I Blew Up My Life (Jordan's Version)

Summary

Summary of "I Blew Up My Life (Jordan's Version)" – De-Influenced with Dani + Jordan

Episode Information:

• Title: I Blew Up My Life (Jordan's Version)
• Release Date: February 27, 2025

In this deeply personal episode of De-Influenced with Dani + Jordan, hosts Dani and Jordan open up about their struggles with codependency, relationship dynamics, and personal growth. Drawing from their extensive experience in the influencer industry, they provide an unfiltered look into the challenges they've faced and the therapeutic journeys that have shaped their current lives.

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1. Reuniting After Separation (00:00 – 07:00)

The episode begins with Dani and Jordan reflecting on a period when Jordan was absent, highlighting the emotional turbulence Dani experienced during his absence.

Key Points:

• Dani struggled with feelings of isolation and emotional overwhelm while Jordan was away.
• Jordan acknowledges the significance of his time away and its impact on their relationship.

Notable Quotes:

• Dani [00:32]: "I had a couple nights there where I was drowning, like, wow."
• Jordan [01:10]: "I don't think I was ever, ever angry or resentful that you were gone."

2. Reality TV Show Controversy and Therapy (03:00 – 16:00)

Dani discusses the tension surrounding a reality TV show in Dallas, which brought their personal issues to light during therapy sessions.

Key Points:

• Dani felt accused of a "thought crime" for trying to understand the show's direction and impact.
• Therapy sessions became a battleground for resolving misunderstandings and communication issues.
• The struggle to maintain a balance between understanding the show's implications and protecting their family life.

Notable Quotes:

• Dani [04:10]: "I was just vetting the process. I was trying to learn more about, you know, exactly what direction it was going."
• Jordan [06:23]: "You never did that with me. You were just vehemently against it."

3. The Impact of Codependency (16:00 – 35:00)

Jordan introduces the concept of "sad camp," a therapeutic retreat they attended to address underlying codependency issues within their marriage.

Key Points:

• Exploration of how codependency manifested in their relationship, with Jordan feeling the need to "fix" everything.
• Dani’s realization of the unrealistic pressures placed on mothers in the "girl boss" era.
• The role societal expectations played in exacerbating their personal and relational struggles.

Notable Quotes:

• Jordan [35:23]: "That's why the podcast called De-Influenced, we're here to deconstruct."
• Dani [36:11]: "There's just no way. If you want to do them well."

4. Therapy and Personal Transformation (35:00 – 55:00)

Jordan shares his transformative experience at On Site, a therapeutic retreat in Tennessee, highlighting the significant shifts in his perspective and behavior.

Key Points:

• Detailed account of the therapeutic exercises and their impact on Jordan's understanding of codependency.
• The importance of addressing childhood origins and current resentments to heal relationship dynamics.
• Dani’s own struggles with postpartum depression and how Jordan’s attempts to help inadvertently hindered her recovery.

Notable Quotes:

• Jordan [53:53]: "Codependency is when Jordan leaves his hula hoop to go worry about Danny's needs so that his needs can be taken care of."
• Dani [54:58]: "It enabled me. So, for example, the groceries were delivered so I didn't have to get out of bed."

5. Healing and Rebuilding Trust (55:00 – 80:00)

Jordan describes the profound changes he underwent during his time at the retreat and how these changes facilitated genuine forgiveness and a deeper appreciation for Dani.

Key Points:

• The retreat encouraged Jordan to own his part in the codependent dynamics, leading to reduced resentment.
• Emphasis on creating a new marriage dynamic based on mutual understanding and support.
• Dani’s journey towards self-awareness and redefining her relationship with herself and Jordan.

Notable Quotes:

• Jordan [68:40]: "And it's about more than just love, it's about understanding control and selfishness."
• Dani [74:24]: "You're a healthier Danny, not a different."

6. Conclusion and Future Steps (80:00 – End)

Dani and Jordan conclude the episode by reflecting on their progress and outlining their vision for the future of their relationship. They emphasize the importance of continued self-improvement and mutual support.

Key Points:

• Plans for a vow renewal ceremony symbolizing their transformation and renewed commitment.
• Acknowledgment of ongoing challenges and the commitment to maintaining their growth.
• Encouragement for listeners to seek therapy and address their own relationship dynamics.

Notable Quotes:

• Jordan [80:41]: "We come in peace. We are friends. We need each other."
• Dani [82:00]: "Like, I choose her and I love her."

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Insights and Takeaways

1. Understanding Codependency: The episode provides a profound exploration of codependency, illustrating how it can subtly infiltrate relationships and hinder personal growth.
2. The Power of Therapy: Both Dani and Jordan highlight the transformative power of therapy and retreats in addressing deep-seated emotional issues.
3. Balancing Roles: The discussion underscores the challenges of balancing personal ambitions, family responsibilities, and societal expectations, especially for mothers in the influencer industry.
4. Mutual Support and Forgiveness: Emphasizing the importance of mutual support, forgiveness, and continuous self-improvement in rebuilding and maintaining a healthy relationship.
5. Realistic Portrayals of Influencer Life: Dani criticizes the unrealistic depictions of balancing work and family by influencers, advocating for more authentic and honest representations.

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This episode serves as an emotional and insightful journey into the complexities of maintaining a healthy relationship amidst personal struggles and societal pressures. Dani and Jordan’s honest dialogue offers valuable lessons for listeners navigating similar challenges in their own lives.

Transcript

[Danny]

Foreign podcast is a dear media production. Hello and welcome back to your favorite podcast, Deep Influence. You're back.

[Jordan]

I'm back.

[Danny]

It's crazy. You left me here for quite some time.

[Jordan]

Yeah. That was the longest I've been away from you in a long time.

[Danny]

You know, sometimes it's like, good. Yeah, sometimes it's good.

[Jordan]

I was very aware.

[Danny]

I did really miss you. There were a couple nights there where I was drowning, like. Like, wow. But I was so. I like, knew this was your time and so I was so happy for you to get out. And like, so I was trying to have like the best possible attitude about it.

[Jordan]

Was there like a story arc of how you felt while I was gone? Like, you where like you felt free for like 24 hours and you're like, oh my gosh, it's so fun.

[Danny]

It's like, parents. My parents are gone.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Danny]

I have the house to myself.

[Jordan]

And then it was probably like, oh, like I miss him. And then it was like, oh, this is really hard. And then it was like, I'm angry and resentful. And then it maybe like came back up.

[Danny]

I don't think I was ever, ever angry or resentful that you were gone. Did you feel that? I don't think I ever got that.

[Jordan]

No. I mean, towards the end it was about something else, but it wasn't.

[Danny]

Yeah. No.

[Jordan]

I think it was about me being gone.

[Danny]

No, no. Yeah. Cause I. I really like getting that like one on one time with our kids. The thing is, is when you're watching like you're having three, you don't even really get quality time because I was so invested in Summit, like the whole time because Summit was crying and needed to be fed. And so I couldn't even really like, pay attention to the other two. So it's just different. Like watching Stella and Stratton, when, before summit, it was fun because I could be like. And. And you know, Stella was old enough to like, if something went wrong, she could come and tell me.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Danny]

But now it's like, it's. It's different.

[Jordan]

Have you told anyone that we're a family of five? No, I. I said it for the first time and I was like, dang.

[Danny]

We have a lot.

[Jordan]

That's a big number.

[Danny]

It's like, I mean, how many people.

[Jordan]

That's like a. That's a team.

[Danny]

Yeah. Cuz how many people play basketball? Five. Five people at one time.

[Jordan]

Is it five?

[Danny]

Yeah, five on five. You play five on five.

[Jordan]

Wow. We have a basketball team.

[Danny]

Yeah, we have a basketball team. So if any other families want to take us on some. It's not quite ready, but what's.

[Jordan]

What. What sport has six?

[Danny]

Let me think. Six on six? I've never heard of a six on six sport. Because then in soccer, what do you have, like, 10? I mean, 10 or 11? 11 on 11, huh?

[Jordan]

We got a basketball team.

[Danny]

Yeah, we got a basketball team. Okay, so we need to kind of update people on a little bit. I know our last episode, we talked a lot about the reality show. That was a hot topic.

[Jordan]

Yes.

[Danny]

Not only in the show, but also it between us.

[Jordan]

You know, I was at my therapist's office and I brought it up.

[Danny]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

I was like, I haven't told you about this yet, but there's this reality TV show going around Dallas. And he was like, oh, I'm aware.

[Danny]

What?

[Jordan]

Yeah, he, like, knew about it.

[Danny]

How?

[Jordan]

My only guess. He was like, he, like, knew all about it. He was like, yeah, you know, I've heard wind and My only guess.

[Danny]

See any other.

[Jordan]

Yeah, for sure. I send everyone to him.

[Danny]

Oh, so. Oh, that's why.

[Jordan]

But is it because I don't think anyone I've sent to him is involved?

[Danny]

Yeah, maybe.

[Jordan]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I didn't know that they were involved.

[Danny]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Oh, yeah, for sure. That's how he found out about it.

[Danny]

Yeah. Or.

[Jordan]

Yeah, maybe.

[Danny]

Okay.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Danny]

So anyway.

[Jordan]

Or so really, actually what it is, is it's all the husbands in there talking about it and being like, yeah, I, like, I'm so frustrated. My wife wants to do this. No, he was so, like, understanding. He was like, oh, another one.

[Danny]

Yeah, another one.

[Jordan]

Another husband in here talking about this reality TV show.

[Danny]

So where I was at with the reality show, you know, I was basically being accused of a thought crime, you know, because.

[Jordan]

Oh, was she?

[Danny]

Because I was just vetting the process. I was trying to learn more about, you know, exactly what direction it was going, what network, if it was going to be purchased by Netflix or Hulu or Bravo, like, whoever it was. I was trying to. I was just trying to understand more. I was trying to understand, like, some of the other characters, some of the storylines. The pilot, they want to film in, like, three weeks. And so I went. I finally had my therapy session where I was able to take in all the facts I acquired and sit down and talk to my man, my. Not my man, sorry, my therapist, my man, my man, my man. And laid out all the facts and. And, like, really process them. And you know, what we decided?

[Jordan]

What'd you decide?

[Danny]

It's not for me I had this one piece of drama happen to me this week on Instagram with, like, another person's text messages coming out where they, like, were talking kind of crap about me. I couldn't sleep for, like, a week. Yeah, I can't handle this. Like, I'm way too freaking sensitive for this. And, like, we really played out some scenarios. And, like, what, like, okay, and then what would happen?

[Jordan]

You have a little spit on your cheek.

[Danny]

I got excited and I felt it, but I was like, I'm not going to, like, I'm not going to, like, wipe it off while I'm talking. But I was like. We played out some of the scenarios and it was like, okay, if that happened, then what would happen and then what would happen? And it was just like, it never really went where I wanted it to go. And I also feel like with. With the. Once I had another call with some of the people, it's nothing. Again, it's nothing with.

[Jordan]

Right.

[Danny]

I don't like the way you're looking at me. Well, I'm also not done.

[Jordan]

Okay. I just.

[Danny]

I don't. I like the way you're looking at me.

[Jordan]

Okay, I'm sorry.

[Danny]

It's condescending.

[Jordan]

No, it's just so funny.

[Danny]

Well, okay. I'm sorry. I don't process, like, Einstein over there. Like, you process so fast. Like, sorry, I need a couple days.

[Jordan]

My big question. And I want you to fin. But my big question is you're like, I sat down with my man, which you meant was your therapist, but I'm your man. And, like, you basically were like, yeah, you know, and then he would be like, and then where would this go? And then we're. This.

[Danny]

You never did that with me. You were just vehemently against it and you didn't get curious and ask me more questions.

[Jordan]

Okay, Can I ask you.

[Danny]

We're getting off track.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Danny]

We're getting off topic.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Danny]

What do you want to ask me?

[Jordan]

If I would have sat down and been like, danny, that's what I wanted. But then you would have interpreted it from me as, like, not letting you spread your wings and fly.

[Danny]

Jordan. No, I wouldn't have. I wanted to talk about. And like, like.

[Jordan]

Like, play it out.

[Danny]

Play it out. Yes. With you. But you were so closed off to it that I felt like we couldn't explore it together and get to the. Get to process it together was. I was sad because I wanted to get to that conclusion together where we both were like, yeah, it's just not a good idea. Like, think about what would happen if this happened and then this happened. And anyway, so. But I did that, and we got to another thing that, like, I also was able to play out and understand and think about was, like, half the reason I wanted to do it is because I felt like there weren't. I don't know. I don't know everybody. Everyone's character on there, but I know my own. And I was excited to, you know, like, I like being, like, a fun Christian. Like.

[Jordan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny]

I like being the not stereotypical Christian that, like, everybody expects. And I'm not saying I'm gonna do things like go places, whatever, but, like, I like being able for people of all different backgrounds and faiths to feel comfortable around me.

[Jordan]

Totally.

[Danny]

And then I feel like whenever they trust me and they understand that I'm gonna love them no matter what, then I get to, like, kind of plant seeds, you know, or, like, be like, oh, have you read this book? Or whatever. Like, I have. I, like. I like doing that. And I thought that this was going to be a really great opportunity for it. The more I thought about it, I was like, man, there. There can be so many ways that they could paint me as, like, the judgmental Christian girl that thinks that she's better someone else that, like, even though I'm trying to do the right thing, they will only take that one snippet, and then I'm gonna become something that I'm totally not. So then I thought, well, I'll just ask them if I can be a producer on the show, too.

[Jordan]

Oh, that's. That's really smart, honestly.

[Danny]

Yeah. So then I was like, oh, I'll ask. I'll be like, I'll only do it if I can be one of the producers and I have final cut or, like, final say on the cut.

[Jordan]

Yeah, it's pretty. What's the name? Ryan. Ryan Reynolds. Move.

[Danny]

Ryan. No sest. Ryan Seacrest.

[Jordan]

Oh, no. But what I'm saying is, like, isn't that what Ryan Reynolds did for.

[Danny]

Well, they didn't get it, like, contractually.

[Jordan]

Oh, but Blake Lively was a producer.

[Danny]

She wasn't supposed to be, but she. Yes, she stepped in and did.

[Jordan]

Got it.

[Danny]

Got it. I was. I was going to ask for, like, to be that role and to have final say. And I thought about it some more, and it's like, here's the thing. It's. It's either, like, I do that. I'm an. I'm producer with final say, or I'm just out. Then I just thought, to be clear.

[Jordan]

When I was gone with no Phone. Did you ask to be a producer?

[Danny]

No, I just told them I was out.

[Jordan]

It's a great idea, though. Yeah, I thought one of the better ideas.

[Danny]

No, I thought so.

[Jordan]

Regarding the show.

[Danny]

I thought so as well. But then I just decided, ugh.

[Jordan]

Honestly, that's how you would have gotten it past me. You should have totally done that. You should have been like, listen, I want to do a reality TV show. And then I would have gotten all angry and been like, this is a horrible idea. And then you'd be like, you can be a producer. And I'd be like, okay, wait, we.

[Danny]

Could both be producers.

[Jordan]

Listen, we have to take a 180. Wait, I've always wanted to be a reality TV producer.

[Danny]

You don't even have to be yet.

[Jordan]

And, like, I've always wanted to. Should we. Should we start our own show?

[Danny]

Should I just contact all of the. The ladies that are. The ladies. No, the girls that are sissy. And we'll just.

[Jordan]

No, no. We'll build our own cast.

[Danny]

Okay. Okay.

[Jordan]

I. But does this make me a hypocrite? I don't know. I'm. I'm really struggling.

[Danny]

No, because I think we would know the story.

[Jordan]

This makes actually so much sense for what I'm going to talk about what I learned at sad camp. Like, it all is about control, and what I felt like I was losing was control.

[Danny]

Okay, we'll get there. We'll get there.

[Jordan]

Yeah, we'll get there. But that actually, boom, light bulb moment.

[Danny]

Makes sense.

[Jordan]

Makes sense.

[Danny]

See, I did. Yeah. Anyway, so. And then I just thought about, like, if there is going to be drama where they. They try to pin someone against me or someone doesn't like me because of who I voted for or what I believe, or they. I don't know, like, what could happen. I won't be able to sleep for a week. I cannot stand. It's hard for me when people are upset with me. Like, I want to reconcile so fast. It. I hate when people hate me. Like, I mean, I know a lot of people hate me, you know, but, like, people that I actually know. I don't think a lot of people that I actually know hate me. Unless, I don't know. I mean, that, you know, well, those text messages. But I didn't really know that girl anyway. And so that would keep me up at night. And then I was like, that's going to take me away from being, like, a good mom or a good wife because I'm going to be so emotionally hurt by things. But if I was a Producer.

[Jordan]

I'm raising my hand.

[Danny]

Oh, I thought you were saying high five.

[Jordan]

No. Can I. Can I ask a question?

[Danny]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Do you have any deeper level of empathy for what I was feeling after coming to these conclusions?

[Danny]

I could get there.

[Jordan]

What's preventing you from getting there? Because all of the conclusions that you came to were the conclusions that I feel like I knew on the front end. Like, I saw.

[Danny]

I think it was the approach from me.

[Jordan]

Okay, can you unpack that?

[Danny]

I think it's the same thing. Like, when someone yells at me, they might be, like, yelling the right words, but because they're yelling, I just shut down and I say, you're wrong and I'm right. Because you're yelling, it's just like. That's an example.

[Jordan]

Can I ask this question?

[Danny]

So I can't even really hear what you're saying because of maybe the body language or the tone. Like, it's. It's just. I just put up a wall.

[Jordan]

See, I see it a little bit differently, and I want. Can you receive this open. We all love each other here. Can you receive this? I feel that with you, you had to come to this conclusion on your own. And it doesn't matter how I approached you or anyone approached you. It had to be fully your decision. That's the second conversation we had about the reality TV show. And I don't know if we talked about this on the podcast, but the piece that I had made about it is. It's not about who's right and who's wrong. It's about me trusting Danny to come to this conclusion on her own. Which isn't it funny that we came to the same conclusion. I was just there first.

[Danny]

That's how it always is. You process so much faster than me.

[Jordan]

Right? I know. I'm. I. Listen, I'm not blaming you. I'm actually trying to glean the lesson from this. Like, there's a huge lesson here that, like, we ended up on the same page, and there's some type of husbandly lesson of just being patient and listening and just standing by.

[Danny]

I think if you. I think if there's something that you and your spouse are disagreeing over, let's just bring up the example of making an offer on a house or buying a house. If one person is for it and the other is against it, then I feel like instead of trying to convince each other 247 that one is right and one is wrong, I would encourage each one or encourage your spouse to go talk to the people that. That, like, you trust within Your circles. So whether it's like, your therapist or, like, a counselor or a friend that you, like, really respect or someone that you know has both of your best interests at heart, not like the wife's best friend, because the wife's best friend's gonna be like, yeah, just go buy the house, but like, someone that you like. For us, it would be like a therapist or a counselor or your pastor at your church or something, and, like, go talk to people that are going to, like, I don't know, kind of, like, guide you in the. In the right direction. Because sometimes it is really hard to. To hear from your spouse.

[Jordan]

Thank you for saying that. That's all I really wanted to be.

[Danny]

Said is that time to do that.

[Jordan]

All I really wanted to be said is it's really hard to hear that from your spouse, because I think that me and your other man, your therapist, probably had a lot of the same thoughts and a lot of the same challenges, but sometimes I truly just believe. And it's not you. It's not your fault. I think that this is a true biological husband and wife thing, that wives do not want to hear certain things from their husbands. But Jordan, like, male producer in the room. Okay. He's.

[Danny]

But the thing is, is I wanted to talk to you about this, but you know how you would get, like. You know how you would get when it was brought up.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Danny]

No, you were not like, well, you're.

[Jordan]

Just blowing up your life. I was like, why are we blowing our lives again?

[Danny]

Yeah. But you were not easy to communicate with.

[Jordan]

Yeah. No. The first time.

[Danny]

Yeah. I mean, lots of times.

[Jordan]

I know my. It, like, literally created, like, a visceral reaction. Like, my nervous system, like.

[Danny]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Combusted.

[Danny]

Yeah. When your stomach does, like, a flip flop.

[Jordan]

Yeah. And I know my blood pressure and, like, my hands are, like, shaking. And, like, that is how visceral my reaction to this reality TV show was.

[Danny]

I know. And so that's why we couldn't talk about it.

[Jordan]

I know.

[Danny]

I know.

[Jordan]

But. But my question is, like, and then we can move on is like, first of all, I'm so proud of you for processing this on all on your own and working with your therapist and being receptive to the feedback and criticism and other input from other people. So, so proud of you to the conclusion that you came to. I believe it was the right one, and not just because it was what I felt, but I'm proud of you for doing it on your own. I'm gonna leave it at that. I'm gonna leave on a High note.

[Danny]

Okay.

[Jordan]

Yeah, no, I'm gonna leave it at that. I'm proud of you.

[Danny]

Okay. Wow.

[Jordan]

It was big, right? That's what I learned at sad camp.

[Danny]

I do want to talk about sad camp. Sad camp.

[Jordan]

That's what we all called it.

[Danny]

But before we do, let's see if there was anything else that we wanted to catch up on.

[Jordan]

Disney. A lot of moms against Disney.

[Danny]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Jordan]

Have we seen a shift? Because I'm assuming when I was gone, you didn't let Disney in the room.

[Danny]

Yeah, I've been. I. I went full on.

[Jordan]

So nice today.

[Danny]

No, I went full on Ms. Rachel while you were gone.

[Jordan]

Honestly, I'm seeing it.

[Danny]

Well, but here's the thing. I'm not saying Ms. Rachel was best either. I honestly don't know, but Ms. Rachel.

[Jordan]

Oh, yeah, that's gonna create a whole other.

[Danny]

But Ms. Rachel teaches them, like, like, letters and numbers, and I watched all the episodes with. It was great. Like, they're just, like, singing Phonics. Yeah, phonics. You know, like, I. I was jamming, too. I feel like the kids were actually learning their Alphabet.

[Jordan]

Yeah. It's boring, though.

[Danny]

It's kind of, like, a little trippy when you start watching.

[Jordan]

I know.

[Danny]

It really is, like, why can't I stop? It's like Coco melon with all those colors. It's, like, addicting.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Danny]

So I thought we had another really, like, sweet conversation that meant a lot to me since you got home. Do you know which one it was?

[Jordan]

Oh, the one where you said, you've never talked to me like that before.

[Danny]

Oh, no, I wasn't thinking about that. Oh, he talked to me. Really nice one, that one night.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Danny]

I said, well, you never talked to me like that before. No, this was different. This was a conversation that we had about breastfeeding.

[Jordan]

Yes. No, this was the same day. To be clear.

[Danny]

Yeah, you're on a roll.

[Jordan]

I was on a freaking roll.

[Danny]

Do you want to tell them?

[Jordan]

Coming off my high of sad camp. What?

[Danny]

Do you want to tell them about that conversation?

[Jordan]

Yeah, you know, I think we'll get into this, but I think the gist of the pattern in the two conversations that we had was that I wasn't. I wasn't coming to you, trying to defend myself. I was, like, so secure in my place, in our relationship that I was actually able to understand and love you more sincerely and more selflessly than you had probably experienced in the past, like, three years.

[Danny]

Do you want to say the exam, like, what? The breastfeeding conversation? Was the breastfeeding, the pregnancy one.

[Jordan]

Why don't you? Because I don't. I kind of left on a high note, and I don't want to butcher it.

[Danny]

Okay, so we had a sweet conversation because I felt like the past year or so, being so sick with this pregnancy and then also having the flu 10 times, there were a lot of times that it was really easy for Jordan to feel, like, frustrated because I was always sick or I was always nauseous from being pregnant or. And I think in that, because of other things as well, he started to, like, lose empathy for me. And it was more so just, like, annoying when I was throwing up.

[Jordan]

Yeah. And resentment.

[Danny]

And it was more annoying than, like, when I was throwing up pregnant than, like, oh, she's pregnant, poor thing. Like, so it. Over time, it was really hard for me because I was like, man, I'm pregnant. I'm growing this child. I'm. Every single day, like, my feet are killing me, my back is killing me. And I don't feel like my husband, like, feels for me. Like, I don't feel like he. Like, I feel like he's more annoyed than he is. Like, good job, babe. Keep growing that child or that baby, you know? Yeah. Or, like, appreciative for the sacrifices that women make when they're pregnant. Like, it's a lot. And. And so I kind of, like, knew that happened pregnant, but then I was like, can I tell you, I kind of feel that way about, like, breastfeeding now, because, you know, when I'm pumping two out, it's. It's three hours a day when you're just pumping. That's. Or feeding. That's not like, burping the baby or washing the parts or storing the milk. So it's like, really probably about four hours a day that you are breastfeeding. If you. If you times that times seven, it's like 28 hours a week that you are breastfeeding a baby. Like, it is a lot of work. And I feel like sometimes I was like, I think it's more annoying to Jordan than it is. Like, thanks for feeding our child and, like, keeping our child alive. Or, you know, like, Stratton had really bad constipation issues whenever he was a baby, and I always felt guilty about not being able to breastfeed him. And with Summit, I'm able to breastfeed him, and I'm, like, doing really well. But you almost, like, need someone cheering you on. Because it's so hard. Because it's so easy to just, like, throw in the towel, kind of like, having that unmedicated birth. Like, it'd be so easy to just be like, I. You know, and so I got to tell Jordan. I'm just like, I don't. I don't know if you, like, feel for me. Like, I don't know if you, like, care or.

[Jordan]

No. You. You actually asked me did I have any empathy for you during pregnancy, during pregnancies, like, like, the first and second, and I admitted to you that, like, probably the first, but, like, the second and third. No, like, I. I struggled with empathy towards you because. And it's so complicated. I don't know how much we've talked about even the. In the I blew up my life episode, but it's like, it was so hard to separate what was just naturally you struggling through a pregnancy, which should be, like, adored and, like, you know, every wife who's pregnant should be treated like a goddess. But it was like, it was compounded with you pushing yourself really hard and, you know, you getting sick and getting the flu. And so, like, I resented your drive that I felt level led you into these sickness cycles because I felt like it was your choice, you know, and so it's hard to separate those decisions away from just you naturally being fragile because you're pregnant, you know, and so then what you experienced from me was, like, the resentment that I had towards you for the choices, and you were. And then it compounded your resentment back at me because you're like, he doesn't even care that I'm, like, hurting. Hurting or raising his child or feeding his child or, you know, whatever. Yeah, that was tough. But I was honest with you.

[Danny]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

And a big part of sad camp for me was facing those resentments that I had and leaving in the past. And so I think that when I came back from sad camp, like, so much of it for me was being able to, like, just love you. And I think you felt it. Like, you felt it really deeply. Like, in our first conversation when you were like, I don't. You haven't talked to me like that before. And then you felt it from my genuine ability to be like, hey, I didn't appreciate you during this third pregnancy, and I didn't empathize with you. Well. And, like, I'm sorry, and I so understand how hard it is. And, like, thank you for the sacrifices that you've made as a mother.

[Danny]

Thank you. My. My boobs will never look the same. I appreciate that.

[Jordan]

I mean, they look. They look great.

[Danny]

Oh, my God. The stretch marks or just it's depressing.

[Jordan]

I thought that, that those were just the, the, there were stretch marks. I thought they were veins.

[Danny]

No, the purple. I, I, I don't know if those go away either. I don't know. I'm going to have to, I don't want to Google it because I think they're going to, they're bad anyway.

[Jordan]

Interesting. We'll look at those later. I, I have not noticed them. Or maybe I just am like we're in a breastfeeding state. I don't know. I am so excited about this next ad. Y'all know I've been on a health kick since 2024 and part of this journey is upping my protein intake every day. As I'm sure you've heard. Danny mentioned how much protein I eat in a day on the podcast, you could say it's a lot. And with limited options for protein packed meals, they can get rather redundant. This is where Premier Protein comes in. They're ready to grab drinks, are high in protein, and with 1 gram of sugar it makes it an easy and fun way to help your health journey happen. Plus they have so many different flavors like cake batter, caramel, chocolate, chocolate, peanut butter and so much more. I never get bored because I could have a different flavor every day if I wanted to. Staying healthy can be hard, but pro, but Premier Protein makes it easy and fun. Visit premier protein.com and go to where to buy, to find a retailer near you or to find where to buy online. Premier Protein Sweeten the Journey.

[Danny]

It's a new year, which means new health goals. Well, something I've been seeing over and over again is how having a healthy gut is imperative for your health goals. This is where Just Thrive Probiotics come in. Did you know most probiotics die in your harsh stomach acid before they can do much good? Just Thrive Probiotic is the only probiotic clinically proven to arrive in your gut 100 alive for you. That means better digestion, healthy immunity, great energy and easy weight management. This means a metabolism that works with you, not against you and digestive comfort. You can feel it comes in a capsule or berry flavored gummy, so there's an option for everyone in the family. Plus Just Thrive Probiotics are backed by an industry leading guarantee. Love the way you feel or get a full product refund, no questions asked. Visit just thrive.com and use code Danny for 20% off your first 90 day bottle. That's like getting a month for free. That's just thrive.com promo code Danny Here's Your best health with just thrive. Speaking Speaking of postpartum and getting my health back to normal after having summit, I want to talk to you guys about one of my favorite women's health products, OH Positive supplements. OH Positive is on a mission to to deliver innovative, clinically backed fun to take products that support women throughout every stage of their life. Whether you've just had your first cycle or first baby, OH Positive is here to help you keep your hormones balanced. OH Positives. Uro Vaginal Probiotics is one of the top five supplements on Amazon and they have multiple number one products in target for intimate care, pms, menopause and menopause categories. The URO Probiotic supplement has clinically studied probiotic strains and prebiotic fibers that target issues like off PH level and more. With so many factors in our everyday life like tight clothing, sweat from working out, hormones and most and more disrupting our vaginal health and causing imbalances and discomfort, OH Positive makes taking care of your womanhood easier. It's truly become a staple in my routine and I love that it's science backed. It's so important for women to prioritize their health around every turn and this is a great way to do it. Plus, OH Positive has something for every woman. No matter what stage of life she's in, they are there to support you. Take proactive care of your health and head to ohpositive.com Danny or enter Danny at checkout for 25 off your first purchase. That's oh positive op o s I t I v.com Danny for 25 off. Yeah, so yeah, I guess we could do like a little recap on, on that I Blew Up My Life episode and then you can talk more about side camp.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I don't know if what we talk about on these podcasts is confusing to people because it's so hard to understand the history of the past like couple years.

[Danny]

I don't think it's confusing. I've gotten a lot of DMs saying it's so relatable.

[Jordan]

Really? What parts are relatable?

[Danny]

The I Blew Up My Life episode. I think like a lot of working moms or moms that honestly not even working moms, sorry, like just moms in general struggle with the same. The same thing.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Danny]

You know, because I think that something I talked about, my Instagram story is like there's, there's this culture of like females, girl bosses where it is like you're a little girl and then your parents are like, danny, you're going to be a doctor, you're going to be a lawyer, you're going to get into the school, and then you're going to dream. You're going to do big things. And then so, like, you do those things, you go to school, you start hustling, you start achieving everything you ever dreamed of. And for me, I achieved more than I ever dreamed of. I got to a point where I didn't even know where else to dream. I was like, things I didn't even know were possible were coming to my door. Like, I was, it was so much. And I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm doing it. I'm doing it big. Like, I can't stop. I'm, you know. But no one ever talks about their transition from success to contentment. Everyone talks about the hustle to success.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Danny]

And, but no one ever talks about, like, just being. And like, then, so then you get the success. And then you're like, wait, I'm here. Where are we going now? I'm up. I'm up here. I'm at the top. And then you're just like, this isn't as good as I thought it was going to be. And everybody always told me my entire life, especially all the girls on Instagram, everyone coming out these courses about how to grind and how to get your email newsletters out and how to increase your sales and how to grow in followers and how to get more likes. And you take all this information and you apply it, you do it and you're killing it. And then you're like, wait, I'm so empty. And, like, how do I transition from this insane success that everyone around me is telling me? Is it to actually taking steps back and going back down the mountain? Taking steps in, like, taking a couple hits and being content. Like, how do you let go when you've, like, acquired and grasped so much? It's really hard to let go because you're scared that you're going to lose it. And everybody around you is like, I wish I could do what you're doing. How do you do it all? And you're like, I not. I'm drowning. And so that letting go to contentment is the stage in the transition that, like, I'm in right now. Yeah, you take a hit on every aspect. You take a hit in how much time you spend on yourself. Like, even, like, having time to, like, shop and put together outfits. You have less time in how much, like, I work. So, like, my bank account is not the same. I, I different times, like, with my friends like, everything is different now. And. But it was hard because you had to let go. You have to be okay with it kind of declining, but it's not really declining because it's actually more fulfilling. So you're actually going higher up the mountain. So counterintuitive.

[Jordan]

Can I ask a couple questions about this? Because I, I'm. I processed it a lot more since that episode and I was actually having a couple conversations about this at sad camp and it was like.

[Danny]

It'S not really called sad camp. He calls it.

[Jordan]

We all call that sad camp. We're all sad there. But. So this girl boss era, like, I feel like another nuance that wasn't really talked about in that era is the role that a mother plays to the children. That like, wasn't factored into this girl boss equation. Right.

[Danny]

Like, people didn't, like, they forgot about. Yeah, that part of the equation.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Because. Because what I feel like Danny and I started to realize and what this was a big part of my resentment is that before we had kids, I was the biggest feminist out there. I was like, yeah, hell yeah. Like, go achieve. Like, go do. Go break the glass ceiling. Like, I was so behind you and I was so proud, and I still am proud. And I think you were proud of yourself. But the variable that is very rarely talked about is there is a role that the mother plays in the home and in the children's lives that cannot be replicated. You can't replicate it with nannies, you can't replicate it with the dad. You can't replicate, like the mother is the heart of the home. And I feel like that is kind of what hit you too, is like you, you had this like divine calling that you felt and you felt a conviction for. Like, I'm. I need to be home and I, I can't. I need to play this role in my kids lives. And you knew it even better than I knew it. But I felt that it was kind of off.

[Danny]

It was like tugging at me so much, but I couldn't let go.

[Jordan]

Yeah. And so, and, and because like this whole other part of society is like, go do. Go be. Go excel. Like, go. You don't need no man. Like all of this kind of stuff. And just through our story, I've realized how destructive in some ways that girl boss era really was on moms. On moms and you know, on families, I would say too. And in some ways on marriages now, like, what am I saying and what I'm not saying? I'm not saying that I don't support you working at all. Like, I'm. I'm here. I'm in the podcast. Like, you know, I help you film some stuff. Like, I love that you work and that you love to work. Right. But I don't. That balance is probably got to be so hard to find, like, as women, because when you came back from your. Your break, you very specifically were like, well, I don't want to, like, over pendulum swing on the other side either, and lose my entire identity and my entire sense of self and ambition in my kids either.

[Danny]

It's so hard.

[Jordan]

It's so messed up. Like, and it. It's so crazy. And I. I will give it to you, like, as I process this, I will give it to you and to other females that men don't have the same societal pressure. Like, our job is to protect and to provide and, like, we get to go work and, you know, mom takes care of the kids.

[Danny]

I think that you also, like, innately feel that. Yeah, it's like, like, that's what you're supposed.

[Jordan]

Like, and, you know, people are not going to like me saying that, but I really do feel like it's a biological design to want to go and love your family by providing and protecting and creating stability within the home. And I think it's like, part of your biological design to love and to nurture and to create the culture of the home and be present and, like, the way that you blew up your life and the dynamic and the culture of our home before that and now is totally different.

[Danny]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

In the best way. And we see it in our kids. We see it in our marriage.

[Danny]

People tricked me. Like, people tricked me. No, I'm serious. Like, female entrepreneurs online. Like, I don't want to name them, but, like, I could probably name five that I aspired to be. Like, that all had kids and they write these books about how they do all these amazing things and how they have kids, and it's all bs. Like, I'm sorry, there is no way that they were the moms that they wanted to be and the, like, CEOs or entrepreneurs that they wanted to be. Like, I'm telling you, I tried it. It's literally not possible. Something had to give. And like, like, there was just. There's just no way. And like, I'm not saying you. Maybe you can find that balance for a couple months, maybe for a year or two, but, like, there's. It's. They both require a hundred percent of you. Really?

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Danny]

If you want to do them well. Like, if you want to excel like, really, really well. And so. Yeah. And I think it breaks my heart the most that, like, moms that just want to be moms, like, that they are not treated like CEOs, like these famous CEOs of Fortune 500 companies. It is by far the hardest job I've ever had. And I've had some pretty tough gigs. I've done some live TV stuff. I've done some really high pressure stuff. And this, that being a mom is like, I mean, it. It's so much more than all of that.

[Jordan]

Being a stay at home mom. No help is the hardest job.

[Danny]

Yeah. I mean, but I'm not even saying stay at home. Like, just being the mom that you want to be, like, whether you're. It's just hard. And so. Yeah. So I just wish that that was, like, celebrated more too.

[Jordan]

Or can I make an observation too?

[Danny]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

I feel like a big thread of the hater community towards influencers is like, you are creating an unrealistic depiction of motherhood and working and all this stuff by not being transparent about.

[Danny]

Well, I post about my nannies and people shit on me all the time because I'm being.

[Jordan]

I know.

[Danny]

I'm like, they all have nannies. Okay, yeah, no, they just hide their nannies.

[Jordan]

They all have nannies. It's kind of been like a big full circle loop for me to be like, I kind of. I kind of side with the haters on this. Like, I think it's like, if you are like, they tricked me. They being like the books that you read in these aspirational entrepreneurs.

[Danny]

I feel one side. It's one dimensional.

[Jordan]

Right. But I think that the haters feel that the influencers tricked them too.

[Danny]

I get that. I mean, I. I get that. Like, okay, so let's make a mess. Problem. I'm sorry.

[Jordan]

So we make amends. We make amends. We realize.

[Danny]

Here's the thing, though.

[Jordan]

Like, that's why the podcast called D Influence, we're here to deconstruct.

[Danny]

But here's the thing. I. I get confused with that because I get people DM me all the time. They're like, I would never want to live the way that you live. They're like, you look miserable and so tired.

[Jordan]

You're like, I. I was like, I blew up my life.

[Danny]

They like, they, like, they like, watch because it's like the show that they can't take their eyes off of.

[Jordan]

Yeah. They're like, dude, this girl's just gotta stop. And honestly, now that, like, we've seen the other side, I. I I will sometimes like be in years and I'll like watch other influencers who are like grinding and like, I know the grind if I see it. And they're like getting sick and I'm like, oh man, they haven't seen, they haven't seen the light yet.

[Danny]

Yeah. And you know, you just really never know though through the screen. You can't judge from the, from the Instagram stories. But yeah. So Jordan's gonna go join the Reddit page.

[Jordan]

So, like, hey guys, it's me.

[Danny]

Yeah, she sucks.

[Jordan]

We do suck. We're a bunch of monsters over here. No, I really would love to. I, I think that they would appreciate if I was like, I'd be like, hey, first of all, like, I'm happily married with three kids. I'm not gay. Second of all, like, like, I agree with you guys. I'm sorry. Sorry.

[Danny]

You're like, I come in peace.

[Jordan]

I come in peace.

[Danny]

We are friends.

[Jordan]

We are friends.

[Danny]

Not enemies. That's.

[Jordan]

They. I don't think if, if they didn't have me and you to hate, I, I don't know what they would do on a Saturday at 4 o'clock in the afternoon.

[Danny]

So you're welcome.

[Jordan]

So you're welcome. We have a very. What do they call it? Symbiotic.

[Danny]

Symbiotic. We need you and you need us.

[Jordan]

Listen, we, we need each other. We're an ecosystem.

[Danny]

You have to keep, keep Danny angry. You know, y'all know I love luxury items. But want to know what I love even more luxury items? When there is a deal involved. And that is why I love Quince. Quince is my go to for luxury essentials at affordable prices. Also, I'm obsessed with their socks. They have really good socks and sweaters. They offer a range of high quality items of prices within reach. Like 100 Mongolian cashmere sweaters from $50. Washable silk tops and dresses, organic cotton sweaters and 14 karat gold jewelry. The best part, all Quint's Items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. By partnering directly with top factories, Quince cuts off the cost of the middleman and passes the savings on to us. Plus, Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing. Love that. I've gotten a few luxury sweaters and tops that I'm obsessed with from Quince. And for a good price, it only makes me love these pieces even more. Give yourself the luxury you deserve with quince. Go to quince.comjanie for free shipping on your order and 365 days returns that's Q U I N C E dot com Danny to get free shipping and 365 days returns day returns quince.com/danny they really do have like the best sweaters and like sweaters and socks. I'm telling you, they kill it. Okay guys, this is a hard one. This is tough. Y'all know how much I loved past tense. Hazel and Lila, our two dogs, meant the world to us. That is why we always gave them the best lives possible. This is where farmer's dog comes in. Traditional pet food is highly processed and difficult to portion correctly. But the farmer's dog has changed with that. With their freshly made food, they take the guesswork out of serving sizes by precisely portioning your dog's food based on their unique nutritional needs. The pre portioned packs are simple to serve and ensure your dog is eating the right amount to keep them healthy and thriving. It made feeding our dog so easy and we felt reassured that we were giving them the best food possible. Plus, the farmer's dog delivers right to your door, automatically sending you new food as soon as you're running low. And they have 24. 7 customer support with real people, which can come in handy during the various stages of your dog's life. Get 50 off your first box of fresh, healthy food at the farmersdog.com Danny. Plus you get free shipping. Just go to the farmersdog.com Danny to get 50 off. That's the farmersdog.com Danny.

[Jordan]

It's a new year, which means new goals. We're thrilled to officially be a family of five, but this means our budgeting needs to change. This is where Rocket Money comes in. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Y'all, I'm so guilty of signing up for new streaming services or an app's free trial and then forgetting to cancel it. Rocket Money has changed the game when it comes to getting rid of subscriptions. I don't need see all of your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. For once you don't want anymore. Rocket Money can help you cancel them. Plus, Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts. This is. This makes it easy to create a personalized budget with custom categories to help keep your spending on track. You can see your monthly spending trends in each category to know exactly where your money is going. And you get alerts if your bills Increase in price, there's unusual spending activity. Or if close to going over budget, Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save. Then you can ask them to negotiate for you. They'll deal with customer service so you don't have to. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year. When using all the app's premium features, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to Rocket Money.com Danny today. That's Rocket Money.com Danny Rocket Money.com Danny.

[Danny]

Yeah, so, so basically that was the episode I had said in 2024. I've looked at the mom I was, the mom I wanted to be. I, like, visualized them and thought, wow, this is so different than who I am and how can I get there? I don't know, let me blow up my life. And so that's what I did. And I took two months off and did a crap ton of therapy and read a lot and learned a lot and just really tried to change. And if anyone has ever actually tried to change, like, let's say you're a selfish person and you want to become, you know, selfless and you want to serve people. It is so hard to actually change.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Danny]

Like, to change your behaviors in the ways that you think it, it actually does require, like, a higher power. Like, it kind of requires you to ask God to also help you change. Because let me tell you, it's almost impossible without God. Like, it's. You really have to be like God, will you help guide me and rely on him and go to him, like, every single day and surrender every single day and start your day, like, in prayer and remembering who you want to be. Because, like, otherwise you wake up the next day, you're right back to your old habits. It's 32 years of living the same way. How, how am I going to change that without God? It's a miracle that I was able to. So I'm telling you, that's how I know God is real. And so, so, yeah, I just talked about that. I, I worked on changing and I really do have a different relationship with myself. I have a different relationship with Jordan, with my kids, with work, with social media, with everything in my life. It's so funny. Like, Jordan came home and he got in bed and you turn on the tv and I was like, yeah, no, we don't watch TV anymore. Like, like, not the cool thing to do. Like, we read at night. Like, we, you know, like we journal. We do this. Like now when I have a problem and I have feelings that are like, I usually would go to Jordan and I'd tell him immediately or I would, like, yeah, just bring all this crap and like, lay it on him. And now I have like, probably five people in my phone that I call and they know literally everything about my life. And so I process it with them first and then I talk about what my plan is and then I go do my plan. Like, it's just. So I just approach life differently. And right now I have those five people that I'm relying on. Two of them, I pay like, three of them. I don't. So, you know, it's like that type of thing. But, like, then it's developing these like, muscles in me. And like, this first year I'm gonna take it really seriously. I even told some. There's like some personal people in my life that I have conflict with. And I'm like, if we want to have a big conversation about our feelings, the only way I'm going to do it is if we have like a third party. Like we sit down with a counselor or something. Because I have learned from my bad habits that, like, I can't communicate with you well. Like, so let's just not do it anymore. Let's learn. Like, if we're going to move forward, let's do it differently, you know, and. And so, yeah, I just want to do things differently for a year. And I think that, like, I'll look back and be like, wow, I just did it. And I wasn't even thinking about it. I just changed. Like, you know, so anyway, that's kind of where I was at. And then Jordan started making little comments. He was like, wait, I need to go by. I need to get away.

[Jordan]

Well, so welcome to part two. And this part two is how I blew up my life. Um, I. Yeah, I. I'm glad that you recapped because I think it helped me figure out where to go with this. But I think that all throughout that time, you know, I really developed a lot of resentment towards you because, Because I felt like I said it earlier, but I felt like you kept. You know, I was constantly being like, here's an out, you know, or let's hey, read this book, Atomic Habits.

[Danny]

You would buy me all these books and like, and I these self help books.

[Jordan]

And I'd be like, hey, like, here's how I manage my life. Like, maybe this will help you. Or, like, I. It's. At worst times, I would, you know, literally intervene on levels of, like, setting up new calendar processes, like, in your phone, or, like, yeah, I'm gonna reorganize the apps on your phone because I feel like you're really stressed out by these apps. And, like, you hired that guy, that.

[Danny]

Like, life coach guy. That was business coach.

[Jordan]

I heard a life coach guy. And Danny went to one session. We backed out.

[Danny]

I was like, get me the F out of here.

[Jordan]

And I was like, I was.

[Danny]

He was like, what do you want out of your life? And I was like, I don't know.

[Jordan]

Yeah, you were, like, stressed out by the exercise. And I was like, hey, sorry, man. Like, I tried, like, this isn't gonna work. But I literally, in, like, my. This is my story. Like, I feel like I was doing everything to prevent the train from going off the tracks, and ultimately the train just had to go off the tracks. And so when Danny blew up her life and came back, I really did start noticing a lot of changes in her. And I was like, okay, she's, like, trying to be a new person, and she's growing, and, like, her patterns are changing, and she's not as, like, focused on social media. But I was still so angry.

[Danny]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

And I was so resentful towards you, and I, I, I hated you. Like, I, I did. I, I, I'm like, yeah, I know. It's okay. Like, we're okay. I went to sad camp. So she's pregnant with our third child, and I already feel like, you know, she doesn't know how to balance and carry the load with our current two children because she's wrestling with this. And so I'm like, now I'm going to have a third child, and I feel like I'm going to be the one holding the bag with this new child and, like, trying to keep it all together. And I just felt like I was the glue. And you'd probably agree that I was the glue. Like, I shouldn't have been the glue. I made myself the glue. But you accepted me as the glue. You've already talked about all this.

[Danny]

Holy. Okay, go on.

[Jordan]

And so you come back, and you start changing, and the changes that you were making were every change I've ever wanted to see in life. Like, every change I've wanted to see in life. Like, you were an awesome mom. And, you know, I felt like I could feel at peace, but there was just these, like, resentments that I was having so much trouble letting go of. Like, it Was hard for me to see you as a new Danny.

[Danny]

It's almost, like, annoying, too, probably.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I'm like, okay, like, you blow up your life. Yeah, you could. Like, I scheduled us to therapist who wanted to, like, like, map out the next 10 years of our life, and you made me cancel it. Like, I just. I was a little bit resentful even of the changes, because I was like, where you been, like, the past three years? Like, I gave you atomic habits. Like, now you're freaking reading it. It's like. It's the funniest thing. It's like, the same thing I kind of. I feel in a much more reserved way, but it's the same thing I felt with the reality TV show conversation, like, 20 minutes ago, where it's like, you come to the same conclusion, but it's on your crazy, roundabout path. And I'm like, hey, I've been here the whole time being like, hey, this thing is going off the tracks. And so I blew up my life, and I decided that I needed to go away. And we had been in marriage counseling and trying to work through these things, and, you know, a lot of what our marriage counselors did was put. Pointed the finger back at me. Like, I, for so long, was able to point the finger at Danny and be like, you're so unhealthy. You. You don't listen to anybody but yourself. Like, you're doing all these things. And then you changed, and you were doing all the right things, and I still had my finger pointed at you. And our marriage counselors kept being like, hey, Jordan, like, why are you pointing the finger at Danny? What is your part in this? And I was like, I don't have a part in this. Like, I'm awesome. I'm amazing. I've been trying to give her the warning sign since day one.

[Danny]

Like, you're like, I eat the same thing every single meal.

[Jordan]

I'm the most perfect, like, rigid, you know, consistent person. Person. And, you know, they, Through a couple different sessions, ultimately were like, hey, like, what if you have a part in this, too? And at first, I was pissed about that. I hated that. I was so angry. It's like, who. Who do you guys think you are? And then it, like, started to dawn on me that I was still wrestling with these angry feelings I had towards you, even though you're being so sweet and you're planning date nights, and you were such a good mom. Like, I couldn't. I couldn't let him go. And it was one of our. It was the female Therapist that we meet with for marriage counseling. And she was like, hey Jordan, like, I think you should go to this place called on site. And I had heard of it like through the grapevine. A lot of like, you know, content creators, you know, I've heard a couple like celebrities talk about it and it's in Tennessee. And she was like, you know, I went and it changed my life. Because in their marriage she is also what's called the codependent. And I wrote down some definitions of codependency because I think it's helpful. Codependency says I have to take care of you, in my case Danny, so that Danny will take care of me. Codependency is. I wrote this passage in my journal at on site. I so desperately wanted to take care of Danny, create health and happiness so that she would be able to take care of me too. This is where it was selfish. It was me begging for her to meet my needs. Resentment bruise. Resentment brewed when the more that I gave, the more I tried to fix, the less I actually got, the more broken our family seemed to get. Because my formula and my role in the formula was messed up. Does that make sense? So on site, can I give like a little example? Yeah, let's talk about some examples.

[Danny]

I was, I had, I get really bad postpartum depression and I haven't this go around. And with Stella, I remember I was really struggling to the point where I was in bed all day and I was sleeping like 12 hours every night. And then I would take another two hour nap. And we didn't know what depression was. I'd never seen a psychiatrist or taken a medication before. Like I had no idea. And Jordan, like that's probably when it really started. He was like, hated to see me down like that. So he tried to fix it and he started getting our groceries delivered, hiring all these people around us. We hired our first nanny. Then we. He just tried to fix everything. And like it kept. He tried to put me in this bubble to protect me from everything. And it actually ended up like he was. His heart was in the right place. I mean maybe you were actually, actually you didn't realize that you were doing it for selfish reasons. So that I could get better, so that I could take care of you.

[Jordan]

Yeah. At the time, the selfishness. Just talk about the examples because the selfishness is like the deep track. It's like that it takes a while to understand.

[Danny]

Yeah. So but, but he tried to like fix it immediately, but it actually ended up making me sicker because it Wasn't Danny, like coming to these realizations and learning like, oh, I'm depressed and take care of myself and get myself out of this and, and like deal with it head on. It was Jordan trying to come in and fix everything. And so it actually just kept me in bed longer.

[Jordan]

Like, well, it would. It enabled you.

[Danny]

It enabled me. So for example, the groceries were delivered so I didn't have to get out of bed and put on my clothes and, and get, get out the front door and get like in the sun and go accomplish something that made me feel good about my self esteem, my self worth. Instead, someone came over and did it for me, which a lot of people would be so grateful for. But it wasn't like to me, it didn't, after a while, didn't feel like acts of love. It felt like I didn't have the space to be sick or to struggle. Like, it felt like, oh my gosh, I'm sick again. I have to hide it from Jordan because I'm so scared, like that he's gonna react and freak out and get anxious about it. And it would also trigger Jordan. Like, if I was ever sick, he would be in a horrible mood. And so instead of being like, oh, you're sick, like you have a fever, it would be like frustration, like, yeah.

[Jordan]

Because in my mind I was like, oh my gosh, like, I've done so, like, I'm exhausted. I've done. I put in so much work trying to prevent and fix, like, and it like, how does this keep failing, right? Like, how does all of my actions still not leave me with this place where, like, she can take care of me too? And I. And I really want to pause for a second because this is like really important, I think, for our predominantly female audience to listen to, because I guarantee you that there are so many other husbands out there that are like this, the perspective from a husband. And I know this because a lot of my friends are like, dude, that's so me. A lot of the perspectives that I have as a husband was I feel, I felt that to be a good husband meant that I reduced the friction or stress or sadness or anything that my wife was feeling. I felt to be a good husband meant I don't want my wife to lift a finger, you know, I don't want her to stress about anything. And I think it's an actual perspective that is heralded by our society. You know, it's. But it has a toxicity to it. Like, think about it. If you have a 13 year old, right, and you prevent your 13 year old from filling out their own applications or doing anything or doing their own laundry. What are you actually doing? Yes, you are getting to say, I am such a good person for pouring into this child. But what you're actually doing is you're taking away their ability to create autonomy, to learn, to fail, to develop grit, to feel a sense of identity and.

[Danny]

Agency, feel good about themselves.

[Jordan]

You take, yes, you take away their agency. And that is the very nature of codependency, which is, I am going to do all of this. And the hidden secret side is because I thought I was. I was like, oh my gosh, I'm a plus husband. I am so amazing. Danny should be so appreciative. And she's not. And there, therefore I hate her. But like, someone else will be. And like all of these intrusive thoughts keep creeping in because you're like, I'm awesome, you're sick, and you can't do anything about it. What I didn't see is that I was doing all of those things because I actually was just trying to get my needs met. Right? So that is like, it's so important to really understand the definition of codependency through the rest of the story. That makes sense. Okay, now what were you gonna say?

[Danny]

I was just gonna think of. I was gonna say, what are some other examples?

[Jordan]

I mean, those are like the big ones in our business, you know, I would say, you know, and I think it. I think codependency is pretty rampant. I was talking to my. They call them guides, which is basically like my one on one therapist at, on site. She. I was explaining to her our industry and how our industry works. And she was like, the way that she kind of described health in a relationship is she laid three hula hoops on the ground. So on the right side is Jordan and Jordan's needs and Jordan's desires and Jordan's goals. And on the left side was Danny and Danny's needs and Danny's goals. And then right there in the middle was a hula hoop that overlapped just a little bit with Danny's side and Jordan's side. So that like enough to where I could keep one foot in the middle of our relationship and our marriage and then one foot on the right side, which is Jordan, and you could have your feet in each other's. And she said codependency is basically when Jordan leaves his hula hoop to go worry about Danny's needs so that his needs over here can be taken care of. So if Danny is sad or expresses any. Any sadness whatsoever. Jordan leaves his hula hoop and says, oh, my gosh, babe, what's wrong? Let's talk about it. Hey, I feel like you're not good. Are you good? Hey, what's up? What's up? And it's not caring, and it's not giving you space. And what it is is it's saying, I'm uncomfortable with your feelings. And so I don't want you to be sad because it makes me anxious and it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. That's codependency, right? But our industry, and I think that where. Where we were really challenged by codependency is if you look at the nature of our work early on, not the past two years after we started Divi, but early on, the brand is you. The brand is your happiness. The brand is keeping you happy so that you can display yourself on the Internet, right? You had a whole team whose entire job was to reduce your stress and reduce your friction because the machine ran off of you, right? So when I talk about, like, my role there, there's a time where I was like, man, we did what we did and we were healthy. And it was pre kids, right? Because there were no consequences. But then post kids, what happened was there was, like, an imbalance in our life. And that's when I started to feel like I was complicit in. This is strong words, but I was. Like, I told him, I've been telling my therapist for years, I feel I felt complicit in Danny's demise because I felt like if I'm codependent in my job, my literal job, not this job I'm giving myself as a husband and what it means to be a good husband. But my literal job is to keep this person happy and producing content. And, you know, on the Internet, like, it's ripe for just creating these bad patterns between husband and wife. Does that make sense? Tracking so far, so I think, like, it's funny I won't name their names, but, like, so many guys in our industry who are husbands are, like, struggling with this very concept because they're like, ah, health is really hard to figure out what that looks like when the economics are literally tied to your wife's health or her not feeling sad or her not doing this. Like, you mix up these roles of, like, to be a good CEO, I keep the machine moving, which is the antithesis of me giving you spirit space to feel sad and being okay and at peace with you feeling sad or angry. Or letting you fail, etc, so far.

[Danny]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

So I went to. On site because I was aware slightly that I had a role in Danny blowing up her life, but I had no idea how massive a role I.

[Danny]

Had just to blowing up my life or in, like, all of this sickness.

[Jordan]

I knew that I was codependent, and I had identified that that was a problem. I knew that I had some role to play, and I knew that my lack of ability to acknowledge my role to play and where our lives have developed the past four years was keeping me angry and resentful towards you. And I knew that I wasn't going to be able to get out of that resentment and anger until I owned my part. Part in it.

[Danny]

Yeah. And I think that before you went, I. I struggled a lot with the blame. Like, I. I felt I was like, what's the point? Like, with even trying to. Sometimes I felt this way, like, what's the point? Like, I'm trying so hard to get healthy and do and, like, be well. And like, I thought if I focus on myself, everything would trickle into place. And I was like, man, I'm not getting that love or empathy I thought I was gonna get. Jordan.

[Jordan]

No.

[Danny]

There was a. Funny. I don't know if you ever, like, really thought about this again or if you think this is a stupid example, but the day before you left, he took his back out. Like, he hurt his back.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Danny]

And he was at the gym, and you came home so angry because you were working out with this guy that was helping you and telling you exactly how much to lift and whatever. And he was so angry about this situation. And can I say that you were blaming.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Danny]

Okay. So he was so angry with his trainer, and he comes home and he's like, I can't believe he made me do this new exercise. We've never done this before. He put more weight on me. Like, I. I told him I wasn't feeling it. Like, I told him that, like, I wasn't really mentally there. Like, I'm just so angry he did that. And then he was really mad at the time, so I didn't say anything. And I was like, oh, yeah, that sucks. You know? And then throughout the day, he would say something again, be like, man, I can't believe that trainer. He made me do that. Like, I'm just so annoyed. I leave tomorrow, whatever. And then at dinner, we sat at the bar, so his back was, like, still hurting. And he's like, yeah. I mean, he just made me do that exercise. And I'm like, hey, babe. Like you're saying that like he forced you to do the exercise. Like, you know, you're the one that lifted the weight and you're the one that put yourself in that position and you're the one that did the squat and you're the one that hurt yourself. And if you didn't want to be doing that because you knew that you weren't in a good place, you could have told him that you didn't want to do that, but you did it to yourself. It's not his fault.

[Jordan]

No, it's a great analogy to like.

[Danny]

But it was so, it was just so funny because it was the day before you were leaving and I was.

[Jordan]

Like, well, the other, the other challenge in the dynamic, I think the past couple years with you is like, I think your, your blame is louder. Right? So like codependency is like a very subtle lurking sickness. And it is a sickness, to be clear. Like, your call it workaholism was a sickness. My codependency was a sickness. Yours was just louder. You could physically see the effects of your patterns in your health, in our family, etc. Like, mine just was so subtle and masked in this, like, I love you.

[Danny]

I'm doing everything for you.

[Jordan]

Fake altruism and like, from the outside, I was a hero. And you just don't understand the control layers and the selfishness to it.

[Danny]

And there's one other part of it, not to make it more complicated, but like I was. I did have three pregnancies in five years or four years.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Well, we had two businesses blow up. Two under two and then another child arrive and then you blew up your life.

[Danny]

Yes.

[Jordan]

So four years.

[Danny]

So there was a part of me that was like, I. I am also struggling with like just being sick from these pregnancies and trying to uphold the team that I have or the requirements that I have that like also feed at the time some of these businesses, like, so I put a lot of pressure on myself for that too. So there was like a whole nother element of the, of the complication.

[Jordan]

But so I went to a place called On Site and it's really hard to explain, but I will start by saying I would trade every single dollar we have ever made to have gone to this place.

[Danny]

Wow.

[Jordan]

It absolutely. I was there for five days and it was the most life changing five days I've ever experienced in my life. And I think all other 32 members that were there too would say the exact same thing. And most people who leave it say the same thing. And a lot of People are there. So. So on site is big on this idea of like a 2 degree shift. You know, you can go in there for any reason. There were people there who were eating disorders. Eating disorders. Some were alcoholics, some were like, I'm just stuck at my job. And the program is called, like, Living Centered. And the whole idea of it is like, you go in and you might not even have clarity on what the problem is. But I guarantee you, by day one, you will know what the problem is. The coolest thing about this place is it's deep in the wilderness of Tennessee, so you are remote. They take away your phones, they don't let you say your last name, and you're not allowed to talk about what you do. So they are very good at very quickly stripping you down to exactly who God made you to be or forcing you to be who you are and were made to be versus what you do. Okay, so that's. It's hard to explain how that creates a culture and environment, but it immediately creates intimacy with every single other person that you're there with because you can't fall back on, oh, you know, what do you do? Oh, you.

[Danny]

That's so true. Oh, it's. Everyone's like, scapegoat.

[Jordan]

And so, you know, I. I'm trying to figure out how much, like, I would want to share about the process. Like, but they set you up with what's called a guide. And a guide is there to help guide you through why you're there, even if you don't know why you're there. You know, my experience ended up being threefold. One was, you know, talking about my childhood of origin. So childhood and the patterns and the hard wiring that was created there. And then it was talking about my current home, I. E. My. My resentments, my feelings, my. All the things that I went there for regarding my current home with Danny. And then we had like a third sheet, which was like. Like a new marriage, right? So very quickly, my. I thought I went in there to learn how to forgive Danny and to just get back to the way things were, you know, and that's what I had kind of been mourning too, is like, when you blew up our lives. Like, there was kind of a mourning aspect to it too, where I was like, man, like, if the train didn't go off the tracks, like, we had it so good. Like, you know, and it wasn't to be clear, but I. In my mind, it was a morning process of, like, letting it go. And my guide very quickly was like, hey, like, what if the purpose of you being here is not to go back to, you know, the marriage that was, but to create something totally new, a new Danny and a new Jordan and a new marriage. And I was like, dope. I'm down for that. Like, I like that. That was, like, my. My path. And, you know, the funniest thing about on site is they really do this thing called psycho. Is it psychotherapy or psychodrama therapy?

[Danny]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

And it's a lot of, like. A lot of, like, sort of role play. And, like, you know, they use a lot of props. Like, I spent more time talking to little Jordan, which was a stuffed teddy bear, than I ever thought I would going into there. And I would, like, literally hold him. I would just literally hold little Jordan, and we would just hang out. And, like, the whole purpose was, like, to help me understand my inner child and to understand where the inner child was wounded and then be able to heal that inner child so that my adulthood could be more, you know, complete. There was one exercise. Did you want me to talk about this?

[Danny]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

There's one exercise where, again, she loved these hula hoops. She put the hula hoops down, and in one circle, it was like, put a characteristic of Jordan that you believe his character has. And I wrote consistency. I put it in one circle, like.

[Danny]

I eat chicken for every meal, three raw eggs.

[Jordan]

And then the second circle was a friend that knows you well and who has been impacted by you. And I. I put, you know, Devon or Miles. And then the third, you're like, shout out, besties. And then the third was what you call your higher power. And I put God. And what you do is, you know, you have to speak as consistency to Jordan. So I step into the hula hoop, and I'm speaking as the characteristic of Jordan to myself and saying, like, things like, hey, Jordan, like, you know, I'm consistency. And I just appreciate the role that you played in the home and the way that you've been able to be stable and the glue for your wife and for your kids and to hold everything together. And I'm, like, speaking mostly what I wish I had heard from others, but I'm speaking to myself. And so I'm like, whatever. This is weird. What a weird exercise.

[Danny]

And you're like, I'm amazing.

[Jordan]

And then I'm like, yeah, you're right. I'm so great. And then I spoke as, you know, friend, and it was like, hey, you know, thanks for helping us be better husbands by feeling yours. Like, you know, I literally said that I was like, like, thanks for, you know, like, helping us to understand ways that we can learn to be better husbands as you go through the brick wall first, essentially. And I think that they would say the same thing. It's like, I'm. We're ahead of the game, you know, and trying to figure all this out. And then it got to God, and I was like, first friend, I was like, silly, like, is this all the four days are going to be, like. And then it got to God. And I tried to speak to myself on what, like, God would say to me, and I just lost it. I just broke down crying, and I couldn't speak for, like, five minutes. And the guides there are so, like, gentle and, like, so understanding. And she helped me, basically. Like, actually, I wrote it down, the cards. I eventually said, hey, Jordan, I know that you know that I created you. I love you, Jordan. I know sometimes it's hard. It's hard for you to see. To believe that I do. I appreciate your consistent dedication to your family, to breaking the cycle of generational sin in your home. And I know that you want to please me, but sometimes you try and do my job for me. And you don't have to do my job for me, because I've got you.

[Danny]

Oh, that's beautiful.

[Jordan]

And I just. I died. I died crying. And it was pretty much four days of that. Like, I don't want to get into, like, you know, everything, but you're just. You're packed into this, like, weird, sad summer camp, and you're on this, like, giant high because everyone's so broken. And I just will say that, like, I had never felt God move and repair and, like, change people's lives in such a tangible, visible, like, visceral way in my entire life. Like, God was, like, literally in every single second of my time this past five days. And I called you, you know, at one point, and, you know, a big part of, like, codependency, I think, is, like, not being honest about how you feel. And I got to, like, call and, you know, sort of tell you, like, how I was really feeling. And you were so. I was so scared to do that because I was like, my whole job as a codependent is to love you so that you'll love me. So if I tell you something bad that I'm feeling, then you won't be able to handle it, and then it will affect my ability to come home and feel peace, you know? And, you know, my guide did it with me, and I told you some really hard stuff, and you were so grace filled and, like, so amazing about just, like, understanding. And then we got off the phone, and my guide was like, that girl's doing the work. Like, that girl is like, I'm proud of her. She's. She's killing it. Like, she is, like, really working on herself. Yeah.

[Danny]

I mean, so just, you know, just so we don't leave the people, like, with a cliffhanger here. Was there a point where you turned the hatred into love?

[Jordan]

Yeah. Yeah. So. So that's where I was like, this.

[Danny]

Is so we don't lose people hanging.

[Jordan]

That's where I was gonna go with it.

[Danny]

And, you know, I mean, also just say, don't leave me on the cliffhanger.

[Jordan]

I. At the end of the. My time there, I had this, like, vision, and my vision was I just like, oh, that's crazy. There's our wedding picture. I had this vision of almost, like, re proposing to you. And, like. Like, I had this vision of, like, a vow renewal ceremony and we're having a party. It, like. It, like, meant so much to me because when I saw this vision of, like, remarrying you and, like, being able to, like, stand up at the altar again and even, like, re proposing to you, it meant so much to me because it meant that in time, like, as we kind of both, like, work on ourselves and, like, become new people, we both will be presented with this opportunity to, like, let the old people go and re. Fall in love with, like, these new versions of Danny and Jordan. And, like, I get to say Danny's a totally different person than she was three years ago on the hamster wheel. And, like, I choose her and I love her. And you get to say, I'm still the same. Still the same. Not like, it's different patterns. It's a total different. It's a totally different acclamation. You get to say, like, which is.

[Danny]

A healthier Danny, not a different.

[Jordan]

And Danny, yeah, healthier, fine. And you get to say, like, hey, my husband gives me space, and I don't feel suffocated by him. And he doesn't have these patterns that make me feel like I don't have any control of my own life. And you get to leave all that behind and all of those resentments behind and say, like, hey, I choose to love him too. And so, yeah, then we came home, and my life was changed, and.

[Danny]

And he loved me.

[Jordan]

And I handled two. Two conversations the next day. Pretty flawless, didn't I? You said. You said to me, you know, Danny was upset about something and she was Bawling, crying. And old Jordan would have, like, because.

[Danny]

He told me he hated me. That was why.

[Jordan]

Wait, no, I didn't. I didn't hate you when I came back.

[Danny]

But that's why I was healed. No, but that's why I. Because here's the thing. You were healed, but I wasn't healed from the. Those words.

[Jordan]

Oh, from. You're right. From those wounds. And you were upset again. You were crying again. And old Jordan would have been like, here we go again.

[Danny]

Like, no, when I tell y'all, this kid had no empathy for me. No, I'm telling y'all. Like, I could be bawling, crying. Like, someone could have said the nastiest things to me. I could be throwing my guts up because I was pregnant. I could be having the worst. You know, Gerd. Because I'm. You know, listen, he would be like.

[Jordan]

No, I would not roll my eyes. I would do the right thing. But you didn't feel it.

[Danny]

You would do the right thing, but you didn't. But you did it out of, like, anger or frustration.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I would do it. Like, it's like, this is what.

[Danny]

I could go get the CVS medicine. But then, like, it wasn't like, okay, Like, I'm so sorry you're sick. Like, that sucks. Like, but you got this baby. No, it's like growing your baby. Like, whatever you need, like, you're doing. You're doing amazing. Like, here's medicine to help make you feel better.

[Jordan]

Like, the best way to describe is, like, every morning. We talked about this on the last podcast. If I miss Danny's coffee, she's forgotten and so codependent. Jordan would have been like, I have to wake. I have to wake up in the morning. I have to do this. Because if I don't do this, then Danny won't feel loved, and then she's going to be sad, and then it's going to make me anxious all day, and I have a busy day, and I. I have to do this. Right.

[Danny]

It's the breastfeeding era. Yes.

[Jordan]

Right. Whereas I think, like, a post on site, Jordan would say, hey, I am so grateful for my wife, and I'm so grateful that she is, like, awake breastfeeding. And I would love to. As an overpouring of that, I would love to serve her and treat her like a queen. All that was needed is forgiveness. So that's where we're at. I blew up my life. Bye.

[Danny]

Oh, the deep. Right now.

[Jordan]

I thought it was good. I mean, I feel like you're exhausted.

[Danny]

But, oh, these emotions. So much.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Danny]

But, yeah. So now Jordan, I mean, you made some really great friends there. You had some. You still have some really funny stories. They kind of encourage you. This is what Jordan told me. They encourage you not to speak about it too much with your spouse into, like, process for 30 days, really, because it's a lot to come home and be like, I'm a different person. I used to hate you. Now I love you. I have all these new friends, and then, like, I don't. I have to tell you something. The first. The first time.

[Jordan]

It's so real, though.

[Danny]

The first time we all talked about.

[Jordan]

It, we were like. We, like, don't know what to leave and say.

[Danny]

Like, summer camp high.

[Jordan]

You're like, yeah, like, no one's going to understand.

[Danny]

This is the first time that I talked to you. Like, even when I talked to you on the phone for the first time after, like, you got your phone back, I texted my. My therapist, and I was. She was. And he was like, how'd it go? I go, well, he's different. He's definitely different. He talks like a yogi now. And I put, like, the little, like.

[Jordan]

Thing, like, what if I, like, came back and I, like, had braids in my hair? And I'm like, namaste.

[Danny]

Literally, I was like, yeah, he's definitely different. Um, but, yeah, so I'm sure I will learn more. And I like some of those exercises. I want you to do them on me.

[Jordan]

Who would you put in your hula hoops? What would be your character trait? This is good. Let's do this.

[Danny]

Okay. My character trait would be what. What is it one that I definitely am or something?

[Jordan]

Yeah. A character trait of Danny that you think is good.

[Danny]

I mean, I think I'm kind to a lot of people.

[Jordan]

Okay. Who's a friend that would say good things about you?

[Danny]

Oh, shit.

[Jordan]

I know.

[Danny]

I'm kidding. I think a lot of my friends maybe pick one. Let's just say Ellie.

[Jordan]

Okay. And then what do you call your higher power?

[Danny]

God.

[Jordan]

Okay, so now, as kindness, I want you to speak to Danny about all the ways, all the roles that kindness plays in her life. I think. I think I did that, right?

[Danny]

Or kindness. Speak to Dani about how, hi, Danny, I'm Kindness. How this is how I play a role in your life.

[Jordan]

Sure. Yeah. What does kindness need to say to Danny?

[Danny]

Kindness says, thank you for using me to care about a lot of people and to not make people feel less than. And thanks for. For, like, seeing everybody as equal. That's Very kind. And making people's days better and. And, yeah, just thanks for that. I don't know. I got at this.

[Jordan]

It's hard, right? What does Ellie say?

[Danny]

Ellie says, I'm really proud of you. You're doing great. I see you're listening and learning and trying your best and you're strong and you're an amazing mom and just. I'm proud of you.

[Jordan]

Do you believe what Kindness and Ellie are saying?

[Danny]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Do you?

[Danny]

No, I do.

[Jordan]

Okay. What does God say?

[Danny]

I think God says, I'm so glad we're close again. I've been really missing you. We're doing well. I'm glad we checked in today. Don't forget about me tomorrow. Let's see.

[Jordan]

That's good. It's good stuff. I'm actually tired. I'm emotionally exhausted from this.

[Danny]

Okay. Yeah. Same. Well, man, I mean, we had a lot of other, like, crazy things kind of happen this week. Wait, we'll save her next episode because this is so freaking. This was a lot in of itself.

[Jordan]

I do. I told you I didn't have to talk about it.

[Danny]

No, it's great. I'm so happy you did. I want. I. I want to go.

[Jordan]

Huh?

[Danny]

I want to go.

[Jordan]

No, you're for sure. Well, sorry.

[Danny]

No, I want to talk to little Danny. Yeah, little Danny problems.

[Jordan]

It will F you up. It's like that trend place, like, FS you up.

[Danny]

So it's a trend on Tick tock. That's like, I'm sorry. I'm getting really annoyed when people are doing them. But it's like, I went to coffee with my younger self. She showed up late. I was on time. Like, you know, everyone. Everyone does that. Like, she was frazzled, wearing a T shirt and shorts. I was wearing sweats and pants. And like, she didn't know what, like, her life was going to be. She was so stressed out. I was content and at peace. Like, have you seen this?

[Jordan]

Yeah. I like, I don't want to be controlling and codependent, but I would love for you to go here.

[Danny]

Oh, okay.

[Jordan]

I like, I. I like.

[Danny]

I'm breastfeeding.

[Jordan]

Babe, no, no, not right now. I don't. I don't even think they have an opening.

[Danny]

But, like, no, send me away. Send me away to side camp. I will spice in that place up. I will bring kindness.

[Jordan]

It's so funny because you think, like, you're going to bring something to it. It's going to bring something to you.

[Danny]

No, I know. I know it would. It would. It would break me down for Sure. I want to talk to little Danny. My. My issue that I. That I had to work on, that I could probably still work on a lot, is. Is the little Danny never feeling good enough?

[Jordan]

Oh, yeah.

[Danny]

She never felt good enough or pretty or smart or anything. That's why she had to perform.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Danny]

That's why I'm an Instagrammer. That's why I'm an influencer, so everybody can make me feel good about myself. It's horrible. Dislike my pictures, so I like myself.

[Jordan]

Man, a year from now, we are gonna be so hella healthy, it's unreal.

[Danny]

I'm gonna get, like, just 1, 000 likes on my photo, and I'll be like, I don't care.

[Jordan]

Where are we gonna do our vow renewal? Cabo.

[Danny]

Oh, yeah, no, let's go, like, Italy. Well, we fight, like, all our friends to Italy for a vowel renewal. Oh, my God, that's so extra. Okay, okay, I'll do it. Anyway, thanks for listening to this week's episode of De Influence. It's really.

[Jordan]

I think it was like.

[Danny]

Make sure you follow us on Tick Tock and Instagram at D Influence podcast. We love you guys, and we'll talk to you later. Adios. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.