Dan Bernstein Unfiltered | "The Seahawks and Patriots will meet in Super Whatever Bowl | Bulls lose to LA"

Podcast: Dan Bernstein Unfiltered
Host: Dan Bernstein, joined by Brandon
Date: January 27, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode delivers Dan Bernstein and Brandon's unfiltered, often irreverent takes on the 2026 Super Bowl matchup (Seahawks vs. Patriots), Bears "withdrawal," the state of the Bulls after a loss to the Lakers, and a parade of hilarious asides—themes include football fatigue, Chicago sports frustrations, and the quirks of the sports world. The conversation is jam-packed with wit, memorable storytelling, and the show’s signature blend of sports insight and offbeat humor.

Main Topics & Discussion Highlights

1. Super Bowl Ennui and Bears Withdrawal

• General Disappointment with the Super Bowl (00:08 – 05:00)

  • The hosts express their lack of excitement for the upcoming Seahawks vs. Patriots Super Bowl.
  • Brandon calls it a "Super Whatever Bowl," remarking, “This super bowl sucks… The actual super bowl was the NFC Championship.” (00:08)
  • Both admit that "Bears withdrawal" has left them unmotivated: “[The Super Bowl] is almost an annoyance because it's... keeping the next season from starting.” (Brandon, 04:33)

• Lackluster Quarterbacks and Storylines

  • Sam Darnold's surprise success doesn't move the needle, while rookie Drake May's struggles make the Patriots less compelling.
  • Bernstein: “He hasn't shown anything great in the playoffs so far. No.” (01:17)
  • The absence of Belichick and Brady saps drama from the matchup.

• Super Bowl Ads: Should They Entertain or Sell? (02:31 – 03:33)

  • Debate over whether ads should be straightforward sales pitches or just entertaining mini-movies.
  • Brandon: “Just tell me what you're selling me. What am I supposed to buy? Tell me why I'm supposed to buy it...” (01:58)
  • Dan: “On the Super Bowl, I want to be entertained. Like, super bowl commercials should entertain me.” (02:31)

2. Pro Bowl & All-Star Game Critiques

• Pro Bowl Format and Apathy (10:49 – 12:34)
  • The hosts mock the new flag football format and lack of competitive drive.
  • Debate over possible replacements for the Pro Bowl: charity/community events, skills competitions, or having players just play golf.
  • Brandon recommends “just do something completely silly. Have them play a wiffle ball game. Have them play golf.” (11:54)
  • Bernstein: “I'd rather watch golf than any other sports where a guy could get hurt.” (12:03)

3. Bears, Bulls, and the Chicago Sports State of Mind

• Bulls’ Floundering and Trade Deadline Futility (29:18 – 34:10)

  • Discussion of Bulls’ recent loss to the Lakers and the team’s stuck-at-.500 mediocrity.
  • Bernstein: “They’ve been a 500 team halfway through the season… five, six years in a row now.” (31:53)
  • Brandon laments, “It would be malpractice if they don’t trade people.” (30:29)
  • The duo express little optimism that the front office will make any bold moves: “Nothing’s going to change.” (32:10)

• Chicago Sports Fan Therapy & Memories (15:13 – 27:02)

  • Lighthearted debate about what might serve as a therapeutic “methadone” for Bears fans suffering withdrawal.
  • Reference to old on-air bits, running gags, and Chicago radio memories—recalling Terry’s legacy.
  • Several inside jokes, including “hot beef injection,” “Captain John Crackpick,” and “Ramblin Red Rectum.”

4. White Sox Take a Positive Step (35:16 – 37:56)

• Signing Sir Anthony Domínguez
  • The Sox make a rare positive offseason move, which draws cautious optimism but little faith in future direction.
  • Brandon: “They're at least beginning to act like something more than an unserious team… But I don’t trust the long term.” (35:54)

5. “Penis Gate”: The Ski Jumping Suit Scandal (37:52 – 49:04)

• Outrageous Scandal Ahead of the Olympics
  • The German press exposes alleged genital-area inflation (using substances or “wiener sleeves”) by ski jumpers to game suit measurements and enhance aerodynamics.
  • Brandon delivers a deadpan summary: “Professional ski jumpers... are artificially enlarging the genital area, not to be confused with the red zone area before official measurements…” (37:54)
  • Both hosts have a field day riffing on the methods and implications, extending the segment with previous jokes (“stuffing at lower levels”), a comparison to NHL goalies’ big sweaters, and suggestions for renaming hot dog stands “Wiener Sleeves.”
  • Bernstein: “Scan day is a big day.” (42:34)

6. Banter, Bits & Episodes from Chicago Sports Radio

• Old School Stories and Character Names (06:21 – 15:55; 17:55 – 27:55)
  • Spirited recollections about using fake names like Dick Warlock, Dick Hammer, and Sigfried & Roy while on the road.
  • Tales of terrible hotel stays on the road with the show—gun-toting neighbors, sealed sinks.
  • The legacy of Terry’s running gags and prank names: “Every time Dave Savini's name would come up, the man with the sperm detector.” (19:03)

7. Winter Olympics Unfiltered

• Ski Jump & Hot Takes (51:37 – 56:11)
  • Debate about why there are both 70-meter and 90-meter ski jumps when the 70 feels redundant: “If you can do the 90, you don’t need this… why would you do something easier?” (53:20)
  • Banter about potential ways to spice up Olympic events: “There should be a Hot Wheels bit… like a loop that’s on fire.” (53:42)

8. Show Wrap-Up, Picks, and Movie Recommendations

• Valentine’s Pizzas & Giordano’s Promo (34:15 – 35:16)
• Closing Gambling Picks; More on Prop Bets (33:53, 57:04)
• Segment on Movies: “Weapons,” “Sinners,” and More (58:41 – End)
  • Strangles recommends the film "Weapons," leading to a discussion of recent movies, Amy Madigan's role and more.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Super Bowl Feelings:
  “This doesn't feel big. It just doesn't. Feels like a complete letdown.”
  — Brandon (04:33)

• On Super Bowl Ads:
  “Just tell me what you're selling me... just advertise to me.”
  — Brandon (01:58)
  “I want to be entertained.”
  — Dan Bernstein (03:01)

• On Bears Withdrawal:
  “Is there Bears methadone that helps you get off… the Bears drug that's been feeding our system for five months?”
  — Brandon (14:51)

• On the Pro Bowl:
  “Just do something completely silly. Have them play wiffle ball… play golf.”
  — Brandon (11:54)

• On the Bulls’ Future:
  “Nothing’s going to change.”
  — Dan Bernstein (32:10)

• On Ski Jumping Scandal:
  “Ski jumpers are artificially enlarging the genital area… by using substances such as hyaluronic acid to boost crotch dimensions.”
  — Brandon (37:54)
  “Scan day is a big day.”
  — Dan Bernstein (42:34)

• On the Nature of Chicago Sports Fandom:
  “I’m still in Terry mode… all these memories have just been flooding back.”
  — Brandon (22:23)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:08 Super Bowl dissatisfaction & Bears withdrawal
• 01:58 Super Bowl ads debate (selling vs. entertaining)
• 04:33 Lack of big-game feeling; blame Bears' absence
• 10:49 Pro Bowl format criticisms & alternate ideas
• 15:13 Bears fan “methadone” discussion
• 17:55 Chicago radio nostalgia & Terry’s legacies
• 29:18 Bulls loss to Lakers, trade deadline debate
• 35:16 White Sox sign Sir Anthony Domínguez
• 37:52 “Penis gate” ski jumping suit controversy
• 51:37 Winter Olympics: ski jumping hot takes
• 58:41 Film recommendations & spoilers

Tone & Style

The episode is marked by:

• Sarcastic, irreverent humor
• Quick-witted banter, especially about sports absurdities and Chicago fandom
• Frequent asides, inside jokes, and callbacks to prior show lore
• A conversational style that’s both approachable to die-hard fans and accessible (if sometimes R-rated) to newcomers

For New Listeners

This episode is a true taste of Bernstein’s and Brandon’s unfiltered style: smart, unscripted, equal parts sports analysis and comic relief. Expect sharp takes on the Chicago sports scene, but be ready for the ride—no prune juice, plenty of bite.