"Let's Talk About Our Sex Life"

Summary

Episode Summary: "Let's Talk About Our Sex Life"

Podcast Information

• Title: De-Influenced with Dani + Jordan
• Hosts: Dani and Jordan
• Episode Title: "Let's Talk About Our Sex Life"
• Release Date: March 27, 2025

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In this candid and introspective episode of De-Influenced with Dani + Jordan, the hosts delve deep into the complexities of maintaining intimacy and a healthy sex life amidst the challenges of parenting and the demands of modern life. Drawing from their extensive experience in the influencer industry and personal life, Dani and Jordan offer a raw and unfiltered conversation that resonates with many couples navigating similar paths.

1. Packing for the Cabo Trip

The episode kicks off with Dani and Jordan discussing the impending family trip to Cabo, highlighting the logistical challenges of packing for multiple children. The couple is traveling with two other families, each with children ranging from newborns to toddlers, which adds layers of complexity to their preparations.

• Dani: "Packing for your kids to go to the beach, two baby, toddler, kid and newborn... it should be an Olympic sport." [00:29]

Jordan humorously admits his initial lack of preparation, contrasting with Dani's meticulous packing strategy. This segment underscores the everyday stresses parents face, setting the tone for the episode's deeper dives into personal and relational dynamics.

2. Managing Parenting Responsibilities

Dani elaborates on her packing routine, emphasizing the attention to detail required to ensure a smooth trip. From extra bottles and pacifiers to cleaning supplies like soap and bottle brushes, her approach exemplifies the proactive mindset needed in parenting.

• Dani: "I just packed soap to wash the bottles." [01:32]

Jordan reflects on his own contribution, noting his tendency to procrastinate, which sparks a discussion about balancing responsibilities and the importance of supporting each other in co-parenting.

3. Children’s Preferences and Behavioral Shifts

The conversation shifts to their children’s entertainment choices, particularly focusing on the impact of popular shows. Dani and Jordan discuss how reintroducing princess-themed shows like Ms. Rachel has seemingly influenced their child’s behavior.

• Jordan: "As we've reintroduced the princess shows again, her behavior has shifted? Yes, 100%." [04:00]

Dani agrees, noting increased drama and attention-seeking behavior, which they attribute directly to the themes and characters of these shows. This observation leads to a broader discussion on the influence of media on child development and parenting strategies.

4. Preparations and Friendships Going to Cabo

As they prepare for the trip, Dani introduces the families joining them—Ellie and Taylor, both functional medicine experts who prioritize holistic and healthy lifestyles. This brings a humorous contrast to Jordan and Dani’s approach, as Jordan teases about organizing meals with health-centric options versus more indulgent choices.

• Jordan: "We're going to Cabo... healthiest trip we've ever been on." [18:35]

The hosts joke about orchestrating meal plans to align with their guest families’ preferences, highlighting the balancing act between maintaining personal health regimes and accommodating others.

5. Navigating Intimacy and Sex Life Postpartum

The core of the episode centers on Dani and Jordan's discussion about their sex life after having three children. They candidly explore the emotional and physical barriers that arise in maintaining intimacy within a busy family life.

• Jordan: "After you have a baby, you can't really have sex for how long is it? An eternity." [28:31]

Dani counters with her perspective, emphasizing the postpartum period as a time of self-acceptance rather than seeking perfection.

• Dani: "We're kind of in the postpartum era. I'm just trying to put on clothes that fit and feel good." [07:02]

The dialogue highlights common issues such as emotional disconnect, scheduling conflicts, and the differing ways men and women approach intimacy.

6. Inner Family Concept in Marriage Therapy

Jordan introduces the concept of the "inner family" from their recent marriage therapy sessions, breaking down the components into the inner critical parent, inner teenager, and inner child. This framework helps them understand and address the internal conflicts that affect their relationship.

• Jordan: "In marriage therapy, we talked about how everyone has their inner family." [57:00]

They discuss strategies for nurturing the inner child and reparenting the critical parent to foster a healthier, more supportive emotional environment. This introspection serves as a foundation for improving their intimacy and overall marital satisfaction.

7. Strategies to Improve Intimacy

To counteract the challenges in their sex life, Dani proposes a practical life hack: scheduling intimacy without informing Jordan, allowing her to prepare mentally and physically while maintaining an element of spontaneity.

• Dani: "Life hack for all the wives out there, schedule your intimacy, but don't tell your husband." [46:37]

Jordan finds this idea both ingenious and humorous, recognizing its potential to bridge the gap between their busy lives and their need for connection. They discuss the importance of vulnerability, trust, and emotional intimacy as prerequisites for a fulfilling physical relationship.

8. Concluding Reflections and Future Steps

As the episode draws to a close, Dani and Jordan reflect on their conversation, acknowledging the need for continual work and open communication to sustain their relationship. They express optimism about the next chapters of their marriage, aiming to deepen their connection both emotionally and physically.

• Jordan: "I'm so excited in this next chapter of our marriage... deeper than anything that we've experienced even thus far." [59:47]
• Dani: "It's beautiful." [59:48]

They also touch upon future updates, promising to share their insights and progress with their audience as they implement the strategies discussed.

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Key Takeaways:

• Balancing Parenting and Intimacy: Navigating the demands of parenting while maintaining a healthy sex life requires intentional effort, communication, and understanding.
• Internal Conflicts Affect Relationships: Acknowledging and addressing internal voices, such as the critical parent and rebellious teenager, can lead to healthier interactions and deeper connections.
• Practical Solutions for Intimacy: Implementing structured approaches, like scheduled intimacy, can help couples reconnect and maintain their relationship amidst busy schedules.
• Continuous Personal Growth: Ongoing self-improvement and mutual support are essential for sustaining intimacy and emotional bond in a long-term relationship.

Notable Quotes:

• Dani on Packing Challenges: "Packing for your kids to go to the beach, two baby, toddler, kid and newborn... it should be an Olympic sport." [00:29]
• Jordan on Behavioral Shifts: "As we've reintroduced the princess shows again, her behavior has shifted? Yes, 100%." [04:00]
• Jordan on Postpartum Intimacy: "After you have a baby, you can't really have sex for how long is it? An eternity." [28:31]
• Dani on Scheduling Intimacy: "Life hack for all the wives out there, schedule your intimacy, but don't tell your husband." [46:37]
• Jordan on Future Intimacy: "I'm so excited in this next chapter of our marriage... deeper than anything that we've experienced even thus far." [59:47]

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This episode of De-Influenced with Dani + Jordan offers an honest and introspective look into the intricacies of sustaining a romantic relationship amidst the chaos of parenting and daily life. Through their open discussion, Dani and Jordan provide valuable insights and practical strategies for couples seeking to enhance their intimacy and emotional connection.

Transcript

[Dani]

Foreign podcast is a dear media production. Hello and welcome back to your favorite podcast.

[Jordan]

It's packing day.

[Dani]

It's packing day. And I'm so.

[Jordan]

I'm so scared.

[Dani]

No, it's been fun. I started packing on Sunday, so.

[Jordan]

Yeah, packing days are stressful days.

[Dani]

Yeah. I. So we're going to Cabo tomorrow and we're so excited, but we're going with two other families and all of their kids. Our kids. And our kids too. And packing for your kids to go to the beach. Two baby. Two kids. Like a toddler. A kid and then a newborn is. It should be an Olympic sport.

[Jordan]

I know. I can see your brain just moving.

[Dani]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

A mile a minute.

[Dani]

All the things that we might need, like, and we have to have because we're also like in Cabo without a car.

[Jordan]

Totally.

[Dani]

So, like, we don't have a pacifier. What are we gonna do? Do they have like. I don't know. Can you like doordash over there, Pinky? Yeah, we're just gonna take it back.

[Jordan]

To like the old days.

[Dani]

The old days. You know, I'd have to start like nursing at the boop again.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I, on the other hand, have packed nothing. I know you pack and I've thought about nothing. It's so. I will pack probably at 8:30 tonight and I go to bed at 9.

[Dani]

Don't you feel like. Oh, I'm just so curious, like when I'm. Okay, this is such a good question. When I'm running around the house like a busy bumblebee and I'm packing like, you know, the passies and extra bottles and like, I just packed soap for. And a new bottle brush to clean the bottles at night. Like, you would have never thought of that. Never. You would have never thought to bring dish soap to wash the bottles.

[Jordan]

I kinda think I would.

[Dani]

No, I don't. I don't think you would.

[Jordan]

I think I would have, like, I think if you just gave me a shot and put me in coach, I honestly think I would bring everything our kids need. But my question is, whoever took you out your energy? Because I feel like if I interfere in the slightest, it's like, here's how I explain. It is. I usually like to be out of the house on these days because I think you like your space and I think you like to run around and it's like you have this like mental checklist of what you're going through. And my fear is like, you're like, hey, will you get the bottle brush? And in your mind you've delegated that out to me, but in my mind, I'm like, does she really mean I should get the bottle brush? Because she's like, kind of on a roll here.

[Dani]

No, I. I really mean it.

[Jordan]

Right? And it's just so, like, it's all in your brain, and so I like to stay out of your way because I'm like, if I forget something that she expects me to do, then our vacation's ruined.

[Dani]

What did I delegate over to you?

[Jordan]

Are you going to downloading the shoe shows onto the kids iPads? That's, like, always my job.

[Dani]

Which shows does Stella want?

[Jordan]

Oh, I. I usually just ask her.

[Dani]

Well, I'll tell you, she already told me, like, my five times. Couldn't you guess?

[Jordan]

Moana? Too brave maybe?

[Dani]

No, babe, she's so over brave. That's so old school. That's like when you try to take play reputation. Taylor Swift this morning.

[Jordan]

It's like, Ms. Ms. Rachel.

[Dani]

No, she wants Mulan. Oh, yeah, she's into Mulan, Moana 2, and Little Mermaid.

[Jordan]

I don't want to go down this path, but have you noticed that as we've reintroduced the princess shows again, her behavior has shifted?

[Dani]

Really?

[Jordan]

Yes, 100%.

[Dani]

It's bad.

[Jordan]

Yeah, it's like, it's directly correlated.

[Dani]

Oh, she's been amazing with me.

[Jordan]

No, she's like. She's like. Like, she's so dramatic with her body. It's like. I'm telling you, it's the.

[Dani]

No, I believe you. I believe you. Yeah, we did switch to Ms. Rachel there for like, five minutes, which. Well, there's.

[Jordan]

There's only four episodes on Netflix.

[Dani]

I'm like, netflix, we need more. But do you.

[Jordan]

Did you buy her out?

[Dani]

Did you realize, like, whenever I know, I wonder what her catalog is worth.

[Jordan]

Oh, my gosh. 100 million plus. For sure.

[Dani]

Yeah. No, for more.

[Jordan]

For sure.

[Dani]

More. More.

[Jordan]

Yeah. They paid her 100 million plus for sure.

[Dani]

Without a doubt.

[Jordan]

Like, and we do. Do we know anything about the real Ms. Rachel?

[Dani]

She's, like, pretty humble, like, just doesn't really, like, want much. She's like, says no to everything. She's just kind of. She's just Ms. Rachel.

[Jordan]

I know, but, like, where does she live?

[Dani]

I forgot. Maybe Google it. I did look it up one time because I was so curious. But, like, what?

[Jordan]

Can she go places?

[Dani]

Probably not.

[Jordan]

That's so funny to think about.

[Dani]

Like, I know. She's like. She's like, I. I can't leave my house. Like, I get mauled by the babies.

[Jordan]

That's so crazy.

[Dani]

Where? Portland. Nashville. Maine. Okay.

[Jordan]

She's from Maine. She lives in Nashville now. That makes sense. She probably lives in. On a big farm.

[Dani]

Yeah, totally.

[Jordan]

In a little overalls. And she's like, what's bubblegum?

[Dani]

Bubblegum. Bubblegum.

[Jordan]

But all things consider. I feel like you. I feel like you've been good today. The first question I really wanted to ask you on this podcast was like, what. What mood we're in?

[Dani]

Well, I started packing on Sunday, so I've been packing for four days, so that helps a little bit.

[Jordan]

Is there a little stress in your body?

[Dani]

Yeah, but I've been trying to read you all day.

[Jordan]

Okay. Healthy anxiety.

[Dani]

I honestly was just really bummed because I wanted to go to the mall today. I know.

[Jordan]

I thought that was so random.

[Dani]

Well, I just wanted to get, like two or three cute outfits to wear around the house while you're there.

[Jordan]

Okay. I thought. You know what? I thought. I thought about this all day.

[Dani]

I was going to get lingerie.

[Jordan]

I totally thought.

[Dani]

I knew because.

[Jordan]

Because you were like. It was so random. And I was like, cuz, Danny, I don't really shop.

[Dani]

Like, I don't really shop.

[Jordan]

You were like, I just want to go. You're very cryptic about where. Why you're going. I was like, I wonder if she's shooting the reality TV pilot. That was my first thought.

[Dani]

What?

[Jordan]

And then my second thought was, and you just, like, didn't want to tell me because you knew it would, like, trigger me or whatever. So. So that was number one.

[Dani]

I feel like that would be, like, a pretty bold lie.

[Jordan]

Well, like, I don't think I would lie by admission.

[Dani]

I don't think I would lie. Tell you like that.

[Jordan]

I know. So then I talked myself out of it, and then I swung it into a positive and I was like, you know what?

[Dani]

She's probably gonna get.

[Jordan]

She's probably, like, going to a store to get lingerie. I genuinely thought that. I was like, she's so sweet.

[Dani]

I'm dead.

[Jordan]

So that wasn't it?

[Dani]

No. Sorry, babe. I, like, I have lingerie. I've never worn it.

[Jordan]

I know, but I thought, you know, like, we've been kind of on a roll lately. And so I was like, oh. Like, that's probably why.

[Dani]

I mean, I'll look for it if you. If that's what.

[Jordan]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Dani]

Okay.

[Jordan]

I don't want to ask, like, but if you would like to. Surprise. I'm not gonna stop it.

[Dani]

Honestly, I'm not really in that era of like, I want to put on lingerie and look sexy. Like I. I'm still just like. We're kind of in the postpartum era. Like, it's just like, I'm just trying to put on clothes that fit. And, yeah, I feel good in, so. And I know that probably every man, like, is like, I don't care what your body looks like. I want to see you in laundry. That's just not how you feel, woman. How my mind works. Yeah.

[Jordan]

That's, like, totally how I feel.

[Dani]

Yeah. No, see, like, no, no, no, no. I'm like, I do not want to draw on laundry right now. Like, that would be probably one of the worst days of my life right now. No, but I really have this whole era of postpartum, you know, I have been trying to, like, just embrace it. I don't want to say embrace the curves because I don't think I'm a very curvy person. It's just, like, pockets of fat that just are kind of stubborn. But it's not. But I have been just trying to, like, embrace it.

[Jordan]

And let me tell you, it shows.

[Dani]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Like, your hair is all curly. We love it. You're glowing. I just. I've tried to explain. Explain this or put this into words, but it's like, you're just like a. I don't know, you're just like a woman now. It's like. And it. I don't know why, because you've had two kids, but it's like something about our third kid. You're just like. You're just like, mom, like.

[Dani]

Yeah. It's like.

[Jordan]

It's like, I gotta protect her. Oh, she's like my queen.

[Dani]

Oh, you know, I love that.

[Jordan]

That's how I feel.

[Dani]

Want to be a queen? It's cuz. It's cuz you realize how needed I am.

[Jordan]

Yeah, for sure, right? For sure.

[Dani]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

For me, for the kids, family. Just across the board.

[Dani]

Across the board.

[Jordan]

When you blew up your life, I was like, we.

[Dani]

We really need Mom.

[Jordan]

Let me tell you.

[Dani]

Tell you.

[Jordan]

They're like, dad, I'm so tired of Mac and cheese and PB&J. I'm like, I'm sorry, I can't help you. That's all I have.

[Dani]

Yeah. Yeah. I was gonna go to the mall, and I was walking by Lululemon. They had this, like, new colorway that came out, and I was like, maybe I'll give myself a pair of shorts. You know what I mean? And I like to share new things that I get with my audience because, like, a lot of the stuff that I've been sharing Sells out. Not because I link it. I mean, sometimes, but, but, but like, sometimes it just sells out because it's just like out of. It's like out of stock now. And so then I like to get new things to share with my audience and. Yeah, and so I saw a couple of cute things at Aloe in Lululemon. We were walking around yesterday shopping for our giveaway and so that. I was really excited about doing that today. Yeah, but it's okay.

[Jordan]

I. The other. The third analysis I had on why you wanted to go to the mall was I was like, it's like, you know what? She's like starting to get into like her place postpartum where she's like doing things for herself. And I was like, that's so. Yeah, I'm like, so happy about that.

[Dani]

No, yeah, it definitely was like a good. Like it was gonna be like a good hour and a half, just myself.

[Jordan]

And then you worked, so.

[Dani]

Yeah, and then I just stayed home and worked.

[Jordan]

So how about this funny story that last night on all of the neighbors in our doors, there was a filming notice and I guess like Michael's is filming a commercial on our street.

[Dani]

Yes.

[Jordan]

And I don't have a problem with it.

[Dani]

I didn't tell you the full story about that.

[Jordan]

No, tell me.

[Dani]

Well, okay, so Summit has like not been sleeping through the night. So I hired. Last week, I hired like a sleep, like a sleep trainer to come in. I had heard about her. She was like famous in Dallas. And she was like, give me a week, I'll be there. I'll sleep train him in a week and I'll get you guys on like a good schedule and everything. So I was really excited about her start. She started on Sunday and so this was like her third night coming. And she, she was the one that told me about the, the, the filming crew. She said that one of the neighbors came out and told her not to park there overnight because there was going to be like a commercial filming. But the way that she described this and it was like very sketchy. She was like one of your neighbors. Like, like, you know, but I guess it was the casting director or something that came up to her. And like, I know how our neighbors aren't really like totally fond with us. Like, they're not fond of the fact that we do what we do, you know, And I know it because that one time that we had the Target shoot, we hired that horse drawn carriage.

[Jordan]

To be fair, it was. But it was a little over the top.

[Dani]

Yeah. But we did get it Approved by the city of Dallas. And we did have, like, the proper police officers and everything, like, directing traffic. Like, we did it all right.

[Jordan]

But we learned our lesson. We were like, okay, let's not film here. Let's go film on the street next door where we don't have.

[Dani]

Where nobody knows us.

[Jordan]

Where nobody knows us. But, yeah, we heard about it.

[Dani]

So anyway, she came in, and my stomach sank, and I go, oh, my God, Our neighbors are pulling a prank on us. I was like, there's no way that they're filming a commercial for Michael's. Like, is Michael's even still around?

[Jordan]

Like, what's the one that just closed down? Joanne's.

[Dani]

Yeah, Joanne's fabric. And I was like, there's no freaking way that Michaels is coming. I was like, this is a prank. And I was also like, april is coming up. April 1st soon. Not right now. But I was like. I was like, maybe this is a really extravagant prank. And I was like. Because then I looked outside, it had all these cones where you couldn't park, and it was just in front of our house, is what I thought.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dani]

And I was like, dude, they're just trying to make us, like, feel how they feel.

[Jordan]

Yeah. So, no, I, I, I get where your brain went. My brain went a different path. I was like, I read the notice, and I was like, oh, no. People are going to think that this is us.

[Dani]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Like, they're going to think we're shutting down the street again and, like, we're shooting this brand deal for Michaels. And I was like, dang. Like, I just felt so trapped, and I. I almost wanted to text, like, everyone on the street and be like, hey, guys, this is not us. Like, we've learned our lesson. We're. We're. We're respectful. Like, you know, and this one's actually more cumbersome than anything we've ever done. Like, there's. There's cones all up and down the street. You know, there.

[Dani]

We had a.

[Jordan]

There's, like, a huge crew here, and.

[Dani]

Our air conditioning went out, and, like, they're coming up and down our steps, like, trying to fix our air conditioning, and they can't even park outside of our house. Like, poor guys have to walk, like, two houses down.

[Jordan]

But I don't mind. I mean, I don't mind. I was just worried that it was going to, like, people were going to think it was us.

[Dani]

No. Yeah, I don't mind either. I'm like, it's just a day.

[Jordan]

It's just a day. I was like, but you Know, show us the commercial.

[Dani]

Yeah. You know, like, can we be in it?

[Jordan]

Can't wait to see it. Like, can I be an extra?

[Dani]

But.

[Jordan]

But yeah, you know, people, people have different opinions about filming.

[Dani]

You want to tell people about our trip to Cabo? Who's coming with us?

[Jordan]

Yeah, we could talk about that or I thought we could talk about the late night conversation that we had, you.

[Dani]

Know, about doing it.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I honestly, like, it's kind of a. It's kind of an awkward place to go, but I feel like what people are appreciating about our current era in life is we're being very open and real about, like, very real topics. We didn't talk about it beforehand.

[Dani]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

So you. We don't have to go there. But you had said that you had talked about it with some friends and it was very relatable.

[Dani]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

And so it's really up to you. Pick your path.

[Dani]

You, you, you can talk about it. Why don't we talk about Cabo first and then we'll go into that.

[Jordan]

Okay, so Cabo and then our sex life.

[Dani]

Yeah, got it. Yeah. It's just still, like, we're still kind of warming up. We just got on the podcast.

[Jordan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, been a busy day.

[Dani]

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[Jordan]

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[Dani]

Yeah, so we're going to Cabo. We're going with two other couples. You know, this is going to be like the healthiest trip we've ever been on.

[Jordan]

Oh, for sure.

[Dani]

Like, okay, so we're going with Ellie, who is like one of my best friends and basically a functional medicine expert, like, went to school for it. And Taylor Dukes from Taylor Dukes Wellness, who is also a functional medicine expert, like, practice for many years. I mean, these people, like, they've never given their kids an Advil. Like, that's the type of like health we're talking about. They, they're, they don't go to doctors. They go to doctors. Like, for like, really, if you really need a doctor. Yeah, we're talking like, like no process, nothing. Like very, very, very healthy people. Which is going to be great. But like, I'm kind of scared. I'm like, in. All of our kids are going. And I'm like, you guys better watch yourselves. I'm like, you better not be talking about Cheetos over there while we're in.

[Jordan]

Read you the.

[Dani]

For these other families.

[Jordan]

This is the text. I planned this joke for so long.

[Dani]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

I said, because like, we're kind of the organizers and we invited them along. And I said, hey guys, I'm about to give the person stacking the fridge and the chef some direction for breakfast and lunch. Since we will be out for dinner, let me know. Thoughts? Taylor and Ellie and I said, breakfast, Eggs, bacon, pop tarts, any kellogg brand cereal, 2% milk, Eggos, lunch, Lunchables, crustables, Sunny D Dinner, Flora Farms. And they don't like, Taylor doesn't really like, know us. And so she was like.

[Dani]

They all replied like, sounds great.

[Jordan]

Yeah, like, they were kind of like. And I, I had to be like, hey guys, I'm just kidding.

[Dani]

Yeah, Jokes. She replied. She goes, oh my gosh, I think I had a heart attack.

[Jordan]

And then there was like this other. So her husband chimed in and I think her, I don't think her husband follows the regiment that she does.

[Dani]

I think he does.

[Jordan]

Oh, he does. The same one.

[Dani]

Yeah. I mean, I'm sure it always like trickles down the family. Family line.

[Jordan]

And he said, babe, don't forget the Hungry Man's chicken fried steak TV dinners. Those things are chef's kiss. And I said, I'm gonna leak a photo to tmz. And the headline's gonna be, taylor Duke Wellness Husband Eats Hungry Man. Rumors of divorce swirling.

[Dani]

That is funny. No, this is gonna be a very healthy trip. I mean, yeah, I'm excited. You know, Ellie's bringing the bands to do Pilates, so she's going to do, like, Pilates classes in the morning and yoga. And then Taylor is bringing all her. All of her supplements, all of her electrolyte mix, her pancake mix, proteins. I mean, I'm telling you, we're going to come back, like, cleansed. Cleanse.

[Jordan]

Absolutely.

[Dani]

From the inside out. That's for sure.

[Jordan]

Can she. What do you. What do you do? Can she do, like, a diagnosis or a, you know, diagnostic check on Stratton's gut?

[Dani]

Yeah. Oh, she could.

[Jordan]

Yeah, she should.

[Dani]

We should. I mean, not while we're there. She probably needs, like, her kit, her tools. Her tools. Like the blood work and stuff, but. Yeah, that's a good idea. Stratton just. Poor thing. He's just always kind of had tummy issues. And I have so much, like, mom guilt because I'm always wondering if I, like, switch to formula too soon with Summit. I mean, with Stratton.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dani]

But then I hear about these breastfed kids that have to the same issue.

[Jordan]

So you never know, but I think similar veins. You hear that? Rfk, Your Maha.

[Dani]

Yeah, Leader.

[Jordan]

He's taking on baby formula.

[Dani]

Oh, my gosh.

[Jordan]

Yeah, Big deal. Let me read you the headline.

[Dani]

That's gonna be crazy.

[Jordan]

We were talking about in the group chat. You ever have. Do you have a group chat that you're like, man, if this thing leaked, I'd be done.

[Dani]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

I feel like I've got, like, six of those going. I do, like, and I'm just, like, in group chats, like, I'm fully me.

[Dani]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jordan]

Which is so funny because it is the most incriminating way to be fully me.

[Dani]

Yeah, it is. It's like.

[Jordan]

And I just feel so free. I'm like that.

[Dani]

Okay. That is how I feel about being on a reality TV show.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Yeah. You're like, I can be fully me.

[Dani]

Yeah. And they're, like, gonna destroy you on reality tv. That's how I feel. But, like, even one on one, like, I wouldn't tell somebody one on one. Some of the things that I would tell people on a TV show.

[Jordan]

Wait, say that again.

[Dani]

Okay, so if I had, like, a big secret or something, I would share it on reality TV when they were filming, but I wouldn't tell, like, a friend that I just met last Tuesday.

[Jordan]

Okay, so you would Tell the masses, but not.

[Dani]

Yes.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Dani]

Interesting.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Why?

[Dani]

I don't know. It just seems so much easier. Maybe because it's not so personal, but.

[Jordan]

Oh, like in. Not as intimate.

[Dani]

Yeah. Not as intimate. Yeah.

[Jordan]

Yeah. So you can perform for the masses, but you struggle in the intimate one on ones.

[Dani]

I don't think I struggle in them, but I. I'm just saying, like, it's. It's easier for me, I think.

[Jordan]

Yeah. This one says RFK Jr's next targets are companies making baby formula.

[Dani]

I can't wait.

[Jordan]

He's going to wreck shop.

[Dani]

I cannot wait.

[Jordan]

Also, like, because don't they, like, they create. It's like the baby formula companies, like, create the own. What's the. Lana. You saw. We saw this about that.

[Dani]

Oh, the. The growth charts.

[Jordan]

The growth charts.

[Dani]

So, like, it'll be like, is your baby like this much weight at this week? And then at the bottom it'll be like, brought to you by Similac.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dani]

And then. So then it's just basically trying to get you to buy Similac to get your baby.

[Jordan]

I wonder who's. Who funds the. The.

[Dani]

The.

[Jordan]

What's the pyramid? The nutritional pyramid that we used to follow?

[Dani]

Oh, yeah, yeah. They don't do that anymore.

[Jordan]

I know. They got rid of it probably because it was like, it was funded probably by like a conglomerate, like the dairy industry. So interesting.

[Dani]

It was funded by Got Milk. Those campaigns.

[Jordan]

Crazy.

[Dani]

You remember those campaigns?

[Jordan]

Yeah. Those are great. I was drinking so much milk.

[Dani]

I know. Same. I was like, I got that little mustache.

[Jordan]

Are we off milk? Is Maha. Are we also.

[Dani]

I. That's one thing I. I haven't really gone down is like, the milk hatred.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dani]

People are like, out on milk.

[Jordan]

Really?

[Dani]

Yeah. I feel like that was like the one thing like, Mike, it's like, you have to drink milk or your bones will break.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dani]

You know, it was like a big deal.

[Jordan]

I was like, I'm not strong because I'm not drinking enough milk.

[Dani]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jordan]

It was like that whole thing.

[Dani]

And then it was like in college, it was like, don't eat butter. Like, cook with olive oil.

[Jordan]

Yeah. And then it was like coconut milk. Almond milk.

[Dani]

Yes.

[Jordan]

Soy milk. And I'm like, guys, yes.

[Dani]

There were so many types of milks. You know, it's so funny about me. I've always been like a 1% milk girl.

[Jordan]

Really?

[Dani]

Yeah. I mean, I can try. I can do oat milk. Like, I'll do it sometimes just for the flavor in my latte, but I'm just like a 1% gal. 2%. So like, like heavy and whole milk is like a lot?

[Jordan]

Well, no, I put creamer in your coffee every morning.

[Dani]

Yeah, I know.

[Jordan]

Oh, okay. You're saying in general, if you were going to, like, chug some milk you.

[Dani]

Drink when I order a merit, it's oat milk latte, babe.

[Jordan]

Yeah, you know, that's right. That's right. The other thing that happened is they released the JFK files.

[Dani]

I know.

[Jordan]

Big deal.

[Dani]

What did?

[Jordan]

Or maybe is it. I don't know. I've heard. I was just scrolling Twitter at 3 in the morning.

[Dani]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Last night. And I. I saw two sides. One is like, this is everything. This is what we've been waiting for. And then the other side was like, this is the same files that Biden released, you know, back in. So does anyone know which one it is? I didn't have time or care to sift through the noise.

[Dani]

I saw some of, like, the key documents had already been released. That's all I know. I don't even know what they were about. But people are like, okay, we already.

[Jordan]

Saw this and there's 80,000 documents.

[Dani]

Yeah. So I think they're probably still sorting through.

[Jordan]

They're still sorting through them. But there was a lot of narrative I saw on. On Twitter that was like, oh, we've been waiting for these. And turns out everything is right. Like, Oswald did it. But I was like, you couldn't have sorted through those files yet.

[Dani]

Maybe they put it in like a. In like search keywords or, or. Or like ChatGPT.

[Jordan]

Yeah, maybe so. But that would take a lot of tokens. I don't think anyone can do that.

[Dani]

How do you get more tokens?

[Jordan]

I do know there's this project I found. Let me see if I can find it. There's a project that probably is the best to do this.

[Dani]

I always thought Oswald did it.

[Jordan]

Really? What made you think that, Danny?

[Dani]

Well, I've watched a couple documentaries and I don't know, this inside job, I just. I just feel like it would have come out by now.

[Jordan]

Yeah, that's just me. Who knows what else has been going on this week?

[Dani]

St. Patrick's Day was a total flop. I'm just kidding.

[Jordan]

I didn't even know. Where were we on St. Patrick's Day?

[Dani]

I think it was on Monday. We were just living life.

[Jordan]

Wait, it was on Monday? Did. Why did no one talk about it?

[Dani]

I know.

[Jordan]

Where were we? Were we even around people?

[Dani]

I. I didn't. I didn't pinch you for not wearing green.

[Jordan]

Huh. Did most people celebrate it last Weekend.

[Dani]

Yep. Remember we went to the lake?

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dani]

And. And, like, he and the. Our realtor was going back to lower Greenville to. To parade.

[Jordan]

Oh, man. Okay. Yeah.

[Dani]

To party.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dani]

We've never really been, like, St. Patrick's Day people.

[Jordan]

No, we really haven't.

[Dani]

We almost got married on St Patrick's Day one time. Like, remember when we were. One time. Sorry, guys. I wonder. I'm sitting here and I'm like, I really need to go back.

[Jordan]

I know.

[Dani]

Like, that. I'm like, what am I doing sitting here?

[Jordan]

It's about to get silly in here. I can tell. Oh, man. Has that episode released yet? With the blood moon and daylight saving.

[Dani]

We were dying laughing yesterday.

[Jordan]

People are going to be like, these people are idiots. They don't deserve my attention.

[Dani]

Horrible.

[Jordan]

Oh, man.

[Dani]

Okay, why don't we talk about our sex life?

[Jordan]

All right, let's talk about our sex life. Well, so. So, okay. We've had three children. Okay. We've been married for seven years. We've both blown up our lives in the past, what, four months? And, you know, after you have a baby, you can't really have sex for how long is it? An eternity. That's all I remember.

[Dani]

You're like, six. Six years.

[Jordan]

It's like six years. It's like dog years. It's like, every day is like seven.

[Dani]

Years for a guy. Six weeks. But then you're also not counting, like, the end of pregnancy, which, I mean, you can do it, but it's like.

[Jordan]

It's more of, like. It's more of a chore at that point. You're like, get in here and do it. I want to have this baby. Because they tell you not super. It's, like, so barbaric.

[Dani]

Jordan. Oh, my gosh. It is not that bad.

[Jordan]

It's such a utility.

[Dani]

Oh, my gosh.

[Jordan]

I'm like, I just want you to, like, you know, I want to feel like you love me. And you're like, just. Can you just do it? Like, we need to get this baby out. I'm so sick of it.

[Dani]

Because they say at the end that that helps soften your cervix so the baby comes faster.

[Jordan]

Yeah, for sure.

[Dani]

So that's why a lot of people, towards the end, will do it every day just to get the baby out. But you're also so big that it's, like, hard to.

[Jordan]

It's probably some, like, male obgyn.

[Dani]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Just created this giant conspiracy for all men. And he's like, yeah, you know, you got to be doing it, like, almost every day. In the last two weeks.

[Dani]

Otherwise, baby won't come.

[Jordan]

Oh, man, that's a funny.

[Dani]

That's like, when I found out that blue balls weren't a real thing.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I don't. That's. That's a funny conspiracy, too.

[Dani]

Like, so do a lot of.

[Jordan]

I remember a lot of females think that that's a real thing.

[Dani]

I don't know. But I did for. I was like, oh, my gosh. Like, their balls turn blue. Like, that's horrible. I felt so bad. And I was like. And then. Oh, my God. It was like, dress modestly because you don't want to give a guy blue balls.

[Jordan]

Like, Wait, really? Who told you that? Like, the church.

[Dani]

Oh, no. Yeah, the church told me. Oh, my gosh. That's horrible. No.

[Jordan]

All this propaganda flying.

[Dani]

No, I. I had a group of guy friends in high school. Like, they were like. There were like, seven of them, and they just. They would all, like, lie about this stuff. Like, they told all of us. Like, we all just believed it.

[Jordan]

You're like, oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. Do you have to get surgery?

[Dani]

Yeah, Like, And I was like, that's horrible. Like, and.

[Jordan]

Yeah, so that's so funny. So, you know, having three children, being married for as long as we have, you know, there was this, like. And I don't know, I drank a half a cup of beam that night. My. My sleep aid.

[Dani]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

And I was kind of delirious. But then, like, I made a move, and then I felt like you rejected me in the move.

[Dani]

I did.

[Jordan]

You did. For sure. And that was the third rejection of the day. So I was. I was determined since probably noon.

[Dani]

Oh, gosh.

[Jordan]

And I. It was just like, rejection, rejection, rejection. You know, usually I can. They kind of just roll off, but the roll off the back, I'm like, try again tomorrow. And I think that's the gist for most married men. But I think that because our story was different because we had been working so much on ourselves and we talked about on the podcast, like, being out of sync. And then I finally felt like we got in sync again. And not physically, but, like, emotionally. Like, we were like, okay. Like, our.

[Dani]

I mean, we were doing it still.

[Jordan]

Yeah. But, like, our new healthier selves were, like, moving in the right direction. Emotionally.

[Dani]

Yes.

[Jordan]

And so I think that in that moment, my expectation was that that emotional connection would have trickled down to physical connection. Like, I wasn't really pushing the physical connection when you were in your six week window, because I'm not allowed to. And it scares me?

[Dani]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

I didn't want anything to break. And then, you know, after that, you know, we were still kind of working through things and so I just had a. What did I tell you? I forgot I rolled over.

[Dani]

You were like, it's really starting to get discouraging and hurts my feelings.

[Jordan]

Did I say that?

[Dani]

No, you didn't say hurt my pains. You said it's starting to get discouraging how much like you're rejecting me and it is important to a marriage.

[Jordan]

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[Dani]

Yeah. I think that it's 50. I'm just not in the mood. And then 50%. I was mad at you that day.

[Jordan]

Right, right, right, right.

[Dani]

I wasn't mad at you. I'm sorry. That's. That's.

[Jordan]

You were mad.

[Dani]

But I was going through something personally.

[Jordan]

Yes.

[Dani]

And I was having lots of feelings about something. And. And they just. It was the timing. It was the timing that was off. So, no, there wasn't anything deeper. But I. I do. I do feel like in that moment, I was like, I don't really feel like that connected to him. And he has not taken me on a date in a long time, so I'm justified. That's how I felt. And I was. I am not one of those girls that's like, he needs to wine and din me and take me to dinner and I didn't get all dressed up. Like, in fact, that sounds horrible, but, like, just like an hour of wanting to hang out with me by taking me to, you know, Hop Daughty or La Madeleine or something. But, you know, even that, to be honest, if you would have done that, I don't know if I would have been in the mood still. I see.

[Jordan]

And that's like, my whole thing is, like, I don't think so. And. And I want to talk about. I. I think that this is probably the most helpful is. Okay, you're not going to remember this, but we remember when we went to San Diego, like, five years ago with Southwest. Yes.

[Dani]

So funny. Okay.

[Jordan]

We rode in an Uber with a man from the airport, like, out to, like, San Diego.

[Dani]

And I kind of remember this.

[Jordan]

In the Uber, it was a married man. Okay. And we were recently married.

[Dani]

Okay.

[Jordan]

Okay. So we were in our honeymoon phase.

[Dani]

Okay.

[Jordan]

And I remember this man making a joke, and I don't remember the specifics of the joke. Okay. But he was like, something along the lines of, like, if you count the number of times you have sex with your partner in the first year of marriage, you're gonna have, like, if a penny's every time, you're gonna have $200 or something. And he's like, but then if you track everything, after five years of marriage, you'll only have, like, a dollar. And then he was like, after 10 years, you're gonna be left with, like, 3 cents. So it was a joke. Like, it was kind of like we all laughed, and I just, for some reason, remember that story. And at the time, we were in our honeymoon phase, so we were making bank. We were dropping pennies in that bucket a lot like chipmunks. And I remember in my mind, I was like, man, I. Again, codependent Jordan, controlling Jordan, was like, I never want to let my marriage get to a place where that is our sex life. Does that make sense? Like, I was like, in my mind, I was like, that will never happen to us.

[Dani]

Yeah, that's probably what every single man that gets married says to himself.

[Jordan]

No, I know. That's why I'm talking about this is because I think that, like, that is truly what I believe. Like, I would. I would have seen that as a failure on my part or our part or whatever. It would have told me that I didn't control life enough to create an environment where we could thrive physically in our marriage.

[Dani]

So I think where this conversations kind of started to go south and where I started to feel discouraged in it was I was hearing everything you were saying. But then I'm also thinking in my head, I'm like, okay, so, yes, like, I rejected him on a. He usually tried to do it on Sundays. It's kind of like your thing.

[Jordan]

It's the Sabbath. What else are we gonna do?

[Dani]

Okay, so if on Sundays.

[Jordan]

That's one of the best jokes I've ever made on the podcast.

[Dani]

Okay, so if on Sundays we, like, let's just say on Sunday, we don't get to it.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dani]

When are we gonna do it? Okay, so then I'm thinking in my head, okay, Friday night, date night. That makes sense. Because what stresses me out is the fact that, like, I am already struggling. Like, my sleep scores every night are, like, in the 60s, 70s right now. I think that people are always like, why do you slur your words? And I'm like, because I'm so tired. Like, I'm so tired that, like, even opening my mouth to say a word is tiring. Like, exhausting.

[Jordan]

You're thinking about your sleep scores. See, I Last night, we did it. I got a 45 sleep score. And I would trade that 45 sleep score any day.

[Dani]

Because here's the thing. I feel like it ru. I'm ruined for the entire day. Like, yeah, we did last night. Like, I'm so tired today. And. And then I'm. And then I'm like, I'm not the mom I want to be. I'm not the wife I want to be. I feel so bad. And so a lot of times you try to do it when I'm, like, supposed to be sleeping, and I'm like, then I'm. You're going to be upset with me because I'm not showing up in the day, you know? And so then I'm like, the way that this could be fixed is. Or, you know, not fixed, but to resolve our problem is to plan it out and put on the calendar and be like, okay, date night. And then we do it. Because when you do. When you go to date night, you kind of just always assume that, you know, you can freshen up. You can get, like, all pretty. You can, you know, like, not just get in bed and just put your pumps on and your mouth guard on and, like, you know, just be in the mood. And I think for women, a lot of times it takes a while to get there. Like, not just physically, because, yes, it takes a while to get there, too, but, like, mentally to get prepared because there's so much going through our heads. Like, oh, I don't feel good today. Or my breath stinks. Oh, I'm stinky. Like, I haven't showered. I'm. My deodorant isn't working. Like, I need to shave my legs, and I don't. You know, all these things that are going through a woman's head that are typically more like, about. Not body insecurity, but just, like, more about ourselves, like, inward. And so like it. I think men are always like, oh, my gosh, what did I do? It's like, it actually has nothing to do with you. It's more like I mentally have to. Maybe I need to take a bath. Maybe I need to have a minute. Maybe I need to go read a book. Maybe I need to, like, get myself in the mood. And so sometimes.

[Jordan]

Read a book.

[Dani]

Yeah, sometimes those spontaneous things. Like, it's really hard to just switch it on for a girl. I feel like for guys, you can just, like, see something and you're, like, instantly activated. Like, I can't think of something that I would see, like, even if I saw, like, the hottest man in the world in, like, a fireman suit coming down a pole.

[Jordan]

Like, I'd be like, that's what I was doing.

[Dani]

I'd be like, lol. That's.

[Jordan]

You didn't even see me.

[Dani]

I wouldn't be like, oh, my gosh, I'm so turned on. Like, to me, I would be turned on if I was like, oh, my God, he loves me. And, like, we're spending so much time together, and he thinks I'm so funny. And, like, I feel so pretty today. And he told me I was pretty, and he likes this. And then I'd be like, oh, let's do it. Like, it's not like, oh, do it. He looks hot. Like. Like, you know, maybe there's a little bit of that once you kind of get going. And, like, maybe that comes ever so often, but I just feel like it's so much more than just, like, a pounce for a female. So I said that. And I was like, well, why don't we just always know that we're gonna do it after date night? And you were like, you know what? That just makes me sad. And, like, I'm just really sad that this is where our marriage got to.

[Jordan]

No, no, no.

[Dani]

Schedule on the calendar.

[Jordan]

No, that wasn't my tone. My tone was this. I said, hey, I hear you. I understand what you're saying. Deep down, it kind of just makes me sad.

[Dani]

And then. And then I said, you know what makes me sad is that now there's no resolution to our problem. Because I don't know what to tell you.

[Jordan]

I think that. Okay, so male brain is like, you're right. It's probably easier. Like, the other night, you were like. I was reading my book. I had my iPad open. I had my Beam coffee mug in my hand and the lamp on. And you go, let's cuddle. And I go, okay.

[Dani]

Turned off the light because he did it. He drinks his Beam every night. He will not, not finish it. And he reads his iPad every single night for like, an hour. And he's looking at it for five minutes. I go, let's cuddle. Okay? And then I just started dying laughing, because I was like, I would have never done that. I would have never just been like, okay. I'd been like, babe, I already put my mouth guard in. I'm reading this really special book. I'm so tired. We have to wake up so early in the morning. We have to get the kids up. I have to pump all through the night.

[Jordan]

Those are very, like, real things. But I think that For a man, it's like, this can trump all of those things.

[Dani]

I know.

[Jordan]

Like, it's like, it's like what I would trade a 45 sleep score any day. Like, how fun, you know?

[Dani]

Like, see, that's so funny. Like, that sounds so sad, like, scary to me to have a 45 sleep score just for, like, 30 minutes of.

[Jordan]

I know. And, and.

[Dani]

I was gonna say for five minutes. I didn't want to offend you.

[Jordan]

No, I, Yeah, I, I. And I know that this is like, the, like, there's probably people who have been married longer than us listening, and they're like, this is so funny. Like, this is so marriage. And, like, if you watch, like, the, the. The. The this is 40 movie or like, any of those movies, it's like, this is so relatable. Relatable in, like, the era of our marriage when we have so many complex, like, dynamics and rhythms with three kids and, you know, work and everything. But just planning it out just makes me so sad.

[Dani]

So then can I tell you what I decided to do?

[Jordan]

I thought you were going to the mall to get lingerie. I thought that was the answer.

[Dani]

No. So then I decided I'll schedule it out, and I just won't tell you.

[Jordan]

Oh, did someone tell you to do that?

[Dani]

Yeah, I was like, this is the best life hack ever.

[Jordan]

Oh, that's so brilliant.

[Dani]

I know. So.

[Jordan]

Because I'm like, whoa, she's so spontaneous.

[Dani]

Exactly. And you'll never know. But then that way I can get myself in the mood. Like, I can know it's coming. But you don't.

[Jordan]

Wish you wouldn't have told me that.

[Dani]

I know, but here's the thing.

[Jordan]

But you had to save people in their marriages.

[Dani]

Yes. I was just helping you. But here's the thing. I think that this is the way that I talked to someone about this, and, like, I talked to a couple of my friends, and the way that she was describing it was, this is just training wheels to get back into, like, the organic, natural rhythm that you both are happy with. So it's just like, maybe you just do this for a little training wheels.

[Jordan]

Like, postpartum, essentially.

[Dani]

Postpartum, post. Maybe you. You're going through a rough patch in your marriage. Maybe things are just. Yeah. Like, you just had a baby, so, like, your intimacy is a little off. Your physical relationship is a little off. So maybe you just put training reels on it for a little bit and you just. The wife schedules. It just, you know, okay, Tuesday, me.

[Jordan]

I love it.

[Dani]

Tuesday, I'm available. He doesn't have to know. And so then the husband thinks you're being spontaneous.

[Jordan]

That's so.

[Dani]

But really, like, you took a bath. Like, you. You finished work early, you treated yourself. Maybe you went and got a massage, whatever like, you need to do to get there. But then, yeah, it's so genius.

[Jordan]

That's so brilliant.

[Dani]

I know, I know. So life hack for all the wives out there, schedule your intimacy, but don't tell your husband. So then you're just a spontaneous little chipmunk.

[Jordan]

So did all of the wives that you talked to who have this forbidden divine knowledge, you know, did they say that their husbands also struggled with the lack of, like, the idea of planning it?

[Dani]

Yes. I think it was like, everybody's just. I don't.

[Jordan]

I don't think I'm alone. Like, I think that most guys, like, romanticize and want this, like, marriage where it's like, we're 20 again. Like, we can do it on a plane, we can do it in this random place. Like, it's like, that's like, so fun in your early honeymoon phase of marriage. And I'm still like, game to play that. Like, I would. I'm always. I'm always trying to trap you in weird places and be like, let's just do it right here. You're never into it, but that's part of the.

[Dani]

Well, because I also don't want to be caught. Like, that's so scary.

[Jordan]

Oh, but the potential of getting caught is like 50% of the fun, at least.

[Dani]

No, we have done in some weird places.

[Jordan]

No, for sure. But, like, it's like it. I'm like, how did I happen to drag you there?

[Dani]

Yeah, that's true. No, and I think it is important to know that it is a way that you can. Like, it doesn't always have to be all about you. Like, about me or you. You know what I mean? And so it is a way that you can. This is cliche, but serve your spouse, babe. If you know the amount of times that. Nevermind.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Deep tracks. That's for the Patreon or the only fans. Yeah, no, I get it. Like, you've pulled through.

[Dani]

Yeah, for sure, I've pulled through. But so have I. I know, I know. Same, same. I know.

[Jordan]

So have I. I know.

[Dani]

We're just. That's why I always thought we were amazing when it comes to this.

[Jordan]

No, I. I think that we. When in the act, I think that we are selfless. I think that.

[Dani]

No, but I feel like even the quantity.

[Jordan]

See, I think that's just like where men are men and women are just.

[Dani]

Dialed different times a week. Are we talking?

[Jordan]

I mean.

[Dani]

Okay. It's okay. You're not supposed to put a number out there.

[Jordan]

No. And I honestly think that a real, a real side of this conversation, you.

[Dani]

Can put a number out there for your spouse, but you. We shouldn't tell like the audience because every marriage is different and you never want, you never want someone to feel like, like compare their, their sex life with their marriage to like ours because everyone is different.

[Jordan]

And I honestly think that that's like part of the season that I'm into is like, I do think I'm like struggling with this kind of like make believe comparison because I don't actually know numbers or, you know, have a lot of conversations with my guy friends about this, but because it's not talked about, I feel like I have this mental comparison of like, oh, it's probably like that for them.

[Dani]

Yeah. But if you feel like it's not enough for you, then that's your opinion, that's your number. So if you like, you know what I mean? So it's okay to feel how you feel.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dani]

But. But yeah, you shouldn't do it because you're comparing. It's because you actually feel that way.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I think that the other side that I think is probably relatable for most guys is after every kid that we have, our life gets more complicated, more scheduled, less spontaneous. And I think that this is just like this one area of our life that like, I, you know, I don't want to lose fire in, you know, because it makes me feel like, oh man, like we're going to like, you know, like my greatest fear was always like, I mean, now I kind of want it. Which mind blown there. Like moving out to the suburbs, you know, I was like, I don't want to like move out and then not be ambitious and like do all these things. And so I think that this is just like something that I'm holding on to, worried that if I let this die, then I'm just, it's all just boring moving forward, you know, Sad.

[Dani]

But no, because I think there's nothing sexier than a date night out.

[Jordan]

Yeah. You know, fear of losing the spot. Spot. That's like one area of our life that can still remain spontaneous.

[Dani]

Right. Right.

[Jordan]

When the rest of our life becomes incredibly structured. And I don't want to say mundane in like a negative sense, but it's like, it's, you know, you're raising kids and like, they thrive in routine. So everything Else is kind of getting more and more routine. And so that's, like, one area of excitement that is, like.

[Dani]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Wild.

[Dani]

I felt. I. Honestly, after we had the conversation, I did feel guilty. I did feel kind of bad. Yeah.

[Jordan]

And I. That was not my intention. I knew that you did, but I didn't want you to feel guilty. I just. I felt. I feel like emotionally we're so safe around each other now, like, that. It's been my favorite part of the hard season that we went through is I feel like I know you more intimately and honestly than I did before. And I think that you are able to know me more intimately and honestly than you did before. And so I didn't want you to feel guilty. I just felt really comfortable talking about it. Yeah. Talking about it and having a conversation of, like, I don't know, just the reality.

[Dani]

Yeah, I know. Because, you know, I've always been very shy about it. Like, about talking about sex. I can't even say it. I can't even say that I'm, like, the S word. I remember when I was in college, I. I was doing a review of the Too faced Better Than Sex mascara, and, like, I couldn't even say the word, like, on camera.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dani]

And I was, like, 22 years old. Like, I. I've just always been very. I was always kind of known as the prude, like, in.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dani]

Middle school, high school. Like, I didn't know. Sorry. I'm gonna say the word boner. Cause that's when I first learned about it. That's what the sixth graders had said. I didn't know what that was for the longest time. No one ever told me. I learned what a virgin was from Disney's Wish Upon a Star with Katherine Heigl, I think was in it. And I remember I was in middle school or something, and I went to my mom, and I was like, what's a virgin? And then my mom's like, where'd you hear that? I don't know why? So these conversations have just always been very, like, kind of taboo. But not because I always learned it was just something that you talk about when you get married. But then I never talked about it or thought about it. So then when I got married, I was, like, really shy about it.

[Jordan]

So can I. I'm going to tell you something, and I think I've told you this before, but I'll. I'll say it here again. When it comes to, like, like, our sex life, I honestly feel like sometimes. No, no, no. This is not. This is, like, not Bad. I've honestly felt sometimes, like, there's some level of depth in you that you've held back. And I don't. I've always been like, is it. I'm trying to. Like, is it insecurity? Like, are you in your own head? Like, I don't know how to explain it, but do you know what I'm talking about, or. No.

[Dani]

I mean, maybe. I don't know. It's just. It's honestly something that I feel like, gets better each year.

[Jordan]

No, for sure.

[Dani]

You know, for sure. And I think that's okay. Yeah, no, like, I don't think that you have to get married and be, like, a professional dude. I had no idea what I was doing.

[Jordan]

No, no, I'm not talking, like, no.

[Dani]

One ever, like, talked. Like, I never. I didn't know anything. The only thing I'd ever seen was, like, if a movie, a chick flick I was watching had some funny joke about something. Something.

[Jordan]

No, I'm not even talking about, like. I'm not talking about performance. I'm actually talking about, like, vulnerability or, like, intimacy or, like, trust. I don't know. I feel like sex in a marriage is, like, the safest, most vulnerable place that two human beings can, like, be in together, you know? And I think that sometimes in marriage or outside of marriage, you can get caught up in, like, the performance side of it, you know? But, like, really, I think that, like, the blessing of it in marriage is it's like this full, just complete naked vulnerability, you know? And I feel like what has gotten progressively better over the years is, like, you feeling more comfortable to, like, trying to think about how I'm saying this. Like, it might be too hard.

[Dani]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jordan]

Do you know what I'm saying, though? Like, yeah, yeah, I get it.

[Dani]

I get it.

[Jordan]

But, yeah, I didn't want you to feel bad, and I hope that you didn't the next day.

[Dani]

No, no, I just. I. Do you also just, like, hear those sayings or, like, your mom. Like, my mom would always be like, no, if you deny your husband, he'll go find it somewhere else. You know? So, like, you have those, like, sayings that, like, your mom said to you or, like, movie said to you, where you're like, oh, my gosh, like, am I the problem? Like, am I gonna make my husband, like, Cause my husband to go have a wandering eye? Like, is that gonna be my fault? And. And, like, so then I was like, oh, my gosh, like, I am not giving a man what he needs, therefore, he's going to go do something bad and it's gonna be my fault.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Dani]

That's where my mind went.

[Jordan]

I know. So, like. Okay, now I'm gonna try and say what I was saying that. So Danny and I have been doing a lot of work on ourselves, and I'm going to talk about a concept. Okay. And then it'll. I'll connect the dots. So just hang with me for a second. In marriage therapy the other day, we talked about, like, how everyone has, like, their inner family. So, like, in myself, I have my inner family. In Danny's self, she has her inner family. Right. And the inner family is made up of the critical parent. The call it like the inner teenager and then the inner child. Okay. So, like, when I went to on site, the whole concept was like, you know, you have to, like, nurture this inner child. The inner child is vulnerable and transparent and creative and spontaneous and all these things. The inner teenager is, you know, rebellious, compulsive, you know, feels that they have to defend the inner child, like angry, resentful, etc. And the critical parent is what we hear in our head that is like, if he doesn't. If you don't do it here, you're. He's going to go find it somewhere else. Or you're not good enough here, you're not good enough there. Okay. So I'm going to try and make my point.

[Dani]

So those are all the voices in ourselves.

[Jordan]

Yeah. And so, like, you know, the work that I'm doing, which is different than the work that you're doing. The work that I'm doing is trying to repair. Yeah. Kind of like reparent. The inner critical parent that I have in my head to a loving parent. So that when you come at me with a criticism, I don't retreat like an inner child and get really guarded. And my inner teenager doesn't come out and get defensive, but instead, like, I can just accept the criticism and be like, oh, man, like, I would love to do that better. Right. And so it's just a healthier way of kind of getting out of some of your childhood patterns into a more healthy adult. Makes sense so far.

[Dani]

Okay.

[Jordan]

Okay, I'm gonna connect the dots.

[Dani]

Okay.

[Jordan]

So I know you, I think, better than anyone else other than you probably knowing yourself. And sometimes I feel like I know you better than yourself. And there's a level of intimacy that I'm really excited about getting into that will be reflected in our sex life where you give up that inner critical parent and that, you know, unhealthy teenager and you are just so, like, healthy to not be in your own head. Of, like, am I performing? Oh, my gosh. Like, if I don't do this, then, you know, he'll go find. Find it somewhere else. Like, where? I'm so excited in this, like, next chapter of our marriage is, like, both of us kind of getting back to the state of, like, our inner children and you trusting that I love you so much that it's just. I love you beyond that inner critical parent. I love you beyond, like, that inner teenager that comes out sometimes. And it's just like, I love you for you, and that you accept that, believe that, and trust in it. And I think that that will create a vulnerability in our marriage and in our sex life that has. That is, like, deeper than anything that we've experienced even thus far. Does that make sense? Does that.

[Dani]

It's beautiful.

[Jordan]

Does it connect dots?

[Dani]

No, it's really beautiful.

[Jordan]

That's, like, how I feel. But it's really complicated to explain, so I didn't know if it made sense to you.

[Dani]

No, it makes a lot of sense.

[Jordan]

Yeah. That's what I was trying to say earlier when I was, like, you know, like, kind of in your own head. It's like, really what I'm talking about is that, like, inner critical Danny of herself. Yeah, that inner critical parent.

[Dani]

That's deep stuff right there.

[Jordan]

So, anyway, I will.

[Dani]

I have a lot to think about.

[Jordan]

We talked about this in marriage counseling, too.

[Dani]

I know it's a lot. I'm gonna need, like, I can give you my workbook. Yeah, give me your work.

[Jordan]

Yeah, it's great.

[Dani]

I need a worksheet.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I got.

[Dani]

No, I really like what you said, and it. It is very hard because you've never.

[Jordan]

You've never not been critical of yourself.

[Dani]

Girls are so hard on themselves, too. Like, all girls are so hard on themselves in this area. I feel like. And I don't know why. I don't know if it's like, the movies that we watched or the expectations that are put on us from just culture or music. I don't know what it is, but I think every girl probably relates or we're like. It's so much in our own head about even before, oh, my gosh, I haven't shaved my legs. Or I'm not this perfect version of what he would want in this moment. Therefore, for me to do it, I feel like I have to be in this perfect version of myself.

[Jordan]

And see, I feel that from you. I feel that, like, I feel that energy. I feel that insecurity. And, man, I would just. I'm so excited to one day figure out how, like, you can give that up, because, yeah, babe, we've been married for seven years. I'm not going anywhere. Like, you know, I.

[Dani]

You know, they say the seventh year is the hardest.

[Jordan]

It for sure is. But, like, I. It's just crazy to me that you still are struggling with that, even after seven years of marriage. Like, what's stopping you from.

[Dani]

I'm just a little girl. I just got my little. My inner little girl coming out.

[Jordan]

Well, you don't understand the.

[Dani]

Okay, well, okay, sorry. I got the critical parent. Sorry. See, I get confused with the little. The. The inner children or whatever, because my inner child, my little Danny, is just. She's a little messed up, too. You know what I mean? Like. Well, I get the concept.

[Jordan]

She's the one who's. She's messed up because she's listening to her inner critical parent.

[Dani]

Totally.

[Jordan]

And then teenagers. Honestly, if you want to know who I think is the hardest deal with, it's teenage Danny. Oh, my gosh. She is the.

[Dani]

My parents are like.

[Jordan]

She's the worst to argue with. She is so defensive.

[Dani]

Like, also, do you ever think about if our parents listen to our podcasts?

[Jordan]

But no, I don't. This has nothing to do with them.

[Dani]

No, I know. I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about the sex part.

[Jordan]

Oh, yeah, they probably do.

[Dani]

It's okay. How did we make three kids, honestly?

[Jordan]

Yeah. Like, we're at that point in adulthood where it's like, oh, I know, but.

[Dani]

This is just me. Like, I'm like, oh, my God.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I mean, I get it.

[Dani]

Anyway, well, we have a lot to think about. Maybe just. We'll update people later on our. What we find about ourselves.

[Jordan]

We'll be on a plane.

[Dani]

Oh, gosh. Commercial and those. Would you actually want to do it in one of those little potties?

[Jordan]

It's pretty gross.

[Dani]

It's pretty gross in there.

[Jordan]

Pretty gross. All of our friends on this trip are going to be, like, so paranoid that we're just doing it all over the house.

[Dani]

It's okay. They're doing the same thing.

[Jordan]

Yeah, for sure. For sure.

[Dani]

Well, we've been talking for about an hour and 13 minutes or so, so I think we can wrap it up. Wrap it up. But. Or do you have anything else you want to talk about, El? You know, I've been listening to a lot of Mark Hyman. I listened to this really interesting episode about. I guess Gary Brucka used to work for Or I don't know if he worked for like, the research company or who it was, but he knows a lot about life insurance companies and life insurance policies and all of the tests that they take. Because, you know, we, you set up our life insurance recently, right?

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dani]

And you had to do all that blood work. And they look at, they just, they ask you more than like your general doctor asks you about your health, which is really kind of sad. But he was saying that there's this like the one predictor that they can look at that will actually predict, like through all this data, it's this one key variable that will predict like to the year and day, date or month that you will die.

[Jordan]

Huh.

[Dani]

And through all this, because they acquire so much data from so like millions of people and there was one common denominator that, that like when this increased, mortality rates increased. Can you guess what it is?

[Jordan]

No, not even close.

[Dani]

You don't. You have no idea?

[Jordan]

No.

[Dani]

It was the amount of pharmaceuticals, the amount of prescription drugs that you take. The more prescript prescription drugs that you take that you're on, the shorter your lifespan is. It was like the one common denominator. So it really just got me thinking about like, I don't know, just all of these. Every single time I've ever had a problem, when I go to the doctor, it's what prescription can we get you on? What. It's not like, like. And I, I don't think I've really told you this, but my left leg lately has, every night has been aching and like the muscles on my calves and the muscles like on my thigh and then sometimes it goes up into my neck. But it, it actually like keeps me up at night and it, it aches like, and I take a lot of magnesium at night and it aches like to the point where like I can't sleep. It'll wake me up in the morning, it still aches. And then when I start walking around, the only thing that makes it, that relieves the aches is when I squeeze it or when I stretch it or when I like, am activating it. So if I'm working, like doing a squat or running, but otherwise it's just always a achy. And I had talked to like my ob, I talked to like doctors and you know, the first thing that they're going to do when I go to my doctor is try to prescribe me a medication.

[Jordan]

Yeah, for sure.

[Dani]

They're never going to be like, oh, maybe you should take a magnesium bath, you know, like a magnesium roll on or Maybe take double your dosage of magnesium. Like, they're never actually focused on the wellness. And it just scares me, like, how many drugs I have taken. Like, I'm only on one medication right now, but, like, there's been times I'm on three or four medications, you know, for all these things. And it just. It's so easy to prescribe a medication. And so anyway, I. I knew I had done some more research and I was like, okay, I know this. I think magnesium is still off. So funny enough, there was, like, a small business that this mom and daughter. And I wish I knew the name of it right now. I'll post it on my stories, but her and her daughter came out with a magnesium roll on. Funny enough, like, God thing. Like, last week they sent it to me. Like, I don't even know how these people got my address, but they're like mom and daughter here, small business. We created this product, like a magnesium roll on. I've been rolling that on every night. It has helped, like, tremendously, like, so much. And so it's only happening now, like, probably once a week where I have, like, the aches. Last night I took a magnesium bath. Have had. I had no aches all last night. And I'm like, my doctor would never tell me to take a magnesium flake bath, you know, but it was just so crazy. And so I think now my goal in life with just one of the goals I have, is just to always try to avoid those prescriptions for sure, as much as you can. Because I was, I was. I trusted the doctors. I'm like, you prescribed to me, like, I'm going to pop the pills and make sure it'll go. Take the pain away or it will. Whatever it's going to do. Like, whether I had the flu or whether I had. And I really think that part of the reason I got. I was so sick last year was all the prescriptions I was prescribed for strep or for flu or whatever, the antibiotics. And then I think it just messed up my gut so much that my immunity was down. I just, like, never fully recovered. It was just like, over and over.

[Jordan]

You haven't been sick, though, this year. We're kind of on a roll.

[Dani]

I know. It's. I know, but I. I really think it's all these supplements I'm taking.

[Jordan]

I'm just so. I. I just realized that it's almost April. You haven't been sick.

[Dani]

I know. I'm a beast. I just. I also gotta wash my hands. Yeah.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Dani]

Nothing else?

[Jordan]

No.

[Dani]

Okay.

[Jordan]

Should we do that thing where we say bye?

[Dani]

Okay. Bye. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.