The Aftermath of the Chicago Bears loss in the season opener to the Minnesota Vikings

Summary

Dan Bernstein Unfiltered

312 Sports | Episode: The Aftermath of the Chicago Bears Loss in the Season Opener to the Minnesota Vikings
Date: September 9, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the emotional and analytical fallout following the Chicago Bears’ heart-wrenching season-opening loss to the Minnesota Vikings at Soldier Field. True to form, Dan and executive producer Matt Abbatacola offer a signature blend of brutal honesty, humor, and metaphors that capture the unique agony (and twisted solidarity) of being a Bears fan. The episode segues from post-mortems on the Bears’ performance, particularly the eerie sense of déjà vu and disappointment, into a surprising, darkly comedic local news story that serves as both catharsis and distraction from sports-related misery. The Chicago Cubs’ recent struggles and playoff scenarios are also discussed in detail.

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Bears Season Opener: Familiar Pain and Dark Inevitability

Emotional Landscape of Bears Fandom

• **Dan and Matt unpack why the loss “hurt so much,” defining it as “exquisitely torturous” and deeply familiar, echoing the franchise’s longstanding history of frustration.
• Dan likens Bears fandom and its pain to “an ingrown toenail or sprained ankle ... it’s your pain, part of your overall schema” (04:21).
• They use evocative metaphors (“descending into the Bears Dungeon”—see below for memorable moment) to illustrate how every fan could sense the loss coming, even while ahead.

Memorable Quote

"There is something perfectly torturous about that moment ... 9:34pm, the missed field goal. The missed field goal was the door opening ... All the locks are being slid open. Ka ching ka ching ka jing. It opens and you stare down into the blackness below ... and you know ... you’re beginning to take a couple steps down ...”
— Dan Bernstein (05:02)

The Game: Key Points and Concerns

• Both hosts are struck by how the pain isn’t even shocking—"it felt very familiar, reminiscent of seasons past" (02:16).
• Disappointment focuses specifically on the hopes pinned on new head coach Ben Johnson and #1 pick Caleb Williams:
  • High first-half completion numbers belied a week-worst off-target rate (29.4%) and key missed opportunities (10:12).
  • “Not enough improvement” from Caleb Williams—missed reads, poor timing, and repeated mistakes (15:49).
  • Repeated failure to run effectively, close out games, and respond to adversity: “The inability to close out a game, lack of execution at critical moments, inability to respond when punched in the mouth” (14:49).
• Cultural malaise persists even with new personnel—multiple coaching regimes, same psychological traits.
  • “It’s a masochism ... this is what we sign up for. And it’s inevitable. Nothing will stop it. It’s like Thanos.” (16:35)

Memorable Quote

“There is something twistedly satisfying because it’s ours ... It’s a masochism.”
— Dan Bernstein (08:52)

The Community Experience

• The hosts fondly recall the pregame excitement by the lake ("fist bumping, high-fiving, and hope"), only for it to collapse into communal misery (12:03).
• The show notes the sense of shared trauma among Bears fans—like “a support group together ... we didn’t have to say much … like a Quaker meeting … sitting in profound silence” (18:23).

Memorable Quote

"It was a support group together ... like a Quaker meeting ... we could have sat in profound silence, which pretty much we did."
— Dan Bernstein (18:23)

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Analysis of Ben Johnson & Caleb Williams

• High expectations for Ben Johnson as a culture-changer are met with early skepticism.
• Caleb Williams’s stats: 13/16 first half, but league’s worst off-target rate in week one; “I expected to see better of ...” (10:12, 15:49).
• Persistent Bears problems: not being “on the same page” (24:08), which Matt pins directly on coaching.
• Halftime overconfidence is absent: “Did you feel confident at halftime?” “No.” (09:42)
• Bears out-gained and out-executed in the second half, and lucked out only thanks to Minnesota’s rookie QB mistakes.

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The “Same Old Bears” Culture and Masochism

• The organization’s problems transcend regimes—“How does that continue ... different personnel, different staffs?” (14:55)
• Both hosts agree this feeling is existential and collective: “There is something else here, and I know it too well. We all know it too well.” (16:35)

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[MLB] Chicago Cubs: From Best to Limping, and Playoff Anxiety (30:16)

Cubs’ Second-Half Struggles

• Since July 15 (post-All-Star):
  • .306 OBP (6th worst in MLB) — “they’re out 70% of the time” (30:55)
  • wRC+ of 95 (5% below league average) and minus 10.7 runs above average (30:56)
• Manager Craig Counsell’s quote after the latest loss:

  “[What do these at bats have in common?] Outs. That’s all he said. Outs." (32:37)

Playoff Picture Nerves

• Padres now just two games behind Cubs for the top wild card; potential for a Dodgers wild card matchup is rising (33:43).
• The second half’s injuries and offensive drought mean “any playoff win would feel like a surprise or bonus ... it’s hard to hear. It’s not wrong at all” (36:21).

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Absurd Local News Story: The Wayne, Illinois Horse Saga (42:02)

The Story

• Dan delivers on his promise to make listeners “feel better” with an astonishing, darkly comic local news yarn about a failed horse rescue.
• Two feral rescue horses escape during a storm in Wayne, Illinois, launching a multi-day hunt involving police, residents, drones, “professional horse trappers,” and much confusion.
• Both horses die—one euthanized after injury and disease (“strangles”), the other shot when trappers fail to tranquilize it.
• Story becomes a local morality play about poor communication, amateur mistakes, and escalating farce, climaxing with references to prior Wayne animal shootings (including a Nazi-named dog).
• The hosts riff—hilariously—on small-town politics, the competency of the “horse trappers,” and the inadvertent comedy of “Wayne’s equestrian culture.”

Memorable Quotes & Moments

"The missed field goal was the door opening ... you stare down into the blackness below ... you’re beginning to take a couple steps down ..."
— Dan Bernstein (05:02, referring to Bears pain, echoed in the horse story tone)

“We can’t shoot a moving horse with a dart—but we can shoot it with a small caliber handgun.”
— Matt Abbatacola (60:10)

“If your community needs a division of police devoted to capturing horses, maybe you shouldn’t have horses.”
— Matt Abbatacola (55:24, paraphrased)

"You know what just happened for the last 15 minutes? You didn’t think about the Bears.”
— Dan Bernstein (72:44)

Notable Segment Timestamps

• Bears Dungeon metaphor / missed field goal: 05:02–06:49
• Ben Johnson / sense of inevitability: 09:26–16:36
• “On the same page” coaching criticisms: 24:00–25:16
• Cubs offensive numbers & playoff anxiety: 30:16–38:09
• Wayne horse story begins: 42:02
• Horse drama climaxes (“we can’t shoot it with a dart ... but we can with a gun”): 59:11–60:17
• Final moral and callback to Bears: 72:44

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Tone and Community Takeaways

• Tone: Sardonic, darkly humorous, rawly honest—Dan and Matt embrace the pain while finding catharsis in laughter, song references, and absurd analogies.
• Quotes and Song References: Frequent callbacks to pop culture—Bob Seger, James Hetfield, Sound of Silence, “Hello, Darkness, My Old Friend”—used to lampoon the repetitive heartbreak of Bears fandom.

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Conclusion

If you missed the episode, know this: The season opener wasn’t just about a scoreboard loss, but about history, culture, and the strange comfort of shared suffering. Whether parsing the predictable Bears collapse, the Cubs’ offensive woes, or a suburban horse tragedy, Dan Bernstein Unfiltered wraps Chicago sports pain in humor, storytelling, and the reassurance that, together, fans can survive anything—even if it’s just for the length of a podcast.

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This summary excludes advertisements, sponsor reads, and intro/outro chatter, focusing strictly on the substance and soul of the episode.

Transcript

[A]

Dan Bernstein, unfiltered unfiltered on 312 sports. Stop it. Stop it. It's really sad how, like, little of the words I know.

[B]

You ever forget the way something, something.

[A]

You use the T formation and then you thrilled the nation and I got.

[B]

Up and I still feel like crap. Well, I think I put my feelings together a little bit on this since we last joined you on forward progress last night. Now we need to talk about also how we're going to handle some of this stuff between DBU and forward progress because we got a lot of stuff to do and a lot to cover and we're going to handle the nuts and bolts and all the grander football stuff. Thank you for that.

[A]

You're welcome.

[B]

In forward progress here on dbu, I think it's important that we just talk about why that hurt so much, why that was exquisitely torturous in the way that it was in the Bears loss to the Vikings last night in their opener at Soldier Field. And we're going to do that on our show today. Today's episode of DBU, a 312Sports podcast, is brought to you in partnership with my bookie. So we're going to talk about the Bears. The sun came and we're here on another gorgeous day in Chicago. But man, a reality has sunk in that hurts us to our core. And it's okay to admit it. It's okay. It's okay to admit everything we think we felt from last night. Cause I'm not going to hide from it.

[A]

You know, it's, it's funny, Dan. It, it didn't, it doesn't hurt. And it's like it's, I wasn't miserable, I wasn't sad. And here's how I can put it together for you today. And we just, we kind of touched on it a little bit last night on our post game show, which streams live on YouTube. You have to check it out every. Yes.

[B]

Thank you for being part of that community last night.

[A]

That was a lot of fun.

[B]

Was a large community last night. We're finding out today as we came in and looking at some of the data from last night that there was a collective commiseration going on in the sports osphere somewhere in Chicago. And it was good to know.

[A]

It was. So I was disappointed because I just had higher expectations for a Ben Johnson led team. And the main thing for me, it just, it felt very familiar. That's all it was. It just, it felt very familiar, reminiscent of seasons past.

[B]

We are going to discuss, we are also going to talk about some issues going on with your Chicago Cubs and where they stand because the MLB playoffs start three weeks from today.

[A]

Yeah. And there's something interesting happening that we haven't talked about in the wild card watch.

[B]

Okay, we'll get to that. Three weeks from today, the MLB playoffs will start. And when I say the mlb, I think it's a proper use of V because the modifies playoffs and not mlb.

[A]

Right. It's not the Major League Baseball, but a lot of people use playoffs.

[B]

They say the mlb like the NFL, and I hate it. I also. Please, please, please, grouchy old bastard, stick through this, because I'm going to make you feel better today. And I promise.

[A]

Yeah. You won't even tell me.

[B]

I will not tell you.

[A]

Why won't you tell me?

[B]

All I'm going to say.

[A]

I thought we were friends.

[B]

It is a story about death that is going to make you feel better about everything.

[A]

Did someone die?

[B]

Not someone.

[A]

Okay, so something died.

[B]

There are multiple deaths involved. Okay.

[A]

And we're gonna feel better.

[B]

I promise you. I promise you. You are going to feel better about everything. I'm going to leave you with a smile on your face before you tune into forward progress that's gonna wipe it right off. But I'm gonna give you something that is going to give you a beacon of hope that there is something left at the bottom of Pandora's box. When all the evils of the world have spilled out, hope is remaining. And it's going to come to you on this episode of Dan Bernstein unfiltered in the form of a story about death.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right.

[A]

I trust you.

[B]

Is that a setup?

[A]

Yes. Better be good. Better deliver.

[B]

Just hang in there. And it's not going to take much work from me. Okay. So just. And it's gonna be a day to remember.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. All right. So we are feeling this. You know when you have something that's bothering you that you can't stop scratching at it, Maybe it's like, you know, you got like an ingrown toenail and you're like. You keep kind of kicking at it, and it almost like does that. Wait, that pain went away? Oh, no, it's still there. The pain is still there. Or you thought you're getting over a sprained ankle, you know? No, no, no. Because you're familiar with it. It was part of your life.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

That maybe it's a, you know, tooth pain you're biting down, or you get that sensitivity and you're always reminded of it, but it's yours. It's your pain. It's part of your overall schema and it makes you feel something. Yep. That bears pain is familiar. And it isn't just the familiarity. It's the way it happened last night. It isn't just about the fact, oh, the bears are.01 in real time. There is something perfectly torturous about that moment where you know, you are descending into the bear's Dungeon and 9:34pm, the missed field goal. The missed field goal was the door opening. That was the huge ancient oaken door that is being. All of the locks are being slid open. Ka ching ka ching ka jing. It opens and you stare down into the blackness below the cold limestone beneath your feet. And you know, without being prodded by somebody, you don't feel that hand at your back. But you know you're beginning to take a couple steps down where you can barely see in front of you and it smells musty and mushroomy and dank and there's maybe a little old.

[A]

What about dank?

[B]

Scent of rotting flesh. And you feel for the cold wet wall on your right. There's no banister to help you down.

[A]

Grandma's dead body is in sight.

[B]

You don't. No, nothing's in sight.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But it is 9:34pm when that Cairo Santos field goal slides by. You know you're going down and you know something horrible is down there.

[A]

That was like my drive.

[B]

But you have, you have no choice. You are compelled. Something, Something compels you. The power of the bears compels you. And you're like. And down I go into the darkness again.

[A]

And what'd you find?

[B]

But we all watched the slow reveal and Yup, yup. And we nod. And somewhere in the blackness of our bear's soul, we knew it and we felt it. And somehow poor Ben Johnson. Poor Ben Johnson there with his headset felt it to everybody in that bed. Building new. And I'd love to say this was after the fact, but it wasn't. You were on the same text threads that I was. We're all saying it. And you could feel the whispers in Soldier Field. This is not after the fact. The, oh, that sense of it's happening again. The closest thing that I can come to, and please don't misinterpret this, but the palpable understanding of something dreadful descending, or you descending into something dreadful is like game six of the 2003 NL Championship Series. Yeah.

[A]

Where that still hurts.

[B]

But of course it does. But there was an awareness of inevitability and the confirmation of dark inevitability. It's almost. And this, this is why I talk about that idea of it's your pain, it's your. As twisted as it sounds, there's something satisfying about it. Does that make any sense to you? No. It does. Perverted. As perverted as that is, there is something twistedly satisfying because it's ours.

[A]

That's why.

[B]

It's a masochism.

[A]

Yeah, it's ours. It's our Chicago Bear community feeling. That's what it is. And I don't know. The Bears were still ahead in the game and I turned to Natalie and I said, the Bears are going to lose this game by double digits. And she's like, why would you say that? And I'm like, because I.

[B]

Because.

[A]

Because they're going to. Now, the Bears are lucky that JJ McCarthy played rookie football the first half because they, they should have easily lost that game by at least 11 points. The Vikings should have put 35 on that game. At least 35. And the Bears got lucky that it.

[B]

Was a three point game and the Bears were even. When Caleb Williams numbers said he was playing well, he was dropping his eyes and dancing out of the pocket and waving his arms and looking down field and missing guys down field, missing guys downfield.

[A]

Did. He was 13 of 16 in the first half. Did you feel confident at halftime?

[B]

No.

[A]

0.

[B]

And the mark of a good offense is you can run the ball when the other team knows you're going to run the ball.

[A]

Oh, like the Vikings did last night.

[B]

The mark of a good offense is being able to run the ball when the other team knows you're going to run the ball.

[A]

Oh, Minnesota got another first down, five minutes to go. What are you going to do? Run the ball. We can't stop you.

[B]

And the Bears spent half their salary cap to revamp the. The middle of their line. 3/5 of their line.

[A]

Again, we'll, we'll get deeper into the nuts and bolts of things on forward progress later on today. But you know, there's, it's really interesting looking at Caleb Williams and I read Courtney Cronin's piece in on ESPN today. Really, really good stuff and she sprinkled in some really good stats. Caleb Williams, 13 of 16 in the first half just mentioned that. He finished though with a week one worst off target rate of 29.4% worse than the league.

[B]

Not his worst week one, week one.

[A]

Worst NFL worst on an off target rate of 29.4.

[B]

And that's what really sets in. And I Know, this is projection of our shared masochism, but Ben Johnson's eyes after the game and just his demeanor in general looked bearsed. And he's. He's got to come into that facility today and be charged up again. He's. He's got to come like.

[A]

He's got to turn the page.

[B]

He can't quit.

[A]

He's got to watch the film and turn the page.

[B]

Don't break into Bob Seger on me, please. Or James Hetfield. Either version of Turn the Page, either one. Or here I am.

[A]

I'm good. Okay, you're good.

[B]

All right. You don't need to.

[A]

I don't need that song.

[B]

I don't think I can hit the on the Road Again part for. For Hatfield or Seeger, for that matter.

[A]

It's a different song, isn't it? On the Road Again.

[B]

No, on the Road Again when he screams at the end because it's. He. He's tired, not Willie Nelson. He's tired of touring, and he has to go out and be the star. And he smoked the day's last cigarette.

[A]

How do you. How do you manage that?

[B]

Being on the road as a star?

[A]

Yeah. Like, how do you deal with that?

[B]

Oh, I don't know. Oh. And part of the disappointment, part of the misery was how joyful yesterday was. How joyful yesterday was when I was standing out on the lakeshore, standing right down next to Chicago.

[A]

Did you. Fishing?

[B]

Yeah. It wasn't much of a fishing. The wind was awful. But the number of people, the Bears fans. As the afternoon wore on, the Bears fans and the Viking fans, and people were clapping and fist bumping and high five, saying, go, Bears. I had one guy come up to me, hey, Bernstein. And he was wearing a purple polo shirt with white horizontal stripes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And he came up to me, he's like, hey, can I take a picture? Love the pod. Like, yeah, sure. And I said, oh, you big Vikings fan, huh? He's like, no, I'm a Bears fan. And I said, you're wearing a wrong shirt. I said, you're wearing a purple shirt with white stripes. And the best part was the guy has white blonde hair and blue eyes. And I said, you could be the Vikings mascot and you look like a Bears fan. He's like, I know. I said, you look like a cleaned up Viking.

[A]

Was that the shirt his wife put out that morning?

[B]

I don't know, but he felt all bad about it. Then a guy came up to me, giant 52 Khalil Mac jersey.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

He had the mustache. He had the bear's hat. Everybody's so excited. Hey, what do you think? What do you think? Everybody's excited. And you know what I said was. I said the name was Ken. And I said, ken, thanks for listening to the pot. He's a big fan. And I said, if JJ McCarthy sucks, the Bears are going to win this game. I said, I don't care who's. Who's playing on the defense. If J.J. mcCarthy's bad, the Bears win.

[A]

He showed up in the second half.

[B]

I thought that it was going to be right. I said, boy, you know what, Bernstein? That was a really smart observation you made to that one guy.

[A]

If the quarterback is bad, you could win the other team. You really went out there.

[B]

Yeah, I thought, that's really smart of you. But it felt so good. And here we were in Chicago. I saw Russ Dorsey was out for a run yesterday.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

The handsome Russell Dorsey. And I said, russ. And he came over to me and we're looking. I said, you know what? Look. Look at this day. Look at this city. Look at this day. Look at where we live. And I said, thank God that we're somehow. That the army can come in and protect us from this. And Russ said, I'm glad I'm here to protect you, because who else. Who's gonna protect you from all this horrible. Look at this. Look how dangerous.

[A]

Yeah, it really was a tale of two days. Just the. The joy and the excitement going into Monday Night Football. It's the Ben Johnson era. Everything Caleb Williams is fixed.

[B]

Yeah. And he's not.

[A]

So here. Here's what's interesting. So I mentioned how it's reminiscent of past seasons. And there. There's three things, and. And I want to ask you this. The three things are this. Number one, the inability to close out a game. Number two, the lack of execution at critical moments. And number three, and this is what's. What's really, really difficult for me, the inability to respond when punched in the mouth.

[B]

And that's what Ben Johnson said. They pride themselves on.

[A]

Well, not last night, because it didn't stop.

[B]

Adjustment.

[A]

So how. How does that continue to happen for a franchise, Dan, with different personnel and different coaching staffs, yet you have the same characteristic traits that run through. I mean, this is. I mean, if I were to say to you, inability to close out a game, lack of execution at critical moments, inability to respond. Which head coach is after the Bears? You.

[B]

Too many.

[A]

You could say several names and be correct.

[B]

Too many.

[A]

How is that possible? One organization.

[B]

I don't know. And especially when you, you got the guy, you got the guy who was going to absolutely come in and change the culture that he was going to make.

[A]

Oh, no, because down to the detail, he was going to know it and he was going to have a great, you know, game plan and call it and know the rules and when to call timeouts and when to call challenges. He was on top of it. He was the guy to run an.

[B]

Offense and may still be, but that was. That was not it.

[A]

So I know it's premature, but it's like there was this too many Caleb. There wasn't enough Caleb Williams improvement last night with Ben Johnson there. Does that make sense? Does I say that poorly, like I expected to see better of? I didn't. I didn't think Caleb Williams would be the best quarterback in the league last night, but I didn't expect to see what I saw last night. With so many misses and mistakes and still the bad timing and the inability to throw the ball, to release the ball when he needed to, to miss guys downfield, to throw the ball too high in the middle of the field. That inability to drop it in between those two zones is key in the NFL.

[B]

There were a lot of things that could have happened last night. The way last night happened was particularly painful and alarming.

[A]

Alarming?

[B]

Yes, alarming. It stripped away so much pretense, so much presumption of what was going to be different. And the fact that all of that came off, that all that was just blown out was just Charlie Browned off of everybody, like all of that, and everybody's standing there naked and you're just like, what? Really? After all this, we get bearsed again. It was the distillation of everything that frightens us, everything that makes us miserable. And somehow in there is comfort. Somehow in there is this masochistic, this is who we are. This is what we are. This is what we sign up for. And it's inevitable. Nothing will stop it. Something, it's like Thanos. Something makes all of this somehow inevitable. And we knew it. Why did we know it? How did we feel it? How is there a determinism? What causes that determinism? It's an impossible existential question that isn't necessarily going to be solved by going through a depth chart, by going through snap counts, by going through play by play. There is something else here, and I know it too well. Yeah, we all know it too well.

[A]

You know, it was last night, again, was. Was so much fun. And it's the first. Dan, I've known you 24 years. And love. Love your work and your suit.

[B]

We love your suit.

[A]

And it was the first time that both of us. It was. It was difficult to find the words, and it was. But it was so much fun last night, just hanging out with Bears fans and listeners and reading the comments and seeing the comments.

[B]

You know, we were all just kind of there.

[A]

We were there. Yeah, it was a support group together.

[B]

It fel.

[A]

And, yeah, we really didn't.

[B]

We didn't have to say much.

[A]

There weren't words to say.

[B]

We could have done a Quaker meeting where we could have sat in profound silence, which pretty much we did a lot. And I have been to a real Quaker meeting, by the way, in that sort of peaceful, contemplative.

[A]

Recently or.

[B]

No, as a kid, I didn't have that on the bingo card. I had a friend who grew up in Highland park who was Quaker.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And there was a good oats. There was a Quaker church. I think they called it a church. And I went to one of the services, and it was fascinating. It was fascinating the way it was. Everyone in a sanctuary. Very, very quiet.

[A]

Didn't convert, though.

[B]

And someone. No, I didn't. But someone would speak, and you weren't compelled to speak. That's what it felt like last night. It felt like all of us in that virtual room kind of being in that moment.

[A]

Like, what were understanding people that shared, like, what would they say? Like, they weren't, like, sharing sins or things of their life.

[B]

It wasn't an AA meeting. I think it was observations. I don't. I don't have. I've gotten more memories of how it felt.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I was. I think it was nine.

[A]

Okay. Third grade.

[B]

Ish. Yeah. But it was. I remember fourth grade.

[A]

I think fourth grade.

[B]

But I remember it being. Being one of those things where you just. It was a community. It was sort of all there.

[A]

And so that's what last night reminded you of your Quaker meeting that you attended?

[B]

A little bit.

[A]

Did they pass oats at all? Did you have.

[B]

You like the oats bit?

[A]

I do.

[B]

I Do you like the Quaker oats bit?

[A]

Well, God damn it. Respond to it when I say it the first time, so I have to say it three more times. Jerk.

[B]

I thought it was awesome of Quaker Oats Co. To strike a deal to put Bruce Levine on the canister. That's really what I think was the best aspect of their business plan. They said, look, we're going to make great oatmeal, but I gotta call Bruce.

[A]

Levine and why is it Amish? Bruce Levine, though, on the Quaker Oats box.

[B]

It was the deal, okay? It was just part of the arrangement. I just think it's very cool. An underrated job by his agent, by the way, to get that for him. So I think that's awesome. Hey, you know the one guy in the group chat who hit a five leg parlay week one and wouldn't shut up about it the rest of the season? Yeah. Well, it could be you. The kingdom of could be you. My bookie makes it really easy to get in on the action. So easy you won't believe it. College ball, NFL super contests, Survivor pools, all the spreads, the player props, the in game lines you could want all under one roof. If you're new to my bookie, use the code and any bet you choose up to $500. And you know what? If you know the Bears, boy, I could have. What was the live line? I can't even imagine what the live line was at the end of the third quarter. And.

[A]

Oh yeah, I didn't look.

[B]

You wanted to fade your Bears.

[A]

Well, I had last night the one plus one and a half and I had the over.

[B]

Well, I had that, but I lost the one. I had 12 of my 15 and a half DeAndre Swift receiving yards on the first. First drive.

[A]

I did the first two plays.

[B]

First drive I had 12.

[A]

It was the first two plays, Dan.

[B]

I know.

[A]

And then I'm like, shit, he's going to. He's going to win this by 50 yards.

[B]

And then he had it. And it was the Darnell Wright Phantom holding. Yes, the Phantom holding call wrecked my over and my rectum.

[A]

Damn near killed him.

[B]

If you're new to my bookie, it's our code. DBU. Dan Bernstein unfiltered. Any bet you choose up to $500 is fully covered. Make your play. If it doesn't hit, you get it right back. When you opt in using the bet back bonus token. No better time to jump in. No better place to play. Football's back. Let's make some money with my bookie.

[A]

Do you remember how excited we were yesterday morning that the NFL was back and we.

[B]

I still am.

[A]

I know, but I'm back to it today. It just like it was funny. The feelings of such. Such a high joy, like wow, what a weekend. You know, there was Thursday game, there was a Friday game in Brazil. You had Sunday games. That was so exciting. Bills and all the game. It was great.

[B]

A score of Gummies 41.

[A]

Now it's our turn. The NFL's back.

[B]

It's never Our turn.

[A]

And then it's.

[B]

It's never our turn. And all we say is, don't make it look like a Bears game. Ben Johnson's here. Ben Johnson and his team of rivals, and he's plucked these former head coaches and guys that come in and work.

[A]

There, and they match the offensive line.

[B]

And they fix the offensive line, and everything's going to be better. And it looked not just like a Bears game. It looked like all the Bears games.

[A]

What did they start last year? Were they like 4 and 2 or 3? Something stupid, right? 3 and 2? I mean, it was. It was good. It was a good start, you know, and then obviously it all. All went to shit. But I love how you say that, though. Like. Like, just don't make it look like a Bears game.

[B]

I don't know why.

[A]

And I thought the hiring of Ben Johnson would at least avoid that. At the bare minimum. The bare minimum it would avoid. That's our only podcast looking like a Bears game. Well, that was last night.

[B]

It just looked bare minimum. It looked like every Bears game.

[A]

Yeah. No, you're right. And it's.

[B]

And it's our pain. It is. It is the pain that we share. We're here again. Hello, darkness, my old friend.

[A]

We are a lot of song references today. We are.

[B]

We are here again. So settle in. And I hope they can break out of it. And maybe. Maybe they. They go and they. They. They stomp Detroit, and all of a sudden they're like, all right.

[A]

Yeah. And you feel it's only one game. Sixteen to go.

[B]

There was a false abyss.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And this was just a hiccup.

[A]

Great learning experience.

[B]

They're going to go back, they're going to watch the film, and they're going.

[A]

To turn the page.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, so.

[B]

But wait a second. They said they weren't. What? All right, I think we should. They. There's a phrase they keep using on the same page.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Where we weren't on the same page.

[A]

I've heard it for. I heard it from multiple players, and I saw it in different articles from different players using that phrase. We weren't on the same page at it.

[B]

We weren't on the same page.

[A]

We have to get on the same page.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

That is bad coaching, 100%.

[B]

If you're not on the same page after two months of real training camp and six months of all. Whatever your training camps are, there is no excuse for the first game to.

[A]

Not be on the same page.

[B]

We're not on the same page.

[A]

Yep. No, that's coaching. And there's no other way around it. It's coaching period. You know, and it looked. Dan, it started off Caleb Williams completed his first 10 passes and we talk about, you know, Ben Johnson, talk to us about completion rate. He's going to have a really high completion rate. We're going to look at 70% completion rate and he starts off 10 for 10. And you know, that was the most consecutive completed passes in a row for Caleb Williams in his career two year career. And the 10 completions, it was the first time a Bears quarterback completed 10 in a row to start a season opener since 1978.

[B]

And that the reason why we keep seeing 78 in these records because there was a change to record keeping at that point. It's not like. And who was it? Was it not like Bob Avellini or, or, or Vince Evans or Mike Phipps or somebody? It's. It is. We keep hearing that as the benchmark because that's when the record keeping change. I saw something similar regarding the Colts and scoring on every possession they scored.

[A]

On the seven possessions they had.

[B]

Right. It was something again since 1978, 33.

[A]

To 8 over Miami. But Dan, the fourth loss in the last four years going into the fourth quarter where they had a double digit.

[B]

Unbelievable. That is.

[A]

That's the most in the NFL in that span. And the double. The next closest team has two.

[B]

Yeah, it's double.

[A]

The next closest team, fourth loss in the last four years going into the fourth quarter with a double digit lead.

[B]

Maybe it's us, maybe it's, maybe it's the fans. That's what I say.

[A]

Yeah, maybe, maybe we're at fault.

[B]

It's our fault that there's an original sin at work here that somehow we have to make up for with sacraments and good deeds or an exorcism.

[A]

And I kept thinking about our conversation with Phil Mackey from Score north and Purple Daily on Sunday morning where he talked about the Vikings losses last year, the four games, twice to Detroit, twice to the Rams, twice to Jared Goff, twice to Matthew Stafford and how ineffective Brian Flores was on defense with the pressure and the blitzes and how those two guys were able to overcome that. And we saw quite the opposite in the second half last night. And you mentioned it last night in our post game about that slow walk up, you know, and Brian Flores knew exactly what he was doing and he said, you know what, the first half we're going to, we're going to see what Caleb Williams is and we're going to Rush 4 we're going to keep it real simple and see what happens.

[B]

And then he's okay.

[A]

But they got to him though with four. But it was his feet that kept it alive. Okay. He should have like any other quarterback. Most, most other quarterbacks in this league would have gone down at that four man front. And then Brian Flores said, okay, he was able to escape and use his feet and look downfield and make some plays at a beautiful pass. Roma Dunes A. But now let's start playing our defense. Let's drop to a cover two. Let's have these cornerbacks start to press the wide receivers and take those check downs away and let's see what happens.

[B]

For more on the Bears. Our forward progress today is going to delve into everything in depth and detail. I had a great feeling the other day when I got home and you know what was waiting for me on the front porch? A giant styrofoam box that was also very familiar, but it said Omaha Steaks on it. And unlike the familiarity of Bear's pain, this was the familiarity of Omaha Steaks pleasure. You know, they've been America's original butcher since 1917. Handcrafted steaks, delicious fall favorites. The world's best steak experience. And right now there is a red hot sale event. You can get a 50% off site wide discount at Omaha Steaks. Plus, just because you're listening to this, you can get an extra $35 off with the promo code Bernstein at checkout. Did you say 50 for 5,050off site wide. And an extra $35 off with my last name Bernstein at checkout. And in my package were not only hand cut steaks, chicken breasts, pork chops, hot dogs, the Omaha Steaks seasoning rub, but filet mignon burgers. Those are special burgers that are just ground filet mignon. So I cannot.

[A]

How good are those?

[B]

Oh, I haven't had them yet.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

They're in the freezer. I'm waiting for the perfect time to do it. And last night I had nothing but my, my own steak.

[A]

You didn't pull the grill out last.

[B]

Night at midnight post game meal? No, I wasn't gonna start grilling at midnight. But make sure you go and check this out because Omaha Steaks is giving you the perfect time to stock up. Exceptional handcrafted flavor. The convenience of Omaha Steaks, every steak perfectly to maximize tenderness. Hand cut by master butchers in America's heartland. Family owned company with over 100 years of expertise in the meat industry. And I've been enjoying Omaha Steaks since I was a kid. So get fired up for fall grilling. Visit omahasteaks.com 50% off site wide during the Red Hot Sale event. Extra $35 off when you use the promo code Bernstein at checkout. That's 50% [e-mail] extra 35 B E R N S T E I N See the site for details. Minimum purchase may apply See site for details A big thanks to our advertiser, Omaha Steaks. Here are some Cubs numbers for you. Make of these as you will. This is since July 15th.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Since July 15th.

[A]

So this is post All Star break, correct?

[B]

Post All Star break, the Chicago Cubs on base percentage is.306. That ties them for sixth worst in baseball.

[A]

Oh boy.

[B]

Sixth worst in baseball. And I always look at on base percentage as in the reverse it's outs percentage on base means not out. One minus on base percentage is your out percentage. They're out 70% of the time. Post All Star.

[A]

That's bad.

[B]

They're on base percentage after the all star break is.306. That's really bad. Their WRC plus as a team is 95. That's 5% worse than average in this run environment. And that ranks 21st in all of baseball. Offensive runs above average minus 10.7. They're a bad offensive team after the All Star break and they know it. I found a quote from Craig Counsel after last night's 41 loss where it was reminiscent to me of a famous Chicago coaching quote. It was an analog, a corollary, an isotope where Nice gloves. The when Remember when Scott Skiles was asked about Eddie Curry and rebounding? No, he was Scott Skiles was asked what does Eddie Curry have to do to get more rebounds? And Scott Skiles answered, jump. And he was right. Yeah. And I believe since that's been Eddie Curry kind of said he was right. He just didn't jump. I never understood why he didn't. He just didn't want to. Last night there was a there was a question to Council talking about the all of their good hitters who've had bad plate appearances. The team talked about this. This was the for the first half of the season, one of the best offenses in the league, scoring hand over fist.

[A]

The best offense in the league for a period.

[B]

The best offense and the best team in baseball at the All Star break. And all of a sudden it stopped. To quote Theo Epstein, the offense broke and he was in. Council said when asked what do these at bats have in common? Is there something that's underlying all of these players as these things go wrong, what is the underlying theme? His one word response. Outs. That's all he said, outs. And that, that landed with a thud. Yeah, outs. And that's what that on base percentage says. The numbers back it up. It isn't, it isn't just his observation. They're near the bottom of the league in post all star game on base percentage and that's not going to win you anything regardless of what your path is once the playoffs start. Now we've had a scenario bubble up now that is worth noting.

[A]

Yeah, it is. So the Padres playing in, hosting Cincinnati and they, they won last night in extras four to three. So that, that puts the Padres Dan, just two games behind the Cubs for that top wild card spot. But here's, here's what I haven't looked at. I haven't looked at because all I've been watching is the wild card. I haven't looked at the NL West. The Padres are trailing the Dodgers by only a game. I don't know if you knew that. I didn't realize it was a one game separation.

[B]

So they would be transposed.

[A]

They would be transposed. So here's a scenario. Look, I don't envision the Cubs dropping out of the wild card race thanks to the Mets, but the idea of dropping from the fourth seed to the fifth seed is clearly there. Which, which would then make you either go to, could go to San Diego to play instead of hosting games at Wrigley, but there's also the possibility now of playing the Dodgers in a wild card series if the Padres can pass the Dodgers. Now that the idea of going to LA to play a wild card series, it's there. That was a scenario. I just didn't, I didn't look at, I didn't look at the NL West. I didn't think the Padres were chasing the Dodgers that, that closely. And with, with what do we have? We have 18 games to go. 18 games to go in the season. It. There's, I mean the Padres could, could cat catch and pass the Dodgers again. They have a series with, with Cincinnati playing two more games. So the Cubs are not only on the, on the verge of possibly losing that number four seed in the playoffs and then traveling, but you might have to play the Dodgers as well too in the playoffs.

[B]

No matter what happens. They deserve it. No matter what happens. This is the second half's been so bad and the injuries have bitten them so hard now with their closer Daniel Palencia, his arm blowing up more than Possibly done for the year that they. They. You can't complain about anything. There's. This has happened too powerfully to play the what if game. There's just too many things. It's not this or that or this or that. It's. It's sunk in. It's obvious that it's going to take something pretty special for them to recover what made them great in the first half or made them really good and really competitive and give you reasonable World Series dreams in the first half. I think, I think at this point, it's fair to say any series playoff win would feel like a surprise or a bonus. That.

[A]

That's, That's a horrible thought.

[B]

Is it wrong?

[A]

It's not wrong at all. And it's horrible, given the state of this team to start the season, to think that going into the All Star break, best team in baseball, for you to say and accurately say, that any playoff win would be a surprise, a pleasant surprise right now is accurate. And it's, it's very, it's. Man, it's just. It's hard to hear. It's hard to hear. And we talked about the game yesterday, going into the game with the Braves and facing Bryce Elder. He was hot his last three starts. Had a nice, nice outing yesterday. Really good outing. Six and a third one earned run show to another quality start. He finds ways to overcome those solo home runs and still has quality starts.

[B]

A quality start should correlate with victory, is a 70% likelihood of winning with a quality start.

[A]

He's tied for 15th right now in most home runs allowed. Jameson Tyons right Behind him at 23 home runs allowed. Yet he still finds ways to overcome and just gives up those solo shots.

[B]

That's fine.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely. Because he still gives quality starts and the damn offense just can't do enough. And you know, Council talked about it last night. You can't go four or five innings without showing up. You can't sit down 15 times in a row and expect to win Major League Baseball games. You just can't do it. And this was something this team wasn't doing. Now tonight they have game two in Atlanta and it's Kate Horton on the mound. His last three ERA is just over 1. 9 hits and 17 strikeouts in three. And they're going against Spencer Strider, who is ERA is over six in his last three. 18 hits, six walks.

[B]

Newly shorn Spencer Strider. Oh, yeah, he got rid of the stash.

[A]

Oh, did he really?

[B]

He looks good. He looks younger. He looks better.

[A]

And then Cincinnati sends Zach Little to the mound against Michael King for San Diego. So another game to keep an eye on there as again they're trailing the Dodgers by one behind the Cubs two games in a wild card race.

[B]

If you're waiting for Sunday to start betting, you're missing half the fun and half the money because college football is already cooking upsets, wild covers and blowouts. My bookie lets you hit it all, whatever you feel comfortable betting, player props or game lines. It's before the pros even kick off. So when Sunday rolls around and you know you're going to have bears, misery, it's okay because you're already up because you've already killed everything and you're sitting on a big pile of money because of the college games. And my bookie has it all under one roof. You can win big on the NFL super contest and survivor pools. If you are new to my bookie and maybe say, wait a second, I'm new to my bookie. Well, listen up. Use the code DBU for this program. Dan Bernstein, unfiltered DBU. Any bet you choose up to $500 is fully covered. You make your play. If it doesn't hit, you get it right back. Opt in using your bet back bonus token. The code dbu. My bookies where bettors win together because bragging's good, but cashing in is better.

[A]

Hey, before your. Your story, that's going to make us feel good real quick. One quick thing. A college football game. So I went back to look at highlights of the Florida loss to UFC. U u s f USF South.

[B]

Yes. U s South Florida.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

USF.

[A]

I think I said UFC USF 18 to 16 loss because I wanted to find your guy. Gramatica. It's Nico Gramatica. Nico Grammatica who kicked the game winning field goal. I wasn't aware of what happened in the game with Florida lineman Brendan. Brendan Bett.

[B]

Was that the guy that spit on somebody?

[A]

Why are we spitting on people in football?

[B]

Everybody. Two things.

[A]

Why are we spitting on people?

[B]

Why are we throwing dildos everywhere? And why are we spitting on everybody?

[A]

That can be fun.

[B]

Somebody threw a dildo last night in the Bears game. Did you see that? I didn't. There was a. There was a dildo in the end zone.

[A]

I had friends at the game. I should check on them.

[B]

Dildo in the end zone sung to the tune of Mirror in the Bathroom.

[A]

But why are we spitting on each other in football games? Like it's the one sport that you're allowed to go out and kick the Shit out of somebody. Why are we spitting on people?

[B]

Why are we throwing dildos again?

[A]

I said that's fun.

[B]

No.

[A]

Have you tried it?

[B]

I haven't.

[A]

Okay, then don't knock it.

[B]

Don't knock throwing dildos until you've tried. Until I've thrown a dildo.

[A]

My grandma's always said that.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Ever since I was a kid.

[B]

Sonny, you knew Grandma was mad and she'd chuck a dildo at your head.

[A]

Eat your damn dinner. Right. Ow. But stop spitting on each other, Grandma.

[B]

That's heavy. I got a whole pile of them here, Sonny.

[A]

Some are used.

[B]

Grandma reaches back to her burlap sack of dildos. Just whipping them at your head like a shunkla.

[A]

It wasn't burlap.

[B]

It was something she'd knit an afghan wrapped around dildos.

[A]

Oh, boy.

[B]

Eat your vegetables.

[A]

Your guy, Nico Grammatica.

[B]

Load the dishwasher. Ow. Mom, Grandma's chucking dildos again.

[A]

Yeah, mom knows she was once Grandma's kid.

[B]

I got the bruises to prove it too.

[A]

So, Nico Grammatica.

[B]

She comes in with a dildo sticking out of her ear.

[A]

Oh, that was on purpose.

[B]

I never got this one out. But our wedding pictures are terrible.

[A]

She married Grandma. Weird. Why would she marry your mom?

[B]

She married somebody else and she never got the dildo out of her ear.

[A]

One of our comments when we had our conversation about Grammatica boys yesterday.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

One of our listeners, he said his favorite grammatica is bad.

[B]

Oh, no, no, no. Yes, Come on. Bad Grammatica.

[A]

Yes. Don't fight it.

[B]

See? Thank you. I bring you now.

[A]

All right. You're gonna make us feel better. I bring you now.

[B]

You promised to the village. Have you ever heard of Wayne, Illinois?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay. Wayne, Illinois, where it'd be. It is a village that is bordered approximately, I would say it is central, in a square that has South Elgin at the northwest, Bartlett at the Northeast, St. Charles at the southwest, and roughly Carroll Stream at the southeast.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, so Army Trail Road is a border or goes through it.

[B]

Wayne is right in the center of that. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's where we take you right now. And I want you to picture bucolic Wayne, Illinois and everything that's wonderful about it. This is a story in today's Chicago Tribune, and I'm going to present this to you. For now, as long as I can go without comment, I'm simply going to read you this story. This is on the front page of the Chicago Tribune. Okay. Headline, Hunt for Two Escaped Horses Ends Badly. A case of Two Runaway horses in Wayne, which sparked a multi day horse hunt that ended with the death of both horses, is drawing criticism from some residents of the west suburban village over how many aspects of the search were handled. The situation illustrates how even with the best of intentions, horse owners efforts to rescue unwanted horses facing uncertain futures can go awry with tragic consequences. It also marks the latest high profile shooting death of an animal in the equestrian oriented village of 2,300 residents which straddles the DuPage County Kane county line. The saga began in mid August when a Wayne resident whose family runs an equestrian facility in St. Charles purchased two rescue horses. Rescue horse. Sorry, sorry, I said. From southern Wisconsin, Second Chance Lot, an organization that offers people the ability to acquire horses that otherwise might be sent to slaughter. Although the family has a long history of working with horses, this was their first effort acquiring rescue horses, said Wayne resident Kelly Owens, a certified volunteer, quote, approved humane investigator unquote, for the state Department of Agriculture who assisted in the search. Are you with me?

[A]

Yeah, I'm following you.

[B]

You're sure you're with me?

[A]

Yeah, no, I'm. Yeah, I got it.

[B]

The rescue horses, horses lost.

[A]

People trying to find him.

[B]

Well, not lost, just.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Just hang in there.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

This has many twists and turns. The rescue horses owners did not respond to requests for comment. The horses, two feral, untrained fillies. Kyle Schwaber. I lied about without comment.

[A]

Yes, keep going.

[B]

Two feral, untrained fillies that previously spent time in New Mexico and that had not spent much time around people were shipped from Columbus, Wisconsin to the family's farm in Wayne during heavy thunderstorms on August 18th.

[A]

That's not good for horses.

[B]

Remember the heavy thunderstorms part. Okay.

[A]

Great band too.

[B]

And just start thinking. You know the song Wildfire?

[A]

No, Man, a lot of music from you today.

[B]

Yeah, I feel musical.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's like. It's like the yacht Rocks ran calling Wildfire. What was his name? John Michael Murphy or Mike Murphy. Lost the horse. So while unloading the horses from a trailer that afternoon, the driver who delivered them struggled to secure the horses. One driver, two horses. Two horses. Bad matchup. Both animals fled in the storms. Okay, okay, so that's what started this.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Family hadn't. The horses hadn't spent time around people. They didn't. These are their first effort, acquiring rescue horses. They're in the middle of a heavy thunderstorm. Both animals fled.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The hunt for the horses. Soon it turned into a great movie. Hunt. The hunt for the horses.

[A]

Hunt for the red horse. Oh, no, no, no.

[B]

I would like to have seen Montana Billings. Like to see Andrew Billings last night. So the hunt for the horses soon turned into a grassroots effort in Wayne, motivated by mult.

[A]

When can I ask questions?

[B]

Not yet.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Including a desire to reunite the horses with their rescue family, obviously, who they haven't met yet, as well as.

[A]

It's not a reunion. They hadn't met him yet. Damn it.

[B]

It didn't say it was true.

[A]

You know what we need? We need.

[B]

You know, we need horse police.

[A]

No, we need Jack on this story. He needs to break this story down because it's not right.

[B]

Okay, just. Just hold on. I think the writing is actually good. I actually do.

[A]

But they hadn't met the horses. You can't reunite someone you hadn't met yet.

[B]

It's a good point.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Just hold it. We're only getting started here.

[A]

Fine. I'll hold my questions. Okay.

[B]

Hold your questions. So there was motivated. Including a desire to reunite the horses with their rescue family, as well as a goal of keeping local motorists safe from wild horses running amok on local streets. So that's bad?

[A]

Yeah, that's bad.

[B]

These feral, untrained fillies in the middle of a storm, running wild through a neighborhood.

[A]

They're wilding out in Chicago.

[B]

Okay, exurban who? I would say this is an exurb because it's sort of a rural suburb.

[A]

Ex.

[B]

Urban.

[A]

I've never heard that term before.

[B]

It means sort of farther out or remote than a suburb, I would say.

[A]

How are you spelling that word?

[B]

Exurb. Ex, U, R B E X U, R B. Exurb. Okay, good Scrabble word. The smaller of the two horses was located and captured the next day. Shortly afterward, a veterinarian found that it was afflicted with an equine disease called strangles.

[A]

Strangles?

[B]

Strangles.

[A]

That's the name of a disease.

[B]

Strangles.

[A]

That sounds bad.

[B]

The horse has got a bad case of strangles. Okay, so you got that right. Yep. Now, the problem is strangles spreads easily among horses. Highly communicable horse disease. Strangles. Okay. With a good chunk of Wayne's economy devoted to horses, many locals pitched in.

[A]

Oh, no. I'm sensing where this is going.

[B]

To try and find the remaining at large horse, reasoning that if it also had contracted strangles and were to come in contact with other area horses, the disease could start to rapidly spread locally.

[A]

Counselor, question.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Is it fair to assume the larger of the two horses was a male horse that had strangles? That was Feral that met up?

[B]

No, they're two fillies.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Good question. Okay.

[A]

All right.

[B]

No, that. That is an. Absolutely. It's a. It's a good question.

[A]

I thought you were going somewhere that he. Oh, they go around and.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, you never really horsed him.

[B]

Well, no. Larry is not involved as far as we know. As far as we know that if we do find out, as the reporting as events may warrant further reporting that Larry masterminded the whole thing. Okay.

[A]

Masterminded. I didn't know you think you were going there.

[B]

So just to reset. Yes, they were worried. The first horse located, Captured first horse has strangles. Strangle spreads easily. Locals pitch in to find the other horse believing it's likely it had strangles. Okay, now quote, a horse being sick was a huge concern to our economy. Yes, said Wayne police chief Tim Roberts.

[A]

It's an equestrian community.

[B]

Yes. And the Wayne police chief, Tim Roberts, well aware of the dangers of the equestrian community. So Wayne based Lamplight Equestrian center has horses that are in the million dollar range, said Tim Roberts. So this could have been devastating. Could have been devastating to our area. We also didn't want to put out information we couldn't confirm, end quote. So there's sort of this underground community of horse wranglers worried about strangles. So you've got strangle wranglers trying to wrangle the strangles among the horses. Are you with me?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. For the next several days.

[A]

Oh, just real quick. Strangles in horses is the equivalent to strep.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's an upper respiratory disease that goes after the lymph node session of that.

[B]

Thank you. For the next several days.

[A]

Just to humanize it for us.

[B]

For the next several days, area residents spotted the other escaped horse. So it became a spotted horse.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. Posting photos of it on social media as it was sighted running down country roads.

[A]

Were they blurry photos?

[B]

No. Bigfoot himself is actually blurry.

[A]

Okay. That's right.

[B]

Mitch Hedberg. Mitch Hedberg.

[A]

What if he was really just blurry?

[B]

He said that it's just Bigfoot's just blurry. So the horse was sighted running down country roads and finding its way to a jewel.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

The jewels. Cigars, a ton of jewels.

[A]

What did he go for?

[B]

Like rotisserie chicken, I hope the thin crust sausage pizza and Dean's peppermint ice cream.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Little thin and crispy.

[B]

It found its way to a jewel grocery store parking lot in St. Charles. Overbited Jules. The horse appeared strong and uneasy, said Roberts.

[A]

He Forgot his jewel card.

[B]

Strong and uneasy.

[A]

Left it in New Mexico.

[B]

He can punch in your phone number. What would be an Albertson's card in New Mexico?

[A]

Well, he has a hard time punching him in though. That's true. The hooves. He breaks all the machines.

[B]

You have no finger.

[A]

God dammit. This horse keeps coming and breaking our machines.

[B]

And take your receipt. Roberts department helped with the search. And Wayne police are no strangers to hunting down escaped horses. And in fact keep horse halters and leads in their squad cars.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Now think about this though. These are the Wayne police. They live inside of my head. The Wayne Police. They come to me for a horse. So they're no strangers.

[A]

Did you watch a musical this morning before you came in?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I'm not sure. So at one point, sure if you watched any music.

[B]

I don't know. After last night, actually. Bad bear.

[A]

Have you slept?

[B]

Yeah. Did you go to bed last night? Yeah, I got like six and a half hours. And after my sad fried chicken dinner.

[A]

Tanya, you shouldn't have. Chicken.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

Go ahead. Go ahead.

[B]

We're about halfway through, by the way.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

Just. No, I'm telling you, this is the. This. This is gonna make everything okay. Aren't you feeling better already?

[A]

Yeah. Well, no. I have so many questions.

[B]

Write them down.

[A]

I did.

[B]

So the Wayne police are used to hunting down escaped horses.

[A]

Yeah. Like Connie.

[B]

Because of course they are.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they keep the equipment in their car. At one point, Robert said searchers cornered the wayward horse in Jewel into a fenced in paddock.

[A]

Oh, so he's trapped.

[B]

Which means you got him.

[A]

Right.

[B]

He's caught.

[A]

Good job.

[B]

Right. It's exactly what the ideal situation. Exactly. What you want to do is corner the horse in a place where you keep a horse.

[A]

But they didn't close the gate.

[B]

Horse box. Right.

[A]

They didn't close the gate.

[B]

You got him. Right. And then the horse fled, jumping a five foot fence.

[A]

Ooh. Wow.

[B]

With a full suit of armor on.

[A]

Yes, I was gonna say that. So it's a war horse.

[B]

I don't know what it is. So they had him. They're like, we got him out of.

[A]

The Jewel, but not really because he jumps.

[B]

We got him in the path. And then the horse like, ha. Whoop. Watch this whoop.

[A]

Jump the fence.

[B]

Up he goes. Gone.

[A]

All right. Now, where was the small? Was the smaller one still?

[B]

I said no questions. I said no, just wait.

[A]

God, was this the whole Tribune paper today?

[B]

I'm telling you, I could not stop laughing this morning while I was listening to my musicals. It did not appear that the second horse visually had symptoms or signs of strangles, though in the back of our minds, it's a contagious disease. And the two horses were transported together. Robert said we used our drone, which has thermal capabilities at night, to try to locate the horse. The Wayne police have a thermal drone to look for horses for horse recapture.

[A]

Okay. Maybe this community should stop being an equestrian community. You don't sound very good at it.

[B]

Okay, this is a correct conclusion. I think that you're reaching. But hold on. Just sit back, relax.

[A]

Like if you have. If you have a division of your police devoted to capturing, like, wild horses, and you had two, you probably shouldn't have horses.

[B]

You had two. You got Wayne, and you got one already in the middle of this store. You got one out of the jewel and into a fenced in paddock. And the horse saying, uh, huh, huh, huh, what? I'm out.

[A]

Let me get my armor on. I'm jumping this fence.

[B]

Gone.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They tried to locate the horse with the thermal capable drone and not knowing if the horse was sick. They said there was an urgency in that regard. They're on it. Wayne's village government did not disseminate any information about the missing second horse and its potential health risk to the community.

[A]

Now, why not? Did the community reach out to the current administration for help with, like, National Guard?

[B]

See, there you go. Now you want to bring in the national Guard.

[A]

They could landscape and find these damn horses.

[B]

They could mulch, they could landscape, they could track. It's a perfect security use to bring horse law back to Wayne through our national armed forces.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So they also did not disseminate information about the potential health risk to the community. Although.

[A]

Or Major league baseball games.

[B]

Right. They did not get express written consent from Major League baseball to catch this horse. Instead had implied oral horse consent. Be careful with that. Yes, but some information made its way to the dorm.

[A]

I was gonna make sure you get oral horse consent.

[B]

I said horse, not oral Hershiser's consent.

[A]

He's on the horse.

[B]

Now we're talking. Although some information made its way to those at the Dunham Woods Riding Club in Wayne and the aforementioned Lamplight Equestrian Center. That's where the million dollar horse is, right?

[A]

Is it? I mean, is it a good. It's like, again. Hey, why is your horse riding club in the woods?

[B]

Hold your question. That's hard. Where do you want it on Clark Street?

[A]

It's like an open field. Would that be easier than through the woods?

[B]

Well, I think it's an open field somewhere in the woods.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Okay. The fact that a horse in Wayne had been found to have strangles was posted on a state of Illinois Department of Agriculture website several days later. Ultimately, after five days on the loose, the second horse was cornered on a property on Country Club Road between Wayne and St. Charles. Professional trappers hired by the rescue family. So now you've got private professional trappers who are racing for the horse along with the equipped Wayne Police Department with their thermal equipped drone.

[A]

Right. It wasn't Trapper John, was it?

[B]

Nor was it Alligator Bob.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It was professional horse trappers that have gotten involved. They were called in, and they came in a black helicopter in the dead of night.

[A]

When you hear the phrase professional horse trapper, like, what vision goes into your head? Because I had a particular vision of a guy. He smells bad. He looks like he smells bad.

[B]

Does he sound like Sam Elliot?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Well, it is our business. We trap horses. So professional trappers hired by the rescue family decided if.

[A]

Who haven't met the horse yet.

[B]

Correct. So they can't be reunited.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Decided if the horse would not remain still enough long enough for them to shoot it with a tranquilizer gun, they would move to euthanize it. Hmm. Okay, now remember that it wouldn't stand still long enough for them to shoot it with a tranquilizer gun.

[A]

Is that their job, though?

[B]

Just wait to get.

[A]

I mean, wait. Hey, Mr. Horse, could you stand still so we can shoot you?

[B]

Would you hold. Just. Just hold your horse for a second there? After about 25 minutes of.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

Seriously, Manny, we're just starting here. After about 25 minutes of watching the horse, that's 25 minutes. Remember, it's gotta hold still so they can shoot it.

[A]

What do you think he's gonna do? Sit down, have a cup of coffee.

[B]

With a tranquilizer gun. So after 25 minutes, they made the decision, comma, based on their expertise, comma, to euthanize the animal with a grenade launcher by shooting it with a small caliber rifle. If you could shoot it with a small caliber rifle. Right. That's what I don't understand. Something about shooting it with a dart was impossible, but shooting with a rifle was possible.

[A]

We absolutely cannot shoot a moving horse with a dart.

[B]

There's no way.

[A]

But we can certainly shoot it with a small caliber handgun.

[B]

It's been 25 minutes. We can't shoot this with a dart. What are you gonna do? Shoot it?

[A]

So they didn't hire professional horse trappers. They hired Professional horse killers.

[B]

Murderers.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Assassins.

[B]

You hired the wrong people.

[A]

God damn it, honey, you called the wrong number.

[B]

Oh, I'm sorry. You're right.

[A]

Kill it.

[B]

It checks Yellow pages. You're right. I called horse assassins.

[A]

And he said horse assassins. Please don't. Assassins.

[B]

Okay, veterinarians never swabbed the second horse after its death to learn if it also had strangles.

[A]

So they did shoot it.

[B]

They shot it. They killed it, but then they didn't check to see if it actually had strangles. Now, wait. The first horse that had strangles wound up with a major injury likely suffered while at large. And between the effects of strangles and the injury, a veterinarian recommended euthanizing that horse.

[A]

Wait, what was the major injury a gunshot wound?

[B]

No, that's the other horse. Okay, now we're back to the first horse, and both have been euthanized.

[A]

But I want to know what major injury it suffered while in the. While at large. All right, first of all, listen, a wild horse can't be at large if it's out in the wild. That's where it's supposed to be. Why in God's name are they taking wild horses from New Mexico and bringing them to Wisconsin, leaving the fuck alone in New Mexico? Who are they hurting? What's in New Mexico besides Albuquerque? Desert.

[B]

Members of the Urlacher family also running wild and feral.

[A]

Like where. Who's sitting around going, you know what? What should we do with our life? Well, let's go capture wild horses in New Mexico and bring them to Wisconsin. Then St. Charles, Illinois.

[B]

Okay, we have more from Wayne resident Kelly Owens here.

[A]

Okay, thank God, because I've been waiting to hear from Kelly Owens.

[B]

Okay, so now we've got. We've got two dead horses.

[A]

At what point do we feel good again?

[B]

I hope you're feeling good listening to this. I am. So Owen says we're all very sad with how it ended. Okay, so Owens did not know the rescue family before this episode. Quote, it was a heartbreaking thing, and the owners wanted to give them a wonderful life, and they had made all these plans.

[A]

Did the horses want a wonderful life?

[B]

And everything went wrong before they got here. Maybe the horses just wanted to run around.

[A]

Maybe they wanted to stay in New Mexico and be horses. Yep.

[B]

Owens, who is also president and founder of a nonprofit horse rescue organization called Hands and Hooves that she operates from her home, blamed Second Chance and its shipper. Right before being shipped, the horses had been seen by a veterinarian who had signed health certificates clearing them to cross state lines. Although Owens questioned whether they should have been transported if it was a horse visibly ailing from strangles.

[A]

So now you have a doctor, a veterinarian that falsely gave permission.

[B]

So Owens said that first filly we caught the day after Escape was very, very sick at that time. Owens also faulted Second Chance's hauler for delivering the horses during a storm with thunder and lightning striking as they were let off the trailer. Okay, now here's the best part. Remember, we said two wild horses, one trainer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Don't watch that video.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

She also said back to grandma's dildos and members of Grandma's dildos. She also said that two horses that have no experience interacting with people should never be escorted from a trailer together by one person with a rope in each hand.

[A]

Wait, say that sentence again.

[B]

Two horses that have no experience interacting with people should never, I repeat, never be escorted from a trailer together by one person with a rope in each hand.

[A]

Yeah, that's a bad matchup during a thunderstorm. You're going to lose that. How about two wild horses should never be escorted? Period, End of sentence.

[B]

Sick wild horses. Okay, just. A spokeswoman for Second Chance told the Tribune both horses were healthy.

[A]

Second Chance at death when they were.

[B]

Loaded onto the trailer in Wisconsin. She blamed the hauler for misunderstanding.

[A]

Doing his job. Stop blaming that.

[B]

Blame the hauler for mishandling the horses during the storm and the rescue family for not having fences high enough. Remember that scene? For not having fences high enough to prevent a mustang from escaping. Can we option the rights to this? We should seriously buy the rights to this story.

[A]

Make a movie out of it.

[B]

Yep. I know somebody who direct. We have to do. But we have to have people playing the horses. Okay.

[A]

You know, we could call Elizabeth Banks. Cause, you know, she directed Cocaine Bear.

[B]

The spokeswoman said they are.

[A]

Oh, did the horses take any cocaine?

[B]

The spokeswoman said they're fight or flight animals. Their first instinct is flight.

[A]

They're wild horses.

[B]

Apparently also flying horses, which explains why they do. Yes. If their first instinct is flight. Holy crap.

[A]

It's like a Pegasus. It's like a flying horse.

[B]

The spokeswoman.

[A]

Now I get capturing now.

[B]

And this is a bad sign, too. The spokeswoman for Second Chance would not provide her full name. You're a spokesperson.

[A]

I'm telling you, we need jack on this story.

[B]

You have one job. You have one job as a spokesperson is. At least you can have a nom de guerre. You could have something or nom de plume. Something. A Nom de de cheval.

[A]

I'm gonna send this to Jack Silverstein. I'm gonna let him go over the story because now you got sources not giving their full names.

[B]

Can you have a nom de cheval? Wayne.

[A]

Was it a French horse?

[B]

Wayne Village president Eileen Phipps. Of course you do. Referred all queries. She had the Phipps to the police.

[A]

Department, drove from second to first.

[B]

Well, no. Mike Phipps couldn't get an open receiver. She noted that the village for a time lacked definitive information as to whether either of the two horses had strangles. Some members of the Wayne equestrian community sharply criticized village leaders for not communicating better with residents about the horses being at large, as well as the potential risk for the spread of a contagious equine disease.

[A]

Now the writer's taking our bit. The members of. What? What was that sentence? Wayne, you just said members of.

[B]

Yeah, I did. Members of the Wayne Equestrian Community. Great band. Hello, Cleveland.

[A]

We are the Wayne Equestrian Community.

[B]

I love this song. Hold on. Wait. I love the fact that they got a freelancer. This is on the front page of the Tribune. Quote, the public should have been notified of the loose horse, said Olivia Pilch.

[A]

Because there's a lot of kids in the neighborhood, said Olivia Pilch, running loose and fast.

[B]

Olivia Pilch, who runs a horse dressage business in Maple Park. I was showing horses at Lamplight while the horse was at large.

[A]

Wait, did you say this was a front page story?

[B]

Yeah. Yep, I was showing horses at Lamplight, which means I had staff driving back and forth to help me, and it could have put them, myself and the horses at Lamplight at risk. Remember, that's where the million dollar horse is. If the community isn't aware of the problem, how can they help take measures to protect themselves and horses? Lisa Kerner. Lisa Kerner, a longtime owner of a Wayne horse farm, assisted in the search and kept watch for the horses while they were at. However, she lamented seeing little information provided regarding any potential health issues. She said, I did what I could to keep updates posted as we work together in this small equestrian community for the safety of the horses and the public. The outcome of this situation has been extremely sad and disturbing on several fronts. It is my hope that matters such as this will be handled in a more caring and constructive manner in the future in order for positive outcomes and stronger community ties. Make her sheriff like this. Lisa Kerner is the first person who sounds like an actual official here.

[A]

No, I think Wayne needs to shut down.

[B]

Wayne resident Ron Bowers noting that Strangles is a curable condition with proper veterinary intervention. Complained about a lack of communication from village leaders. He said, shockingly, neither the mayor nor the village board issued any public statement, guidance or support regarding escaped horses or their tragic outcome. While residents took it upon themselves to spread the word, mobilize the community, and raise awareness about the loose animals, the silence from our elected officials was deafening. Bowers cited the last time the shooting of an animal in Wayne made News Tuesday in 2021, when Phipps husband Hal new character introduction late in the story. People, man, this is Eileen Phipps husband, Hal. Hal Phipps shot and killed neighbor Joe Pettit's dogo Argentino dog, Ludwig.

[A]

The Argentinian dog had a German name.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because he. By the way, what does that tell you about his dog? If it's Argentine with a German name? Oh, he was former escaped Nazi.

[A]

Yes. 100%.

[B]

100 year old escaped concentration camp guard dog.

[A]

Well, that's why he shot him.

[B]

Had to be recognized. Him thinking if Ludwig was an Argentine dog. Absolutely was like the boys from Brazil hiding in the jungle with the dogs of.

[A]

And so Hal recognized him Goebbels dog as a Himmler's Nazi leader.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And he couldn't kill him.

[B]

Exactly. And Hal was like Simon Wiesenthal.

[A]

Right. So now why did Hal kill. Why did Hal Phipps shoot this dog?

[B]

Eileen Phipps said at the time that her neighbors dogs had threatened Halloween. Right.

[A]

With an email or what? God damn it, Hal. I'm gonna kill you.

[B]

Hal. Watch your ass. How did I threaten them, Hal?

[A]

This story. These people shouldn't be around animals.

[B]

I'm sorry so far, am I right that this is the greatest story of all time? Okay. Ultimately, the Kane County State's Attorney's office announced there'll be no criminal charges against hal Phipps. In 2023, Pettit filed a lawsuit against Hal Phipps seeking more than $500,000 in damages. That lawsuit remains pending in Kane County Circuit Court.

[A]

I want to know how he got threatened, why he shot him.

[B]

The 2021 incident, where no charges were filed and no meaningful reforms followed, showed the same lack of accountability. Bowers said. That's Ron Bowers. Remember now, so many people now with these horses, we see the same inaction. Wayne's leadership has consistently failed to address critical issues, leaving residents to pick up the pieces. These tragedies, Ludwig's death, and now the loss of these horses are symptoms of a leadership that fails to act proactively or communicate effectively. Owens called what transpired a horrible situation. It's not the owners are bad people, but one needs to go through a reputable rescue organization. Don't blindly pick a horse off Facebook and have it shipped to you.

[A]

She said, why are there horses on Facebook for sale?

[B]

That was the other. Why is a horse on Facebook?

[A]

I. Okay, I can't get over hall. I don't know why people are on.

[B]

Facebook, let alone horses.

[A]

I mean, was Hal walking past this guy's yard, a fenced in yard, and the dog barked at him?

[B]

Maybe the dog was able to jump over 5 foot, threatened by you, and.

[A]

He pulls out a gun and shoots him.

[B]

The one saving grace behind the tragedy.

[A]

Dog break into Hal's house in the.

[B]

Middle of the night, Robert said, is that there were no reports of human injuries or property damage.

[A]

Oh, thank God. No humans were injured in this fucking story.

[B]

Associated Shoot them all. There were no reports of any other horses in Wayne Contracting strangles. Still, in all, he said, the episode, quote, is an unfortunate situation.

[A]

It's not a win for anybody, especially the horses. Okay, there's so much here. First of all, this is too long of a story. Secondly, why is it on the front page? What isn't the. There's gotta be something else happening in Chicago.

[B]

The front page of the tribute. But this may be the greatest story I've ever read.

[A]

I agree that we need to buy the rights of this story and make a movie out of it.

[B]

And what it did was, I'm calling Elizabeth Banks, as promised. You know what just happened for the last 15 minutes or so? 20 minutes. You didn't think about the bears.

[A]

Well, I was. Because I was waiting for a bear to come in the store to get shot also.

[B]

And that is Dan Bernstein Unfiltered for this Tuesday.

[A]

Wait, I just. But there's so much. I mean, there's just so much here. I can't. It just. There's.

[B]

We'll be following this story very closely.

[A]

Oh, God damn right we are. We're having people on this show.

[B]

We're on it.

[A]

Hal fucking Phibs is gonna answer for shooting that dog.

[B]

How? Why was the escaped Nazi commandant dog? How is it threatening you? I have an idea here, but thank you for tuning in.

[A]

I keep forgetting it's a Nazi dog. Fine, Hal, you're off the hook. I love you, dude.

[B]

Today's episode of Dan Bernstein Unfiltered. Nowhere else can you get stuff like this. And it has been brought to you in partnership with my bookie. Make sure you subscribe, like, download rate, whatever you do with your podcast, because you don't want to miss stuff like this.

[A]

Dan Bernstein. Unfiltered.

[B]

Unfiltered. On three.

[A]

One, two. Sports.