Katherine (2:27)

How's he doing?

Chelsea Handler (2:28)

Well, he's not a great listener. He doesn't listen like you. He asks questions, but then he interrupts you with another question while you're answering the first question. And you're like, but wait, you're not listening to what I'm saying. Which I know is kind of a male disease, but, like, it's very specific to him that he's not a great listener. He'll be like, how does your body feel? He loves this question. Every day. Every day. Because I've been working out limited because of my foot. I can't put any weight on my foot until I'm out of this boot. This hot, sexy boot, which is. This is. I might keep this boot on just to keep men away from me because they're just, you know, they can't stop with me. They're all over me. I was trying to explain. I was at Maria Shriver's for dinner the other night, and I was trying to explain to her daughter how grossed out I am by men. And she was so confused. She's like, really? I'm like, you don't understand.

Katherine (3:11)

No. She's, what, in her 20s?

Chelsea Handler (3:14)

You are just disgusted.

Katherine (3:16)

And I think it's also the time that we're living in, the political time. We're living in, like, men have become so disgusting. I mean, present company excluded. We're not talking about Brad. He's a very good egg. But like most men. And we're talking straight men here.

Chelsea Handler (3:32)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Katherine (3:33)

But I just, like, I can't even stomach them.

Chelsea Handler (3:35)

It's just what we're experiencing culturally and because of this, you know, because of this administration. It just makes you upset with men in general that we got to this point that men are so sensitive and their egos are. I watched this video on Instagram yesterday of this woman going for a run, and she passed a guy on her run. And then he had to come and pass her. And she's, like pacing her run. She runs every day. She runs, like, probably 10 miles. You could tell by her body and face that she's got runner's face and body.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (4:02)

Okay?

Chelsea Handler (4:03)

So she's like. She's runs and she sets her timer. She knows exactly what her pace is. And this guy, she passes this guy, then he passes her. And then she starts videoing him. Cause she's, like, being weird. He's rushing past her, so he can't keep up the pace, right? Cause he needed to pass her. So then once he slows down again, she goes to pass him again, and then he speeds up again. So now she's racing him. So then she drops back again and is filming him. And he's basically out of breath, but will not let a woman pass him. Oh, my God. And then makes the first left that he can possibly make to get out of it. Like, it's so pathetic. Like, if your ego is that fragile, you know, it really makes me think about my own ego because obviously, you know, we all have to wrestle with our own egos and how big they are and. And it makes you realize how it's just so ridiculous.

Katherine (4:49)

Yeah, but your ego is not fragile, like you said.

Chelsea Handler (4:52)

No, it's not fragile. But, you know, I do have. I wrestle with my ego. I wrestle with what I care about. Like, why do you care about that? You know what I mean? Especially when I give off the vibe that I don't care about things. Like, sometimes the Persona I give off, I want to be more true than it is. Or then at times I feel like it is when people are always like, you don't give a shit about anything. I'm like, yeah, I know. I love that person. You know? And then you do care. Yeah, you do care. You're like, oh, wait, I do care about this.

Katherine (5:19)

Yeah.

Chelsea Handler (5:23)

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Katherine (8:51)

We jump into some follow ups from previous episodes? This was really a follow up from our minisode we did with Yamaneika where A caller called in and she had the boyfriend with the penis that was too big.

Chelsea Handler (9:04)

Oh, yeah. I knew Yamanika wanted the piece that was too big.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (9:07)

Probably.

Katherine (9:08)

Yeah. Yes, of course.

Chelsea Handler (9:09)

She wants as much dick as she could possibly get. She'll be opening for me August 30th, by the way, in Vegas. For anyone coming to Vegas, she's my Vegas person.

Katherine (9:18)

And, like, the theater there is so great. It's wonderful there.

Chelsea Handler (9:21)

It's the best gig. I mean, that was a windfall. However, karma works. Thank you.

Katherine (9:27)

To get you into the Chelsea Theater.

Chelsea Handler (9:29)

I'm performing at the Chelsea Theater once a month in Vegas. I get to gamble once a month. And I get to have a reunarse with all my friends. I love.

Katherine (9:36)

That's great. Well, this is actually a follow up from several listeners who called in. We had sex therapists writing in about two big chorus.

Chelsea Handler (9:43)

Therapists that are too big.

Katherine (9:43)

Yes.

Chelsea Handler (9:44)

I don't even like saying the word dicks. I hate that word.

Katherine (9:46)

Penis. Penis. Very clinical.

Chelsea Handler (9:48)

What about bochooky? That's our family term. We used to call it.

Katherine (9:51)

I think we've heard that one yet.

Chelsea Handler (9:52)

Butchookie is more of like a term if it's flaccid, like, no one's saying, oh, look at that hard. Bochookie. You know what I mean? Because it's like, bochooky's like, for a baby. Like, look at the little bochooky.

Katherine (10:02)

Bochookie. That's very cute.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (10:03)

I mean.

Katherine (10:04)

Cause you can't say, like, penis in a romantic setting. Like, you wouldn't, like, be hooking up penis. No, I did have a friend. I did that. I'm like, that is. She was like, yeah, we always use the clinical words. I'm like, that is weird.

Chelsea Handler (10:17)

Yeah, Dick suck. I don't like all of that talk anyway.

Katherine (10:21)

Yeah, we'll just be vague. Like, bring that thing over here, I guess.

Chelsea Handler (10:24)

Yeah, I know. We need to come up with a better word for dick.

Katherine (10:27)

Yeah. So we had some sex therapist and pelvic floor therapist. Right. In pelvic floor.

Chelsea Handler (10:32)

Oh, right. Yeah.

Katherine (10:32)

We actually should be talking more about the pelvic floor. I'm like, learning a lot about it.

Chelsea Handler (10:36)

And that's very. You're not wrong. I was having my hip issues, my it band popping out all the time. I was in Whistler. There's this clinic, like, you know, one of those aesthetic clinics that they have this, like, machine that you sit on, and it basically, like, for your kegel, it gives. It basically does kegels for you.

Katherine (10:53)

Like, the Electric shock type of thing.

Chelsea Handler (10:54)

Yeah, you're, like, tightening your kegel. And anytime I did that, my it band would go back.

Katherine (10:59)

Oh, like, in a good way.

Chelsea Handler (11:00)

Yeah, it would. It would help correct it. So, yeah, your Kegels or your pelvic floor and Kegels are important, but nobody's sitting around squeezing their vagina. Let's be honest.

Katherine (11:08)

I don't know. I had one friend who was having, like, all kinds of pain issues. And actually two different friends, they were having all kinds of pain issues, like pain with urination, all this stuff. And so they were doing Kegels. Kegels, Kegels. But it turns out, like, with the specific issues they both had, which turned out to be the same thing, that was, like, the wrong thing to do. So once they saw a pelvic floor specialist, they, like, got the right exercises and were out of pain, and it was something that had plagued them for, like, literally years.

Chelsea Handler (11:32)

Yeah, there's merit to that for sure. And I think also my si joint. Si joint is the thing that pops in and out. Yeah. But all of that stuff is all also, like, menopause related, too, you know, which I didn't realize how common everything is.

Katherine (11:46)

I mean, it's hard to mention, but.

Chelsea Handler (11:48)

You have to fight it. You have to fight it every step of the way. You can't just give up.

Katherine (11:51)

Yeah. Well, Becky wrote in and said, I'm a pelvic floor physical therapist. For context, there's a wearable device for her partner that can help limit his depth of penetration. It's called the Onut by the pelvic people. They're stackable, medical grade silicone rings that you can adjust and use how many you need for control of depth. Also, she can't take hormones, she said, but she can ask her doctor about the use of topical estrogen. Check with your doctor, everybody. But she says it's safe to use for anyone with a history of hormone positive breast cancers. It goes on just on the local tissue and is a very small amount. So it helps plump the tissue and rehydrate to decrease pain.

Chelsea Handler (12:30)

Oh, wow. Yeah.

Katherine (12:32)

And then we had another therapist, a sex therapist, who said to try Valium, but insert it vaginally, which I thought was like vaginal Valium.

Chelsea Handler (12:40)

Yeah, I'll try that.

Katherine (12:42)

Please report back, Chelsea.

Chelsea Handler (12:44)

Maybe that'll make me attracted to men again. Vaginal Valium.

Katherine (12:48)

Just like, don't even worry about what's going on down there.

Chelsea Handler (12:50)

Wait, so what is that device called where you limit the penetration?

Katherine (12:55)

O nut. O h, N U T. Which I think.

Chelsea Handler (12:57)

O H N U T. All one word. So that I immediately am like. So the man's penis doesn't go all the way in. So he'll be dissatisfied. But the women. But we don't care about that anymore.

Katherine (13:06)

I mean, the tip is the most sensitive part. He'll be fine.

Chelsea Handler (13:09)

Really?

Katherine (13:09)

Yeah.

Chelsea Handler (13:09)

I mean, that's like. Then you might as well fuck a cupcake, right? I mean, if you can't go very far.

Katherine (13:15)

Yes.

Chelsea Handler (13:15)

We'll have to get Jason Biggs on to discuss that. He's the one who knows about fucking cakes and pastries.

Katherine (13:20)

That's true. And so someone else recommended pelvic floor massager and strengthening device, which is like a wand that you insert.

Chelsea Handler (13:28)

Strengthening your vagina.

Katherine (13:30)

Yeah, your pelvic floor, floor. And then someone else recommended.

Chelsea Handler (13:34)

But does that create more space?

Katherine (13:36)

Yes. And it, like, relaxes the muscle. It's like a. Like a curvy wand that you put in and you, like, massage it.

Chelsea Handler (13:42)

Oh.

Katherine (13:42)

To help strengthen. And then also just like, you know, when you, like, massage a muscle, it gets looser. I guess so.

Chelsea Handler (13:47)

Okay.

Katherine (13:48)

That's what a sex therapist recommended. As well as non hormonal vaginal moisturizers, which I think could be helpful for a lot of women. You insert them every four days. And we can link to those in the show notes because she sent like a ton of links. And I was like, this is so helpful. But yeah, the non hormonal vaginal moisturizers, I feel like would be great for anybody who's, like, dealing with dryness, going through menopause, any of that stuff.

Chelsea Handler (14:08)

Okay, great. Love that feedback. That's helpful. Do you have a follow up from the actual caller?

Katherine (14:13)

I do. She wrote in and said, hi, Katherine and Chelsea, I hope summer's been good to you. Thank you for forwarding all the other advice from other listeners. It was so exciting to hear the episode and share it with some close friends. Unfortunately, by the time the episode aired, he and I were no longer a thing. Before that, though, we did end up getting really into our groove sexually. I think my body just needed to adjust as I really didn't do anything other than get more used to it. Plus that Damiana supplement that I was on. We ended up having one last incredible full day of sex after he picked me up from the airport one day. Like the best we had. It was the best for him, too. Then I opened up to him about some childhood stuff like neglectful parents while we lay naked two months in. I thought I was safe to do that before leaving my apartment he told me to get ready to meet his whole family at the Phillies game this summer and to save a date the following month for his nephew's wedding. Then the next day he texted me. I'm not made for relationships. I think we should split. We can talk on the phone, but I won't change my mind. And that's the last I heard from him. I was heartbroken. But I did get distracted from the heartbreak a month or so later and dated another guy for a bit. Great sex with a perfectly average penis. But the previous XL one ruined my perception. Lol. I still think about him a lot. Was thinking of texting him on his birthday. He and I just made sense in most ways. Anyways, that's the current update. It's funny because I'm flying to the same place for work again as I write this, that I flew to when it. When that happened with him and I. Summer bookends Best Sally.

Chelsea Handler (15:41)

I wish she hadn't said anyways. I mean, that kind of ruined the whole letter. But I guess I have to tolerate people saying anyways because nobody will stop. You know, it just happens. Okay, well, so it looks like she could take the penis, but she couldn't take it. So it was a thing that she couldn't handle. Then she could handle it as soon as it was over.

Katherine (15:58)

And now she's ruined for all other men.

Chelsea Handler (16:00)

I guess it's a tale as old as time. Yeah. Okay, well, great follow up. Thank you. Thank you. There's a vagina out there somewhere for that guy's penis.

Katherine (16:09)

Yes, his triangular double dick.

Chelsea Handler (16:11)

Oh, wow. Triangles. Tricky, tricky.

Katherine (16:14)

Remember she said it was like a giant triangle?

Chelsea Handler (16:16)

I don't remember that. I think I probably blocked that call out. Whenever anybody describes a penis, I just start to lose interest. I'm not interested as a professional counselor, as a drug rehab and medical gynecologist, all of the labels that I am, I'm not interested in hearing about penis size or shape. Okay, well, that's a wrap on our little minisode. I don't know what to say now. Goodbye.

Katherine (16:38)

We'll see you next time.

Chelsea Handler (16:39)

Goodbye. So I added a couple of new dates. I'm not on tour yet, but I added a couple of dates just because I felt like we needed a little bit more laughter and a little bit more medicine for the end of the year. And I was wrapping things up, but I thought maybe let me do a couple more. So I'm adding three more dates. In addition to my Vegas residency, I'm headlining the Rochester Fringe comedy festival September 13th and I will be in Napa on October 3rd, so those will be my last dates of the year.

Katherine (17:09)

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into dearchelsea podcastmail.com Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching eercelseipod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Deckert Executive Producer Kathryn Law, and be sure to check out our merch@chelsea handler.com.

Chelsea Handler (17:32)

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Chelsea Handler (18:39)

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Katherine (19:44)

This is an I Heart podcast.