C (2:34)

I don't know that I'm brave enough for skiing. Like skiing?

A (2:37)

I don't think so. I think if you haven't tried it yet, don't try it.

C (2:40)

My knees are not for it. It's always a little scary to me.

A (2:42)

I will say I had the best ski day of my life the other day. So it was so much powder and I was just, I was being able to ski the prouder. It was so fun and I just, I love it. I love my life here.

C (2:53)

That's amazing. Now do you. You drop in, right?

A (2:56)

Drop in.

C (2:57)

Not from the helicopter.

A (2:58)

No, no, I don't drop in. I'm not dropping in like that. I'm not going down cliffs and off of like no cornices. That's not what I'm doing. I'm skiing well, but I'm not dropping in. That's what Jack is probably doing. The kid that just got hurt, he was dropping in.

C (3:12)

Okay, all right.

A (3:13)

Yeah, no, I'm not at that level and I never will be.

C (3:16)

Okay.

A (3:17)

I'm skiing on resort. Okay, let's keep safe.

C (3:19)

Let's just keep you safe.

A (3:20)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We want to keep me safe. Yes.

C (3:22)

Well, I have an update from a caller who called in two years ago. This is a real throwback.

A (3:30)

I know. How many years have we been on the air or whatever?

C (3:33)

I think it's like five.

A (3:35)

Five years.

C (3:35)

We've been doing this podcast since 2021, so we're going on five.

A (3:39)

Wow. Okay, good.

C (3:41)

So Sammy wrote in on our Esther Perel episode two years ago and of course we love a long term update. So this is great. She was living with her sister and brother in law who had a polyamorous situation with a live in nanny and she was like worried about the kids. So this is what she has to say. Dear Chelsea, I'm writing to follow up about a discussion we had regarding my polygamous sister and her life choices. I do love that she says polygamous instead of polyamorous. Many things have changed, so buckle up. I finally moved out and moved into a studio apartment less than a mile from the beach. And it's a perfect place for meditation, smoking weed, and no children. I love my sister's kids, but as they're teens, I prefer to enjoy them at a distance. My sister and brother in law ended up getting divorced. After much consideration regarding the polygamy situation. It turns out my brother in law didn't know he was going to be excluded from the other party's relationship. He moved out and is now dating someone else. That's a whole different can of worms. My sister and her girlfriend, on the other hand, are still together. Though my sister's girlfriend and I don't always see eye to eye, I do appreciate how much she has stood up since my sister got got divorced. She works full time now and is quite the parent to the kids. And though they also go head to head every once in a while, they truly love her and appreciate the parental figure. My sister and I are still working on our relationship as both friends and sisters as it took a hard hit during the past few years. I wanted to thank you ladies for talking some sense into me and making me realize that other people's problems are not my own and I don't need to take them on. Keep doing what you're doing. Love always, Sammy. P.S. my sister found the podcast and lost her shit when she heard it was about her. She got over it.

A (5:20)

Welcome to my life. I constantly. I constantly do interviews where I talk about boyfriends or family members and then just think it won't get back to them. And even it doesn't matter how many years of proof I have that it will. Yeah, I like when people hear the podcast and then it's about them.

C (5:35)

Yeah.

A (5:35)

They're like, wait, what the fuck?

C (5:37)

Wait a minute, wait a second. Or it's like people will write in. They're like, I didn't think you were going to pick my question. I'm like, well, it's also.

A (5:44)

That's like. It is. I mean, there really is no true or sentiment. Other people's problems are not your own. Like, we should all be telling. That should be something we wake up and say to ourselves every single day because we can. There are personality types that definitely get involved in other people's problems. I have one of those personality types. And it takes a long time to realize that a. Let people do their thing. Like, you can't control the outcome of other people's lives. You can't even control the outcome of your own life. So like. Or be too attached to the outcome. You know what I mean? Like, you have to be a little bit movable. You can't be so intransigent that you can't change and pivot when. When you need to. And also to like, let other people do their thing and if you don't like it, then don't be around it.

C (6:25)

Right, right. Is that it? Is that thing about boundaries where, like, you can't actually set a boundary with someone else. You can only like, change your own behavior. Like, the boundary has to pertain to you essentially.

A (6:37)

For the first time ever there has been a truly beautiful medical breakthrough. One shot makes you hot, but with terrifying consequences. In the new original series. FX's the Beauty, the glamorous world of supermodels turns deadly as mysterious deaths draw in FBI agents and a shadowy billionaire who will stop at nothing to protect his empire from executive producer Ryan Murphy. FX's the Beauty premieres January 21st on FX, Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers. Fleur de Mal is a women owned fashion brand offering luxury lingerie, ready to wear dresses and body suits with a seductive, cool and refined design approach. They focus heavily on high end materials such as silk, French laces and modern technical fabrics designed to look elegant while remaining wearable and comfortable. One of their most popular pieces is the flared corset knit dress which has been worn by celebrities including Taylor Swift. It is known for its soft knit construction and corset inspired seaming that shapes the waist, making it a versatile option for daytime social events or evening outings. Their lingerie assortment includes seamless everyday bras as well as more fashion forward lace designs. The seduce you plunge bra has gained notable attention and is frequently described as offering a boob job in a bra effect due to its shaping and lift. Florida Mal is positioned as a premium luxury brand with retail locations in SoHo, Williamsburg and West Hollywood. The full assortment of lingerie, dresses, bodysuits and ready to wear can be explored@florida mal.com hi guys, I have some very exciting news. I am always looking for companies to support that are ethical and let's be honest, the phone companies we've all been stuck with are not that. You know, I travel constantly and supposedly I have international free roaming on Verizon. Yet my phone bills are still 300, 400 and even $500 a month. It makes zero sense. So I switched to a company with actual ethics, Noble Mobile and they pay you for staying off your phone. The more you unplug, the more money you save each month and the most you'll Ever pay is 50 bucks Unlimited coverage when I need it, cash back when I don't. It was started by people I know and trust. So if you trust me and want to join my mission to stop being a phone addicted zombie, come along. Go to noblemobile.com Chelsea right now and try it for just 10 bucks. That's noblemobile.com Chelsea this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. The new year doesn't require a new you, maybe just a less burdened you. And therapy can help more easily identify what is holding you back. Getting A fresh, unbiased perspective can help you better understand your relationships, your motivations, and your emotions. Kind of like when people write into this podcast. Obstacles are bound to arise in everyone's life. It might be something as simple as trying to be perfect all the time or doubting your full potential, but working through these emotions with a therapist can keep them from putting your life on hold. You don't have to settle for feeling stuck. Give the therapists at BetterHelp a try. BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms, having served over 5 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist, so sign up and get 10% off@betterhelp.com DearChelsea that's better. H E L P.com DearChelsea all right.

C (10:15)

Well our callers today we've got a couple's counseling with Chelsea Question.

A (10:21)

Love it. Love it.

C (10:22)

And Elizabeth and Danny are calling in. So Elizabeth is the one writing in and she says, Dear Chelsea, I've been a fan of yours for years and have learned so much from your work. I'm 44, a mom of three teenagers, and I attribute a lot of my growth to you. Last year I left a toxic relationship that brought me to the lowest point in my life. The red flags were always there. I made excuses, he made excuses until I no longer recognized myself. I learned that he wasn't who he claimed to be. Still married, unemployed, with no plan to work, manipulative. He tried to pull me and my kids down with him. I'm usually the most positive person in the room, but for a while I was completely drained. Your books and podcasts helped me immensely and led me to letting go, which was truly life changing. I realized I had been attracting people who need constant attention and I was pouring from an empty cup, giving and giving without receiving. I worked on my energy, learned to love myself, and for the first time I felt genuinely content being alone. I because I'm a romantic at heart and because I took your advice seriously, I wrote down everything I wanted in a partner and then let it go. I promised myself I wouldn't settle. Not even two weeks later, I met a man at a bar who has everything on that list and more. His name is Danny. He sat on the stool next to me with a self help book I had Letting Go. From the start, he's been the opposite of every relationship I'VE known. Patient, kind to everyone, smart, a little nerdy, funny and steady. He treats me like a queen and has never given me a reason to question his character or his feelings. The chemistry is incredible, and we're intentional about staying connected. We've been together six months solely introducing our children. He has two adult daughters. We laugh constantly and have fun doing anything. It feels magical, and I can't imagine my life without him. I'm writing for two reasons. First, to say thank you. The universe aligned because of the tools you gave me. And you've helped Danny, too. He's read Letting Go, and we recommend it to everyone. We often listen to your podcasts together. Second, we'd love your advice. We know we're in a honeymoon phase, but we both want to protect what we're building beyond what we're already doing. Honest communication, daily connection, mutual respect. What tools or practices do you recommend to keep a relationship healthy and full of passion over the long haul? Elizabeth.

A (12:31)

Hi, guys. That's such a beautiful letter. I'm so happy for you two. Look at you two little lovebirds sitting on the couch together like that. Probably inside each other. What have I. Listen, I would, first of all, enjoy yourself, enjoy the time, and make sure you're making like. I just feel like when we're happy and things are going well, we need to remind ourselves that we're in a great flow state. And like, you know, I think writing things to each other is really powerful. Like, even if it's, you know, I don't know, putting something into practice that is only between the two of you, like thinking of something to say to each other every day or something that you love about each other every day is really sweet. Even writing that to each other at the end of the day, even, even if you're together in the room, but being like, oh, let's do our thing that we, like, want to tell each other that we appreciate about the other person or something that turns us on about the other person. I think, like, forming rituals with each other that are new that you've never done with anyone else makes something feel even more special and makes you really appreciate it because, yes, the honeymoon period. Do you guys. Are you guys living together?

B (13:35)

No.

C (13:35)

No.

A (13:36)

When my kids aren't here, we usually are check up staying together, but. And he stayed over a couple of times when. You guys aren't having premarital sex, are you? Heaven forbid. That's illegal. Okay? So just stop doing that right away. But you're not living together. That's a good thing. I Think, listen, it's really good to miss each other. So don't ever be scared about that. Don't be scared about separations. A couple of days apart is always kind of a good thing to keep you missing each other. I feel like sometimes, like, I want the other person to go before I want them to go. You know what I mean? And when you really like someone, you kind of never want them to go. So I think that's a mistake that we could sometimes make. We want. We're like, oh, we wanna spend. You know, and. Yes, you do. But there is an art to being apart, to, like, missing each other for a couple days here and there. A couple. That's nice. It's nice to miss someone and then have them return. So, like, just don't forget about that and think of something that you guys can do that's like. Can you think of anything off the top of your head that would be like a romantic gesture that you guys kind of do each day to each other, like writing something to each other or.

C (14:40)

Or is there a lap time situation that is still happening? Tell us about that.

B (14:44)

We just enjoy at the end of the day just having time where. Sit down. She sits on my lap. We look at each other, we talk to each other about our days and really just try to just be connected and. And listen to each other and hear each other out about how their day was. Because every day's different.

C (14:59)

And.

B (15:00)

Yeah, we want to communicate like that. Communication is really important.

A (15:03)

Yeah. Yeah, that. Well, that sounds like you guys already have your ritual. I don't know if it should be called lap time. It sounds like that's a little, like, Santa Claus adjacent, but whatever, you know, like, do your thing. And I think that's sweet. Yeah. I mean, connecting and community and connecting and communication are key. And it's like, it's very nice to be intimate with someone, you know, to have, like, your little shorthand and to spend that time, like, really getting to know each other and really being respectful of the other person. But, you know, don't be afraid of breaks. Don't be afraid of missing each other. I think that enhances things and I think it prolongs that honeymoon phase. So that's the only advice I would give you guys, I would say, other than that. Way to go. I'm glad you're in your good phase now.

C (15:42)

Yeah.

A (15:42)

And you got rid of the old shit, and now you're ready for some good shit. Yeah.

C (15:47)

The only thing I would add to that is, you know, when. When things do come up, because eventually they will. Whether they're small or large, things you disagree about, things you're having trouble with or just not connecting on. I would say if something's come up three or more times and you're just, like, not connecting on it or you're disagreeing about it, go, like, talk to a therapist together. I think couples counseling is, like, not just when things are going bad, but it's. It's also just like, maybe we're not connecting on this. Maybe we disagree about this and we just, like, need a third party to help us navigate. Doesn't have to be, like, end of the world. So definitely utilize that when and if it's necessary.

A (16:24)

Yeah, and preemptive therapy is always good, too. You know, just so you're all on the same page. Like, you know, maybe you won't have any fucking problems. Who knows? I mean, the way things are going for women, it feels like. I mean, listen, there's a lot of bad things happening for women, but this. We've had a series of calls and people calling in kind of similar stories to yours, like, they just found their person after so many bad relationships. Like, this is a recurring theme. And so in many ways, it feels to me like women are kind of like, learning the lesson like the last time. Like, you don't have to keep repeating bad relationships. You can kind of figure it out after the first bad one and be like, okay, I'm not doing that again. And, you know, and when you change the standards of what you accept, then that changes who comes into your life. Absolutely. Absolutely. One. One thing we do, it's not couples counseling, but we do constellations, and that has been really good for us, for sure. What does that mean?

B (17:19)

It's like you represent a person that's having the therapy where the energy field kind of flows through that person and kind of gives you a feeling about what you think is going on. And you. Many times, you don't know a. It's a group thing where you're helping other people that you represent. You were representing their family members, and it's kind of like a family therapy type.

A (17:41)

Oh, wow.

B (17:43)

You just have a feeling. You have a feeling, and then the therapist tries to interpret what that feeling is for the individual with the therapy. So you don't really have any idea what's going on. You're just telling them how you feel in the moment, physically.

A (17:53)

And it's all based off of a feeling that you're not even talking about? Yes.

B (17:57)

It's basically just in the moment. How do you Feel. Are you feeling or interpreting something in your body that may. Someone in their life has influenced you through this energy field? If that makes sense.

A (18:10)

Okay.

C (18:10)

Okay.

A (18:11)

I understand what you're saying. Okay.

B (18:12)

Yeah, it's very. It's very interesting, but it's helped a lot of people out and.

A (18:15)

Yeah, that sounds nice. I like that. There's an episode, Gwyneth Paltrow, Sex, Love and Goop on Netflix. What episode?

B (18:23)

Is it episode number five or something?

A (18:24)

Yeah. Where she, like, explores it. Yeah, it's very interesting.

B (18:28)

The therapist told me to watch that to get the best explanation, but. But it was good.

A (18:32)

Thank God for Goop and thank God for Gwyneth. Thank God. Okay, guys, well, enjoy each other. Happy, happy New Year.

C (18:40)

Thank you.

B (18:40)

Hey, we're gonna see you in April.

A (18:42)

Yes.

B (18:42)

So fun.

A (18:43)

Which show are you coming to?

B (18:44)

Albuquerque.

A (18:45)

Okay, well, I'll see you there.

B (18:47)

Awesome.

C (18:47)

All right.

A (18:48)

Love it. Thanks, guys.

B (18:49)

Yeah.

A (18:50)

Bye.

B (18:51)

Take care.

C (18:51)

Well, that was very sweet.

A (18:53)

Yeah, that was sweet. Nice. Happy couples. Happy couples keeping families and couples together.

C (18:58)

Yeah. Do you think the reason that we're seeing this sort of influx of women who are actually in happy relationships is just because they're not going to put up with less, like, women as a.

A (19:05)

Putting up with less bullshit? I like that. You know, that makes me happy. Younger girls are like that, too. Like all these young girls. I don't want a boyfriend. I don't want to. But my friends. Daughters are like, we don't want boyfriends. I mean, you know, some of them have them, but some of them don't. Like, I think it really. I also think when you grow up in a really loving household, you don't feel the need to have to pair up. I feel like that need to pair up sometimes is derived from a lack of love in your own household. I mean, I'm not saying anything that's, you know, that original, obviously, but, you know, the desire always to partnership and, like, that usually comes from feeling, like, not seen. Yeah.

C (19:43)

Like you're not enough without a second person. And you're.

A (19:45)

Yeah. Like, you need. And you don't need. You need an addition, not a subtraction.

C (19:50)

Yeah, for sure. All right, well, there we go for our miniso for today.

A (19:54)

Okay, great. I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I will be touring from February through June. So go get your tickets now if you want to come see me perform. I will be on the High and Mighty Tour.

C (20:08)

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write in to dearchelseapodcastmail.com Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching earchelseapod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert Executive Producer Kathryn Law, and be sure to check out our merch@chelsea handler.com.

A (20:31)

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B (21:04)

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A (21:36)

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C (22:03)

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A (22:39)

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