The Seahawks and Patriots will meet in Super Whatever Bowl | Bulls lose to LA

Summary

Dan Bernstein Unfiltered | "The Seahawks and Patriots will meet in Super Whatever Bowl | Bulls lose to LA"

Podcast: Dan Bernstein Unfiltered
Host: Dan Bernstein, joined by Brandon
Date: January 27, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode delivers Dan Bernstein and Brandon's unfiltered, often irreverent takes on the 2026 Super Bowl matchup (Seahawks vs. Patriots), Bears "withdrawal," the state of the Bulls after a loss to the Lakers, and a parade of hilarious asides—themes include football fatigue, Chicago sports frustrations, and the quirks of the sports world. The conversation is jam-packed with wit, memorable storytelling, and the show’s signature blend of sports insight and offbeat humor.

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Main Topics & Discussion Highlights

1. Super Bowl Ennui and Bears Withdrawal

• General Disappointment with the Super Bowl (00:08 – 05:00)

  • The hosts express their lack of excitement for the upcoming Seahawks vs. Patriots Super Bowl.
  • Brandon calls it a "Super Whatever Bowl," remarking, “This super bowl sucks… The actual super bowl was the NFC Championship.” (00:08)
  • Both admit that "Bears withdrawal" has left them unmotivated: “[The Super Bowl] is almost an annoyance because it's... keeping the next season from starting.” (Brandon, 04:33)

• Lackluster Quarterbacks and Storylines

  • Sam Darnold's surprise success doesn't move the needle, while rookie Drake May's struggles make the Patriots less compelling.
  • Bernstein: “He hasn't shown anything great in the playoffs so far. No.” (01:17)
  • The absence of Belichick and Brady saps drama from the matchup.

• Super Bowl Ads: Should They Entertain or Sell? (02:31 – 03:33)

  • Debate over whether ads should be straightforward sales pitches or just entertaining mini-movies.
  • Brandon: “Just tell me what you're selling me. What am I supposed to buy? Tell me why I'm supposed to buy it...” (01:58)
  • Dan: “On the Super Bowl, I want to be entertained. Like, super bowl commercials should entertain me.” (02:31)

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2. Pro Bowl & All-Star Game Critiques

• Pro Bowl Format and Apathy (10:49 – 12:34)
  • The hosts mock the new flag football format and lack of competitive drive.
  • Debate over possible replacements for the Pro Bowl: charity/community events, skills competitions, or having players just play golf.
  • Brandon recommends “just do something completely silly. Have them play a wiffle ball game. Have them play golf.” (11:54)
  • Bernstein: “I'd rather watch golf than any other sports where a guy could get hurt.” (12:03)

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3. Bears, Bulls, and the Chicago Sports State of Mind

• Bulls’ Floundering and Trade Deadline Futility (29:18 – 34:10)

  • Discussion of Bulls’ recent loss to the Lakers and the team’s stuck-at-.500 mediocrity.
  • Bernstein: “They’ve been a 500 team halfway through the season… five, six years in a row now.” (31:53)
  • Brandon laments, “It would be malpractice if they don’t trade people.” (30:29)
  • The duo express little optimism that the front office will make any bold moves: “Nothing’s going to change.” (32:10)

• Chicago Sports Fan Therapy & Memories (15:13 – 27:02)

  • Lighthearted debate about what might serve as a therapeutic “methadone” for Bears fans suffering withdrawal.
  • Reference to old on-air bits, running gags, and Chicago radio memories—recalling Terry’s legacy.
  • Several inside jokes, including “hot beef injection,” “Captain John Crackpick,” and “Ramblin Red Rectum.”

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4. White Sox Take a Positive Step (35:16 – 37:56)

• Signing Sir Anthony Domínguez
  • The Sox make a rare positive offseason move, which draws cautious optimism but little faith in future direction.
  • Brandon: “They're at least beginning to act like something more than an unserious team… But I don’t trust the long term.” (35:54)

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5. “Penis Gate”: The Ski Jumping Suit Scandal (37:52 – 49:04)

• Outrageous Scandal Ahead of the Olympics
  • The German press exposes alleged genital-area inflation (using substances or “wiener sleeves”) by ski jumpers to game suit measurements and enhance aerodynamics.
  • Brandon delivers a deadpan summary: “Professional ski jumpers... are artificially enlarging the genital area, not to be confused with the red zone area before official measurements…” (37:54)
  • Both hosts have a field day riffing on the methods and implications, extending the segment with previous jokes (“stuffing at lower levels”), a comparison to NHL goalies’ big sweaters, and suggestions for renaming hot dog stands “Wiener Sleeves.”
  • Bernstein: “Scan day is a big day.” (42:34)

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6. Banter, Bits & Episodes from Chicago Sports Radio

• Old School Stories and Character Names (06:21 – 15:55; 17:55 – 27:55)
  • Spirited recollections about using fake names like Dick Warlock, Dick Hammer, and Sigfried & Roy while on the road.
  • Tales of terrible hotel stays on the road with the show—gun-toting neighbors, sealed sinks.
  • The legacy of Terry’s running gags and prank names: “Every time Dave Savini's name would come up, the man with the sperm detector.” (19:03)

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7. Winter Olympics Unfiltered

• Ski Jump & Hot Takes (51:37 – 56:11)
  • Debate about why there are both 70-meter and 90-meter ski jumps when the 70 feels redundant: “If you can do the 90, you don’t need this… why would you do something easier?” (53:20)
  • Banter about potential ways to spice up Olympic events: “There should be a Hot Wheels bit… like a loop that’s on fire.” (53:42)

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8. Show Wrap-Up, Picks, and Movie Recommendations

• Valentine’s Pizzas & Giordano’s Promo (34:15 – 35:16)
• Closing Gambling Picks; More on Prop Bets (33:53, 57:04)
• Segment on Movies: “Weapons,” “Sinners,” and More (58:41 – End)
  • Strangles recommends the film "Weapons," leading to a discussion of recent movies, Amy Madigan's role and more.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Super Bowl Feelings:
  “This doesn't feel big. It just doesn't. Feels like a complete letdown.”
  — Brandon (04:33)

• On Super Bowl Ads:
  “Just tell me what you're selling me... just advertise to me.”
  — Brandon (01:58)
  “I want to be entertained.”
  — Dan Bernstein (03:01)

• On Bears Withdrawal:
  “Is there Bears methadone that helps you get off… the Bears drug that's been feeding our system for five months?”
  — Brandon (14:51)

• On the Pro Bowl:
  “Just do something completely silly. Have them play wiffle ball… play golf.”
  — Brandon (11:54)

• On the Bulls’ Future:
  “Nothing’s going to change.”
  — Dan Bernstein (32:10)

• On Ski Jumping Scandal:
  “Ski jumpers are artificially enlarging the genital area… by using substances such as hyaluronic acid to boost crotch dimensions.”
  — Brandon (37:54)
  “Scan day is a big day.”
  — Dan Bernstein (42:34)

• On the Nature of Chicago Sports Fandom:
  “I’m still in Terry mode… all these memories have just been flooding back.”
  — Brandon (22:23)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:08 Super Bowl dissatisfaction & Bears withdrawal
• 01:58 Super Bowl ads debate (selling vs. entertaining)
• 04:33 Lack of big-game feeling; blame Bears' absence
• 10:49 Pro Bowl format criticisms & alternate ideas
• 15:13 Bears fan “methadone” discussion
• 17:55 Chicago radio nostalgia & Terry’s legacies
• 29:18 Bulls loss to Lakers, trade deadline debate
• 35:16 White Sox sign Sir Anthony Domínguez
• 37:52 “Penis gate” ski jumping suit controversy
• 51:37 Winter Olympics: ski jumping hot takes
• 58:41 Film recommendations & spoilers

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Tone & Style

The episode is marked by:

• Sarcastic, irreverent humor
• Quick-witted banter, especially about sports absurdities and Chicago fandom
• Frequent asides, inside jokes, and callbacks to prior show lore
• A conversational style that’s both approachable to die-hard fans and accessible (if sometimes R-rated) to newcomers

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For New Listeners

This episode is a true taste of Bernstein’s and Brandon’s unfiltered style: smart, unscripted, equal parts sports analysis and comic relief. Expect sharp takes on the Chicago sports scene, but be ready for the ride—no prune juice, plenty of bite.

Transcript

[Dan Bernstein]

Dan Bernstein, Unfiltered Unfiltered on 312 Sports.

[Brandon]

On 312 Sports is brought to you in partnership with my bookie. This super bowl sucks. It just, I know that the actual super bowl was the NFC Championship. It's certainly what it felt like, but that's not really the point. Whatever happens in the game, it's not really the point. Just after a really fun regular season. And I understand that part of this is Bears withdrawal, that maybe a large part of this is Bears withdrawal. Because Bears withdrawal didn't really hit until I was really sitting watching the football games. It didn't really get to me. Like, you know, this sucks that the Bears aren't here. I thought I was more over it than I was. I thought I was more ready to say, because usually we, we make that transition after the regular season and we're very used to saying, oh, okay, well, Bears football is a nice little distraction. And that was fun to pretend like that mattered for a while. And now we'll watch good teams play, but it doesn't feel like that right now. I don't know if, if, if, if Drake May is ready to play in a Super Bowl. He's a really good quarterback, but I, he's, he hasn't been great. They can't protect him either.

[Dan Bernstein]

No. And he hasn't shown anything great in the, in the playoffs so far. No.

[Brandon]

They've done a terrible job protecting him. And Sam Darnold's a great story so.

[Dan Bernstein]

Far, but I just don't care.

[Brandon]

That's part of the problem. That's the big problem. And also, and this is not really apropos of anything because it shouldn't matter, but if you have noticed the quality or lack thereof of these teasers for what the super bowl commercials are going to be, I haven't seen anything. If it wasn't over, if the whole thing wasn't over before, it sure feels over now. Like most. Last year was the first year where I was kinda like, yeah, we'll watch the group, but I can watch a recap. If any of the ads are really important. I don't need to run in front of the television and see if. Because every next one was a disappointment, everything's a letdown, and they're spending money to have celebrities do things that seem to make no sense. And it's, I never know what you're selling me. Just tell me, Tell me what you're selling me. What am I supposed to buy? Tell me why I'm supposed to buy it, how it's going to improve my life. Just advertise to me. So it looks like from the teasers for the major products, that that's already a dud. They've already. That. That's a failure already.

[Dan Bernstein]

See, that's interesting that you have that perspective on it for the super bowl, because, like, on regular days, when I do see ads. Because you don't see ads that often anymore. I just. I want to be informed. I want to know what you're selling. But on the Super Bowl, I want to be entertained. Like, super bowl commercials should entertain me. I don't care if they do a good job selling the product or not. It's nice to be able to walk away and say, oh, yeah, okay, so they were selling Doritos. That was gmc.

[Brandon]

It's Brandon, make me feel better about your product. Make me feel something.

[Dan Bernstein]

I just. I want to be entertained.

[Brandon]

But that's why they are entertained. They're entertaining you to. They wouldn't invest all this money if it wasn't going to result in. Their goal is not entertainment. Their goal is brand engagement. Their goal is to make you more likely to purchase something. That's why they spend the money.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. Oh, I get that for regular commercials, but for the Super Bowl, I'm not, like, I'm not being sold on something that I'm not even thinking about that type of stuff. I want to be entertained.

[Brandon]

Right, but they're entertaining you, so you remember it. So you're still. Part of you is more likely to buy it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, I just. I look at it more of a. It's part of the show now, and I think that's. People are still into it big time.

[Brandon]

Like, don't give me the Patriots again. Just. I don't. Don't give me the Patriots again.

[Dan Bernstein]

See, I'm. I didn't mention this yesterday. My favorite part.

[Brandon]

Well, we were a little busy yesterday.

[Dan Bernstein]

My favorite part of it. Well, forward progress wasn't all that busy.

[Brandon]

Forward progress was awesome, I think.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, no, it was great.

[Brandon]

Yeah. If you haven't. If you didn't hear yesterday's forward progress, go back and listen to it.

[Dan Bernstein]

That was some stupid shit.

[Brandon]

Yeah, it was. We needed it, and it served its purpose.

[Dan Bernstein]

The thing that makes me most happy about the Patriots this year is that there is no Bill Belichick. There is no Tom Brady playing football. Like, I'm good with those guys not being there, but if it was like a Patrick Mahomes, Josh Allen matchup, you know, which obviously you can't have in the super bowl, but Names of quarterbacks that actually draw feelings for me. Like, I hate Patrick Mahomes as much as I love him, you know? So watching him lose is as enjoyable as watching him perform.

[Brandon]

Big.

[Dan Bernstein]

It felt big.

[Brandon]

This doesn't feel big.

[Dan Bernstein]

This doesn't feel big at all.

[Brandon]

It just doesn't.

[Dan Bernstein]

It feels like a complete letdown.

[Brandon]

It does not feel big. It's nobody's fault. It's just how it is. And. And there's that element of Bears withdrawal that maybe is it. Is it bitterness, sour grapes, or is it just say, okay, let's get. Get this season over with, get out of the next Bears season. That's sort of how I feel now, but this is almost an annoyance because it's. It's. It's keeping the next season from starting.

[Dan Bernstein]

Like, this is the most excited I am for the season to start in a long time, you know, in a very long time. And I think I'm fine with the Bears thing because the Rams lost, had the Rams won, and we're going to the Super Bowl, I'd still be pissed about the Bears.

[Brandon]

Yeah, but.

[Dan Bernstein]

Because the Bears gave that game away. But that doesn't bother me. It's Sam Darnold. He's won 14 games in the regular season, two consecutive season now with two different teams, and I still don't care about Sam Darnold.

[Brandon]

I just don't want to see more cutaways to Robert Kraft every time. Stop showing the owner. The owner's booth. Cutaways bother me in general. It's like, oh, here's this football game. Football. Look at this. Isn't this fun? Oh, here's horrible billionaire. It's just. It just reminds you. It's like, oh, yes, here's horrible. Billionaire. Here's. And if you say, well, not all billionaire. Most billionaires are horrible. I'm sure there are some who are not. But most billionaires, by their very nature, are horrible. And then it's like, well, look at Robert Kraft. And he's there. And they all say nice things about it. It's like, well, and then all you can think about is him, you know, getting his. His. His dick waxed in a strip mall. And it's like, oh, yes, of course. The great, important and valuable to society. There he is. Look at this, man. This is owning everything. All right, great. All right. What's my schema about Robert Kraft? Okay, great. Thank you. Thanks for putting that on my football day.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, speaking of dick wax, too, I learned this about this. My favorite thing about Sam Darnold was his Grandpa, who was an actor and a commercial actor, played the Marble Man.

[Brandon]

He played the Marlboro Man.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. And his. His name was Dick Hammer.

[Brandon]

No, it wasn't.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes. So he's Dick Hammer. Wait, we already have to take that name. You're Dick Warlock.

[Brandon]

We have Dick Warlock.

[Dan Bernstein]

Right. The stuntman. And now we have Dick Hammer, the cigarette actor.

[Brandon]

I wanna be your Dick Hammer.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. So that'll be.

[Brandon]

Why don't you call my name?

[Dan Bernstein]

If we were to ever travel for.

[Brandon]

The show, let me be your Dick Hammer. That's like.

[Dan Bernstein]

Terry used to use fake names at hotels.

[Brandon]

Edward Dickman.

[Dan Bernstein]

We all took that. Yep. One year. We checked in as Sig Freed and Roy.

[Brandon]

Yes, I was. I was Sigfried Fishbocker. And I was Roy Horn.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Brandon]

Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Terry was always.

[Brandon]

That was in Florida.

[Dan Bernstein]

That was in Florida. Terry was. Terry was Dick Trickle. Yeah. But that was the first time I heard it. And he checked in, and she's like, name. And he's like, well, I want to be under Dick Trickle. And so that's when we did Sig Freed and Roy. So we could do Dick Hammer and Dick Warlock.

[Brandon]

Huh? When we're out there, two dicks. Wow. On the big 312 Sports World Tour.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Out there on our tour bus.

[Dan Bernstein]

When we do the super bowl next.

[Brandon]

Year, we'll put it on the side.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. And Dick Warlock. Yeah.

[Brandon]

Parking right there in the parking lot of a Marriott courtyard.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. And like, the logo.

[Brandon]

Coach bus.

[Dan Bernstein]

The logo for the show can be, like, you dressed up as. Like a. As a magician.

[Brandon]

Mm.

[Dan Bernstein]

And I'm pulling you out of a hat. No, mine can just be a hammer. Cause it's always gotta be an inanimate object.

[Brandon]

Yeah, but Warlock is a magician. Warlock is a witch.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. So, you know, kind of I want people to understand what you're dressed up look, though, people might think you're goth, or not goth, but Goth.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Goth.

[Brandon]

No. I'll figure it out. I'll work on the costume.

[Dan Bernstein]

Dick Warlock and Dick Hammer.

[Brandon]

We need something to make this super bowl compelling and rich. Yeah. So unless.

[Dan Bernstein]

Unless they bring in a segment about Sam Darnold's grandpa, there's nothing compelling and rich about it.

[Brandon]

I was also thinking this. If you're Bill Belichick right now, does any part of you think, you know, if I had done the Jimmie Johnson thing and just bought a fishing boat, that right now he'd be celebrated? Right now he would be coming back as an emeritus figurehead, sort of the godhead of the page. Like, look. Oh, what a life. He would have. Instead of doing whatever the hell he thinks he's doing at the University of North Carolina, like whatever this last act is or is trying to be or supposed to be.

[Dan Bernstein]

Is he still dating that girl?

[Brandon]

Yeah, I think so. But instead, this has been a calamity. Instead, had he just said, I'm gonna go home to one of my many houses. I'm gonna sit in a boat. I'm gonna go kayak among the manatees. I don't know he said anything. He would be, you know, the features they would do on him and say they would be calling it, you know, the. The winning legacy that he built. And Mike Vrabel is following in his footsteps. And instead he's sitting in Chapel Hill. Really? He's in an office in Chapel Hill muttering about something with Mike Lombardi, who's probably sitting across from him at a desk, poking at a salad with a plastic fork and Talking about what 17 year olds they're gonna bring in. Really?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

It's amazing that that was the choice and you're down there and at least you can go home and snuggle up to your girlfriend and if that makes you happy, man, whatever, Whatever. Blows your hair back, Bill. But he could be had. He just said, we're done. Retired in the good graces. And look, Tom Brady is putting in the work. Tom Brady's getting good at his job.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, he's getting better.

[Brandon]

Yeah, I think. I think he's. I think he's at good. I think he's a B minus right now. I think he's above replacement level.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Brandon]

At the moment, it's a. It's a small sample size, but I think he's doing okay. It's just not. This isn't one of the things you're like, oh, boy, counting down the days to the Super Bowl. I can't wait for all the stories. It's two weeks now, right? Is it one week? Because it was one week. Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

This weekend is the Pro bowl stuff.

[Brandon]

Which we still don't even know exactly what that is or why it is. It's flag football, okay?

[Dan Bernstein]

Now Shador Sanders is replacing Drake May.

[Brandon]

If Shador Sanders is in a Pro bowl, we've got issues.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, they've had to. I mean, he had to be in the bottom of the list. I mean, he's one of the worst quarterbacks in the afc. So they probably. They probably called other quarterback and they just weren't interested. Like, why would you be interested? It really is one of the dumbest things. It's not. It's not as bad as the NBA All Star Game, but it's, it's, it's pretty bad.

[Brandon]

It's. Well, it's kind of worse just because of the nature of the game.

[Dan Bernstein]

Because it's not. Yeah.

[Brandon]

And you can't ask guys to run into each other and try to play. This isn't real football. It's just an. It's a little honor thing for them to do.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, they can, they can do something different without the players actually participating in anything that can actually injure themselves. Just get rid of it. And you know, if you want to have a two week gap, then fine, still do that, but find something different to do this weekend where maybe you give back to the community somehow and enlarge, I don't know. But. Or just skip everything altogether and just have honorary names of guys that would make it and give them their bonuses. I don't know.

[Brandon]

It just do something completely silly. Have them play a wiffle ball game. Have them play a basketball game. Have them go play golf. Do. Do a nice warm golf.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'd rather watch, I'd rather watch golf than any other sports where a guy could get hurt. I mean, honestly, if you play wiffle ball, guy can run to first and.

[Brandon]

Get hurt if you put them in golf carts with the cameras. Just like. You ever watch Bob Does Sports?

[Dan Bernstein]

No.

[Brandon]

Bob Does Sports is a YouTube channel.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Brandon]

And they're friends and they're good enough at golf and they golf together and they golf with celebrities and they play a whole round.

[Dan Bernstein]

I would be more likely to watch.

[Brandon]

That than I would like three hours.

[Dan Bernstein]

Any Pro bowl stuff.

[Brandon]

They, they play 18 holes with a PGA golfer or with somebody else or sometimes just on their own and they'll do like, you know, it's Joe's turn to try to break 80 and they, they talk shit and they make fun of each other and you learn to know the characters. My son loves it. He loves Bob Does Sports, loves those guys and like that kind of thing where it's where people are relaxed, they're riding in the golf cart from shot to shot, they're making fun of each other and it just feels like you're out playing a scramble with your buddies and it's warm out and it looks nice.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, you know, the national championship game next year on the 20, 2027 is January 25th. Just move that back another week or two and maybe put that game in between NFC Championship Weekend or NFL Championship weekend and the super bowl and make that your big week. That's your minor league system. So Utilize it. Because I'd rather, you know, as the rest of the world would watch that than watch any bullshit that pros are going to do half heartedly.

[Brandon]

That's not a bad idea.

[Dan Bernstein]

I mean, it's close enough now, January 25th for next year. It's close enough to work that out. Work together on it.

[Brandon]

The super bowl is finally here. And how can you turn bets into bankroll with my bookie? That's how everybody's watching. Everybody has an opinion. Here is the one game where the props matter just as much as the score. And that's why my bookie is for you for these next couple of weeks. The super bowl prop board is deep and fun to play, and we need it. Actually, I think props might be a way to spice this all up and make it interesting for those of us suffering Bears withdrawal. It's the same reason that my bookie is always talked about on Jimmy Kimmel Live every year when the game rolls around, because now's the time to get in. Right now it's one one wallet. You can bet the spread. You can live bet the second half. Because the thing about the super bowl is sometimes after halftime, you don't remember that there's another half of football coming up. Oh, yeah, more football. Well, there's all these opportunities for you. You can hit the casino during commercials. Everything's in one place at MyBookie AG. So go there now, use the promo code DBU for Dan Bernstein, unfiltered. And then your first bet's covered up to 500 bucks. If it doesn't hit, you have a bet back bonus token to run it back. So you don't just watch the big game. You can make it pay with my bookie. I wonder, is there a. What would be the treatment for bears withdrawal? Is there a bears like methadone that helps you get off of whatever the drug is, The Bears drug that's been feeding our system for five months.

[Dan Bernstein]

Maybe a. A compilation of Matt Eberfluss. You watch that for fight and then you get bears out of your system so that.

[Brandon]

Well, that would be a more aggressive treatment. Yeah, that's like Narcan, right? A Matt Eberfluss compilation of like the greatest oratory of Matt Eberfluous.

[Dan Bernstein]

Watch that for five minutes and then you're like, all right, I need a break from the Bears.

[Brandon]

Romans, countrymen. Right, right, right. I. That's. That's Narcan, is what that is. That is. That's an emergency if you overdose something mild, right? If you overdose on. On Bears fandom. You give the.

[Dan Bernstein]

You. You.

[Brandon]

The emergency injection. Not Dr. Rasmussen.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, not that beef injection.

[Brandon]

I laughed so hard.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, that was funny.

[Brandon]

Like, there's so many Terry jokes I forgot about. Yeah, like, I completely forgot about a.

[Dan Bernstein]

Lot of good stuff coming through on emails.

[Brandon]

Oh, my God.

[Dan Bernstein]

But like, voice messages.

[Brandon]

So many things that have cracked me up with people remembering things that I had forgotten about, stuff that Terry said and jokes that he made.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, you said, the one guy emailed you said he had a cup of coffee that he's been reheating in the microwave and not drinking.

[Brandon]

He said.

[Dan Bernstein]

He said that's what Terry would do all show long.

[Brandon]

He said, in honor of Terry, he's got a styrofoam cup filled with coffee and he keeps putting it in the microwave and reheating it and then not drink again. Good for you. And somebody said all day long. Someone actually emailed it, said, at least I know that Dr. Rasmussen was there to alleviate his suffering at the end. And I'm thinking, oh, no, no, the good doctor does not alleviate suffering. He's got one treatment. Dr. Rasmussen knows only one treatment, and that's the hot beef injection. Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

And.

[Brandon]

Oh, it was a lot of this. It's been an emotional few days. It has. It really has. And remains that. But there have been so many smiles. I was laughing so hard last night. I was actually in a debate with somebody via text saying, when Terry named Big John Howell and Ramblin Ray Stevens, when he called them Captain John craigvick and Ramblin Red Record. So I'm giggling. Beth is, like, kicking me. She goes, what are you laughing at? I said, I couldn't even begin to explain it to you. And she goes, well, go in another room if you want to laugh. I'm trying to sleep. So the debate was, what is funnier, Captain John Crackpick or Ramblin Red Rectum?

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, Ramblin Red Rectum, definitely.

[Brandon]

I think that's the initial response, but in its own way to just out of nowhere, like, I understand you can get to Ramblin Ray and end up with Ramblin, but to go from a normal name immediately to Captain John Crackpick.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, they're both very funny, but I just.

[Brandon]

Very funny, but. And then to put them together like that. And they were a really popular hit radio show in Chicago.

[Dan Bernstein]

Very popular. And the other. They were great guys, too.

[Brandon]

The other thing that I was remembering that one of the legacies of Terry, and I'm sorry to get off on this, but I Don't have to apologize to anybody. So it's just this top of mind for me, and I'm rambling, but he ruined Dave Savini. Like, think about this. I don't know anything about Dave Savini. I've never met the guy. But Dave Savini did this on the channel. Was it Channel five? I forgot what channel he was working for. Channel seven or something. And he did this whole thing about hotel room, dirty hotel rooms, remember?

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, yeah.

[Brandon]

And he used, you know, we used a blue light to show on these bedspreads and these pillowcases, the evidence of bodily fluids. And it was a scandal. Right. This huge thing they made, it was like whatever it was. NBC 5 General breaks this news. Dirty hotel rooms in Chicago. Could you be staying in one of them? Who knows what horrible things are on these surfaces in hotel rooms? And he kept using a blue light to show it. So forever, Terry would say, dave Savini and his sperm detector. The man with the. Every time Dave Savini's name would come up, the man with the sperm detector. And it apparently stuck with him. Like, people would see him. Poor Dave Savini would be picking up his lunch somewhere. Like, hey, got your sperm detector. You're Dave Savini. You're the guy with the sperm detector. And it's still that. For some people, he's like that. It's only because of Terry. Yeah. I just thought, what a great part of your legacy. Well, I guess it goes to show you, if you're going to make a big deal on television of waving a blue light around in dirty hotel rooms, it might stick with you. That's the lesson.

[Dan Bernstein]

Now, we could have used Dave Savini in Jacksonville. Oh, Kingsley.

[Brandon]

Oh, the thing would have broken. Are you kidding? That.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, that's the loads.

[Brandon]

That's the gun detector. That's different.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, there was both. Remember the blood stains? We pulled the sheets back and they were sticking. Remember the blood? Each other? Yeah.

[Brandon]

The drawers were nailed shut. All the mirrors were shattered.

[Dan Bernstein]

The sink was permanently, like, closed off. Like you couldn't lift the little thing.

[Brandon]

Oh, yeah, that was all sealed.

[Dan Bernstein]

So if you ran water. Is this gonna fill?

[Brandon]

You couldn't run. The water. Didn't work.

[Dan Bernstein]

There was no. The water did work.

[Brandon]

It did.

[Dan Bernstein]

There was no. No, no dials on the AC unit at all. Couldn't turn it on or off or anything.

[Brandon]

Nope, it was not.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Then.

[Dan Bernstein]

Then we walked down. The guy into the room next to us was cleaning his gun on the balcony. Yeah. We checked into Doug's Room to take a look at it. I think we probably got to get out of here. Yeah.

[Brandon]

And the cop rolled up.

[Dan Bernstein]

He's like, no, he was in the part when we got in.

[Brandon]

He was.

[Dan Bernstein]

He was waiting, was there.

[Brandon]

The cop was there and Doug was there.

[Dan Bernstein]

But the cop was there, was like. And he was like, what are y' all doing? And we're like, well, we're checking in. He's like, I wouldn'.

[Brandon]

You're not. Yep.

[Dan Bernstein]

And then after he said that, then we were like, well, we need to check in and see at least one room. We got to see this. Yeah, well, we gotta.

[Brandon]

Yeah. And there was the guy behind three inches of plexiglass.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Brandon]

Remember? Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

And then we walked out. I gotta check it. Here's your key. 30 minutes later we walked out and we're like, yeah, we're not gonna stay here. And he's like, I told you that.

[Brandon]

It wasn't 30 minutes. Oh, yeah, we were.

[Dan Bernstein]

We were in that room for a.

[Brandon]

Bit, checking everything out, making friends, handing out business cards, walking around, hey, we're moving in.

[Dan Bernstein]

Like, yeah, can you talk football?

[Brandon]

We'll put you on.

[Dan Bernstein]

Put you on the show.

[Brandon]

Never been happier to find an actual motel. No. Wasn't Motel 6 Econolodge? Right.

[Dan Bernstein]

Is that a Motel 8?

[Brandon]

Is that Super 8? Super 8. That's what it was. You're right.

[Dan Bernstein]

It was a truck stop.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Because all the semis were on the parking lot still running.

[Brandon]

Super 8. Yeah. And you and I had connecting rooms.

[Dan Bernstein]

We did. And then we stole the life size carbon Electra thing from the bar across the street and put it up. Terry and Hood were dancing.

[Brandon]

Yes, I remember that. Yes, that's true.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's fun.

[Brandon]

Yeah, I'm. I'm kind of still in Terry mode on some of this stuff. It's like everything is associating with everything. I'm. All of these memories have just been. Been flooding back and. And so many things I don't even remember saying. Like there's. I remember this one that you and Terry were talking. You're like, you're at a remote. You told me that. I'm like, I trust you. I'm sure I did. I'm not denying any of it.

[Dan Bernstein]

I just. The last several days, I've just been saying, kiss a.

[Brandon]

Get a sick monkey's wet ass. Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Saying that a lot.

[Brandon]

And then kiss a wet monkey sick ass. That's a. Because that's how we ended up with the monkeys.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Brandon]

That's how we got the wet monkey, the sick monkey, the Sink monkey, the eaten monkey, the Iranian space monkey. And there was another one. Oh, the filthy minky. Yes. And everyone's been talking about the. The options for where the monkeys are going to go now. I don't know. I think. I think we have to send them to, like.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, no, there's got to be. There's like, a woman down in Florida.

[Brandon]

Carol Baskin. Yes. Yeah, but that's what I was.

[Dan Bernstein]

Tigers, though. But there's another woman that had a chimpanzee that ripped somebody's face off.

[Brandon]

That was. What's her name?

[Dan Bernstein]

We got to.

[Brandon]

We got to send him Charla Nash.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes, Nash. She needs that. She needs the.

[Brandon]

She's the one who got her face ripped off.

[Dan Bernstein]

She needs the monke.

[Brandon]

And then she got her face replaced.

[Dan Bernstein]

Right. With a monkey face. And so she needs.

[Brandon]

It wasn't a. No, it was a human face.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, okay.

[Brandon]

And now she looks like Bill Bell.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, like a Hannibal Lecter thing.

[Brandon]

Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Brandon]

It's Jim Pembry. Damn it.

[Dan Bernstein]

So what do I say to him?

[Brandon]

Talk to him. It's Jim Pembry.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't.

[Brandon]

I don't think it is Jim Pembry, actually. It's actually not.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. We need to find a home for the monkeys.

[Brandon]

Jim Jim had a bad day. Things went real bad for old Jim Jim. And Charles Napier is in that scene with a terrible hairpiece. That entire scene now is ruined for me by. By Charles Napier's awful curly perm wig that they have glued to the front of his head. But I'll try to let that go as I. As I improve in life and move through. I know what I am doing for dinner tonight. And I have decided that I am going to make for myself. Because we were thinking about all these times in the travel, and we were talking about Waffle House yesterday. So what I'm gonna do is I have some Omaha steaks, filet mignons downstairs, and I'm gonna make myself my idealized version tonight of steak and eggs. Okay. And it's gonna be awesome. And instead of like the. I'm gonna use, I think, two of those six ounce filet mignons, and I'm gonna do that. Then I make the. I'll get the potatoes and the fried eggs and the toast and everything, and I'm gonna set it up just right for myself. And then I'm gonna put on one battle after another again because I've watched it three times this week.

[Dan Bernstein]

Have you really?

[Brandon]

I have. And I've decided, by the way, if you. If you go into the movie. If you haven't seen it, just watch it and enjoy the second time or maybe the third time you watch it. Approach it as a slapstick comedy, which it is in large part. But from the moment you see Sean Penn, just approach his performance as one of the great comic performances that's ever been delivered. What he does physically, comedically, his facial expressions, if you as an alternate viewing, I know it is partially a comedy. It doesn't tell you how to feel. There's lots of laughs in the mov movie, but for one time, after you've seen it a couple times, go in just watching Sean Penn's comic performance, it's incredible. It's incredible. I still want Delroy Lindo to win the Oscar though. Let the record show. But anyway, back to Omaha Steaks because I have them in the freezer and it just makes me feel good knowing I have Omaha Steaks in my freezer to allow me to use them as I wish. And that's what happens when you get the giant box of meat on your porch because you have gone to Omaha steaks.com and you use the promo code Bernstein at checkout and then you can get everything with an extra $35 off. That's a lot. $35 off. Maybe you're really this year making sure your protein intake is what it needs to be. Well, there's a better and certainly more satisfying way to do it that isn't just powders and a big canister of whey protein. How about steaks and pork chops and chicken and burgers and everything in portion sizes that you know all from Omaha Steaks. Well, you can do that. Put a big box together of grass fed grain finished beef marbled for exceptional flavor. Because Omaha Steaks has been America's original butcher since 1917. It's a family owned company, over 100 years of expertise in the meat industry. Everything you want will be in that box that you put together. So let Omaha Steaks deliver these high quality proteins right to your door and visit Omaha steaks.com get an extra $35 off with a promo code Bernstein at checkout. That's Omaha Steaks.com promo code Bernstein terms apply. See site for details. Bulls got a bit of a heat check last night against the Lakers that still have an aging but effective, aging aged but effective LeBron James and watching Luka Doncic such a pleasure. If you if you love the game of basketball, game of basketball, quite naturally, if you love basketball, watch Luca. Luca is in shape. He is playing hard and he Sees stuff other people don't see. LeBron still does too. And there were several possessions with LeBron playing that Wilt Chamberlain Lakers 1972 point guard. But I don't know how Luca does some of the, some of the stuff he does. Some of those skips and the baseline whip passes the stuff directly behind his head without even looking. You know, Jokic does all that stuff too. It's a little bit more kinetic with Luca. Played smarter and a little bit harder. The Lakers aren't that good. They've got the star power and they bring a lot with them. You know, they look like they should be really good. They aren't. They aren't. They take a lot of bad shots and I didn't think that their rim protection was there in a way that where other teams that beat the Bulls have had it. Did you see that dunk by Jackson Hayes late in the game?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, but that 11 point win, I mean, you know, the Bulls needed the show better than that.

[Brandon]

They didn't play well. And the actual term Heat check is going to apply to them here because the trade deadline is Thursday the 5th at 2 o'. Clock. Between now and then. They had a game that night against the Raptors. Between now and then, a decision has to be. The decision should have been made a long time ago, but we know with Arturis Karnashova sometimes like, well, I'll give it 20 games or I'll give it this week, I'll give it. It's ridiculous the way the Bulls don't have any sort of consistent long range vision when it comes to how they want to handle their roster or how they want to handle things year to year.

[Dan Bernstein]

I think he's waiting till Friday to make a decision.

[Brandon]

Well, we, as crazy as that sounds, it's possible the Bulls are at the Pacers tomorrow and then Thursday the 29th, the heat at home. Then because of the postponement, because of the condensation on the floor, they've got Saturday at the Heat, Sunday at the Heat, and then Tuesday home against the Buck or at the Bucks. Also trying to make decisions on what direction they're heading. With Giannis hurt, we haven't even heard really a timetable on when Giannis is coming back. So there's a lot to be decided. They've got, what, six or seven guys now? I always forget the number of contracts that are coming up. You got guys at the end of their deals. If you get to the end of this season and you let these guys walk for nothing, instead of getting second round Picks, conditional first round picks, whatever you need to do. You're not bringing them all back. It would be malpractice if they don't trade people. So I'm keeping an eye on that. So it's, it was evidence again last night after they had rattled off four wins consecutively. They beat Brooklyn, they beat the Clippers, they had a great win against the Timberwolves, and then they had on Derrick Rose night, Kevin Herder hit the game winner.

[Dan Bernstein]

Dude, you know nothing's going to happen, right? Like, you, you're, you need to like, come to grips with that. I don't, I mean, they're, they're, they're currently 500. They're, they're a game and a half out of the six seed. They are not going to do anything. I don't think they will not do anything significant.

[Brandon]

That's malpractice.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, get ready for it.

[Brandon]

It's malpractice with the number of contracts.

[Dan Bernstein]

Get your lawyer on the phone. It's going to happen.

[Brandon]

I don't really have recourse, but they're 500.

[Dan Bernstein]

They're standing wise. They're a game and a half out of the six seed and there's two teams between them and the six seed. But he's not going to do anything. He's not going to do anything. Dude, they've been a 500 team halfway through the season. How many? Five, six years in a row now.

[Brandon]

It's what they do.

[Dan Bernstein]

That's what they are.

[Brandon]

I know.

[Dan Bernstein]

And they're, they're obviously fine with that. Nothing's going to change.

[Brandon]

At some point, something will change. It can't continue. Like, you can't allow this opportunity with this many expiring deals, to not turn them into capital. To allow something to turn into nothing, rather than turn something into something for the pursuit of what it does defies all logic and every best business practice in sports and outside of sports.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, he's clearly like glasses half full kind of guy, because if you look at it the other way, they're one game up on Atlanta. They're four games up on Milwaukee without Giannis. They're four and a half up on Charlotte. So, I mean, they're just as close to being out of it as they are to moving up in the standards.

[Brandon]

Add, then make, then add, then bring.

[Dan Bernstein]

Guys be a solid seven. The solid seven.

[Brandon]

At least declare something. Yeah, don't.

[Dan Bernstein]

You don't, don't know. You're right. You're right. Declare we're going for it and look stupid or Declare that you're, you're. You're. You're not going to do anything and look even stupid if you want to.

[Brandon]

Be or if you want to start.

[Dan Bernstein]

Getting rid of guys.

[Brandon]

Don Quixote and say, we're gonna, we're gonna tilt at windmills and we're gonna add a couple play. We're gonna add rim protection and we're gonna get another shot creator. Exactly what this team needs right now. And here we go. Right? It's insane.

[Dan Bernstein]

One final stand.

[Brandon]

It's completely insane. But it's better than just saying, well, we'll see what these guys can do. We'll get to the end of the year, they'll all walk and we get nothing for them. Come on.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, you're right.

[Brandon]

It's got to be something or the other thing. I hope that you're wrong. The idea of just dithering and sitting with her thumb in their ass. Yeah. Would be insane.

[Dan Bernstein]

And my picks last night, the Hornets came through. They won easily.

[Brandon]

My kicks were bad.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. And. Well, the, my Bulls pick was bad. I was getting one point, but that didn't work out. But then the Celtics, they actually, it was a push. They won by eight, so it wouldn't help me. So the Bulls lost. Didn't kill me.

[Brandon]

Good.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, it was bad, though they didn't help. The Celtics did it too.

[Brandon]

This Valentine's season, share the love Chicago style with Giordano's heart shaped Pizzas. They're perfect for date night, for a family dinner or just because you know them, you've seen them, you live here. These iconic pizzas turn any moment into something special. They are available from February 12th to the 15th for Dine in, carry out, or delivery. Don't miss your chance to enjoy Chicago's favorite slice of love. So whenever you're getting around this time, February 12th to the 15th, thinking, oh, here's a little something extra I can do. Just if you're gonna order pizza anyway, you know, you get that pizza and then maybe you score some points, hey, look what I did. Maybe be fun for the kids. You could do it for them. There's all kinds of reasons to do it. And because it's yummy pizza. Yep. Right. That's the best reason. For the love of pizza, choose Giordano's. Did you see the White Sox did something that actually kind of mattered.

[Dan Bernstein]

They did. Yes.

[Brandon]

They took some of that money that they saved by trading Luis Robert and they signed Sir Anthony Dominguez. Like he's an actual guy. I didn't expect that. It kind of came out of nowhere. But he's an actual high leverage pitcher at the very least. Control is not his specialty, but he does throw hard. He is.

[Dan Bernstein]

How old is he decent?

[Brandon]

Dominguez? I think he's 31. Let me check. Yeah, he's 31.

[Dan Bernstein]

What's the point of this then?

[Brandon]

They will be better this year again. I knew that last year they would be better than the year before because that was just dead cat bounce. But they're at least beginning to act like something more than an unserious team. I don't trust the long term with any of this construction at the moment. I don't know where it's all going under Chris Getz, but they, they at least use the money. They didn't just pocket the money. They went out and they got a guy on a real deal. So.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, I mean, I don't know what he does. I mean there's still going to be a 90 loss team.

[Brandon]

Probably.

[Dan Bernstein]

Dude, they lost 102 games. They're not. They're not going to be. They're not going to have a 13 game improvement.

[Brandon]

Yeah, well, come on. They're not.

[Dan Bernstein]

They're not going to have a 13 game improvement.

[Brandon]

I don't think that Murakama is going to be anything more than a fun sideshow. But he might be fun.

[Dan Bernstein]

He could be.

[Brandon]

He might be.

[Dan Bernstein]

No. Yeah, he could be.

[Brandon]

Have you seen his swing?

[Dan Bernstein]

I mean, hopefully. Yeah, hopefully it works.

[Brandon]

Have you seen his.

[Dan Bernstein]

That will be the most entertaining thing about this team.

[Brandon]

Have you seen his swing?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Brandon]

Okay, now that, that's going to be fine.

[Dan Bernstein]

Just the way he's going to go up and bat without shoes on.

[Brandon]

Just wail away, man. Yep.

[Dan Bernstein]

Just don't even bring your shoes.

[Brandon]

Just absolutely unleash every. Even his strikeouts might be fun. So there's that. But I didn't think that they would go immediately spend this money on. I guess they're calling him a closer, but he's a real major league baseball player and if you want to celebrate that, it gives you something else to celebrate. Here's a story I've been saving for a couple of weeks and I appreciate the handful of people who have sent this story to me. We have had because of the Bears and because of everything else that's been going on, I've saved it. But it is now finally time to address penis gate.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Brandon]

Are we prepared?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Brandon]

I need to know for sure address it. Matt Abaticola that because this is, this is important stuff ahead of the Olympics. We can't go into the Olympics with this kind of controversy without it being addressed and eventually resolved. This is an expose began by the German publication Bild Bild. And of course the. The snarkiest version of the writing has been done, sadly by the New York Post. But this is probably the best summary of the story. A below the belt scandal has hit ski jumping as some competitors in the sport are reportedly manipulating their genital size in order to gain an aerodynamic edge over their rivals. Okay, you with me? Okay. Professional ski jumpers, and I imagine that the Olympics also allow professionals from these countries now to compete like they do in other sports, are artificially enlarging the genital area, not to be confused with the red zone area before official measurements, by using substances such as hyaluronic acid to boost crotch dimensions. They're also using silicone condom like sleeves, illegal wiener sleeves, and members of wiener sleeve. Also originally a Terry joke, by the way, that we sort of sowed that seed and grew it into something else. I think it was sticks and members of Styx was the initial use of that bit. The enlarged genital area allows athletes to wear a slightly bigger ski jumping suit. Where is my ski jumping suit? That generates more lift and improves aerodynamics.

[Dan Bernstein]

You think Bob Love owned a ski jumping suit?

[Brandon]

It was $5,000.

[Dan Bernstein]

$5,000 ski jumping suit that is more.

[Brandon]

Than that, which in turn adds critical meters in flight. So here's what's going on here. Why are they swelling their genital areas? Because before the season, ski jumpers are subjected to mandatory body scans to determine the dimensions of their suits. Under the guidelines of the sports governing body, the International Ski and Snowboard federation fis, the crotch measurement is taken from the lowest point of an athlete's genitals. According to the German paper. If you manage to move that point downward, you automatically get more surface area on the suit. The extra fabric provides aerodynamic advantages that can translate into longer jumps. According to build, they claimed some jumpers have allegedly used hyaluronic acid to temporarily enlarge the genital area ahead of the scan, sometimes by injecting the substance into a silicone condom like sheath worn inside the suit. Okay, so they're not injecting it. When they said injecting, I thought they were actually injecting. So the claims are based on information circulating, quote, behind the scenes, unquote, in the ski jumping world. They've stressed no specific athletes have been formally accused or charged. Norwegian ski jumper Halvor Egnor Grunerud doo doo doo doo Told the outlet Daga Bladet that he was Stunned by the claims, calling the idea of genital manipulation completely absurd and saying he had never heard of such practices before the German report surfaced. Granarud said suit measurements are taken during preseason body scans overseen by medical staff with standardized underwear used to prevent manipulation. So this is a big thing.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, it sounds like it.

[Brandon]

Scan day. I would say scan day is a big day.

[Dan Bernstein]

A lot more to this than I would have expected.

[Brandon]

Well, it reminded. Wasn't there a time in the NHL when goalies were wearing giant sweaters? Do you remember this? No. Yeah, I see.

[Dan Bernstein]

You're right.

[Brandon]

I do. I remember when goalies be. Especially because of the wing area under their arms. Yeah, same reason. Just saying, look, you can get a shot caught up in the fabric. And now they measure them. Now a goalies sweater, jersey, whatever you want to call it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Sweater, sweater.

[Brandon]

That the goalie equipment is measured and the jersey is considered part of the official equipment. That you can't get any advantage by just adding fabric.

[Dan Bernstein]

They don't measure their ball sacks.

[Brandon]

Goalies. Yeah, I don't think so.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay.

[Brandon]

Just their sweaters. I don't think so because they're. And the goalies are all wearing those goalie cups.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Which look like something like some weird tactical protective. They're all high tech looking now. And they're expensive.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

God, there's some. There were some funny days buying those up at Gunzos. You're trying it on. I don't know if I have it on. Right.

[Dan Bernstein]

My God, I'm in the Gunzos in decades. Well, that's a great place.

[Brandon]

The number of times that Jason would grow out of one of the goalie cups. Yeah. And then you're. You're in there. And he would say, like, I think I need an extra large. Like, no, you don't need an extra damn extra large. And then I'd walk out of the bathroom thing, leave the door open. He's like, close the door. I don't know him. A goalie walk out. Let's see how it fits. Take a lap.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, buying those for. For baseball, for the kids, they, you know, they sell.

[Brandon]

Who wears them for baseball. Who wears it for baseball anymore.

[Dan Bernstein]

Kids that catch.

[Brandon]

Yeah, I guess. Catch.

[Dan Bernstein]

I mean, that'd be a bad thing to take a ball right in your sack.

[Brandon]

Yeah, yeah, it's bad.

[Dan Bernstein]

But they sell them together now. They're like in shorts with the cup inside. But like, sometimes the kids need bigger shorts.

[Brandon]

Yep.

[Dan Bernstein]

But they don't need a bigger cup.

[Brandon]

Correct. You can pull the cup out.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, I know. You pull the cup Out. But it's like they need to sell them separately because you might need a large, short, but not a large cup just yet.

[Brandon]

That's how they get you.

[Dan Bernstein]

See how you're buying extras?

[Brandon]

That's how they get you.

[Dan Bernstein]

And one thing that did come out of this conversation is the name of my new hot dog stand.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Wiener sleeves.

[Brandon]

Well, that just sells buns.

[Dan Bernstein]

It's the buns, right?

[Brandon]

Yeah, it's the buns you're known for.

[Dan Bernstein]

We're known for great buns.

[Brandon]

Great, great buns.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, you'll love our bun buns. But guys in, like, really short shorts when they sell them. Beautiful. Yeah.

[Brandon]

Look up. You want to see what the. I'm not kidding about these goalie cups.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm not looking anything about goalie cups.

[Brandon]

Just look it up.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm not. No, I'll do.

[Brandon]

I'm telling you, they look like they should all have the Punisher logo on them or like a big American flag. Like, it's all these, like, hardcore tactical things on there.

[Dan Bernstein]

Like.

[Brandon]

Like actual armor on them and. Come on, man. And they're like $100 or something. Don't raise a goalie. Don't raise a goalie. Unless you want to just flush all your money down the.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, don't let your kids grow up to be goalies or cowboys.

[Brandon]

Just. Just flush all your money down the toilet, mamas. Although it is safer. I will say it is. It is way, way, way. It's the safest position in hockey. So if you're worried about head injury, you're worried about stuff like that, then it's fine. Because they hit by pucks, they're covered in bruises and all that. But they don't. They don't because they're not moving fast. They don't have the same head injury risk. So that's good. Anyway, back to our story here.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. Penises.

[Brandon]

Yes. Back to penis gate. So the standardized underwear is used to prevent manipulation.

[Dan Bernstein]

Do we know what that is?

[Brandon]

Standardized underwear?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. Is it like. Like whitey tighties, tighty whities? What is it?

[Brandon]

I would imagine it's not like, floppy boxes.

[Dan Bernstein]

I'm wondering. You might get a little advantage.

[Brandon]

There's polka dots on them.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, but, you know, I don't. They want something to keep them raised up. Oh.

[Brandon]

Could you imagine if you're wearing that suit that, like, your boxers are riding up underneath and you're like, you're pull.

[Dan Bernstein]

But you get boxers and you get lower hang.

[Brandon]

Right. But then it's probably cold. Yeah. I like to think it's the big red and white polka dotted boxers. Granare Root said that while being warm during measurements can matter, it shrinks. The notion of injecting substances into the penis to gain an advantage sounds extreme and is not something he believes is happening in the sport. That means it's happening. It's clearly happening. That's what the hyaluronic acid is doing. They're not putting that in a wiener sleeve.

[Dan Bernstein]

You think guys are kicking each other in the balls so they swell up from trauma?

[Brandon]

No. What are you guys doing?

[Dan Bernstein]

Nothing. Right before they go in for their measurements or kicking each other?

[Brandon]

Nothing. We're good. Last week, two Norwegian ski jumping coaches and the team suit technician were suspended for 18 months by the International Ski and Snowboard foundation for allegedly manipulating suits during the world Championships last year.

[Dan Bernstein]

Love your suit technician. Love your suit technician.

[Brandon]

FIS investigators found that on the eve of the final day of the 2025 Nordic World Ski Championships in Trondheim, Norway, the head coach of the Norwegian team, Magnus Brevig, and a suit technician were caught on video inserting illegal non elastic stitching into the crotch area of the suits belonging to two key members of the squad. And apparently there have been issues of stuffing at lower levels that this apparently has long gone on on measurement day. And apparently they are working to use skeletal reference points instead of soft tissue.

[Dan Bernstein]

So like lower levels is like lower age groups, you mean?

[Brandon]

I would just think of like the minor leagues or lower levels.

[Dan Bernstein]

Is that just a reason to touch?

[Brandon]

They would just kind of stuff their pants or maybe.

[Dan Bernstein]

So the Federation. So the fis.

[Brandon]

Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay, so the FIS is the International Ski and Snowboard Federation.

[Brandon]

Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yet they refer to themselves as the fiscal, even though they're the International Ski and Snowboard Federation.

[Brandon]

It's probably.

[Dan Bernstein]

Which would be the isf.

[Brandon]

Right, but it's a translation. It's probably putting the adjectives in the other side because they need to find.

[Dan Bernstein]

A T in here somewhere to call themselves FIST or wint. That's right.

[Brandon]

We're gonna win the ski and whatever is needed today. Also known as wint. We found Commissioner Tim Beckman.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, boy, that was something having that guy on.

[Brandon]

You remember that day?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Brandon]

Do you remember the look on the face of the ad?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes. Whatever's needed today.

[Brandon]

No, but you could. You could see. You could see Mike Thomas. Was that his name?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. He clearly didn't make that higher.

[Brandon]

Well, I think he made the hire. Maybe. Well, obviously the boosters made the high. Somebody made the hire. But the moment that Beckman started going into the, like all this stuff and he was trying. The ad. Was trying so hard to not evince complete terror.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. When he threw up, though, on the floor in the studio, that kind of gave it away. Pulled out a little flask of Jack, was like, fuck me.

[Brandon]

When he started swinging out of a bottle of Goldschlager in the middle of the interview. That'll do it for me today.

[Dan Bernstein]

Pulled a crack pipe out of his briefcase.

[Brandon]

Crack.

[Dan Bernstein]

Might as well just start this now.

[Brandon]

All right. Our coach, ladies and gentlemen, Right.

[Dan Bernstein]

Whatever is needed today, whatever. Win.

[Brandon]

Then the day you got. He loved you.

[Dan Bernstein]

He did love me.

[Brandon]

Beckman loved you.

[Dan Bernstein]

That was my guy.

[Brandon]

Yeah. You could just call him his cell and put him on.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, he loved me.

[Brandon]

Like, hey, Coach, it's Madame Atticola.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't know why.

[Brandon]

How are you?

[Dan Bernstein]

He loved me.

[Brandon]

I don't know. What was that like?

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't know. Did I. Did I really buy into his whole thing? Maybe I just played along with it really well. I don't. I don't remember why.

[Brandon]

I don't know. He had a. He had a thing for you. Yeah, like you. He'd get on the horn, he would come on the air and be like, we need state pride. Everybody needs to be behind the school because we love our state. Like, all right, okay. That's. That's an angle. Coach, he worked at the University of North Carolina for, like, a week.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, yeah. I still got his number.

[Brandon]

You still have Tim Beckman's number?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, I do.

[Brandon]

You should just text him.

[Dan Bernstein]

I will. I'll text him when we're done. How you like. What's up, coach?

[Brandon]

You up?

[Dan Bernstein]

I won't get a who this. I'm gonna get a. Hey, Madame.

[Brandon]

Hey. I've been waiting to hear from you. Long time no talk.

[Dan Bernstein]

All right, so do you want to. You want to get into ski jumping now so they can measure your penis?

[Brandon]

What's. Where we.

[Dan Bernstein]

Are we going here? Okay.

[Brandon]

No, we're. I didn't say I'm going anywhere.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, I didn't know if you wanted the.

[Brandon]

Hey, man, look, we are real close to having to pretend to like all these different sports.

[Dan Bernstein]

We're not. But not. No. Until they add the stuff we mentioned yesterday to all the sports I'm not watching.

[Brandon]

I do have a hot take about ski jumping.

[Dan Bernstein]

So what? This is the Winter Olympics. So this is hockey. I'll watch hockey.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

And then that's about it. And until they start adding polar bears to the cross country skiing tracks, I'm not. I'm not interested. You want.

[Brandon]

You want to hear My ski jumping hot take. Aaron Danversy and unfiltered. Sure. This is, you know, true. Unfiltered is the Sean White.

[Dan Bernstein]

Is that the snowboard guy? The red haired guy?

[Brandon]

Isn't he long retired?

[Dan Bernstein]

I was he Is he still. Is he still ski boarding, jumping, snowboarding, snowboarding? Is he. Oh, okay. I don't know.

[Brandon]

Am I supposed to keep track of that?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, well, you're the Winter Olympics correspondent.

[Brandon]

I am. All of a sudden, I'm the Winter Olympics correspondent, yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

You have Winter Olympics, NBA.

[Brandon]

I don't. I don't want Winter Olympics. Doesn't matter. But yeah, it does. You can't just give me Winter Olympics.

[Dan Bernstein]

You must have not read something. Page 80.

[Brandon]

I gotta go back and look at that. Yeah, I gotta figure that out. All right, well, yeah, I mean, I'll watch some. I just. I like Mike Tirico and he does all this stuff. He's always really good and he knows everything and, you know, they'll have heartwarming stories about people injecting their penises with giant air pumps or something.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. Our next next show here on 312Sports will be a Saturday morning bowling show with you and Murph. Hey, you guys will talk. All the pro bowlers.

[Brandon]

All right, so here's my.

[Dan Bernstein]

Here's my hot take on ski jumping.

[Brandon]

So correct me if I'm wrong here.

[Dan Bernstein]

Sparky, because I woke up this morning and I said, what is d thing about ski jumping?

[Brandon]

Well, yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

And now here we are.

[Brandon]

You've made it.

[Dan Bernstein]

10:32.

[Brandon]

I'm so excited. They have the 90 meter ski jump.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Brandon]

Why do they.

[Dan Bernstein]

How long is that?

[Brandon]

90 meters, approximately? A little over 280ft, right? 270.

[Dan Bernstein]

Could have said 90 meters.

[Brandon]

I could have, yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

All right, go ahead.

[Brandon]

Then they have the 70 meter ski jump.

[Dan Bernstein]

Shorter.

[Brandon]

Why? If you can do the 90, you don't need this. You've graduated from 70, do you?

[Dan Bernstein]

Is the.

[Brandon]

It's such. It's. It's just so lame. Like, there's no different. Why.

[Dan Bernstein]

Do you get higher up? Like, do you know, Is there a different. No, there's no angle of trajectory or anything.

[Brandon]

There's no, like.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, there's no loop.

[Brandon]

There should be a Hot Wheels bit.

[Dan Bernstein]

Where you get to what's on fire, the loops on fire. And you got to go through flames.

[Brandon]

Whatever you want. It's a Hot Wheels thing. You have somebody construct it and then they got to go through whatever. One guy constructs it, the other guy has to go through it.

[Dan Bernstein]

All right, let's hang on A second.

[Brandon]

But there's. You have a 90 meter and then they do the 70 meter after. It's such a letdown. It's like. It's like watching Major League Baseball and then they have to play softball. Why would you do something easier or less dangerous or exciting? It should be 90 and then there should be one that's 130. Like what's the point of the 70? That's the kids hill. It's the bunny hill and the Benny Hill.

[Dan Bernstein]

Like that would be.

[Brandon]

That would be fun too.

[Dan Bernstein]

You see what I mean? All right. Okay. That's why you need Google, Dan. The 90 meter ski jump and the 70 meter ski jump differ primarily in their K point, which is the point on the hill where the jumper's landing begins.

[Brandon]

Yeah, because one shorter.

[Dan Bernstein]

The K point for the 90 meter ski jump is 90 meters, while the K point for the 70 meter ski jump.

[Brandon]

Let me guess, is 70 meters.

[Dan Bernstein]

70 meters. Right. So the difference in K point affects the difference in points awarded to the jumpers.

[Brandon]

Yeah, but why?

[Dan Bernstein]

As they earn more points for landing beyond the K point on the 90 meter ski jump.

[Brandon]

But what's the point of the shorter one? It's the same people. Unless you, unless you have smaller people because of height restriction and size restriction, where you have to have tiny little people doing the 71.

[Dan Bernstein]

Maybe on the 70 meter ski jump people are shooting at you.

[Brandon]

Whatever you want to add to it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Going down the hill. Or maybe there's those. There's like big holes in the. There's like potholes.

[Brandon]

Is there any other sports, Is there any other sport that at its highest level, at its absolute. This is the Olympics.

[Dan Bernstein]

This is it.

[Brandon]

These are the best in the world at what they do. They have to do the tall thing, the difficult thing, and then also something less difficult.

[Dan Bernstein]

Well, then let me ask you this. Let me ask.

[Brandon]

Is that like in figure skating where you do a two minute program and then a five minute program?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, but let me ask you this, Mr. Baseball.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

Why aren't the dimensions in all of the MLB fields the same?

[Brandon]

That's a completely different question.

[Dan Bernstein]

It's not because one's easier than the other.

[Brandon]

It's an apples and oranges question. It's not what makes it easier.

[Dan Bernstein]

If you, if you have a shorter distance than a home run, you know that's easier than hitting a longer home run.

[Brandon]

Not on the pitcher.

[Dan Bernstein]

Really?

[Brandon]

Is that easier on the pitcher or the defense?

[Dan Bernstein]

It's easier for the fucking hitter. But it doesn't understand that.

[Brandon]

But not the pitcher.

[Dan Bernstein]

That a 305 foot home run is not easier to hit than a 420 foot home run.

[Brandon]

Yes, but run prevention is half the game.

[Dan Bernstein]

Okay, all right, whatever, Mr. Baseball. You're a fucking idiot if you don't think one's easier than the other.

[Brandon]

It's easier for the hitter. Yes, right, exactly. Not for the pitcher.

[Dan Bernstein]

It's easier for the hitter. It's easier for teams that play more their home games on a shorter fucking field.

[Brandon]

It's not easier for their pitchers. The other team gets to hit over that fence too.

[Dan Bernstein]

Right. But those other teams players don't play their fucking 81 times a year. But it's stupid that MLB doesn't have the same dimensions in their fields. It's stupid. Then basketball court should be different based on teams preferences. We're going to put 11 foot rims here at United.

[Brandon]

That's not the point I'm making. The point is in a given context.

[Dan Bernstein]

What point are you making? Like have a point in this somewhere. Make it entertaining for me.

[Brandon]

Yeah, I gotta be better at that. The super bowl is finally here. Huzzah and hooray.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, the Great Houdini.

[Brandon]

Don't, don't. I can't go to a read. No.

[Dan Bernstein]

Finish this damn conversation before you just go to a room.

[Brandon]

I've made my point. Right here endeth the lessons.

[Dan Bernstein]

Also fight. You just walk out of the room. I don't think so.

[Brandon]

If I were smoking a cigarette, I'd crush it with my foot. And then I would say that that's it about my ski jumping point. And it is not to be refuted. And the super bowl sucks.

[Dan Bernstein]

I agree with that. All right, do your read because I have a movie I need to mention to you. Go ahead.

[Brandon]

My bookie is where you turn bets into bankroll. No matter who is playing, no matter what's happening, everybody's watching, everybody's got a take. And the one thing you can control is how you enjoy your sports wagering. It doesn't actually matter how good the game is because you're doing it yourself. With my bookie. Especially with the prop bets. That super bowl board is deep. It's fun. It's the same reason that they get talked about on Jimmy Kimmel Live every year when the game rolls around. So if you want to get in, get in now. One wallet, one account. Bet the spread, you can live. Bet the second half. There's a casino you can go into virtually during commercials all in the same place. All you do is you go to MyBookie AG, you take advantage of our promo code DBU and get your first bet covered up to 500 bucks. If it doesn't hit you then have a bet back bonus token so you can run it back. The Code D. Bu. Don't just watch the big game. Make it pay with my bookie.

[Dan Bernstein]

I have a movie. So. Yeah, Strangles sent us an email.

[Brandon]

Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't know if you saw it when it was last week sometime saying that there was a movie out that he liked better than Sinners and another one Battle After Another. Really? Yeah. Now, my immediate thought was he can't be correct.

[Brandon]

Okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

That it's a better movie. You can like it more but not think it's a. It can't be a better movie. Those are both great movies. He said the movie weapons. Familiar with this?

[Brandon]

No.

[Dan Bernstein]

American horror mystery film.

[Brandon]

Here it is.

[Dan Bernstein]

17 kids from a third grade class disappear from their homes at the exact same moment in time in this little town in Pennsylvania.

[Brandon]

Good cast.

[Dan Bernstein]

Really good cast. Josh Brolin. What's the.

[Brandon]

Is this. Was this for what Amy Madigan was nominated?

[Dan Bernstein]

Amy Madigan?

[Brandon]

Yes. Is this the one for which she was nominated?

[Dan Bernstein]

I believe it was, yes. I believe because it's the only one that I know she's in recently. I was going to say this about. Started out slow. I watched it yesterday. It started out slow and it got. It got really good in Strangles. Thanks for pointing me on it because I wasn't going to watch it. It's not as good as Sinners or One Battle After Another, but it's worth a watch. Amy Madigan alone is worth watching.

[Brandon]

Really?

[Dan Bernstein]

Yes.

[Brandon]

Okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

She's great.

[Brandon]

Yeah. Critics choice for best supporting Actress. New York Film Critics Circle Award for best supporting Actress.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, I mean, she's really, really good in it.

[Brandon]

Golden Globe.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, really good. And it took me a second to realize that it was her because of the makeup and the character that she's in.

[Brandon]

Okay.

[Dan Bernstein]

I did not know. And you could color me stupid on this one. I didn't know that she's been married to ed Harris since 1983.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Dan Bernstein]

I don't know how I didn't know that.

[Brandon]

I actually knew that.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah, I didn't know. And I love, I love, I love them both. They're both great actors. Didn't know that they were married.

[Brandon]

Oh, she was nominated for the Golden Globe. She lost to Tiana Taylor.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah, that's the one. We want a super annoying award show. That was terrible this year.

[Brandon]

The show was bad.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, Is it so bad?

[Brandon]

But Tiana Taylor is just.

[Dan Bernstein]

I mean, so I contained. I would give it a spin. Take it off the shelf and give it a spin one time. I think you'll enjoy it.

[Brandon]

All right.

[Dan Bernstein]

Again. Starts a little slow. Stick with it. It gets. It gets pretty interesting.

[Brandon]

And it's a horror movie.

[Dan Bernstein]

Yeah. Mystery horror there is. Okay. You mentioned my guy, John Ortiz, one of the best death scenes ever in movies. When he was in Kong Skull island when he gets ripped apart by the pterodactyls in midair. Yep. It's a pretty good death scene.

[Brandon]

Spoiler alert.

[Dan Bernstein]

No, I'm just. Well, yeah, I did. Sorry, but I'm not telling you what it is.

[Brandon]

But you jerk.

[Dan Bernstein]

It's kind of a bad thing to do, didn't it. Oops.

[Brandon]

What's wrong with you?

[Dan Bernstein]

I'll erase it. I'll delete it from the. From the show.

[Brandon]

He's not gonna delete it.

[Dan Bernstein]

Oh, I will. I'll delete it from the show. Yeah. I promise. I wouldn't do that to our listeners, our friends.

[Brandon]

What's wrong with you? Stupid. Yeah, yeah. That's what that is. Stop. Your damage control is terrible.

[Dan Bernstein]

Why? When you remember.

[Brandon]

When are you going to fire Greg Bovino?

[Dan Bernstein]

Now you remember. Oh, God. Not. Not far enough. Not soon enough.

[Brandon]

Not far enough.

[Dan Bernstein]

Not enough, period. Did you remember in. Was the Danny Glover, Mel Gibson Lethal Weapon.

[Brandon]

Weapon.

[Dan Bernstein]

So Lethal Weapon 2.

[Brandon]

Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

When Mel Gibson gets shot at the.

[Brandon]

End and he takes forever to not die playing the knocking on heaven's door. So he's coughing and laughing and that.

[Dan Bernstein]

So I'm. I saw that that diplomatic community just been revoked. And his gun is like rubber because it shakes after he shoots the barrel. Anyway, I saw that with a buddy of mine when I was out in the theaters. And as we were walking out, there was a line to get in. Like it was, you know, that was a hot movie at the time. And just walking by all the people, I said to my friend, I'd turn. I go, I can't believe they killed Mel Gibson. Like, what a crock of shit that is. And then, oh, yeah, people online were.

[Brandon]

That's so jerky.

[Dan Bernstein]

It was pretty jerky. That's like, they were strangers. What I did today was worse. I did this to our friends.

[Brandon]

That was like. The people who walking out of Empire Strikes Back were like, I had no idea that Darth Vader was Luke's father. Yeah, not good. All right, that is Dan Bernstein unfiltered.

[Dan Bernstein]

All right, I'll delete that part. Right.

[Brandon]

Presented in partnership with my bookie.

[Dan Bernstein]

Is that the end of the show?

[Brandon]

Yes. Yes.

[Dan Bernstein]

Got it.

[Brandon]

Dan Bernstein.

[Dan Bernstein]

Unfiltered.

[Brandon]

Unfiltered.

[Dan Bernstein]

On three. One, two, sports.