Will Craig Counsell's bold move payoff for the Chicago Cubs, Chicago Bears 53 man, Jenks and great actor MJW, Matt's tour of Italy and national Guard takes over Big Landscaping.

Summary

Dan Bernstein Unfiltered: Episode 3

Date: August 27, 2025
Podcast: Dan Bernstein Unfiltered
Host: Dan Bernstein, with Matt Abbatacola
Theme: Will Craig Counsell's bold move pay off for the Chicago Cubs? Bears roster talk, remembering Bobby Jenks and Malcolm-Jamal Warner, stories from Matt's Italy trip, and federal troops doing Chicago landscaping.

---

Episode Overview

In this fast-paced and witty installment, Dan Bernstein and co-host Matt Abbatacola take listeners through a lively discussion of key Chicago sports stories, with a deep dive into Craig Counsell's impactful managerial move for the Cubs and the Chicago Bears' 53-man roster decisions. The episode then detours into affectionate and irreverent tributes to recently passed sports and entertainment figures, Matt’s colorful recounting of his Italian travels, and the absurdist news that the National Guard is taking over landscaping work in D.C — with characteristic banter and humor throughout.

---

Key Discussion Points and Segments

---

1. Craig Counsell’s Big Move: Benching Kyle Tucker

[03:04–13:37]

• The Move: Dan opens with Counsell’s surprising decision to bench Kyle Tucker — one of baseball’s top 20 players, and in a contract year.

• Managerial Courage: Both hosts stress how rare and gutsy this move is, considering the stakes for Tucker, who’s playing for a huge free-agency payday.

• Lineups Don’t Really Matter (Except When They Do): Dan mounts a defense of not overanalyzing lineups, emphasizing that getting the best hitters the most ABs is a manager’s only true season-long duty:

  "Lineups, they don't matter. They don't matter. ... The only thing that I will reserve the right to quibble with is if your best hitters over the course of a season are not getting the most plate appearances." (Dan, 04:34)

• Player Buy-in: The hosts note the respect required for Counsell to navigate this with Tucker, contrasting him as a “rent-a-player” without deep Cubs roots:

  "...the balls that it takes for a manager to go to a guy with whom he doesn't have a built-in relationship..." (Dan, 07:44)

• Evidence of Results: Improvements in Tucker’s swing and body language are pointed out, referencing Northside Baseball and the eye test from broadcasters.

• Importance of Appreciation: Dan calls for listeners and fans to give Counsell proper credit if the Cubs’ season turns on this moment:

  "...I want to make sure that we are throwing bouquets at Craig Counsell and giving him proper kudos...because he deserves it." (Dan, 10:30)

---

2. Chicago Bears 53-Man Roster Deep Dive

[14:00–21:23]

• Surprise Decisions: Discussion centers on the cutdown process, specifically the surprise of keeping John A. Walker over Tyler Scott, despite Scott’s expected “Mooney replacement” role.
• Locker Room Dynamics: Praise for Walker's hard work and likability:

  “…very, very well liked in the locker room. Very well respected in the wide receivers room.” (Matt, 16:35)

• End-of-Roster Oddities: Interior offensive lineman Bill Murray’s absence and other familiar “just-around” names who didn’t make the team.
• Cuts and Depth: Reflections on Zach Pickens, Jonathan Ford, and the “end-of-roster and practice squad stuff” — often little-noticed players who end up starting by December due to injuries.
• Doug Kramer Memories:
  • The “ill-fated handoff at the goal line” and his brief, sometimes farcical Bears tenure.
  • Running joke about practice squad players always ending up starting due to NFL attrition.

---

3. Irreverent Tributes: The Book of the Dead

[25:36–33:26]

Bobby Jenks

• Both hosts commemorate his remarkable role in the 2005 White Sox championship run, emphasizing both his baseball achievement and the underlying tragedy of his life story.

  “He was a critical, material piece of a champion that had one of the greatest playoff performances as a team in sports history.” (Dan, 27:08)

Malcolm-Jamal Warner (Theo from The Cosby Show)

• Good-natured debate over whether he was a “great” or merely a “good” actor, inadvertently mixing eulogies with show nostalgia.
• Fun banter about the “jammin’ on the one” Stevie Wonder episode and Questlove’s essay on the influence of that moment on a generation of DJs and sampling geeks:

  “As a kid, the number of DJs, the number of aspiring DJs who saw that, and the fact that it coincided with the first release of affordable sampling…was because of that show.” (Dan, 31:53)

---

4. Matt’s Italian Odyssey (and Dan’s Bidet Confession)

[34:59–47:44]

• Trip Highlights:
  • Rushed Rome sightseeing on jet lag.
  • Guided archaeology tour of Pompeii by a real dig team member — including brothel menu paintings.
  • Sicilian Godfather tour (Savoca), meeting the actress-mother of Apollonia (almost!).
  • Architecture and culinary stops in Bari.
  • Falconry center in Croatia.
  • The dazzling colors and glass-blowing workshops on the Venetian islands of Murano and Burano.
• Memorable Moments and Jokes:

  • Both Matt and Dan bond over mutual digestive disaster at Rome’s Westin Excelsior.

    “I actually had horrible diarrhea at the Excelsior in Rome. First night there was brutal.” (Dan, 45:51)

  • Hilarious run-ins with “Captain Americano”—a mustachioed Kid Rock fan in Italy demanding real American coffee.

  • Sketch of a classic New York “guy who can get you anything” on the cruise, offering to ship an olive tree overnight.

  • Observation about Italy’s fixed water bottle caps to prevent littering—and Dan’s good-natured teasing about Matt’s fascination with them.

  • Overview of the omnipresence of Coke, Coke Zero, and Fanta as soft drinks in Italy.

---

5. National Guard, Federal Troops, and Big Landscaping

[53:20–56:53]

• Absurd Policy Shift:
  • Dan discusses news that National Guard troops are being reassigned from anti-crime patrols in D.C. to trash pickup and landscaping around monuments.
  • Satirical breakdown of the logic — cost-cutting that replaces laid-off government workers with armed volunteers now mulching tree roots.
  • Running gag about a government conspiracy to take over “Big Landscaping.”
• Memorable Bit:

  “If you actually look at the policy, on balance, it looks like the administration is trying to corner landscaping. … They’re going to dig up Rudy. …and have all of his hair dye dripping for another press conference at Four Seasons Landscaping...” (Dan, 55:02)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Craig Counsell’s manager moment:

  "…to go to a guy with whom he doesn't have a built in relationship...This is a rent-a-player...his only time as a Cub. He didn't owe the Cubs anything." (Dan, 07:44)

• On Malcolm-Jamal Warner:

  "I hope he haunts you tonight." (Matt, 29:59)

• On Italian breakfast:

  "Oh good, you got real American coffee there...I didn't want any of that latte date stuff that these people drink today.” (Matt, recounting Captain Americano, 47:35)

• On Italian water bottle caps:

  “The plastic bottles, water bottles, the caps don't come off... It's the best thing ever. I don't know why I was so fascinated by that." (Matt, 49:13)

• On government mission creep:

  “If that's the deal...If you want to walk, do some weeding...go down to South and West sides and clean up the streets…This is on the federal dime — fix some potholes..." (Dan, 54:42)

• On international Big Landscaping conspiracy:

  "The entire plot has been...‘Wait a second here. We can take over Big Landscaping.’ … They're going to dig up Rudy...hair dye dripping...for another press conference at Four Seasons Landscaping..." (Dan, 55:02)

---

Episode Structure & Timestamps

• [03:04] – Cubs, Craig Counsell benches Kyle Tucker
• [14:00] – Bears roster, Walker surprise, locker room & end-of-roster talk
• [25:36] – Book of the Dead: Bobby Jenks and Malcolm-Jamal Warner
• [34:59] – Matt’s trip to Italy: Rome, Pompeii, Godfather sites, Bari, the bidet story, Italian coffee
• [53:20] – National Guard in D.C. becomes D.C.'s landscaping crew; federal “conspiracy” against Big Landscaping
• [57:25] – Show sign-off and social media plug

---

Tone and Style

• Unfiltered, irreverent, and direct, with sharp Chicago sports takes and off-the-cuff comedic riffing.
• Banter blends personal anecdotes, hyperlocal references, and sports analysis, making the show equally appealing for diehard Chicago fans and those looking for sharp, no-nonsense sports talk laced with humor.

---

For Listeners Who Haven’t Tuned In

This episode offers a quintessential slice of the Dan Bernstein Unfiltered experience:

• Smart, honest takes on managerial decisions shaping Chicago’s sports scene
• Deep but playful dives into Bears roster drama
• Sincere (albeit unconventional) tributes to pop culture and sports icons
• Hilarious travel misadventures
• Political satire on current events—all delivered in Dan and Matt’s natural, no-filter voices.

If you're looking for honest, funny, and deeply Chicago-centric sports commentary—and don’t mind a side of culinary disaster or bathroom humor—this episode is a must-listen.

---

Transcript

[A]

Searching for a romantic summer getaway escape with Rich girl Summer, the new Audible original from Lily Chiu, the exquisitely talented Philippa Hsu. Returning to narrate her fifth Lily Chu title. This time Philippa is joined by her real life husband, Steven Pasquale. Set in Toronto's wealthy cottage country, AKA the Hamptons of Canada, rich girl Summer follows the story of Valerie, a down on her luck event planner posing as a socialite's long lost daughter while piecing together the secrets surrounding a mysterious family and falling deeper and deeper in love with the impossibly hard to read and infuriatingly handsome family assistant, Nico. Caught between pretending to belong and unexpectedly finding where she truly fits in, Valerie learns her summer is about to get far more complicated than she ever planned. She's in over her head and head over heels. Listen to Rich girl Summer now on audible. Go to audible.com richgirlsomer Dan Bernstein Unfiltered Unfiltered on 312 Sports Dan Bernstein Unfiltered Episode 3 Today's show brought to you in partnership with my bookie. I'm dan Bernstein. That is Matt Abatticola. Coach Matt Abaticola.

[B]

Get it right, Mr. Get his coach Abaco. I will whoop your ass. You don't call me coach.

[A]

North Washington.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

And he is wearing his Libertyville Wildcats go Cats fishing shirt. I've never seen a non fisherman wear more fishing shirts than this guy.

[B]

I have like 30 of them.

[A]

I know you do. Yeah. And they're like the UV treated all that stuff. It's awesome.

[B]

My wife refers to it as my. This is my uniform.

[A]

Yeah, well, you know, look, I'm glad you're on the. You get free stuff, you wear it training. You passed one of your coaching exams. USA football. Here. Here's your fishing shirt.

[B]

Positive coaching alliance. We had our big coaches dinner last night.

[A]

Is there a negative coaching alliance?

[B]

There is.

[A]

It's like Art Briles is.

[B]

It's actually pretty. It's like the normal.

[A]

Right. Actual coaching. Can only imagine what those meetings are like.

[B]

Oh, dude, it's so. Yeah, we had the TC yfl we had our coaches dinner last night and the guy who runs it, Jeff, he's a great guy. He's been doing it 27 years. But it's hard not to imagine him like in the superfan skit as he's. As he's talking and he's really passionate and does a great job with it. The whole organization is fantastic. A great nonprofit, you know, trying to teach football the Right way for kids and how to tackle the right way and. But it's. Man, it's something because I mean there's a lot of vape pens on the parking lot and there's this. There's a lot of testosterone and like the, the, the meal last night was all meat. It was chicken on a stick. There was beef on a stick. There was sausages. There was shrimp, which I was surprised there was even shrimp.

[A]

The only carbs worth were the stick.

[B]

You couldn't get seconds unless you ate the actual stick.

[A]

You're expecting crunchy stick you got here. No, but it's a good coaching meeting. We had a really good stick at this coaching meeting.

[B]

We have a practice tonight and we have. Our. Our first game was coming up Sunday at Barrington.

[A]

Well, go get him. Speaking of coaching, speaking of coaching, do you realize what Craig Counsel did here and how it's after the fact, if in fact this ends up being the Cubs season that I think is there's a reasonable expectation of it being. He benched Kyle Tucker and I think it might have worked.

[B]

Seems like it.

[A]

He benched Kyle Tucker. So let's think about this for a second. We criticize managers all the time and we nitpick. My God, what New York does to Aaron Boone and everybody else there. We nitpick lineups, which I think is a massive waste of time. It's so often I didn't like this lineup and it. All it is is outcome bias. All it is is a guy had a bad at bat because he was moved up from the six hole to the five hole. I didn't like this lineup against, you know, it doesn't matter. Lineups, they don't matter. They don't matter. Lineups don't matter over the 162. The only thing that I will reserve the right to. To. To quibble with is if your best hitters over the course of a season are not getting the most played appearances. Yeah, that's it. Your, your, your biggest offensive weapons should get the most played appearances. They should be some various, some permutation of 1, 2 and 3. And that's really all a manager can be expected to do over a season. And sometimes it's not just your best hitters by reputation, it's your best hitters by performance. Make sure over a season they are getting the most opportunities to affect games. Outside of that, I've seen the math on this. We used to talk about this with Joe Madden. He called him lineup Easters. I've seen the math. Yeah. It's even if you tried every day to have your supposed worst lineup, maybe it's two and a half wins, which is. Could be a lot. It could, but that's an impact. Yeah, sure. But it's. If you actively tried to make a bad lineup, that would be the difference. And obviously nobody's really doing that. And we nitpick and we say, well, Craig, counsel this and that and the way he manages the bullpen. But I want to just spotlight the idea of not only benching one of the top 20 players in baseball, but in his bet on himself pre free agency year. There are a lot of guys in this league who if a manager even dared approach, even even got up the gumption by cracky got up the gumption to go over there and say, hey, can we talk about you taking a few games off? The player would be like, no, no, we're not talking about that.

[B]

Yeah, because he certainly has the, the pedigree and the resume to, to say no and not going to do it.

[A]

And if you, I know somebody say, well, he didn't really bench him. I'm sure they talked about it and he negotiated with him or he explained to him what it was going to. That doesn't matter. Whatever happened, whatever he did as a manager in a workplace, the fact that this was agreed, the fact that it was and it worked, I love the work as always. I think the. So the best analysis of the Cubs this year or most years is being done by Northside baseball and some of the side by side videos that Matt Trueblood and Northside baseball showed of Tucker getting the lift back in his swing of his simply his swing plane. With all of the discussion of his injury, did they mess up his injury? Is Jed Hoyer to blame? What did they hide? What did they know? We'll see. This is all in flux and it's possible that Tucker could go through another difficult streak. But stuff got in his head. I heard last night Boogie Shambi and Jim Deshayes were speculating that perhaps what was in his head was the. The lack of slug at Wrigley Field. His home road splits pretty stark and a lot of people don't realize that the wind currents last couple years at Wrigley have made it into much less of a home run hitting park than its previous larger reputation would suggest. And that's just the fickle nature of the winds, quite literally. But if in fact this move mattered, I just hope that we give credit where it's due and the balls that it takes for a manager to go to a guy with whom he doesn't have a built in relationship.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's like he's coached him for season after season after season. He didn't bring him up as a rookie. This is, this is a rent a player and this is probably as far as we know, his only time as a cuz he didn't owe the Cubs anything. He can. He's looking at this as a quick stop on the way to half a billion dollars.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And that'll be a discussion for another time whether or not the Cubs are going to be in that game. I don't think they are.

[B]

I don't think they're not going to be.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

We don't need to discuss it.

[A]

Well, they're not.

[B]

When we can discuss it down the road.

[A]

They're not spending, they're not going to.

[B]

Be in that mix.

[A]

They're not spending it.

[B]

Either the Cubs win this year with Kyle Tucker or they never win with Kyle Tucker again.

[A]

But to think that, that in his year, in his build up my value year to get the payday, that's going to change my life and change the lives of everyone, every generation of my family who comes after me. Somehow Craig Counsel got him to sit down because he was bad and his body language was bad. He was setting a bad example.

[B]

You know, the thing was, I think it was the. What really hurt him. And this is prior to the benching or the sitting down the bench to Morsidim.

[A]

The glittery love that show, loved cinema bench.

[B]

We may bring it back. We'll see the glittery red belt he was wearing on his uniform. I don't know if you noticed that at all, but that was really. It was not good. It was not good. Part of the uniform. I think it really threw off the whole chemistry of the team. That's why they went into a slump.

[A]

Overall. Not like the guy at the Indian restaurant from episode one. And by the way, apparently there was a glitch somehow that took out the story of the guy at the Indian restaurant.

[B]

Seriously?

[A]

In London. Yeah, somebody told me. At least. I don't know if it's on their end or on our end. But yeah, about the birthday thing where the maitre d would put on the red spangly jacket, Roman candles and run. No sparklers. Roman candles inside the res.

[B]

Thanks for a really entertaining birthday.

[A]

This curry is hot. No, sir, that's a roman candle. Ow.

[B]

No, sir, you're on fire.

[A]

Ah, yes, I am actually on fire. It's not just my ass.

[B]

Did you turn the heat up in here? No, did you touch the thermostat?

[A]

I didn't. Are we gonna do this again? Are we doing this now?

[B]

Do not touch it, Granddad. Seriously, it's like.

[A]

It is not okay. I'll go check it.

[B]

No, it's fine. Stay, stay. It's fine.

[A]

I can't see it from here.

[B]

It's fine.

[A]

It was at 70, right?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Is 70 fine?

[B]

No, 70's hot.

[A]

70'S not hot. This is like home.

[B]

It's hot.

[A]

Don't.

[B]

It's like 69. At the highest, 68. 67 maybe is where we should.

[A]

Fine. Put it to wherever you want.

[B]

I'm going to.

[A]

I don't care.

[B]

Just don't touch it again, all right?

[A]

I want to make sure that we are throwing bouquets at Craig Counsel and giving him proper kudos and hosann, all of it, because he deserves it. This is a big, big, big managerial move. I hope it pays off because Kyle Tucker is likable and seeing the swing look normal again, that he. That it's not flattened out, he's not rolling over pitches. And there were a lot of people tracking the both exit velocity and bat speed, and one is a function of the other. But his slug doesn't come from the speed of his slug swing. His slug comes from the idealization of contact, where this is a guy who generally doesn't miss his pitch. And as complicated as hitting is in MLB now, to see these guys with a. The preternatural batter's eye as a way of spitting on pitches to get the one for which he's managed the plate appearance and not miss it. His slug comes from barrels. It doesn't necessarily come from zooming his bat through the zone. And some guys just. Just swing really hard. Colson Montgomery on the White Sox, that's an example of a guy who really swings hard. His bat is crazy fast.

[B]

Yeah, Nico Horner's bat is fast, too.

[A]

There's just a pop.

[B]

Yeah, there's no pop.

[A]

He hit the crap out of one last night that ended up being a routine fly. I know it's a big park and. And the wind there can be weird too out McCovey Cove direction. But, yeah, he swings really fast. And he does not miss balls in the zone either. That's his thing.

[B]

He's having a great year.

[A]

Well, especially defensively. Yeah. I mean, there are some things like, oh, that's. Oh, look who's there. And he's. He's taking those away. But, hey, great job, Craig Counsel. Nicely done. And I just. I Hope that it's appreciated that this was a big managerial move and if it pays off, it deserves that. We deserve to look back on this as a pivotal moment in making the most of this Cub season. Whether they catch the brewers or not. I don't think they're going to. Math is tough on that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Especially not even though their schedule is easy. You're done with the head to head games and that's the. Obviously the best way to catch them would be with the, with the head to head.

[B]

Yeah. And if you, if you look at their luck on the season, the Cubs are actually two games behind where they should be with their, with their run differential. And even at, even at those plus two games, they're still, what are they, four or five games behind the Brewer. Still, that 14 game win streak was just, I mean, that's season flipping. Yeah, 100%.

[A]

That's what happens.

[B]

100%. So the Tucker thing though, too, it says a lot about him as a player. He doesn't seem like he really looks for or wants the spotlight. He's just a really good baseball player, wants to play baseball. And it speaks to the respect that Craig Counsel has over all the years of being a really good manager, really solid manager. Winning, winning baseball games in Milwaukee, coming to Chicago and having not won throughout the playoffs, but still having that great respect.

[A]

He's mad about a cola. I'm Dan Bernstein, this is Dan Bernstein, unfiltered on three 1, 2 sports. And when we come back, we're going to get into the Bears roster decisions a little bit as they figure out who's on the practice squad. And further along in today's episode, there are a couple people we missed in the Book of the Dead. I did want to make sure we close that out. You have some thoughts about to celebrate them?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. Celebrate. Yes, yes. And your trip to Italy was a thing. I think we should talk about that.

[B]

Especially I have things I wanna share.

[A]

With you back to your homeland. And also speaking of Homeland and its security, I think I may be softening on the idea of federal troops coming to Chicago. And I'll tell you why. If you're waiting for Sunday to start betting, you're missing half the fun. You're missing half the money because college football's. We're ready for week one. We've had week zero and then it's gonna be week one. So that means more upsets, more blowouts, crazy covers. My bookie lets you hit it all. Player, props, game lines, everything you need before the professional games even kick off. So then when Sunday rolls around, if you're doing it right, and I know you are, you're already up playing with house money at that point. That is really fun. My bookie's got it all under one roof. You can win big. They've got an NFL super contest, they got survivor pools, and it's a hell of a deal right now. If you are new to my bookie, here's a code you're going to use. It's dbu, the initials of this podcast. This show Dan Bernstein unfiltered. Any bet you choose up to $500 is fully covered. You make your play and then if it doesn't hit, you get it back. When you opt in using the bet back bonus token, the code again, dbu, use it. My bookie, where bettors win together because bragging's good, cashing in is better. So the roster set, kind of. And we do this every year with cut down day and the finalization of the roster because it's likely to change when the waiver deadline comes and when that practice squad is formed. Sometimes it's. You don't want to celebrate because somebody ends up grabbing that spot from you. I'm not really surprised by much of what the Bears did. I'm just not. I think keeping John A. Walker over Scott is really interesting because Tyler Scott was a polls pick. And if we remember looking at Tyler Scott's resume and scouting report, we said, oh, there's your Darnell Mooney replacement. Yes, there you go. There's your little speed guy. There's your take the top off the defense guy. That is going to allow them to weather the loss of Darnell Mooney. And he just never, never, never materialized at all. No, it never grew into it. So I think it's a big deal to send that message that somebody can have a training camp like Walker did and initially make this roster. So good for him.

[B]

And very, very well liked in the locker room. Very well respected in the wide receivers room.

[A]

Good.

[B]

Just a really hard worker. Seems like a, like a really good addition to the team as well.

[A]

And everybody seems to love the story.

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

Little surprised that that interior offensive lineman Bill Murray didn't make the team. Maybe we'll see him back in the practice squad. And I want to let people know that we're going to break down when it comes to anything Bears that you hear here on Unfiltered, we're going to get into it deeper. And in more detail on Forward Progress, a Chicago Bears podcast, which you can also find here at 312Sports, dedicated only to Bears stuff. Oh, I'm all excited. I'm setting up my home studio.

[B]

Are you really?

[A]

Yeah. They want me to get, like, a bookshelf with things on it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I get to be one of those guys. What? Why don't you make a face?

[B]

I'm not making a face.

[A]

Yeah, you are. You did.

[B]

You made a face because you don't read books. You don't believe in book reading.

[A]

Fancy highfalutin butt learning. What? Those things behind him. What are those rectangles behind him?

[B]

Mine's almost all set up, too, so.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I have my Pac man machine in the background. I'm gonna. I gotta get my. My sandberg jersey up on the wall.

[A]

So. Yeah, I gotta decide. No books, though.

[B]

Cause, you know, I burn books at my house.

[A]

You have a book burning bit.

[B]

That'd be part of the backdrop, too.

[A]

Of my home studio, Fahrenheit 451. So I'm gonna make it. So it'll be like a scavenger hunt for Twitter trolls.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

See if they. Hey, what books does he have back there? Wait a second here. That's the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. I knew it. I knew it.

[B]

Of course you would do that.

[A]

International banking conspiracy.

[B]

This is how your brain thinks. Yes.

[A]

No, I'm gonna. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna put little Easter eggs up there just to have people going. Great. See, I told you this idiot would put that book up there. So that'd be fun. The. The other note on the roster that I found interesting was that Jalen Johnson is on the active roster. Good. And I hope that is not only just hopeful, I hope that is medically informed to the point where there could be a reasonable expectation of him playing right away, because, boy, do they need him. Some other waived or released guys. Zach Pickens going another draft pick, just not good enough. Jonathan Ford was, I thought, the backup for Andrew Billings.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because he's more of a zero technique, one technique type of body. And it really does tell you that Dennis Allen has some say over this roster when it doesn't really fit his type. He'd rather have somebody a little longer and a little more versatile. Again, this is all understanding that people could be brought back to the practice squad. When you're hearing this, your guy Ian Wheeler did not make it. And offensive lineman Doug Kramer is finally a non bear.

[B]

The Doug Kramer era is over.

[A]

He has been one of those guys who was kind of just around, it felt for a long time the Harvey Ungas of the world. The Dieter Icelands of the world. A name that was always there. And the two memories that I will have of Doug Kramer. One, the ill fated handoff at the goal line against the Commanders. And then there was the game where he was eligible. But he forgot. He forgot. You need. If you're. You're a big fella and you got a certain uniform number and you've got to go to the referee and say, hi, my name is Doug and I'm reporting as eligible.

[B]

And wasn't that fumble against Commanders? Wasn't Johnson moving the ball? Or did Johnson come out and they put Kramer in just for that play? Like the short yardage specialist. The guy you had the bowling ball.

[A]

That wasn't even really a short yardage specialist.

[B]

Right. But that's what it was. That's what he was.

[A]

He was a short yardage specialist because he never got long yardage. Right.

[B]

It wasn't deliberate, right?

[A]

No, he was like, boy, this, this guy only gets two or three yards of carry. Well, he must be a short yardage.

[B]

What were you going for there? Six. What'd you get? Two.

[A]

Three. All right, what's the old line? They say it about fullbacks. If you need a yard, he'll get you three. If you need six yards, he'll get you three. Roshan Johnson, ladies and gentlemen. But so okay, Doug Kramer, via con Dios. Maybe they'll bring him back. And the fact is, as much as we make fun of some of these end of roster and practice squad stuff, by mid December, a lot of these guys are NFL starters.

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

Because everybody gets hurt. Is hurt. Everyone gets hurt.

[B]

And you saw what the Minnesota Vikings did with their quarterback room. Bears first opponent. Yeah.

[A]

Well, they've, they've had to make some moves. Carson Wentz. Yeah. Ends up there and Sam Howell is dealt away. Brett Rippon, the former Bear was released and they kept Max Brosmer.

[B]

Yeah. Undrafted rookie.

[A]

Did I go to camp with him? That is such a name of somebody that was probably like overnight camp.

[B]

Yeah, that's the Vikings. I'm like, whoa, no, no.

[A]

Max Brosmer sounds like a guy on the bottom bunk who like is from Glencoe and had braces before other kids because his teeth were all weird. And he'd be really good at an obscure sport. He'd probably awesome at like sailing. That kid, you know, the sailing kid.

[B]

No, he's like the only sailing kid in lagrange.

[A]

The only sailing Max Brosmer. I have my list of sports people who sound like I went to camp with them.

[B]

And Max Brosser is now I'm adding him.

[A]

I'm adding Max Brosser to a list that includes Ethan Katz, the White Sox pitching coach, Robbie Grossman.

[B]

Good deli sandwich, too.

[A]

Yeah, Robbie Grossman. If there was somebody else on that.

[B]

List, is Brosmer the guy that would bring, like, the adult magazines to overnight camps?

[A]

No, no, he'd be the one stealing them and giving them back. Sticky pancakes. Of course. That had to be I borrowed your Hustler. Yeah, he'd definitely be that guy. Oh, I could call somebody out right now, and I won't.

[B]

Wait. Was that a thing at your overnight camp? Guys stealing porn and returning it sticky?

[A]

Maybe. I'm not. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna name any names, but, yeah, that's the whole coming of age thing, so to speak. All right, all right.

[B]

I'll let that sit there for a second.

[A]

I can ruin a guy's day right now. Oh, boy.

[B]

Someone we know? No. Okay. I don't know him.

[A]

No, it's somebody that the. That everybody else in the cabin group knows. Okay. But no. Now, boy, can I ruin somebody's day, and I choose not to.

[B]

Yeah, don't do that. We don't need to lose the cabin group as listeners.

[A]

That's not who I am anymore. We gotta make sure that we make good on the book of the dead in just a second. And we're going to do that here on Dan Bernstein Unfiltered. You need windows. You know where to go. And if you don't know, I'm going to tell you because Russ Armstrong, the owner of the Chicago Window guys, is who you should call. He actually comes to your home, he'll give you the estimate. And Russ, when he came to my house, he measured and he looked around and he said, okay. He has all these brochures. He said, what kind of windows do you want? And I had no idea how to answer that. I said, glass, right? Transparent. I would like transparent windows through which I can see outside. And he rolls his eyes. He's like, I got it. Let me just handle it. And he said, I gotta go make the windows. What do you mean you gotta make the windows? He goes, well, I custom make the windows for you. And then his people come out and install them. There's no subcontracted labor. The same crew that put the windows in my house is gonna put windows in your house also. Price match guarantee. When you hear this garbage about, well, it's buy one, get one free. No, they're 50% off the first. No, no, those are all tricks. They're gimmicks. Russ just offers you the best product at the best price, and he guar. So call them 847-302-9171. There's five star reviews for you to [e-mail] and if you're getting quotes from other places, whoever that sales rep is, ask them who's installing your windows. And they won't be able to tell you because they use subcontracted labor. Russ has his own crew. And you know everything's going to be done correctly the first time. It is Chicago window, guys. 8473029171 and chicagowindowguys.com all right, so who did we miss? I want you to go to the appendix of the book of the Dead.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

I just want to. I'm sure there are other people on the hierarchy of fame, notoriety, notability, et cetera that we may have missed. But I definitely, when I got home and my wife. My wife is standing there sort of tapping her foot, she's like, you forgot.

[B]

Oh, it was your wife who called you out on it.

[A]

That one? Yeah.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So there's two that will be positive in our thoughts and memories of. But yeah, Bobby Jenks.

[A]

That wasn't the one.

[B]

2005. Oh, really?

[A]

That wasn't the one she called you.

[B]

On, the other one?

[A]

Yes, she did.

[B]

All right, well, let's start with Bobby Jenks.

[A]

Okay. Bobby Jenks, really, in a lot of ways, a tragic story. He had a tragic upbringing and a tragic end of life, but he achieved some pretty special things in between those difficult and unfortunate bookends. I believe for a time he had a record for most. Was it most innings, most scoreless innings, or batters retired, et cetera. He had a peak that was remarkable. And the fact that he was the third closer and the ultimately the World Series winning closer of the 2005 Sox is very special. And he'll be remembered as a critical part and a positive influence, an upbeat guy who was. The spotlight just wasn't too big for him when it got really big for this team. And he was a critical, material piece of a champion that had one of the greatest playoff performances as a team in sports history.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that. That run at 11 and 1 in the playoffs and some of the stars. Was it three complete games in a row? Wasn't it at one point?

[A]

Was it four in the World Series?

[B]

Yeah. Just, I mean, unbelievable.

[A]

What was it? In some order? It was Garland, Burley, Contreras, Contreras Yeah. And Garcia. Right. Was that the four.

[B]

Look it up.

[A]

I think. I think that's right in some order.

[B]

Yeah. But as like, regardless of your thoughts on the White Sox, if you're a baseball fan, you watch that. That run they had was unbelievable. It was great. And Bobby Jenks was a really beloved figure, too. Just all the. All the commentary and the outpouring of emotion after his passing. I knew he was. He was liked, and I didn't know, but it went beyond being a World Series champion, which is really special, you know? So, yeah, thoughts and out to his family and. Yeah. Apologize that we. We missed you yesterday. Bobby, if you're listening. So the other guy. So this is the guy that your wife called you out on?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

All right. Malcolm Jamal Warner.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Yeah, and I got a few messages yesterday about that. After people listened to the show, they said, you forgot about Theo Huxtable. And I. Yep, totally forgot it. And I felt bad we missed him because, I mean. Yeah, that was a. I mean, we get into the show itself, but he was. He was a great actor. A lot of different things. The. The Cosby Show.

[A]

I don't think. Great actor.

[B]

Oh, I thought he was. Oh, he was really good.

[A]

He was. Okay. He's not Lawrence Olivier.

[B]

Well, I didn't. Okay, well, Lawrence Olivier is more than a great actor.

[A]

Well, no, he's a great actor.

[B]

I mean, he transcends acting ability.

[A]

Yeah, I just. I. I think. I don't.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Did you. Malcolm. Jamal Warner was a good.

[B]

He's a good actor. Fine.

[A]

He was a memorable. He played a memorable role on what was an important show before it kind of got ruined.

[B]

Ruined. Not kind of got completely ruined.

[A]

Yeah, I guess I'll give that. Completely.

[B]

Kinda got completely ruined by, you know, he was. He was America's dad. He was, you know, who was roofing people. But. But did you see Fool's gold with Matthew McConaughey?

[A]

And I did.

[B]

Hudson. I mean, one of the great rom coms of our time.

[A]

Fool's Gold. Yes.

[B]

It's great. Oh, man. They're one of my favorite duos for rom coms. I just. I love him, but Malcolm. And Von Warner was in. He was a character there. He was great in it, too. So.

[A]

Okay, I. I got a little higher standard. Okay. If Malcolm. Jamal Working together. If Malcolm. If Malcolm. Jamal Warner is great.

[B]

Okay, fine, whatever. He was a good actor. Jesus.

[A]

I.

[B]

Such a bad guy. This is his memorial.

[A]

One thing. I'm not gonna lie.

[B]

Well, you have to lie. I mean, what if he's listening?

[A]

One Thing that I learned.

[B]

I hope he haunts you tonight.

[A]

What? The poltergeist of Malcolm Jamal Warner is gonna be home messing up my spice cabinet.

[B]

Will we wake up and he's hovering over you in the middle of the night.

[A]

Is he gonna. You know what he can do to really bug me?

[B]

Pudding popping.

[A]

No, the pudding pop. Take that. I don't know why he'd talk like that.

[B]

Why is he like a pope?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Pudding, pie.

[A]

Whatever Latin is for pudding. No, what he could do if he were a poltergeist if he really wanted to mess with me. When I realized this, I keep buying the Kroger brand for some spices. Okay, like. And the cinnamon and the garlic powder are in identical navy blue rectangular containers.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I'm constantly making sure.

[B]

Oh, is it the white tops with the blue?

[A]

Yes, yes, with the navy blue. So is this cinnamon? Is this garlic powder? And it's getting a little annoying.

[B]

First of all, it's not a big enough container for garlic powder.

[A]

Yeah, it is.

[B]

No, you need a bigger. You need to use.

[A]

No, then it goes stale.

[B]

Well, you're not using it all the time.

[A]

No, I use fresh garlic.

[B]

Well, okay, whatever. But, yeah, I have those. But I have the cinnamon. I have nutmeg and then mustard.

[A]

All in the same.

[B]

All in the same blue. Okay, the blue crow.

[A]

But is it annoying? Because you have to keep looking at what it is?

[B]

Yeah, because being able to turn a container and look at it, man, it just takes up so much time of your day. I don't know.

[A]

How can you cook this guy?

[B]

Is the meal ruined? You just like, Beth, we're not eating tonight.

[A]

Last on Malcolm, Jamal Warner, the great actor. I did not know the significance of the Stevie Wonder episode. Do you remember when Stevie Wonder comes in there and he's got the synthesizer and he shows him how it samples. He says, jammin on the one. And then Stevie samples it. Jamming on the one.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

And the term jammin on the one, musically comes from the funk jam on the one beat right, bam. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum bad. So that was one of the descriptors of funk is the jam on the one. But that idea of seeing the sampler there. Questlove wrote a really cool essay about this. I don't know if it was Salon or Slate where I read it, but Questlove said, as a kid, the number of DJs, the number of aspiring DJs who saw that, and the fact that it coincided with the first release of affordable sampling, like. Like laptop style. Synthesizers like retail Casio synthesizers that had that sampling ability was because of that show was in large part, that show happened to coincide with it. And there were finally some of these, you know, bedroom basement aspiring kids who had that in their arsenal now and learned the. And learned the skill of sampling when they first saw it there. And I did not know that. And I thought that was really cool and. And kind of an interesting legacy. Yep, it's very interesting. See, don't patronize. I'm not totally patronizing me. No. No, you're not. You're lying.

[B]

I'm not. You told that story really well. It was really entertaining. No, it was good. I liked it. I didn't. I didn't know that. You've taught me something new today. That's the point of every day. Learning something new from someone you didn't think you'd learn anything from ever.

[A]

Are you going to be this full of shit on every episode?

[B]

Not everyone.

[A]

Okay, good. You're just in a mood to be.

[B]

Completely full of shit. No, you lost me. Because it just brought back bad childhood memories of always wanting a Casio keyboard and never getting one for Christmas.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, because I wanted to push the buttons, and I didn't want to play anything. I just wanted to hear the samples.

[A]

All I want to do is play Axl F. That's a rule. If you have one. And the first thing you do, if you're of a certain age, somehow the vibes in the universe. If you see a Casio keyboard and you walk up to it, you are controlled, you're possessed to go. And somehow the ghost of Harold Faltermeier. Is he dead?

[B]

Look it up. I know he's not. He was part of. He was involved in Maverick.

[A]

Harold Faltermeier? Yeah. No.

[B]

Yes, he was.

[A]

You're making that up.

[B]

Why would I make that up?

[A]

Because you're you.

[B]

No, no. I'm not making that up at all.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Look it up.

[A]

Harold Faltermeier. Maverick.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

He wasn't like.

[B]

He did music with Lady Gaga in that. Lady Gaga. Is it Gaga, how the kids say it today? Gaga. Lady Gaga.

[A]

Harold Faltermeier. German musician und composer.

[B]

Yeah. And he. Because he just.

[A]

Yeah. He's 72.

[B]

Yeah. Did the opening score.

[A]

He did Top Gun Anthem.

[B]

Yes. You didn't know that was Harold Faltermeier?

[A]

I did not. You're. And you are. Right.

[B]

Of course it's about Maverick.

[A]

Of course that's right. Of course you're gonna know everything. All right. Now, you recently returned from your homeland.

[B]

I Did.

[A]

And you made it back. I was worried about an ancient vendetta. I was worried that someone's gonna read your name on like a pink crumpled document that you hand over at the dock in body. And somebody looks at it and sort of pushes their glasses down and goes, abatacola.

[B]

Yeah, I was a little nervous.

[A]

It's been generations actually going to Bari.

[B]

Because of you, maybe nervous. So, yeah, wife and I, we took a. We did a Viking cruise. So we started planning a trip to Italy.

[A]

And then as long as I had a Viking funeral.

[B]

No, not a Viking.

[A]

They pushed the boat out and light it on fire.

[B]

We did that to one of the old people. But it's. It's. There was a lot, a lot of planning involved.

[A]

What was the guy's name? What was the old Jewish guy they pushed off the. Achille Lauro. What was his name?

[B]

Just one.

[A]

Yeah, what was his name? They rolled his wheelchair into the water.

[B]

Oh, no, you're thinking of X Men and Professor Charles Xavier.

[A]

No, the guy had a. I'll look it up.

[B]

Please. Do we all need to know?

[A]

No, we do, we do. They got a guy and they rolled him. Leon something. No, I'll find it. Durham. No, I'll find it. Klinghoffer. That was his name. Leon Klinghoffer.

[B]

What did they do to him?

[A]

It was his birthday and I think they gave him the old birthday. Happy birthday.

[B]

Bad birthday, Cliff.

[A]

See if you can swim. Yeah, he didn't ask for that, did he? No, I don't think so.

[B]

He didn't swim.

[A]

All right. Not well enough, apparently.

[B]

Well, maybe.

[A]

Maybe still, you know, he'll show up sometime.

[B]

All right, so we were planning this trip and then we came across this. A catalog from. It was like, meant to be a Viking catalog. And it was a whole Italian sojourn and it took you all around the country. So we're like, all right, perfect. So fly to Rome. Had a couple days in Rome to. To explore the city, and we did about a week's worth of stuff in two days while jet lagged. So it was really hard. It was like a zombie eventually walking through the streets. But, you know, saw the Coliseum, Trevi Fountain, did the Pantheon, you know, did all the, all the things you did. The Spanish Steps, everything you have to do. The boat leaves from. From Naples or from Rome and goes down to Naples.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And Naples was unbelievable. I mean, we did a guided tour with an archaeologist in Pompeii.

[A]

Oh, that's really awesome.

[B]

It was like, probably my favorite thing on the trip. I mean, it's right there. And he took us around. He was part of a team that's been excavating Pompeii. So this guy's working in it, and he's doing these great tours. Marcello. Marcello Uzi. He was a. He was fantastic guy. So. And it's great. We're walking through one point in the streets, and he's pointing out this would have been a business, and this would have been. This is the brothel. And we. You know, we went into. The brothel's a business, too, dude. There was. There was pictures, like, painted pictures on the wall. That was, like, their menu of what you wanted to do. You point at it and go, that's the one I want. And they get that girl out, and that's what you do.

[A]

Was there, like, plexiglass there?

[B]

No, your cabin wasn't there. It's not all sticky, so don't worry. It's fine. So we're walking up the street, and he's like, all right, when you get to this main intersection, look right, look left, dude. We walk up, and it just. The city went on and on. Like, you couldn't see the end of it. It was so big. Like, I think we have an idea that Pompeii was some small town, you know, covered by lava, which.

[A]

No, it was a major center.

[B]

Yeah, it was the center of all sea travel and port and merchants. But it was unbelievable. So we did that. And then from. From Pompeii, we cruised down to Messina. So we're in Sicily, and we took a. Like, a coach bus up to Savoca, which is one of the spots where they filmed Godfather.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So we get to see the church where the wedding was filmed, the actual cafe where Michael Corleone and his security sits down with Apollonius father at the table. And they.

[A]

Oh, when they realize it's his daughter. And then they have to go back in, bring him out.

[B]

So they're sitting.

[A]

They got the rifle slung over there. Yep, yep, yep.

[B]

The table is still there. The. The beer sign that says, you know, beer pilsing is right behind. It's still there.

[A]

They were drinking with Vin Santo. I don't know if they were drinking.

[B]

Look. Okay, But, I mean, the actual spot is still there. And then the actress who played the woman who played Apollonia's mother lives, like, three houses down. And when they. When they do these tours, she normally comes out and says hello, but she wasn't feeling well that day. But that. So that was awesome. And then from Messina, we go to Loggins Crotoni.

[A]

Stupid.

[B]

Such an idiot.

[A]

Sorry. I've been listening to the Yacht Rock Channel on.

[B]

Seriously? That's all you listen to?

[A]

I love it.

[B]

So we go to Criteria, except one song. Which one?

[A]

Thunder island by Jay Ferguson. Look up his picture. Just Google J. Ferguson, Thunder Island. And I can tell you. You hear it once, and there's a guitar solo in there by Joe Walsh, of all people.

[B]

Okay, that had to be good.

[A]

I was trying to imagine the conversation between this guy who looks like a pornographer and Joe Walsh to get Thunder Island. Thunder island. And just see what. The picture of the album that comes up. And for some reason. For some reason, SiriusXM plays it, like, every fifth song. And it's the only thing. I just can't do Thunder island anymore. That dude. Yep. There in his. In his relaxed pose. That. That's. If you're watching on YouTube. You get a full taste of it. Anyway, you go to Messina.

[B]

It's like, Kenny G. That's my cousin, by the way. Kenny G meets Tom Selleck. Like, really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The saxophone guy.

[A]

Kenny G. Or is it a flute?

[B]

What does he play?

[A]

He plays a saxophone.

[B]

Right. Not a flute.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, wait, the actual Kenny G is your cousin?

[A]

There's a 90% chance that we're distant cousins because his last name is Gorellic.

[B]

And yours is Bernstein, so I see how that works.

[A]

My great grandmother's maiden name is Gorelic.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Spelled the same way. He traces his family back to Belarus. My great grandmother is from Belarus. One of my cousins on my dad's side has done a lot of family genealogy using DNA and everything else, and I mentioned it to him.

[B]

From the cabin?

[A]

No, actually, he did go to Northstar, but no, not from the cabin. And I asked him, and he said. Yeah, he said there is probably a 90% chance that we're cousins with Kenny.

[B]

G. When did you learn this?

[A]

A year ago.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. Okay, then I. Yeah, I take back all the bad things I said about you. So anyway, while you were talking.

[A]

So then.

[B]

Because I thought if I was just now hearing this for the first time ever.

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay, well, then. That.

[A]

There's a mission. I'm not hiding it from you.

[B]

There's a mission. Now I have a mission.

[A]

Track him down. Track down cousin Kenny.

[B]

Cousin Kenny's gonna be part of the show.

[A]

I have a cousin Kenny. But that don't.

[B]

He's gonna be part of the show.

[A]

Don't track down my actual cousin. The cousin Kenny in Boca. You can have him. He's an easy guess. No, I'm good. Okay.

[B]

I'm good. I'm funny.

[A]

He's an optometrist. Be fascinating.

[B]

Of course he is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we go to Crotoni, and then from there we sail around the heel to Bari. And Bari was unbelievable. It was just. I mean, unbelievable time.

[A]

We had famous architecture. There's a structure there called a trullo in Bari that they build using rocks. And it was an architecturally important structure.

[B]

And it's also the St. Nicholas Basilica is there where St. Nick is in his coffin. His esophagus. St. Nicholas sarcophagus.

[A]

Yeah, his sarcophagus over there. Invite the esophagus.

[B]

Pope Bob was there to tell us all about it.

[A]

Or it's like the woman at Mariano's when I said, can I have some of the orecchietti? And she goes, orechetti?

[B]

Yeah, the orechetti.

[A]

I said, no, the orecchietti. Yeah. You mean orechetti.

[B]

Well, we actually had some of that too, because that's what Bari's really known for, that possum. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Little ears.

[B]

Yes, they are. Oh, we were at St. Peter's as well, too. I was looking for the Pope. I wanted to see the Pope. I thought he would come down and say hi if we saw him. If he came out of, like, one of the little windows, I was gonna yell up to him, hey, Bob. Hey.

[A]

Hey, Bob. What?

[B]

Yeah, so we do Bari, which was unbelievable. St Nicholas, the cathedral. And then we went to Croatia for a day and we ported in Shipnik. And there's a.

[A]

Another guy I went to camp with.

[B]

Really great national park. But this is what you would love. This went to a falconry.

[A]

Oh, dude.

[B]

So Birds of Prey. It's like a hospital and training center for birds of prey. It was unbelievable. This guy comes out, the guy who runs it, and he had a Eurasian owl.

[A]

Oh, Eurasian eagle owl.

[B]

Eagle owl, yeah.

[A]

That's like what Flaco in Central park was. One of those unbelievable. I mean, they're huge.

[B]

Huge. Tons of stuff, though. I thought of you when I was there, that you would have. You would have loved that. And then from there we went to Venice and then ended in Venice. I would move to Venice tomorrow. We. We were on the islands of Burano and Murano. Murano. All of the glass blowing factories that were in Venice, they moved them all to Murano.

[A]

What about the ass blowing? Do they do that too?

[B]

No, that's Burano. Yeah.

[A]

You don't want to go to that island. See, make sure you go to glass blowing, because if you end up at the island with the ass blowing.

[B]

That's what they want you to be there.

[A]

Bad. Yeah. Bad is no, thank you.

[B]

It's your rectum to the test. So we go to Murano and there's 100, like, glass broing. We took a bro.

[A]

Hey, bro. I have five of bros. We took a bro. My cousin Josh said, there's a drumster by the marina. What do we got here?

[B]

Such a big bro.

[A]

Little bit of crab.

[B]

I kept saying that to my wife the whole trip. Look how big our bro is. She's like, why do you keep saying bro?

[A]

I have five bros. It's like four people that get this.

[B]

Bit, so it's fine. Well, your son's one of them.

[A]

Oh, for sure. Too much.

[B]

So Murano, all the glass blowing factories. We've got to see that. That was really, really cool. And then we go to Burano and every house is painted a different color. And it's. They're all like. They called it the island of the rainbow because that's all. All different colors. Cool. Unbelievable. I would move there tomorrow, but here's the thing I want to tell you about. There's a couple. Couple things outside the trip.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

So when we fly into Rome and we're staying at the Westin Excelsior. So that's where Viking puts you up before you leave. It's really nice hotel.

[A]

I've stayed at Excelsiors in Rome and Florence. Oh, so that's the Rome one.

[B]

Yeah. So we were there together. I thought.

[A]

I actually had horrible diarrhea at the Excelsior in Rome. First night there was brutal.

[B]

Same thing here. I'm not kidding. I thought I was gonna die.

[A]

Really? Oh, it was our first night on the honeymoon.

[B]

What room were you in? Because maybe we destroyed the same toilet.

[A]

It wasn't just the toilet. Thank God. It was both of us. The bidet, the garbage can.

[B]

You pooped in a garbage can?

[A]

It was both of us. No throwing up.

[B]

And.

[A]

Oh, seriously, it was awful. And then we realized.

[B]

Did you guys eat something bad?

[A]

Yeah, I think. First night. And then we rallied and.

[B]

Where'd you guys go that first night?

[A]

Chicka chicka boom. No, it was on Via Veneto, and I think it was the artichokes that we both had. Not great. I read the entire back two thirds of Stephen King's the Green Mile while sitting on the floor of the bathroom in the Excel.

[B]

Have you ever done. Or maybe this trip, the simultaneous thing where you're on the toilet with the garbage can?

[A]

I have, but not on that trip.

[B]

I did that last fall. First time in my life.

[A]

Good for you, man. Lovely.

[B]

Yeah. So, anywho.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So every morning, Viking sets up a breakfast then just for the people on the cruise, because there's probably 80 people staying at the hotel at this point.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And so we go down in the morning, and I'm getting. I'm getting some coffee, and I hear. I hear one of the hotel employees talking to a guest and says, we have cafe Americano right over there, right where I'm at, pouring coffee.

[A]

I don't want Cafe Americano. What? I look and you don't even look American.

[B]

It was just regular. No, but she's telling this to another guest.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm just pouring a regular coffee. And she's telling this guest, hey, there's regular coffee there. And this is what I hear from behind. And I can't see. Oh, good, you got real American coffee there.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

And I'm like, oh, Lord. So I turn and look, and huge mustache, T shirt that says Kid Rock for Congress. He's like, well, I'm glad, because I didn't want any of that latte date stuff that these people drink today. I was like, oh, Christ Almighty. So I'm like, here you go, sir.

[A]

Here's your. Here's your coffee. Here you go.

[B]

I kept seeing that guy in the boat, but I wanted to. Captain Americano wanted to tell you about him. Another guy I met from New York. Typical New York guy. Born, and he was born in Brooklyn, Lives up in Staten island now. There was a family from Ohio, and we're all sitting around the pool, and we're all hanging out, and his family was really enamored with this guy because he's like a typical Italian New York guy, and he's a guy that can get you anything. So at one point, they're talking about the olives that they were eating at this winery they were at and how when they loved the olives. And the guy's like, you like olives? They're like, yeah, these were the best olives. He goes, I'll tell you what. I'll send you an olive tree. Give me your address. Have an olive tree on your front door tomorrow if you want one.

[A]

I'm like, dude, thanks.

[B]

Relax. I get you anything you want. Anything you want. You name it, I can get it. I'm the guy to get you anything. You want an olive tree. Give me your address right now.

[A]

I understand.

[B]

Come on, give me your address. I'm gonna get you an olive tree.

[A]

You're not in prison. I understand. If you need. If you're in prison and you need the guy who can get you stuff. Right.

[B]

He's that guy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

If I ever go to prison, his. I'm getting great to know.

[A]

Keep his number. Keep his number. Just in case you have work in prison.

[B]

We're in prison together and we need an olive tree.

[A]

Perfect.

[B]

I got a guy.

[A]

Perfect.

[B]

One thing about Italy. You noticed this. The. I don't know if they had this when you were there, because it was a long time ago. The plastic bottles, water bottles, the caps don't come off.

[A]

Sure. Because it's less litter that way.

[B]

Yes. They. They. They stay attached. They unscrew. They come off and they. It's the best thing ever. It's the best thing ever. I. I don't know why I was so fascinated by that. There's that bottle cap stayed on.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

I thought it was, you know. Don't patronize. I'm not.

[A]

I think it is cool.

[B]

The drinks there. Outside of wine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Coke, Coke Zero and Fanta. Everywhere.

[A]

Coke, Coke Zero and Fanta.

[B]

Yeah. I didn't know there was orange.

[A]

Okay. Because there was such a Fanta flavors.

[B]

I thought there were. I couldn't remember. There's like grape, right. And spice. Everything.

[A]

There's lemon.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I thought it was more the Latin countries that had like every different kind of Fanta.

[B]

Coke Zero and Fanta. It's everywhere in Italy. And then. Oh, on our boat, too.

[A]

You know how I know about all the Fanta flavors?

[B]

How?

[A]

Fantagraphs.

[B]

There was a Nordic spa on our. Because it's a Viking cruise line. And this was this part of your amenities. So they had a. Like a steam bath, a steam room. They had a snow grotto so you'd go hot, cold, hot, cold.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Oh, dude, it was. I was down there naked, right? No, because it's coed. So they were old.

[A]

Perfect.

[B]

A lot of old people I didn't know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So Viking Cruise. I would totally recommend it. Top notch. If you're my age or younger, you'll be the youngest person there by 25 years.

[A]

A final thought when we return. I think I've changed my mind about something that's been in the news. If you are waiting for Sunday to start betting, you're missing half the fun and you're missing half the money. College football is already cooking. Week zero is in the books. We've had some exciting games already. Upsets, blowouts, wild covers. That Stanford Hawaii game was insane. My bookie lets you hit it all, whether you love Player props or game lines. Everything you need before the pros even kick off. So when Sunday rolls around, if you're doing it right, you're already up. So my bookie's got it all under one roof. You can win big on the NFL super contest survivor pools. If you are new to my bookie, know this code. It's three letters, dbu. They stand for Dan Bernstein unfiltered. Any bet you choose, up to 500 bucks is fully covered. So just make a play. If it doesn't hit, you get it right back. You're going to opt in using your bet back bonus token. It is the code DBU at MyBookie. My Bookies, where bettors win together. Bragging's good, cashing in is better. You know that one guy in your group chat who hit a five leg parlay in week one and then he does not shut up about it the rest of the season. And you, you pretend to be annoyed, but you think, oh, I wish. I wish I were that guy. Well, you can be with my bookie because it's crazy easy to get in on the action. College ball, NFL survivor pools, super contest, whatever it is on your personal menu. Spreads, player props in game lines. It's all there under one roof. And this deal is still going right now. Make sure listen up for my code. If you're new to my bookie, use the code dbu. Just those three letters. It stands for Dan Bernstein unfiltered. Use the code. Any bet you choose, up to 500 bucks is fully covered. Make your play. If it doesn't hit you get it right back when you opt in using your bet back bonus token. No better time to jump in. No better place to play football is back. Make some money with my bookie. So we've had a bit of mission creep going on in Washington D.C. and I think it's for the better. If you've been following. There have been multiple reports, at least coming out this morning, this Wednesday morning, that the National Guard troops that have been sent in their various giant armed vehicles and now required to carry their loaded weapons in Washington D.C. to root out crime are now being reassigned. And what are they doing? They are walking around with garbage bags and they are picking up trash at national monuments. And many of them are landscaping. They're mulching.

[B]

Like actually, yes, actually physically mulching.

[A]

Physically putting the mulch around at the base of trees to keep the roots nice and moist. Why are National Guard troops, all American citizens who have regular jobs who do this, volunteering on their own who have been called to emergency action for emergency security to handle the violent, vicious, horrible crime in the terrifying city of Washington, D.C. no. Now they're picking up trash and landscaping. Okay. So I know that Governor Pritzker gave his big presidential campaign ad also address, but it was clearly a campaign advertisement that they had all put together and well done. That to say never come to. But if they want to come to Chicago and spruce things up a little bit, I'm down.

[B]

Pick up trash.

[A]

Yeah, if that's the deal. If you want to walk, do some weeding, walk around the highways, fix things up, go down to south and west sides and clean up the streets a little bit. There's curbs that need to be repaired. If this is on the federal dime, fix some potholes, whatever the suggestions might be. Yeah.

[B]

So we lay off all these government workers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Including people who would normally be doing those jobs.

[A]

Yes. What happened was.

[B]

And then we bring in the National Guard to clean up the city because it's so dangerous and violent.

[A]

But they're doing what the Park Service used. There used to be, I think, 200 Park Service workers in D.C. whose job it was to do the mulching and the landscaping.

[B]

You fire them to save money to use the National Guard to do their work instead.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

I see it now.

[A]

So if, in fact, that's the deal, and I think I figured out what's going on here. If you actually look at the policy, on balance, it looks like the administration is trying to corner landscaping. Yes, they are. That's what I put together in junction with ice. Yes, they're working in conjunction with ice. The entire plot has been. Wait a second here. We can take over Big Landscaping. And it goes back. It goes back to the. The huge press conference they held at Four Seasons Landscaping. So what this is. Is they're going to go back. They're going to. They're going to have. They're going to dig. They're going to dig up Rudy. They're going to prop up Rudy like a scarecrow. They're going to have all of his hair dye dripping down his face. For another press conference at Four Seasons Landscaping to announce that this was an opportunity to federalize the entire national landscaping industry. So I got to rethink everything.

[B]

No, you're right. And it was like, all right, should we go after Big Pharma? Should we take over Big Tobacco? Should we. How about. Oh, how about the gun lobbyists?

[A]

Or if they deschedule Cannabis. Big weed.

[B]

Oh, Big Weed.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

No, no. Trump's got an idea.

[A]

Getting in the landscaping business.

[B]

Big landscaping business. Yep.

[A]

They're gonna root everybody out, they're gonna send them all to Uganda and the next thing you know, federal troops are gonna take it all over.

[B]

You think he's making a play for after the term?

[A]

I don't know. I don't know. I wouldn't rule it out. Trump Landscaping would not rule it out. And that is episode three of Dan Bernstein Unfiltered. Today's show has been brought to you in partnership with my bookie. We will be back tomorrow with more of this and the latest forward Progress, the Chicago Bears podcast. So subscribe, download rate, be a part of this at least of today. A very silly community right here.

[B]

Yeah. So Remember, go to YouTube and subscribe to both shows. So Dan Bernstein, Unfiltered and then Forward Progress, our Chicago Bears podcast. And we will talk to you tomorrow. Dan Bernstein, unfiltered. Unfiltered on 312Sports.