Does This Make Me Funny? With Zosia Mamet

Summary

Dear Chelsea: "Does This Make Me Funny?" with Zosia Mamet
Date: September 25, 2025
Podcast: Dear Chelsea (iHeartPodcasts)
Host: Chelsea Handler
Guest: Zosia Mamet
Co-Host: Catherine Law

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Dear Chelsea" features actor and writer Zosia Mamet, best known for "The Flight Attendant" and "Girls," discussing her new book, Does This Make Me Funny? Chelsea and Zosia dive into themes around self-worth, nepotism in Hollywood, envy, childhood bullying, eating disorders, and the pressure on women to apologize for their emotions and ambitions. Zosia shares candid personal stories from her book, explores generational issues of self-doubt and confidence, and offers honest, pragmatic advice to listeners alongside Chelsea and Catherine.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Chelsea's Tour Announcement & Guest Introduction

• Chelsea announces her "High and Mighty" comedy tour with multiple U.S. dates.
  (03:13–04:40)
• Zosia Mamet is introduced as the guest to discuss her new memoir-in-essays, Does This Make Me Funny? (06:31–07:05)

2. Writing, Nepotism, and Generational Self-Worth

• Zosia distinguishes her first anthology (involving other writers) from her new, more personal collection of essays.
  (07:05–07:25)
• Both women examine why Zosia dislikes the word "memoir," leading into a broader talk about self-worth, generational and intergenerational patterns of feeling undeserving, and how these show up especially for women.
  (07:30–08:43)
• The "Nepo baby" discussion:
  • Zosia calls herself a "B-minus Nepo baby," reflecting on public perceptions vs. reality.
  • Chelsea: “Nepotism doesn’t replace talent... People aren’t going to continue to hire somebody because of their parents—that’s just not the way that it works.” (10:19–10:48)
  • Both agree the biggest privilege is industry insight, not career handouts, and that celebrity offspring often work harder due to extra scrutiny.
    (08:52–13:12)
  • Zosia: “The greatest thing that growing up in a famous family in the industry allotted me was knowledge. Like, I just got to see what it was actually like. So I went into it without any misconceptions.” (12:19–12:51)

3. Female Confidence, Apologizing, and Envy

• Chelsea reads a bold anecdote from Zosia’s book where David Mamet, her father, confidently pitched his play—something she wishes all women would feel empowered to do.
  (13:20–14:10)
• The group laments women’s tendency to apologize for everything—crying, correcting mistakes, asserting themselves.
  • Zosia: “I could get to the point of doing it [advocating for myself], and then the second I finished being like, ‘I am powerful woman, hear me roar,’ I’d be like, ‘I’m so sorry, that was really inappropriate…’” (14:28–14:44)
• They discuss the naturalness of envy, especially among women in entertainment, and how it’s rooted in systemic scarcity myths.
  • Zosia: “Part of me is like, is that a deep-seated move on the patriarchy? Because like if we were all to band together, we would just be too fucking powerful to, like, kind of pit us against each other.” (15:54–16:57)
  • Chelsea: “Women are just now coming to the realization that we are stronger together, you know, and that all ships do rise with the tide.” (16:57–17:07)

4. Bullying and Childhood Trauma

• Zosia recounts brutal experiences with girlhood bullying, including being psychologically targeted at school (e.g., the infamous birthday party trap).
  • Zosia: “They would just set these traps for me, like mind games. 1000% mind games. They were full, like, Machiavellian, these young, little blonde ladies.” (19:14–20:20)
• Chelsea stresses the vital importance for parents to pay attention to how their daughters treat others, calling for compassion and intervention against bullying.

5. Eating Disorder Journey and Recovery

• Zosia details her adolescent struggles with anorexia and how she fixated on a specific “goal weight” as a false solution for deeper anxieties and lack of control.
  • “The biggest misconception about an eating disorder is that it’s about the weight and that it’s about the food... at its core, it’s about control.” (24:52–26:37)
• Her father’s emotional intervention provided the wake-up call Zosia needed to seek help and ultimately recover.
  • “[My dad] came home... and he sat on my bed... And he started crying and he put his head in my lap and he said, ‘You have to promise me that you won’t die...’ It was the first time that I realized what was happening to me wasn’t just about me.” (27:42–29:08)

6. Behind the Scenes on “Girls”

• Zosia shares the chaotic experience of landing her breakout role on HBO’s "Girls," including her near-disastrous, NyQuil-laced table read that ironically secured her a spot as a series regular.
  • “After a week of just full spiral, [my agent] calls me and he’s like, the reason it took them so long to get back to us is that they were amending your contract... They loved what you did so much at the table read they want to make you a series regular.” (35:05–35:53)
• She reflects on spending her twenties with the cast, calling the seven-year run “just a dream.”
  (36:34–37:12)

7. The Book: Does This Make Me Funny?

• Zosia explains how the book originated as a publisher’s suggestion (a two-book deal), and how it evolved into a collection of essays mixing sadness, humor, and insight.
  • “When I pitched that book... [my editor] asked if I would consider doing a two book deal... I was super shocked... But I said yes because I’m an actor and I’ll say yes to any job anyone wants to give me that they pay me money for, pretty much.” (43:17–43:50)
• Both discuss the real, often tedious aspects of publishing, contrasting bursts of creativity with the grind of final production.
  (45:13–46:01)

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Advice Segment Highlights

Caller 1: Alex—Addicted to Online Arguing (47:24–55:04)

• Dilemma: Feels addicted to arguing with strangers online, primarily about politics, and wants help stopping.
• Insight: Chelsea frames it as a real addiction and tells Alex to start a digital detox; Zosia normalizes the struggle due to social media’s dopamine hits.
  • Chelsea: “You need to fucking read a book. That’s what you need. And you need to get into the habit... because you’re addicted.” (49:18–49:54)
  • Zosia: “The problem is it’s not real... And it is absolutely an addiction.” (51:22–51:44)
• Advice: Start with a set period each day offline, track time spent, and replace online fights with real-world activities or volunteering.

Caller 2: John—Wedding Guest List & Estranged Mother (55:41–63:28)

• Dilemma: Feels pressured to invite his unsupportive, estranged mother to his wedding for the grandparents’ sake.
• Insight: Both hosts urge John to center his own emotional safety and the celebration, not family politics.
  • Chelsea: “If you in any way, shape, or form are not feeling like you’re gonna have a safe experience at your wedding emotionally, then your mother isn’t welcome there.” (58:50–59:18)
  • Zosia: “This wedding is for us. The only people that we want there are those who are going to elevate that love. And that was our hard line.” (61:42–62:23)
• Advice: Consider an honest, non-confrontational email to the mother but prioritize inviting only those who are supportive and loving.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Nepotism:
  “Nepotism doesn’t replace talent. People aren’t going to continue to hire somebody because of their parents.”
  —Chelsea Handler (10:19)

• On Women's Confidence:
  “The brazenness of that [her father's pitch] and the confidence of that is like—it's what I want for every woman to feel.”
  —Chelsea Handler (14:10)

• On Jealousy & Scarcity:
  “We’re fed this idea... that there’s a finite amount of pie to be had. And so if someone else gets a piece, there’s less for you... and that’s untrue.”
  —Zosia Mamet (15:54–16:57)

• On Girls' Bullying:
  “They would just set these traps for me, like mind games. 1000% mind games. They were full, like, Machiavellian, these young, little blonde ladies.”
  —Zosia Mamet (20:13)

• On Eating Disorders:
  “[With an eating disorder] it’s about control. Food and your weight feel like these very tangible things when, like, the thing that probably is making you feel out of control is not tangible whatsoever.”
  —Zosia Mamet (24:52)

• On Recovery:
  “He put his head in my lap and said, ‘You have to promise me that you won’t die.’”
  —Zosia Mamet (27:42)

• On Social Media Addiction:
  “It’s not good for your brain. You are not feeding your brain when you’re on social media. So you need to start detoxing...”
  —Chelsea Handler (49:18)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:13 — Chelsea announces "High and Mighty" Tour
• 06:31 — Zosia Mamet introduced
• 08:52–13:12 — Nepotism, industry access, and talent
• 13:20–14:44 — Women’s confidence, apologizing
• 15:54–16:57 — Envy, the “scarcity” myth among women
• 19:14–20:20 — Bullying story: the birthday party trap
• 24:52–27:32 — Eating disorder, recovery, and family
• 30:14–37:12 — Getting cast on "Girls," wild table read story
• 43:17–46:01 — Writing the book, publishing grind
• 47:24–55:04 — Caller 1: Alex on online fighting
• 55:41–63:28 — Caller 2: John on wedding invitations & family estrangement
• 68:48–69:08 — Zosia: 13 years with her husband, closing thoughts

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Tone & Style

• Unfiltered, warm, and humorous, with Chelsea’s signature brash honesty.
• Zosia is candid, witty, and self-deprecating, but offers deep insight into trauma and growth.
• Both consistently empower listeners to embrace self-worth, seek authentic connections, and prioritize their own well-being.

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For listeners who missed the episode:
This conversation is a compelling, emotionally honest mix of personal storytelling and actionable advice, spotlighting the complexity of ambition, family, personal struggles, and the importance of kindness—to ourselves and others. Zosia Mamet’s Does This Make Me Funny? anchors the episode’s themes, and both Chelsea and Zosia offer memorable, often hilarious testimony on how to survive (and maybe even thrive) in a sometimes ruthless world.

Transcript

[Katherine]

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Katherine]

Hi, Chelsea.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hi. What day is it today? Today's Thursday. Because our podcast comes out on Thursdays. Yes, and I have some very exciting news for our listeners. I just announced all my tour dates. They just went on sale this week. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I will be starting debuting my new material. Well, I've already started debuting my new material, but in an organized tour form in February of next year. So I'm coming to Washington, D.C. norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus and Cincinnati, Ohio. Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago, of course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque Mesa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri, St. Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham, North Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modesto, California and Port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon and Seattle, Washington. I will be touring from February through June. Those are the cities that I'm in. Pre sale started last week, so tickets are flying. I haven't added second shows yet, but we probably will be to some of these. So go get your tickets now if you want good seats and you wanna come see me perform. I will be on the High and Mighty Tour.

[Zasha Mamet]

Yay.

[Katherine]

Fantastic. Yeah. What do you have going on this weekend?

[Chelsea Handler]

This weekend? Well, last weekend was more interesting because I got home Friday night at 5 in the morning. I went to go see the who at the Hollywood bowl, which was so much fucking fun. He's 81 years old, Roger Daltrey. He's a fucking nugget. I was in love with him, of course. Had my lsd. So that was like, had me pumping perfect. And he was just so. Just vivacious. I couldn't believe this guy is 81 years old and Pete Townsend. And it was just so fucking fun going to the Hollywood Bowl. We had a great time and then we went out to another party. So I got home late that night around three. Then the next night I went to Paris Hilton's party, which I thought was a birthday party, but it was a housewarming party to a house I'm pretty sure I've been to before. So I'm not really. Anyway, that was a really fun night too. And then I ended up going to another party after that and I was out until 6 in the morning.

[Katherine]

I mean, this is a wild woman.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, this is like me living in my 30s again. And then on Sunday I had to cancel. Like I got a. There's a. What are those massages where they kind of go into your, you know, the drainage area.

[Zasha Mamet]

Lymphatic.

[Chelsea Handler]

Lymphatic. Yeah. I had my. Karen was texting me saying, your masseuse is here. I'm like, what? I'm like, I just got to sleep. No, thank you. Please pay her and tell her I'm sorry. And then canceled about three more things. And then I went to my friend DJs and she made us all dinner Sunday night. Oh, lovely. It was a very jam packed weekend.

[Katherine]

Yeah. I am going to the Hollywood bowl actually for the first time in years this weekend or no, tomorrow to see Pulp.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, I saw them at Glastonbury.

[Zasha Mamet]

You did?

[Katherine]

Were they great? I'm so excited. Yeah, they're like one of my favorite, all time favorite bands and I've never seen them.

[Chelsea Handler]

Last year. Oh, yeah, they were amazing. Oh, I'm jealous. When are they playing?

[Katherine]

So it's. Yeah, it's tomorrow.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm heading to away for the weekend, so I won't be able to go to the Hollywood Bowl. But I would have gone back for them.

[Katherine]

Oh, heck, yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, for sure. Our guest today is best known for her roles on the Flight Attendant and Girl. She's here to talk about her very new book, does this Make Me Funny? Please welcome actor and writer Zasha Mamet.

[Zasha Mamet]

Hi.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hi, cutie pie. How are you?

[Zasha Mamet]

What's shaken?

[Chelsea Handler]

Bacon's what's shaken. Zasha Mamet is here with us today. She's here promoting her new book. This is not her first book, this is her second book because she wrote, well, a kind of a cookbook and a kind of a memoir. I don't know, essays.

[Zasha Mamet]

Well, it was an anthology. So, like, I didn't entirely write it myself. I like hoodwinked a bunch of other really smart, talented people to write it for me.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's what I do when I get bored with anything. I'm like, how do I continue this without actually contributing? But this book you did write yourself, and this is more of a memoir, I would say write.

[Zasha Mamet]

Yeah, that Word makes me want to, like, pull my teeth out one by one, but yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Does it make your vagina close? Tight? When things really annoy me, my vagina starts to hurt or shut.

[Zasha Mamet]

Yeah, just like, fully.

[Chelsea Handler]

Why do you. Why do you hate the word memoir?

[Zasha Mamet]

I feel like I don't, like, deserved to have written a memoir, I guess.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, well, that's a great place to start because this whole book is basically you not believing you deserve anything, which is. Before you got on, Katherine and I were talking about you comparing. She was saying, it's generational. And I was missing. I was like, no, it's your whole generation that doesn't feel deserving of things. And she's like, no, she was talking about your father, who's David Mamet, of course, having it. And I was like, isn't that intergenerational? That would be like the whole family doesn't feel like they're enough.

[Zasha Mamet]

Oh, yeah, sure.

[Chelsea Handler]

But I think it is both things. It's intergenerational and generational. If we're getting down to the brass tacks of things, it's all of the above. It's all of the above. Anyway, it's a book of essays, and that's a better way to describe it. That's how I describe my books as well, because I've written so many that how could it possibly be a memoir? Even though each one is. They are just essays and stories that I want to share, which this book does. And the book is called does this Make Me Funny? And there's a really, really adorable picture of you on the COVID as a little girl. So I want to talk about you calling yourself a B minus Nepo baby at best.

[Zasha Mamet]

Uh huh.

[Chelsea Handler]

I want to talk a little bit about Nepo babies because I just had this conversation. I went to the US Open and Jessica Pegula, who was playing at the US Open, I don't know if you're familiar with her, she's a great tennis player. She made it to like, I guess the semifinals. Her father is some big magnate of some business. I'm not sure which one. He's a billionaire though, right? So he had come into the US Open on his mega yacht to watch her at the finals. And there were people talking about that. And I was with my trainer talking about it, and he goes, it makes me so crazy that anyone could think that you could get to that level just because your father has money. And I said, well, it's about money and access, but at the end of the day, you have to have the talent to Sustain your ability to get more than one job. If you're gonna base that on one job, it's not like your parents. You're in every movie with your fucking father. You and every show with your father.

[Zasha Mamet]

Look like Jessica Springsteen had parents who could allot her the opportunity. But, like, Bruce Springsteen did not get her to the Olympics.

[Chelsea Handler]

Also, Bruce Springsteen sings and she rides horses 1000%. So it's so fucking.

[Zasha Mamet]

And like, maybe my family is like, slightly closer together. But like, I'm. I mean, I now have written a. But like, I certainly wasn't doing exactly what my dad did.

[Chelsea Handler]

No. And also, nepotism doesn't replace talent. People aren't going to continue to hire somebody because of their parents. Like, that's just not the way that it works. When there's other people that could be more talented if they could hire them, they're hiring them. A favor. It happens once. It doesn't happen over and over and over again. And also with regard to Jessica, like, there's this background story when she had withstood, like, major backing injuries, major rehabilitation, major, like, things that went awry earlier in her career that she had to recover from and also, you know, have a determination to actually improve upon and get better and better. So arguably she had to fight even harder. And what I would say is, in my experience in this business, I find that people who have famous parents like yourself, actually many times have to work harder.

[Zasha Mamet]

It's interesting. I was having that conversation with Billie Lourd recently, and we were talking about how love Billie. I think she's the best ever.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, she's so great.

[Zasha Mamet]

But like, there is this misconception that we are handed it so easily and that we don't have to work hard for it. And people forget that you do actually have to be good at what you're doing. And so I think people often try to create higher, harder, more obstacles for us because they've, like, they're like, they have a chip on their shoulder about it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, absolutely. That's what I think. And it's not. It's not a blanket statement. I'm sure there are some celebrity kids that, you know, maybe aren't that talented that are getting more opportunities than others, but you almost have to prove yourself even more because people are like, oh, well, you're not just gonna fly by on your mother or your father's name. You actually have to prove yourself.

[Zasha Mamet]

And I'm sure that this isn't the case for everybody, but, like, Billie and I were talking, we were like, it's not as if our parents were like, here's a fully financed movie with a leading role for you that's gonna hopefully win you an Oscar. Like, they were not helping us in any way. Like, my dad never gave me a job. My dad never told someone else to give me a job. Like, you know, we were just saying our parents aren't just handing out legs up, you know, here, there and everywhere. We. We happen to have maybe access. And I honestly think the greatest thing that growing up in a famous family in the industry allotted me was knowledge. Like, I just got to see what it was actually like. So I went into it without any misconceptions.

[Chelsea Handler]

But that's also another point. It's like, if you have two parents that are in the industry of entertainment, it's not like you're going to be attracted to plumbing and you're gonna say, oh, I wanna. Or. Or accounting or any of the other vocations. It's natural for children to have two parents that are in some industry to also become a person that is in that industry. Yeah.

[Katherine]

Even if they're lawyers or plumbers, like you said.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm very defensive on your behalf. I hope you can feel my aggravation.

[Zasha Mamet]

That's fantastic.

[Chelsea Handler]

I sound like I'm a Nepo baby, but I wanted to be a Nepo baby. That would have been a dream come true for me. But no. Okay. This is something that you talk about in the very first chapter, the introduction of your book that I just want to read on the cause. I thought it was so fucking bold and great and such a thing that a man could do. She's talking about her dad. And he walked in to a producer in Chicago with a copy of his first Broadway play, American Buffalo. And without a penny to his name, he threw the play down on the producers desks. They had hard copies in those days. And said, if that play doesn't win the Pulitzer Prize, I'll pay you $5,000. It did not, but the next one did. The brazenness of that and the confidence of that is like. It's what I want for every woman to feel.

[Zasha Mamet]

I know, it's pretty crazy, right? Like, never a day. Never a day in my life. Or if I did that. Immediately followed by an apology.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we still say we're sorry if we cough.

[Katherine]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm so.

[Zasha Mamet]

Like, I could get to the point of doing it. And then the second I had finished being like, I am powerful woman. Hear me where I'd be like, I'm so sorry. That was really inappropriate. I. I didn't actually. I'm. I'm. I'm gonna leave. Your lunch is on me. Like. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

I also hate when we say I'm sorry when we start to cry, we always go, I'm so sorry. It's like, why, why are we sorry that we're crying?

[Katherine]

We're feeling emotions when we correct someone else's mistake. It's like, I'm sorry, but this is actually.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, don't be. I know, I know. There's so much. There's too much material to talk.

[Zasha Mamet]

I mean, please, sorry, but you're reading that book upside down. I'm really sorry, but.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, okay, you say something here. And this is something I talk a lot about on this podcast, whether it's writers, actors. You say, I didn't yet have the career I want, and I spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking about women my age who do and wishing them not harm, per se, but maybe hoping that they change their names and move to Siberia for a few years and give me a shot at bat for a while. To most people, I've had a very successful career for which I am eternally grateful. I would like to talk about jealousy a little bit and envy, because I also feel like that is a healthy, normal feeling for anyone in any, any part of the world. It doesn't matter what industry you're in to feel. There is nothing wrong with feeling envy. It's acting on envy where things become problematic. So I love that you wrote that in the book. Do you want to talk a little bit about that?

[Zasha Mamet]

Yeah, I do think that it's normal. I think it would be weird if we didn't feel that way. I do think that it can reach an unhealthy, abnormal level in this industry, specifically amongst women, because I think we're fed this idea in the entertainment industry. I mean, I don't know. I guess being a woman in general, in any industry, that there's a finite amount of pie to be had. And so if someone else gets a piece of it, that means that there's less for you. And I just don't think at the end of the day that that's actually accurate. I think that that's untrue. And. And like, if you want to get really heady, part of me is like, is that a deep seated move on the patriarchy? Because, like, if we were to all band together, we would just be too fucking powerful to like kind of pit us against each other.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think that's absolutely true. I mean, that's the whole point of it, I mean, because women are just now coming to the realization that we are stronger together, you know, and that all ships do rise with the tide.

[Zasha Mamet]

I think that's really accurate. I think they all. I say that a lot, but I think this is an industry that is so success oriented, like it. You're not getting brownie points for the script you wrote that didn't get produced, you know, like, and the most talented, nice person doesn't always get the job. And so I think it can foster a sort of unhealthy comparison game. I was just gonna say comparison. Yeah. And so I think. I think that it is healthy to a certain extent. I think it is 1000% normal. But I think specifically in this industry, I do a lot of work trying to check myself of just like, mehmet, stay in your own lane. Just stay in your. Like, stop doing this and just like, stay in your own lane.

[Chelsea Handler]

You have a pretty heartbreaking chapter in here about school as a young girl and going to school because your parents split up before you were even a year old. And then you were living in Cambridge initially. Right. And then you moved with your mother, and then that created some separation between you and your dad. And then they both went on to have other children and other. So your first kind of formative years at school were brutal. It was kind of, you know, really triggering to read because we've all been there, you know, and some worse than others. But yours sounded like you withstood that trauma for as long as you possibly could and then had to say, I can't do this anymore.

[Zasha Mamet]

Yeah. And like, too long looking back on it. But also, I was a kid and I didn't. No, I didn't really know that I could say that. But, yeah, it got to the point where I was unable to handle it. Like those. All the kids. But I think those girls in particular were really. They just seemed to live to make my life miserable.

[Chelsea Handler]

Why don't you tell us the story about the birthday party and revealing being invited to the birthday party and having to call and find out what time it was.

[Katherine]

Yeah.

[Zasha Mamet]

I mean, this is like a perfect example. They would pull this shit all the time. They would sort of lure me into asking a question about some things. They were talking about something in front of me, and I was like, what are you guys talking about? And they were like, oh, we're talking about. I forgot the. What I renamed the Evie's birthday party. Yeah. And I was like, oh, when is it? They were like, it's On Saturday, it was like, what time? They're like, we're not sure. You should call her and ask what time it is. Like, she hasn't told any of us, so we're waiting to find out. And I was like, okay, great. So then I. I go home and I call Evie, and I'm like, hey, Evie, all the girls were talking about your birthday party on Saturday, and they told me to call you and ask what time it is. What time is it? And then she started hysterically sobbing and hung up the phone. And then I get a call from a bunch of the girls, you know, a couple minutes later, chastising me for ruining Evie's surprise birthday party. So they would just set these traps.

[Katherine]

For me, like, mind games.

[Zasha Mamet]

1000% mind games. They were full, like, Machiavellian. These young, little blonde ladies.

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, young, little girls are brutal. And for every woman here who's listening to this podcast, like, anyone who has children, it is so important to teach your children kindness and compassion and not to be bullies. Like, I've had friends whose daughters have been bullies, and they were in complete denial about it because they chose to believe their daughter. It is so important. I mean, it is torturous when you are young and in defense, like, you don't know how to defend yourself, and you don't know where to go or who to talk to. And, you know, it leads to so many problems in life. And for, like, I saw this beautiful video yesterday on Instagram of this boy wrestling at this wrestling match. And he was wrestling this kid who had cerebral palsy whose allowed him to compete, you know, at this level. They looked like they were in, you know, sixth or seventh grade. And the kid from the other school immediately recognized, you know, how easy it would be to beat this kid. And he sat there with him and let him, like, slowly, slowly help this guy wrestle him to the ground so that he would win that match. And every comment was like, whoever raised this boy did such a beautiful job. And, like. And that's what I think about with regard to bullying. It's like, your parents have to be paying attention to how their children, especially young girls. Cause they are brutal. And I know that we have problems with young boys, too, but girls are just so mean to each other. And, like, you cannot have your child behaving that way. And it's very illustrative in this book of what you went through. So I think people are gonna really, like, you know, I know I went through some hell growing up, too. And then you end up Becoming a bully. You either end up retreating and having an eating disorder, this disorder, you know, having no self esteem, or you end up becoming the bully that bullied you in order to defend yourself. So. But your story is also great because that woman or that girl at the time who's named Evie in the book, comes to see you during. Were you. Was it the play on Broadway when she came with her father?

[Zasha Mamet]

We were off Broadway. It was the play that I met my husband doing. We were doing it at the Lortel and.

[Chelsea Handler]

Tell us what happened. She came.

[Zasha Mamet]

Yeah. So I left one night, and the security guard told me that someone had left a note for me while we were on stage. And I. And he gave me the note, and I hadn't thought about this girl in over a decade. And I guess she and her dad had been walking by the theater, and they had seen my name on the marquee, and they'd written a note and left it with the box office, and it was in her, like, you know, little curlicue scrawl, and she was like, oh, my God, Sashi, we're so proud of you. And it just made my blood run cold. It, like, took me back to being that little girl with her playing these horrible mind games on me, and it made me so angry because I think that feeling pride for someone innately involves a type of. Ownership is the wrong word, but, like, you had a hand in that. When you're like, I'm so proud of you, it normally means that, like, you have a deep connection to that person, or maybe you had a hand in them accomplishing whatever this thing was. And it made me so deeply furious. I was like, you don't get to be proud of me. You don't get to have that. And I tore up the note, and I ground it into the New York sidewalk with my boot.

[Chelsea Handler]

So you don't know that they saw the play. You just did.

[Zasha Mamet]

They didn't see the play. They literally just. Just walked by and saw my name on the marquee, which also, I was just like, that's ca. Okay. I don't know. It wasn't even. Like they paid for and bought a ticket and came to see what I did.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right, right, right, exactly. Let's talk about your eating disorder. And I say that in an upbeat tone for no reason whatsoever, but just because I'm assuming that you're out of the woods on that issue. Am I correct?

[Zasha Mamet]

Yep. We're good.

[Chelsea Handler]

You talk a lot about this and about this number in your head. £100, £100. That was the right weight. And even when you went underneath £100 to £92 to £93, you were sick, you were using drugs, you were partying, you were escaping. Talk to us a little bit about that. For the people that are listening, with children and girls that are experiencing that, that are listening.

[Zasha Mamet]

You know, I think the biggest misconception about an eating disorder is that. That it's about the weight and that it's about the food, which, like, obviously, yes, that is an aspect of it, but at its core, it's about control. And it. It's born from this need to control when you feel out of control. And so food and your weight feel like these very tangible things when, like, the thing that probably is making you feel out of control is not tangible whatsoever. Like, for me, it was my circumstance, my surroundings, the kids that I was in school with, my home life. And so my anxiety, eating disorder brain latched onto this number that felt like if I can just achieve that number, then all of these feelings of fear and worthlessness and sadness will go away and I will finally feel safe. But obviously that wasn't true because I hit that number and none of those feelings went away, and I didn't feel safe. And so I was like, okay, well, maybe it's still that number, but I just have to try harder. It's like your brain starts to make excuses as to why the thing you've decided is the answer is still the answer when obviously it very much isn't. And so I just kept trying to reach a hundred pounds. It was a sort of amorphous goal in my mind that seemed like the silver bullet to all of my problems, and it really wasn't. It was actually just slowly killing me.

[Chelsea Handler]

And how did you finally come out of that? Did you go into treatment?

[Zasha Mamet]

I almost went into. In treatment. I didn't. And honestly, looking back on it, I. I do not envy a parent who is dealing with this. I can only, like, it was obviously hard for me. I think it was so much harder for my dad to feel helpless as well on the other side of it. And I'm sure it is so hard to put a kid in treatment. And he tried, and I fought back really hard. And I. I honestly wish that I had because I think my recovery wouldn't have taken as long. You know, I think in treatment programs are there for a reason, but really, I have my dad to credit with finally turning the ship around. I was really in a bad way. I'd seen a lot of doctors who basically were like, you are, you're dying. That's what's happening. Like, your body is disintegrating and you're dying.

[Chelsea Handler]

And how brittle your bones were that they told you, like, you know, if you fell down, you. You could potentially break your pelvis like that. You had just had no nutrition.

[Zasha Mamet]

No nutrition, Yeah, I had. I had arthritis. I couldn't ride horses anymore. I could like barely walk up a set of stairs. Like, I had. I had issues with my heart. It was. It was really bad. And my dad came home from a dinner party one night where he'd sat next to someone whose daughter had recently gone through the same thing and had sort of come out the other side. And he ended up opening up to her and she talked to him for the whole dinner party and she gave him the number of this woman who would then become my therapist, who was incredible and fully saved my life. But he came home and I was up reading in my bedroom, and he came into my room and he sat on my bed. And my. My dad, as I'm sure you can imagine, is like a very strong, oftentimes very stoic person. And I'd never seen him cry. And he started crying and he put his head in my lap and he said, you have to promise me that you won't die. And he just kept saying it over and over again. And it was the first time that I realized that what was happening to me wasn't just about me. And it was really my wake up call. And I realized that if I died, it wouldn't just affect me, it would also affect him. And I was like, okay, well, I don't wanna do that to him. I don't really care about me yet, but I don't wanna do that to him.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Wow, that's really moving. It's amazing when, you know, somebody can say something like that to you and it has the impact that is strong enough to make you quit the thing or to make you understand that you have to quit. That is going to destroy you and destroy the lives of the people that love you.

[Zasha Mamet]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, let's talk about some. Let's talk about girls. Let's talk about getting that role and working with Lena and how that experience changed your life. I mean, first of all, best fucking show ever. I'm so great, so fucking awesome. I mean, I remember watching that show the first time. I was like, this is gonna be a huge cause. I think I was interviewing Lena probably on Chelsea lately or maybe my other talk show. And I. So I saw it before it was out And I got to watch the whole series. I was like, this is gonna be fucking huge. And of course it was, because it was just exactly what everybody needed. It was like you generation's Sex and the City. Just such a coming of age in New York City. So funny. So well cast, all of everybody in. It was incredible. So tell us about getting that part, how that happened.

[Zasha Mamet]

I was shooting this movie, this like truly terrible indie film in upstate New York with horrible conditions, like you know, 1920 hour days all told. And we were meant to be cheating. Early September and it was late October and it was the coldest October on record. It was so cold that the, the farmers were all like, there will be no pumpkins for Halloween because our crops have frozen. So it was like some sort of record breaking cold. And I was always basically 90% of the movie was exteriors. And I was always in this tank top trash bag dress. It was like literally a dress made of trash bags that I had to get ironed into every day, which is really looking back on it, like should have been my first sign that this was not gonna be a good experience. Cause I was like literally wearing trash. And I got this audition. We were shooting six day week, so I had one day off. And I convinced this young PA not to go to church with her husband and her newborn baby and instead stay behind and help me film this audition in our production office, which was an abandoned barn that had very bad wifi and I'm pretty technologically inept. So we filmed the audition. It takes me like seven hours to get the tape to send to my agent, which almost doesn't happen. I, at like hour three or four, I was like, I give up, I can't get this to send. It keeps saying your file is too large. And he was like, please, please, please, please. I really need your tape. I think this show is going to be a really big deal. So I finally get in my tape, I end up getting the job. We happen to have the Monday off that the table read is scheduled for in Manhattan. And at this point I've developed pneumonia from these long days shooting in the cold in my trash bag dress. But the producers have paid off a local doctor to tell me that I just have a head cold so that I can keep working.

[Chelsea Handler]

They paid. How did you find that out?

[Zasha Mamet]

The PA's talk, you know what I mean? So the woman who was like the PA that I spent the most time with ended up giving me the skinny also. I sort of put it together anyways because she kept showing up and Listening to me, like, breathe in. And literally, it sounded like, you know, like a water cooler in my lungs. There was so much fluid. And she. She would be like, just take some Echinacea. And I was like, I feel like we're beyond that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Yeah, Echinacea. Anyway, it's like, when people talk about melatonin, it's like, please. Yeah.

[Zasha Mamet]

I was so sick. I was, like, at death's door. I would cough so hard, I'd throw up. Like, it was not cute. So I came in that Sunday night before, and I stayed with a friend of mine in the city, and I was like, I really want to be. I want to be on my A game tomorrow. I was super nervous. It's like, I. I need to get a good night's sleep so I can, like, be with it tomorrow morning. So I took some NyQuil, and I. I'm sure I took NyQuil before this, but I don't really have a. A recollection of doing so. But I now know that nyquil and I don't mesh well. I don't remember much about the following morning. I remember getting in the car. I remember it was raining. I remember getting to Silvercrep Studios, walking into the table read. I remember being introduced to Lena Dunham and Judd Apatow and shaking their hands. And then I literally do not remember anything. Like, nothing. It is a full void until I woke up on my friend's floor, who I was staying with, like, drenched in sweat. And I had this weird sort of feeling, fever dream recollection that I, in the middle of the table read, had, like, projectile vomited on the table. But I also didn't know if that was real or not because I was still sort of in a NyQuil haze. So I called my agent, freaking out, and I was like, so this may have happened, but I'm not sure. And he was like, okay, calm down. I'm sure it's gonna be fine. I'm gonna call the executives. I'll get back to you. Meanwhile, I had to, like, get on a train and hightail it back to Hell Town, upstate New York, to finish shooting this movie that I wore a trash bag dress in. And I don't hear from him for a full week, during which I'm like, yeah, that face. Exactly. I'm. I'm like, like, the whole.

[Chelsea Handler]

How did you not continue to call him and call him and call him?

[Zasha Mamet]

Yeah. And he like, I. But he was like, I haven't heard from them. And I was like, oh, my God. So obviously, I'M fired. Like, for sure. No question I'm fired. But, like, beyond that, they're. They're going to tell everybody I'm a drug addict. They're going to tell everybody not to work with me. Like, I'm fucked. So then after a week of just full spiral, he calls me and he's like, the reason it took them so long to get back to us is that they were amending your contract. They loved what you did so much at the table read that they want to make you a series regular. Because initially the show was written for three girls, not four. And they were like, they want to make you the fourth girl.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, that's so fucking awesome. I mean, who knows what happened during that table read. Maybe that's how you should go into all table reads.

[Zasha Mamet]

Well, I truly, I'm like, do I just take nyquil always?

[Chelsea Handler]

You should just get, like, a vaccine the day you have to go in. Yeah. Yes. I just got my polio booster vaccine yesterday. Since there's polio going around all of a sudden again. And they were like, oh, you might be sick for the next few days. And I was like, oh, that's what you're describing. I mean, basically, I could have symptoms. I don't have them, but. Because I'm a fucking horse, but. Oh, that's really funny. And so what was it like? What was it like working with Lena and the other girls?

[Zasha Mamet]

It was just a dream. Like, that whole we shot that show all told, from, like shooting the pilot to our last episode was seven years. I spent my 20s shooting that show.

[Chelsea Handler]

I like the number seven as a time of work. I feel like the reason that there's a phrase, a seven year itch. Cause it's so true. Like, seven years is a great amount of time to spend in a relationship on a job. Like, seven years is a good, like, chunk. And it's. It doesn't take away, like, it's a great addition. And it doesn't. It's not too long when you, like when you have a good experience with something. It's just the perfect amount of time. I think there's something about the number seven.

[Zasha Mamet]

It's a good amount of time. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, so we're gonna take a break. We'll take a break right now. And we'll be right back with Zasha Mamet.

[Katherine]

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Chelsea Handler]

And we're back with Sasha Meht. Okay, so this book is filled with lots of stories. Some are really sad, some are really sweet and some are really moving. And some are really, really funny. Yes, I would say this book, I think this book does make you funny. That's the title of the book, does this Make Me Funny? I think you're already funny. So it was good that you put it down on paper. How did you decide to write this right now?

[Zasha Mamet]

So it wasn't my decision. When I, when I pitched that book, my first popsicle, the woman who ended up becoming my editor at Penguin, this woman, Meg Letter, who's amazing, had asked if I would consider doing a two book deal and doing popsicle first, but then following it up with a book of essays. And this was like 5 years ago at this point, maybe more.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's a very interesting way for the publishing industry to work before you've proven yourself to give you offer you a two book deal though.

[Zasha Mamet]

Well, I think she'd read my essays in Glamour and so I think she was like, I've since learned that anthologies are very hard. They're hard for people to put together, they're hard for people to sell. I was like, what could be cooler than like a bunch of amazing people all in the same place writing their stories? But I guess I'm sort of maybe alone in that. Or I'm not. That's not the popular thought. So she kind of agreed to do my anthology essay idea. But really what she had wanted was this book of essays. And I was super shocked that she asked for that. I was like, I mean, I write this column for Glamour, but like, who wants to read a full book of my essays? But I said yes because I'm an actor and I'll say yes to any job anyone wants to give me that they pay me money for pretty much. I just like didn't think it would ever actually happen. Like, I think in my brain I was like, yeah, yeah, I'm Saying yes to this. Like, we're doing this anthology. And then, like, I don't know, but they'll probably forget about this one. Or they'll, like, change their mind or something. And it takes so long to write and publish a book. I mean, you know, it's like, it takes like, 7,000 years. From the moment you start writing.

[Chelsea Handler]

This could only just be described as tedious and annoying because you are so creative. You feel like you're putting so much in. And then what follows, all the creative bursts and blasts and all of this, like, catharsis and sharing is so tedious. You know, once they put the book actually together, it's just like one task after another that you're like, way to take the fucking fun out of this.

[Zasha Mamet]

By the time we were talking about what kind of font, like, the numbers would be next to the. I was just like, I'm out. Just do.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't care.

[Zasha Mamet]

You could do it.

[Chelsea Handler]

My last book for the COVID I was like, can you just find a fucking shot that matches what we're doing? Like, do we really need to do a photo shoot for this cover? They're like, most people get excited about this. I'm like, not me. I'm not excited to shoot another book cover.

[Zasha Mamet]

That was the one thing that I really held firm on, though. I knew that I wanted my buddy Danny Sangra, to design the COVID He's an incredible filmmaker, but he's also an amazing visual artist. And he is one of my dearest friends and knows me so well. I just have to be like, danny, can you do my cover? And he'll make it perfect. And they kept sending me these options that were, like, great, but just. I was like, no. And they made me jump through so many hoops. Cause I now know they like to keep it internal. And I just was like, like, every time they would send me an email with options, I would write back and be like, can Dani please design my cover? And they finally said, yes. But we did Popsicle. I loved doing it because I wrote one essay, and then I just got to edit a bunch of other brilliant people's work. And by edit, basically be like, thanks so much. It looks great. So when we. When that came out, I was like, okay, mega. My editor, can we do another one of these? And she was like, well, no. Cause now you have to write your book. And I was like, right, but can we do another one of these? And I'll do that after? And she was like, no. Cause you're contractually obligated to write this Book first. Okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

We're gonna take a couple callers and give them advice. Life advice, Sasha. Okay. That's what we do here at Dear Chelsea. Doing it. Yeah, let's do it. Nothing better than an outside perspective, right? What do we got, Katherine?

[Katherine]

Well, our first caller is Alex. He says, dear Chelsea, I'm a 36 year old gay guy and I am chronically online. I have a good full time job and most people that know me hold me in high esteem. But I am absolutely obsessed with Instagram and threads. Mostly I always get into fights in the comments, especially about politics. I always think I have the best points to make and often maybe I do. But I know that my comments are unlikely to really result in epiphanies where MAGA people will change their ways. I figured since I don't argue with family or friends, what's the harm? But I comment to so often that on popular pages my friends will see what I've written. And everyone knows how chronically online and combative I am. Help Alex.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hi, Alex.

[Alex (Caller)]

Hey, Chelsea.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hi. This is our special guest Sasha Mamet. Today.

[Zasha Mamet]

Oh hey, hey, hey, hey.

[Chelsea Handler]

Listen, as fun and as addicting as social media can be, well addicting it is and as fun as it can be, it is not good for your brain. You are not feeding your brain when you are on social media. So you need to start detoxing. And by detoxing I mean you need to like you can start small, you can start with an hour a day that you turn your phone off and put it somewhere, just put it away somewhere when you get home from work or your most vulnerable time, wherever you feel it the most. But you have to understand like there are so many articles. If you just Google, what does social media do to your brain? You can read. It's going to make you sick. You can't spend that much time a online looking at other people's lives is not healthy. You need to fucking read a book. That's what you need to be doing. And you need to get into the habit of when you don't have anything to do that you're reading a book. Cause you're addicted. You have an addiction and now you have to detox from your addiction.

[Alex (Caller)]

Chelsea, that's harsh.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know, I know, but it's true. It's like it's not good for us. And listen, we all are dealing with this. You're not alone.

[Zasha Mamet]

That's true.

[Chelsea Handler]

But you can take steps like, don't you want to be a more well rounded person? You don't want to Just be somebody who's arguing online or trying to make brilliant points online. To what avail? What is that going to get you? What does it give you?

[Alex (Caller)]

It gives me some satisfaction when I win.

[Chelsea Handler]

How do you. How. How does winning.

[Zasha Mamet]

What does winning look like winning to me?

[Alex (Caller)]

Looks like when the other person maybe ends up blocking me because in my head, they've, like, decided that they cannot argue my valid points anymore.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Alex (Caller)]

Like, you know, one of my most passionate things is about Chicago. I live in Chicago, and, like, people are calling it a hellhole and all this crazy stuff, and this guy was just going in on me, like, a lot of people, because of the way I look. They're like, you must live in a suburb or, like, on the north side or something. And I don't. And, like, this person was going in on me, and then I was like. I told him where I lived and, like, where I have lived and the things that are great about where I live. And then he blocked me. And so I was. I mean, it gives me a lot of satisfaction that I won that argument.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, but you didn't win the argument. Winning the argument would have been him going, wow, you brought up so many. You raised so many great points about Chicago, and I was misinformed. That would be a win. Changing someone's mind would be a win. Having someone block you is not a win.

[Katherine]

Also, don't tell people online that you're arguing with where you live.

[Zasha Mamet]

Like, first rule just to say that maybe. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Sasha, how do you handle your relationship with social media?

[Zasha Mamet]

It's very tough because I have to be on it for work. It sadly is now, like, a part of the job. But I find it's so true. If I don't go on it or I only go on it for a specific amount of time to a specific end, it makes me feel so much better.

[Alex (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Zasha Mamet]

Like, if I spend multiple days. Not because the problem is it's not real, but, yeah, society and our brains keep telling us that it is, but it's not. And it's creating these, like, very weird parasocial dynamics that aren't actually based in reality. So it's like. And it is absolutely an addiction. I mean, it's a dopamine hit 1,000%.

[Chelsea Handler]

Absolutely. Absolutely. And we're all guilty of it. So just like, you know, you're living in a world where everyone is dealing with this, so you should get some comfort from that. But you should also be worried about your brain health. You know what I mean? Because no one's coming to save you. You have to take care of yourself. You have to make the moves to make sure that you are having, like, a healthier relationship with social media and also find some other things to do that prevent you from being online. Go fucking play tennis, go play basketball, go do yoga, whatever is interesting to you. Commit to these things with the intention of breaking away from social media. So it is not an addiction. Set the timer. They give you those timers. Okay? You spent an hour on social media today. You can choose to ignore it, but you have to be in control of yourself to exercise your willingness to change. You know what I mean? You have to have a willingness and then you have to have a follow through. And I think follow through is pretty much the most important thing in life, is following through. You're calling because you know you have a problem. You're not calling to hear me tell you, oh, my God, I love it. Keep doing it. Are you? No, I'm not. Right, so you know you have a problem. You've admitted it. Great. Those are the first two major steps. Now you can take some steps to just spend less time. You don't have to quit. Just spend less time and stop arguing with people. Don't tell people where you live. That's all just kind of like jerking off into a fucking wall. Do you know what I mean? Just what is the point, you know? Go read Anna Karenina. Go read a book that's gonna make you think Zasha just wrote a great book of essays called does this Make Me Funny? Start reading books. That is going to add to your brain health way more than social media. And that's a fucking doctor's order.

[Alex (Caller)]

Okay, okay, okay, I understand.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. Okay. Keep us posted. Check back in in a month and let us know how you're doing. Even if you failed miserably, we wanna know about it.

[Alex (Caller)]

Okay, sounds good. I think I'll start by trying to put a separation, like, right after work. Like, unfortunately, work requires me to use a smartphone now, too. And so that'll be a good separation from work to life. And I'll start there and just look at.

[Chelsea Handler]

And write it down. Write it down. Every night, look at how many hours you spent on your phone. And, you know, I know sometimes you're on your phone for work and not social media, but there's a differentiation there. They show you. They break it up. So, like, look at that amount of hours. And then every day work on decreasing that amount of hours.

[Katherine]

Yeah, and I like what you said about, like, putting something in its place, like going out. So doing something Real, like Sasha said, like something real that's in the real world. You can also log that and be like, today I did an hour of I took a walk. Or I did, you know, whatever the thing is.

[Alex (Caller)]

Yeah. And maybe if I want a crusade for the world, I should do something real and volunteer instead, who I like.

[Chelsea Handler]

Exactly. That's right. That's what Mitch Albom said. We just had Mitch Albom on the writer. You've probably never heard of him because you're too busy online all the time. But he's written so many beautiful books. And he said when he wakes up in the morning, he just starts to write immediately without looking at the news, without looking at. He doesn't want anything in his head other than fresh ideas. And so if you think about all that noise that you're putting, you're allowing and you're welcoming into your brain, that could be re engineered to have so much, much more and just have a fuller life.

[Alex (Caller)]

Yeah. Okay. This is helpful.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, good. Those are your marching orders. Good luck.

[Katherine]

Thanks. Alex.

[Alex (Caller)]

Yes, Chelsea. Can I say one thing to you?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Alex (Caller)]

I've been a really big fan of you for a long time, and I just think that you're a model of someone that's shown personal growth. That's obvious. While preserving your authenticity. I really appreciate it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, I love that. Thank you so much.

[Alex (Caller)]

You're welcome.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, bye.

[Alex (Caller)]

Bye.

[Chelsea Handler]

I love yelling at my fans. You know what?

[Zasha Mamet]

A lot of them, that's what they're asking for.

[Katherine]

They're like, I need to.

[Chelsea Handler]

They want me to.

[Zasha Mamet]

Like, he wouldn't have come on if he. If he didn't want that. Right, Right. It's like a kid sort of wanting to get caught.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Zasha Mamet]

Yes.

[Katherine]

Well, our next caller is John. So John says, dear Chelsea, your standup and books have gotten me through some really rough times in my life. So I thought it would be fitting for me to reach out to you about an issue I'm having with my wedding guest list. I'm a gay man, and my partner and I have been together for five years. This is both of our first ever relationships, which also led us to coming out to our family members. Although most of my family was highly supportive, my mother was. Not to put it mildly. My mother and I have never really had a healthy relationship. She gave me up to be raised by my grandparents when I was in the fifth grade. We remained cordial for the most part for the sake of my grandparents. But this all changed in 2018 when a disagreement between my grandparents and my mother resulted in a significant family rupture in which I ultimately sided with my grandparents. During my coming out year, my grandparents encouraged me to have a conversation with my mother, which I was hesitant about, but agreed to. As predicted, the conversation went horribly. She was not accepting of, as she put it, my life choices. Sidebar Some of my life choices include that I am the first college graduate in my family, a licensed psychotherapist, soon to be psychologist and caring partner. So I think I turned out pretty well, despite the trauma that comes along with being abandoned by a parent. Anyway, my mother found out about the engagement and has been speaking to my grandmother about it, who has been slightly pressuring me to invite her to the wedding. It's important for me to be surrounded by people who have been supportive of my relationship. However, I don't want my grandparents to be upset that my mother wasn't invited since she has a history of taking things out on them when she's upset with me. And I don't know if I'll regret not inviting her, which is probably influenced by my inner child still longing for his mother. My partner and I are getting ready to send out Save the Dates next month, and I am really on the fence about whether or not to invite her. I could really use your unfiltered and unbiased feedback. John.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hi, John, hello. Hi. This is Sasha Mamet. She's our special guest today.

[Zasha Mamet]

Hi, John. Hello. Hello.

[John (Caller)]

Nice to meet you.

[Zasha Mamet]

Me too.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hi. Well, listen, first of all, congratulations on having your fucking shit together, okay? You have your shit together and if your mother won't tell you, I will. You are a fucking success. And I love when a psychotherapist calls here for advice. So, I mean, that's always very entertaining. Have you had conversations with your mother recently about your relationship and or about, like, you know, the seriousness of your relationship? Does she know your partner?

[John (Caller)]

She met him once a couple years ago. We went to drop off Christmas presents there and he was with me, but she said hi to him and then ignored him the rest of the time we were there. She knows we're engaged. She knows we're getting married, but she doesn't really talk about him to me. Whenever we talk to avoids that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. Do you think it would be worthwhile to have a conversation with her to see where she stands with regard to your relationship? If she understands that you're in love, that you're marrying a partner, that you guys are intending to be together for the rest of your lives, do you think that's a worthwhile endeavor for you?

[John (Caller)]

Ideally, it would be I struggle with trusting what her reaction's gonna be. And usually in conversations like those, I walk away feeling pretty shitty. So I don't wanna feel that way.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, okay. Well, yes, you can control what she's gonna say, obviously. But if you in any way, shape or form are not feeling like you're gonna have a safe experience at your wedding emotionally, then your mother isn't welcome there. And you can't take care of your grandparents feelings either. You know what I mean? This is about you and this is about your partnership with your husband and what you guys are building together. And building it on a foundation of strength rather than negativity would be the starting point.

[Zasha Mamet]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

And I think you probably know well enough that if you can't rely on her to be supportive and to be there for the right reasons, then it's not just about inviting her so that your grandparents feel better. You're saving them some trouble too. Like she'll take it out on them is what I gather. If she doesn't get invited, right? She'll take it up.

[John (Caller)]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Chelsea Handler]

So it might be worthwhile just to send her an email and let her know why she's not invited. You know, and if she really. Or if you wanna do it prematurely, like if you wanna reach out to her via email. Cause sometimes it's better to write these things instead of say them out loud. Cause your emotions will get the better of you to write down and say, listen, this is what I'm embarking on. I'm about to spend the rest of my life with the man that I love. And we've been. You know, you've never really exhibited any support for this relationship or shown any interest in him. So I'm unclear as to how to proceed about including you in the wedding. Is this something you think that you would want to be a part of? Do you think that you can show up for me and be 100% supportive? Because that's all I want on that day and leave it in her court and see how she comes back to you. And if she comes back to you in any way that makes you feel ick or weird or nervous or you're emotionally not taken care of, then that's your answer. And you don't have to have the conversation with her. And you can easily explain to your grandparents that you did that, you could CC them or not CC them, don't involve them when it's not necessary. They're probably old and tired. Zasha, what do you think?

[Zasha Mamet]

I mean, I'm so Sorry that you're in this position. It's truly terrible. And it's such a bummer because you're the child here, and this shouldn't have to be your responsibility. But sadly, that's just sometimes life. But, you know, my husband and I had some tricky family stuff when we were getting married, and some tricky friend, Stu. And we really sat down and said, this is a day to celebrate our love. This is the day that's supposed to kick off the rest of our lives. And we decided the only people that were allowed to be at our wedding were people who we felt like we either saw or talked to every week. They were people that made us feel happy and good and safe. And, you know, we would have these sort of like. You can get very political when you're planning a wedding, right? You start to be like, well, if we fight this person, we have to. And we were like, you know what? This wedding is for us. This wedding is about us saying I love you in front of our. I love you forever in front of our community. And the only people that we want there are those who are going to elevate that love. And that was our hard line. And it didn't always make the decision to maybe not invite some people easy, but I think at the end of the day, it was the right choice because it truly did feel like a joy, love bubble. And I think Chelsea's right. This is your day, and everyone who's there should be in support of that union. And it's really up to your mom whether or not she can do that. But if she can't, I don't think it's your responsibility to make her and your grandparents feel better by inviting her.

[John (Caller)]

I appreciate that. Both of your advice is amazing. Sounds similar to some of the advice I would give one of my clients. But I think I need to practice what I preach here a little bit more.

[Katherine]

Yeah, I think you have from this call, permission to say no. You know, sometimes it's hardest for us to give ourselves permission, and you definitely have that here.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you.

[John (Caller)]

I appreciate that.

[Chelsea Handler]

And just remember, you know, when you make a decision like this, either way you go, then that becomes the decision. You know, like, if you decide not to include your mom, I don't know that that's something that's necessarily going to weigh on you personally for once. You know, for the time that is remaining until the wedding, it might be like, oh, okay, that's off my plate. Like, I've made a decision or conversely, to say I'm including her. It's like, okay, I've accepted that she's gonna come. Like, whatever decision you go with is fine. But I think that you can write that letter in email and put it in writing so that she has time to read it, reflect on it. You know, it can't be. It's not gonna be argumentative. It's gonna come from a place of love and self protection.

[John (Caller)]

I will definitely do that. And I'll have to circle back and update you folks.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes, definitely. Please do.

[Katherine]

All right, thank you, John.

[Zasha Mamet]

Thanks, John.

[Katherine]

And have so much fun at your wedding.

[Chelsea Handler]

Congratulations.

[Zasha Mamet]

Congratulations.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you.

[John (Caller)]

Thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Bye. Okay, well, we'll take a break and we'll be right back to wrap up with Sasha.

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[Chelsea Handler]

Vital Proteins just dropped a brand new way to get your protein and collagen all at once.

[Sponsor Voice]

Their new collagen and protein shake is a ready to drink shake that's light, smooth and has a delicious chocolatey flavor that doesn't taste chalky or overly sweet. But what makes it really special, it's a high quality 30 gram protein shake with collagen, no added sugar, no artificial sweeteners, and no carrageenan. What is carrageenan exactly? Vital Proteins help support your hair, skin, nails and joint health. The new collagen and protein shake from Vital Proteins is an easy way to shake up your routine, so try it for yourself. Go to vitalproteins.com to learn more and where to buy. Get 20% off your next order at vitalproteins.com with code Chelsea. That's 20% off with code [e-mail] I.

[Chelsea Handler]

Want to talk about something deeply personal. My feet. Are you excited yet? I've been wearing ultra running shoes lately and honestly, life changing. They're now my go to for everything from runs to hikes to dog walks to airport sprints, you name it. They've got extra room up front so your toes can actually spread out and move the way that they're supposed to, which is way better than most running shoes that cram my toes together. Plus, the lower heel drop means your stride feels more natural. It's like my body finally went, oh, this is how we're supposed to move. They are crazy comfortable. And yes, they help me chase that runner's high. You know, mama loves her dopamine and feeling strong and actually wanting to work out. So if you're getting into running, getting back into it, or just want healthier feet so you can get on a feed finder. Altra is where it's at. Find them at ultrarunning.com and use code Chelsea for 10% off your order. That's a L T R a running dot com. Stay out there.

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, let's have a real talk. Menopause is a whole thing, in case you hadn't heard about it. Your body's changing, your hormones are on a wild ride, and suddenly your libido takes a sabbatical. Love that for us. But here is the good news. You are not alone, and you're definitely not out of options. Let's take it from the experts at Vagisil. You know them, you love them. And let's help launch their new menopause support line. It's made with advanced probiotic technology and formulated specifically for the mature microbiome. Because at our age, our intimate health deserves VIP treatment. We've earned it. There's a whole line of care products for you to try. A foam wash balanced at the right PH for a more mature microbiome. An intimate gel that actually makes things feel good again. And a daily supplement that supports urinary health. Because the last thing you need when you're going through menopause is a surprise down below. So when menopause feels like it's changing everything, try Vagisil Menopause Support. The right kind of care can change the way your menopause feels. New Menopause Support by Vagisil. Okay, and we're back with Zasha Mamet, who wrote this great little book called does this Make Me Funny? It's a book of essays, her personal essays. And it's filled with. Well, it's filled with everything you could want out of a book, quite frankly. So thank you, Sasha, for being here today. I wish you the best luck with this book. And I'm just so happy you're healthy and bouncing around the world and you're in love with your hus. You've been married for 13 years now, right? Something like that.

[Zasha Mamet]

Married. Together. Thirteen. Married in October for nine. Yeah. Long time. Wow.

[Chelsea Handler]

Good for you. And no children?

[Zasha Mamet]

Not yet, no.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Zasha Mamet]

Okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, maybe that's a good thing. Okay, so have a great day. Love you, honey.

[Zasha Mamet]

Thanks, Sasha.

[Chelsea Handler]

Bye.

[Zasha Mamet]

Thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Bye. Bye.

[Zasha Mamet]

Bye.

[Chelsea Handler]

I just announced all my tour dates. They just went on sale this week. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I will be starting in February of next year, so I will be touring from February through June. I haven't added second shows yet, but we probably will be to some of these. So go get your tickets now. If you want good seats and you want to come see me perform, I will be on the the High and Mighty Tour.

[Katherine]

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write in to dearchelsea podcastmail.com find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching eercelseipod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Kathryn Law. And be sure to check out our merch@chelsea handler.com legends with a z.com is.

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Katherine]

This is an iheart podcast.