Season 2 | Ep. 22 | The Madhouse

Summary

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Dark Dice – Season 2, Episode 22: The Madhouse

Release Date: August 26, 2025
Podcast: Dark Dice (Fool & Scholar Productions)

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Overview

Theme & Purpose

In this tension-filled chapter, the Dark Dice party uncovers the mystery behind an abandoned village, a sinister circus act, and a cursed wagon that leads them into the twisting corridors of Tasha’s Madhouse. Drawing on the acclaimed horror adventure "Madhouse of Tasha's Kiss" by Jeff C. Stevens, the episode fuses haunting storytelling, black humor, and psychological horror as the party is tested—mentally, morally, and magically. From musical nightmares to faceless sorters and a perilous descent into madness, the episode sets the stage for a terrifying new arc that promises far-reaching consequences for adventurers and listeners alike.

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Key Discussion Points & Narrative Highlights

1. Catch-up, Setup & Newcomers (02:45–05:14)

• The party reunites after a long break, with humor about forgetfulness.
• They encounter Clymore, servant of House Embertree, who seeks Elias Embertree—revealed as the notorious “Payne.”
  • Quote: "He literally teleported...and murdered his own mother, Lady Embertree, and two of his sisters." —Clymore (06:51)

2. Revelations About "Payne" / Elias Embertree (05:14–07:54)

• Clymore shares disturbing details of Elias’ past: heresy, murder, dark magic, and orchestrating a massacre.
• The party feels shaken, expressing regret and distrust, but agrees to work with Clymore for a reward and the promise to bring Elias to justice.

3. Journey Through the Catacombs & Party Dynamics (10:21–12:09)

• The group travels through ancient catacombs, reflecting on their own recent deeds and doubts:
  • Glom’s Moral Dilemma: "Imagine our parents’ face, you tell them you’ve murdered somebody in a church..." —Gale (11:13)
• Early stress and trauma surface, lightened by moments of camaraderie.

4. The Ominous Arrival in Oden: Musical Nightmare (13:41–19:59)

• Glom notices townsfolk acting strangely; suddenly, the party is swept into a surreal musical sequence, complete with dancing peasants and character solos.
  • The party’s discomfort is palpable, especially as it's revealed this was Glom’s (and player Sean Howard's) real-life nightmare made manifest.
  • Quote: "Glom awoke from his nightmare, thankfully still wearing pants..." —Dungeon Master (18:56)

5. The Village of Elovine: Suspicion & Investigation (20:51–32:04)

• Reaching Elovine, the group finds it abandoned—food left uneaten, animals neglected.
• Discover flyers for “Tasha’s Kiss”—a circus act. The only survivor is a boy, Gentry Hull, sheltered in terror from clowns.
  • Gentry’s family and all the villagers vanished after attending the show; he notes "everyone went into the wagon" and never emerged.
  • Quote: "I saw her when she got here, though. Tasha’s Kiss. She’s a clown for sure...freaky golden eyes..." —Gentry (28:07)
• The wagon's size and opulence defy explanation, unsettling the party further.

6. The Cursed Wagon: Discovery & Descent (32:23–43:01)

• The party inspects the fantastical wagon, finds nothing overtly magical—until Glom opens the wardrobe, revealing an impossible staircase spiraling down.
  • Quote: "Stairs in a wagon." —Glom (38:41)
• After typical banter and paranoia (notably about Ildryx starting fires), they agree to descend, confronting a brass door inscribed "Tasha's Madhouse."

7. Tasha's Madhouse: Unnerving Encounters (43:44–54:44)

• Inside, they discover what looks like an interview room with villagers sitting across from faceless gray humanoids.
• A faceless gray gnome introduces herself as a sorter, instructing them to “be sorted.”
  • Glom reacts violently, firing an arrow in fear (45:05).
• Instead of fighting, the party is compelled to sit and endure wordless psychic "interviews"—enforced by hidden magic, imposing mental and emotional strain.
• Two portals stand open, each villager sorted into one after their interview.
  • Quote: “There are two portals, but neither are good or bad...these societal constructs reflect harmful inherited biases..." —Gnome Sorter (47:45)

8. The Party Divided: Psychological and Supernatural Threats (48:50–54:44)

• Each character undergoes the unsettling finger-dancing interview, resisting or absorbing stress, their fate determined by mysterious criteria.
• Sorin experiences a surreal, personal vision where an old nemesis warns him of the ascendant Neverborn—hinting at escalating cosmic stakes.
  • Quote: "While you were busy focusing on me, the Neverborn...took form and found hold in this reality." —Familiar Vision to Sorin (53:02)
• The exit is sealed; the only way out is through the portals, splitting the party and locking them into the madhouse's twisted machinations.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Clymore’s Tragic Tale:
  “He literally teleported outside of the foot thick walls... and murdered his own mother, Lady Embertree, and two of his sisters.” —Clymore (06:51)

• Glom’s Distress:
  "Imagine our parents' face. You tell them you've murdered somebody in a church. How do you think that would make them feel?" —Gale (11:13)

• Meta-Musical Nightmare:
  "Glom awoke from his nightmare, thankfully still wearing pants." —Dungeon Master (18:56)

• Gentry and the Vanishing Village:
  "I saw her when she got here, though. Tasha’s Kiss. She’s a clown for sure...freaky golden eyes..." —Gentry (28:07)

• The Impossible Staircase:
  "Stairs in a wagon." —Glom (38:41)

• Sorting and Societal Bias:
  “There are two portals, but neither are good or bad. They are the appropriate path for the appropriate individual...We try to avoid such language here...” —Gnome Sorter (47:45)

• Sorin’s Vision:
  “While you were busy focusing on me, the Neverborn, the God who should not have been, took form and found hold in this reality. I would be seething if I was not so impressed. We need to stop him, Soren.” —Familiar Vision (53:02)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Party Reunites, Clymore’s Story: 02:45–07:54
• Catacomb Journey & Stress: 10:21–12:09
• Musical Sequence/Nightmare: 13:41–19:59
• Village of Elovine Inquest & Gentry: 20:51–32:04
• Exploring the Wagon: 32:23–38:41
• Descent to Madhouse: 38:41–43:01
• Madhouse Sorting & Portals: 43:44–54:44

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Tone & Style

The episode wields a careful balance of dark fantasy, horror, and comedic banter. The party’s gallows humor contrasts with the mounting psychological unease. Moments of meta-playful subversion (the spontaneous musical sequence) give way to grim revelations, while the dialogue remains rooted in camaraderie and anxiety. The “sorting” in the madhouse evokes Kafkaesque dread, as the episode concludes with the party both physically and metaphorically divided.

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Final Notes

This episode dramatically raises the stakes for the Dark Dice party, embedding them in a reality-warping horror adventure where nothing is as it seems, and escape might cost more than they realize. The combination of offbeat humor, existential terror, and the legacy of personal histories makes "The Madhouse" a standout, propelling the story into even darker, stranger territory.

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Transcript

[Dungeon Master]

Greetings adventurers. The following few episodes are something unique. With the permission of Jeff C. Stevens, we're going to be borrowing many elements from their amazing horror adventure, the Madhouse of Tasha's Kiss. That being said, our primary storyline and elements that will absolutely reshape the way you perceive this entire season will be taking place. So be sure not to skip these episodes. Just a quick note that as of the time of release, we're in London performing a live show as Dark Dice, right next to the London Eye at the Worldslayer event. And finally, I can't believe I'm saying this, but our book is done off to print, and we're finally accepting pre orders for Unnatural Horrors. A link is in the show notes.

[Gale]

Hello my little nightshades. If you're dying for the next batch of Wednesday Season two to drop on Netflix, then I'll let you in on a little secret. The Wednesday Season two Official Woe Cast is here. Prepare to dive deeper into the mysteries of Wednesday with the Ultimate Companion video podcast. Join the frightfully funny Caitlin Riley along with her producer Thing as she sits down with the marvelously macabre cast and crew. Together they'll unravel each shocking twist, dissect the dynamics lurking beneath, unearth the deep Addams Family lore, and answer all of your lingering questions that simply refuse to stay buried. Guests include Emma Myers, Joy Sunday, Hunter Doohan, Steve Buscemi, Fred Armisen, Catherine Zeta Jones, the Joanne Lumley, and show creators Al Goff and Miles Miller. And of course, it couldn't be a wocast without Wednesday herself, Jenna Ortega. With eight delightfully dark episodes to devour, you'll be drawn deeper into the haunting halls of Nevermoor Academy than ever before. But beware. You know where curiosity often leads. The Wednesday Season two Official WO Cast is available in audio and video on tudum.com, apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you find your podcasts. And if you do decide to listen, just remember you've been warned.

[Dungeon Master]

This episode is brought to you by LifeLock.

[Ildryx]

When you visit the doctor, you probably.

[Glom]

Hand over your insurance, your ID and contact details.

[Ildryx]

It's just one of the many places that has your personal info, and if.

[Dungeon Master]

Any of them accidentally expose it, you.

[Glom]

Could be at risk for identity theft.

[Sorin Arkwright]

LifeLock monitors millions of data points a second.

[Glom]

If you become a victim, they'll fix.

[Ildryx]

It, guaranteed, or your money back.

[Dungeon Master]

Save up to 40% your first [e-mail] podcast terms apply. Okay, we're going to break the fourth wall for a few seconds. Hello guys, it's been two years.

[Ildryx]

This is the longest break where anybody has expected me to remember anything, but then written in and changed every detail.

[Dungeon Master]

Hi. I took notes. I'm gonna run you guys through them because it's been a freaking long couple of days. I started writing this adventure for today. So long ago that the original paper I wrote I, like, drew my map on is faded from light. Sunlight faded it. Decided to redraw it on graph paper.

[Gale]

Oh, that's amazing.

[Dungeon Master]

Well, let's get to it. From just outside the church, the gaunt form of a pale elf approached desperation, clear in his sunken eyes.

[Clymore]

Pardon me, sir. Sirs. Would you happen to be Father Dormant?

[Ildryx]

Whoa.

[Clymore]

I'm unarmed and I mean you no harm. I just had a couple of questions regarding a man you might know as Pain.

[Ildryx]

I'm Father Dormund.

[Sorin Arkwright]

May I inquire who you might be?

[Clymore]

I'm sorry. That was terribly rude of me not to introduce myself. I'm Clymore, servant of House Embertree. Lucky I ran, or I might have missed you.

[Ildryx]

House Embertree? From the North Realm?

[Clymore]

Galen's hold, and yes.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Hmm.

[Ildryx]

Well, that's a long way from home.

[Clymore]

Yes. I'm here on behalf of Lord Barlow Embertree, head of our House. He's tasked me with the capture of an escaped convict, a murderer whom we have learned may have been working with you under the false name of Payne. Strange company you keep.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Please take a moment, sir. I'll pass him my water skin if I can.

[Clymore]

Much obliged, friend. I appreciate your hospitality. May I ask your names, or is that too forthright? I don't know the proper customs this far south.

[Sorin Arkwright]

You have given us yours. I'm Sorin Arkwright.

[Ildryx]

Ildryx Miston. Pleasure.

[Clymore]

Hmm.

[Gale]

Gale. How's Fogelberg?

[Ildryx]

Huh?

[Clymore]

Pleasure's mine. Well, as I was saying, there's a gentleman I know to be working under the name of Payne in the city of Otten. At least he was when the month started.

[Dungeon Master]

A brief conversation ensued where both men discussed the physical and social characteristics of the two men, both named Payne. They confirmed that these two men were, in fact, the same person, confirming the criminal's true identity as Elias Embertree, third.

[Clymore]

Son of Lord Barlow. A shame what happened to him. What became of him? And like I mentioned, House Embertree won't allow him in a position where he might hurt others.

[Ildryx]

This is terribly unexpected. So what. What has he actually done?

[Clymore]

He failed to live up to his House's expectations. Even as a youth, he ignored his lessons and played cruel pranks on his sisters. As he grew older, he fell in with a street gang. Robbing the helpless, seducing maidens with his stolen gold and leaving him heartbroken or worse. We hoped he'd grow out of it. Frankly that it was some kind of boredom. But his cruel disposition grew to overtake what little good we knew to be in him. A few years ago he fell in with a group that practiced dark magics and heresy. Began making sacrifices to appease a blasphemous God. Small things at first, but later people. He'd tried to hide it by blaming the gangs he worked with and. Well, he's quite the charming liar if I might say so myself. But the patterns were clear enough. Once we knew what to look for and once we confirmed that he was behind the killings, Lord Barlow made the terrible decision no parent should ever have. I was sent to detain him. But by the time I'd arrived, he'd already slaughtered 20 men in their sleep a rival gang and carved the remains into some kind of ritual patterns that covered an entire warehouse. The guards and I detained him, threw him into a hole while we looked over the evidence. While Lord Barlow prayed for answers. But Elias, God must be watching out for him. Or perhaps he'd made powerful friends because he got out somehow. He literally teleported outside of the foot thick walls. Sorry, 30 centimeter thick walls of his cell. And murdered his own mother, Lady Embertree, and two of his sisters, Elizabeth.

[Ildryx]

Young.

[Clymore]

Mrs. Elizabeth and Maria. I was the one that found him. And I assure you what he did. If Master Elias is always drinking like you said, then perhaps some shred of good remains within him. It could also be a ruse. But perhaps he can be made to remember. To see and understand what he's done. In either case, I've sworn to return him home so he can face justice.

[Ildryx]

I. I don't know what to say. I can't believe that I trusted him.

[Clymore]

And you stated that he's on his way to Westman's hold with a group and that you are as well.

[Ildryx]

Yes.

[Clymore]

Then please let me accompany you. I won't slow you down.

[Gale]

Maybe you don't have shoes.

[Clymore]

I was robbed on my way here. But I don't need him. I've tracked Elias from Ferdrau across the frozen seas to Ralnest. Now here. I can send a raven ahead. Aid our efforts to find his party. I can also pay you once we leave, Eastwood. And you'd have the gratitude of my house.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Is it safe to assume that Payne or Elias may have contacts with Other gangs or mercenaries?

[Clymore]

That's certainly a possibility. But I'm only aware of the two dwarves and the Delvin woman.

[Gale]

One of those dwarves wouldn't happen to be a female, would it?

[Clymore]

Uh, yeah. Much like half of the Dwarven population, I'm told.

[Glom]

Very funny.

[Ildryx]

Clever.

[Clymore]

I practice that. Um, but in all seriousness, anyone traveling with him is in real danger. He's a very believable liar. And while he may seem like he's sleeping or drunk, his movements are precise. Practiced. If your interests are the dwarves, then I suggest we work together.

[Ildryx]

It kind of sounds like we're going in the same direction.

[Sorin Arkwright]

It does.

[Ildryx]

And I feel like we can trust this fellow. At least as far as getting to where we need to go. If that comes before whatever happens with pain.

[Glom]

And you're the epicenter of trust, aren't you Ildrix?

[Ildryx]

Come on, friend.

[Gale]

Yeah.

[Ildryx]

We had good times.

[Gale]

We haven't set anybody on fire.

[Ildryx]

Never. Not entirely. Without helping. Put them out a little bit maybe. Alright. Do what you will.

[Sorin Arkwright]

It seems we're on the same path, Clymore.

[Dungeon Master]

The team began to walk as they spoke. And it was explained that House Embertree desired to capture Elias very much alive. And that any accomplices the criminal had with him were not Clymore's concern. A handsome reward for assisting in the capture of Elias was discussed.

[Clymore]

How handsomely my house can offer. Two hundred and fifty gold for each of you.

[Gale]

Yeah, sounds good to me.

[Ildryx]

Mm.

[Clymore]

In prior years we could have afforded much more. But House Embertree has lost so much.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Well, let's not let him get away.

[Dungeon Master]

The team found their way to the underground catacombs, continuing in near silence as its winding and cramped passages connected to a larger series of tunnels. Perhaps the old passageways of long lost Dwarven nobility. It was there that Ildryx had a revelation.

[Ildryx]

Ah, ef. We forgot to get trail rations.

[Gale]

Well, too late now, I suppose.

[Glom]

You guys should have seen what I built. It was awesome.

[Ildryx]

I trust. It was very handily built. And it would have provided us more of an advantage than we already had.

[Glom]

They would have no idea when they came in that we. We had so many people hidden.

[Ildryx]

Next time. Next time. Good glong.

[Glom]

Gail. We. We did a good thing there, right?

[Gale]

Maybe. Maybe not. How do you feel about it, brother?

[Glom]

Well, they were hunting people, I thought. I don't know how I feel.

[Gale]

Well, imagine our parents face. You tell them you've murdered somebody in a church. How do you think that would make them feel?

[Glom]

That's not helping.

[Gale]

I'm sure they'd be really proud.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Oh, God.

[Ildryx]

You doing all right there, Glum?

[Glom]

Yeah, I just. Just need a minute.

[Ildryx]

I pass him a. An ale skin which I had filled up previously at the. At the place of worship.

[Dungeon Master]

The stress damage from earlier was finally kicking in. Glom took a heavy swig before passing it back to Ildryx. Within an hour, the team reached the sound of running water and passed around a path hidden. Hidden behind a waterfall beyond the great walls of Auden. Glaum surmised that it wasn't a natural waterfall, but all the same, the open road would allow them passage north toward their quarry. He couldn't help but pity the dwarves he hunted in that moment for not knowing the truth about the company they kept, nor the terrible danger sharing their campfire.

[Gale]

Salis di Pais.

[Ildryx]

Salis.

[Clymore]

Do you seek him?

[Gale]

Do you seek Him?

[Ildryx]

Do you seek him?

[Dungeon Master]

Do you seek him?

[Gale]

Do you seek the nameless God?

[Dungeon Master]

You have found yourself among those who roll the Dark Dice. What you are about to hear happened long ago. A story brought back from the edge of oblivion, dutifully transcribed and enhanced orally to better captivate your attention. Previously, a team of adventurers successfully hunted and destroyed elements of their hated cult. Now, with a new ally, they travel north toward their next prey. Dark Dice the long road chapter 22 the madhouse the team slowly walked through the streets of Oden, Glom leading the group. But something was off. To Glom's incredibly high passive perception, the local peasants and merchants were not actually working or talking, but simply acting as if they were. On this confusingly quiet day, even their peasant conversations were muted and indiscernible throughout the Though the word walla occasionally caught his ear.

[Glom]

I'm just gonna bend down and tie my shoe and all.

[Dungeon Master]

And all at once, the peasants began to move in a hypnotic dance around the party as music unexpectedly manifested, swirling around them.

[Ildryx]

Off we go on grand adventures. Soren, Gale and Glon. Good morning, Glon.

[Dungeon Master]

Hey, Jeff.

[Ildryx]

Hunting down and fox fighting evil oh.

[Gale]

What could go wrong Walking through the streets of Auden? Otto bus and song let's avoid the driving story this should not take long.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Killers hiding in plain sight Monsters stalking us at night Our watch must always be unbroken Buddy system, camp alarms Battling the nameless evils and clown men from that farm.

[Ildryx]

I'm Ildrix Vistan, the Dragonborn the scourge of his clan A monk of the North. I just won't die. I'm here to survive. I help out the poor. I'm gonna survive. My body is glum he's really the bomb. This song is for him. I'm singing his song. Glum really is great. Let us celebrate this wonderful guy. Hero of my life.

[Gale]

Warlock of the sea. I love my younger. We each help out the other. We didn't miss our mother and we fought in the war. We've been through thick and thin. Lots of teeth and monster skin. I'm lost without him so is he without me.

[Sorin Arkwright]

I'm the same. A hunter with no name who often fight the dead. They fill my thoughts with dread. See correctly. I like glum like a friend or a son that I never. If we could rewind time I'd adopt him, make him mine. Treat him well, show him a father he deserves. Between saving the world every sweet would be our treat. Ice cream, marshmallows and cocoa as sweet meet up with Gail and their mother sweet. A picnic by the bay in a hot air balloon. Oh, it would be gray, his favorite color.

[Dungeon Master]

But gray's not a color.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Well, his second favorite color. I would teach him to. To fish.

[Gale]

We'd read every book to help him sleep.

[Ildryx]

That'd be sweet. I'd be his friend.

[Gale]

Yes, as children you would meet between now.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Here in the now.

[Gale]

So let us. Let us focus on our quest.

[Dungeon Master]

Heroes in the streets of Auden. You see a grand sight. Everyone is dancing, singing. You're in the spotlight, little brother.

[Gale]

Don't be shy. Now it's your time to sing. Take a deep breath. Pass some courage. Look at my magic ring. Whoa.

[Dungeon Master]

Grunsanity's under the test.

[Ildryx]

Whoa.

[Gale]

Mom. Give us your best.

[Dungeon Master]

Okay? Sean, Grub.

[Glom]

Um. It's a tricky knot on my shoe. Okay.

[Dungeon Master]

Guam awoke from his nightmare, thankfully still wearing pants. As he looked around the campfire, his companions had drawn close to him, their eyes and motions friendly and consoling.

[Ildryx]

Guam? Guam, are you singing?

[Glom]

Singing?

[Ildryx]

Are you okay? Singing?

[Sorin Arkwright]

Do we need to slap him across the face?

[Glom]

Dad?

[Ildryx]

I'll do it if it's for science.

[Gale]

Guam, please don't sing.

[Glom]

Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Gil. Sorry, everyone. I was just having a bit of a nightmare. Just. Just made me cry a little. That's normal, you know, Just.

[Sorin Arkwright]

That sounds terrifying.

[Ildryx]

I've been sitting here by your side dabbing your tears as they roll down your.

[Glom]

Stop touching my.

[Ildryx]

Sorry. There's just one more. Okay, okay. Okay. It's in my pocket if you need it.

[Gale]

Do you want to talk about it?

[Sorin Arkwright]

No. No, no.

[Glom]

Okay. I'm gonna go stir the fire. You know.

[Dungeon Master]

Our team moved on, but glum gains six stress.

[Ildryx]

Have we had a long rest we're.

[Glom]

Starting a full hit points.

[Dungeon Master]

Sure, yeah. Full hit points. Yeah.

[Ildryx]

It's been two years.

[Dungeon Master]

You guys can have full hit points.

[Ildryx]

Wow. How gracious.

[Dungeon Master]

Oh, man. So back to it. While it had indeed felt like years had passed since they had started their journey, Glom, Gale, Ildryx and Soren had traveled for six and a half days north of Auden on foot with their new associates, Father Dormund, a graying cleric of Celagon, and Clymore, the wiry, half elf servant of House Embertree. The team had continued north along the main road, avoiding the most settlements until the rations ran dry. And feeling that they had put suitable distance between themselves and Auden, they were eager to visit a small village that had, from a distance, seemed as still as the grave.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Alright, try not to look suspicious.

[Glom]

I don't know if I want to.

[Sorin Arkwright]

I don't know how to do that.

[Glom]

Yeah.

[Ildryx]

Should I put the costume on now?

[Glom]

No.

[Ildryx]

No. Okay. Nope.

[Glom]

Look, I just. I'm feeling little awkward walking into a village unrelated to anything, but can you all just promise to not sing when we walk in the gates?

[Sorin Arkwright]

I would never.

[Gale]

I think we can manage that.

[Ildryx]

Why? Why would we?

[Glom]

It's a really good question. Just. Just don't sing it.

[Ildryx]

Okay. Just got a song in my heart this morning, but I will put it on hold for you.

[Gale]

Cool.

[Glom]

Guam reaches out as if to almost touch Sorin on the shoulder and then realizes what he's doing and stops and goes, yes, we'll just. Yeah, just go into the village.

[Dungeon Master]

It's normal. As they got closer, the team could perceive no signs of activity, no residents or pets. Doors flapped in the wind, revealing clothes hung on lines within, unconsumed meals left behind. Fires burnt out and two malnourished horses tied to the hitching posts in front of the village's tavern. The wind picked up briefly, causing the shutters to clack dully through the hollow. Silence.

[Clymore]

When I passed this village on my way to Auden, it was full of life. People were friendly and welcoming. Their absence is concerning.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Something certain certainly feels off here. Is there anything I can see perceptively.

[Dungeon Master]

That would require a perception check.

[Sorin Arkwright]

18. There's all my luck for the day.

[Dungeon Master]

As the team searched for clues, it was Sorin who spotted the footsteps and wagon tracks.

[Sorin Arkwright]

The freshest set of tracks all seem to head in the same direction. And look at this. Come one, come all. See the marvelous Tasha's Kiss flyers.

[Ildryx]

Colorful.

[Sorin Arkwright]

I'm pretty sure we've seen quite a few of them around the village before this point. Does this ring a bell to anyone? Tasha's Kiss.

[Dungeon Master]

That would require a knowledge history check.

[Glom]

18.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Your knowledge of clowns is otherworldly.

[Ildryx]

15.

[Clymore]

Nope.

[Gale]

Well, if you'd bothered to read the small print on the flyer, it's pretty clear that Tasha's kiss is the jester with the white painted smiling face. Weird fashion sense, though. The red and black checkers on the jacket look a bit creepy. Perhaps, but at least she's wearing pants, eh?

[Ildryx]

Yes, and I think I've seen a few of these flyers around Auden too. Yes, she's supposed to be quite the special act. I think the exact words I heard.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Used to describe her were talented and fun. So perhaps the large circus style tent over there with the red, white and black checkerboard pattern is related then.

[Ildryx]

It seems she travels city to city entertaining people. Not necessarily the most nefarious thing, but.

[Glom]

I saw her perform as a child.

[Sorin Arkwright]

The seeds of inspiration were planted. Your career path was never the same.

[Glom]

What's that mean?

[Gale]

I wouldn't stand for that, brother.

[Ildryx]

I believe he's referring to that time when you were a clown for the Halfling Bar mitzvah. I mean, birthday.

[Glom]

Let's just move along. Let's go check out the tent.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Cautiously perhaps, but yes.

[Ildryx]

As we're walking away, Eldritch will probably go to untie the malnourished horses and release them from their confines. See, that's a good deed you done trying to do good in this. In this scary, scary world.

[Dungeon Master]

Ildryx was awarded 5 bonus xp and his stress was reduced by 5.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Yes, I'm so touched by that.

[Glom]

Glom sort of pulls Gale aside as we're walking up towards a tent. Gale, I don't know if we can take this, Rowena. It's bugging me that her troop is now running with another.

[Gale]

What's worrying about it? You know, she's clearly killing people off as she goes. She needs to replace them.

[Glom]

Yeah, it's just like, I don't know if we can take her bandit group as it is. And now there's another one in there. Death worries me.

[Gale]

You doubt yourself. You know, you fought far worse than this.

[Glom]

You're probably right.

[Gale]

Okay, think back. That bed Dragon. Look what you did to it. Yeah, you never thought you could do that.

[Glom]

That was pretty good.

[Gale]

Exactly. And we have friends with us. You've seen far worse.

[Glom]

Luckily, I was there to save you with the dragon.

[Gale]

Well, yes, you had help. So are we agreed?

[Glom]

Okay.

[Gale]

Do you hear that too?

[Glom]

Glamazunch is pulling out his bow and knocking an Arrow.

[Dungeon Master]

Glom crouched low next to Gale and motioned toward the tent. The others followed closely behind, but Sorin put a hand on Glom's shoulder. Peeking through the flap.

[Sorin Arkwright]

There is a small child, a boy, holding a piece of paper. He's crying and sitting near a magnificently carved wood and metal wagon in the middle of the tent.

[Gale]

Well, that's all kind of new.

[Ildryx]

Hildryx takes a big swig, but before stepping past the others. Hey. Hey, are you okay? Small human?

[Dungeon Master]

The boy looked up from the torn note in his hands as he sniffled, clearly surprised to see Ildryx.

[Gale]

What?

[Ildryx]

I'm at the tent door. Like I'm not inside the tent. Just so we're clear.

[Glom]

Glom is aiming an arrow over Ildry's shoulder at a little child.

[Dungeon Master]

With a successful stealth check, the boy couldn't see Glom, but seemed scared all the same.

[Ildryx]

I asked if you are okay.

[Gentry]

No. Yeah, everything's. No, I'm not okay. You're not clowns, are you?

[Dungeon Master]

The glint of fear lingered in the boy's eyes.

[Ildryx]

Not. Not as our. Not as our main. Main source of income.

[Glom]

Just say no. Say no.

[Ildryx]

Definitely not clowns.

[Gentry]

Good. Cause clowns freak me out.

[Ildryx]

No. Not clowns. Definitely not. So how about you come out here? Good boy. Good friend. Human. What is your name?

[Dungeon Master]

With a gentle smile and a successful persuasion check that dulled the silhouette of his sharp teeth, the boy walked toward the team, glancing over his shoulder every so often. The youth looked weary and his stomach audibly growled over his introduction.

[Gentry]

I'm Gentry Hull. That's my name. So if you're not clowns, why are you here in Elovine? That's our village.

[Ildryx]

I hand him a ration and I say we. We are passing through town looking for someone and expected to find more people here to be helpful. It seems you are the only one, and now we must help you.

[Gentry]

Everyone went to see Tasha's kiss. My mom, my dad, my big sister, everybody. It was a free show, but my sister said clowns would be there, and I think clowns are scary, so I didn't go. I saw her when she got here, though. Tasha's kiss. She's a clown for sure. Wore red and black clothes and had white face paint and a floppy hat with bells on it and freaky golden eyes. I was playing outside and I didn't watch her perform. But then it got really quiet. After a while, I think everyone went in the tent, and when I looked around, there was nobody at all. Not outside and not in the tent. I've been waiting for my parents to come back, but it's been five days, I think. Thanks for the food, Mr. Ildryx.

[Ildryx]

I'm Ildrix and this is Glom, Gale, Dormund, Clymore and Soren.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Hello.

[Gentry]

You shouldn't tell strangers your name. Graham says the bag hack will steal your tongue in your sleep if she learns your name. And you never know who could be a friend.

[Ildryx]

I'll keep that in mind, young Gentry. But didn't you just tell.

[Sorin Arkwright]

There's no sign of anyone else. What's. What's that piece of paper you have?

[Dungeon Master]

The boy lifted a snot covered flyer identical to the one Soren had seen earlier before using it to blow his nose again.

[Glom]

Glom kneels down in front of him. You're. You're pretty strong, huh? Pretty tough.

[Gentry]

Uh, maybe you are.

[Glom]

Do you have any relatives nearby? Uh, like in another village?

[Gentry]

No, my whole family lives here. We're not merchants or anything. We just, you know, mix peaches and tomatoes together. That's what we do.

[Glom]

Peaches and tomatoes.

[Gentry]

Yep.

[Ildryx]

Sounds. Sounds delightful.

[Gentry]

We're jammers. We make jams.

[Ildryx]

Good.

[Gentry]

But I was saying though, when. When they all were going in, I did peek and I could see the people going into the wagon, like the last few people going into the wagon. And I wasn't going to go in, but. But I got really lonely and the door to the wagon won't open anyway. It won't open. No one's come out of the wagon and I think they all went inside the wagon.

[Sorin Arkwright]

The wagon inside the tent?

[Gentry]

Yeah, that one.

[Clymore]

I don't think that wagon could hold 10 people, much less a full village.

[Glom]

Right?

[Ildryx]

I don't suppose the entire village of sprites or similarly small creatures. He's shaking his head no.

[Gentry]

You shouldn't wear green, Mr. Soren. My sister says that anything green could actually be a Leshy in disguise. They flay people alive and feast on your screams. That's what Tabitha says, my sister. So you gotta be careful.

[Sorin Arkwright]

I will keep that in mind.

[Clymore]

Horses that pulled the wagon are present and there are blocks on both sides of the wheels to keep it from moving.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Gentry, we are here to help. Please try to eat some of our food if you can, but slowly. We are going to inspect the wagon, see if we can figure out what's happened to everyone.

[Gentry]

Please find my mom and my dad. And I know I don't like Tabitha very much, but if you find her too, that'd be good.

[Sorin Arkwright]

We will even try to find your sister.

[Gentry]

Thanks.

[Dungeon Master]

The team could plainly see the Covered wagon under an uneven banner that read Tasha's Kiss and featured the same face of the jester clown they had seen on the flyers. The wagon was wood slatted, sturdy and so far as the team could discern, well carved with detailed pictorial inlays and intarsia. Even the wooden ramp leading to the entrance seemed regal, with a small cherub topped railing and bright velvet carpet. The entire display was immaculate, in stark contrast to the neglected darkness of the tent.

[Ildryx]

Ah, I think this is the part where one of us suggests that we go inside the danger wagon if no one else will.

[Clymore]

I'll go first.

[Gale]

Psst.

[Glom]

Gale.

[Gale]

What's up?

[Glom]

Look, just look. I know. Anyways. Is this kid magic?

[Gale]

Doesn't appear to be magic, but some. Would it be terrible to leave him here on his own?

[Gentry]

I couldn't wait here on my own while you check it out. You guys gave me some food, so I should be good to wait here for a few days. As long as no clowns show up. Did you know that the first clowns were orc warriors who laughed in the face of death? Orcs are scary, so I don't know why they try to make them funny now. I think it makes the whole thing even scarier.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Did your sister tell you that as well?

[Ildryx]

I'll stay with young Gentry while you go and check things out. And thus they split the party.

[Clymore]

I guess I'll stay here to make sure they stay safe. Not as frail as I look.

[Glom]

No, you. You sir, can come with us.

[Clymore]

If that's your preference.

[Glom]

Yeah, be great. Let's go. After you. Let's go see this wagon.

[Clymore]

Fine. Do you want to me to open the door now or.

[Glom]

No, let's just look.

[Ildryx]

Maybe we can just observe the surrounding area for a moment. See what we see around us. Any signs of struggle or to specifically.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Check the door for traps. Maybe that too.

[Dungeon Master]

Soren rolled a 15 for investigation.

[Sorin Arkwright]

No sign of a struggle. The only footsteps beyond. The boys seem to be going from the sitting area directly into the wagon. Nothing else.

[Ildryx]

How about a 22?

[Dungeon Master]

Ildrix's eyes perceived nothing strange or funny about the door. It wasn't even locked. It was literally just heavier than what young Gentry hall could move. There were no traps that he could see or sense. No trap doors above or under the wagon. The next steps in the investigation seemed straightforward.

[Ildryx]

Just a generally creepy vibe check.

[Glom]

Yeah, maybe because it ate an entire village.

[Ildryx]

Well, aside from the small child weeping and the terrifying nature of all these footsteps going into the wagon. So it seems totally normal.

[Glom]

Yeah, let's Move on. Leave the wagon alone. Let's go. Aren't we chasing someone? Let's go.

[Ildryx]

Maybe they're in the wagon.

[Clymore]

Oh God.

[Sorin Arkwright]

I will open the wagon. Do.

[Ildryx]

You?

[Gentry]

If you take longer than 10 seconds to enter a door after you open it, my sister says you might let a mean spirit out.

[Ildryx]

Do we really have to rescue his sister?

[Gale]

I don't know. I'm starting to like her.

[Dungeon Master]

Sorin pressed his weight into the door, then again applying more and more strength and found that it was briefly stuck for a moment before it finally gave way. The inside was just as important impressive as its exterior. Plush red velvet cushions lined the bench along the back of the wagon and a large mirror stood above an oak makeup table. A door to a grand wardrobe in the front of the wagon was slightly ajar, but Sorin's attention turned to a basket of rolls and fruit on the table, which were still surprisingly fresh.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Seems okay.

[Ildryx]

What you see there, Soren? Anything good?

[Sorin Arkwright]

It just looks like a rather posh living wagon for the road. Don't see anyone inside. There's some fruit.

[Ildryx]

Hmm.

[Sorin Arkwright]

I don't know.

[Ildryx]

Well, it looks like we've adopted a boy.

[Glom]

You're assuming Father Tormund is still alive.

[Ildryx]

Touche.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Perhaps we should still try and find his parents.

[Ildryx]

Are you sure that's all there is in there? There's. There's not a bunch of villagers like an entire village waiting for a surprise party for young gentry. I've heard of this sort of thing before. Surprise parties, I think it was. That's a North Realm custom. Right?

[Clymore]

I resent that.

[Ildryx]

Did you look between the cushions? I always lose things there when I travel in a fancy human wagon.

[Sorin Arkwright]

I can certainly check. They might be hiding under the cushions at the back. I push a hand through the doorway just to see if anything happens.

[Dungeon Master]

Sorin's hand passed through the threshold. He felt no discernible change in the air quality or portals or magics.

[Sorin Arkwright]

I will step through entirely just to be that guy.

[Dungeon Master]

Sorin stepped inside of the wagon. From within. He still discerned no difference. But those rolls did smell nice after eating trail rations for almost a week.

[Ildryx]

Yeah.

[Sorin Arkwright]

I don't see anything in here. Strange. Feels like a trap.

[Glom]

Yeah. Five day old rolls that still smell nice.

[Gale]

Maybe.

[Ildryx]

How about I will peek in anything funny with mirror? The mirror. I've heard funny things about mirrors.

[Gentry]

Be careful. My sister says that there's a mirror demon who will get you if you put two mirrors opposite each other.

[Dungeon Master]

Ildrix gently brushed past Soren, lightly grazing the hairs in the back of his neck. While he approached and stared into the strangely large mirror, Hildryx realized that it was the first time he had seen his own reflection in a long, long time. The mirror was otherwise mundane, so much as he could tell.

[Ildryx]

Still looking good guys.

[Gale]

Do you want to throw some of that fruit out here? Maybe we can give some to Gentry.

[Ildryx]

You want to eat the fresh five day old fruit? Sure. Have at it.

[Gale]

I meant for the boy, not us.

[Ildryx]

Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

[Dungeon Master]

Clymore picked up the fruit and walked out to share it with Gentry and Father Dormund.

[Ildryx]

Oh, I really haven't had one of.

[Sorin Arkwright]

These in a long time.

[Ildryx]

Do you mind if I have one?

[Clymore]

It should be fine. There's so many, it'd be a sin not to eat one.

[Gentry]

Oh, they're sinfully good.

[Dungeon Master]

Beyond delight and a satisfied feeling of having eaten fresh food, reducing three stress. No ill effects occurred as before the war. Wide unblinking eyes of the team. Father Gormund, Clymore and Gentry reveled in their small feast.

[Glom]

Oh, this is ridiculous. Glom walks into the room and starts opens the wardrobe.

[Dungeon Master]

The wardrobe was revealed to be bare, no clothing or cloth. And in the place of where shelves should have been, a wooden staircase that led down too far down into a chilly space that should not have been able to exist within the wagon.

[Gale]

There we go. Found it.

[Glom]

Um, Ildryx. Ildryx.

[Ildryx]

Gale.

[Glom]

Stairs in a wagon.

[Ildryx]

Well, you know what they say about stairs in a wagon. Probably something that's gonna kill you at the bottom.

[Gale]

Have we removed the matches from Ildryx this time?

[Ildryx]

Don't worry, don't worry, it won't happen again.

[Glom]

What was our rule, Ildryx? We only attack people that burn.

[Ildryx]

Friends, right?

[Glom]

And you know a friend because they.

[Ildryx]

They look like you. You guys.

[Glom]

And they don't attack you.

[Clymore]

I honestly thought that was gonna rhyme. Never mind.

[Ildryx]

Don't. Don't worry, he's not a friend.

[Glom]

Stewed porcupine. Don't forget stewed porcupine.

[Ildryx]

Stewed porcupine, right. Good. Okay.

[Gale]

Dark, scary stairs it is then.

[Ildryx]

I guess I'll go first. Are we going down the stairs?

[Glom]

Hold on. Soren, can you see anything down there? What is gonna be the light source? Anyone?

[Sorin Arkwright]

I do have torches as well as I assume my lantern.

[Gale]

That seems sensible. Can I recommend we don't take any fire down there? And she just throws a knowing look at Ildryx. No fire.

[Glom]

She's saying don't light us all up like a torch.

[Ildryx]

Yeah, why would I do that?

[Glom]

I don't Know why would you?

[Ildryx]

If we can move beyond the fear of fire that we've now, for some reason, developed, perhaps a torch would be relevant.

[Sorin Arkwright]

I will whip out my lantern and take a squinty peek.

[Ildryx]

Perfect. Love it.

[Dungeon Master]

The temperature dropped 5 degrees as the lantern flickered to light. But it's. Its green light thankfully revealed no spirits or horrors. Just more stairs for at least 30ft ahead.

[Ildryx]

Perhaps we all. If we're going, we all go, rather than just the two of us.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Sounds like it is a bit of a walk. Yes.

[Glom]

Gail, do you want to stay here or come with?

[Gale]

I'll come with.

[Glom]

All right.

[Clymore]

And just to be sure, I'm joining y' all as well.

[Glom]

You're joining us?

[Ildryx]

Yeah. No, I think you should probably come. Yeah.

[Clymore]

All right, friends, let's do some good.

[Glom]

Oh, you're in for a world of surprises, friend.

[Clymore]

I thought you all said you were adventurers.

[Ildryx]

Cautious, cautious adventurers.

[Clymore]

Is the term adventurers applied cautiously? Or are you simply adventurers of a cautious nature?

[Glom]

Let's practice the silent listening game.

[Clymore]

Fair enough. Could be danger ahead.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Just a large brass doorway.

[Glom]

You'll go in front of me. I'll take up the rear.

[Sorin Arkwright]

When you say you'll take the rear. I just. I just. I need some clarification.

[Ildryx]

Oh, I'm gonna.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Oh, the position. I know. I got there. I got there in the end.

[Glom]

The line.

[Ildryx]

Yep. We will keep pace. Just a few back. Just to make sure that nobody feels that we are following you in any way.

[Dungeon Master]

The stairs descended at least 130ft. They'd lost count of the steps in their conversation. It was hard to tell in the flickering light of the lantern. The brass door that the stairs terminated at was round and hinged, almost like a porthole. Over its frame, a phrase was inscribed in fanciful common script that read, tasha's Madhouse.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Oh, that bodes well.

[Ildryx]

Anybody know anything about mad houses? Is it. Does it make you go mad? Or is it like, mad, like the kids are saying these days? That was a mad house.

[Glom]

We just walked 200ft into a hidden tunnel under a wagon.

[Ildryx]

Probably fine. Yeah, sure.

[Glom]

It's good.

[Ildryx]

Yeah.

[Gale]

Maybe it's just a figure of speech.

[Clymore]

I thought we just agreed to keep jokes to a minimum until we know what we're up against.

[Ildryx]

All right. I knock on the door.

[Dungeon Master]

The hollow silence slowly consumed the echoing intrusion.

[Ildryx]

No one's here. Time to go west.

[Glom]

Yeah, let's go.

[Ildryx]

Yep.

[Glom]

Heading back up.

[Clymore]

Perhaps they didn't hear you. Maybe try again. Or better yet, maybe just open the door.

[Ildryx]

Oh, you're A specialist about madhouse doors, are you?

[Clymore]

Not really, but usually when you knock on the door of villainy or some such, the enemy doesn't usually reply in turn.

[Ildryx]

You have a point. I take another swig.

[Clymore]

As the great Sir David Cummings used to say, brace yourselves.

[Gale]

I thought it was enjoy yourselves.

[Sorin Arkwright]

That's Chapman's funerals.

[Glom]

Klom puts out a hand for your flask.

[Ildryx]

Yeah, I pass it.

[Glom]

Clom takes a swig, passes it back.

[Ildryx]

Anybody else? Anybody else? We're just gonna sit here, take shot for shot? Well, we wait.

[Dungeon Master]

The team took another few minutes considering the benefits of entering the adventure plastered, or if they would be brave enough to enter the door at all. A conversation that was cut from this story.

[Ildryx]

Here we go, Soren.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Oh, I'd better keep my fingers nimble. Here we go.

[Dungeon Master]

Sorin pushed the door inward. It squeaked quietly, opening into a room with three small tables near its center and two wooden chairs on the opposite sides of each table, a room for interviews. Two of the tables were occupied. At the leftmost was a human farmer sitting across from a faceless grey humanoid, and at the middle table, an older gray haired woman, perhaps a trapper or grandmother or both, was seated almost identically across from another gray humanoid. Both peasants eyes were both closed, an expression of joy filling their faces. The hands and fingers of the faceless creatures across from them chaotically danced and spun as if weaving the air itself. A gray skinned gnomish woman between them and the tables tapped her foot expectantly, appraising the group before approaching them with a sense of urgency. Her gray face was a featureless palette of flesh, though she held a book and writing implement as her body gestured, she spoke to the team individually, her words resounding in the name native tongue of each as they echoed within their respective minds.

[Gale]

Welcome, one and all. Please take a seat.

[Glom]

And Glom is drawing and firing. If he can get a shot over.

[Dungeon Master]

His shoulder, he's just gonna shoot.

[Glom]

Yep.

[Sorin Arkwright]

What if she had cookies for us?

[Ildryx]

No, she didn't have cookies for us.

[Glom]

So Glom screams and fires at the woman.

[Dungeon Master]

Glom raised his bow and fired at the gray faceless gnomes, striking, striking her in the shoulder for four damage, the size and force of the arrow causing her body to shudder as she started to reach toward the rhabdos at her hip. Though faceless, she seemed hesitant and confused and a bit betrayed or perhaps surprised.

[Ildryx]

Dammit, Glom, you know what? I'm just delay.

[Glom]

You can hold.

[Ildryx]

I'm gonna hold my. Yeah, I'm gonna hold my action.

[Gale]

Ned is going to use awakened mind to speak directly to the gnomish woman's mind and say in abysmal, the human woman behind you did this. It's all her fault.

[Dungeon Master]

And Gale required a deception check that.

[Gale]

Would be a crit.

[Dungeon Master]

A critical okay, so. The gnome turned around, aiming her rhabdos at the human woman behind her, who briefly convulsed before slowly leaning back in her chair, her tongue lolling out. She had clearly been stunned.

[Clymore]

You can always tell they're really stunned when their tongue is visible.

[Dungeon Master]

And unless Guam or his party had more to do, combat had concluded.

[Gale]

As the gnome turns round, Gael is going to clout her brother over the back of her head.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Ow. Gael. She was.

[Gale]

Behave yourself.

[Glom]

Sorry, sort of scared me.

[Gale]

Well, as I was saying, we Please.

[Dungeon Master]

She pulled the arrow from her bleeding shoulder and examined it before snapping it in half.

[Gale]

Take a seat.

[Dungeon Master]

She motioned to the empty seat.

[Ildryx]

Just a quick question here. What is it that we're doing down here? We just kind of followed the signs and they said there was something cool down here.

[Gale]

You're being sorted, of course.

[Ildryx]

Oh yes.

[Dungeon Master]

The two portals on the opposite sides of the room silently rippled black morasses of dense magic, almost like staring into the void itself. As Glom and Sorin gained stress and the DM was finally able to finish his description of the room, arrow free, the team recognized that the other individuals, farmers, had lined up to replace those humans in the seats. They seemed to be undergoing a silent interview before moving on toward the portals. The farmer from earlier grinned from ear to ear at the party as he clasped his hands together.

[Ildryx]

Well, this place is just so marvelous.

[Dungeon Master]

Before walking toward one portal while the older woman, slowly recovering from her stupor, squinted her wrinkled face into a scowl as she was guided toward the other.

[Gentry]

I don't like it one bit.

[Ildryx]

So there's a good portal and there's a bad portal? I asked the gnome.

[Gale]

There are two portals, but neither are good or bad. They are the appropriate path for the appropriate individual. Your experience here reflects where you go good and bad. These societal constructs reflect harmful inherited biases that we've worked so hard to abolish. We try to avoid such language here, especially when when referring to people or places. Now, please be seated.

[Ildryx]

Okay, sure. Yeah, sure. Why not? What happens?

[Glom]

Ildrick, you crazy? We're just looking for the villagers.

[Ildryx]

They're the villagers. They're going through doors, man.

[Glom]

Oh, right.

[Dungeon Master]

Ildrick sat in a newly vacant chair across from one of the faceless creatures, just as the gray humanoid had done with the others it began to weave its fingers in a quiet dance above his head, never touching Ildrix nor venturing too far into his personal space. But all the same, Ildrix required a wisdom saving throw.

[Ildryx]

17.

[Dungeon Master]

Ildrix sat there in awkward silence, confused. Seconds passed. Ildryx began to count the time to help speed things up as no questions were asked. And about a minute after he'd sat down, the faceless creature nodded to the gnome.

[Gale]

Thank you. Please move into that line. You will enter the portal after the.

[Ildryx]

Older woman, the grumpy one.

[Gale]

That's a rude descriptor, but not an inaccurate one.

[Ildryx]

Okay, who's next?

[Glom]

I think we should go.

[Gale]

I think we figured out where the villagers are, so maybe we can get sorted and go through portals some other time. We really don't need to continue any further into this. Whatever this place is.

[Ildryx]

Okay? Yeah, I don't want to do that.

[Gale]

That's an unfortunate disposition. Because there's no other way to leave this room.

[Ildryx]

What about the door we came down?

[Dungeon Master]

Ildryx motioned to a door that had been replaced with a bare wall that matched the rest of the room.

[Ildryx]

Ah, See him?

[Glom]

Oh, there's another way out.

[Gale]

Yes, one of the portals. Please be seated.

[Ildryx]

Come on, Glam. Just sit in front of the finger wagon fella.

[Gale]

So how do you get out then? We live here. And you never leave. We have a job to do. But food and family. Our only true family is our formless lord. Work is our purpose and the completion of our tasks is all the sustenance we require. Okay.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Sounds delicious.

[Glom]

What did she just say?

[Ildryx]

She says she likes to work real hard and she's working nine to five.

[Dungeon Master]

She just.

[Glom]

I'm starting to panic here.

[Ildryx]

These boots are made for walking, so we should walk through these portals.

[Gale]

Suppose finger wagging it is then sit.

[Ildryx]

In front of the finger wagon guy. It's the only way we're gonna get out of here.

[Clymore]

You know, if it helps ease things along, I'll be next. Okay, I'll sit down.

[Dungeon Master]

Clymore sat down and the same process repeated. Finger waving in uneasy Clymore staring for almost a full minute nervously. And finally he was guided to stand behind Iltrix.

[Clymore]

And that's that.

[Gale]

You're next. Please be seated.

[Ildryx]

Mm.

[Gale]

Okay, well look, if we're going to do this, then I think Glom and I want to do do this together. Let's sit down together.

[Glom]

Okay?

[Dungeon Master]

Gale and Glom sat where they were directed. They both required wisdom saving throws as the finger waving began.

[Gale]

1815.

[Dungeon Master]

Up close, the signs made in the air were almost occult like to Glom, but they didn't seem to be affecting him. Just a quiet moment of awkward unease.

[Glom]

There's blood trickling down the side of Glom's mouth cause he's biting his lips so hard.

[Dungeon Master]

As he gained eight's dress.

[Gale]

Thank you. Please move into that line.

[Dungeon Master]

Behind the elf, the gnome finally approached Sorin, who had been quiet until this moment.

[Gale]

You're next. Please be seated.

[Sorin Arkwright]

I'm going to dramatically flip my hood back to reveal my gorgeous locks first, but then I will calmly sit.

[Dungeon Master]

The dramatic display did not seem to faze the gray creatures, but he thought that for the briefest of moments, a hint of pink crossed the gnomes lack of face. Once seated, the gray creature began to weave its hands in the air in front of Sorin.

[Sorin Arkwright]

11.

[Ildryx]

I feel like everybody's going through one door and Soren's going through another door.

[Dungeon Master]

The creature in front of Soren began to address him by name, its features warping and forcing into the shape of a friend.

[Sorin Arkwright]

I feel like. I feel like I know you from somewhere.

[Ildryx]

You must have mistaken me for somebody else. I have a very common face. You could almost say that I looked like any local farmhand. Apart from an invisible weight that I seem to carry.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Oh, it's good to see you again. What's it been, like two musicals in a Jurassic Park? So what are you doing here?

[Ildryx]

While you were busy focusing on me, the Neverborn, the God who should not have been, took form and found hold in this reality. I would be seething if I was not so impressed. We need to stop him, Soren. We need to stop him.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Oh, that sounds important. I suppose you can help with that. What was it you said we needed to do again? Sorry, I'm a bit distracted right now.

[Ildryx]

The Neverborn must be stopped. I already said I'd aid in the task, all right?

[Sorin Arkwright]

Right. And thank you. But aren't you, like, you know, following and trying to murder me and my friends?

[Ildryx]

I have more important things to do than harass you.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Well, I suppose that's fair. Any chance you know where we are? You know, I'm kind of stuck here in this very wonderful, very magical place.

[Ildryx]

You know, I hear that there's a vault with all sorts of amazing treasures somewhere below this place.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Well, thanks for the hot tip, friend.

[Ildryx]

Yeah, Keep an eye out. You never know who you're gonna bump into out here.

[Sorin Arkwright]

I know, right?

[Ildryx]

Well, enjoy the party. I know I will.

[Dungeon Master]

The surprise guest departed. The Skype.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Was that, like, in my head, or did the others see him as well, what others?

[Dungeon Master]

Then I'm going through the stupid portal to the others. Sorin just sat quietly before the faceless creature as he gradually became overwhelmed, overcome with feelings of love, joy and happiness, he could not wait to experience more about this new, exotic place. What joys awaited him? What friends could he make? Was a musical number behind the next door?

[Sorin Arkwright]

Or.

[Dungeon Master]

Or perhaps Candy or dog. Or a room full of dogs. Soren thought he heard a voice direct him away from his friends and found himself standing behind the happy farmer man from earlier.

[Ildryx]

Hey, what if. What if I'm directing this towards the gnomish lady? What if we all went as a group? I hear group parties are much the rage these days.

[Gale]

These paths lead to the same place. Please be patient and go through the portal you've been directed to.

[Sorin Arkwright]

Sorin giddily waits for the gentleman in front of him to pass through the portal and follows him without a care in the world.

[Dungeon Master]

The others watched in horrified silence from the other line as the older woman in front of them passed through.

[Ildryx]

All right, let's do this thing.

[Dungeon Master]

Under the influence of enchantments, the party split up, unsure of what tortures would awaited them within Tasha's madhouse. Dark Dice Chapter 22 the Madhouse featuring Jeff Goldblum as the silent one, Peter Lewis as Soren Arkwright, Holly Billinghurst and Sean Howard as Galen Glam Vogelberg, Russ T. Moore as Ildryx, and featuring Robert Clotworthy as Clymore, Kareem Cromflly as Father Dormund, Michelle Tan as Gentry, Ryan McQuin and as the manic farmer, Trege Royma as the gnomish sorter. Introducing Charlotte Norup as Graham and Travis Vengraff as Dungeon Master. This episode was produced and edited with sound design by Travis Vengrof, mixing and mastering by Fenner Nielsen and executive producers Carol Vengrof, Michael Villegas, AJ Punkin and Dennis Greenhill. This episode featured music by Stephen Millin and Travis Vengraff. To support this production and get access to bonus releases, music world lore, art and early access to future adventures and D and D materials, please join our [e-mail] FoolAndScholar. You can also find us on social media arkdicepod or on TikTok as FoolAndScholar. This is a Fooland scholar production. Thank you for listening. Okay, I just have to explain this thing to everybody. So Sean Howard, the player for Glom, expressed to me that he had a very real fear of being on stage for a musical and not knowing the words to the songs and that is why we made a musical to scare him all for Glam, which we did without letting him know and we performed live for him and he did not know how to react and it was really funny. Also, one other note is just how very, very, very old this is. This musical predates the White Vault musical we did, which is really old.

[Ildryx]

But.

[Dungeon Master]

We didn't perform it until much later. I just wanted to explain it so that no one was really confused why we did what we did. Anyway, until next episode.

[Ildryx]

Does music really have the power to heal? How can you instantly be more persuasive? What would the world be like if there were no bugs? These are the kind of topics we explore in every episode of my podcast called Something youg Should Know. My name is Mike Carruthers and what we do on Something you Should Know is we find leading experts and curate topics that will impact your life, satisfy your curiosity, or simply fascinate you. Maybe all of the above. Out of all the millions of podcasts in the universe, Something you should Know is usually ranked in the top 200 of all podcasts on Apple. A lot of people like Something you should Know, and I'm willing to bet you will too. We deliver three episodes a week and have a catalog catalog of over a thousand shows for you to listen to. Give a listen to Something you should Know wherever you get your podcasts.

[Dungeon Master]

The town of Milton may seem normal.

[Sorin Arkwright]

At first glance, but the shadows are.

[Glom]

Cursed and the expansive woods surrounding town are forbidden. They call it the void, and nobody comes back alive.

[Ildryx]

You're headed straight for the void.

[Dungeon Master]

Milton lives suspended in time, trapped by.

[Glom]

A darkness that seems to be creeping closer and closer.

[Ildryx]

It's safe.

[Dungeon Master]

The void is kept at bay. Is it though. Join three friends as they embark on.

[Glom]

An epic journey into the heart of darkness, the Void.

[Clymore]

Wherever you get your podcasts, this is just the beginning.