Pete Crow-Armstrong pays the price

Summary

Dan Bernstein Unfiltered — “Pete Crow-Armstrong pays the price” (May 20, 2026)

Main Theme

In this episode, Dan Bernstein and his co-host (likely Matt Abbatacola) tackle the fallout from a recent Cubs-White Sox rivalry incident involving Cubs rookie outfielder Pete Crow-Armstrong (PCA), who was fined $5,000 for a vulgar response to a fan's aggressive heckling during her engagement party at the game. The hosts dissect the incident’s absurdity, the performative nature of fan/player conflicts, and the realities of being a Chicago sports fan, before digressing into classic Bernstein-style riffs on everything from potholes to cybertrucks, Mel Brooks, and culinary oddities.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pete Crow-Armstrong Incident & Fan Culture

• Incident Summary: A woman organized her engagement party specifically at a Cubs-White Sox game with the explicit goal of antagonizing PCA. After repeated and reportedly aggressive heckling (not just a generic “you suck”), Crow-Armstrong responded with vulgarity — caught on video and leading to his fine.

• Hosts’ Take:

  • The entire situation is described as “Kabuki theater” — staged, predictable, and overblown by both sides. Dan and co-host mock the performativity of outrage around both the player’s response and the fan’s actions.
  • Dan repeatedly highlights the contrived outrage: “Are you happy that PCA got his slap on the wrist and every actor in this version of Kabuki theater has played their roles?” [00:30]

• On Fan Conduct Rules:

  • MLB policies for fan conduct are outlined: profanity, obscene gestures, and harassing language can result in ejection or bans — policies not always consistently enforced.
  • Suggests the player could have, or perhaps should have, simply asked stadium officials to intervene and have the hecklers ejected ([05:39] Co-host, [06:02] Dan Bernstein).

• Notable Quotes:

  • “You know, the Cubs lose, they're awful, and everything's miserable. What have I done with my life?... So everything is comfortable. Everything is just where it's supposed to be in the baseball world.” – Dan Bernstein [00:30]
  • “How dare he say that to a young woman who planned her engagement party around the concept of angering him on purpose?” – Dan Bernstein [05:13]
  • “We agreed he shouldn't have said that. He should have had a better response or no response at all.” – Co-host [05:22]
  • “All it does after this settles and this wave recedes is... add even more spice to the Cub socks rivalry.” – Dan Bernstein [09:00]

• Humor & Sarcasm:

  • The hosts riff on sending the couple AutoZone or Farm & Fleet wedding gifts and joke about PCA adopting a more absurdist, “Beavis” persona should he be heckled again ([09:00]–[10:52]).
  • “Catch the ball, Beavis.” – Dan Bernstein [09:40], poking fun at PCA’s looks and the fan frustration.

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2. Chicago Sports: Catharsis Through Suffering

• The peculiar, cyclical pain and hope Chicago fans endure—Bernstein lampoons the predictable emotional arcs after Cubs and White Sox games.
• Reflection on whether public punishment and outrage cycles really change anything: usually, they just allow everyone to return to their comfortable roles of grumbling and tribal rivalry ([06:41], [09:00]).

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3. Sidebar: Urban Life and Car Fails

• Extended personal anecdote about hitting a “widowmaker” pothole driving in Chicago, leading to a $600 sidewall blowout. Bernstein’s wife holds it over him, flipping the usual gendered “bad driver” stereotype ([12:38]–[13:35]).
• Random act of kindness: a Sox fan offers to help Bernstein change the tire, but also awkwardly drops a racist joke—prompting both social discomfort and co-host commentary on cringe fan moments ([14:04]–[16:33]).
• Lighthearted exploration of Chicago street hazards, city driving lore, and car repair.

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4. Coaching Carousel: Bulls & Mavericks

• Reporting on Jason Kidd being fired from the Mavericks, emphasizing NBA best practices when empowering new management to make staff decisions (contrasting with Bulls’ recently botched approach) ([19:48]–[23:58]).
• Offers practical NBA organizational insight: don’t lag in assembling coaching staffs lest you lose top choices ([21:52]).
• Julia Poe of Chicago Tribune will guest on the next OWC segment for Bulls coverage.

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5. Cybertruck Schadenfreude

• Bernstein launches into a trademark rant against Tesla Cybertruck owners, describing them as “douchebags” and rooting for comic misfortune ([28:47] – [29:55]).
• Story highlight: A Texas man drives a Cybertruck into a lake with German tourists aboard, using the so-called “Wade Mode” — only to get stuck, require rescue, and face boat safety charges ([30:14]–[35:32]).
• “Don’t drive any car into a lake ever… If it’s a Cybertruck, though, maybe I’m not so mad. Go ahead.” – Dan Bernstein [32:15]
• The hosts joke about the truck's technology, the absurdity of rescue costs, and how some people just “like driving in lakes or potholes.”

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6. Pop Culture Tangents

• Mel Brooks’ Definition of Comedy: A recent news story — a woman in Midtown Manhattan steps out of her Mercedes SUV, falls into an open manhole, and dies. Bernstein references Mel Brooks’ famous quote: “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” ([46:48]–[49:08])
• Reflects on the dark absurdity and timing with Brooks’ upcoming 100th birthday, appreciating the “perfection” of real life mirroring comic theory.

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7. Golf, Food & Life’s Minor Fails

• The value of “bogey golf,” minor victories, and selective memory—an analogy for how fans misremember sports bits and life’s small wins ([51:06]–[52:42]).
• “Spam Dog” at the National Restaurant Association Show: riffing on the creation of a Spam-based hot dog, culinary authenticity, and its place in American food lore ([54:09]–[57:53]).
  • “I don’t mind Spam. I actually like it.” – Dan Bernstein [57:53]

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8. Quotes & Memorable Moments

On the absurdity of performative outrage:

• “If you are clutching your pearls and feeling for the fainting couch on this one, I can only imagine there are some things that would just curdle your blood… Madness, I say!” – Dan Bernstein [04:39]

On PCA’s options:

• “Next time a fan wants to do that… just kicked out.” – Co-host [10:54]

On cybertruck owners:

• “If you have chosen to be a cybertruck person… you are a douchebag. And I am going to root for bad things to happen to you and your truck.” – Dan Bernstein [28:47]

On Mel Brooks’ comic theory:

• “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” – citing Mel Brooks [46:18]

On culinary adventure:

• “My belief is Spam was meant to be prepared only on camping trips, canoe trips, fishing trips. Over an open fire… That extra campfire flavor makes it better.” – Dan Bernstein [57:53–58:59]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• PCA Heckling Incident Dissection: [00:30] – [11:12]
• Chicago Streets/Tire Anecdote: [12:38] – [16:33]
• NBA Coaching Carousel (Kidd, Bulls): [19:48] – [23:58]
• Cybertruck Lake Story: [28:47] – [35:32]
• Mel Brooks/Comedy & Tragedy: [44:49] – [49:08]
• Golf and Fan Nostalgia: [51:06] – [52:42]
• Spam Hot Dog Riff: [54:09] – [59:27]

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Tone & Style

The episode is classic Dan Bernstein: a blend of sardonic humor, genuine sports insight, unapologetic social commentary, and a willingness to digress into sharp observational comedy. The conversation is loose, unfiltered, and sprinkled with Chicago-specific wit, creating a tone that’s equal parts exasperation and affectionate ribbing.

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For New Listeners

This episode is quintessential “Dan Bernstein Unfiltered”: sports analysis delivered with biting honesty and trademark digressions into everyday absurdities. If you want the inside scoop on Chicago sports drama — and a reminder not to take anything, or yourself, too seriously — this one’s for you.

Transcript

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Everybody talked about it since I first moved to Oregon. The big one. The earthquake that trashed the whole West Coast. Total destruction.

[Dan Bernstein]

Officially calling it the largest natural disaster in American history. I just didn't know what would help me next. So I took it all. Even the gun. It was time cello see why American Afterlife is the number one fiction and drama podcast in America presented by Pair of Thieves. Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Available now. Dan Bernstein Unfiltered Unfiltered on 312 Sports DBU on 312 brought to you in partnership with my bookie and by Chicago Window Guys, Russ Armstrong is the owner. Give him a call. 847-302-9171. Is everybody happy now? Is that with with the conclusion of this latest baseball scandal in Chicago, we have the outcomes of the games. You know, the Cubs lose, they're awful, and everything's miserable. What have I done with my life? And then the White Sox win and all great things are happening there. And I love that all fans are immediately falling back into their stereotypical activities of Cubs fans angry and shaking their fists at the heavens that make the brewers better. And White Sox are angry that Peters people don't love their team as much as they do. So everything is comfortable. Everything is just where it's supposed to be in the baseball world. So are you happy that PCA got his slap on the wrist and every actor in this version of Kabuki theater has played their roles and, well, you reacted to this woman who said that the thing. And now you got this. Fine. And you can't say that to somebody. Even though I've got some missing pieces in the whole story here, it's not going to affect the entire performance of everyone in this because it's all been performative. All of it, admittedly performative. Just to make sure we have this all right, a woman made a decision that I would probably classify as bizarre, questionable, if not borderline sociopathic to spend one's engagement party, to choose to target a place to be for an engagement party, just to yell at a specific player and make that player mad. That was the stated goal.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Stated goal. So don't confuse what we're saying if you want to have your engagement party at a baseball game, more power to you, that that's fine.

[Dan Bernstein]

If.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

That if you and your fiance met there, you love baseball, you want to celebrate your love at a baseball game, go for it. We are not saying anything derogatory about that decision.

[Dan Bernstein]

But that's not what they said it was.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

That's not the goal. The goal was to specifically go to a Cubs socks game to heckle Pete Crowe Armstrong during the engagement party. Right. That's. That's where it all starts.

[Dan Bernstein]

And they did, and they got a reaction that they wanted. They made whatever they said to him, whatever it actually was, was enough to make him. That accumulated. It finally accumulated enough to make him respond in. In vulgar fashion, as sometimes a baseball player in the middle of work might do.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

I mean, you're not going to tell me that all she said was, you suck.

[Dan Bernstein]

No. And that's. We also know from eyewitness accounts that it's not. And there is a. Like, I'm. I. The fact that it was on video made the difference, clearly. The fact that somebody was there to record it. And there are a lot of baseball players who must be real happy that they played in an era when these things were not recorded.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Because we've all seen it, been there, been to a million, major league, minor league, whatever it's been. And there's all kinds of exchanges that go on that would. Would have you. If you're. If you are clutching your pearls and feeling for the fainting couch on this one, I can only imagine there are some things that would just curdle your blood. You would be like the end of a Lovecraft novel. You would be paralyzed by. By the sight of it and descend into madness. Madness. I say you have seen the face of pure evil. Come on, man.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

So how dare he say this to a young woman.

[Dan Bernstein]

How dare he say to a young woman who planned her engagement party around the concept of angering him on purpose?

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Right. So. And we agreed he. He shouldn't have said that. He should have had a better response or no response at all is the best take. But did you know Major League Baseball's policies for fan conduct, that using profanity.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Obscene gestures or engaging in harassing language directed at players, their families, or umpires will lead to immediate ejection and potential stadium bans. So I, I guess Pete could have just said, hey, those people out there in center field are really getting on me. They're saying this and they're saying that, and the White Sox would have responded. They would have had to respond in the appropriate way and asked that party to leave.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, well, Rory McElroy just did it at the PGA.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

It happens all the time in the PGA. But that, that's, that's the, that's the expected MLB fan conduct.

[Dan Bernstein]

I've seen LeBron do it too. Like there's where he'll call somebody over and say, hey, we might have an issue here. And they'll go talk to the person. They'll, they'll say what was said, how was it said, etc. But I just wonder now that it's been resolved, right?

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

He got fined for it. His appropriate, his action was. His choice of words was inappropriate. And Major League Baseball said $5,000 fine, young man. And you are going to suffer financially for a long time because of that.

[Dan Bernstein]

Is everybody happy?

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Are we good? Now, see, I told that young man he needs to clean up his potty mouth. And don't say that to this dainty little princess of a woman who made it. Who made it her entire plan to anger him for her entertainment.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

I think he should take a five, another $5,000 and maybe go off their gift registry maybe at like autozone or oreillys Auto Parts or maybe Farm and Fleet and get them something nice off their gift registry.

[Dan Bernstein]

Nothing wrong with any of those places. I love them all. I think what you're seeing here is, is Matt Abaticola using for comedic effect the irony of, of some stores that wouldn't have, wouldn't be known for their wedding registries.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah. See how that works? Just like maybe a baseball party.

[Dan Bernstein]

I do see how that works.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

And yeah, as a matter of fact, I have to go to O'Reilly Auto Parts later today and pick up my new headlight.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay, well, there's an auto, there's, there's an AutoZone right across the street from me where I, you know what I did? I paid a dollar more for the better window washer replacement. See me, Mr. Big Spender.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

See the fluid?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, I got the fluid that says it also is better at dissolving bugs. Because see, I thought about the season. I've seen that one. I thought about the summer change. Okay, and this is specifically bug. And I'm sure it really, it isn't really. It's just like a different color and they. And I paid an extra dollar. But I was proud of myself. Much like you'd put in maybe a lighter oil for summer, I think. Is it lighter or heavier? I know that there's something you're supposed to think About.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Huh.

[Dan Bernstein]

Interesting.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

I didn't know that they made a washer fluid with Bug.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, apparently if you go to AutoZone, you learn all these things. You find all these things.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah. So. No, but O'Reilly's is my go to spot my guy. Len, I got a headlight out. I didn't know I had it for a couple weeks, so.

[Dan Bernstein]

Careful. Yeah, Good way to get your ass picked up. You. You're riding dirty.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

You know I always like to ride dirty.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, you end up getting jammed up. You don't want to get jammed up, Maddie.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Well, maybe while I'm there, I'll check

[Dan Bernstein]

their gift registry and see if I can. You should do something. So let's just. Let's be. Be done with it. And.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

And he got fined, and now he's a bad boy, so.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, And I think all it does after this settles and this wave recedes is that we. It ends up adding even more spice to the Cub socks rivalry. And it certainly added some tension when he dropped that ball. Wait a second. Is he. Is he all in his head? Is he bothered? Is his concentration shook because of what happened? Is he thinking, I don't know. It's baseball, man. Dropped the ball. I'm. I'm not gonna start in connecting tiny little data points.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

When it happened, though, Dan, I was on the couch. I'm like, oh, for sake.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, I did, too.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Like, come on.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, it's not what I said.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

What did you say?

[Dan Bernstein]

Catch the ball, Beavis.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

That makes sense. Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Right? And see, that's why I was joking, too. And I think Beth said this because I've been calling PCA Beavis. Because he looks like Beavis.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

You know, he's kind of smiley in the blonde hair, and he's really intense. And I just thought that what he should say to the woman next time. You suck. Are you threatening me?

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Wait, would he be able to. Will he be able to pull his shirt over his head and do the jersey over his head and do it, but that.

[Dan Bernstein]

Like, you're not gonna get fined if. If you just pull your shit. Are you threatening me?

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

I need TP for my bundle. Like that. What is she gonna say to that? What?

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

See, that's why we said the other day he needs to have a better response lined up for.

[Dan Bernstein]

I've got the response for him. And that's it. That's it. He says something like that.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

And.

[Dan Bernstein]

And it just. What could. What could a heckler possibly say to that? If you just immediately turn into Cornholio. You suck. Nice catch. Are you threatening me

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

there?

[Dan Bernstein]

I've solved it. Everything's fine.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Or just get her kicked out next time. Next time a fan wants to do

[Dan Bernstein]

that or engage you.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah, just kicked out.

[Dan Bernstein]

And I gotta say, I know it's not a lot of money to him. It's not. It's a lot of money to me.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah, well, yeah. We're not professional baseball players with a multi year contract hearing.

[Dan Bernstein]

$5,000. We've had a. It just. And all these things. You know how like problems at home all come in groups. Like we had. We had an issue like. And thanks. Thanks to everybody at 4.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

You mean the physical handle?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. If you. When you own a home, they all happen in groups of things. And then I drove into a pothole and. Oh my God, can I just. Let me just. One second. I give my wife a lot of shit because she's like 2ft tall and she drives this big Volvo SUV because I need to find the safest possible car that is completely self protecting because it's hard for her to see potholes. So we get. And I always buy all the tire extras and everything's like. Because we live in the city, there's a lot of potholes and it's always something and it's almost always her. So I'm driving down to Granderson at the same time people are driving down to the south side for. For cub socks. I get off at 18th street and the streets are kind of that. That area down there's just a mess. Anyway, so I get off at 18th going north. So 18th kind of turns into Union there and merges with Union and then Union crosses right at. What's the cross? 18th is the street there. So I absolutely hit a widowmaker of a pothole.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Okay, why'd you do that?

[Dan Bernstein]

Because I'm stupid and I didn't see it and I went right into it. And now I learned because I took the car in yesterday. Now I learned it wasn't a puncture, it was an impact blowout. It hit so hard the sidewall of the tire exploded.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Oh, wow. Did you have any other damage to the car besides the tire?

[Dan Bernstein]

I thought I might have, but no, they checked everything and luckily everything was the mo. The other impact was absorbed. And the fact that the tire exploded was what absorbed the impact. But it was, it was like. Tire was dead. $600 tire, it's covered. They replace it. And I'm getting endless, endless work over at home for being the guy that drove into the pothole. And. And Beth is just like, man, she's Like, I don't ever want to hear from you again. She. I don't want to hear about a puncture or something in the side, whatever. She's like, no, no, no, no.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

She's like, she's correct. And that's probably.

[Dan Bernstein]

She's like, exploded tire into a pothole. You missed that. That absolutely ends the discussion forever. So I'm taking, I'm taking. Ls, like, left and right on some of this stuff. But so anyway, we're. This guy in a Sox jersey is there at the corner. They had been rear ended, and they were waiting for a cop to get there to take a report because they were. There was a. It was a driveway.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Were they in a vehicle, Terry?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes, they were. They were also in a white suv and it was a hit and run. They. The driver hit him and took off, and they were filing a police report. So I'm like, oh, yeah, hit the. And because the woman was pointing at our tire and she just like, you have a flat tire. I'm like, yeah, I, I know I heard something explode. And so the guy's like, here, let's change it. Like, what do you mean, let's change it? He's like, yeah, you got stuff in the back. Let's, let's, let's change it. I'm like, I can call AAA. They said they'll be here in 20 minutes. Let me just let him handle it. And, and that's why, you know, I don't want to touch it out my. I. I think I told him, I said, I'm likely to lose a hand if I try to do something like that. Right now he's got a Sox jersey, his wife and daughter, a teenage daughter, maybe college age, have Cubs jerseys on. And he's like, yeah, there's potholes all over here. Potholes all over. It's the Ryan. It's, you know, it's the Ryan. Like, yeah, I know. He's like, you know what my friend calls it? I said, no, I don't. He goes, yeah, it's a racist joke. So I just kind of rolled my eyes and I, and I turned away and walked away. I think I told the story I told you, but I am getting. They looked at it yesterday and they, they even said like, yeah, there's a lot of tire damage here. This has to be replaced. There's no way we can fix this tire. Okay. Don't rub it in.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Well, are you going to share the punchline of the joke or no? Or is it.

[Dan Bernstein]

I didn't hear it.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Oh, You.

[Dan Bernstein]

It was the.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Some way in the middle of manset.

[Dan Bernstein]

All I heard was. All I heard was they call it the something 500.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Oh, okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

So it was definitely a bad word. But I made a point of looking at my phone and I didn't want to engage and say, I will not have racist jokes told around me. I just. I just removed myself because I didn't want to engage and escalate because who knows?

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah, I'm surprised. I mean, when you're White Sox brethren, you didn't want to.

[Dan Bernstein]

No. He was true to form. He was true to form. And to their credit, his wife and daughter both cringed and walked in the other direction the moment he said, okay, well, they both. They both made like. There was like this audible. They both, they. You could see them both go, oh, no, dad. Like, here he goes in public doing so. Doing a racism.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

That's something, though, that they got rear ended in a vehicle and waiting for a police officer and he wants to help change your tire. Sounds like a nice guy.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, no, he was really nice. But to me, that concept of I've changed a tire, years ago. I did it on my, my. When I was in college.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Okay. Just a long time ago.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. I did it because I didn't have a. AAA membership at the time. I don't know. Was there a AAA back then in the early 90s? Completely different era. I don't know.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah, I don't think so because the. I mean, the wheels are made of

[Dan Bernstein]

stone and I had to drive with my feet. That's back to. Back to Terry on the Ryan.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Remember, the Ryan is to drive without shoes on.

[Dan Bernstein]

Cannot drive without shoes on the Ryan. He's like, you want me to grab that shoes on our Dan Ryan? I'm the like, oh, well, yeah, yeah.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

That was from getting his stepping in a puddle and getting his socks all wet. And you're like, why didn't you take your shoes and socks off? And it was irate that you thought he could drive on the Dan Ryan without shoes on.

[Dan Bernstein]

That. Then that became.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

And I was like, what do you have a Flintstone car?

[Dan Bernstein]

And then you put the open together, right? Yeah.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

That's good.

[Dan Bernstein]

That was yours. That was. That wasn't Tanny. That was you.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

That was me.

[Dan Bernstein]

It was.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

That was. That was with me and go. That was that long ago.

[Dan Bernstein]

I just want to make sure that everyone's happy now. It's all. It's all good. The series is over. PCA got his comeuppance. And somehow this, this heroic woman who was so treated so terribly by the ogre that is PCA that that everybody could have some sort of sense of resolution here and we can all move on with our drab and wretched lives. Okay. Good. Agreed. Yes. Happy. Good. Well, I can also agree, and you should too, that everyone has an opinion on the World cup, and my bookie gives you a place to put it. You got a country you're rooting for? Pick one, and then maybe it's the favorite that you think is bad. Or maybe you've got one friend who swears they know everything because they watched three highlights and bought a jersey. Okay, fine. Then invite them too, because it makes the tournament fun. And as a new player, use the code DBU for Dan Bernstein unfiltered when you sign up and you can claim an exclusive My Bookie offer. The World cup turns every match into a conversation, and my bookie lets you turn the opinion into action. So back your side before the kickoff. Follow the match live. Stay locked in from opening whistle to final kick. It's the World Cup. It only comes around once every four years. Don't just watch it from the sidelines. Get in on the action at My Bookie must be 21. Please gamble responsibly.

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[Dan Bernstein]

Jason Kidd got fired. See that? And here's how you run a basketball team. Let me just say this. He had four years and more than $40 million remaining on the deal. This is from ESPN's reporting the head of the Mavericks, Patrick Dumont, who extended Jason Kidd's contract in 2024 and again before last season when they declined the Knicks request to interview him, gave new president Masai Ujiri full authorization to determine the coaches future with the franchise. Full authorization to determine the coach's future with the franchise. The person they hired to run basketball. This is how it's done. Unlike what the Bulls first tried to do when the Bulls fired their front office and then said, we're keeping the coach right. Everybody likes the coach. Keep the coach right. Okay. People like him. And that wasn't the right way to do it. I don't know who advised them to do it that way. As I said at the time, that that was a mistake. When you hire somebody to run your team, you give that person full authority over the coach. The point is they're eating some amount here. I don't know if they're going to eat the full 40 million, but they're going to eat a hell of a lot of money to do the basketball job the right way. Now what this does, this doesn't happen in a vacuum. The Bulls better be aware as staffs are starting to get put together. It's not quite like football whacking day where in football there is a scramble. You know, offensive guy needs a defensive guy, defensive head coach, he's an offensive guy. And every, everybody's pulling all these different directions. The phones are ringing. You got like three agents who are taking all these calls. The, the Bulls cannot drag their feet when it comes to getting the pick of some of the available coaches for staffs. If you're coming out of college, coming out of the pros, like once you've had that, usually the job fair is at the Solheim Center. Usually that's been for years. That the NBA pre draft camp is when you better have your contacts, you better know, hey, you're interviewing for this, we're setting up formals for this, this and this. You need a little, you know, real FaceTime and IRL opportunities with some of these people. That's when you do it. But we should know relatively soon because otherwise people are going to beat you to the punch. And as an organization, if I knew that there's Masayu, Jiri is there and he's got Cooper flag where you want to go, what you want to do. And maybe they're going to hire Mike Annorie, maybe they're going to hire Sean Sweeney, like all whoever you think the hot name is and you don't even know who these people are. But I know how you feel as a fan because even though you have no idea who the good coach, the bad coach are going to be, you know the hot names are and then that's going to make you feel, wait a second, why aren't they talking to the Bulls? Are the Bulls not a destination? Are they not interested in. But it is real. They got to get on this as if you are a Bulls fan. I just want to mention that we've got a little bit of a change in OWC this week here on 312 Sports because my co host just about five hours ago just got to his new apartment in Stockholm, so I'm going to give him the week off. And Julia Poe is going to join us tomorrow from the Chicago Tribune with all the latest that she's finding out. She was great when she was on last time, so looking forward early tomorrow afternoon to having the latest OWC up with all things Bulls as as much as the Western Conference Game one was a glorious advertisement for NBA basketball, last night's Eastern Conference game one was the opposite. That first half will make you never want to watch the NBA again.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah, I'm glad I didn't, pal. I, I didn't jump into it. I planned on it and then the Cubs game just took so much out of me. And then we had a, an episode of Summer House we had to watch and I opted out of.

[Dan Bernstein]

You made the right call.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Thank you. Thank you for that.

[Dan Bernstein]

You absolutely made the right call. And it was.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

The

[Dan Bernstein]

knicks were down 20 points in the Garden and all of the usual suspects were sitting in court's height. There's Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor and I don't know who else is there. It's likely. I think I saw Stefan Marbury and boy with that place though when it started going and they started coming back and they begin was an 18 to 3 run and Kenny Atkinson is not taking timeouts for some reason and they let it build and let it build and let it build defense and that just sounds like pro basketball to me. And then you realize, oh, the other team has James Harden standing there. Why don't we attack him every single time. And it worked. They, they hit some crazy shots and they also got some great opportunities and they rebounded really well. But primarily it was go after James Harden and it worked and they won. But it was not exactly gorgeous basketball at any point. It was, it was, it was kind of like east no. 90s Grindy foully missed shots. There was a certain nostalgia there for a style of basketball that is not for everybody. But it was definitely not the advertisement for the game that the previous night's action was. So I hope that's okay. I hope you understand that and that's all cool.

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[Dan Bernstein]

I know that your experience with Russ Armstrong is going to be that. Because that's what it's about really. When you need new windows, you can go chasing the latest offer that explains to you some sort of convoluted way where they say you're getting the best price or your other option is to get the actual best price, which I suggest you do. And Russ Armstrong will do that because he's going to match any of these. Buy one, get one, freeze or buy two and get one or buy one, get one, 50. A lot of this stuff is being offered by these, by a marketing company that isn't really a window company. They just are the agent for the window company that's. You don't need those layers. Russ owns the factory, the factories here in Chicago. He is Chicago window guys. So when he gives you a price, he's already factored in everything, what things cost, what products you've picked out and he'll explain to you if there's something. If you say, ooh, these look awesome, he'll say, you don't need that. And he'll tell you why. He'll say, you know, maybe you want this and this will help you and this will be valuable to you, but you don't need this or you don't need like. He gives you an honest opinion of what's going to be right for your needs. And that's what makes Russ special as well as the price match guarantee. And he's just special because no one else is quite as interesting as Russ Armstrong. When you're getting quotes, ask those other sales reps too. Hey, who's installing my windows? Because the other places won't know. They use subcontracted labor. They might just pick up some people that day. And then you've got randos wandering around your house. If you don't want that, call Russ. It's his crew, his people. He knows everybody. Same people that installed my windows are going to install yours. 847-302-9171. And then check out his five star reviews at ChicagoNowdownGuys.com if you drive a cyber truck, if you own, lease or drive, if you have chosen to be a cybertruck person, I'll say cybertruck guy because I think it's a guy thing. You are a douchebag. And I am going to root for bad things to happen to you and your truck.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

I saw a thing online the other day. It was like. The question was, what have you never seen in the passenger seat of a cyber truck?

[Dan Bernstein]

A woman.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

A woman?

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, it's. There's. There is one in our garage, by the way. Have you seen it at home? No.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Here. Oh, I thought you meant your girl. Like, you just came home.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, no, no, no.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Cybertruck.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, the garage here.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Okay. And they're like, I haven't noticed it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Now I just want to laugh every single time. Like, I. You know that I've complained about the people who are in an urban skyscraper parking garage who bring their massive Ford dually with the giant, you know, rear view mirrors and side view things. And they've got like a. Like they're towing a boat, right?

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

There's like. There's four back tires.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's what I mean. Like a dually. Is that what they call it with the two.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Is that what it's called?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, the double back wheel. Because they're. They're heavy loads and they're dry. I drive heavy load. Okay, well, take your wife's car to work then. That's great.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

You can.

[Dan Bernstein]

You can drive your heavy loads and bail your hay and take your clods of dirt from one place to another. That's awesome. But when you're parking in a crowded, expensive, stressful urban parking garage, take your wife's car to work.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

What if his wife's car is the cybertruck?

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, then you buried a douchebag. Welcome to I Married a Douchebag. So I take you to Grapevine, Texas. The man who intentionally drove his Tesla Cybertruck into Grapevine Lake Monday night said he had used the truck's Wade Mode before without any issues, but went too deep this time and got stuck. First of all, I had no idea. Cybertruck claims to have something called Wade Mode.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah, I didn't know that either.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't know what it's supposed to mean. I don't know what you're supposed to be able to do in Wade Mode. What does that mean? Drive your car a little bit into a lake. Here's first of all, another piece of free advice. Don't drive any car into a lake ever. Just don't. There are things we can. You can put in a lake. They're called boats. Stand up, paddle, board a canoe, an inner tube. There's a lot of different things. A raft you can go into a lake on. Don't. Don't drive your car in a lake. Police arrested Jimmy Jack McDaniel, 70, after he and two visitors from Germany to whom he was giving a ride became marooned near the Cadies woods park boat ramp around 8 o' clock at night.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

I think moron does.

[Dan Bernstein]

This is from WFAA Grapevine Police and Don't ask me where I Heard it through said he faces charges of operating a vehicle in a closed section of the park. He is also charged with boat related offenses, including not having a valid boat registration, not having life jackets or a fire extinguisher on board the truck, which is basically, hey, you're going to do Wade Mode. It's going to be a boat. You've got to conform to boat restrictions. McDaniel insisted to a reporter that the issue was not with the cybertruck itself, which he said he's driven in the lake before and even driven in the Atlantic Ocean without a problem. Another piece of unsolicited advice, don't drive your car in the Atlantic Ocean. If it's a cybertruck, though, maybe I'm not so mad. Go ahead. Way, way out there. See how far you can get. I'm kidding this time. He said he made a miscalculation and went too deep while taking it out for a spin with the German father son duo who were visiting his neighbor. So they saw him outside. They're like, yeah, Cybertruck. Yah. Wanna get in? We're gonna take this thing out in Grapevine Lake. All three escaped from the truck through the window. And it's all on video. Watch the video.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

So I didn't know that the cybertruck had that ability. Like, like a Wisconsin Dell's duck boat. Remember the.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh yeah.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

So you just drive into the water. I'm a little concerned though, because one of my good buddies here in town, he has a. Like one of his best friends lives in Grapevine, Texas. I'm trying to find out if it was him or not. I'm hoping it wasn't.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay, Jimmy Jack McDaniel.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Okay. No, his name is not Jimmy.

[Dan Bernstein]

I know that he believes. McDaniel said he believes water got into the truck's charging port. That's it. There's your problem. Which caused a short and it caused the steering system to shut down. Oh, water. How could water. Oh, that's right. He drove it into the lake. I just, I'm trying to put the facts together here. Water ended up getting into the charging port. You know, sometimes in an emergency you got to get through a puddle during flash flooding and you know that's happened. It's happened to me before where sometimes an engine gets flooded or something like that, or you get water in a place it shouldn't go because of standing. Oh, no, no, no, no. That's right. He drove it into the lake on purpose. And then he drove to go heckle Pete Crowe Armstrong. I think that he and the Germans said they made the entire trip from Germany just to heckle Pete Crowe Armstrong. So. So I think Major league baseball has snapped into action since this video came out. And they find him another $5,000. So grapevine police media manager Katharina Gamboa said, don't drive into the water with your vehicle. Didn't think I'd have to say that one. She said it was. Here we go. A safety issue for the people on board and anyone on the lakeshore. Yeah. And if you watch the video and you can see the moment when they realize, yeah, we drove into the lake, and now we have no power, and the car is sinking, and we got to climb out the window. Come on, Germans. Out of the U boat.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Here we go.

[Dan Bernstein]

Everybody off of das car. It didn't become das boot. And out.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah, one of those. One of those German brick cars.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, yeah, that's made a full brick.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Like those old submarines.

[Dan Bernstein]

The old brick submarines. It didn't go so well. So out, out, out you come. Friends, thanks for riding today on cybertruck Boatways. But when you see what it took to pull, it's not like a regular car. You just tow it out. It weighs so much that they had to get this giant crane. And then Kevin Warren was standing behind going, cranes in the sky. I'm successful. I'm a big boy.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

They're really heavy. I would have assumed that they're super light.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, they're. They're very, very.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Because I've seen videos of people, like, pulling them apart with their. Their bare hands.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, maybe after you drive at the lake. That's what undoes everything.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

And what. What. Why would you ever need to. Dan?

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't know. I don't know why.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

I mean, some people like to drive in potholes. Some people like to drive in lakes.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't like to drive in potholes. My bad.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Sorry.

[Dan Bernstein]

I didn't do it because I want. Hey, let's go and blow a tire out. I mean, this thing, this tire. I didn't even really look at it. I didn't look at what happened to the tire, but he opened the trunk and he took one look at it, and he's like, we need to replace the tire.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Oh, wow.

[Dan Bernstein]

Because he first said, well, yeah, if it's on the bottom, we can patch it. And that'll just get you out of here in two seconds.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

You're like, oh, yeah, for like 35 bucks. Patch you up and get you on your way. But no, not you, Dan. You decide to go for a whole $600 new tire.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, but it was covered.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Okay, well, then you're fine.

[Dan Bernstein]

Because I knew I got.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Tell Beth to keep the criticism to herself if it was covered.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, she's. I. I can't. Like, I come home, we had Maggie the dog yesterday. Even. Even the dog was making fun of me. Like, I could tell from the look from the dog. He's like, oh, you're the guy that drove into the pothole, right? No, no, where's my. Where's my salami or my beef stick or whatever the treat is for me?

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

That's right. She likes salami, doesn't she?

[Dan Bernstein]

You can't say it around her now.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Oh, she knows the word. I love that. Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

And we. We do a thing now where I take out the piece of salami.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Do you still put pieces of salami over your naked body or no?

[Dan Bernstein]

Hell yeah.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Okay, good.

[Dan Bernstein]

Don't judge. Don't judge. So. And she knows to sit and give me her paw. So when she walked in the house, she came bounding in the house, ran over to the refrigerator, sat next to the refrigerator, and started shaking the air, started pawing at the air as if, like, seriously? Yeah, she walked. He's like, I'm doing the thing. I'm doing the thing. Where. Where is my salami?

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

All right. Hey, pal. So I got a follow up here on the cyber truck. Yeah, Texas. Okay. Yeah. So when you soon said Grapevine, Texas, I thought that sounded familiar. And I thought my. My good buddy here in town, his. I thought his friend lived in Grapevine. So I text him, I said, hey, does so and so live in or near Grapevine, Texas? And he says, yep, he lives in Grapevine, Texas. Okay. That's what I thought.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

He's like, very cool town. I go, hey, I saw a story about a guy in Grapevine that drove his cyber truck into a lake. This was the response I got. Ha. Pete sent that to me. Apparently, second time guy did it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, he said it was the second. Wait, not the second time he's been rescued.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Second time that he's done it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, he said that he said he had done it before. So how was it? How would anybody know? Or is it the second time he's had to be pulled out.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

That's what I'm checking.

[Dan Bernstein]

If it is the second time that. That there have been community resources expended on this idiot, then you should double all of these charges. If he did it once and they told him not to do it again, he's like, well, I just didn't do it right the first time. I'm going back. I'm going back for more.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

This time, I'm doing with a couple of Germans.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't understand it. I don't understand. I was like, yep. I. I think I've laid eyes on the ugliest vehicle I've ever seen. Is it well made? Oh, no, no. Does it have all kinds of problems? Yes. It's expensive. Pretty expensive. But what are you gonna do? I'm gonna buy it.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah. It's interesting because the. Like the.

[Dan Bernstein]

The.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

The sedans and the coupes, I felt, you know, I. It's not my style of car, but they look nice.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. I know a lot of people who own Teslas.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah. A buddy of mine I used to work with up in Boston, I was in his drove. Me. We drove around once.

[Dan Bernstein]

Awesome.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Some clients and stuff. And it's cool. It's a cool car. It's comfortable. But the truck, though, dude, no, thanks. I mean, there's. There's not a scenario in the world where I would say, yep, that's. That's what I want. I want to drive that giant dumpster with wheels.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

No.

[Dan Bernstein]

And if it comes down to the owner and if you're enriching the owner of the company, those are different decisions that everybody has to make as consumers all the time. And there are. I'm certain that that is factored in. I've seen all the bumper stickers and the people that don't want their vehicles vandalized because they've given money to Elon Musk. And they've got all sorts of disclaimers on there. The stickers that say, I bought this before we knew Elon was racist. I bought this before we knew Elon hated Jews or whatever it is. The stickers are all on there.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Oh, dude, it's so funny. I. The second you said his last name, I thought of something that happened to me over the weekend. So Saturday, I'm up in.

[Sponsor Voice (Shopify/Vrbo)]

In.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

I'm in Walworth, Wisconsin, so. Right by Fontana.

[Dan Bernstein]

I love the Walworth County Fair.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Oh, dude, that's been a great little

[Dan Bernstein]

lake town many times.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

So Hank has a game. Horn. Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

So Hank has a game, and we're there. You know, obviously an Hour before first pitch. And so I. I'm reading. I'm reading my. The Fever Beach.

[Dan Bernstein]

It's good.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

I'm gonna sit in the car and read it before the game starts. But I'm like, you know what? As I was driving up, I dawned to me that I. I forgot to put deodorant on for the day. So I'm like, all right, I'm gonna go to. I'm gonna go. There's a really nice grocery store called Daniels. I'm gonna go there and get some deodorant. And I'm walking through. And I'm going through the.

[Dan Bernstein]

The aisle where all the healthcare stuff is, and.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

And I see my deodorant, and I'm walking past the aisle to go to the register, and I walk past the shaving section, and right at eye level was all the after shaves. And I saw. I saw, like, there was, like, a musk. And then I saw Brute. You remember Brute, right?

[Dan Bernstein]

Joe Namath. Okay.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

As a kid, I used to love that smell. I think my dad used to wear Brute, so. Or one of the things he would wear was Brute. And I'm like, oh, my God, I haven't smelled Brute. And it was such a great smell. You know, it's this electric green color. And so I grabbed the plastic bottle and I unscrewed it to smell it, right? And I squeezed it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, and it shot out, and I

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

squeezed a little too hard, and I got Brute of both nostrils, like, eyes burning up in both nostrils. Mega dosing all into my mustache and beard and all the. For the rest of the day, it was just nothing but Brute. It's all I could smell right in my nose.

[Dan Bernstein]

At least it wasn't Broat.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

That's a better one.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yep.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

It smells like sunk cybertruck.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's. That's hilarious that you did that to yourself.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yes. I mean, I was, like, smelling it, then I squeezed it, and it's too hard, and both nostrils just. I mean, like, just coming out of my nose, in my mustache, on my lips, my beard, I was. My chin. I was like, oh, God. All I could smell the whole day. I guess it was worse things to smell.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm pretty sure it was Joe Namath. Today's your Brute day. Remember? It was like, instead of today's your birthday.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Was it Joe. I don't remember.

[Dan Bernstein]

It was Joe Namath. Yes.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Is it. Did you find it right there? Is that. Is that accurate?

[Dan Bernstein]

Look at him. I mean, it was. It was late 70s, early 80s, where Joe Namath was the. That was a big account for him. He's there were that brute money paid for a lot of stuff.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

That was big money back then.

[Dan Bernstein]

It was big money. And now. And now he's selling what, the micro hearing aids.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Oh yes, he does. I think he does do hearing aids.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah,

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

I think you're right. I think you're right.

[Dan Bernstein]

He's still, he's still out there doing stuff. But yeah, bottom line is if you have a cyber truck, I'm. I'm rooting for bad things to happen to it and not necessarily going to cause them or wish that other people do things that are illegal. But if it so happens that bad things happen to you, I find that funny. And that leads me to another story that has been sent in multiply today and yesterday. And it's something that I think it's my responsibility to bring to you. And it's. This is my real hope here and that is that the fact that this was able to happen while Mel Brooks is still alive is fantastic. Mel brooks will be 100 years old on June 28th. And I've told you about the documentary that's out that Judd Apatow put together.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah, that was. That was great, by the way.

[Dan Bernstein]

Really, really good.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah, that was fantastic.

[Dan Bernstein]

And, and fair and, and it deals with a lot of aspects of, of him and his, his personality and his neediness and everything else. I thought it was, it was very even handed as much as it is is loving.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

It's sad too. Yeah, there's some sad, some, some sad components to it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Of course there are. And there's sadness in living to a hundred. You watch a lot of people die when you live to 100. And it sort of becomes. Yeah, but it becomes a defining point when you just sort of watch everybody else in your life die and you're still there. But Mel Brooks maybe has lived long enough to see his definition of comedy. Famously, Mel Brooks was asked, how do you define comedy? Or what's the difference between comedy versus tragedy? And Brooks said, tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. I take you to Mel Brooks's hometown of New York City. He's from Williamsburg. He grew up in, in working class, poor Brooklyn. He did not grow up in Midtown.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

That's where we just stayed in Williamsburg.

[Dan Bernstein]

I know you did. Yeah. It's very, very different than when he

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

was there, I'm sure. There.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes. So this is 52nd street and Fifth Avenue. So it is like Hollywood version of Midtown. You are in Midtown. Midtown. And it's a 56 year old woman from Westchester County.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Oh no.

[Dan Bernstein]

Who parked her Mercedes Benz suv, stepped out, fell into an uncovered manhole and died. Oh no.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

That's terrible.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes. But Mel Brooks lived long enough to see his definition of comedy actually happen. It's not my definition of comedy. It is that of one of the greatest comic minds to ever walk the earth. Police sources believe that the manhole was dislodged by a truck. Con Edison, which operated the manhole said it's actively investigating the incident. They have reviewed footage. No construction was ongoing. The manhole cover was discovered about 15ft away from the opening. Con Edison in a statement said we are reviewing the details and while this is a rare occurrence, manhole covers can get displaced by heavy vehicles. Our thoughts remain with her family and safety remains our top priority. A representative with the New York City's mayor's office told ABC News city agencies are working with Con Ed on the probe. The representative said every question must be asked and answered so that no New Yorker experiences a tragedy like this again.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Do you know where the manhole cover came from?

[Dan Bernstein]

She only fell 10ft.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Oh, no.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, I pictured it being like me. Yeah, it was. It wasn't. But you know, you come in from Westchester county, just got some business to do, you're stopping there, you get out of the car. Gone. That sucks. Yeah, it sucks. But I hope somewhere I hope Mel's phone was blowing up. That's what I hope it is. Whatever phone he's got with, with. With giant font, everything, whatever that. I just hope that the 99 year a man who next month we are one month away. He is. He is 99 and 11 months and for his 100th birthday he got the IRL manifestation of his definition of comedy.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Oh, so he was born. I think that Kellogg's diner that we went to there In Brooklyn was 100 years old as well this year.

[Dan Bernstein]

So I guarantee you he's been so. Yeah, I guarantee you so I haven't even checked to see if the somewhere there's a. An alternative explanation for the. Either the cybertruck owner this because my worry is that as we talk about we're now going to find out all sorts of things that there probably is some sort of plot that somebody did come in there and there was somebody removing manhole covers and making a political statement. These things always end up being worse. But for the moment, for the moment I'm going to if not certainly can't enjoy anybody dying by accident, but I will appreciate the perfection with which it embodies the standing comic theory of one of our greatest living comic minds Mines.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Do you know what city the manhole cover came from?

[Dan Bernstein]

I can give you a guess.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

What's your guess?

[Dan Bernstein]

My guess is Nina, Wisconsin.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Oh, that is a good guess, but it's because.

[Dan Bernstein]

Because the Nina, Wisconsin foundry produces a lot of manhole covers.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah. It's funny that I just saw that on a manhole cover.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. Because that's where.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

And of course, you would have that in your brain, too.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's where the foundry is.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yes, of course you would.

[Dan Bernstein]

I actually know somebody from Neenah, Wisconsin, and maybe that's sort of locked in my mind that that's where they come from.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

But we were looking for Manhattan. Manhattan.

[Dan Bernstein]

Sorry, man. So, okay, but we know that it was actually forged. The manhole cover was forged there.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

No, you're missing the whole.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, the man. Okay. Manometer.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Man.

[Dan Bernstein]

Man united, Isle of Man. God.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

You know why? You're one of the best parts of a terrible, terrible bit.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yep. It was always bad, but yet. So we. We should figure out the psychology of who you're crapping and why people think it was good when it wasn't. I don't know why people have chosen. It's like, what I try to do with golf has happened with who you're crapping.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

How so?

[Dan Bernstein]

Where I don't really keep score, but I'll finish around, and I'll be like, I had two pars, and that's all I remember.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Oh, yeah. No, that's. That's the whole thing. So when I. When I play, I. I try to have one good drive, one good putt, and then a good approach. And if I can do that, I've had a great round.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, I. I drove the hell out of the ball. I actually played really well, but I wasn't keeping. So I know I had two pars and a birdie when I was at Mount Prospect last Friday. And that course is hard. That course is such a pain in the ass. And I'm watching Jason play, like, really play it, and he's talking to me about, I'm gonna have to play a cut here. I'm gonna have to play a fade here. You'd have to work it into the wind here and use the backstop of this so that, like, that's all completely another language to me.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

That's too much.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm just, like, hold the right end of the club properly and just make solid ball striking contact. But I ended up being fine. Like, for me to get a birdie on anything, that's A big deal. A part of me is great. A birdie is like. Is. It's like, you know, dance and celebrate. But to have two pars and a birdie in a round. Pretty good. Pretty good.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah. I try to play bogey golf. I played bogey golf.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes. Oh, a bogey is like a par.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah, I'm good with that.

[Dan Bernstein]

Bogey golf. Perfect. Social golf, no question.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Good.

[Dan Bernstein]

But. But. So that's. That's what's happened with who you're crapping, is it? People are remembering it. Like I'm training my brain to remember golf. One more quick story before we get done here. And before I do that, I just want to let you know that you can't miss out on this opportunity with my bookie. And the exclusive offer just for you when you sign up using our promo code, dbu. There is an exclusive offer just for you waiting for you when you sign up at my bookie. And this is a place to act on your opinions when you say, oh, that team sucks or that guy sucks or he can't guard him. Oh, really? Okay, well, there's a chance you'd earn some money because of that feeling. And that's where my bookie comes in. Because that opinion becomes action. You might be watching NBA playoffs. Maybe you're watching hockey. Maybe you're watching baseball. Maybe you're already looking at the board for the World Cup. So play that hunch with the code DBU. When you go to MyBookie AG, everything lives there. You're already watching. You already have a take. Now you can play it at MyBookie. DBU is your code. Bet anything, anytime, anywhere with my bookie. Must be 21 plus. Please gamble responsibly.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Book a loved by guest property with Vrbo and you get a top rated vacation rental that's loved for all the right reasons.

[Sponsor Voice (Shopify/Vrbo)]

Ugh, I love my vrbo. For the location.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Good reason.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, and for the pool.

[Sponsor Voice (Shopify/Vrbo)]

Cause pools are cool.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

I feel the love book of verbo that's loved by guests. If you know you've Erbo.

[Dan Bernstein]

The National Restaurant association has had its show going on here in Chicago. And May 16th or 19th. It's where new products are being unveiled. And not only was this one already unveiled, it has already been adopted at some MLB parks. What is it you ask? Two words. Spam dog. What's up? Spam dog. Yep. Hormel Foods has announced the Spam dog. It is a hot dog made of Spam. We're excited to be rolling out the Spam Dog and the opportunity it creates for food service operators to offer something both familiar and surprising, said Haley Eggam, brand manager of Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam Hot Dogs and Spam. It's a fresh new take on a hot dog with the unmistakable flavor that Spam fans know and love, Hormel said. The item's best served from a grill or a roller with a variety of toppings, traditional mustard and ketchup to more creative condiments like kimchi chipotle mayo or pineapple jalapeno salsa. The Spam dog is available at restaurants and convenience stores in the Northeast and stadiums that include I guess these aren't major league CHS Field in St. Paul, Minnesota, LMCU Ballpark in Comstock Park, Michigan. More locations are expected to be added during the summer. Now, I don't want to take the fun out of the Spam dog, but I was under, I was under the impression that for something to be considered a frankfurter, to be considered a true hot dog and not a variety encased meat, a variety sausage of some kind, an actual hot dog has to be an emulsion where there there must be a smooth blend of meat and fish fat that is then piped into the casings rather than a coarse mixture in the casing. It must be emulsified because otherwise it's a, it's a sausage and not a not a hot dog, even though a hot dog is a subset of sausage. So I don't know if for it to be when they say it tastes like Spam, I'd like to know is it actually is it a hot dog that they've just flavored with something that will be reminiscent of or or is the texture spammy? Is there something about it that actually reminds you of eating Spam? I'm sure that there, there's a way of doing both here. But I need to know more about the composition of it, whether or not it's just a dog that they say, oh, there's something that it'll remind you. Or is it actually emulsified Spam made into a frankfurter?

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Or is it just Spam in the shape of a hot dog?

[Dan Bernstein]

It doesn't look like it looks from the photos like it is it's made and the ed, you know, the like tapered ends and pinched down and uniform. Everything looks pretty hot doggy.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

So we're going to let you further investigate that.

[Dan Bernstein]

You're gonna let me do it. That's a way of saying you're not interested.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

That's all you.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay. But I'm in.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yeah. Oh I know you are.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm definitely in. I'm definitely in. And I, I don't mind Spam. I actually like it. And I met. Obviously, this is gonna be huge in Hawaii because, you know, Hawaii is really the center of spam culture because it's become important ever since World War II. So I'll be interested to see what Hawaii does with this. But I'm. I'm. I'm in. I like it. But I. My belief is Spam was meant to be prepared only on camping trips, canoe trips, fishing trips. Over an open fire. Blackened edges in a hot cast iron pan. Cast iron pan over an open fire with tiny bits of, like, pine ash and birch bark ash and pine needles that might get in it and around it. That, that. That extra campfire flavor makes it better. And then you. You make cowboy eggs in the Spam grease on the open fire.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yep. And.

[Dan Bernstein]

And. And then toast, kind of half burned that you made on the end of a little Y shaped stick where you had it sitting there. That's living. And then you put on a pair of wet shoes that you had on in the river the previous day, and you're wearing a bathing suit that's still wet. And then there's dew all over the canoe paddles, and everything feels wet. And then two hours later, it's a hundred degrees and. And you're tired and sweaty and hungry again.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Yep. Sounds like an absolutely awful trip.

[Dan Bernstein]

So don't forget the mosquitoes and the black flies. But it's fun.

[Co-host (possibly Russ Armstrong)]

Nope, sounds terrible.

[Dan Bernstein]

It's a fun time. I don't mind the black flies I'm allergic to. And I'll swell up like a pin cushion. It is. It is not great, but that is. Is today's Dan Bernstein Unfiltered. Was that enough? Was that good? Was it? Did it make you happy? Did it make you feel better about everything that is going on in this tense Chicago sports world that we have? Because I hope it did. I just. That's my goal today. As I. As I said when I began, Pete Carmstrong got his fine. He has been chastened. He shall learn his lesson. The woman's honor has been restored. This princess of a woman who is so wronged by his vulgarity. And now everything's okay, and we'll get on with our lives. We thank Chicago Window guys for being our partner today as well. You can call Russ Armstrong at 847-302-9171. And Dan Bernstein Unfiltered is also presented in partnership with my bookie, Dan Bernstein. Unfiltered. Unfiltered on 312Sports.