park. I'm sorry.

[A]

Yeah, it's a puma.

[C]

Yeah, that's not happening. If that's your logo.

[A]

Well, if the logo is a bleeding woman missing.

[C]

Right. Yeah. Probably pretty high. If that's the photo. If that's the logo.

[A]

Okay. I've been through Florida state parks. I was only. Now I don't know if it's a state park or is it a county? I was. I was nearly assaulted by a gopher tortoise. It was hissing at me.

[C]

Well, you guys were drinking together, though, weren't you?

[A]

No, I was hiking, and there's a gopher tortoise, and it was hissing at me. So you know what I did? I picked it up and I moved it, and I set it.

[C]

Oh, did you really? Yeah. It's probably a bad idea.

[A]

It was hiss. No, it's just like, they're not gonna do anything. But I didn't want it in the road because I didn't. I didn't want it to get hurt. I didn't want it near anything, so I just moved it into the brush.

[C]

And you said snorkeling. I'm sorry. Like, the idea of snorkeling in a Florida state park just doesn't sound like a smart idea to me.

[A]

What are you gonna see an alligator?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I understand.

[C]

Before he eats you. I don't know.

[A]

Snorkeling in the Caribbean coral reef.

[C]

Sure, I get that. That makes sense to me.

[A]

You're saying, ooh, a catfish.

[C]

Right. Ooh, an alligator. What? Yeah.

[A]

Well, you don't want to be there with the alligator. Last year, the state.

[C]

Maybe a manatee. Maybe. You see a manatee? I have.

[B]

Maybe.

[C]

That would be cool.

[A]

I was kayaking. Kayaking. And the blade of my paddle actually bumped up against a manatee at one point that I didn't know was there, which technically is illegal. And I looked at it. Oh, geez.

[C]

It's illegal for him to be there.

[A]

It is illegal to touch a manatee.

[C]

Oh, I thought you meant for him

[A]

to be there, But I didn't see it.

[C]

So then it killed him?

[A]

No, it just kind of moved. They don't really do anything, but 13 attacks last year. Two fatalities last year in a study by researchers at the University of Florida. You know what their logo is?

[C]

What is it? An alligator? Yes.

[A]

They'd be the Florida Gators. They found that low risk activities, such as walking near the water, or this is my favorite, remaining on land, rarely resulted in attacks.

[C]

Stay on land. Don't get attacked.

[A]

It was a study.

[C]

Interesting.

[A]

A study by researchers.

[C]

All right, you six jump in the water. And you six, stay here in the land. You six, stay in the car.

[A]

How you doing, Mark? Mark's dead. I've been better. All right. How about you, the folks in the car?

[B]

We're good.

[A]

Thumbs up. Still good. Okay. Good study so far. Good study.

[C]

Here's what we've learned today. Kids in the water, eaten by alligator. On the land, no alligator in the car.

[A]

Two thumbs up. Yeah, so what if you bring the car in the water, which happens in Florida sometimes, so that happens, too. And it did say, according to the study. This is true, by the way. We're not done with the study yet. You ready for this?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

According to the study, the highest number of fatal attacks occurred after high risk behaviors, including deliberately entering waterways known to contain alligators.

[C]

Okay. So your greatest possibility of being attacked by an alligator is going into a waterway where you know there are alligators, and yet you deliberately enter that waterway

[A]

because there are alligators there. Yes, that's what deliberately means. And the professor of wildlife ecology at the University of Florida. You can't get much by these people. This is Frank Mazzotti.

[C]

Oh, yeah, Frank. Yeah, the alligator guy.

[A]

Frank Mazzotti, Yeah, sure. He said many bites can be prevented if humans are aware of their surroundings and minimize risky behaviors.

[C]

I disagree with Frank. I think every bite can be prevented. Stay away from alligators.

[A]

Alligator bite.

[C]

Yeah. Yep. That's the. You can prevent every alligator bite.

[A]

I. I can say this. I don't think I'm ever going to be bitten by an alligator.

[C]

I'm never going to be it. Never now.

[A]

And that includes the fact that I've already accidentally stepped on one.

[C]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

It was a very small one in South Carolina. It was very small, and I accidentally stepped on, like, the tip of its tail, and it didn't do anything to me.

[C]

How did you not. How did you. How did you do that?

[A]

I was tramping around in the underbrush while fishing and.

[C]

Oh, yeah, that'll happen.

[A]

Yeah. I was. I was walking along the sides of, like. That was risky behavior.

[C]

Yeah. Like, on the. Like, the long list of my causes of death, for me personally, like, alligator attack is going to be very Very low.

[A]

Yeah. For me.

[C]

Look at this thing. Look at that. Look at that alligator.

[A]

See, when I was younger, I was probably a likely victim because I did spend time in South Carolina and in Florida and other places around alligator infested waters alone, walking the edge. That's a really good place.

[C]

Literally and figuratively.

[A]

That's a really good place to get. And with the edge, actually, the guitars.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

He was with you?

[A]

Yes. He had all his computers with him. It was really cumbersome because he had to keep picking up all the computers and bringing them over with him.

[C]

These things are terrifying looking.

[A]

Yeah, well, they're prehistoric. Eating machines. Eating machines.

[C]

Eating machines.

[A]

I've been doing that, by the way. Soil testing machine.

[C]

Oh, we'll get into that in forward progress.

[A]

Yeah, apparently it's been there since December.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Chicago Bears making advances in Indiana with a machine that they don't own that's been sitting there since December and they couldn't wait to get their spokesperson there to give it.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

This is all part of the process. We are ongoing. Oh, my God. So basically, I think it's important that some universities are doing important research saying you can cut down on alligator attacks the further you stay away from the water in which the alligators live.

[C]

That's a good recommendation. Good study.

[A]

We've learned something today.

[C]

Good study. Wonder how much money they spent on that.

[A]

I think it's a valuable study and I'm glad we did it, frankly.

[B]

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[A]

We're heading into the round of 32. We're in the round of 32 of the world Cup.

[C]

Yes, we are.

[A]

So you got everything we had upsets yesterday. Down goes Germany.

[C]

Germany's out.

[A]

Down go the Netherlands. Now you've got USA and Bosnia and the big matchup to determine the greatest country in the world, Belgium or Senegal. Or you can just ask this question. Will McDonald's Golden Arches show up on the broadcast or Dan's menu? That. No, maybe never. Rule it out. Especially my McDonald's, which is great. Not my Martinez, she's a WBBM. My McDonald's the one on Addison by Kerry Woodfield. Right there by Lane Tech. Yeah, that's great. Great, great, great. McDonald's.

[C]

Yeah. We have two in Libertyville. There's one that I go to more often because it's, it's generally where I'm driving past. The other one's a little better though.

[A]

Well, that's like when I, when you leave the United center, you don't want to go to the one on Warren. Right there near Madison. Not the one near the. If you get on Western, don't go to the one near the United Center. Keep going and go to the one on like Milwaukee Western and Armitage. Right there.

[C]

Better?

[A]

Yeah. But if you really want the best treatment and like everything's hot and perfect and even like the cheese is centered on like, like, I don't know if they use that one to grade people or they're, they're moving prospects. Like, that's, that's high A. Yeah. As opposed to somewhere. But the, the one on Addison near Lane Tech is great. Use the promo code DBU when you sign up for the McDonald's bet or any bet. It's an actual bet at my bookie right now. It's just one of the biggest sporting events in the world and one of the most famous logos. Will it appear so you can do it with my bookie? Use DBU to claim a deposit bonus. Get up to $500 in protection on that first bet. Once you see it on screen, the bet's gone. And that is only at MyBookie. And that is today's Dan Bernstein unfiltered. I don't know what the hell it was, but I know I had a really good time doing it and yeah, stay cool out there. Today's show has been brought to you by the Chicago Stars, making this a soccer filled summer in Evanston. Come to a match for family friendly pro sports on the lakefront. Get [e-mail] tickets and brought to you in partnership with my Dan Bernstein.

[C]

Unfiltered.

[A]

Unfiltered on 312 Sports. On July 5, the Chicago Stars return to Evanston vs Utah Royals FC. The Chicago Stars celebrating a summer of soccer on the north side and you don't want to miss with an easy to get to stadium and tickets starting at $19. Pro women's soccer has never been more accessible. Come to a match for family friendly pre match entertainment. Then cheer on us Olympians like Mallory Swanson and Alyssa Nayer playing right on the lakefront in Evanston. Summer soccer doesn't get much better than this. Get your tickets now. @chicagostars.com tickets we have the tech to

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