De-Influenced with Dani + Jordan

Holiday Re-Run: De-Influencing Jefferson Bethke

Release Date: December 25, 2025

Guest: Jefferson Bethke

Episode Overview

In this special holiday re-run, hosts Dani and Jordan welcome New York Times bestselling author, speaker, and viral content creator Jefferson Bethke. Known for challenging Christian and cultural norms, Bethke dives into topics from redefining family and fatherhood to male identity and generational legacy. This episode is especially meaningful for Jordan, who has admired Bethke’s work and personally found his teachings transformative for his own view on fatherhood and family.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction to Jefferson Bethke and His Influence

• [00:10 - 05:25]
  • Jordan shares his excitement: "This is the first De-Influence episode. That is my episode... I chose the guest."
  • Dani and Jordan introduce Bethke as an author, Christian influencer (though Bethke finds the term ‘cringe’), and someone who went viral over a decade ago for a spoken word video on "Jesus > Religion."
  • Bethke recounts his journey from creating viral YouTube content to writing and focusing on family and relationships.

2. Viral Content and Evolving Faith

• [08:58 - 11:19]
  • Bethke describes his college crisis of faith, intellectual search, and eventual conversion to a personal relationship with Jesus.
  • His spoken word video "Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus" (over 60 million views) encapsulated his wrestling with tradition vs. authentic faith.
    • “Jesus is so unique that he's kind of climbing down the ladder to heaven, coming to get us, not saying, climb the ladder up, come to me.” – Jefferson Bethke [10:50]
  • Reflects on how his tone and approach have evolved since the viral video.

3. Upbringing, Trauma, and Empathy in Parenting

• [11:42 - 14:20]
  • Bethke shares his upbringing with a single mom, struggles with poverty, and how church community offered real support.
  • Emphasizes transforming suffering into an empathetic gift for others, especially in identifying and supporting overlooked kids and families.
    • “If you've gone through a really hard thing, I think that tends to be your gift you can give to the world.” – Jefferson Bethke [12:54]

4. Redefining Family: Team, Mission, and Western Culture’s Challenges

• [20:43 - 39:36]
  • Bethke’s book “Take Back Your Family” argues that families should function as teams, not loose collections of individuals competing for comfort and validation.
  • Critiques Western hyper-individualism:
    • “The family then becomes actually limiting to the individual. When I think the biblical argument... is that families are created to be teams.” – Jefferson Bethke [22:25]
  • Explains the generational, mission-based family model as seen in ancient cultures and contrasts it with the isolation of modern families.
  • Advocates that each child brings a unique gift or “missing piece” to the family.

5. Rhythms and Rituals: Formation over Function

• [61:03 - 66:56]
  • Defines “rhythms” as identity-shaping, recurring practices that build family culture and legacy (e.g., Shabbat dinners, morning prayers).
  • Shares practical tips:
    • End-of-year family summits
    • Simple rituals like repeating daily affirmations with his kids
  • On Western resistance to rhythm:
    • “We’re so anti-rhythmic because we are so addicted to controlling our environment...” – Jefferson Bethke [62:19]

6. Cultural Examples & Learning from Other Systems

• [54:16 - 59:10]
  • Explores Jewish and Mormon family traditions as models of generational thinking and strong family culture.
  • Highlights the Rockefellers as an example of legacy building – passing down resources for new missions through generations, not just wealth or cloning past trajectories.

7. Modern Male Identity & ‘Fighting Shadows’ (Bethke’s Latest Book)

• [69:33 - 79:27]
  • Introduction to Fighting Shadows – addresses “seven dominant shadows” (lust, apathy, ambition, etc.) that obscure men’s true calling.
  • Jordan and Bethke discuss men’s crisis of identity as traditional roles shift:
    • “Historically, cultures defined men and women by virtues, not roles... But we’ve flipped it, and now roles are fragile and insecure.” – Jefferson Bethke [76:27]
  • Advocates for defining masculinity and femininity by enduring virtues rather than outdated, rigid “roles.”

8. Marriage Partnerships & Team Dynamics

• [80:50 - 84:59]
  • Dani and Jordan open up about their own journey as spouses and business partners, how ego and traditional scripts required re-examination.
  • Jordan: “Just helped me understand. Okay. Like, yeah, I don’t have to worry... this is the most important thing that I’m doing for my wife.” [84:25]
  • Bethke praises their approach and encourages a team mentality where roles shift as needed, guided by shared mission.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jordan’s Dream Episode:

  • “This is the first De-Influence episode. That is my episode. I chose the guest.” – Jordan [04:06]

• On Influence vs. ‘Christian Influencer’:

  • “When someone calls you an influencer, do you love it or you kind of like...” – Dani
  • “Oh, it's so cringe.” – Jefferson Bethke [06:26]

• On Rhythms and Identity:

  • “Rhythms are identity shaping. They're not routine... like traditions, but internalized over time, they form who your family is.” – Jefferson Bethke [64:45]

• On Western Family Shifts:

  • “Post-1945, no one needed each other anymore... Pre-1800, if you did not depend on your family team, you would die.” – Jefferson Bethke [46:34]

• On Men Losing Traditional Roles:

  • “When men feel like they're not needed... men’s identity around work has gotten deeply reshuffled. And I don’t think that's for the wrong—it’s just they need to understand what has happened.” – Jefferson Bethke [74:12]

• On Celebrity Pastors:

  • “People with really, really large followings and who write books and are also pastors have to be sensitive to the optics that are true about them.” – Jefferson Bethke [91:05-92:19]

• Hot Take on Taylor Swift:

  • “Now, the whole Christian thing of, like, people being like, she’s a witch and all that stuff... You're all idiots. Just like, it bothers me so much...” – Jefferson Bethke [87:25]

• Would Jesus Use Social Media?

  • “I don’t think you can make the argument... that Paul wouldn’t [use social media]. Paul is very clearly using every point of technology available to him in the first century.” – Jefferson Bethke [94:22]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Meet Jefferson & Episode Set-Up: [00:10 – 05:25]
• Bethke’s Viral Beginnings & Faith Story: [08:58 – 11:19]
• On Upbringing, Empathy & Parenting Approach: [11:42 – 14:20]
• Deconstructing Western Individualism in Families: [20:43 – 23:02]
• Bethke’s Team Model for Families: [29:15 – 32:29]
• Mission, Pillars, and Family Meetings: [33:47 – 36:47]
• Children as Unique Team Members: [38:34 – 39:35]
• Key Moments in Western Family Evolution: [45:44 – 48:51]
• Gender Roles, Virtues, & Modern Male Challenges: [69:30 – 79:27]
• Marriage as Partnership & Team: [80:50 – 84:59]
• Rapid Fire Hot Takes: [86:11 – 93:57]
• Would Jesus/Paul Use Social Media?: [94:22 – 96:25]

Conclusion

This packed episode offers a mix of personal narrative, cultural critique, and practical advice—blending humor, honest self-reflection, and faith. Bethke’s central thesis is that modern families, and especially men, face a crisis of identity rooted in the loss of clear mission, community, and generational legacy. Through books like Take Back Your Family and Fighting Shadows, Bethke argues for a resilient, team-based family structure—rich with meaning, traditions, and long-term vision.

Where to Find Jefferson Bethke:

• Instagram: @jeffersonbethke (most active)
• Books: Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble (Take Back Your Family, Fighting Shadows)